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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 3: So my postpartum lasted up until my daughter turned one,

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Speaker 3: so for a whole year, I don't even really remember

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Speaker 3: being a mother. I remember being severely depressed. I would

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Speaker 3: just be in the dark. There were times that getting

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Speaker 3: out of bed was the hardest thing.

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Speaker 2: Ever, today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting.

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Speaker 4: Women like you.

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Speaker 1: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on every everything

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Speaker 2: from five rooids to fake friends, and create a safe

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Speaker 2: space where black women can just be.

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Speaker 5: Hey, lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

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Speaker 5: I'm hosting a free podcasting master class where I'm going

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Speaker 5: to teach you how to create your impactful podcast and

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Speaker 5: how you can generate multiple streams of income. You can

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Speaker 5: visit podcast with Terry dot com to register for free.

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Speaker 5: I hope to see you there.

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Speaker 2: All right, lady, Today, we have a very very special

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Speaker 2: guest in Cultivating her Space, So we're just going to

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Speaker 2: jump right on in and tell you a little bit

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Speaker 2: about her and then dive into this juicy conversation. April

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Speaker 2: Hernandos Castillo's dream became a reality when she booked her

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Speaker 2: first commercial as the Yo Girl in the Visa check

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Speaker 2: card spot starring Yao Ming and Yogi Bearra. The commercial

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Speaker 2: would air for the Super Bowl and become a sports classic.

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Speaker 2: You probably even remember that She went on to start

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Speaker 2: and television shows such as Law and Order. As you

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Speaker 2: the following person of interest in Elementary, April garnered a

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Speaker 2: recurring role on Showtime's Dexter, which was nominated for a

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Speaker 2: SAG nomination for Best Ensemble Cast. April is most noted

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Speaker 2: for her powerful portrayal as Eva Benitez and the hit

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Speaker 2: movie Freedom Writers, starring Oscar winner Hillary Swink. She recently

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Speaker 2: worked on NBC's popular show New Amsterdam, and in addition

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Speaker 2: to being a Hollywood actor, April is a mother, a wife, author, speaker,

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Speaker 2: and a survivor. April, my girl, welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 2: This is exciting. We're finally doing it.

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Speaker 3: I know, finally. Why do I feel like I have

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Speaker 3: to whisper? So hoppens when you become a mom and.

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Speaker 5: Girl?

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Speaker 2: I feel you cause the baby sleep right now, I

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Speaker 2: might be whispering to y'alls, So don't mind me. It's

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Speaker 2: all good. But we're so happy to have you here.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: Yes, so we are going to get started with our

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Speaker 1: quote of the day. And this quote should be really

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Speaker 1: familiar to you, April, because as I mean, I know

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Speaker 1: that Terry knows you, but as I was doing my

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Speaker 1: research so that I could get to know you, I

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Speaker 1: came across this article where you mentioned that this quote

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Speaker 1: is a favorite of yours. So this quote is from Rocky.

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Speaker 1: It's not how hard you hit, it's how hard you

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Speaker 1: can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you

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Speaker 1: can take and keep moving forward.

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Speaker 4: That's how winning is done.

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Speaker 3: April, hands down my favorite quote of all time.

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Speaker 1: I was so curious when I saw it. At first,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and Terry and I had a

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Speaker 1: conversation about this particular quote, and so I am so

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Speaker 1: curious knowing some of your story and you'll share some

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Speaker 1: of it with us today. But how did this quote

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Speaker 1: become your favorite quote?

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Speaker 3: I guess it's my favorite quote because technically I have

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Speaker 3: been knocked down, right physically knocked down by someone whom

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Speaker 3: I loved through my abuse, So so I really understand

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Speaker 3: what that means. And then metaphorically, where you're talking about life,

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Speaker 3: so many of us get knocked down, So many of

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Speaker 3: us have just gotten punched in the gut, to say

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Speaker 3: the least, and being a champion there comes there's like

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Speaker 3: this thing where being a champion it's really not about

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Speaker 3: winning the game, but it's about the journey. It's everything

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Speaker 3: that got you there. And So is probably my favorite movie.

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Speaker 3: It is my favorite character ever created on cinema. But

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Speaker 3: there was such a real lesson and I share that

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Speaker 3: every time I speak, I usually close with that because

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Speaker 3: I think that so many people get knocked down by

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Speaker 3: life and some just never get back up right, And

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Speaker 3: so how do we share this message of life is

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Speaker 3: always going to throw you a curveball, Life is always

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Speaker 3: going to be tough. But how you get back up

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Speaker 3: or how you resurrect or how you just say, how

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Speaker 3: can I find the success in the mess right that

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Speaker 3: there's still success even in all of that mess? How

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Speaker 3: do I do that? So that's probably why it resonates

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Speaker 3: with me so much. It's very personal for me.

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Speaker 2: That's so powerful, so powerful. Yeah, So, apol, if you

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Speaker 2: had to describe your origin story to the listeners, like

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Speaker 2: those that are not familiar with in your background, how

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Speaker 2: would you describe that origin story? I know there's so much.

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Speaker 3: My origin story dope, adventurous, wild and freeing is how

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Speaker 3: I would describe it during one of the worst times

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Speaker 3: in New York City. So I grew up in the

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Speaker 3: crack era. I grew up during the crack era. I

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Speaker 3: grew up in a time where my background was just

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Speaker 3: where I lived. It was broken glass, it was burnt

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Speaker 3: down buildings, it was prostitution and pimps. Those were all

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Speaker 3: of the things that I grew up with. But yet

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Speaker 3: there was such a richness to growing up in the hood,

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Speaker 3: right there was just something about, Wow, I never had

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Speaker 3: to really worry. You know, we didn't have a lot,

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Speaker 3: most people didn't, but yet we had this freedom. There

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Speaker 3: was freedom of just staying out in the street till

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Speaker 3: late at night as a kid and going and figuring out,

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Speaker 3: you know, where you can go, where you can't go,

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Speaker 3: hanging out with different people. And I always had such

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Speaker 3: an array of friends I had. I had stick of friends,

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Speaker 3: I had graffiti friends, I had artistic friends, I had dancers.

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Speaker 3: So there was always something interesting happening in the Bronx.

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Speaker 3: And as we all know, like hip hop was birth

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Speaker 3: in the Boogie Down. And I love being from the Bronx,

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Speaker 3: I really do. So there's a level of ownership and

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Speaker 3: just pride that comes with it.

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Speaker 4: I love that.

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Speaker 1: I love how you take so much pride in where

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Speaker 1: you come from. Right, And as you think about, like

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Speaker 1: your upbringing, how has your upbringing influenced who you are today?

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Speaker 3: My upbringing has influenced everything and how I carry myself,

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Speaker 3: how I deal in business, because it forced you, growing

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Speaker 3: up in a tough neighborhood, to always be aware. You

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Speaker 3: have to be quick, you have to be witty, you

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Speaker 3: have to find a way where there is no way.

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Speaker 3: And honestly, it's really protected me from even having me

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Speaker 3: two moments. You just don't take anybody's ish.

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Speaker 4: You feel me, you just don't do that.

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Speaker 3: There's a level of respect that we grew up for

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Speaker 3: ourselves and it has carried over and translated into moments

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Speaker 3: where you know, I came across men who thought that

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Speaker 3: they could have their way, and I was like, not today, Satan,

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Speaker 3: I am not that girl. I am not the one,

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Speaker 3: you know who would allow herself. Although I fell into

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Speaker 3: an abusive relationship right, which is ironic, but it's still

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Speaker 3: kept me on my toes. And I think that when

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Speaker 3: you just grow up in that kind of environment, you

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Speaker 3: always you're always on your toe, you know, it just

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Speaker 3: keeps you, keeps you fresh.

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Speaker 2: Now, at the time I was recording these ladies, there's

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Speaker 2: a lot going on on social media, a lot of

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Speaker 2: dramas playing out on social media around relationships, and so

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Speaker 2: I feel like I really want to dive into this

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Speaker 2: because I think that you can offer a lot from

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Speaker 2: your experience, April, but just to kind of give you context.

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Speaker 2: Because I am a pop culture gossip blog, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's my guilty pleasure. I'm kind of into that stuff.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: So, right now, we have Summer Walker, who just released

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Speaker 2: her album. Right it's supposed to be one of achieve

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Speaker 2: made history having I don't quote me on this part,

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Speaker 2: but like it's one of the most popular. It's doing

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Speaker 2: very well on the charts, right, I mean, the best

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Speaker 2: I want to say female album is by way of

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Speaker 2: the numbers that she's doing right now. Right, And she

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Speaker 2: just had a bad breakup with her baby daddy and

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Speaker 2: you know all the stuff, so people are chiming on

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Speaker 2: that relationship. And then you have the baby the rapper

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Speaker 2: and Dany lay Is I don't know, third or second

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Speaker 2: baby mama, I don't know, but they're going to a drama,

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Speaker 2: right and people on social media are divided. They're kind

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Speaker 2: of there's a combination of like the victim shaming where

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Speaker 2: they're like, you know, shaming the woman saying, oh, you

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Speaker 2: shouldn't be in that relationship anyway, right, And then there

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Speaker 2: are some people that are shaming him because he allegedly

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Speaker 2: is I guess he tried to kick her out of

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Speaker 2: the house with the newborn when the newborns three months, right,

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Speaker 2: So all this stuff go on, it makes me think

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Speaker 2: about how we as women find ourselves in situations right

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Speaker 2: with partners. I know I've been there, Okay, I'm like

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Speaker 2: with partners that maybe aren't a good fit for us

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Speaker 2: where we may have to reflect on it and think,

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Speaker 2: how did this happen?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: So not trying to victim blame, but just can you

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Speaker 2: talk about your experience, aprilm Like, how did that situation

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Speaker 2: happen with the person that you loved? And you alluded

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Speaker 2: to this earlier when we started you being in a

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Speaker 2: situation where you know you were assaulted, right, So can

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Speaker 2: you talk a bit about that experience and like what

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Speaker 2: you learned from that?

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Speaker 4: Absolutely? Just really quick, I watched the video with the baby.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why, but you know, social media doesn't

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Speaker 3: allow you to just skim over things. You're just driven, right,

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Speaker 3: you go and you watch it, and I just think

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Speaker 3: it's just so disgusting where we are as a society.

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Speaker 3: I guess I'm old school where I don't put out

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Speaker 3: my drama on like any social media. I just don't

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Speaker 3: do that. That's not the school I come from. If

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Speaker 3: I have a problem with you, if I'm dealing with you,

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Speaker 3: you and I will talk on the side. But for

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Speaker 3: me to not only degrade the woman who gave birth

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Speaker 3: to my child, but to degrade myself on top of

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Speaker 3: everything that he's been going through, you know, with the

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Speaker 3: whole homophobic and all that, I just wonder, why do

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Speaker 3: we keep as a society applauding someone like that, who's

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Speaker 3: holding him accountable. Where do you think that it's okay

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Speaker 3: to put on camera, to put on camera and degrade

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Speaker 3: this woman. Now, I don't know the context. I don't

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Speaker 3: know their relationship. I don't know if she's abusive, I

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Speaker 3: don't know any of that. I'm only working with what

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Speaker 3: I see, and that's the majority. And that's how we

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Speaker 3: live a society.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 3: We're only getting a caption a moment of what is

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Speaker 3: going on, and we make these judgments. But I was

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Speaker 3: sitting there and I just fell sick to my stomach

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Speaker 3: because there are kids involved, and kids model behavior, and

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Speaker 3: what makes you think that if he continues in this cycle,

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Speaker 3: that his kids won't repeat.

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Speaker 4: The same cycle?

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Speaker 2: Exactly right.

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Speaker 3: I felt bad for her, but once again, I don't

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Speaker 3: know the drama. It doesn't even matter what is going on.

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Speaker 3: At the end of the day, you don't put your

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Speaker 3: your fighting, your personal life on camera. What was he

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Speaker 3: doing to gain that? That's what I was thinking. And

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Speaker 3: number one and number two like who is who is

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Speaker 3: just shaking him and saying, my brother, what are you doing?

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you notice, but you don't have

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Speaker 3: a good track record right now in society and doing

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Speaker 3: something like this, Whether you think you're right or wrong,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't help the narrative. And what happens is is

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Speaker 3: that you have young, brown and black folks who would

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Speaker 3: see that and replicate the behavior.

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Speaker 4: So you know, I'm going.

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Speaker 3: To do exactly what you know the baby did. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to put my girlfriend on blast and I'm going

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Speaker 3: to throw her out, and I want everybody to see.

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Speaker 3: When did we become the society that is just it's

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Speaker 3: just monstrous. It's just like, wow, this is this is intense.

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Speaker 3: And so when I fell into my situation, there was

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Speaker 3: no social media, there was no cameras around, so everything

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Speaker 3: I experienced was in private. So I was physically and

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Speaker 3: emotionally abused for about three and a half years. And

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Speaker 3: it wasn't until you know, I thought, man, he's gonna

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Speaker 3: either kill me or I'm going to kill him, And that,

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Speaker 3: to me, was the point where I had to finally

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Speaker 3: say I can't do this any longer, because I just

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Speaker 3: knew it was leading there and it was just it

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Speaker 3: was beyond toxic.

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Speaker 4: This wasn't even toxic.

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Speaker 3: This was just deplorable, right, This was just like, this

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Speaker 3: is disgusting, inhumane of how I was being treated. And

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Speaker 3: until a person has respect for themselves, until a person

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Speaker 3: says I can't allow this treatment anymore, it really starts

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Speaker 3: with taking responsibility for yourself.

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Speaker 4: That's so hard.

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Speaker 1: As I'm listening to you share that, right, and I

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Speaker 1: think about and at the time that we're recording this,

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Speaker 1: we're on the heels of domestic Violence Awareness Month, right,

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Speaker 1: and just recognizing how hard it is when you're in

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Speaker 1: that position, right when you find yourself in that abusive

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Speaker 1: relationship right that if you're in that relationship, then chances

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Speaker 1: are how you feel about yourself is already pretty low right,

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Speaker 1: and when you are feeling like that, it's hard to

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Speaker 1: get to that point where you say, Okay, this is it.

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Speaker 4: I'm done right and.

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Speaker 1: So so April, for you, what was that.

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Speaker 4: Moment where you knew I have to get right with me?

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Speaker 1: Like you mentioned, you know, you said that you had

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Speaker 1: to you had to turn the focus internally. What was

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Speaker 1: the moment when when you realize, no, this is I

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Speaker 1: have to take care of.

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Speaker 4: Me right, oh easily.

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Speaker 3: It's the moment where I knew I wanted to try

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Speaker 3: to commit suicide. And this is when suicide is not

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Speaker 3: a common thing as it is today.

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Speaker 4: You know, back when I was a kid, no.

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Speaker 3: One committed suicide, like, no one really or you just

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Speaker 3: didn't hear about it if it did happen, And so

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Speaker 3: it was just having those suicidal ideations where I thought, Hmm,

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Speaker 3: this is really dangerous. Now I'm in a dangerous space

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Speaker 3: because I'm willing to even have a thought that if

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Speaker 3: I no longer exist on Earth.

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Speaker 4: Life would be better.

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Speaker 3: And I believe that most people who experienced trauma or

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Speaker 3: just have hard times in life. Most people probably have

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Speaker 3: that same thought, what would life be like if I

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Speaker 3: was no longer existent? Right, like if I wasn't here?

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Speaker 3: And that's such a sad thought, right, that's such a

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Speaker 3: heartbreaking thought because now it's not just adults, it's children.

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Speaker 3: It's children. I just saw a post like a week

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Speaker 3: ago of a young, beautiful black girl who was like

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Speaker 3: eight or nine years old.

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Speaker 4: Committed suicide. How does she even know that that is

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Speaker 4: an option?

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Speaker 3: Where are we failing our kids that they even think

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Speaker 3: that that is an option?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 3: And that's the thing with suicide and the suicidal thoughts.

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Speaker 3: It makes you feel that all of my pain will

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Speaker 3: go away, And it does, right, because you're not here.

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Speaker 3: But in the grand scheme of things, you say no,

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Speaker 3: there's help, there's help, and there's hope, and there's people

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Speaker 3: who are willing to be there for you.

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Speaker 4: So for me, that was the moment.

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Speaker 3: And any person who's experienced abuse has their threshold. And

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Speaker 3: that's why it takes a woman seven to eight times

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Speaker 3: to actually leave a relationship. And when I talk about

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Speaker 3: domestic violence or intimate partner violence, we feel like it's

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Speaker 3: a woman's issue because the majority of the phone calls

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Speaker 3: and reports that are made are by women. But this

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Speaker 3: is not a woman's issue, right, This is and everyone

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Speaker 3: meant it doesn't matter what gender you are. This is

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Speaker 3: what doesn't matter, what race, doesn't matter about you know,

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Speaker 3: your your status in life, abuses abuse, and so I

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Speaker 3: always mentioned that because people sometimes get turned off when

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Speaker 3: they think that this is a woman's issue.

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Speaker 4: But the only reason.

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Speaker 3: That that we talk about in that context it is

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Speaker 3: because of the fact that the majority cales that are made,

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Speaker 3: meaning a nine to one one call or the reports

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Speaker 3: that are created, we are from women.

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Speaker 2: That's a really good point. Thank you for sharing that

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Speaker 2: if when I know you have so there are so

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Speaker 2: many different topics that we could dive into with you,

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Speaker 2: and I appreciate you being open about that part of

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Speaker 2: your story, but we really want to dive into your

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Speaker 2: pregnancy as well, just to learn because we know you

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Speaker 2: had a challenging experience there and so just talking about

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Speaker 2: maybe what the most exciting part of your pregnancy was

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Speaker 2: and then going into what caused the most stress during

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Speaker 2: your first pregnancy.

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Speaker 4: Terry, I have to ask you a question.

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Speaker 3: Have you had a moment where you you wanted wine

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Speaker 3: and coffee at the same time.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a coffee drinker of wine and maybe some

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Speaker 2: raid bull and a couple other things.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah, that's like you know, I was wondering,

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Speaker 3: I said, I don't know if she drink coffee enough.

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Speaker 4: But you know, you've hit a level of motherhood.

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Speaker 3: When you're like, you see this wine glass or the

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Speaker 3: coffee in the wine glass. So I feel like I'm

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Speaker 3: having both. Yeah, motherhood for me was not something I

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Speaker 3: dreamed of. I never wanted to become a mother. I

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Speaker 3: never wanted I never saw a motherhood for myself, and

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Speaker 3: obviously being in an abusive relationship, having a very complicated

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Speaker 3: relationship with my own mother, it really disrupted my ability

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Speaker 3: to see myself as someone wanting to embrace motherhood. So

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Speaker 3: my husband and I we've been together for twenty years,

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Speaker 3: but it took us eleven years before we thought of

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Speaker 3: having our first child. And so I always tell people

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Speaker 3: both of my children were planned. I know, that's not

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Speaker 3: like a typical thing to do in the Latin community, right,

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Speaker 3: you know, that's culturally we're just you know, thinking out

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Speaker 3: the box. But we planned our children and it just

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Speaker 3: it was you know, I also had an abortion, and

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Speaker 3: that played a part in me not wanting to have

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Speaker 3: a child. So when I finally came to the decision

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Speaker 3: of like, okay.

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Speaker 4: We're going to do this. Wow.

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Speaker 3: And when you start and the moment that you don't

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Speaker 3: become pregnant, you.

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Speaker 4: Know that first month where you run and you're you know,

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Speaker 4: you pee, you.

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Speaker 3: Automatically think I can't get pregnant because I had an abortion.

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Speaker 3: So number one, I'm never going to be a mom

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Speaker 3: because I had an abortion. That's that's the first thought.

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Speaker 3: And then you do become pregnant. And it was an

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Speaker 3: amazing pregnancy. You know, I felt great, I worked out,

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Speaker 3: I was very happy.

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Speaker 4: I looked fabulous, honey.

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Speaker 3: So that whole thing about that girl steal your beauty

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Speaker 3: my daughter made me even more beautiful. Okay, yeah, because

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Speaker 3: I hate when people were like, oh, girls, make it up.

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Speaker 3: Say I'm like, honey, I was a snack okay, go ahead, girl,

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Speaker 3: And I was made up all the time because my

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Speaker 3: mother was like, don't you there every looking like a

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Speaker 3: hot mess, and I just was like never, never.

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Speaker 4: And it was great.

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Speaker 3: But I ended up having an emergency CE section as

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Speaker 3: I came down with proclamsia, which no one In all

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Speaker 3: the weeks leading up to my pregnancy, my doctor never

390
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Speaker 3: spoke to me about proclamsiah and the severity and the

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Speaker 3: amount of women that die. And when you learn about this,

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Speaker 3: you just go like, why isn't anyone talking about this?

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Speaker 3: Why are ten thousand women dying every year? Like that

394
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Speaker 3: was the number back then, so I can imagine how

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Speaker 3: much it's gone up. How can ten thousand women like

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Speaker 3: die of this? And why isn't why isn't this the

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Speaker 3: first thing that a doctor talks to you about the

398
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Speaker 3: moment that you become pregnant. So once I found out

399
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Speaker 3: that I had that, I had to have an emergency

400
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Speaker 3: sea section and that was just devastating. That was devastating.

401
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Speaker 3: So I've had two s sections. I don't know what

402
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Speaker 3: vaginal birth is like. And I actually had a family

403
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Speaker 3: member who was a woman tell me, well, you didn't

404
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Speaker 3: really give birth.

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Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, and I want to I just wanted

406
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Speaker 6: to smash, like, you know, in my alligating what in

407
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Speaker 6: the world, Yeah, like, oh.

408
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Speaker 3: You didn't really give birth, Like you don't know what

409
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Speaker 3: that feels like. And I thought I would if I

410
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Speaker 3: could give birth compared to a C section, I would

411
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Speaker 3: and I know that women who have given birth, they're like, oh,

412
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Speaker 3: it's a level of pain, and I go, no, you

413
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Speaker 3: don't know pain until you've had seven layers of your

414
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 3: abdominum cut open, and then you you know, have to

415
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 3: figure out how to maneuver for the next couple of

416
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Speaker 3: weeks while you're healing from a massive operation. So this

417
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Speaker 3: whole thing of you know, paternity leave, maternity leave and

418
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Speaker 3: not the lack of support that mothers receive is just

419
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Speaker 3: it's sad. It's sad, it really truly is.

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Speaker 1: And you know, and and sometimes, as you mentioned, like,

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Speaker 1: it comes from within our own families, right, And that's

422
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Speaker 1: and that can be even more hurtful, right, And so Afri,

423
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Speaker 1: one of the things that often happens is moms experience

424
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Speaker 1: pregnancy blues. Right if I'm remembering the statistics correctly, like

425
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Speaker 1: eighty five percent of moms experience pregnancy.

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Speaker 4: Blues, right, right.

427
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Speaker 1: There's a difference between pregnancy blues and postpartum depression. And

428
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Speaker 1: so can you tell us for our listeners who don't

429
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Speaker 1: know what your experience was like with postpartum depression and

430
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Speaker 1: what you want women and all of their loved ones

431
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Speaker 1: to understand about postpartum depression.

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Speaker 3: Postpartum depression feels as if an alien takes over your

433
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 3: body and takes control of your brain and it like

434
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 3: disconnects everything, so you are completely disconnected, not only internally

435
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 3: but externally, meaning you look at your child now. Everyone

436
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: has different symptoms I'm just talking about like mine, and

437
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 3: most women where I've spoken to or read about, they

438
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 3: just did not connect with their child. So that first

439
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 3: moment into like, oh, you know, for me, I was

440
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 3: completely terrified. I was still in shock that I had

441
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 3: to have a C section and not knowing, like how

442
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 3: do you get through this? And after about a month,

443
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 3: month and a half, I knew I was not well.

444
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 3: So my postpartum lasted up until my daughter turned one.

445
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:26,880
Speaker 4: So for a.

446
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 3: Whole year, I don't even really remember being a mother.

447
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 3: I remember being severely depressed.

448
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 4: I would just be in the dark.

449
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 3: There were times that getting out of bed was the

450
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 3: hardest thing ever. And my husband only had one week off.

451
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 4: One week.

452
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 3: That's insane, one week, right, can't we talk about this

453
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 3: one week off? And it was just like, Wow, I

454
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 3: have this little human being who I'm supposed to take

455
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:00,959
Speaker 3: care of.

456
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 4: I can't.

457
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:06,239
Speaker 3: I can barely take care of myself and how am

458
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 3: I going to do this? And I think that so

459
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 3: many women experience postpartum depression and there's a level of

460
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 3: shame that comes with it because you see other women

461
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 3: and you compare your relationship, right, like we all we

462
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 3: do is compare ourselves, right, Oh my gosh, look at

463
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 3: her body is snap back in like two days that alone,

464
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 3: because you're looking at your body and once you have

465
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 3: that cut, you know your stomach is not the same,

466
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 3: nothing looks the same. And you just go through these moments,

467
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 3: but there is a chemical imbalance and it not only

468
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 3: affects you, it also affected my husband, which no one

469
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 3: talks about how it affects the spouse. And he couldn't

470
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 3: understand my grief. He couldn't understand why I was not

471
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 3: as excited as he was. So it was an ex

472
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 3: extremely dark year for me for the first time of

473
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 3: being a mother, which is like, you know, I sometimes be.

474
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 4: Like, Lord, that was not fair. So that was a

475
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 4: moment where I was knocked down.

476
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so challenging. And having just gone through like

477
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 2: giving birth almost like eight months ago, and I can

478
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 2: totally empathized with that, and I know Dom has her

479
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,919
Speaker 2: own experiences that she can empathize, you know, with you

480
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 2: around as well, And so just thinking about that, did

481
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 2: you back then? I don't think people talked about postpartum

482
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 2: depression as much as they're talking about it now. I

483
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 2: think mental health is now being talked about a lot more,

484
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 2: including postpartum depression. But back then, what did you do

485
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 2: for support? Like? How did you get through that time?

486
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:51,480
Speaker 3: So I have one of my soul sisters, because she's

487
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 3: not even my friend, she's just a soul sister. She's

488
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 3: a believer, she loves the Lord, and she would call

489
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 3: me to check up on me, and most of the

490
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 3: time all I would do was cry, and I would

491
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 3: just tell her how much pain I was in. And

492
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 3: all she would do was just say, girl, just get

493
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 3: up and go take a shower.

494
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 4: I will stay on the phone if you need me.

495
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 3: That level of commitment, that level of saying I am

496
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 3: here for you, really, she like she defined it in

497
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 3: a way that I've never experienced, where she would just sing,

498
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 3: she would just pray, she would just she would just say, girl,

499
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 3: just get up, comb your hair, and take a shower.

500
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 3: And my mind, I had to really say I'm getting up,

501
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 3: I'm going to take a shower and I'm going to

502
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 3: brush my teeth And that was the level of like

503
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 3: that was a successful day for me and just having her.

504
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: And then eventually I started I had to see a.

505
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 3: Therapist because it was becoming it was just becoming dangerous,

506
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 3: really was.

507
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 4: I mean my.

508
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 3: Husband would come home and all the lights would be off.

509
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 3: There were times that my daughter would cry and I

510
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 3: just I would be in another room because I didn't

511
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 3: want to hurt her.

512
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 4: And I felt like I really wanted to thank you.

513
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 2: For sharing that too it because like you said, there's

514
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: so much shame that you know, want you to feel

515
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 2: because of these feelings that they have. And I don't

516
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 2: know about you, but even today I didn't necessarily struggle

517
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 2: with from depression. However, my daughter cries like that baby crying.

518
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 2: It's anxiety inducing. Like I remember, you know, before I

519
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 2: had kids, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so patient,

520
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 2: Like of a baby cries, I'll be fine, like, oh

521
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 2: my god. But when you live with the child and

522
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 2: it's your child and it's like a constant thing, You're like, okay,

523
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 2: you're fed, I change your diaper.

524
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 4: What's going on?

525
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 2: It's like the scream at the top of their lungs.

526
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 2: It can be very stressful. So the fact that you're

527
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 2: just so open about your experience, I think that is

528
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 2: so liberating for other women who may experience the same thing, right,

529
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 2: and they're just like, well, I don't want to say

530
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 2: it because I feel ashamed, right wll I'm embarrassed.

531
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, you feel embarrassed, And especially if the women around

532
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 3: you are like kick ass moms, you know, you're.

533
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 4: Just like, I can't even take a bath, right, you

534
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 4: don't want to even share that.

535
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 3: But it wasn't until I sat with my therapist and

536
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 3: she simply asked me the most profound question, and it

537
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 3: was how are you feeling? Because most mothers don't get

538
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 3: asked that because once a mother gives birth, we're forgotten.

539
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 3: It's all about the baby, and it's sort of like,

540
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 3: why do we Why are we forgotten? Like I'm still

541
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: very much attached to this child. I don't have a

542
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: life right now. I don't remember the last time I

543
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 3: took a bath. I don't remember last time I ate

544
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 3: food without it being cold. And yet we're rarely asked

545
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 3: how are you feeling?

546
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 4: And not some how are you feeling? Girl?

547
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 3: And you're like I'm okay, no, it is like, what

548
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 3: feeling can you give me right now? And I just

549
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: was like, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, i feel bambozoled. I

550
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 3: feel like someone failed me and no one told me

551
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 3: the reality of what real motherhood looks like for me.

552
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 4: Now, you have other women who.

553
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 3: They can have babies out the wazoo, and you know, hey,

554
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 3: good for them, But a regular, just woman trying to

555
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 3: figure her life out, especially a single mom, I can't

556
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 3: even imagine, like a single mother's are superheroes to me.

557
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: So yeah, wow, yeah, I think you're absolutely right that

558
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 1: it's hard out here for moms, and oftentimes there are

559
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: a lot of things that are happening behind the scenes

560
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 1: to make everything run smoothly right that people do not acknowledge.

561
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: And I appreciate you opening up with us and sharing

562
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: what your experience was like and so, and we know

563
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: that you have two beautiful, beautiful girls, and so when

564
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: you came around, because you said you were working with

565
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 1: your therapist, and so when it came time for baby

566
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 1: number two, right, were there things that you did differently

567
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: or things that you thought were okay, well, I'm going

568
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: to do this to prevent what happened before, and then

569
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: things may not have gone the.

570
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 3: Way you plan. Yeah, I think my main goal well

571
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 3: number one. I waited four years later to have my

572
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 3: second daughter because as cute as people think it is,

573
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 3: to have the other child right after the other one,

574
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 3: that to me is the craziest thing unless you have

575
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 3: a housekeeper, you know, someone a chef for you.

576
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 4: A nanny.

577
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 3: So I just when I hear people be like, oh,

578
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 3: just get it out the way, I'm like, what do

579
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 3: you mean get it out the way? Like this is

580
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 3: a child. I can't get it out the way. This

581
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 3: is not a toy truck that I'm throwing the way

582
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,359
Speaker 3: into the group. And this is a little human being

583
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 3: who is going to depend on me on top of

584
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:15,720
Speaker 3: dealing with another one. So I knew that for sure,

585
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 3: and I just also knew that I had the tools

586
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:27,360
Speaker 3: now to express myself. I had the tools that I

587
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 3: needed to say, this is what is needed, if you need,

588
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 3: if you want me to have another child, this is

589
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 3: what I'm expecting from you as my husband. Which I

590
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 3: didn't really have those things because I'm a new mom,

591
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 3: and I just I just made sure, you know, they

592
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 3: kept reassuring me that the second C section would be different,

593
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 3: and it was a completely different experience. You know, when

594
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 3: I had my daughter, Lilah, I fell in love with

595
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 3: her at the moment I saw her. It was it

596
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 3: was all of the things that you'd hear of that

597
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 3: I got to experience. And now, you know, I look

598
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 3: at them and you know I'm tired, but I go, wow,

599
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:09,760
Speaker 3: I can't even imagine them not in my life now.

600
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 3: But I really just also think, because the greatest thing

601
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 3: I've decided to do is be completely transparent with my daughters.

602
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 3: I am not here to play Wonder Woman. As much

603
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 3: as I think she's fabulous and she's in a comic,

604
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 3: she has never had a C section. She doesn't know

605
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 3: what it's like to have sallyl like, she doesn't even

606
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 3: know what it's like to have real children. So why

607
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 3: am I going to idolize someone who is completely not real.

608
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 3: I want to idolize the women who are kicking, but

609
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 3: I want to idolize the women who have their babies

610
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 3: but they're still making their dreams come true. Those are

611
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 3: the women that I want to look up to and

612
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 3: I want to be around. I want to be around

613
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 3: other moms who are just not faking the funk.

614
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 4: I don't have time to fake the funk. I'm not

615
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 4: here to do that.

616
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 3: I'm not I'll never put up a social media post

617
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 3: that makes my life look amazing.

618
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:00,479
Speaker 4: That's just not what I do.

619
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 3: So transparency for me is the key to like being

620
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 3: the best mom that I can be.

621
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 2: That is so beautiful and I'm so happy for you

622
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: that you did get to have that experience that you

623
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 2: didn't really have it in the first time around. So,

624
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,360
Speaker 2: speaking of wonder woman and women that you look up to,

625
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 2: how is motherhood impacted your career? Because I know many moms.

626
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 2: We have to put stuff on the back burner and

627
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 2: it just changes things. So how's it impacted April's career?

628
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 3: Last week? I was about to quit acting. And that's

629
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 3: just real because it is mother f and hard the

630
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 3: hurdles that you have to go through to show up

631
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 3: on camera. Right, No one really understands the life of

632
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 3: an artist unless you are an artist. People assume that

633
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 3: you create art and everybody buys no or people assume

634
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 3: that you are on camera, so that means that you're

635
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 3: working all the time. When I tell people, when you

636
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:01,880
Speaker 3: don't see me on a show's working but I'm working

637
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 3: triple time because I'm still doing my best to make

638
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 3: my dreams come true and show my daughters that like

639
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,799
Speaker 3: making your dreams and your goals and living out your

640
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 3: purpose is so important. But it is I'm exhausted. So

641
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 3: like last night, I was putting myself on tape at

642
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 3: ten o'clock and I just sat there like, like, God,

643
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 3: you need to open up these doors. And I just

644
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 3: book a show and I'm a superstar because I can't

645
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 3: do this. I'm forty one, like I but I can't

646
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 3: lose myself. And I think that's that the trap that

647
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 3: most mothers fall into, where you know, they put their

648
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 3: dreams away, they stop dreaming, they stop setting goals, And

649
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 3: I go, why, where in the book of parenthood does

650
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 3: it say stop dreaming?

651
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 4: Where does in.

652
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 3: The book of life say that you can't eat a

653
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 3: meal first and babies me eat second? You know what

654
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 3: I'm saying, especially like culturally, God forbid you eat first.

655
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 4: And I'm like, look, this food is good. I'm taken.

656
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 4: I'm eating first.

657
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 3: And so the more I dream and make my dreams

658
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 3: come truth, and the more my children will model that behavior.

659
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 3: And it's happening now right My daughter. She's an actor.

660
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 3: So not only am I managing myself, I'm managing my daughter.

661
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 3: So that's a whole new world that I'm learning. But

662
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have it any other way.

663
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 2: That's such a good point. Yeah, I think that mom

664
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 2: guilt is what gets a lot of women too, and

665
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 2: doing what those that came before us did. Like I

666
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 2: watched a lot of women and put other people before themselves,

667
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 2: their husbands, their partners, their kids, and then they were depleted.

668
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 2: So I'm wish you I will eat that meal first.

669
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, well my cup is full, then

670
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 2: I'll be able to serve you know, everyone else.

671
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 3: So it's the same concept, right when for those of

672
00:38:56,239 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 3: you who do drink coffee, there is something that happens

673
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 3: when you smell coffee and when you put it in the.

674
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 4: Cup, drink the first it's so beautiful, there's nothing else.

675
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 4: The second third sip.

676
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 3: It's not the same as the first step, right, So

677
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 3: when you when you feel that and that cup of

678
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,800
Speaker 3: coffee fills your cup and the sense fills your soul,

679
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 3: then when you're filled, you can fill Yes, when you

680
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:28,839
Speaker 3: fill yourself.

681
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 4: You can fill everyone up.

682
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 3: But the majority of women are operating on empty. It

683
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 3: is that that gas sign that is constantly like it's

684
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 3: going and you put enough just to get through the week, right,

685
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:46,720
Speaker 3: I'll put thirty dollars more.

686
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 4: But just imagine if you if you really put.

687
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 3: That money into like you saying, you know what, We're

688
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 3: gonna do this as a family. We're gonna dream as

689
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 3: a family. We're going to complete goals as a family.

690
00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 3: And I tell women all the time, I go, don't

691
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 3: you make it about you and invite your entire family

692
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 3: so that way you're not the only one leading this shit.

693
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 4: And so that way, when you.

694
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 3: Win, they win, and when they win, you win, and

695
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 3: everybody feels like they're gaining something.

696
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 4: I love that.

697
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 1: And so my guess is that it is that way

698
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: of operating that has led to your daughter becoming.

699
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 4: A star of her own show.

700
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 1: So for our listeners who haven't made the connection yet,

701
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: tell us what is your daughter doing?

702
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 3: My daughter is a voice actor and a television film actor.

703
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:50,280
Speaker 3: She booked her first animation last year during the pandemic,

704
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 3: for a cartoon called Alma's Way, which is on PBS

705
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 3: and PBS Kids, and it's about a little girl who's

706
00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 3: Puerto Rican living in the Bronx, and it is amazing

707
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 3: to see her grow Her work ethic is something I've

708
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 3: never witnessed in a child. She absolutely loves what she does,

709
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 3: so it's not something that is forced. She actually helps

710
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 3: me with my auditions. She coaches me. She gives me

711
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 3: and her ability to just really internalize the direction and

712
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:22,799
Speaker 3: give it back to me.

713
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 4: There's been several times I have her read with me.

714
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 3: She tells me to go, she tells me if I sucked,

715
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 3: she tells me all these things. So once again, if

716
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: someone would have told me that this is what I

717
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 3: would be doing with.

718
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,800
Speaker 4: My daughter, I probably would have laughed.

719
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 3: But it's wild when as a parent you see your

720
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 3: child operate in their gift at an early age. But

721
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 3: it's only because she watches her mother constantly go after

722
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,879
Speaker 3: her dream, so she doesn't know anything else. To her,

723
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 3: there's always a goal, there's dreams, you know. Her dream

724
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 3: right now is to work with Lynn Manwell, that's one

725
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 3: of her biggest dreams. She wants to do a television

726
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 3: show with me. She wants to go to Paris. So

727
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 3: she dreams very big, and that's because that's what we

728
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 3: do as a family. We're constantly saying, what's the new

729
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 3: dream that we want to make come true? So it's

730
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 3: a blessing. She will surpass me, and it's fascinating. She

731
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 3: will be greater than me. And that's the purpose, right

732
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 3: for the student to surpress the teacher, because I'm not

733
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 3: only her mom, I'm mentoring her and I'm also coaching her.

734
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:37,280
Speaker 4: I'm her coach.

735
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 3: I separate myself, I separate from Okay, I'm mom and

736
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 3: saying I can step into this and coach you because

737
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:46,760
Speaker 3: coaches bring out the best.

738
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 4: And I'm hard on her. I'm very honest with her.

739
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 3: I don't break her spirit because you don't never get

740
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 3: anything good out of that. But I always tell her

741
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 3: that worked, this is how you can improve.

742
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 2: That is so beautiful. Imagine it. And it makes me

743
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 2: a little just teary eye thinking about what you get

744
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 2: to do with your daughter, like this is your passion

745
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 2: and your dream and you get to work with her

746
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 2: on hers and it's so similar. So that's so amazing.

747
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 2: If you've dropped so many gems, you've been so transparent.

748
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,759
Speaker 2: And at this point, we want to shift up the

749
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 2: energy of this conversation. Okay, okay, And because we recognize

750
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 2: appreciate and celebrate the multifaceted woman. And we believe that

751
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 2: it's okay to be bougie, classy and ratchet. Oh and

752
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 2: you can still be elegant right and dance to strip

753
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 2: plup music if you so choose. Yeah, So if we

754
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 2: want to invite you too the oh you blatchet segment?

755
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 2: So do you take on the challenge? Yes, yes, okay,

756
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 2: I love it. So now that we've got you and

757
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: you've agreed, now we're going to tell you what you

758
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 2: signed up for. Okay, okay, So we're going to ask

759
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 2: you three questions. We're going to share three sentence completions,

760
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 2: and then we're going to have you choose one of

761
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,560
Speaker 2: three photos that we have pulled up from social media

762
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,240
Speaker 2: of you so that you can give us more context

763
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 2: about the photos something that we don't know by looking

764
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:07,439
Speaker 2: at the photo here.

765
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, you ready, Okay.

766
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 2: Okay, Let's see what is the best piece of advice

767
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: you've ever received.

768
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 3: My mom, This is very raw, but she would always say,

769
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:21,879
Speaker 3: grab the bull by the balls.

770
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 4: I love it.

771
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 2: I love Yes, we like on the show, so this

772
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:27,800
Speaker 2: is perfect.

773
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 4: Yes, grab the bull by the balls. I love that mindset.

774
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 1: It is because just go forward, you go, go, go

775
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: all in, go big or go home.

776
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:40,439
Speaker 2: Yes.

777
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 4: And so the next question is turk or two steps.

778
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 4: I'm a two step. I'll do a two step. We

779
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 4: got you got I'm a good two step.

780
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, no judgment, no judgement. The next question for you,

781
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,959
Speaker 2: April is what's the sexiest item you own?

782
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 4: My red lipstick?

783
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 1: Ay? Okay, we see you a red lips? We see you?

784
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, okay.

785
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 1: And so now before we're gonna move to our sentence completion.

786
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 4: Okay.

787
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 1: One question or topic I wish people asked me about

788
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 1: more often is.

789
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:35,400
Speaker 4: How do you keep pushing forward?

790
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:41,360
Speaker 1: Well, April, how do you keep pushing forward?

791
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 3: You just think about, for me, all the gifts that

792
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 3: you have, right, and say, have I lived out as

793
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 3: much as I can? How can I multiply? How can

794
00:45:56,760 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 3: I live my wildest dream to the greatest possibility? Like

795
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 3: to me, that's that's how you just keep pushing forward.

796
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,760
Speaker 4: That there's always the other side of the coin.

797
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 3: And it's not that the grass is greener, but there's

798
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 3: always another chance, there's always another possibility.

799
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that so much. There's always hope, right,

800
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 2: That's that's super inspiring. And that takes us to our

801
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 2: last sentence completion before we dive into your photos. Yeah,

802
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,839
Speaker 2: and the last sentence completion is what I love most

803
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 2: about myself is.

804
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 3: My wittiness. Yeah, I would say my wittiness. I get

805
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 3: that from my mother.

806
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 2: We can tell by the piece of advice that she

807
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 2: gave you. Yes, go ahead, Mama tudes godes.

808
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 3: So you know, if we are like, you know, believe

809
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 3: in yourself, I'm like, no, My mama used to say, grab.

810
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 2: The bull by the ball. That's what Mama said. So

811
00:46:55,320 --> 00:47:00,319
Speaker 2: if we have three photos, okay, and they're all so good,

812
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 2: but you got to choose one to three and then

813
00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 2: we'll just show you the photo. But man, I just

814
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,320
Speaker 2: I wish we could guide into all of them honestly.

815
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,839
Speaker 4: Okay, Now am I describing them?

816
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,919
Speaker 2: Or So you just choose the number one through three

817
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 2: and then I'm gonna show you the photo and then

818
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 2: you describe it to us and tell us something about

819
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 2: the photo that we wouldn't know by looking at it.

820
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:20,800
Speaker 4: Okay.

821
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 2: Two, Yes, okay, this is a good one. This is

822
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,800
Speaker 2: a good and get ready, I'm going to share the screen, okay,

823
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 2: and you can describe it to the people that are

824
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 2: not oh yeah, that are not actually viewing the photo

825
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 2: on Patreon with us, but describe the photo and then

826
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 2: tell us something about this photo that we wouldn't know

827
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 2: by looking at it.

828
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

829
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 3: So this was, Oh Lord, have mercy, this pre babies.

830
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,320
Speaker 4: So this was the.

831
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:52,879
Speaker 3: Red carpet for Freedom Writers. And I remember being in

832
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:57,240
Speaker 3: the limo and my friend asked me, are you ready

833
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 3: for this?

834
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 4: Are you ready? And I said absolutely, And.

835
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 3: The moment I said that, the door opened and there

836
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:07,400
Speaker 3: was like the longest red carpet for Freedom Writers.

837
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,720
Speaker 4: But this dress was a.

838
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 3: Adulching gobana and I found it on the floor in

839
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 3: a fitting room at Sacks Fifth Avenue, and it was

840
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 3: I caught it on sale because it was like during Christmas.

841
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,800
Speaker 3: And my friend she actually found it and she said, girl,

842
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 3: if this fits you, this is the dress. And it

843
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,839
Speaker 3: fit and I still have bad dress to this day.

844
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 3: And actually Kim Kardashian wore that dress one time.

845
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

846
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 2: Get out. Oh that's a fun, juicy story right there.

847
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 4: You look long, girl, Yeah.

848
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 2: You're showing out. Y'all have to tune in on k

849
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,839
Speaker 2: trying to watch the interview and look at April just

850
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:50,280
Speaker 2: showing out over there. Okay, yeah, thank you so much.

851
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,320
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sharing your story, your inside,

852
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 2: your experiences, and also just for being so transparent and real,

853
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 2: because I think that when we do that, we do

854
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:01,279
Speaker 2: libate other people and allow them to be honest about

855
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 2: their stories, right and the not so exciting moments about

856
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 2: life or motherhood or whatever it might be. So we

857
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 2: appreciate you, we celebrate you, and we'd love to know

858
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 2: where can people find you online? How can they support

859
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 2: you with you're working on?

860
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 3: Let us know absolutely well, they can support me by

861
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 3: purchasing a book. I released, my memoir last year called

862
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 3: Embracing Me. They can get it on Amazon. They can

863
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:28,880
Speaker 3: also watch Alma's Way, which is on PBS, and if

864
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,320
Speaker 3: they want to follow me, they can catch me on

865
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 3: Instagram at April al Hernandez and on LinkedIn it is

866
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 3: April Hernandez.

867
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,280
Speaker 4: That's EGO.

868
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

869
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 1: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

870
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

871
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:55,240
Speaker 1: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

872
00:49:55,719 --> 00:50:01,280
Speaker 1: That's d R D O M I in I que

873
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 1: b r ou Ssard dot com to schedule a free

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Speaker 1: fifteen minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

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Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

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Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

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Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

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Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

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Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

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Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

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Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

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Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com and

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Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

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Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and

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Speaker 2: before we meet again, repeat after me. Greatness is my birthright,

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Speaker 2: so I no longer ask for permission,