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Speaker 1: All right, it's time for today's Strawberry Letter. If you're

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Speaker 1: in a situation and you need some advice, all you

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Speaker 1: have to do is go to Steve Harvey f M

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Speaker 1: dot com and submit your Strawberry letter, and Stephen I

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Speaker 1: might read your letter on the air. All right, let's go, Tommy,

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Speaker 1: buggle up and hold on tight. We got it for

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Speaker 1: all you here. It is Strawberry Letter. Alright. Subject, don't

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Speaker 1: hold my past against me. Dear Stephen Shirley. I have

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Speaker 1: a question, and I need your advice. When should I

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Speaker 1: tell a new love interest that I have been to prison.

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Speaker 1: I am not the average parole though. I am an

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Speaker 1: older woman that served a lengthy prison term as a

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Speaker 1: first offender for transporting drugs. Since my release from prison,

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Speaker 1: I have earned a degree and I have a great

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Speaker 1: career for many years, I own a home, and I'm

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Speaker 1: an upstanding member of my community. No one would ever

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Speaker 1: believe that I have had a considerable amount of my

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Speaker 1: life controlled by the Department of Corrections. So when is

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Speaker 1: it appropriate to disclose this information to a man. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to share it up front because I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be judged unfairly. I also don't want to

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Speaker 1: wait too long because I don't want to shot the man.

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Speaker 1: In my last relationship. My man did not hold it

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Speaker 1: against me. We broke it off for other reasons since him.

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Speaker 1: I met a man and we were talking about people

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Speaker 1: being in prison and he had he had strong views

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Speaker 1: against it, so I didn't pursue anything further with him

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Speaker 1: to avoid telling him about my past. I want desperately

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Speaker 1: to be in love, but I'm afraid to be open

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Speaker 1: and honest with guys I meet. It may not be

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Speaker 1: you know, it may not be that big of a deal,

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Speaker 1: and I'm worried for nothing. What are your thoughts? Well, um,

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Speaker 1: I think the timing is everything, and I think you

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Speaker 1: should be honest with him, And you're right, you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: wait too long. If he's a new love interest. I'm

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Speaker 1: assuming that you guys are dating and going out to

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Speaker 1: dinner and such things. So even though it's hard for

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Speaker 1: you to bring it up because you don't want to

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Speaker 1: be judged, you know you have to bring it up.

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Speaker 1: So one night at dinner as early as possible, you know,

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Speaker 1: if not the first date, the second date, go ahead

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Speaker 1: and tell him. You know, people have to like you

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Speaker 1: for who you are. You you. You did what you did,

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Speaker 1: You paid your debt to society. You spent many years

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Speaker 1: in in prison. You said, now that's over. You know,

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Speaker 1: everyone gets a second chance. I think you deserve a

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Speaker 1: second chance, and you've proved that with your second chance,

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Speaker 1: you've become a better person. You say, you're an upstanding

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Speaker 1: member uh in your community, you own your own home,

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Speaker 1: you've you've had a great career for many years. You

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Speaker 1: have a degree. So I mean you're you're clearly a

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Speaker 1: changed person. So if the person who you're with uh

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Speaker 1: liked you, and uh, you know, if you once you

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Speaker 1: tell them, excuse me, they like you for who you are,

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Speaker 1: They're not gonna hold that against you. I mean, there

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Speaker 1: have been many people out there that have done time

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Speaker 1: and have gone gone on to do upstanding things, and

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Speaker 1: I think you're one of those. So um, tell him,

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Speaker 1: Tell him as soon as possible. First, just if not

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Speaker 1: the first date, definitely the second date. Steve. First of all,

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Speaker 1: congratulations on picking yourself up and turning yourself around. Shall

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Speaker 1: I not say yourself, Let me say praise to God

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Speaker 1: for picking you up and turning you around. That God

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Speaker 1: is in the forgiving business. God is in the delivery business.

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Speaker 1: God is going to make your dream come true. Business.

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Speaker 1: You are a result of that. The fact that you're

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Speaker 1: an older woman and you sir lengthy prison term as

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Speaker 1: a first defender for transporting drugs. You've earned a degree,

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Speaker 1: you have had a great career for many years, you

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Speaker 1: own a home, and I am outstanding, upstanding member of

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Speaker 1: your community. No one would ever believe you did a

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Speaker 1: considerable out of time control by the Department of Corrections.

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Speaker 1: So when is it appropriate to disclose this information to

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Speaker 1: a man? I don't want to share it up front,

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Speaker 1: and you shouldn't. This is nothing you need to share

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Speaker 1: upfront now. Surely gives good advice. I happened to disagree

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Speaker 1: with sharing this with a man on the first and

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Speaker 1: second date. First and second date don't mean nothing. I

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Speaker 1: think you reveal this information to a man once you

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Speaker 1: all are about to be intimate. Then the relationship going somewhere.

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Speaker 1: Y'all just talking and dating? What is this? No, if

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Speaker 1: you feel like it's about to get intimate, then you

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Speaker 1: need to reveal this information, and I'll tell you why.

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Speaker 1: Because a man is now more vested in you, he's

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Speaker 1: developed feelings for you without, as you say, being judgmental.

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Speaker 1: Because remember the one guy she was liking and she

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Speaker 1: tried to share it up from you know, uh, he

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Speaker 1: set up and had really strong feelings about people that

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Speaker 1: have been to prison where his ass come from. He's out,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that has happened to

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Speaker 1: her so rightfully. So she's concerned about running off a

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Speaker 1: good man too early. So first and second date is

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Speaker 1: out of the question. I disagree. I think it's something

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Speaker 1: you keep. Let a person get to know you, get

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Speaker 1: to understand how you are and feel you without having

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Speaker 1: that information to taint who you really are, because it

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Speaker 1: can happen, cause people are human beings. I got Should

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Speaker 1: nobody judge everybody? Should faith take your faith value for

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Speaker 1: what you are. That ain't how people operate. Let's not

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Speaker 1: be naive. So simple. You wait until you're about to

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Speaker 1: become intimate, and then you drop it on it period. Now,

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Speaker 1: if anybody don't like that information, I'm sorry, but that's

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Speaker 1: when I would do it now, any question, Shirley, I've

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Speaker 1: been to the pin. You say that right now, when

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Speaker 1: you when it's about to become intimate. Now, I don't

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Speaker 1: have any questions. We we do disagree. I guess you

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Speaker 1: go ahead no, I guess we do disagree on that.

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Speaker 1: I think you should the earlier, the better, you know,

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Speaker 1: and and give the person other person the option of

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Speaker 1: whether they want to continue the relationship. People do have

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Speaker 1: strong opinions about, you know, people who have been to prison.

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Speaker 1: So I just say the earlier, the better, timing is everything,

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Speaker 1: of course, and you know, give them the option of

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Speaker 1: whether they want to hang in there or get out.

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Speaker 1: That's my opinion. Hanging out for what? Ye gotten a degree?

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Speaker 1: Got it? We'll finish this one, okay, Come on, let's

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Speaker 1: go with part two of your response to today's Strawberry

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Speaker 1: letter subject don't hold my past against me? See. And

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Speaker 1: the reason I think that, Well, this woman is questioning

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Speaker 1: she needs some advice because she's been to prison before

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Speaker 1: for a large part of her life, and she's wondering

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Speaker 1: when is the right time to inform a man that

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Speaker 1: she has been to prison because she's not to average

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Speaker 1: parolele she says, she's an older woman, sir. The lengthy

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Speaker 1: prison time as a first defended for transporting drugs, but

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Speaker 1: since her release from prison, she's earned a degree. She

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Speaker 1: has a great career for many years. She's a homeowner

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Speaker 1: and an upstanding member of her community. No one would

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Speaker 1: ever believe that I've had a considerable amount of my

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Speaker 1: life controlled by the Department of Correction. I think you

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Speaker 1: have a fabulous story to tell. I think that you

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Speaker 1: are a story of redemption, overcoming, forgiveness, and God's grace.

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Speaker 1: I think you have an incredible story to tell. I

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Speaker 1: think if you told that story, if you peel back

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Speaker 1: and remove the layer of secrecy as the story, this

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Speaker 1: is my story, this is what I'm from, and this

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Speaker 1: is what I've become, more people would resonate with you.

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Speaker 1: I really feel that way. Now, as far as dating

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Speaker 1: a man, if you don't want to take that route,

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Speaker 1: then I don't think you should tell him on the

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Speaker 1: first or second date. I think you should wait until

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Speaker 1: you're into about to become intimate, because you all know, Okay,

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Speaker 1: when I get what, I see his ass next time,

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Speaker 1: I bet it go down. Women know that what what

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Speaker 1: what if they're gonna have sex on the first day?

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Speaker 1: You know how we get to that? See what? What?

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Speaker 1: Why are we talking about? Hate him? Because she already

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Speaker 1: if you listened to the letter, it's not a woman

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Speaker 1: like that. Should she wait till they're both undressed? Miss

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Speaker 1: my dog team Jay all day long. Don't you add

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Speaker 1: to this makes sense? Though? One more time, Jake, because

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Speaker 1: I don't believe what you just said. I don't believe

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Speaker 1: you said what you just said. Should she wait till

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Speaker 1: they're both undressed? I know you like what you see,

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Speaker 1: but you don't mind this hard to fight nake it though?

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Speaker 1: You know that, man. So anyway, right, you hired your

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Speaker 1: story as a story of redemption and overcoming to write

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Speaker 1: a book about it, to mentor young girls to go

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Speaker 1: into prisons and tell your story. I think your life

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Speaker 1: has great value to I think your story, your past,

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Speaker 1: is your story. But you can stand up and make

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Speaker 1: the announcement. I've held this from you all for so

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Speaker 1: many years because I was a shame. But I'm no

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Speaker 1: longer ashamed. I'm actually proud. I'm actually filled with God's

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Speaker 1: grace now and I want to share story with you.

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Speaker 1: In nineteen I was convicted for drug trafficking. I got

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Speaker 1: caught up in a situation I was young. Boom. I've

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Speaker 1: been to jail for twenty years. I got out in

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Speaker 1: two thousand five. Now a lot of people are gonna

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Speaker 1: start clear people there we go, we're killing us, Okay,

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Speaker 1: so the ones that are left right, so we're gonna

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Speaker 1: see some walk out. But the people, those little ones

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Speaker 1: that are really with them, Okay, dog Christians anyway, but dog,

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Speaker 1: couldn't we tell them, like right after we do it?

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Speaker 1: Can you tell me? Then? Let's get through it? All

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Speaker 1: that ain't on my mind. I don't want jail on

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Speaker 1: my mind. Why we do? I know you enjoyed it,

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Speaker 1: but I guess something to tell you. That's how it's

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Speaker 1: gonna ga, it's going down now he's coming up. I

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Speaker 1: don't water taking the moment you got caught up, Junior.

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Speaker 1: I have one more, just one more. You yell out,

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Speaker 1: lights out. I'm sorry. That's a sign right there, that's

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Speaker 1: a big sign or something like could you all over

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Speaker 1: and get my pants from under the bed? You laying

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Speaker 1: on my pain. I agree that she has a great, great,

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Speaker 1: great story. We just we disagree on when she should

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Speaker 1: tell him. But I think I think story and just

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Speaker 1: take the take the whole veil of secrecy off of it, man,

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Speaker 1: and tell your story. See if you tell your story

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Speaker 1: that keep people from telling it? Yeah, you tell your

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Speaker 1: own truth. You reveal it. What they're gonna say exactly.

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Speaker 1: She used to sell truths. Well, yeah I did. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but he saved me. God gott to save you from something.

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Speaker 1: I think you have a great story of redemption. I say,

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Speaker 1: pulled back the curtain yourself and walk out on that

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Speaker 1: and who's gonna be, what you're gonna be, what You'll

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Speaker 1: find out who you cool people is right away. That's

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Speaker 1: all you gotta do is is pull the curtain back

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Speaker 1: on that play and let him sit there and watch

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Speaker 1: that for a minute. You'll find out who you could sing? Oh,

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Speaker 1: don't you knew? That's the sound working on the chain? Dan? Really?

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Speaker 1: Most people in her life they already know it though,

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Speaker 1: because she has to. I mean, you know, they gotta

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Speaker 1: do background checks, so she's yeah, she has a great

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Speaker 1: career for me there over here. Well you ain't so fast, baby,

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Speaker 1: Your head all the way in your boat the restaurant

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Speaker 1: and get up against the wall. Yeah, and walk along

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Speaker 1: the wall until you get by the kitchen. Don Why

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Speaker 1: did you put that in your pocket? What is that about?

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Speaker 1: Why are your soap skinny? Why is your favorite movie? Why?

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Speaker 1: I don't want to watch nothing? Hey? Why is you found?

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Speaker 1: And your button night? What is your putting tape? A

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Speaker 1: on the button night? Guys, it wouldn't take him long.

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Speaker 1: You know it, all right? Listen, we gotta get out

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Speaker 1: of here. Email us or instagram us your thoughts on

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry Letter at my Girl. Surely you're listening to

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Speaker 1: the Stave Harvey Morning Show