WEBVTT - Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day - with Dr Rangan Chatterjee 0:00:15.476 --> 0:00:24.316 Pushkin. The world is certainly facing a ton of happiness challenges, 0:00:24.396 --> 0:00:26.956 but whenever I feel downhearted at the sheer scale of 0:00:26.996 --> 0:00:29.396 the problems we need to tackle, I remember all the 0:00:29.436 --> 0:00:32.876 people working hard to put things right. These days, there 0:00:32.916 --> 0:00:35.956 are so many people in government, in medicine, in academia 0:00:35.996 --> 0:00:38.116 and in the media trying to draw attention to the 0:00:38.156 --> 0:00:40.836 importance of well being that they can easily fill a 0:00:40.876 --> 0:00:45.076 whole conference center. The World Happiness Summit WAHA SUE for short, 0:00:45.316 --> 0:00:48.996 has been bringing experts together since twenty sixteen to meet, 0:00:49.116 --> 0:00:52.316 swap ideas and give talks to the public. This year's 0:00:52.316 --> 0:00:54.676 summit was in London and I went along so I 0:00:54.676 --> 0:00:57.156 could record a live episode of this show with a 0:00:57.196 --> 0:01:01.156 total rock star of the British happiness community. Welcome to 0:01:01.196 --> 0:01:03.076 the WAHASU Live version of The. 0:01:03.076 --> 0:01:04.236 Happiness Lab. 0:01:08.476 --> 0:01:12.116 I am. I'm super excited to introduce my guest, Doctor 0:01:12.196 --> 0:01:16.636 Rungan Chatterjee. Doctor Chatterjee is professor of health education and communication, 0:01:16.996 --> 0:01:21.436 the host of the Feel Better, Live More podcast, which 0:01:21.476 --> 0:01:24.356 is the most listened to health podcast in Europe. He's 0:01:24.356 --> 0:01:27.116 also the author of five best selling books, including his 0:01:27.236 --> 0:01:31.436 most recent, Happy Mind, Happy Life Tends Simple Ways to 0:01:31.476 --> 0:01:33.556 Feel Great every day, and today we're going to be 0:01:33.596 --> 0:01:36.996 talking about why medical doctors need to pay even more 0:01:36.996 --> 0:01:38.196 attention to happiness. 0:01:38.436 --> 0:01:39.276 Will how's the audience. 0:01:39.316 --> 0:01:41.556 Are you all interested in medical doctors paying more attention 0:01:41.596 --> 0:01:48.676 to happiness? Yes, so, Rangan, You've long been an advocate 0:01:48.716 --> 0:01:52.036 of the importance of all kinds of healthy practices, but lately, 0:01:52.076 --> 0:01:54.476 in your most recent book, you've been making a claim 0:01:54.476 --> 0:01:58.116 that medical professionals also have to pay attention to something else, 0:01:58.156 --> 0:02:00.836 something that historically doctors haven't paid much attention to, which 0:02:00.876 --> 0:02:04.996 is people's happiness. Why is a happy life important for 0:02:05.076 --> 0:02:05.916 a healthy life? 0:02:07.276 --> 0:02:11.956 So I've been practicing that for over two decades. Okay, 0:02:12.036 --> 0:02:15.876 So during that time, I've seen tens of thousands of patients, 0:02:16.116 --> 0:02:19.076 and it's very clear to me, and it's very clear 0:02:19.116 --> 0:02:23.916 in the research that about eighty to ninety percent for 0:02:23.916 --> 0:02:25.756 what a doctor like me it's going to see in 0:02:25.836 --> 0:02:29.436 any given day is in some way related to our 0:02:29.516 --> 0:02:33.556 collective modern lifestyles. Now, let me be really clear with that. 0:02:33.636 --> 0:02:37.236 I am not putting blame on anybody. Okay, modern life 0:02:37.316 --> 0:02:41.676 is tough, it's very stressful, and so if you start 0:02:41.796 --> 0:02:44.556 off with the belief and the view that eighty to 0:02:44.636 --> 0:02:47.876 ninety percent of our medical problems are in some way 0:02:47.956 --> 0:02:50.876 related to the way we're living our lives. The next 0:02:50.916 --> 0:02:52.676 logical step is to go, okay, well, we need to 0:02:52.796 --> 0:02:57.076 educate our patients on what those things are that they 0:02:57.076 --> 0:03:01.636 can then change food movements, sleep, stress reduction, the things 0:03:01.636 --> 0:03:03.876 that I call the four pillars of health. And for 0:03:03.916 --> 0:03:05.836 many years I've been talking about that in public and 0:03:05.876 --> 0:03:09.676 I think that's incredibly useful. But for thelast few years 0:03:09.676 --> 0:03:12.076 I've been wondering, is that really the root cause or 0:03:12.156 --> 0:03:15.716 is it something even higher than that? And that's what 0:03:15.836 --> 0:03:19.036 led me to happiness, because I realized that actually, for 0:03:19.156 --> 0:03:24.916 many people, their lifestyle behaviors they weren't necessarily the root cause. 0:03:24.956 --> 0:03:27.876 They were a cause of sorts, but they were a 0:03:27.996 --> 0:03:32.716 downstream consequence of their moods, of the way they approached 0:03:32.876 --> 0:03:36.076 the world, of the state of their lives, of their happiness. 0:03:36.756 --> 0:03:36.876 Right. 0:03:36.956 --> 0:03:39.236 So, I think most people will in choously understand that 0:03:40.236 --> 0:03:43.436 happier people will naturally. 0:03:42.956 --> 0:03:44.756 Make better lifestyle choices. 0:03:45.236 --> 0:03:48.196 Okay, you're not going to dive headfirst into a tub 0:03:48.236 --> 0:03:51.996 of ice cream in the evening. Generally speaking, if you 0:03:52.076 --> 0:03:55.396 feel pretty content with life, usually for most people, that's 0:03:55.436 --> 0:03:58.796 a way of managing stress or internal discomfort or loneliness. 0:03:59.516 --> 0:04:01.916 So I found that we can tell patients about these 0:04:01.956 --> 0:04:06.516 lifestyle choices, but if those lifestyle choices are their way 0:04:06.556 --> 0:04:09.716 of coping with the stress in their life, they're never 0:04:09.756 --> 0:04:13.396 going to change the behavior unless I helped them change 0:04:13.436 --> 0:04:17.036 their stress, for example. So that's one way of answering 0:04:17.076 --> 0:04:20.116 your question. But actually, if you go into the research, 0:04:20.276 --> 0:04:23.156 there seems to be this link between happiness and health 0:04:23.716 --> 0:04:28.036 that goes beyond these lifestyle behaviors. And actually, Laurie, when 0:04:28.076 --> 0:04:30.916 you came onto my podcast maybe two or three years ago, 0:04:30.996 --> 0:04:32.956 you shared with me a really powerful study that made 0:04:32.956 --> 0:04:35.876 a real impact on me, which was that study where 0:04:36.396 --> 0:04:38.156 I think it was a psychologist who did it, when 0:04:38.156 --> 0:04:43.236 they took people into a laboratory and they injected rhinovirus 0:04:43.676 --> 0:04:48.276 up their nostrils. Pretty pleasant study, right. Rhinovirus is the 0:04:48.316 --> 0:04:51.556 bug that causes the common colds. Now, what was interesting 0:04:51.556 --> 0:04:55.556 about this study is that they could see quite clearly 0:04:55.996 --> 0:05:01.756 an association between your mood and whether you got sick 0:05:01.756 --> 0:05:04.836 from the virus. So basically, as Laurie told me on 0:05:04.876 --> 0:05:07.916 my show, the group who were in the not so 0:05:08.156 --> 0:05:15.196 positive mood agree, right, got sick three times as much, right, 0:05:15.596 --> 0:05:18.156 So that's pretty remarkable. So why does a doctor then 0:05:18.196 --> 0:05:21.116 need to know that? Well, if we're not thinking about 0:05:21.236 --> 0:05:25.116 mood and well being and happiness, Well, that study is 0:05:25.156 --> 0:05:31.276 showing a pretty compelling association between your immune system function 0:05:32.156 --> 0:05:35.596 and your happiness. So more and more I've been led 0:05:35.636 --> 0:05:38.836 down to the belief that actually we need as doctors 0:05:38.876 --> 0:05:42.436 to be talking about happiness a because it directly affects 0:05:42.476 --> 0:05:46.476 your lifestyle choices, but beyond that, independently of that, and 0:05:46.516 --> 0:05:50.596 there's more research to support that happiness is associated with 0:05:50.676 --> 0:05:51.236 better health. 0:05:56.556 --> 0:05:58.916 And so as we think about happiness being associated with 0:05:58.996 --> 0:06:01.356 better health, I think is the nerds that we are. 0:06:01.396 --> 0:06:03.716 We also have to think about our definition of happiness, 0:06:03.956 --> 0:06:06.196 and there are lots of different definitions of happiness out 0:06:06.196 --> 0:06:08.516 there in the literature. You use a sort of three 0:06:08.556 --> 0:06:10.796 prong of coach in your book, which I really quite like. 0:06:10.836 --> 0:06:12.356 So talk to me about this sort of three parts 0:06:12.356 --> 0:06:13.556 of happiness as you think of it. 0:06:13.916 --> 0:06:17.276 Yeah, So it took me over six months to try 0:06:17.316 --> 0:06:20.596 and figure out what I call the code to happiness. Now, 0:06:20.636 --> 0:06:24.676 of course many people have got their models for approaching happiness. 0:06:25.316 --> 0:06:29.156 For me, as a doctor, I'm always thinking about what's practical. 0:06:29.716 --> 0:06:32.076 We can talk about big ideas, but how does that 0:06:32.196 --> 0:06:35.996 busy person with a busy life actually put this into practice. 0:06:36.076 --> 0:06:40.036 So I was trying to develop a model that really 0:06:40.636 --> 0:06:44.156 underpins its idea that happiness is a skill. Happiness is 0:06:44.196 --> 0:06:47.676 a skill that you can get better at if you 0:06:47.836 --> 0:06:50.876 know how to cultivate it. And so the best way 0:06:50.916 --> 0:06:53.596 I could explain it to people was with the core 0:06:53.716 --> 0:06:57.876 happiness stool. So it's basically a three legged stool, and 0:06:57.996 --> 0:07:01.836 each of the legs is an ingredient of happiness. So 0:07:01.956 --> 0:07:04.356 each one in isolation is going to help, but each 0:07:04.356 --> 0:07:08.156 one in isolation is not enough in and off itself. 0:07:08.316 --> 0:07:11.196 So the three legged stool of happiness, the way I 0:07:11.276 --> 0:07:19.116 see it, is composed of alignment, contentment, and control. So 0:07:19.276 --> 0:07:23.436 alignment is basically about when the person you are inside 0:07:24.076 --> 0:07:26.396 and the person who you are being out there in 0:07:26.436 --> 0:07:28.716 the world are one and the same. 0:07:29.476 --> 0:07:30.636 Okay, So when you're. 0:07:30.396 --> 0:07:33.436 Inner values and your external action start to line up 0:07:33.476 --> 0:07:36.796 more and more, that's alignment. The next leg is contentment. 0:07:36.916 --> 0:07:38.996 So what are those things in life that give you 0:07:39.316 --> 0:07:41.796 a sense of peace, a sense of calm, and in 0:07:41.836 --> 0:07:46.516 a sense of contentment. That's the leg of contentments. And 0:07:46.556 --> 0:07:49.596 the final leg, which I think is even more important 0:07:49.596 --> 0:07:51.276 today if we think about the state of the world 0:07:51.716 --> 0:07:54.356 and what we might be exposed to if we go 0:07:54.396 --> 0:07:57.156 online or look at the news, for example. The third 0:07:57.196 --> 0:08:00.876 leg of the stool is control. Now I thought long 0:08:00.916 --> 0:08:03.556 and hard about this word, because it's not about controlling 0:08:03.596 --> 0:08:07.636 the world. It's about giving yourself a sense of control. 0:08:08.196 --> 0:08:11.636 And it's actually such different. What are the things you 0:08:11.636 --> 0:08:14.396 can do in life that give you that sense of control. 0:08:14.876 --> 0:08:16.636 We know from the research that people who have a 0:08:16.636 --> 0:08:20.516 strong sense of control over their lives, the happier, the healthier, 0:08:20.556 --> 0:08:22.636 They do better at work, they earn more money, they 0:08:22.636 --> 0:08:27.156 have better social relationships. So for me, the whole book 0:08:27.236 --> 0:08:30.236 is basically about practical things that work on one, two, 0:08:30.396 --> 0:08:33.756 or three of those legs off the stool. So you're 0:08:33.756 --> 0:08:38.156 not directly working on happiness. You're doing something, hopefully each 0:08:38.236 --> 0:08:41.716 day that works on alignment, contentment, and control. And the 0:08:41.716 --> 0:08:44.076 side effects of that is you're going to feel happier 0:08:44.516 --> 0:08:50.396 more often, and I think most people want to feel 0:08:50.436 --> 0:08:51.556 happier more often. 0:08:52.036 --> 0:08:53.716 One of the things I love about your book is 0:08:53.716 --> 0:08:55.716 that you don't just start with this definition of happiness. 0:08:55.716 --> 0:08:58.356 You really try to come up with these ten practical 0:08:58.436 --> 0:09:01.516 domains in which people can apply different strategies to start 0:09:01.556 --> 0:09:03.876 getting happier. And one of the ones that you start 0:09:03.876 --> 0:09:06.036 with is trying to get past what you call the 0:09:06.116 --> 0:09:08.316 want brain. What is the want brain? 0:09:08.636 --> 0:09:09.436 And how do we get run? 0:09:09.796 --> 0:09:12.356 And I can just say, the reason why everything I 0:09:12.356 --> 0:09:15.476 do is so practical focused is if you think about 0:09:15.676 --> 0:09:18.636 my life, you know, for many years it's been seeing patients. 0:09:19.396 --> 0:09:21.916 So I can't just say to them, hey, look there's 0:09:21.956 --> 0:09:25.556 a strong link between happiness and health. Okay, that was 0:09:25.556 --> 0:09:27.556 going to help in your immune sysfunction. I see you 0:09:27.796 --> 0:09:31.076 in a month's time. No, I mean I have to 0:09:31.116 --> 0:09:33.116 be able to tell them and explain something. But then 0:09:33.156 --> 0:09:35.396 I have to for me. I feel I have to 0:09:35.436 --> 0:09:38.236 give them something that they can go and develop and 0:09:38.276 --> 0:09:41.156 cultivate and start to feel it for themselves. So that's 0:09:41.196 --> 0:09:45.236 why I'm always so practically focused. But the one brain okay, 0:09:45.276 --> 0:09:47.716 so the one brain is that part of your brain 0:09:47.756 --> 0:09:51.476 that evolved a long time again, many thousands of years ago, 0:09:51.716 --> 0:09:54.956 that makes you think you have to compete, there is 0:09:55.076 --> 0:09:59.836 limited resources. I have to get what's mine. It convinces 0:09:59.916 --> 0:10:04.756 you that a promotion, a better salary, a nicer phone, 0:10:05.596 --> 0:10:07.916 a piece of chocolate, although you may disagree with that, 0:10:08.236 --> 0:10:10.796 but it convinces you that that's going to make you happier. 0:10:11.476 --> 0:10:14.596 And actually, for most of those things, it's actually a myth. 0:10:15.076 --> 0:10:16.596 And we know that because there's a lot of research 0:10:16.636 --> 0:10:19.076 showing us that there's some research where they phone people 0:10:19.156 --> 0:10:21.956 up at various parts of the day after they've engaged 0:10:21.956 --> 0:10:24.556 in certain activities, and we find that actually when people 0:10:24.836 --> 0:10:26.796 have just brought something online, or they've had a bit 0:10:26.836 --> 0:10:30.636 of chocolates, or you know, they're getting seduced by the 0:10:30.676 --> 0:10:33.796 modern myth of success, which often means in the workplace 0:10:33.916 --> 0:10:37.196 that people feel less motivated, they feel less confident, and 0:10:37.236 --> 0:10:38.196 they feel depressed. 0:10:39.116 --> 0:10:40.396 But the one brain. 0:10:41.756 --> 0:10:44.236 Is very, very powerful, and I think we're living in 0:10:44.556 --> 0:10:48.956 a time where society and culture very much prioritizes the 0:10:48.956 --> 0:10:51.836 one brain. So many of us get sucked into this 0:10:51.996 --> 0:10:56.276 trap that more work, more promotion, more Instagram followers, more 0:10:56.316 --> 0:10:59.836 whatever is going to make us happy. And by and large, 0:10:59.996 --> 0:11:03.596 in most cases, if you identify that with your happiness, 0:11:04.276 --> 0:11:06.596 it's going to be a disappointment. And I can tell 0:11:06.596 --> 0:11:07.996 you I started the book with very I think it's 0:11:07.996 --> 0:11:10.676 a very powerful story of my dad. So my dad's 0:11:10.796 --> 0:11:14.396 came to the UK in nineteen sixty two from India 0:11:14.876 --> 0:11:17.356 for a better life, and Dad faced all kinds of 0:11:17.356 --> 0:11:19.996 discrimination and all kinds of things that many immigrant families 0:11:20.236 --> 0:11:24.836 at that time will have experienced. But basically, for thirty years, 0:11:25.356 --> 0:11:29.356 my dad worked four nights a week, right, so he 0:11:29.436 --> 0:11:32.076 worked in the day as a consultant medical doctor at 0:11:32.156 --> 0:11:35.036 manster Warm Infirmary. But Dad would come home every night, 0:11:35.636 --> 0:11:37.836 he would shave, he'd have his dinner and then a 0:11:37.876 --> 0:11:40.756 car would pick him up at seven pm and Dad 0:11:40.796 --> 0:11:43.956 would be out doing gp house course all night. He'd 0:11:43.956 --> 0:11:46.636 come back at seven am shave, Mum had give him 0:11:46.636 --> 0:11:49.156 breakfast and he'd drive for thirty minutes back into Manchester 0:11:49.236 --> 0:11:52.436 and work all day. So for thirty years, my dad 0:11:52.436 --> 0:11:55.836 only slept for three nights a week, right. And at 0:11:55.876 --> 0:12:00.516 fifty seven, my dad gets loopus, he gets chronic kidney 0:12:00.516 --> 0:12:03.476 failure and he's on a dalist machine for fifteen years. 0:12:04.236 --> 0:12:07.676 And my dad died almost eleven years ago now. And 0:12:07.916 --> 0:12:13.436 I'm convinced that this wants brain, that this belief that 0:12:14.316 --> 0:12:18.676 success and more money is going to make you happier 0:12:18.716 --> 0:12:22.316 and the people around you happier. I'm convinced that's why 0:12:22.316 --> 0:12:24.396 my dad got sick and that's why he's no longer here. 0:12:25.676 --> 0:12:28.596 I mean, it's such a powerful story. Of course, the 0:12:28.676 --> 0:12:31.316 problem is it's so hard to shut off the want 0:12:31.316 --> 0:12:34.636 brain from the basic physical wants of like ooh chocolate 0:12:34.716 --> 0:12:39.076 to ooh promotion, ooh more money. What are some strategies 0:12:39.116 --> 0:12:41.236 we can use to tackle the want brain. You have 0:12:41.276 --> 0:12:42.956 an exercise that I think we might even be able 0:12:42.996 --> 0:12:45.356 to try out quickly here with this audience. 0:12:45.036 --> 0:12:47.516 Right, yeah, I mean one of my favorite exercises is 0:12:47.516 --> 0:12:49.476 in chapter one of the book. It's called your Own 0:12:49.516 --> 0:12:53.196 Happy Ending, and it's so simple. But I think if 0:12:53.236 --> 0:12:55.436 you take nothing else from our conversation, but just do 0:12:55.556 --> 0:12:58.836 this exercise and maybe share it with someone in your 0:12:58.836 --> 0:13:01.116 family or someone who's sitting next to you later on, 0:13:01.836 --> 0:13:04.636 I honestly believe it will change the trajectory of the 0:13:04.636 --> 0:13:07.276 next few weeks and months of your life. And it's 0:13:07.316 --> 0:13:11.076 so so simple, right, So the first stage is and yes, 0:13:11.116 --> 0:13:13.756 as Laurie says, try and imagine it and do it now. 0:13:13.836 --> 0:13:19.676 If you can imagine you're on your deathbeds right now, 0:13:19.756 --> 0:13:24.236 look back on your life and ask yourself, what are 0:13:24.276 --> 0:13:27.476 three things you will want to have done or spent 0:13:27.556 --> 0:13:30.516 time on what does he think about that? 0:13:31.276 --> 0:13:31.636 Okay? 0:13:32.636 --> 0:13:35.676 And then the second part of the exercise is you 0:13:35.676 --> 0:13:38.156 bring it into the present day and go, Okay, what's 0:13:38.996 --> 0:13:43.236 three happiness habits do I need to do each week 0:13:44.436 --> 0:13:47.076 that will give me the happy ending I've just defined 0:13:47.116 --> 0:13:52.476 I want. It is deceptively simple, right, So for me, 0:13:52.556 --> 0:13:54.956 at the end of my life, I will want to 0:13:54.996 --> 0:13:58.356 have spent quality time with my family and friends. Like 0:13:58.436 --> 0:14:02.636 everyone else, I will want to have done something that 0:14:02.796 --> 0:14:05.956 impacts the people around me in a positive way. And 0:14:05.996 --> 0:14:08.956 I will want to have spent time or have had 0:14:09.276 --> 0:14:12.916 time to pursue things that I'm passionate about. So for me, 0:14:13.796 --> 0:14:16.796 my three weekly happiness habits are and these are written 0:14:16.916 --> 0:14:19.476 up on my fridge at home, so I see them 0:14:19.676 --> 0:14:21.956 every day, just on a piece of paper, nothing fancy, 0:14:22.436 --> 0:14:25.276 very low tech, scrap piece of paper and a pencil. 0:14:25.876 --> 0:14:27.356 Right, I specify. 0:14:27.396 --> 0:14:30.076 I want five meals a week with my wife and 0:14:30.116 --> 0:14:32.556 my two kids where I'm completely undistracted. 0:14:33.476 --> 0:14:35.996 Okay, may not work for you. That works for me. 0:14:37.156 --> 0:14:39.596 I need to record one episode in my podcast each week, 0:14:39.596 --> 0:14:41.396 which I've been doing for six and a half years, 0:14:41.596 --> 0:14:44.036 because I know that will have an impact on the 0:14:44.076 --> 0:14:47.196 world around me. And if I've had time each week 0:14:47.236 --> 0:14:50.796 to either go for long walk in nature, play my guitar, 0:14:50.916 --> 0:14:53.436 write some songs, play snooker with my son, whatever it 0:14:53.516 --> 0:14:57.716 might be, I know I've had time to pursue my passions. Now, 0:14:57.756 --> 0:15:00.836 why that's such a powerful exercise. It doesn't necessarily remove 0:15:00.876 --> 0:15:04.476 the want brain, Right, It doesn't mean I don't also 0:15:04.476 --> 0:15:08.076 get seduced into these belief systems that the culture will 0:15:08.436 --> 0:15:08.996 kind of feed in. 0:15:09.956 --> 0:15:11.076 But it means that. 0:15:11.036 --> 0:15:14.556 I'm intentionally focusing on the things that are important every 0:15:14.636 --> 0:15:18.156 single week. Now, those things don't take long. Right, It 0:15:18.196 --> 0:15:20.996 doesn't mean that my email inbox won't overflow, and I 0:15:21.116 --> 0:15:24.356 might get stressed about that. But the problem today, in 0:15:24.396 --> 0:15:29.076 my view, is that we fit in the important things 0:15:29.596 --> 0:15:32.596 when everything else is done. But the problem is today 0:15:32.716 --> 0:15:42.036 everything else is never done. There's always something else. There's 0:15:42.076 --> 0:15:44.756 always another email to answer, another person to get back to, 0:15:44.836 --> 0:15:49.396 another WhatsApp message group to reply to. Right, And so 0:15:49.476 --> 0:15:53.716 if you don't intentionally put in your diary the things 0:15:53.756 --> 0:15:56.436 that are important for your happiness, I think your happiness 0:15:56.516 --> 0:15:59.476 is going to wither away. And it's a simple exercise, 0:15:59.516 --> 0:16:02.076 but it's very very effective. I do it myself and 0:16:02.116 --> 0:16:04.316 I've done it for years with my patients and they 0:16:04.476 --> 0:16:05.716 really really like it. 0:16:12.756 --> 0:16:15.196 I think it's so powerful too, because what this exercise 0:16:15.276 --> 0:16:18.396 causes you to realize is that, like, you're never going 0:16:18.476 --> 0:16:20.476 to have time to get everything done, Like you're going 0:16:20.516 --> 0:16:21.996 to have a bunch of balls in the air, and 0:16:22.036 --> 0:16:24.236 a lot of those balls are going to fall. But 0:16:24.276 --> 0:16:26.316 the key is to make sure the right balls fall. 0:16:26.476 --> 0:16:28.556 And our instinct is never that we let the email 0:16:28.556 --> 0:16:30.876 ball fall, because it's like you know, pinging in our 0:16:30.956 --> 0:16:33.396 phones in our pockets. But this sort of forces us 0:16:33.436 --> 0:16:35.836 to say, there's a reason I'm not entering my email, 0:16:35.836 --> 0:16:37.436 and it's because I'm having dinner with my kids. 0:16:37.516 --> 0:16:40.636 Yeah, and I often i'm the worst person, or one 0:16:40.636 --> 0:16:42.116 of the worst people in the world at getting back 0:16:42.156 --> 0:16:44.196 to emails. But you know what, I've made peace with that. 0:16:44.236 --> 0:16:46.036 I'm okay with that because me not getting back to 0:16:46.076 --> 0:16:49.996 emails generally means I'm spending time with my children and 0:16:50.036 --> 0:16:53.956 my wife, and so I've got very clear that that's important. 0:16:53.956 --> 0:16:56.076 Now here's the thing about that deathbed exercise. 0:16:56.596 --> 0:16:59.396 Right, we all think we're different, and we all have 0:16:59.476 --> 0:17:02.316 individual likes and needs and wants, and yes, of course 0:17:02.316 --> 0:17:07.036 there's variability but on one level, we're not that different. 0:17:08.636 --> 0:17:12.996 You know, palliative care nurses who have sat with dying people, 0:17:13.596 --> 0:17:16.596 like Bronnie Ware, who wrote the book The Five Regrets 0:17:16.596 --> 0:17:18.676 of the Dying, who I had a beautiful conversation with 0:17:18.796 --> 0:17:19.996 last year when she was in London. 0:17:20.516 --> 0:17:21.396 On my podcast. 0:17:22.596 --> 0:17:26.436 She explains that after eight years of sitting with dying people, 0:17:27.196 --> 0:17:29.596 what are the things that they say? And they all 0:17:29.636 --> 0:17:33.116 say the same things. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. 0:17:33.836 --> 0:17:36.396 I wish I'd spent more time with my friends and family. 0:17:37.356 --> 0:17:41.436 I wish I'd lived my life and not the life 0:17:41.436 --> 0:17:45.836 that other people expected of me. So for me, these 0:17:45.876 --> 0:17:50.076 things aren't just cute Instagram memes which go viral, right, 0:17:50.236 --> 0:17:53.436 They don't have to be. We can convert it into action, 0:17:54.156 --> 0:17:56.236 We can use it as a way of thinking. I 0:17:56.236 --> 0:17:58.156 don't want to wait until my death bed to learn 0:17:58.196 --> 0:18:01.636 what's important, right, And it's the thing I didn't mention 0:18:01.716 --> 0:18:03.476 my dad. One thing I will say, though, just to 0:18:04.236 --> 0:18:07.876 which I think is really important. And I've reflected on 0:18:07.916 --> 0:18:09.756 this since I wrote the book and shared the story 0:18:09.756 --> 0:18:14.156 of my dad's One thing I can't say is that 0:18:14.196 --> 0:18:15.956 he made the wrong choices. And I'll tell you why 0:18:15.956 --> 0:18:19.316 I can't say that. If my dad was here today, 0:18:20.036 --> 0:18:21.876 one of the questions I'd love to ask him is Dad, 0:18:21.956 --> 0:18:25.036 was it worth it? Because you know what, for him, 0:18:25.556 --> 0:18:28.156 coming from India where he didn't feel there was much opportunity, 0:18:28.836 --> 0:18:31.756 he may go to me, and I suspect he would actually. 0:18:32.756 --> 0:18:34.996 And this is where my view has evolved since I 0:18:35.036 --> 0:18:37.876 wrote A Happy Mind, Happy Life. I think my dad 0:18:37.916 --> 0:18:39.716 was a lie. Today he may say, hey, son, listen, 0:18:40.516 --> 0:18:42.436 it was totally worth it. I'd do it all again 0:18:42.476 --> 0:18:44.716 because look how I've set you up with a great education. 0:18:45.076 --> 0:18:47.356 Look what impact you're having on the world. Look what 0:18:47.396 --> 0:18:48.236 your brother's doing. 0:18:49.316 --> 0:18:52.196 And I'm now sort of seeing the other side and 0:18:52.316 --> 0:19:03.916 going actually, for him, maybe it was worth it. 0:19:03.956 --> 0:19:05.916 But the key and the beauty of this exercises you 0:19:05.956 --> 0:19:07.676 can figure out what's worth it for you, which is 0:19:07.676 --> 0:19:11.716 so powerful. So in our second tip from your book, 0:19:11.836 --> 0:19:16.076 we're going to explore a practice that you find most important. 0:19:16.676 --> 0:19:20.676 But unfortunately we have run out of time, and that 0:19:20.876 --> 0:19:24.556 means that all of you can only figure out Ronan's 0:19:24.596 --> 0:19:28.716 second most important thing. If you listen to the Happiness Pod, 0:19:30.116 --> 0:19:34.636 can we get a big round of a plaza? That's right, 0:19:34.916 --> 0:19:37.436 Runkan and I only had about twenty minutes on stage 0:19:37.636 --> 0:19:39.236 and then we had to make way for some other 0:19:39.276 --> 0:19:39.996 great speakers. 0:19:40.436 --> 0:19:41.356 But kindly the. 0:19:41.316 --> 0:19:43.756 World Happiness Summit folks set us up in an empty 0:19:43.796 --> 0:19:47.636 auditorium next door so we could continue our conversation, which 0:19:47.676 --> 0:19:57.396 is coming up right after this quick break. So we're 0:19:57.476 --> 0:20:01.036 now done our conversation at Wahasu in front of that big, 0:20:01.076 --> 0:20:03.956 amazing audience, and now we are in a different auditorium 0:20:04.036 --> 0:20:06.836 That might sound a little bit echoey because there's nobody 0:20:06.876 --> 0:20:08.356 in here. We're sitting out here looking at like one 0:20:08.396 --> 0:20:11.396 hundred emptyc which is a little strange. 0:20:11.036 --> 0:20:13.116 But yeah, and we were just getting going were we 0:20:13.236 --> 0:20:15.236 I know, like there was a real energy in there 0:20:15.276 --> 0:20:17.476 in the room, and now we've got to recreate that 0:20:17.516 --> 0:20:18.276 for the second time. 0:20:18.316 --> 0:20:20.916 But which is a good way to jump to your 0:20:20.996 --> 0:20:23.436 second tip that we were just about to talk about before, 0:20:23.636 --> 0:20:25.796 which is this idea that we need to treat ourselves 0:20:25.836 --> 0:20:28.836 with kindness and treat ourself with respect even when the 0:20:28.876 --> 0:20:31.156 situation like this one might be a little bit tricky. 0:20:31.676 --> 0:20:33.676 And one of the reasons I loved your book so 0:20:33.756 --> 0:20:35.636 much is that you're really candid about the fact that 0:20:35.676 --> 0:20:37.716 this is something that you have struggled with yourself a 0:20:37.756 --> 0:20:38.156 little bit. 0:20:38.316 --> 0:20:41.516 Yeah, it's interesting, Laurie that you know I mentioned the 0:20:41.516 --> 0:20:47.436 three legs of the stool, and I mentioned alignments and 0:20:48.236 --> 0:20:51.956 the importance of living in a way that is aligned 0:20:51.956 --> 0:20:54.756 with who we really are. And for this book, actually 0:20:54.796 --> 0:20:57.996 it's the most vulnerable I've ever been, to the point 0:20:57.996 --> 0:20:59.996 where my wife, who never reads any of my books 0:21:00.036 --> 0:21:03.756 until the final stage, is when she read it she 0:21:03.756 --> 0:21:06.156 actually said, Hey, wrong, going to be sure you want 0:21:06.156 --> 0:21:08.396 to put all of this in your book. And I 0:21:08.436 --> 0:21:11.756 think I'd be on this happiness journey myself, and I 0:21:11.916 --> 0:21:14.996 feel that it is important as long as I'm comfortable 0:21:14.996 --> 0:21:17.956 with it which I am to share the things or 0:21:17.996 --> 0:21:21.076 some of the things that maybe I previously wouldn't have shared, 0:21:21.156 --> 0:21:23.316 because it's kind of who I am. It's led to 0:21:23.676 --> 0:21:26.356 who I am today. And I think that negative inner 0:21:26.436 --> 0:21:29.356 voice is one of those things. I think I've had 0:21:29.356 --> 0:21:31.756 a pretty vicious inner voice for much of my life. 0:21:32.236 --> 0:21:35.356 I never felt good enough growing up. You know, there's 0:21:35.396 --> 0:21:37.876 two signs to every story. There's definitely not about blame. 0:21:39.196 --> 0:21:41.876 But this is actually not that uncommon in immigrant families, 0:21:41.876 --> 0:21:42.876 certainly here in the UK. 0:21:42.956 --> 0:21:44.636 I would say I can only speak for that. 0:21:45.396 --> 0:21:47.876 But if I came home from school when I was 0:21:47.916 --> 0:21:52.516 six or seven with nineteen out of twenty, it was 0:21:52.556 --> 0:21:55.236 never well done. It was always what did you get wrong? 0:21:55.516 --> 0:21:58.156