WEBVTT - Second Cup: Find your first question

0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:09.520
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:16.880
<v Speaker 1>This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:21.240
<v Speaker 1>tip is to find a go to question that helps

0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:24.800
<v Speaker 1>you connect meaningfully with people you know well and those

0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:29.520
<v Speaker 1>you have just met. We all want to connect, but

0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:34.239
<v Speaker 1>sometimes our usual chit chat doesn't do it, and a default,

0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:41.040
<v Speaker 1>thoughtful first question can help. So. I was recently introduced

0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:45.479
<v Speaker 1>to the new podcast Your Mama's Kitchen with host Michelle Norris.

0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:51.000
<v Speaker 1>On each episode of Your Mama's Kitchen, Norris interviews a

0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.640
<v Speaker 1>person about the role of food and family in their

0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:58.920
<v Speaker 1>early life and its lasting impact on who they are today.

0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:02.320
<v Speaker 1>Norris begins each podcast simply by saying to her guest,

0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:08.039
<v Speaker 1>tell me about your mama's kitchen. That's a question that's

0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:11.200
<v Speaker 1>bound to bring up something one way or another, and

0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:15.440
<v Speaker 1>so the material gets good fast. In a similar vein

0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:20.880
<v Speaker 1>on the podcast On Being, host Krista Tippett starts each

0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:23.600
<v Speaker 1>interview by inviting her guests to tell her about what

0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:27.200
<v Speaker 1>she calls the spiritual or religious background of their childhood.

0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.959
<v Speaker 1>Both questions elicit early memories about a particular aspect of life.

0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:35.399
<v Speaker 1>You get to know the person quickly, as they talk

0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:39.200
<v Speaker 1>about these foundational and specific to them, but also close

0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:43.560
<v Speaker 1>to universal experiences. Of course, you don't have to be

0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:47.520
<v Speaker 1>a professional interviewer to ask questions that lead to deep conversation.

0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:52.040
<v Speaker 1>Though it might not always be appropriate to ask random

0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:55.960
<v Speaker 1>people about their childhood spirituality. You do have to use

0:01:55.960 --> 0:02:00.560
<v Speaker 1>your judgment, but even so, a little thought, little trial

0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:04.279
<v Speaker 1>and error can help you generate a great first question

0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:07.880
<v Speaker 1>if you are interested in the role of work and

0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:12.000
<v Speaker 1>purpose in people's lives. When people refer to their jobs

0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:15.840
<v Speaker 1>or volunteer commitments, you might ask what drew you to

0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:19.920
<v Speaker 1>your work, or you could ask what was your first job?

0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:22.840
<v Speaker 1>Or even what did you learn at your first job

0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:26.960
<v Speaker 1>that is still helpful now? Whatever the context, it can

0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:30.359
<v Speaker 1>be fun to ask people what surprised them about an

0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:34.359
<v Speaker 1>experience they have just mentioned. This works for pretty much

0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:39.400
<v Speaker 1>anything new in their lives new job, new home, new baby,

0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:45.040
<v Speaker 1>new puppy, newly empty nesting, new bifocals. You can also

0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:48.280
<v Speaker 1>ask what was surprising about a conference or a class

0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:52.320
<v Speaker 1>reunion they attended recently, a city they just visited, a

0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:56.880
<v Speaker 1>restaurant they tried, or many other experiences. It's a good

0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:00.840
<v Speaker 1>first question to follow onto any scrap of information that

0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.480
<v Speaker 1>you have been handed. I know of a person who

0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:09.359
<v Speaker 1>routinely asks people what's been bringing them joy lately. Hopefully

0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:15.040
<v Speaker 1>a happy conversation will ensue after that. If you love traveling,

0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:19.120
<v Speaker 1>when you encounter other people who love traveling, you can

0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.560
<v Speaker 1>ask them if they have been on any great trips lately.

0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:26.240
<v Speaker 1>The same is true for reading read any good books lately.

0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:31.160
<v Speaker 1>On the other podcast, I host Best of Both Worlds.

0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:34.639
<v Speaker 1>My co host Sarah Hart Hunger and I often ask

0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:38.000
<v Speaker 1>our guests to describe a typical day in their lives.

0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:41.520
<v Speaker 1>We have found that our listeners love to know the

0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:45.760
<v Speaker 1>details and logistics about the lives of successful people, and

0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:50.240
<v Speaker 1>asking about a typical day offers a great window into

0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:55.440
<v Speaker 1>what a person's daily life actually looks like. So if

0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:59.120
<v Speaker 1>you want to deepen your interactions this year, finding a

0:03:59.200 --> 0:04:02.800
<v Speaker 1>few go to two big questions that invite the people

0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.480
<v Speaker 1>around you to share who they are and the stories

0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:09.480
<v Speaker 1>of their lives can be smart. I will note that

0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:12.520
<v Speaker 1>for people you see again and again, you obviously don't

0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:15.480
<v Speaker 1>want to ask the same question every time you talk.

0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:19.680
<v Speaker 1>As someone who has been a repeat guest on some podcasts,

0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:24.560
<v Speaker 1>I know firsthand that you do sometimes need to rotate,

0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:28.080
<v Speaker 1>but if you have a few questions ready to go,

0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:33.840
<v Speaker 1>you have tools for reliably nudging conversations along. You won't

0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.159
<v Speaker 1>spend your life talking about the weather or how busy

0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:41.039
<v Speaker 1>everyone is, and that is a good in its own right.

0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.760
<v Speaker 1>Do you have a favorite first question? You can let

0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:50.960
<v Speaker 1>me know about it at Laura at Laura Vanderkam dot com.

0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:56.680
<v Speaker 1>In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and

0:04:56.760 --> 0:05:06.719
<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for

0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:11.560
<v Speaker 1>listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:21.200
<v Speaker 1>you can reach me at Laura at Laura Vandercam dot com.

0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts

0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:30.000
<v Speaker 1>from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:31.880
<v Speaker 1>wherever you listen to your favorite shows.