1 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: Hello everyone, my beautiful listener, Welcome back to your favorite podcast, 2 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,240 Speaker 1: Cheeks and Chill. I am so happy you've decided to 3 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 1: press the play button on this episode, because today we're 4 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: talking about the difference between compromising and sacrificing. 5 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 2: They're two completely different. 6 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 1: Things, but they're easy to confuse, and depending on which 7 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 1: route we take, they can get us. 8 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 2: In pretty sticky situations. 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: This applies to relationships, friendships, careers, and in so many 10 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: other areas of our lives. 11 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 2: So let's talk about it. You ready? Are you sure? 12 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: Well? Let's go. 13 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 2: All right. 14 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 1: So let's start by defining the two words. Let's start 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 1: with compromise. Compromise is a mutual exchange. Both parties give 16 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: a little to meet in the middle. There's respect, flexibility, 17 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,959 Speaker 1: and shared benefit. 18 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 2: Now. 19 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 1: Sacrifice, on the other hand, is when you are giving 20 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: something up, often something important, without receiving anything in return. 21 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: It's one sided. It can feel like you are betraying 22 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: yourself just to keep something going. Compromise says let's adjust together, 23 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,759 Speaker 1: while sacrifice says I'll disappear so you can be comfortable. 24 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 2: Hmm. 25 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: So if you confuse compromise and sacrifice, don't feel bad 26 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,320 Speaker 1: because I think we all do, and sometimes we don't 27 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: even realize why or how or how it's happening. So 28 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 1: that's why I thought it was very important to talk 29 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 1: about it. I'm going to start with relationships because I'm 30 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:45,559 Speaker 1: going to talk to you guys about my personal relationship 31 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: my husband, Emilio. As you guys know, I'm married. I've 32 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: been married for a little over a year. And when 33 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: I decided to marry him, I made myself a promise 34 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: that I wanted to be a good wife. A good 35 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: wife in my own terms, not what society expects, not 36 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: what religion expects or says, or the idea that my family, 37 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: some of my family put on me, or that I 38 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: adopted my own definition of what a good wife is. 39 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 1: And for me, I did a whole episode on this. 40 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,080 Speaker 1: But for me, at the end of the day, what 41 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: a good wife is is, yes, being a good wife 42 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:41,239 Speaker 1: for him, but also staying true to myself. I want 43 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 1: to compromise and talk to him and say, okay, we're 44 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: not meeting I to I on this particular subject, for instance, 45 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 1: going out with our friends. I have stayed true to 46 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: myself and I continue to go out with my friends. Emilio, 47 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 1: does it necessarily have that desire. Little by little, I 48 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: feel like he's starting to. But he either prefers to 49 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: hang out with his mom or stay at home. And 50 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 1: I have been pretty consistent. You know, when we were dating, 51 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: I would go out with my friends. I would stay 52 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:23,079 Speaker 1: out a little too late. And he said, look, this 53 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,919 Speaker 1: is a problem for me, not that you're going out 54 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: with your friends. Does it worry me a little bit, Yes, 55 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 1: it worries me a little bit because I'm afraid of like, Okay, 56 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 1: you're looking really hot with your friends, and what if 57 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: people think you're single? And you know, he started telling me, 58 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: you know, his worries, which I understand. But he said, 59 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: I'm not going to stop you from doing that, because 60 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: I made that very clear in the beginning of our relationship. 61 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 2: But I'm not. 62 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 1: Okay with you getting home at three in the morning. 63 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: And he's right, that's where we compromise. So we came 64 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 1: together and talked about it and said, Okay, you're right, 65 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: I'm not going to stop going out with my friends 66 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: because because I am still my individual self, you have 67 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: to trust that I'm going to act accordingly, trust that 68 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: I'm not going to do anything that's going to affect 69 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: our relationship because I love you and I don't want 70 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: to lose you, and because I value you, and since 71 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: I do value you as much as I do, I 72 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: hear you and you're right, I wouldn't want you coming 73 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 1: home at three in the morning. So look, how about 74 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: I say, Okay, I'm going to come home at a 75 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: reasonable time. If for whatever reason, I'm going to be 76 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: a little later, I'm communicating. That's one thing. We communicate 77 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 1: a lot. Hey, I just got to the restaurant. We 78 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: just got our food. Because if I just got my food, 79 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: that means we're eating, we're going to be talking. Like 80 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: So if you don't hear from me for an hour, 81 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: don't freak out. It's just it's not because I have to. 82 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: It's something that I want to make him feel safe, 83 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 1: and I appreciate when he does the same. So it's 84 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: just communication. So that's what we can. 85 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 2: I don't come home at three in the morning anymore. 86 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: I did that a few times, to be honest, I 87 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: just it was a different time, guys. But that was 88 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,920 Speaker 1: one thing that I compromise on because I come from 89 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 1: a background of you know, being raised by a single 90 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: mother and doing whatever I want to do, and I'm 91 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 1: an independent woman, et cetera, et cetera, and I'm like, Okay, 92 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: if I want a relationship to work, I need to 93 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 1: give and take. There has to be a balance, there 94 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: has to be compromise. So that's a difference now sacrifice. 95 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: Staying on the same subject of relationships, sacrifice. I am 96 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: working on this right now with my life coach, because 97 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: there are things that I'm starting to realize in my 98 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 1: relationship that I won't get into details about because my 99 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: partner's not here, and I would like to have this 100 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,359 Speaker 1: conversation more in depth with him being present, because I 101 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 1: think that's the only fair thing to do. But I 102 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: will say that I started realizing without even I think 103 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 1: Emilio realizing that, but I started realizing that I was 104 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: sacrificing parts of myself to make him feel comfortable. And 105 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 1: in reality, there are certain things, especially if I'm not 106 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: doing anything wrong, that if I continue this way with 107 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: not wanting to bring him any discomfort or things that 108 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: are going to cause him more anxiety, I'm going to 109 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: start resenting him if I don't do the things that 110 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 1: my soul is calling me to do, for example, retreats, 111 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: spiritual retreats that I've been really into since last year, right, 112 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: I want to do another one and it's a four 113 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 1: day retreat, and he did not feel comfortable about it. 114 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: He was kind of like, oh, but I'm going to 115 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: miss you, and I love that. I want him to 116 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: miss me. I'm going to miss him. But I really 117 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: thought about not going because I don't want to cause 118 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: him any anxiety or I don't want I don't know, 119 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: you know, And I started having this conflict and silently 120 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: I was kind of resenting him. And although he is 121 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 1: not as spiritual as I am. He prays and he 122 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: believes in God. But I wake up and I meditate 123 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: and I do all these things, and he does it 124 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: in his own way. I don't want to stop being 125 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: myself and doing the things that make my soul very happy, 126 00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: like this spiritual retreat, because I don't want to have 127 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 1: disapproval from my partner. I want him to love me, 128 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 1: and I want him to think he has the best 129 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: wife in the world. And sometimes or I was starting 130 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: to confuse that, and that's where the problems started. Where 131 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: it's like I can say, hey, I'm excited to do 132 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: this, this is what I'm going to do. I'm not asking 133 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,800 Speaker 1: for permission because I don't want to have that type 134 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: of relationship. Again, everyone's relationship is different. I don't want 135 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: to have the type of relationship and Millie and I 136 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,679 Speaker 1: to ask for permission because we are our own person 137 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 1: and we have different interests. And that's one thing that 138 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: in my past relationships, I confused a lot, and I 139 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: did and it didn't work out, and I would just 140 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: always do anything and everything to get people's approval. That's 141 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: my people pleasing, and I didn't want to do that. 142 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that in any relationship in 143 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: my life right now. So I'm not willing to sacrifice 144 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 1: what makes me happy again. This is something that is 145 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: gonna make me happy and it's a good thing. So 146 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: make sure it's not like, Okay, this makes me happy. 147 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the club. I'm gonna say out 148 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: till three in the morning. I don't care where my 149 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: partner says. 150 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that. 151 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: You have to also think about I'm not trying to 152 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: hurt my partner. This is something that at the end 153 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: of the day is yet it's a four day retreat. 154 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: We're always together. But this is something for me that's 155 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 1: gonna make me feel whole. That's gonna make me come 156 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: back and love on him even more. And it's not 157 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: a bad thing. I'm not going to a girl's trip 158 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: and I'm getting lost, and it's like, I don't give 159 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: a f what you think or how you feel about it, 160 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,319 Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna do it. Like that's not the case. 161 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: So I don't want you guys to confuse it. But 162 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 1: I was really feeling, in a way abandoning myself. And 163 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: that's what I want you guys to be careful with 164 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 1: in your relationships and mind you. I feel like I 165 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 1: have a great husband. I'm very happy in my relationship. 166 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: We have issues like everyone else, and we're learning to 167 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 1: work through them. He's back in therapy. I'm doing my 168 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,199 Speaker 1: life coaching, because again, when you're in a relationship, it's 169 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,680 Speaker 1: two people coming together to be their best selves for 170 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: themselves but also as a whole together, and the work 171 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: that we do as individuals is going to help ultimately 172 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 1: our relationship, you know. So anyway, those are two little 173 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: things that I wanted to tell you guys when it 174 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 1: comes to relationships. And I can give you so many 175 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: other examples, but that's the one that came to mind, 176 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 1: because that's something that we are working through right now. 177 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: And the good thing is we're both willing to compromise 178 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:47,199 Speaker 1: to come together and say, Okay, Jennay, you're going to 179 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: go to this retreat. It doesn't make me feel comfortable, 180 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 1: but that's something he has to work on with his 181 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: therapist and figure out in his alone time. But I'm 182 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: also going to do what I need to do as 183 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: a wife, as a partner to make him feel comfortable. 184 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: Check in as much as I can, because on a retreat, 185 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: you're out there and you're just freaking I want to 186 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 1: be there and I want to be present, and I 187 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: want to get the best out of it, but I 188 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: also want to be mindful of him and his feelings 189 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: and be like, hey, babe, I'm good. I just want 190 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: to tell you that I love you, I miss you, 191 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,079 Speaker 1: I'm here, I learned this, and then boom. As long 192 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: as I'm communicating, and I'm just going to give you 193 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: guys a few examples as to how I got to 194 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 1: a place of compromising. I will tell you this, it's 195 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 1: not always easy. Most of the time, it's a little uncomfortable, 196 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: maybe a lot uncomfortable. But when you love someone and 197 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: you know that it's worth it. Again, it doesn't even 198 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,559 Speaker 1: have to just be like a loving relationship. It could 199 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: be any relationship. It could be your job, Like when 200 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: you really care about something or someone, it's going to 201 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: be difficult to come to a happy place together. 202 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:57,680 Speaker 2: Meet in the middle. 203 00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: Like the way I like to do it is it 204 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 1: kind of yourself on two different sides of the rooms, 205 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: right with this other person or this other situation, and 206 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:12,200 Speaker 1: you guys are both just taking steps to kind of 207 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 1: literally meet in the middle. You have to kind of 208 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 1: envision that. I always again, and I'll repeat it. It's 209 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: all in how we say things. It's hey, this made 210 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: me uncomfortable. I don't really like how you acted here, 211 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: and I would appreciate if next time you did it 212 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: this way, Like, for instance, let's just talk about like 213 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: because I feel like with examples, it's like a lot 214 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: easier to understand. My sister Janica perfect. Her and I 215 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: have always been really close. She's been like obviously like 216 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: a daughter. She's my sister, she's my best friend. And 217 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,439 Speaker 1: then there was a time where we were there was 218 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: a lot of tension, I guess, or separation because of 219 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: a thing that don't really matter. The point is that 220 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: she is really good with setting boundaries as the older sister, 221 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: as a second mother. That was very difficult for me 222 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: to accept because I'm like, uh, I want to help you. 223 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: I want to prevent you from being hurt. I want 224 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,839 Speaker 1: to prevent you from falling. Let me help you. And 225 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: she would say, look, sister, I appreciate that, but I'm grown. 226 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 1: I am twenty seven years old, and I have to 227 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: learn myself. And as much as I appreciate you wanting 228 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:41,959 Speaker 1: to protect me, I need to learn this myself. And please, 229 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 1: when and if you're right, please don't say I told 230 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: you so, Just give me a hug. And I said, okay, then, look, 231 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: with certain situations are certain people. I understand that certain people, 232 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 1: certain reallylationships in your life are off limits, so that 233 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: I don't get all caught up emotionally because I love 234 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: you and that's hard for me. So let's compromise to 235 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 1: this new agreement so that we don't have unnecessary tension 236 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: or disagreements. So, yeah, I just wanted to give you 237 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: guys a small little example so you guys kind of 238 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 1: understand what I mean and how to go about it, 239 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 1: but just know it's not always going to be easy. 240 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: It's actually pretty tough. But just take deep breaths, okay, 241 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: because it's going to be better, I promise you. Let's 242 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: talk about career, because this is also something I'm dealing with. 243 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 2: Guys. 244 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: Again, all these things and all these subjects that I 245 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 1: talk about on the podcast are because they're sparked from 246 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: my personal experiences or something that I'm going through or 247 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: I went so right now, I find myself in a 248 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: similar situation or predicament with my career. Obviously, I have 249 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: my team, and I trust their guidance and their expertise 250 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: and their experience, you know, in the industry, and I 251 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: hear them and that is me compromising when they come 252 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: to me about the rollout, let's say, of my new album, 253 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: and even though they may not understand it fully, they 254 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: trust my vision and I trust their expertise. Right, But 255 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: I started kind of feeling like I was taking steps 256 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 1: backwards when I had told myself when I started this 257 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: new venture of this new music and this just new era, 258 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: that I was going to stay true to myself and 259 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: know what I felt in that moment when this idea 260 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: came to me, and I do really feel that it 261 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: was heaven sent but like it is at any time 262 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 1: when you step into the unknown, it's scary. So fear 263 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 1: started taking over, and then some of the things from 264 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 1: my team of like is this really music that is 265 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 1: going to sell? Is this message or what you're doing? 266 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 1: Is it more political? And is it going to cause 267 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 1: you issues down the road, And so all those things 268 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: started kind of just seeping into my mind and into 269 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: my heart and confusing the heck out of me, and 270 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: I was like, whoa wait, wait, Like, oh my gosh, 271 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: what if they're right? And then the fear started like 272 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,840 Speaker 1: just setting in and I'm like, no, but wait, Like 273 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 1: I need to stay true to myself. I will compromise, 274 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: which means I will hear them out and respectfully say 275 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: I get it, but I don't necessarily agree with that. 276 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:13,480 Speaker 2: I'm going to go with this whatever that may be. 277 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 1: I have to remind myself that this music and this 278 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:23,960 Speaker 1: idea is from the soul, and even if it doesn't chart, 279 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: even if it's not the most popular song and it's 280 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:32,479 Speaker 1: not what's happening, it's fine because I'm not going to 281 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: sacrifice this desire and this yearning within me because of fear, 282 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: because it's not cool enough, because people aren't going to 283 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 1: like it. I'm going to do this because this is 284 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: what's true to myself and I'm not willing to sacrifice 285 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 1: that and what I know to be true within myself 286 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 1: at a fear. So with that being said, I hope 287 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,000 Speaker 1: that that in some way can help you at your job, 288 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 1: in your career, whatever it is that you're getting into, 289 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 1: so that we can really define the difference between compromise 290 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:17,919 Speaker 1: and sacrifice. Because in our culture, guys, especially as women, 291 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:23,119 Speaker 1: we are taught that staying quiet or acting like a 292 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,680 Speaker 1: lady all the time and not saying what you really 293 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: feel is better the saying. 294 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 2: We all know it. If you don't here, it. 295 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 1: Is kaya tita, that is masa staying quiet, you look prettier. No, 296 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,199 Speaker 1: it's all in how we say things. And I'm going 297 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: to continue to say this. I always say this, it's 298 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: how we deliver our message. But I think it has 299 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 1: a lot to do with our culture. And I'm telling 300 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,679 Speaker 1: you guys personally, in my family, I can think of 301 00:18:54,920 --> 00:19:02,640 Speaker 1: so many different examples on how I have sacrificed my happiness, 302 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,679 Speaker 1: and yeah, I'm trying to think of a few, but 303 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,159 Speaker 1: I did write some things down in my moment of 304 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,159 Speaker 1: silence that I want to go ahead and share with 305 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 1: you guys. So just going back to relationships a tiny bit, okay, 306 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 1: because I just was speaking from the heart right now. 307 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 1: But now I'm going to read the things that I 308 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: wrote down. So relationships, a healthy compromise looks like I'll 309 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,240 Speaker 1: do this for you and next time you'll do something 310 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 1: for me. We both make space for each other's needs. 311 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 2: Okay. 312 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:33,640 Speaker 1: An unhealthy sacrifice looks like I gave up my dreams 313 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 1: so they wouldn't feel insecure, or I swallowed my truth 314 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: every day to keep the peace. That's what I was 315 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: talking to you guys about with Emilio. Now the first part, 316 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 1: let me unpack that a little bit with you, guys, 317 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: because I wrote this for you guys, because this is 318 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: something I dealt with in a past relationship. I would 319 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: dim my light and make myself smaller to not make 320 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: my partner feel inadequate. I stopped doing certain things or 321 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:07,880 Speaker 1: didn't take certain jobs because I didn't want to make 322 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 1: him feel less then. 323 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 2: And it was killing me. 324 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: And when you are with the right person, that person 325 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,920 Speaker 1: is going to want you to shine. There isn't this 326 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 1: crazy competition. And now that I'm talking about this. It 327 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:30,400 Speaker 1: reminds me of certain people in my family that will 328 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: remain nameless because that's there's no need to say any names. 329 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 1: But I also felt like I had to do that 330 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I felt 331 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:49,120 Speaker 1: like sometimes my presence affected people or made them upset, 332 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,879 Speaker 1: or I just the energy would shift and so I 333 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 1: would stay quiet, or I wouldn't act like my real 334 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 1: self around them because I thought they wouldn't like me, 335 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: or it was too much for them and they would 336 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 1: think I was fake because I was different around my friends, 337 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 1: but around my friends, I was able to be myself. 338 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 1: So I was sacrificing and making myself smaller to not 339 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: cause insecurity in other people. And that is one of 340 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 1: the worst things that we can do anywhere. It doesn't 341 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:24,879 Speaker 1: matter if it's relationships, our career, our jobs, like our friendships, 342 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 1: like if you are having to do that, those are 343 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 1: not your people. And I'm telling you that right now, 344 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,159 Speaker 1: So just be very careful and try to recognize that 345 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 1: because I wrote that down because it was something that 346 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 1: I felt like for a long time. I wanted to 347 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: spread my wings and fly and I couldn't because I 348 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,719 Speaker 1: had this heavy weight on me until I just let 349 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: go of all those motherbuggers and I was like, I'm 350 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: not doing this because I can't reach my full potential 351 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:04,959 Speaker 1: if I'm carrying all of these other people's whatever it 352 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: is that they're dealing with. 353 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,920 Speaker 2: It's not my stuff to carry by. 354 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 1: You know. Now, we did talk about the business and 355 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 1: the career and just so that you guys, get a 356 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 1: little bit more clarity. So compromise at work means adjusting 357 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 1: roles for the greater good, flexibility with projects or timelines. 358 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 1: That's exactly where I'm compromising right now, guys. Sacrifice at 359 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: work means saying yes to everything while saying no to yourself. 360 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,160 Speaker 1: We talk about that a lot on the podcast, guys, 361 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: because to me, it's like I always check myself. I'm like, 362 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,359 Speaker 1: am I saying yes I want to do this because 363 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,160 Speaker 1: they want me to say yes? Or am I saying 364 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: yes because this is really what I want to do? 365 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,879 Speaker 1: Because I spent so many years telling myself no and 366 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 1: telling other people yes because I wanted to be liked. 367 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,040 Speaker 2: I wanted to. 368 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 1: Just be liked and have people's approval, and that got 369 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 1: me nowhere. So another way of sacrifice is silencing your 370 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,239 Speaker 1: creative voice to stay in the room, exactly what I 371 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,719 Speaker 1: just talked about. I don't want my creativity, especially with 372 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 1: this project, to be limited to be stagnant in any 373 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:28,760 Speaker 1: way because other people's opinions and money, especially with money, guys. Yes, 374 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: of course I'm in this to hopefully eventually one day 375 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,479 Speaker 1: make money, But more than that, I have to trust 376 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: that this is something else, that this is a movement. 377 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,840 Speaker 1: This is and once you guys watch the new video 378 00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: you and hear the new song, You're gonna know what 379 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 1: I'm talking about. 380 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,400 Speaker 2: This is beyond me, guys, this is I can't wait. 381 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: So anyway, once you guys see and hear what I'm 382 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: talking about, especially like with the album Oh We Got, 383 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: I can't wait, I'm not going to allow anything or 384 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,359 Speaker 1: anyone to get in the way of that. And I 385 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: don't need to be like, oh, I want to be 386 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 1: a part of the cool group. Like no, it's cool. 387 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,119 Speaker 1: I'm cool by myself, you know what I mean, Like, 388 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 1: no one wants to hang out with me. Cool, God's 389 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:10,720 Speaker 1: with me. That's how I say. I was, like, it's cool, 390 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:11,879 Speaker 1: Like the people that love me are going to be 391 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 1: with me. The people that are meant to be on 392 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 1: this journey with me, are going to stay with me, 393 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:20,200 Speaker 1: and We're going to make a change in the. 394 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 2: World, and I'm so excited for it. 395 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 1: Anyway, your dream, Remember your dream shouldn't come at the 396 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 1: cost of your health, your voice, or your worth. Ooh okay, 397 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 1: and remember, as far as relationships, love doesn't require you 398 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:39,159 Speaker 1: to shrink. True partnership finds the middle that is compromised. 399 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: That is how our relationship flourishes. When you guys come 400 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 1: together and have a peaceful conversation and come to a 401 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: happy medium where you both feel comfortable. Okay, what else 402 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,120 Speaker 1: did I write down? Oh? 403 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:58,680 Speaker 2: This is what I was talking about earlier, guys. 404 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:03,200 Speaker 1: As far as culture, okay, many of us, okay, we're 405 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 1: taught that love means sacrifice, especially as women, especially in 406 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: Latino culture. 407 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 2: That being selfless is the highest form of love. 408 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,480 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. I was talking about this with my 409 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:17,159 Speaker 1: life coach, and yes, oh this is something I have 410 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 1: struggled with personally because for a long time I wanted 411 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: to be the perfect girl and the perfect needs and 412 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,959 Speaker 1: the perfect daughter, and I wanted to be selfless and 413 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: just help everyone else. And that's still me. I want 414 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: to help the world. But if I'm running on empty. 415 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,199 Speaker 1: All I'm going to give you is fumes. I'm going 416 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:37,679 Speaker 1: to give you air. I'm not going to give you 417 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,879 Speaker 1: the best of me, which is why it's important. The 418 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: self care, the self love. That's not being selfish, guys, 419 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 1: that is loving yourself and preparing yourself to go out 420 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 1: in the world to help your family, to help your relationship. 421 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 2: That is so important, guys, so important. So please, that is. 422 00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,719 Speaker 1: Something that I think we hear a lot in Latino 423 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:05,679 Speaker 1: fans families. Okay, selflessness is the highest form of love. No, Senorita, 424 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:11,399 Speaker 1: please don't adopt that. Let's try to break that generational 425 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,640 Speaker 1: curse and make the future women, the future boys, all 426 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 1: of us better as a whole. Okay, here we go, 427 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,200 Speaker 1: just so you guys remember, Okay, because we're talking about 428 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 1: compromise and sacrifice, all that good stuff. Okay, a little 429 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:24,959 Speaker 1: bit of everything. You guys know how my episodes are. 430 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: I jump here and there. But the good thing is 431 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 1: it all comes together at the end. 432 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:29,719 Speaker 2: Okay. 433 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 1: So, love without boundaries is not love. Let me repeat that. 434 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 1: Love without boundaries is not love. Giving endlessly without return? 435 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:41,959 Speaker 2: Is it noble? 436 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: It's painful? Oh did I do that with my mother? 437 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: With my siblings and my relationships and my friendships. I 438 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 1: just wanted to be loved and to be accepted, and 439 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: so I would give and give and give, and I 440 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: was bankrupt. I felt like I was giving a lot 441 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: more than I was receiving, and I wasn't doing it 442 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,120 Speaker 1: to gain anything. 443 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 2: But it's only. 444 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 1: Fair for it to be reciprocated in some way, or 445 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 1: at least a little bit, so you feel appreciated. 446 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 2: So that is these are two. 447 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 1: Huge things that I was like, I need to make 448 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: sure that I talk about this. Giving endlessly without return 449 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,919 Speaker 1: isn't noble. It is painful, y'all, and I'm telling you 450 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:26,400 Speaker 1: it is. 451 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:34,240 Speaker 2: Now. 452 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 1: Compromise looks like showing up for each other even when 453 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 1: it's inconvenient, respecting different beliefs, but not crossing your own limits. 454 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: Sacrifice is betraying yourself just to be accepted. 455 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 2: Janey. 456 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,840 Speaker 1: We are moving past your guys. We are growing. We 457 00:27:56,920 --> 00:28:00,520 Speaker 1: are growing, and it's okay. Because I thought I was 458 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:04,200 Speaker 1: over this and it's starting to come up a little bit. 459 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 2: But it's okay. 460 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: Now I recognize it, and now I know what to 461 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 1: do about it, and now I know how. 462 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 2: To help you guys. So it's beautiful. 463 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:15,719 Speaker 1: Okay, carrying emotional labor that isn't yours to hold. Ooh, 464 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 1: we do that a lot as the eldest sibling, the 465 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,640 Speaker 1: eldest daughter, the eldest child. 466 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:24,159 Speaker 2: I did that. 467 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: I was caring for a long time my mother. And 468 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,800 Speaker 1: I'm not talking bad about her. I love her. I 469 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,320 Speaker 1: have the best relationship with my mom now, more than ever. 470 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: I have this like just in my heart of like 471 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,960 Speaker 1: that's my mom. I don't even know how to explain it. 472 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: It's more than ever, guys. So I'm not talking bad. 473 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: She was fifteen years old when she had me. My 474 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: mom was a child. She wasn't able to grow and 475 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 1: learn and do all these things that now we talk 476 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: about so openly, and wellness and therapy and all these 477 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:05,000 Speaker 1: things that is foreign to that generation. And I was 478 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:09,400 Speaker 1: carrying a lot of her baggage and taking care of 479 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: my siblings, and that caused a lot of confusion emotionally mentally, 480 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: and I sacrificed a lot. Now I know I'm learning 481 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 1: that this year, that I can still love my siblings 482 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: and love my mother and still staying true to myself 483 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 1: and saying, you know what, I don't want to carry 484 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 1: this this isn't my responsibility. I love my brother, I 485 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: love my sister. I'll be here to pray. If they 486 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 1: want some advice, I'm here to help them, but their 487 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: problems aren't my problems, and I need to stop making 488 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: them my problems because I have a lot of other 489 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:48,680 Speaker 1: things to worry about. Because I have done that so much, 490 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,600 Speaker 1: and I'm willing to do anything and everything for my siblings, 491 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:57,200 Speaker 1: but I have learned the difference between loving and being 492 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 1: overbearing and exactly what I just said right now, carrying 493 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,640 Speaker 1: baggage that is not mine. It's just not mine, and 494 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: I have to be okay with saying they're old enough, 495 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,480 Speaker 1: they will figure it out. I will be here to listen, 496 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 1: i will be here to pray. I will be here 497 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 1: to help in any way that I can. I'm not 498 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: going to over extend myself anymore because then it's confused 499 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 1: and it might not be appreciated, like people need to 500 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 1: come to you instead of me stepping in and taking 501 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: control or trying to find the solution to everything that 502 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 1: ain't my business, that ain't my pay. Guys on the 503 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 1: toilet this is a friend taught me this because I've 504 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,120 Speaker 1: talked about this on Instagram. 505 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,440 Speaker 2: Where when I go to the public. 506 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,440 Speaker 1: Restroom and there is pee on the toilet, I find 507 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: myself because go China's girls don't be like that, Please 508 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,920 Speaker 1: clean up after yourself. It's so sad to see how 509 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 1: disgusting public restrooms are, especially whomens. I don't know what 510 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,400 Speaker 1: the guys look like, but I'm like, if you pissed 511 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,520 Speaker 1: the toilet seat, can you pretty please just clean it 512 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 1: up so that I don't have to clean it up. 513 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,520 Speaker 2: So I would do that. 514 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 1: I'd go to the stall and instead of finding another 515 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: thought to go pee in, I'd sit there and clean 516 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 1: the mess. That isn't mind to clean. I'm just being 517 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,480 Speaker 1: like a good Samaritan. I'm like, okay, fine, Like I 518 00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 1: don't want to, you know, I always do that. I 519 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,240 Speaker 1: don't want the next person to come and like sit 520 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: on my pee or like have to clean up my pea. 521 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 2: So I started thinking. A friend of mine was like, dude, 522 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 2: that's not your pee, Like literally, that's not your problem. 523 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 2: That's not your pe to pick up. So I started 524 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 2: adopting that, and I'm like, yeah, like it's I have 525 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 2: to shake it off sometimes, guys, I have to remind myself. 526 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,400 Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, what. It's not my bethel, it's 527 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 2: not my pee, it's not my problem. 528 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,560 Speaker 1: I gotta shake it off and they'll figure it out 529 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: the way I have figured out everything. Now here's the 530 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 1: big one, guys, I'm almost done. Okay, Uh, with yourself. 531 00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,959 Speaker 1: Sometimes the person we sacrifice the most for it is ourselves. 532 00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:03,280 Speaker 1: We ignore our bodies, Silence are intuition, delay our healing. 533 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 1: We abandon our dreams out of fear, all in the 534 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 1: name of being responsible, strong, or perfect. Compromise with yourself 535 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 1: looks like rest, grace, adjusting the plan. Ooh, sacrifice of 536 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,000 Speaker 1: self looks like chronic burnout. That was me in twenty eighteen. 537 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, resentment and silence. Guys, you can't keep 538 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 1: abandoning yourself and calling it love. Please rewind this part 539 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,280 Speaker 1: of the episode if you need to hear it again. Okay, 540 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,760 Speaker 1: And how do we know the difference? We ask ourselves? 541 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: Is this mutual? Is this costing me my peace or identity? Ooh, 542 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 1: just had to asked myself that question this morning. I 543 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,480 Speaker 1: was in a meeting. Am I dimming myself to keep 544 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 1: someone else comfortable? If this leave me feeling resentful or free? 545 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: If you're always the one bending, breaking, and bleeding. It's 546 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:15,720 Speaker 1: not compromise. It's sacrifice. Again, if you are always the 547 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 1: one bending, breaking and bleeding, stop the bleeding, guys. It's 548 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:26,400 Speaker 1: not compromise. That is called sacrifice, self sacrifice, and not 549 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,480 Speaker 1: all sacrifice is bad. Guys. Let me tell you, guys, 550 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: because right now I'm on another cleanse. Yes, those of 551 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,200 Speaker 1: you that listen to the podcast, I do a lot 552 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 1: of cleanses. Right now I'm on another cleanse. I'm doing 553 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 1: no alcohol, no cannabis, no red meat, no soda, and 554 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 1: no coffee. Coffee seems to be the one that's like, 555 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, to everyone for twenty one days, not 556 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 1: a long time. This one's a little shorter. But it's 557 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,800 Speaker 1: not because I'm asking for anything. It's because I'm grateful 558 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 1: and God has been really good to me, and I 559 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,680 Speaker 1: just want to This is my way of saying thank you. 560 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 1: So I sacrificing my body and these things that I 561 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:06,160 Speaker 1: enjoy for the better good. It keeps me in better 562 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,719 Speaker 1: communication with God. So not all sacrifices bad. So I 563 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 1: want you guys to just know, you know, because I 564 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 1: talk about that, it's more of like a gift and 565 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:19,040 Speaker 1: an offering from myself to God, to my faith. And 566 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,120 Speaker 1: you know, anyway, if you want to start a fast, 567 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,560 Speaker 1: because I have an idea that I'm not going to 568 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,960 Speaker 1: share now. I think I'm going to do an episode 569 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,320 Speaker 1: on it, but something that I want to do and 570 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:29,920 Speaker 1: I want to invite you guys to do with me, 571 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:31,879 Speaker 1: because fasts are good. 572 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:32,319 Speaker 2: You know. 573 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 1: It's like sacrificing to the flesh for our spirit. Right, 574 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,840 Speaker 1: and when you fast, you're not betraying yourself, okay, you 575 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: are honoring your higher self. It's not about punishment, it's 576 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 1: about purification, it's not about depriving yourself. It's about devotion. 577 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: And fasting is a spiritual reset. So anyway, that's a 578 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,319 Speaker 1: whole other thing. We'll talk about that later. But I 579 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:59,560 Speaker 1: hope that this episode helps you, guys and reminds you 580 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,479 Speaker 1: maybe already know that, but sometimes we need reminders because 581 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: I need them as well, the difference between compromise and sacrifice. 582 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 1: And I hope some of this, if not all of it, 583 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:14,240 Speaker 1: or a part, resonates with you in your life, because 584 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: I think we all do it. Sometimes we don't even 585 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,400 Speaker 1: recognize it. And that's okay. But now you have an 586 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,640 Speaker 1: episode that you can share with the loved one and 587 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:25,880 Speaker 1: you can come back to to remind yourself. Toxic sacrifice 588 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,600 Speaker 1: is rooted in fear or pressure. Okay, so remember that 589 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: toxic sacrifice is rooted in fear or pressure. Compromise builds bridges. 590 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:39,399 Speaker 1: So remember the difference. Toxic sacrifice is rooted in fear. 591 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,760 Speaker 2: Pressure. Compromise builds bridges. And I'll be quiet. 592 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 1: Thank you for coming to my podcast, for listening, because 593 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,520 Speaker 1: this podcast is for us to listen, to learn, to grow, 594 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,799 Speaker 1: and to glow together in this world that sometimes could 595 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,759 Speaker 1: be a little heavy, a little sad, but when we 596 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:01,359 Speaker 1: have each other, it's better. So thank you for being here, uh, 597 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:05,440 Speaker 1: and for listening to me, and yeah, I really appreciate you. 598 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:09,200 Speaker 2: And uh yeah, I'll have something new for you next week, 599 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 2: so I'll see you here Astroma. This is a. 600 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:20,200 Speaker 1: Production of iHeartRadio and the Micaela Podcast Network. Follow us 601 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,360 Speaker 1: on Instagram at Michael Doda Podcasts, then follow me Chicky's 602 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:24,680 Speaker 1: That's c h I q. 603 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:25,399 Speaker 2: U I s. 604 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:30,280 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 605 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast