WEBVTT - Mid Week Mom Chat: Joanne Jarrett. 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.680 I'm here with Julia Haett and I am doing something 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:07.160 I told her I have never done before. I literally 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:11.600 she slid into my d M s or my my 0:00:12.440 --> 0:00:16.560 email and I was like, hey, let's collaborate. Let's podcast 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:19.759 and I checked her out. I went over to her site, 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.760 it's Fancy Free podcast dot com, and I was like, 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:26.800 let's freaking do it. You seem like someone who is awesome. 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:30.920 You have a really cool podcast vibe. I checked it out. 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:34.000 I love it because tell me about why you started 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.000 the Fancy Free Podcast. I think it is such a 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.960 great such a great motto, and such a great model 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:43.440 for life and for moms and for women like to 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:45.680 just go for life and don't worry about it. So 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:51.199 tell me about the origination of Fancy Free Podcast. Yes, okay, Well, 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:54.280 I have a blog and one day I got stuck 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:57.840 in address at Dillard's and I wrote a story, a 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:00.680 funny story about having gotten stuck in this dress at Dillards. 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:02.800 When it happened, I had to have the sales girl 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:04.520 come in and help me get out of this dress. 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:06.800 It's not it's not like the zipper was stuck. I 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:09.480 was like, I wedged myself into a dress that was 0:01:09.600 --> 0:01:12.240 so much too small for me that I literally just 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:17.440 could not get it off. And it was very humbling experience, 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:19.720 because the whole reason I went down to Dillards is 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:21.920 because I gained a little way and my mom had 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:23.800 come and said, oh, they're having a sale. So I 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:27.119 was searching through these racks and I was just leaving 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:29.119 this one rack of clothes and I was searching through 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:31.280 and I found this top that I really liked. And 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:34.199 then I was like, oh my god, there's the top 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:37.400 my mom was wearing. Like somehow I must have gotten 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.640 into the wrong department, Like my mom's super cuman stuff, 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:42.400 but she's in her seventies. I don't want to dress 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:46.680 like her. So so I hung a really hard right 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:49.360 back into the department that I thought I was supposed 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.080 to be in, like you know, the department you look 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:53.760 longingly at when you walk by and go to the 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:55.560 junior section with your kids. But it's not the old 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:59.800 Lady department either. So and then before as soon as 0:01:59.840 --> 0:02:01.640 I was like, oh crap, I just almost tried on 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.680 an old Lady shirt, then um, I saw this dress. 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.160 It was so beautiful. It was this chif funny kind 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:11.560 of ivory, deep v with some black embroidery sort of short. 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:13.200 I knew it was nothing my mom would ever try, 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:15.600 and I'm like, yes, sister, you are my dress. So 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:17.840 I take it in. I tried a whole bunch of 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:19.799 stuffs go and find. Then I put on the dress 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:23.320 and it's a size large and it's um, it was 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.960 kind of snug, and you know how you just kind 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:27.800 of like try to shift it around and make it 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:29.799 look a little more flattering than it naturally looks. And 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:31.840 you're like, yeah, no, this is not working. It's just 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:33.840 not going to make it. So I try to get 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:38.120 it off. I can't get off. That's totally duck. And 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:40.480 then I realized, oh, there's a zipper. So I lowered 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:44.160 the zipper and still stuck. So then the sales lady 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.600 comes and she's like, you do it okay, and I'm like, 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:49.160 I put the dress back down and I pop my 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:52.679 head out him deep, this is a size large? Could 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.200 she can see if you have that's an extra large. 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:55.880 I'm like trying to buy myself some time. When she 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.600 comes back, I'm still stuck and I open. She's like, no, 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.160 that's as big as the dress. Come. This is a 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.280 wonderful day for myself to speak, Like, the biggest dress 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:06.920 they make is too small for me for the warm step. 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:08.440 So I'm like, can you please come in there? Were 0:03:08.480 --> 0:03:11.200 like I need help, and she comes in, shut the door, 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:13.359 starts trying to help me get out of this dress. Well, 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:16.840 it gets bench, it's starting to slide. I'm like, oh, 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:20.239 thank god. I'm I'm squatting like a like an obedient 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:26.560 toddler right with my hands panicking. Yeah, like I can 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:29.639 feel the heat rising. I have to keep telling myself like, 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:34.080 don't panic, this is okay, surely. I mean, I was like, 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:36.640 I guess, worst case scenario, we tear the seams and 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:38.240 then I have to buy it. I could take it 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.320 home and fix it. But anyway, So she starts getting 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:43.880 the dress off of me and it and then she 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:47.040 stops and I'm like, oh my god, what's the matter. 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:48.840 And She's like, well, I have an injured shoulder. This 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:50.800 is as high as I can go. So now I'm 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:54.000 in a deep deep knee band trying to get help 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.320 this lady get the dress off me. Finally she gets 0:03:56.360 --> 0:03:59.360 it off and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:01.640 thank you so much. Meanwhile, I can see feet in 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:03.560 the in the in the trying you know, the room 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.640 next to me. I'm like, we're and we're not alone. 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.000 But so I thought about asking her if I was 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.000 her first, because she seemed like a really experienced sales lady, 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:13.320 been there while. And then I was like, no, I 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.280 just can't. I can't even handle it. I don't even 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:17.240 want to know. So the next thing I know, I'm 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.760 in my car and I'm like, Okay, I bought the 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:23.120 top that I liked. I know I didn't steal it 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:25.880 because I hear I have the receipt, like I got 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.479 out of there. I don't think I you know anyway. 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:30.520 So but by the time I'm driving home, I've picked 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:34.000 my daughter up from gymnastics, we are howling with laughter 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.680 about this story, and it's just it's like, first I 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:39.560 was embarrassed, then I was just amused. I was like, 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.320 that's hilarious. So then by the time when we get home, 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:44.240 I'm like, I'm gonna just make sure they don't have 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:46.400 that dress in extra large because I'm somehow obsessed about 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:48.000 that dress. Well they didn't. They only had it in 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.440 a large. I bought that thing hanging in my closet 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:55.840 still doesn't fit but anyway, but some day it will. 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:58.320 I then I wrote a story about it on my blog. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:04:59.760 I was like, oh my gosh, you guys have to 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:02.680 hear funny thing that happened to me. And then I 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.320 got so much feedback on Facebook, and oh, yeah, that 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:06.839 happened to me. This happened to me. That happened to me. 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.039 And I was like, wait, why aren't we telling each 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.960 other these stories? Why? I know that we tend to 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:16.479 want to try to put our best foot forward, but 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.400 wouldn't it be such a gift to each other if 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.120 we could show the flip side of the coin every 0:05:20.120 --> 0:05:23.880 now and then and show each other our underbellies And 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:26.960 and then I was thinking back, So so the story 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.479 got published, and then it got published in this well 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:32.240 on my blog and then in red Tricycle and which 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:35.040 they do. What's your blogs? What's your blog so people 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.160 can try? Your blog is Cozy Cozy Clothes blog dot com. 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.640 So it's because I designed a line of um women's 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.760 lounge where that has a little soft shelf front. It's 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:47.800 actually in manufacturing right now. The factories closed at the moment, 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:51.280 but yeah, yeah, so it'll be it'll be for stale 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:53.400 pretty soon. But so I I started the blog to 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:57.679 to sort of chronicle that experience because a physician designing clothes, 0:05:57.680 --> 0:05:59.920 it's like, how's this happening? So I thought people might 0:05:59.920 --> 0:06:02.200 be curious about the process. So that's why I blog. 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:04.480 But anyway, so I wrote this article about getting stuck 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.159 in its dress and it got picked up by Red 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.640 Tricycle and they changed the name to we should be 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.280 lowering the bar for each other. And this gal commented 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:14.760 on that story saying, oh, you know, that title I 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:16.760 thought was super misleading because I didn't think I was 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:19.000 going to find a silly story about some girl getting 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:22.520 stuck in the dress. And it really got me to thinking, yeah, 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:25.440 that is actually the main point of this story is 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.680 that we need to be showing each other these things 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:32.160 that happen are not so fancy moments, and we not 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:34.880 just so that we all feel ss alone in our imperfection, 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.640 but as a means towards connection, and as a mean 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:43.400 towards shamelessness, and as as an avenue towards a ripple 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:46.960 effective joy. Because so it reminded me of a Christmas 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:49.919 party i'd gone to a few years before. My girlfriend 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.960 Karen had this party. She invited all of her girlfriends 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.480 from different walks of life. So we were there. We 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.159 all knew Karen, but a lot of us didn't know 0:06:57.200 --> 0:06:59.320 each other. We'd seen each other around kind of in 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.440 the same general circles. But so it was one of 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:05.560 those those parties where you steal a gift, so you 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:09.200 get a number and then you open the gift. So 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:12.120 much fun. So but she added something to it. She 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.520 had when your number comes up to tell the most 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:20.520 embarrassing story, Oh, isn't that great? And that was befo 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:22.320 way before I got stuck in the dress. But getting 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.760 stuck in addressed kind of reminded me back to this story. 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:28.720 This party. It's the hardest I've ever laughed at a 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:31.720 party in all my life. It was like forty women 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:35.280 telling their most embarrassing stories and you could see, you know, 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:37.200 they're all there, so you can see their mannerisms in 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:39.320 their body language. Is just like, oh my gosh. It 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:41.240 was the best ab workout. Like if you want to 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.360 get together with your girlfriends and work out your abs 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.880 without actually putting on your workout clothes to tell each 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.480 other you're embarrassing stories. But I tell you, not only 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:52.280 did it give me nuggets of things to go back 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.080 and laugh about at random times later in the future. 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:56.840 I mean, this is years ago. I'm still laughing about 0:07:56.840 --> 0:08:01.679 these stories. But but the more importantly it it forged 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:04.200 such a such a sense of connection with these other women. 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:07.280 Like I would see the woman who told about her 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:10.200 she was commando in soccer shorts and home depot and 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:12.080 and her her kid pulled her shorts all the way 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:14.800 down to the floor. She she she had to bend 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:17.960 all the way down and get the pants and pull 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:19.840 them up, you know, like so he bear bear booty 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.960 is sticking straight up in the air at the home depot. 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:25.840 She pulls her she pulls her pants back up, and 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:28.080 then she's like, maybe nobody saw it, And she looks 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.040 behind her. There's a home depot guy standing right behind. 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:36.120 So okay. Not only do I still laugh my face 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:39.480 off about that story years and years later, but when 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.920 I would see her in the school pickup line, I'd 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.520 be like, there's my girl. You know, I love her, 0:08:45.840 --> 0:08:50.479 you know, and I just felt this connection. And um, 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:52.360 I could just go on and on about how many 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:54.160 connections I forged that day. It isn't that I had 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.600 person to person interaction with everyone of those women at 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:58.880 the party, and had I I wouldn't have forged such 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.560 good connections. But it's because as we sat there and 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:04.120 we showed each other our underbellies, we showed each other 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:07.480 our imperfections in our foibles. There was another great one. 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.200 And I'm hoping to get this gal on the podcast. 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.480 She's just so busy. She was on honeymoon at in 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:16.160 some place I've never been, some proper paradise, and her 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:18.280 bungalow was over the water and they had this glass 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.960 coffee table that you could see the fish through the 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:23.160 coffee table. And she says she was getting ready for 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:25.040 dinner and she had just got on the shower and 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:28.040 she was naked, and she's like some for some reason, 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:29.800 she's like kind of sitting on the coffee table and 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:33.160 all of a sudden it breaks and she's like she's 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:36.000 naked on this broken glass coffee table, like if she 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:39.600 falls through, she will be an ocean naked. And her 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:41.840 husband didn't know what to do, and she's hurt, you know, 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.840 So it's calling, like he calls hotel employees in, and 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.200 so the hotel employees are marching in, one afternother. They 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.080 get her under the bed and She's like, all I 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:52.800 can think is suck it in, suck it in. You 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:56.640 gotta pose with? Are all these strangers naked? So you know, 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:58.800 it's just like and I love that woman to this day, 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:01.240 and and it's not just that I love her for 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:04.640 that story, but when things have happened in life, she's 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:06.720 come to mind, and she and I have been able 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.360 to be there for each other in ways that it 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.319 would never have occurred to us to be before we 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:14.040 knew those stories about each other. So it's almost just 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:17.920 like this fast forward to intimacy, Yes, but it isn't. 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:21.679 It's not the false intimacy that we sometimes try to 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:24.679 put on when we meet someone that we think we 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:26.160 would really get along with, so we just kind of 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:27.720 start acting like we know I'm better than we do. 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:31.240 It's not like that. It's like, I've seen the inside 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:33.720 of your messy self, sister, and I know that you 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:36.280 and I are similar in that way. Not only are 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:38.880 we similar, we're willing to share it and so therefore 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:42.200 we're connected on a deeper level. So I started my 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:46.920 podcast because I thought, I want everybody to have a 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:50.400 place to share these stories, and I want to have 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.720 a place where people can listen to these stories so 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:54.319 that when they're having a bad day they can get 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:58.600 a belly laugh. When they leave their kid somewhere and 0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:00.520 show up to the school event with out the kid, 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.559 they can realize they're not the only one with the 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.640 mom fail, you know. So, And it has just been 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:09.760 so so much fun. It's just it's just a blast. 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:12.720 But it's been I've been talking to people all around 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:16.400 the world, and I've just I just feel so much 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:18.959 more connected and I've just heard something. So the other 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.480 thing I do is so every time I get a 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.040 woman on the phone, not only do I hear about 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.120 or not so fancy stories, but then I talk about 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:27.160 what is your life about, what are your passions, what 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:28.880 are you what's the message you're trying to get out 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:32.840 into the world. And so I've just had some really deep, interesting, 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:37.560 awesome conversations with women. I think this is such a 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:42.080 great podcast because I am for my podcast too. I 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:45.640 am all about women and sharing our journeys and our 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.520 truth and the vulnerable stuff underbelly. I love how you 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.520 say the underbelly. But don't we need to laugh in 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:57.559 this world? Like I feel man humor will change someone's 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:03.360 entire perspective that day on a situation like you could 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.800 have left your Dillard's experience where your dress was too small, 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:09.880 and you could have kept that to yourself. You could 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:12.440 have even felt shame about it, you know, you could 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:16.600 have like internalized it as for what the laundry list 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:18.680 of things that we all can be insecure about, you 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:20.880 could have come up with one that resonated with you, 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.040 and that could have been that, and then you would 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.640 have moved on and carried that little secret shame around you. 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:31.839 But instead you are taking a funny experience that just 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:36.080 isn't defining you at all. It's just an experience in 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:39.439 your life that didn't go perfectly, and you're finding a 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:42.600 humor in it. You're willing to share about it, and 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:44.800 then other people can step up and be like, oh 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:48.720 my gosh, yes that is that isn't exactly what happened 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.280 to me, but this happened to me, And then you 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:52.920 don't all of a sudden, this like fake layer of 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.920 shame or like embarrassment or insecurity that we would have 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:59.640 lived with. Now a sudden, it's completely lifted. We realized 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:03.439 everybody has ship that they're dealing with. Everybody has dresses 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:08.719 it don't fit everybody move somebody in the in the departments. 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.800 I mean, it's just like, but it is so important 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.840 to share those messages just to take away that pressure 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:15.679 of having to be perfect. And I just think this 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:19.880 is such a great platform that you're creating. Oh thank you. 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:22.160 I'm just having so much fun with it. It is 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:27.240 it's it's just m yeah. I feel like it's very 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:30.199 devetailed with your mission, which is just to get real, 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:33.640 because it's not just it's like it takes a bad 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:36.160 situation and it flips it on its head. You know, 0:13:36.320 --> 0:13:38.440 it's not just it's not just that I can be 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.360 okay with it. It's that I can I can send 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:45.520 out this this um, this love and this message of 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:50.679 connectedness and just bring about some shameless Yeah. I think 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:54.240 shame is a really really important topic. And I feel 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:55.880 like you kind of hit it on the head with 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.720 that because we can take an experience like that and 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:00.920 we can internalize that to well, I must be bad. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:06.160 But so just not doing that. It's like I saw 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:07.800 mean the other day that said if you find if 0:14:07.840 --> 0:14:11.040 you can find the humor in a situation, you're there, 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.240 And I didn't. I wasn't always like that because you 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.880 take myself too seriously. Really, It's like, yeah, well, I 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:21.280 have another story about how I was at a swim 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:23.560 meet and I got a piece of toilet paper stuck 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:25.800 to the back of my black pants. But I didn't 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:27.880 know it for like three hours, and I was timing 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:29.880 at the swim meat. So when you're timing, you lean 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.440 over the edge of the pool like every you know, minute, 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:35.680 thirty seconds with your stop watch. And finally one of 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:37.440 the swimmers was brave enough to tell me about those 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:42.280 toilet paper and I was like, oh my god, I'm 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:46.440 not embarrassed, Like I finally have either given up online, 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:50.800 which I do not think I have, or I've finally 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:54.840 grown into myself to the point where little embarrassing things 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.440 like that do not shake the foundation of who I 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:00.760 know I am. And furthermore, you know, we can turn 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:02.960 it around, as you know, and make it a gift 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.480 to other people. So if you've had a toilet paper tail, 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:10.200 you probably yeah, it's just it's just so much gosh, 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:13.760 what finally turned for you? Because I always like to 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:17.120 know those moments in people's life. What was the moment 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.720 when you're like, I'm not going to feel embarrassed about 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:23.640 imperfections that happened in life to everybody, like I'm gonna 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.440 learn to laugh at it, Like when did that which 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:30.000 happened for you? You know, I think it might have 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:32.760 happened around a MOPS table. Are you familiar with mops? 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.160 It's mothers of preschoolers and it's kind of this international 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.440 nondenominational Christian thing. Will you get together twice a month, 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.280 you have a speaker, You're at the same table every time, 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:44.280 so you get to know the ten women at your table. 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:46.440 There's usually a leader, and then there are a bunch 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.880 of moms with preschool kids, you know, babies up to three, 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.760 and then there's a mental mom at each table. Well, 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.920 I was a practicing family physician before I have my kids, 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:58.960 and I was always took myself sup seriously, own worst critic, 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:01.360 everything's life and death, which a lot of it was. 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:03.880 You know, it's like you just can't can't screw up. 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:07.160 And all of a sudden, I and I'd waited six 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.120 years to have my first baby because Scott and I 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:12.080 had been in education forever and the only thing I 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:13.840 ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom. 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:15.760 But here I was thirty years old with no baby. 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:17.880 So finally I had my first baby. I thought, listen, 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.600 I'm a trained physician, I've been married six years. I've 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:25.560 wanted a baby all my life. And suddenly I'm realizing, like, uh, 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:28.400 this is hard, Like this is not as easy as 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:29.680 I thought it was gonna be. I don't feel as 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.000 happy as I thought I was going to. So I 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:35.120 really needed that relationship with other women. And and a 0:16:35.120 --> 0:16:37.280 lot of my friends had already had their kids, are 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:40.880 already you know, older, or they hadn't had any. Yeah. 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.600 So but I got to this this meeting with these 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:46.360 other moms of babies, and I sort of started to 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.000 since that they were maybe impressed by the fact that 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:53.080 I was a physician, and I was like, oh, uh, 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.880 don't you dare be impressed by me? I am a 0:16:55.920 --> 0:17:00.440 freaking mess right now, Like yes, like school did things, 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.760 I do well. We all have our thing. That's how 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:07.440 it defines me, and my roles don't define me. And 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.200 and so I really got I think it was there 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:12.679 that I started like going, I'm going to tell you 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:16.320 all these crazy, funny things because I'm so desperate to 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.520 hear that note that other people are struggling to for 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:21.520 them more. I want to show you that I'm not 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:23.560 who you think I am. As far as just because 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:25.960 I have this title behind my name, I deserve some 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.680 kind of respect from somebody I don't. So I think 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:30.879 it was then, and I was I was thirty, and 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:34.600 it was about thirty thirty one when that happened. And 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.800 and and you know what, the world did not explode. 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:39.040 I wasn't perfect. It wasn't what I thought it was 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.719 going to be. These women still liked me. We we 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:45.040 we're I'm still friends with those women. So and I'm 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:48.720 a lot older now, my kids are teenagers now. I 0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:51.879 totally agree. I think that when I feel like I 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:56.160 finally had that turning point, also probably around thirty where 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.359 it's like my whole twenties, I was so concerned with 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:00.919 body image and like I struggled like eating disorders, and 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:03.320 I wanted to be accepted and wanted to be liked 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.600 and wanted to be validated. And you're on stage, so 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.639 that's your that's even like way more amplified because you 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:13.680 are in the public eye. Oh yeah, and you want 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:17.080 everyone to think that you're good enough and all this stuff. 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.840 But like secretly inside I was like Oh my gosh, 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:22.280 if they actually find out who I really am, no 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:24.520 one's gonna like me at all. So let me put 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:27.199 up this big front. And then finally you get to 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:30.280 this place where you're like, I am so tired of this, 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.720 and I think that I slowly let myself get to 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:37.120 know women and realize that everyone was going through journeys 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:40.040 to the point where now I'm like you. With my platform, 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:44.479 I'm like, I am singing it loud and proud, swinging 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:47.560 it from the rafters, telling everyone my flaws to give 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:50.240 people also the freedom which I feel like you are 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:54.680 doing two to just be okay with being a hot mess, 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:57.600 because we're all hot mess. Like it's not a big deal, 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:00.920 and it's funny. If you're perfect, nobody will like you 0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:03.280 because they won't be able to relate to you, and 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:05.200 I think they're not going to get anywhere in life, 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:07.960 and you're lying, and I don't want to hang out 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:12.080 with the wire exactly that nobody will believe you. If 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.040 they do believe you, they won't like you. It's no 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:17.000 good either way. I am now to the point where 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:19.240 if I'm around someone and they are so closed off 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:21.320 with me that they don't they're not willing to share. 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:25.560 I'm like, I can't continue. I can like be around 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:27.720 you and like be nice to you in social settings, 0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:31.919