Speaker 1: Listen. I promise this is not dandriff. This is not dandriff.
Speaker 1: Do you know what this is? No, this is candle wax.
Speaker 1: Because I was doing my my emotional regulation practices yesterday
Speaker 1: and taking a bath and I lit all my candles
Speaker 1: and I you know, I have one of those like
Speaker 1: little nooks in the bathtub, like a little shelf that's
Speaker 1: like recessed into the wall, and I had a candle there,
Speaker 1: and this candle has been there for a minute. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I was. I took like an hour and a half bath,
Speaker 1: like it's just a huge part of my life now.
Speaker 1: And I went to bed and I started like taking
Speaker 1: putting my bonnet on, and I was like, what is all?
Speaker 1: There's so much wax. It was dripping into my hair
Speaker 1: the entire time, the entire time, and my hair is
Speaker 1: so thick. I didn't feel it. And I'm like, I
Speaker 1: should google if wax is good for your hair or not,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure it's not. And also it's too late
Speaker 1: because I already gave myself a hot wax treatment. So
Speaker 1: but it just looks it's crazy like I have dan
Speaker 1: dripp in my but like the ends of my hand.
Speaker 2: See it, you can't now, but we're recording. You want
Speaker 2: to keep this in Huh, we're recording.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know I saved it. You didn't think it
Speaker 1: was good, you didn't think it was funny.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm like I was starting because I didn't do
Speaker 2: my sog. I was like, did we start?
Speaker 1: I know, I just had to go go ahead, Tiffany.
Speaker 2: That was the pre show that Okay, hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm losing my voice. We're back, We're black,
Speaker 2: we're brown, and this should ambis ambition ambition. Hey mare, well.
Speaker 1: Hey hey, I have a tiny co host today.
Speaker 2: I see in the background, who knows what back there
Speaker 2: but school for the summer. I know the parents have
Speaker 2: this gap between when when Supper Camp starts, it just
Speaker 2: goes over. It's like one week gap. So every year
Speaker 2: my Carl is like just trying to make it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, camp starts on Monday.
Speaker 2: Yes, everybody Carol's kids, everybody's kids. I'm like, all, loo,
Speaker 2: I caught you, she said, just being a mom. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh gosh, She's like, I really wants to
Speaker 2: sit in my lap. Roma's like rub my back and
Speaker 2: I'm trying to do work at the same time.
Speaker 1: I went to the doctor yesterday and for my annual physical,
Speaker 1: which is a day that I dread every year. Blood
Speaker 1: work done, they weigh you, you know, they ask a
Speaker 1: bunch of questions. Actually, I wish she would have asked
Speaker 1: more because I felt like I forgot to say stuff
Speaker 1: and because the schedule of the kids has been so strange.
Speaker 1: I just long story short. I ended up on the
Speaker 1: table at my doctor with Rio, my big my four
Speaker 1: year old, on top of me. What was on top
Speaker 1: of me for begging me to low bubbles in his
Speaker 1: face because I had a bubble gum, had some chewing gum,
Speaker 1: and he was like pressing his elbows into my rib
Speaker 1: on my chest, just like full and just like more.
Speaker 1: And then Remy is, bless his heart, in the stroller
Speaker 1: next to me, the baby, and he's holding my hand
Speaker 1: and won't let go because you know, Rio and I
Speaker 1: are having a moment and he wants to be included.
Speaker 1: So that's how the appointment started. Doctor Jinjo walks in
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh how she I could tell. She
Speaker 1: was like, am I a pediatrician?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Did I forget something? Because I'm like I'm under here,
Speaker 1: I'm under here. It's me. Yeah, it was a peak
Speaker 1: par and did remy. Remy took a I'll be quick
Speaker 1: he uh, he did his business. And she was such
Speaker 1: a sweet doctor. She was like, oh, I'll hold him
Speaker 1: for you. When I tell you that woman was covered
Speaker 1: in the facings of my s no child. I was mortified. Mortified,
Speaker 1: kids do mortified. But I was like, you know what
Speaker 1: you picked. You said you weren't hold him, so you
Speaker 1: know I didn't do it, But yeah, yesterday I was.
Speaker 1: It was intense, it was full throttle. I was so
Speaker 1: anxious and that is why I needed my my bath
Speaker 1: at the end of the night, which has been this
Speaker 1: new practice of mine that is so and it's not
Speaker 1: just the act of taking the bath. It has to
Speaker 1: be really hot with salts. I got the oils. I
Speaker 1: have all the candles, all the nice, nice things. I
Speaker 1: got nice I think I showed you it. Did I
Speaker 1: show you a picture of them?
Speaker 2: No, you show me a picture of like that bad
Speaker 2: thing you know that goes across the top. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have my little bath tray because you were
Speaker 1: showing me your place and I was like, well, I
Speaker 1: got bath salts. But no, it's been a just taking
Speaker 1: the bath and then deep like journaling deep like train
Speaker 1: of thought. What do you call it? Your thoughts are
Speaker 1: just going streaming conscious? Yes, yes, yes, don't be afraid
Speaker 1: of your thoughts. Write them down. That has been so effective.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I was telling our producer Tanya before the show,
Speaker 1: like I got out of that bath and it was
Speaker 1: like I really did feel renewed and ready for bed.
Speaker 1: And that's a huge amount of growth for me to
Speaker 1: recognize that I needed that to give myself what I
Speaker 1: needed and to use the time for myself and not
Speaker 1: to work or to like you know, find stuff for
Speaker 1: the summer to do, like all that stuff that I'm doing.
Speaker 1: It was very, very therapeutic. And I woke up today
Speaker 1: and I feel so much better, so much better. A
Speaker 1: month ago, I could not have gotten myself out of
Speaker 1: that funk like that.
Speaker 2: So I'm glad you're using the tools available. That's the thing, right,
Speaker 2: I always say, like to me, what therapy helps me
Speaker 2: to learn this new perspective and what tools I have
Speaker 2: available to navigate? Yeah, And so I mean I know
Speaker 2: sometimes it so allves very WOOLU take a hot bath,
Speaker 2: but sometimes take a hot bath.
Speaker 1: I was the one who always I didn't get it,
Speaker 1: I said, I hated them. Why would you sit in
Speaker 1: hot water? I just sweat, and like, you have to
Speaker 1: take a shower beforehand because I'm kind of like a
Speaker 1: German foe and I do. The whole ritual for me
Speaker 1: is shower, will clean the bathroom, make sure it's nice
Speaker 1: and spotless. I have to mom, like I have to
Speaker 1: clean the tub out, even though IM the only one
Speaker 1: who uses it. I just I think about whatever and
Speaker 1: then I draw the bath and uh, yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: I get it. It's it's really how you spend your time,
Speaker 1: and it's it's really about and you know, I would
Speaker 1: think that's such a luxury of time. Who has that
Speaker 1: much time? And you can make that time for yourself
Speaker 1: to fill the tub and light the candles. And I
Speaker 1: kicked my kids stuff. I kicked them up in their
Speaker 1: own room they had. It was like it was like
Speaker 1: a theme park in my bathroom for the past four
Speaker 1: years because that's where the kids were taking their baths.
Speaker 1: I thought it was easier, but I reclaimed that space,
Speaker 1: and yeah I could. I can't recommend it more. Even
Speaker 1: if you don't have like the esthetic bathroom with all
Speaker 1: the things like, it does not take much a clean bathtub,
Speaker 1: some candles and just the door closed and locked and
Speaker 1: that journaling practice. And yeah, it is.
Speaker 2: Well finding what your thing is. For me, it's walking.
Speaker 2: Like people are always like, oh my god, that's so great.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I am not walking because of exercise. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean it's just a I'm like, I guess girl.
Speaker 2: But for me, it's not like it literally it's something
Speaker 2: about breathing in outside the birds, the squirrels, the trees.
Speaker 2: Like literally, there are times when I'm like, I'll have
Speaker 2: walked in the morning and I'll walk in the evening
Speaker 2: just because I'm still feeling a little anxious and walking
Speaker 2: is just about the only thing that almost one hundred
Speaker 2: percent of the time works to lower whatever that like
Speaker 2: hide my abrational kind of like buzzing that you do
Speaker 2: when you're feeling yourself getting anxious. That just walk it
Speaker 2: just for me, you know. And so it's great that
Speaker 2: it's also ah, it's good for your heart. But yeah,
Speaker 2: for me, I never was a tub girl. I've tried
Speaker 2: a couple of times and I'm like, okay, I do
Speaker 2: like a long shower. That to me, that feeling you
Speaker 2: get in the tub is the feeling I get in
Speaker 2: the shower when I just let them waters just run
Speaker 2: over me. But walking is one.
Speaker 1: Of the shower steamers. Have you seen those?
Speaker 2: Not? Oh no, but you know what My friend Dawn
Speaker 2: black woman owns a company called Puka p o Oka
Speaker 2: and she does all of these like all natural. She
Speaker 2: does shower steaming, bath bomb. I have to get you
Speaker 2: a kid like Mandy, because yes, Donna is awesome.
Speaker 1: It's my whole personality now, like you just want to
Speaker 1: base every gift from here on out on the fact
Speaker 1: that I like a bath like please.
Speaker 2: No, I'm want to have her like send you because
Speaker 2: Donna's awesome. So if you guys go to I think
Speaker 2: it's it's a Puka dot com. But what I love
Speaker 2: she well, not what I love about her. But Dawn
Speaker 2: found out some years back that she had MS. She
Speaker 2: I think she said she was like walking home from
Speaker 2: work and she literally passed out, and I was like,
Speaker 2: what's happening? And she went on this long journey to
Speaker 2: figure out what is wrong with me? And it took
Speaker 2: them forever to figure it out, as it often does
Speaker 2: with women. And she found out that she has MS
Speaker 2: and multiple sclerosis, and she said, what can I do
Speaker 2: to offset? Like the effects of MS on my body.
Speaker 2: And what she learned is that, like you know, there
Speaker 2: are the food that you eat now, but not just that.
Speaker 2: She realized the things that she put on her skin
Speaker 2: were aggravating the symptoms of her MS. So she just
Speaker 2: started making her own things that didn't aggravate her skin.
Speaker 2: And people would be like, you smell so good, your
Speaker 2: skin looks so great, you know, you look so amazing,
Speaker 2: and they would ask her. So she just started making
Speaker 2: her things for family and friends, and then it's grown
Speaker 2: and grown, and she's been in business now, I don't know,
Speaker 2: over ten years. It's pook up okay, a pook up,
Speaker 2: pure and simple. I'm just on your site now and
Speaker 2: I love so if you have like hyper sensitive skin,
Speaker 2: My nephew had a really bad exema when he was
Speaker 2: a baby, and you know, you can't just use anything
Speaker 2: on a baby but her her body. Butter was one
Speaker 2: of the few things that like she had this no
Speaker 2: it was it was a shade butter bar. It was
Speaker 2: like the only thing that we could use that was
Speaker 2: like all natural and actually worked, and the stuff just
Speaker 2: smells so good. Her lemon grass, she has this coco
Speaker 2: coconut lemon grass that's my favorite scent of hers. All
Speaker 2: natural but yeah, so pook up, pure and simple. You
Speaker 2: want to support a black woman while getting yourself like
Speaker 2: roussa on. Yes, but I'm gonna send you a packet.
Speaker 2: I'm like, do I'm put together the ultimate bath combo
Speaker 2: for Mandy.
Speaker 1: Yes, and don't sleep on the Home Goods and Marshalls
Speaker 1: and TJ Max Like listen, I get a little anxious
Speaker 1: when I go in there sometimes if it's too crowded.
Speaker 1: But the thin body area you can find some really
Speaker 1: good deals. So I got like really nice bath salts
Speaker 1: for five dollars, bubbles and little containers. I think I
Speaker 1: probably spent less than twenty dollars on my whole setup.
Speaker 1: So self care on self care every day and I love. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love talking to my son about it too. He
Speaker 1: could tell I was having a hard time and he
Speaker 1: made me. He said, I would make you a supplies.
Speaker 2: He made me a little card. I love.
Speaker 1: State farm agents are small business owners too, so they
Speaker 1: know how to help you choose personalized policies that fit
Speaker 1: your needs, like a good neighbor. State farm is there.
Speaker 1: Talk to your local agent today. Well, one of the
Speaker 1: things I wanted to the one of the reasons I
Speaker 1: wanted this show today to be about mistakes money mistakes
Speaker 1: is because well, one I have seen just being on
Speaker 1: the internet a little but I have I'm really candid.
Speaker 1: I will share when I make a mistake, and when
Speaker 1: those clips go beyond my little bubble of my audience
Speaker 1: who follows me and enjoys what I do and gets
Speaker 1: to know me and cheers me on, when it starts
Speaker 1: to go a little bit more viral, the level of
Speaker 1: judgment in the comments has really started to It doesn't
Speaker 1: get to me, but we're so quick to judge a
Speaker 1: person based on a mistake. Shouldn't you have known better?
Speaker 1: Why did you do that? Why didn't you do this?
Speaker 1: When that is so painful and it's so detrimental to
Speaker 1: our own mental health. And I know if people are
Speaker 1: out there passing judgment on others, it really means that's
Speaker 1: how you talk to yourself at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to see if we can have, like
Speaker 1: well round to talk about mistakes that we've made financially
Speaker 1: and then also some of the things that we are
Speaker 1: proud about. And I just want to preface this by
Speaker 1: saying we are extremely candid with you guys, be a fan,
Speaker 1: and I think I feel safe enough with our audience
Speaker 1: to to share these mistakes. And I think it's a
Speaker 1: helpful practice just to know that you can know things
Speaker 1: and still yeah, make a mistake and it's okay. I'm
Speaker 1: working on not beating myself up when I make small
Speaker 1: mistakes or big mistakes or what have you. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're down for a tiff, wellever.
Speaker 2: I knows my mistake, but I'll try to find some.
Speaker 1: New There must be some new ones always girl condo. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's always some good stuff. It'll be in the next
Speaker 1: book if you ever write one, but you never will,
Speaker 1: I know. So today we're going to talk about our
Speaker 1: biggest money mistakes. Should we do it by like age
Speaker 1: or just more recent whatever comes to mind?
Speaker 2: I guess yeah, like I'm trying to think. Maybe not.
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't put too much pressure on the biggest
Speaker 2: money mistakes because I've certainly shared them. But just money
Speaker 2: mistakes that you're want.
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, you're right, little ones.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just like you're wanting to share. So, oh,
Speaker 2: I'll tell you my most recent money mistake. So kids
Speaker 2: are we'll just have your money in a choke hold,
Speaker 2: as you know. So the Supergirl was having her graduation
Speaker 2: when she was having her prom send off, and she
Speaker 2: was like, hey, can you get the same photographer and
Speaker 2: videographer that did my tweet sixteen? You know, this is
Speaker 2: the two young black men. I was like, okay, let's
Speaker 2: support them. It was really expensive because typically they do
Speaker 2: like events. So it was I want to say, it
Speaker 2: was one thousand dollars for them to come to her
Speaker 2: prom send off, take all the pictures, do the video.
Speaker 1: But I honestly prom send off though girl, and once
Speaker 1: that I've seen just a smidgen of it wasn't like that.
Speaker 1: Does she have a big crowd?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So she had her family and friends over her
Speaker 2: mom had like hired someone to do like this loon arch.
Speaker 2: It was a whole thing, and I felt guilty for
Speaker 2: being like a thousand all like for her sweet sixteen.
Speaker 2: It made sense to me because it was like sweet sixteen,
Speaker 2: all the things, Okay this, I was like, So instead
Speaker 2: of kind of pushing back, you know, and saying, what
Speaker 2: is the LISTA really asking for? She just wants pictures
Speaker 2: for her prom? Instead of pushing back, I said, okay,
Speaker 2: I paid it. I was like, whatever, ha, foolish Tiffany,
Speaker 2: because the next day I always as these beautiful pictures
Speaker 2: that she posts on social, not the ones that I
Speaker 2: paid for, And I was like, these look like great
Speaker 2: professional pictures. These are awesome. Where'd you get these pictures from?
Speaker 2: She's like, well, I knew that the prom sent the
Speaker 2: guy the prom send off guys that they wouldn't you know.
Speaker 2: I guess whatever hours they allowed didn't allow them to
Speaker 2: follow her the prom because she wanted to have pictures
Speaker 2: in front of like the place that prom. So I
Speaker 2: found this guy in college who does pictures for like
Speaker 2: one hundred dollars. I say, hey, how cole Vignant? I
Speaker 2: said what? Yeah, like honestly crowd for like thirty five
Speaker 2: pictures I got for like it's like a hunt. It's
Speaker 2: like it was like a dollar picture something ridonculous. But
Speaker 2: if I want my date to be in it, then
Speaker 2: it was like two dollars a picture, so it'd be
Speaker 2: like one hundred and fifty dollars. I was like, I
Speaker 2: could have wept, oh, I said, I guess she realized
Speaker 2: midway bragging. She was like, oh, but this is after
Speaker 2: like you had already, like you know, got the guys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.
Speaker 2: I was just like, but you know what, it was
Speaker 2: my mistake because I I sometimes can get locked into
Speaker 2: the specific thing that she's asking for versus what is
Speaker 2: the underlying thing she's asking for. It's not can you
Speaker 2: get those people? She's like, I want pictures for prompt
Speaker 2: I could have just done a little more due diligence
Speaker 2: and just found like, you know, people to do it
Speaker 2: and you know, and so nine hundred dollars access later, Helena.
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes having access to the financial means
Speaker 1: to fix problems leads you to sometime like the way
Speaker 1: that I'm receiving what you're saying is like when there
Speaker 1: is an opportunity to problem solve, throwing money at it
Speaker 1: can work and did work, but giving kids and teenagers
Speaker 1: an opportunity to just problem solve themselves and be creative
Speaker 1: and I so I'm like, I'm toggling between being really
Speaker 1: proud of her for figuring out a way with her
Speaker 1: budget versus yeah, like her looking to you as like
Speaker 1: the problem solver financially.
Speaker 2: Yes, that to be fair, she did not know the
Speaker 2: price of like what the other you know, not until
Speaker 2: I had already like booked them whatever, So okay, you know,
Speaker 2: so to be fair, it wasn't like hey, because I'd
Speaker 2: paid for it for her sweet succeed and I didn't
Speaker 2: tell her how much, and so so.
Speaker 1: She's all anocent. Doesn't everyone just have like photographers, well.
Speaker 2: You know all the girls. Yeah, you know, this was
Speaker 2: like this was the year where those proms sendoffs just
Speaker 2: went crazy. So she saw the price leaders. You know,
Speaker 2: that's why she brought it up, because she saw the
Speaker 2: price Leader after it was paid it she was like,
Speaker 2: that's how much you paid because and that's why she
Speaker 2: was like yeah, because you know, like this is the
Speaker 2: guy and this is what he charged. And I was like, oh, listener.
Speaker 2: She was like, I know, but I didn't realize that
Speaker 2: that's what it was. And I thought to myself, I
Speaker 2: should have won a few things I could have done differently.
Speaker 2: One I could be like, so you want pictures, because girl,
Speaker 2: just so you know, those people are one thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: That's a lot for a problem sendoffs. She probably would
Speaker 2: have been like, oh, that is a lot, let's see,
Speaker 2: you know, or at the very least, you know, she's
Speaker 2: at the age now where I should have shared the
Speaker 2: price with her, so she fully understood, like this is
Speaker 2: what it's costing to do the thing. Yeah, So I
Speaker 2: mean it was like, you know, it was that eight
Speaker 2: hundred and fifty dollars foolishness down the drains.
Speaker 1: How much do you think the whole prom send off
Speaker 1: was hopefully not even covering dress?
Speaker 2: She son't. I didn't pay for you know, dress, I
Speaker 2: paid for photographer and makeup because Leela my makeup arty
Speaker 2: did her makeup, and so the makeup, you know, was
Speaker 2: pretty inexpensive relative because Lee Loways gets took a good deal.
Speaker 2: So I don't know, but it's hard. I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: lie because normally, well one, you know, I don't have
Speaker 2: to pay for like anything for listen, her mom got
Speaker 2: her and her dad she gets social Security because he's
Speaker 2: not here. And I'm the underlying real thing is that
Speaker 2: I felt a sense of guilty obligation. I thought this
Speaker 2: is too much. But I'm like, oh, it's her proms
Speaker 2: send off. Her dad is not here. You know, this
Speaker 2: is a special time, and so I let that lead
Speaker 2: versus all those things are true and we're still going
Speaker 2: to get her pictures. It just doesn't have to cost that.
Speaker 2: So that emotional underlay wiped away the common sense that
Speaker 2: I know when it comes to that doesn't make sense financially, Tiffany,
Speaker 2: you know, and so navigating that is really it's difficult.
Speaker 2: I mean I can imagine, you know, you're a full
Speaker 2: time parent where it's like, I want to do this
Speaker 2: thing for my kid. I love my kids so much,
Speaker 2: but then it's like the financials I may or may
Speaker 2: not say that makes sense or not, And so you're like,
Speaker 2: where do you land between those two things? Only to
Speaker 2: find that the kid only wants to play with the
Speaker 2: box anyway and not the toy.
Speaker 1: Okay, well we're not here to talk about that, but yes,
Speaker 1: well thanks for sharing. That's all. It's like, yeah, it
Speaker 1: wasn't so much a mistake as just uh, you know,
Speaker 1: yeah it was a.
Speaker 2: Mistake running off all that, like I could have done
Speaker 2: a little more research and not.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to like, yeah, I'm trying to put it,
Speaker 1: but I'm just like, that's we're here to be honest about.
Speaker 2: It's a mistake. And here's a thing I can look
Speaker 2: at a mistake, a financial mistake and not say I'm
Speaker 2: not a mistake. It was a mistake that was made,
Speaker 2: you know, like I'm actually I'm not beating my start,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Because here's the thing. A
Speaker 2: thousand dollars, although it's not a little bit of money,
Speaker 2: did not put me in financial harms way. You know
Speaker 2: that that's different like I would you know, maybe i'd
Speaker 2: be feeling, but I'm like, oh wow, I could have
Speaker 2: used that money for something else, Like her graduation party
Speaker 2: was on Sunday, she had it here at the house.
Speaker 2: I could have used that toward catering. You know, I
Speaker 2: could have used that towards because I'm buying her car,
Speaker 2: you know, so she's getting certified pre owned. That's a
Speaker 2: good amount of money to put toward her car. So
Speaker 2: I can look at it and say, Okay, how do
Speaker 2: we get here, how do we adjust for the next time,
Speaker 2: because there are other financial choices that have to make
Speaker 2: as it relates to her, and so I use it
Speaker 2: as a teachable lesson. But I'm not beating myself up
Speaker 2: because fortunately there is a boundary like that. If I
Speaker 2: was still teaching preschool and really struggling to save a
Speaker 2: few hundred dollars a month, I would have made that
Speaker 2: decision differently, or that decision would have hit differently. You know, so, yeah, no,
Speaker 2: I don't beat myself up. It was just kind of like, ah,
Speaker 2: I see where you came from with it. We have
Speaker 2: another financial decision made for her car. Let's take the
Speaker 2: emotional component out of it. Because she talking about she
Speaker 2: wanted to Audi. I said, me too, girl, let me
Speaker 2: know when you get one, let me know what you
Speaker 2: get one.
Speaker 1: Says does she know the story of that like sixteen
Speaker 1: year old car that you used to drive.
Speaker 2: She was there when I was driving it. I said,
Speaker 2: if you don't pick between the Toyota war Honda and
Speaker 2: count yourself lucky. And she was like, okay. So she's
Speaker 2: getting herself handa Civic, which she's been texting me all
Speaker 2: these stinking Honda Civics all day long. She just get
Speaker 2: herself a certified pre old Honda Civic. I told her
Speaker 2: nothing older than twenty nineteen, no more miles than about
Speaker 2: fifty thousand miles. I told her that the budget is
Speaker 2: between fifteen to twenty thousand miles because that's the range
Speaker 2: that they range in. So of course every car she
Speaker 2: showing me is nineteen point nine nine nine nine nine.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm a vine home.
Speaker 1: I forget about I don't know. I'm sure that's extras.
Speaker 1: You gotta add on.
Speaker 2: Now what I do. Man, that's her top budget, that's
Speaker 2: what we do. So those are the Yeah, so these
Speaker 2: are But because of the car thing, I can look
Speaker 2: not the car thing, because of the photographer thing. I
Speaker 2: look at the car thing with less emotion, like let's
Speaker 2: make better choices and looping her in on why we're
Speaker 2: making these choices, versus me having this kind of like
Speaker 2: guilty conscience and making those choices on my own.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's tough saying no to kids, and I
Speaker 1: mean like it really is. And as a parent, we
Speaker 1: are my budget. I was so much better about money
Speaker 1: before I had kids, because it's really difficult to not
Speaker 1: do the things even if it's like, oh, it's not
Speaker 1: really in the budget. This year, this year was really
Speaker 1: expensive for me in different ways. I had so much
Speaker 1: traveled to Georgia for all that stuff, and those flights
Speaker 1: last minute are not cheap. You can get to Georgia
Speaker 1: for less than two hundred dollars if you can claim
Speaker 1: in advance. But anyhow, Yeah, but so the mistake that
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about is one that I bring
Speaker 1: it all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, did.
Speaker 1: You see my posts on ig about this. Okay, I
Speaker 1: wasn't sure if I was going to stay it on
Speaker 1: the podcast, but I do feel the need to defend myself.
Speaker 1: So and I'm not going to say the name of
Speaker 1: the conference because I don't care. I don't want to
Speaker 1: hurt anyone. So I don't know why I chose to
Speaker 1: go to the internet with this, but I spent This
Speaker 1: was back in April, and one of the things that
Speaker 1: was happening for me with me in April was I
Speaker 1: was having a really tough time just with anxiety and
Speaker 1: all of that, and didn't feel like I was making
Speaker 1: a lot of progress on like business stuff because I
Speaker 1: had a kid and all this family stuff happening. So
Speaker 1: what I did is I listened to a really amazing
Speaker 1: interview that the founder of this conference gave on NPR,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Oh, I love her. I want
Speaker 1: to get her on the show, I want to read
Speaker 1: her book, I want to go to this conference. I
Speaker 1: looked it up. Speaker's lineup was sweet. It was three
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. And I was in this moment then of
Speaker 1: like buying things to take the place of doing things,
Speaker 1: you know, Like we talked about that a little bit
Speaker 1: how it feels like you've done something when you've just
Speaker 1: signed up for something and I had not done a
Speaker 1: single sort of like professional development, you know, being community
Speaker 1: with my peers this year because of how just isolated
Speaker 1: I had to be. So when I purchased it, I
Speaker 1: knew it was a non refundable to conferences are, yeah,
Speaker 1: non refundable, and I get it because I mean, this
Speaker 1: is one of the few cases where I'm like, they're
Speaker 1: putting you have to budget, put a ton of work
Speaker 1: behind it, excuse me, and if people are bailing last minute,
Speaker 1: then it just puts you in a really difficult position financially.
Speaker 1: So I knew exactly what I was getting into. I
Speaker 1: knew it was on the West coast. Three thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to do flight and hotel, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I want this. I wanted And then we
Speaker 1: roll around to like May and June and I'm like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: do I want to go to this conference? And I
Speaker 1: and there was a while where I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is such a mistake. I think I'm just like
Speaker 1: out three thousand dollars. That's a lot of money. That's
Speaker 1: a mortgage for me. Lot, and you know and I
Speaker 1: and if I, but the mistake is soothing with spending,
Speaker 1: like handling anxiety, like I could have just taken a bath.
Speaker 1: You don't actually have to go and spend three Oh
Speaker 1: there's just take a bath. It also works. But anyway,
Speaker 1: the mistake has been made. I posted about them on
Speaker 1: ig because I was there's so many like thoughts that
Speaker 1: go through my mind, like just go through with it,
Speaker 1: like you've already you've spent the money, why not just go?
Speaker 1: It may turn out to be great. But then the
Speaker 1: other part is like, ah, do I want to I
Speaker 1: had her from a couple of people that it wasn't
Speaker 1: like the most amazing experience, and that made me feel
Speaker 1: self conscious and like a kind of yeah, remorseful about
Speaker 1: having purchased it. And so I love the I never
Speaker 1: used the feature on ig where you can post a
Speaker 1: reel with a poll, and I posted it. I think
Speaker 1: I got like five hundred plus votes the beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: Let me just double check. Though I wanted to give
Speaker 1: the numbers right. It made me feel very validated, affirmed
Speaker 1: by how split the vote was. Okay, it was giving
Speaker 1: let's have a recount, it was giving count the mail
Speaker 1: in ballots, Yeah, okay, fifty three percent. So the poll
Speaker 1: was should I go and make the most of it
Speaker 1: or should I cut my losses and stay home? Fifty
Speaker 1: three percents that I should go, forty seven percent that
Speaker 1: I should stay home. So for me, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: so I'm not. It is like a toss up between
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling about this, and then I start reading.
Speaker 1: I got so many comments, and some of them are like,
Speaker 1: why did you do this in the first place, and
Speaker 1: you know, really judging really harsh. Some people recommended that
Speaker 1: I transfer it. Some people recommended that I give it away,
Speaker 1: and I was like, y'all think I'm really generous three
Speaker 1: thousand dollars to give away. I mean, I'm not. If
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to go, I get it. Like if
Speaker 1: I if I decided to stay home, I absolutely would
Speaker 1: have probably posted and been like, hey, this is up
Speaker 1: for grabs, but I haven't made the decision yet. My
Speaker 1: mother give it away yet? Dang what I have? What? Also,
Speaker 1: there's so many people who were like being really optimistic
Speaker 1: and you know, seeing the glass half full and being
Speaker 1: like you should go at may be a good opportunity.
Speaker 1: Some person throw shade at me, and they said, you're
Speaker 1: the negotiation coach. Negotiate because it's a non refundable Yeah.
Speaker 1: And a lot of people, and I mean a lot,
Speaker 1: said I should dispute the charge. Does no one have
Speaker 1: a moral compass anymore? Girls to the charge.
Speaker 2: It's giving throw away the key lack her eh?
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Did
Speaker 1: the thought cross my mind? Listen? We all have intrusive thoughts. Okay,
Speaker 1: thoughts are thoughts, are not actions. They can't hurt you
Speaker 1: once you let them. But when you like, no, you
Speaker 1: can't dispute the charge for a conference that you paid
Speaker 1: for knowing all of the details. Nothing was there. And
Speaker 1: this is why I'm not talking about the comp friend's name,
Speaker 1: because it's not their faults. They did everything right.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Anyhow, I had to take that down, like not take
Speaker 1: it down, but like like respond to that because the
Speaker 1: idea that people were wanting me to dispute the charge
Speaker 1: really bothered me. Because business owners, especially like this is
Speaker 1: a woman of color owns a business. I have had
Speaker 1: just one person dispute buying my course in my community,
Speaker 1: and the back and forth with my payment process or stripe,
Speaker 1: and I was all worried, like what is this going
Speaker 1: to mean for me?
Speaker 2: Like that?
Speaker 1: And on top of that, it's just downright fraudulent, like yeah,
Speaker 1: and don't do it puts businesses.
Speaker 2: I had a friend of mine who sells glasses, you
Speaker 2: know already not talking about around all the time. Oh,
Speaker 2: everyone bought glasses from in very expensive glasses. Disputed the
Speaker 2: charge and so you know, went back and forth with
Speaker 2: the company even though they came you know, he had
Speaker 2: them shipped down and he was like so he was like, hmm,
Speaker 2: this client works here, came up to their job. They
Speaker 2: were wearing the glasses. Oh, he came up and he
Speaker 2: said he had the video on. He said, these are
Speaker 2: glasses that you didn't get mouth open. He said, I
Speaker 2: could either send this or you can handle the glasses.
Speaker 2: Now they handle of the glasses. And so can you imagine.
Speaker 1: Buying from a local business, I mean from you.
Speaker 2: Buy them a local business. You're wearing the things that
Speaker 2: you've been So this person just makes it people honestly,
Speaker 2: you really I mean and I'm not really normally here there,
Speaker 2: like you should be ashamed of yourself to dispute something
Speaker 2: that you know that you purchased or used. Of course
Speaker 2: you dispute if some you know, like I didn't buy
Speaker 2: that thing or someone used my card or of course, but.
Speaker 1: It really was like completely not what they promised. And
Speaker 1: course they're refusing a refund. It's yeah, but.
Speaker 2: Wearing glasses essentially asking Mandy to wear the glasses that
Speaker 2: she says she ain't get no, don't get them snatched
Speaker 2: off your face.
Speaker 1: Ah So, but that whole but putting it out there,
Speaker 1: and I was really I was a little uncomfortable and
Speaker 1: like self conscious to put that out there, but it
Speaker 1: helped me get the clarity that I needed. I'm going,
Speaker 1: I'm going, yeah, I'm going to go, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to have a damn good time. And I checked out
Speaker 1: the speaker list again and I guess back in March,
Speaker 1: I don't know when this was. It was a few
Speaker 1: months ago, a couple months ago. The speakers have been
Speaker 1: updated and I saw a couple of speakers that I'm
Speaker 1: really excited to hear from. And you know what, like
Speaker 1: I would, I have not been able to be up
Speaker 1: here and just like in the room learning and absorbing
Speaker 1: for a long time, and I just want to be
Speaker 1: in a room and not have anyone asking me for anything,
Speaker 1: and I'm just there to like soak up and be
Speaker 1: a sponge. And I don't know anybody like in terms
Speaker 1: of someone that I know I'm going to have by
Speaker 1: my side the whole time. So social anxiety me is
Speaker 1: a little bit like, but I'm like, where is that
Speaker 1: girl who took her butt to fing Con and had
Speaker 1: the time of her life? I had the time of
Speaker 1: my life, think on that year, and it wasn't about
Speaker 1: necessarily the conference itself, but it was about me just
Speaker 1: going to be a professional person and my whole mind
Speaker 1: to myself and no mom this, no mom that, get
Speaker 1: out of the tool what are you doing in there?
Speaker 1: Never mind got some instruments anyway, it was about me
Speaker 1: just yeah, just like being myself and focusing on my
Speaker 1: work and having all my full brain and kind of
Speaker 1: leaving the house stuff behind. And I deserve that again.
Speaker 1: So I'm going and I've got a friend in the
Speaker 1: California somewhere We're going to meet up. I might do
Speaker 1: like a little bit of like a self cared trip.
Speaker 1: So that is how I am turning that mistake that
Speaker 1: could have been a mistake, and I'm choosing the brave
Speaker 1: sort of see the glass half full approach. And so
Speaker 1: to everyone who encouraged me to do that, thank you
Speaker 1: because you were right. And to those of y'all who
Speaker 1: told me to dispute it, shame Kharma, DM, I know, right,
Speaker 1: where's the bell same.
Speaker 2: I'm really glad that you're going and you get to
Speaker 2: write it off, right, there's some business right off?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah we can. So the business write off,
Speaker 1: I mean that would have happened regardless, like I could
Speaker 1: have written it and I will. But like the travel
Speaker 1: and all of that is that it rite off too.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, So business part up has that any are really
Speaker 2: expenses that you use to on behalf of the business.
Speaker 2: So whenever I travel, travel is one of the main
Speaker 2: things you can write off. Well, not one of the
Speaker 2: main things, but yeah, so like if it's one thing,
Speaker 2: if I'm going on vacation and I'm just like, ooh,
Speaker 2: got here having a good time, unless I am a
Speaker 2: travel influencer, then absolutely it's part of business. For those
Speaker 2: who were telling you to scam the system, shame, shame, shame,
Speaker 2: But I see no shame if you make financial mistakes.
Speaker 2: As doctor Green always reminds me of my amazing therapist
Speaker 2: so you're mad at yourself for being human. Make it
Speaker 2: make sense, girl. If we made all the perfect financial choices,
Speaker 2: then all of us would be, you know, freaking millionaires.
Speaker 2: It's just it's just not possible, like or you're gonna
Speaker 2: make mistakes, okay, and you know so yeah. So we
Speaker 2: would love, though, to hear your financial mistakes, right, Mandy,
Speaker 2: Like they should. They should let us know.
Speaker 1: Well, we hear a lot of them because you guys
Speaker 1: send us questions. I love it, but what I want
Speaker 1: to hear is like the full arc. So share a
Speaker 1: story of where you made a mistake financially, but then
Speaker 1: how did you problem solve and how did you or
Speaker 1: what lesson did you learn and how will you approach
Speaker 1: it differently? Because I think we should give ourselves credit
Speaker 1: for looking at a moment, looking at it differently after
Speaker 1: the fact, and then doing something positive to move us forward,
Speaker 1: like can't fix this, can't change this, but let's make
Speaker 1: the most of it. So can't wait to hear from me? All?
Speaker 1: Please hit us up dm us at Brand Ambition Podcast
Speaker 1: on ig or you could email us Brand Ambisson Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Got come there it is, I was waiting for it.
Speaker 2: We gotta take a quick break right and go for
Speaker 2: brown boost brown break.
Speaker 1: Let's do it.
Speaker 2: We are back and blacker than ever, and now it's
Speaker 2: time to boost up, break up, boost up, break up,
Speaker 2: boot stop, break up? Boost? Are you gonna boost? Is
Speaker 2: you gonna break? What you're gonna do? What you're gonna.
Speaker 1: Can?
Speaker 2: I can we tell them of the surprise that's happening
Speaker 2: with kind of like the change in our setup, or
Speaker 2: we're gonna wait.
Speaker 1: Ken, I mean when will this be airing? We could? Yeah,
Speaker 1: why not?
Speaker 2: Well that's gonna be our boosty with my boosts if
Speaker 2: you don't mind me going first, Yeah, okay, go for it.
Speaker 2: So our boost is we're gonna do a little shaken.
Speaker 2: We're gonna shake the table. Hodie and Manny and I
Speaker 2: are going to start taping in person. Mandy's gonna mosy
Speaker 2: hurway on down to Newark, New Jersey, Jersey Town, and
Speaker 2: you guys will get to see inside the condo I
Speaker 2: have like a we're calling it a studio. It's my office,
Speaker 2: but it's much bigger than my little small space now
Speaker 2: and so we're gonna takee together.
Speaker 1: We're not in the studio in your new Bridge, Auntie
Speaker 1: pad I'm excited. I'm because I'm so excited. I'm so
Speaker 1: excited that you're excited. I think when I proposed the
Speaker 1: idea to you, I was like, should I try to
Speaker 1: manipulate her into this and like think or think it
Speaker 1: was her idea? Now I'm just gonna ask what am
Speaker 1: I talking about? Because I was like, when you get
Speaker 1: you get a gut feeling and you're like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is this is it? Like we should totally do it
Speaker 1: there because we've been looking at some studio options and
Speaker 1: I would I mean we have we were in person
Speaker 1: for maybe like what did we do like a month
Speaker 1: the first two episodes we were in person back in
Speaker 1: twenty fifteen at the Yahoo office Times Square. But yeah,
Speaker 1: to go back in person and to spend a day
Speaker 1: with you across the table, maybe you have some guests
Speaker 1: for tea in the middle. I'm very excited about bringing
Speaker 1: Brown Ambition to your home. Yeah, and starting a new chapter.
Speaker 1: We are coming up on year nine, so it'll be
Speaker 1: a decade next year in twenty twenty five, so let's
Speaker 1: take Yeah, this is basically our tenth year, right, ninth year.
Speaker 1: I don't know how that works, but I'm really excited nonetheless.
Speaker 2: Yees. So we're gonna give We're gonna we're if you know,
Speaker 2: since we're meeting in person to tape, we will also
Speaker 2: have just kind of like a new lineup. It's just
Speaker 2: gonna be We're gonna it's gonna be the brown, the
Speaker 2: bea refresh. Okay, so you know, but if you have
Speaker 2: you know what, we would love some feedback. If you're like, ooh,
Speaker 2: I love that you guys added a segment talking about this,
Speaker 2: We are totally open. Yeah, we're gonna do a total
Speaker 2: ba refresh. So have you been a long time listening,
Speaker 2: you'll love it more. If you're new, you'll love it
Speaker 2: even more. So that's my.
Speaker 1: Checks out on YouTube. You better subscribe to YouTube now.
Speaker 1: I would. I was gonna do it boost, but I
Speaker 1: kind of feel like now that I brought it up,
Speaker 1: the girls on YouTube are on our YouTube channel. They're
Speaker 1: in those comments tip and they love the show. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna make a point to respond to
Speaker 1: these comments and get back to y'all because I've been
Speaker 1: sleeping on it and I'm like, Wow, people are really listening,
Speaker 1: They're they're engaged. YouTube is where it's at. I can
Speaker 1: see why influencers are like fleeing from TikTok and going
Speaker 1: to YouTube in terms of just the community and all that.
Speaker 1: So thank you, ba Fan, I'm coming. We're coming on YouTube.
Speaker 1: Check us out. Look up Brown Ambition podcast. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: So summer is upon us and I'm gonna do a
Speaker 1: brown boost for a couple of free sources, free or
Speaker 1: like really low cost sources of activities to do in
Speaker 1: the summer with these chi rin So one is my
Speaker 1: public library, and I am I don't know when I
Speaker 1: forgot about libraries, But have you heard of them, Tiffany?
Speaker 2: I do? I love them?
Speaker 1: Do y'all know about these libraries? So many free events.
Speaker 1: They have dance parties, they had a bubble bus. They're
Speaker 1: doing story time. We're going to go today for story time.
Speaker 1: So I can just be in the background cla clack
Speaker 1: clack cleaning on my keyboard and on my phone doing work.
Speaker 1: The local nature center doesn't have to be fancy. They
Speaker 1: have some turtles, they have some some some ferrets, They
Speaker 1: have some bugs and some snakes and whatever. But for
Speaker 1: eighty five dollars we became members. And why do they
Speaker 1: have so many secret members only events like we're gonna
Speaker 1: go see a butterfly release yeah on Friday.
Speaker 2: Doesn't know?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean we went and made our own
Speaker 1: bird feeders the other week. And so affordable, so low cost.
Speaker 1: So if you are out there looking for things to
Speaker 1: do for yourself or for the cheeren, don't sleep in
Speaker 1: your libraries and your local nature centers. It does not
Speaker 1: have to be really expensive camps or god forbid, tablets
Speaker 1: and phones and screens all day. I'm gonna be outside
Speaker 1: this summer like I was last summer, just.
Speaker 2: The summer used to have. They used to have these
Speaker 2: if you read a certain amount of books, you would
Speaker 2: collect these little erasers that were like collect the boss.
Speaker 2: And then at the end, if you had like ten
Speaker 2: books or books read, then they had a pizza party
Speaker 2: for the kids. It was the library was the jam
Speaker 2: when I was little?
Speaker 1: Did you have the pizza Hut? Book it challenge?
Speaker 2: Ohn? Did it sounds so familiar?
Speaker 1: Were First of all, child labor laws should probably be
Speaker 1: assassed if they were going to run this again, because
Speaker 1: I think you had to read in my head it
Speaker 1: was six hundred books. That can't possibly be true. Maybe
Speaker 1: three hundred or three is one hundred even realistic? You
Speaker 1: had to read a lot of books, and then you
Speaker 1: would get this sheet of flimsy paper like tissue paper
Speaker 1: that your teacher or your parents had to fill out,
Speaker 1: and then you take it to pizza hut and all
Speaker 1: they would give you was a free personal pan pizza.
Speaker 1: But you couldn't tell me I had not. This won
Speaker 1: the Nobel Piece Prize. The way that I was sad
Speaker 1: for those personal pan pizzas. Oh man, amazing and the
Speaker 1: old school pizza huts, the Dinings. Did you ever go
Speaker 1: the Dinons?
Speaker 2: Of course they had the booth salad bar ah.
Speaker 1: Wait, so I don't know. I wasn't a salad bar kid.
Speaker 1: I was the personal pan pizza kid. And like the
Speaker 1: red plastic cups that were just always a little bit
Speaker 1: greasy and you're not sure if they really properly wash them.
Speaker 1: So many good memories.
Speaker 2: But when they would teach you in a non smoking section.
Speaker 1: I love when you say I'm too young, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I probably am.
Speaker 2: Even at that young age. I was like, this doesn't
Speaker 2: make sense. I could smell the smoke. I remember thinking
Speaker 2: that I could still smell the smoke.
Speaker 1: Oh, I do remember, because I would run ahead of
Speaker 1: my mom and be like can we sit in the
Speaker 1: non smoking section? And she would be so mad at
Speaker 1: like Ruby Tuesday, being like, bandy, what did you do?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's my lungs all right? Aba? Fam? What
Speaker 1: do we want to say? Oh yeah, leave us a review,
Speaker 1: rate review, subscribe, tell a friend, tell a friend, we
Speaker 1: can't wait to celebrate our night in aniversary with y'all,
Speaker 1: and let me check really quick if we have any
Speaker 1: new reviews to read. No, we don't. That makes me sad,
Speaker 1: so sad, but oh that's the exploitive one. Okay, riba fan,
Speaker 1: We will see you next time Monday, Wednesday, Friday every week.
Speaker 2: Bye,