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Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, it's Sophia. Welcome to work in progress. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to work in progress. Friends. Today we are joined

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Speaker 1: by a woman who is the definition of a trailblazer,

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Speaker 1: someone that inspires me so much in my industry and beyond,

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Speaker 1: because she's a truly honest, vulnerable, beautiful person, and she's

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Speaker 1: having the kinds of conversations with us that I think

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Speaker 1: we need more of. We're joined today by none other

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Speaker 1: than Valerie Virtinelli. She has been famous for almost fifty years,

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Speaker 1: but in this phase of her life, she's not just

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Speaker 1: stepping into another spotlight. She's actually stepping out from behind

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Speaker 1: everything that she used to hide, everything that she used

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Speaker 1: to perform, which her grow up on one day at

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Speaker 1: a time. She was that effortlessly lovable girl next door.

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Speaker 1: We've seen her be married to a rock star. We've

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Speaker 1: seen her have an empire of cooking shows. We've watched

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Speaker 1: her picture perfect life. But many of us didn't know

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Speaker 1: how quickly that type of life in the public eye

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Speaker 1: can shape a person and can turn you into a

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Speaker 1: good little performer who is everything that everyone else expects

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Speaker 1: you to be before you've decided who you are. I

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Speaker 1: know that Valerie's not the only woman in my industry

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Speaker 1: who feels that way. I know I feel that way,

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Speaker 1: and I also know that so many women in so

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Speaker 1: many different walks of life do too. In this chapter

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Speaker 1: that feels rebellious and raw, she's chosen to do something different.

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Speaker 1: She's written us a book called Getting Naked, she is

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Speaker 1: launching a community platform, and through both of these things,

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Speaker 1: she's peeling back the layers to sit in her truth

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Speaker 1: and to give us all permission to do the same.

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Speaker 1: Let's dive in with val I'm so happy you're here.

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Speaker 2: I'm happy to be here. Now let's change the world.

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Speaker 1: So let's do it. Valerie. Do people call you Valerie?

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Speaker 1: Or do people call you val Like, what.

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Speaker 2: Do you have Bert Valerie?

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Speaker 1: Oh, people call you burn. Oh that's cute.

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Speaker 2: Since like high school or junior high.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I have such a an affection for boys' names

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Speaker 1: that are given to girls, so I love that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I can't. Okay, Well, actually this is interesting because

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Speaker 1: you're talking about high school. But I always like to

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Speaker 1: ask people, especially someone like you. I mean, you are

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Speaker 1: you are an icon, the length of your career, the

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Speaker 1: amount of the things you've done.

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Speaker 3: Scrapper, I only stick around. I mean It's like, I

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Speaker 3: don't feel like icon is not like Betty White was

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Speaker 3: an icon, but okay, I've just been around a long time.

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing you're doing. The thing that I often do,

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Speaker 1: which is someone will talk to me about, you know,

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Speaker 1: fame or relative fame and I'm like, yeah, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not Jennifer Aniston and someone will go, yeah, but you're

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Speaker 1: my Rachel Green, Like, yes, Betty White is undoubtedly was

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Speaker 1: is I say is because will forevermore be the icon?

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Speaker 1: But know that for me, so are you? Wow, Like

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Speaker 1: you're not an icon to you, but you are for

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Speaker 1: me and so many women, and especially in my early forties,

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Speaker 1: the way I look at the women who've blazed trails

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Speaker 1: in our industry now that I know what.

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Speaker 2: It takes some amazing women out there.

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Speaker 1: But holy shit, you've done You've done so many things.

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Speaker 1: You've been so creative, You've managed to do it with

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Speaker 1: a smile. And yeah, you're iconic.

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Speaker 2: Oh you're iconic.

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Speaker 3: Class door And I'm like, where's the window? What window

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Speaker 3: can I open? What door can I open? You know,

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Speaker 3: every time a door gets slammed in my face, I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: that wasn't right for me. I guessed, you know, ariana grande,

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Speaker 3: Thank you next, Thank you next.

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Speaker 1: It is really interesting, isn't it When the notion of

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Speaker 1: rejection is protection. Actually, when you actually embody it and

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Speaker 1: you know it to be true, it's it's almost kind

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Speaker 1: of relieving when you look back at what didn't work

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Speaker 1: so you can figure.

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Speaker 2: Out what god it is it is.

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Speaker 3: It's some things aren't right for us. Yes, some things

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Speaker 3: aren't meant for us. Yeah, there's hundreds of parts I

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Speaker 3: wanted that weren't right for me, and the woman that

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Speaker 3: got it, she was perfect for it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I don't.

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Speaker 3: Like it would change the whole movie, it would change

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Speaker 3: the whole series. It was like, Nope, not right for me,

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Speaker 3: but something else was.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I love that. Yeah, when you think about how

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Speaker 1: you put it, because I love that rejection is protection. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean truly and it really can be. And I

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Speaker 1: just I don't know. I think I think there's something

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Speaker 1: to getting comfortable in your own skin. I think for me,

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Speaker 1: the way I cherish my intergenerational community of female friends,

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Speaker 1: women who I can ask advice of women that I

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Speaker 1: can give advice to, It's like we're so lucky, but

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Speaker 1: I'm really curious for somebody like you who's been in

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Speaker 1: the public eye for so long, I want to know

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Speaker 1: a little bit about before you know, you're in this

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Speaker 1: amazing place. You've got this book coming out. You're in

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Speaker 1: a real kind of chrysalist moment. If you got to

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Speaker 1: look back at your life, at yourself pre all the

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Speaker 1: things eight or nine years old, Like if you could

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Speaker 1: hang out with little though for the afternoon, do you

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Speaker 1: think you would see traits that you're clear on in

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Speaker 1: yourself in her? Do you think she would recognize things

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Speaker 1: about who you've become in you.

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Speaker 3: That's such an interesting way to put it, because I'm

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Speaker 3: doing everything for that little girl because she.

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Speaker 2: Was strong and she got through a lot of shit, and.

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Speaker 3: I'm able to do what I'm doing because now I'm

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Speaker 3: somebody that could have protected her, and I like growing

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Speaker 3: into someone that could have protected her and is now

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Speaker 3: protecting her and now trying to really find her and

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Speaker 3: give her her voice. What she always wanted to do,

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Speaker 3: what she always wanted to say, what she never wanted

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Speaker 3: to be responsible for.

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Speaker 2: So that's I want to make her proud of me.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that instinct wanting to make that little

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Speaker 1: girl proud of you is also because if she gets

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Speaker 1: to be proud of you, Oh my god, I'm getting

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Speaker 1: so because you're you're a misty I And now I

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Speaker 1: want to cry. Do you think that? Because if you

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Speaker 1: make her proud of you, yes, But if you make

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Speaker 1: her proud of you, she has hope for what's ahead, well,

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Speaker 1: then she feels safe.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Then you know, I've always wanted to make her safe

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Speaker 3: because she wasn't safe ever. She wasn't safe if she

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Speaker 3: had her own feelings. She wasn't safe sexually, she wasn't

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Speaker 3: safe in her own body.

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Speaker 2: She wasn't safe feeling positive about herself.

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Speaker 3: She wasn't safe having an ego, which is a very

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Speaker 3: healthy thing to have. So I think I just want

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Speaker 3: her to feel safe because when she feels safe, I

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Speaker 3: feel safe. And it feels weird talking about her and

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Speaker 3: like a third person, but she is me and I

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Speaker 3: am her. But there's a there's a there's is a

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Speaker 3: distinction between that little girl and the woman I am now.

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Speaker 3: And although I feel like a little girl a lot,

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Speaker 3: I have temper tantrums, especially with what's going on in

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Speaker 3: the world, but that's okay too, Like finding all of

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Speaker 3: the things that I would normally have felt shame about

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Speaker 3: or shame. For now, I just look at like, oh,

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Speaker 3: that's just another facet of what made me strong. And

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Speaker 3: if I can harness that shame and alchemize it, it

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Speaker 3: can become compassion for me and for anybody else in

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Speaker 3: the world, because shame does something to us that we

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Speaker 3: first of all never owned what we thought was ours,

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Speaker 3: and then we might have done shameful behaviors that then

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Speaker 3: became shame on top of shame that wasn't originally ours,

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Speaker 3: and then we feel like we are just a bad person,

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Speaker 3: and we have the self loathing. And I'm speaking for myself.

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Speaker 3: Self loathing was something I knew I need to take

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Speaker 3: care of or I was never going to be able

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Speaker 3: to feel grounded and support myself and support myself in

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Speaker 3: whatever situation I may find myself in.

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Speaker 2: Like I.

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Speaker 3: Was really honest and vulnerable with someone about my shame

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Speaker 3: and where it came from, and later on they were

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Speaker 3: able to use that as a weapon and hurt me

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Speaker 3: in anger, and I thought, wait, that's not right. This

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Speaker 3: isn't I just opened myself up to you, and now

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Speaker 3: you can do this to me. So it's my response.

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Speaker 3: I can't change someone else's behavior but it's my responsibility

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Speaker 3: to then look at that shame and figure out what

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Speaker 3: it is that makes me, then pile on top of

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Speaker 3: it or make friends with it, and then in fact

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Speaker 3: alchemize it to compassion and use it in a way

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Speaker 3: that you can say anything you want about me. Now,

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Speaker 3: you can say anything negative, positive, It doesn't who I am.

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Speaker 3: I now know who I am, and I wish that

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Speaker 3: for every woman and man, I wish that for my son.

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Speaker 3: I wish that for everyone to be so strongly rooted

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Speaker 3: in who they are that no one else can hurt them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that starts with us.

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Speaker 1: It does, but I think it's particularly and you touched

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Speaker 1: on something so important. It matters for everyone, everyone.

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Speaker 2: And.

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Speaker 1: We can't possibly ignore that. It's the sort of weight

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Speaker 1: the scales of shame are so overweighted for women in particular.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I am looking back at my own

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Speaker 1: life reflecting on how so many choices I made I

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Speaker 1: didn't even know were rooted in a desire for approval

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Speaker 1: to prove that I was good enough to finally earn

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Speaker 1: enough love that I would stop feeling afraid that my

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Speaker 1: immediate reaction to anything happening around me would be to feel.

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Speaker 3: Ashamed and then in that in fact, would make you

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Speaker 3: feel safe. Yes, bye, by overperforming, by people pleasing that,

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Speaker 3: by doing that, all of a sudden we feel safe.

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Speaker 2: But that's never a way to get to safety.

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Speaker 1: No, No, And I can look back and go, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, the early aughts were a pretty tough time

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Speaker 1: to get on TV. You know, this was a weird

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Speaker 1: time for women. Look at the way we treated young

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Speaker 1: girls like Britney Spears and everyone in the in the

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Speaker 1: sort of circle. And then I look at you and

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Speaker 1: I go, you've survived it no longer than us.

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Speaker 3: How Like I had a lot of moments where I

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Speaker 3: was just a puddle on the floor, Yeah, for sure,

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Speaker 3: and didn't believe in myself. And I mean, it's just

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Speaker 3: it happens as a human being. But I think that's

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Speaker 3: what we're here for. Yeah, we're here to learn, and

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Speaker 3: we're here to learn and become grounded in ourselves. And

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Speaker 3: the human experience is specifically so to teach us about love.

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Speaker 3: And if we take all of those lessons.

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Speaker 2: It all goes back to love right easily.

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Speaker 3: When you feel safe, you can easily feel love when

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Speaker 3: you and you can then go and feel vulnerable and

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Speaker 3: you can be authentic, and you can be all those

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Speaker 3: things that we strive to be.

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Speaker 2: I would love to be the most authentic person I

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Speaker 2: could be.

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Speaker 3: I don't know when or if I'll ever get there,

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Speaker 3: but I can strive for it. I don't know what

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Speaker 3: the end goal is, but it's to feel safe, I

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Speaker 3: guess in all of those feelings.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, when you think about the decades that your public

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Speaker 1: career has spanned, the you know, the demands to be

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Speaker 1: a good girl and a good performer, you know the

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Speaker 1: shifts we've all been in the trenches together in in

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Speaker 1: the last ten to fifteen years.

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Speaker 2: Judgment all of it.

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Speaker 1: Why did this moment feel like time to sort of

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Speaker 1: break that proverbial fourth wall, to write this book, to say,

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Speaker 1: let's get naked, let's really talk about it. Because I'm

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Speaker 1: hearing you say things I need to be reminded of

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Speaker 1: that I'm working on reminding myself of. And I know

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Speaker 1: there are voices out there that are going to say, oh.

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Speaker 4: How hard if these two famous chicks have I don't know,

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Speaker 4: but I get it also, And because we live very

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Speaker 4: privileged lives, it's both yes, So I absolutely understand it,

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Speaker 4: and I don't like go ahead and judge.

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Speaker 2: You can sure, So.

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Speaker 1: Why put this depth out there for more judgment? Is it?

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Speaker 1: Is it actually kind of a freedom song for yourself.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And I know I'll reach somebody. I'll reach the

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Speaker 3: person that doesn't judge, and I'll reach the person that

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Speaker 3: feels judged, and I'll reach the person who wants to

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Speaker 3: remind themselves.

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Speaker 2: I'm hoping. I started off writing.

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Speaker 3: The book because I wanted it to be a little

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Speaker 3: reminder that you could keep in your purse and go, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to read Louise Hayes quote right now because

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Speaker 3: I'm going to feel better if I read this, and

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Speaker 3: then my own quotes, all my journaling that I've done

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Speaker 3: all through the years, and I wanted to help somebody

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Speaker 3: and expand on that and do meditation exercises. And then

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Speaker 3: I thought, well, if I'm going to do that, and

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Speaker 3: if really going to dig deep so that I can

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Speaker 3: give proper education, I've got to really be upfront with why.

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 3: I know what I'm talking about, and I've been through

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Speaker 3: what I've been through, and it's a personal experience, and

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Speaker 3: I don't I don't judge anybody for the way that

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Speaker 3: they choose to heal or go through any process they

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Speaker 3: need to go through.

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Speaker 2: This is for me.

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Speaker 3: I liked a verbal vomit in a book and put

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Speaker 3: it out there and if it helps somebody, fabulous.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And how did you the title?

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Speaker 2: Because it's I've always had this.

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Speaker 3: Shame about my body, and which is stupid because it

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Speaker 3: all started with you know, comments here and there through

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Speaker 3: men most of the time, some women about my body,

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Speaker 3: which I never even noticed until people.

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Speaker 2: Started talking about it.

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Speaker 3: And I've also been ashamed of my emotional health for

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Speaker 3: lack of a better way of putting it, because I

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Speaker 3: think I'm always supposed to be strong, and I'm supposed

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Speaker 3: to be the happy one, and I'm supposed to, you know,

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Speaker 3: make people happy, and I can't cry in front of people.

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Speaker 3: That would be horrible because I'll make them feel bad

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Speaker 3: and I don't want to make them feel bad.

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Speaker 2: And it got to a point where it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: but you have a lot to cry about. You know,

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Speaker 2: you've got a lot of sadness in your life, and

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Speaker 2: it's okay to cry, and it's okay.

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Speaker 3: Those feelings are information. So when you use that information

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Speaker 3: to figure out where that core started, you can dig

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Speaker 3: back and go, oh, this is where it started. So

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Speaker 3: let me see if I can work on that and

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Speaker 3: then make friends with that and I won't be so

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Speaker 3: ashamed of that anymore, and then no one else can

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Speaker 3: hurt me, and I specifically won't hurt me anymore.

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Speaker 2: So it's like it's just a process.

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Speaker 3: It's taken me ten years of just talking about my

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Speaker 3: sexual abuse that I can now say sexual abuse without

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Speaker 3: like going like this, yes, like I'm sorry, I'm sorry

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Speaker 3: I was sexually abused.

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Speaker 1: Yes, But isn't it so crazy? It's so weird to

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Speaker 1: feel shame of fault, to feel shamed about things that

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Speaker 1: have been done to us.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, why don't you go ask the doers? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Why do we have to write? Why do I carry

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Speaker 2: the rehash.

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Speaker 1: Talk about feel ashamed? It's so and we see it.

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Speaker 3: Huge in public right now, Like the victims aren't being

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Speaker 3: listened to, and they're not even talking about the perpetrators,

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Speaker 3: like they're just laughing about it some people and just

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Speaker 3: like sluffing it off. And women are part of it too,

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Speaker 3: Women are.

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Speaker 2: Are you kidding me? I? Okay, can calm down, Valerie,

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Speaker 2: It's okay.

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Speaker 1: You're doing great. No, it makes me crazy. And now

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Speaker 1: for our sponsors. When we first sat down, you asked

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Speaker 1: sort of how I'm processing the whole thing, and I

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Speaker 1: just said, oh no, I'm filled with rage, just on

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Speaker 1: fire with it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I wonder why I wake up a heart hurts. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like I don't open your phone because it's going

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Speaker 2: to hurt more.

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Speaker 1: But in the strangest way, there is also doing my

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Speaker 1: own getting naked, my own processing shame and learning things

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Speaker 1: I've learned. And then I think, as lucky as we

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Speaker 1: are to do what we do, I do think the

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Speaker 1: the inverse. You know, they say scientifically every action has

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Speaker 1: an equal and opposite reaction. I think the equal and

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Speaker 1: opposite reaction to the privilege is the denial of humanity.

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Speaker 1: Because you're so privileged, how dare you be sad? Upset? Whatever?

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Speaker 1: And for me, one of the things I've worked on

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Speaker 1: to kind of reintegrate, recalibrate is to find what the

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Speaker 1: kernel of goodness a gift for me or someone else

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Speaker 1: could come out of the worst thing, Like what will

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Speaker 1: it teach you? What will it illuminate for you? Even

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Speaker 1: if it's a hard lesson, what's the lesson? And there

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Speaker 1: is something about watching millions of files that tell the truth,

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Speaker 1: thousands of women's stories telling the truth the way they're

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Speaker 1: being ignored, manipulated, laughed at, even by other women, and

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Speaker 1: it has it has unlocked some little chamber in me

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Speaker 1: that goes, oh, it's not There's nothing I could have

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Speaker 1: done to be believed better. We just are not nice

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Speaker 1: to women. And it isn't just me and I hate it,

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Speaker 1: but the tiniest seedling of I don't want to call

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Speaker 1: it goodness, but the one.

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Speaker 2: Positive waking a lot of us up, yes, is to

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Speaker 2: really see to.

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Speaker 1: Have the thing I've heard that my brain knows, to

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Speaker 1: feel it in my body and go because it really

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Speaker 1: is so true. Yeah, and this is for all of us.

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Speaker 3: Like we talk about patriarchy like it's some sort of

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Speaker 3: like esoteric thing, but it truly is something that is

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Speaker 3: suffocating for women.

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Speaker 2: And I say this as a woman who adores men.

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Speaker 2: I love men.

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Speaker 3: I loved my first husband, I love my son, I

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Speaker 3: love my brothers, I loved my father.

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Speaker 2: I love men.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's some really shitty men out there that

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Speaker 3: are in power and that do really shy things.

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Speaker 1: Well, and that in the shitty side of men is

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Speaker 1: the patriarchy, not the men themselves. Yes, Because patriarchy.

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Speaker 3: There's a few, yeah, that are doing the ones the

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Speaker 3: patriarchy protecting that.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but that's it. It's it's it's the good the

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Speaker 1: good men, because I feel the same. I have some

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Speaker 1: of the best men in my life. I've also encountered

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Speaker 1: some of the worst ones, but I have some of

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Speaker 1: the best men in my life. And what what I

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Speaker 1: find to be a tragedy of patriarchy is that not

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Speaker 1: only is it so terrible and violent toward us, it's

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Speaker 1: terrible for men. Men are the ones that's been suicide

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Speaker 1: at the highest rates in our country. Men are having

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Speaker 1: a mental health crisis, that.

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Speaker 3: That aren't living up to standards that the pros or

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Speaker 3: want them to live live up to. And yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: there's a few.

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Speaker 2: How do we change it?

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Speaker 3: So well, there's a few of the first because I

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Speaker 3: want to change this one, wake people up.

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Speaker 1: But part of the way I think it changes is

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Speaker 1: by showing up as our full selves, having conversations like

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Speaker 1: this one. By by people writing books like the book

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Speaker 1: you've written. You are building community for people to see

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Speaker 1: and experience themselves, their lives and the people around them differently.

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Speaker 1: And that that for me is like the greatest part

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Speaker 1: of the privilege of a public career. Yes, is that

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Speaker 1: you can.

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Speaker 2: I have a big.

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Speaker 3: Audience to be able to offer what I have to

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Speaker 3: give to them, and I it like, I think if

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Speaker 3: somebody like when talking about privilege, and I think if

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Speaker 3: some of the privilege some of these billionaires have, and

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Speaker 3: how just the oddness of the way business works in

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Speaker 3: this country. You know, a guy who takes his dad's

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Speaker 3: money can buy Tesla and have nothing to do with

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Speaker 3: the actual brillions of what that car is.

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Speaker 2: And the's nothing. He invented zero row.

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Speaker 3: He took his daddy's money and he bought a company

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Speaker 3: and then I think it was a PayPal or something

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Speaker 3: to begin with.

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Speaker 2: Whatever.

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Speaker 3: The man has no talent, and somehow people are in

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Speaker 3: awe of someone who has so much money he doesn't

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Speaker 3: think it's okay to spread it around. They're like this

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Speaker 3: trickle down thing or what I mean. And he's not

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Speaker 3: the only billionaire out there that is making huge, horrific

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Speaker 3: movements in this country that are hurting people and could

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Speaker 3: actually help people.

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Speaker 2: It's so frustrating. I mean, there's the business that we're in.

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Speaker 3: You think of all the people that are making the money,

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Speaker 3: and then you think of all the people that make

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Speaker 3: the content that there's like, all of the grips, all

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Speaker 3: of the drivers, all of the and you could even

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Speaker 3: go through car companies, all of the car companies, although

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Speaker 3: the guys working on the line, the women working on

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Speaker 3: the line, all of the people driving and delivering packages,

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Speaker 3: but all none of these people are making the amount

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Speaker 3: of money that a few tiny people at the top

404
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Speaker 3: are making. And what frustrates me is we've but these

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Speaker 3: few tiny people at the top wouldn't have the money

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Speaker 3: that they have.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't wrong. Its people doing this stuff.

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Speaker 1: And that's what's interesting. We know about story and we

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Speaker 1: know about PR. The idolatry of billionaires is PR because

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Speaker 1: you don't make a billion dollars, you take a billion dollars. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, my dad.

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Speaker 3: Now, there's always exceptions. Sure, what Kayler Swift does with

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Speaker 3: her money is extraordinary. Sure what Mackenzie Bezos is doing

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Speaker 3: with her money is extraordinary. I mean, just please, So

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Speaker 3: I can't expect everyone to be like Mackenzie Bezos and

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Speaker 3: Taylor Swift and Melinda Gates. I can't expect everyone to

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Speaker 3: be like that. But they're really doing good things with

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Speaker 3: their money.

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Speaker 2: And why is that?

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Speaker 3: So hard, you'll never miss that much like you'll never

421
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Speaker 3: spend it. No, why not like missing in you that

422
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Speaker 3: you don't want to help someone. I don't understand what's like,

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Speaker 3: what's missing in your personality or in your heart or

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Speaker 3: in your brain that you don't feel it's necessary to

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Speaker 3: help lift somebody else up.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's like who's the who's the National Geographic Scientists

427
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Speaker 1: that talked about this a few years ago that said,

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Speaker 1: if we were studying chimps and one chimp was hoarding

429
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Speaker 1: all the bananas and not letting any of the other

430
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Speaker 1: chimps eat, we would be like, oh, he's that chimp

431
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Speaker 1: is mentally ill. Something is wrong, Something is wrong with

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Speaker 1: that animal. That's not how these animals behave in community, right,

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Speaker 1: But with humans, we're like putting them on.

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Speaker 2: A pedestal on a Forbes list. Yeah, and like, yeah, oh.

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Speaker 1: It's so crazy. I'm really curious about this though, because

436
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: you know, to your point, we're talking about success gone crazy.

437
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Speaker 1: We're talking about privilege or even ingenuity morphing into I

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Speaker 1: think almost an addiction. Good Now, you, as we mentioned earlier,

439
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 1: you've also been around some trailblazers, some incredibly successful people

440
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 1: like I think about, as you said, you know, you

441
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 1: loved still love your first husband, and I think that's

442
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: such a beautiful thing when when two people move past

443
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: a phase together but maintain the love in a different way.

444
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: But it's like, I also think about that, like you

445
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 1: were married to Eddie van Halen, like in the era

446
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 1: of real rock stars, and that must have been its

447
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 1: own crazy kind of thing to see.

448
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 3: You know, it was crazy in a personal way because

449
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 3: the frustration of wanting him to get well, you know,

450
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,680
Speaker 3: and not me not being mature enough to know how

451
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 3: to deal with that, and because I know at this

452
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 3: knowing what I know now about trauma and how it

453
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 3: affects people, and I would be much more compactis with

454
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 3: Ed and his journey that he needed to take.

455
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 2: So I'm incredibly.

456
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 3: Grateful for where we ended up the last year of

457
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:12,479
Speaker 3: his life, but I'm kicking myself that I wish I

458
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 3: had learned what I know now earlier, so I could

459
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 3: have been a better friend to him, at least if

460
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 3: I couldn't have been a good partner because that was over,

461
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 3: I could have been a better friend. And I was

462
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 3: the best friend I could be near the end of

463
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 3: his life. But it's so frustrating to know what I

464
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 3: know now and not be able to help someone I

465
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 3: love so much.

466
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 1: I understand that, yeah, wishing, wishing you had the tools sooner,

467
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: but also having compassion that you can't learn a lesson

468
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 1: until you learn it. Yeah, I'm true for him.

469
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 3: There are still hard lessons I learned in twenty twenty four,

470
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 3: hardest year of my life, even after everything I've been through.

471
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 3: So I learned the deepest, strongest, life changing lessons in

472
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 3: twenty twenty four that I knew that I wasn't going

473
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 3: to taking behavior that I knew was not tolerable and

474
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 3: yet I tolerated it. I was going to stop tolerating

475
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 3: bad behavior.

476
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,639
Speaker 1: How did you have the aha moment to do that?

477
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: When someone like we spoke about earlier, when someone used

478
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 3: my shame as a weapon to hurt me, I thought,

479
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 3: There's the only way they can use shame as a

480
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 3: weapon to hurt me is if I allow it. So

481
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 3: I need to figure out my shame, figure out where

482
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 3: it comes from, what I can do with it, and

483
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 3: how I can make friends with it, and how I

484
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 3: can honor it, and then alchemize that into compassion for myself.

485
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now they can't.

486
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:44,959
Speaker 3: Like someone can literally for months write shitty things about me,

487
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 3: and I'll be like, isn't that interesting what that says

488
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 3: about that person? Doesn't change who I am. I'm still

489
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,680
Speaker 3: me and I know what my values are. But isn't

490
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 3: that a shame that they're not there yet? Without trying

491
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 3: to judge, because I can't judge another human being to

492
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: judge myself first, So it but it does help me go, yeah.

493
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,679
Speaker 2: That that doesn't change who I am. That's not me.

494
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 2: So I don't feel like I have to defend myself anymore,

495
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 2: which is a big relief because I felt like I

496
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 2: constantly had to defend myself. You understand, it's a lie.

497
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 2: It's a lie of like, Okay, so it's a lie.

498
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 1: It's not true, and it's making me crazy.

499
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so what Okay, so some people are always

500
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 3: gonna lie about you.

501
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, so what doesn't change who you are?

502
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 3: Oh?

503
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:33,239
Speaker 1: But it's so hard because especially as a performer, you

504
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 1: we're like we're little emotional givers.

505
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 3: I know, but I experiences people who like me. Yes,

506
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 3: and the people who surround me and the people that

507
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 3: I love and enjoy in my life, they do love me. Yeah,

508
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 3: they love me, So why do I care what a

509
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 3: stranger or someone I used to know thinks about me.

510
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, Oh, but it's so hard.

511
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 2: It's so hard.

512
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 3: But I needed to drop to my knees get I've

513
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 3: shoved on my ass, Yeah, to finally realize, Oh, it

514
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 3: doesn't matter, because they can't hurt me anymore.

515
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: It's such a it's such a powerful lesson. It reminds

516
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: me of what we were talking about earlier. What I

517
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: hear you saying is that the things you know have

518
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: really sunk into your body and you can feel them.

519
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,959
Speaker 1: I can. It's crazy. I know what that sort of

520
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: mentorship means to me as a woman in my forties.

521
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 1: And then I think about you talking about your son,

522
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 1: and then I think about you talking about your community.

523
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 1: And you wrote this book for yourself, but you also

524
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: wrote this book for all these other people. It's a

525
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 1: real gift of all sorts of mothering.

526
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you. It really like my favorite. Once I

527
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 2: became a mother, that was it, I knew.

528
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, because I've been taken care of everybody my

529
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: whole life since the day I was born. So once

530
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 3: I became a mother, then I get it. Now Now

531
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 3: I get it. This is what I was born to do,

532
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 3: not just to my son, And that's been the greatest

533
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 3: joy of my life is mothering this amazing now almost

534
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 3: thirty five year old man that I'm so freaking proud of.

535
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 3: Like I'm like, I love knowing this human being. And

536
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 3: I don't take credit for him being as amazing as

537
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 3: he is, Like he's his own person, he's his own talent,

538
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 3: he's his own good, kind, decent human being. Because of him,

539
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,719
Speaker 3: I'm just lucky to be able to be there and

540
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 3: watch it.

541
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that.

542
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 2: But I do like mothering people. I do like taking

543
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 2: care of people. But sometimes I.

544
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 3: Know and I haven't found that and it'd be nice, yeah,

545
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: And then a part of me is like, no, no, no, no.

546
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 2: I don't need I don't need your help. I'm good,

547
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 2: I'm good.

548
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 3: But then there's a small part of me it's just

549
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 3: like God, it true would be nice to not have

550
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 3: to take care of everyone, but.

551
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 2: I don't anymore. I don't feel like I do.

552
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 3: I feel like I just like I can just be

553
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 3: me now, and when I want to take care of somebody,

554
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: and when I then it's I don't, I'm not doing it.

555
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 3: Because I want them to like me. I'm doing it

556
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 3: because I want to do it.

557
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: But as you love to do it, Yeah, because you

558
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: love to love people. Yes. That's been a big adjustment

559
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: for me too, was having to get honest with myself

560
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: about Yes, I have those instincts. I've been mothering everyone

561
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: since I was a kid. And if I do it

562
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 1: as an identity or approving mechanism, it's it's like it's

563
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 1: getting out of the range of healthy. And I think

564
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 1: I hear you talking about your own version of a

565
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 1: thing I'm working on, which is figuring out how to

566
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: pull it back into something really beautiful that is affirming

567
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: and enriching rather than draining. And then it all it

568
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 1: all shifts.

569
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 3: And yes, and when you have the right people around you,

570
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 3: they understand that, like you're not going to be giving

571
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 3: all the time, sometimes you need to take.

572
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 2: And taking isn't a bad thing.

573
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 3: Although it's still I'm still finding that healthy balance because

574
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 3: I don't like to take. Yeah, it's uncomfortable for me

575
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 3: and I can.

576
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 1: I offer you something, Yes, So I struggle with it too,

577
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 1: because taking has a negative connotation, especially I think for women.

578
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: Even though give and take is such a normal.

579
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 2: Phrase, you would think.

580
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 1: The thing that really was the AHA for me was

581
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: actually one of the wonderful men in my life. One

582
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 1: of my best friends, Sean, I love you so much,

583
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 1: said to me years ago. He said, you pour into

584
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: everyone else, and you have to let us pour into you.

585
00:32:53,640 --> 00:33:01,719
Speaker 1: I don't know why shifting the language made me feel permission,

586
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 1: because I shut down when I hear I need to

587
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 1: learn to take. But I feel lucky when I think

588
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: I have to let the people I pour into poor into.

589
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 3: Me too, because they love you so much. They want

590
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 3: to They want to do what you're doing for them.

591
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 1: Because it's loving.

592
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it makes them feel loved when

593
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 3: they can give love because I know how I feel. Yes,

594
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 3: So why am I not going to allow people in

595
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 3: my life that I love to do that for me?

596
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: Yes?

597
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 2: I think I don't want to be a bother. I

598
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 2: don't want to, you.

599
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 1: Know, do you think that's where you're I don't want

600
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 1: to call it a side hustle, even though that's like

601
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: the phrase that all that all the kids are using.

602
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: But like you, you went out and carved a whole

603
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: path in the food world, and I think of food

604
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: as love. I think of that as a way to put.

605
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 2: Where I first met you. Yes at a food event,

606
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 2: I know, yeah, and.

607
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 1: Well yes for the friends at home. I love that

608
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 1: I just said I know to you. It's like we're

609
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: telling you guys, not us. Sorry, I forget. Sometimes people

610
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: are listening and now a word from our sponsors that

611
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 1: I really enjoy and I think you will too. This

612
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 1: segment is brought to you by eBay. I've always believed

613
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,800
Speaker 1: that the spaces we create shape the way we connect. Lighting,

614
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Speaker 1: especially for me, ooh so important because it sets the

615
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: tone before anyone even sits down in the room they've

616
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:32,800
Speaker 1: walked into. It tells people whether they can exhale, linger

617
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 1: or feel at home. Lately, I have found myself searching

618
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619
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 1: sconces cool vintage light fixtures, lamps that feel like they've

620
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 1: already held a lot of life. To me, these are

621
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: the kind of unique pieces that aren't just objects. They

622
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 1: have personalities. They create a space that feels lived in,

623
00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 1: and they set the mood for meaningful converses, shared meals,

624
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 1: and quiet moments with the people that I love. Plus,

625
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,360
Speaker 1: the journey to get there is like its own treasure hunt.

626
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: If you follow me, you know I love a treasure

627
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: hunt around the world, whether it's a cool night market

628
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 1: or a flea market somewhere. But I gotta be honest.

629
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: eBay is like the greatest treasure hunt in the world

630
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 1: because you don't have to sift through everything. You search

631
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 1: for what you're looking for, and you get to go

632
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: down a rabbit hole that's been tailored just for you.

633
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: A real dream come true, finding special items like the

634
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 1: sconces or lamps I've been looking for on eBay and

635
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: giving them a second life. That is what my dreams

636
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,360
Speaker 1: are made of. And that's what I love about eBay.

637
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: It's where you can find pieces that speak to a

638
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: special part of you and who you are making space for.

639
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: Visit eBay dot com to shop your favorite fines eBay

640
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: things people love. You had all this big stardom and

641
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 1: then said I'm also going to do food, and I

642
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: feel like you were kind of a trailblazer in that world.

643
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 2: At least. I'm just a little crazy. I love it.

644
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 1: You're my kind of crazy, a little crazy too. Do

645
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: you do you think that food was a way for

646
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: you to love people?

647
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 3: Oh?

648
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's how I learned about love.

649
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 3: I mean I remember being five or six years old

650
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 3: and sitting downstairs in my aunt Adline's basement and watching

651
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 3: my Nnny make cappelletti and making you know, oh my

652
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,959
Speaker 3: capelletti embrodo is some of my favorite soup, making yunk

653
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 3: really yeah, so good, so good, making yunkie, making bread

654
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 3: and just watching like her, she's got beautiful hands. She

655
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 3: had beautiful hands and just the way she used them

656
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 3: like an artist. Yeah.

657
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 2: And my mom using.

658
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 3: Cooking to be accepted, like becoming an amazing Italian cook

659
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 3: when she's Scottish, Irish and English because they didn't accept her,

660
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 3: like they did not want my dad marrying my mother.

661
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,919
Speaker 2: So she learned how to cook to get love.

662
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: Yeah.

663
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 2: And it's like that's that's a version of love for.

664
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: Me, of course. Well, it's also like learning the language.

665
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 1: It's a it's love. It's a way to honor people.

666
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 1: It's a way to show respect to people.

667
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,439
Speaker 2: It's a way to mother them. Yes, it's a way

668
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 2: to take care of them. Yeah.

669
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,399
Speaker 3: I've always yeah, so I've always loved food. I've always

670
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,240
Speaker 3: loved recipes. I've always loved cooking from a very young age.

671
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 3: So it just seemed natural to then just do it

672
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 3: on TV. Yeah, from what I was thinking, but it worked.

673
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 1: I love that. I I wish I had a little

674
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:40,359
Speaker 1: more of that thing you do, which is you don't

675
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: just do what you love at home, you take it

676
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 1: out into the world.

677
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 2: I think you do that kind of Yes, you do.

678
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:50,359
Speaker 1: But it's funny because you know, my partner said this

679
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: to me. We've known each other for so many years,

680
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: but she pointed out to me, she was like, you

681
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 1: were always the first person I called when I had

682
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 1: like a question about a cause or something need to happen.

683
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: You have all this other really cool shit that you do,

684
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: and you're actually all very funny, but like you seem

685
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,439
Speaker 1: just like this very serious political commentator in the world.

686
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 2: And I was like, do I I'm also like kind of.

687
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: A door and I do love to cook for people,

688
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: and I'm like at the flea market every Sunday, and

689
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 1: you know, treasure hunting for trinkets. And it's funny to

690
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: realize when you have a version of a public life

691
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: that people might only know a little sliver of you

692
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: for sure.

693
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 2: And so I really have a very full life.

694
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 3: You enjoy things that you enjoy, Yeah, and sharing that

695
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:37,280
Speaker 3: with people. All of a sudden you start to develop

696
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 3: a community because like, oh I like that too.

697
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: Will you remind me to share more?

698
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 2: Yea?

699
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: And I want to do that, And I'm curious about

700
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:48,399
Speaker 1: how you're doing it. I mean you've built a new

701
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: digital platform, right. I love that it's called Valeries Feace

702
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: because I feel like it could be like, oh, let's

703
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 1: go to Valeries Place exactly. That's like as any it's

704
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: any place with your community. And I know cooking is

705
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 1: a big part of it. I know you're cooking, you know,

706
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 1: on live streams with fans. What else is happening there?

707
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 1: What does it mean to invite people into your digital house?

708
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 2: Well, it's love. I love cooking for people.

709
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 3: So I've got three different shows where I cook meals

710
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 3: for one, which are nice, small little things that make it.

711
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 3: I just want you to I want to show you

712
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 3: how easy it is to cook in the kitchen. It's

713
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,720
Speaker 3: just so darn easy, and people make it more complicated

714
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 3: than it needs to be and it's not super easy.

715
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 3: I'm also cooking with my culinary producer Sophie who she

716
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 3: does my she helps me do my cookbooks. She was

717
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 3: the culinary producer on my show when I was on

718
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 3: Food Network, so I brought her in and we have

719
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 3: all of my old Food Network shows on my platform

720
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,239
Speaker 3: and you can go to those and you can find

721
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 3: a recipe that you want through ingredient, whatever you want

722
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 3: to do, find the show that you want to watch,

723
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 3: and then you can I'm also taking recipes from that

724
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 3: show and reheating them with Sophie, so we're showing a

725
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 3: new way to cook them, different things that I've learned

726
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 3: through the years. And there's just a good old straight

727
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 3: itk in the kitchen with Valerie cooking. Now VAL's cooking,

728
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 3: so we've got all the cooking you want. I have

729
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 3: a book group that I want to start because I've

730
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 3: been in a book group for almost thirty years with

731
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 3: my girlfriends really and I love it. I love a

732
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 3: good book. I love How Can Take You Away? And

733
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,800
Speaker 3: I also like books that I'm not crazy about because

734
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 3: that usually ends up being the book that we have

735
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 3: the greatest conversation about. For some reason, we've always if

736
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,399
Speaker 3: we've all agreed, this book wasn't the greatest. I wasn't

737
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 3: and I never not because the author I know how

738
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 3: hard it is, so I don't ever put the author down.

739
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 3: But there's some books that just don't resonate with me,

740
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 3: and sometimes that happens with this and we have these

741
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 3: great conversations. So I want to do that with my

742
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 3: community on Valerie's place, and I know there's a lot

743
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 3: of people I follow people on book talk. I love

744
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 3: finding out new books, so I want to do that.

745
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 3: And I also do want to start a podcast called

746
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 3: Getting Naked and just really get naked about our emotion.

747
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 3: I want to have a therapists on and people that

748
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 3: I've worked with and emdr was one of the things

749
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,280
Speaker 3: that so helped me.

750
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 2: Me too, Oh, it's so amazing.

751
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 3: I want to make it more readily available to people.

752
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:22,320
Speaker 3: It's so amazing. It immediately calmed me. It immediately helped

753
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:25,880
Speaker 3: me dig in by putting aside some of the really

754
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 3: heavy emotions and feelings that were blocking me from getting

755
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 3: to it.

756
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 2: Yes, it's amazing, just.

757
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 1: The way that it's able to.

758
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:39,320
Speaker 3: Distract your brain just in a calm and center.

759
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 2: It's crazy. It's almost like, which way did you like it?

760
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 2: I like told holding the me too. I can't necessarily do.

761
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: No that my movement makes me a little dizzy, but

762
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: the sounds and the little paddles, because what I found

763
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: is it it's almost like when you know you're noodling

764
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: on something, you're writing, and you have it comes to

765
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 1: you when you're on a walk. Just having your motor

766
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: skills engaged by something opens your brain in a different way,

767
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,760
Speaker 1: and you set it in the strangest way. It takes

768
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: the Oh, that's the thing that really hurts. I don't

769
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 1: want to push on it. Your brain that's normally keying

770
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: into the hurt is focusing on a thing over here,

771
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: and then you can just.

772
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 2: It's phenomenal work on it, right.

773
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 1: It's how you get to a point. You know, you

774
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: said it earlier when you said, I finally after all

775
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 1: these years, can say I was sexually abused and move on.

776
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 1: You can state it, right, I finally am just a fact.

777
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 2: It's not something that brings me shame.

778
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to spin your body into trauma that's

779
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 1: actually someone else's fault. You don't need to continue to

780
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:48,359
Speaker 1: carry it. And I can likewise now talk about experiences

781
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: in my life like I'm talking about the weather. Yeah,

782
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 1: and I realize it's kind of startling for people who

783
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 1: haven't had those experiences. They go, this is really horrible,

784
00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: and I go, oh, yeah, but I want to work

785
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 1: on it. Yeah, so the horrible's not in my body anymore.

786
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: It's where it belongs.

787
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 3: And I.

788
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:11,280
Speaker 1: Have just been able to add this to the bullet

789
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: list of my story, and that for me is a

790
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 1: good thing, right.

791
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,280
Speaker 3: It is because it becomes about the trauma or whatever

792
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 3: has shaped us then, as opposed to it being ashamed

793
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 3: of the shape it's made us. We are just that shape,

794
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,719
Speaker 3: but we're so many shapes. There's so many facets to

795
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 3: a human being. This is what's so fun about having

796
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 3: a human experience is that I can be jealous, but

797
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 3: I also can be so happy for someone. I can

798
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 3: be angry, but I can also be like relieved that

799
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 3: I don't have to take that on. There's so many

800
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 3: things about our full personality that is as opposed to

801
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 3: hiding what people call the shadow parts of us. It

802
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 3: just bring that shadow up and go, girl, thanks for

803
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 3: getting me through that. But today, now let me go

804
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 3: do this this way. You know, the shadow isn't necessarily

805
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,880
Speaker 3: something bad, it's just our bravest part.

806
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. The analogy I've been using with my wonderful therapist

807
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 1: is that's just a passenger in the vehicle. I'm the driver, right,

808
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: the passenger, all the passengers, they all get to be

809
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: in the car.

810
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 3: M h.

811
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 1: I have to be careful about who I allow.

812
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 3: To right, don't touch the radio, right, Yeah, that's up

813
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 3: to me, you know, before you get your ass in

814
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 3: the backseat, because I don't want you shotgun.

815
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 1: Right now exactly, you know.

816
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, that's a great analogy.

817
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,359
Speaker 1: It's nice. I like that because it reminds me that

818
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 1: all parts of me, like you said, even the shadows

819
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: are worthy.

820
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 2: Yep.

821
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 1: But they don't have to they don't have to be

822
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: riding shotgun and they don't get to drive right.

823
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:48,720
Speaker 3: Like all those tools I talk about them like tools

824
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 3: and a toolbox, Like I don't need to bring this

825
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 3: tool out anymore. That tool can go underneath. We don't

826
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,400
Speaker 3: need to worry about that I need to.

827
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 2: Bring it out. Just go oh that's interesting.

828
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 3: No, that's not going to work in this situation. Let's

829
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 3: let's let's not let's not put our wall up right now,

830
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,800
Speaker 3: shall we. Let's let's get curious instead. Yeah, because I

831
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 3: love that wall in my toolbox. That wall has come

832
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,320
Speaker 3: in super handy and a lot of times. And now

833
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 3: I don't there's still good times for me to put

834
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,040
Speaker 3: a wall up. If I'm in public and someone can

835
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:18,359
Speaker 3: be a little aggressive, that wall can go right up

836
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,319
Speaker 3: and I can I can be rude, I can be

837
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 3: cold as ice. And I'm not ashamed of her anymore.

838
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 3: I used to there, I used to get like pummeled, like,

839
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 3: oh you're such You're so cold.

840
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 2: I'm like, don't hurt me.

841
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: Then you know I'm actually just matching your energy.

842
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 3: Yes, right, yeah, yeah, I don't mind being cold as

843
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 3: ice anymore because that's probably something that that I put

844
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 3: up as a defense mechanism because of the way you're

845
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 3: behaving towards me.

846
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and that's something I no longer internalize. I

847
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: got a great phrase from a friend. She said, people

848
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: meet the version of me they deserve, and I went

849
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 1: because some people will tell you, oh, so Via Bush

850
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 1: is the kindest person I have ever met, and some

851
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 1: people will be like she's a bitch, and I'm like,

852
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 1: you got.

853
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 3: The version you deserve yep, apsolutely, And I'm not ashamed

854
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:07,319
Speaker 3: of that, bitch.

855
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 2: I am not, because you deserved it.

856
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,719
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I'm also like, when I'm a bitch, I'm the

857
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 1: one you want your corner.

858
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 2: That's so true. I will fight to the death for you. Yes, yes, absolutely,

859
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 2: I'm so excited.

860
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: I can't wait to be part of Valerie's place so

861
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 1: I can be in the crew and see all the

862
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: other ways.

863
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 2: Fun place to hang. Yeah, that's a corner.

864
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: That's a corner I want to be in. I'm just

865
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 1: excited for you. I'm excited for all of it. I'm

866
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,479
Speaker 1: excited for the folks at home to get to read

867
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: getting naked. I'm excited that they have this place that

868
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: they can go and be so many parts of themselves

869
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 1: in your world. It really harkens back to what we

870
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 1: were talking about at the top of the hour. I

871
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: really think building community and building community that's honest and

872
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: vulnerable and tells the truth. That's how I think we

873
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:00,240
Speaker 1: changed the world.

874
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 3: It is it is actually, and this is part of

875
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 3: that too, where people come here and can be vulnerable

876
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:10,439
Speaker 3: and can speak their truth and talk about what's going

877
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 3: on in the world and talk about it without being ashamed,

878
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 3: to talk about it without being worried that somebody is

879
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 3: somebody crazy.

880
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 2: Is gonna I don't know.

881
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, I'm you know what. I don't want to

882
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 3: get angry anymore. I want to find solutions. And I'm

883
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 3: so used to waking up angry at what's going on

884
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 3: in the world, and I feel like anger is appropriate

885
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 3: before what's happening, But now I need to funnel it

886
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 3: and I need to figure out a way to make

887
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 3: the change that all of us. I know, all of us,

888
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:46,439
Speaker 3: even the ones in the cult, I know they want

889
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 3: this change. They just don't recognize it because they've been

890
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:55,280
Speaker 3: manipulated and the gas lighting is crazy and the projection

891
00:47:55,480 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 3: is crazy, and I feel bad for them.

892
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: And I think it something that women like us who've

893
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 1: been through the things we've been through, can identify. And

894
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 1: I do think there is a I don't want to

895
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 1: call it a requirement, but it's it's kind of a

896
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 1: badge of honor to be a canary and a coal

897
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 1: mine in moments like this. Yeah, where you go, I

898
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 1: know what this is, and I understand that my telling

899
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: you what this is might anger you, But I care

900
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 1: more about protecting you than how you feel about me.

901
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

902
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: And that that's the thing I really with our communities.

903
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 3: And I see that you're okay with that. Yeah, I

904
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 3: think that we all need to be okay with that.

905
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 3: Like I see some people this is where social media

906
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 3: is really good, even though the algorithms can be messed up.

907
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 3: But I see some people out there, like there's there's

908
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 3: a couple, a brother and sister that are talking to

909
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 3: their maga parents and they do I apologize that I

910
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 3: don't know their names right now because.

911
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: They just started comcasting.

912
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, they start started coming up on my feed.

913
00:48:55,600 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 3: And my heart goes out to these siblings because their

914
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 3: parents are in a cult and they're like, they're trying

915
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 3: so hard and they're still there for them, which is

916
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,839
Speaker 3: really commendable, really commendable.

917
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 2: But I think if more of us.

918
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 3: There's that part about having compassion for people that don't

919
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 3: see things the same way that you do. And then

920
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 3: there's part of having compassion for people that are so

921
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 3: under the spell of whatever is happening. And so I

922
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 3: try not to judge too harshly because I know they've

923
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 3: been manipulated. I know that they're in the middle of gaslighting.

924
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 3: I see it happening, and so I don't want to

925
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:47,759
Speaker 3: judge them too harshly, but I also don't want them

926
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 3: to cause any more pain.

927
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it's like.

928
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:51,479
Speaker 1: It's a tight rope block.

929
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 2: It is.

930
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:57,279
Speaker 1: It's a tightrope block because some people, and I can

931
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,080
Speaker 1: say this because they're literally marching carrying the flags. Some

932
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 1: people these days are just Nazis. I'm not interested in

933
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:06,879
Speaker 1: having compassion for those people. No, I'm like, we fought

934
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 1: a world war about this.

935
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 2: No, but what the hell was the war fought for?

936
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 1: Yeah? To your point, though, people who have been you know, manipulated,

937
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:25,120
Speaker 1: lied to, used as ponds for the powerful. Those are

938
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 1: people who I hope we can call back in.

939
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,920
Speaker 3: And you've done it literally in your own life, and

940
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,359
Speaker 3: I think that. I think more and more people are

941
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 3: slowly seeing the light, and I think the more compassion

942
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:42,359
Speaker 3: we have for the people that are slowly seeing the light. Yeah,

943
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 3: I think it's never too late. It's never too late

944
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 3: to go, oh my god.

945
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 2: And you don't even have to say you were wrong.

946
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 2: You don't even have to say that.

947
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: If it's too hard to say you were wrong, maybe

948
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: you weren't wrong, but you were lied to. And I

949
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 3: just if you can acknowledge that.

950
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 1: That's compassion. My brain immediately was like, I want them

951
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:58,839
Speaker 1: to say they were.

952
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 2: I just want them to check a little something.

953
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to work on the therapy, you know,

954
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 1: I'm really curious because yes, we're in this big global

955
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 1: moment and you're also in a big personal moment.

956
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 3: You know.

957
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 1: It's it's macro to micro to like right here, and

958
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 1: you're building this community for us and for you.

959
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 2: You're you're selfishly for me. Yeah, I love it.

960
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: I love it. I think some of the best things

961
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 1: are for others, which then give you the ultimate selfish reward.

962
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: But I'm curious as you kind of look out and

963
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 1: it could be fixing the insanity, it could be something

964
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: just for you. What feels like you're work in progress

965
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 1: right now because I'm looking at you, going, God, you've

966
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,240
Speaker 1: really checked a lot of things off the list.

967
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 3: I'm still I'm getting closer to equanimity. I really am

968
00:51:54,280 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 3: getting so much closer to that, because there's that line

969
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 3: of not taking in what's going on in the world

970
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 3: so to heart, to where my heart hurts in the morning,

971
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 3: And there's also that that knowing that I am grounded

972
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,839
Speaker 3: and I can just do what I need to do

973
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 3: in my own.

974
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:18,280
Speaker 2: Bubble.

975
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 3: For lack of a better term, I want peace. I

976
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 3: just want I want to find peace in the chaos,

977
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 3: which is equanimity, and I want to share it.

978
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:36,480
Speaker 2: I want I want.

979
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 3: Others to figure out how that shows up in their

980
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 3: own life. Like, make it a word that people use more.

981
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 2: Make it you know.

982
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 3: Peace has been given that you know, Hey, you know

983
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 3: so much, but it means a lot. Like we we

984
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 3: all want this. We all want to be heard, we

985
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,879
Speaker 3: all want calm, we all want grace in our lives.

986
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:00,760
Speaker 3: We all want to be understood, we want to be seen.

987
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 3: But we really just want peace and emotional safety. That's

988
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:10,360
Speaker 3: all we really really want. I think maybe it's just

989
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 3: me personally.

990
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 1: I like that though that's a big that's a nice

991
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 1: big goal to be working.

992
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 3: It doesn't seem big. But when you look at but

993
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 3: when I open my eyes and look around the world, I'm.

994
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:27,160
Speaker 1: Oh god, I think it's pretty big. I really do.

995
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:29,799
Speaker 1: Oh Valerie, thank you, thank you.

996
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:30,200
Speaker 2: I am.

997
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 1: I'm just so excited for all our friends at home

998
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: getting naked. The quiet work of becoming perfectly imperfect is

999
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 1: out March tenth, and like you're so cool. Valerie's Place

1000
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,359
Speaker 1: is available on the App Store and Google Play.

1001
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 2: You made an app. I made it app.

1002
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed.

1003
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 2: Well, I had a lot of help. You did not

1004
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:49,360
Speaker 2: do it myself.

1005
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:50,359
Speaker 1: Oh I love it.