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Speaker 1: Get your hairs together, and we're going to start to

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Speaker 1: party and start the party.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready to party the Elvis Da Ran After Party.

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Speaker 3: It's the After Party Podcast.

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Speaker 4: Wait should I say woo too?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Sorry, it doesn't seem natural coming out of your mouth.

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Speaker 3: No, it doesn't, you know.

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Speaker 4: I still I still like I'm once an increment, always

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Speaker 4: an acreman in a certain amount stuffinus.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not a little a lot. That's why Dan

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Speaker 3: Harris is not anchoring anymore. He wants to woo. All right,

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Speaker 3: paus for a second, here we go. We always love

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Speaker 3: when Dan Harris hangs out with us. He's a part

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Speaker 3: of the farm, the family.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. I even I even crash your Christmas parties,

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 3: And I hope you do next year in the year after.

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Speaker 3: So anyway, Dan Harris. Of course, about eleven years ago

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Speaker 3: we met Dan became very good friends with him because

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Speaker 3: we love him. He wrote Ten Percent Happier, This is incredible,

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Speaker 3: incredible book about meditation. Back that was eleven years ago,

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Speaker 3: but back in a time where a lot of people

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Speaker 3: thought meditation was just a freaky, weird, who what are

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Speaker 3: you doing kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: Not the Indians. We've we've loved it for a long time.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, you're also invented it.

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Speaker 3: It all started right there. But now you're your ten

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Speaker 3: percent Happier podcast is huge, and you've got this app.

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Speaker 3: We were loving the new app and look so much

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Speaker 3: going on. But I'm glad you're here because every time

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Speaker 3: Dan's on with us, we receive such such great feedback

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Speaker 3: about how you make everyone feel.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: So they're like, who's this guy, Dan Harris and you're

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Speaker 3: gonna get to know him. Let's talk to Dan Harris.

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Speaker 3: Let's go what do you want to talk about?

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Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you guys a question. By February,

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Speaker 4: have you abandoned your New Year's resolutions?

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Speaker 3: This is why, This is why I don't make them.

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Speaker 3: I don't make resolutions at.

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Speaker 4: All because you just know that you won't keep them.

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Speaker 3: I just I'm thinking, you know what, I don't think

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Speaker 3: of it as okay, starting January one, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: do this better in my life. If I really truly

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Speaker 3: want to be better in my life in that aspect,

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Speaker 3: I will do it right this moment. I don't wait

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Speaker 3: until midnight strikes.

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Speaker 4: I was like that forever, but then I saw there's

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Speaker 4: a bunch of research that shows that there's a phenomenon

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Speaker 4: known as the fresh start effect. So if you use

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Speaker 4: the momentum that naturally comes from a fresh start, like

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Speaker 4: the beginning of a new year, or even the beginning

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Speaker 4: of a new week, your birthday, that is, there's power

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Speaker 4: to that that can fuel the abiding nature of the habit.

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Speaker 4: You can use that to boot up a habit one.

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Speaker 3: But these are New Year's resolutions. I mean, it's a

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Speaker 3: proven fact that you could go to any gym in

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Speaker 3: America right after the first of the year and they're

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Speaker 3: all crowded as hell, and then a week later.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I mean that most people have fallen off their

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Speaker 4: resolutions by February first, So this is a real problem.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm just curious for the rest of you.

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Speaker 4: Do you struggle with this.

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Speaker 1: If I set a goal that's like I'm gonna work

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Speaker 1: out every day, probably by February I fall off. But

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Speaker 1: because I know that I make mine more of by

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Speaker 1: the end of the year, I would like to have

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Speaker 1: accomplished this. Yes, so that is easier for me.

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Speaker 4: There's data for that myself. There's research behind that approach

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Speaker 4: that if you make your resolution very focused and specific,

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Speaker 4: as opposed to I'm going to get fit, you have

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Speaker 4: more success. And if you make it smaller rather than larger,

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Speaker 4: you are also more likely to have success. It's starting

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Speaker 4: small and doing it in manageable little chunks is the

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Speaker 4: way to go. So, for example, if exercise is your resolution,

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Speaker 4: if you put your if you start by simply putting

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Speaker 4: your running shoes near the door, that is a good

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Speaker 4: first step.

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Speaker 1: Yes, oh yeah, I read eighty percent of accomplishing something

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Speaker 1: as getting dressed to do that thing. Yes, so if

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Speaker 1: you want to go to the gym, just your gym

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Speaker 1: clothes on. If you're not feeling motivated, and then all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden you're like, you know what, no reason

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Speaker 1: not to do this, I'm duress, let's go.

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Speaker 4: It's interesting to view this through the lens of evolution.

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Speaker 4: We did not evolve for long term projects. We evolved

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Speaker 4: we had we were in a survival situation. So we're

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Speaker 4: really good at avoiding threats and finding food, and so

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Speaker 4: that is just the way our minds are wired. Our

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Speaker 4: brains are wired, and so something like the slow, steady

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Speaker 4: slog that's required to start a habit, we're just not

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Speaker 4: wired for that. But if you divide it up into

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Speaker 4: little chunks, then you can succeeds. Talk about like putting

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Speaker 4: your say if you say to yourself, I want to

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Speaker 4: my doctor saying I need to exercise more. If you

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Speaker 4: start really small and keep it really small all the way,

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Speaker 4: start with putting your shoes next to the door. Start

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Speaker 4: with a couple of days a week, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 4: wear my exercise clothes. Or if meditation is your goal,

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Speaker 4: I'm just going to get into the position three times

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Speaker 4: a week. A tiny little steps start to compound over time,

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Speaker 4: because then you're not cutting against the grain of the

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Speaker 4: brain that evolution bequeathed us. You're working with what you've got.

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Speaker 6: Because if you give up everything, I'm going to eat

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Speaker 6: better and you give up snacking and sweets, and that's

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Speaker 6: just too much.

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Speaker 3: You can't do all asolution though the resolution is balls

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Speaker 3: deep from the very beginning. You know.

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Speaker 4: That's the thing is you should your resolution should be smaller,

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Speaker 4: not balls deep. Okay, wow, wow, I love you guys. No, No,

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Speaker 4: I'm just deciding do I play along and perhaps ruin

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Speaker 4: my career?

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Speaker 3: Do I just appreciate you know, to be fair here

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Speaker 3: in your career that you are rolling with now I

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Speaker 3: think is perfectly perfectly in tune with what we're saying

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Speaker 3: and how you could be as irrelevant and not irrelevant,

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Speaker 3: as irreverent as you want to be.

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Speaker 4: I think the title of my next book is going

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Speaker 4: to be balls Deep.

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Speaker 3: Here we go, Now we go? Harris, Hey, I got

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Speaker 3: a caller here, Tatiana from Long Island, talking about meditation. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I know we're kind of jumping around, but I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: do it jump around. I am I doing the right

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Speaker 3: thing here. Hello Tatiana, how are you? Hi?

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Speaker 5: Good morning, I'm doing well.

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Speaker 3: How are you doing very well? Say hello to Dan Harris.

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Speaker 5: Hye, Dan, good morning.

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Speaker 4: Hi Tatana, good morning.

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Speaker 3: So you're a teacher and you actually employed Dan's techniques

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Speaker 3: in your school.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, I'm the principle of Harmony High School in

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Speaker 5: Long Island and we're a therapeutic school and we use

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Speaker 5: so many of the different techniques that Dan writes about

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Speaker 5: that is incredible.

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Speaker 4: So what can you give me an example of a

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Speaker 4: technique that you've found really effective either for the staff

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Speaker 4: or the students.

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Speaker 5: Definitely, So we use a lot of the mindfulness meditation,

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Speaker 5: especially with our students and they're kind of getting stuck

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Speaker 5: in their anxiety. We have a whole clinical team here

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Speaker 5: that works at them on that it's actually yesterday at

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Speaker 5: a staff meeting and use your sort of thought behind

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Speaker 5: this time management and compassion training, and decided to make

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Speaker 5: our last day before break a remote learning day. So

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Speaker 5: I said, you know what if it's not really prioritizing

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Speaker 5: and canceling unnecessary things like let's just make a switch

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Speaker 5: for the betterment of the students and staff. So we

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Speaker 5: are consistently using all of these different techniques as part

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Speaker 5: of our just school's philosophy and therapeutic setting.

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Speaker 4: How do you keep it going? One are the things

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Speaker 4: we're talking about here is so many of us have

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Speaker 4: these good intentions. We want to have meditation in our life,

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Speaker 4: We want to exercise more, we want to eat healthy.

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Speaker 4: How do you not, as we keep saying, fall off

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Speaker 4: the wagon with these initiatives, I think.

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Speaker 5: We kind of hold each other accountable. Also, being a

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Speaker 5: therapeutic setting, we really try to live by that philosophy.

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Speaker 5: We try to hold each other countable in the positive ways.

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Speaker 5: When we catch ourselves or each other kind of being

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Speaker 5: negative or saying leading with those negative thoughts, we try

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Speaker 5: to encourage one another to make that change. Our students

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Speaker 5: are also just such an inspiraate help us to reinforce

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Speaker 5: those habits as well, because we want to ensure that

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Speaker 5: we are modeling it for all of the students in

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Speaker 5: the building, and viceversa. Sometimes build the us stressed and

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Speaker 5: say hey, you should try one of the techniques like

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Speaker 5: your strategic worrying, or like take a small bite right

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Speaker 5: now of what you can handle. And so it's kind

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Speaker 5: of this cross collaboration environment and working here the past

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Speaker 5: four years and implementing all of these strategies that we've

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Speaker 5: learned and reading all the different philosophies you included. I

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Speaker 5: think it's even helped in personal life be able to

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Speaker 5: implement those as well.

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Speaker 4: Tatana, that's beautiful. Want I do want to pick up

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Speaker 4: on something Tatana said, just for everybody here who's thinking

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Speaker 4: about how do I actually stick with my resolutions? Because

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Speaker 4: that's my problem, she says. She said A key word there, accountable.

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Speaker 4: We hold each other accountable. One of the best ways

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Speaker 4: to actually make sure you stick with whatever your goal

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Speaker 4: is is to do it as a team sport.

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Speaker 3: Well, I know, but okay, let me give you an

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Speaker 3: example of Tatiana, this is something you do not want

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Speaker 3: to use at Harmony High School. Gandhi for instance, right here,

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Speaker 3: she and Andy or Andrew and Josh. They have a

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Speaker 3: few others. They have a group and they all work

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Speaker 3: out and they all are accountable to each other with

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Speaker 3: each other, but they're mean and vicious about it.

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Speaker 1: Then the feral pig gets tossed around. But you know what,

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Speaker 1: calling me a feral pig makes me put much shoes

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Speaker 1: on that or by the door and go to this.

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Speaker 4: Wait, somebody called you a feral pig. Yeah, hello, Josh,

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Speaker 4: that is I'm not down with that. But trash talking.

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Speaker 4: Trash talking is a great way to, you know, to

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Speaker 4: build morale. And I think there's I think I think

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Speaker 4: you're both an example and a cautionary tales. But I'm

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Speaker 4: trying to say, but I love trash talking. I mean,

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Speaker 4: this is this of this show, and so a certain

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Speaker 4: amount of trash talking and camaraderie gets you into the

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Speaker 4: gym or whatever it is you're trying to do.

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Speaker 6: I think this Dan Harris on the Road is your

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Speaker 6: next thing, like taking it to a school like Tatiana's

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Speaker 6: who actually already implements what you do. And you can,

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Speaker 6: you know, you can charge a lot of money, Dan,

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Speaker 6: Dan Harris.

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Speaker 5: Or you know, just come for free, Dan.

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Speaker 3: We need to see your budgets and check your credit score. There, Tatiana,

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Speaker 3: thank you for starting a conversation in the room with us.

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Speaker 3: We appreciate it. And thanks for listening to our show too.

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Speaker 5: Thank you all so much. Have a wonderful day you

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Speaker 5: too too.

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Speaker 3: Let's get back to resolutions, shall we.

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 3: Strategies, strategies you already gave us one. Start small, okay.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so start small. Do it as a team sport.

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Speaker 4: I often say that life is easier and faster in

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Speaker 4: the hov lane or in the carpool lane. So social

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Speaker 4: support is the technical term psychologists use. Tatiana pointed at

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Speaker 4: that that's a massive strategy. So if you have a

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Speaker 4: goal for New Years, find people to do it with you,

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Speaker 4: as long as they don't call you a feral pig.

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Speaker 4: And so starting small is a huge one. And then

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Speaker 4: also having your resolution be something doable, not something vague

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Speaker 4: like I'm gonna get fit. It has to be specific

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Speaker 4: like I'm going to try to go to the gym

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Speaker 4: two or three times a week. And then start small

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Speaker 4: with that. Another another huge strategy that I think is

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Speaker 4: really important is we are stuck in this culture, in

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Speaker 4: an era of self optimization where everybody's trying to tweak

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Speaker 4: every aspect of their life. I'm counting my steps, I'm

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Speaker 4: counting my calories, I'm tracking my sleep, I'm striving for katosis,

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to be perfect all the time. I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to match what I'm seeing on Instagram so that I

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Speaker 4: can look like them. And there is this undercurrent of

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Speaker 4: self hatred there. This has often been referred to as

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Speaker 4: the subtle aggression of self improvement. What is motivating you

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Speaker 4: to make these resolutions? Is it because you want the

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Speaker 4: best for yourself? Or do you subtly hate yourself? And

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Speaker 4: can you tune into that and then try to counter

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Speaker 4: program against it. The tool to counter program against it

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Speaker 4: is self compassion, which we on the show have talked

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Speaker 4: about before, which is just this ability to talk to

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Speaker 4: yourself the way you would talk to a good friend. So,

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Speaker 4: if you're looking in the mirror and berating yourself for

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Speaker 4: you know, looking poresign or whatever it is, looking like

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Speaker 4: a pig or whatever it is, can you say, no, Dan,

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Speaker 4: you got this. You look great. Can you say whatever

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Speaker 4: you would say to a good friend in this moment.

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Speaker 4: That is a massive way to get under the hood

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Speaker 4: and try to tweak what is motivating you to do

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Speaker 4: this stuff in the first place.

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Speaker 1: So would you say then that maybe a good New

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Speaker 1: Year's resolution for everybody would be get off of social

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Speaker 1: media as much as you can, because I think that

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Speaker 1: it creates the self hatred that you're talking about by

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Speaker 1: constantly comparing yourself. And I noticed I when it's silent,

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Speaker 1: go to that. And I also read recently that silence

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Speaker 1: is not the absence of sound. Silence is actually attention

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Speaker 1: to the present and to yourself. And I think that

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Speaker 1: more people are scared of that attention to themselves, and

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Speaker 1: then we're always scrolling, which that makes us feel bad.

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Speaker 4: Yes, there was, there was. There have been studies where

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Speaker 4: people have been given a choice between sitting alone with

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Speaker 4: their thoughts or getting an electric shock, and most people

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Speaker 4: choose the electric shock away.

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Speaker 3: Why crazy.

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Speaker 4: So it's a real fear that we have, like being

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Speaker 4: alone with ourselves. So I would say start small with that,

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Speaker 4: with meditation, for example, I often say one minute counts.

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Speaker 4: It's a great way to start. But the other thing

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Speaker 4: you said was about social media. This is something I've

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Speaker 4: been thinking about for myself just in the last few days.

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Speaker 4: Is I just noticed, with watching my own mind, as

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Speaker 4: I've really trained myself to do over the last sixteen

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Speaker 4: years of meditation, I just see how unhappy I am

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Speaker 4: every time I'm on social media, and so I'm actually

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Speaker 4: really thinking about deleting the apps and just having my

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Speaker 4: team do the posting, because I see what it does

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Speaker 4: for me. It's a reliable source of unhappiness.

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Speaker 6: I was telling them that when we went on vacation

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Speaker 6: last time, I gave it up for two days total

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Speaker 6: and I put it aside and I didn't look at

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Speaker 6: it at all, and I have to say that I

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Speaker 6: got a lot more done. Yeah, my mind was clearer.

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Speaker 6: And now I even find myself like, if I pick

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Speaker 6: it up, I go, okay, I'm giving myself two seconds

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Speaker 6: with this, and I look and I go, that's it.

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Speaker 6: And I put it down and I'm much better already

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Speaker 6: with not spending as much time going down that. You know,

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Speaker 6: that never ending hole.

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Speaker 4: It's amazing how quickly you can become convinced that your

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Speaker 4: life is horrible.

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Speaker 3: Well, the thing is, but in addition to that, we're

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Speaker 3: not spending time with ourselves. Yes, when you're online, you're

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Speaker 3: not with you. You're with others that you don't know. Well,

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Speaker 3: you're a stupid crap to say, well.

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Speaker 4: But you're not even even with them. You're in this

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Speaker 4: like like purgatory between being with yourself and being with

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Speaker 4: other people. It's not real social interactions. It's you're having

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Speaker 4: these curated glimpses into edited, filtered glimpses into other people's

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Speaker 4: lives that make you feel terrible about your life. By

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Speaker 4: the way, it also makes you feel terrible about the

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Speaker 4: state of the world. Why Because these algorithms run on

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Speaker 4: fear and anger, the human emotions that they know are

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Speaker 4: the stickiest. They keep you scrolling so and I say

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Speaker 4: call bullshit on that, call bullshit on what they're trying

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Speaker 4: to sell you about what this world actually consists of.

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Speaker 4: I'm not trying to gaslight you and say there's no war,

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Speaker 4: there's no inequality, there's no political polarization. But there are

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Speaker 4: beautiful acts of generosity, basic human kindness happening all over

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Speaker 4: all around us. People teaching children, building buildings, holding the

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Speaker 4: door open for other people. But they're not in your

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Speaker 4: news feed, and you you have no way of focusing

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Speaker 4: in on them. If that's your view of the world.

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Speaker 3: Wow, I'm like preaching preach for the people in the back.

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Speaker 1: The algorithm rewards rage because we all look at it.

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Speaker 1: We see something outrages and we look at it. So

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Speaker 1: for me, when I'm online, it will have me thinking

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Speaker 1: that the world is the craziest place and so chaotic,

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Speaker 1: which it might be. But when I'm in this room

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Speaker 1: with all of you, I don't feel that same way

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Speaker 1: because it's real people and that same stuff isn't happening.

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Speaker 3: Well, are we addicted to it? Is that the problem?

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Speaker 3: Because it should be so easy to take your phone

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Speaker 3: and go.

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Speaker 4: Every time you pick up your phone and interact with

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Speaker 4: any of it, but especially the social media. It's you

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Speaker 4: versus the smartest people in the world and the most

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Speaker 4: powerful supercomputers on earth. Who's gonna win?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Wow, I'm going.

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Speaker 1: I'm just a feral pig.

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Speaker 3: And I'm addicted to porn, balls deep and porn.

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Speaker 4: Dan.

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Speaker 3: We love you, Thank you for coming in. You guys

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Speaker 3: think and uh everything you need to know about anything

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Speaker 3: all of the above, Dan Harris dot com. It really

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Speaker 3: is the fastest way to get to the uh, the

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Speaker 3: epicenter of all things Dan.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, if you want to get started in meditation. We're

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Speaker 4: doing a free seven day meditation challenge on Dan Harris

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Speaker 4: dot com.

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Speaker 3: Fine check it out and available now.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yeah you get yeah yeah.

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Speaker 3: Hold on. The app is available now. It's brand new.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I have a brand new app called ten Percent

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Speaker 4: with Dan Harris. You can get it through Dan Harris

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Speaker 4: dot com or wherever you get your apps.

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Speaker 3: Don'tkay Harris helps a lot.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's probably the most ecocentric website in the

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Speaker 4: world Dan Harris dot com.

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Speaker 3: If you need to know more, go to Elvis Duran

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Speaker 3: dot com.

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Speaker 4: And uh and you can go do his nonprofit ballsdep

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Speaker 4: dot org.

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Speaker 3: We're everywhere you want to be. Dad, we love you.

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Speaker 2: Did the Elvis Duran after party.

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Speaker 5: H