1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast. 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: All right, guys, where do we start? Happy friends Giving? 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: I have my four or three. I'm not going to 4 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:25,079 Speaker 1: glue myself. She's not coming on. I don'd texter. She 5 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: might pop on, she might not. But I've got my 6 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: three besties here with me, or I like to call 7 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 1: them because they're in the group chat as Queendom. We've 8 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:39,319 Speaker 1: got Pamelin Hello, who obviously I took my Ireland vacation with. 9 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: We've got we know Catherine, Hello Catherine, and we've got Julie. Hello. 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: So I first of all, first and foremost just like 11 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: to apologize to the one down listeners. We've had some wine, okay, 12 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: but it's been fun, right, it's been a good time, 13 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: so fun. So it's night. We had a friends giving, 14 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm a little emotional because you 15 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: always are, and there she is. And then am I 16 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 1: always emotional? You are? And that's a beautiful thing in 17 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: which way that you're You're just open, You're very vulnerable. Yeah, Catherine, 18 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: I know, I'm not. I am. So I dropped the 19 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 1: kids off today. Yes, this is the first holiday, major 20 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: holiday that I have not been with the kids. And 21 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: it was funny when I was talking about it to 22 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: Pamelin because she works out with me on Tuesdays and 23 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: Thursdays with Aaron Opria, who is an amazing trainer. But 24 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: she was like, what did you say. You're like, oh god, 25 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, listen, I mean, it's it's really 26 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: truly just another day. Like you have to look at that, 27 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: like you have your you know, your special moments and 28 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: your celebrations and your beautiful time with your kids. Like 29 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: just because you know, the world says this day is Thanksgiving, 30 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: we have to make it all you know, crazy in 31 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: our heads that you're not going to be with them. 32 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: You're you're with them constantly every day, making beautiful you 33 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 1: know time. So just it just really is just another day. Mhm. 34 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: But it was hard drop them off. It was hard. 35 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: I had a good cry and I want to bring 36 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: something to it because we were talking around the table 37 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: because Julie is my like Julie's you're like my therapists, 38 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: but not like, yes, Julie, Julie is the therapist where 39 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: we sit down and she's like, so what are we 40 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: going to leave and what are we going to take 41 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: into the new year. But I'm here for that, like 42 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: I'm all like every day I do highs and lows 43 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: with my kids, and Jayson goes, uh, I don't know 44 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: what we're doing yet, but I like, I appreciate that. 45 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: And you said something and I was writing notes because 46 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, guys, guys, this is like really good podcast 47 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 1: stuff like hold on a second, um, Okay, I wrote 48 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: down a lot of feelings that what did I resent 49 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: myself and feelings. I don't know what that meant, but 50 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 1: what I what I would say is on the way 51 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: on the way to my excess house, I was I 52 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: shouldn't have been crying, but I was, and I said, 53 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: and Julie was, Mommy, are you okay? And I go, 54 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,919 Speaker 1: you know, Julie, It's okay to have feelings m hm, 55 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 1: and mommy, sorry for crying, but like I'm also it's 56 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 1: okay to be sad, and Mommy is sad right now 57 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: that I'm dropping you off. And you were saying something 58 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: like it's okay to have well, why why are you 59 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,119 Speaker 1: sorry for crying? Well, I don't want her to see 60 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: me cry. Well I do, and I don't because see 61 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: this is where she is, what she does, this is 62 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 1: what she does Julie, I'm saying, but what is that? 63 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 1: What does that mean? Or say if she sees you 64 00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: cry in one way versus another, because in her mind 65 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: she doesn't know the difference, like if she's crying over 66 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: him or just crying because she saw a homework commercial 67 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: for Jolie watching the Paw Patrol movie, which she cried 68 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: in the pa Patrol movie. Okay, what's the question? What's 69 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: the difference? Why are you rethologizing for crying? Because I 70 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: don't want her to be sad about the situation because 71 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,160 Speaker 1: she had said the night before, I wish you were 72 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 1: coming with us for the holiday. Why can't she be sad? 73 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: She can, which is what I was basically telling to her, 74 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,799 Speaker 1: like it's hey, baby, like Mommy's I'm sorry, Mommy's crying, 75 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: but it's okay to be sad. Yeah, I think that 76 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 1: all sounds really healthy, But seriously, I do I think 77 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: it sounds it's really it comes from and I mean, 78 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: as moms, we all do this. And first I just 79 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,839 Speaker 1: want to say, like this podcast place is such a 80 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 1: beautiful place to break all this down because it's such 81 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 1: an intimate space that we get to be in. But you, 82 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: as as moms were all moms here. We want to 83 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: fix our children's feelings. We don't want them to be sad. 84 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: We want them to be happy. We want them to 85 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: feel light, we want them to feel safe and secure, 86 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: and we don't want them to feel sad. But what 87 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 1: if the sadness is going to be that gift that 88 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: allows her to then experience something that she needs to 89 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: experience in her life. I hear that, But my fear 90 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: is that then she's going to tie it to the divorce, 91 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,159 Speaker 1: and what if she does, well, I don't want to 92 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,280 Speaker 1: ruin like, oh, mommy was crying when she dropped me 93 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 1: off at daddy's house before Thanksgiving. Yeah, I mean I 94 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,039 Speaker 1: think that that makes sense. But I also don't think 95 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: that it has to be this bad thing. And that's 96 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: that's just us kind of getting to that place of 97 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 1: um of acceptance and not feeling shame around our own 98 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 1: feelings about it. She may not even be thinking that. 99 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: I mean, we don't know. And do you think that's 100 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: going to like affect her in her life? I mean, 101 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,280 Speaker 1: because like for me, I mean, I was you know, 102 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: my parents were divorced when I was her age, and 103 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: I do remember it being weird and everything, but that 104 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: like has even made me want even more healthier relationships 105 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 1: because I didn't want that feeling and I didn't want, 106 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,039 Speaker 1: you know, to have that um situation that my mom 107 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: like had to go through. And now I do believe 108 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: like I'm in a healthy relationship and most because I 109 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,719 Speaker 1: did see that. It's weird as that may sound, and 110 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 1: I even think about, like, the most amazing, incredible people 111 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: that I know in this world are not the ones 112 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 1: that never endured pain. They are the ones that endured pain. 113 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: They are the ones that you know, allowed themselves to 114 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 1: feel all the feelings and to not feel ashamed for 115 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: those feelings. And that's the big thing that we were 116 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 1: talking about at dinner, was like what are we letting 117 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: go and what are we taking with us? And I 118 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 1: think a lot of that is the shame for the 119 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: decisions that we've made and the shame for feeling the 120 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: way that we feel about the decisions that we made. 121 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,000 Speaker 1: I mean, we can use like the divorce as that 122 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: example and leaving that behind because it may be the 123 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: very one thing that your kids need in order to 124 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 1: become the best versions of themselves. And I think too, 125 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: you have to understand people that don't show those emotions 126 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: around divorce end up in people that have a hard 127 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,400 Speaker 1: time showing emotions as adults. My parents didn't show emotions 128 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: around the divorce. It was just a matter of fact, 129 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 1: we're getting divorced. And then I have my own issues 130 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: with showing my emotions and dealing with those because of it. 131 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: So I think you need to see that they may 132 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: need to see those emotions. They may need to understand 133 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: that there's emotions around that, that their sadness around that, 134 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: because as an adult then you don't know how to 135 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: really funnel that. You don't know how to handle your 136 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,120 Speaker 1: own emotions because you were taught to just have no 137 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 1: emotions around it. I think it's actually really important that 138 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: you're bringing that up, because that stuff that I deal 139 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 1: with as an adult really Oh yeah, absolutely, m yeah, 140 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: because I like went as soon as I dropped them off, 141 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, Danna, like what did 142 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: you just do? Like why did you cry? And like, 143 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 1: but I also was like trying to explain to like, hey, baby, 144 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: like sorry, mommy is just like but I was looking 145 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: at her in the review mirror and I'm just like, oh, channel, 146 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: like dry it up, dry it up, like but I 147 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: just explained her. I was like, hey, baby, sorry, Like 148 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: Mommy is just really like I'm gonna miss you this 149 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 1: week about I hope you have so much fun with 150 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: Daddy and like Nana, Papa and like and then I 151 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 1: was just like, oh, I've I've totally screwed them up. 152 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: But what if we made crying like this really amazing 153 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: form of natural expression, Like why is crying so bad? 154 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: You know? Why don't we try to hold in our 155 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: tears because you know it's being vulnerable, and like you 156 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,000 Speaker 1: know that, and how many of us it's like you 157 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: feel no matter what you're whether you're crying about something 158 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 1: happy or sad or whatever, it's like it starts to 159 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,200 Speaker 1: come up and then immediately it gets to like here 160 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, down, down, bring it, and it's like, no, 161 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: what if we just let it out? And that's what 162 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: we were talking about, that idea of like grief and 163 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: joy and really how they come from that same emotion, 164 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: because you can cry tears of joy just as much 165 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: as you can cry tears of grief. I mean, I 166 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 1: feel like I had that experience today in church when 167 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 1: I was at church, and I was like I remember 168 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: sitting Julie, weren't there. Um, I mean you were very 169 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,560 Speaker 1: much there in like spirit. But I remember we went 170 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 1: to church and it was Pamela and Catherine and Sarah 171 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: and we sat there and you' all just like huddled 172 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 1: over me after my divorce and I was like just 173 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 1: crying like the heaviness and the pain. And then today 174 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: I was crying in church for light and like love 175 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 1: and like hope, and it was like I was like 176 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 1: I remember, like I wouldn't even like stand up, and 177 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 1: it was like it was such a different I, you know, 178 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: but it comes from that same place. And that's why 179 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 1: grief grief is just as holy as joy ism. And 180 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: to me, they're kind of on if you think of 181 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 1: a quarter, they're on both sides of the coin, Like 182 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: you really can't have joy without grief. And I think 183 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 1: that grief and crying from that place of grief is 184 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: really just this invitation and this opportunity to choose to 185 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: feel the grief so that you can step into the 186 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: joy that comes. And you may not be able to 187 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,440 Speaker 1: see it in that moment, but that that is what comes, 188 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 1: and it all comes from the same place. I mean, 189 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: this is all really good. While we're on you, Julie, 190 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: can we just talk about because I think there was something. 191 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: I don't know girls if you felt the same way. 192 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: But during dinner, I mean, I love Julie, She's just 193 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: like my like, what time are you born? Where were 194 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,839 Speaker 1: you born? I'm going to read your tarot cards? Like 195 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 1: I mean, Julie is like on it, right, But there 196 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: was something you said tonight and I just I didn't 197 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 1: honestly get it until you set up be your two. 198 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: It was COVID but it was easy. Yeah, maybe it 199 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 1: was hard for me. It was. It was very hard 200 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: at the same time, was like even harder than almost 201 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,560 Speaker 1: it was hard, yeah, And I explained that because like, 202 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 1: for some reason it just clicked for me. Yeah, I was. 203 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: I was talking to my husband about it the other 204 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 1: day and the way that I visualized it, if any 205 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: of you have been unfortunate enough to ever be in 206 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 1: a car accident, you have you have the trauma and 207 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,320 Speaker 1: and you know, just the moment and the detriment of 208 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,680 Speaker 1: the car accident, right, and that's its own moment, and 209 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:38,680 Speaker 1: it's horrible and horrific and traumatic. And then after that 210 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 1: you have this period of recovery therapy post trauma that 211 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: in and of itself is this other form of trauma 212 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: because you're having to relearn and rethink and rebuild how 213 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:58,679 Speaker 1: you see do be in the world. And so I've 214 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: been kind of equating twenty one as that post car 215 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: accident version of trauma, and for me in my own life, 216 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: I feel like has been much harder than it's it's 217 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: It wasn't the initial car accident that was traumatic as 218 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: much as it's been the rehabilitation and recovery from that 219 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: car accident that's been so traumatic. And I think that 220 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 1: a lot of us have been feeling that, at least 221 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: from around our dinner table this evening, A lot of 222 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: us had been feeling that way too, And that was 223 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:40,400 Speaker 1: kind of my my gist of it. It's good, Like, yeah, 224 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 1: it's also good. It's all so good. So is the wine. Um, 225 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 1: we're going to get send you on this conversation. Let's 226 00:12:48,320 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: first take a break. Okay, So something we talked about 227 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 1: around the dinner table, because again, this is friends Giving. 228 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 1: This is an episode where um, friends give, friends Giving, Amen, 229 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: we give, and we also, um, we talk about the 230 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: good the bad, and right now we're kind of like 231 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,719 Speaker 1: in the deep right now because we're we're all very 232 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,439 Speaker 1: Katherine's like, can we just like to talk about it? 233 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,840 Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, we are a ship. I'm going 234 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: in album I do. I'm getting me. I love now. 235 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: She's just I mean, I'm thirty seven, so she speaks 236 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,679 Speaker 1: to me. You know, if I was twenty one, maybe not, 237 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:47,599 Speaker 1: but I think she speaks to every I had to 238 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: I was running to the other day. I was like, 239 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:54,440 Speaker 1: I had to not like feeling. I mean I listened 240 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,959 Speaker 1: to my Little Love or is that what it's called 241 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: my Little Love? That really because everyone was like talking 242 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,920 Speaker 1: about that where I was like, oh god about her. 243 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 1: You would like the I drink wine? Have you heard? Yes? 244 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 1: I like that now. There was just some things where 245 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: I was just like, I just I don't know. It 246 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 1: felt like it was like trying too hard. Yeah, she 247 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: could sing to me that, oh for sure? For sure. 248 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 1: I mean she's amazing. So yeah, I mean she's amazing. Um. 249 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: I don't know where I was going on this. What 250 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: was going on was who go to my notes? Because 251 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 1: I wrote a bunch of notes, but that was in 252 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: my I think, Okay, oh, victimhood. We're talking about being 253 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:39,400 Speaker 1: a victim, and that's just that which we talked a 254 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,720 Speaker 1: lot of about coming up to Yes, so victim, you 255 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: have a you have a lot of opinion on I do. 256 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I think that there's a lot of things 257 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: in life that can that you can be a victim 258 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: to very much. So. I mean, people are are victim 259 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 1: to things that they did not ask for that happened 260 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: to them, and at is very traumatic and awful. But 261 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: then I think that there are circumstances in life that 262 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: we can also choose, whether consciously or un subconsciously unconsciously 263 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 1: to be calm victims too, And I think there's a 264 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: big difference between the two. Do you think we all 265 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 1: play victim in some part? I don't know if we 266 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,320 Speaker 1: all do. I know that I have in my life. 267 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: I can speak for myself. I've definitely played a victim 268 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: to things. I mean I can say that I have 269 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: to obviously, But where is it where it's we're playing 270 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 1: a victim versus we're wanting attention? Right? I men a negative. 271 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 1: It's not even that I'm asking for attention. But I 272 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: think that you know, something horrible could could have happened 273 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 1: to me that I was just a complete, unwilling participant of. 274 00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: And then I have a choice to then be to 275 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: then subject myself to the continuation of that victimhood or 276 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,720 Speaker 1: to rise above it. M I think that's the difference 277 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 1: for me. Choice. You can't choose what what happens to you, 278 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 1: but you can choose how you react and you respond 279 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:27,400 Speaker 1: to it. Yeah, I agree with that mhm. So there's 280 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: kind of a difference than in being a victim and 281 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: kind of staying in that. I think the victim place essentially, 282 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: and I think it starts with your thoughts. And I 283 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: mean I've said this to Jen all the time, and 284 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: like change, change your thoughts, change your life, which is 285 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 1: a Wayne Dyer quote. Dr Wayne Dyer. He passed away 286 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 1: a few years ago. He's amazing. But it very much is. 287 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 1: So it all, it all comes from our thoughts, because 288 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 1: our thoughts control our feelings, which then control how we 289 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 1: see the world and feel the world and how we 290 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 1: choose to show up in the world. So it it. 291 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 1: It controls our reactions and actions to things, and then 292 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 1: those things ultimately control our results to how what what 293 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: what is it that we get out of life? And 294 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,159 Speaker 1: so I think that it really does. Yes, this happened 295 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 1: to you, and it freaking sucks. Now what are you 296 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: gonna do about it? Whether choice do we have? Really? 297 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: That's kind of always like what I thought about, um, 298 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 1: like growing up, like you know, I mean I had 299 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:36,920 Speaker 1: some unfortunate things, and um, I just always kind of 300 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: took it as like, you know, how can I I'm 301 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 1: not going to sit here and cry about it, Like 302 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: that's what I always say. I'm not gonna say or 303 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: cry about it. I'm gonna like rise above and be better, 304 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,680 Speaker 1: you know, because of it, and like show people that 305 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 1: you know, you might not have like the perfect you 306 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,159 Speaker 1: know situation or like the perfect you know upbringing or 307 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: whatever it was, but you have the choice to change it. Um. 308 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: And that's the bottom line, is like you can be 309 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 1: raised the same exact way as somebody and they might 310 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: take that and you know, use it as a crutch 311 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: and oh this happened to me, This happened to me. 312 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: But and then there can be the other person that 313 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 1: you know is successful and thriving because they chose in 314 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: their brain to make a choice to not let that 315 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: get in their way, and you can still cry about 316 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,400 Speaker 1: it exactly. You know, it's good you can still cry 317 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: about it because we're normalizing crying. I think it's just 318 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,399 Speaker 1: an emotion, But are you going to allow that to 319 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 1: paralyze you from getting what you want? And that is 320 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 1: a choice. Yeah, what if you're scared? Fear? That's a 321 00:18:55,160 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 1: huge that's a huge um. I think deep rooted reason 322 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,480 Speaker 1: for reacting a lot of the ways that we do. 323 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: A lot of us have resentment because of fear um 324 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 1: or being scared. We have um control issues because of 325 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 1: fear are being scared. We have um you know, lack 326 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: of self confidence or insecurities because of control or fear 327 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: or being scared. So I think that a lot of 328 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: things can stem from that. So the question that I 329 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,879 Speaker 1: would then ask myself is what am I so afraid of? 330 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 1: You know, what does this? You know, if this thing 331 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 1: were to happen and that made me afraid, then what 332 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: does that mean? What happens to my life? When I 333 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,879 Speaker 1: think when you really get into that, it's kind of 334 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: like when you see what the thing is you're afraid of, 335 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: it's really not that scary. You know, it's like, what 336 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 1: is it you're afraid of? And you see what it is, 337 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 1: and it's like that's not that big of a deal. 338 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,400 Speaker 1: You know, if you really get into it and see 339 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 1: what it is that you're afraid of. It's not going 340 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 1: to affect your life that much. It's not going to 341 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: change your life. But I think fear, I mean, I 342 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 1: definitely think it's a big thing. But fear and change 343 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 1: in doing something different than you've ever done before. When 344 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 1: fear of safety and security, I mean, it's huge, especially 345 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,919 Speaker 1: for women. You know, security and safety can be defined 346 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 1: by so so many different ways. But that's a lot 347 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:27,439 Speaker 1: of the reasons why I'm generalizing. But women can react 348 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 1: the way they do. Is this fear out of my 349 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 1: safety is going to be rattled, or my sense of 350 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: security is going to be taken away from me if 351 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:41,720 Speaker 1: this happens, or this is going to affect my self esteem, 352 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:46,119 Speaker 1: or my personal relationship with something or someone, or my 353 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: sexual relationship with something or someone. I mean, it all 354 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: stems from that root of something being taken away from 355 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:58,199 Speaker 1: us that we feel like we can't be in control of. Well, 356 00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 1: it's also that and like we were talking around the 357 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,280 Speaker 1: table to today, you were like I was saying something. 358 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't want like, I don't 359 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: know why he hates me. She's like, why do you care? 360 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,880 Speaker 1: What does that do? Why can't he hate you because 361 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, it doesn't make sense he shouldn't hate me, 362 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: But why shouldn't he Well because X, Y and Z right, 363 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 1: but but in his but like in his way of being. 364 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 1: It's not to say that you aren't right. I'm doing 365 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 1: air quotes here that you aren't right or correct in 366 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 1: that thinking, but him being who he is, why shouldn't 367 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: he hate you? I told you that before you have everything? 368 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 1: You have an amazing just like why can't he hate you? Like? 369 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,719 Speaker 1: Why can't he just be who he is? And if 370 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,840 Speaker 1: he's just someone who happens to hate you, even though 371 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 1: that's like an insane like why would he hate you? 372 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 1: Like yeah, that's insane, but like why can't he Like 373 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 1: why can't we just give him the dignity of being 374 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 1: who he is and then just been like okay whatever, 375 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: like not like where where do you just not care? 376 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,200 Speaker 1: That's like the piece that I want. They're not caring, 377 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,600 Speaker 1: not just been like okay, cool, they're not caring how 378 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: you want? It comes from the not minding. When they're 379 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,120 Speaker 1: not minding, comes from change your thoughts, change your life. 380 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 1: So it's just not my like it is you know, Um, 381 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:25,639 Speaker 1: it's raining outside, right so I have a couple of 382 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,720 Speaker 1: choices by how I choose to think about that. I 383 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,840 Speaker 1: can say like, oh, it's freaking ugly outside, it's raining, 384 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 1: it's cold, it's gross, it's gray, it's ugly. Or I 385 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 1: could be like, oh wow, it's raining. Okay, just is 386 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:50,119 Speaker 1: not minding. Just raining it doesn't affect you. It's just 387 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 1: it's not that you don't have feelings around it, and 388 00:22:54,760 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 1: it's not that you don't have thoughts around it. It's 389 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: just you're choosing to not mind it. Okay, he thinks 390 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 1: this way interesting. So it's a choice, and it's a 391 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,159 Speaker 1: practice like that is a that is a practice of 392 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 1: of really training, just like when we go to the 393 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: gym to work our abs out to work are like, 394 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 1: you have to work your brain into thinking in that way. 395 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: It is a practice and it's something that you it's 396 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: it's a muscle, and so you have to work that 397 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: in that same way that if if you want to 398 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,639 Speaker 1: get stronger abs and you want to get a stronger brain, 399 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 1: then you have to work it in that way. And 400 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: so it's it's giving yourself the dignity to not care 401 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,399 Speaker 1: what other people think about you, and then therefore you 402 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,119 Speaker 1: give other people the dignity to just be who they are, 403 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,680 Speaker 1: which means you're also giving them the dignity to think 404 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: whatever they want to think, because you can't control what 405 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: other will think about you anyway, no matter how much 406 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 1: you try. Who here cares about what people think of them? 407 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:17,880 Speaker 1: I do, Julie, mm hmm. Yeah, it's a very very 408 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 1: small list of people for for me to really be triggered. Like, um, 409 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:28,320 Speaker 1: you know, if if if my family said some things 410 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,920 Speaker 1: you know, that they didn't like about me, you know, honestly, 411 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: that would probably bother me. But I would have to 412 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,880 Speaker 1: I would have to really work on training my brain 413 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: to let that go. But I think that it's an 414 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: I think for for everyone, each of us here and 415 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: everyone listening. I mean, it's an honor to be able 416 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,280 Speaker 1: to listen to this podcast. It is an honor to 417 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,439 Speaker 1: get time with each and every one of you. It's 418 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: an honor to be your friend. It's an honor to 419 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 1: even have it are to have the care and the 420 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,520 Speaker 1: love that we have for one another. So I feel like, 421 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 1: you know, there's there's only a certain amount of capacity 422 00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:19,360 Speaker 1: that I can give for that, and so it it's 423 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 1: it's a small amount. Does that make sense, like it's 424 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 1: a small amount of people. Like if if I'm really 425 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 1: going to open my heart up and really give myself 426 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: to someone, it doesn't mean that I don't care about 427 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,399 Speaker 1: a lot of people or I don't love a lot 428 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 1: of people. But I only have so much. We all 429 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,680 Speaker 1: we all only have so much. And so that's where 430 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 1: the boundaries come in. Well, and I think if we 431 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 1: I think, if we are living like you know, this 432 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 1: righteous life of being you know, kind and like how 433 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 1: we you know, like you know, strive to be um 434 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 1: and like we know in our hearts that we're doing 435 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 1: the best that we can and giving like all that 436 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:02,399 Speaker 1: we can to like our clothes, friendships. Um, you know, 437 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: I don't care what outside people think about me. I 438 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: mean because I I know that I'm living a good life, 439 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: in an honest life. Um, and I hope that I 440 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 1: do that to like my especially my close friends and 441 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 1: my family. If I were to hurt somebody that was 442 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 1: close to me, which I would never ever intend because 443 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: I care so much, yes, I would be devastated and 444 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,399 Speaker 1: I would care what you that you thought something that 445 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: you know, like that's that's the only situation. But that 446 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,639 Speaker 1: came from getting older maturity though that was not me, 447 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: and I think it came too security to like, you know, 448 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:49,400 Speaker 1: if my mom, you know, thought something or said something salty, yeah, 449 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,640 Speaker 1: I would be like, Okay, that would like why would 450 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,399 Speaker 1: she think that that would bother me? But at the 451 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 1: same time, it's like, I am so secure in my 452 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 1: love for my mom and I am so secure in 453 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: her love for me that that I'm not going to 454 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: let that affect To a good point, It's about who 455 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 1: you're secure with, right, I think the people that you're 456 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,440 Speaker 1: not secure with it's just a different ball gay. And 457 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 1: that's why we and that's why we care so much 458 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,720 Speaker 1: about people that we don't even know what they think about, 459 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 1: is because we're not secure in that. And so the 460 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: security really has to come from within. Like if I'm 461 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:26,399 Speaker 1: so secure in myself and and what it is that 462 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,639 Speaker 1: I am bringing to the table, whatever that table is, 463 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,639 Speaker 1: then it's like I don't I don't care how you 464 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:38,120 Speaker 1: receive it, Like my integrity is it's integrity, It's true here. 465 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: And I think that that's you know, Jana, with your 466 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,879 Speaker 1: situation when you go and drop the kids off, the 467 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: more that you find that security, like you're secure in 468 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:55,719 Speaker 1: in whatever this this collaboration, this relationship is I'm secure 469 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,119 Speaker 1: in who I am as a mom, I'm secure in 470 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: who I am as a co parent. I'm secure in that, 471 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:07,920 Speaker 1: and so whatever I am being received, it's like you 472 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 1: want to get to that place where like it's no 473 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 1: skin off my nose, like I know who the crap 474 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: I am. It's basically when you have you have no 475 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,200 Speaker 1: control over that situation. So when we have no control 476 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,480 Speaker 1: over a situation or what somebody else thinks, we have 477 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: to for our sanity's sake, release it. Like we do 478 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:33,920 Speaker 1: not have control, release, find joy. It's really hard for 479 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 1: us to not have control. And maybe that's why both 480 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 1: of us have the same answer. It's hard. Yeah, it's 481 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: it's a release of control and we want to control things, 482 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: but we cannot control how they feel about us. We can't. 483 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,960 Speaker 1: And why do we care at I don't know, we 484 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,080 Speaker 1: have to let it go. Why do we care? Why 485 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:58,479 Speaker 1: do you care? Because I know who I am? Okay, 486 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 1: I want them to know. I feel like that shows 487 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,960 Speaker 1: an insecurity in us though that we don't we're like 488 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:09,400 Speaker 1: we know who we are rush mark, not exclamation mark. 489 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 1: But that's when that that's when it goes back to 490 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,720 Speaker 1: Sometimes people just aren't going to be able to know 491 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 1: and see the way that you do. So in order 492 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 1: for you to truly release and care and love that person, 493 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,560 Speaker 1: you have to give that person the dignity of being 494 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: who they are, even if that means they never understand you. 495 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:36,160 Speaker 1: M hm that And I'm like, if they only knew, sure, 496 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: that's the part that I'm like, if you only knew, sure, 497 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:44,960 Speaker 1: and you can you can have that feeling. But screaming 498 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,720 Speaker 1: that to them it's like going it's like going to 499 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: the hardware store about milkpist. She goes like, what are you, Like, 500 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 1: why can't I get the milk? It's because you're at 501 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 1: a hardware store. That's so true. So let's talk about 502 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: the giving key. I mean the giving gay Caitlin Crosby, 503 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: we love you, the giving Tree because I was at 504 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,240 Speaker 1: Adam Grant or somebody just posted something about the giving 505 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: tree about how it's like what if the giving tree 506 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,880 Speaker 1: was like I'll help you, but I'm not letting you 507 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 1: take from me. Somebody like somebody just said like I 508 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 1: will help you, but you can't keep taking. At the 509 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 1: very end, like you have to go do this, And 510 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: I don't know who did it, but it was like 511 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: I was watching, I was like, holy crap, like as 512 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: it because it's like at the very end the giving, 513 00:30:55,080 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: the giving Tree literally had a stump, bound died, died 514 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,480 Speaker 1: to give somebody else. I'm like, what message is that 515 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: giving to our kids? Stop over sharing and over giving 516 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: and over extending and people pleasing. Yeah, it's like in 517 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: today's generation, like, can we rewrite the Giving Tree? What 518 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 1: would the giving tree look like? Mm hmm, Well that's 519 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 1: I think that was the whole message of the book, 520 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: was that the tree gave and gave and gave until 521 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 1: it didn't have anything left. I mean, the second I 522 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: started saying no to things is the second I started 523 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 1: saying yes to the things that really mattered. Noah's a 524 00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:39,959 Speaker 1: complete sense, and it takes a long time, I think, 525 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 1: especially for women to to really understand that, and for 526 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:48,720 Speaker 1: anyone that came from any kind of divorced home, dysfunctional home, 527 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: alcoholic home, addict home. You know, because you're constantly walking 528 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:58,600 Speaker 1: on eggshells trying to fix and shape and please and 529 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: whatever you need to do to make everyone else feel okay. 530 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 1: And as adults, we get choices, and one of those 531 00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:13,040 Speaker 1: choices is to say no without explaining ourselves. That's so hard. No, 532 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: how do you just say no? Period? No? Oh I 533 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,000 Speaker 1: can't I always have It doesn't feel good for it 534 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 1: was Adam grant and he goes. This is how the 535 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,960 Speaker 1: giving tree should have ended, with the tree teaching the 536 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 1: boy to stop taking so she could keep giving. And 537 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,360 Speaker 1: as each generation played in her strong old branches, a 538 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 1: tree often thought back to the fateful day when the 539 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 1: boy had asked her for a house. In truth, she 540 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 1: would have gladly given him her branches to build one. 541 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 1: She would have given him her trunk to build a boat. 542 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,120 Speaker 1: She loved him that much. But maybe it wasn't the 543 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 1: tree's responsibility to teach the kid that, well, here we go. 544 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 1: But then she would have had nothing left, not for 545 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 1: herself nor anyone else, and there and there never would 546 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,200 Speaker 1: have been a home for the red squirrels. There would 547 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,080 Speaker 1: have been no hide and seek with the boy's grandchildren, 548 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 1: no bakery with the best apple pies anyone ever tasted. 549 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 1: Setting healthy boundaries is a very important part of giving. 550 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: It assures, it assures you, excuse me one, It assures 551 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,360 Speaker 1: you'll always have something left to give. And so the 552 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 1: tree was happy. Everyone was the end. Okay, So, Janna, 553 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,560 Speaker 1: how do you define boundaries? Boundaries are so important? Boundaries? 554 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: What is your definition of boundary? Oh? Are you asking 555 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 1: this right now? That's good, It's a good one. It's 556 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 1: such a buzzword. I feel like these days, you know, 557 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 1: parents generation even know what boundary and it's such like 558 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 1: how do you define that? So it's so unique for 559 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,520 Speaker 1: each and every person. Like, and that's the thing a 560 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: lot of people don't know. How do you define a sound? 561 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 1: We're winding down? How do you define a boundary? Janna? 562 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 1: What is yours? How do you define a boundary? I 563 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 1: think it's unique to every person. How do you define one? 564 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: What do you mean? Like? What is your your question? 565 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 1: How do you know when you're living within boundaries? When 566 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 1: I feel confident in the decision? Okay, Katherine, Well, I 567 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 1: had a comment, but I will say though I tried 568 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 1: to set a boundary today, that's I was gonna asked, 569 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,719 Speaker 1: did you feel comfortable after you kind of let that 570 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,839 Speaker 1: boundary go? Or did you feel comfortable when you set 571 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,360 Speaker 1: the boundary? So, my girlfriends have been trying to have 572 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,640 Speaker 1: me set a boundary, and I tried very hard today 573 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: to sech a boundary. And someone heard me having the 574 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:36,040 Speaker 1: conversation with said said someone, and they said, I heard 575 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 1: how you how your voice changed because you got scared. 576 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So did you feel more comfortable when you 577 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:47,759 Speaker 1: backed off the boundary? Yes, see that's the problem, not 578 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: problem necessarily, But did you feel more comfortable when you 579 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,320 Speaker 1: backed off? I felt safe, he felt. She feels safer 580 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 1: when she backs off her boundaries, and so are more comfortable, 581 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 1: And we're going, well, maybe I found a different thing 582 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:08,400 Speaker 1: I felt. Um No, I mean I felt like you 583 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:11,120 Speaker 1: know what I you know, looking back now, I'm like 584 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,320 Speaker 1: mad at myself because I was put back in the 585 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,520 Speaker 1: same position I've always put myself because you weren't. You 586 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:25,040 Speaker 1: weren't standing happy, happy, happy friends giving everybody Tuesday for 587 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,719 Speaker 1: happy Thanksgiving, friends Giving, Pamlin, how do you know when 588 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: you're living within your boundaries? This has been tough this year? Um, 589 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,279 Speaker 1: Just like when I know, like I am at peace, 590 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:41,400 Speaker 1: making the right decision, like for my family like that, 591 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 1: Um that I just can live in peace and joy, um, 592 00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:55,759 Speaker 1: even if like other people aren't. Because I worked hard 593 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,280 Speaker 1: to bring this sunshine to my life and I an't 594 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 1: um let anybody take it away. Mhmm. Yeah, it's good. Kat, 595 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,759 Speaker 1: very similar. I think. I think we have similar situations 596 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,759 Speaker 1: and boundaries with our families. And I think when you 597 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,920 Speaker 1: set boundaries for me, it has brought joy. And that 598 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,000 Speaker 1: sounds terrible because sometimes I think you have to cut 599 00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:32,000 Speaker 1: people out sometimes, um, to be healthy. I think you 600 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,800 Speaker 1: can recognize when it's healthy for you and it brings 601 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:40,040 Speaker 1: more joy. That's when I'm when I'm more joyful. Yeah, 602 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,920 Speaker 1: I'm similar. I know I'm living within my boundaries when 603 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,439 Speaker 1: I don't delay my happiness because I would, I would 604 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,480 Speaker 1: delay years for years, I would delay my own happiness, 605 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:53,719 Speaker 1: and I would, you know, subject myself to the happiness 606 00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,920 Speaker 1: of other people. Are just really what other people wanted 607 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: me to do, which would delay my own happiness. And 608 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:02,879 Speaker 1: when I don't subject myself to the abuse of other people. Yeah, 609 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,439 Speaker 1: that's a big one for me. I think that's probably 610 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:13,719 Speaker 1: a big one for all of us. Yeah, get deep 611 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:18,200 Speaker 1: to like girls, we can we do a little cheers 612 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:22,840 Speaker 1: by the way, like a happy I know something we 613 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,719 Speaker 1: can do something we can well, we can do. Um. 614 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:28,920 Speaker 1: What what is one thing Janna that you hope that 615 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:38,560 Speaker 1: you're amazing? Listeners take away from this episode that it's 616 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:46,879 Speaker 1: okay to set boundaries for yourself to make you get 617 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,520 Speaker 1: to that place that you like for me, for me 618 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,160 Speaker 1: like I want to, I want to. I'm I'm learning 619 00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:56,000 Speaker 1: how to set boundaries to get to the place where 620 00:37:56,080 --> 00:38:01,080 Speaker 1: I can stand and feel confident in those decisions. Although 621 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:05,120 Speaker 1: I get scared because I've I'm scared of people's reactions 622 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,360 Speaker 1: or what you know, but I know that to be 623 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:13,240 Speaker 1: the independent, strong, healthy version of myself that means setting 624 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 1: very strong boundaries, even though I do get pulled back 625 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,200 Speaker 1: and sucked into the black hole. So I hope that 626 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,520 Speaker 1: what you can hear from that is like setting boundaries 627 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: for yourself is a healthy thing to do. And especially 628 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,759 Speaker 1: around this holiday season, there could be people that you 629 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 1: may not want to be around, but you have to 630 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,000 Speaker 1: be because their family. But at setting boundaries, like you know, 631 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 1: if you don't want to hear aunt Teresa talk about 632 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 1: something crazy, you walk away, right, that's your boundary, walk 633 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 1: away from an Teresa. I don't know, Julie, what about you? Yeah, 634 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,359 Speaker 1: I think boundaries is a big one. And I think 635 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 1: just giving yourself the permission two feel the way that 636 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,640 Speaker 1: you feel without judgment, I think is a big one. 637 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,640 Speaker 1: And also letting people other people feel the way that 638 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,200 Speaker 1: they feel without judge out management, Like you know, I 639 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,440 Speaker 1: I think a lot of these like dinner people fights 640 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:17,200 Speaker 1: or whatever people you know, have is because we can't 641 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,320 Speaker 1: like process what other people feel. Let them feel that 642 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,319 Speaker 1: just like what we were talking, like that's okay. How 643 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,080 Speaker 1: are their feelings affecting your life and how you feel? 644 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,440 Speaker 1: So what if we don't agree? Who care? Stany in 645 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,719 Speaker 1: your who like? Who cares? It's a very you know 646 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,719 Speaker 1: in my own life, Like when I find myself doing that, 647 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,400 Speaker 1: it's a very it's a very self righteous thing. And 648 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,120 Speaker 1: so I have to I have to be like, why 649 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 1: am I being so self righteous right now? Like why 650 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,279 Speaker 1: do I have to be right in this moment? Why 651 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,480 Speaker 1: do I have to like have this person here what 652 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: I have to say? Because it's really not going to 653 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,080 Speaker 1: change anything? Can I just say something to that really fast? 654 00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,480 Speaker 1: There's been some information that came to light for me, 655 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,479 Speaker 1: and I've wanted to tell people to then tell people, 656 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,800 Speaker 1: We'll see, I told you he hasn't changed. What is 657 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:12,239 Speaker 1: that in me that wants other people to know validation, validation, acceptance, 658 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:18,480 Speaker 1: self righteousness by knowing that the like God, the universe, 659 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:23,520 Speaker 1: like whatever you want, Baby Jesus, like whatever, whatever it is. 660 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:29,440 Speaker 1: It's like we are not powerful enough, but there is 661 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,960 Speaker 1: a power greater than all of us that will like 662 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,560 Speaker 1: handle all of that. We don't have to anybody. It 663 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,600 Speaker 1: will always like we don't have to. All we gotta 664 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:44,720 Speaker 1: do is like focus on ourselves. So keep the focus 665 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,560 Speaker 1: on yourself. Be the best person that you can be. 666 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,000 Speaker 1: Hold your boundaries, say what you mean, I mean what 667 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,360 Speaker 1: you say and don't say it means, be competent in 668 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,680 Speaker 1: your decision and knowing that you are capable of these 669 00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:01,440 Speaker 1: of this decision for specific reason like why do you 670 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 1: need more validation than your own freaking brain? Well, and 671 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:06,759 Speaker 1: for a lot of people out there, because I know, 672 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:10,000 Speaker 1: I mean Janna, you know, going to church and really 673 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,279 Speaker 1: getting rooted in your Christian faith has been such a 674 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,719 Speaker 1: strong part of your journey over the last couple couple 675 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 1: of years. By you acting like you know best, you're 676 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:22,319 Speaker 1: basically telling God I know better than you. Truth m hm. 677 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: So it's like by you wanting everyone to like, oh 678 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:28,920 Speaker 1: what No, But like I was right. I told you, 679 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:33,520 Speaker 1: I'm not crazy. I told you're not giving God the 680 00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,880 Speaker 1: dignity and you're not giving other people the dignity to 681 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,640 Speaker 1: find that truth within their own connection with God and 682 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,680 Speaker 1: with Christ if you want to get like Christian about it. 683 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,239 Speaker 1: And that's one of my biggest struggles. That's hard, like 684 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,919 Speaker 1: letting God take be God all over that and be God. 685 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,200 Speaker 1: That's so hard. So that's such a hard one. But 686 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,000 Speaker 1: that's so true because we're not God, you know, we're 687 00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 1: not other people's God. We're not we're not powerful enough, 688 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:04,840 Speaker 1: and so it's really admitting that we're that we aren't 689 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,759 Speaker 1: and we are powerless to that and like giving over 690 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,719 Speaker 1: the rest and like letting God come in and like 691 00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:16,200 Speaker 1: do the job. Man, this is so good, friends, giving, 692 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,960 Speaker 1: This was good, y'all? What we're thinkingful? Can I let 693 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,120 Speaker 1: me just say what I took away from today. I 694 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,440 Speaker 1: know it's really hard to find really good girlfriends, but 695 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:32,839 Speaker 1: everyone should get a queendom for sure, because like non judgmental, 696 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:37,800 Speaker 1: Like it's an honor to be in your queendom and 697 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,439 Speaker 1: save it as queendom in your text messages and send 698 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:49,800 Speaker 1: it to us because screenshots and some screenshots your text thread, 699 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,200 Speaker 1: your quendom text thread. Yeah we're missing Kristen Breast pashtag 700 00:42:53,280 --> 00:43:00,160 Speaker 1: wind down, Jenna, We all know Catherine, but Julie and 701 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,240 Speaker 1: Pamela you should have promote yourselves, So go for it. Julie, 702 00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:12,120 Speaker 1: I'm Julie. I'm I'm at my excess. I hope I'm 703 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,080 Speaker 1: so much more than that. You are. You're my best friend. Okay, 704 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,440 Speaker 1: I'm at Jules j u l S s O L 705 00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,720 Speaker 1: O M O N. I'm on Instagram at Jule Solomon. 706 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,200 Speaker 1: You'll see me on the influencer. Go ahead, go ahead. 707 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,399 Speaker 1: You have got courses and I'm saying I do. I'm 708 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,719 Speaker 1: a business coach and all that fun stuff. And if 709 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,320 Speaker 1: you follow me on Joel Solomon you'll see all that. 710 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:34,600 Speaker 1: Can you be my therapist? I'm not. I mean, I 711 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:38,719 Speaker 1: love you too. Can I have, Julie an actual thing? 712 00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:43,759 Speaker 1: You're very similar to Amy and miss family. I'm Pamelin 713 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,120 Speaker 1: and I'm sure you've seen me in our Ireland Estima, 714 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:51,239 Speaker 1: but I'm House of Bashery and I just have a 715 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,760 Speaker 1: lot of fun doing d I wise and crazy stuff 716 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,799 Speaker 1: with my kids and friends. Okay, let's all say one 717 00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,640 Speaker 1: thing we're thankful for. Pammy, you go first. My community. 718 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,440 Speaker 1: I will say I and I said this today over prayers. 719 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,920 Speaker 1: I said, um, I am so incredibly thankful for my 720 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:15,840 Speaker 1: my queendom because I think, uh what friendship has helped 721 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,960 Speaker 1: me through and with and you know, I I've just 722 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:22,800 Speaker 1: every these these these three girls have been my everything, 723 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,319 Speaker 1: and so I just I'm excited to share the good, 724 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,840 Speaker 1: the highs, the lows, and I'm just so incredibly thankful 725 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:30,960 Speaker 1: for them because they are. I mean, every day it's 726 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,440 Speaker 1: like a Netflix show with our queendom tax Thread. It's 727 00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,040 Speaker 1: so much fun and I just be give they give 728 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:37,920 Speaker 1: me life and they give me light and I'm just 729 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,120 Speaker 1: so thankful to have them um as a part of 730 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:44,400 Speaker 1: my queendom. Oh, I can't even top that. I'm definitely 731 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:49,359 Speaker 1: thankful for you guys. Um non judgment you know, it's 732 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:52,960 Speaker 1: a very non judgmental room, and it's that's very important. 733 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,839 Speaker 1: And you'll just you don't y'all are just you're just there. 734 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,200 Speaker 1: You don't need anything, You're just you're just there to 735 00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:01,360 Speaker 1: be there. I love it. Hell you I would agree. 736 00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,759 Speaker 1: I think I'm just so thankful for the permission to 737 00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,200 Speaker 1: be myself and to have such a welcoming and open 738 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,880 Speaker 1: space without judgment. I can be more of a vault. 739 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:15,640 Speaker 1: As you'll know, I'm not gonna be like sharing all 740 00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:18,080 Speaker 1: the things, and so to be able just to have 741 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:21,200 Speaker 1: a space where you can do that is rare and 742 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:25,680 Speaker 1: it's it's not to be taken for granted, so I 743 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,440 Speaker 1: really appreciate that. We hope all of you have a 744 00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:33,560 Speaker 1: thanks happy Thanksgiving. UM. Thank you for being thank you 745 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,640 Speaker 1: for being wined on listeners, thank you for listening. Thank 746 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:41,600 Speaker 1: you for um just being faithful listeners and friends. And 747 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:43,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna start crying.