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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My fiance said my love was fake and now things

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Speaker 3: aren't the same.

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Speaker 4: He sounds fake trigger warning.

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Speaker 5: Mentions of abuse.

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Speaker 3: My significant other and I have been together for almost

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Speaker 3: eight years now, we have two children, we have a

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Speaker 3: great relationship, and all other aspects other than him being insecure,

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure how much more I can take. Is

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Speaker 3: insecurities have really had a big impact on my mental health.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from no following eighty five

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Speaker 3: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy,

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 3: what we do, so let us know what you would do.

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Speaker 3: In the comments and OPI says I have previously lived

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Speaker 3: in a long term relationship that was harmful, so this

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Speaker 3: behavior is really triggering for me. Oh, he is much

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Speaker 3: different from my ex, and I know the red flags

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Speaker 3: to look out for. I also know what he's doing

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Speaker 3: is not okay, and MYESO openly admits to his wrongdoing.

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Speaker 3: He acknowledges how wrong his behavior is and ends up

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Speaker 3: in a cycle with guilt and shame, which causes him

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Speaker 3: to have an even lower self esteem. It breaks my heart.

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Speaker 3: He's currently getting assessed for autism. Our child has been diagnosed,

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Speaker 3: and he shows many signs. He's also started taking anxiety

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Speaker 3: medication and is waiting out a referral for a therapist.

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Speaker 3: He really is trying to put in the work. However,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if it's gone too far at this point,

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Speaker 3: because I'm at the point that I'm feeling disgusted with him. Well,

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Speaker 3: that's not.

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Speaker 4: A great sign.

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Speaker 3: No, I only started feeling this disgust recently after an

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Speaker 3: incident had occurred. What happened was that we were actually

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Speaker 3: having a great weekend together. The Friday night was a

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Speaker 3: beautiful night at camp together. We were bonding and spending

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Speaker 3: the evening by the fire. It was another great night

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Speaker 3: to add to the books. The next night, however, we

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Speaker 3: were a little more burnt out, so after the kids

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Speaker 3: went down, we didn't stay too long by the fire.

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Speaker 3: When we got to bed early enough, Instead of being intimate,

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Speaker 3: I kind of went on my phone and just zoned

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Speaker 3: out and watched some video. We don't do this all

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Speaker 3: the time, probably about one to two nights per week,

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Speaker 3: but it isn't uncommon for us. The next morning, he

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Speaker 3: seemed off and I knew something was wrong. By the

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Speaker 3: time he talked about it with me, he said that

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Speaker 3: our love felt fate eh. He expressed that he feels

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Speaker 3: like he pours more into the relationship than I do.

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Speaker 3: Keep in mind, I've been a stay at home mom

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Speaker 3: and I also have a part time work at home

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Speaker 3: as well, along with caring for the house and kids,

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Speaker 3: and I give him a lot of love in many

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Speaker 3: different ways. I was shocked to hear this and heartbroken.

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Speaker 3: I've given so much in our relationship. I pour my

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Speaker 3: heart and soul into our family and him. This incident

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Speaker 3: sent me over the edge. We stayed calm and talked

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Speaker 3: it through as we always do, but I just can't

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Speaker 3: get over it. I have many insecurity and jealousy stories,

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Speaker 3: and I've spent so much time in our relationship compromising.

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Speaker 3: For example, I have a cute white top. I took

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Speaker 3: some photos in and posted on Facebook. He was quiet

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Speaker 3: for two days, and when he finally opened up, he

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Speaker 3: expressed that he was really upset about my outfits. He

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Speaker 3: thinks that I'm looking for attention online and he doesn't

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Speaker 3: like when I wear tops like that. I really don't

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Speaker 3: care what you like.

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Speaker 4: Is the therapy work.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't seem to be. I'm sorry you don't have

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Speaker 3: a You don't have a say about what I wear.

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Speaker 2: Not at all.

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Speaker 4: And Opie, I think maybe just for the sake of

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Speaker 4: your stress and stuffs, some therapy for you too, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: just help a little bit.

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Speaker 3: It was a tank top with ruffles, he said it

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Speaker 3: looked like lingerie. Another time I wore a white skirt

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Speaker 3: with white shorts underneath, and he was not happy about that. Either.

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Speaker 3: This is controlling, This is controlling too much. You're not

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Speaker 3: wearing I mean, not wearing actual lingerie online.

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Speaker 4: Different foles certainly don't make it lingerie.

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Speaker 3: Just because you're wearing a tank top and a skirt

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Speaker 3: does not mean that he can be upset about that. Yea,

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Speaker 3: you bring clothes, so I basically had to compromise and

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Speaker 3: not wear those items anymore. That's actually not a comproise.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if we've looked up what a compromise is.

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Speaker 3: That's not one.

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Speaker 4: Him saying I don't want you to do that and

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Speaker 4: you're going okay is not a concomference.

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Speaker 3: He admits that it took him a lot to admit

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Speaker 3: that it's wrong, but he finally did and still wants

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Speaker 3: me to respect his boundary. So I sacrificed my comfort

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Speaker 3: for his. Another incident is when he worked out of town.

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Speaker 3: My neighbor usually comes by outside with their little ones

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Speaker 3: to play with our kids. His wife happened to not

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Speaker 3: be home either this time, and his kids were asking

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Speaker 3: to play. It was a beautiful summer day. While the

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Speaker 3: kids played, my neighbor and I stayed outside in an

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Speaker 3: open yard corner lot where all the neighbors could see us,

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Speaker 3: and sat at a table and had a few drinks.

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Speaker 3: While the kids played, we chatted and hung out. By

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Speaker 3: seven thirty pm, he brought his kids back home and

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Speaker 3: I brought mine in for bedtime. ISO was so upset

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Speaker 3: about this. We had hours of discussion and disagreements on

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Speaker 3: this one. At one point I had agreed that maybe

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Speaker 3: the neighbor overstayed is welcome, but it wasn't inappropriate. We

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Speaker 3: were in a public space hanging out. I expressed to

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Speaker 3: him that I feel like we should be able to

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Speaker 3: be around other people without problems like this, and he's

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Speaker 3: only feeling this way because he feels threatened and insecure.

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Speaker 5: Admit I did that.

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Speaker 3: It's true and knows it's wrong, but I should still

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Speaker 3: compromise and want to be supportive and hold back because

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Speaker 3: he isn't comfortable and that's his boundary. You don't get

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Speaker 3: to have boundaries where you you literally know you both

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Speaker 3: agree that they're wrong.

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Speaker 4: He's like, I'm totally wrong. I demand you do this though,

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Speaker 4: that's my poudary.

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Speaker 3: No, so I have stop. I respect him and what

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Speaker 3: he's going through. I told him I wouldn't do that again.

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Speaker 3: I do think his mental health struggles are important, and

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Speaker 3: I think it's fair that I make these small compromises.

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Speaker 3: But these small compromises are building.

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Speaker 4: Up and these are pretty big one too, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: where is a big one?

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Speaker 3: That is a big That is a big and it's

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Speaker 3: not a compromise. Let's let's change the verbiage. You are

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Speaker 3: making sacrifices. They're not compromises. You are sacrificing parts of

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Speaker 3: your freedom for his comfort and sometimes in a you know,

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Speaker 3: relationship that is needed in some ways, but this is

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Speaker 3: not one of them.

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Speaker 4: I hope this is what's being discussed in some of

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Speaker 4: his therapy sessions.

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Speaker 2: I sure hope.

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Speaker 3: So he also checks my phone often, almost daily or

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Speaker 3: every second day. Not okay, In all fairness, I do

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Speaker 3: have access to his phone as well. I have previously

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Speaker 3: looked on it, but I really don't go often. I

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Speaker 3: feel like I can easily never look on it again,

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Speaker 3: and I would be fine because I trust him. And

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Speaker 3: this leaves me feeling like he really doesn't trust me.

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Speaker 3: When I've gone on it in the past, he would

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Speaker 3: make comments about when I do look at his phone,

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Speaker 3: it makes him feel.

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Speaker 4: Like I care. Oh, so it seems like he sees

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Speaker 4: I think he sees love a lot of in like

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Speaker 4: the controls.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I feel like it's ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: I don't care any less because I don't look through

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Speaker 3: your phone. I just trust you more of anything. One

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Speaker 3: time he got mad at me for looking at another

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Speaker 3: guy on the way into a grocery store. Okay, honestly,

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Speaker 3: I didn't even realize I was looking at someone else.

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Speaker 3: Even if I did, look, we're all human and have eyes,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't mean I was intentionally trying to be disloyal. Anyways.

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Speaker 3: My point is there's plenty more of these issues. But

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Speaker 3: after the last incident where he made a comment about

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Speaker 3: my love and affection of feeling fake, I feel like

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Speaker 3: I'm so over it and I I don't know how

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Speaker 3: to come back to being supportive. I'm calling around today

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Speaker 3: for couples counseling, which you agreed to. I feel a

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Speaker 3: lot of guilt and like an ale saying this, but

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Speaker 3: I really hope that I'm able to get over this

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Speaker 3: feeling of not wanting anything to do with his problems anymore.

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Speaker 3: I'm truly at my breaking point. Any advice is welcome,

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Speaker 3: and there aren't some comments. What you're dealing with is

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Speaker 3: his insecurity, which is turning into control. It's clear that

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Speaker 3: he struggles with self esteem and is trying to self correct,

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Speaker 3: admitting when he's wrong. However, the reality is that his

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Speaker 3: behavior still limits your freedom and puts you in a

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Speaker 3: constant position of managing his emotion. It's possible for someone

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Speaker 3: to both be hurting and to hurt you. Insecurity might

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Speaker 3: be the root but when it comes to checking your phone,

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Speaker 3: dictating what you wear, or questioning your love, that's controlling.

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Speaker 3: Intent doesn't erase impact. Counseling is a good step, but

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Speaker 3: you're not wrong for feeling like you're at the end

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Speaker 3: of your rope. Seems like you've compromised a lot already,

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Speaker 3: and it's okay to say enough. Supporting his mental health

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Speaker 3: doesn't mean sacrificing your own. If the disgust you feel

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Speaker 3: doesn't go away, that's your boundary telling you this may

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Speaker 3: not be sustainable. No matter how much he admits fault,

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Speaker 3: you can tell him that you support him while he

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Speaker 3: or both of you go to counseling, But if things

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Speaker 3: don't change, you'll have to make a decision. And there

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Speaker 3: is an update. I Yeah, it really doesn't matter how

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Speaker 3: much he admits fault. If he keeps doing the same things.

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Speaker 4: He's not learning from anything, and he's really not taking

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Speaker 4: any Like admitting the fault isn't taking and like fixing

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Speaker 4: the behavior, it's.

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Speaker 5: Not in the slightest updates.

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Speaker 3: He sure took a lot of time to process things,

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Speaker 3: but after about a day and a half he came

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Speaker 3: around to accepting the new boundaries I put in place.

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Speaker 3: Thanks to one of the commentars on this post, Yay,

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Speaker 3: thank goodness, because I was truly afraid for our relationship.

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Speaker 3: I'm honestly relieved and proud of myself for standing up

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Speaker 3: for myself and not sacrificing my comfort and happiness for his.

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Speaker 3: We both deserve a healthy relationship, and I'm glad we're

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Speaker 3: working towards that goal. There is a little bit left

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Speaker 3: to this story.

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Speaker 4: Any final thoughts really don't have much to add. I

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Speaker 4: hope that it stays in that direction and things feel.

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Speaker 3: Better same and you can only tell in time. He

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Speaker 3: also booked our first couple's therapy session and therapy for himself.

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Speaker 4: I thought he was doing that already, I guess not quite.

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Speaker 3: He's also still waiting for his autism diagnosis, which is

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Speaker 3: likely what causes the majority of his overthinking. Not an excuse,

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Speaker 3: but just helps us to understand why he struggles so much.

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Speaker 3: He also recently got his anxiety medication, which has slowly

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Speaker 3: began helping him in this slump. I'm also proud of

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Speaker 3: his efforts. It means a lot that he acknowledges his

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Speaker 3: wrongdoings and feels deep empathy for how it's been affecting

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Speaker 3: me and that he's taking steps to do better. Action

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Speaker 3: always speaks louder than words, and that is the end

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Speaker 3: of the story.

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Speaker 4: I thought you guys were already doing therapy, So I'm

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Speaker 4: glad dressed.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad you're actually therapy now, and good luck. I

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Speaker 3: hope that it actually works this time. Good luck, and

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Speaker 3: just be very aware of, you know, when he's actually

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Speaker 3: changing and what he just says he's going to do.

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Speaker 3: But that's the end of that story. So we're going

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Speaker 3: to get into the next one.

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Speaker 4: My wife cheated before and now she's doing it again

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Speaker 4: with another man.

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Speaker 2: A so nice had to cheat on you twice.

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Speaker 4: I'm lost in my marriage and need advice on how

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Speaker 4: to confront my wife. Over the past six months, everything

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Speaker 4: has completely fallen apart. I've been with my wife for

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Speaker 4: ten years, married for seven, with four kids. We had

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Speaker 4: our first child early during our second year of dating,

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Speaker 4: and physically our relationship probably never recovered by the way.

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Speaker 4: This comes from Critical p Twenty forty four. If you

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Speaker 4: want us to meet your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 4: r slash Okay storytime sub reddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 4: and we're here to give good advice, goofily, but we

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Speaker 4: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 4: so let us know what you would do in the comment,

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Speaker 4: and OP says, I can also admit that I haven't

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Speaker 4: been a great communicator. I've internalized a lot of physical

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Speaker 4: and financial stress, which has drawn me further away from

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Speaker 4: my wife, especially recently. I failed to see how unhappy

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Speaker 4: she was until couple's therapy a couple of months ago

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Speaker 4: revealed the depth of it. Her unhappiness frustrated me because

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Speaker 4: of this sacrifices I'd made, moving several hundred miles from

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Speaker 4: my friends and family to be closer to hers, accepting

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Speaker 4: the financial burden of paying virtually all our bills while

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Speaker 4: she spent relatively freely and going above and beyond with

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Speaker 4: the kids. She asked for physical space and said she'd

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Speaker 4: stay in our daughter's room while she thought things through.

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Speaker 4: Two weeks ago, while visiting my family, my wife went

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Speaker 4: out with friends from the area where we used to live,

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Speaker 4: not uncommon at all. I stayed home with the kids.

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Speaker 4: It's not unusual for either of us to go out

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Speaker 4: late or stay at a friend's house. But when I

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Speaker 4: realized she wasn't home at three am. I got a

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Speaker 4: pit in my stomach. This time felt different. Usually she

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Speaker 4: keeps her location on her phone, but when I checked,

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Speaker 4: it was off.

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Speaker 2: The tactical location off.

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Speaker 4: I stayed up the rest of the night and heard

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Speaker 4: her come in at six am. When I asked where

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Speaker 4: she was, she played it off and just said she

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Speaker 4: was out with friends, but wasn't specific. I could have

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Speaker 4: confronted her then, but we were at my parents' house

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Speaker 4: with our kids and the timing was poor. When we

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Speaker 4: arrived back home a couple of days later, I mentioned

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Speaker 4: how much I miss having her in our bed. That's

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Speaker 4: when she opened up that she'd had an affair spicy

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Speaker 4: sleep with someone else.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well that classifies as an affair for sure.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. She referred to him as a random person not

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Speaker 4: in our social circle. When I asked if she had

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Speaker 4: further communication, he said some texts the morning after, but

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Speaker 4: hadn't talked to him since and wasn't sure if she

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Speaker 4: wanted to continue communicating. We agreed that we weren't sure

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Speaker 4: if the marriage could be saved. I told her I

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Speaker 4: needed time to process. I felt a category five of

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Speaker 4: different emotions and struggled to sleep the next couple of nights,

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Speaker 4: I took long walks during the day and did a

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Speaker 4: lot of introspection. While it was her error in judgment,

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Speaker 4: I realized the role I'd played in the lack of

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Speaker 4: physical and emotional connection. We agreed to start talking. On

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Speaker 4: the second day. One talk turned into another, and by

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Speaker 4: the third day we started to reconnect more deeply and

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Speaker 4: get more physical. We hadn't really addressed the affair at

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Speaker 4: this point, just how the lack of communication between us

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Speaker 4: led us here. By the fourth day, I was ready

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Speaker 4: to tell her my feelings about the affair. I wrote

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Speaker 4: a three page letter telling her how hurt, sad, and

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Speaker 4: angry I am. I set boundaries and made it clear

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Speaker 4: that while I played a part in our marriage falling apart,

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Speaker 4: this was her error. I told her I was willing

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Speaker 4: to forgive her because even great people make awful mistake,

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Speaker 4: but I was also clear that it's a long road

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Speaker 4: to recovery and we need to take it one day

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Speaker 4: at a time. I set expectations that she would immediately

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Speaker 4: end any ongoing communication with this guy and posed the

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Speaker 4: question of how she would re establish trust. She assured

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Speaker 4: me there had been no ongoing communication and it was

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Speaker 4: purely a one night stand that was in physical nature

307
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Speaker 4: only we both cried. She said the letter was perfect

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Speaker 4: and agreed to start reconciling and lo and behold for

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Speaker 4: about a week.

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Speaker 2: It worked.

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Speaker 4: I wasn't worried about ongoing communication because she was no

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Speaker 4: longer hiding her phone and the guy lives several hundred

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Speaker 4: miles away. We reconnected. Physical connection remained a work in progress,

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Speaker 4: but for about a week everything seemed great. I worked

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Speaker 4: very hard at communication and was emotionally open with her.

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Speaker 4: A couple of days ago, we had a really fun

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Speaker 4: date night and a great spicy sleep after even yesterday

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00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,840
Speaker 4: was a great day, and she couldn't stop saying how

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Speaker 4: much fun she had this weekend. I genuinely thought we

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00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,520
Speaker 4: were going to work through it. But something eight at

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Speaker 4: me last night. I can't put my finger on it,

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Speaker 4: but she was very tired and not in the mood

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Speaker 4: to be physical, and frankly I still didn't completely trust her.

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Speaker 4: With her sleeping and me unable to sleep, I did

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Speaker 4: something I never thought I would do. I went into

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Speaker 4: her iPad and looked at her message history. It's already over, buddy, brother.

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Speaker 4: The trust is gone, and as you can guess it

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00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,160
Speaker 4: wasn't good. My heart sunk when I saw a random

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00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,920
Speaker 4: number with messages exchanged over the past couple weeks. Over

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Speaker 4: the past week, we had our heart to heart about

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Speaker 4: the affair. There were nude photos from my wife, flirty conversations,

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Speaker 4: even discussions about a possible future meet up. There was

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Speaker 4: flirting between them as recently as this afternoon. I saw

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00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,880
Speaker 4: this about four hours ago, and I'm reeling all over again.

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00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,040
Speaker 4: I'm so lost right now. I know the right thing

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00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,200
Speaker 4: to do is to end the relationship immediately, but keep

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00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:30,520
Speaker 4: in mind we have young kids and financial difficulties, so

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Speaker 4: it's really a situation with a lot of layers. First,

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00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,440
Speaker 4: how do I confront her? Do I let her know

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Speaker 4: that I accessed her messages, knowing she'll get defensive and

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Speaker 4: twist this into my fault, similar to what she did

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Speaker 4: when I first learned of the affair. Do I suggest

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Speaker 4: an open phone policy and see how she reacts. Do

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Speaker 4: I slow play this and wait until I happen upon

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Speaker 4: the info legitimately for timing. Do I confront her right

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Speaker 4: away or take a more measured approach after I've thought

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Speaker 4: it through. See, buddy, the thing is waiting until you

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Speaker 4: stumble upon the information. I personally don't feel like it's

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00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,880
Speaker 4: gonna change anything. She already lost your trust. You you

350
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Speaker 4: are not trying to save this anymore. I presume if

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Speaker 4: you're not trying to save it, I don't think there's

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Speaker 4: anything wrong with being like I snooped and I found something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it should just probably be made clear. Hey,

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Speaker 2: I see you're still doing it, you know. Yeah, I

355
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,360
Speaker 2: got in your eye cloud. I saw the messages, So

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Speaker 2: we're functionally we're done. But I think it's up to you.

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Speaker 2: You need to make the decision that you're you're, you know,

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Speaker 2: done working for the marriage to end up, you know,

359
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:31,920
Speaker 2: being okay again.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you're done, it doesn't matter that you snoop. Normally,

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Speaker 4: my preference would be to be measured, but I'm so

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Speaker 4: angry that it's going to be hard to hold down

363
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,640
Speaker 4: these feelings. I don't really want to be around her

364
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Speaker 4: and want my own space. Should I leave the house,

365
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,240
Speaker 4: should I ask her to leave? I'm even debating whether

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Speaker 4: to take pictures of the phone conversation in case I

367
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,960
Speaker 4: need them later For Leverette. It's been somewhat therapeutic writing

368
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,040
Speaker 4: this out, and anyone who can offer any answers or

369
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 4: advice would be appreciated. There's an update.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I would definitely take pictures of the messages.

371
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,280
Speaker 2: I would get evidence of them for sure.

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Speaker 4: Because I think evidence of cheating in some states completely

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Speaker 4: changes the divorce process.

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00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,040
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, if your wife is just gonna keep

375
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Speaker 2: cheating on you after you were like willing to make

376
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,480
Speaker 2: it work, too crazy for her to just immediately do

377
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:16,920
Speaker 2: it again.

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Speaker 5: Update.

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Speaker 4: My wife and I were in a very challenging place

380
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 4: in spring twenty twenty four. Years of absent communication by

381
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,760
Speaker 4: both parties, compounded by the struggles of raising four young children,

382
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,800
Speaker 4: had taken their toll. We tried couple's therapy and it

383
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 4: did not go well. Ultimately, one night, when we were

384
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 4: visiting my family out of town, she went out and

385
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:39,480
Speaker 4: had spicy sleep with a guy that was fairly random.

386
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 4: Knowing something was off, I pressed her and she admitted

387
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 4: to sleeping with him. We had many difficult conversations about

388
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,320
Speaker 4: whether our marriage could be saved, and ultimately we agreed

389
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,560
Speaker 4: to work on it. Then a few weeks later I

390
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,240
Speaker 4: found out she was still having steamy text conversations with him.

391
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 4: I tried to end the marriage until she begged me

392
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,640
Speaker 4: to stay, showed me that she cut off communication with him,

393
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,359
Speaker 4: and vowed to be a better partner. The answer to

394
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,160
Speaker 4: follow up questions on the original post is that there

395
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,840
Speaker 4: were no noteworthy updates. Our communication improved, and we emotionally

396
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 4: reinvested and reconnected. In fact, in many ways, it was

397
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,359
Speaker 4: probably our best year since early in our relationship. I'd

398
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,760
Speaker 4: be lying if I said things were perfect, particularly physically

399
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,400
Speaker 4: where I have the struggles. But we were having spicy

400
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,440
Speaker 4: sleep more often than in previous years, and we spent

401
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,280
Speaker 4: a lot of time talking, cuddling, and enjoying each other's company.

402
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 4: Financial struggles didn't completely go away, but they were slightly

403
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 4: alleviated by me securing a fairly big raise and her

404
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 4: getting a new job in her original field. Again, things

405
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 4: weren't perfect. Her job is fully on site, which puts

406
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 4: a lot more of the household management on me, in

407
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,679
Speaker 4: addition to me continuing to be the sole payer of

408
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,480
Speaker 4: our significant family bills. But by all appearances, things seem

409
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,399
Speaker 4: to be trending in a better direction. That is, until

410
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 4: about a month ago.

411
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:06,000
Speaker 2: Oh as we're doing so well, it seemed as.

412
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 4: She had just started her new job. I took the

413
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,480
Speaker 4: kids to visit my family for a week, and I

414
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 4: began to sense distance between us on that trip. When

415
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,879
Speaker 4: I got home, she told me she was unhappy and

416
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 4: wanted to separate. This absolutely blindsided and devastated me, given

417
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,360
Speaker 4: that we were so much more emotionally connected. Her initial

418
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,399
Speaker 4: reasons were that I hadn't taken care of myself or

419
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,520
Speaker 4: followed through on changes such as seeing a therapist or

420
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,680
Speaker 4: going to the gym. Mind you, she has not worked

421
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 4: out either, and ultimately, after a few conversations, it began

422
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 4: clear that spicy sleep was the biggest issue, specifically pe

423
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 4: and me not getting her to completion well. My first

424
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 4: thought was what happened while I was gone. She insisted

425
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 4: there was nothing, and I analyzed camera footage and as

426
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,879
Speaker 4: far as I could tell, there were no transgressions. She

427
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 4: also was not hiding her phone, which was a trademark move.

428
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 4: Last summer, after a bad couple's there therapy session where

429
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 4: she got laid into by our therapist about not communicating

430
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 4: these issues more fully, and our therapist pushing us to

431
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 4: begin taking next steps towards separation, we agreed to stop

432
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,800
Speaker 4: seeing our couple's therapists, but to continue talking and take

433
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 4: things day by day.

434
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 2: Bo key, I feel like the couples therapists just made

435
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 2: you do that with reverse psychology.

436
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 4: The couple's therapist suggested separation, and you said, by couples therapists,

437
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 4: I'm out.

438
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 2: I think that was like they were just like, yeah,

439
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 2: these people clearly are just like they don't want to

440
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 2: be told what to do, so I'll tell them to

441
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,880
Speaker 2: separate and they'll stay together. Expert chess move.

442
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 4: This is where there were a lot of mixed signals.

443
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 4: Some days she talked about us being separated and she

444
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 4: stopped wearing her wedding ring, but she also admitted to

445
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 4: being very confused and open to working on things. After

446
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 4: an initial period with boundaries, we started to get physical again.

447
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 4: Things were very uncertain, but she acknowledged there are still

448
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 4: feelings of love. We talked and cuddled every night. I

449
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 4: was never naive enough to think our issues had been

450
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 4: but we seem to be in a better place, even

451
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 4: though it remained uncertain. Given that the term separation still

452
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 4: lingered in our conversations and symbolically she was not wearing

453
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 4: a wedding ring, the dynamic changed again this weekend. She

454
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,640
Speaker 4: went out with friends while I was out of town,

455
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 4: and again I sense distance, base on her not being

456
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 4: very responsive via tech. Her friends are single, and she

457
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 4: was not wearing a wedding ring. She came home that night,

458
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 4: though it was a late night, and the following day,

459
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 4: I noticed subtle changes in her body language, lots of

460
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 4: time on the phone, and shielding the screen somewhat, setting

461
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 4: her phone face down. These are things I wouldn't have

462
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 4: thought twice about before her prior infidelity, but now they

463
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,719
Speaker 4: sound alarm bells. Sensing something was off, I confronted her

464
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 4: tonight and asked her what happened. She admitted to being

465
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 4: in text conversation with a guy she met. She said

466
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 4: it was a couple harmless texts, so based on her history,

467
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 4: I have my doubts. I told her I want her

468
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 4: to stop text communication, but that I can't come control her,

469
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 4: so it needs to be her decision. She acknowledged that,

470
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 4: but said she would need to think about it. Basically

471
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,679
Speaker 4: a no, I'm fairly certain nothing physical happened, though I

472
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 4: can't be one hundred percent confident even if there was

473
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 4: nothing physical. My scars from last summer have been reopened.

474
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 4: To this point, all of our conversations regarding our marriage

475
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 4: have been very rational and designed to make sure we're

476
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 4: making the right decision. I thought I wanted to save

477
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 4: the marriage, but now I'm having doubt. I deserve better through.

478
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: That, dude. I mean, sometimes you gotta just no when

479
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 2: to hold them, no end to fold them. I just

480
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't see it getting better.

481
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 4: There's no trust rightfully, so she's not being trustworthy anymore.

482
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe that therapist wasn't doing reverse psychology. Maybe they

483
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 2: say they.

484
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,400
Speaker 4: Were telling it was unfortunately, and you guys didn't want

485
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 4: to hear that. I can't function in a relationship where

486
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 4: I know she's seeking connections with other guys and texting

487
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 4: random guys. Our marriage has also been a pattern of

488
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 4: her acting out, either through infidelity or financially or logistically,

489
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,920
Speaker 4: as I moved away from my family to be closer

490
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,639
Speaker 4: to hers, and every time those things have happened, she

491
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 4: has gotten exactly what she wanted. I'm open to any

492
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 4: suggestions on how to properly confront her in a rational

493
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 4: yet impactful way. I also want to make sure I'm

494
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,879
Speaker 4: not overreacting to texts, so I'm fairly certain i'm not.

495
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 4: It's also therapeutic for me to journal out these thoughts

496
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,400
Speaker 4: and I'm curious on any feedback. More than anything, I'm

497
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 4: simply lost. That's the end of that story.

498
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 2: My husband has a crush while I'm eight months pregnant.

499
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,880
Speaker 4: Better'd be a big old crush on you.

500
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 2: I'm grappling with a really unexpected issue in my relationship,

501
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 2: which I thought was rock solid. I thirty three female,

502
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,679
Speaker 2: have been with my husband thirty four male, since I

503
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 2: was nineteen years old, the only relationship we've both been in,

504
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 2: and I'm currently thirty four weeks pregnant. By the way,

505
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 2: this comes from user Opening Variety ninety one twenty one,

506
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

507
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,719
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm

508
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 2: and we are here to give you good advice Goofley,

509
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,919
Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We just know

510
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 2: what we would do, so if you would do something different,

511
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 2: let us know in the comments. As Op says, there,

512
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 2: I have been small changes in our relationship over the

513
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 2: last couple of years, but nothing that ever worried me significantly.

514
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: We've been trying to get pregnant for two years and

515
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 2: I've been very focused on my fertility journey. Most weeknight

516
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 2: evenings turned into the two of us engaging in our

517
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 2: separate interests, with him usually outside in the living room

518
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 2: watching sports and me in the bedroom reading or browsing

519
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 2: YouTube or chatting to my girlfriends. I still thought we

520
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 2: had a loving relationship full of trust, and my distance

521
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 2: was perfectly normal. My husband has been enrolled in a

522
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 2: fairly prestigious part time post graduate program for the last

523
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 2: four years, which he recently completed. The majority was done

524
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 2: online without much interaction with other students. This changed a

525
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,639
Speaker 2: couple months ago when he started attending networking events and

526
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,360
Speaker 2: applied to an international exchange program where he could finish

527
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 2: his degree over a week of seminars and lectures abroad.

528
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,679
Speaker 2: He went to two networking events prior to the exchange

529
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 2: a month ago. I remember him mentioning that he really

530
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 2: liked the people he met and that they were very accomplished, intelligent,

531
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 2: fun to be around, and future leaders in their fields.

532
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 2: Around this time, I started noticing changes in him that

533
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 2: seemed to come out of the blue. He became very

534
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,120
Speaker 2: appearance focused, which he has never been before. He started

535
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:24,479
Speaker 2: working out more than usual and put in extra effort

536
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 2: getting ready for these networking events significantly more than he

537
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 2: put in for our baby shower or events with our

538
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 2: mutual friends. This is a man who doesn't care about

539
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 2: having fully ironed clothes and wears the same three outfits everywhere.

540
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 2: I didn't doubt him or think anything was going on,

541
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 2: instead attributing it to us getting into our mid thirties

542
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 2: and him wanting to maintain a bit of youth. For context,

543
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 2: I've always maintained my appearance and am considered by many

544
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: to be attractive. I've received romantic or spicily related interests

545
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 2: from others a few times over our relationship, and have

546
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 2: always been completely transparent about shutting it down and cutting

547
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 2: these people out. Friends have joked about him punching above

548
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 2: his weight with me, which I've never felt to be

549
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 2: true because I thought we had a deep soulmate connection.

550
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,959
Speaker 2: Another change I noticed was him disconnecting from me and

551
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 2: our pregnancy. Initially, he wanted to attend most appointments, but

552
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 2: in the last couple of months he demonstrated reluctance, saying

553
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 2: things like, is it really that important that I'm at

554
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 2: this one? I mean, it's only your baby, right.

555
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 4: Your baby, dude? This is like part you.

556
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 2: It's only the baby you've been trying to have for

557
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: a couple of years. Maybe go to the appointments.

558
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 4: Do you want to like, eventually there are gonna be

559
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 4: appointments to see your baby. That's like so cool.

560
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 2: Op, he continues, He's not interested in feeling baby movements,

561
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 2: even when my belly is visibly moving. I've been the

562
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 2: primary person buying all the baby gear, organizing our registry,

563
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 2: and researching everything we need to know, and he's been

564
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 2: very uninvolved, even after I've asked him to participate more.

565
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 2: He doesn't express any physic affection unless he wants his

566
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,159
Speaker 2: needs met. Affectionate moments have all been initiated by me,

567
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 2: and at times he seems reluctant even when I directly

568
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 2: ask for it. We've probably kissed twice in the last

569
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 2: two months, both initiated by me. I've also been dealing

570
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 2: with gestational diabetes during the last third of my pregnancy

571
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: due to my ethnic background and family history. It's been

572
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 2: tough because of the daily blood pricks and extra appointments,

573
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 2: along with general third trimester exhaustion and anxiety. I feel

574
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 2: lucky to have a supportive immediate family who rallied behind

575
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 2: me because my husband has grown even more disconnected and

576
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 2: never tried to help through emotional support or even offering

577
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,479
Speaker 2: to make a gestational diabetes friendly meal. It made me

578
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 2: feel really distant from him even before this exchange trip.

579
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 2: The week he was gone, I had pregnancy appointments almost

580
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 2: every day. The first couple of days he didn't check

581
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 2: in beyond sending a good night text. I was sending

582
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: little updates of my day appointments and cute three D

583
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 2: photos from the baby's scan, and he was pretty unresponsive.

584
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 2: I chalked this up to him being busy with his studies,

585
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 2: even though I knew his itinerary and there was plenty

586
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 2: of time in the evenings and mornings where he could

587
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 2: have sent more than a perfunctory text.

588
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:14,439
Speaker 4: Wow, ah, be excited about your baby, have a crush

589
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 4: on your wife?

590
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 2: Just so frustrating. I don't know how you get in

591
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 2: front of this. You know, it's like clearly maybe there's

592
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 2: just been such a lack of open communication from either his.

593
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 4: Can me start that now? Like it's never too late

594
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 4: to start the communication.

595
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 2: Maybe, Yeah, Well, I mean, if he's out there trying

596
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 2: to you know, hook up with somebody or impress some

597
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 2: other woman. It's like, yeah, we're putting our energy in

598
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 2: such the wrong place, Mike, I'm completely wrong. I was

599
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 2: happy he was connecting with the other thirty students from

600
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 2: his program, but I started to feel a weird, sick

601
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: feeling in my gut. A few days into the trip,

602
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 2: we had a brief four minute conversation where I expressed

603
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 2: that I would love to know more about his trip

604
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: and the country he was visiting. I got teary on

605
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: the phone. I didn't want much, just a little update

606
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 2: on his day and some care and response to my updates.

607
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 2: And he didn't call or facetimed the rest of his trip.

608
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,959
Speaker 2: The perfunctory text continued, mixed in with a couple of

609
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 2: lines here and there about his day. After this study week,

610
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 2: he had plans to visit family in a neighboring country

611
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 2: for a few days. At this point, I was feeling

612
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 2: anxious and upset at his lack of communication, so I

613
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 2: pulled back and tried to distract myself by spending quality

614
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: time with my friends, parents and my husband's parents. He

615
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 2: started calling me more when he left the study trip,

616
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 2: and on the last day before he flew home, we

617
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 2: had an argument where I cried, and he reassured me

618
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 2: that he was just really busy trying to hustle and

619
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 2: network on the trip. I asked him a few more

620
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 2: times if he met anyone he found attractive, because I

621
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 2: was having a weird, sick, sinking feeling all week. He

622
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 2: was adamant and saying no, and that he spent most

623
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 2: of his evenings with the boys. After he got home,

624
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 2: we resumed our normal life. He attended a networking event

625
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 2: post trip last Monday and told me he has two

626
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 2: more this week. The events with the same group were

627
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 2: getting more and more frequent, and I was starting to

628
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 2: get concern. Look, if you're just spending time with the

629
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 2: boys on this trip, you could have found time to

630
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 2: FaceTime your wife for ten minutes. It's just the boys.

631
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 4: It's the boys, right, she probably knows the boys put

632
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 4: them on.

633
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 2: Are you Networthday High or are you with the boys?

634
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 2: You gotta pick one. He went out with a different

635
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 2: group of guy friends this last Friday and got home

636
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 2: at one thirty in the morning, and I know he

637
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 2: wasn't with his overseas group, but it felt like he'd

638
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 2: been going out constantly in this last phase of my pregnancy,

639
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 2: and it made me feel upset and insecure. When he

640
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: got home, we had a fight about how often he

641
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: was going out and getting wasted. He seemed pretty unapologetic

642
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 2: and fell asleep. I would and checked his phone. I

643
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: felt a compulsion to check back the time of his

644
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 2: trip to see if he'd been messaging anyone else when

645
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 2: his communication with me had fallen through. He had been

646
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: exchanging a series of long messages with a girl in

647
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 2: the first few days post his trip, while he was

648
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 2: with his family. She had reached out first, saying that

649
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 2: she was sorry they didn't have a proper goodbye on

650
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 2: the last day, and that she had a great time

651
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 2: bantering with him all trip. He responded with pretty long messages,

652
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 2: updating her on what he'd been up to since the trip,

653
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 2: asking her about her trip, and even sent her a

654
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 2: photo of him at a restaurant. They talked about.

655
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 4: Did those long messages say now I'm back with my

656
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 4: pregnant wife.

657
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 2: They certainly did not. Op He continues, I felt my

658
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 2: heart break in that moment. There was no indication of

659
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 2: any overt flirting, but he was giving her everything that

660
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 2: I had wanted from him. They kept exchanging messages until

661
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 2: the end of the trip, but there were no other

662
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 2: messages in the chat. After he came home, I woke

663
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 2: him up and confronted him about her good He was

664
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 2: very defensive, saying there was nothing wrong with the content

665
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 2: of the messages. Technically, he was right. It was long,

666
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 2: banter back and forth, but it wasn't spicy or romantic.

667
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 2: I just know him and know that he doesn't message

668
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 2: people like that, even his friends. Yeah, it's like the

669
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:45,959
Speaker 2: whole time you were ignoring me. What do you mean,

670
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with these messages.

671
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 4: It's the fact that you were messaging a different person

672
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 4: over me when I was begging for your attention.

673
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, to the point of tears, right, you know. Yeah,

674
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 2: And it just so happens to be some.

675
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 4: Girl that I haven't really heard about, really know that

676
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 4: you even hung out with on this trip.

677
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: He messaged me like that the first few years of

678
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 2: our relationship.

679
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 5: Wow.

680
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 2: He eventually admitted that there was an attraction there on

681
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 2: his part and a crush, but it wasn't physical. I

682
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 2: immediately started sobbing. I asked him what he liked about her,

683
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 2: and he said that she was kind, nice, very funny, easygoing,

684
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 2: with great banter. She was also attractive, but said that

685
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 2: it wasn't physical because she's not his usual type at all.

686
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 2: He just felt drawn to her on the trip and

687
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 2: got excited anytime he could find an opportunity to spend

688
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 2: time with her or have a conversation with her. There's

689
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 2: no way this guy's trying to like downplay in gaslight,

690
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 2: being like lurty and having a crush on some body

691
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 2: else and actively choosing to spend your time and energy

692
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 2: on that person instead of you. His pregnant wife. Hhh,

693
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 2: it's a huge deal. He revealed all of this very

694
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,719
Speaker 2: reluctantly while I was questioning him. He also has an

695
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: avoidant communication style, so getting all of this from him

696
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 2: took hours of conversation. She's also twenty seven years old,

697
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 2: seven years younger than him, which really hit me hard.

698
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 2: He told me that he thought it was mutual because

699
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 2: she was also initiating a lot of their interactions and

700
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 2: she never brought me up in their conversations and questions

701
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 2: about life.

702
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 4: Does she know about you?

703
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 2: I don't even know. He probably wouldn't tell her. He

704
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 2: seemed almost giddy and excited when talking about this post confession.

705
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 2: I felt such a huge amount of emotional upheaval that

706
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 2: he feels is not proportional to his actions. I feel

707
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 2: like my whole picture of our relationship, love and fidelity

708
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 2: has shattered. He admitted. He lied repeatedly when I asked

709
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 2: if there was anyone he was attracted to, and he

710
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 2: made a conscious decision to never mention her when talking

711
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 2: about everyone in his cohort. I feel like I've lost

712
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 2: all love, respect, and trust for him, even though there

713
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 2: hasn't been any confession of feelings or attraction between the

714
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 2: two of them. This is because I had to discover

715
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 2: this conversation when snooping through his phone, and because of

716
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 2: how much he's investing in this new group of friends.

717
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 2: Post trip, he admitted that after the trip, at the

718
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 2: networking event, he was most excited to see her out

719
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 2: of everyone. He never said a word until I basically

720
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 2: cross examined him over the last few days. I told

721
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 2: him that he's watering this crush by continually hanging out,

722
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 2: even in a group setting, and this is how he responded, quote,

723
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 2: I'm not making plans to hang out. There are group

724
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 2: get togethers that I'm going to not hanging out with

725
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 2: or one on one I want to keep hanging out

726
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 2: with this group of friends. He continued to say this

727
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 2: for a couple of days. I expressed to him yesterday

728
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 2: that I've lost trust, love, and respect in him and

729
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 2: I can't really see myself staying with him if he's

730
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 2: going to continue down this path. He then changed his

731
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 2: tune and said that if that was the case, he'd

732
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 2: stop going to these events. I think he thought it

733
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: would make me feel better, but it didn't. I felt

734
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 2: like me having to force the issue, along with the

735
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 2: last couple of months of distance between us and his

736
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 2: lack of communication or concern for me, just made me

737
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 2: feel angry, upset, and resentful. He has since apologized to me,

738
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 2: but I feel that he was on the precipice of

739
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 2: a full blown emotional affair, and the way he's treated

740
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 2: me isn't sitting right. I've been constantly crying over the

741
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 2: last few days and have had eight hours of sleep

742
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,719
Speaker 2: over the last three nights. I feel our relationship is

743
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 2: forever tainted, and I feel nothing for him except a

744
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 2: complete lack of respect, which is totally fair. We have

745
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 2: a little bit more story left, but my god, this

746
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 2: guy's just trying to completely blow over what. Yeah, what

747
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 2: really does feel like? At this point a full blown

748
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,839
Speaker 2: emotional affair. He was giving all of the attention at

749
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: that point.

750
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 4: Yeh.

751
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, all of the attention that should have been directed

752
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 2: to you, and all of the emotional energy that should

753
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 2: have been directed to you was just being funneled directly

754
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 2: into this other girl he has a crush on.

755
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 4: He is completely not caring for you and taking care

756
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 4: of you in a way that, especially when you're eight

757
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 4: months pregnant, he should be like, he should be there

758
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 4: for you. You shouldn't be extra stressed in this time.

759
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, his reaction should be like being on his knees,

760
00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 2: like I'm so wrong for having done this. I can't

761
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 2: believe that I've made such a mistake. Like the fact

762
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 2: that he's not at all, like really remorseful, and he's

763
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 2: just being like, Eh, you know, I did this thing,

764
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 2: but it shouldn't even be that big of a deal

765
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 2: because wow, he didn't really do anything, Like, look, I

766
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 2: didn't send anything wrong in the messages.

767
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, he's gross and icky. I like it.

768
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 2: Let's finish this. I feel like I'm with a stranger.

769
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,399
Speaker 2: We've been together so long that we have so much

770
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 2: mutual community. Our families are in Mesh. I have strong

771
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 2: relationships with my in laws and we have lots of

772
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: mutual friends. I feel like he fears losing that and

773
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 2: the repercussions of that, more than he fears losing me.

774
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 2: I don't want to continue on in this relationship despite

775
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 2: our interconnected lives. The only thing keeping me from leaving

776
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 2: is the love I have for my unborn baby and

777
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 2: not wanting to create a broken home for him. Any

778
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 2: advice on how to navigate all of this would be

779
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 2: so appreciated. I feel like I'm experiencing emotional whiplash and

780
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 2: going from feeling everything at once to feeling numb. That

781
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 2: is the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam, your

782
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 2: og host.

783
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 4: Here.

784
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:42,359
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's three

785
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

786
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 5: My friend's girlfriend wanted us to leave our home so

787
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 5: she could host a party.

788
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,919
Speaker 2: It's party DWN get Out.

789
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,839
Speaker 5: My boyfriend and I twenty six female. I have been

790
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 5: together for two years. Bought a house about six months ago,

791
00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 5: and we've been renting out the spare bedroom to his

792
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 5: best friend. We'll call him James. We also have a

793
00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 5: five month old puppy who we got when we bought

794
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,839
Speaker 5: the house. James has been with his girlfriend, we'll call

795
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 5: her Amy, twenty five female, for a little over a

796
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 5: year now. She is at our house very often and

797
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 5: we don't mind her being there. Amy is nice, but

798
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 5: she is very socially awkward. My boyfriend and I have

799
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 5: tried to get to know her, but she shows little

800
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 5: interest in us. She never talks to us unless we

801
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 5: say something to her, and oftentimes she shows no interest

802
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 5: in getting to know us. Sometimes she doesn't want to

803
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 5: say hi to us when we come home. And by

804
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 5: the way, this comes from not invited to the party.

805
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 5: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

806
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime, Separate it and I'm.

807
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 2: Angie, I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.

808
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 5: And Opie says. Amy has a group of friends who

809
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 5: we've hung out with once before, but it was hard

810
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 5: to have conversations with them because they were all high

811
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 5: at the time. We weren't by the way, we didn't judge,

812
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 5: but it was hard to have a conversation with someone

813
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 5: who clearly wasn't in the right mind to respond. But

814
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,319
Speaker 5: ever since then, she has never invited us to go

815
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 5: out together ever. Again, we just chalked it up to

816
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 5: her being weird and just lift it at that. James

817
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 5: is aware that she is very particular about who she

818
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 5: hangs out with. A few days ago, James mentioned that

819
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 5: him and Amy want to have a get together with

820
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 5: a few friends at our house on Wednesday night, which

821
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 5: was yesterday, and wanted to know if we were okay

822
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 5: with that. My boyfriend and I didn't mind because the

823
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 5: guests are Amy's friends that we met once before. We

824
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 5: just told them not to get noisy and to clean

825
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 5: up afterwards. I came back from work last night and

826
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 5: people are just starting to show up for the party.

827
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 5: I briefly say hi and then go upstairs freshen up,

828
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,320
Speaker 5: and Amy comes into my room and says, Hey, I'm sorry,

829
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 5: but we actually want some privacy for the night. Do

830
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 5: you think you and boyfriend could go somewhere for a

831
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:41,280
Speaker 5: few hours?

832
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 2: Weird, that's weird, but we Astuango's basically, yeah, you don't.

833
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 5: You're in my home.

834
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,320
Speaker 2: We don't have any cool vibes.

835
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 5: You're in my home and I'm not invited to the party.

836
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,720
Speaker 5: That's weird. And I can't even just be in my room.

837
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like we have to leave all the way, like,

838
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 2: what are you doing.

839
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 5: For a few hours?

840
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 2: What are you guys gonna do?

841
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 4: Do it?

842
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 5: I was confused. I told her that James asked if

843
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 5: it was okay to have a party and we all agreed,

844
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 5: but nothing about us not being allowed in the house.

845
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,799
Speaker 5: She said that James should have made it clear. I

846
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 5: told her, I'm sorry, but I can't. I have to

847
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 5: take care of the puppy and there really isn't a

848
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 5: place that I can take him for a few hours.

849
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 5: In her response, oh, you can leave him here. We

850
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 5: really like the dog and we'll take care of him.

851
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 2: So see, now that's why you shouldn't lie. You should

852
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 2: just go No, I'm not getting out of a party

853
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 2: at my own house.

854
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 5: Yeah exactly. I told her that I wasn't comfortable leaving

855
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 5: the dog with strangers. She wouldn't give up. I simply

856
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 5: told her no again, and that she and James are

857
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 5: free to have friends of her, but that she can't

858
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 5: just expect us to leave our own home and our

859
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 5: puppy behind. She seemed frustrated, especially when my boyfriend came home.

860
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,439
Speaker 5: I kept the puppy in our room most of the time.

861
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 5: We have the master bedroom and it's pretty big. I

862
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 5: told my boyfriend the situation and he was pretty confused

863
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 5: by it as well. The party went off without a

864
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 5: hitch and everything was fine, or so we thought.

865
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:06,800
Speaker 2: Boom boom boom.

866
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 5: Dames texted us this morning telling us that Amy was

867
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 5: really upset that we ruined her party and humiliated her

868
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 5: in front of her guests. This wasn't even in front

869
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 5: of her guests. They were in her room.

870
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 2: Wait what she just make it The party happened already.

871
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, so now you embarrassed her. That was right before.

872
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,280
Speaker 5: So they had that conversation, like right as the party

873
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 5: was starting and people were already showing up. But then

874
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 5: Op went to her room and Amy followed her and

875
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 5: then talked to her there not in front of all

876
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:39,280
Speaker 5: the guests.

877
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 2: Crazy, it is so embarrassing having you breathe the same

878
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 2: air as my party.

879
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, I can't believe you walked into this home. I

880
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 5: was telling these people this was my home. You can't

881
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 5: walk into here. They're gonna ask questions.

882
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 2: Crazy.

883
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 5: Apparently, when we first hung out with her friends, Amy

884
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 5: was upset that we didn't make an effort to get

885
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 5: to know them. She said that we weren't very friendly

886
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,720
Speaker 5: to them, and that's why she couldn't bring us around anymore.

887
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 5: Except when we first hung out with them, they were

888
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 5: high and couldn't even muster a response to us. But

889
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 5: that doesn't matter. Apparently Amy didn't want us hanging out

890
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,479
Speaker 5: with her friends because she didn't think that we would

891
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 5: get along. Based on that one time, James is asking

892
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 5: us to cut him a brake and apologize to her

893
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 5: because she's been having a rough time and really needed

894
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 5: this party to relax. Absolutely not. I told James that

895
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 5: it doesn't matter how rough her life is, it's extremely

896
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 5: rude to tell us the homeowners that we have to

897
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 5: vacate our own home so she can have a party.

898
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 5: My boyfriend also reiterated this to him in a separate

899
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,279
Speaker 5: text conversation. I told James that, if anything, Amy should

900
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 5: apologize for how rude she's handled this situation and how

901
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 5: rude she's been in general, citing the few pastimes that

902
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 5: we've tried to be friendly to her, but instead she

903
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 5: gave coldness in return. I told him that I'd only

904
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 5: accept an apology from her in person, because all of

905
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 5: this is coming secondhand from James. Amy has not said

906
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 5: a word to us about this whether I like it

907
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 5: or not. James is still dating Amy and there's nothing

908
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 5: that I.

909
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 2: Could do about it.

910
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 5: Amy will most likely be around pretty often because she

911
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 5: lives with her parents. But I don't know how to

912
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 5: diffuse the situation going forward. Am I in the wrong here?

913
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 5: How do I handle Amy in the future? There is

914
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 5: an update? But how would you handle her in the future.

915
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 2: I'd handle her the same way i'd handle it at

916
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,320
Speaker 2: the present, just being like nope, yeah, no, I'm sorry

917
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 2: to my house. No, yeah, and I will if that's

918
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 2: how you feel, just say that and I'll try to

919
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 2: be courteous to your friends.

920
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 5: But there is an update. A lot of comments were

921
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 5: saying that we should evict James, but I wasn't okay

922
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 5: with that. As I said in the comments of my

923
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,240
Speaker 5: last post, James is a childhood friend of my boyfriend.

924
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 5: Their moms have been friends since grade school, and he

925
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 5: supported him through some tough times growing up. Money is

926
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 5: a little tight for James, so my boyfriend wanted to

927
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 5: help him out, much like he did for him. We

928
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 5: also didn't like the idea of banishing Amy because we

929
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 5: inadvertedly would have been responsible for ruining their relationship and

930
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 5: we didn't want to deal with that. On Friday night,

931
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 5: we sat down with James and Amy to talk to

932
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 5: them about the situation. We told them that we didn't

933
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 5: appreciate being told to leave our house and our dog

934
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 5: behind so that they can have a party. James had

935
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 5: only given us a heads up that they would be

936
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 5: having friends over and nothing more. Amy interjected and said

937
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 5: that we were the ones being rude and that we

938
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 5: should have left because they should be allowed to have

939
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 5: friends over, because we have people over all the time. Amy,

940
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 5: you are not paying a dime of rent. You cannot

941
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 5: have any say in what they should do or who

942
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 5: they can have over.

943
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 2: Holy Entitlement Batman, Well.

944
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 5: That's true. We never asked James and Amy to leave.

945
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 5: In fact, we invite them to hang out with our

946
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 5: friends when they come over. Amy said that we couldn't

947
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 5: have stayed and hung out with our friends because she

948
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 5: didn't think that we got along that Well, my boyfriend

949
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 5: and I are working professionals in good career fields, and

950
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 5: our friends don't make as much and smoke the Devil's

951
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 5: let us all the time. We told her that we

952
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 5: don't judge her friends and we don't care. We have

953
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 5: all been at that point in our lives, so what

954
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 5: does it matter. It seems like she was embarrassed to

955
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,359
Speaker 5: bring her friends around because all of our friends are

956
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 5: equally as successful as us. She didn't think that we

957
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 5: would associate with, in her words, people like my friends. Again,

958
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,399
Speaker 5: we don't care or judge. It seems like she has

959
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,399
Speaker 5: more of a problem with her friends than we do.

960
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 5: Amy herself has a successful job and career. Since she

961
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,719
Speaker 5: lives with her parents, I don't think she has any

962
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 5: money troubles. She then went on to say that James

963
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 5: pays an equal share of the rent, so we should

964
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 5: be able to use the house equally. Wait a share

965
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 5: of the rent. We told Amy that we own the

966
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 5: house and that James pays to rent the room. It

967
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 5: turns out that Amy didn't know that we were the homeowners.

968
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 2: Ah, now it makes sense. That's why she's trying to

969
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 2: say that also paying a share of the rent makes

970
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 2: you equals, So that means you would be equally entitled

971
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:12,240
Speaker 2: to being in the apartment exactly. So your own argument, yeah,

972
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 2: is poking holes right, and your argument right?

973
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 5: Come on, James, before moving in with us, was living

974
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 5: in another city three hours away, which is where he

975
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 5: met Amy. He moved out here after getting into grad

976
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 5: school in the area, and Amy followed suit about a

977
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 5: month after. Because we live in our hometown, she assumed

978
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 5: that James and us were renting the house. James never

979
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 5: told her the nature of his living situation because there

980
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 5: wasn't any reason to tell her since she wasn't living there.

981
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 5: She tried to explain her way out, but there really

982
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 5: wasn't anything she could say after that, James, in the

983
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,759
Speaker 5: midst of all of this, grew pretty exasperated with her.

984
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 5: He was trying to be a good boyfriend by lending

985
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 5: his support and keeping her happy, but when everything started

986
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 5: to unfold, he started getting pretty tired of her excuses.

987
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 5: He apologized to us and also to Amy for not

988
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 5: telling her about this living situation, but we were right.

989
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:07,279
Speaker 5: She can't punt us out of our own home. We

990
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 5: all agreed that we don't have a problem with them

991
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 5: inviting our friends over. In fact, we actually do like

992
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 5: them but never get to talk to them, and that

993
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 5: they're always welcome as guests. But if she wants to

994
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 5: have a private party and not invite us, she is

995
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 5: free to do so, but it would be better to

996
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 5: not have it in the place that we live.

997
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're kind of you're doing that at the wrong venue.

998
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 5: Chee exactly exactly. Amy eventually apologized, albeit a little regardingly,

999
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,720
Speaker 5: but it seems like she's still angsty about her friends

1000
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 5: rather than the party situation. Either way, we made it

1001
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 5: very clear that we are the homeowners, so hopefully this

1002
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 5: doesn't happen again. And that's the end of that story.

1003
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 2: Wow, my sister judged me for having my son, so

1004
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 2: I refuse to let them meet.

1005
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 5: Well, who are you to judge?

1006
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 2: When my husband thirty two mal and I twenty eight male,

1007
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 2: told our families about our intentions to have a child

1008
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 2: within the next year, my sister thirty four female, is

1009
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 2: the only one who reacted with anything other than support

1010
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 2: for our first baby. My husband and I decided on

1011
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 2: going the surrogacy route. My sister seemingly took this as

1012
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,919
Speaker 2: a personal attack. And by the way, this comes from

1013
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,280
Speaker 2: users stock ad eight five six y five and I'm Dakota.

1014
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 5: I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we already.

1015
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 2: Give you some good advice goofully, but we only know

1016
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: what we would do. We don't have all the answers,

1017
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 2: So if you would do something different let us know

1018
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: in the comments, OPI says she spent the rest of

1019
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 2: the dinner my parents were hosting essentially ranting about how

1020
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 2: surrogacy is misogynistic, exploitive, and that we're gross for wanting

1021
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 2: to rent a human woman's body. Okay, sure you can

1022
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 2: have your thoughts on the process, but it didn't end there.

1023
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 2: Every time we gave an update to family and she

1024
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 2: was in attendance, she would make it a point of

1025
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 2: reminding us how how she felt. Our son was born

1026
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,359
Speaker 2: a little over two months ago. We've been keeping him

1027
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 2: to ourselves since he was born so his immune system strengthens,

1028
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,280
Speaker 2: but we've been slowly introducing him to more people lately.

1029
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 2: My husband's parents came over two weeks ago, and then

1030
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 2: my parents came last weekend. Yesterday, my sister texted to

1031
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,399
Speaker 2: ask when she could meet the baby, and I told

1032
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 2: her I didn't particularly want someone around him who was

1033
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 2: so against his entire existence. I said that if she

1034
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 2: had it her way, my son wouldn't even be here.

1035
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 2: She says, I'm being unfair, but I just can't imagine

1036
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: her around my child when she was so adamantly disdainful

1037
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 2: towards us during his conception and throughout the pregnancy. There

1038
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:46,280
Speaker 2: is an edit. My husband and I are both men.

1039
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 2: It is the first line of the post. Oh they're dudes.

1040
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, did you not catch that? I didn't know.

1041
00:48:56,280 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 5: Oh dude, See they're not Yeah, they're not having their

1042
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 5: own child. That's the whole issue here, hear me out,

1043
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 5: or at least they're not, you know, having.

1044
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 6: We're in an alternate universe, Dakota and I, Oh my god.

1045
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,280
Speaker 6: And Angie, we ask you to be our surrogate Dakota.

1046
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 6: What if we conceptualize our juices into a bottle, we

1047
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 6: spin it up, and then we give it and then

1048
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:27,360
Speaker 6: whichever one proceeds will be our child.

1049
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 5: You just like it's like a roll of dice.

1050
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 2: I don't want to conceptualize any of that.

1051
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 6: It's an alternate universe and we're in love. And Angie

1052
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:39,319
Speaker 6: is the nice lady that lets us.

1053
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 2: I think we will a coin flip to see who

1054
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 2: gets to no coin flip. No, I let him fo.

1055
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 5: Let him fight, let him race against race. Yeah, and

1056
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 5: then you get place bets like in horse racing.

1057
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 2: Okay. Some of Op's comments from a downloaded commenter, U

1058
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 2: our editor lets us know, I included this because I

1059
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 2: liked Op's response and the argument comes up a lot.

1060
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 2: This commenter says, I also don't like surrogacy or IVF.

1061
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 2: It smacks of nism. We only want a child if

1062
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 2: they have our DNA quote unquote, Okay, regardless, I would

1063
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:21,319
Speaker 2: never tell my family member that I don't agree with

1064
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 2: their choice if it was something they agreed on. I

1065
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 2: think you need to have a talk with your sister

1066
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 2: about this, because you're creating a huge wedge in the

1067
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 2: family where your parents will feel like they can't have

1068
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 2: both of you in the same place at the same time.

1069
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 2: OP replies, for the record, we do have plans to

1070
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 2: adopt in the future. Our hope is to adopt a

1071
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 2: child around two to six years old, not an infant.

1072
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 2: We know babies are what prospective parents usually want, and

1073
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 2: older kids get overlooked. Still, being in the system for

1074
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:53,359
Speaker 2: longer means less of a secure attachment, more trauma, etc.

1075
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 2: It takes an experienced caregiver to give these little ones

1076
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 2: the care they deserve. We thought baby number two would

1077
00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 2: be a more appropriate time for that. Very true in

1078
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 2: regards to creating a burden my parents will have to carry,

1079
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 2: I guess I'll be swallowing my pride for their sake.

1080
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 2: Another comment or asks for more info. Was your surrogate

1081
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 2: a friend and or volunteer with similar wealth or privilege

1082
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 2: as you? I e. Was she performing a free act

1083
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 2: of love or was she pushed to surrogacy because of poverty?

1084
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 2: Comes from a country that has been historically exploited by

1085
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 2: wealthier and more powerful countries, et cetera. Ope replies, we

1086
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 2: were connected with our surrogate via the agency we went through,

1087
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 2: and the same can be said for her. She's connected

1088
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 2: with us the same way. It's a two way street.

1089
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 2: The comfortability of both parties is considered. Matches are made

1090
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 2: based on what each party wants. My husband and I

1091
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 2: really wanted someone who was open to being in contact

1092
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 2: with us regularly. She is in a similar tax bracket

1093
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 2: to ours. Our surrogate was a lovely woman who was compensated, yes,

1094
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,520
Speaker 2: but also provided us with this miracle out of love

1095
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 2: and kindness. Husband and I are not religious, but we

1096
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 2: were shown what the best, most pure version of religion

1097
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 2: can look like through her and her husband throughly opened

1098
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 2: our minds and our heart and ways we never expected.

1099
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 2: And we're still friends today. Yeah. So that doesn't seem

1100
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,360
Speaker 2: like a super toxic situation or anything.

1101
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 5: No, it doesn't seem like you're just renting a body out.

1102
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:24,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, handsmaids tell crazy.

1103
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 5: Way to say that. I think they're going about it

1104
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 5: in a good way, and they haven't. They have explained

1105
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 5: it to this girl, right.

1106
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:36,479
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure that you know it was explained like, Yeah,

1107
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 2: this isn't anything where anyone's being exploited or taken advantage of. Yeah,

1108
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 2: or it's like because it really sounds like the surrogate

1109
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 2: was also like, yeah, I take this kind of like

1110
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 2: as a thing I to do where it's like I

1111
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 2: can provide people with like a family or like a child. Yeah,

1112
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,719
Speaker 2: and like I view that as like its own little

1113
00:52:56,760 --> 00:53:00,839
Speaker 2: miracle thing, which is like, yeah, what of good to have?

1114
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 2: I guess if you're gonna do that, like it would

1115
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 2: make sense, let's just go. Let's get into this update here.

1116
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 2: My husband and I made the decision to allow my

1117
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 2: sister to meet our son. A few weeks ago is

1118
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 2: my nana's birthday, and we thought it would be best

1119
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 2: to give things a try. Things went well until the

1120
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 2: topic of us having more children came up. My cousin

1121
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:24,720
Speaker 2: asked us if and when we planned on having another baby.

1122
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 2: Sister piped up with quote, I hope you meant it

1123
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 2: when you said you were going to adopt this time.

1124
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,640
Speaker 2: Come on, sister, girl, you gotta quit it.

1125
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 5: You gotta quit your ramblin over here.

1126
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 2: I know this is not the most egregious of mistakes,

1127
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 2: but the fact that she still feels so comfortable voicing

1128
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,920
Speaker 2: her opposition to how our son was conceived shows that

1129
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,279
Speaker 2: nothing has changed. We gave her a chance, and now

1130
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 2: we know we still can't trust her. We called my

1131
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 2: parents the next day and let them know what happened

1132
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 2: and how it made us feel. I just can't trust

1133
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 2: her around my child or possible upcoming children. I truly

1134
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 2: think that if we adopted in the future, she would

1135
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 2: at best show some kind of favoritism or at worst

1136
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 2: blatantly tell our children that one of them was unethically made.

1137
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 2: And we do have a little bit more story here,

1138
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,720
Speaker 2: and I do agree where it's like, I mean, maybe

1139
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:15,919
Speaker 2: it's a little early to be like completely like calling it,

1140
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,839
Speaker 2: but like it's definitely like and you know that's just

1141
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 2: coming from like a family cohesion or you know, have

1142
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 2: it creating peace in your own life. Because then it

1143
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 2: snowballs and creates more problems and more problems. But it's

1144
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 2: definitely something to keep it at the front of your

1145
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:34,839
Speaker 2: mind and to explain to her as well, where it's like, yeah,

1146
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:37,360
Speaker 2: the fact that you don't I can't trust you to

1147
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 2: not eventually tell you know my child, like hey, just

1148
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 2: so you know, like you weren't made right, like you

1149
00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:44,920
Speaker 2: were made the wrong right.

1150
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 5: It's like, if you're gonna give us for this, like

1151
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 5: that's that's one problem, but the most important something that

1152
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 5: you could make straight. And maybe that's something that you

1153
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 5: could tell your sister too, like if this is really

1154
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 5: important to me, like the very least, don't do that

1155
00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 5: to talk about it in front of them, don't whatever.

1156
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 5: But if if you do, we're going to have to cook. Right,

1157
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 5: That's just what needs to happen to protect our child.

1158
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 2: I told them that we would try to find child

1159
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 2: care for birthdays and other non holiday events so that

1160
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,440
Speaker 2: we could still attend, but that our son would obviously

1161
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 2: be with us on Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. And I'm not

1162
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 2: asking them to choose between me and my sister, but

1163
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:22,480
Speaker 2: that we would have to find an alternative day to

1164
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,880
Speaker 2: celebrate if she's invited to holiday parties, or that we

1165
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 2: would have to stagger time so that we won't be

1166
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 2: there at the same time. I appreciate the advice on

1167
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 2: my last post. This has been frustrating, to say the least,

1168
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 2: and there's some more comments from ope. A commenter says,

1169
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:39,319
Speaker 2: I hope you told her that she just blew her

1170
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:42,400
Speaker 2: only chance to know your child or children. Opie says,

1171
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 2: I wanted my nana to have a nice birthday. I

1172
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:46,760
Speaker 2: also didn't really have it in me to say anything

1173
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,399
Speaker 2: to her then because I was feeling so guilty about

1174
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: giving her access to my child at all. We left

1175
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 2: shortly after, and I had a good cry on the

1176
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 2: way home. I know he's not going to remember any

1177
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 2: of this, but I was just so angry at myself

1178
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 2: for doubting myself and changing my mind. I'm doing better now.

1179
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:06,280
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna beat myself up for trying to extend

1180
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 2: an olive branch. Commenter says, no, no, do not hide

1181
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:13,200
Speaker 2: your son from birthdays and stuff like that. If ever

1182
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,720
Speaker 2: there was a time to make it your parents' choice,

1183
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,560
Speaker 2: this is it. Not the a hole. Opie says, I

1184
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 2: clarified this in another comment, but this was always just

1185
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 2: a near future kind of arrangement. We never planned on

1186
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 2: doing this once our son is old enough to be

1187
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 2: aware of these events. But you're right, even doing it

1188
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,840
Speaker 2: now sets a bad precedent, doesn't it. The more I

1189
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:35,360
Speaker 2: think about it, the angrier I get all over again.

1190
00:56:35,719 --> 00:56:38,400
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story.

1191
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 6: Oh boy, guys, hit us up on TikTok. If you

1192
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 6: have experience with sergacy or something similar.

1193
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 2: To me, we could TikTok TikTok to us back and

1194
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 2: you can ticktok back. But yeah, I think it's definitely

1195
00:56:56,200 --> 00:57:01,440
Speaker 2: a weird hill to like be so adamantly planted on. Yeah,

1196
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:04,759
Speaker 2: just like hitting home with like oh, thank goodness, you're

1197
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 2: not doing surreg as you get or it's like blah

1198
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 2: blah blah. Your your child who's made the wrong way,

1199
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. It's like, yeah, that's totally gonna get out.

1200
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 2: That energy is totally going to get out and into

1201
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 2: the ears of the child.

1202
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 5: It's like sure, I mean, I guess like in this situation.

1203
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 5: I guess like in some.

1204
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 7: Situations, terrible situations, people may be rented out handmade style,

1205
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 7: but like this is not what's happening here, Like you're

1206
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 7: just getting angry for no reason and at your family too.

1207
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:37,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. We're gonna

1208
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,480
Speaker 2: go on to the next one. Hey, y'all, it's John

1209
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 2: og Host here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1210
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:43,800
Speaker 2: But here's a quick three minute break from as for

1211
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 2: more sponsors. I refused to sing at my brother's wedding

1212
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:49,280
Speaker 2: and it caused family drama.

1213
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 5: We just want to hear your beautiful voice.

1214
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 2: My twenty eight male brother thirty three male will be

1215
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,520
Speaker 2: getting married in the fall. The two of us are

1216
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 2: fairly close, more so in recent years, which is to

1217
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 2: say he's not ignorant about past events in my life.

1218
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user any Reality and

1219
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and I'm Keon. And Op says recently,

1220
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 2: I got invited to dinner by him and his fiance.

1221
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 2: The two were obviously buttering me up before my brother

1222
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 2: finally told me so. My fiance and I have been

1223
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 2: talking and we'd really love it if you sang our

1224
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 2: first dance song, just the one song. I know you

1225
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:33,840
Speaker 2: don't really sing anymore, but I'd dug up some old

1226
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 2: videos of you singing. And she loves your voice just

1227
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 2: as much as I do. This could be your wedding

1228
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 2: present to us. Ah, it sounds reasonable enough. Yeah, but

1229
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 2: if you say no, you say no. True, And they

1230
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 2: got to accept that. But for background, Opie says, I

1231
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:53,919
Speaker 2: used to sing all the time. I formed a band

1232
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:56,800
Speaker 2: with friends in high school and we were minorly successful

1233
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 2: with a YouTube channel that had a few hundred subscribers.

1234
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:04,760
Speaker 2: In this this band was my best friend since second grade, Mason. Unfortunately,

1235
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 2: when we were seventeen, Mason passed away. Oh wow. The

1236
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 2: band dissolved almost immediately and our YouTube channel and all

1237
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:18,520
Speaker 2: videos were taken down. Since then, I have never sung.

1238
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:22,680
Speaker 2: Singing without Mason felt wrong, so I didn't. Not in

1239
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:26,959
Speaker 2: the shower, no karaoke, not at church. Never. My brother

1240
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 2: knew all of this, but I wasn't sure if his

1241
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:33,240
Speaker 2: fiance did. So I started with, sorry, I'll have to refuse.

1242
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:36,080
Speaker 2: You know, I don't sing anymore in the interest of

1243
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:39,560
Speaker 2: not ruining the dinner. My brother was annoyed as all

1244
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 2: get out. Come on, it's for my wedding. It's just

1245
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:46,120
Speaker 2: one song. I'm not asking for much here, and so

1246
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 2: on and so forth. I continue to politely refuse and

1247
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:54,960
Speaker 2: left soon after. Shortly after, I started receiving countless calls

1248
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 2: from my mom, who also knows the reason, and decided

1249
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 2: to bother me about not singing. It's your brother's wedding.

1250
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 2: I think you really should see a therapist about this.

1251
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 2: We all love your singing voice, and it's been ten

1252
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 2: years since any of us got to hear it. The

1253
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:14,120
Speaker 2: two have sents decided on a new tactic by saying

1254
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 2: that my song will be a good way to honor

1255
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 2: Mason's memory. The point about therapy aside, I've been to

1256
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,840
Speaker 2: lots of it, and I'm at peace with my decision

1257
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 2: to stop singing. Am I wrong for refusing? It's clearly

1258
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 2: important to them, and the joy I got from performing

1259
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,720
Speaker 2: was not the act of singing itself, but from performing

1260
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,760
Speaker 2: with my best friend advice.

1261
01:00:36,760 --> 01:00:39,720
Speaker 5: I think they should understand this. If they need another

1262
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 5: reminder of why you don't sing, maybe they need another reminder.

1263
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 5: It's frustrating that they like already knew your reasoning, but

1264
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 5: obviously like they're not caring about that right now, so

1265
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,680
Speaker 5: maybe you just need to like tell them again just like, hey, guys, no,

1266
01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 5: this is not about how much I love you or whatever.

1267
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,200
Speaker 5: Is just about this person, very personal thing that I

1268
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:04,240
Speaker 5: need you guys to remember.

1269
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we do have an update. Future sister in

1270
01:01:08,560 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 2: law reached out because her washer broke and she wanted

1271
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:14,680
Speaker 2: to come over and do laundry. I wasn't thrilled, but

1272
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 2: I live close enough and have an inn unit, and

1273
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:21,320
Speaker 2: the laundromats in our area aren't safe. I was content

1274
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 2: to watch TV silently in my tiny apartment while we waited,

1275
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 2: but she had something to discuss. I thought she'd be

1276
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 2: the third person to try convincing me, but no. Instead,

1277
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 2: she told me she wasn't sure if my brother was

1278
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 2: giving her the full story. She told me that he

1279
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:38,560
Speaker 2: said he used to sing all the time and he

1280
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:40,280
Speaker 2: was in a band, but he quit when the band

1281
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:43,840
Speaker 2: broke up, which is technically true. But come on, yeah, brother,

1282
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:47,400
Speaker 2: you're leaving out a very crucial piece of information there.

1283
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 5: Yeah. Extremely.

1284
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:53,000
Speaker 2: I also learned that my brother had told many of

1285
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 2: his friends this too, about how he's always trying to

1286
01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 2: convince me to come around and sing for all of them.

1287
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:02,520
Speaker 2: He had literally never asked before that conversation, but was

1288
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,040
Speaker 2: prone to making comments like, boy, it sure sucks you

1289
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:07,000
Speaker 2: don't sing anymore. I know a lot of people that

1290
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:10,520
Speaker 2: would want to hear that. So I very briefly told

1291
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 2: her about Mason, just the important bits that I used

1292
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,200
Speaker 2: to sing with him, and then he passed away, so

1293
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,960
Speaker 2: I don't have any desire to do so anymore. She

1294
01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 2: didn't say anything for a while, but I saw her

1295
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 2: face go through about a dozen different emotions, and I'm

1296
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:29,960
Speaker 2: pretty sure she settled on anger. Oh, probably at her husband, hopefully.

1297
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 2: Before she left, she told me she's going to tell

1298
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:35,400
Speaker 2: my brother to get someone else to sing. I got

1299
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 2: the distinct feeling it's not going to be a pleasant conversation.

1300
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 2: So that's it so far, all quiet, fingers crossed. Oh boy,

1301
01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 2: I sure hope this doesn't blow up into like a marriage,

1302
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,360
Speaker 2: you know, wedding ending.

1303
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 5: Oh my god, can you imagine?

1304
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 2: Well, I would certainly have a lot of feelings over

1305
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 2: being lied to that way. Yeah, I'd be like, why

1306
01:02:57,320 --> 01:03:01,360
Speaker 2: why would you deceive You've deceived me? You know why

1307
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:02,680
Speaker 2: your brother doesn't sing.

1308
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 5: Right like you're I would, I think, be more upset

1309
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:10,440
Speaker 5: about like the you're not caring for your brother like this,

1310
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:15,560
Speaker 5: Like you're not you're This is such a delicate subject

1311
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:18,320
Speaker 5: and you're just totally ignoring that. Why are you ignoring

1312
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 5: your brother's feelings and experiences like this exactly.

1313
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:24,680
Speaker 2: But there is a second update here. New things happened quickly,

1314
01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:26,720
Speaker 2: but I held off on a new post because my

1315
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 2: last one was premature. Some things people predicted happened, other

1316
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 2: things did not. Let's get this out of the way

1317
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:34,840
Speaker 2: up front. The wedding is still on, all right?

1318
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 5: Okay?

1319
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 4: Good?

1320
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 2: The wedding will always still be on. This was never

1321
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 2: in doubt. I think a lot of commenters vastly overestimated

1322
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 2: my importance. After talking with future sister in law, I

1323
01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:51,000
Speaker 2: didn't hear anything from my brother initially. I did eventually

1324
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 2: get a short text from her saying that I shouldn't

1325
01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 2: worry about the wedding anymore and they'll find someone else

1326
01:03:57,040 --> 01:04:01,240
Speaker 2: to sing. My mom was another story. She called me

1327
01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 2: repeatedly since I ignored her first few calls, and when

1328
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:08,040
Speaker 2: I finally did pick up, she was about two steps

1329
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 2: below screaming into the phone about how I interfered in

1330
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:15,680
Speaker 2: your brother's relationship and made things so much harder for them,

1331
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:18,640
Speaker 2: And do you know how upset he is right now?

1332
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:21,800
Speaker 2: It's time to put grudges aside and make amends. Who

1333
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:25,240
Speaker 2: even has a grudge there's no grudge here, You're he

1334
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:29,120
Speaker 2: got caught lying to his fiance about this about op.

1335
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:32,440
Speaker 5: Right, I'm sorry? Did you forget how upset I was

1336
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:36,720
Speaker 5: when my friend passed away? Like, huh where you wor's

1337
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:37,320
Speaker 5: your logic?

1338
01:04:37,480 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 2: Who's like? Straight up? Who's got Do you know what

1339
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:40,959
Speaker 2: a grudge is? Mom?

1340
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1341
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:44,120
Speaker 2: Who has a grudge? So the conversation with my mom

1342
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 2: wasn't especially long. I did a lot of self reflection

1343
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:50,760
Speaker 2: about my family relationships and decided it was time to

1344
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 2: have a very honest conversation with my brother. I even

1345
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:58,400
Speaker 2: booked a therapy session specifically about preparing myself for this conversation.

1346
01:04:58,920 --> 01:05:01,920
Speaker 2: I called him up and asked, point blank, if, knowing

1347
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:05,920
Speaker 2: I will absolutely not be singing for him, he still

1348
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:08,680
Speaker 2: wanted me to attend the wedding. He didn't answer for

1349
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 2: a bit, but eventually said yes. I realized I no

1350
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 2: longer trusted him like I used to, and I said

1351
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:19,720
Speaker 2: I will only be attending the ceremony and not the reception.

1352
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:22,560
Speaker 2: He had a minor freak out over this are you

1353
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:26,560
Speaker 2: effing kidding me? Quote unquote, but then said it was

1354
01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:28,600
Speaker 2: whatever and that I needed to come up with a

1355
01:05:28,640 --> 01:05:33,480
Speaker 2: concrete excuse for my absence so that bies doesn't overshadow everything,

1356
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 2: and that I could no longer be his groomsman since

1357
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 2: that would leave an empty chair at the head table.

1358
01:05:39,040 --> 01:05:42,120
Speaker 2: We hung up shortly after. We have not spoken again

1359
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 2: since something that hasn't come up before. We both have

1360
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:50,440
Speaker 2: two other brothers, thirty five and twenty six. Because he

1361
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,360
Speaker 2: removed one of his brothers from the wedding party, he

1362
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:56,480
Speaker 2: decided to replace the other two as well, because it

1363
01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:58,920
Speaker 2: wouldn't look right to have just two out of the

1364
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:03,200
Speaker 2: three brothers grow, so instead opted for zero out of three.

1365
01:06:03,760 --> 01:06:06,240
Speaker 2: That seems like maybe a tactical move to try to

1366
01:06:06,240 --> 01:06:10,880
Speaker 2: make you feel more responsible for messing up, so to speak,

1367
01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 2: his wedding, which is crazy because he's doing it himself.

1368
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:17,280
Speaker 5: That was so stupid of him, It wouldn't.

1369
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:20,320
Speaker 2: Look that weird. My younger brother made it his personal

1370
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:24,439
Speaker 2: mission to extract every detail from all parties. He called

1371
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:26,880
Speaker 2: me up to get my side, and then decided he

1372
01:06:27,040 --> 01:06:30,520
Speaker 2: was going to join me in skipping the reception. Honestly,

1373
01:06:30,560 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 2: I think he was looking for an excuse not to

1374
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:36,600
Speaker 2: go anyway. He despises family functions. At this point, I

1375
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:39,880
Speaker 2: am praying for no more updates this is just absurd.

1376
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 2: The wedding cannot come soon enough. Not related to the update,

1377
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:48,080
Speaker 2: but instead to the comments I received. I have tried

1378
01:06:48,120 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 2: my best to be civil with the many, many comments

1379
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 2: of is that what Mason would want? Or have you

1380
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:57,160
Speaker 2: tried therapy? We are now three posts deep on this nonsense.

1381
01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: I am not going to be trying so hard at

1382
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 2: civil anymore. Also reminder, singing was a hobby. I gave

1383
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,520
Speaker 2: up a hobby. I was not on the cusp of

1384
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 2: making it big. This is five dudes screwing around in

1385
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,600
Speaker 2: a basement on weekends and occasionally playing at a bar

1386
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:17,080
Speaker 2: or fair. Yeah, you're a human being. You have free

1387
01:07:17,080 --> 01:07:19,000
Speaker 2: will and you can do whatever you want when it

1388
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:21,640
Speaker 2: comes to your singing. If that's how you feel about it,

1389
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:23,520
Speaker 2: that's how you feel about it. If it's part of

1390
01:07:23,560 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 2: the way that you you know more and your friend

1391
01:07:26,200 --> 01:07:30,440
Speaker 2: so op. He continues, therapy is not an undue button

1392
01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:32,840
Speaker 2: on grief and trauma. I am not the same person

1393
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,080
Speaker 2: I was before he passed away, and I never will

1394
01:07:35,080 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 2: be again. Therapy is about accepting this and the new

1395
01:07:38,080 --> 01:07:41,560
Speaker 2: person I've become, not going back to the way things were.

1396
01:07:42,360 --> 01:07:45,560
Speaker 2: And there is a third update. Let's just go ahead

1397
01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:48,240
Speaker 2: and get right into it. Let's do it quick refresher. Yes,

1398
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:51,920
Speaker 2: I have attended therapy. Yes, I have processed Mason's passing. No,

1399
01:07:52,120 --> 01:07:55,560
Speaker 2: therapy does not fix grief, but just makes it more manageable.

1400
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:58,400
Speaker 2: I quit singing because I stopped finding it enjoyable. No,

1401
01:07:58,520 --> 01:08:00,640
Speaker 2: I'm not in denial. No I wasn't in love with

1402
01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:06,360
Speaker 2: Mason anyway. Spoiler warning mostly boring, And yes, the wedding

1403
01:08:06,360 --> 01:08:09,360
Speaker 2: still happened. The last couple of months featured a relentless

1404
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 2: guilt trip from my mom. She was getting increasingly unpleasant,

1405
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 2: so I eventually just stopped responding to her entirely. I

1406
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:19,800
Speaker 2: didn't block her because she's still my mom and I

1407
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:21,400
Speaker 2: love her and would like to know if there was

1408
01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:24,840
Speaker 2: a genuine emergency. But other than that, she's getting radio

1409
01:08:24,920 --> 01:08:28,080
Speaker 2: silence from both me and my younger brother. She had

1410
01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:31,719
Speaker 2: originally started with the argument about how I could honor Mason,

1411
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 2: then about how I hadn't finished processing my grief before

1412
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:39,320
Speaker 2: telling me how pathetic it was to live quote eternally

1413
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:42,919
Speaker 2: in my victimhood. I guess she got herself a Tumblr

1414
01:08:42,920 --> 01:08:43,839
Speaker 2: account or something.

1415
01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:46,680
Speaker 5: Man, what year was this?

1416
01:08:47,479 --> 01:08:51,840
Speaker 2: Yeah? Goodness, The eldest brother tried his best to stay

1417
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:54,280
Speaker 2: out of everything, but my mom did try to get

1418
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:57,479
Speaker 2: him on her side. Like I said before, he and

1419
01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:00,320
Speaker 2: I don't have a good relationship, so she probably thought

1420
01:09:00,320 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 2: it was a slam dunk. Not so much. My brother,

1421
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:06,679
Speaker 2: to his credit, told her this whole thing is stupid,

1422
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:11,080
Speaker 2: and I do not disagree. My youngest brother made good

1423
01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:14,080
Speaker 2: on his promise and skip the reception with me. He

1424
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:16,240
Speaker 2: used the excuse that he had to leave immediately to

1425
01:09:16,280 --> 01:09:19,280
Speaker 2: catch a flight back for his job. He's a first responder,

1426
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:23,720
Speaker 2: so nobody questioned it. Little brother also really wanted my

1427
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:26,160
Speaker 2: excuse to be that I had started a new band

1428
01:09:26,600 --> 01:09:28,519
Speaker 2: and had to miss the reception to go sing at

1429
01:09:28,560 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 2: my first gig, because he is chaos incarnate and is

1430
01:09:32,160 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 2: to be feared. Instead, I said that I had routine

1431
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:39,439
Speaker 2: surgery early the next morning and therefore had to skip

1432
01:09:39,479 --> 01:09:42,839
Speaker 2: all food, drinks, and physical activity. I had a reputation

1433
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:46,400
Speaker 2: for poor health, so nobody really questioned it. As for

1434
01:09:46,479 --> 01:09:49,679
Speaker 2: the brother getting married, he kept quiet for the most part.

1435
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:52,240
Speaker 2: We didn't talk much, and I don't know for sure

1436
01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:55,080
Speaker 2: if our mom was communicating for both of them so

1437
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,800
Speaker 2: he could avoid being seen as the bad guy, or

1438
01:09:57,840 --> 01:10:00,960
Speaker 2: because his now wife kept him in line. Either way,

1439
01:10:01,360 --> 01:10:04,720
Speaker 2: I don't see a way back to restoring our relationship

1440
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:08,479
Speaker 2: to what it once was. I'm not cutting off contact

1441
01:10:08,560 --> 01:10:11,360
Speaker 2: with him by any means, but we're now on much

1442
01:10:11,479 --> 01:10:16,840
Speaker 2: lesser terms. One hiccup is somehow, Gee, I wonder my

1443
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,719
Speaker 2: brother got an inkling that this whole thing was actually

1444
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:22,200
Speaker 2: an elaborate ruse, and that I was singing at his

1445
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:26,040
Speaker 2: reception as a surprise. Our whole fight was to throw

1446
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:28,599
Speaker 2: him off the scent that I was actually taking singing

1447
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 2: lessons the whole time. Presumably Mason's ghost would descend from

1448
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 2: wherever and join me in the harmonies or something, and

1449
01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 2: then the living and the gone would come together for

1450
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:40,439
Speaker 2: the Chashaws line.

1451
01:10:40,600 --> 01:10:43,639
Speaker 5: Ah, classic can't can't skip.

1452
01:10:43,680 --> 01:10:46,080
Speaker 2: That sounds like a scene of a monster mash right

1453
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:51,040
Speaker 2: out of Beetlejuice. Oh yeah, apparently my brother subscribes to

1454
01:10:51,120 --> 01:10:54,240
Speaker 2: fan fiction. All info about the reception was supplied by

1455
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:57,080
Speaker 2: my dad a few days afterwards. He was apparently super

1456
01:10:57,160 --> 01:10:59,720
Speaker 2: mopey throughout the beginning of the reception, but ended up

1457
01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:01,960
Speaker 2: in going himself by the end. It probably has to

1458
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,840
Speaker 2: do with the fact that he is now married to

1459
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:06,400
Speaker 2: a terrific woman who's been willingly putting up with him

1460
01:11:06,400 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 2: for three years. She looked stunning, by the way. Overall,

1461
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:13,080
Speaker 2: there were a few murmurs about mine and my brother's

1462
01:11:13,120 --> 01:11:16,320
Speaker 2: absence at the reception, but from what I heard, they

1463
01:11:16,360 --> 01:11:20,320
Speaker 2: dispelled quickly and everyone rightfully focused on the newly married

1464
01:11:20,439 --> 01:11:25,080
Speaker 2: couple as they should, as they should, they should, and

1465
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:28,000
Speaker 2: we have a little bit of story left. But uh,

1466
01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:33,760
Speaker 2: I think I like what I've heard. I agree, you're

1467
01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:37,720
Speaker 2: not closing any doors like hard slam forever. Yeah, but

1468
01:11:38,840 --> 01:11:41,520
Speaker 2: you know, I think until your brother at least apologizes

1469
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:43,479
Speaker 2: and was like, hey, what I did was really actually

1470
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:46,599
Speaker 2: not okay, I see that n ippologize, I don't see

1471
01:11:46,600 --> 01:11:49,479
Speaker 2: any reason to reopen that door because he doesn't have

1472
01:11:49,520 --> 01:11:51,160
Speaker 2: any accountability for his actions.

1473
01:11:51,560 --> 01:11:53,559
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. And so it's just like, yeah, a little

1474
01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:56,560
Speaker 5: bit of distance is fine, a little bit of boundaries

1475
01:11:56,640 --> 01:12:01,040
Speaker 5: is great. Uh. And yeah, I think I think eventually

1476
01:12:01,040 --> 01:12:03,200
Speaker 5: he'll get there. If if he doesn't get there on

1477
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:06,080
Speaker 5: his own, at least his new wife will get him there.

1478
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:06,679
Speaker 5: At some point.

1479
01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:10,439
Speaker 6: I am gonna be I'd be playing come and Get

1480
01:12:10,439 --> 01:12:13,120
Speaker 6: Your Love by Redbone every day.

1481
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:16,160
Speaker 2: I Am going to be that annoying guy, be like

1482
01:12:16,439 --> 01:12:19,519
Speaker 2: I do wish that you're seeing one day, buddy. I

1483
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,200
Speaker 2: do hope you do. I bet what you do. You'll

1484
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:27,839
Speaker 2: cry when it's time. Yeah, we'll cry, big, old happy tears. Yep. Yeah. Anyway,

1485
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:31,400
Speaker 2: let's finish this story. So that's it. I still attend

1486
01:12:31,439 --> 01:12:34,160
Speaker 2: regular therapy because it's become a part of my routine.

1487
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:37,439
Speaker 2: Mason rarely ever came up before all of this, and

1488
01:12:37,479 --> 01:12:40,639
Speaker 2: I'm presuming that status quo will soon be returned. It's

1489
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:42,200
Speaker 2: not that I don't miss him, but I have lots

1490
01:12:42,200 --> 01:12:43,960
Speaker 2: of other stuff going on in my life. You know,

1491
01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:47,439
Speaker 2: I'm contemplating moving across the country to be closer to

1492
01:12:47,479 --> 01:12:51,280
Speaker 2: my younger brother. As chaotic as an end, as unpredictable

1493
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:53,960
Speaker 2: as he can be, he was definitely my rock through

1494
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:57,040
Speaker 2: all of this, and I'd like to improve my relationship

1495
01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:59,679
Speaker 2: with him, one small dose at a time. My job

1496
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:02,519
Speaker 2: and the arapists are both remote, so that simplifies things.

1497
01:13:02,960 --> 01:13:05,599
Speaker 2: It wouldn't be until next year when my lease is up,

1498
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:09,400
Speaker 2: but it is under serious consideration. Deuces.

1499
01:13:09,520 --> 01:13:12,280
Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you for doing that, for doing

1500
01:13:12,280 --> 01:13:12,960
Speaker 4: the peace sign.

1501
01:13:13,360 --> 01:13:15,439
Speaker 2: I was like, he'd better do it, Deuces.