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Speaker 1: Hey, ba fam, let's be real for a second, and

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Speaker 1: y'all know I keep it a book. The job market

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Speaker 1: has been brutal, now not brutal trash, especially for women

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Speaker 1: of color. Over three hundred thousand of us have disappeared

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Speaker 1: from the workforce this year alone, and not by choice,

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Speaker 1: but because of layoffs, disappearing DEI programs, and stagnant wages

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Speaker 1: that keep cutting us out of opportunity. Our unemployment rate

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Speaker 1: has jumped to over seven percent, while our pay gap

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Speaker 1: continues to widen. I know all of that sounds dire,

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Speaker 1: but here's what I want y'all to know. You do

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Speaker 1: not have to wait for the system to save you.

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Speaker 1: That's exactly why I created the Mandy money Makers Group

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Speaker 1: coaching community. It is a coaching community that is built

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Speaker 1: for us by us. Inside the community, we're not just

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Speaker 1: talking about how to negotiate or to how to get

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Speaker 1: the job that you want. It's about finding purpose in

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Speaker 1: your career. It's about finding communities and others, feeling seen,

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Speaker 1: feeling heard, and also having a sounding board and a

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Speaker 1: mirror to reflect your own magic, your own sparkle right

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Speaker 1: back to yourself. In this community, you'll get group coaching

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Speaker 1: led by me, but you also get peer to peer

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Speaker 1: accountability with proven tools and resources that can help you

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Speaker 1: do what we have always done sin rise even when

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Speaker 1: the odds are stacked against us, despite all the challenges,

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Speaker 1: we will rise. If you're interested in joining the Mandy

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Speaker 1: money Makers community and having that support to bolster you

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Speaker 1: and help you tap back into your magic so that

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Speaker 1: you can lead your career with intention and heart and

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Speaker 1: your own intuition, trusting that again, please join us. You

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Speaker 1: can find information in the show notes of today's episodes

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Speaker 1: or go to mandymoney dot com slash community. That's Mandy

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Speaker 1: m A n d I money dot com slash community.

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Speaker 1: I would love to see y'all there. Enrollment is open,

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Speaker 1: so please go check out mandymoney dot com slash community today. Hey,

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Speaker 1: hey va fan, welcome back to the show and welcome

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Speaker 1: to Washday WUSA. I am really excited to sit down

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Speaker 1: with today's guest. She is an incredible executive coach and

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Speaker 1: has been doing it for over a decade now. I

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Speaker 1: had the chance to just bump into her at a

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Speaker 1: recent conference that I was doing, and it was one

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Speaker 1: of those like serendipitous moments where it's like, oh, you

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Speaker 1: do this great work. I knew this great work, like

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Speaker 1: let's connect, and then it actually it didn't like make

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Speaker 1: it out of the group chat, but it made it

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Speaker 1: out of the you know, very short chat waiting in

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Speaker 1: line to do a fashion show in the middle of

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Speaker 1: a conference in Miami. You know, we made it happen.

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Speaker 1: My guest today is Monique Shields. She's an executive coach

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Speaker 1: and host of the Ambition Without Compromise podcast, and her

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Speaker 1: mission is very simple and also powerful. It's to liberate

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Speaker 1: the professional imaginations of women of color, CEOs and leaders.

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Speaker 1: You're in exactly the right place, liberate me me. He

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Speaker 1: brings over a decade of experience in coactive coaching, motivational interviewing,

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Speaker 1: leadership development. She's guided both emerging and established leaders through

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Speaker 1: some of their most transformative transitions. She hails from Stanford

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Speaker 1: Graduate School, where she ran or served as a facilitator

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Speaker 1: for the Women in Management program, and has a bunch

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Speaker 1: of other accolades and as you say, logos that we

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Speaker 1: can talk about, but that's not the important part. Monique.

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Speaker 1: It is just brilliant and amazing and I think if

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Speaker 1: I could sum it up, I would say she's your

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Speaker 1: favorite coach's favorite coach, and she's here today. I'm Brown Ambition.

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Speaker 1: I'm so honored.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. That was such a sweet

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Speaker 2: and energizing introduction. Thank you for that.

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Speaker 1: I like to write my own scripts and then go

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Speaker 1: off of them immediately. I love that it creates like

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Speaker 1: a little risk, little sweaty. Is that kind of give

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Speaker 1: it a little squa? Yeah, real, start by by by

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Speaker 1: sharing a little bit about your own career story and

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Speaker 1: how what happened in your own transition a decade ago

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Speaker 1: to launch you on this path as a leadership coach.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I started out my career as a lost English major.

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Speaker 3: I went to Spelman College. I loved my time there,

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Speaker 3: and when I left, I wasn't sure what I really

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Speaker 3: wanted to do with myself, and so I took jobs.

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Speaker 3: I worked in finance in the back office at a

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Speaker 3: different couple different firms, doing like operational things, administrative things,

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Speaker 3: even helping with like legal in compliance things, just kind

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Speaker 3: of like a Swiss army knife in the back office,

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Speaker 3: doing all kinds of stuff. You lost English major, yes, ma'am,

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Speaker 3: Yes ma'am. But stillman was calling for me to pay

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Speaker 3: those student loans. So I had to to make sure

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Speaker 3: I figured something out. But during that time, again, I

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Speaker 3: was just I was working in learning, but it wasn't

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Speaker 3: anything that I was passionate about. Just really trying to

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Speaker 3: stabilize myself. I started exploring coaching. Was like longer story

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Speaker 3: that I'm not going to totally get into here, but

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Speaker 3: because I know there's a lot we want to talk

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Speaker 3: about today.

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Speaker 2: But I started considering coaching.

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Speaker 3: And when my husband and I moved from New York

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Speaker 3: to California to sort of reinvent life, to escape winters

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Speaker 3: and to just yeah, build our family, move at a

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Speaker 3: different pace, it was my opportunity to finally like truly

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Speaker 3: explore that. And so I started working at a mental

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Speaker 3: health startup that needed someone to lead a coaching team

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Speaker 3: to help coach clients through the mental health programs that

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Speaker 3: they had built. So that was fantastic experience and it

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Speaker 3: gave me my first taste of anything that felt entrepreneurial.

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Speaker 3: Prior to that, I was like, I cannot be an entrepreneur.

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Speaker 3: I'm not the entrepreneurial type. I need structure all the

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Speaker 3: things right, And it just showed me that, hey, these people,

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Speaker 3: while they were very, very smart, I had a great

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Speaker 3: startup experience with very smart leaders. They are making stuff

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Speaker 3: up every day. We're just we're guessing, we're trying things,

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Speaker 3: and you just keep getting up and trying again. And

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Speaker 3: so I was like, oh that this is demystified for me.

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Speaker 3: Now I can do that. And so yeah, yeah, when

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Speaker 3: you get that behind the scenes peak, it's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: there's the whiz, Like, I get what's going on here.

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Speaker 2: I can do this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just all regular humans figuring the things out.

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Speaker 3: So I have my daughter, which then prompted me to

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Speaker 3: go ahead and make the lead because I wanted to

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Speaker 3: own all of my time. And I said, Okay, I

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Speaker 3: love this coaching work that I'm doing with in this

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Speaker 3: this business, but I want to own my time. And

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Speaker 3: the kind of coaching that I'm doing at was like

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Speaker 3: just coaching against different sort of mental health diagnoses was

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Speaker 3: wonderful and I'm so glad I have that in my background.

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Speaker 3: But I wanted to work I think more broadly with

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Speaker 3: women of color on you know, how they're leading and

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Speaker 3: living in their lives. So that's how it happened.

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Speaker 1: So what were the like, what were the types of

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Speaker 1: clients you started to work with at that startup. Are

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Speaker 1: we talking just like general population, you know, anyone who's

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Speaker 1: using this app? So you weren't able to like really

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Speaker 1: niche down.

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Speaker 2: No, I couldn't. I had we had no choice.

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Speaker 3: And I was coaching clients for the directly myself for

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Speaker 3: the first couple of years, but then I was building

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Speaker 3: a coaching team with the CEO, and so I was coaching.

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Speaker 2: Coaches to Ko Dark Alliance.

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Speaker 3: But it was you know, we I think we had

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Speaker 3: like a half a million users at one point, and

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Speaker 3: these are people all over the place who are who

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Speaker 3: were working through social anxiety, generalized anxiety, depression, those kinds

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Speaker 3: of things.

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Speaker 2: It was a CBT program.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, yeah, I mean that sounds I'm like, I'll

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Speaker 1: sign up for that right now. I do all the

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of a I've given up sort of the

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Speaker 1: idea of any one type of therapy. I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: give me the smorgas ward. Let me try a little

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Speaker 1: something something, a BT, little CBT, little group coaching, a

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Speaker 1: little meditation, like it all is wonderful.

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Speaker 2: That was one of a great approach.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, A similar to what you were saying about being

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Speaker 1: just demystified about you know what it takes to be

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Speaker 1: an entrepreneur and a startup and all that, Like when

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Speaker 1: it came to when it comes to the mental health journey,

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Speaker 1: for me, I've just realized that it's okay to try

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Speaker 1: it all. You don't need to necessarily have there's not

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Speaker 1: one there. We kind of get stuck on that individual therapy,

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Speaker 1: you know, which is fine because like obviously for so

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Speaker 1: long it was stigmatized, right, so like let's talk about

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Speaker 1: therapy in general before we get to like other flavors

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Speaker 1: of it, but taste the rainbow. It's kind of I agree,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of nice for that, all right. So you

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Speaker 1: are your coaching coaches and mental health. You also have

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Speaker 1: your daughter. I mean, career wise, up until that point,

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Speaker 1: were you sort of like I don't know. For me,

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Speaker 1: when I worked with a startup, I had been in

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Speaker 1: a traditional kind of corporate space, established big company prior

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Speaker 1: to that, and it was my way of like testing

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Speaker 1: something different and like getting to grow something. Did you

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Speaker 1: have your own story similar to that, Like were you

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Speaker 1: in like working for a big corporation before you switched

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Speaker 1: into the startup space.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, my very first job was at Simon and

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Speaker 3: Schuster Publishing, So that was a you know, Viacom company,

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Speaker 3: very big, you lost English.

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Speaker 1: Major, you ended up at one of the biggest publishers

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 3: And it was but I was lost in the sense

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Speaker 3: that I didn't I didn't want to build a career

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Speaker 3: in publishing, yet I was there, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: But it was it was a great.

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Speaker 1: And graduate version of being lost, the champagne of being lost. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, you know how it's.

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Speaker 1: Not as glamorous as all that publishing.

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Speaker 3: No, okay, exactly, there's that, but you know, things feel

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Speaker 3: messier when you're in your own life than they sound

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Speaker 3: in retrospect right or from the outside. So yeah, I

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Speaker 3: started out that large Vicom kind of space. And it's

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Speaker 3: interesting when again speaking of retrospect, when I look back,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, big, huge, you know sort of company.

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Speaker 3: Then the next companies I went to were like mid

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Speaker 3: size firms. I did work at a really small asset

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Speaker 3: management from at one point too, but they're working with

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Speaker 3: billions of dollars, So it does even though there might

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Speaker 3: be a smaller population of employees, it still feels, you know,

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Speaker 3: big enough. There's it's very very well resourced, which is

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Speaker 3: unlike a startup.

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Speaker 2: And then I did.

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Speaker 3: I kept sort of sizing down because one of the

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Speaker 3: things I did start to realize about myself is that

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Speaker 3: I liked the feeling of agility and nimbleness and like things,

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Speaker 3: not feeling like I have to ask sixteen people to

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Speaker 3: you know, request a packet of like pens for my desk,

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Speaker 3: Like I just I liked an environment that didn't feel

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Speaker 3: so constraining. So I think that was sort of happening

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Speaker 3: subconsciously as I moved along.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, had you planned on being a mom forever?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: Was that always a goal of yours?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've always known I wanted to have kids always. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think I never really dreamed like, oh my wedding

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Speaker 3: day and the wedding dress. I mean, I wanted to

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Speaker 3: be partnered to raise kids and all that ideally for myself,

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Speaker 3: but I dreamed of kids. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, when you said you had your daughter and leading

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Speaker 1: up to that, were you still at the startup and

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Speaker 1: did you think this is not going to be conducive

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Speaker 1: to like the kind of life I want to have

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Speaker 1: as a mom and then you sort of sort of shifted.

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Speaker 1: How did that all come to be and how did

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Speaker 1: motherhood kind of play a role in that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I remember returning. It was interesting.

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Speaker 3: Actually, So I've been talking about the one role that

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Speaker 3: I had there, which was I was a coach and

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Speaker 3: then director of coaching and all over time. But my

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Speaker 3: final role there actually happened when I came back from

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Speaker 3: maternity leave. I came back from maternity leave and startups

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Speaker 3: doing what they do, they changed. We started shifting from

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Speaker 3: selling direct to consumer only to enterprise, and because of that,

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Speaker 3: they needed somebody to help manage those enterprise relationships.

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Speaker 2: So a director of partnerships.

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Speaker 3: So that became my new time and it was just

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Speaker 3: my boss, who then also went on maternally.

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Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, girl, you got.

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Speaker 2: It, and it was a right start a live.

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, girl, I've got a pandemic postpan.

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Speaker 1: What year was this?

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Speaker 2: This was all pre pandemic.

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Speaker 3: This was twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen in there, twenty yeah,

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Speaker 3: and uh yeah, And so I am that's.

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Speaker 1: A whole different ballgame though, Yeah, absolutely obvious.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I will tell you what.

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Speaker 3: It built my confidence in a whole new way because

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Speaker 3: I think I felt very confident as a coach, and

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Speaker 3: I had grown my confidence as a manager of coaches,

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Speaker 3: but being like the front sort of external facing person

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Speaker 3: to manage these relationships of these these big, different, big

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Speaker 3: companies that we were partnering with and going and doing

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Speaker 3: presentations and having being in sales meetings and like flying

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Speaker 3: around with the CEO.

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Speaker 2: Like it was very.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was very stretching for me, and I think

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Speaker 3: that really helped me understand like, oh I can I

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Speaker 3: can figure this out.

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Speaker 2: I can figure this out, the entrepreneur thing.

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Speaker 3: So it wasn't that things became too demanding necessarily. It

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Speaker 3: was just that even as accommodating and as wonderful as

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Speaker 3: they were, I think for a startup, they did a

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Speaker 3: great job. When I came back, there was like a

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Speaker 3: little fridge and a little private little room that they

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Speaker 3: had to build for me so that I could pump

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Speaker 3: and like have a moment. Yeah, they have little milk

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Speaker 3: fridge for me, and I built my little routines and

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Speaker 3: they let me ramp.

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Speaker 1: Back into my grouage and expensed it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh well you could do that too.

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Speaker 1: But it's sort of life, so that's nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: But so it was it was like all the accommodations

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Speaker 3: and the and like I except these were wonderful people.

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Speaker 2: I loved working with them.

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Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, I was I

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Speaker 3: just felt like I need to own my time fully.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to have to be anywhere because I

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Speaker 3: need to be somewhere on behalf of somebody else's business.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, that's that's just what happened.

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Speaker 2: I was like it.

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Speaker 3: Motherhood was a catalyst for me. I'm just like, I

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Speaker 3: need I need to own it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So then what did that look like? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm to be like completely transparent this. I mean when

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Speaker 1: I had my call with Ricky at ten, one of

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Speaker 1: my clients and I were literally on the phone at

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Speaker 1: ten and I'm helping her write the letter. I'll edit

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Speaker 1: her name out, okay, write the letter to her current

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Speaker 1: employer because she's she is she's spent full time with

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Speaker 1: them and wants to again own her time, wants to

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Speaker 1: own her time and wants to transition to an independent

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Speaker 1: consultant and then you know, take on other clients and

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Speaker 1: the work that she does. And it's really I mean,

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Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this part of it, like kind of

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Speaker 1: piecing together the like putting together the transition train a

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Speaker 1: little bit. So let's talk about your transition train. Was

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Speaker 1: it one day you're like, all right, guys, gotta go

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Speaker 1: or did you How did you work your way out

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Speaker 1: of that and into your own practice.

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Speaker 3: I think that I benefited from the fact that I

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Speaker 3: came back from eternity leave, which is a like clear

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Speaker 3: transition in life, and then came into a whole new

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Speaker 3: role which had completely different rhythms, completely different responsibilities, you know.

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Speaker 3: And so I was always in constant communication with my

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Speaker 3: boss about like, Okay, you know, how is this working

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Speaker 3: for you? How are you feeling? Where can you you know,

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Speaker 3: what would make things feel even better for you? What

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Speaker 3: are some of the things that you want to stretch into.

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Speaker 3: So I was just in constant communication with her about

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Speaker 3: how things were working. And though I did enjoy, and

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Speaker 3: I think I enjoyed even in retrospect more than maybe

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Speaker 3: I even did in the moment, because I realized.

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Speaker 2: What it gave me.

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Speaker 3: I think I I communicated to her that like, I'm

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Speaker 3: a coach, though I'm being the director of partnerships and

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Speaker 3: I'm learning to be this person, but I'm a coach

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Speaker 3: and I want I really wanted to get back into coaching,

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Speaker 3: So that narrative was very easy to tie, like Okay,

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Speaker 3: you know, I think I was in that role for

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Speaker 3: maybe a year year and a half and I was like, y'all,

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Speaker 3: I think I need to figure out this coaching practice thing,

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Speaker 3: and it didn't make sense for me to go back

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Speaker 3: into the coaching team because again, the business has had

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Speaker 3: sort of re organized itself, and so yeah, it just

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Speaker 3: made sense. And I think the most important thing for

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Speaker 3: anybody is if you have the benefit of having a

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Speaker 3: at least a neutral to positive relationship with your manager,

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Speaker 3: is that there shouldn't be some surprise conversation that comes

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Speaker 3: out of nowhere. Sometimes if you just have a crappy manager,

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Speaker 3: obviously you can't bring them along. But if you can

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Speaker 3: bring them along a little bit around like where things

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Speaker 3: are aligning or not, you know, aligning with you over time,

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Speaker 3: then it's not it shouldn't be a.

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Speaker 1: Surprise as a manager. It's so much nicer when you

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Speaker 1: kind of feel brought in and it's not like I've

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Speaker 1: had both I've had you know, oh, we're going to

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Speaker 1: do this together and figure out how to transition you

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Speaker 1: here and get you to where you want to be.

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Speaker 1: And then I've had the like the we're doing what

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Speaker 1: you have what? Yeah, but that's a great point, and

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Speaker 1: I yeah, I've certainly said you know, even when it

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Speaker 1: comes down to like what's the tone of the message

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Speaker 1: or the email or the conversation, it's like, well, just

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Speaker 1: true to the relationship you know that you have. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: So when you you finally had your last day, was

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Speaker 1: it like at that point were you already building you know,

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Speaker 1: what the practice would become and establishing you know, the

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Speaker 1: LLC and the website and getting clients and all that.

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Speaker 3: So I had the LLC a year before I ever

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Speaker 3: used it because I think I had kind of loosely

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Speaker 3: made the decision, but I didn't know exactly what my

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Speaker 3: timeline would be. But I was like I needed little

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Speaker 3: forcing functions and little proof points that like I'm doing this,

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Speaker 3: I'm building towards something eventually. But I had also although

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Speaker 3: I had all the experience coaching in the in that

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Speaker 3: role and I had prior experisions, whow I got why

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Speaker 3: I got hired and become a coach and co manager

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Speaker 3: of the coaches.

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Speaker 2: I never had like a certification.

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Speaker 3: I had gone into all kinds of different trainings and

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Speaker 3: we had clinical supervision with psychologists and psychiatrists and all

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Speaker 3: kinds of stuff. But I was like, I want to

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Speaker 3: go and get like a certification that's just like a

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Speaker 3: methodology that I believe in and I can kind of like.

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Speaker 2: Rest in a.

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Speaker 3: Little bit, I don't know, like play around in there.

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Speaker 3: So that was happening concurrently and my startup. Actually they

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Speaker 3: helped subsidize some of that certification for me as well,

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Speaker 3: so I was like part of it was me going

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Speaker 3: out and like, oh, I'm bringing this back internally because

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Speaker 3: I can bring these skills and we can pass them

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Speaker 3: on to the coaching team as well.

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Speaker 2: What was but.

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Speaker 3: The program was called a CTI Coactive Training Institute.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay god, yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I was just looking for because I didn't know what

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Speaker 3: kind of practice I was going to build and which

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Speaker 3: means meaning like am I going to be you know,

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Speaker 3: enterprise like corporate focused or am I going to be

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Speaker 3: selling directly to people? And what I wanted the optionality.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, well, what what are companies hiring

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Speaker 3: for out here? So like the big companies and the

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Speaker 3: big you know, universities in the area, they were hiring

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Speaker 3: people from this program. It was like one of two

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Speaker 3: in this one I liked better. So that's how I

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Speaker 3: made that choice. So yeah, I was put I was

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Speaker 3: planting seeds, you know. And I also didn't leave one day.

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Speaker 3: I helped replace myself, so I was there, you know,

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Speaker 3: within the person who was replacing me for a few

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Speaker 3: months before I left, helping to hire this person and

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Speaker 3: to onboard them. And then I contracted with the startup

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Speaker 3: for an additional month or two. I forget exactly how

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Speaker 3: long that was. So they became my first client, you

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Speaker 3: sort of unofficially, even though I wasn't like providing coaching services.

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Speaker 3: But it made me feel like, Okay, I have a business.

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Speaker 1: Well I think that's a wonderful Yeah, I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: glad we pulled apart, that peeled apart that onion a

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Speaker 1: little bit, because I think it's a wonderful example of

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Speaker 1: how a transition can look. It doesn't have to be

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Speaker 1: it's like people, you know, you've probably seen this. Two

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Speaker 1: women get like really stuck on, like it'll have to

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Speaker 1: be so abrupt and like and then it will be

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Speaker 1: done and I have to be ready. I have to

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Speaker 1: have everything in this particular order, and then I'm going

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Speaker 1: to send this letter like I'm leaving, and then like

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Speaker 1: you know, deal with those ripple effects. But it can

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Speaker 1: be incremental and thoughtful and maintain relationships and if you

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Speaker 1: do a great job of that, then yeah, that you

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Speaker 1: can end up being your first client and ease you

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Speaker 1: into this new.

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Speaker 2: Path.

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Speaker 1: Hey ba fam, we got to take a quick break,

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Speaker 1: pay some bills and we'll be right back. So you're coaching.

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Speaker 1: You said you were kind of deciding enterprise or direct

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Speaker 1: to consumer. I mean, obviously, now you have this platform

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Speaker 1: that's like very targeted toward women, a woman of color leaders,

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Speaker 1: and what was it I can imagine, but what was

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Speaker 1: it about that path that ended up feeling right to

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Speaker 1: you versus pursuing like the corporate enterprise kind of approach.

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Speaker 2: So I have both.

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Speaker 3: So what you'll see outwardly facing and is for it's

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Speaker 3: because it's direct to consumer. Folks are listening and if

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Speaker 3: I'm online, you know, on Instagram or LinkedIn or my

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Speaker 3: podcast even I'm speaking directly to folks there. But I've

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Speaker 3: always wanted to have a little bit of a portfolio

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Speaker 3: in my business, meaning you know, smattering of folks over

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Speaker 3: here and a smattering over here in different categories of

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Speaker 3: who I'm serving.

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Speaker 2: So I do, I do do corporate.

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Speaker 3: Contracts, and but it's just not as front facing because

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Speaker 3: those happened with through my private network and relationships.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, I mean we love a diversified income, yes.

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Speaker 2: As well, Yes, yes, yes we do, Yes we do.

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Speaker 3: But yeah that I chose that just so that, you know,

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Speaker 3: the winds change and I wanted to have some flexibility

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Speaker 3: in my business just in case. But I try to

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Speaker 3: be really thoughtful about I don't try to be I am.

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Speaker 3: I'm really thoughtful about who on either side of that

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Speaker 3: equation I work with. So it's been wonderful to be

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Speaker 3: able to work with partners even still today in this

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Speaker 3: wild climate that we're in. Who are you know, letting

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Speaker 3: me focus my work on some of the marginalized pop

439
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 3: relations in there within their employee base.

440
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:09,520
Speaker 2: So I still get to like, have you touched that mission? Yeah?

441
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 2: But I do.

442
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 3: I coach men, you know all of that, that what

443
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,359
Speaker 3: happens behind the corporate doors is kind of a little

444
00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 3: different than what I'm doing out publicly.

445
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, have you had to think? I mean we've heard

446
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 1: the anecdotes from women of color who's or just you know,

447
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: consultants or independent contractors who whose work has focused on

448
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 1: underrepresented people and groups and then having to sort of

449
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 1: deal with this post DEI anti woke climate that we're

450
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 1: in and completely rebrand what they're offering to stay afloat.

451
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 1: But it's great to hear. I mean, it seems like

452
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 1: in your case that hasn't necessarily been the case.

453
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,639
Speaker 3: Like I wouldn't say it hasn't been the case, but

454
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 3: I've I've been able to work some things out.

455
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:51,400
Speaker 2: Oh, I guess I could put it that way.

456
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 3: Been able to work some things out where I don't

457
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 3: have to truly compromise my mission. So I might be

458
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,199
Speaker 3: broadening who I serve, you know, but I don't. I

459
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 3: don't have to completely lose who my like core is.

460
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 3: So that's kind of how I've been able to work

461
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 3: it out.

462
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,640
Speaker 1: Okay, And at this point you have gone through that's

463
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 1: the pandemic. Then you started your business around time before

464
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: the pandemic twenty nineteen, twenty nineteen. Yeah, for me, it

465
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 1: always feels important to like put the time to do

466
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: through because it's so different. We started a business in

467
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: twenty fifteen versus twenty twenty nineteen, twenty twenty. Yeah, kind

468
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: of really well positioned for the moment, right, I mean,

469
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 1: to have established it ahead of this like huge it's

470
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,879
Speaker 1: hard to it's hard to put a like qualify how

471
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: huge the pandemic was in terms of shifting careers. But

472
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 1: then you know, we go through a few years later

473
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 1: and it seems like another seismic shift is happening with

474
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:53,120
Speaker 1: this like current job market and economy has your How

475
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 1: has it been being a coach in this kind of climate?

476
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 1: Coach to coach, like.

477
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:02,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, do it, girls, it's hard over here.

478
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 2: It's been a mixed bag for me. I think as

479
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 2: a coach, I thank.

480
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,680
Speaker 3: God that I do this work because when I leave

481
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 3: my coaching calls, I have hope again. When I leave

482
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 3: the coaching program calls that I'm doing with the group

483
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 3: of women that are supporting right now, my one on

484
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 3: one clients, even the folks I'm working with in corporate

485
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 3: or whatever, because I get to touch like a lot

486
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 3: of really wonderful people, even though I'm not always choosing

487
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 3: them directly, even in my corporate settings. I'm just I

488
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 3: get a spark back, a spark of hope back. So

489
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 3: coach to coach, the coaching parts was keeping me going,

490
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 3: girl Like, if I didn't have this work, I'm not

491
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 3: totally sure how.

492
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:46,919
Speaker 2: I'd be coping.

493
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,199
Speaker 3: But Yeah, it's more so personally, Like I think me

494
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 3: as a mother is has been most primarily impacted as

495
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 3: I try to envision a future for my children, as

496
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 3: I as I try to move through my days and

497
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 3: not see like the children the images of children around

498
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 3: the world and in you know, I'm outside of LA

499
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 3: in my own backyard with like ice raids and things

500
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 3: like that, like that, that is where I am most impacted,

501
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 3: I think personally and as a mom.

502
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, that resonates, you know. One of my struggles has

503
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 1: been I mean I've I've had lots of I've been

504
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,919
Speaker 1: like fairly, I've been pretty transparent with VAFAM about like

505
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: mental health challenges, and for me, what I didn't it,

506
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: what I didn't expect was like how kind of debilitating

507
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,880
Speaker 1: the anxiety and depression for me became this past like year,

508
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: I would say, and it and I agree, like thank

509
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: goodness for the structure and like the coaching that I

510
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: have and like the when I get to work with.

511
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: But I was taking it really personally, like I was

512
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 1: almost feeling like, what is it about me that's making

513
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,959
Speaker 1: it so hard to kind of push through these like

514
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 1: business these feelings and these childs unges and it's it's

515
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: been it's been real tough, like and I've had these

516
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:10,919
Speaker 1: like existential moments where it's like, is this work the

517
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 1: thing that's making the most impact? And you know, is

518
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,199
Speaker 1: it the most important? And what? You know, just like

519
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: the things that when you say it out loud, you're like,

520
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: come on, what am I gonna do? Everything is in

521
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: it's been tough. I don't know, like days like that.

522
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: I just the only thing that has been helpful is

523
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 1: like one obviously, therapy to opening my mouth and saying

524
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: the things you know that I'm struggling with out loud.

525
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: The women that you're working with, you know, and your

526
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: clients that you're working with, are they Am I the

527
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: only one? Are they also? You know? Are you helping

528
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: coach them through things like that too?

529
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

530
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 3: I mean I think that you know a lot of

531
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 3: us are just really high functioning and figure out how

532
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 3: to keep showing up and how to keep trying. And

533
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 3: if you don't know somebody intimately, you don't realize how

534
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 3: they're falling apart at the end of each day or

535
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,439
Speaker 3: you know, barely pulling themselves out of the bed or whatever,

536
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 3: however it's looking for them, Like I resonate with that

537
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 3: feeling too of like why why is this? You know,

538
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 3: even though I know it's not rational to feel this way,

539
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 3: why is this impacting me?

540
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:26,199
Speaker 1: Like?

541
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 3: Why why am I not able to like I keep

542
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 3: in craving this like fire where it's like I just

543
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 3: want to be like I want to rage against things.

544
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 3: I want to build and create and fight and and

545
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 3: I want to and then I what I really want

546
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 3: to a shrink and hide on under the covers, you

547
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 3: know some days and so.

548
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 1: Also you compare yourself to the version of yourself, well,

549
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: at least I do. I will compare myself to the

550
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: version of me five years ago who felt that fire.

551
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to do I'm going to do that to death.

552
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to fix this by doing and building and creating.

553
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: And I have not like and it yeah, it does something.

554
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 1: It's like very disorienting, almost like but aren't I that person?

555
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 1: And isn't that person better than this version? So this

556
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 1: version sucks saying all these really mean things to me

557
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: who should be my friend? But like, you know, ugh,

558
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: it's uh, I think it's also like and then when

559
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: that starts to happen, you you can sort of like

560
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,120
Speaker 1: unless you're really, like you said, unless you're really speaking

561
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,880
Speaker 1: to other people and like building more intimate relationships, it

562
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: really feels like you're out here in the streets, and.

563
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 3: That isolation just compacts the shame or compounds the shame

564
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 3: that you know.

565
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, but absolutely.

566
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: The messy middle. I'm all up in the messy middle

567
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 1: right now.

568
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes.

569
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: In a recent post of years you also talked about

570
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 1: like the achievement ladder and kind of breaking ourt is

571
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 1: that what it's called the my noteseah achievement ladder? And

572
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: how for you know, in a way like I would

573
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: achieve my way out of any sense of discomfort or

574
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: any challenging and and sometimes I can like mentally understand

575
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: this is not the time to be driving striving for that.

576
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: It's could be time to like reflect and rest and

577
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: you know, just stay still for a bit. But it's

578
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 1: so against sort of like like you said, that high

579
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: functioning like way of being that propelled me to where

580
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: I am today. And then can you talk a little

581
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: bit about those feelings of like if I'm not achieving

582
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: and accomplishing and doing something to like fix this or

583
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: to you know, get somewhere, to get that like external validation.

584
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: Then like what's the struggle there? Like why why do

585
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: we keep trying to stack those achievements and how do

586
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: we how can you help us slow down and like

587
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: break that habit?

588
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 3: So I wish I had the magic saw the magic

589
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 3: what I said, I wish I had the magic solve

590
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 3: the magic pill. So this makes me think about a

591
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 3: woman who I'm obsessed with, Tressie McMillan.

592
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 2: What's her last name?

593
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 3: You know, I'm talking about the New York Times writer,

594
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 3: the scholar, the she's incredible. Anyway, she's a black woman,

595
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 3: she's a black scholar. She's a sociologist I think out

596
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 3: of U n C. She's a New York Times opinion columnist,

597
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 3: and she she's just brilliant and she just has her

598
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 3: finger on the puls of things. But anyway, I follow her.

599
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 3: I obsess over here because her work is her words.

600
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 3: Right now, Yes, immediately, everybody run to Tresci immediately.

601
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: Whatever her last name is, we're gonna find out.

602
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 2: Yes, it's Jesse McMillan co cottomns.

603
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 3: I think that's right. So anyway, Tressie. I caught her

604
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 3: on a recent Instagram live or something that she was

605
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 3: just kind of talking. She doesn't do these often, and

606
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 3: she was kind of being transparent about the state of

607
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 3: several things in our world right now and in kind

608
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: of landing on.

609
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 2: The personal impact and how she's coping.

610
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 3: And one of the things that she said towards the

611
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 3: end of that talk was that, you know, like part

612
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 3: of what we can do right now, all I can

613
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 3: do right now is are the things I'm paraphrasing here

614
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 3: obviously that like hold me together, Like I just like

615
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 3: what will sort of soothe and hold me because when

616
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 3: the inevitable shit hits the fan, I'm gonna need me.

617
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 3: And so I really held onto those world words around

618
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 3: like the urgency to stop, to lick our wounds, to

619
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 3: be in the nothing new and the scariness and the

620
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 3: you know, and just to be give ourselves space to

621
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 3: hold ourselves sometimes because if we're caught up in the

622
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,440
Speaker 3: constant doing with it, but there's this frenetic sort of

623
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 3: frantic energy that's, you know, that we're trying to run

624
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 3: off of. At some point those fumes, those that fuel

625
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 3: runs out and it turns to fumes and there will

626
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 3: be nothing left. I think, especially as I think of

627
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 3: myself as a mom and at this age. I'm forty

628
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 3: two now, I don't. I don't recharge like I did

629
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 3: live ten, fifteen, twenty years ago, and I can't. I

630
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 3: can't push my nervous system because there will be a cost.

631
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 3: And when it is time to push or to act,

632
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 3: like when there's a true call to do what needs

633
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 3: to be done, I'm going to need myself. And so

634
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,479
Speaker 3: I think we have I think we've been conditioned and

635
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: trained to.

636
00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: Override our physical experience.

637
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 3: It's our emotional experiences, the like spiritual experience that we're

638
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 3: having of ourselves day to day to suppress it, to

639
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:13,760
Speaker 3: move past it in order to succeed in or survive.

640
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 3: And it's a hard habit to break. But I think

641
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 3: moments like this it becomes even more critical to to

642
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 3: try to try to release it and let it go

643
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, you're going to

644
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,320
Speaker 3: need yourself and what have you done today to preserve

645
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 3: yourself so that she's there?

646
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: You know, it's tough sometimes. I know with the women

647
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: that I coach, I sometimes feel challenged by like challenged,

648
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: like sometimes they don't want to be hearing that, Like

649
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 1: sometimes it's like but what do I do? No, No,

650
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: I need to know what to do, what to you know,

651
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: and and you know, for me, it's more like you know,

652
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 1: mid career to senior level, and like in terms of

653
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 1: the clients that I work with, and especially if they're

654
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 1: on a job search and a job hunt at a

655
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: time like this, it's like, but if I just do this,

656
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,839
Speaker 1: or if I send this email, or if I get

657
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 1: this certification, and I'm like, if I'm looking outside the

658
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,360
Speaker 1: window and it's like a category five hurricane, it's like

659
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: an umbrella and gonna cut it, you know, like it's

660
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 1: like seek shelter for a bit. It's difficult sometimes to

661
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 1: be the messenger of there's not much that we can

662
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: control in this moment other than like trying to self

663
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: soothe and like take care of us. Has that been

664
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,760
Speaker 1: like have you how are your how have your clients

665
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: like responded to that to that?

666
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely the same. I think that sentiment is always echoed.

667
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 3: It's like a constant conversation and.

668
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 2: They're aware of it. You know.

669
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 3: It's a big part of I think the work over

670
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 3: time is building that self awareness that like, Okay, I

671
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 3: know that I'm attaching myself to doing right now. It's

672
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 3: just because it's not very satisfying if you have always

673
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 3: known this past version of yourself to be super action

674
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 3: oriented and doing and crushing and you know, just busting

675
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 3: down walls, and this version of yourself right now is like,

676
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 3: she's not up for it. And that's the thing, is like,

677
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 3: we'll continue to sit and argue with ourselves and expend

678
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 3: unnecessary energy trying to get ourselves to a place that

679
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,839
Speaker 3: we're just not there, and the sooner that we can

680
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 3: actually embrace the truth of what is happening right now,

681
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 3: which is like, girl, you don't have it. And until

682
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 3: you do, every idea you have for the networking and

683
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:46,000
Speaker 3: you know, putting yourself in whatever rooms and showing up

684
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 3: for you know, the interviews or securing interview in the

685
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 3: first place, it's going to be subpar. You're not going

686
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 3: to show up with the energy that is required to

687
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 3: actually close the deal. You're not going to have the

688
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 3: kind of creative networking ideas that might actually you know,

689
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 3: help you navigate a world where it feels like everybody

690
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 3: is you know, vying for the same you know, shrinking

691
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 3: opportunities and things like that. It's like you're not bringing

692
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 3: your a game. So at some point you have to

693
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 3: realize like rest maybe just has to come first to

694
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 3: get in touch with who needs to be leading this

695
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 3: charge because you're not in any shape for it, you know,

696
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 3: but the resistance is always going to be there.

697
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 2: It's not satisfying to hear that it never is.

698
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 1: And it takes time to feel the results of not

699
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: doing anything like it to do it in a healthy way.

700
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 1: I will say, it's almost it's like for me, I've

701
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,399
Speaker 1: seen it's also it also can be damaging if you're

702
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: if you're trying to do the do less approach, but

703
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 1: you're you're beating yourself up for it instead of just

704
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 1: doing it, do it, but like do it in a

705
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 1: way where you're like you're doing it and you like it,

706
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 1: like you are supporting yourself through it. That's tricky, and

707
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 1: I think that's like when you talk about people out

708
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: there doing the silent struggle. I think that is what

709
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 1: it can feel like. It's like, you know, not much

710
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: is happening, not much is going on, and I think

711
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: this is the right you know this, but instead of

712
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 1: like leaning into it, embracing it again, it's like that,

713
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 1: but this can't be right, Like, but other people are

714
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 1: doing something else and this feels lazy, feels unproductive, and.

715
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 3: I think that's partially why. It's also there's such an

716
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 3: imperative around doing things together, like in community, because that

717
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 3: when you feel like you're the odd woman out and

718
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 3: you're the only one who is like I'm I'm I'm

719
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 3: falling behind. You know, look at everybody else, even though

720
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 3: you have no idea what's really going on behind the

721
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 3: scenes of everybody else, but it appears that way on

722
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 3: the surface. It's hard to give yourself full permission to

723
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 3: just know, I'm really going to slow down, I'm really

724
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 3: going to embrace this. No, we're all doing this. There's

725
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,280
Speaker 3: a collective you sort of understanding and an intimate understanding,

726
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,359
Speaker 3: not something that I'm like observing from a far. And

727
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 3: that's speaking of like group programs and things like that.

728
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 3: Group coaching as one of the options for how we

729
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 3: can support ourselves. That's part of like shifting your environment

730
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 3: helps to shift the permission you give yourself to become different.

731
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 3: It's hard to do it when you feel alone in it.

732
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 1: Group coaching was completely new to me until, like I

733
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: think a couple of years ago, we had doctor Joy

734
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:26,800
Speaker 1: from Therapy for Black Girls on and she mentioned it,

735
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: and I was like, what do you mean. I had

736
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 1: only really ever heard of it in the context of

737
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,280
Speaker 1: alcoholics anonymous or you know, like one of these supporting

738
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: support groups for addictions, and it's it is so Yeah,

739
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,240
Speaker 1: I've done like obviously group coaching, but then like group therapy,

740
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 1: you know, on a specific I've done. I've done like

741
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 1: dialectical behavioral therapy group and it is so good. It's

742
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 1: so it's very helpful on those days when I am

743
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 1: feeling like you know that that's the seas of like

744
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 1: anxiety or whatever it can be. It's like, let me

745
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 1: go to my DBT journal, let me go to my

746
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 1: little my little worksheet over here and work through some stuff.

747
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: It is I can't recommend it enough. Is the majority

748
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: of what well you know you said you do group

749
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: an individual in the groups? Like what are the benefits

750
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 1: for the women in your group? Coaching? Like what do

751
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 1: you think it is that makes those sessions? And like

752
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: for anyone who's listening and who may want to find

753
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 1: a you know, professional development like coaching group, what what

754
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: can be what are some of the benefits they may

755
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: they make glean from that?

756
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, So will I will speak on behalf of my group,

757
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 3: because everybody runs coaching for their groups differently. And I

758
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 3: also think that group size matters because just in interpersonal

759
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 3: dynamics like group size shifts like meaningfully the dynamic above

760
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 3: certain numbers in terms of, you know, achieving things like

761
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 3: intimacy and real connection.

762
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:59,919
Speaker 2: But I'd say number one, it's for a curated small group.

763
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 3: The people in the room have a lot of wisdom

764
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 3: to offer you, so it's not just you know maybe,

765
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,879
Speaker 3: And I think this is wonderful for anybody who's leading

766
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 3: or coaching a group like this as well, is just

767
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:18,280
Speaker 3: recognizing that you don't need to be the magic for everyone.

768
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 3: The group develops its own sort of collective magic together.

769
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 3: And so it's really wonderful when I'm in session with

770
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 3: my group. And for instance, there was a woman who

771
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,760
Speaker 3: is being courted potentially by somebody in the financial services industry,

772
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,439
Speaker 3: and she has no experience in that industry. Another woman

773
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 3: in the group does and has been there for decades,

774
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 3: and she was like, oh, well you might want to

775
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:39,479
Speaker 3: ask this question.

776
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 2: Think about that.

777
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 3: So, like little strategic things like that, just the expertise

778
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 3: that's in the room is a huge advantage of group

779
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 3: coaching in and of itself. But I think the more

780
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 3: intangible aspect of being in a group as you are

781
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,360
Speaker 3: endeavoring to change, as you are endeavoring to grow and

782
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 3: expand and sort of transform things for yourself is being

783
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 3: witnessed is a really powerful thing when we are I think,

784
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 3: especially as like oftentimes hyper independent, high achieving, you know,

785
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: women of color, or just women in general, trying to

786
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,840
Speaker 3: bootstrap everything. It's not I think we miss out on

787
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 3: a lot of the satisfaction and the joy that can

788
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 3: actually come in the process of working towards our goals.

789
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 3: And and a lot of that gets added back when

790
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 3: you're with a group who is cheerleading you on, crying

791
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 3: with you. When you're crying, you get to witness somebody

792
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 3: else is falling apart just like you. So now you're

793
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: not abnormal and falling behind. It's you know, recognize that,

794
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 3: like you get to recognize more of your humanity in

795
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 3: the process of, yeah, working towards your goals. And I

796
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 3: think that there's almost like there's it's priceless.

797
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:54,439
Speaker 2: There's no price you can put on that. It's it's

798
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 2: it's an incredible benefit.

799
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,839
Speaker 1: Hey ba fam, we gotta take a quick break. Pay

800
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: some bills. And we'll be right back. It's important to

801
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 1: like establish I think, you know, I started the Mandy

802
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 1: money Makers in twenty twenty two, and it took a while.

803
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: I felt like for the women to like just to

804
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: get to know each other and to start to build

805
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 1: that trust in that bond. And it felt for me

806
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: like I was like, the less I'm talking sometimes I'm like,

807
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 1: this is the magic. Yeah, we need everyone to just

808
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: just not too much.

809
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 2: I love hunting.

810
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 1: I don't know if you hold your calls on zoom,

811
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 1: but zoom has like a zoom will tell you how

812
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: much you're talking compared to other people.

813
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 2: Oh, I have seen that. I'm not really paid attention

814
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 2: to that, but I've seen that all though.

815
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll be like, oh, she's talking too much. She'd

816
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 1: doing too much. Then, you know, especially in a year

817
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 1: like this, it hasn't been like you know, when I

818
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: started the Makers, that was twenty twenty one. You know,

819
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 1: it was a great resignation. There were it was a

820
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 1: it was a lot less friction in the job market,

821
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: there were more opportunities. You know, we learned a year

822
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 1: later that that was some of that was a lot

823
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,720
Speaker 1: of artificial job growth that they had to then cut.

824
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 1: But this year, I mean I really feel like it

825
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: hasn't like creating a sense of like tolerance for the

826
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,320
Speaker 1: as Michelle Obama like, I love when she talks about

827
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 1: just like the nothingness of just like a normal day,

828
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: Like there's there's not these high highs, you know, not

829
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 1: everyone's getting a promotion or you know, a big career change.

830
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: It's like being comfortable with just like the normal, you know,

831
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 1: just like this level and not like judging it or

832
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 1: or like.

833
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: Making me wrong doing what it's like making it wrong? Yeah.

834
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like like writing the I think you talked

835
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 1: about in yoga, how they ask you to like notice

836
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 1: your pain. I also like I appreciate that my therapist

837
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 1: and I was just like, I want to notice how

838
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: you're feeling right now, and I have, And as much

839
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,280
Speaker 1: as I get annoyed by that in my own coaching,

840
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, so we're feeling like frustrated by the lack

841
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 1: of like big you know, changes or opportunities, and like,

842
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: let's notice that. Why do we feel like so, why

843
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: is it so uncomfortable? I know why it's uncomfortable for

844
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: me to have a silence and a conversation that's just anxiety,

845
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: but like, you know, I think it's similar in like

846
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: our career. Why are we uncomfortable with the nothing big

847
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 1: kind of going on, just chilling, just making do you know?

848
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: It can be quite uncomfortable sometimes.

849
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like a questionable what does this mean

850
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 3: about me? You know, and and my worth and my

851
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 3: value if I'm used to like the signal has always

852
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 3: been I know I am okay. I know that I am.

853
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,280
Speaker 3: I am good at my clients. I tend to attract

854
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,359
Speaker 3: a lot of good girls, Like that's you know, that's

855
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 3: definitely my profile, and like I know that I'm being

856
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 3: like I'm good, you know, if these these things are happening,

857
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 3: these I feel like I am climbing the ladder. There's movement,

858
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 3: I'm keep getting rewards and and the you know, the accolades.

859
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 3: So when that stops, it's like I'm not good anymore.

860
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 3: Like it becomes like an identity crisis a little bit,

861
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 3: I think for us. But it's true, it's like, no,

862
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 3: that's not really necessarily what this means. It's kind of

863
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 3: like this might just be the season that we need

864
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 3: to be in, you know, it might be.

865
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 1: I can't feel that more in therapy yesterday. Literally it

866
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: was like, but that's external validation. Don't need that. It's

867
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 1: so nice though, but it is. I was talking to

868
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,399
Speaker 1: my husband about it. My husband's like, well, okay, he's

869
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 1: listening to the external about and I'm like, yeah, I

870
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 1: need to really like stop. I've been like I've been

871
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 1: falling back into an old habit of really like craving

872
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 1: it because when your self esteem is like at a

873
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 1: low or at a low point, or like you have

874
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,439
Speaker 1: these ebbs flows and then you're like, oh, I could

875
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 1: just use a great email, like or like real, just

876
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 1: a little something, just something to take the edge of.

877
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:17,760
Speaker 1: And he's like he's like, oh so, And he was like, okay,

878
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: so should I like compliment you more? And I'm like

879
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: that's not the same. It's not the same, and like

880
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 1: you can comp like you always have to compliment me

881
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: like at a base. It's not really getting at it.

882
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: I have no answers for that. It's just like but

883
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 1: noticing it, noticing I was in a very vulnerable kind

884
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 1: of space. It's like, you know, like things are just

885
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: hitting me a bit differently these days. It's tough. Thank

886
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:54,320
Speaker 1: God for the kids though, thank God for them babies.

887
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: They get off that when my five yearl gets off

888
00:46:56,600 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 1: the bus, and it's like okay, everything else can disappear,

889
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: and you sort of have this other outlet, this other

890
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 1: and there's not like an achievement ladder at least yet.

891
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: I don't. I gotta hope I don't toxify it, but

892
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 1: like I don't have it. I don't feel an achievement

893
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: leader when it comes to being a parent. Yeah, it

894
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: feels more like it really is like tending a little bit,

895
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 1: like a like a method of like tending a garden

896
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: or something. I don't feel that same amount of pressure,

897
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 1: and it's become this like very I did not dream

898
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:30,359
Speaker 1: of being a mom. I really was like ambivalent about it.

899
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,359
Speaker 1: But I think the biggest surprise for me was how

900
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 1: much like peace it has brought me, even though it's hard. Yeah,

901
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 1: you know, but there's just like a every day there's

902
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: like a thing, there's a routine to it. There's the

903
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 1: there's getting to watch him learn and read books and

904
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 1: play with his brother, and like the arguments to tend

905
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 1: to and the there's a I don't know, it just

906
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: starts to feel like that's real.

907
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's just it's real. It's

908
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 3: like it's real, it's organic. You can like you can

909
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 3: see that.

910
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 2: This is like.

911
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 3: There's no pretense, there's no additional narrative here. It's like,

912
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 3: you know, it's like, oh, we're cleaning up your pooh

913
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 3: now cool. Like I'm just I'm very present.

914
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 2: We're here for real things.

915
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 1: When does when do I no longer have to white?

916
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:28,439
Speaker 1: But it's like around what age?

917
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 3: Girl, I'm I'm not even gonna go there with you, because,

918
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 3: you know, do you like to surprise you?

919
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,080
Speaker 1: No? Wait, how many kids do you have?

920
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 2: I have two? I have an eight year old and

921
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 2: a three year old.

922
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I have almost six and a two year old.

923
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,319
Speaker 1: Oh man, and you're in California.

924
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, I'm outside of LA.

925
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 1: But you were from New York.

926
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 3: No, I'm actually from the Midwest, from a small town

927
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 3: in southern Illinois. So from there, from where I grew up,

928
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 3: I went to school in Atlanta, and then I immediately

929
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,719
Speaker 3: went from Atlanta to New York. I was in New

930
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 3: York for about ten years before coming to California. I

931
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 3: started in the Bay the startup and then came down

932
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 3: here after the pandemic.

933
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 1: Went a hole around the whole country, just popping around

934
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 1: a little bit. Do you feel rooted in California now?

935
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 2: Like, family wise, Oh, I do.

936
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 3: I wish that my I wish that my extended family

937
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 3: were closer by. Like I would love for my parents

938
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 3: to be here. I always wanted the like grandparents up

939
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 3: the street kind of thing. But they come for like

940
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 3: long visits. My husband's mom also comes for like long

941
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 3: stays and so they get like good quality time that

942
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 3: kind of a thing. But we are kind of like

943
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 3: out here, you know, we're in so but but grounded

944
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,840
Speaker 3: in California. I don't know, addicted to California.

945
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 2: I don't know.

946
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,839
Speaker 3: I just feel like at this point, I'm California now

947
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 3: and I've totally been absorbed into the culture on.

948
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 1: Such an East Coaster. I'm like, oh man, but Atlanta

949
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 1: has been calling to me. I think I'm heading back

950
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:13,400
Speaker 1: okay from Atlanta, Oh okay, And I'm from and I

951
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: live in New York now. I live in the Westchester

952
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: outside of the city. And yeah, I'm craving that my sister,

953
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: my mom. I've just been doing it alone, I mean,

954
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 1: kind of isolated out here and I've I've I've made

955
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 1: my village and I have my you know, mom, friends

956
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 1: and stuff. But I'm just kind of hit the place

957
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: where I'm good. I want to like see how it

958
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 1: feels to have Auntie down the street of mom and

959
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: all that. You know, one thing I will admit I

960
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:41,840
Speaker 1: was never great at like hiring that village, like hiring

961
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,879
Speaker 1: the nannies and the supports and stuff. Okay, I never

962
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 1: really got that. You know, I don't know if I

963
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:51,279
Speaker 1: if I would do so much differently now, But like,

964
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 1: do you have any like any strategies or any like,

965
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 1: you know, systems that you've put in place as a

966
00:50:57,239 --> 00:51:00,879
Speaker 1: working mom that have helped, you know, keep things going,

967
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: keeping that train running smoothly.

968
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 2: Girl? So absolutely.

969
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 3: Home cleaning, Like we have somebody who comes every couple

970
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,280
Speaker 3: of weeks or so and cleans the house.

971
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 2: That is that brings me so much peace and joy

972
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 2: and she's wonderful.

973
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 3: Oh okay, okay, yeah, there's nothing like that.

974
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 1: And every time you've a bad I have a bad experience,

975
00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 1: it's like then it's another six months before I'll try

976
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:30,719
Speaker 1: another one. You burned, yes, And it's always that someone

977
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:31,720
Speaker 1: raved about and I'm.

978
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 3: Like, and then didn't it? Okay, Yeah, I get that

979
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 3: I've been lucky with cleaners. I don't know, we've gotten

980
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 3: good referrals and it's actually come through. But but beyond that,

981
00:51:43,920 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 3: I've just learned to resource myself. If if mommy is good,

982
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,839
Speaker 3: we're good. You know, so I we haven't. We did

983
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 3: a nanny share when my my daughter was little, when

984
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 3: I went back to work, and that was wonderful. It

985
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 3: was like in a little house up the street, there

986
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 3: was like us in another family. I think it was

987
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:10,719
Speaker 3: just us another family, maybe two families. And that was

988
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 3: great until she went to a proper like preschool, little

989
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 3: Montessori school.

990
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 2: He center too.

991
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,280
Speaker 3: But outside of that, it's like, do I have a missuse,

992
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 3: Do I have some like like to get my nails

993
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:26,719
Speaker 3: and I have my nail tech? Do I have like

994
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,319
Speaker 3: my my black woman dermatologists. Do I have like the

995
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 3: people who are keeping me together? That is, that is

996
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:37,280
Speaker 3: where I invest the most, and then within my business,

997
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 3: I don't currently have my sister and I love her.

998
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:41,440
Speaker 2: I loved her so much.

999
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 3: But it just wasn't working out for us long term

1000
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 3: because of just like logistically, she wasn't able to leave.

1001
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 2: She has like still up really a full.

1002
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 3: Time position and we were trying to make it work whole,

1003
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 3: still holding out hope, but I think you need a

1004
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 3: lieutenant in your life, an operational lieutenant in your business.

1005
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 3: You got to have that second in command. And that

1006
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 3: is like my goal to get that back. And then

1007
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 3: I think one of a lot of theomen that I've

1008
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 3: worked with have some sort of like house admin, somebody

1009
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:15,080
Speaker 3: who sort of flexes between nanny and au pair house

1010
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 3: admin that's just kind of like maybe they do a

1011
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 3: little meal prep, maybe they organize things for you know,

1012
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 3: around the house, or I don't know. I've never had

1013
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 3: this person, but again, I've had like long, very hands

1014
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:31,640
Speaker 3: on grandparents stays. So I think that's why I've never

1015
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:38,120
Speaker 3: really needed to because I've had that supplemented heavily through family,

1016
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 3: like live in family for months and months and months

1017
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 3: at a time.

1018
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: It's just someone to come and set up the house

1019
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 1: like like like an OPS manager for your business, but

1020
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 1: like for your house, like here's how it's going to run. Yeah,

1021
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: I'm just excited we finally got one of those letter organizers. Kind.

1022
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: One thing about having an elementary school student is the amount.

1023
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 2: Of papers child.

1024
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 1: Are they single handedly keeping the paper industry alive?

1025
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 3: My god, I mean, I'm like, I don't remember this

1026
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 3: many work sheets. This, I'm like, why there's so much paper?

1027
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 1: Don't they have an iPad to work? You want to

1028
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,000
Speaker 1: do tablets? But yeah, so I got like a ten

1029
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:20,480
Speaker 1: slot like giant, ugly thing and it's just like this

1030
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 1: is great.

1031
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:26,759
Speaker 3: Then I did hire a home organizer and she came

1032
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 3: in and kind of changed my life.

1033
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 2: It was amazing.

1034
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:31,399
Speaker 3: She helped me realize the systems that were lacking in

1035
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:35,359
Speaker 3: just the psychological drain of walking into different spaces and

1036
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:39,799
Speaker 3: not knowing with labels exactly where things should be.

1037
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 2: And I was like, this, this has this has shifted

1038
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 2: my nervous system. I thought things were organized, they were not.

1039
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,240
Speaker 1: Want I need?

1040
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,360
Speaker 2: Yeah something highly recommend.

1041
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 1: Okay home ogen organizer. Oh the idea of like a

1042
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 1: house manager that just sounds so like Hollywood celebrity and

1043
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:01,360
Speaker 1: a normal person for that, I don't.

1044
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,000
Speaker 3: Know, you know what, I have not done it myself,

1045
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 3: but my the client that I know who just hired

1046
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 3: one recently. You know she does well for herself, but

1047
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:14,319
Speaker 3: not like bajillions of dollars. Well, I don't, I don't know,

1048
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:15,319
Speaker 3: so I don't know.

1049
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 2: I should ask. I'll ask. I'll find out.

1050
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe, like, yeah, I guess I dreamed of on

1051
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:25,919
Speaker 1: the South, so it might be you know, yeah, that'll

1052
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 1: be different. I gotta get the egg. Yeah, getting out

1053
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: of New York is great. It's going to be great financially.

1054
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:36,240
Speaker 1: I like double my income just by leaving. Well, Monique,

1055
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:37,800
Speaker 1: it's been such a pleasure. I'm really glad that we

1056
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:41,399
Speaker 1: bumped into each other again. I can't express enough how

1057
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:46,800
Speaker 1: weird the circumstances were at a Miami Vice costume outfit

1058
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 1: competition fashion show at color com. It's really great to

1059
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:53,479
Speaker 1: cross paths and thank you so much for the work

1060
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 1: that you're doing for us and for your clients. Where

1061
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,239
Speaker 1: can be a fan find you and find out how

1062
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 1: to work with you and all that, all the great

1063
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:00,720
Speaker 1: things you offer.

1064
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:04,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I'm always chit chatting over on Instagram. My

1065
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 2: handle is Monique R. Shields.

1066
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,319
Speaker 3: Everywhere, I'm basically Monique Oarshields Moniquarshields dot Com. I'm on

1067
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 3: money Garshields on LinkedIn, but Instagram is the easiest way

1068
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:15,880
Speaker 3: to kind of connect and see what I'm up to.

1069
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:19,239
Speaker 3: And then obviously there's my podcast Ambition Without Compromise.

1070
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 2: Which episodes come out every other week.

1071
00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:25,960
Speaker 1: So oh, we love our podcasts. All right, ambition without compromise,

1072
00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:28,760
Speaker 1: get your round ambition, get your ambition without compromise.

1073
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:31,720
Speaker 2: Get all the ambition, get it all unapologically.

1074
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Monique our shields for joining us.

1075
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 1: All right, ba fam, you know what to do. Go

1076
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 1: follow her everywhere, download the podcast, make sure you follow,

1077
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: leave a review, and we hope to see you again.

1078
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Thank you, Hey, ba fam. Let's

1079
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 1: be real for a second, and y'all know I keep

1080
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:55,800
Speaker 1: it a buck. The job market has been brutal, no,

1081
00:56:56,000 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 1: not brutal, trash, especially for women of color. Three hundred

1082
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 1: thousand of us have disappeared from the workforce this year alone,

1083
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:09,439
Speaker 1: and not by choice, but because of layoffs, disappearing DEI programs,

1084
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 1: and stagnant wages that keep cutting us out of opportunity.

1085
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 1: Our unemployment rate has jumped to over seven percent, while

1086
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 1: our pay gap continues to widen. I know all of

1087
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: that sounds dire, but here's what I want y'all to know.

1088
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 1: You do not have to wait for the system to

1089
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 1: save you. That's exactly why I created the Mandy money

1090
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 1: Makers Group coaching community. It is a coaching community that

1091
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: is built for us by us inside the community, We're

1092
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 1: not just talking about how to negotiate or to how

1093
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 1: to get the job that you want. It's about finding

1094
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:44,520
Speaker 1: purpose in your career. It's about finding communities and others,

1095
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 1: feeling seen, feeling heard, and also having a sounding board

1096
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 1: and a mirror to reflect your own magic, your own

1097
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 1: sparkle right back to yourself. In this community, you'll get

1098
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:59,120
Speaker 1: group coaching led by me, but you also get peer

1099
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 1: to peer account of with proven tools and resources that

1100
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 1: can help you do what we have always done since rise.

1101
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 1: Even when the odds are stacked against us, despite all

1102
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: the challenges, we will rise. If you're interested in joining

1103
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:18,120
Speaker 1: the Mandy money Makers community and having that support to

1104
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:21,280
Speaker 1: bolster you and help you tap back into your magic

1105
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,000
Speaker 1: so that you can lead your career with intention and

1106
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: heart and your own intuition, trusting that again, please join us.

1107
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 1: You can find information in the show notes of today's episodes,

1108
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 1: or go to mandymoney dot com slash community. That's Mandy

1109
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:42,440
Speaker 1: m ndimney dot com slash community. I would love to

1110
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 1: see y'all there. Enrollment is open, so please go check

1111
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:49,480
Speaker 1: out mandymoney dot com slash community today