Speaker 1: I got to say hello and welcome to the NOS Parenting.
Speaker 1: I'm Peter McNerney and I'm Beth Newell. You oh boy,
Speaker 1: oh my friends, oh boy, we have some news for you.
Speaker 1: We have some news for you. How do we tell
Speaker 1: them the news? Well, we're just gonna have to rip
Speaker 1: it off like a band aid. We are going to
Speaker 1: put this podcast on pause, um, put it on ice.
Speaker 1: I was a debated, I was wondered. I was like,
Speaker 1: I wonder if she's going to say, this is our
Speaker 1: last episode. This is our last episode for a while.
Speaker 1: We don't know what the future brings, but it's for
Speaker 1: a variety of reasons. It felt like a good stopping
Speaker 1: point for us. And are what are the good reasons
Speaker 1: for for you? The good reasons? Well, I just I
Speaker 1: think it's funny. So like quarantine happened, and in some ways,
Speaker 1: like everyone's saying, oh, now we have all this time
Speaker 1: at home, but we haven't really gained time. You're still
Speaker 1: teaching remotely, I've lost time. Yeah, it's it's not. We
Speaker 1: we just don't have as much time as you would think,
Speaker 1: and we're trading parenting duties and it's just it was
Speaker 1: always exhausting to do this podcast at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. Um, even though we do enjoy doing it.
Speaker 1: But now it's just I feel like we're transitioning into
Speaker 1: like a slower time and we're trying to be precious
Speaker 1: with our moments and and I'm and I'm struggling to
Speaker 1: be present. Yeah, I just don't. It's weird because as
Speaker 1: much as I was like probably getting a little burnt
Speaker 1: out before quarantine happened, I was more in a mode
Speaker 1: of like doing and going, and it was like it's
Speaker 1: just easier to sort of squeeze things in when you're
Speaker 1: in that mode. And now it's like we spend house
Speaker 1: the day with the kids and we're cooking dinner, and
Speaker 1: it's like you're not. You just can't like pull yourself
Speaker 1: back into this like go go go lifestyle. Like it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: now we have to record a podcast. It's nine pm.
Speaker 1: It's that it's just I've somehow in this time, I
Speaker 1: have fewer nights free than occupied, which is insane. I'm
Speaker 1: doing two shows that I'm teaching another night, and then
Speaker 1: I'm producing a podcast another night. Uh. And during the
Speaker 1: week I'm full time school, not full time, I'm a
Speaker 1: part time school. Teacher and and then the other part
Speaker 1: time is all of my other jobs right anyway, But
Speaker 1: and then it kind of obviously creates tension between the
Speaker 1: two of us because when we're like busy and tired,
Speaker 1: it feels it feels like the other person is making
Speaker 1: us do the podcast, which is not really the case,
Speaker 1: but it's psychologically we are to resent each other weirdly,
Speaker 1: you know, I think our our biggest historically over this podcast.
Speaker 1: And we've talked about this a bunch, where like historically
Speaker 1: our tensions arise in the recording, and at least in
Speaker 1: the last year, we've used the podcast to become better
Speaker 1: communicators and partners and we get along on the podcast
Speaker 1: way more. And it's it's before and after the recording
Speaker 1: better stressful Now sometimes it's during the recording, but not
Speaker 1: in a while, we've gotten past a lot of that.
Speaker 1: It's like it's thought us to set some good boundaries,
Speaker 1: I think, and communicate our true needs. Um, it's so funny,
Speaker 1: like I have learned really in the last couple of
Speaker 1: weeks how much you're not always articulating how you actually
Speaker 1: feel about things, and so like last like this has
Speaker 1: happened before last night, I can't. I got home late,
Speaker 1: We're going to record, and you and um, I was
Speaker 1: driving with my sister to run an errand um and
Speaker 1: we uh sorry. I looked at you. You're so clearly
Speaker 1: so tired out of it, had been like slumped on
Speaker 1: the couch, and I was like, do you want to
Speaker 1: record in the morning? And you were like shocked by
Speaker 1: this information and you were like, um, the morning and
Speaker 1: then you're like, uh, yeah, I can't. But it like
Speaker 1: hadn't occurred to you that, like you're like, are not
Speaker 1: you were not in a good state to record a podcast? Yeah? Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: but boy, you know what, I have a I have
Speaker 1: a lot of guilt about this. Yeah, you have, like
Speaker 1: I mean, we both have clearly some um we both
Speaker 1: have some like workaholic tendencies. And I think, well, there's
Speaker 1: this like an imaginary person who mad at us if
Speaker 1: we don't do everything we set out to do. And
Speaker 1: so I think in the last couple of weeks of
Speaker 1: talking this out, we've revealed some of your demons around
Speaker 1: not being able to let go because I think you
Speaker 1: right now, I think you are more exhausted by this
Speaker 1: podcast than I am, even though historically I have been
Speaker 1: the more exhausted one, and I can just feel like
Speaker 1: you're not You're ready to take a break. It's fifty
Speaker 1: minutes of your week and it's more of mine. Right.
Speaker 1: But I hate I have. I hate quitting. No, I
Speaker 1: hate quitting too. I hate It's like, but I've I've
Speaker 1: gotten better, I think at quitting. But every time I
Speaker 1: quit something, it's like it's a miracle. Yeah, usually feels
Speaker 1: so good, getting to that point where I realized that
Speaker 1: this is actually I know. If I'm quitting something, it's
Speaker 1: for the right reason, it's freeing me up, it's whatever,
Speaker 1: and I have so much guilt building up to it,
Speaker 1: and then when it's over, I'm like, oh, this was
Speaker 1: this was right. Yeah, And it's it's like a trust
Speaker 1: the universe thing, which you don't like, Like I don't
Speaker 1: trust the universe. There's all when you quit something that's
Speaker 1: like weighing on you, there's always something that comes in
Speaker 1: that's better. The way I have operated since as long
Speaker 1: as I can remember having any sort of agency, you know,
Speaker 1: of like deciding what activities I was gonna do. Whenever
Speaker 1: that happens, like you know, probably around the middle school,
Speaker 1: where like I'm really have strong opinions about what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna how I'm gonna spend my time, Like extracurriculars. I've
Speaker 1: filled up my time. I fill it up whatever. Whenever
Speaker 1: I'm available, I fill it up with something exciting, and
Speaker 1: until I hit a breaking point and I'm like, why
Speaker 1: am I? Am I sad? Why am I sad? And
Speaker 1: then I realized I'm doing something, uh that I don't
Speaker 1: need to be doing. Remember, well, we both, like, I think,
Speaker 1: we both have a ton and say to just spread
Speaker 1: ourselves tooth in because you're like, well, I have to,
Speaker 1: like I think, especially because of the nature of our careers.
Speaker 1: You're auditioning, I'm pitching things and whatever, and it's like
Speaker 1: just constantly feeling like, Okay, if I don't jump when
Speaker 1: people say jump, I'm never going to have a career,
Speaker 1: you know. And to bring it back to parenting, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, and again all but these things that I
Speaker 1: quit aren't things I don't love, Like I love this
Speaker 1: and the yeah, I think, like we we don't hate
Speaker 1: doing this podcast. It's more like if this, it's like
Speaker 1: our lives are just a jumble of these little things.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have proper time carved out in
Speaker 1: the day that's like your work time, so you can
Speaker 1: like devote yourself properly to what you're doing. Everything just
Speaker 1: starts to feel insane. Yeah. Uh. I But the idea
Speaker 1: that there's even one listener who's going to hear this
Speaker 1: episode and be like, this is my this is my
Speaker 1: Tuesday jam, my Tuesday routine is gone. I think they'll
Speaker 1: be okay. I mean, you'll be okay. But just know
Speaker 1: that I have an insane amount of guilt for making
Speaker 1: anyone feel bad about anything ever. But also on top
Speaker 1: of that, I I have I am incredibly critical of
Speaker 1: myself for being so presumptuous as to think that somebody
Speaker 1: needs me. You know, that's something that helped me years
Speaker 1: ago get better at quitting things, because like when I
Speaker 1: was straight out of college and having like just odd jobs,
Speaker 1: I always felt so bad about quitting. And then I realized,
Speaker 1: like I had to tell myself, like, this is like
Speaker 1: a form of narcissism that you think you quitting this
Speaker 1: like baby sitting job, is that you're so irreplaceable that
Speaker 1: the world won't go on, And I, like I sometimes
Speaker 1: remind myself, like you could get struck by lightning tomorrow
Speaker 1: and everyone else would pick up the pieces and move on.
Speaker 1: Like everyone, I oscillate between those two things. So it's
Speaker 1: the intense I have a complicated relationship with humility, um
Speaker 1: in that I've realized as I get older that it's
Speaker 1: incredibly I important to me. I like, is is I
Speaker 1: want people to think that I'm humble, and so if
Speaker 1: I appear selfish, it's like the biggest freak out. And
Speaker 1: this is my big Midwest thing. So it is that, like,
Speaker 1: I'm still so bad that somebody is going to miss us,
Speaker 1: and I feel worse that I think someone would miss me. Well,
Speaker 1: what are these people doing for us? You know, what
Speaker 1: have they ever done for us? Besides? No, I'm just
Speaker 1: ding know. We appreciate you guys downloading the incredible because
Speaker 1: besides the incredible amount of validation and advice were able
Speaker 1: amount of validation? Oh yeah, I mean honestly, the only
Speaker 1: reason we have continuing to do this is because of
Speaker 1: all of you. It's been fun. We might, you know,
Speaker 1: we might come back and drop an episode here and there.
Speaker 1: Who's who knows. So yeah, that was the So we
Speaker 1: told Chuck Bryant, who's been our our point man at
Speaker 1: the network, and the person who point man on the scene.
Speaker 1: That's right, who's who made the show possible. And we
Speaker 1: were here's the first present. We told that we're gonna stop,
Speaker 1: and he was like, well, let's leave it up. I
Speaker 1: know that, you know he listens to the show, which
Speaker 1: is incredibly flattering and uh um, and he's like, people
Speaker 1: want to know what's up with you, So we're going
Speaker 1: to leave the feed up, so stay stay subscribed. Um
Speaker 1: and if you yeah, you guys can always go back
Speaker 1: and re listen to us arguing with each Yeah. It's
Speaker 1: somewhere around episode I don't know, zero idea. We pushed.
Speaker 1: We pushed through a wall of fighting. Yeah, we really did.
Speaker 1: We learned about ourselves and each other in front of
Speaker 1: all of you. We yeah, we really I don't know
Speaker 1: if we said this yet, but we really are grateful
Speaker 1: for how much this podcast has forced us to communicate
Speaker 1: with one another with an audience of you. You guys
Speaker 1: have been ours are silent therapists, um couples therapists, and
Speaker 1: we're we've really I feel like this in a way,
Speaker 1: It just feels like this podcast has like served its
Speaker 1: purpose for us, which was largely to force us to
Speaker 1: figure out how to communicate with each other about parenting. YEA, Honestly,
Speaker 1: that was the biggest concern in stopping besides the guilt
Speaker 1: and all of that was the Yeah, you were like,
Speaker 1: how are we going to talk to each other? And
Speaker 1: I was like, didn't we learn the lesson? Can we
Speaker 1: not just turn to one another? Well? I do think,
Speaker 1: and this was part of the deals, Like I do
Speaker 1: think we need to have mandatory time and it's like
Speaker 1: a date night. Yeah, but I think what is incredibly
Speaker 1: unique about this and you know, and it's it may
Speaker 1: even says it seems cliche to say it, but it's
Speaker 1: totally true. Is it's not just a date night. It's
Speaker 1: fifty minutes of talking where neither one of us looks
Speaker 1: at a screen. Uh, and we're on topic, right. But
Speaker 1: it also has its limits where like there's a variety
Speaker 1: of subjects in our personal lives that are not appropriate
Speaker 1: to discuss publicly, that are just between us as a
Speaker 1: family or whatever. And sometimes on the podcast you have
Speaker 1: like veered into those areas in a way that's like
Speaker 1: completely undiscussed, and like it'll be I think sometimes it's
Speaker 1: nice to like be like, oh, we can have a
Speaker 1: cavers where we don't have to worry about how it
Speaker 1: this sounds to a consumer. Yeah, uh yeah, that's yeah,
Speaker 1: So what I think we should do and uh, let's
Speaker 1: commit to something in front of our audience. Um is
Speaker 1: even if it's I mean, this is the advice I've
Speaker 1: started to give people. You know, I jokingly say, you know,
Speaker 1: advice about a relationship is start a podcast about yourselves,
Speaker 1: because that's what we did. But I mean that's you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there's many examples of one that
Speaker 1: has gone wrong, right, but set a half an hour
Speaker 1: a week where you literally set a time or put
Speaker 1: down your phones and talk about your week together. Because
Speaker 1: I learned about your week hearing you tell the audience
Speaker 1: like we talked about it. I learned so many things
Speaker 1: about you in this conversation that maybe we would talk
Speaker 1: about otherwise, but we have just like, hey, how is
Speaker 1: your week? Let's talk about the week? Yeah you want
Speaker 1: to do that? You talk about our week? Um? Going
Speaker 1: forward when there's no podcast, sure, all right, you heard
Speaker 1: it here, folks. If we check back in and however long,
Speaker 1: we'll let you know if that happened, or we'll forget
Speaker 1: that we said that. I mean, we can also just
Speaker 1: talk to each other throughout the week, and then I
Speaker 1: don't have to like mentally catalog what happened during the week. Well,
Speaker 1: because it's not I feel like it's less loaded because
Speaker 1: we're not like creating content. I think if we tried
Speaker 1: to go like, oh, we'll do out throughout the week,
Speaker 1: it won't be the same. Um, So I think we
Speaker 1: have to do a Monday night half an hour talk. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: we'll see what happens. I have found because we we
Speaker 1: decompress and we have our alone time and we recharge
Speaker 1: in very different ways. And because they're both staring at
Speaker 1: TV screens in different rooms, different TV shows. I mean,
Speaker 1: if it was up to me, I would be around
Speaker 1: you every second, just talking NonStop. Yeah, that's true. This
Speaker 1: podcast has allowed me. I mean when we don't have
Speaker 1: this podcast and we go like a week and a
Speaker 1: half of date nightly routines where we're in different rooms,
Speaker 1: I get paranoid and sad, and I think the worst
Speaker 1: we sometimes are in the same rooms. I know, but
Speaker 1: I'm saying part this podcast has made it easier for
Speaker 1: me to ignore you, to be like I'm gonna leave
Speaker 1: Beth alone. Because we have a we have check in points, yeah,
Speaker 1: and if we're saying we'll just do it throughout the week,
Speaker 1: I'm more likely to just like start hounding you. Well,
Speaker 1: I for me, I feel like this is going to
Speaker 1: free up our time so we can do it more organically,
Speaker 1: because I think part of why I'm like when you're
Speaker 1: walking in the room and I'm kind of decompress and
Speaker 1: watch TV and I'm like, can I just be left alone,
Speaker 1: It's because all of these nights of the week are
Speaker 1: blocked off already where I don't have decompression time, So
Speaker 1: like this, having this podcast in the way makes me
Speaker 1: more likely on other nights to be like I just
Speaker 1: need to zone out and listen to a spiritual podcast
Speaker 1: and no one should talk to me. But that's the
Speaker 1: best way to keep me away from you is to
Speaker 1: start playing a spiritual podcast out loud. I know, I
Speaker 1: can't find my headphones, and I'm like, I guess I
Speaker 1: gotta play my weird shit out loud for everybody. Well, no,
Speaker 1: it just really keeps me awake. I know it's so
Speaker 1: upsetting to you that people would believe in afterlife and
Speaker 1: positive energy. Well, I don't want to anger you, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to be irrationally defensive, and so I
Speaker 1: leave the room and everyone is happy. It's like a
Speaker 1: Peter repellent. It really really am Yeah. Um, I love you, Beth,
Speaker 1: I really I love you. To really love you in
Speaker 1: this podcast helped me understand what that meant. Um, I
Speaker 1: have an idea for the listeners. Yeah, I feel bad.
Speaker 1: I didn't true to form. I didn't prepare anything for
Speaker 1: this this episode. We have not prepared for this episode
Speaker 1: in any year and a half. Yeah, I just I don't.
Speaker 1: I really thought I would think of something for this
Speaker 1: last episode, and then I didn't. You've described every week.
Speaker 1: I know. I just it is what it is, guys,
Speaker 1: it is what it is. Um. Is this interesting? Um?
Speaker 1: I had an idea, though, and this is on This
Speaker 1: is on the listeners, and this, I feel, this is
Speaker 1: speaks exactly to what I was talking about before, that
Speaker 1: this is the only this is the only idea I had,
Speaker 1: and I feel incredibly guilty even thinking it's a good idea,
Speaker 1: which is such a classic Peter idea. Listeners, I want
Speaker 1: to hear I'm toying with the idea of putting out
Speaker 1: one last little episode after this, UM that's built entirely
Speaker 1: around listener voicemails and emails about what you've gotten out
Speaker 1: of this podcast. We have gotten out a lot. We've
Speaker 1: learned a lot from you from talking and people right
Speaker 1: in and say really nice things about this podcast. And
Speaker 1: I'm wondering how it has helped you as a parent
Speaker 1: or in a relationship. Um, and I'd love to end
Speaker 1: the podcast with an episode that just shares all those
Speaker 1: things remind us of your favorite which you knows, kid
Speaker 1: pooping in a store scenarios. Well, it's more of that.
Speaker 1: If somebody discovers this podcast when we're not making it,
Speaker 1: then the first episode they find is the summation of
Speaker 1: all the helpful things that our listeners have pulled from
Speaker 1: two years parent ramblings. Yeah, I mean, I don't some
Speaker 1: people might have found some helpful things. Some people might
Speaker 1: have just laughed at us, and that's fine too. That's
Speaker 1: also helpful in its own way. Sure. I think most
Speaker 1: people just enjoy feeling not alone. Yeah, Like, I think
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, this podcast is just
Speaker 1: sort of like showing us as a visible mess and
Speaker 1: saying like that's okay, that's what parenthood looks like all
Speaker 1: the time for everybody. Yeah, and if we just get
Speaker 1: forty emails that all say that yeah, or you can
Speaker 1: send us like a little voice memo we can play.
Speaker 1: We're happy to just hear any little snippets of what
Speaker 1: you found fund and four lessons from me. See couple four.
Speaker 1: That's how many episodes we have done. Episode Um, so
Speaker 1: no joke. It would mean a lot to us if
Speaker 1: you took a second to really thing about what is
Speaker 1: something concrete? Um, how a my different now as a
Speaker 1: parent because of different now for better or for worse,
Speaker 1: as a partner, as a parent, as a person. Um.
Speaker 1: From going on this journey with us, What do you
Speaker 1: think is like the most important message of this podcast?
Speaker 1: Do you think communicating for me? Yes, a dent is
Speaker 1: learning learning how to listen. Learning how to listen is
Speaker 1: really big for you. Yeah. Um, I like probably anyone
Speaker 1: who's listened to this has heard this before, but like
Speaker 1: I on the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm always
Speaker 1: trying to stop being so tuned into everyone and take
Speaker 1: care of myself. And I feel like that is like
Speaker 1: one of my biggest messages to moms out there. You know,
Speaker 1: people who have experienced especially pregnancy and breastfeeding and any
Speaker 1: of that any of the emotional labor that gets lumped
Speaker 1: on women most of the time. And I my my
Speaker 1: big takeaway thing I try to impart to other moms
Speaker 1: is just like, it's not a bad thing to take
Speaker 1: care of yourself. It's it's actually incredibly important that you
Speaker 1: take care of yourself and get rest and food and
Speaker 1: whatever you need. Um, an hour of alone time a
Speaker 1: day to stay sane. It's it makes you a better mom,
Speaker 1: and it makes you a better person to be around. Um.
Speaker 1: And that's my big thing. I have one other thing, well,
Speaker 1: that was I think the big lesson for me per
Speaker 1: and I know, I know that doesn't necessarily apply to
Speaker 1: like all moms and marriages and partnerships, but that's just
Speaker 1: my yeah thing. Anyway, I think the big lesson of
Speaker 1: this podcast as a whole is, as parents, do the
Speaker 1: best you can, stay positive and forgive yourself. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I think, especially like in this coronavirus era, it's almost
Speaker 1: it's it's obviously harder in a million ways, but also
Speaker 1: I think there's something easier about like being like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: someone pete on the floor. It was maybe a dog
Speaker 1: or a kid, but there's like a bigger fish to
Speaker 1: fry and it's like it's in some ways easier to
Speaker 1: roll with that of like, like since we've been on
Speaker 1: quarantine and we're with our kids seven it's like they're
Speaker 1: always running up to me with jam all over their
Speaker 1: faces and like hugging me and wiping it all over
Speaker 1: my shirt, and like these days that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: I'm sort of like, okay, Like I just like we've
Speaker 1: pushed past a lot of jam based a lot of
Speaker 1: p in this house lately and we've got through it.
Speaker 1: Mavens um sort of resistance being as as we've said
Speaker 1: on this podcast. So, UM, here's where we are in
Speaker 1: our life. UM, maybe we'll leave you with this. We're
Speaker 1: in quarantine, We're in a house that's not ours. We're
Speaker 1: we have like very questionable um future in terms of
Speaker 1: where we're living, and we're sorting that out, and we're
Speaker 1: um still haven't closed on our new house in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: It's a nightmare. I won't get into it. But it's
Speaker 1: also okay because we don't need to be in Brooklyn
Speaker 1: in the middle of a pandemic and it's all going
Speaker 1: to be fine. So if you hear from us uh again,
Speaker 1: we'll probably be in a very different place, or we
Speaker 1: won't um, but yeah, you guys are the best. Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. This has been the final episode of We
Speaker 1: Knows Parenting. If you would like to write in to
Speaker 1: tell us the big thing or many things that you
Speaker 1: have pulled from this experience, please email us and we
Speaker 1: knows pot at gmail dot com. Yeah, send us a
Speaker 1: voice moment there if you want to talk out loud
Speaker 1: to us, or you can leave us a voicemail at
Speaker 1: three four seven three eight four seven three nine six
Speaker 1: um social media if who cares? You don't need to
Speaker 1: follow us anymore. You know rate and reviews, Fine, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. If nothing matters anymore, write it's an email.
Speaker 1: We want to hear from you. We don't need the
Speaker 1: rest of that stuff any Do you recommend my book
Speaker 1: to your pregnant friends. There's no manual, honest and gory
Speaker 1: wisdom about having a baby. You can find Peter on
Speaker 1: All Things Story Pirates, Story Pirates come uh Saturday nights,
Speaker 1: Trike the Magnet Theater dot com, reductress dot com. We
Speaker 1: have a live show once a month. Yeah, I'm even
Speaker 1: watch on Zoom doing live shows. Every Friday night was
Speaker 1: strit and every Saturday Night with Trike, UM Giant. Thanks
Speaker 1: to Chuck Bryant, nicest man in the world. And to
Speaker 1: Mates of State for doing our theme song and we
Speaker 1: never thank you. Mates of State also for just being
Speaker 1: good parenting examples and UM Sherry, our producer. I'm definitely
Speaker 1: forgetting other people, UM Trevor and Miranda for putting these
Speaker 1: episodes up and together, the listeners and most of all
Speaker 1: you thank you all right until next time later dudes. Bye,