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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor Dim here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her space.

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Speaker 3: So when you say took a turn, can you talk

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Speaker 3: to us a little bit about what that turn was?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm trying to figure out where do I even

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Speaker 2: get started? Okay, And I got the tissues here, lady,

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Speaker 2: because I feel like this is my I feel like

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Speaker 2: I might get emotional, so we may had them take

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Speaker 2: a little pause. But it's all good. This is this

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Speaker 2: is an important conversation that needs to be had. This

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Speaker 2: is my nervous laughter right now. I'm just trying to

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Speaker 2: do myself and we're in this space together. We're in

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Speaker 2: this space together, so let's see. Okay. So I researched

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Speaker 2: a fertility clinic. I went to their fertility clinic and

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Speaker 2: I had several tests done and one of the first

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Speaker 2: things they did.

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Speaker 3: We Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space where

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Speaker 2: black women can just be Lady. Don't forget. We have

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Speaker 2: our wedding dress giveaway going on this month, so be

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Speaker 2: sure to visit herspacepodcast dot com because lady, you could

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Speaker 2: get a free wedding dress for you or your loved one,

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Speaker 2: literally free wedding dress, So be sure to check out

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Speaker 2: her Space podcast dot com before that expires on September thirtieth.

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Speaker 3: All right, ladies, so today we are diving into a

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Speaker 3: topic that all of us can relate to on some level.

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Speaker 3: Whether you acknowledge it or not, you can relate. Our

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Speaker 3: quote of the day comes from Jada Pinkett Smith. I

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Speaker 3: just think as women, we have to give ourselves room

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Speaker 3: to be individuals. So when a woman makes a decision

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Speaker 3: for herself, we as women shouldn't set those hardcore boundaries

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Speaker 3: for another woman, just like we don't want men setting

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Speaker 3: hardcore boundaries for us.

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Speaker 2: All right, Tea, you're ready, I'm ready.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So, Tea, when did you know about your decision

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Speaker 3: on motherhood?

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Speaker 2: I would say probably as early as I can remember.

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Speaker 2: I remember having baby dolls, like I've always had a

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Speaker 2: little daughter, Like as far as my baby dolls, they

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Speaker 2: were like my little kids. And so I used to

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Speaker 2: play with barbies. I had all the little Barbie dolls

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Speaker 2: ever since I was little, and I'd have my baby

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Speaker 2: and cook for it. And so I've known from a

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Speaker 2: very young age. I feel like I was low key

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Speaker 2: programmed to like, you're a little girl, You're gonna have

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Speaker 2: a baby one day, and so I've had my little

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Speaker 2: baby's baby dolls since a kid. So I would say

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Speaker 2: ever since I was little, I've been that typical girly

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Speaker 2: girl where it's like my wedding day is gonna look

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Speaker 2: like this, and I'm gonna have kids and all that.

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Speaker 2: So I think from a very young age, I've known

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Speaker 2: that I wanted to be a mother someday.

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Speaker 3: And you say low key, but I want to say

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Speaker 3: hi key.

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Speaker 2: Socialized.

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Speaker 3: I think a lot of us were socialized into we

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Speaker 3: have to be mothers, and the definition of our womanhood

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Speaker 3: was based around us being mothers. That when we think

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Speaker 3: about like what our goals in life and our trajectory

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Speaker 3: and life, being a mom was somewhere on that list

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Speaker 3: for most of us. What about you don So for me,

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Speaker 3: I was socialized in that way, and I had my

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Speaker 3: Barbie dolls, and then I had my siblings, who I

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Speaker 3: would parents, and coming from a big family, I think

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Speaker 3: one of the things for me was I liked our holidays.

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Speaker 3: And so while my siblings and I like at times,

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Speaker 3: you know, as kids, like they didn't get along, and

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Speaker 3: there were lots of moments where I was like and

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Speaker 3: having no kids, these kids in trouble, like I don't

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Speaker 3: want that. And but then the holidays would come and

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Speaker 3: it would be my siblings and all my cousins and

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Speaker 3: it would just be a house full of people, and

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Speaker 3: I love that and like just the family, and I

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Speaker 3: just remember thinking for a long time, that's what I want,

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Speaker 3: Like I want to have a family, like a huge family. Right,

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Speaker 3: and I want to also, like my mom was a

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Speaker 3: single parent, and so like I was in my head

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Speaker 3: it was I want to make sure that I have

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Speaker 3: like a two parent family and that my family you know,

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Speaker 3: doesn't necessarily doesn't go through some of the struggles that

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Speaker 3: my family went through. Kind of like this opportunity to

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Speaker 3: correct what I saw as what society deemed as the

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Speaker 3: ills of the family right as a quote unquote non

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Speaker 3: traditional family. The older I got, the more I was

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Speaker 3: like waffling back and forth like I don't know about this.

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Speaker 3: I mean, and I see people with babies and I'd

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Speaker 3: be like, oh, that baby's so cute and be like, okay, yes,

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Speaker 3: I want this. Then I got to a point after

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Speaker 3: like once I hit thirty, and I got to a

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Speaker 3: point in my life where I.

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Speaker 2: Was like, you know what, I like this independence. I

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Speaker 2: love this independence.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, kids ain't gonna be for me, Like that's not

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Speaker 3: gonna happen. And people who knew me were kind of

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Speaker 3: shocked that I made this switch, and because I had

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Speaker 3: spent so much time saying yeah, no, I want to

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Speaker 3: have a family like I want I want all the

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Speaker 3: kids and all of that, and then I made this

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Speaker 3: like one and it was. But for me, it was

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Speaker 3: about creating a life that felt really good. I have

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Speaker 3: nieces and nephews who I love dearly, my friends' children

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Speaker 3: like I like, I thoroughly enjoy being nanny, t t

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Speaker 3: auntie dom and like all those different names that they

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Speaker 3: all call me like I I thoroughly enjoy those roles.

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Speaker 3: But I equally enjoy picking up and moving and going

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Speaker 3: on my own and when I can exactly like when

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Speaker 3: I can give them back, I'm like, oh, yes, the freedom,

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Speaker 3: that's what feels good for me. And even working in

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Speaker 3: higher education, I have an opportunity to mother in a

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Speaker 3: sense students, and I enjoy that. So I feel fulfilled

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Speaker 3: by doing those things. So my trajectory, my path is

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Speaker 3: a little bit different. Talk tell me a little bit

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Speaker 3: about where you are in your journey.

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Speaker 2: Okay, real quick, down, I'm gonna get to that. But

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Speaker 2: I got some questions growing to drop to ask you

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Speaker 2: some questions. No, I'm honest. Okay, So when you were talking,

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Speaker 2: the entire time I was thinking about your society is

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Speaker 2: really like it really is fucked up a lot of

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Speaker 2: people because society tries to conform us and put us

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Speaker 2: in these boxes and say like, you have got to

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Speaker 2: be a mother because you're a girl, and as a kid,

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Speaker 2: when you're raised to hear that, it makes sense. And

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Speaker 2: so when I would hear women say like I don't

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Speaker 2: want kids, I'm like a list of questions. Why, Oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh. Some people think, oh that's selfish, Oh what

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Speaker 2: about legacy? Like all these things come to mind. And

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Speaker 2: so for me now as an adult, I get it,

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Speaker 2: but I want to know, like, for you, did you

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Speaker 2: hear anything I guess interesting from people or I don't

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Speaker 2: know what was your experience as far as what people

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Speaker 2: said about that, because for some people, I know it's like,

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Speaker 2: but you're a woman, you're supposed to have a baby.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, no, you're not really supposed to. You

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Speaker 2: do what you want to do with your body and

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Speaker 2: your life. And you made a beautiful statement about what

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Speaker 2: feels good to you, which is radical and amazing, I think, And.

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Speaker 3: I think that's the hard part, is that we are

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Speaker 3: so socialized to follow what everyone else says we're supposed

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Speaker 3: to do, and that for me, it's about doing it

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Speaker 3: really is about doing what feels right for me, whether

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Speaker 3: it falls in line with what society believes in or

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Speaker 3: not does is this something that resonates with me. I

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Speaker 3: have had people say, oh, well, I wish you would

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Speaker 3: have kids, and I know that they mean well, and

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Speaker 3: I've had people you know, everyone has to go through

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Speaker 3: their own grieving process of oh well, Dominique is not

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Speaker 3: going to have kids, and whatever expectations they have around,

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Speaker 3: like their dreams around like, if Dominique has kids, this

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Speaker 3: is what this would look like, right, because we all

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Speaker 3: do that when we have people loved ones, like we

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Speaker 3: have our vision for them and we have to learn

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Speaker 3: to let go of that vision for them. And so

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Speaker 3: like people in my life yet have had to make

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Speaker 3: that a job. But I think that if I was younger,

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Speaker 3: like maybe in my early twenties, I think people would

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Speaker 3: have a harder time. But because I'm older and by

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Speaker 3: this point, like my friends and I have all kind

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Speaker 3: of lived through different things people are, it's easier for

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Speaker 3: people to accept, Well, this is what Dominque says she

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Speaker 3: wants for her life.

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Speaker 2: We got to respect it. I think that's so cool.

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Speaker 2: And I always one thing I always hear people say,

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Speaker 2: I just want to throw it out there, not that

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Speaker 2: I'm asking this question, but I'm just gonna throw it

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Speaker 2: out there, people often say things like, but don't you

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Speaker 2: want to see what your baby's gonna look like? Don't

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Speaker 2: you want to see a little you? Have you ever

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Speaker 2: heard that one?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 3: And in the reality is that, Well, I look at

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Speaker 3: some of my nieces and I'm like, okay, take.

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Speaker 2: A look, you know, And if that's the only reason

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Speaker 2: you want to I mean, no judgment, but if that's

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Speaker 2: the only reason you want to have a child, to like,

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Speaker 2: what is this little person going to look like? There's

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of other stuff you gotta do and responsibilities.

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Speaker 2: It's like that shouldn't be the only reason. But I

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Speaker 2: feel like those are some of the things that come up.

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Speaker 2: But I appreciate you sharing that, and I think that's

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Speaker 2: so fucking bold and like courageous to defy the societal

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Speaker 2: norm in that way and to say, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I really love my independence. I love this. And I

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Speaker 2: know there's someone when we hear about like Oprah, I

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Speaker 2: think Oprah when she was younger, I think she was pregnant, right, yeah,

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Speaker 2: And I don't remember exactly what happened with that pregnancy.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it was a miscaragual abortion. I

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Speaker 2: don't remember what happened. But I know that she now

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Speaker 2: doesn't have children, but she adopts right. She has her

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Speaker 2: school for girls. And there are some women that are

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Speaker 2: older now and they're like, oh, I regret it. I

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Speaker 2: wish I would have done it. Maybe I focused on career.

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Speaker 2: But to make that statement when you could still want

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Speaker 2: to if you you know, want it, and say, you

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Speaker 2: know what, I actually don't want to do this, I

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Speaker 2: think that's pretty dope. And for me personally, I also

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Speaker 2: raised my siblings. I raised my four younger siblings and

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Speaker 2: because I had to be mom for them basically since

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Speaker 2: they were since they first started being born when I

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Speaker 2: was eight years old, and I had to change diapers,

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Speaker 2: register them for school, be there as an emotion support

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Speaker 2: when my parents weren't there, I was like, oh, hell no,

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to. I refused to be get pregnant

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Speaker 2: before I feel like I'm ready because I had to

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Speaker 2: be a mom for so long and I wanted to

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Speaker 2: have my freedom. I wanted to be able to have

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Speaker 2: a chance to travel and do things in the world,

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Speaker 2: and so I think that's what that saved me. That

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Speaker 2: was the best birth control ever, because girl, let me

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Speaker 2: tell you, I didn't have I waited late to have

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Speaker 2: sex and everything. So I was like, y'all, I ain't

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Speaker 2: about to get trapped, Okay, I'm about to have my freedom.

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Speaker 2: God damn it. So okay. So that was the experience,

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Speaker 2: and then I got married. I think I was around

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Speaker 2: twenty five. I got married and we were like, oh, no,

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Speaker 2: we want to wait to have kids because I was

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Speaker 2: still in my career mode and I was still like

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Speaker 2: I want to enjoy my husband. I want to enjoy

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Speaker 2: my independence as a childless woman. And about two years

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Speaker 2: ago my husband and I had a conversation and we

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Speaker 2: were like, you know, we've had a chance to travel,

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Speaker 2: we've done things, we've moved, let's go ahead and just

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Speaker 2: try to start a family. And for me, it's been

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Speaker 2: like I feel like everything in my life I've had

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Speaker 2: to fight for right. So whether it's like degree goals,

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Speaker 2: I mean, everything has been really a struggle for me.

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Speaker 2: But because two years ago, I was at this place

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Speaker 2: where I was pretty pretty accomplished. I felt good, I

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Speaker 2: went to school, I did things with quote unquote, as

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Speaker 2: society would say, you did things the right way right,

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Speaker 2: which is fuck the right way exactly. Another conversation like

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Speaker 2: you just do what works for you. But I didn't

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Speaker 2: think that it would be hard per se to get pregnant,

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Speaker 2: though I do remember when I was eighteen years old,

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Speaker 2: I went for my pap smear. Now remember the doctor

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Speaker 2: saying to me that I actually remember this just randomly,

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Speaker 2: she said that I have PEA COSTS, which is polycystic

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Speaker 2: ovarian syndrome. And I was like, what the fuck does

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Speaker 2: that mean? And she's like, oh, it just I mean

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Speaker 2: you have cysts on your ovaries, and so one day,

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Speaker 2: whenever you're ready to have kids, you may have some trouble.

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Speaker 2: And I was just like, oh, okay, I'm eighteen years old.

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Speaker 2: Fuck thinking about kids like that's nowhere. No, I'm not worried,

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Speaker 2: but there was always something we're in the back of

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Speaker 2: my mind. And I actually take back what I just said.

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Speaker 2: There was always something we're in the back of my

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Speaker 2: mind where I felt like I wasn't able to have

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Speaker 2: kids because I never gotten pregnant before, and I was

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Speaker 2: just like, oh, maybe I just can't. But now that

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Speaker 2: I'm like actively trying, it's been a struggle and it's

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Speaker 2: been a two year journey and nothing has happened. And

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Speaker 2: so because of that, it's like, okay, you know, we've

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Speaker 2: been doing doing the do like what's going on. Nothing

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Speaker 2: has happened. So we went to a doctor and we

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Speaker 2: decided to go to a fertility clinic because I talked

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Speaker 2: to other people. I talk to friends. I also have

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Speaker 2: family members that you know, when you you know, when

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Speaker 2: you get partner, people are like asking all those invasive

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Speaker 2: course exactly once the baby come in, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh. All my family they were really excited.

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Speaker 2: So I'm like the first you know born and for

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Speaker 2: my parents, and so they wanted to know, like, well,

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Speaker 2: what's the baby coming, like, oh, we're trying, and then

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Speaker 2: it started getting discouraging. I'm like, god damn. Every time

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Speaker 2: someone asked, I'm just like kind of sad and annoying

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Speaker 2: because it's like it's still not happening. And then that's

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Speaker 2: kind of the I guess overview, like where I am

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Speaker 2: in my life.

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Speaker 3: We've talked about this before about like setting boundaries with people,

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Speaker 3: right like when they're when they're asking and they're well intentioned,

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Speaker 3: but they don't know what it's doing to you. So

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Speaker 3: like when people like would constantly ask and you knew

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Speaker 3: you were in the midst of trying, but you couldn't

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Speaker 3: really say, or you like chose not to say.

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Speaker 2: That's different, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I chose not to say.

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Speaker 2: I think in the beginning it was cute. It was

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Speaker 2: kind of like, oh, people are excited, we're excited, we're trying.

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Speaker 2: But as it began to become a struggle for us,

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Speaker 2: and it became a stressor where I was like peeling

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Speaker 2: on the stick and tracking my ovulation and it became

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Speaker 2: sort of like clockwork because we're like, okay, we're trying

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Speaker 2: to make this happen. Then it became a little annoying

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Speaker 2: and I wanted to snap. I wanted to say something

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Speaker 2: to them, but I'm like these people, I know, they mean, well,

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Speaker 2: they don't get it. They don't know. And so it

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Speaker 2: was just kind of like fuck, kind of isolating too,

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Speaker 2: because we were at a point it's so crazy. My

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Speaker 2: husband and I had so many friends that were trying

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Speaker 2: to get pregnant around the same time that we were,

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Speaker 2: and every single person got pregnant. Even one of my

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Speaker 2: friends we were struggling together, and she was having trouble

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Speaker 2: and so she went to the doctor and got these

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Speaker 2: different procedures done, and she ended up getting pregnant after

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Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my god, we're the only

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Speaker 2: like it's just us, we're the only ones now. And

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Speaker 2: so that has been tough. It's been hard, especially when

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Speaker 2: I thought so hard to get things in my life

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Speaker 2: and it didn't come easy. But I thought really hard

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Speaker 2: to accomplish things in life, and now that's one thing

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Speaker 2: that I want so bad is not coming easily. It's tough,

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Speaker 2: it's discouraging.

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Speaker 3: And so where do you get support? Because, like you said,

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Speaker 3: like people are constantly people, well intentioned people are going

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Speaker 3: to ask like, oh, so how's the process and they

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Speaker 3: want they want it because you want it. Where do

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Speaker 3: you get support? Because I also know that you're not

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Speaker 3: the only one who has had this struggle.

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Speaker 2: Well, I let's see, I was going to therapy, so

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Speaker 2: I was able to talk to my therapist about it.

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Speaker 2: I generally talk to my family too much because they

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Speaker 2: didn't really understand, and I feel like people would make

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Speaker 2: little comments like it's kind of like I wouldn't say

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Speaker 2: a joke, but it was like, you know, I talked

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Speaker 2: to them and it's like are you pregnant yet? And

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Speaker 2: it's like, uh no, we're kind of having a hard

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Speaker 2: time and they kind of don't understand. So I think

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Speaker 2: just trying to, you know, distance myself from those conversations.

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Speaker 2: So I would say therapy was one. Also, just like

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Speaker 2: looking online for support groups and resources and you know,

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00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 2: good friends, and I think that's pretty much it. I

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00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 2: didn't feel like I needed help until this year when

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00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 2: things sort of took a turn.

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Speaker 3: So when you say took a turn, can you talk

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Speaker 3: to us a little bit about what that turn was.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm trying to figure out where do I even

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00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 2: get started? Okay, And I got the tissues here, lady,

341
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 2: because I feel like this, I feel like I might

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Speaker 2: get emotional, so we lay had them take a little pause.

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Speaker 2: But it's all good. This is this is an important

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00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 2: conversation that needs to be had. This is my nervous

345
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 2: laughter right now. I'm just trying to do myself and

346
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,280
Speaker 2: we're in this space together. We're in this space together,

347
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:44,959
Speaker 2: so let's see. Okay. So I researched a fertility clinic.

348
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 2: I went to the fertility clinic and I had several

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Speaker 2: tests done, and one of the first things they did

350
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,919
Speaker 2: was I had so many freaking I wouldn't even call

351
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 2: it pap smears, but they just they had to. Like, girl,

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Speaker 2: I used to be so nervous going to the doctor,

353
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Speaker 2: like putting your legs up on the steps. At this point,

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, come on, come, come take a look

355
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Speaker 2: at my stuff, because at this point they've just been

356
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,959
Speaker 2: up in there all you know, all crazy. But I

357
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 2: went and had something called in HSG. I believe is

358
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,760
Speaker 2: that ring a bell? Okay, So what they did with

359
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 2: the HSG, along with a lot of other tests, they

360
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 2: evaluated my ovaries and so basically it's like they placed

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00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 2: in they call, I guess some kind of dye in

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00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,159
Speaker 2: your cervix and take X rays and so there were

363
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 2: several different tests that we took first. That was like

364
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,320
Speaker 2: our first step at their fertility clinic. They tested my husband,

365
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 2: made sure his sperm account was good, tested me to

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00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 2: make sure my eggs and ovaries were good. And after

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00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 2: all these various tests, they said everything was good. We

368
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 2: have what you call inexplained. Is it inexplained unexplained unexplained infertility?

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Speaker 2: So we have unexplained infertility. However, the doctor did say

370
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Speaker 2: he said, I have p cost ovaries, so I had

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Speaker 2: very large cysts on my ovaries. But he didn't he

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Speaker 2: didn't really say, like what to do about it? So

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Speaker 2: I was like, okay, So I just went to girl,

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Speaker 2: I went to Google, and I was researching everything. And

375
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Speaker 2: so what I decided to do when we got that news,

376
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 2: which was about last year, whoa, which is crazy last

377
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,480
Speaker 2: year this time we got that news, and I was like,

378
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 2: all right, my little baby is not here yet, but

379
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 2: I'm about to start changing up my life. So I

380
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 2: changed that my diet drastically. I went to I took

381
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:26,439
Speaker 2: out dairy, I became pescatarian and started eating a lot

382
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 2: more vegetables and fruits. And so I did that, and

383
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 2: we continued to try and then we went back to

384
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 2: the doctor. Still didn't get pregnant. And what I did

385
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,920
Speaker 2: notice is that the system I overs decreased significantly. Now

386
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 2: the doctor, I don't know, they didn't say anything about that.

387
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 2: But when I went, I took notes on everything, and

388
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 2: so he counted and gave me the count. I think

389
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,400
Speaker 2: I had like thirty six or thirty two one side

390
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 2: and thirty on another, which is a lot. And the

391
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 2: next time I went, I had about somewhere in the

392
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 2: teens on each side. So I was like, that's pretty significant.

393
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 2: He didn't tell me it was from my diet, but

394
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 2: I like almost positive that it's because of my lifestyle change.

395
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 2: And so at that point we decided to go with

396
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 2: fertility treatments. So we went through a round of I UI.

397
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,479
Speaker 2: Are you familiar with IUI? No, I haven't heard of this,

398
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 2: So it's not I VF, which is like way more expensive.

399
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 2: I UI is, Oh lord, I'm going to butcher this

400
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:26,080
Speaker 2: word intrauterine insemination. And so basically what IUI does is

401
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 2: they try to remember these processes because it's been a while.

402
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: So what they did was they took my husband's sperm sample,

403
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:41,960
Speaker 2: clean that sample, and then they triggered me to ovulate,

404
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 2: and they put they actually put the sperm up in, yes,

405
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,399
Speaker 2: exactly in my uterus to make it closer so that

406
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 2: the baby, you know, it could do its thing and

407
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 2: we could potentially get pregnant easier. And so we went

408
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,439
Speaker 2: through one round of that. I will say that was

409
00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 2: a lot. I had to shoot myself from the stomach,

410
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 2: the shot to make me to make me ovulate. I

411
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 2: was like so hormonal because of everything, all the medication

412
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,200
Speaker 2: they have me taken. It's like I'm like I never

413
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 2: even knew this whole world existed, but this is what

414
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 2: women go through. So we went through one round of that.

415
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 2: It was unsuccessful and that was like a couple grand

416
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 2: just like with the medication and the procedure everything right,

417
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 2: I don't think our insurance covered that. So that was unsuccessful.

418
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: So we waited the next month and then we did

419
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,439
Speaker 2: it again because I'm like, all right, we want to

420
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 2: do this. So with the second round, we ended up

421
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 2: getting pregnant. We were so excited, so excited as you

422
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 2: can imagine. I told you now, I was like, oh

423
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Speaker 2: my gosh, girl, I'm pregnant. And I definitely had a glow.

424
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 2: I definitely had like a little pudge. And I told

425
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 2: my family because everyone was waiting, like everyone was so excited.

426
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,439
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't wait to share this news. So

427
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 2: we told our close family. I didn't post it on

428
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 2: social media, but we told the people close to us.

429
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,919
Speaker 2: And also my grandmother. She has been telling me for

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00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 2: the past few years since we've been married, like I

431
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 2: just want to be alive for you to have your baby,

432
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I'm like, I've always been her baby.

433
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 2: So she's like, I just want to see your baby,

434
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: and I'm like I felt this like pressure to get

435
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 2: pregnant while she was here, so I knew she wasn't

436
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 2: you know, she wasn't doing too well since my grandfather passed.

437
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, I gotta get pregnant because

438
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,239
Speaker 2: I think that'll like keep her around, right, That's what

439
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 2: I thought, And so we ended up getting pregnant. It

440
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 2: was really really exciting. And then this year, the day

441
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 2: after Mother's Day, we went for our first ultrasound. It

442
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 2: was our I forget how far along we were, but

443
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 2: we went for the ultrasound and it was the day

444
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 2: before my husband's birthday, the day after Mother's Day, and

445
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 2: they told us the doctor. It was so crazy because

446
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 2: we went to the appointment, we see the you know,

447
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 2: my uteruse on the screen and his face just something right.

448
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 2: We're like, oh shit. And I I've been googling, so

449
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 2: I knew what my ultrasound should have looked like. At

450
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 2: I think we were what six eight weeks or so,

451
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 2: I know what it was supposed to look like. And

452
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 2: I was like, oh something. I knew something wasn't right,

453
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 2: but I was like, all right, it's gonna be okay.

454
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 2: So he basically said, you know what this pregnancy isn't

455
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 2: progressing the way that it's supposed to, so you should

456
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 2: expect to have a miscarriage. And I was like, okay,

457
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: so wait a moment.

458
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 3: Yes, so the doctor told you ahead of time, like

459
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,479
Speaker 3: this miscarriage is going to happen.

460
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 2: He said it's likely. He's like, it's not growing at

461
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 2: the rate that it should be. Like I believe at

462
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,959
Speaker 2: that point we should have been able to see I

463
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 2: think that day we should have been able to hear

464
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 2: the heartbeat. So whatever period of time you get pregnant

465
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 2: and hear the heartbeat, that was the appointment that we

466
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 2: went to. And he said, yeah, this isn't gonna happened.

467
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 2: I was like okay. So my husband was like okay,

468
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 2: and then I was just like damn.

469
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:45,239
Speaker 3: So I m h what were the feelings that came up?

470
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 2: Girl? I can only imagine irustrated. I was like trying

471
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 2: to be patient. I've been trying to be really positive.

472
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 3: Oh.

473
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: The other thing is, and a lot of women experiences.

474
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 2: My best friend is pregnant, my best like my bff

475
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 2: from childhood, and so at one point we were actually

476
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 2: pregnant the same time. When we were texting each other,

477
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 2: I downloaded all the pregnancy apps, so I'm like checking,

478
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: texting my family like hey, y'all, this is the size

479
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 2: of the baby today. I'm like so excited. So when

480
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 2: I got that, I was just like okay. And I

481
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 2: was like all right. And sometimes I have this this

482
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,360
Speaker 2: thing within me where I'm like, okay, got to be positive.

483
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 2: It's gonna be okay. And I remember talking with Gareen

484
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 2: and if you listen to our you know, one of

485
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: our last episodes, that's my executive coach, and we talked

486
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,880
Speaker 2: about a lot of personal stuff and I remember telling

487
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 2: her about where I was and I was like, yeah,

488
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of how to make this a

489
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 2: positive so that you know, someone else can benefit. And

490
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 2: she's like, pause, take a moment, and she's like, give

491
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: yourself space to feel how you feel. Like it's okay

492
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 2: to be angry, it's okay to be upset, Like it's

493
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 2: okay to be frustrated. And I was just like I

494
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 2: broke down when she said that. I was like okay,

495
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 2: because I felt like I was like putting on this.

496
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 2: I was I wouldn't even say putting on the front,

497
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 2: but I was trying to push myself. I was trying

498
00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: to force myself past the hurt to get to the

499
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 2: place of being valuable for someone else, because I've always

500
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,439
Speaker 2: kind of had to like, Okay, how am I going

501
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 2: to turn this into a positive? You know what I mean?

502
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 3: But not really making space for you, like this is

503
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 3: something that you are dealing with, and yet you're feeling

504
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 3: this expectation that society constantly places on us that we

505
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 3: have to like even if we're going through shit, we

506
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 3: have to find a way to think about other people

507
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 3: through our own shit that.

508
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,679
Speaker 2: But also I feel like I was like I was

509
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 2: also potentially sort of hiding from the truth, like I

510
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 2: kind of didn't want to see like, oh God, this

511
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 2: is where I'm at, and so kind of thinking about,

512
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 2: oh the positivity. That was a way for me to

513
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 2: kind of get away from what I was feeling. And

514
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 2: so when she gave me that advice and she was like,

515
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 2: I would encourage you to go home, like if you

516
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 2: have to leave work early, this is a lot like

517
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 2: leave go home and just let it out, like have

518
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 2: a good cry, I was like, oh okay. So at

519
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,720
Speaker 2: that point I was like the miscap my body wasn't

520
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 2: actually miscarrying, so I was actually my let me just

521
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 2: say this. I told you that my boobs they were

522
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 2: so nice. I'm just gonn I know, so we gotta

523
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 2: add some comedy in this, okay, But I was, you know,

524
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 2: my boobs had started to get big, I started gaining

525
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 2: a little bit of weight, and my body was still

526
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:21,920
Speaker 2: very much pregnant, but it didn't know that it was

527
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 2: miscare like it was preparing for a miscarriage. So the

528
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 2: first two weeks after that appointment, it was all emotional

529
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: and mental for me. So my body was still pregnant,

530
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 2: but and I was still hormonal, super tired. But I

531
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,239
Speaker 2: kept like I just I held space for myself to

532
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 2: be honest, and I let my best friend know, like, girl,

533
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 2: this is what's happening. She was so supportive. I had

534
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 2: to text all the family members and say, hey, y'all,

535
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 2: we just got this news. We're dealing with it. We'll

536
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 2: reach out when we're ready, because I just wanted space.

537
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 2: I didn't want them to reach out and then have

538
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 2: to say, oh, yeah, sorry, this happened. So I just

539
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 2: wanted to give everyone the notice. So we text our people,

540
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 2: and the next two weeks, I just held space for

541
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 2: myself like crazy. I journaled, I recorded voice memos and

542
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:07,719
Speaker 2: like vlogs for myself. I cried, I meditated. I mean

543
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 2: I just literally I took time off from work as well,

544
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 2: like personal days, because I really needed that time. And

545
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 2: I wanted space also, like where my husband wouldn't be home.

546
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 2: So I just wanted to be able to you know

547
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 2: what I mean, be with yourself, Yeah, be with myself

548
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 2: and get myself back into the mental space. So I

549
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 2: did that for about two weeks and it was very therapeutic.

550
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 2: It was so needed. And then the next two weeks

551
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: after that were the toughest. That was when my body

552
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 2: actually began to miscarry. And I had never I never

553
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 2: needed to know about miscarriages and polycystic ovarian syndrome and

554
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: infertility until it happened to me. And so I did

555
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 2: vow to myself, like, when I get over this and

556
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 2: when I heal, I'm going to talk about this because

557
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 2: so many women go through this. And I felt so

558
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 2: alone initially until I began to look into these pregnancy

559
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 2: apps and I began to ask questions. I connected with

560
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 2: strangers I don't even know their names, but they commented

561
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 2: in the group and they gave advice, and it was

562
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 2: just so comforting to have that app on my phone

563
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 2: where I wouldn't be judged. I could just talk to

564
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 2: people about what I was feeling. And so the next

565
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 2: two weeks, my body was very slow with letting go

566
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 2: of the miscarriage, and so I went back to the

567
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: doctor because they had to test things out to make

568
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 2: sure I didn't have an infection, and he's like, well,

569
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 2: your body is not really doing anything, so we may

570
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 2: have to do what they call a DNC, which is

571
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 2: I'm going to go ahead and look this up because

572
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 2: i want to make sure i'm giving you the right information, lady.

573
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: But it's basically like a surgical procedure where they actually

574
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 2: go in. It's dilation and curtage, okay, And that's the

575
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 2: procedure where they surgically go into your cervix and they

576
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 2: scrape out the contents or the tissue from the miscarriage.

577
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 2: And when I read, when I looked into that, I

578
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 2: was like, I don't want to have to do that.

579
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 2: I'm already having fertility issues. There's a chance that they could,

580
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 2: you know, potentially leave scar tissue and make it even

581
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 2: more difficult to get pregnant. So I just I prayed

582
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 2: so hard and I was just like, God, I don't

583
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 2: want to have to do that. I want my body

584
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 2: to do it naturally, and so what should I do.

585
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 2: I began to meditate and like really visualize my body,

586
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 2: like my female reproductive system. And I know it might

587
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 2: sound a little out there for some people, but let

588
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 2: me tell you, I believe in the power of thought

589
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 2: and the power of our words and the power of visualization.

590
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 2: So I began to concentrate on that area and visualize

591
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 2: the baby just passing, the miscarriage passing on its own.

592
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 2: I went to acupuncture. Acupuncture was so game changing for me,

593
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 2: don and long story short, I did all that and

594
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 2: I ended up passing it naturally, with no medication, no procedure.

595
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 2: It was extremely painful. I wanted to like maybe do

596
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 2: another episode where we go into the details of what

597
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 2: that entailed, because that was, like my friend was telling me,

598
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 2: when you go through a miscarriage, you're actually having contractions

599
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 2: like you will when you're having a baby. And so

600
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 2: those contractions and the tissue that came out of me,

601
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 2: it was like, oh, it was it was. It was

602
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 2: a lot.

603
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 3: Let's all take a collective breath, because that was a

604
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 3: lot to share that was a lot for you to experience,

605
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 3: and I appreciate that you step back and you let yourself.

606
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 2: Like go through it.

607
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 3: And I know that you know you mean you kind

608
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 3: of mentioned that we will sometimes throw ourselves into our

609
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 3: work or into giving to other people so that we

610
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 3: don't have to deal. And if you've been listening to

611
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 3: us for a while, then you know that we've been

612
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 3: consistent with putting out episodes. So every Friday there's a

613
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 3: new episode that you get to listen to. That means that,

614
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 3: as Terry has been going through this, we are still

615
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 3: putting out content. But I want our listeners to like

616
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 3: to know and to be clear that when you took

617
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 3: those two weeks, we took two weeks. We made sure

618
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 3: that we had things in place so that you could

619
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 3: have that space that you needed.

620
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 2: Yes, that, and I appreciate you bringing that to just

621
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 2: everyone's attention. Also, I talked to my manager. Now I'm

622
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 2: usually the person I will I know how to take

623
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 2: some shit. Okay, I've had to deal with bullshit. I'm

624
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 2: a professional at just putting up and sucking it up

625
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 2: and shutting the fuck up, and just like dealing with bullshit,

626
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 2: like I am a pro with that, and this time

627
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 2: I said, I am this is one of the first

628
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 2: times in my life why I've experienced a trauma. And

629
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 2: I held space for myself in a healthy way. And

630
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 2: so I told my manager we you know, I took

631
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 2: her into a room and said, hey, can I have

632
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 2: five minutes and we got damn her cry together, and

633
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 2: I just told her like this has been happening, like

634
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 2: I'm going through this, I'm really going to need some time.

635
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 2: And she was so supportive and so flexible. And usually

636
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,719
Speaker 2: I would just I would just be quiet, I wouldn't

637
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 2: say anything, and I'm like, oh, I don't want my

638
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 2: business out there. Fuck that. I know that I needed help,

639
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 2: And lady, if you are going through something, depend on

640
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 2: the people around you in your support system, right, like

641
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 2: tell people sometimes we got to tell people what we're

642
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 2: going through. We're only human, right, And so I told her, like,

643
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 2: I'm going to need some time. She was so she

644
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 2: was so amazingly supportive. I mean, she she was like,

645
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:19,919
Speaker 2: you know, if you need to work from home, that's fine.

646
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 2: If you need to take a few days like that's fine.

647
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 2: Do you need to do to be okay? And so

648
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 2: I told her she didn't share it with it. She said,

649
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 2: you wouldn't share it with anyone else at that point,

650
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 2: which was good because I felt like I still I

651
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 2: didn't want my colleagues to think that I was just

652
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 2: you know, m ia, because I was. I was really

653
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 2: going through and so I was able to be at

654
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 2: home and pass things at home, which felt safe. But

655
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: even at work, there was one day where I was

656
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 2: just like, you know, I was actually having the cramps

657
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 2: and the blood flow and everything, and I was just like, God,

658
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 2: damn it. Women, we need to be celebrated, okay, because

659
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 2: we go through so much shit and we still have

660
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 2: to show up. I remember going, you know, working with customers,

661
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 2: presenting and being in boardrooms smiling and having meetings that

662
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 2: I'm going through a fucking miscarriag. It's just like you

663
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 2: just never know what someone's going through. So we have

664
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 2: to hold space for ourselves because if I didn't do

665
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 2: that for myself, no one else would have known, and

666
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 2: no one else would have done it for me. So

667
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 2: we have to We got to put our mask on

668
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 2: first before we try to service other people.

669
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 3: Right, right, we do. It's been some time, and so

670
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 3: where are you now in the journey?

671
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 2: Ooh girl, Okay. So after that my body finally got

672
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,439
Speaker 2: back to normal. The hormones, I feel like they kind

673
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 2: of they pretty much left. And then a month after that,

674
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 2: my grandmother passed away. So I was just like, okay,

675
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 2: I can't I can't catch a break. And that was

676
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 2: it was just it was difficult to deal with that

677
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 2: back to back. But again, luckily, I have a great

678
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 2: support system, so Dom you have been a tremendous support.

679
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 2: My therapist, my coach, my husband, you know, family members,

680
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:51,280
Speaker 2: So that's been great. At this point, we are still trying,

681
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,240
Speaker 2: but I'm just not I'm just trying to just be healthy.

682
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,239
Speaker 2: I just want to be the healthiest me. I've been

683
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: doing a lot of meditation. I know what's going to happen.

684
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 2: I'm very hopeful. Yeah, I'm very hopeful. I know that

685
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 2: it's going to happen. But it's just like this is

686
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: just part of the journey. And my best friend she's

687
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 2: due next month and I plan on going flying out

688
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 2: there to like help her with the baby. I'm like, girl,

689
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take care of your baby because I'm living

690
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 2: through her. And I'm just really grateful that, you know,

691
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 2: even though she was pregnant and she has a successful pregnancy.

692
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 2: We were still able to keep in touch. Like I

693
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 2: never I never felt like I don't want to stay

694
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 2: jealous or envious, but it was more so one of

695
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 2: those things where it's like, I'm really genuinely happy for you,

696
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 2: and I also really want my baby. I really want this,

697
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 2: And my coach was like, those can both live in

698
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 2: the same space, right, Like, you can be genuinely happy

699
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 2: because I am genuinely happy for my best friend. I

700
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,959
Speaker 2: wouldn't want anything to happen. I am like her number

701
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 2: one supporter. And at the very same time, the thing

702
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,399
Speaker 2: that's coexisting on this other side is I really really

703
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 2: really really really want my little baby, you know what

704
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 2: I mean. And it's okay to have those feelings, and

705
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that my best friend is. I were

706
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 2: able to talk about that. She still cut me up

707
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 2: to date about her pregnancy. I deleted all the pregnancy

708
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:06,800
Speaker 2: out because I'm like, I only need never mind, it

709
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 2: is about how many weeks I would have been, so

710
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 2: I deleted that for self care and my sanity. But

711
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 2: at this point, yes, we're still trying. Ideally, my hope

712
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 2: and my gut is saying that it's going to happen

713
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 2: naturally this time, and so I'm just being healthy, girl,

714
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 2: I'm just being healthy. I'm celebrating all the various people

715
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 2: on social media that I see who are pregnant and

716
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 2: who are announcing pregnancies, because girl, you know, when you're

717
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,719
Speaker 2: going through you see everybody else that's like getting what

718
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: they want. You like, everybody else is getting the thing

719
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 2: that I want, but it's not happening. So that's that's

720
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 2: where I'm at right now.

721
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,840
Speaker 3: And I think it's about trusting that process, you know,

722
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:47,760
Speaker 3: my favorite friend, the process, and know that what's meant

723
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 3: for you will come to fruition when it's supposed to,

724
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 3: not necessarily in the time that you wanted or have

725
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 3: initially planned for, but.

726
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 2: When it's supposed to, and time before we dive into

727
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 2: our next topic, because we have a whole other topic

728
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 2: that we dive into. Is there anything that I may

729
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 2: have missed out from that journey that someone may have

730
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 2: questions about. I'm just trying to think of you, lady.

731
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 2: As you listen, I'm like, I don't want to leave

732
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 2: something out and you're like, wait, how did you do

733
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 2: this or what did you do for that? So feel

734
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:19,800
Speaker 2: free to think about that, and I do want to

735
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 2: shout out all my girlfriends. She I text her about

736
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,760
Speaker 2: what happened, and she sent me this beautiful care package

737
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 2: that had candles, a journal, oils, a beautiful card and

738
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 2: it came in this beautiful box. And I thought that

739
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: was the sweetest thing because it's like, well in it's

740
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:36,760
Speaker 2: and some snacks. Girl, She's in some snacks, some gummy

741
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 2: bears and something else. And I was like, hell, yeah, girl,

742
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 2: I told her sit up. But I feel like you

743
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 2: don't know what to send someone when that happens. And

744
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,799
Speaker 2: so that's an idea of what you could send. There's

745
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 2: really nothing that you can really say, you know, when

746
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 2: someone's going through that. There are things that you should

747
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 2: not say, like what I would say, oh my gosh,

748
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 2: I had someone And here's the thing. People mean, well,

749
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 2: but just be mindful of how someone who's so close

750
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: to this, this trauma feels. There was one moment who

751
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 2: was like, well, how far a long were you? And

752
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I think I was around I

753
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 2: was trying around eight to ten weeks. I don't remember

754
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 2: because I really tried to forget how far along I

755
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 2: was because it was like a lot. But I was

756
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 2: around like somewhere between eight to ten weeks, and she's like, oh,

757
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 2: you weren't that far along, so it probably wasn't that traumatic.

758
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I want to say, no, bitch. It

759
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,319
Speaker 2: was like, no, you can't tell someone. I don't care

760
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 2: if you were like one week pregnant or if you

761
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 2: had what they call it, I forgot the term, but

762
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 2: I don't care if you were like one week or

763
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: like two weeks or three weeks pregnant. It's a loss,

764
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 2: you know, like it's important to grieve that loss, and

765
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:41,879
Speaker 2: so don't say things that are going to minimize someone's experience.

766
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 2: You know, we are all impacted differently, Like you could

767
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 2: lose your pet and someone could say, oh, well, at

768
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 2: least it wasn't a family member, no, but that was

769
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: like your family. So it's like we can't, we can't

770
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,200
Speaker 2: do that to people. We really got a hold space

771
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 2: for people to have their experience the other thing. So

772
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 2: that's like a big no no. Maybe it wasn't time,

773
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 2: or maybe you weren't meant to have kids. Someone said

774
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 2: something along that lines of like oh, maybe you were

775
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,320
Speaker 2: meant to like be a you know, a mother figure

776
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 2: to other people. And it's like, no, don't say that

777
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 2: to someone who just had a miscarriage.

778
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 3: You know, let that person make that choice for yourself

779
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 3: that that's what they want. But right now, if someone

780
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,720
Speaker 3: is going through a miscarriage and they're saying, if they're

781
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 3: saying I want children, that is what is that's the

782
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 3: space that they're in.

783
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 2: And so.

784
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 3: We have to figure out how best to support that

785
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 3: person through that process.

786
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 2: And I think something as simple as like I'm so

787
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 2: sorry for your loss, How can I support you? Open

788
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 2: the door and they may not even know how to support.

789
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 2: You can google stuff, but just be mindful of the

790
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,320
Speaker 2: words that you say, and like how you validate or

791
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 2: or minimize someone's experience. I would say that's any other

792
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,280
Speaker 2: questions come up with you.

793
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 3: You talked a little bit about going through fertility treatments,

794
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 3: and so talk to us a little bit. Can you

795
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 3: speak a little bit more about what those fertility treatments

796
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 3: were like because you said, you know, you all didn't

797
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:16,360
Speaker 3: do IVF and a lot of people IVF is what

798
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 3: is more common for people, right, that's the term that

799
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 3: people hear more more often. I should say not necessarily

800
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 3: more common, it's the term that people hear more often

801
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 3: how did you all get to that decision to do

802
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 3: to try fertility treatments and what were the thoughts and

803
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 3: feelings that were coming up through that process.

804
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 2: I think for us it was like it's been They

805
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 2: usually say you have to try at least for a year,

806
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 2: like naturally before you qualify for fertility, and so we

807
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 2: have been trying for I think maybe like a year

808
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 2: year and a half, and we were just like, okay,

809
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I do want at least two children. I'll

810
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 2: be thirty six, like in November, and you know they

811
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,840
Speaker 2: say that after you turn thirty things start to change

812
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 2: with your body, they do. They well, we can have

813
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 2: a whole other conversation. I was about to say, yes, girl,

814
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 2: we're gonna need to do that. I don't need that.

815
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 2: But I thought about my age, I thought about the

816
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 2: amount of children I wanted to have. I thought about

817
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 2: my career, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to

818
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 2: put all this stuff on hold because my you know,

819
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 2: my baby is gonna be the priority. But that was

820
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 2: that's what we thought about, and we were just kind

821
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 2: of like, we're really ready for it, and I don't

822
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 2: know what's going to happen. So in a way, I

823
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 2: kind of felt like the fertility treatment would kind of

824
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 2: be a guarantee, even though I know it's not. Like

825
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 2: I thought that it would put us a lot closer,

826
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 2: which I guess technically it is supposed to, but there

827
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 2: is always a chance of you miscaring as far as

828
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:36,919
Speaker 2: the details. I feel like we did to have another

829
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 2: conversation about that because I want to look at my notes,

830
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 2: because I did, like write in my journal and took notes.

831
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,440
Speaker 2: But we got there because it was just a long

832
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 2: time coming, and it was like, let's just do this,

833
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 2: you know, let's do it and let's see what happens.

834
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 2: And that's when we found a really good fertility clinic

835
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 2: in our area and we decided they had, you know,

836
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 2: great reviews, and we decided to go ahead and try

837
00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:57,919
Speaker 2: it out.

838
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 3: And so one of the things that I think about

839
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:07,399
Speaker 3: in terms of motherhood, as you're having this conversation of

840
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 3: or sharing this information about your journey, and I think

841
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 3: about my journey, and one of the things that I

842
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 3: would tell my younger self would be to look into

843
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 3: and when I say my younger self, I mean my

844
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 3: under twenty five self, to look into the feasibility of

845
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 3: freezing my eggs because I think one, I recognize that,

846
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 3: like being in this country, like the option to do

847
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 3: that is a privilege, not all of us will be

848
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,160
Speaker 3: able to afford that. Not all of us will have

849
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 3: a job that will cover that. What I would say

850
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,399
Speaker 3: is that when you're searching for jobs, because I'm saying

851
00:43:56,480 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 3: I'm speaking to my under twenty five, you're looking for

852
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 3: your first job in your career, look at the benefits

853
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 3: that potential employers offer. Some employers do cover fertility treatments,

854
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 3: And so I would want my younger self to investigate

855
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 3: the feasibility of freezing my AIDS that way that takes

856
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 3: that concern off the table for me, so that I

857
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 3: could live, I could pursue my career, I could live

858
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,720
Speaker 3: my life, I could do things that in a way

859
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 3: that feels comfortable.

860
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 2: And let's say that I get to.

861
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 3: The point where I'm thirty and I want to start

862
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 3: having kids. If I'm having fertility issues, if I have

863
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 3: my AIDS already frozen, that could be an option. But

864
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 3: again I also recognize that I might not right. So

865
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 3: then if I don't, I can look into options on

866
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 3: what to do with those eggs. But I wish that

867
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 3: someone would have known exactly to tell me under, you know,

868
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:17,320
Speaker 3: before twenty five to look into freezing your eggs.

869
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 2: I have a girlfriend who just told me this like

870
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 2: last week, that she's looking at freezing her eggs. She's

871
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 2: in her thirties, and I was like what In my

872
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,960
Speaker 2: mind I was that seems so far off, Like that's

873
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 2: so dope that we live in a world where you

874
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 2: can do that and her job is going to pay

875
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: for it too.

876
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 3: But people have been doing that for decades. That's been

877
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 3: around for a long time. The problem is that information

878
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 3: does not get shared with us, right, and particularly for

879
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 3: black women, Exactly, there are a lot of things related

880
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 3: to our healthcare that information that we don't receive, things

881
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 3: related to our bodies that people ignore us when we

882
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 3: when we share and so you know, because your doctor

883
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 3: didn't need then share anything or comment on your diet changes.

884
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 2: And exactly, or acupuncture, Like I feel like I did

885
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 2: my own research because I'm more inclined to do things naturally.

886
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to have a lot of hormones and

887
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 2: shit in my body because I know I've had bad

888
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 2: experiences and I know that a lot of that stuff

889
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 2: is not really meant for us, right, and for our

890
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 2: well being. Though medication can be helpful in some instances,

891
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,760
Speaker 2: but acupuncture. I also wanted to point out the apps

892
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 2: that I used during that time. So Ovia is one

893
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 2: of the pregnancy apps. That's also what to Expect. That's

894
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 2: a really great app. Where I was girl, I was

895
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 2: in that community like what happens if this happens, and

896
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,719
Speaker 2: they were just it's so it's synonymous. So everyone was

897
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,399
Speaker 2: just so supportive. It was so helpful. I also looked

898
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 2: into having a doula. So we found this mother daughter

899
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 2: on this Black Women mother daughter mother daughter with a

900
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:54,359
Speaker 2: team and we talked to them and our therapists recommended them.

901
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 2: So it's just been a really good journey of having

902
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 2: positive people around. I will say I've had my chosen

903
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 2: village that I brought into this journey because you can't

904
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 2: have everybody in this journey because people they don't know

905
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 2: how to respond. Sometimes they don't know how to support. So, lady,

906
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: if you are going through fertility issues, miscarriage, anything related

907
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 2: to any I want to say, womb issues, know that

908
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 2: you are not alone. So many of us go through

909
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: it and reach out for help right, reach out to

910
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 2: your support system, reach out to your therapist, reach out

911
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 2: to an online community. I mean, if you're one of

912
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 2: those women like I don't have anyone Terry and don

913
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 2: look at one of these apps and just start a

914
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 2: conversation and see what other women are doing, because there

915
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 2: are so many women that are struggling with fertility issues

916
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 2: and they struggle in silence.

917
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 3: Right right. And on a future episode, we will have

918
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 3: a gynecologist who is an expert in Black women and

919
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 3: our fertility. She's done a lot of research, particularly around fibroids,

920
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 3: which if you've listened enough times, you know that I've

921
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 3: share that I've had my experience with fibroids and it's

922
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 3: like so many other Black women. And so doctor Joey

923
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 3: Cooper will join us on a future episode and talk

924
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 3: to us about fibroids and other gynecological issues, particularly for

925
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:17,240
Speaker 3: Black women.

926
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 2: And if you enjoyed today's episode, if you resonated with

927
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 2: any of the content, please consider leaving us a review

928
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 2: on iTunes. We do read all reviews and we appreciate

929
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 2: your support and we want to know what do you

930
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 2: think about that episode?

931
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note

932
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 3: that our show may contain conversations about self health advice,

933
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

934
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,720
Speaker 3: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

935
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 3: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are

936
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 3: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

937
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 3: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today

938
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 3: or contact your insurance provider.

939
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

940
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

941
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website

942
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

943
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 2: after me, I will not judge myself for where I'm starting.

944
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 2: I'm making progress every day.

945
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:27,399
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week.

946
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:27,800
Speaker 2: Lady