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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Mela. Happy Wednesday, Happy hump Day everyone.

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Speaker 2: We've already started the episode.

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Speaker 3: Before the episode started, I've already told our guest how

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Speaker 3: I've had six wet dreams. Or Jamila shared with our guests,

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Speaker 3: I've already had six wet dreams about Eminem, and our

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Speaker 3: guest has since confirmed that Eminem looks like he might

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Speaker 3: smell like he's been holding for forty eight hours waiting

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Speaker 3: for his public defender to come defend him.

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Speaker 4: So in the movie Here we Are a mile, Yes,

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Speaker 4: that's one thousand percent what he I think would smell

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Speaker 4: like in the basement scene where he's doing the wrap up.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why this keeps happening to me, But Eminem,

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Speaker 3: call me, I'm here.

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Speaker 1: Your secrets are not safe. I would love for that

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Speaker 1: really to happen.

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Speaker 4: So I'll tell you what I'd love to say. I'd

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Speaker 4: love to see you do a peloton ad where you're

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Speaker 4: riding next to him.

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't know why that sounds so freakyrotic. I

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Speaker 1: was just like a bitching that.

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Speaker 3: And it's like I can't even imagine Eminem working out.

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Speaker 1: I've said Eminem more than I've ever said his name

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Speaker 1: in my entire lifetime today. Okay, I did have a

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Speaker 1: crush on him too, back back in the day, and

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Speaker 1: there's little options.

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Speaker 3: There's something there.

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Speaker 1: Anyway. How's your week, guys? How are you feeling today?

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Speaker 2: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great.

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Speaker 3: I'm a little I smoked a little bit earlier and

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Speaker 3: so I'm feeling relaxed. And my friend gave me these

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Speaker 3: like rose essence drops that she like made me, and

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Speaker 3: so I just put them under my tongue and they

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Speaker 3: give me like I don't know, they make me feel

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Speaker 3: like energized but positive.

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Speaker 4: So are they like a rose essence THC.

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Speaker 3: No, No, No, it's just some She's an herbalist and

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Speaker 3: she I have. I suffer from anxiety, which is why

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Speaker 3: I'm really happy you're here.

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Speaker 4: Okay, help me. Am I going to make it worse?

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Speaker 2: I hope not.

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Speaker 1: Wait, let's introduce our guests. You're hearing a voice. It's

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Speaker 1: not ours. We have an amazing bad ass woman here.

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Speaker 1: She's an author.

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Speaker 3: She's a lawyer, international best selling author, really an audible icon.

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Speaker 1: I would say, I think.

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Speaker 2: You're an audible icon.

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Speaker 1: You are.

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Speaker 3: She has like the most successful self published audible book.

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Speaker 1: Of all time.

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Speaker 3: It's true, and you're a motivational speaker. You're a mother

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Speaker 3: and hot smoker. She has white pants on with patch

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Speaker 3: on her asses as bad ass that she wore for us.

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Speaker 4: I did, and I also did not realize I was

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Speaker 4: coming to the headquarters of beauty blenders. So after I

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Speaker 4: put my foundation on with my hands, I subconsciously rubbed

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Speaker 4: them down the front of my white pants. So I

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Speaker 4: have a foundation streak, like some loser right here.

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Speaker 1: Please get her beauty blender.

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Speaker 4: I had one. I just forgot to put it in

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Speaker 4: my suitcase last.

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Speaker 1: Night, and I figure out here an extra one. It's

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Speaker 1: so crazy because me and Eric are so fucking professional.

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Speaker 1: Last time Mel was supposed to come here and the

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Speaker 1: wires got crossed and she was here and we were not,

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Speaker 1: and we were in another meeting, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, Eric, I like, I have to call her.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared. Oh no. So I went outside.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, hello, I didn't help her at all.

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Speaker 3: I was like, she's gonna have to deal with Mel

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Speaker 3: Robbins is outside of the office.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, she doesn't have to deal with that.

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Speaker 1: I can't do. I was.

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Speaker 3: I was in the midst of like that day. I

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Speaker 3: was like break, I like broke down and had like

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Speaker 3: this crazy anxiety moment, and I was like, I can't

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Speaker 3: I help.

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Speaker 2: You, bitch. I should figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And I thought for sure I was gonna get like

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Speaker 1: your assistant. I was like perfect, Like, hey, so we're

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Speaker 1: not there. She's like, no, this is mel I'm.

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Speaker 4: Like, you did call. But then she got on the

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Speaker 4: team and I said, give me that phone rung.

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Speaker 1: She got me, you did, she got me together, so

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Speaker 1: fucking why. I was like, shit, I was like, I just.

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Speaker 2: Got a coach.

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Speaker 1: She's like, don't apologie. I stop apologizing. It's fine. Shit happens.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you're okay, you're right. I'm not sorry. I

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Speaker 1: am sorry.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, No, do not say you're sorry like.

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Speaker 1: Your team needs to be on luck cause you're growing.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you're motherfucking right, that's right.

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Speaker 4: So so you asked me in the beginning, come to

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Speaker 4: the table with a mantra and we're gonna talk why.

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Speaker 4: Most mantras or bullshit, but one mantra I love is

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Speaker 4: that I always say to myself, especially when the shit

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Speaker 4: hits a fan or especially when I hear the anxiety

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Speaker 4: or I feel the anxiety. And for anxiety for me

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Speaker 4: always starts in my ankles and it rolls up like

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Speaker 4: a train through my body. And I always say to myself,

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Speaker 4: this moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't

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Speaker 4: happened yet.

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Speaker 1: This moment is.

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Speaker 4: Preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. And

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Speaker 4: so when I say that, it's a way to flip

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Speaker 4: yourself out of anxiety and fear and self doubt and

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Speaker 4: self rejection and self bashing and flip into this thing

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Speaker 4: I call a high five attitude, which grounds you into

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Speaker 4: faith and optimism and a little bit of confidence when

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Speaker 4: you need it. Because the fact of the matter is

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Speaker 4: that was the perfect breakdown for you to have, for

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Speaker 4: me to be out here in La. I don't live

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Speaker 4: in La to be standing here, you know, drive forty

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Speaker 4: five minutes you know here, organize the day around coming here,

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Speaker 4: you know, like, and I'm not saying this make you

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Speaker 4: feel bad. I want you to understand that the universe

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Speaker 4: gives you the size of a breakdown that you need

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Speaker 4: in order to wake your ass up. And I'm telling

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Speaker 4: you You have probably had other scheduling breakdowns. You have

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Speaker 4: probably had other process breakdowns, but they weren't big enough

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Speaker 4: to make you go, fuck, I'm going to pay attention now.

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Speaker 4: And so when you stand in those moments and go,

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Speaker 4: this is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet.

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Speaker 4: What that moment prepared you for is respecting the platform

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Speaker 4: you're building and respecting yourselves so that you take this

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Speaker 4: moment and say, oh, I actually have to level up

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Speaker 4: in this moment, I got up upgrade the systems around me.

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Speaker 4: I got to upgrade the calendaring, I got to upgrade

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Speaker 4: the you know, like whatever it is. And I can

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Speaker 4: say that to you because I have fucked up so

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Speaker 4: many times. And I think when you kind of get

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Speaker 4: into something and you're in it because you really want

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Speaker 4: to connect with people and you want to make an impact,

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Speaker 4: and it sort of just happens organically. Me personally, I

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Speaker 4: was completely naive about what it meant to have a

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Speaker 4: business and do have a brand where you're the face

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Speaker 4: of it, what it means for your family, what it

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Speaker 4: means in terms of liability, what it means in terms

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Speaker 4: of how fast things start coming at you, and So

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Speaker 4: if I could, as somebody who is probably I don't know,

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Speaker 4: twenty five more fuck ups ahead of you, save you

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Speaker 4: the heartache and the headache that I have caused myself,

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Speaker 4: then I would love to do that. And that's why

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Speaker 4: I was literally like, don't you dare apologize? Like just

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Speaker 4: get the lesson and like change the stuff. And the

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Speaker 4: other reason why I want you to not apologize, like

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Speaker 4: apologize when something happens to say like I really apologize

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Speaker 4: or like whatever. But what I want you to do instead,

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Speaker 4: especially as women, and especially as two women that are

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Speaker 4: gonna build something monstrous, Okay, I want you to flip

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Speaker 4: out of your vocabulary the word i'm sorry, and I

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Speaker 4: want you to insert the word thank you, thank you,

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Speaker 4: And I'll tell you why, because in that moment you're

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Speaker 4: like i'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it becomes the

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Speaker 4: focus goes on you making the mistake, so you feel terrible.

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Speaker 4: It also makes the person on the receiving end of

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Speaker 4: the i'm sorry feel like I need to reassure you

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Speaker 4: when instead, in those moments where you, you know, legitimately

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Speaker 4: have a like breakdown, you didn't intentionally go fuck Mel Robbins.

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Speaker 4: Let's just ghost her, and let's let's put a video

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Speaker 4: out front and let's see what this bitch does. That's

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Speaker 4: not what happens.

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Speaker 1: That's the core what she says about us.

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Speaker 4: And see exactly that's not what happened at all.

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Speaker 2: Punk.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, literally, that's that's not what happened. So in you

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Speaker 4: in those moments when you can go, hey, look we

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Speaker 4: had a break down. Thank you for understanding, thank you

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Speaker 4: for your patients. That's sorry, I got three kids, I

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Speaker 4: know what it feels like.

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Speaker 1: Whatever, just to see it's French fries, just at least

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Speaker 1: one thing.

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Speaker 4: But literally, see there you go, thank you like she

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Speaker 4: literally like when you go, thank you for your patience,

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Speaker 4: thank you for your understanding, thank you for your flexibility.

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Speaker 4: You get it off the battering ram of hitting yourself

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Speaker 4: and making yourself wrong and making somebody feel like they

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Speaker 4: need to reassure you, and you step into your power

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Speaker 4: and you go things happen. I appreciate you your flexibility,

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Speaker 4: and I appreciate you. See what I'm saying, that's what

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Speaker 4: are you betting from that?

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Speaker 3: I'm just I'm thinking because I definitely I'm saying I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: It's definitely something I've I do a lot, but I've

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Speaker 3: also I've been trying to undo and I also encourage

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Speaker 3: my friends to not apologize too, but never really thinking

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Speaker 3: about how it makes the person that you're saying i'm

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Speaker 3: sorry to then have to reassure you not only maybe

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Speaker 3: you've inconvenienced them, but then you're also making them have

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Speaker 3: to reassure you that it's okay. You know, I never

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Speaker 3: really thought about that part, because you think that you're

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Speaker 3: doing them a service almost by saying I'm sorry, when

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Speaker 3: really it's it's not.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't change whatever has been done.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 3: It makes them have to, like, like she said, reassure you,

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Speaker 3: when like, that's not their job either. Not only are

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Speaker 3: you sorry for whatever it is you did, but now

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Speaker 3: they're also having to reassure whatever choice is well.

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Speaker 4: And now, let me tell you the bigger thematic piece

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Speaker 4: of this, because it's so conditioned into women and girls

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Speaker 4: to say they're sorry. I was going to say that,

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Speaker 4: is that when it becomes so casual that you are

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Speaker 4: literally apologizing for ordering gluten free bread, right, I'm really sorry,

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry that I'm a pain in the ass when

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Speaker 4: I order. I'm sorry, but could I please have gluten

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Speaker 4: free with that? That that you are taking away your

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Speaker 4: right to take up space. You are in validating what

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Speaker 4: you need. You are invalidating your right to request the

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Speaker 4: things that support you. Like if you feel self conscious

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Speaker 4: because you don't have a simple order, just say, hey,

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Speaker 4: thank you so much. This is a really like important

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Speaker 4: thing to make sure that it's gluten free. Now you're

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Speaker 4: acknowledging the waiter instead of bashing yourself for having.

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Speaker 3: A need, and you're actually empowering the waiter to do

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Speaker 3: the job. Well, yes, because now they're like, wow, okay,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to get this right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 4: You can certainly apologize when you screw something up, but

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Speaker 4: then flip it into a thank you to acknowledge the

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Speaker 4: other person for giving you the grace to be human.

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Speaker 1: Right, yeah, I think Sorry, it does take away giving

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Speaker 1: yourself grace to be human. Like, no, I didn't do

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Speaker 1: it on purpose. Yeah, that's so true. As women, we

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Speaker 1: apologize all the time, all day long. I say it

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Speaker 1: so so much that it just rolls off the tongue.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know why I

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Speaker 1: said that. I'm like scooting past people who are too close. Sorry, sorry, no, bitch,

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Speaker 1: back up? Yeah, you know, women were just like I

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Speaker 1: think we are so conditioned to not take up space

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Speaker 1: to be seen but not heard almost you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it feels uncomfortable to do it. If even having the conversation,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, how am I gonna substitute thank you

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Speaker 1: for I'm sorry. That's gonna be a lot of thank you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's so it's empowering because you literally feel

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Speaker 4: like you're in control of everything.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for waiting for me and shed if I'm

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Speaker 4: sorry I'm late.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being flexible with us, and thank you

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Speaker 1: for coming back and blessing us with these gems right

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Speaker 1: off the top. Like I told her, I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited for this interview now, I'm like, wow, she

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Speaker 1: just I don't know what. She was like, stop disrespecting

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Speaker 1: your business. That is what she told me. I was like, damn,

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Speaker 1: I never heard it put it that way. I'm gonna stop,

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Speaker 1: I swear to god. Guess what happened The next that week,

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Speaker 1: we had a fucking meeting everybody, like, you know, let's

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Speaker 1: get on a call because she is getting she was

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Speaker 1: slipping through the cracks and it's our business, so got

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Speaker 1: to get it together. Well, and by the.

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Speaker 4: Way, as you continue to level up, you're gonna have

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Speaker 4: to do that again. And as you continue to level up,

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Speaker 4: you're gonna have to do that again. We're doing that

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Speaker 4: right now with our own social media team because we've

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Speaker 4: just been in the middle of this big book launch

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Speaker 4: and now we need to post mortem because you know,

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of times, especially in a space

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Speaker 4: where you're building something new, it's around something you're passionate about.

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Speaker 4: You basically build the airplane as you're flying it.

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Speaker 1: You've never put it so good when you said that

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Speaker 1: when you have a business that you've developed through passion,

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Speaker 1: that you really didn't even realize that that's you were

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Speaker 1: building it. And then you're like, oh fuck, I'm in

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Speaker 1: a business and there's people that need to be paid,

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Speaker 1: and I there's all these moving parts that you really

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Speaker 1: didn't expect. So you didn't like have a business plan

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Speaker 1: and then implement the shit. It just happened because it

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Speaker 1: is a project of passion. And like, I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: to be sitting down with you because obviously you're ahead

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Speaker 1: of us in this and taking this advice means a lot.

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Speaker 1: Like sometimes we talk about it and we know it's true,

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Speaker 1: but we're like, are we tripping a terrible business people?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, kind of, this wasn't supposed to be a business.

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Speaker 4: Well, and that's the other thing. You're not going to

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Speaker 4: be good at everything. And so one of the biggest

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Speaker 4: breakthroughs for me, and this was one of the gifts

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Speaker 4: of doing that daytime talk show that I was eventually

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Speaker 4: fired from, but one of the gifts of it, again,

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Speaker 4: this moment is preparing you for something amazing. That's happening

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Speaker 4: is to all of a sudden step into a television show.

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Speaker 4: One hundred and thirty five people on the team Sony

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Speaker 4: Pictures Television. We're filming at the CBS Broadcast Center. I

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Speaker 4: had never been a part of a machine that big,

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Speaker 4: one hundred and seventy five episodes taped in about five

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Speaker 4: months flat. Wow, Like that is a machine. But what

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Speaker 4: I realized is, Oh, I'm actually a really shitty CEO.

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Speaker 4: Like no wonder. It's been painful, and I've been a

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Speaker 4: workaholic because I have been disrespecting my business and I

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Speaker 4: have been trying to do everything and I have been

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Speaker 4: so insecure that I have not been confident enough to

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Speaker 4: hire people around me that have more experience than me.

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Speaker 4: And when I got into the right seat on that

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Speaker 4: train that was moving a million miles an hour, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I'm not supposed to be running the production. I'm supposed

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Speaker 4: to empower people to create a production machine around me

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Speaker 4: so I can do what I love doing and that

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Speaker 4: will make it grow. And so that's what I also

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Speaker 4: meant by stop disrespecting the business and yourselves. You two

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Speaker 4: have a genius. You have a particular thing or things

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Speaker 4: that you're remarkable at. I am horrible at execution. I

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Speaker 4: can walk into a meeting and ideas a fly off

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Speaker 4: for me. I can talk like we're gonna make a

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Speaker 4: million dollars something like all these ideas are gonna hit,

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Speaker 4: and they will the second I walk out of the door.

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Speaker 4: I'm not doing any of that yet. So if you

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Speaker 4: don't start to understand what piece of this makes the money,

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Speaker 4: what piece do I love doing, what's the piece that

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Speaker 4: we actually need to hire, you're at that stage, and

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Speaker 4: that's the scariest stage in any business. Doesn't matter. There's

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Speaker 4: a reason why my ask is to God.

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Speaker 1: It's like, we need you this week, not that week.

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Speaker 1: This is the day. This is the day we need

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Speaker 1: to hear all these messages, It's like I'm getting goosebumps,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 4: Oh, and I'm gonna give you one more. Everybody. The

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Speaker 4: most incredible thing that you could ever do is say no.

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Speaker 1: Like exercise saying no, no, no, no no.

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Speaker 4: In business, okay, let me tell you why. Okay, you ready?

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Speaker 4: So when it comes to negotiating, what happens when you

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Speaker 4: start to get into talking deal terms for example, like

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Speaker 4: this happened with Sony Pictures. They reached out to us

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Speaker 4: and at this point we're on like Audible number three.

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Speaker 4: I'm the most booked female speaker in the world. We've

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Speaker 4: got half a million students and online classes. We are

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Speaker 4: slaying it and doing it on terms, and they on

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Speaker 4: our terms. And so they reach out to us and

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Speaker 4: they say, we'd love to talk to you about a

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Speaker 4: daytime syndicate to talk show.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 4: I grew up in Western Michigan. When I would come

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Speaker 4: home from school, my mom would have on Oprah Donahue Montel.

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Speaker 4: I grew up with the old school talk shows on.

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Speaker 4: It had always been a dream of mine to host

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Speaker 4: my daytime, to host my own daytime talk show be

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Speaker 4: on TV like amazing. So even though I was like,

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Speaker 4: I'm like a digital person, like like you two are.

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Speaker 4: When it came in, I was secretly like fuck yeah, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 4: oh my god. They want me right, But I'm like,

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Speaker 4: why would I do that? Like why would I do

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Speaker 4: a daytime syndicated talk show. And so we wrote back

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Speaker 4: and said, no, no thanks, we got a lot going on.

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Speaker 4: Not interested. And they wrote back and said, wait what, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you're not interested? Why aren't you interested? And I said, well,

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Speaker 4: here's all the reason. I'll make more money than you'll

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Speaker 4: pay me. I make more money doing what I do

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Speaker 4: than you're ever going to pay me. I own everything

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Speaker 4: that I do. I don't want to change or become

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Speaker 4: a caricature of what I am. Like that like I

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Speaker 4: want to And they wrote back and we're like, but

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Speaker 4: would you still talk to us? And so like what

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Speaker 4: happens is this in the deal When you say no?

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Speaker 4: There is this chemical thing that floods somebody's body, especially

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Speaker 4: if it's a dude, the testosterone, the chase, the part

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Speaker 4: of the brain that is attracted to something you can't have.

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Speaker 4: It literally takes over and because you said no, you

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Speaker 4: become more desirable and more attractive. This also works for

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Speaker 4: dating everybody with so familiar yes. So the more that

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Speaker 4: you say no, the more you become something that somebody

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Speaker 4: wants to get.

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Speaker 1: Your value somehow raises because you're less accessible. Correct, They're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's saying no, damn, Like maybe we should try harder

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Speaker 1: raise our price, remove these dumb ass this dumb ass

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Speaker 1: contractor we just proposed her. And because a lot of times,

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Speaker 1: how many people on a daytime fucking talk show everybody?

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Speaker 1: I wonder if I can be Oprah, but like how

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Speaker 1: many people are saying no to shitty ass deals? People

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Speaker 1: are like, oh, Sony Pictures, I'm in and then fucked.

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Speaker 1: You know, all their shit that they've built is gone

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Speaker 1: because they've given everything over to someone, and like, you know,

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Speaker 1: we've obviously probably not to that to that standard yet,

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Speaker 1: but like of course we've had proposals and companies and

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Speaker 1: production companies and they're like, but we'll own everything, Like bitch,

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Speaker 1: are you crazy? No?

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Speaker 3: Too many years we recently said notice, like a big opportunity,

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Speaker 3: and we sat on it for a while.

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Speaker 2: Like should we were like like should we? We were

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Speaker 2: trying to work it out.

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Speaker 3: Everything in me was like no, no, And then when

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Speaker 3: it came down to it.

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Speaker 2: We were like, no, well what.

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Speaker 3: Ultimately it was the ultimately the best decision that we've made.

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Speaker 3: And I'm now like literally this week starting to see

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Speaker 3: why I said no.

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Speaker 4: Yes. And you know, even the thing we were talking about,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to say what it was on a

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Speaker 4: mic sou I don't know. If you're talking about it publicly,

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Speaker 4: you should consider.

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Speaker 1: Our book no no, okay, thing, You.

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Speaker 4: Should consider doing it yourself because then you have control

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Speaker 4: over it before it becomes a thing, and then the

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Speaker 4: bigger fish buy the thing you created versus letting them

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Speaker 4: futs around with you know what you're doing right thing.

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Speaker 4: So you know, I ultimately said yes because we were

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Speaker 4: in La. I think I was in La for a speech,

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Speaker 4: and so I'm like, well, allsoin buy and hear what

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Speaker 4: you have to say. And they're like, why did you

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Speaker 4: show up? And I said, well, I showed up to

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Speaker 4: honor the dream that I had as a little girl.

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Speaker 4: I want to find out, like, actually, what you're thinking

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Speaker 4: and why you're interested. And what they said is, well,

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Speaker 4: ever since Oprah left Daytime, it's fucking crap. Well that's

403
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Speaker 4: not the words they use, that's the word I use.

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Speaker 4: It's celebrity promotion, it is hot, hot breaking news topics,

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Speaker 4: or it is such fake conflict that it is in

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Speaker 4: service to nobody. And when I started to understand the

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Speaker 4: demographic of a person who is still watching daytime television,

408
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Speaker 4: it aligned directly with the impact that I'm out to

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Speaker 4: make in the world, which is to make life changing

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Speaker 4: concepts research science accessible to the everyday person. And when

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Speaker 4: I realized that we could create a show potentially that

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Speaker 4: could be a lifeline for folks that have been left

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Speaker 4: behind by resources that have been left behind, by funding,

414
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,919
Speaker 4: that have been left behind when it comes to access

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Speaker 4: to therapy or when it comes access to personal development,

416
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Speaker 4: I thought, this is something I'm going to go for

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Speaker 4: and it was absolutely something that I was destined to do.

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Speaker 4: And then of course they found COVID and it was

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Speaker 4: a dream job. I loved every single day. I loved

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Speaker 4: working with that team. It was a dream come true.

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Speaker 4: I felt like I was in for the first time

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Speaker 4: of my life at the age of fifty one. I

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Speaker 4: thought I was in the right place. And then they

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Speaker 4: found COVID nineteen in the building on March tenth, and

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Speaker 4: they walked into our studio and said, you have five

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Speaker 4: and it's to evacuate shows, cancel, you're fired. That's it,

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Speaker 4: We're done. And it was amazing, Like I first ran

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Speaker 4: upstairs and grabbed everything that wasn't nailed down and stole

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Speaker 4: everything I could for my dressing room, shut it all in.

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Speaker 1: Fire me. Yeah, okay, we say give it all this shit.

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Speaker 4: Okay, grab every blaser get let's get a couch. Yes exactly.

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Speaker 4: If I could have grabbed a baker, I would have.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, oh yeah, take it all this shit. So

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Speaker 4: I literally and as I was coming out of CBS

435
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 4: Broadcast Center in New York City, they were evacuating sixty

436
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 4: minutes and entertainment tonight and our office is surreal. And

437
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 4: that was the backdrop for when this new book started.

438
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 4: Was life punched me in the face and said, yeah,

439
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 4: I don't think so, Mel, you don't have it all handled.

440
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 4: And I think we all have that moment where we

441
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 4: knew the pandemic was going to turn your life upside down?

442
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 4: Whether did you When was the moment for you where

443
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 4: you're like, oh shit.

444
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 1: We were in New York and it was the first

445
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,359
Speaker 1: week of March, and we had kept hearing about it.

446
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: But me and Eric are the type of bitches. I

447
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 1: want to live in a bubble so it will pass

448
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: because we're not watching the news because it's negative. Don't talk,

449
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 1: don't bring that negativity here. But we were leaving New

450
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 1: York and kept hearing about it. I went on a

451
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 1: date in this guy. I was like, aren't you scared?

452
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 1: I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

453
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,639
Speaker 1: But when we were leaving, we went to an event

454
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,160
Speaker 1: speaking event. Erica was speaking and this woman was like.

455
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 1: We went out to reach her hand and she was like,

456
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 1: I'm not shaking hands right now, and we were like,

457
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on? She wasn't wearing a

458
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:34,199
Speaker 1: mask because the mask thing happened wasn't but it was

459
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: being yeah, passed through handshakes at that point. But then

460
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,719
Speaker 1: we but then we went to the airport and everyone

461
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: was wearing a mask and I'm like, do you think

462
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: this shit is about to get real? We're about to

463
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 1: be in like a zombie apocalypse. She's like, no, no, no,

464
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 1: it's fine, And then she got fucking real. Like two

465
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: days later, schools was sh We know how mom's knew

466
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,199
Speaker 1: school was shut do yeah? The teacher was like she

467
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 1: might not come back this week. I'm like for how long?

468
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: But she's like, I don't know, Like, oh no, it's real.

469
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 1: What do you mean, don't it's Wednesday? That was my mind?

470
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 3: I agree, I mean it was. It's a crazy time.

471
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 3: But I mean, obviously, I think this time really allowed

472
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 3: people like us and I think overall to kind of

473
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 3: tap in, sit the fuck down, and figure out what now.

474
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 3: And I'm so glad that this time you created this

475
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 3: book the High five Habit, because I've been like skimming

476
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 3: through it. I mean, I just got it, so I

477
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 3: haven't read the whole thing.

478
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 4: That's okay, but I know all about.

479
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 3: But I'm just like wow, And I guess what really

480
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,879
Speaker 3: intrigued me so far about this too is kind of

481
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 3: like the science behind it too that I never really

482
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 3: realized when I was reading this section about you know,

483
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 3: how NBA players and I'm an AFA athlete too, and

484
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,479
Speaker 3: like high fiving and how like it really does like

485
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:55,639
Speaker 3: transform the way you perform and the neurons in your brain.

486
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 3: And just I was like, wow, that's so amazing that

487
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 3: this moment that she had in the mirror just happened

488
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 3: to also be backed by science too, Like this story

489
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 3: alignment is crazy.

490
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 4: It's the story is honest to god crazy. You know.

491
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,439
Speaker 4: It's not like I sat down and was like, Okay,

492
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 4: I got to write a book, got to have a

493
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 4: five in it. You know, it's been almost five years.

494
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 4: That's not what happened. Life punched me in the face,

495
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,360
Speaker 4: like I lost everything I had been working on. Because

496
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 4: the fact is, the second that I got home, drove

497
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 4: home to Boston, our kids now come home, two of

498
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 4: them in college. Their college experiences imploded. They're having cascading

499
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 4: anxiety attacks and anger and grief. And the only one

500
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 4: that seemed unfazed was our son, you know, who's fourteen,

501
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 4: is like, I don't care. I don't have to go

502
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 4: to school. This is amazing. I play video games all

503
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 4: day and mom and dad are drinking starting at ten am.

504
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 4: They're leaving me alone. And so I literally book contracts

505
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 4: canceled and I need to return money I've already spent.

506
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 4: There are nop loans or whatever the fuck they're called.

507
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 4: So I didn't know how I was going to make payroll.

508
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 4: Every speech started to ca ansel, which was really how

509
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 4: I made a living, and it gave me a flashback

510
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 4: to two thousand and eight, when my husband were eight

511
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 4: hundred thousand dollars in debt. I was unemployed. He had

512
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 4: gone into the restaurant business with his best friend. The

513
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 4: first one had done great. It was a little pizza joint.

514
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 4: So we cashed out everything like complete morons and shoved

515
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 4: it all into the business. And then the housing crisis

516
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 4: hit and everything in that business was secured by our home.

517
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 4: We tapped the home equity line, we tapped the credit cards.

518
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 4: There were leans on our house. I couldn't pay for groceries.

519
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 4: That's when I invented the five second rule, and I

520
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 4: invented the five second role, counting backwards five four, three

521
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 4: two one to get my ass out of bed, because

522
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 4: at that moment, the anxiety was pinning me to it

523
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,920
Speaker 4: like a gravity blanket. So I was now fifty one

524
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 4: looking at the universe, going, are you fucking kidding me?

525
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: I've been after.

526
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 4: Ten years of clawing my ass out of that hole

527
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 4: and like helping our family and repaying this debt and

528
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 4: helping all these people, and I'm like a relatively okay,

529
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 4: decent person, like I this is what you're doing to me?

530
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 4: Like I was so hissed. So for the first three

531
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 4: weeks of the pandemic, I literally did not change out

532
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 4: of my pajamas. I started drinking and smoking weed at

533
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 4: about ten o'clock in the morning, and then we would

534
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,679
Speaker 4: just literally turn on all of the different series with

535
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 4: our kids and watch television all day. And then one

536
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 4: morning in April, I woke up and I felt the

537
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 4: weight of the world on my shoulders. And you don't

538
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 4: even need the pandemic. Like this book has exploded. I'm

539
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 4: talking to you six days from the release for the

540
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 4: number one audiobook in the world. We are number one

541
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 4: in Canada, we are in the top ten on Amazon.

542
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 4: It is cracking something open inside people because I think,

543
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 4: especially after the past eighteen months, everybody is hurting, and

544
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 4: everybody feels beaten down and low energy and is tired

545
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,680
Speaker 4: of the uncertainty and feels a little stuck or lost.

546
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 4: And it's just like, when are we gonna like go

547
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 4: back to a life that feels like the shoe's not

548
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 4: about to drop yet again? Right?

549
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

550
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: I feel like there's been moments where like, oh, just

551
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: when you're catching up, it's like bringing back down. It's

552
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: been feeling just like this since completely.

553
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, And we are not designed to live with this

554
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 4: level of sustained uncertainty the reason why you feel more

555
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 4: on edge, or you feel your anxiety is more easily triggered,

556
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 4: or you feel like you cry more easily, or if

557
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 4: you're like me, you feel by one thirty in the

558
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 4: afternoon like you've just taken the SAT exam and you

559
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 4: need a martini. Like it's just like I can't focus

560
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 4: on anything. It's because your nervous system is permanently in

561
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 4: fight or flight. Right now, we wear a mask. We're

562
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 4: not wear a master. We're a messing this spilling joy.

563
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 4: Are they going to school? They're not going to say

564
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 4: what's happening? I don't fucking know, give me the joint.

565
00:27:54,920 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 4: So I I for real, for real, and so so

566
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 4: you know, whether you're listening to us and you've just

567
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 4: been broken up with or you didn't get the promotion,

568
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 4: or you can't get yourself to fill out the application

569
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 4: to go back to nursing school, or you listen to

570
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 4: these two amazing ladies and you're like, I need to

571
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 4: start that podcast and you're like, uh, Like, whatever it

572
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 4: is that's pinning you to the bed and making you

573
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 4: feel like you're overwhelmed by your life, I think it's

574
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 4: a universal feeling and that's what I felt in April

575
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 4: of twenty twenty, and so I used the five second

576
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 4: roll five fourth three two one. I got out of bed,

577
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 4: I made my bed. I always make my bed. That morning,

578
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,719
Speaker 4: I made my bed so I didn't climb back into it.

579
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 4: I dragged myself to the bathroom and I'm standing there

580
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 4: in my underwear and I catch a glimpse of my

581
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 4: reflection and I literally think, oh my god, God, you

582
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 4: look like hell. And then the beatdown starts. And this

583
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: is the dirty secret that no one's talking about, and

584
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 4: that is every human being has an ugly, awful habit,

585
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 4: and I want to just blow the doors wide open

586
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 4: on it. Every human being either stands in front of

587
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 4: the mirror in the morning and either picks apart all

588
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 4: the things that they need to fix, or this is unbelievable,

589
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 4: how common this is. Can't even look at themselves in

590
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 4: the mirror. Fifty percent of men and women cannot even

591
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 4: look at themselves in the mirror. Wow, And that's how

592
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 4: we're starting our days. And it's so much a part

593
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 4: of our lives you don't even realize it. And so

594
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 4: here I am picking myself apart, which only makes me

595
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 4: feel worse about myself. And if you had walked into

596
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 4: the bathroom at that moment and you were like going

597
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 4: through it, I would have been able to spin on

598
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:49,600
Speaker 4: a dime and lift you up, just like at had

599
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 4: on a call, right, like, oh, I got you right.

600
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 4: But when it comes to picking yourself up, fuck that.

601
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 4: I pile drive myself. We all do it. And I

602
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 4: don't know what came over me, because I think you

603
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 4: can tell I am not really a cheesy person, you know,

604
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 4: like I'm not like somebody that would just invent some

605
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 4: fluffy fucking thing to sell books, like that's just not

606
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 4: my jam. But for whatever reason, standing there in my underwear,

607
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 4: one boom hanging lower than the other, my gray hair

608
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 4: coming in like saggy tits, saggy neck, like I'm a

609
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 4: lot older than you, guys, just wait what's coming. And

610
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 4: so I literally, just as pathetic as it sounds, I'd

611
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 4: never done this before. I raised my hand in a

612
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 4: high five of the woman in the mirror because she

613
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 4: looked like she fucking needed.

614
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 1: I haven't tried this yet, fuck it.

615
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's not like lightning strike. It's not like

616
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 4: the Heaven's open and the angel sang like it's not like, ah,

617
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 4: that's not what happened. But I'll tell you what. From

618
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 4: the very first one, like something shifted and I felt

619
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 4: this bit of like energy come back, like fucking pull

620
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:50,719
Speaker 4: it together, like you're not dead, you have a house,

621
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 4: get out there. It's not that bad, you know, Like

622
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 4: I didn't even think that stuff. That was sort of

623
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 4: the energy, but it was the second day. Wait to

624
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 4: hear this shit. Second day is when everything broke open.

625
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 4: And I want to unpack this for you because I

626
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 4: think you will really get this at a profound level.

627
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 4: So I wake up again, same shit's going on, No

628
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 4: idea how we're gonna deal with this financially overwhelmed, depleted,

629
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 4: lost five or three, two on them up, make the bed.

630
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 4: I start walking to the bathroom, and all of a sudden,

631
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 4: before I even get to the bathroom, I have this

632
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 4: realization that I am feeling something I have never felt

633
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 4: in my entire adult life. And it was this. You

634
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 4: know how when you're about to walk into a bar

635
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 4: cafe and you're going to meet somebody who really like

636
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 4: really great friend you haven't seen in a while, how

637
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 4: do you feel.

638
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: Tingly inside like a little butterflies? Yeah?

639
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I felt that way about the idea of seeing myself.

640
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 4: I am going to be fifty three in two days.

641
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 4: I have never, at that point in my adult life

642
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 4: had the experience of being excited to see me the

643
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 4: human being. I've been excited to see an outfit or

644
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 4: what my makeup looks like.

645
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 2: Literally was going to say that.

646
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I've been excited when my makeup

647
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 3: is done.

648
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a shouting. But to see yourself, no, I know. Yeah,

649
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 4: when we were kids, we were like that. We saw dancing,

650
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 4: kissing yourself, high five, trolling in the mirror, admiring yourself.

651
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 4: Look at me, look at me, mom, mom, Yes, yes,

652
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 4: they see their essence. And that's the other thing is

653
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 4: I started walking into the bathroom, I realized the profound

654
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 4: nature of what was happening, and I realized for the

655
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 4: first time, Holy shit, there are two people in the

656
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 4: bathroom every morning. There's you and there's a woman in

657
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 4: the mirror. And she has been waiting for you to

658
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 4: wake the fuck up and see her and to see

659
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 4: what she's trying, and that she needs you, and she's

660
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 4: tired of you beating her down and picking her apart.

661
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 4: She needs your support. She needs your love, like she

662
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:05,719
Speaker 4: needs you.

663
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 1: Wow, that is fucking profound.

664
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 3: You know what, As you're describing this my mind, I'm

665
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: just thinking of ray On Insecure pumping herself up in

666
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 3: the mirror and show yeh And I'm like, yeah, it's

667
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 3: it is true.

668
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: There are two women in the room.

669
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 4: There are yeah, And.

670
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: We always forget to pump ourselves up. It's so easy

671
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: to pump other people up. It's so people to mother

672
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,479
Speaker 1: your child, it's so easy to nurture other people and

673
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: like it's okay, girl, But like we rarely do that

674
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: to ourselves, you know. We rarely like it's okay, life

675
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,959
Speaker 1: goes on, You're going to be okay. We don't have

676
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: those pep talks sometimes, Like I'll go all the way

677
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: into Luna school drop her off, and then someone looks

678
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: at me and I'm like, what the fuck do I

679
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: look like the same thing? And then I'll look in

680
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: the mirror and I'm like, I didn't look in the

681
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: mirror at all. And I have a huge mirror in

682
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: my bedroom, Like you can't miss the shit. I don't

683
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 1: know how Ian I'll brush my teeth. I don't know where.

684
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 4: I'm like, if you're thinking about everybody else.

685
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: It's sometimes like I may have actually glanced in the mirror,

686
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: but I did not look at myself. I'm thinking, I

687
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,479
Speaker 1: literally think, like did I not just did I see it?

688
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 1: But not see it? Like you're really not acknowledging yourself.

689
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: Your reflection is always there, but it's you thinking so

690
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 1: much that you're not even processing and acknowledging yourself. And sometimes,

691
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,280
Speaker 1: like even standing in the mirror and looking at yourself

692
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: for a very long time can feel.

693
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 4: Almost awkward because its intimate too.

694
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,800
Speaker 1: It's intimate you don't do it, and like even we

695
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:26,840
Speaker 1: don't even look at our friends or each other that

696
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: often if someone's making eye contact with you back, we

697
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: rarely even do that because it's uncomfortable almost, so like

698
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,879
Speaker 1: I can imagine how profound that was to be, Like, damn,

699
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: people need to hear about this.

700
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it didn't even hit then. So I had

701
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 4: just read a piece of research from Harvard and it

702
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 4: must be amazing since it's from Harvard, right, But I'd

703
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 4: read it the day before because I was trying to

704
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 4: figure out how the fuck am I going to keep

705
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 4: my team inspired, Like I'm in the gutter here, And

706
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 4: so I read this piece of research just the day

707
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,720
Speaker 4: before that was if you spend less than a minute

708
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 4: as a leader thinking about how you're going to show

709
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 4: up today, it changes your focus, your productivity, and the

710
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 4: impact you make on people. And so for whatever reason,

711
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 4: like I think it was like the universe, it was divine.

712
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 4: It popped into my mind and I did something I'd

713
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 4: never done before. I looked at my reflection and I

714
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 4: asked myself this question, how am I going to show

715
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 4: up for her? What does she need for me? And

716
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 4: I think on that day I was sort of like, bitch,

717
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 4: stop like bitching about everything. I need you to actually

718
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 4: have a little I need to be kinder to me.

719
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 4: I need to like like actually believe we're going to

720
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 4: get through this, like stop with the death talk here

721
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 4: and so I and then I just raised my hand

722
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,760
Speaker 4: and high five myself. And so I did this every

723
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 4: morning for a couple of weeks. And then I literally

724
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 4: posted one photo on my story. Had I known it

725
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 4: was going to be this one in the book with

726
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 4: the BedHead and the retainer in, I might have picked

727
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 4: a different morning. But I within literally if you turn

728
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 4: to chapter two, it's that it's photo there. But within

729
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 4: an hour more than one hundred people around the world,

730
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 4: all shapes, colors, sizes, religions, ages, genders up, like every

731
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 4: started posting photos of themselves. I didn't even put any

732
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 4: instructions down, and I thought, holy shit, maybe I'm not

733
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 4: the only one who's feeling lost right now. And so

734
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 4: I spent the last year researching this. The science is

735
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 4: fucking crazy.

736
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 2: It's insane.

737
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 4: So let me unpack this through you, because it's bananas bananas.

738
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 2: I know, I was reading.

739
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure it's even I didn't even get

740
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 3: to read the whole thing, but I was like, oh

741
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:23,919
Speaker 3: my god.

742
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 4: Wow, here's the coolest part of all of this.

743
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

744
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 4: The coolest part of all of this is that all

745
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,359
Speaker 4: of the programming for why this works is already in

746
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 4: your brain and your nervous system because you have been

747
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 4: high five and other people your whole life.

748
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 3: Kids, we just know, like we tell them to do it, like,

749
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 3: and then they do it and then they can't stop because.

750
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: It feels good.

751
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 4: Yes, We're just gonna aim all this shit back at you.

752
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 4: It's the coolest thing. So when you high five somebody else,

753
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 4: what are you actually communicating? When you go to you

754
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 4: and I hi five? Oh wait, Now see what happens

755
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 4: when you do a shitty one. You gotta do it again? Yes,

756
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 4: there you go. Oh, I gotta hit you too. Oh

757
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,720
Speaker 4: so when you do that, what are you communicating to somebody?

758
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: Good job, let's go.

759
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got this, you got this.

760
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,319
Speaker 4: That's right. It says I believe you, I love you,

761
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 4: I see you. If somebody's attitude's going down, you hit

762
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:12,439
Speaker 4: them high five. It's like, pick yourself up. I still

763
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 4: believe in you. All of that programming is in your

764
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 4: subconscious mind and it is fused with the action of

765
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 4: a high five. This is called neuerroobics. I did not

766
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 4: know this when I stumbled into this. Neuroobics is the

767
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 4: fastest way to create a new mindset, to create new

768
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 4: thinking patterns. And basically, when you marry a physical action

769
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 4: with a different thought pattern, it plows a new neuropathway

770
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 4: into your mind. So when you go to raise your

771
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,320
Speaker 4: hand to your reflection, you can stand in front of

772
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:43,399
Speaker 4: the mirror. And this is the best part. First of all,

773
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 4: I don't want you to say or think anything when

774
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 4: you do this. There is no mantra you need to have.

775
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 4: You can stand before yourself and go I'm fat, I'm worthless,

776
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 4: I hate myself, I have an ugly face, I am damaged.

777
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 4: I will You can think all that that you've been

778
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 4: thinking forever. When you go to raise your physical hand,

779
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 4: your brain pulls all the programming from your subconscious mind

780
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 4: because it knows what a high five is. It doesn't

781
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 4: care if I'm high fiving either one of you or

782
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 4: my own reflection. It'll shut that voice up because the

783
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,399
Speaker 4: action has programming. You've never high five somebody and thought

784
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 4: you're a failure. I hate you, I hope you lose. Ever,

785
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,279
Speaker 4: so it is neurologically impossible to beat yourself up while

786
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 4: you're high five in your own reflection. And we've had

787
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 4: so many people now write to us and say, and

788
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:35,240
Speaker 4: a weird thing has happened, because energetically, your nervous system

789
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 4: is hardwired for this. When you wave hello to somebody,

790
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:40,879
Speaker 4: you raise your hand. When you hug somebody, you raise

791
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 4: your hand, when you cross a finish line, you raise

792
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,360
Speaker 4: your hand. When you high five somebody, You raise your

793
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 4: hand when you do it to yourself. That kind of

794
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 4: really corny, weird little boa that you get, that's your

795
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 4: nervous system wired for celebration. You're tapping into that. Also,

796
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 4: whenever anybody else has ever high five to you, your

797
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 4: brain drips dopamine. You get the same fucking thing when

798
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 4: you do it to yourself. Hmmm.

799
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 3: It's that validation, it's that happiness. Yes, yeah, that makes sense.

800
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 3: I mean I think when I was reading that section too,

801
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 3: and they were talking about like the children, yes to

802
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 3: dip the study that they did with the kids, and

803
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,560
Speaker 3: basically that you know, the kids perform all the kids

804
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 3: that were high fiving performed at a higher level. That

805
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 3: made sense to me because I felt like as a child,

806
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 3: like I feel like action is so important, and for

807
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 3: some reason when as we get older, like we kind

808
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 3: of lose that part of us, like validating each other

809
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 3: in action. We just say a lot of things, and

810
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 3: you know, we're told even even us, like we're told

811
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 3: we tell our listeners like you know, talk nice to yourself,

812
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 3: like say thing like for me, like in therapy, one

813
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 3: of the things that like my therapist helped me with

814
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 3: because I had body issues, especially after I had my daughter,

815
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 3: was like talking nice to my body. And like it

816
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 3: took a while though, because I didn't believe it for

817
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 3: a while. It took me a while to believe it.

818
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,320
Speaker 3: Eventually it did work though, but it did take longer.

819
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 3: And reading about like, you know the issues that you

820
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 3: have with certain mantras or affirmations is that like you

821
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 3: don't actually believe them halfway?

822
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 4: Well, you experience that, right, Yeah, So most people cannot

823
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 4: stand in front of a mirror and look at themselves

824
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 4: if for the last couple of years or decades they

825
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 4: have hid in the back of every photo or they

826
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 4: have gone ugh when they see themselves. They can't stand

827
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 4: in front of the mirror and go, I love my

828
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 4: stretch marks because neurologically, their brain has been programmed repeatedly

829
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 4: to believe the opposite, and so repeating a mantra that

830
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 4: you don't actually believe makes you feel worse about yourself.

831
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 4: And what I love about the high five is, let's

832
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:43,280
Speaker 4: talk a little bit about the two experiences that people

833
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 4: have when they do this for the first time, because

834
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 4: we've studied this too. And what I love about the

835
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 4: high five is that the physical action alone does the programming.

836
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 4: So you're not only tapping into the programming that's in

837
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 4: there associated with a lifetime of receiving and giving high

838
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 4: fives to other people, but you are also tapping into

839
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 4: something called behavioral activation therapy, which is shorthand for act

840
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 4: like the person you want to become. So if you

841
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 4: normally have a habit of self rejection in the mirror,

842
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 4: picking yourself apart, which is self rejection, or not even

843
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 4: looking yourself, which is self rejection, and your brain sees

844
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 4: you high fiving your reflection, your brain goes, oh, we

845
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 4: actually don't criticize that person. This is the person we

846
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 4: cheer for. And as you keep repeating it, that picture

847
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 4: of you, along with the dopamine and the jolt of energy,

848
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 4: starts to seear in your mind and stay with you.

849
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 4: And so it's an action that starts to prove to

850
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 4: you that you actually do deserve support, you do deserve

851
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 4: encouragement because every morning you're giving yourself that physical gesture,

852
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:48,239
Speaker 4: that means it.

853
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 3: So for the woman who doesn't, who is trying to

854
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,839
Speaker 3: learn to love their stretch marks, like, is that when

855
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:57,760
Speaker 3: she does that high five? Does she say nothing?

856
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 2: No?

857
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 4: And so let me tell you what happens. So there's

858
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 4: only two reactions to doing this. I'm so geeked out

859
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 4: about this, Like you cannot believe the testimonials that are

860
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 4: coming in like, we had a woman that wrote to

861
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,720
Speaker 4: us who is in a domestic violent shelter, extraordinary trauma

862
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:16,360
Speaker 4: from the age of four to thirteen. Then she escapes

863
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 4: a wildly abusive four year relationship. She's lost everything, she's

864
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 4: in a domestic violent shelter. She said, by simply doing

865
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 4: the high five in the mirror and something else that

866
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,319
Speaker 4: we'll talk about called high five in your heart, which

867
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 4: is an incredible thing for anxiety that in five days

868
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 4: she knows she has a lifetime of healing. She has

869
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 4: a long road that she needs to build to create

870
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 4: her life again. But the high five in the mirror

871
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,360
Speaker 4: is teaching her that no matter what, she still has herself.

872
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 4: And so what you're going to experience is you're either

873
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 4: going to experience when the first time you go to

874
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 4: do this is you're going to experience either a very

875
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 4: positive experience. So you'll either laugh out loud that's the dopamine,

876
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 4: or you'll weep in a very positive way. And it's

877
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 4: a very positive emotional release because it's this joining in

878
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 4: partnership with the human being you see in the mirror,

879
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:18,919
Speaker 4: your soul, your spirit, and this release is finally, like finally, motherfucker,

880
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 4: you finally woke on, You finally see me, you're finally

881
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 4: kind to me, and it's powerful. So it's really common

882
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 4: to cry. But the more likely experience is negative because

883
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,280
Speaker 4: what most people do is they stand before the mirror

884
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 4: and they resist it. And this is really sad, and

885
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 4: let me unpack what's happening. So there are three reasons

886
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 4: why people resist high fiving themselves, and it has to

887
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 4: do with the two human beings, you and the human

888
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 4: being in the mirror. Everybody brings their entire past into

889
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 4: the bathroom every morning subconsciously, and it stands between you

890
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 4: and the human being in the mirror. So if you

891
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 4: are somebody like a lot of us, myself included, who

892
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:09,399
Speaker 4: has experienced childhood trauma, if you've been sexually abused, which

893
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:13,319
Speaker 4: I have as a young kid, if you have experienced discrimination,

894
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 4: if you've experienced poverty, abandonment, violence, microaggressions, negative, like anything

895
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 4: in the plethora of experiences that a human being could

896
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 4: experience that have been done to you that you're not

897
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 4: responsible for. A ton of people drag it into the

898
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 4: bathroom and it makes them see a person that is unlovable, unworthy,

899
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 4: or damaged. And what I'm here to say is if

900
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,400
Speaker 4: you've survived that shit and you're still breathing, you not

901
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,799
Speaker 4: only deserve a high five, you fucking need one to heal. Yeah,

902
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 4: because you're saying I see you, I know what you've

903
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,399
Speaker 4: been through, and I still love you, and I still

904
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:53,800
Speaker 4: got you, and I still encourage you. It's compassion, it's support,

905
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 4: it's a healing gesture. The second reason why people resist

906
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 4: this is because the the other.

907
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 5: Part of the past that we drag in is all

908
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:04,399
Speaker 5: the shit we did that we don't like, which I

909
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 5: got a lot of personally. The bad choices, Oh yeah,

910
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,320
Speaker 5: more than bad choice, the lifestyle I was living, the cheating,

911
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 5: the drinking, the addiction, the lying, the squandering of opportunity,

912
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 5: the hurting people, the hurting myself, all of the shit

913
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 5: you wish you could take back, stuff that I'd forgive

914
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 5: the two of you for, somebody would forgive mel Robbins for.

915
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 5: But when you stand in the mirror in the morning,

916
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 5: you stand in judgment of yourself and you refuse to

917
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 5: give yourself the forgiveness that you need to move on

918
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 5: and to grow. The high five doesn't wipe that shit away.

919
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,399
Speaker 5: The high five is I know.

920
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 4: And I still love you, and I'm still going to

921
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 4: be here for you, and I'm still going to support you.

922
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 4: And it's a way to repair your self esteem and

923
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 4: your self worth by treating yourself with the encouragement and

924
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 4: the support you still deserve. And then the third reason

925
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 4: why people resist it is because we have been so

926
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 4: trained to believe since we were very little, that you're

927
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 4: only worthy of celebration if you're winning, when you get

928
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 4: the good grade, when the team scores, when you're doing good,

929
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,919
Speaker 4: everybody cheers for you. And so you start to become

930
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 4: an adult where you're like, well, I didn't get to

931
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 4: the gym today, So do I still high five myself,

932
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 4: but I don't weigh what I want to weigh. Do

933
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 4: I still high five myself, but I didn't do the

934
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 4: thing that I said I would do. Do I still yes, Yes, motherfucker,

935
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 4: you still high five yourself every fucking morning. And the

936
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 4: reason why is because you need support and encouragement to

937
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 4: do the work to actually change your life.

938
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: So fucking true, It's true. If you focus on the negative,

939
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 1: it will literally consume you. I've been there, Like, bitch,

940
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: you're talking so much shit, Like in my head, I'm

941
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 1: having these conversations like a crazy person, like we're gonna

942
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: get nowhere for just in this space, you literally cannot

943
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 1: do better and get to the next part. If you're

944
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: just dwelling on what you haven't done and you're what

945
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 1: you're not good at or what you don't have, it

946
00:46:58,360 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 1: literally does not work that way.

947
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 4: No, it doesn't.

948
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,720
Speaker 1: But it's so easy to criticize ourselves. It's so easy

949
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 1: to be like you, like you did good, But what's next?

950
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:09,439
Speaker 1: Like that was cool? Oh you got a book? Deal, cool?

951
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:09,919
Speaker 1: What's next?

952
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,399
Speaker 4: Well, I'll tell you why we've married, or at least

953
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 4: I did. I'm married, whether or not I was worthy

954
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 4: of love with what I was doing. And when you

955
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 4: realize you are worthy of love because you're breathing, everything changes.

956
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 4: So I think about our birthdays, right, what are we

957
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 4: actually celebrating when you celebrate your birthday?

958
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 1: Your birth your existence? Correct solely your existence, not your existence,

959
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,879
Speaker 1: and not your existence. And your book was the bomb

960
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 1: on audible, not your existence, and you have a hot body.

961
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: It's just purely solely you're here.

962
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're still here.

963
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're here.

964
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: We forget that existing is the thing, you know, like

965
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:54,839
Speaker 1: whomever you believe in spirit God, ancestors, whatever the mystics lay,

966
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,800
Speaker 1: they brought you here and under these exact circumstances. And

967
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 1: I think like a part of the cool thing about

968
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 1: having this conversation with you is that you birth this

969
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: amazing book and this amazing movement out of this dark

970
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 1: place that you were in. But it's really the your purpose.

971
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: You know, it's your passion. Because it's your purpose, it

972
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 1: became easy, it got to this height of success because

973
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 1: it was what you were supposed to the message, you

974
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,760
Speaker 1: were supposed to tell the world. Yeah, and I think,

975
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,759
Speaker 1: you know, people underestimate that little thing you know, that

976
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: is planted, that seed, that's planet. That's like damn, maybe

977
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 1: someone else is experiencing this because I needed to hear

978
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,759
Speaker 1: this for a shift to happen, like even for me

979
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: and Erica. Like you're saying, like saying no to big

980
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: brands and big core you know, people who come in.

981
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: It's like, when you know your purpose and your passion

982
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 1: is fucking important, nobody can come in and put any

983
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 1: dollar price on it and say give it to me.

984
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:49,360
Speaker 2: You know.

985
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 4: I love that you're tying it back to that. Let

986
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 4: me tell you why, Because if you start your day

987
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 4: by picking yourself apart and then thinking fuck, I didn't

988
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 4: do this, and then I got to do that, and

989
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 4: you're kind of in this negative space. Some big brand

990
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 4: rolls in, you'll be like, oh, thank god, Okay. If

991
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:10,960
Speaker 4: you can start every day validating yourself, going I see you,

992
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 4: I'm playing a big game. I got you, and you

993
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:16,360
Speaker 4: demonstrate it, that's the important part. You don't have to

994
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 4: do the self talk. All you have to do is

995
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 4: demonstrate it. Let's talk common sense. You're you know, you

996
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 4: were mentioning the NBA study and we're going to unpack

997
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 4: that cause I think it's important for people to understand.

998
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 4: If you think about your favorite sports teams, they don't

999
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 4: start a big game by going, well, you really sucked

1000
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 4: in the last one, and so I'm not throwing the

1001
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 4: ball to you and oh shit, like we're gonna lose,

1002
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 4: and why are we even bothering and oh my god,

1003
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 4: I look like you look like hell right now, Fuck this.

1004
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 4: That's not how they start. They literally start by setting

1005
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 4: an intention about how they're going to show up, and

1006
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:50,839
Speaker 4: then they steal it with a high five and they

1007
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,399
Speaker 4: send themselves into the game. I want you to send

1008
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 4: yourself into the game of life. Every fucking day, just

1009
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 4: knowing that, just like that, I.

1010
00:49:58,560 --> 00:49:59,360
Speaker 2: Just have this vision of me.

1011
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 3: My daughter had our kids had a soccer game this

1012
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 3: weekend and in the car, I was like hyping my

1013
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 3: daughter up and I was like, I was like.

1014
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 4: What are we gonna do?

1015
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 1: Try it? What are we gonna do? Win? What are

1016
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:08,399
Speaker 1: we gonna do? Quinn?

1017
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 3: And then I like fist pumped her yeah, and she

1018
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 3: was so pumped. And then this this weekend I was

1019
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 3: reading your book and I was like, oh, I did

1020
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:17,919
Speaker 3: that for her. I do that for her all the time.

1021
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 3: I have all sorts of fucking weird ass handshakes with

1022
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:25,800
Speaker 3: my kid. When the fuck do I high five myself never, never, ever.

1023
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 1: It's so fucking important. And she killed it. She did

1024
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 1: so great as an adult. And I say this all

1025
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: the time. My damn life is difficult. I say, like

1026
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:37,160
Speaker 1: a lot. I'm like, how the fuck did I become

1027
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,240
Speaker 1: an adult? Every day I take my kid to school

1028
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:40,839
Speaker 1: and I get her to there on time, I'm like, yes,

1029
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 1: I'm killing this shit. She gets there. My son at

1030
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,759
Speaker 1: fifty five, bitch has done it. But it's because but

1031
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:50,840
Speaker 1: it's because it's it feels like if I feel strange,

1032
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 1: you guys, I still feel like I can't believe this

1033
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:57,080
Speaker 1: is I'm an adult, I'm someone's keeper. I'm responsible for

1034
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:00,080
Speaker 1: you and myself. You know, sometimes I get scared, like

1035
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 1: are we gonna eat? Yes, they're gonna eat. Bitch, do

1036
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 1: we have somewhere to live? You have somewhere to live,

1037
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 1: check check like you know, but like those are just

1038
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 1: the basic necessities of life. But like that, shit is hard.

1039
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 1: People don't have support, like when you're when you're like

1040
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 1: the looming, like responsibilities of existing are so heavy. Sometimes

1041
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: we forget that every day is a win, every day

1042
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 1: is a gift. We just said that this morning, like okay,

1043
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: like you have to wake up and it's crazy, and

1044
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: when you're saying when you're in the bed and you

1045
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 1: have to you had to five four three to you.

1046
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: That's something I use all the time because sometimes I

1047
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 1: just am sleepy and I don't know why I didn't

1048
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 1: do shit. I'm just tired and I can't. Probably it's

1049
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 1: depression and anxiety. But if I can't. Even since I

1050
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:44,280
Speaker 1: was a kid, I've used like i' haveing a countdown

1051
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 1: and bitch, you gotta get up. We gotta do this stuff.

1052
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,399
Speaker 1: You gotta do it or else you're you can you'll

1053
00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 1: die here. Oh that's empowering, but that like that five

1054
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 1: four three two one make dinner boo, you gotta go

1055
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:00,399
Speaker 1: do it. But like waking up every morning, because it's

1056
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: crazy if you observe yourself as a human being, some

1057
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: days you wake up great and ready to go, and

1058
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:07,880
Speaker 1: some days you're just not great. You have an attitude.

1059
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 1: Shit doesn't feel good, and you have to remind yourself.

1060
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 1: I have to remind myself like what are you panicking about? Internally?

1061
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: What are you not feeling good about?

1062
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 2: What is it?

1063
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:19,439
Speaker 1: What the fuck you're doing good? Everyone's okay. But it's

1064
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 1: just like we're so constantly in survival mode that we

1065
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:26,479
Speaker 1: forget to hype ourselves up. We forget to be like, okay,

1066
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: you're in a good, sweet space because for one at least,

1067
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 1: I know my purpose in this life, and like good moms,

1068
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: I feel like, okay, I know no matter what, this

1069
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: is my space. I'm supposed to be empowering. I'm supposed

1070
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,439
Speaker 1: to change minds. But if I can just a little

1071
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: bit of change in someone's thought process, I've done my job.

1072
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:49,480
Speaker 1: But like, keeping that consistent energy every day is practice.

1073
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 1: I sign up for this very sexy subscription box called

1074
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:01,280
Speaker 1: Like a Kitten. I love like ak I got a nattier,

1075
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:05,000
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1098
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is. And like unlearning the trauma, acknowledging

1099
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 1: the childhood shit and then saying, oh damn, I'm fucking

1100
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:19,719
Speaker 1: thirty three and I'm still suffering because I haven't done

1101
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:23,440
Speaker 1: the work to just say it's okay, move forward from it.

1102
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know a couple things about that that I

1103
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:30,839
Speaker 4: want to just unpack and really highlight for people. And

1104
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 4: it's this I feel as though part of the problem

1105
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 4: is none of us give ourselves any credit for what

1106
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,919
Speaker 4: we're actually doing. Like, honestly, life is hard. You got

1107
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,959
Speaker 4: out of bed high five, you made your bed high five,

1108
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,120
Speaker 4: you walk the dog high five, You got those kids

1109
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 4: on the bosser to school high fucking five. Like you

1110
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 4: are not even recognizing all the things you're actually doing.

1111
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 4: And when you start to focus on all the things

1112
00:54:57,160 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 4: that you're actually doing, you start to feel little bit

1113
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 4: of wind at your back. You start to build some

1114
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 4: small wins. You start to then feel more emboldened that

1115
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:08,120
Speaker 4: if I can, I got out of bed, I got

1116
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 4: myself to work, I got these kids where they need

1117
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 4: to be. I remember to eat lunch. I got a

1118
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:15,319
Speaker 4: couple of emails off. When you start to feel that

1119
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:22,040
Speaker 4: now you are encouraging yourself to continue forward and to

1120
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:25,399
Speaker 4: also start doing some of the bigger stuff. And that's

1121
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 4: why this is so empowering. You know, they studied the

1122
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 4: NBA study that you were talking about. Researchers looked at

1123
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:34,840
Speaker 4: NBA teams and they could predict who were going to

1124
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 4: be the winning Why came say winning ast teams at

1125
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:41,239
Speaker 4: the end of a season based on one habit during

1126
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:44,160
Speaker 4: the preseason, and it was the number of pats on

1127
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 4: the back and fist bumps and high fives that a

1128
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 4: team gives each other in the preseason that determines whether

1129
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 4: or not they're successful in the end. And the same

1130
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:54,839
Speaker 4: is true about the teams that perform the worst. They

1131
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,960
Speaker 4: have the least number of pats on the back and

1132
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 4: high fives and fist bumps. And why why that matters

1133
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 4: is because these small gestures build partnership, they build trust,

1134
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 4: they build momentum forward. And if you've ever had a

1135
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 4: halftime speech, or you've ever had a coach like just

1136
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 4: kind of rail into you and then high five you

1137
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 4: to shake your attitude back, you know, exactly what I'm

1138
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,799
Speaker 4: talking about, And so this is super important because I

1139
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:24,799
Speaker 4: also think the average person does not feel like every

1140
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 4: day is a gift. The average person has an experience

1141
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 4: of feeling invisible, of feeling disrespected, of feeling stuck, of

1142
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 4: feeling lost. And I'm here to tell you part of

1143
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 4: the reason why it's hard to get out of that

1144
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 4: feeling is because you're waiting for some outside force to

1145
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:46,719
Speaker 4: come along and validate you or say that you're worth it,

1146
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 4: some person you're going to date, or somebody's gonna like

1147
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 4: follow you or come up with like You've got to

1148
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 4: bring that shit back in house. You've got to learn

1149
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,680
Speaker 4: how to validate yourself for where you are, even if

1150
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 4: it's not where you want to be, You're still fucking here.

1151
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:04,680
Speaker 1: Because what happens when we expect validation or put all

1152
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 1: of our you know, expecting validation from someone is what

1153
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 1: happens when they disrespect you. What happens when they don't

1154
00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:13,919
Speaker 1: tell you you're beautiful, you're great. Then you're believing you're

1155
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 1: putting all of your inside and your back where you

1156
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: started in the hands of somebody else.

1157
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 2: You're exactly back where you started.

1158
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:21,520
Speaker 3: When you have the person in the room that knows

1159
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,919
Speaker 3: you the best, knows you the most, just been through

1160
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 3: everything you've been through, because that person is you, and

1161
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 3: now's your look. She's looking at you, and you're like,

1162
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 3: oh shit, you know all my shit.

1163
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 1: Oh you got me, you got me, of course you know.

1164
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 3: And then you add that high five, you add that

1165
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 3: action to it, and it just I feel like I understand,

1166
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 3: I get it, Like why it feels empowering, Why it

1167
00:57:42,360 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 3: gets you not only counting backwards out of bed, but

1168
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,480
Speaker 3: walking out of the door to like do what you

1169
00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 3: gotta fucking.

1170
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 4: Do, because you're gonna face all kinds of shit all

1171
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 4: day long. And what's wonderful is if you start your

1172
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 4: day demonstrating that you like yourself, even if somebody else

1173
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:58,480
Speaker 4: doesn't like you or disrespects you, it does not change

1174
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,640
Speaker 4: the fact that you like yourself and you're back yourself.

1175
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 4: They cannot take that away from me.

1176
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:04,000
Speaker 1: I hug myself.

1177
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 2: I love that.

1178
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 1: Sometimes I hug myself. I'm like something like because the contact,

1179
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 1: you know, like just for a moment, you know, we

1180
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 1: hug each other, and that feels good. We need to connect,

1181
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 1: but sometimes just like give me my Maybe that could

1182
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: be your next book.

1183
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 2: The five second hug.

1184
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 4: Well, I want to teach you this high five in

1185
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 4: your heart, especially since you said the thing about anxiety.

1186
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,080
Speaker 3: That's I wasn't ask you next. I was like, please

1187
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 3: you we can't forget about the high fiving heart because

1188
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 3: I need to know because I have, yeah, anxieties and

1189
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 3: something that I've struggled with. I think on and off,

1190
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 3: but I didn't know what anxiety, didn't have a word

1191
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 3: for it for a long time. I think like the

1192
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 3: word anxiety has become I think it's always existed, right,

1193
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 3: but like it's it's finally people understand, like what the

1194
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:46,320
Speaker 3: feeling is.

1195
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:47,200
Speaker 4: What is it for you?

1196
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 3: Well, for me, like you said, your starts at the

1197
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 3: bottom of your your feet and go works its way up.

1198
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 3: For me, it always starts right in my throat and

1199
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 3: I start to feel like I almost it feels like

1200
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 3: I noticed that I haven't been breathing, and a lot

1201
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 3: of it my anxiety starts to build because I'm holding

1202
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:03,720
Speaker 3: my breath. I hold my breath all of the time,

1203
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:07,080
Speaker 3: and I have to breathing as a real practice for me,

1204
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 3: just normal breathing, Like Okay, I've just realized I just

1205
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 3: haven't really been breathing all day and like, I know

1206
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:16,439
Speaker 3: people do this, like we have to do this to live,

1207
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 3: but like I'm pretty sure I'm an expert, Like I

1208
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,479
Speaker 3: could hold my breath for absurdly long amounts of time.

1209
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 4: Do you remember when you first experienced it.

1210
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 2: It's childhood trauma for sure.

1211
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 3: My father, like you know me feeling like anxious about

1212
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 3: you know him, like me having to go to his

1213
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 3: house because I didn't really know him. And that was

1214
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 3: when it first started. When I'd go there and I'd

1215
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 3: be like, this is different. I don't know how to

1216
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,720
Speaker 3: act here. This isn't my home and you're a stranger,

1217
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 3: and it would happen. He'd pick me up every like

1218
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 3: a few months, so I would notice, like that's when

1219
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 3: it would happen, and then it would get nervous. And

1220
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 3: now obviously it's trickled into so many different areas of

1221
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 3: my life.

1222
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 4: Well, just any moment where you feel uncertain, uncertain, that's it.

1223
00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 4: That's it. So I'm going to teach you something incredible.

1224
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 4: Do you do you experience anxiety too?

1225
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 1: I do? I do? I think I do hold my

1226
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:06,919
Speaker 1: breath like I'll forget to breathe, I clench my jaw

1227
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 1: I do that, my jaw gets my body gets really tight.

1228
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 1: I noticed that. I'm like, you know, I'm like, oh, like,

1229
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,720
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on? Why am I doing that?

1230
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:19,480
Speaker 1: But I'll just even be typing like clench the fuck up.

1231
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 1: My body is so tense.

1232
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 4: And do you remember like when you first started experiencing that.

1233
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 1: Mmm, probably I remember like high school that I can't remember,

1234
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:30,479
Speaker 1: just like tightening it, like my body getting really tense,

1235
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: just like drama with my parents, things that were uncomfortable

1236
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 1: for me that I don't want to talk about. That

1237
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 1: I felt triggered by just.

1238
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, got it? Well, I asked that because it's important

1239
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,440
Speaker 4: to kind of understand triggers to get control of it.

1240
01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:45,600
Speaker 4: I'm going to teach you a science back technique that

1241
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 4: I call high fiving your heart. It's a lifesaver and

1242
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:52,880
Speaker 4: it also helps with trauma. So the way that I

1243
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:55,920
Speaker 4: think about anxiety is anxiety as alarm system in your body,

1244
01:00:56,400 --> 01:00:59,760
Speaker 4: and it has a really important purpose. So let's say

1245
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,320
Speaker 4: that we're driving down the car or driving down the car.

1246
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 4: See the joints already kicking in. We're driving down the

1247
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:09,400
Speaker 4: highway and we're just talking up a storm. We're playing

1248
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:15,960
Speaker 4: eminem it's fucking awesome. So we are literally driving down

1249
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 4: the highway, it's an incredible time, and all of a sudden,

1250
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 4: out of nowhere, this freaking semi truck like fucking pulls

1251
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 4: into our lane. What you feel in that moment as

1252
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 4: you swerve out of the way and your armpits sweat,

1253
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 4: and your throat tents and your body's shoulders go up

1254
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 4: and your ankles have the hot flash go. That's anxiety.

1255
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,040
Speaker 4: It's an alarm system that's saying, wake the fuck up, bitch,

1256
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,560
Speaker 4: Like that's what it's saying. Like, that's what it is.

1257
01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 4: But what happens in your body when the semi truck

1258
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 4: pulls away and you realize you're safe. What happens? We'll

1259
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:49,360
Speaker 4: release this correct because anxiety in that moment makes sense intellectually.

1260
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 4: What becomes a problem in life is when you feel

1261
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:57,000
Speaker 4: that alarm response in your body and you're just making

1262
01:01:57,000 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 4: a cup of coffee in your kitchen. And there's there's

1263
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:04,280
Speaker 4: also a connection between worrying, which sounds an alarm in

1264
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 4: your mind, because if you allow your mind to dwell

1265
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 4: too long in the what if this, and what if that?

1266
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,959
Speaker 4: And what if the other fucking thing, and what your

1267
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 4: body starts to notice that your mind is alarmed. So

1268
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:18,680
Speaker 4: the body then starts to signal the alarm to and

1269
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:21,160
Speaker 4: so you got to really watch your thoughts. And we

1270
01:02:21,200 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 4: can talk about this for the next time I come back.

1271
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 4: I'll come and train you in like the hand to

1272
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 4: fist combat with your own mind. But for now, what

1273
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 4: I want to teach you is how to master your

1274
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:35,120
Speaker 4: nervous system. Because this fucking shit is cool. Okay, So

1275
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 4: here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna take your hands

1276
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:38,520
Speaker 4: and you're gonna put them on your heart. That's called

1277
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 4: hight like, right, I put them right in the center.

1278
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 4: I don't put it on like my boob or anything.

1279
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:43,040
Speaker 4: I like, put it right on the center and press

1280
01:02:43,040 --> 01:02:44,640
Speaker 4: in the center and in the center of your chest.

1281
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 4: What you're gonna feel is you're gonna feel the vaguus nerve.

1282
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 4: This is a fucking treasure in your body. Okay. This

1283
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 4: is like a range rover in your system, and you

1284
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 4: just want the lottery. It goes from your ass, through

1285
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:58,920
Speaker 4: every major organ, through your vocal cords, and up to

1286
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 4: the top of your head. This is your on off

1287
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 4: switch between fight or flight and being calm and cool.

1288
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:07,440
Speaker 4: I already feel better, right, So when you put your

1289
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:13,960
Speaker 4: hands here, we're going to take a deep breath. Now.

1290
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:16,720
Speaker 4: I want you to repeat these three sentences after me.

1291
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 4: I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm safe. I'm safe, I'm safe,

1292
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:26,200
Speaker 4: I'm loved, I'm loved. What do you feel?

1293
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:29,040
Speaker 1: Peace? I feel a little at peace.

1294
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:32,640
Speaker 3: I feel a lot more at peace because even talking

1295
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 3: about my anxiety gives me anxiety. So I started to

1296
01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:37,439
Speaker 3: feel anxious when I was talking to you about it.

1297
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:40,920
Speaker 3: And at that, literally the moment I put both my

1298
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:43,840
Speaker 3: hands here, I felt like, Okay, I feel like this

1299
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:47,440
Speaker 3: is something's happening. And actually, our friend Bruna, she had

1300
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:49,880
Speaker 3: told me something. I had mentioned that whenever she starts

1301
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 3: to feel anxious, she has to do this, but she

1302
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 3: didn't have these things to say. But it feels wow. Really, guys,

1303
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 3: if you're listening, do this shit right now?

1304
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:00,959
Speaker 4: Yeah, you want to press here because here's the thing.

1305
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,360
Speaker 4: And there are mornings when you know shit was going down,

1306
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 4: and I was just I would wake up and say

1307
01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 4: this fifty three times. And it's a way to flip

1308
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 4: the switch between what's called your sympathetic which is your

1309
01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 4: fight or flight nervous system and your parasympathetic which is

1310
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 4: your grounded I call it your cool, calm nervous system.

1311
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,560
Speaker 4: This is your resting nervous system. This is where your

1312
01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 4: power is when you're in your body, when you're grounded.

1313
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:29,880
Speaker 4: And so if you like, you can do it anytime

1314
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 4: a day. Teach it to your kids. It's free. It

1315
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:36,160
Speaker 4: uses science. Repeat that I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved.

1316
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:38,760
Speaker 4: The I'm safe might make you cry a little bit,

1317
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:41,400
Speaker 4: because part of the trigger for so many of us

1318
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 4: that have childhood trauma is this sort of hard wiring

1319
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,560
Speaker 4: in your nervous system that you're not safe when things

1320
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:49,960
Speaker 4: are uncertain, because many of us weren't, and so your

1321
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:53,360
Speaker 4: body remembers this. And so when you have this free tool,

1322
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:56,120
Speaker 4: and I recommend five four three two one, get up,

1323
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 4: get out of that bed, because nothing good is going

1324
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:02,000
Speaker 4: to happen with you laying there feeling anxious, thinking, overthinking, worrying,

1325
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:04,560
Speaker 4: staring at the ceiling or your phone. Once you're up,

1326
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 4: you can sit on the edge of the bed, or

1327
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:08,400
Speaker 4: you can stand up, high five your heart until you

1328
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:11,440
Speaker 4: feel yourself coming back into your body. Then you're going

1329
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:13,960
Speaker 4: to walk into the bathroom and as you're brushing. I

1330
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:15,760
Speaker 4: want you to right after you brush your teeth, because

1331
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 4: I want you to use science to remember to do this.

1332
01:05:18,400 --> 01:05:20,480
Speaker 4: We're going to stack the habit of brushing your teeth

1333
01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:22,880
Speaker 4: because hopefully you're fucking brushing your mouth and getting that

1334
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:25,320
Speaker 4: nasty ass breath out so you're not like spreading that

1335
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 4: shit everywhere. Now, let's hie five you to get that

1336
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:31,760
Speaker 4: nasty ass shit out of your mind, body and spirit.

1337
01:05:32,720 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 4: Like this could be generational shit that's going to end

1338
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:37,240
Speaker 4: with you. I was talking with I don't know if

1339
01:05:37,240 --> 01:05:41,680
Speaker 4: you guys know Jason Wilson, Mister Jason Wilson. He's incredible.

1340
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 4: He's in Detroit. I'm a Michigan gal, so anybody from

1341
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 4: Michigan is a family to me. He runs a martial

1342
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 4: arts what do they called a dojo in Detroit and

1343
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:55,520
Speaker 4: his whole mission is about emotional fitness for boys and men.

1344
01:05:56,440 --> 01:05:59,720
Speaker 4: And he and I are great friends. And we were

1345
01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 4: talking the other day. His books are Cry Like a

1346
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 4: Man and Battle Cry, and he literally said, and he's

1347
01:06:07,640 --> 01:06:09,840
Speaker 4: a real soft spoken guy, and he's got a big

1348
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 4: white beard, beautiful bald heads. It now now you know me.

1349
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 4: I'm here. I'm helping all these boys the emotionally fit.

1350
01:06:19,320 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 3: Now.

1351
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:23,760
Speaker 4: I went to raise my hand to my mirror and

1352
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 4: my dojo. You know, ma'am, I realized it was so

1353
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:32,480
Speaker 4: hard because my father never did that for me. My

1354
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:35,959
Speaker 4: father wasn't in my life. And he started to talk

1355
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:40,480
Speaker 4: about how it really struck him deep. Even as self aware,

1356
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 4: as spiritual, as impactful as his work is, it hadn't

1357
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:48,520
Speaker 4: occurred to him that he's always focused on what's next,

1358
01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:53,479
Speaker 4: He's never stopping to see himself, to celebrate himself every

1359
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:55,919
Speaker 4: step of the way, because nobody did it for him.

1360
01:06:56,760 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 4: And so you know, I want you to do that

1361
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 4: for yourself. Look at the human being in the mirror.

1362
01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:05,240
Speaker 4: Create a trust in partnership with yourself. You're gonna that's

1363
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 4: the one person you're going to go through life with.

1364
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 2: That's your bestie.

1365
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:10,200
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I gonna make me cry over here.

1366
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, I wasn't told enough as a child either.

1367
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:15,919
Speaker 4: None of us were, because none of our parents were right.

1368
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:19,800
Speaker 4: They were only doing you know, I'm not justifying anything

1369
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:22,920
Speaker 4: that they did when I seek to understand what happened

1370
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:27,400
Speaker 4: and kind of understanding that most of our parents didn't

1371
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,800
Speaker 4: get any of their emotional needs met either. That's why

1372
01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:33,840
Speaker 4: they didn't know how to meet ours. That doesn't that

1373
01:07:33,880 --> 01:07:38,200
Speaker 4: does not excuse the fact that they didn't give you

1374
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:41,560
Speaker 4: what you needed as a kid, but it certainly helps me.

1375
01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 4: It helps explain it so that I can change how

1376
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 4: I treat myself, how I can take ownership of the

1377
01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 4: next fifty years of my life. I can break free

1378
01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 4: of the habits and the patterns that are not even mine.

1379
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 4: They're generational patterns. And it's going to fucking stop with

1380
01:07:59,160 --> 01:07:59,920
Speaker 4: me and.

1381
01:08:00,560 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 2: You and your children.

1382
01:08:01,720 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 3: I mean, how do your children take on, you know,

1383
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,959
Speaker 3: all of your tools. I mean, because you know, kids

1384
01:08:05,960 --> 01:08:08,479
Speaker 3: were like so resistant of our parents. I know, even

1385
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:11,400
Speaker 3: my mom, Like my mom created this an amazing tool,

1386
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 3: right and she wanted me to use it, and I

1387
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:15,280
Speaker 3: was like, I'm good with my hands, mom, I'm cool.

1388
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:19,280
Speaker 3: Fast forward twenty years later, you know, no one's using

1389
01:08:19,320 --> 01:08:21,240
Speaker 3: their hands except mel Robbins when she forgets.

1390
01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:23,960
Speaker 4: I forgot to pack, and I'm sorry.

1391
01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:26,439
Speaker 3: But I'm curious to know, like how your kids, you know,

1392
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:31,960
Speaker 3: react to this amazing you know, education, vice, lifestyle, just

1393
01:08:33,080 --> 01:08:33,360
Speaker 3: you know.

1394
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:37,760
Speaker 4: A gigantic eye roll at sometimes, but then they use

1395
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:40,639
Speaker 4: it when they need it. I know they're listening because

1396
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,240
Speaker 4: they call me and they call their dad when the

1397
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:47,000
Speaker 4: shit is hitting the fan, and they are in this book.

1398
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 4: So there's in chapter four. As I was writing this book,

1399
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:52,320
Speaker 4: I got a text from one of my daughters that said,

1400
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:55,080
Speaker 4: why do I always feel like the ugliest girl at

1401
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 4: the bar? Now? Something that breaks everybody's heart, but it

1402
01:08:59,880 --> 01:09:03,840
Speaker 4: is is the perfect example of the fact that it

1403
01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:06,800
Speaker 4: doesn't matter what I say to her. I could tell

1404
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,280
Speaker 4: her you're what do you mean You're not? Look at

1405
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:13,439
Speaker 4: that hole over there, She's fucking hideous just the second of.

1406
01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:18,240
Speaker 1: Take a picture of the.

1407
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:20,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, seriously, like I you could say all that, it

1408
01:09:20,280 --> 01:09:23,080
Speaker 4: wouldn't mean anything. I could. I could pump her up

1409
01:09:23,240 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 4: like I have. You're loyal, you're amazing, you're smart, you're

1410
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,360
Speaker 4: hard working, you're beautiful, You're this, you're that, you're the

1411
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:32,519
Speaker 4: other thing. Can't even hear it because she doesn't believe it.

1412
01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:35,400
Speaker 4: That's why the high five habit is so important because

1413
01:09:35,400 --> 01:09:39,400
Speaker 4: it starts with you. Your relationship with yourself is everything.

1414
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 4: You can think you're the ugliest person at the bar

1415
01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:45,080
Speaker 4: and then high five yourself, and that beat down silences

1416
01:09:45,560 --> 01:09:48,920
Speaker 4: because you still see a human being that you're going

1417
01:09:48,960 --> 01:09:51,599
Speaker 4: to encourage and support, and when you come from that

1418
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:55,080
Speaker 4: place and you start an act of the defiant, it's

1419
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,880
Speaker 4: like an act of defiant. So yeah, fuck off, watch me.

1420
01:09:58,680 --> 01:10:00,479
Speaker 4: I'm not going to listen to this shit more from

1421
01:10:00,479 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 4: my own head. Like, so you have to do the

1422
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:07,320
Speaker 4: work yourself, because nobody can change your self doubt and

1423
01:10:07,360 --> 01:10:11,400
Speaker 4: your negative mindset and your self rejection. But you, no

1424
01:10:11,400 --> 01:10:12,400
Speaker 4: one else can do this for.

1425
01:10:12,360 --> 01:10:12,880
Speaker 2: You, right.

1426
01:10:12,960 --> 01:10:15,680
Speaker 1: I think it's difficult to deal with self doubt and

1427
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:19,080
Speaker 1: self rejection without giving yourself the grace. You know, we

1428
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:21,840
Speaker 1: forget that, Like we can criticize ourselves all day and

1429
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:24,960
Speaker 1: night when nobody's fucking perfect, But if you don't love

1430
01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:28,040
Speaker 1: on yourself equally as much, that shit's never going to

1431
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:30,360
Speaker 1: come through. Just like if I'm talking to you all

1432
01:10:30,439 --> 01:10:32,760
Speaker 1: day like you're not shit, You're not this book it's

1433
01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:35,439
Speaker 1: all right, I read it. It's okay, it's a five

1434
01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:38,320
Speaker 1: out of ten, you know. Like, but if I tell you, oh,

1435
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:40,479
Speaker 1: it's good, you know, Like if I'm always telling you,

1436
01:10:40,520 --> 01:10:41,880
Speaker 1: talking shit to you, and then I tell you something,

1437
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:43,080
Speaker 1: you may not believe that.

1438
01:10:43,120 --> 01:10:46,880
Speaker 4: Well, it's interesting you say that, because my daughters busted

1439
01:10:46,920 --> 01:10:49,760
Speaker 4: me as I was writing this book. They allowed me

1440
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:52,439
Speaker 4: to share a bunch of like personal stories of stuff

1441
01:10:52,439 --> 01:10:55,320
Speaker 4: they were struggling with, and something from our son at

1442
01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:57,640
Speaker 4: not great parenting moments. By the way, these are not

1443
01:10:57,680 --> 01:10:59,439
Speaker 4: the things that are that I'm proud to write about.

1444
01:10:59,479 --> 01:11:02,960
Speaker 4: But it's interesting because my daughter, Kendall, the one that's

1445
01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:06,760
Speaker 4: out here in California studying, said well, you know why

1446
01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:10,000
Speaker 4: we trash ourselves? And I'm like no, She's like, well,

1447
01:11:10,040 --> 01:11:11,960
Speaker 4: because you fucking trash yourself all the time. I'm like,

1448
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:14,680
Speaker 4: what are you talking about. She's like, every time we

1449
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:17,360
Speaker 4: take a picture you and we show it to you,

1450
01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:19,920
Speaker 4: You're like, do I really look like that? And mom,

1451
01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:24,160
Speaker 4: we think you're beautiful, So if you don't believe it,

1452
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:27,519
Speaker 4: why would we think we're beautiful? If we think you

1453
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:29,880
Speaker 4: are and you don't believe it, And I'm like, fuck,

1454
01:11:29,920 --> 01:11:31,560
Speaker 4: there's three more years of therapy.

1455
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:34,240
Speaker 2: Right, fuck, must write another books.

1456
01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:37,479
Speaker 4: Shit, well, that is my brand of self help. Either

1457
01:11:37,560 --> 01:11:39,720
Speaker 4: fall in a hole or dig one myself and then

1458
01:11:39,760 --> 01:11:40,479
Speaker 4: I need a ladder.

1459
01:11:40,520 --> 01:11:43,200
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's literally what all this businesses, everything

1460
01:11:43,200 --> 01:11:45,000
Speaker 3: that we do. We're like, Okay, what do we need

1461
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:47,080
Speaker 3: to work on. Let's make it a challenge. What do

1462
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:47,880
Speaker 3: we need to work let's go on.

1463
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:49,559
Speaker 2: We need healing. Let's plan a retreat.

1464
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:52,320
Speaker 1: Don't have sex you don't want we should stop having sex.

1465
01:11:52,360 --> 01:11:53,160
Speaker 1: Tell everyone's going to.

1466
01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 2: Stop having sex with us. Like I feel that, I

1467
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:57,599
Speaker 2: really feel that.

1468
01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:01,320
Speaker 4: What did you two get from this conversation? Like, what's

1469
01:12:01,320 --> 01:12:02,799
Speaker 4: the most important thing you think you got?

1470
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:05,760
Speaker 1: I do need to be better at looking at the

1471
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:09,640
Speaker 1: person in the mirror, being kinder to that person, acknowledging

1472
01:12:09,680 --> 01:12:12,320
Speaker 1: why maybe I'm not kind, or acknowledging the things that

1473
01:12:12,680 --> 01:12:16,080
Speaker 1: are good. I'm getting emotional. I'm such a cancer.

1474
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:19,160
Speaker 4: What are you getting emotional about?

1475
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:21,920
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think that I do need to

1476
01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:26,360
Speaker 1: work on being nicer to myself. It's like, internally, why

1477
01:12:26,400 --> 01:12:29,280
Speaker 1: does that scare you? I don't know. I don't even

1478
01:12:29,320 --> 01:12:30,360
Speaker 1: know why I'm crying.

1479
01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:35,000
Speaker 4: I'll tell you why, because this shit hits deep. Like

1480
01:12:35,040 --> 01:12:37,200
Speaker 4: the interesting thing about this book is that it's the

1481
01:12:37,240 --> 01:12:38,559
Speaker 4: stupidest thing on its face.

1482
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:41,760
Speaker 1: I know, I will be honest. I opened the book,

1483
01:12:41,760 --> 01:12:44,200
Speaker 1: I was like, high five, have it? High five yourself?

1484
01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 2: What total?

1485
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:50,240
Speaker 4: Everybody has that reaction because it's so pervasive to beat

1486
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:53,200
Speaker 4: the shit out of yourself, and for a lot of us,

1487
01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:57,040
Speaker 4: being tough is a survival mechanism because we think if

1488
01:12:57,040 --> 01:13:02,559
Speaker 4: we get vulnerable or cry or you know, feel the pain,

1489
01:13:03,439 --> 01:13:06,840
Speaker 4: that that's gonna be even worse. Like I think it's

1490
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:09,559
Speaker 4: hard to actually think about how much I fucked up

1491
01:13:09,560 --> 01:13:12,719
Speaker 4: in my life. That's why it was hard to forgive myself.

1492
01:13:12,760 --> 01:13:16,320
Speaker 4: I wouldn't actually go there because it was too painful

1493
01:13:16,360 --> 01:13:20,519
Speaker 4: to think about for just how long I hated myself

1494
01:13:20,560 --> 01:13:22,640
Speaker 4: and I was in survival mode because I didn't know

1495
01:13:22,720 --> 01:13:26,080
Speaker 4: any better. I didn't know how my childhood trauma was

1496
01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:30,080
Speaker 4: impacting me. And it's painful when you slow down and

1497
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:32,519
Speaker 4: you see the person in the mirror that's hurting, that

1498
01:13:32,640 --> 01:13:33,000
Speaker 4: needs you.

1499
01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:34,760
Speaker 2: It's true, but.

1500
01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:35,720
Speaker 4: It's also beautiful.

1501
01:13:36,479 --> 01:13:40,479
Speaker 1: Thank you. I was thinking this week. I've been needing

1502
01:13:40,520 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 1: my dad a lot this week because he's been helping

1503
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:45,479
Speaker 1: me with my daughter. But all he does is talk shit.

1504
01:13:45,560 --> 01:13:48,000
Speaker 1: You guys, he is the number one shit talking dad

1505
01:13:48,040 --> 01:13:50,439
Speaker 1: of the fucking universe. I'm like, can you shut the

1506
01:13:50,479 --> 01:13:52,760
Speaker 1: fuck up? Literally told that's how we talked to each other.

1507
01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:56,040
Speaker 1: It's not healthy. He lily. He like had a key

1508
01:13:56,080 --> 01:13:57,800
Speaker 1: to my house because he did something. He came in

1509
01:13:57,840 --> 01:14:00,720
Speaker 1: at one o'clock in the morning, me and my daughter asleep,

1510
01:14:01,439 --> 01:14:03,840
Speaker 1: He's like, where's my backpack? First? One'm alarmed as fuck,

1511
01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:07,320
Speaker 1: I'm deserving a truder. He's like, it's me. I'm I

1512
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:10,120
Speaker 1: guess up here. He's literally talking shit to me as

1513
01:14:10,160 --> 01:14:13,200
Speaker 1: he's getting it. You parked in a straight Where are

1514
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:15,320
Speaker 1: the keys? You? What the fuck would you park like that?

1515
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:19,400
Speaker 1: I was just like I gonna even respond, but I

1516
01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:21,840
Speaker 1: had dawned on me this week. I'm like, I'm so

1517
01:14:22,080 --> 01:14:24,360
Speaker 1: used to being talked to this way. I'm so used

1518
01:14:24,360 --> 01:14:28,920
Speaker 1: to being criticized. So is he. And it's true, that's

1519
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:30,519
Speaker 1: how we talk to each other. That's how my family

1520
01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:34,920
Speaker 1: talks to each other. And it's not healthy, but it's normal.

1521
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:35,960
Speaker 2: And it's almost like.

1522
01:14:35,920 --> 01:14:39,080
Speaker 1: If we get sensitive, it's weird, like don't you know

1523
01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:43,080
Speaker 1: what I mean? And it's it's probably my inner voice

1524
01:14:43,240 --> 01:14:48,560
Speaker 1: is that criticism, And that's a crazy, weird realization.

1525
01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:52,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, your dad is your inner voice, Like that voice,

1526
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:54,160
Speaker 4: the way that he talks is the way you talk

1527
01:14:54,200 --> 01:14:56,679
Speaker 4: to yourself. And so it's not even yours. And here's

1528
01:14:56,720 --> 01:15:00,400
Speaker 4: the enormous opportunity. You're strong enough to withstand the eye

1529
01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:03,320
Speaker 4: rolls and the oh, for God's sakes from your family

1530
01:15:03,880 --> 01:15:06,200
Speaker 4: to be the one that actually shifts the way that

1531
01:15:06,280 --> 01:15:09,560
Speaker 4: everybody shows up for each other. It would be transformational

1532
01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:13,360
Speaker 4: for you to go, hey, I am tired of this

1533
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:16,040
Speaker 4: life is hard enough. I actually need some love from you, Dad,

1534
01:15:16,720 --> 01:15:20,360
Speaker 4: and I love you, I need you, but I can't

1535
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:22,720
Speaker 4: have you come over if you're gonna ship talk me.

1536
01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:24,080
Speaker 4: I need something else from you.

1537
01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:27,000
Speaker 3: It's so crazy to watch your parents eodynamic with him

1538
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:28,840
Speaker 3: because they love each other so much. I'm sure they

1539
01:15:28,880 --> 01:15:31,519
Speaker 3: know he shows up for her, like he like, you know,

1540
01:15:31,600 --> 01:15:32,960
Speaker 3: I mean, I know that you guys have your ship,

1541
01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:35,400
Speaker 3: but like he's a great grandfather, Like he shows.

1542
01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:35,800
Speaker 1: Up, but he does.

1543
01:15:35,840 --> 01:15:38,479
Speaker 3: He talks shit the whole fucking time. But he's like

1544
01:15:38,840 --> 01:15:40,920
Speaker 3: he's like, has this happy demeanor as he does it.

1545
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:43,840
Speaker 3: So it's like it's weird. And then they're talking shit.

1546
01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:46,280
Speaker 3: I'm listening to the talk shit the other day yesterday

1547
01:15:46,479 --> 01:15:48,439
Speaker 3: I was like, you guys, I was like, you guys

1548
01:15:48,520 --> 01:15:53,040
Speaker 3: only get one daughter and one and one's grandfather. I'm like,

1549
01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:55,599
Speaker 3: you guys need to stop talking shit to each other. Yeah,

1550
01:15:55,720 --> 01:15:58,400
Speaker 3: you guys are talking shit. He's literally to be like

1551
01:15:58,680 --> 01:15:59,920
Speaker 3: help doing everything he tells me.

1552
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:01,439
Speaker 4: Here's an example. What does he say?

1553
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,439
Speaker 3: He was just like oh God, God, Like I wish

1554
01:16:03,439 --> 01:16:05,040
Speaker 3: my daughter would just get her shit together, like she's

1555
01:16:05,080 --> 01:16:08,960
Speaker 3: just you know, everything's everywhere, and like what was he saying.

1556
01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:11,240
Speaker 3: He was just saying, like, yeah, he did say he

1557
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:13,400
Speaker 3: even acknowledged that. He's like, and the way you parked

1558
01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:15,360
Speaker 3: in front of the house, it was fucking crazy. And

1559
01:16:15,439 --> 01:16:16,920
Speaker 3: she was like, well, Dad, you're at the fucking house

1560
01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:19,120
Speaker 3: at one in the morning, and Luna's there too, and

1561
01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:21,519
Speaker 3: they're both lunas to his her daughter, so she's hearing

1562
01:16:21,560 --> 01:16:24,479
Speaker 3: them talk the shit and it's so normal for them.

1563
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:26,080
Speaker 3: It's not normal for me because that's not how me

1564
01:16:26,120 --> 01:16:28,000
Speaker 3: and my family communicate whatever. We have our own fucked

1565
01:16:28,040 --> 01:16:31,559
Speaker 3: up communication. But that's a whole other episode. But it's

1566
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:36,519
Speaker 3: more passive aggressive, so it's like secret nice. They're just

1567
01:16:36,560 --> 01:16:38,880
Speaker 3: like straight, straight to the point. And I was like,

1568
01:16:39,080 --> 01:16:41,040
Speaker 3: this is hilarious. It was funny, but it's not funny.

1569
01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:42,519
Speaker 3: But it was funny because I was like, they love

1570
01:16:42,560 --> 01:16:45,360
Speaker 3: each other so much, they're literally doing things for one

1571
01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:48,599
Speaker 3: another as they're talking shit to each other.

1572
01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:50,800
Speaker 4: Well, it's sort of like if you're raised in a

1573
01:16:50,800 --> 01:16:55,360
Speaker 4: household that speaks English, you learn English. True, it's where

1574
01:16:55,439 --> 01:16:59,720
Speaker 4: whatever the vibe, the language, the content, the tone, whether

1575
01:16:59,720 --> 01:17:02,559
Speaker 4: it's passive aggressive, whether it's a silent treatment, whether it's

1576
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:05,320
Speaker 4: shit talk. And maybe another way that you could do

1577
01:17:05,360 --> 01:17:08,840
Speaker 4: this instead of like drawing a boundary is make a

1578
01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:10,880
Speaker 4: commitment to yourself and the game that you're gonna play

1579
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:12,880
Speaker 4: when you send yourself into the game of life with

1580
01:17:12,880 --> 01:17:15,519
Speaker 4: the high five is today, no matter what my father says,

1581
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,240
Speaker 4: I'm not shit talking to him, Oh.

1582
01:17:18,400 --> 01:17:21,880
Speaker 1: Don't drive. Maybe say thank you Dad, thank you.

1583
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:23,760
Speaker 4: I know you're just worried about me. I love you too,

1584
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:24,920
Speaker 4: and watch the.

1585
01:17:24,840 --> 01:17:26,720
Speaker 1: Time, which is also super hard for me to be

1586
01:17:27,520 --> 01:17:28,040
Speaker 1: to do.

1587
01:17:27,960 --> 01:17:30,240
Speaker 2: That, to be nice to him.

1588
01:17:30,240 --> 01:17:33,480
Speaker 1: Well, sometimes it's hard for me to give words affirmation

1589
01:17:33,720 --> 01:17:35,479
Speaker 1: because that's not what I'm used to hearing, Like, I

1590
01:17:35,479 --> 01:17:38,040
Speaker 1: can think about nice things and I'm kind. You know,

1591
01:17:38,080 --> 01:17:40,520
Speaker 1: I'm kind. I'll do things for you. Well, do you

1592
01:17:40,000 --> 01:17:40,320
Speaker 1: know that.

1593
01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:43,200
Speaker 4: You have the right to sit your father down and

1594
01:17:43,240 --> 01:17:46,840
Speaker 4: say I do not want my daughter to talk like this,

1595
01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:51,320
Speaker 4: and starting today, I need your help changing the way

1596
01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 4: we treat each other. Dad, I love you. I do

1597
01:17:54,479 --> 01:17:56,720
Speaker 4: not want to go to the grave talking to each

1598
01:17:56,720 --> 01:18:01,639
Speaker 4: other like this. You show up physically, but emotionally verbally,

1599
01:18:01,680 --> 01:18:05,200
Speaker 4: it's brutal can we work on this together for her?

1600
01:18:05,840 --> 01:18:13,439
Speaker 1: I'm so glad this is recorded. This is for me

1601
01:18:13,600 --> 01:18:14,599
Speaker 1: to you from health.

1602
01:18:15,880 --> 01:18:18,559
Speaker 4: Because trust me, he probably doesn't hear it. He doesn't

1603
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:22,080
Speaker 4: know how much it hurts you. I don't know all back, right.

1604
01:18:22,280 --> 01:18:24,080
Speaker 2: It's how they communicate. I think that.

1605
01:18:24,160 --> 01:18:25,960
Speaker 3: I think that's so simply put. But I feel like

1606
01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:26,679
Speaker 3: that's all.

1607
01:18:26,520 --> 01:18:27,000
Speaker 1: That really would.

1608
01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:28,720
Speaker 3: I feel like your dad would be receptive to that.

1609
01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:29,880
Speaker 2: I think he would.

1610
01:18:30,320 --> 01:18:31,960
Speaker 3: He's going to talk shit a little bit because it's

1611
01:18:32,000 --> 01:18:34,120
Speaker 3: just in his nature to talk shit, and it takes

1612
01:18:34,160 --> 01:18:36,720
Speaker 3: a second to do the unlearning. And maybe he needs

1613
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:37,760
Speaker 3: to high five himself too.

1614
01:18:38,080 --> 01:18:38,240
Speaker 1: Well.

1615
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:41,880
Speaker 4: That comes from like hardness and pain. I can't only

1616
01:18:41,920 --> 01:18:44,200
Speaker 4: imagine how he was talked to in his life that

1617
01:18:44,280 --> 01:18:47,240
Speaker 4: he does it so casually with you. And you've only

1618
01:18:47,320 --> 01:18:50,840
Speaker 4: ever known this, which is why you're accepting it. But

1619
01:18:50,920 --> 01:18:53,720
Speaker 4: you're no longer a child in his house. You're a

1620
01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:55,719
Speaker 4: grown ass woman in her own house.

1621
01:18:55,960 --> 01:18:56,080
Speaker 1: Right.

1622
01:18:56,439 --> 01:19:00,240
Speaker 4: You're building a fucking empire, and you get to say

1623
01:19:00,400 --> 01:19:03,400
Speaker 4: how somebody talks to you. Now you get to say

1624
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:06,080
Speaker 4: what relationship you would like to build with your dad.

1625
01:19:06,160 --> 01:19:10,080
Speaker 4: Now you get to say where this habit is just

1626
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:14,040
Speaker 4: a pattern ends in terms of your family, and you

1627
01:19:14,080 --> 01:19:18,040
Speaker 4: get to say what is acceptable around your daughter. That's powerful,

1628
01:19:19,640 --> 01:19:23,439
Speaker 4: not easy, not easy at all, not easy at all,

1629
01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:26,640
Speaker 4: but you can do it. And high fiving yourself and

1630
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:30,760
Speaker 4: affirming that you're worth it is literally going to help

1631
01:19:30,800 --> 01:19:31,240
Speaker 4: you do it.

1632
01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:36,800
Speaker 3: I believe that, and I would say the things that

1633
01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:39,439
Speaker 3: something that I've learned today two is that I just

1634
01:19:39,479 --> 01:19:43,960
Speaker 3: feel like being able to master my neurosystem I think

1635
01:19:44,200 --> 01:19:47,240
Speaker 3: is something that I'm excited to try and do because

1636
01:19:47,600 --> 01:19:49,560
Speaker 3: it is out of fucking control.

1637
01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:52,440
Speaker 4: Oh, when you need to, not only for your mental health.

1638
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:53,280
Speaker 2: It is out of control.

1639
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:56,200
Speaker 1: Would you call it neuonamics idea?

1640
01:19:56,400 --> 01:19:56,519
Speaker 2: Oh?

1641
01:19:56,600 --> 01:20:00,160
Speaker 4: Neuerobic synboy is that thing? It's the nervous system thing.

1642
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:03,080
Speaker 4: And the nervous system responds with the high five the

1643
01:20:03,080 --> 01:20:05,439
Speaker 4: heart you're talking about, Yeah, yeah, And then your mind

1644
01:20:05,479 --> 01:20:08,160
Speaker 4: will get rewired with the neuerobic activity of high fiving

1645
01:20:08,160 --> 01:20:09,759
Speaker 4: yourself in the mirror, and you don't have to say anything.

1646
01:20:09,840 --> 01:20:11,600
Speaker 4: Just let all the science in your body and the

1647
01:20:11,600 --> 01:20:14,439
Speaker 4: programming that's already there work for you. That's all that

1648
01:20:14,479 --> 01:20:16,760
Speaker 4: you need to do. The other reason why it is

1649
01:20:16,760 --> 01:20:20,040
Speaker 4: important and this was new to me, so I didn't

1650
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:22,599
Speaker 4: know this, But when it makes sense. When your nervous

1651
01:20:22,600 --> 01:20:25,680
Speaker 4: system is on edge. Your prefrontal cortex, the part of

1652
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:27,600
Speaker 4: your brain that you're going to use to build this

1653
01:20:27,680 --> 01:20:30,519
Speaker 4: empire and to change your relationship with your father for

1654
01:20:30,560 --> 01:20:34,400
Speaker 4: the better, it doesn't work properly because your nervous system

1655
01:20:34,439 --> 01:20:37,920
Speaker 4: overrides it. Like if somebody all if the fire alarm

1656
01:20:37,960 --> 01:20:40,040
Speaker 4: started going off in here for real and we smelled

1657
01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:43,000
Speaker 4: like real smoke, not just joint smoke, we wouldn't be

1658
01:20:43,040 --> 01:20:45,719
Speaker 4: able to solve a math problem because the alarm system

1659
01:20:45,720 --> 01:20:48,639
Speaker 4: in your body would take over. We've been and you've

1660
01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:53,320
Speaker 4: been on high alert for eighteen months or longer. When

1661
01:20:53,320 --> 01:20:56,240
Speaker 4: you think about the last administration, right and the bullshit

1662
01:20:56,280 --> 01:20:58,799
Speaker 4: that you've had to deal with. We've all seen unfolding

1663
01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:02,519
Speaker 4: on television, the fight for racial justice, all of it

1664
01:21:02,680 --> 01:21:06,360
Speaker 4: just fucking boom boom boom at people. Your nervous system

1665
01:21:06,400 --> 01:21:09,639
Speaker 4: is on edge. Everybody's is. You're going to go build

1666
01:21:09,640 --> 01:21:12,559
Speaker 4: a business, You're gonna heal this relationship and transform it.

1667
01:21:13,360 --> 01:21:15,120
Speaker 4: You need this part of your brain to be able

1668
01:21:15,120 --> 01:21:18,880
Speaker 4: to focus and think clearly. That's also why getting your

1669
01:21:19,160 --> 01:21:21,360
Speaker 4: nervous system I like the word you use, though, it

1670
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:26,479
Speaker 4: was like nero I don't know, you're like nerve neuros zeros.

1671
01:21:28,600 --> 01:21:29,320
Speaker 1: Yes, what's the.

1672
01:21:29,320 --> 01:21:29,800
Speaker 4: Word that is?

1673
01:21:29,840 --> 01:21:30,280
Speaker 2: I love that.

1674
01:21:31,800 --> 01:21:33,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like when you get that in order you

1675
01:21:33,920 --> 01:21:36,400
Speaker 4: will be able to sit in a businessman and like nope,

1676
01:21:36,920 --> 01:21:39,439
Speaker 4: because you will be in your body and in your power.

1677
01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:42,439
Speaker 3: I'm going to use it because I've been struggling and

1678
01:21:42,560 --> 01:21:46,280
Speaker 3: I'm going to also empower my friend to you know,

1679
01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:49,040
Speaker 3: with us together, like do these high fives?

1680
01:21:49,240 --> 01:21:51,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna going to see its high fiving in

1681
01:21:51,560 --> 01:21:54,800
Speaker 1: every major event ever. Absolutely, I think we need a

1682
01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: high five. Our teamwore David, I'm high fiving you high five.

1683
01:21:57,640 --> 01:21:59,800
Speaker 1: Never not doing esessionly without a high five.

1684
01:22:00,080 --> 01:22:01,080
Speaker 2: I mean I've learned a lot.

1685
01:22:01,120 --> 01:22:03,280
Speaker 3: I've learned a lot about like, yeah, how to how

1686
01:22:03,320 --> 01:22:06,599
Speaker 3: to you know, empower the people around me as a

1687
01:22:06,640 --> 01:22:11,800
Speaker 3: business woman, as a mother, as a friend, and you

1688
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:14,840
Speaker 3: know how to control my crazy nurse.

1689
01:22:14,720 --> 01:22:16,639
Speaker 2: Neuros nervous system.

1690
01:22:17,520 --> 01:22:21,120
Speaker 3: And I'm just so grateful that you're here with us

1691
01:22:21,120 --> 01:22:23,840
Speaker 3: and that we connected and that you that thank you

1692
01:22:23,920 --> 01:22:25,839
Speaker 3: for coming back, thank.

1693
01:22:25,680 --> 01:22:29,280
Speaker 1: You for inviting me, and yeah, wow, wow, this is

1694
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:30,800
Speaker 1: much more than I expected. I feel like I'm like

1695
01:22:30,800 --> 01:22:32,920
Speaker 1: in therapy with Mail right now. Wow, Well, you know

1696
01:22:32,960 --> 01:22:35,480
Speaker 1: I'm not a license therapist.

1697
01:22:36,520 --> 01:22:39,799
Speaker 3: Every thousands and thousands of dollars worth of therapy.

1698
01:22:40,520 --> 01:22:42,519
Speaker 4: I had a question, what car did we pull?

1699
01:22:43,560 --> 01:22:46,200
Speaker 1: Well, it's funny you may ask. I was wondering we

1700
01:22:46,240 --> 01:22:47,719
Speaker 1: forgot to do? I let it ride. I'm like, maybe

1701
01:22:47,720 --> 01:22:50,600
Speaker 1: it'll make more sense at the end. The car be

1702
01:22:50,680 --> 01:22:54,320
Speaker 1: pulled was the seven of brooms, which is the seven

1703
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:59,320
Speaker 1: of wands generally, and it means after the success of

1704
01:22:59,400 --> 01:23:02,599
Speaker 1: six of one, you are now in an inviable position

1705
01:23:02,720 --> 01:23:04,559
Speaker 1: and are being challenged by others who want to take

1706
01:23:04,600 --> 01:23:08,400
Speaker 1: your place. You worked hard to get to where you are,

1707
01:23:08,439 --> 01:23:11,400
Speaker 1: but some people covet what you have and are prepared

1708
01:23:11,439 --> 01:23:15,240
Speaker 1: to fight for it. While it is flattering that they

1709
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:18,040
Speaker 1: strive for your success, it also makes for tense and

1710
01:23:18,120 --> 01:23:20,920
Speaker 1: competitive environment because you need to protect what you earned

1711
01:23:21,280 --> 01:23:25,439
Speaker 1: and must continually prove yourself. It is a sad e

1712
01:23:25,560 --> 01:23:27,640
Speaker 1: fact of life. But the more visibility you have as

1713
01:23:27,680 --> 01:23:29,799
Speaker 1: a leader in your field and the bigger your audience,

1714
01:23:29,840 --> 01:23:31,559
Speaker 1: the more likely it is that you will need to

1715
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:35,120
Speaker 1: grapple with this kind of pressure. Others see your success

1716
01:23:35,120 --> 01:23:37,040
Speaker 1: and will either challenge your point of view or want

1717
01:23:37,080 --> 01:23:39,800
Speaker 1: to take it down. The seven of wants may appear

1718
01:23:39,840 --> 01:23:42,439
Speaker 1: when you hold a contentious point of view or wish

1719
01:23:42,479 --> 01:23:45,000
Speaker 1: to voice your opinion in a public forum. Be ready

1720
01:23:45,000 --> 01:23:47,720
Speaker 1: to support your argument and back yourself. Stand firm and

1721
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:50,760
Speaker 1: your conviction of what you believe and why, so that

1722
01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:54,040
Speaker 1: others do not topple you from your mountain of self belief.

1723
01:23:54,520 --> 01:23:57,559
Speaker 1: Sometimes this threat is opposition may catch you by surprise

1724
01:23:57,880 --> 01:24:00,879
Speaker 1: and you'll feel inadequately inadequately prepared.

1725
01:24:00,920 --> 01:24:03,160
Speaker 3: No, we won't, because we're high fiving, bitch, and we're

1726
01:24:03,160 --> 01:24:07,080
Speaker 3: prepared for such a battle. I'm prepared, Okay, yes, but

1727
01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:07,519
Speaker 3: you know what.

1728
01:24:07,880 --> 01:24:09,439
Speaker 2: I am safe, I am powerful.

1729
01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:12,840
Speaker 1: But it's talking about someone in this translation, it's talking

1730
01:24:12,840 --> 01:24:15,320
Speaker 1: about maybe someone outside of you. But I think biggest

1731
01:24:15,360 --> 01:24:17,479
Speaker 1: on this conversation, I think the biggest lesson is that

1732
01:24:17,840 --> 01:24:21,840
Speaker 1: our biggest problem, our biggest opponent is often ourselves. And

1733
01:24:22,040 --> 01:24:26,000
Speaker 1: if you are not prepared to face yourself and face

1734
01:24:26,000 --> 01:24:30,320
Speaker 1: your dad and a shit talking or you know, your

1735
01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:34,040
Speaker 1: business or whatever parts of yourself that you're avoiding because

1736
01:24:34,040 --> 01:24:36,439
Speaker 1: you're drinking, you're getting blacked out drunk, or maybe you're

1737
01:24:36,439 --> 01:24:38,720
Speaker 1: having sex, or you're just sleeping and not wanting to

1738
01:24:38,720 --> 01:24:41,080
Speaker 1: get the fuck up out the bed or cleaning. It's

1739
01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:44,439
Speaker 1: really the part that needs to be tackled, which is

1740
01:24:44,560 --> 01:24:46,360
Speaker 1: in fact the person in the mirror.

1741
01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:48,880
Speaker 4: Correct all comes back to them, it does.

1742
01:24:50,439 --> 01:24:53,479
Speaker 1: This is good. I want to ask you something has

1743
01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:56,040
Speaker 1: nothing to do with any of these things. Sure, do

1744
01:24:56,120 --> 01:24:59,639
Speaker 1: you have a whory? We forgot to tell you because

1745
01:24:59,640 --> 01:25:01,120
Speaker 1: I don't think we were thinking about this. But it's

1746
01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:04,439
Speaker 1: a highly horrorsh story. Something you've done though was like

1747
01:25:04,520 --> 01:25:06,760
Speaker 1: very horrorsh Maybe it could be with your husband, maybe

1748
01:25:06,760 --> 01:25:07,439
Speaker 1: before you're married.

1749
01:25:07,479 --> 01:25:09,799
Speaker 4: Do you mean like the time that I was basically

1750
01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:12,440
Speaker 4: a port whoreor for a guy that was a Navy seal.

1751
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:23,760
Speaker 1: Who stories what is like a groupie of the port No.

1752
01:25:24,000 --> 01:25:26,280
Speaker 4: Meaning like you know, guys that are in the military

1753
01:25:26,360 --> 01:25:29,040
Speaker 4: have a different girlfriend in every city.

1754
01:25:29,200 --> 01:25:31,200
Speaker 1: Oh, so you're his what city you're.

1755
01:25:31,520 --> 01:25:34,839
Speaker 4: Well, I met him in Boston, but the real amazing

1756
01:25:34,880 --> 01:25:36,040
Speaker 4: hookup was in Chicago.

1757
01:25:36,360 --> 01:25:38,759
Speaker 1: Well can you tell us quickly about the amazing hookup

1758
01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:39,360
Speaker 1: in Chicago?

1759
01:25:39,880 --> 01:25:40,800
Speaker 4: Sure? What do you want to know?

1760
01:25:40,920 --> 01:25:42,400
Speaker 1: I know what was so amazing about it? Was it

1761
01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:45,040
Speaker 1: like something something like you know what it was?

1762
01:25:45,160 --> 01:25:46,960
Speaker 4: I was in law school at the time and he

1763
01:25:47,080 --> 01:25:49,439
Speaker 4: was like fifteen years older than me. So it was

1764
01:25:49,479 --> 01:25:52,280
Speaker 4: the first time I had had sex with a fucking man.

1765
01:25:53,520 --> 01:25:56,240
Speaker 4: Like until that point, it had been boys and I

1766
01:25:56,320 --> 01:26:01,680
Speaker 4: was either learning with them or in them. This was

1767
01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:06,360
Speaker 4: like feeling like I was a fucking rag doll. Yeah,

1768
01:26:06,400 --> 01:26:07,759
Speaker 4: my god, yes.

1769
01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:09,200
Speaker 1: Your sub he was domining you.

1770
01:26:09,760 --> 01:26:11,640
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know what he was doing, but

1771
01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:15,040
Speaker 4: it was amazing, Like I had never experienced that with

1772
01:26:15,120 --> 01:26:18,840
Speaker 4: a fifteen to a twenty two year old man before,

1773
01:26:19,400 --> 01:26:21,519
Speaker 4: and this was a guy who I think was thirty

1774
01:26:21,560 --> 01:26:24,760
Speaker 4: five at the time. I can't believe I don't have

1775
01:26:24,760 --> 01:26:26,680
Speaker 4: a venereal disease from.

1776
01:26:27,479 --> 01:26:29,720
Speaker 1: Maybe he wasn't as much as a port horror as

1777
01:26:29,720 --> 01:26:33,280
Speaker 1: you thought. Maybe maybe not, maybe not, maybe not, maybe

1778
01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:35,440
Speaker 1: with those moves, probably yeah.

1779
01:26:35,280 --> 01:26:38,720
Speaker 4: And then I remember having that feeling. I don't even

1780
01:26:38,760 --> 01:26:40,840
Speaker 4: know how to describe it because a couple months later,

1781
01:26:40,880 --> 01:26:43,240
Speaker 4: you know, of course, we didn't have cell phones back then,

1782
01:26:43,280 --> 01:26:45,840
Speaker 4: so it's not like he could kind of ghost meet

1783
01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:49,679
Speaker 4: because you couldn't really reach anybody. But I remember being

1784
01:26:49,760 --> 01:26:53,120
Speaker 4: out at a restaurant in Boston and watching him come

1785
01:26:53,200 --> 01:26:57,080
Speaker 4: into a restaurant with somebody else, and that moment where

1786
01:26:57,400 --> 01:27:00,599
Speaker 4: you are admitting to yourself that you actually already had

1787
01:27:00,600 --> 01:27:03,479
Speaker 4: the fantasy in your mind that you were Cinderella and

1788
01:27:03,520 --> 01:27:05,519
Speaker 4: they were going to come back and marry you and

1789
01:27:05,880 --> 01:27:08,240
Speaker 4: you were the one, and then he's clearly in a

1790
01:27:08,280 --> 01:27:11,240
Speaker 4: relationship with somebody or you know, it was kind of

1791
01:27:11,280 --> 01:27:14,640
Speaker 4: one of those moments you're like, I basically want to

1792
01:27:14,680 --> 01:27:15,320
Speaker 4: die right now.

1793
01:27:15,520 --> 01:27:18,000
Speaker 1: Okay, I've been thinking about you for months?

1794
01:27:18,240 --> 01:27:20,679
Speaker 4: Yes, exactly, clearly you haven't been.

1795
01:27:22,000 --> 01:27:23,160
Speaker 1: We've all had those moments.

1796
01:27:23,240 --> 01:27:26,679
Speaker 3: Yes, well, mel thank you again for coming on the show.

1797
01:27:26,720 --> 01:27:29,519
Speaker 3: Can you tell our listeners where they can get the

1798
01:27:29,720 --> 01:27:31,479
Speaker 3: high five fat Habit and you.

1799
01:27:31,439 --> 01:27:33,640
Speaker 4: Can buy it anywhere you want. You can buy it

1800
01:27:33,680 --> 01:27:38,000
Speaker 4: anywhere you want. You can. It's coming out in twenty

1801
01:27:38,000 --> 01:27:40,960
Speaker 4: three languages and counting by the end of the year.

1802
01:27:40,840 --> 01:27:44,559
Speaker 1: Hopefully graduate fucking relations Thank you. That's a big shit girl.

1803
01:27:44,760 --> 01:27:46,080
Speaker 1: Thank you. But they're killing it.

1804
01:27:46,120 --> 01:27:49,840
Speaker 4: Thank you. You know what, when you work your ass

1805
01:27:49,880 --> 01:27:53,760
Speaker 4: off and you are out to make an impact, it

1806
01:27:53,880 --> 01:27:56,000
Speaker 4: all does work out. It may not work out on

1807
01:27:56,040 --> 01:27:58,120
Speaker 4: the timeline that you want, but when you stay true

1808
01:27:58,680 --> 01:28:01,040
Speaker 4: to what you want to do in the world, when

1809
01:28:01,080 --> 01:28:03,559
Speaker 4: you keep telling yourself that this moment is preparing you

1810
01:28:03,640 --> 01:28:06,760
Speaker 4: for something amazing that's coming, and you stay true, it

1811
01:28:06,800 --> 01:28:09,320
Speaker 4: doesn't all ever unfold. The way that you think it will,

1812
01:28:09,320 --> 01:28:13,479
Speaker 4: but it does what's meant for you, finds you period.

1813
01:28:13,960 --> 01:28:15,920
Speaker 4: And so one of the things that I wanted to

1814
01:28:15,960 --> 01:28:19,479
Speaker 4: say about this is that I am so committed because

1815
01:28:20,040 --> 01:28:22,680
Speaker 4: even with the five second Rule, which has changed the

1816
01:28:22,720 --> 01:28:24,639
Speaker 4: lives of millions of people, we know of one hundred

1817
01:28:24,640 --> 01:28:27,560
Speaker 4: and eleven people who have stopped themselves from committing suicide

1818
01:28:27,720 --> 01:28:30,200
Speaker 4: by using five four three two one. It is helping

1819
01:28:30,240 --> 01:28:34,519
Speaker 4: people reprogram triggers associated with PTSD. Pediatricians use it to

1820
01:28:34,640 --> 01:28:38,600
Speaker 4: reframe worries for kids you know who have anxiety. It's extraordinary.

1821
01:28:39,920 --> 01:28:42,559
Speaker 4: This book is only out now five days. I think

1822
01:28:42,600 --> 01:28:45,760
Speaker 4: it's going to be a thousand times more impactful in

1823
01:28:45,760 --> 01:28:47,760
Speaker 4: people's lives than even the five second Rule, because the

1824
01:28:47,760 --> 01:28:50,760
Speaker 4: five second rule will help you push through shit. This

1825
01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:52,920
Speaker 4: goes down to the fucking core of who you are

1826
01:28:53,680 --> 01:28:56,080
Speaker 4: and how you feel about yourself, and when you change

1827
01:28:56,120 --> 01:28:58,080
Speaker 4: how you see yourself and how you treat yourself, it

1828
01:28:58,160 --> 01:29:01,640
Speaker 4: changes your whole life. And so I am so committed

1829
01:29:01,760 --> 01:29:03,880
Speaker 4: to sharing these tools. I want to thank you from

1830
01:29:03,920 --> 01:29:05,920
Speaker 4: the bottom of my heart for having me on to

1831
01:29:06,160 --> 01:29:09,719
Speaker 4: introduce this stuff to your audience. But I want everyone

1832
01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:11,920
Speaker 4: to know you don't need to buy the book. I

1833
01:29:11,920 --> 01:29:14,280
Speaker 4: am reading the book cover to cover for free every

1834
01:29:14,320 --> 01:29:17,680
Speaker 4: single day online. We have started on social media. I

1835
01:29:17,720 --> 01:29:20,040
Speaker 4: read two or three pages a day. I then coach

1836
01:29:20,120 --> 01:29:23,080
Speaker 4: people because I want people who can't afford the book

1837
01:29:23,200 --> 01:29:26,360
Speaker 4: or find it to be able to use it. And

1838
01:29:26,600 --> 01:29:29,800
Speaker 4: we also created something called the High five Challenge, which

1839
01:29:29,800 --> 01:29:31,519
Speaker 4: is you just go to high five Challenge dot com.

1840
01:29:31,560 --> 01:29:33,599
Speaker 4: There's eighty five thousand people in it right now from

1841
01:29:33,680 --> 01:29:36,000
Speaker 4: ninety one countries. It is free. You do not have

1842
01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:37,680
Speaker 4: to buy the book to be in it. It's not

1843
01:29:37,720 --> 01:29:40,120
Speaker 4: even on social media. I got an app to give

1844
01:29:40,160 --> 01:29:42,840
Speaker 4: everybody access for free, because you know there's nothing. You know,

1845
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:45,120
Speaker 4: Facebook groups are pain in the ass because you see

1846
01:29:45,160 --> 01:29:47,720
Speaker 4: the ads, and so this is you go to high

1847
01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:51,360
Speaker 4: five Challenge dot com. Just the number five and you

1848
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:53,880
Speaker 4: can jump in it any time you're hearing this, and

1849
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:55,920
Speaker 4: for five days we will coach you. We will give

1850
01:29:55,960 --> 01:29:59,400
Speaker 4: you journaling prompts, and you'll have this massive global community

1851
01:29:59,439 --> 01:30:02,280
Speaker 4: of people who are all high fiving themselves, uploading photos

1852
01:30:02,360 --> 01:30:05,280
Speaker 4: during each other on to get you started. Because for me,

1853
01:30:05,560 --> 01:30:07,800
Speaker 4: this is so much bigger, just like it's so much

1854
01:30:07,840 --> 01:30:10,800
Speaker 4: bigger for the two of you, Like it's not about

1855
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:13,000
Speaker 4: the book deal. It's not really about the podcast. It's

1856
01:30:13,000 --> 01:30:16,240
Speaker 4: about something you're awakening in people who are listening. It's

1857
01:30:16,280 --> 01:30:19,960
Speaker 4: about something you're discovering about yourself as you're sharing your

1858
01:30:20,160 --> 01:30:22,439
Speaker 4: journey in life and everything that you're fucking up and

1859
01:30:22,439 --> 01:30:25,479
Speaker 4: that you're learning. I so want these tools out in

1860
01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:28,679
Speaker 4: the world because they're free. They fucking work. I don't

1861
01:30:28,720 --> 01:30:30,800
Speaker 4: care where you live, what language you speak, how old

1862
01:30:30,840 --> 01:30:34,040
Speaker 4: you are, what you do. Everybody needs to know how

1863
01:30:34,080 --> 01:30:36,120
Speaker 4: to look in the mirror and support the person they

1864
01:30:36,120 --> 01:30:39,280
Speaker 4: see staring back at them. So thank you for having

1865
01:30:39,280 --> 01:30:41,439
Speaker 4: me on and buy the book if you can. If

1866
01:30:41,439 --> 01:30:44,120
Speaker 4: you can't, just fucking share this shit everything. If you

1867
01:30:44,320 --> 01:30:47,280
Speaker 4: liked this podcast, you share this shit. Yeah, everybody who

1868
01:30:47,320 --> 01:30:48,639
Speaker 4: needs to hear it.

1869
01:30:48,760 --> 01:30:50,760
Speaker 2: Please, and everybody does.

1870
01:30:51,000 --> 01:30:54,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a question. Let's just get it to them.

1871
01:30:55,360 --> 01:30:57,320
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Mel I feel like I have

1872
01:30:57,360 --> 01:30:58,160
Speaker 1: a new best friend.

1873
01:30:58,280 --> 01:31:01,360
Speaker 4: To be Absolutely you have my phones. You better text me.

1874
01:31:01,439 --> 01:31:02,479
Speaker 2: Can I put me on the group text?

1875
01:31:02,800 --> 01:31:05,320
Speaker 1: Hold, I'm sorry, I was keep here for myself. I'm

1876
01:31:05,320 --> 01:31:07,719
Speaker 1: gonna put us on the group text. I We're supposed

1877
01:31:07,720 --> 01:31:09,280
Speaker 1: to have a drink for your birthday, but I do

1878
01:31:09,439 --> 01:31:11,200
Speaker 1: have shit to do. Happy birthday.

1879
01:31:11,400 --> 01:31:11,880
Speaker 4: Drink with you.

1880
01:31:12,040 --> 01:31:14,960
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm so honored that you get to come on

1881
01:31:14,960 --> 01:31:18,479
Speaker 1: our show and share with us, you guys. She is

1882
01:31:19,160 --> 01:31:22,599
Speaker 1: shout out to Mark and Europa Agency. She's on our

1883
01:31:22,680 --> 01:31:25,200
Speaker 1: literary agency with us. We're so blessed to be like

1884
01:31:25,600 --> 01:31:28,639
Speaker 1: no represented by the same agency. I'm like so much pressure.

1885
01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:29,840
Speaker 1: This book better to be fucking good.

1886
01:31:31,120 --> 01:31:34,080
Speaker 4: Oh hell, yes, and count me on your launch team.

1887
01:31:34,280 --> 01:31:35,840
Speaker 4: Yes when it comes out. Please.

1888
01:31:35,880 --> 01:31:38,280
Speaker 1: Wow, I'm so excited. You have a hell of an

1889
01:31:38,360 --> 01:31:43,840
Speaker 1: email list over there. Anyway, I hope everyone heard this

1890
01:31:43,920 --> 01:31:46,120
Speaker 1: and this resonated. I know it did. Please pick up

1891
01:31:46,160 --> 01:31:49,679
Speaker 1: the high five habit five the number, and don't forget

1892
01:31:49,680 --> 01:31:52,519
Speaker 1: to rate and review us because it matters to us.

1893
01:31:52,600 --> 01:31:55,080
Speaker 4: You give them fucking five stars, don't you dare? Listen

1894
01:31:55,080 --> 01:31:56,920
Speaker 4: to their ship and give them anything less.

1895
01:31:56,960 --> 01:32:00,040
Speaker 1: Don't be a taker, you know, listen. This was he

1896
01:32:00,280 --> 01:32:04,120
Speaker 1: By the way, game free Gems. You know where to

1897
01:32:04,120 --> 01:32:07,160
Speaker 1: find us Good Mom's Bad Choices dot com and Good

1898
01:32:07,160 --> 01:32:10,000
Speaker 1: Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram.

1899
01:32:10,320 --> 01:32:13,599
Speaker 3: You can watch this episode on Patreon and we'll see

1900
01:32:13,600 --> 01:32:14,439
Speaker 3: you guys next week.

1901
01:32:14,760 --> 01:32:25,040
Speaker 1: Thanks bye bye, Ella Solo