1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,680 Speaker 1: It does not have to be this fictitious idea that 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,520 Speaker 1: every day is going to be happy. There is nothing 3 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: wrong with saying today sucks and maybe the next day sucks. 4 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,960 Speaker 1: But at some point I can't change that. 5 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 2: New season of Hurdle, new vibes, what's going on. My 6 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 2: name is Emily Abadi and if you are just coming 7 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 2: into my little corner of the internet, thank you. I'm 8 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 2: a freelance health and fitness journalist, a public speaker, and 9 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 2: host and creator of Hurdle. Now to those of you 10 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 2: who have been along with the ride these past two 11 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 2: years of podcast saying, I appreciate you and as you know, 12 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:53,559 Speaker 2: things grow and develop over time, Hurdle included. So with 13 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 2: season two, I want to reinvigorate what. 14 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 3: It is that I'm doing with the show. 15 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 2: So Hurdle is a wellness focused podcast where I sit 16 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 2: down with inspiring individuals to talk about everything from their 17 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 2: big wins to how they've gotten through life's toughest moments. 18 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 2: On the show, you can expect vulnerability, motivation, and handid 19 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 2: discussions with everyone from top athletes to aspiring entrepreneurs on 20 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 2: what it takes to follow your passions. 21 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 3: My mission is simple to inspire you to be. 22 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 2: Your best self, move with intention, and have someplun along worddying. 23 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,320 Speaker 2: Before I get into today's episode with LaToya Chante Snell, 24 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 2: a quick shout out to my sponsor, Athletic Greens. Ag 25 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 2: is a greens powder with seventy five whole food sourced 26 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 2: ingredients and the antioxidant. 27 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 3: Equivalent of twelve servings of fruits and vegetables. 28 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 2: For me, shaking this thing up first thing in the 29 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 2: morning is my opportunity to get back on track, no 30 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 2: matter what else is going on in the craziness of life. 31 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 2: With prebiotics, probiotics, adaptagens, super foods, been able to stop 32 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 2: taking a handful of different supplements and enjoyed this one 33 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 2: with Sweet Sick. They're offering her listeners an awesome deal. 34 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,359 Speaker 2: It's twenty travelbacks a seventy nine dollars value absolutely free 35 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 2: with your first purchase. Just head on over to Athleticgreens 36 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: dot com slash hurdle again, that's Athletic Greens dot com 37 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 2: slash hurdle to get. 38 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 3: Yours today, No code necessary. 39 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 2: Now on today's episode, I am talking to LaToya Chante Snell. 40 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 2: She's a chef, a body positivity advocate, a runner and 41 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 2: a journalist. 42 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 4: She also calls herself. 43 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 3: A recovering self defatist. 44 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,679 Speaker 2: For episode ninety, she's telling me about how she left 45 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 2: behind her days as an alcoholic in favor of running, 46 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 2: and what it was like when she became a viral 47 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 2: sensation after speaking out against Heckler's at the twenty seventeen 48 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 2: New York City Marathon. 49 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,679 Speaker 3: She also gets super honest. 50 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 2: About running through the emotional pain of multiple miscarriages, and 51 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 2: how she handles the unwelcome criticism that sometimes comes with. 52 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 3: Being such a public person. 53 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 2: I'm telling you, if you want to kick in the 54 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 2: butt to get up, get out and do something for yourself, 55 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:12,399 Speaker 2: well Natoya's got that for you again new season. I'm 56 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 2: super excited for all of the goodness that I'm about 57 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 2: to bring to you over the next year, and I 58 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: want to hear from you, So feel free to connect 59 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 2: the podcast on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, at Hurdle Podcast. You 60 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 2: can find me at Emily a Body and as always, 61 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 2: hit me up over email Emily at Hurdle dot u 62 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:30,959 Speaker 2: s if you have. 63 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 3: A Hurdle moment of your own to share or you 64 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 3: just want to say hi. 65 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 2: Now, one last thing we are talking about some sensitive 66 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 2: topics in GNAT episodes. So if you or someone you 67 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 2: know is struggling with substance abuse or mental health issues, 68 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 2: definitely reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health 69 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,119 Speaker 2: Services Administration National Health Line. 70 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 3: You can do that at one eight hundred and six six' two. 71 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 3: Help and with, that let's get to. Hurdle. 72 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: Today i'm sitting down With LaToya Chante. Snell, hello how are? 73 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 4: You i'm doing? 74 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 3: Good how do you describe? Yourself you're a, Runner you're a. 75 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: Chef oh my, Gosh i'm like a, whole like onion 76 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: that's like the super layered could be completely, complex but 77 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: LIKE i just take it easy AND i just let 78 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: the layers just. Flow But i'm a food and fitness 79 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,280 Speaker 1: blogger Of Running Fat, Chef running fat chef dot. Com 80 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 1: it's been living Since august, seventeen twenty. Sixteen but before, 81 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: that my background kind of ranges in social work the food. 82 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 4: Industry. 83 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: CLEARLY i Was i'm a former sous chef And i'm 84 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: a freelance chef and NOW i find myself in the 85 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 1: fitness world And i'm just, like how DID i get? 86 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:52,799 Speaker 4: Here? 87 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 3: SO i love? 88 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 2: IT i love? It, Okay, well have you always been 89 00:04:58,520 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 2: interested in. 90 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: Helping, no you, know like as far as health and, 91 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: FITNESS i think that like a lot of, people we 92 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: have these stereotypes that we hold when we think of 93 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 1: a certain. Word and the closest of an interest THAT 94 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:17,359 Speaker 1: i had in fitness was. Boxing but that really resonated 95 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 1: with me BECAUSE i love the way that boxers, move 96 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,280 Speaker 1: although they kind of look a little, rigid the idea 97 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: that they're able to move in a certain, direction like 98 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: if you ever watch a boxer their legs and their feet, 99 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,839 Speaker 1: cross they're really, quick they have a lot of bursts in. 100 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,480 Speaker 1: Them but the power and their, shots the way did 101 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: they move their, arms the way that they're reading a. 102 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: Person that was the closest to sports THAT i, ever 103 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: like you, know ever. Had running was definitely at the 104 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 1: bottom of the list ANYTIME i thought of, runner aside 105 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,280 Speaker 1: from the physical, attributes WHEN i think of it, MENTALLY 106 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: i always thought of it as that's the pe punishment 107 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: for every other. Sport SO i was just, like why 108 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: WOULD i ever want to be a? Runner and somehow 109 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: that changed six years. 110 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 2: Ago six years, Ago so let's dial it back a 111 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 2: little bit further than. 112 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:08,920 Speaker 4: That, yeah where are you? 113 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: From i'm From, Brooklyn New, york different parts Of, Brooklyn New, 114 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: York East New, York bedsty And Crown heights is most 115 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: of my. UPBRINGING a short PORTION i actually stayed In, Bushwick, 116 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 1: brooklyn WHICH i think right now is kind of Called East. 117 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,279 Speaker 4: WILLIAMSBURG i don't. 118 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: Know Like New york has been going through like a 119 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: lot of changes for like the last ten, years but, 120 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: Yeah i'm born and. 121 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 4: Raised i'm an eighty five, kid and it is amazing 122 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 4: to see how it is changed and how fitness actually 123 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 4: incorporates into those changes With New. 124 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 3: York city and just saying what do you mean by? 125 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,919 Speaker 1: That WHEN i grew up in like growing up like 126 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 1: in the eighties and, nineties it just wasn't safe in 127 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 1: cer our neighborhoods actually run around like. That AND i 128 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,159 Speaker 1: think that's part of the reason WHY i just didn't 129 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: really have an interest, before like you, know like the 130 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: idea of running just to do it as a. Sport 131 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 1: most people looked at it in my, neighborhoods and THAT 132 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: i grew up in was the only time someone is 133 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: running is they're running away from, danger or maybe you 134 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: might be running for a, scholarship but that means that 135 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 1: you're in a track setting to actually hear about something 136 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: like endurance. 137 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 4: Running that was foreign to. 138 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: ME i didn't know that people enjoyed running thirteen miles 139 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: twenty six. Miles And i'm just, like the MORE i 140 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: learned about it AS i got, Older i'm just, like 141 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 1: these people are running for stale bagels and, like you, 142 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: know people are crowded in the. Street to, me it's 143 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: like the. Equivalent to, me it's like WATCHING. Nascar AND 144 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: i apologize to all off THE nascar fans out, there 145 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: BUT i was just, Like, okay, Great i'm watching people running. 146 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: CIRCLES i did not get the joy and the excitement 147 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: and the hype that people related to when it came to. 148 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,200 Speaker 1: Running and then there's other, layers like you, know like 149 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: associating running with the only people that win has to 150 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: look a certain, way it has to. Be THEN i 151 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: did not think that someone of my body type or 152 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: even of my like be An African, american would be 153 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: someone that would be celebrated in the public eye as an, 154 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: athlete at least not in the running. SPECTRUM i, thought 155 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: when you think Of African, americans maybe you, know maybe, 156 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 1: football maybe. Basketball you can even be a, cheerleader you 157 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: can be any of those, things but running was not 158 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: one of those. Things like the most THAT i saw 159 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,640 Speaker 1: was Like Jackie, Joum Jackie Joiner kersey and a couple 160 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: of other athletes like, that but you just did not 161 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:36,079 Speaker 1: hear about them doing distance running. 162 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 2: Totally so talk to me then a little bit about 163 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 2: when you first started to get into the sport of. 164 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,559 Speaker 1: Rune oh my, Gosh, like this is a crazy. Story 165 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,439 Speaker 1: SO i always tell this, story AND i Realized i'd 166 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 1: never tell it in this. Entirety so in twenty, eleven twenty, 167 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: twelve the week Before Hurricane, SANDY i was still thriving 168 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: in the culinary. Industry actually worked for restaurant associates and 169 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 1: at that time working For Cliffige Chance Law. FIRM i 170 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,839 Speaker 1: was pretty much like a LIKE i want to, say 171 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 1: like a prepp and serve cook and then basically we 172 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: set up with. Stations so now this one DAY i 173 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: went to, Work i'm in the middle of like telling 174 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: this dirty joke and my crew it was part of 175 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: the dirty joke WHEN i bent over and never came back, 176 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 1: up AND i. PANICKED i, Remember i'll never forget, it 177 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: and like so they're like cackling and cracking up because 178 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: they know. 179 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 4: Me i'm JUST i don't hold. 180 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 1: BACK i DON'T i don't censor myself and jokes and they're, 181 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: like you, know like what's going, on like you, know, 182 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 1: chef are you're? Okay And i'm, LIKE i was, LIKE 183 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: i got pain and they're, like where's the pain coming? 184 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 1: From And i'm, LIKE i can't tell. You and the Pain, 185 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: actually AFTER i got, diagnosed they told ME i have, 186 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 1: ssciatica this, degeneration a. 187 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 4: Hernie at a disk l five, s wanted to be 188 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 4: A zach. 189 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: And all of those. THINGS i thought that Maybe i'd 190 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,840 Speaker 1: be out of work for about two weeks at. Most 191 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: turned out to be the hardest year of my. LIFE 192 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:03,719 Speaker 1: i have not seen the dining setting ever, since so 193 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 1: to kind of fast forward through that in twenty. Thirteen 194 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 1: i'm a stickler for dates in. Advance may twenty, seven twenty, 195 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: THIRTEEN i remember looking in the mirror AND i couldn't laugh. 196 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 1: Anymore i'm one of those people WHO i love comedians 197 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: AND i used to like study and live by them 198 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: where they would tell the hardest of stories and they'll 199 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,199 Speaker 1: have such humor and grace with. It AND i realized 200 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,800 Speaker 1: THAT i couldn't laugh at myself. ANYMORE i used to 201 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: be that person that would make a joke about myself 202 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: before someone else would do, it because it would have 203 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: less of a hit or sting to it IF i 204 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: did it. First AND i looked in the mirror one 205 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,680 Speaker 1: day AND i was just, like, GREAT i can't turn my. 206 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,560 Speaker 1: Neck i'm well, over LIKE i THINK i stopped counting 207 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: after two hundred and sixty five, pounds AND i was just, 208 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 1: LIKE i need a lifestyle change because these doctors are 209 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 1: telling Me i'm not going to be able to go 210 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 1: back to my. INDUSTRY i had a doctor he's still 211 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 1: my doctor, actually and he looked at me and he's, like, 212 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: ma'am you're gonna die at this. Rate like you it's 213 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 1: not even about your, weight it's but the way that 214 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: you are living this. Lifestyle you're not getting proper, sleep 215 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: you're not eating. Well, yeah you, know your levels all 216 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: over the. Place like my health was just. Failing AND 217 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:26,079 Speaker 1: i remember just Thinking i'm okay with. That there is 218 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: nothing okay with the idea of like wanting to, die 219 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: not even like, okay you, know Like i've been given this. 220 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: Terminal uh you, know diagnosis is the idea of wanting 221 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: to die in my mid twenties and coming to a 222 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: piece with it Because i'm plus. Sized in the world 223 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:50,079 Speaker 1: don't really embrace plus size. PEOPLE i was willing to 224 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 1: leave behind my kid and my, husband AND i got 225 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: tired of, that just got tired of laughing through. It 226 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 1: So may twenty, eight IF i reached out to this 227 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 1: lady On. Instagram we're still. Friends she's an everyday, person 228 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 1: she's a, teacher jender, reamer AND i didn't know she 229 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 1: was doing beach body. Programs i'm, like, okay, No i'm not, interested. 230 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: Man but for some, reason this random stranger was the 231 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,200 Speaker 1: person that was the catalyst of me changing my. Life 232 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 1: and she's, like why don't you just start thinks, smaller. 233 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 4: Faster go a little bit. 234 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: Further with, THAT i started losing like LIKE i was losing, 235 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,840 Speaker 1: pounds like really really. 236 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 4: Quick About mom's down the. 237 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: Line In, october one of My MySpace BUDDIES i, know 238 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: dating it back and this is goes back to two 239 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:36,679 Speaker 1: thousand and three for our, friendship and he writes, Online 240 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,520 Speaker 1: i'm signing up for a half, marathon AND i was, 241 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 1: like if he signs, Up i'm signing, Up and sure, 242 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:42,839 Speaker 1: enough he signs. 243 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 4: Up for this. Marathon the kicker is he never showed 244 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 4: up to race. Day, no never showed up to race, 245 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 4: day BUT i. Did and what happened to? Him like 246 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 4: he just. 247 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: Didn't he just he's, like, NO i don't THINK i 248 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 1: want to do, It like he looked like and, Yeah 249 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,440 Speaker 1: AND i was, like are you? Serious but if it 250 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: wasn't for him making that, decision then MAYBE i wouldn't 251 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 1: have made that decision for a while or even at. 252 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 1: All so the thing IS i looked at it as 253 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: this is a one and. Done i'm gonna do this. 254 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 1: ONCE i am not interested in. RUNNING i know nothing about. 255 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: RUNNING i don't know the, form the, BREATHING i don't 256 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: understand the. Community i'm just gonna figure this. Out i'm 257 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,960 Speaker 1: going to see it. Through and the thing that kept 258 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,840 Speaker 1: me in it was this organization Called Black Girls. Run, 259 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 1: Now i'm pretty sure. 260 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 4: A lot of people may have heard about, it or 261 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 4: maybe they, haven't you, know depending on where you guys 262 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 4: are actually listening. 263 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 1: From Black Girls run basically is like throughout The United, 264 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: states and they're still. Growing and this group came up 265 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,319 Speaker 1: to me about five thirty six o'clock in the Morning 266 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: bedstide chapter And i'm just, Like i'm old School, Brooklyn 267 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: So i'm just, Like, okay now these girls are coming 268 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 1: up to, Me they're probably gonna rob. Me the reality 269 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: of it is that through, THEM i learned not only 270 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: how to, breathe how to, run how to up my, 271 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 1: SHRIDE i learned the true values of sisterhood through, them 272 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:09,679 Speaker 1: because aside outside of my actual blood, SISTER i didn't 273 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 1: really have a good relationship with women in. General it 274 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: was just like this level of women are, great but 275 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: they know how to hurt you more than anyone else out. 276 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 1: Here so there was times Where i'd female relationships And 277 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 1: i'd tell them secrets And i'd find my secrets everywhere 278 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: or a way that people would weaponize your own, words 279 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: AND i was just, like at that, POINT i was 280 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 1: just closed off to. HUGS i was closed off to 281 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: hanging out with. Women like most of my friends even 282 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: to this, day most of my friends are, men just 283 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: LIKE i have like this kind of like bro kind 284 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: of vibe to, mean the powerlifting doesn't help, Either but you, 285 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 1: know through, them that's the reason WHY i stayed in this. 286 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: Sport they managed to talk me into a race like 287 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: about two months before or my first half marathon and 288 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: that's when everything completely clicked in WHERE i was at 289 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 1: the last eight hundred meters and my friend And Gozie 290 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 1: odiita saw me and she's like screaming at. 291 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 4: Me she's, like go, go, go go. 292 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: Go and not only did she scream at, me she 293 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 1: actually ran with me the last eight hundred meters AND 294 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 1: i am like, boohoo AND i got like snot tears coming. 295 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 4: OUT i looked. 296 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 1: TERRIBLE i crossed the finish line and she's, like so 297 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: when you sign up for a, marathon And i'm, like excuse. 298 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: ME i was like, no, no, no, no no, No i'm 299 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: doing this half. Marathon and that's WHERE i. Stopped but 300 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: the thing, is sometimes all you need is an enabler 301 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: to whisper something in your, ear and it's like a 302 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: bug and now you just can't get rid of, it 303 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: and you don't know if you want to get rid of. 304 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 1: It and ever since, then, YEAH i signed up for a. 305 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:55,760 Speaker 1: MARATHON i signed up for two, marathons like actually that 306 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: first year was in twenty fifteen WHEN i took on 307 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: my first marathon marathon was that that was The rock 308 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 1: And ROLL Dc, marathon AND i think that's before it 309 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 1: became as big as it is, Now LIKE i took 310 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: it On. 311 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,120 Speaker 4: God it was sometime. 312 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: In march of twenty, fifteen and ORIGINALLY i was, Like 313 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 1: i'm going to make The New York City marathon my first. 314 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: One the crazy part about signing up FOR dc is 315 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,800 Speaker 1: THAT i literally trained at probably the worst period of my. 316 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,400 Speaker 1: LIFE i trained while being a functioning alcohol Like it 317 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: is very common in the industry that a lot of 318 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 1: people have their. Vices it's not something that everybody, does 319 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: but some people have their, vices and my vices was. 320 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,240 Speaker 1: ALCOHOL i was going through a lot of depression and 321 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: instead of going to therapy or counseling for, IT i 322 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: basically took it out on the. BOTTLE i would go 323 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: to work at like three, o'clock four o'clock in the, 324 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 1: Afternoon i'll be off work about twelve and. ONE i 325 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: spend my time at the. BAR i was tossed back 326 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 1: drinks AND i would go straight into training while completely, 327 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: drunk to the point WHERE i was going To Planet 328 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: fitness in the city and the staff was so used 329 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: to me they would wake me up before the shift 330 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,919 Speaker 1: was over and, say, hey, honey you need to go. 331 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: Home like my habit was to go on the, treadmill 332 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 1: do some. MOUTHS i would do a cross training work 333 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 1: out directly, afterwards maybe shrimp. Training at that, TIME i 334 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: wasn't heavy into shrimp training like. That and THEN i 335 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 1: would tell myself this same lie every, Night i'm just 336 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,160 Speaker 1: gonna sit here in this chair And i'm gonna let 337 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,199 Speaker 1: massage me for about ten. Minutes ten minutes would be 338 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 1: like an hour or. TWO i would get on a train. 339 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: Afterwards SOMETIMES i miss my, stop And i'd get home 340 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: just early enough so my son can actually say goodbye 341 00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 1: to me in the. Mornings the most of my depression 342 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: came from the idea that my new work hours and 343 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 1: the training was taking, over and that my husband AND 344 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: i were just like a really bad. 345 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 4: Space that it was a downward. 346 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: Spiral was, Like, OKAY i can't see my, FAMILY i 347 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 1: can't see my you, KNOW i can't see my. SON 348 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,439 Speaker 1: i can't bring them to the school. Anymore ALL i 349 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: do is work and. Train let me hit the, bottle 350 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,719 Speaker 1: and it was just rince, wash. Repete i've had friends 351 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,320 Speaker 1: that literally started picking up THAT i was becoming an. 352 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 1: Alcoholic THAT i had friends picked me up from work 353 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 1: who was, like, hey you, know we just wanted to 354 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,040 Speaker 1: stop buy a, job and really they were just checking 355 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,080 Speaker 1: on me because they knew if they said it outright 356 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: to tell me THAT i was an, alcoholic that was 357 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,919 Speaker 1: an easy way to get cursed. 358 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 4: Out it took for. ME i was bouncing that with 359 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 4: an eating. 360 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:37,640 Speaker 1: Disorder so it was just so many variables that were 361 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,119 Speaker 1: wrong at that time that maybe that wouldn't have been 362 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 1: the ideal time they actually trained for a. MARATHON i 363 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,640 Speaker 1: let someone talk me into thinking THAT i was too 364 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: heavy to possibly be a. 365 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,880 Speaker 4: Runner NOW i am very. 366 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,320 Speaker 1: Happy i'm two hundred and fifty pounds right now at 367 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: this present. Time at the, TIME i was one hundred 368 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 1: and sixty five pounds and five foot three and a 369 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: half BECAUSE i have to add that in, there five 370 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,880 Speaker 1: foot three and a, half one hundred and sixty five. 371 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 1: Pounds AND i had a quote unquote friend that said to, me, 372 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,439 Speaker 1: well you're running all these, races why are you still? 373 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: Fat you know you're doing endurance. Running you think that 374 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 1: you're going to be a marathona with a respectable time 375 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,399 Speaker 1: if you're that. Fat and he talks me into a 376 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 1: twelve hundred calorie diet while marathon. Training and for anyone 377 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 1: who is not aware of how dangerous that is people 378 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 1: who are trying to diet and lose. Weight that is 379 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: at minimum the amount of colork intake that a woman 380 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,359 Speaker 1: should actually take in to do. That with marathon training 381 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,200 Speaker 1: essentially means that you're not eating anything at. All your 382 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: body is going to metabolize and break down things whatever 383 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: way of whatever speed that it goes for, you and 384 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 1: you are losing weight as you are working, out because 385 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 1: as much as we love these, things it is still burning. 386 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 1: Calories so WHILE i wasn't, like you, know doing the 387 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: visual the visual, things the visual things that people think 388 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: of and eating, DISORDERS i just didn't see anything on 389 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 1: advertisements where you saw plus sized people or even people 390 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,360 Speaker 1: who were just like at the time one sixty five and, say, 391 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: ah that's what an eating disorder looks. Like it took 392 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 1: for me to be in the middle Of West, fourth 393 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: got into the middle of traffic in the dead of, 394 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,199 Speaker 1: Winter i'm sweating bullets for no apparent, reason lost my, 395 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: hearing my vision completely collapsed in front of my, staff 396 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: and that that was enough to scare me away from. 397 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:32,359 Speaker 1: Everything that's how The New York City marathon became a 398 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: better or in a realistic outlook of what an athlete 399 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: should look like and WHAT i should have been feeling 400 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 1: versus the pain and smelling my own like alcohol come 401 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: out my system during a. MARATHON i never want to 402 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: relive that ever. Again so what do you remember then 403 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:54,120 Speaker 1: from your first? Marathon oh, man my first marathon was 404 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: it was crap, city you know like. THAT i remember 405 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,199 Speaker 1: that morning because that marathon was In, WASHINGTON. Dc that, 406 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 1: MORNING i had my husband and my son out, there 407 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: and you, know because the weather was a little, OFF 408 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,120 Speaker 1: i just told them, like, hey don't worry about meeting 409 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 1: me at sir mile. MARKERS i just really want you 410 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,879 Speaker 1: to be there at the. End WHEN i did not 411 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 1: realize whereas two. Things, ONE i actually signed up for 412 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: a half marathon to take place here In New York 413 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 1: city the very next. Day so, yeah imagine doing your 414 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: first marathon and you jump on a bus to go, 415 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: home get less than twelve hours of sleep just to 416 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:33,040 Speaker 1: do a half, marathon just because of pride and financially. 417 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: Deficit there's just, like, HEY i did not pay one 418 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 1: hundred dollars for a, race and you're telling Me i'm 419 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: not going to show. Up at that, point my goal 420 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: WAS i got to do it for the, medals you, 421 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 1: know not so much now now it's just more LIKE 422 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 1: i do it for the, joy you. Know but that's 423 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:51,880 Speaker 1: how the reasons why people run evolves over, time and 424 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: that's just humans in, general where we're not going to 425 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,880 Speaker 1: think the same as five years ago as ten years. 426 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,199 Speaker 1: Ago but WHEN i think about that first, marathon the 427 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 1: first couple of miles felt great UNTIL i realized their 428 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 1: cutoff was five and a half. Hours even with being 429 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:13,639 Speaker 1: at a faster speed at that, POINT i still was 430 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,399 Speaker 1: not at a five and a half hour finishing. Pace 431 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,200 Speaker 1: so that was my first introduction to being at the 432 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,119 Speaker 1: true heart of being in the back of the. 433 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 4: PACK i cried a, Lot like. 434 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,439 Speaker 1: In the first two years of, RUNNING i cried almost 435 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,479 Speaker 1: every time between miles eight to. ELEVEN i used running 436 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,800 Speaker 1: as a way to grieve about my. Dad My dad's 437 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: been gone since two thousand and, nine so it was 438 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 1: just LIKE i kept hearing his voice just to keep 439 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 1: telling me to go, on AND i just kept pushing, 440 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 1: through you, Know like my longest training rue was like twenty. 441 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,199 Speaker 1: Miles BUT i kept seeing WHAT i didn't know at the, 442 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 1: time kept seeing this vehicle behind, me And i'm just 443 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 1: Like holy, crap is that what it looks like when 444 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 1: you're about to get pulled off the. Course so NOW 445 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 1: i have this anxiety Of i'm not going to be 446 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: able to finish my first. MARATHON i have to go 447 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,919 Speaker 1: back To New york and be a. Failure what's gonna? 448 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,600 Speaker 1: Happen AND i got a lot of warnings on the course, like, 449 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:07,840 Speaker 1: hey you, know you're gonna have to pick up the 450 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,680 Speaker 1: speed otherwise we're gonna have to pull you or we're 451 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: gonna have to cut your course. Short AND i just to, 452 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: ME i was just, Like i'm not gonna be a 453 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 1: real runner IF i don't cross this finish line and 454 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 1: they can't pick me up and put me ahead of. 455 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,119 Speaker 1: Schedule otherwise that means that MEANS i haven't earned this. 456 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 1: Medal you, know my mind again has changed and matured, 457 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:31,479 Speaker 1: since you, know twenty. Fifteen WHEN i think about that, 458 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: RACE i was mentally hitting a wall BEFORE i even. 459 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,680 Speaker 1: STARTED i remember hitting that wall At malt, three hitting 460 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: that wall at mal, ten hitting that wall At males. 461 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 1: SEVENTEEN i felt it so bad At male twenty WHERE 462 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: i literally boohooed and cried and this lady was trying 463 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: to talk to me AND i just was not receptive 464 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 1: And i'm, like, ma'am just please just leave me. Alone 465 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 1: AND i started getting the influx of messages around this 466 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,560 Speaker 1: time where people like From, facebook like my messages was 467 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 1: just going off like this is Before instagram stories was a, 468 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 1: thing and people were just, Like i'm so proud of. 469 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 4: You you're doing. Great you, know you make me want 470 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 4: to do a. 471 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: Marathon and that something then was the catalyst that actually clicked, 472 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 1: like oh, WOW i can actually weave in social media 473 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,440 Speaker 1: to be able to tell stories and tell a narrative 474 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 1: and tell an honest truth of some of the things 475 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 1: that go on in people's. Heads so WHEN i think 476 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 1: about that, RACE i think THAT i was supposed to 477 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 1: go through, it but IF i was the ability to 478 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: be able to do it all over, AGAIN i would 479 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: have definitely done it in a healthier. Manner AND i 480 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 1: think that's the reason Why i'm so huge about advocating 481 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:44,080 Speaker 1: about body, politics about advocating loving yourself at every, size every, 482 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: shape whatever your mental state, is that it does not 483 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 1: have to be this fictitious idea that every day is 484 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 1: going to be. 485 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 4: Happy there is. 486 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 1: Nothing wrong with saying today sucks and maybe the next day, 487 00:24:55,600 --> 00:25:00,360 Speaker 1: sucks but at some POINT i can change. That, really 488 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:01,680 Speaker 1: the MEMORIES i have from. 489 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 2: It when do you go from being a woman that 490 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:09,359 Speaker 2: is struggling with alcoholism and an eating disorder to being 491 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 2: someone who feels a little bit? 492 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 3: Happier you? 493 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,400 Speaker 1: Know the one Thing i've learned through both of those 494 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 1: things is that you are still able to struggle for 495 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: the rest of your life with. 496 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 2: It you. 497 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 1: Know people like to think, like, oh, okay like you, know 498 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,399 Speaker 1: six months from, NOW i am doing, spectacular AND i 499 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 1: it's behind. Me there are days THAT i look in 500 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: the mirror And i'm just, LIKE i don't like my, 501 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,639 Speaker 1: STOMACH i don't like my, reflection AND i don't like my, 502 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,400 Speaker 1: mind especially now being in a public eye where you 503 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,479 Speaker 1: have the world of social, media where TEN i can 504 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: even say ten years ago it was not disprogressive where 505 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: people have that much access to. You so now being out, 506 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:55,320 Speaker 1: there especially this year, alone in twenty nineteen, Alone i've 507 00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:59,920 Speaker 1: watched my following go from nine to ten thousand people 508 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 1: to now at forty k On instagram AND i have 509 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 1: twelve thousand. Followers like On, FACEBOOK i have people who 510 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,520 Speaker 1: follow My Running Fat chef, blog people who write me 511 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:13,639 Speaker 1: in emails and you cannot be deluded in thinking that 512 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 1: every message is going to be. Positive WHEN i went 513 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: viral in twenty seventeen for talking about The New York 514 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: City marathon and HOW i was heckled on the chorus 515 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,720 Speaker 1: between males twenty one and twenty, two when that article 516 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: basically started like kickstarted my, Career, essentially that entire, WEEK i, 517 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: drunk and THAT'S i don't openly talk about as, much 518 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 1: but it is something THAT i think that MAYBE i 519 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 1: should be talking about THAT i woke up to a 520 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 1: beer every morning BECAUSE i was just, like this is not. 521 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,680 Speaker 1: NORMAL i can't go back to my day job because 522 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:51,800 Speaker 1: people recognize me in the. 523 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 4: Street it was. Overwhelming some people enjoy, that they. 524 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: Enjoy the idea of being, noticed and people want to 525 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 1: take pictures of. You it was LIKE i was a freak. 526 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,719 Speaker 1: SHOW i remember someone taking a picture of me on 527 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,679 Speaker 1: the train while it was nodding off and she literally 528 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 1: pulled out her phone to do a selfie AND i 529 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,480 Speaker 1: reacted in fear and she's, Like, MAAM i just recognized 530 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 1: you from the, article And i'm, like, sweetheart couldn't you 531 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: just like tap me to wake me? Up and, like you, 532 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: know like a normal person you, know and now that's my. 533 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 4: Life like, THERE i can. 534 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: Travel WHEN i traveled To, LONDON i met, SOMEONE i 535 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: met a group of people actually in the, middle Like 536 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 1: i'm talking about Suburban. LONDON i met people who followed my. 537 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,440 Speaker 1: Blog i've traveled To berlin to do The Berlin marathon 538 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 1: and people knew me by. Name WHEN i was In, 539 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: tokyo there was a lady that complete like we had 540 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,720 Speaker 1: a complete language, barrier and this lady recognized me and 541 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,960 Speaker 1: she pointed to me and the only thing she said 542 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: to me was Black Girl. Magic BECAUSE i used it 543 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 1: as a hashtag and it was. Beautiful but it is 544 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: also for the wrong personality. Type it can be overwhelming 545 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:02,200 Speaker 1: and scary because NOW i have to not only on social. 546 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,159 Speaker 1: Media you always think LIKE i can curate. THIS i 547 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 1: can't curate my everyday. Life there's elements that that's beyond my. 548 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,960 Speaker 1: Control i've had people take pictures of me posted up 549 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 1: On facebook Or instagram And i'm just, like when did 550 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: this person see? Me and they're, like, OH i didn't 551 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,919 Speaker 1: want to interrupt. You you was with your, son And 552 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 1: i'm just, LIKE, whoa my life is not going to 553 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 1: be the. Same and as a recovering self, defeatist at 554 00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 1: least that's WHAT i call. MYSELF i was one of those. 555 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,919 Speaker 1: PEOPLE i would get so close to success THAT i 556 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: was terrified of what it would feel like to get 557 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,920 Speaker 1: that high and have someone snatch it from. 558 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 2: You probably a little nervous at that time as well 559 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:43,600 Speaker 2: that this could trigger you to get back more heavily into. 560 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 3: Drinking right the. 561 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:49,920 Speaker 1: DRINKING i knew that with positive, things the negative things 562 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 1: come with it as, well you, know because as many 563 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: POSITIVE i want to say ninety percent of the emails 564 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 1: and the MESSAGES i was getting were super, positive but 565 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,160 Speaker 1: some of the things that you read it took me 566 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: back into my social work days where it was just 567 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: like you read people's problems and it becomes emotionally, draining 568 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,240 Speaker 1: and if you don't know how to detach yourself from, 569 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,600 Speaker 1: it those problems become your. Problems SO i was so 570 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 1: worried that this is gonna trigger me back into, drinking 571 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 1: this is gonna trigger me back into an eating. Disorder 572 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,960 Speaker 1: i'm gonna have someone that writes me AND i still. 573 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 4: Get that to this. DAY i woke up to hate. 574 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,200 Speaker 1: MAIL i had someone that told me to stop eating 575 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,960 Speaker 1: burgers and stop being a fat. Bitch you, Know that's 576 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 1: WHAT i wake up. To you just don't know when 577 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: it's going to come. In there's No, hey why don't 578 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 1: you take a social media? Break why don't you hire? 579 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: Someone people if they want to get in contact with, 580 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 1: you they will by any, means especially with the age of, 581 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: Technology we'll get in contact with you and say the 582 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 1: most vicious and vile things to you because they don't 583 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 1: have to look at you in your. 584 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:46,760 Speaker 4: Face they can do. 585 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 1: It behind the power of a keyboard and two hundred 586 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: words or. Less they can chop down everything of who 587 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 1: you are and shrip. You and those were the things 588 00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 1: that scared. Me in twenty. SEVENTEEN i was just, Like 589 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:05,880 Speaker 1: i'm not prepared for. This i'm, no there's no coach 590 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,360 Speaker 1: in the world that's going to tell me this is 591 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 1: the way that you need to smile or present. Yourself 592 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 1: DO i censor? Myself after? This AM i a real? 593 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: ATHLETE i had people telling me, like you don't deserve 594 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 1: to be a sponsored. Athlete you're promoting obesity if you 595 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 1: are two hundred and fifty pounds in. Running but we 596 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 1: don't say that to football. Players we don't say that 597 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 1: to heavyweight, athletes you, know Like i'm like, boxers like 598 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 1: the ones THAT i. Admire but when we think about 599 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: the stereotype for a, runner you think, graceful, slender you, know, polished, 600 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,240 Speaker 1: Poised AND i was just, Like i'm not any of those. 601 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,320 Speaker 1: Things i'm just like When i'm out, THERE i am, 602 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: STRUGGLING i am. CURSING i you, KNOW i am sweating. 603 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,200 Speaker 4: Profusely there are times Where i'm asking myself At, malijue 604 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,400 Speaker 4: why DID i sign up for this? AGAIN i KNOW 605 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,000 Speaker 4: i enjoy. 606 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,200 Speaker 1: IT i KNOW i enjoyed the, community but this kind of, 607 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,240 Speaker 1: sucks you, know it makes you question if you're a. 608 00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 4: Fraud you. 609 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 1: Know so WHEN i think about all those, things all those, 610 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: variables at any given, MOMENT i always remind myself you 611 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:12,719 Speaker 1: are capable of a. Relapse so every day is a 612 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 1: fight to make sure THAT i am not indulging too 613 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: much Because i'm having a super happy moment and somebody 614 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,400 Speaker 1: else wants to pressure me into having one more. DRINK 615 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: i am reminding myself that IF i get a nasty 616 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: message from someone tripping me down to my size or 617 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: my race or you, know my sexual, preference THAT i 618 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:33,680 Speaker 1: am still. 619 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 4: Worthy every single day it's a. 620 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:41,960 Speaker 1: Fight there's not enough, money, fame or even a presence 621 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 1: to make you an exception to the role of not 622 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,239 Speaker 1: falling down that rabbit. Hole and it's something THAT i 623 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: try to emphasize with my audience a. 624 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 2: Lot AND i can't even imagine like going through all 625 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 2: of these eyes on you at this, time in particular 626 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 2: because not only is the running a marathon just such 627 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 2: an emotional and especially afterward a draining, experience but also 628 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,320 Speaker 2: earlier that, summer you experienced something that was, truly truly 629 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:14,160 Speaker 2: difficult for. You. 630 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,640 Speaker 1: Right the crazy part is right before going, VIRAL i 631 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:22,959 Speaker 1: went through. GOSH i stopped counting after four. Miscarriages this 632 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,600 Speaker 1: particular one hit me really hard BECAUSE i didn't KNOW 633 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: i was carrying. Twins so as quick AS i found 634 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,080 Speaker 1: out about the pregnancy was as quickly AS i was 635 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 1: going through a. MISCARRIAGE i get inside Of Methodist hospital 636 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: and they only let me come, up which was the strangest. 637 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,200 Speaker 1: Thing they wouldn't let my husband come. Up when they 638 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:47,440 Speaker 1: were doing this. SONOGRAM i heard the heartbeat one hundred 639 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 1: and thirty four beats per, minute and the lady says, 640 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: congratulations and she cuts herself off in the middle of, 641 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: it and it was like a familiar feeling BECAUSE i 642 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,240 Speaker 1: used to work for The department Of. CORRECTIONS i work 643 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 1: in the medical, department AND i know that look when something's. 644 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 4: Wrong so she walks. 645 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:10,200 Speaker 1: Out two more people entered the, room And i'm, like, Okay, 646 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 1: mike is everything all right with my? Baby and she's, 647 00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: like you, know just give me a. Minute AND i 648 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: started seeing the team grow into seven. People i'm, Like, 649 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:22,560 Speaker 1: okay what the hell is going on? Here and she 650 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,960 Speaker 1: walks out AND i spoke to her doctor and he's, 651 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: like have you ever heard of anything called a vanishing? 652 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,360 Speaker 1: Twin And i'm, like excuse. 653 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 4: Me so for. 654 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: Anyone who's not aware of what a vanishing twin, is 655 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 1: it means that you are carrying twins or you was carrying. 656 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: Twins so, really the BABY i was hearing was BABY 657 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 1: a with one hundred and thirty four beats per, minute 658 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,719 Speaker 1: and IF i looked off to the, side you can 659 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 1: see BABY, b but BABY b was. 660 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:59,600 Speaker 4: Dissolving i've gone through. 661 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 1: Miscarriage, before AND i will not normalize and to, say, oh, 662 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:08,799 Speaker 1: well you, know you know these things. HAPPEN i never 663 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: had twins and had to process that Where i'm happy 664 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: that one was, thriving and a BABY i didn't know 665 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 1: that existed now is not and they're, gone And i'm 666 00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: like what DO i? Do and he's, like, well you, 667 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,600 Speaker 1: know the baby is going to dissolve and just there's 668 00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,279 Speaker 1: no nutrients And i'm, sorry AND i was, like, damn, 669 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 1: well how many weeks WAS i you, know like it 670 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,319 Speaker 1: was further along more THAN i THOUGHT i. Was and he's, 671 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,320 Speaker 1: like you're gonna be. Fine Baby be's gonna be you, 672 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,800 Speaker 1: Know Baby a's gonna be. Fine Baby bee is, dissolving 673 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,640 Speaker 1: but you, know just you, know keep moving, forward take it. 674 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,399 Speaker 1: EASY i want you to do a follow up with your. 675 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 1: Doctor to follow. 676 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:46,040 Speaker 4: Up never. 677 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:50,759 Speaker 1: Happened the next, DAY i miscarried with BABY a AND 678 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,560 Speaker 1: i woke up and part of my, expression the first 679 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,120 Speaker 1: THING i said was fuck this, shit. 680 00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 4: LIKE i can't. 681 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 1: WIN i can't win at. LIFE i got people on the. 682 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,840 Speaker 1: Internet at this, POINT i had a little bit of, 683 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,880 Speaker 1: buzz but not as much as it is. Now it 684 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,960 Speaker 1: was just LIKE i have people that write my blog 685 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,120 Speaker 1: that tell Me i'm a fat bitch every. Day it 686 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,440 Speaker 1: was my it was my breaking, point like why the 687 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,880 Speaker 1: hell AM i doing? This you, know like why AM 688 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:21,840 Speaker 1: i letting strangers into my life AND i, snapped so. 689 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:22,239 Speaker 4: They gave me. 690 00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: Medication they gave me pretty much like that was the 691 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,640 Speaker 1: first TIME i ever took medication for my. DEPRESSION i 692 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 1: had a bad reaction to, it and somewhere along the, 693 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,920 Speaker 1: LINE i ended up writing this blog on air AND 694 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,200 Speaker 1: i left it up to this. DAY i ended up 695 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:44,800 Speaker 1: writing this blog telling everybody about my. Miscarriage by the 696 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,080 Speaker 1: time they took me off to, medication cause, like my my, family, 697 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,240 Speaker 1: friend my, family and my friends were writing me frantically 698 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 1: And it's, like pull this damn blog, down And i'm, 699 00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,960 Speaker 1: Like i'm not pulling down, Nothing Like i'm just typing 700 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,600 Speaker 1: away uncensored in a way where it's just not no, 701 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:05,040 Speaker 1: humor know. Nothing i'm just roar emotion OF i hurt 702 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,799 Speaker 1: AND i can't laugh at this. ONE i don't want 703 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,000 Speaker 1: to do this. ANYMORE i don't want to be this 704 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: open with. PEOPLE i just want to get rid of. 705 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 1: Everything AND i just couldn't see it through it that. 706 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:19,239 Speaker 1: MOMENT i was, like you know, What i'm not doing 707 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,640 Speaker 1: A New York city. Marathon i'm not doing the SIXTY, 708 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,319 Speaker 1: K i'm not going To Chicago. MARATHON i let a 709 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,200 Speaker 1: small group of my friends and including my, husband actually 710 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,680 Speaker 1: talk me into doing these last couple of. Races so, 711 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 1: really WHEN i wrote that, ARTICLE i did not expect 712 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 1: on being a professional. ATHLETE i did not expect for 713 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:44,440 Speaker 1: people to actually care BECAUSE i was just so mentally shut. 714 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,960 Speaker 1: Down at that. POINT i was just, like this is 715 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 1: my last. Hurrah this is me SAYING i signed up 716 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: for these. THINGS i committed to. It it's been, fun so, 717 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,799 Speaker 1: long good, luck and onto my next. Chapter and if 718 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:01,960 Speaker 1: it wasn't for all these random shit strangers sharing their 719 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:07,120 Speaker 1: stories FROM i was heckled as a plus sized. BALLERINA 720 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,640 Speaker 1: i did a ninety day challenge at the gym AND i, 721 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:14,200 Speaker 1: won and they told me THAT i was. Cheating people 722 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:16,840 Speaker 1: told me THAT i was stupid for being an. ATHLETE 723 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,959 Speaker 1: i run a sixteen minute. Miles people think That i'm 724 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:24,080 Speaker 1: not qualified to call myself an. Athlete i've had kids write. 725 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,920 Speaker 1: Me i've had people who write me who had eating, 726 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 1: disorders people who wrote me because they were scared to 727 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:34,000 Speaker 1: come out at their family. Reunion and it's just when 728 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,720 Speaker 1: you read all, that, yes it's a lot of, pressure 729 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 1: BUT i was just, like if these people felt liberated 730 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:44,000 Speaker 1: to contact the random stranger on The internet and share 731 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,920 Speaker 1: a part of their life with. Me how the hell 732 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:50,239 Speaker 1: COULD i walk away from? This because this message is 733 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,960 Speaker 1: not just about a fat girl that got heckled between 734 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 1: males twenty one and twenty. TWO i am a metaphor 735 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,520 Speaker 1: for so many people out there who felt like their 736 00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,279 Speaker 1: voice was not powerful, enough but they didn't deserve to 737 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,759 Speaker 1: take up. Space and that's what. 738 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 4: Kept me in. This it was the, messages it was the. 739 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,399 Speaker 1: Voices it's the people that pretty much did, that who 740 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,840 Speaker 1: didn't know that they were actually keeping me. Going AND 741 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:18,200 Speaker 1: i was really scared of being called an inspiration because 742 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,759 Speaker 1: to be inspirational that means you have to do inspiring. 743 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,080 Speaker 1: Things And i'm just, like, now is this a new 744 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 1: pedestal that people are going to put me? On and 745 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 1: then my, husband you, know a couple other, people was just, 746 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,200 Speaker 1: like if you're not seeing the images and created be, 747 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: that you. Know so that's really the MESSAGE i try 748 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,239 Speaker 1: to get across to a lot of my followers is 749 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,799 Speaker 1: that sometimes these things aren't narrated or curated in the 750 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:45,520 Speaker 1: media and mainstream, Media but what's stopping you from being 751 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:46,400 Speaker 1: that superhero for? 752 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 4: Yourself not so. 753 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 1: MUCH i need to see these things and it's really 754 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,880 Speaker 1: great to be able to see those, visuals but sometimes 755 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:55,800 Speaker 1: we have to look at our own reflection and, say 756 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:56,719 Speaker 1: where's my damn? 757 00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:00,000 Speaker 2: Cape what would you say right? Now are the biggest 758 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:00,880 Speaker 2: goals on your? 759 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 1: RADAR i think my biggest goals is really to help 760 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:08,319 Speaker 1: others narrate their own stories and the most raw and, 761 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:10,240 Speaker 1: authentic unapologetic. 762 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,600 Speaker 2: WAY i love that you didn't just jump straight to, like, 763 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 2: Well i'm planning to run this race and now it's. 764 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,239 Speaker 4: Funny don't get me. 765 00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,680 Speaker 1: WRONG i do have, mine like my race, goals but 766 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,920 Speaker 1: a lot of what motivates me to move these days 767 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 1: is giving other people permission to move in their daily, 768 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,560 Speaker 1: lives not just through, running not to just, athletics to 769 00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 1: their daily. Lives like if it's anything THAT i get 770 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,080 Speaker 1: with all of the messages that come, through Like i'm 771 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,439 Speaker 1: definitely not going back into social, work BUT i do social, 772 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:41,239 Speaker 1: Work like things where people were, like oh my, god 773 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:44,200 Speaker 1: that workout that you did on Your instagram account was. 774 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,799 Speaker 1: Amazing you, KNOW i WISH i was that, strong And i'm, like, 775 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,920 Speaker 1: baby you are that. Strong you're strong in your, way you, 776 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 1: know but these things that you're seeing on, here like 777 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: it's these things That i'm curating and narrating in the 778 00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,759 Speaker 1: way THAT i want to show. Them they came with 779 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,360 Speaker 1: a lot of. Iccups they came with a lot of. 780 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,560 Speaker 1: Mistakes it came with a lot of. Failures there are 781 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,880 Speaker 1: things that most people that you admire on Your instagram 782 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,400 Speaker 1: or Your facebook or your social media account that you 783 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 1: are not. Seeing you're not seeing all the, things the, 784 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: grit the hard, work the times when they've broke a 785 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 1: vase against the wall because they felt like they're, Failing 786 00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,640 Speaker 1: the moms that you put in there to. Sacrifice we 787 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,640 Speaker 1: see all the glitz and glamour where we do not 788 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:25,480 Speaker 1: see the. Failures And i'm just, LIKE i want to 789 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,120 Speaker 1: give people permission to, fail AND i want them to fail. 790 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: SPECTACULARLY i want them to fail in a way that 791 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,799 Speaker 1: it makes them proud of those damn. Failures because if 792 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,920 Speaker 1: you don't fail, enough it is very hard to, succeed 793 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,600 Speaker 1: or if you constantly, succeeding you don't know what failure feels. 794 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,279 Speaker 4: Like you don't have anything to work. Towards so my. 795 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,480 Speaker 1: Number one goal really for the future is to be 796 00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,040 Speaker 1: able to help people narrate their own, stories not for 797 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,120 Speaker 1: me to so much tell. THEM i have no problem 798 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,400 Speaker 1: with telling these, stories BUT i want to see people 799 00:40:55,440 --> 00:41:00,440 Speaker 1: blossom in a way where they can see they're in 800 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,239 Speaker 1: a shrimp and if it means THAT i come on 801 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,160 Speaker 1: a couple of journeys with these. People like a lot 802 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,600 Speaker 1: of the things THAT i want to do for the 803 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 1: future is be able to raise funds for certain charities 804 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,480 Speaker 1: that hit home for. Me type one diabetes is definitely 805 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,480 Speaker 1: one of. Them in twenty, SEVENTEEN i was diagnosed with, 806 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 1: inometriosis which is a really painful. Condition I'm stage, three 807 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 1: which basically means THAT i can still have, kids but 808 00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,080 Speaker 1: it's going to be, very very complicated for me to 809 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,400 Speaker 1: have AND i am in constant pain all the. Time 810 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,279 Speaker 1: even at this very, MOMENT i can still feel those 811 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,920 Speaker 1: cramps and those. Pains it's basically like a, back like 812 00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,360 Speaker 1: a cloggage in your fallopian. Tubes and because of the 813 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,360 Speaker 1: sciatica and the distant, generation some of that pain sits 814 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,720 Speaker 1: on my, back so as soon as one thing flares, 815 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,640 Speaker 1: up another thing kicks. In SO i want to be 816 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,879 Speaker 1: able to tell those invisible, diagnoses those people know those 817 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:58,239 Speaker 1: invisible diagnoses that they can still press. Forward it may 818 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,680 Speaker 1: not look like everyone, else's it's not supposed to look 819 00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:05,440 Speaker 1: like everyone, else's but it is your version of. Strong so, 820 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,239 Speaker 1: YES i do have, Races Like i've done forty six 821 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:12,120 Speaker 1: races this. Year i've done thirteen or fourteen. MARATHONS i 822 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:17,120 Speaker 1: attempted my first hundred MALLOR I i've done half marathons 823 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,840 Speaker 1: for twenty. Twenty my goal is to be a. TRIATHLETE 824 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,840 Speaker 1: i refuse to box. Myself you, know this YEAR i 825 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,919 Speaker 1: managed to do my first powerlifting competition AND i won 826 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,799 Speaker 1: with only seven weeks of, training and people are just, like, 827 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:32,799 Speaker 1: wow you're really great at. 828 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,040 Speaker 4: That why are you? 829 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,560 Speaker 1: Running and it's. Not i'm not running to make first, 830 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,760 Speaker 1: Place like that's. Great LIKE i love my fellow, Athletes 831 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,480 Speaker 1: Like i'm a hoka on a sponsored, athlete AND i 832 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:45,160 Speaker 1: am sitting in a room with these guys at any 833 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:46,880 Speaker 1: given day And i'm just, like, wow look at that 834 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,879 Speaker 1: person who made first, Place look at that person who 835 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:52,880 Speaker 1: hit a world. Record that's amazing for. Them for, ME 836 00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:56,200 Speaker 1: i just want to honor the Body i'm. MEN i 837 00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:59,200 Speaker 1: love the idea that every day THAT i wake, up 838 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,920 Speaker 1: that is in the, accomplishment regardless of how shitty it 839 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,239 Speaker 1: may be to how spectacular it may, be regardless of 840 00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 1: WHO i might be speaking with or WHO i might 841 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,360 Speaker 1: be in the presence, WITH i am worthy to be 842 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:10,040 Speaker 1: in that room. 843 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,200 Speaker 4: Too so my goals. 844 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,840 Speaker 1: With twenty twenty is, like, yeah you know the artificial. Stuff, 845 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,000 Speaker 1: YES i WANT i want to run some more. RACES 846 00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,520 Speaker 1: i want to take on more trail trail running versus road. 847 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,920 Speaker 1: Running i'm definitely Gonna i'm already signed up for a 848 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:28,160 Speaker 1: couple of marathons, already but the things that resonate with, 849 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:29,840 Speaker 1: ME i want to be able to do more public. 850 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:35,040 Speaker 2: Speaking when you said thirteen, marathons, yeah halves and, fALS. 851 00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:36,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah it was thirteen. 852 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:41,879 Speaker 1: Marathons probably about it's eleven or twelve Halfs this, YEAR 853 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,080 Speaker 1: i attempted one hundred miles at The hoveling one. Hundred 854 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,000 Speaker 1: it's a party in the, desert and it has a 855 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:52,000 Speaker 1: thirty hour, cutoff AND i was just so disappointed and. 856 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:56,560 Speaker 1: Devastating that's really WHAT i mean by failing publicly is 857 00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:00,080 Speaker 1: hard because there are people who are rooting you on 858 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,319 Speaker 1: and they're devastated with, you and then there's people who 859 00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,880 Speaker 1: are just LIKE i knew she couldn't do, that you, 860 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,440 Speaker 1: Know SO i had to make a personal peace with 861 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: myself BEFORE i even told the line that showing up 862 00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,120 Speaker 1: is an, accomplishment that this is not just about. Me 863 00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,239 Speaker 1: WHEN i show, up it gives other people permission to 864 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:18,600 Speaker 1: show up and, say oh, WOW i can do. That 865 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,719 Speaker 1: two hundred fifty thousand, Fabulists oh, WOW i can do 866 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,560 Speaker 1: that as an athlete with, disabilities but nobody ever sees. 867 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:28,880 Speaker 1: It you know that representation actually. Matters SO i told 868 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:32,520 Speaker 1: myself this, YEAR i wanted to see myself through on 869 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,640 Speaker 1: forty six, races whether people believe me or, not whether 870 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 1: they do, IT i was going to. 871 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:37,000 Speaker 4: Show up or. 872 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,759 Speaker 1: Not i'm, like even IF i have to encounter D, 873 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:41,200 Speaker 1: nabs which is basically did not. 874 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,360 Speaker 4: FINISH i found THAT i was much more. 875 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:47,279 Speaker 1: Powerful to be able to fail, publicly because these things 876 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,359 Speaker 1: happen when when you find that you are following your 877 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,680 Speaker 1: favorite athlete or you're following your favorite, celebrity but you're 878 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:54,360 Speaker 1: looking at the Will smiths of the. World these people 879 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,279 Speaker 1: have failed countless times before they became who they. Are 880 00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,440 Speaker 1: so if that means That LaToya sh Take snell can 881 00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,319 Speaker 1: fail publicly and find out WHO I am going to 882 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,800 Speaker 1: be in the next, year five, years ten, years twenty, 883 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 1: years whatever, way they may, be Then i'm okay with 884 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,560 Speaker 1: that because that means THAT i Give clarence to The 885 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,840 Speaker 1: henriettas of the, world The marshals of the, world the you, 886 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,319 Speaker 1: know the Other LaToya that's walking around here in the 887 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,680 Speaker 1: world who don't think that that could beat them. 888 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,040 Speaker 2: Totally AND i, mean you describe yourself as a two 889 00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:32,919 Speaker 2: turn fifty pound recovering self defeatist in. Motion that's what 890 00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:36,160 Speaker 2: people see when they come to Your. Instagram when you 891 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:38,360 Speaker 2: look in the, mirror what is it that you see 892 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:39,160 Speaker 2: staring back at. 893 00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:44,800 Speaker 1: YOU i see. SHRIMP i see. RECOVERY i see, beauty 894 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:49,719 Speaker 1: not just outer. BEAUTY i see inner beauty THAT i 895 00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:54,959 Speaker 1: was never able to, embrace not even five years. AGO 896 00:45:56,600 --> 00:46:01,719 Speaker 1: i see a damn. WARRIOR i see someone who has 897 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:06,480 Speaker 1: an infinite line that flows around them because nobody's going 898 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,120 Speaker 1: to define WHO i. Am the only person that's going 899 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,680 Speaker 1: to define that is. Me and it took a long 900 00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,160 Speaker 1: time to get to this good space WHERE i can 901 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,200 Speaker 1: say that that even When i'm, struggling even WHEN i 902 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,239 Speaker 1: don't feel LIKE i am worthy or good, enough OR 903 00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:22,120 Speaker 1: i feel Like i'm going through a moment of imposter, 904 00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: SYNDROME i can still smack myself in the, face look 905 00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,560 Speaker 1: back at that reflection and, say damn, it, girl you belong. 906 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,600 Speaker 1: HERE i am so damn proud of WHERE i am 907 00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:32,640 Speaker 1: and Where i'm, going AND i know that the hurdles 908 00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:36,520 Speaker 1: are going to be, there but that's. Okay i'm going 909 00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,040 Speaker 1: to be prepared for that. Too and it's going to 910 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,680 Speaker 1: be things That i'm just completely gonna be sidelined, on 911 00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,000 Speaker 1: and that's. FINE i will find a way to dust myself, 912 00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,080 Speaker 1: off get back, up and keep. 913 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:52,319 Speaker 2: Moving you have an opportunity right now to offer The 914 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:57,120 Speaker 2: LaToya that is going through so many of these hurdle, 915 00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,960 Speaker 2: moments so to, speak whether it's the misc carriage or 916 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:07,640 Speaker 2: it's admittedly toughing it through that first. Marathon you have 917 00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:10,520 Speaker 2: an opportunity right now to offer her one piece of. 918 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,560 Speaker 3: Advice looking back on, it what is it that you tell? 919 00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:15,560 Speaker 4: Her you are? 920 00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:23,160 Speaker 1: Enough you are beautiful and strong even when your world 921 00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,240 Speaker 1: feels like it is ending and crashing and crumbling beneath. 922 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:33,600 Speaker 1: You you are not a descriptor that someone randomly gives 923 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,920 Speaker 1: you in a. Shriet you are, Strong you are. Dynamics 924 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:41,120 Speaker 1: you are the. Shit and if you need to be 925 00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,840 Speaker 1: reminded of that every time that you need that reminder 926 00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,520 Speaker 1: looking at damn marror and tell yourself that you made. 927 00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:49,120 Speaker 3: IT i love. It thank you so much for sitting 928 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:49,640 Speaker 3: down with. 929 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,799 Speaker 2: Me you please take a minute and leave a quick 930 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:54,840 Speaker 2: review of the podcast by clicking the link with a 931 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:58,400 Speaker 2: description to this. Episode we all face multiple hurdles in. 932 00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 2: LIFE i want to hear about. Yours reach out to 933 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,960 Speaker 2: me At emily at hurdle dot, us connect with the 934 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,239 Speaker 2: podcast On instagram And twitter At Hurdle, Podcasts LaToya where 935 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,080 Speaker 2: they find? You how do they keep up with? You 936 00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,080 Speaker 2: give me the? Deeds oh, yeah now you. 937 00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,360 Speaker 1: Guys, now if you actually want to listen to my, 938 00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:17,840 Speaker 1: podcast it is The Long run With martinez And, LaToya 939 00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,480 Speaker 1: you can fund that undernef the three hundred pounds in 940 00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:24,480 Speaker 1: running podcasts three hundred pounds in running dot com slash. 941 00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:26,400 Speaker 4: Podcasts but if you just want. 942 00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:27,960 Speaker 1: To find, me and you find all of my crazy 943 00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:30,640 Speaker 1: shenanigans and all of my, lawyers you can find me on, 944 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:35,840 Speaker 1: www Dot, instagram dot, com. SLASH i AM L chantey 945 00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:39,080 Speaker 1: DO I A M l s H A U n 946 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,759 Speaker 1: T A Y i AM L Chante and if you 947 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,719 Speaker 1: want all of my foolishness and, fuckery you can definitely 948 00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:49,080 Speaker 1: find me on www dot runningfatchef dot. 949 00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:50,279 Speaker 4: Com that's. 950 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:55,279 Speaker 2: IT i am At. Emilyabodi another hurdle. Conquered catch you 951 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:55,759 Speaker 2: guys next. 952 00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:56,040 Speaker 4: Time