1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,080
Speaker 1: Let's bugle love a whole long time. We got it

2
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,160
Speaker 1: for you. It is the Strawberry letter. Thank you tell Me,

3
00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:11,200
Speaker 1: subject longing for my mother. Good morning, Steve Shirley, Tommy Carla.

4
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,800
Speaker 1: I'm a twenty year old student in Greensboro, North Carolina.

5
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,680
Speaker 1: I'm twelve weeks pregnant, and I'm really feeling lonely at

6
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,200
Speaker 1: this time. When I found out I was pregnant and

7
00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:24,159
Speaker 1: told the father of the child, he informed me that

8
00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,320
Speaker 1: he wanted nothing to do with this baby. I was

9
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,200
Speaker 1: hurt and still hurting because I thought I was the

10
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,560
Speaker 1: only one in his life at the time, and come

11
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,960
Speaker 1: to find out, as Boomerang would say, I was his option.

12
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,960
Speaker 1: That's not even my biggest concern. I never had a

13
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 1: good relationship with my mother, and as a child, always

14
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,559
Speaker 1: wanted her and my father. My mother was young and

15
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,440
Speaker 1: I understand that she made some mistakes, but I took

16
00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,120
Speaker 1: this time to try and reach out to her. When

17
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,720
Speaker 1: I told her I was pregnant, she called me a

18
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,000
Speaker 1: few weeks later and said that I should get an

19
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,960
Speaker 1: abortion because why do I want to have a baby

20
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,560
Speaker 1: by someone who doesn't even like me. I continue to

21
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,479
Speaker 1: try to talk to her and reach out to her

22
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:11,560
Speaker 1: because I need her support, not financially but emotionally. Last

23
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,880
Speaker 1: night was the final straw. I called her just to

24
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,840
Speaker 1: tell her how I was doing, and she did it again.

25
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,120
Speaker 1: She threw in my face how ignorant I have been,

26
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,640
Speaker 1: and how I am throwing my life away. Stephen Shirley,

27
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,039
Speaker 1: I'm not a bad child. I have attended church and

28
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,760
Speaker 1: I'm trying to live the life, live life the Christian way,

29
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,640
Speaker 1: but I've made a few mistakes. I'm in school full

30
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,040
Speaker 1: time and work full time, and all I really want

31
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,360
Speaker 1: is my mother. I didn't have her growing up, but

32
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,440
Speaker 1: I really want her now. My question is how can

33
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,679
Speaker 1: I reach out to my mother and get her to

34
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,280
Speaker 1: just to talk to me without being negative to me?

35
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,080
Speaker 1: Or should I just give up and realize that I

36
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,440
Speaker 1: have to do this pregnancy alone. Longing for my mother?

37
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,760
Speaker 1: Yeah that that this isn't really sad to Yeah, this

38
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:09,399
Speaker 1: is really um dear longing from my mother. I mean, um,

39
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,960
Speaker 1: I'm not going to beat you up or judge you

40
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,800
Speaker 1: or anything like that, because from the tone of your letter,

41
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,440
Speaker 1: it does sound like you understand and you've accepted your choices.

42
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,160
Speaker 1: You know, I believe you when you say that you're

43
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,919
Speaker 1: trying to live right as a Christian, and you've made

44
00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:26,160
Speaker 1: a few mistakes, And and to that, I say, who

45
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,880
Speaker 1: hasn't you know? You're human. We all make mistakes, we

46
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,679
Speaker 1: all fall short. Sometimes. What I will do is try

47
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,480
Speaker 1: to explain to you maybe what your mom is going through.

48
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:38,280
Speaker 1: You said she got pregnant young, and she's probably when

49
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,720
Speaker 1: she sees you pregnant, thinking about how it was when

50
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,080
Speaker 1: she was pregnant and young and she had a hard time.

51
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,360
Speaker 1: It sounds like, um, you know, maybe nobody showed her

52
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,160
Speaker 1: love during that time. Maybe the same thing happened to her,

53
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,600
Speaker 1: And as your daughter, she doesn't want you to go

54
00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:56,119
Speaker 1: through the same thing she went through, So in her

55
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,200
Speaker 1: own way, she's looking out for you, even though you

56
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,320
Speaker 1: may not see if that way. But then again, some

57
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,320
Speaker 1: people don't know how to show love. So, um, you know,

58
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,799
Speaker 1: I know you want the love of your mom right now,

59
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,840
Speaker 1: but maybe, you know, try reaching out to someone else

60
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:16,239
Speaker 1: in your family, like your grandmother or maybe an aunt

61
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,959
Speaker 1: or or an older woman you know that can help

62
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,680
Speaker 1: you through this time, because, um, it may take quite

63
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,040
Speaker 1: a while for your mother to come around. It may

64
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,160
Speaker 1: take it, you know, up until the time you have

65
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,280
Speaker 1: your own baby. If then, but reach out to someone else,

66
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,560
Speaker 1: maybe an older person, like I say, in your family,

67
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,720
Speaker 1: that can help you through this, so you won't have

68
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,680
Speaker 1: to go through it alone. If you are a member

69
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,200
Speaker 1: of a church or something like that, you know, uh,

70
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,120
Speaker 1: there are people in there that can help you through this.

71
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:45,240
Speaker 1: So you know, this is a tough situation that you're in,

72
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,760
Speaker 1: but you can make it through. Many have and I

73
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,080
Speaker 1: just want to encourage you. Steve. We'll be back with

74
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,360
Speaker 1: his answer. Of course, I know this is a tough one.

75
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,600
Speaker 1: Well after you're listening, all right, come on, Steve with

76
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,480
Speaker 1: part you of your response to today's Strawberry letter Longing

77
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,680
Speaker 1: for My Mother. Good morning, Shirley, Steve tell me. I'm

78
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,160
Speaker 1: a twenty year old student in Greensboro, North Carolina. I'm

79
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,600
Speaker 1: twelve weeks pregnant. I'm really feeling lonely at this time.

80
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,400
Speaker 1: When I found out I was pregnant and told the

81
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,880
Speaker 1: father of the child, he informed me that he wanted

82
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,040
Speaker 1: nothing to do with this baby. I was hurting, still

83
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,960
Speaker 1: hurting because I thought I was the only one in

84
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,400
Speaker 1: his life at the time, and come to find out

85
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,560
Speaker 1: a boomerang would say I was his option. That's not

86
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:29,040
Speaker 1: even my biggest concern. I never had a good relationship

87
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,200
Speaker 1: with my mother, and as a child, always wanted her

88
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,440
Speaker 1: and my father. My mother was young and I understand

89
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,360
Speaker 1: that she made some mistakes, but I took this time

90
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,520
Speaker 1: to try to reach out to her. When I told

91
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,280
Speaker 1: I was pregnant, she called me a few weeks later

92
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,600
Speaker 1: and said that I should get an abortion because why

93
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,280
Speaker 1: do I want to have a baby by someone who

94
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,280
Speaker 1: doesn't even like me. I continued to try to talk

95
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,080
Speaker 1: to her and reach out to her because I need

96
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,880
Speaker 1: her support, not financially but emotionally. Last night was a

97
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,080
Speaker 1: final straw. I called her just to tell her how

98
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,600
Speaker 1: I was doing it. She did it again. She threw

99
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,600
Speaker 1: in my face how ignorant I have been and how

100
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,760
Speaker 1: I'm throwing my life away. Stephen Shirley, I'm not a

101
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 1: bad child. I have I attend church and I'm trying

102
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 1: to live life to Christian way. But I made a

103
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,960
Speaker 1: few mistakes. I'm in school full time and work full time,

104
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,680
Speaker 1: and all I really want is my mother. I didn't

105
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,000
Speaker 1: have a growing up, but I really want her now.

106
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,400
Speaker 1: My question is how can I reach out to my

107
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,279
Speaker 1: mother and get her to just talk to me without

108
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,800
Speaker 1: being negative to me, or should I just give up

109
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 1: and realize that I have to do this pregnancy a

110
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:30,640
Speaker 1: long longing for my mother. Uh, young lady, I only

111
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,400
Speaker 1: answer I have for you is prayer. I really don't

112
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,640
Speaker 1: know what else to say, because I don't know how

113
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,719
Speaker 1: to make a parent be a parent. Uh. If you've

114
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,600
Speaker 1: never had a while you were growing up, but you're

115
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:46,040
Speaker 1: reaching out to it, this could be an opportunity. Um,

116
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,840
Speaker 1: but it looks like it's gonna take a little bit

117
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:52,719
Speaker 1: more effort on your part to get her to understand. Uh.

118
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,720
Speaker 1: I think you should stop talking to her over the phone, though.

119
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,400
Speaker 1: I think this has to be a face to face.

120
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,120
Speaker 1: Women have a very different relationship than boys and fathers,

121
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:06,520
Speaker 1: very very different. Uh. It's hard for me to explain it,

122
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:10,480
Speaker 1: but it's it's just very very different. And you all

123
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,839
Speaker 1: say things to your mothers that we could never say

124
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:17,960
Speaker 1: to our fathers on and vice versa. But I really

125
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,960
Speaker 1: don't know how to guide you on this, and except

126
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,240
Speaker 1: to say you have to pray about it. But I

127
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,240
Speaker 1: do think that you need a face to face with

128
00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:28,599
Speaker 1: your mom um, and this is an opportunity for your

129
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:32,279
Speaker 1: mother to take to stop a cycle of pain that's

130
00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 1: been happening. Like Shirley said, it could be because she

131
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,760
Speaker 1: had you at a young age. She know how devastating

132
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,360
Speaker 1: it was in her life and the misery that has

133
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,000
Speaker 1: called her because obviously you all weren't close. She doesn't

134
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,480
Speaker 1: want you to go through the same thing. But she's

135
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,159
Speaker 1: going about it, obviously the wrong way of trying to

136
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,000
Speaker 1: get you to understand that. That's why I think a

137
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:56,039
Speaker 1: face to face is necessary. Exider down and explain to

138
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,599
Speaker 1: her that you've always wanted her and that you need

139
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:05,080
Speaker 1: her now. You need her understanding her support. Uh, that's

140
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:09,520
Speaker 1: everybody needs that in their life. You know different, So um,

141
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,600
Speaker 1: pray about it. Surely made the best suggestions. Surely can

142
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,640
Speaker 1: answer this letter far better than I can. I'm just

143
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,880
Speaker 1: gonna be real with you. As far as the boy goes,

144
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,240
Speaker 1: and this is the only part that I know anything about.

145
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,360
Speaker 1: As far as the boy goes, the little trifling dog

146
00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,920
Speaker 1: dude that you know who you told you want to pregnant.

147
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,920
Speaker 1: He informed you that he wanted nothing to do with

148
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:36,560
Speaker 1: this baby. Well, that statement can easily be made, but

149
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,960
Speaker 1: if you're having this baby, he will have something to

150
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,360
Speaker 1: do with the baby, whether he wants to or not.

151
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,440
Speaker 1: They're gonna attach his child support to him once it's proven,

152
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,920
Speaker 1: and then guess what he's gonna have to send this

153
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,760
Speaker 1: check regardless, he better not get a job nowhere. See

154
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:57,320
Speaker 1: that's the sad part of it, all these guys that

155
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,800
Speaker 1: we make these that women make these mistakes with without

156
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,280
Speaker 1: knowing anything about the true character of a person. I

157
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,920
Speaker 1: was strongly suggest to young girls, before you lay down

158
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,600
Speaker 1: with a boy, and I do call him boys because

159
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,680
Speaker 1: that's just what he's acting like right now, Before you

160
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,280
Speaker 1: lay down with this boy, make sure that you know

161
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,400
Speaker 1: exactly who he is. And the only way to know

162
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,239
Speaker 1: a person is you've got to go through some things

163
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,240
Speaker 1: with him. And if you haven't been with him long

164
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,280
Speaker 1: enough to go through any ups and especially the downs,

165
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,400
Speaker 1: uh See, it's it's it's how a person reacts in

166
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,440
Speaker 1: difficult times that shows you the true character and measure

167
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,280
Speaker 1: of a man. It is not in moments of comfort

168
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,120
Speaker 1: and convenience, but only in moments of turmoil and strife

169
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,480
Speaker 1: can you know the true measure of men. Then, and

170
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,560
Speaker 1: only then can you know if you have a man

171
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:47,080
Speaker 1: or not. It is when things have gone wrong. Now,

172
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,600
Speaker 1: when it's going right. Now something's going wrong, and now

173
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:53,600
Speaker 1: you found out this is a boy. But please do

174
00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,880
Speaker 1: if you decide to have it, please uh take him

175
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,880
Speaker 1: to court, swing him in, get him some DNA done.

176
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,160
Speaker 1: It proves out that he's the father whenever he does

177
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,160
Speaker 1: get out of that college and gets a job. And

178
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 1: no matter how long it takes him to get a job,

179
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,080
Speaker 1: you can get your money retroactive. But you're not doing

180
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,480
Speaker 1: this for money though, And your problem isn't the boy

181
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,240
Speaker 1: right now, Your problem is your mother. So I didn't

182
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,360
Speaker 1: just gave you maybe a lesson too late, but you're

183
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:28,240
Speaker 1: gonna meet another boy after this one and next time.

184
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,880
Speaker 1: You have to take all these experiences what you call

185
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,800
Speaker 1: the mistakes, keep living a Christian life and just know

186
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,040
Speaker 1: that you'll be fine. Everybody makes mistakes. You're not the

187
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,439
Speaker 1: first person. You're not the only single mother out there. Uh.

188
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,000
Speaker 1: You will make it and God will help you make it.

189
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 1: And the kid that you're gonna have that it looks

190
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,320
Speaker 1: like you're gonna have, could be the next great person.

191
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,240
Speaker 1: You don't know, and it could be just your calling

192
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,160
Speaker 1: to birth this person into this world. Steve, you know

193
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,760
Speaker 1: we got to get out of here. Email us or

194
00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:00,120
Speaker 1: instagram us your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter at my

195
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,280
Speaker 1: girl Shirley, and please don't forget this Thursday, it's Facebook

196
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,480
Speaker 1: Live with the Strawberry Letter Live after show, okay, one

197
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,000
Speaker 1: thirty pm Eastern Time. Please join me. We have a

198
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,800
Speaker 1: lot of fun. We'll talk about today's letter and uh

199
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,520
Speaker 1: the fresh pick of the week, and we'll do trending topics. Okay,

200
00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:18,280
Speaker 1: so join me.