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Speaker 1: I slept in cars. My friends would sneapy into their houses,

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Speaker 1: and I ended up getting shot by my friend's dad,

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Speaker 1: missed my heart by a few centimeters and it's stuck

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Speaker 1: in my lung today.

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Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so

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Speaker 2: excited for today's episode because I get to sit down

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Speaker 2: with Alex Warren, Grammy nominated singer songwriter whose music has

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Speaker 2: reached billions across the world. Alex's rise has been remarkable,

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Speaker 2: not just for the success, but for the story behind it,

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Speaker 2: a story of deep loss, unexpected love, and transforming some

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Speaker 2: of the darkest moments of his life into songs that

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Speaker 2: heel Please welcome to On Purpose Alex Warren. Alex, it's

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Speaker 2: great to have you here.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. Dude, that was an crazy introduction.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's true. You've had to live it.

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Speaker 1: Dude. You gotta when I die, you got to give

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Speaker 1: a speech or something that was beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I would. I have a feeling, from having researched and

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Speaker 2: studied your life for this interview and even the few

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Speaker 2: moments we've just spent, if that is an honor that

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Speaker 2: you would give me, I will. I will be there.

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Speaker 2: I will receive that very gratefully. We got to go.

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Speaker 2: I hope that's a long long way off, so.

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Speaker 1: We gotta go on a few hikes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely absolutely, I need to learn a bit more

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Speaker 2: about you.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 2: But first of all, I just want to say congratulations.

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Speaker 2: I just saw you were the number one song on

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Speaker 2: Varieties hit Makers twenty five songs. Oh my god, Sabrina

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Speaker 2: Carpenter Kendrick's got like three on there or whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, how does that feel? That is incredible? That's huge.

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Speaker 1: Well, I didn't know that until just now, which is

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Speaker 1: I don't look at that stuff. It's something for me.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I just focus on the music itself,

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Speaker 1: and it's been really amazing to be able to have

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Speaker 1: those accolades. I don't know, it doesn't feel real. Like

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Speaker 1: that's the one thing that kind of like it doesn't

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Speaker 1: hit me yet. Every time I play a show and

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Speaker 1: I sing that song, I take an ear out and

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Speaker 1: hope people are singing. And I get off stage ago

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Speaker 1: where people singing the song like, and everyone's like, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: shut up. Yes, they were like this isn't cute anymore.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm genuinely serious. Wow, Yeah, that's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: And of course I saw you, you know, did a

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Speaker 2: little share the other day, but Spotify wrapped yeah top

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Speaker 2: ten albums of the number four song in the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: on the globe. I mean again, it's just how does

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Speaker 2: that feel? Like? How does that truly feel? So there's

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Speaker 2: a part of you that goes I don't look at it,

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Speaker 2: and of course you're like checking to see whether but

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Speaker 2: how does that feel?

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Speaker 1: Dude? It's I see it, and it's true. It's like

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Speaker 1: a there's a warm feeling inside because I've always wanted that,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I think everyone would be lying if

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Speaker 1: they said they didn't love it. I think that's the

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Speaker 1: part about it. I wrote it with my friends about

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Speaker 1: meeting my wife, and that's even more special. That's the

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Speaker 1: song about my wife. It's not some fluff, it's not

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Speaker 1: some pitch song. It's just a record that you know,

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Speaker 1: we actually believe in.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so special and that it's incredible to think

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Speaker 2: that you've got the people around you that you're writing about,

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Speaker 2: because I feel like often artists will write a song

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Speaker 2: about someone, but then it's a breakup or someone that

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Speaker 2: they're not connected to anymore. I imagine It's a really

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Speaker 2: rare feeling to actually say I'm writing a song about

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Speaker 2: the person I love and they're in my life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. That's something I never really think about, is when

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Speaker 1: people write like a breakup song, it becomes like a hit,

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Speaker 1: like what that relationship is. But yeah, it's just something

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Speaker 1: where I feel like it didn't happen to me, it

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Speaker 1: happened to us, and it's been really cool to be

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Speaker 1: able to have that moment together.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely. I mean I was going to ask you,

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Speaker 2: you've I feel like you've spoken about your journey many

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Speaker 2: times before, Yeah, but I wanted to ask you, what's

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Speaker 2: a childhood memory that you have that you feel defines

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Speaker 2: who you are today that has played such a pivotal

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Speaker 2: role in molding who you are.

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Speaker 1: I have never been asked that question. Wow, I would

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Speaker 1: say probably a lot of the memories I have with

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Speaker 1: my dad. My dad knew he was dying and so

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Speaker 1: he It's so fun when I do these interviews and

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Speaker 1: stuff because I get to actually like talk about him

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Speaker 1: and talk about that life that I kind of forgot about.

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Speaker 1: But a lot of the pivotal thing was watching my

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Speaker 1: dad go through chemo and slowly start to break down.

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Speaker 1: And he's still every day woke up at five am

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Speaker 1: to be able to hang out with me before he

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Speaker 1: went to work, to provide for what was left once

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Speaker 1: he passed. And I just remember, you know, a lot

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Speaker 1: of times in my life and especially now, I kind

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Speaker 1: of think, oh, like you know, I can't do this,

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Speaker 1: I can't do that, or I just get nervous, and

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Speaker 1: then I think about the things that my dad went

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Speaker 1: through for us, and I can do anything at that moment.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like he bought me my first guitar

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Speaker 1: and being able to play music and be able to sing,

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Speaker 1: and watching his face when I didn't know what I

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Speaker 1: was playing and it sounded god awful, but knowing that

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Speaker 1: he got to churish that memory was probably a big

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Speaker 1: one for me.

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Speaker 2: Wow. How old were you when he was going through quema?

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Speaker 1: He got he had cancer four times before I'm an

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Speaker 1: entirety of when I was born, but he beat it

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Speaker 1: three times and the fourth time got him and he

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Speaker 1: died when I was nine, So probably, like I probably

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Speaker 1: remembered it from five to nine.

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Speaker 2: How did you have that conversation with you at that time?

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Speaker 2: Were you aware at that time at that age what

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Speaker 2: was even happening. I can't imagine.

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Speaker 1: No, I met it the night before he died. I

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Speaker 1: remember he was so they were just making him comfortable

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Speaker 1: and so he was at our house in a hospital

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Speaker 1: bed in the downstairs bedroom. And I remember the night

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Speaker 1: before the last conversation I ever had with him is

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Speaker 1: he was puffed up on drugs and I was messing

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Speaker 1: with them, and you know, I was like, Dad, will

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Speaker 1: you buy me a ferrari? And he's like, he was

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Speaker 1: saying yes to everything, you know, And it's weird to

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Speaker 1: think about it back then and kind of be like

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Speaker 1: that was my goodbye was I was kind of fucking

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Speaker 1: with him a little bit, and yeah, I all I

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Speaker 1: know is like, you know, he died joking around with us,

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Speaker 1: saying yes to everything. You know. He didn't even bother to,

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Speaker 1: you know, say no or mess with us back. But

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Speaker 1: he left us all notes. And when he died. The

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Speaker 1: morning he died, my mom came into my room at

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Speaker 1: like five in the morning, I remember the time was

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Speaker 1: actually five o five exact, and she said, it's time

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Speaker 1: to say goodbye to your dad. He had left us

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Speaker 1: these letters and we got to read those letters. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can say that's a pretty surreal moment to kind

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Speaker 1: of like think about. But I never knew, well, I

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Speaker 1: didn't even realize until I was like thirteen or fourteen.

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Speaker 1: Then he was in a part of my life. I

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Speaker 1: think it was just a weird, messed up joke. I

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Speaker 1: think I would make things up. I'd be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he works for the FBI, or like he like faked

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Speaker 1: his death, and I, yeah, it's pretty weird when I

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Speaker 1: came to terms of the fact that he was gone.

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Speaker 2: So it was quite hard to actually come to terms

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Speaker 2: with it. It took a few years to even process the

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Speaker 2: reality of the situation.

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Speaker 1: Like I don't think my brain could at nine years old,

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Speaker 1: And I think back, I really never think about this,

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Speaker 1: So this is like the first time in a long

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Speaker 1: time I'm actually thinking about it. It's like, I remember

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Speaker 1: when he died. I was doing the stereotypical wake up,

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Speaker 1: wake up like he was dead in front of me,

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Speaker 1: and I think it was just a whole moment of

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Speaker 1: me trying to like be like stop joking around. I

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Speaker 1: was nine, but I understood he was dead, but I

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Speaker 1: didn't understand what that meant, of course, And so for

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Speaker 1: a good twenty minutes I had to I was slapping him,

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Speaker 1: I was shaking him, begging him to wake up, and

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Speaker 1: then they wheeled them out of my driveway and the

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Speaker 1: neighbors all looked around, and I think that day I

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Speaker 1: was like, I remember it so vividly but so blurry

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Speaker 1: at the same time. But yeah, I knew he was dead.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what that meant until I was thirteen

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Speaker 1: or fourteen.

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Speaker 2: Tell me about you said he would wake up five

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Speaker 2: am to play with you or with you before you

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Speaker 2: went to work. Talk to me about what you do remember,

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Speaker 2: because it's it's remarkable that you can hold onto memories

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Speaker 2: from them, but obviously they seem so precious. Are a

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Speaker 2: lot of those memories based on things you remember, all

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Speaker 2: pictures of video, and.

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Speaker 1: It's what I remember every day he woke up and

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Speaker 1: it I have three other siblings, and so he would

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Speaker 1: take me and my brother skateboarding and we would go

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Speaker 1: to the skate park and get donuts early in the morning,

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Speaker 1: or we would go to church, or I know, with

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Speaker 1: my sisters or even all of us. Like he'd wake

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Speaker 1: up early and take us like leg of land, you know,

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Speaker 1: and like he would just find every day was a

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Speaker 1: different day. Every day was a different thing. You know,

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Speaker 1: there was no routine besides the fact that every morning

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Speaker 1: we woke up and we had no idea what we

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Speaker 1: were doing, and it was kind of like a bucket

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Speaker 1: list in some ways. Like he wanted to surf and

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Speaker 1: learn it, so we went surfing and like, yeah, so

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Speaker 1: like every day, I think he just wanted to His

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Speaker 1: goal in life was always to be a father and

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Speaker 1: to have kids, and I think he just sped run

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Speaker 1: it as fast as he could, knowing he was dying.

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Speaker 1: And I can't imagine that as hiding that from your

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Speaker 1: children and trying to leave a future for them as

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Speaker 1: you leave.

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Speaker 2: What a special man. Yeah truly sounds.

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Speaker 1: Like someone nice tribe to be every day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, very worthy of that. And when you came

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Speaker 2: to that, what was the moment at thirteen fourteen where

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Speaker 2: you came to that reflection? Like what kind of made that.

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Speaker 1: I always knew my life was different, I didn't understand it.

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Speaker 1: I watched my little sister go to a daddy daughter

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Speaker 1: dance without her dad, and I remember seeing her crying,

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Speaker 1: and I started to think what was different about my life?

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Speaker 1: And I started to think about because at that point,

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Speaker 1: it was like, oh, like you know, at nine years

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Speaker 1: old losing your dad and then you're fourteen, it's all

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Speaker 1: you know, like the formative years of your life have

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Speaker 1: now starting, and so you're just being like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: don't have a dad, that's a normal thing. And I

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Speaker 1: started to think about what was what I was missing,

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Speaker 1: what I didn't have, and I think that was the

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Speaker 1: biggest thing. That my mom was an alcoholic who wasn't present.

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Speaker 1: So I realized I was raising myself and having to

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Speaker 1: you know, all of us, of me and my siblings

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Speaker 1: were raising each other, and that was something for us

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Speaker 1: that we really we didn't realize wasn't normal for a

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Speaker 1: very long time, and we struggle with today. I think

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Speaker 1: we struggle with having a normal sibling relationship because we

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Speaker 1: were so busy trying to parent each other.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me about that parenting each other, Like, what

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Speaker 2: was it like parenting yourself and then parenting when you're

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Speaker 2: fourteen years old?

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Speaker 1: It's interesting. I think it was more like, you know,

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Speaker 1: me and my brother were obviously this protective brother over

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Speaker 1: our little sister. And then I think my older sister

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Speaker 1: felt the issue was about four you yars older than us,

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Speaker 1: so she felt really the need to do so, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think the dynamic is just different. You don't have

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Speaker 1: an older brother, you have someone that you for me

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Speaker 1: at least, is someone I helped through a daily life

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Speaker 1: and vice versa, and there's different things that I'm skilled

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Speaker 1: at that he is. And I think we adapted really

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Speaker 1: really well to being able to being able to parent

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Speaker 1: each other. But then that normal relationship of just catching

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Speaker 1: up and sibly. It's weird now doing it as we

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Speaker 1: had a moment when my mom died. We kind of

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Speaker 1: all went our separate ways. We kind of just realized

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Speaker 1: what the w is wrong with our lives and we

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Speaker 1: all stopped talking. Oh wow, we all stopped talking. We

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Speaker 1: all went apart, and I started doing this and we

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Speaker 1: rekindled not too long ago. Most of us live in

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Speaker 1: the same state now and we grab lunch every week

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Speaker 1: and we try our best to kind of, you know,

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Speaker 1: hash that out. It's been nice. Honestly, I'm really close

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Speaker 1: with all them now, which is really cool.

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Speaker 2: Who was the first person to reach out.

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Speaker 1: Probably Lauren, my older sister.

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Speaker 2: She reached out to you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she's super, super keen on creating an environment of

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Speaker 1: family and that was something I was missing for a while,

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Speaker 1: and so she was kind of the glue that was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, let's just all come together and it's

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Speaker 1: been cool. She got us all to move to Nashville.

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Speaker 2: Was it easy to bring everyone back in or did

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Speaker 2: it take a moment like talk to me about that reconnection.

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Speaker 1: Everyone wanted to everyone wants to be a family. I

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Speaker 1: think it's just being a part for four years at

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Speaker 1: our twenties. I mean you have to think like I

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Speaker 1: was nineteen when we all kind of like went away,

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Speaker 1: and so you know, a lot has changed since I

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Speaker 1: was nineteen, you know, career wise, me wise. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I've grown so much as a human, you know, and

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Speaker 1: I think boundaries and respect and you know, growing like

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Speaker 1: just trying to like settle back into being siblings. It's

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Speaker 1: been a fun challenge, I would say, because it's it is.

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Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I'm one of those people I

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Speaker 1: think arguing is a beautiful thing. Well I do. I

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Speaker 1: think even with my wife, and she's finds it so

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Speaker 1: funny and we'll be like fighting about like a rug

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Speaker 1: and I'll be laughing. I'm like, this is great. Like

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Speaker 1: we're talking like life is about compromise. Life is about

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Speaker 1: figuring out what you can tolerate. Of me and how

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Speaker 1: much I can tolerate of you, and you know, that's

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Speaker 1: how a relationship works. And it's been really nice to

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Speaker 1: kind of like be able to learn things about people

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Speaker 1: through an argument, how they feel, what is the compromise there,

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Speaker 1: And that's what I really like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, do you when you look back now, do you

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Speaker 2: believe that parenting yourself allowed you to have some of

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Speaker 2: this maturity at this young age?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? One percent. I didn't even I never got into drinking.

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Speaker 1: I never got into smoking.

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Speaker 2: Because you didn't have the opportunity.

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Speaker 1: Right, And so like for me, like I'm a pretty

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Speaker 1: boring guy. Like I think that's the one criticism I

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Speaker 1: see online and people are like, oh, Alex is just

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Speaker 1: the boring white dude. I'm like, yeah, I am, I am,

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Speaker 1: and I love it. But no, it's allowed me to

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Speaker 1: grow up really quickly, which is beautiful and sad, but

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Speaker 1: it's funny. I find I find things that I love

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Speaker 1: that are childish. You know. I love skateboarding and because

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Speaker 1: my dad loves surfing, I dirt bike. I do all

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Speaker 1: these things. And so like I'm a giant teenager now

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Speaker 1: kind of living out that childhood I never had.

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Speaker 2: Get again in my own way as I'm reflecting what

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Speaker 2: you're saying. So I felt like I parented myself. My

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Speaker 2: dad was more. He was around, but he was aloof

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Speaker 2: and in his own world, and so I was definitely

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Speaker 2: my younger sister's father. Figured that was the role I

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Speaker 2: took on early on. I really felt like I became

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Speaker 2: mad at the house quite early on, and I look

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Speaker 2: back at those moments now and feel very grateful for

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Speaker 2: them as well, because to me, I don't think I

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Speaker 2: would have had the skills that I was able to

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Speaker 2: develop if I didn't have that experience, and I don't.

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Speaker 2: People always like, do you feel you missed out in

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Speaker 2: your childhood? I don't think I did, because I think

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Speaker 2: I still had some of that in my way, and

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Speaker 2: there were moments of that. Do you I feel like

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Speaker 2: you missed out when you look back, or do you

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Speaker 2: feel differently?

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Speaker 1: I often do, But I think it's the childhood that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't meant to have, you know, I missed out

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Speaker 1: on having a father, you know, and like I missed

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Speaker 1: out on you know. I think when you learn how

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Speaker 1: to ride a bike, you look behind you once you

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Speaker 1: figure it out, and you fall a couple of times,

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Speaker 1: and you look at your parents and you say, look,

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Speaker 1: I did it. And throughout my entire career, of even childhood,

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Speaker 1: of becoming an adult and accomplishing certain things, I looked

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Speaker 1: back and I didn't have those people in my life,

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Speaker 1: and I think that starts to rewire your brain of

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Speaker 1: what an accomplishment is. You know, how do you value success?

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Speaker 1: To me, success is being able to show my parents

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Speaker 1: I did everything I set out to be And so

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Speaker 1: it kind of rewires you into thinking, you know, what

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Speaker 1: is it? What does all this mean? And what does

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Speaker 1: you know my childhood look like? And I think everything

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Speaker 1: that I went through has shaped me up to where

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Speaker 1: I am today and whether I like it or not,

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Speaker 1: and I do like it. I like it I am now,

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Speaker 1: but it is something that you know, I think about

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Speaker 1: a lot. Is like, you know, I would be a

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Speaker 1: completely different person if my dad was still alive, my

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Speaker 1: mom was still alive, and I didn't go throughout those things,

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Speaker 1: And whether or not I want that is always a question.

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Speaker 2: I ask in terms of parallel lives.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, like, you know, I could have had

337
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Speaker 1: a childhood, I could have had all these different things,

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Speaker 1: but I would not be who I am and what

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Speaker 1: I know and I don't think i'd be a musician.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that I would be here. I don't

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Speaker 1: think I would have met my wife. You know, there's

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Speaker 1: so many different things I went through my life that

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Speaker 1: I love that because I didn't have.

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Speaker 2: A childhood, how do you define success now?

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Speaker 1: Truly, I was so unhappy with myself for a long time.

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Speaker 1: I think I just never knew. I always wanted to

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Speaker 1: be a musician since I was a kid, since my

348
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Speaker 1: dad introduced me to it, and I tried for my

349
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Speaker 1: entire childhood and no one cared. Again, I grew up

350
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Speaker 1: in an abusive household, and you know, when you find

351
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Speaker 1: something that you like, you get torn down for it.

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Speaker 1: So I just never thought I could do it. You know.

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Speaker 1: My dad introduced us to music, and he passed again.

354
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Speaker 1: He passed away, and so I stopped. I stopped trying it.

355
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Speaker 1: Just he played music all the time. I grew up

356
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Speaker 1: with Rascal Flats and Train and Cold Play, and he

357
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Speaker 1: passed away and the music stopped, and figuratively and you

358
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Speaker 1: know actual, And so when I started understanding what was

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Speaker 1: happening in my life, I started playing music and I

360
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 1: got torn down for it every day, you know, I

361
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,080
Speaker 1: would do talent shows. My mom wouldn't show up and

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Speaker 1: she would say I sucked and all these different things.

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Speaker 1: And you know, hearing that every day growing up, you

364
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:39,520
Speaker 1: start to think, do I suck? You know? And then

365
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,400
Speaker 1: I turned eighteen and I was still trying. I would

366
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Speaker 1: post covers on Vine and TikTok and it was musically

367
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Speaker 1: at the time, and I got kicked out of my

368
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Speaker 1: house and I would go and when I would shower

369
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,280
Speaker 1: out a twenty four hour fitness or whatever bathroom I

370
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 1: could find at a resort or whatnot, I would sing

371
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: in the bathroom and the acoustics were great, and I

372
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Speaker 1: would post those on the internet and those wouldn't do well.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I was every single second I could. I

374
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Speaker 1: think I got shot down. And then I met my

375
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 1: wife and I posted a video with her in my

376
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Speaker 1: car and it did amazing the first rip around, and

377
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,680
Speaker 1: I was like, oh cool, Like this is going to

378
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,680
Speaker 1: get us out of the situation. We kept going and

379
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Speaker 1: found myself back to music in area.

380
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Speaker 2: What did your day to day look like with your

381
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Speaker 2: mom and her addiction.

382
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Speaker 1: I was the only person who I don't know if

383
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Speaker 1: I'm the only person who knew. I was the only

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Speaker 1: person who called it out at the time. Yeah, so

385
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Speaker 1: my dad, when he was dying, he knew and he

386
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,919
Speaker 1: was terrified, so he obviously did certain things that he

387
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that we were okay. But yeah,

388
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Speaker 1: I would. My daily thing is my mom would start.

389
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Speaker 1: My mom would sleep during the day and stay up

390
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Speaker 1: all night, and so she'd be drunk at five am,

391
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Speaker 1: driving us to school at six or seven, and she

392
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 1: would sleep and she got back home. She never had

393
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Speaker 1: a job since my dad passed away, so whatever we

394
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Speaker 1: lived on was what she he left us, and he

395
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Speaker 1: died during the recession, so it was definitely a scarce

396
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Speaker 1: interesting time.

397
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Speaker 2: You know.

398
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Speaker 1: We still grew up fine. You know, my dad did well,

399
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 1: and so when he passed away, it was whatever. But

400
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 1: daily it was I'd wake up and I'd find what

401
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 1: alcohol she was hiding and I'd throw it away. I

402
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,879
Speaker 1: can't tell if I was petty for that or if

403
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 1: I just truly wanted to see her stop. You know,

404
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,479
Speaker 1: but every attic needs a circuit. They need someone to

405
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: blame that isn't themselves, or at least that's what I

406
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,679
Speaker 1: think growing up with it, and I was that person.

407
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 1: I was the only person who could call out her problem.

408
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,480
Speaker 1: I was the person who, when she was driving drunk,

409
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Speaker 1: would make her pull over or I would threaten to

410
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:48,680
Speaker 1: call the police. Yeah, I was the person who made

411
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,920
Speaker 1: it difficult for her to have the addiction because I

412
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Speaker 1: didn't want to see it anymore. I thought that, you know,

413
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Speaker 1: you're supposed to be a parent, you know, And her

414
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 1: and I clashed a lot, you know. So yeah, my

415
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:03,600
Speaker 1: daily life was waking up, calling her an alcoholic for sure,

416
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Speaker 1: threatening to call the police, and yeah, it was really

417
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,680
Speaker 1: really toxic. I mean, looking back at it, I would

418
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 1: call the police honor several times as she was abusive.

419
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,160
Speaker 1: It was one time she elded me in the face

420
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,800
Speaker 1: so hard that I have a devia acceptance now from it,

421
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 1: and I called the police and she made up a

422
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 1: thing saying that I hit her or something, and I

423
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,199
Speaker 1: remember they threatened to take me to jail. And that

424
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:34,800
Speaker 1: was the first time I ever felt like, wow, everything

425
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 1: is stacked against me in some way, you know, and

426
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 1: so like that was really difficult for me to be like, oh, well,

427
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,480
Speaker 1: I can't call the police anymore. And it was so strange.

428
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 1: It was such a strange way to grow up reflecting

429
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,000
Speaker 1: on it, but it's also something you know again, it's

430
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 1: I never drank. I never drink. I never do any

431
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 1: of those things because I've never seen the good of it.

432
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Speaker 1: When people like, oh, we're going out to drink, I've

433
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 1: never I've never understood that. I've never craved it, never

434
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 1: wanted it, and I'm not against it. I just I

435
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,440
Speaker 1: just don't get it anymore, you know, because I grew

436
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 1: up with the negative of it. You know.

437
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, did your desire to remove her addiction reflect badly

438
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 2: on you? Like, is that where the moments of tension

439
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 2: and abuse, yeah, spoked was that you were the one

440
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 2: trying to take it away from it?

441
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 1: Yeah? And I think it didn't help that my siblings

442
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,479
Speaker 1: didn't realize it either. I think my siblings would all

443
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: be like, well, if you didn't talk back, you wouldn't

444
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,680
Speaker 1: get hit. Was the sentiment behind it. And I thought

445
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 1: that was such a bizarre sentiment growing up. But yeah,

446
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,199
Speaker 1: I mean I was just one of those people. I like,

447
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: I wasn't a troubled kid. I didn't get into bad things,

448
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: but I wanted to be a singer. And my mom

449
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,840
Speaker 1: hated it. She hated it. You know. I don't know

450
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 1: what it was about, whether it was like vlogging or

451
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 1: singing or just filming my life. I never wanted to

452
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 1: do a normal job like in school. I would be

453
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 1: instead of like class, I would go to bathroom and

454
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,160
Speaker 1: sing and film it and post it. And of course

455
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 1: I started my grades started slipping a little bit because

456
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 1: that's all I wanted. I knew I wanted to do that,

457
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:07,520
Speaker 1: and she thought I was some terrible kid, and so, yeah,

458
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,200
Speaker 1: it was. It was definitely a clash between us, and

459
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 1: it never stopped. Even after all this. She was still

460
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 1: alive when I started doing well, and yeah, man, I

461
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 1: remember I had distanced myself fully until I was like, look,

462
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not gonna I don't want you in

463
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 1: my life until you get help. And I remember the

464
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 1: week she died, she had texted me I have a

465
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: problem and I'm going to AA and then she died

466
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 1: the week after, which crazy, did you believe it? Yeah,

467
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,159
Speaker 1: which is hard, but I don't know. I don't know

468
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: it killed her. I don't know if it was just

469
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: final and she realized she had a problem where she

470
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,919
Speaker 1: went to the doctors one day. But I remember, I

471
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: remember how up her house was. I never I couldn't

472
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: step foot in it. But my siblings went and it

473
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 1: was bad. There was like she was dead way before

474
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:17,719
Speaker 1: she was, which is crazy. I think watching two people

475
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,880
Speaker 1: die in front of you like that is like the

476
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: it's the weirdest thing. It's the weirdest. You can't explain it.

477
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 1: It's the breath, the that person doesn't become a human anymore,

478
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,600
Speaker 1: you know, and like the if you've ever watched it before,

479
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 1: it's it's the breathing that doesn't leave, like the it's

480
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: so hard to explain to someone. They're not breathing for themselves.

481
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: They're gasping for air and you want it to stop.

482
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 1: And it's the scariest thing. It's crazy watching that twice

483
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 1: at nine, and then you spent your whole life forgetting it,

484
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: and then you turn twenty one and you just it's

485
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: like a haunting thing that doesn't leave. It's crazy.

486
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 2: Was that at home as well? She was at home?

487
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: No, no, I I that one was in a hospital.

488
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: But when you die from drinking and liver failure, you're

489
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 1: yellow all over, you know, because I think it's called

490
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 1: johndice or something. It's it's morbid. It's like the I

491
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 1: think watching my dad die, he turned white. You know,

492
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 1: because it's kidney failed. Watching someone die slowly like that

493
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: is probably like something that you can never forget. It's crazy, terrifying.

494
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,679
Speaker 2: Will you buy her best side when it happened as well?

495
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: Yeah? I remember. The one thing too, is you know,

496
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: you walk outside. We all just had a moment. Once

497
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 1: she had passed. We went outside. We all just started crying,

498
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 1: and you know, you look around and someone's on their

499
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: lunch break, and someone's pulling up in a fancy car

500
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: to Jersey Mike's and everyan's laughing, and people are walking

501
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 1: by leaving the the hospital, and it's it's it's weird

502
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: to think that my world stops spinning. But you're just

503
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: you have no idea, You have no idea what the

504
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: heck just happened in there. You have no idea what

505
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: we just went through, and it's it is so interesting,

506
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: it is I remember that that stuck with me sobd

507
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, why are why isn't everyone Why isn't the

508
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 1: world stopped? You know, because mine just did. It's crazy.

509
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, with your father, obviously your memory was this almost

510
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 2: playfulness or jerking around him saying yes, I'll get your ferrari. Yeah,

511
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 2: what was that internal and external dialogue with your mother.

512
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: They told us she could hear us. I don't know

513
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 1: if that was true or if that's just something you

514
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 1: tell people to hope that they they they have closure.

515
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 1: A lot of forgiveness, that's what you were saying. Yeah,

516
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: a lot of forgiveness, a lot of apologies too.

517
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 2: What did you say?

518
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 1: I think for me? You know, I I think in everything,

519
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 1: especially in a place where there's clashing, it takes two

520
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 1: people regardless. You know, she could have been a better parent,

521
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: She could have realized she had a problem. And whatnot?

522
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 1: My mom watched her husband die and then had to

523
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: raise four kids by herself. How the fuck am I

524
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: supposed to judge something like that? How am I supposed

525
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: to say you did that wrong?

526
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 2: You know?

527
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 1: And that's the one part for me is like a

528
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,240
Speaker 1: jest here so hard. I thought, you're supposed to be

529
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,640
Speaker 1: this perfect person, you're supposed to be this parent, And

530
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 1: it's crazy how selfish I could have been to assume that.

531
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: I don't know what you went through. I don't know

532
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 1: what it's like. It's your first time living, you know

533
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 1: how there's no perfect book on how to raise four kids,

534
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 1: watch your your husband died to cancer and be all

535
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 1: of a sudden have everything that you thought in life

536
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: ripped away from you in a second and just have

537
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: to put a smile on it and not have a cope.

538
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think that was my biggest thing. Is

539
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,960
Speaker 1: you know, I spent my whole life judging this person,

540
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 1: not putting myself in their shoes and understanding what they

541
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: had to go through to be okay. She had to

542
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 1: have drinks to be okay. She had to kill herself

543
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 1: to be okay with life. That's hard, you know. So

544
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: I think that was like the one thing for me

545
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 1: that like, you know, I had to wrap around and

546
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 1: have closure with and there wasn't. You know, it's closure

547
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: in some sense, but I don't know. I never got

548
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: to I never had got to have that conversation. I was,

549
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: what's that word when you you weren't talking to someone,

550
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 1: It's like a they call it something in a family,

551
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 1: when you when you weren't communicating with them. Yeah, kind of.

552
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: I didn't talk to my mom for a long time. Yeah,

553
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: it's hard.

554
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 2: Have you given yourself do grace?

555
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I don't think so. I haven't

556
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 1: thought about it until now, which is funny in such

557
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: a public setting. Yeah, I don't when you go through

558
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: the things I go through, or at least I can't

559
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,479
Speaker 1: speak for everyone. I have spent a lot of time

560
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: not forgetting, but putting it on a burner, letting it

561
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: sit there when it's time to approach those feelings. And

562
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: then when I do these things, I fully believe in

563
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 1: being honest and I like to take advantage. I told

564
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 1: you that before we start recording, that these are my

565
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: favorite parts of this job, and I think it's true

566
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,399
Speaker 1: because this is the time where I get to be human.

567
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 1: I think in my career, a lot of people look

568
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: at what we do and it's the same thing. I

569
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: think they just, you know, they don't see the human

570
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 1: behind the piece or the art or whatever. They see

571
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 1: the headline or they see whatever they want to see.

572
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: Whether I pass their favorite artists on a chart or

573
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,919
Speaker 1: if I got picked to do something a post to

574
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: their favorite artists, It almost I become a villain in

575
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,959
Speaker 1: their life without them actually understanding who I am behind it.

576
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 1: And so when it's time to do these things, I

577
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: think it's great because I think you start to realize

578
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 1: how messed up a lot of us are. Not even

579
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: messed up. I wouldn't even say I messed up. I

580
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:28,119
Speaker 1: think just the things that you tend to separate the

581
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 1: human from the art. And I think that's the hardest

582
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: thing for me too, is you know, everything I make

583
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 1: in the music I write about is fully true to me.

584
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: I don't not taking pitch records. I'm writing about my

585
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 1: watching my parents die, which is so hard to then

586
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: turn around and swipe on a TikTok and be like, ah,

587
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: it's Warren sucks, you know. And so it's just separating,

588
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 1: separating that. It's so difficult for me too. I just

589
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: have to scroll that whether it's good or bad, I

590
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: don't look at it. And it's hard. It's really hard

591
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: because these mean these songs mean so much to me.

592
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 1: These songs helped me through all those things I'm talking about,

593
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 1: and like, it's so strange to be able to be like,

594
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: oh wow, it's so strange not to take that personally,

595
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: you know. So that's that's definitely been a challenge.

596
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 2: Want to make a real difference this Giving season this

597
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 2: December on Purpose is part of Pods Fight Poverty podcast,

598
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 2: teaming up to lift three villages in Rwanda out of

599
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 2: extreme poverty. We're doing it through give Directly, which sends

600
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 2: cash straight to families so they can choose what they

601
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 2: need most. Donate at GiveDirectly dot org forward slash on purpose.

602
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 2: First time gifts are matched, doubling your impact. Our goal

603
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 2: is one million dollars by year's end, enough to lift

604
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 2: seven hundred families out of poverty. Join us at GiveDirectly

605
00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 2: dot org forward slash on purpose. As I was listening

606
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 2: to you, I was just thinking, I love that you

607
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 2: have the capacity for grace for your mom and to

608
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 2: sit there and say, you know, no one knows how

609
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 2: to raise four kids, what's their husband die, deal with

610
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 2: the challenges that come with life. You know, she's not

611
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 2: a superhuman. And as I was listening to you say that,

612
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 2: I was like, I hope you're able to develop that

613
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 2: grace for yourself to be able to say, you know,

614
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 2: no one knows how to come into the world and

615
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 2: have their father pass away when they're nine years old,

616
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 2: and have a mum who's an addict, and have three

617
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 2: other siblings. And because I'm looking and I think both

618
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 2: coexisting is what grace really looks like. Because it's beautiful

619
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 2: that you've been able to even have the glimpse of

620
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 2: that perspective for your mother and to expand that out

621
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 2: into yourself, because I often feel that we do one

622
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 2: or the others. So we often feel, oh, yeah, I

623
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 2: give myself grace, but I can't forgive that person and

624
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 2: that doesn't feel fully healed. Or we do the opposite

625
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 2: where we give that person grace but we don't for us,

626
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 2: and I can. I can resonate with it because I

627
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 2: always think about my dad because he was he had

628
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 2: such a complex childhood and when I look at it,

629
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 2: it gives me context and grace for who he became

630
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 2: and if without that context in the same way as

631
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 2: you just beautifully explained, but yeah, my dad like saw

632
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 2: his mom die when he was four, He grew up

633
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 2: in the slums of India. He had four siblings that

634
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 2: you know, we're just trying to figure out what to

635
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 2: do like it. And when I understand that context, I

636
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 2: can have grace and compassion for him. And then at

637
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 2: the same time, even though I didn't have those troubles

638
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 2: or your troubles, there's compassion I have to have for myself.

639
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,960
Speaker 2: And so yeah, I really hope this opens a doorway

640
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 2: for that for you, because it's beautiful that you have

641
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 2: the capacity for that for her. Yeah, I had it

642
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 2: in that moment. It's really speak.

643
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: I've never had that perspective funny enough, something so simple,

644
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: something yet so profound, you know.

645
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you have it. You're the one saying

646
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 2: it about your mother like you know, it's it's just yeah,

647
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 2: you know, saying the same about your nine year old

648
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 2: self and fourteen and twenty one. But when when you

649
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 2: were going through that, what was What do you believe

650
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 2: you needed most in your teenage years that you didn't have?

651
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: Wow, I don't know. I mean the obvious answer is

652
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 1: obviously a parent.

653
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 2: Yeah. Outside of that, yeah.

654
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: I think I I may do with what I hadn't.

655
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think I could have had anything more.

656
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: You know, you're growing up and being a teenager. I

657
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: think I had ambition, I had a dream, I had

658
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: a goal, and I every day being a kid, I

659
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: never thought of like, what what am I going to do?

660
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,959
Speaker 1: Party wise? I thought what am I going to do

661
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 1: so I can achieve those goals? I've always wanted to

662
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: do this, So I don't know. I truly every day

663
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 1: I just woke up and I thought how do I

664
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: make this dream and goal of mine possible and I've

665
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: never let go of it.

666
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 2: How did you protect that and protect your self esteem

667
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 2: in an environment where you're being told you suck, where

668
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 2: someone who's the only caregiver in your life doesn't love

669
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 2: your art or doesn't encourage it, and of course you

670
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 2: don't have the resources to how did you protect that?

671
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 1: I have no idea. I have no clue I should

672
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: have given up so long ago, and that is something

673
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: that I've questioned to this day of why it happened.

674
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: I for the longest time had this gut feeling since

675
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,719
Speaker 1: I was a kid. And whether you for me, I

676
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: credit that to God. I'm a Christian and I have

677
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 1: faith in that way, but for so many people, you know,

678
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: I can't imagine I every day I woke up and

679
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: I go, I'm going to do this. And I had

680
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 1: so much confidence for being such an insecure guy, for

681
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: not believing in myself wise for not believing myself where

682
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: my life was, and I would I should have given

683
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: up way before I did, and I never did. I

684
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,800
Speaker 1: just had this weird got feeling that this was supposed

685
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:14,919
Speaker 1: to happen, and I followed it, and here we are.

686
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:17,919
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that as in I love hearing that too,

687
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 2: because one of the most common things I hear a

688
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 2: lot from my community is Joe, my family doesn't believe

689
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 2: in me. I'm in a toxic atmosphere. There are people

690
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 2: around me who just holding me back, people with negative energy.

691
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,479
Speaker 2: What do I do about it? And you're sitting here,

692
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 2: you know, and we're looking at a snapshot of your life,

693
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 2: and yes we're getting into some detail, but you know,

694
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 2: there's so much more to it. Of course, it's your life,

695
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:46,879
Speaker 2: and you're sitting here going, well, actually, that's all I had.

696
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 2: So I did all I had like that. That was

697
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 2: basically not your escape, but that was your it was

698
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 2: your passion, it was your pursuit. It was where all

699
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 2: your energy went. It's it's where all your focus went.

700
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 2: Because what else would you give your focus to. If

701
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 2: you gave it to all the the other things, you

702
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 2: wouldn't have survived.

703
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 1: Exactly. I never had a plan B. I would go

704
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 1: to school and in class as I was posting musicalis

705
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 1: like it was. It was literally all I did every day.

706
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 1: I would go into class and I would just go

707
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: on my phone and do social media or post my

708
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: singing videos and I was failing. I didn't graduate high

709
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: school like I and nor would I ever recommend that

710
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: to anyone. I do not know what that conviction was

711
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: and why I thought that that was what I was

712
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 1: supposed to do, and it just it. I didn't fight it.

713
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: I tuned everything else out. There was nothing else I

714
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: was interested in, and I never had a backup plan.

715
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna be homeless. I'm gonna do this,

716
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 1: and I ended up being homeless.

717
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,280
Speaker 2: Did God have anything to do with the conviction?

718
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: I like to think so. I think a lot of

719
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 1: times when I watch podcasts and I hear people say

720
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 1: that though, it always throws me through a loop, you know,

721
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 1: And I think, like, you know, a lot of times

722
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: when I've you know, gone through this stuff and talked

723
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 1: about my faith and things, I just feel as if

724
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 1: I have been put on this earth to do this,

725
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 1: you know. And I feel as if I had to

726
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: lose my parents to be the person I am today,

727
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: you know, And the things that I've lost have shaped

728
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: me into the man that I am. And you know,

729
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 1: I've met everyone and I'm happy with myself after all

730
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 1: this loss and whatnot, and for me I've battled a

731
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: lot because I've always been like, oh, like, if God

732
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: was really, would I've done that to me? You know?

733
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: And I think that when you when I look at

734
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,240
Speaker 1: a snapshot of my life, I look at every single

735
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: mistake I've ever made and every single thing that's taken away,

736
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 1: and every single thing that has happened to me has

737
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: led been a lesson of some sort. I've learned from everything,

738
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 1: and I understand it's people probably disagree with that, and

739
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: I think that's fully fine. I just think for what

740
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 1: I've lived through and the things that I've gone through

741
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: and where I am today, the only thing to me

742
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 1: makes sense is that. And that's that's the beautiful thing

743
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: about faith. You got to believe it, you know, it's crazy.

744
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, Do you regret not telling your mom how you felt?

745
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 2: Or do you wish you've got to tell her that

746
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 2: you forgive her and that you understand and shared that compassion,

747
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 2: or do you feel it was shared in spirit and

748
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,479
Speaker 2: internally and that no.

749
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,919
Speaker 1: I think the one thing that I regret is my mom.

750
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: I look at this every time and it just kills me.

751
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 1: Is my mom died alone? You know, she'd have friends,

752
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 1: she didn't have family anymore. Everyone left her. Everyone left

753
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:30,879
Speaker 1: because they wanted to focus on themselves. I think that's

754
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: the hardest thing that I've had to deal with is

755
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 1: when I thought about that. I remember I was driving

756
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: and I started thinking about my life and how I'm

757
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,439
Speaker 1: terrified to be alone. And I started to think about

758
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: my mom and I realized that she was alone, and

759
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: I texted her and I wanted to check on her,

760
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: and little did I know she was dying alone. And

761
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 1: so for me, yeah, I mean, it's so easy to

762
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,439
Speaker 1: it's so easy when people are out of your life,

763
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 1: and now that it's happened to me so many times,

764
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 1: to be like, wow, I wish I did this different,

765
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: And you're never going to survive if you think that way.

766
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 1: It's never gonna I've lost so many people in my life,

767
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 1: and every time, it's so goddamn easy to be like, Oh,

768
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 1: I should have done this more. I should have walked

769
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 1: with them every day, I should have cherished those moments

770
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 1: in between. But now when I have friendships and my relationships,

771
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:32,800
Speaker 1: nothing matters to me at least, any issue is small

772
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 1: because I'm I'm able to put in perspective the things

773
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 1: that I've lost and been able to now understand the

774
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 1: gravity of what that means and losing someone, And so

775
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,400
Speaker 1: I feel like as a person, I'm much better of

776
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 1: a emotional person with other people because of that as well. Yeah,

777
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 1: of course, but I don't know, I can never think

778
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: about that.

779
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 2: I'm genuinely so in awe of your ability to process

780
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 2: much in so little time. And I don't say that

781
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,919
Speaker 2: as empty flattery at all. I say it with as

782
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: much gravitas as you can probably say it with because

783
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 2: and it's so interesting to me, because two people can

784
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,879
Speaker 2: go through the same thing and have completely different reactions

785
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: and everyone's allowed to process it however they decide to

786
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 2: process it. But it feels like the way you've been

787
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 2: able to walk these footsteps is allowing you to continue

788
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 2: to grow and heal, but not crush yourself under the

789
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 2: responsibility that you shouldn't have had to carry as a

790
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 2: kid anyway. And I think that's what's so interesting is

791
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 2: so many of us as young people carry weight that

792
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:49,360
Speaker 2: was too heavy that shouldn't have even ever come across

793
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,360
Speaker 2: even as an adult, and you end up carrying that

794
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 2: weight continuously. And it feels like I'm not saying it

795
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 2: it was easier or that that's not my interpretation of it.

796
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: But what I'm hearing is you've almost been able to

797
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: put the weight down at the right time when you've

798
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 2: needed to in order to move forward.

799
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I don't know, Yeah I do. I just

800
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: have this outlook on life that the and it sounds

801
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: so redundant, and I keep saying it, but truly, I

802
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: think that everything that has happened in my life is

803
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:22,240
Speaker 1: a lesson.

804
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 2: Where did that come from? How did you even get

805
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 2: to that place?

806
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: I don't even know.

807
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,680
Speaker 2: It's had to be, that's it's a survival instinct, Like

808
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 2: that's what I'm I.

809
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 1: Start to think about, what's the point? Yeah, I started

810
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: to think about my life, and I think I had

811
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: a moment where I had a reflection but also had

812
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: I battled with depression a little while ago, and I

813
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: started to think, what was the point. Why did all

814
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,240
Speaker 1: these things happen to me? Why is this my life?

815
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: And where am I supposed to be? And I think,

816
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: you know, like you said, there are two ways of

817
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 1: dealing with it. There's a lot of people, you know,

818
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: and my family's full of it. My family's full of

819
00:40:58,239 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 1: different ways that we have all endured what we went

820
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: through because I'm not the only one and we've all

821
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 1: gone different routes of that, and for me, I just

822
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: started to think, what is the point if I'm not

823
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: treating this the way. I can't control the fact that

824
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 1: my parents are dead, I can't control the fact that,

825
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: you know, life is fleeting, and you know, I've had

826
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: friends die and all these different things, and you know,

827
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: or even like the mistakes that happened, getting cheated on

828
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: or just random stuff that has happened in my life.

829
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 1: And then I start to realize if everything in life

830
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 1: is a way to another thing. You know, what happens

831
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: to you is a byproduct of a decision that someone made,

832
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: and your reaction is what follows. Right And for me,

833
00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 1: if I lose someone, it teaches me something and some

834
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,800
Speaker 1: aspect of life. If I make a mistake on stage,

835
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,839
Speaker 1: I truly think that that's something because I need to learn.

836
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: Mistakes are only important if you learn from them, and

837
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 1: if you don't, it's a habit. And so I've just

838
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: really stressed that aspect of my life every day of

839
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: you know, growing, because what's the point of living if

840
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 1: you can't grow? What's the point of living if you

841
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:03,439
Speaker 1: can't constantly try and become a better person. The one

842
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 1: thing I know about my dad, and I don't know

843
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 1: much because he died when I was a kid. Everyone

844
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 1: I ask says he was the nicest person ever, says

845
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 1: he was the kindest person ever, says he was a

846
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: light when he walked through a room. And I often

847
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 1: think of when I die, what is someone going to

848
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 1: say about me? You know? And so for me, you know,

849
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: I've always just strived and chased that ability to be

850
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: like my dad. And every day I'm constantly striving to

851
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 1: be a better human. And the only way you do

852
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: that is by growth. And the only way you grow

853
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 1: is by learning from your mistakes. Why focus on the

854
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: things you can't change, focus on the reaction of what

855
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: has happened.

856
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:43,919
Speaker 2: What do you hope people will say about you when

857
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 2: you die.

858
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people have probably sat

859
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 1: here and said something about their career, and I just

860
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 1: want to be I want someone to say that that

861
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 1: was a great father. I want people to be like that.

862
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 1: Say what you want about me, say what you want

863
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: about my music. But I cared a lot and I

864
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 1: just want to be a good father. That's what my

865
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 1: entire life is set off to be.

866
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, I love I love the videos you

867
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 2: make for my co Yeah yeah, kids. Yeah, that was

868
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 2: inspiring me. I was like, I need to start, I

869
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 2: need to get on that train.

870
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: My dad left us home videos no way. Yeah. So

871
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 1: that was the coolest part about daddy film for you

872
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: everything everything. I have hours of footage of what my

873
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: dad filmed. I get to hear his voice, and I

874
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 1: think that's the other thing that no one teaches you

875
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: about grief is you start to forget the smell of someone.

876
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: You start to forget what they sound like. You forget

877
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,919
Speaker 1: what it's like to hold someone after having a bad

878
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 1: day or confiding someone you don't know how badly. The

879
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: one thing I wish is I could call my dad

880
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 1: and just ask for advice about marriage, about fatherhood, about

881
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: just things you go through. Like that's the thing I

882
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: take for granted, just being able to call him, you know,

883
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 1: I called every day to hear that voicemail every day

884
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: until one day someone picked up the phone because my

885
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 1: mom couldn't afford to keep paying the bill. And so

886
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 1: that's the one thing, is like, it's been so nice

887
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: to be able to see those videos and humanize someone

888
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,879
Speaker 1: who I didn't know. I often hear about my dad

889
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: and I've put him on this pedestal of just being

890
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 1: this perfect guy, and I don't want him to be.

891
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: I want him to have mistakes. I want him to

892
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 1: have flaws because I have flaws and I want to

893
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,720
Speaker 1: see that my dad. And so, my dad's best friend

894
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 1: comes around all the time. He's in my life so much.

895
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:47,879
Speaker 1: He's like an uncle to me. And he brought these

896
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: letters because back then they didn't have phones and my

897
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: dad used to. They used to write each other letters.

898
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: And it's his bestest friend and he gets troped up

899
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: talking about him all the time. And he showed me

900
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,479
Speaker 1: these letters. And I write just like my dad say

901
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 1: psyched for no reason. I don't know why I say it.

902
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm psyched. That's sick, and everyone's like,

903
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? And he wrote it in

904
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: every letter someone I didn't know. I think about that.

905
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: I did not know my dad I was nine years old.

906
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: I have memories of him the same way I have

907
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,439
Speaker 1: memories about my doctor, you know. And that's hard, and

908
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: there's so much of him in me. And that's the

909
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 1: coolest part is being able to every day learn something

910
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:27,359
Speaker 1: new about him. And I say this and I don't

911
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: know where I heard it, and it's I never came

912
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: up with this. But people die twice. They die when

913
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,640
Speaker 1: they die, and they die when you stop telling their story.

914
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,800
Speaker 1: And my whole goal with everything in my entire career,

915
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 1: my entire life, is just to keep him alive, which

916
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:40,479
Speaker 1: has been really cool.

917
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you're doing a great job of that.

918
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 1: I mean, trying, my damn, Steven.

919
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 2: I feel so, you know, I feel like what you're

920
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 2: talking about your dad. I feel so close to him

921
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,919
Speaker 2: and that I have no you know, idea of who

922
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 2: he was. And I can agree with you more. I

923
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,359
Speaker 2: feel that you carry a part of the people that

924
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 2: you lost that you love. I am a spiritual mentor

925
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 2: of mine, a father figure who passed away five years ago,

926
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 2: who I loved deeply, and he had staged four brain cancer,

927
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 2: and so he started to lose his memory towards the

928
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 2: last few years of his life. So he went from

929
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 2: remembering my face and name to my name towards the

930
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 2: end not even noticing me. And I can relate to

931
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 2: that point of just he's the person I wish I

932
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 2: could call to share anything that happens in my life

933
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 2: because that's what he was. And all of this took

934
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 2: off after he passed away, really, and yeah, it's one

935
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 2: of those things. But I fully agree that I talk

936
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 2: about him a lot on the podcast, to talk about

937
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 2: him a lot with friends and family because there was

938
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 2: no one like him, and I almost wish more people

939
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 2: got to experience him, to know what was possible as

940
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 2: a human and how someone could live with So he

941
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 2: had this because he had staged four brain cancer and

942
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 2: his memory started to break. When he'd meet people, all

943
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 2: he'd do was thank them for their service to God,

944
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 2: and so his brain was stuck on gratitude. Wow, so

945
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 2: all you do is thank people, so you could forget

946
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 2: their name, forget their face. But because he was a

947
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 2: leader in our spiritual community, he would just if it

948
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 2: meet you, just be like, thank you for your service

949
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 2: to God. And he'd really mean it, like thank you

950
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 2: for everything you've been doing.

951
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 1: That's beautiful.

952
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 2: And it was just and I was like, wow, Like, God,

953
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,719
Speaker 2: if my brain ever broke, I hope it breaks like that.

954
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:21,399
Speaker 2: That just shows what's really you know in there. But Yeah,

955
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: as I'm hearing you talk about this, it's almost like

956
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 2: every phase of your life I mean when I was

957
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 2: preparing for this, I was like I, and now I'm

958
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 2: getting to meet you, obviously, so I have a completely

959
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 2: different perspective because I'm looking at how much resilience you have,

960
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 2: in strength you have, and how much you're willing to

961
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,359
Speaker 2: open the wound as well, and look at it from

962
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 2: different angles, which is at seventeen, your mom kicks you

963
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 2: out of the house, and then you end up, as

964
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 2: you said a few moments ago, you end up being

965
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,479
Speaker 2: homeless and living in a car. Talk to me about

966
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,359
Speaker 2: the day to day of living living in a car

967
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 2: as a seventeen year old, because.

968
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 1: I mean I had it. I had it pretty lucky.

969
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie like I I slept in cars.

970
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: My friends would sneaping into their houses and I would sleep,

971
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 1: like you know, on their floors with hiding hoping no

972
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 1: one walked in. Yeah, I'm not. I there was only

973
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 1: a few nights where I actually slept like on the road,

974
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,640
Speaker 1: like probably two, you know, And like, I think that's

975
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 1: the biggest thing for me is you know, I my

976
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 1: mom kicks me out because she wanted me to come back.

977
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: She wanted me to I think, her whole thing. And

978
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 1: what I never realized was insecurity of being a mother,

979
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: you know, and for me, I would just I had

980
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 1: a point where she that night, she had pinned me

981
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 1: on the ground and just started waiting, punching as hard

982
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: as she could. My brother, who's a marine, ended up

983
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,879
Speaker 1: pulling her off, and I ran out of the house

984
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:51,839
Speaker 1: and I never came back. And that was something where

985
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:53,400
Speaker 1: then the next day she called the cops, and the

986
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 1: cops went looking for me, saying that I hit her

987
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:59,399
Speaker 1: a whole thing, and so I just hid. I hid

988
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,399
Speaker 1: on the street, hid in my friend's cars. My mom

989
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: then called all of her all of their friends parents

990
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 1: and said I'm bad news and all these things, and

991
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: then they stopped letting me sleep in their house, and

992
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 1: so I would sleep in a car. And then I

993
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 1: ended up getting shot by my friend's dad with a

994
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,840
Speaker 1: one seventy seven, which is like a baby. It's like

995
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:21,480
Speaker 1: a you know, you hunt deer rabbits or something with it,

996
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 1: and it's the way it's shaped is supposed to do

997
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 1: as much damage in the animal. And it was an accident.

998
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: He didn't mean to where he didn't understand the scope

999
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 1: of it.

1000
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 2: And why did he do it? Why why did he even.

1001
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,719
Speaker 1: I think a lot of the guys who grew up

1002
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 1: in the seventies and eighties would shoot each other with

1003
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: pelicans like that was the thing, like I guess, and

1004
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 1: I don't think they realized this wasn't a pelican and

1005
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 1: it was like a hunting rifle. And he also, I

1006
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 1: don't know if he knew it was loaded, but we

1007
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 1: were filming a video and he said run. I ran

1008
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 1: and zigzagged because I thought that would work. And damn

1009
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 1: was he a good shot. He nailed me right in

1010
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 1: the liver and it went on. It missed my heart

1011
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: by a few centimeters, and it stuck in my lung today.

1012
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:05,880
Speaker 2: It's still there today.

1013
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's so small that if you were to

1014
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:10,040
Speaker 1: if you act right, you can see it. But if

1015
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: you were to pull it out, you'd have to break

1016
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: my ribs and it'd be a chance I would die,

1017
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 1: and it's just not worth it. It's capitalized in my

1018
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: lung right now, my right lung.

1019
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 2: And talked to me about how it fell in the moment,

1020
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 2: I mean, that's excruciating.

1021
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen those videos of paintballs hitting your

1022
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 1: body in slow motion? Yeah, it felt like that. It

1023
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 1: hit a nerve. I jumped up. I broke my elbow

1024
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:31,320
Speaker 1: or I fractured it or whatever, and I just remember

1025
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: the worst pain you'll ever feel in your entire life.

1026
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's like to get shot with

1027
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 1: a nine mil, but that was like it was burning

1028
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 1: in my body and I was scratching my chest trying

1029
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 1: to just get the pain. I was like, make it stop, please.

1030
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: And I remember when I was shot, they didn't believe

1031
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 1: it was in me. They thought I was working around

1032
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:52,879
Speaker 1: and so they were squeezing the wound, trying to get

1033
00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: the pellet out, thinking it was at surface level, not

1034
00:50:55,719 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: realizing I was bleeding internally. And yeah, I remember, that

1035
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 1: was probably the worst pain I've ever felt my entire

1036
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 1: life is feeling the pellet burn or bullet technically it's

1037
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: a bullet burning in my body. That was hard. That

1038
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 1: one sucked.

1039
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:14,680
Speaker 2: Did you go to the hospital with me? Yes?

1040
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I went to the hospital. They had made me

1041
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: for a gunshot wound. I had the cops come, because

1042
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 1: every time you admit anyone to the hospital for a

1043
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 1: GSW the cops come. This guy, he's funny enough. He

1044
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 1: officiated my wedding.

1045
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 2: The guy who shot you.

1046
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: Huge part of my life. Actually, he's a huge part

1047
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 1: of my life. He was a father figure to me

1048
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 1: when my dad passed away and he made a mistake.

1049
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm also probably the most forgiving person you'll ever.

1050
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:43,839
Speaker 2: You literally, I think, Alex, we need to slow down.

1051
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:47,359
Speaker 1: No, he's amazing. He's truly like his family has been

1052
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:49,880
Speaker 1: such a crucial part of my life and in my recovery,

1053
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 1: not recovery, but in my life of becoming who I

1054
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 1: am today. He has been. He's someone I still go

1055
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:57,399
Speaker 1: back home and visit, and he officiated my wedding. His

1056
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: daughter is my best friend since I was thirteen, and

1057
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:03,799
Speaker 1: he was letting me sleep on the floor of his

1058
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 1: house and sleep sleep in his car. And when this happened,

1059
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 1: he obviously paid the hospital bills and he bought me

1060
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 1: a He he owns a Volvo dealership. He manages a

1061
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: Vola dealership. And so I had a car and I

1062
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 1: slept in it, which was awesome. So I had the

1063
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 1: car that I had. It was a stick shift nineteen

1064
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: ninety four wagon. It was great Vulvo Wagon.

1065
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 2: How long did that recovery take?

1066
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,839
Speaker 1: Recovery I was in the hospital for two months, maybe

1067
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:30,760
Speaker 1: a month and a half.

1068
00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:32,359
Speaker 2: And you said, it just missed your heart.

1069
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but nothing and you were lung.

1070
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it can't do any damage.

1071
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 1: In there if I fall from a certain height. It's

1072
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: what they said, if I like fall to my body

1073
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 1: at ten feet maybe.

1074
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 2: So no flips. I still flip, but it's not something

1075
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 2: you think about like it's it doesn't cause any pain,

1076
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:51,920
Speaker 2: like you don't sometimes.

1077
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 1: Oh, sometimes I.

1078
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 2: Go for singing and like, I don't know, I need to.

1079
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 1: Get my lung check out, especially because I just I

1080
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 1: quit smoking three years ago when I was almost something.

1081
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:04,239
Speaker 1: I really got into a smoking cigarettes and I went

1082
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 1: to vaping, and so I really want to get my

1083
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: lungs checked out, especially having cancer round in my family.

1084
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,359
Speaker 1: But yeah, I I need to get that checked out.

1085
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: I have no idea. All I know is I sing

1086
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: my little took a shot.

1087
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 2: That's that's crazy. Yeah, I mean like it's just almost

1088
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 2: like I mean, I'm in shock right now because it's

1089
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,399
Speaker 2: it's just thing after thing after thing after thing.

1090
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 1: I mean it's you know it sounds fake.

1091
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 2: No, No, I didn't. I didn't feel that. I just

1092
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 2: feel like it's it's it's hard and it's it's just

1093
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 2: like it doesn't sound fake to me. It just sells.

1094
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: I say it all the time. It doesn't sound real.

1095
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 2: It doesn't sound real in the sense of just like

1096
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 2: you can't believe someone survived it all. That's that's the

1097
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 2: hard part. It's like, how did someone survive it all

1098
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 2: and not end up? You know? It's almost like how

1099
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 2: did someone survive it all and have the approach you

1100
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 2: have to it? That's what like sitting with you here today,

1101
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 2: knowing all of this and then hearing about it from

1102
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 2: you in detail, and I'm like, how do you not

1103
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 2: how do you not you.

1104
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:12,320
Speaker 1: Know, device how do I not have advice of sorts?

1105
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 2: No? No, it's not even how are you.

1106
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: Just gone in a fully different, a huge different outlook?

1107
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 2: Yeh, that's what I mean. It's it's the outlook that

1108
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 2: is the most profound to me. And I'm really grateful

1109
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 2: for that. Like it's it's quite it's beautiful to sit

1110
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:30,359
Speaker 2: with that because I'm always looking for I was on

1111
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 2: tour this year earlier this year, and I met this

1112
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 2: young girl who her stories just stayed with me ever since,

1113
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,399
Speaker 2: and it was like she she was, she's from here.

1114
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 2: She was a world champion cheerleader, winning all these competitions,

1115
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 2: traveling across the country performing et cetera, you know, everything

1116
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 2: that cheerleaders do. And then she had a freak accident

1117
00:54:56,120 --> 00:55:00,439
Speaker 2: broke her you know, broke her back spy, and she's

1118
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 2: a quadribrilegic now, she is paralyzed from her hands down.

1119
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 2: I met her in her wheelchair that she'd come to

1120
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 2: my event. She's nineteen years old. She was sixteen when

1121
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:15,600
Speaker 2: it happened. Wow, And she was just bright and beaming

1122
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 2: and like the light in the like she was just

1123
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 2: you know, brought almost a light into the room. And

1124
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 2: I just couldn't believe, like someone who had been through

1125
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 2: that she was telling me a story could be that like,

1126
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 2: you know, that powerful and vibrant and everything else. And

1127
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 2: I tell her story, and I'm so grateful I get

1128
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:37,320
Speaker 2: to share yours on the platform because these are the

1129
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 2: kind of stories that inspire me and make me look

1130
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:44,400
Speaker 2: for the lesson and make me look for the gift,

1131
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 2: and make me look because it's stories like yours, and

1132
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 2: stories like hers, and stories like so many others that

1133
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 2: I've had the fortune of talking to, or people I

1134
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:54,080
Speaker 2: look forward to meeting in the future that inspire me

1135
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 2: in my darkest moments, which are not as dark as that,

1136
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:01,280
Speaker 2: not to compare, but they're not and so or as yours.

1137
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 2: And yeah, it's it's beautiful to think that you can

1138
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:08,399
Speaker 2: find beauty and create beauty through so much.

1139
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's far. It's inspiration for me just to be

1140
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 1: able to dude. Growing up, I wanted an outlet in

1141
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 1: music and I didn't know it. I didn't find it.

1142
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 1: I didn't see it, you know, until I heard Lewis

1143
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 1: Capaldi when I was like eighteen. I think I was

1144
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 1: eighteen when I heard Lewis and he started writing about loss,

1145
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 1: and that was something that was hugely inspiration for me.

1146
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 1: I write about that now, and that was a lot

1147
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: of that got me through a lot of stuff, you know,

1148
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 1: And so I think that was the biggest thing, was

1149
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:41,960
Speaker 1: like I wanted to be that for someone else. I

1150
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 1: wanted to help other people who I think the one

1151
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,240
Speaker 1: thing that I did that was super selfish was assumed

1152
00:56:47,239 --> 00:56:49,720
Speaker 1: that this was all me. I assumed that this only

1153
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: happens to me, and I'm the only one who has

1154
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: lost as parents and I'm the only one who goes

1155
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: through these feelings. And as I started playing these shows

1156
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 1: and as I started to write these songs, I realized

1157
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:01,359
Speaker 1: that it's it's way more than you think. No matter

1158
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 1: who you are, no matter what you do, no matter

1159
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 1: how much you make or what your skin color is,

1160
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 1: you go through loss. You understand that you have things

1161
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:13,280
Speaker 1: that you lose every day, your family members, your friends,

1162
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 1: your loved ones, your dog. And that's the one thing

1163
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 1: that's universally, I think connect Everyone is understanding that piece

1164
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 1: of you that is gone, and everyone tries not to

1165
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: talk about it. And so it's been the most beautiful

1166
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 1: thing about making music has been able to be a

1167
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 1: It's one thing you can't articulate when you lose someone

1168
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: and going through grief, it's something you cannot articulate. You

1169
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 1: don't know how to go through it, and everyone has

1170
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 1: a different vice on how to. And I think that's

1171
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 1: the biggest thing is making music that sounds like it,

1172
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: making music that allows you to articulate that feeling, you know,

1173
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 1: And so I've just been really focusing on that.

1174
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's I mean, especially for things that

1175
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:52,120
Speaker 2: can't be put into words. It feels like that's exactly

1176
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:54,560
Speaker 2: where music comes to heal. Yeah, because you feel seen,

1177
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 2: you feel heard, you've for longer stood without having to

1178
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 2: say anything. Yeah, you can just put it on and

1179
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 2: it's it's amazing to hear that Lewis was doing that.

1180
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 2: Was there any other artists that you feel have opened

1181
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 2: that up and gone there to that extent that impacted you?

1182
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 1: Probably Sean Mendes. I think we were talking about Sean

1183
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 1: earlier too, and Sean is when I first wrote my

1184
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 1: first song I fully, I'm so sorry, Sean, I've ripped

1185
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 1: off stitches. Fully, I stole the four chords that he

1186
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 1: did and I would just moved the capo around and

1187
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,439
Speaker 1: that's obviously a version before. But that was a huge

1188
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: thing I songwriting. My first four years of my life,

1189
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 1: songwriting was just Shawn Menda's stitches chords moving around a

1190
00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: capo and because I didn't know how to play a guitar,

1191
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 1: and there was a huge inspiration just listening to songwriting

1192
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 1: too and understanding you know, his his you know, understanding

1193
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 1: different ways people grow up, in different things they go through,

1194
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 1: and his songwriting was a huge inspiration for mine. So yeah,

1195
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 1: I probably have.

1196
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 2: We love Sean. He's been a guest on the show too,

1197
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 2: and he's yeah, he's absolutely sweetheart. Yeah, so wait, all

1198
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 2: of your music knowledge is fully self taught.

1199
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, not until I was about twenty twenty one.

1200
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:09,920
Speaker 1: I really put out my first song Yes, and I

1201
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 1: was like, I need to take this, I need to

1202
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 1: do this and throw my whole, my everything into it.

1203
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: I wanted to do it right. I wanted to obviously

1204
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:22,160
Speaker 1: because music I had such a weird relationship with it

1205
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 1: my entire life that I definitely have really bad imposter syndrome.

1206
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,439
Speaker 1: So I started taking music theory lessons. I started taking

1207
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 1: piano lessons. I take vocal lessons three times a week

1208
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 1: if not more still to this day, for the last

1209
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 1: four years of my life, I started taking guitar lessons,

1210
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: and you know, asking how to produce, and like, you

1211
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:39,840
Speaker 1: know what, I'm in the studio, what do you do

1212
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,440
Speaker 1: to my voice? How do you do that? What do

1213
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 1: you do this instrument? How do you compress that? How

1214
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 1: do you eq that? And when I'm doing my inner monitors,

1215
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 1: what's the frequency you're taking out? What is auto tuned tune?

1216
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:53,280
Speaker 1: Dad is at four forty four to thirty two? And

1217
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting just learning about it and

1218
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 1: kind of starting from scratch and reevaluating what you want

1219
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 1: to stand about music. So yeah, along I was self

1220
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 1: taught for a very long time, and then I really

1221
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 1: wanted to understand it all.

1222
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love hearing the balance of both of just

1223
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:12,919
Speaker 2: this pure passion and then mastery. It sounds like where

1224
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:15,440
Speaker 2: you're actually trying to put in the hours and the

1225
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,200
Speaker 2: work and the you know, the reps in a more

1226
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 2: formal capacity at the same time as having this years

1227
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 2: of just singing or musically or posting a video when

1228
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 2: there wasn't any training or structure around.

1229
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:29,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I had to do it all myself, and

1230
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 1: I realized that I was fortunate enough to be able

1231
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 1: to have an arsenal of help, and so I just

1232
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 1: took it. Did it?

1233
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:39,480
Speaker 2: What did it feel like? You talked about You mentioned

1234
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:41,440
Speaker 2: it earlier and I'm kind of looping back to it,

1235
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 2: but you talked about like how when you met your

1236
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 2: now wife cover like that there was something special about

1237
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:51,800
Speaker 2: that connection, and I believe you met on Snapchat, Yeah,

1238
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 2: which is which is amazing.

1239
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 1: Talk talk to me about how that happens in the

1240
01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,720
Speaker 1: New Age Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, Now, my friend had

1241
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:03,920
Speaker 1: moved to Hawaii. She's from Hawaii, and my friend had

1242
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:06,440
Speaker 1: moved in with her and they were friends, and so

1243
01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 1: she would throw my wife cover on her story a lot,

1244
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 1: and there was this photo and so funny. I tell

1245
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 1: this story at the time and she's like, I hate

1246
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 1: that photo. My wife can sleep anywhere at anytime, in

1247
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:21,480
Speaker 1: any position anytime. Like she comes surfing with me in

1248
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:23,840
Speaker 1: the morning and she'll fall asleep on the rock. Like

1249
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. There's photos of her sleeping on rocks.

1250
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 1: There's a photo of her. The first photo I ever

1251
01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:32,720
Speaker 1: saw of her was her sleeping in a weird position

1252
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 1: like this. And I texted my friend and I said,

1253
01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:39,080
Speaker 1: that's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And we

1254
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 1: started talking on snapchat.

1255
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:59,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, what part of you did you share with COVID

1256
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 2: that you think was hidden until then? Like was there

1257
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 2: something that COVID brought out of you that you didn't

1258
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:08,760
Speaker 2: even know you had within yourself? Seems like you have

1259
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 2: such a special relationship. Yeah.

1260
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:13,760
Speaker 1: I don't know a single girl who would find out

1261
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:17,160
Speaker 1: that I'm homeless and go cool, let's do it. Stropped

1262
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:19,680
Speaker 1: out of college, she had five hundred bucks saved up,

1263
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 1: that's it. She found out I was sleeping in a

1264
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:26,520
Speaker 1: car and immediately was like, all right, cool, Like, let's

1265
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 1: do it.

1266
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 2: That is that is the crazy I am like, I

1267
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 2: cannot believe she's amazing.

1268
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:35,960
Speaker 1: I know she's she's I I'm.

1269
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 2: Have you asked her like why she said yes to that?

1270
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 1: Like we actually I should, I should examine that.

1271
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:44,160
Speaker 2: You're right, make someone want her on the podcast with you.

1272
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't expect when she said yes to

1273
01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 1: go why I was like, yeah, dude, I'm not.

1274
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:52,040
Speaker 2: Going to ask her like you were, like you were dating,

1275
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 2: things were going good. Did you ask her to move

1276
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:55,040
Speaker 2: in with you? Like? Was it that kind?

1277
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 1: No? She just she did it. She it was it

1278
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:00,280
Speaker 1: was straight up like I was sleeping in my car.

1279
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 1: She was staying with a friend because she lived in Hawaii,

1280
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:05,520
Speaker 1: but she came out to California and just a visit

1281
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 1: and then she was like oh cool, yeah, and moved

1282
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 1: out of her friend's house and moved into my car.

1283
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 1: She had options. She picked probably the one that no

1284
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:17,960
Speaker 1: one would have picked. And I think that's the thing

1285
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:20,560
Speaker 1: it taught me for me, like that's something I probably

1286
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:22,960
Speaker 1: would have done. You know, as I've said all these stories,

1287
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,960
Speaker 1: now I feel like I'm one of those people who

1288
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:28,840
Speaker 1: I trust my gut, and it seemed like her gut

1289
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:31,439
Speaker 1: was that and she didn't question it, and I feel

1290
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:33,919
Speaker 1: like that was kind of the indication of like, Wow,

1291
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:36,600
Speaker 1: this isn't a normal person, this is my person.

1292
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 2: How were your relationship before that? Did you have time

1293
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 2: for relationships? What do they look like through your teens?

1294
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:44,840
Speaker 1: I was notoriously cheated on. I was, well, I think

1295
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 1: I I think I looked for what I was missing

1296
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: in my home life and girls. I mean, I've met

1297
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 1: my wife when I was eighteen, so like you got

1298
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 1: to think all everything before that was probably not real.

1299
01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 1: But we're not real, but just not necessarily I would

1300
01:04:00,360 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 1: say mature. I was a clinging guy, like I was

1301
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:07,480
Speaker 1: a super cleaning guy who needed you know, who didn't

1302
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 1: trust anyone. I got cheated on every relationship. I was

1303
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:14,080
Speaker 1: not a catch by any means, you know. So I

1304
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 1: think relationships before were just me trying to figure out

1305
01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 1: who I was, but also what I wanted in a partner.

1306
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 1: You know.

1307
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:26,240
Speaker 2: Was it difficult accepting love from COVI because you'd not

1308
01:04:26,440 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 2: had consistent love.

1309
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 1: Before, Yeah, it was definitely. I took me a second

1310
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:33,240
Speaker 1: to be secure with my relationship. Probably took me a

1311
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 1: year or two to be frank with you, man, I

1312
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:39,200
Speaker 1: don't think I was secure at all. I think I

1313
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 1: just had so much baggage. I had so much shit

1314
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:42,960
Speaker 1: in my life. My mom was alive at the time,

1315
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:45,200
Speaker 1: and my mom made it a mission to make my

1316
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:47,920
Speaker 1: life hell. So my mom said some pretty choice words

1317
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,920
Speaker 1: to my girlfriend or now wife at the time.

1318
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 2: What did she say?

1319
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 1: She sent her a whole message pretty much being like,

1320
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 1: you know, calling her whore and saying all these things.

1321
01:04:56,720 --> 01:05:00,720
Speaker 1: My mom was probably the most My mom was an

1322
01:05:00,720 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 1: amazing person, but when she was drunk, she was probably

1323
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 1: the most racist, homophobic, rude person I ever grew up with,

1324
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:10,040
Speaker 1: which kind of showed me my mom. I will say

1325
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:12,479
Speaker 1: this and again, I love my mother, but she showed

1326
01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:14,640
Speaker 1: me exactly who I didn't want to be, you know,

1327
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 1: and hence why I go by Alex barn it's my mom.

1328
01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:22,880
Speaker 1: I didn't want anything my mom did ever reflect on

1329
01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:24,880
Speaker 1: me because I am not that person. I never want

1330
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:27,360
Speaker 1: to be that person, and so I started going by

1331
01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:30,080
Speaker 1: my not real name because I never wanted that part

1332
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 1: of that to be associated with me. But my mom

1333
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:35,960
Speaker 1: was not a kind person when she was drunk, and

1334
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 1: she made it a mission to attack anyone in her life,

1335
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 1: which is probably in security thing in herself.

1336
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:45,800
Speaker 2: Was the name change an identity shift on settling or

1337
01:05:45,800 --> 01:05:47,040
Speaker 2: did it just feel.

1338
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:52,640
Speaker 1: Felt right, felt normal, felt felt it gave me so

1339
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: much easement. You know, my mom just very vocal about

1340
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:01,080
Speaker 1: things that I did agree with it, which I feel

1341
01:06:01,080 --> 01:06:03,000
Speaker 1: like everyone has that, you know, I can't. I don't

1342
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,920
Speaker 1: think Thanksgivings are necessarily everyone's a favorite thing, you know.

1343
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:08,000
Speaker 2: So who did you celebrate Thanksgiving?

1344
01:06:08,360 --> 01:06:08,640
Speaker 1: Family?

1345
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:08,880
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1346
01:06:08,960 --> 01:06:12,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, my older sister and my brother. Yeah and yeah,

1347
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:13,840
Speaker 1: so we went out and we went to their house

1348
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:15,160
Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving, which is nice.

1349
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:18,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. How cathotic was it to have your music career

1350
01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:21,400
Speaker 2: take off in the same year as your mom passed away? Like?

1351
01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 2: Did that mean something to you? Did that have some

1352
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:26,600
Speaker 2: emotions attached to it for you?

1353
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:35,920
Speaker 1: I have never thought of the correlation. Uh wow, Yeah,

1354
01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:37,480
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize that was the same years. I

1355
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:38,560
Speaker 1: never thought about it like that.

1356
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1357
01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:43,240
Speaker 1: I think I'm right, you are? You are. I put

1358
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:45,080
Speaker 1: my first song out in June or twenty twenty one,

1359
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:50,160
Speaker 1: and she died in October at twenty twenty one. That's crazy.

1360
01:06:50,240 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never thought about that. I that's cool.

1361
01:06:57,960 --> 01:07:02,480
Speaker 1: I don't know how to react to that. I think

1362
01:07:02,480 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 1: it's something that i'd have to probably process.

1363
01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:09,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course not of course, Please didn't mean to

1364
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:11,320
Speaker 2: shock you. Just no, no, no, I mean it's not

1365
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:14,680
Speaker 2: that yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, I appreciate.

1366
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,560
Speaker 1: This revolutionary thing. It's more of it. It's more of

1367
01:07:16,560 --> 01:07:22,200
Speaker 1: like it's it's I I definitely feel like my what

1368
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:25,000
Speaker 1: has now spewed of my music career is something that

1369
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:27,560
Speaker 1: you know, has been dealing with those things. And the

1370
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 1: fact that that happened the same year I pursued music,

1371
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:31,439
Speaker 1: I feel like it's just another one of those things

1372
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:34,000
Speaker 1: that have just happened that you kind of have to wonder,

1373
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:35,920
Speaker 1: what the hell is happening in my life?

1374
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:41,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, it's yeah. Life is just there's

1375
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:45,919
Speaker 2: so many moments like that that, uh, yeah, you can't

1376
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 2: explain them because you go, how is it possible, Yeah,

1377
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:51,920
Speaker 2: that these two things come inside in a matter of months.

1378
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 1: So many so many form men in my life, you know,

1379
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:59,000
Speaker 1: to the point where it's like, you know, I'm baffled

1380
01:07:59,000 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 1: by it every time.

1381
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:01,960
Speaker 2: So many sliding doors moments in your life too. I'm

1382
01:08:01,960 --> 01:08:04,320
Speaker 2: almost like, well, what if you and your mom didn't

1383
01:08:04,320 --> 01:08:07,320
Speaker 2: have that fight where you opinned and you didn't run away. Yeah,

1384
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 2: and what would happen if you didn't get shot and

1385
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,840
Speaker 2: become really close to, you know, your friend's dad, who

1386
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:18,600
Speaker 2: you know, was the efficient of your Like, there's and

1387
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:22,840
Speaker 2: everyone has that, everyone has those yours seem quite there's

1388
01:08:22,880 --> 01:08:26,080
Speaker 2: just there's just really high tension moments of just figuring

1389
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:28,400
Speaker 2: that out. Talk to me about the wedding with cover.

1390
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1391
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:30,639
Speaker 2: How long were you to before we got married?

1392
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 1: Five years?

1393
01:08:32,240 --> 01:08:32,679
Speaker 2: Okay?

1394
01:08:32,800 --> 01:08:36,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, five years until I propose six years until

1395
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:36,559
Speaker 1: we got married.

1396
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,759
Speaker 2: And did you get married? Where did you get married?

1397
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:42,559
Speaker 1: We got married in Temecula, okay, yeah, so I'm from

1398
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:45,880
Speaker 1: San Diego, so it was something cool. We we got

1399
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:46,759
Speaker 1: married at a garden.

1400
01:08:47,439 --> 01:08:48,400
Speaker 2: Temecula is beautiful.

1401
01:08:48,520 --> 01:08:48,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1402
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:51,880
Speaker 2: I was terrified of the wedding or Temecula, the.

1403
01:08:52,160 --> 01:08:56,920
Speaker 1: Wedding Tomcla scrape. Now the wedding I was. I wanted

1404
01:08:56,960 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 1: it to be perfect, and it's so it's so crazy

1405
01:09:01,040 --> 01:09:04,200
Speaker 1: when you have family and everyone and you invite a

1406
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:05,960
Speaker 1: bunch of people. And I wanted this big wedding because

1407
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:07,519
Speaker 1: I think that there was so many people that were

1408
01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:09,280
Speaker 1: a huge part of my life, you know, like so

1409
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:12,519
Speaker 1: many people are the byproducts of who I am. Today,

1410
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:14,360
Speaker 1: and so I invited everyone in my life. I think

1411
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 1: there was three hundred people at my wedding. Looking back

1412
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:19,519
Speaker 1: at that, I probably would have shrunk it a little bit.

1413
01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:22,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think everyone just wanted it to be

1414
01:09:22,240 --> 01:09:24,439
Speaker 1: a particular way because they wanted it to be like

1415
01:09:24,439 --> 01:09:27,200
Speaker 1: their wedding. And I think you know, that rehearsal dinner

1416
01:09:27,240 --> 01:09:30,000
Speaker 1: was terrifying. It was nothing went to plan. Nothing went

1417
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:33,599
Speaker 1: to plan at the rehearsal dinner or the rehearsal in general,

1418
01:09:33,640 --> 01:09:36,519
Speaker 1: and the minute the wedding actually happened, it was perfect.

1419
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,280
Speaker 1: It was perfection. I could not have dreamed of a

1420
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:43,479
Speaker 1: better wedding and it was amazing. It was so cool

1421
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:45,719
Speaker 1: to be able to I mean, even like my vows,

1422
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:48,000
Speaker 1: I don't think I'll ever write a piece of work

1423
01:09:48,080 --> 01:09:52,240
Speaker 1: better than those. And you see, I didn't want to

1424
01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 1: work on my wedding, and I with the vows, I

1425
01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 1: also just wanted to make sure that I said everything

1426
01:09:58,479 --> 01:10:01,000
Speaker 1: I wanted to, you know, And I think that's the

1427
01:10:01,040 --> 01:10:02,960
Speaker 1: biggest regret in my life, as I never got to

1428
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:05,000
Speaker 1: say the things I wanted to and the time that

1429
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:07,040
Speaker 1: I had, and the wedding was something for me where

1430
01:10:07,040 --> 01:10:08,920
Speaker 1: I thought that would be the perfect time to say

1431
01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:12,840
Speaker 1: everything I've ever wanted to to her. And so I

1432
01:10:12,920 --> 01:10:15,920
Speaker 1: spent you know, the better half of that night prior

1433
01:10:16,160 --> 01:10:18,760
Speaker 1: just perfecting those vows. And I remember before I even

1434
01:10:18,760 --> 01:10:20,360
Speaker 1: went out, I read it over again and I was like,

1435
01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:22,160
Speaker 1: do I want to do a grammar change? But it

1436
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:24,840
Speaker 1: like it was so funny and I it just it

1437
01:10:24,840 --> 01:10:26,400
Speaker 1: came from the heart and it was so special.

1438
01:10:26,680 --> 01:10:30,599
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, I'm a big I'm a sucker

1439
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:34,360
Speaker 2: for love and I've officiated few weddings and whenever i'm

1440
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:36,680
Speaker 2: a fishing a wedding, my my voice in my head

1441
01:10:36,760 --> 01:10:38,519
Speaker 2: is don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, because I love

1442
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:41,080
Speaker 2: love so much that I can just like fully break

1443
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:44,000
Speaker 2: down and I'm like tearing over, like you know, the

1444
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:45,920
Speaker 2: bride walking down the aisle and then look in the

1445
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:48,920
Speaker 2: husband's husband to be's eyes and the groom's eyes and

1446
01:10:48,960 --> 01:10:51,680
Speaker 2: it's just, yeah, it's a magical moment. And vows are

1447
01:10:51,680 --> 01:10:54,240
Speaker 2: probably my favorite. Blaw that's the part where I really

1448
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:58,160
Speaker 2: have to hold it together and it's it's yeah, wedding.

1449
01:10:58,240 --> 01:10:59,960
Speaker 2: Weddings are a beautiful thing. I remember I broke down

1450
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:02,760
Speaker 2: on saying my own vows to my wife. Oh my god,

1451
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:05,160
Speaker 2: when I gave my speech, it was just like claws.

1452
01:11:05,200 --> 01:11:07,800
Speaker 2: It's just you know, she was laughing. She was cracking up,

1453
01:11:07,840 --> 01:11:12,560
Speaker 2: which is so in uh indicative of our relationship, right, Yeah,

1454
01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:15,479
Speaker 2: what are the parts of your What are the parts

1455
01:11:15,479 --> 01:11:18,439
Speaker 2: of your I find this and I'm intrigued to hear

1456
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:20,559
Speaker 2: what you say about this. You said that you learned

1457
01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:22,280
Speaker 2: from your mom or you didn't want to be Yeah,

1458
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:24,920
Speaker 2: what are the parts of your mom that you sometimes

1459
01:11:24,960 --> 01:11:29,639
Speaker 2: see in yourself when you're dealing with KOVI or anyone.

1460
01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:36,519
Speaker 1: I'm stubborn. I'm really stubborn, man. I mean, ah, that's difficult.

1461
01:11:36,520 --> 01:11:38,760
Speaker 1: I think I spent so much time arguing with my

1462
01:11:38,840 --> 01:11:43,519
Speaker 1: mom that I just became so argumentative, you know, And

1463
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:45,920
Speaker 1: I think that's like my biggest thing in my biggest

1464
01:11:45,920 --> 01:11:48,320
Speaker 1: struggle is I think I just want to win every

1465
01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:51,280
Speaker 1: argument now, you know, growing up with my mom, My

1466
01:11:51,400 --> 01:11:53,600
Speaker 1: entire relationship with her was trying to prove that she

1467
01:11:53,640 --> 01:11:56,120
Speaker 1: had a problem and trying to spin my words a

1468
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:58,639
Speaker 1: certain way to articulate to her that she had a problem.

1469
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:00,479
Speaker 1: You know, if I said at one way, she would

1470
01:12:00,479 --> 01:12:02,120
Speaker 1: tell me that she didn't have a problem, shut it down.

1471
01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:04,240
Speaker 1: So every time I had that, I had to articulate

1472
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:07,560
Speaker 1: it a different way, try to give her a perspective,

1473
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:10,920
Speaker 1: big metaphor guy, because I always tried to correlate to

1474
01:12:11,000 --> 01:12:13,800
Speaker 1: someone who's I always wondered how someone's brain worked that

1475
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:16,519
Speaker 1: they couldn't admit that they had a problem or couldn't

1476
01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:18,479
Speaker 1: understand that if you're getting drunk at five am and

1477
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:21,400
Speaker 1: driving your kids drunk to school, right, So I'd find

1478
01:12:21,400 --> 01:12:23,360
Speaker 1: different ways to try and communicate with that with her.

1479
01:12:23,439 --> 01:12:25,519
Speaker 1: So I always thought it was a communication air and

1480
01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:28,000
Speaker 1: it was never that. And that was my problem is

1481
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:31,040
Speaker 1: it was never communication or it was not wanting to

1482
01:12:31,479 --> 01:12:33,800
Speaker 1: admit you had a problem, but you knowing it did

1483
01:12:33,920 --> 01:12:37,080
Speaker 1: so for me, you know now that i'm that's a

1484
01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:39,880
Speaker 1: better half of my entire life. You know, I cash

1485
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:44,519
Speaker 1: myself arguing with my wife trying to win opposed to

1486
01:12:44,720 --> 01:12:48,880
Speaker 1: trying to understand where they're coming from. You know, it's

1487
01:12:48,880 --> 01:12:51,160
Speaker 1: like you hear something. And that's the biggest thing is

1488
01:12:51,200 --> 01:12:53,800
Speaker 1: the last two years of my life, I've been me

1489
01:12:54,400 --> 01:12:57,439
Speaker 1: just trying to put myself in other people's shoes. Because

1490
01:12:57,439 --> 01:12:59,360
Speaker 1: that's the one thing I carried away from it was

1491
01:13:00,160 --> 01:13:02,559
Speaker 1: whenever someone would argue with me, I didn't care about

1492
01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:05,120
Speaker 1: how they felt. I cared about winning the argument, and

1493
01:13:05,160 --> 01:13:07,439
Speaker 1: I had to take a step back. And I think

1494
01:13:07,479 --> 01:13:10,160
Speaker 1: once I started music, especially and just really writing records,

1495
01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:12,439
Speaker 1: it really kind of changed who I am now. And

1496
01:13:12,479 --> 01:13:16,040
Speaker 1: I've been able to really emotionally be present in a

1497
01:13:16,080 --> 01:13:19,960
Speaker 1: lot of things and understand that you know, how someone

1498
01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:22,479
Speaker 1: feels is important, you know, and I know that. And

1499
01:13:22,479 --> 01:13:25,200
Speaker 1: after I remember, after every argument, I'd be like, wow,

1500
01:13:25,880 --> 01:13:28,880
Speaker 1: I'm a piece of shit. I didn't like. I obviously care,

1501
01:13:29,120 --> 01:13:31,519
Speaker 1: I obviously care, but during that moment, it just it

1502
01:13:31,600 --> 01:13:35,160
Speaker 1: was instinct of just to be combative, and so I

1503
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:37,280
Speaker 1: remember it would be an hour long conversation just for

1504
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:43,080
Speaker 1: it to end with I'm sorry, like that's not you know.

1505
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:44,640
Speaker 1: And so it's just that's been definitely one of the

1506
01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:46,559
Speaker 1: things I've carried from my mom. It's just truly like,

1507
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:48,680
Speaker 1: you know, that relationship where there was just so that

1508
01:13:49,120 --> 01:13:50,000
Speaker 1: you know, what.

1509
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:51,800
Speaker 2: Are the cycles you and Kova want to break for

1510
01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:53,880
Speaker 2: your kids. I know you said the goal is to

1511
01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:54,680
Speaker 2: become a dad, and.

1512
01:13:56,560 --> 01:14:00,960
Speaker 1: The cycles, I think, wow, I don't know. I think

1513
01:14:01,120 --> 01:14:04,880
Speaker 1: more about how I'm terrified to be a parent because

1514
01:14:04,920 --> 01:14:06,559
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it wrong. You know, especially

1515
01:14:06,560 --> 01:14:07,880
Speaker 1: with the way I grew up, I grew up without

1516
01:14:07,880 --> 01:14:10,200
Speaker 1: a dad. How am I supposed to understand what that's

1517
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:11,880
Speaker 1: like if I never had it, you know? And so

1518
01:14:12,720 --> 01:14:14,439
Speaker 1: what I've really thought about is just the fact that

1519
01:14:14,479 --> 01:14:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm I want to be a girl dad so bad.

1520
01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:18,880
Speaker 1: Like I don't know what it is. I just think

1521
01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:23,120
Speaker 1: I would thrive with a girl. And I think the

1522
01:14:23,120 --> 01:14:25,240
Speaker 1: biggest thing is, you know, the only thing you can

1523
01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:27,920
Speaker 1: do right is love them unconditionally and try your best

1524
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:30,880
Speaker 1: to raise them. You know, there is no right way,

1525
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:33,880
Speaker 1: there is no proper thing. It's just going to be

1526
01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:38,200
Speaker 1: me trying to be the best father I can be.

1527
01:14:38,360 --> 01:14:40,240
Speaker 1: I think with things that we're trying to break, I'm

1528
01:14:40,280 --> 01:14:43,160
Speaker 1: not sure I haven't given that much thought. I haven't

1529
01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:48,040
Speaker 1: necessarily thought about what that might look like yet. You know,

1530
01:14:48,640 --> 01:14:50,599
Speaker 1: which is going to be an interesting conversation or at

1531
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:52,280
Speaker 1: least interesting thought process when I go into it.

1532
01:14:52,320 --> 01:14:54,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, I'm excited to see what you both come

1533
01:14:54,160 --> 01:14:56,200
Speaker 2: out with. Yeah, I feel like there's you have so

1534
01:14:56,280 --> 01:15:00,240
Speaker 2: many great reflections, Yeah, pinpoints and like almost you.

1535
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:02,960
Speaker 1: Know, I've really bat it with not when she gets pregnant.

1536
01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:04,200
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell anyone I don't want to

1537
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:06,360
Speaker 1: post about it. I don't want to. That's been the

1538
01:15:06,360 --> 01:15:08,960
Speaker 1: one thing I really Everything in my life is private

1539
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:12,679
Speaker 1: or it is not private. Granted, I tell you everything

1540
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:14,960
Speaker 1: you know, and I love that aspect of my life.

1541
01:15:14,960 --> 01:15:18,720
Speaker 1: And I think I battle the one thing about it

1542
01:15:18,760 --> 01:15:22,640
Speaker 1: with as I'm so insecure now, I'm so I have

1543
01:15:22,720 --> 01:15:25,240
Speaker 1: the worst imposter syndrome. I care about what everyone thinks

1544
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:28,640
Speaker 1: about me. Really, I care so much. If I have

1545
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:30,720
Speaker 1: a thousand comments and one of them and someone saying

1546
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:33,360
Speaker 1: I suck, I walk around all day asking people if

1547
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:35,600
Speaker 1: I suck? Wait, but this person said I sucked? Like

1548
01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:36,559
Speaker 1: do I actually suck?

1549
01:15:36,640 --> 01:15:36,760
Speaker 2: Like?

1550
01:15:36,800 --> 01:15:38,760
Speaker 1: And wait? Was this fine? Was I off here? And

1551
01:15:38,840 --> 01:15:42,360
Speaker 1: like I I could never put my kid through that

1552
01:15:42,479 --> 01:15:44,840
Speaker 1: unless they wanted to. But I wouldn't. I don't know

1553
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:48,040
Speaker 1: if I could ever. Do you know if distraught i'd

1554
01:15:48,080 --> 01:15:50,120
Speaker 1: be if I decided to share a photo with my

1555
01:15:50,600 --> 01:15:53,040
Speaker 1: kid and someone's like that kid's thinking ugly? Are you kid?

1556
01:15:53,080 --> 01:15:55,160
Speaker 1: I'm not going to put them through that. I put

1557
01:15:55,160 --> 01:16:00,400
Speaker 1: myself through that knowing my genes. No, But I don't know.

1558
01:16:01,080 --> 01:16:03,439
Speaker 1: But my wife is like she loves talking about the things.

1559
01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:06,400
Speaker 1: That's like she loves like posting about stuff. So it's

1560
01:16:06,400 --> 01:16:08,240
Speaker 1: definitely been a thing where like that's been a huge

1561
01:16:08,280 --> 01:16:11,120
Speaker 1: conversation is posting about that and I don't think, I

1562
01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:11,880
Speaker 1: don't think I will.

1563
01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:14,479
Speaker 2: Has that been the because you know, when you look

1564
01:16:14,479 --> 01:16:15,880
Speaker 2: at your life and you think you've been through so

1565
01:16:15,960 --> 01:16:18,960
Speaker 2: much hard ship, Yeah, and it's fascinating that a common

1566
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:23,080
Speaker 2: saying you suck still hurts. It just shows us as humans,

1567
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:25,479
Speaker 2: we're all wired so similarly, Like, it doesn't matter that

1568
01:16:25,520 --> 01:16:27,679
Speaker 2: you've dealt with way harder things in your life. Yeah,

1569
01:16:28,040 --> 01:16:30,240
Speaker 2: having at having it that, like having you said it

1570
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:32,040
Speaker 2: was the one out of thousand comment that says you suck,

1571
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:34,160
Speaker 2: it still hurts because we all don't want to be

1572
01:16:34,200 --> 01:16:37,480
Speaker 2: hated or like, Has that been the hardest thing about

1573
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:41,920
Speaker 2: this rise and the music getting so much love and

1574
01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:44,960
Speaker 2: affection of Cross across the world comes with it naturally

1575
01:16:44,960 --> 01:16:48,559
Speaker 2: proportionately comes you know, people who don't like it or

1576
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:50,759
Speaker 2: whatever it may be. Yeah, has that been the hardest

1577
01:16:50,760 --> 01:16:51,400
Speaker 2: thing about it?

1578
01:16:51,560 --> 01:16:53,639
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think so. I think again, Like I said,

1579
01:16:53,680 --> 01:16:55,559
Speaker 1: like the music I make is so real to me,

1580
01:16:56,160 --> 01:16:57,960
Speaker 1: it's about my personal life. It's hard not to take

1581
01:16:57,960 --> 01:16:59,559
Speaker 1: it personal. So many people are like, oh, it's art,

1582
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:01,200
Speaker 1: don't take a personal they're judging your art, they're not

1583
01:17:01,240 --> 01:17:03,439
Speaker 1: judging you, and it's my art is me, you know,

1584
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:07,599
Speaker 1: and that yeah, like that was you know. I'm not

1585
01:17:07,640 --> 01:17:09,320
Speaker 1: thinking about the song and how you don't like it.

1586
01:17:09,320 --> 01:17:11,280
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about the fact that there's a fifteen year

1587
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:13,439
Speaker 1: old kid who wrote that in his bedroom trying to

1588
01:17:13,439 --> 01:17:16,040
Speaker 1: get over lost, you know. And that's the hardest part

1589
01:17:16,160 --> 01:17:17,439
Speaker 1: for it. And I also think it's like, you know,

1590
01:17:17,600 --> 01:17:19,400
Speaker 1: I think it's probably my mom's voice when I look

1591
01:17:19,439 --> 01:17:21,760
Speaker 1: for that comment, I'm looking for my mom in some

1592
01:17:22,160 --> 01:17:23,720
Speaker 1: random way. If I had a therapist, I bet you

1593
01:17:23,720 --> 01:17:26,439
Speaker 1: would say that. But yeah, it's just been like one

1594
01:17:26,479 --> 01:17:29,160
Speaker 1: of those situations in my life especially, I've just really

1595
01:17:29,240 --> 01:17:32,080
Speaker 1: kind of it's the hardest thing, dude. I am the

1596
01:17:32,120 --> 01:17:34,559
Speaker 1: most insecure mother over me, which most of us are.

1597
01:17:34,680 --> 01:17:37,559
Speaker 1: Most what I've learned as most people in this industry

1598
01:17:37,600 --> 01:17:40,280
Speaker 1: are the most insecure people where you think they have

1599
01:17:40,360 --> 01:17:42,479
Speaker 1: it all together and everything's being held together by tape

1600
01:17:42,479 --> 01:17:44,840
Speaker 1: and nails.

1601
01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:47,679
Speaker 2: What are you insecure about everything?

1602
01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:52,240
Speaker 1: I am everything. I think that's so easy for me

1603
01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 1: to say all these different things because it's true and

1604
01:17:54,400 --> 01:17:56,080
Speaker 1: I believe it. But at the same time, I look

1605
01:17:56,120 --> 01:17:59,720
Speaker 1: in the mirror and I I, you know, not even

1606
01:17:59,840 --> 01:18:02,760
Speaker 1: the way I look. I just wish I these songs

1607
01:18:02,800 --> 01:18:06,280
Speaker 1: are so true, these songs are so real, and I

1608
01:18:06,320 --> 01:18:08,360
Speaker 1: want them to be perfect every time, and it's not

1609
01:18:08,439 --> 01:18:12,240
Speaker 1: humanly possible. I want, I want. I've worked so hard

1610
01:18:12,280 --> 01:18:14,439
Speaker 1: and I just want people to think I'm good enough,

1611
01:18:14,800 --> 01:18:18,120
Speaker 1: you know, because like I think that'll convince me I'm

1612
01:18:18,120 --> 01:18:22,160
Speaker 1: good enough. And so when I see comments that you know,

1613
01:18:22,479 --> 01:18:24,599
Speaker 1: are hateful, I think that's the truth, and I think

1614
01:18:24,640 --> 01:18:27,320
Speaker 1: everyone's being nice. It's just gaslighting me, which is a

1615
01:18:27,320 --> 01:18:28,960
Speaker 1: perception thing that I need to work on.

1616
01:18:29,320 --> 01:18:32,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you feel enough today? Yeah?

1617
01:18:33,040 --> 01:18:34,880
Speaker 1: I had a really good show last night. And you know,

1618
01:18:35,320 --> 01:18:38,160
Speaker 1: like it's funny, it fluctuates, but like, I don't know,

1619
01:18:38,200 --> 01:18:40,160
Speaker 1: I've been feeling the love recently. I think the hardest

1620
01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 1: part about being nominated for the Grammys and all these

1621
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:43,840
Speaker 1: different things is it opens people up who do not

1622
01:18:43,960 --> 01:18:46,720
Speaker 1: like you to fully just shit on you. That's been

1623
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:48,120
Speaker 1: the one thing I ever really had to like CT

1624
01:18:48,439 --> 01:18:53,040
Speaker 1: online everyone, I think, like you know more now than ever.

1625
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:56,720
Speaker 1: It's percept Like I think, because I'm a Christian who

1626
01:18:56,720 --> 01:18:59,720
Speaker 1: writes songs about my wife, people think they know who

1627
01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:03,280
Speaker 1: I am or they assume I'm some thing, you know,

1628
01:19:03,360 --> 01:19:06,120
Speaker 1: whether it's political or what they think that I believe

1629
01:19:06,160 --> 01:19:08,960
Speaker 1: in this And like I've seen the most outlandish things

1630
01:19:08,960 --> 01:19:11,160
Speaker 1: said about me on the internet, and it's the biggest things,

1631
01:19:11,200 --> 01:19:13,280
Speaker 1: Like I just don't comment on it because it's like

1632
01:19:13,520 --> 01:19:15,400
Speaker 1: those people, I'm not going to change their mind, you know,

1633
01:19:15,800 --> 01:19:20,639
Speaker 1: if you think I'm some racist or whatever this thing

1634
01:19:20,680 --> 01:19:22,680
Speaker 1: because you think because I'm a Christian, I think that's

1635
01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,840
Speaker 1: the craziest thing in the world, you know. And my

1636
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:28,839
Speaker 1: faith has to do with you know, with my parents

1637
01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:31,479
Speaker 1: passing away and who I am today, you know. And

1638
01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:34,240
Speaker 1: it's just been it's been such a struggle to kind

1639
01:19:34,280 --> 01:19:36,639
Speaker 1: of watch people say things about me that is not true,

1640
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:39,280
Speaker 1: you know, and all of a sudden, I just have

1641
01:19:39,320 --> 01:19:41,280
Speaker 1: to be okay with it and not say anything because

1642
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:45,040
Speaker 1: that's the right play, you know. You you fight for yourself.

1643
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,679
Speaker 1: These people aren't gonna believe you. You know, they're just gonna

1644
01:19:47,680 --> 01:19:49,400
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you're just saying that because you sold

1645
01:19:49,400 --> 01:19:51,960
Speaker 1: your soul, and it's like what what.

1646
01:19:53,640 --> 01:19:56,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. I came up with a rule a few years

1647
01:19:56,120 --> 01:19:58,080
Speaker 2: ago that really helped me process stuff. I was like,

1648
01:19:58,560 --> 01:20:00,519
Speaker 2: the closer you get to the top, one one percent,

1649
01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:03,320
Speaker 2: or whatever industry you're in, the more likely it is

1650
01:20:03,320 --> 01:20:06,120
Speaker 2: that fifty percent of people disagree with you. Yeah, And

1651
01:20:06,479 --> 01:20:10,240
Speaker 2: that math helped it make sense because I remember when

1652
01:20:10,479 --> 01:20:12,880
Speaker 2: my comment section was just like the nicest place on earth,

1653
01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:15,960
Speaker 2: when it was cute and cozy and everything else, and

1654
01:20:16,000 --> 01:20:18,720
Speaker 2: then you just realize, you're, like, okay, scale means disagreement,

1655
01:20:18,840 --> 01:20:22,920
Speaker 2: it means disconnection, it means debate, whatever it means, and

1656
01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:26,800
Speaker 2: you realize that it's not a reflection of you, me

1657
01:20:27,040 --> 01:20:29,640
Speaker 2: or anyone else. It's it's normally just a reflection of

1658
01:20:30,600 --> 01:20:34,360
Speaker 2: too many opinions and that and one thing that's really

1659
01:20:34,360 --> 01:20:36,920
Speaker 2: helped me a lot is recognizing that hate is loud

1660
01:20:37,400 --> 01:20:41,679
Speaker 2: and love is usually soft and quiet, and that hate

1661
01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:46,040
Speaker 2: is so aggressive and direct, but love is so indirect

1662
01:20:46,120 --> 01:20:51,040
Speaker 2: and subtle in how we share it. And I've tried

1663
01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:53,240
Speaker 2: really hard over the last couple of years to take

1664
01:20:54,200 --> 01:20:57,599
Speaker 2: so before I used to be indifferent to both. And

1665
01:20:57,600 --> 01:21:02,480
Speaker 2: what's really helped me recently is to be as gracious

1666
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:09,080
Speaker 2: in receiving love as I was serious about reading hate. Ooh,

1667
01:21:09,280 --> 01:21:10,920
Speaker 2: so when I used to read the hate for comments,

1668
01:21:10,960 --> 01:21:12,760
Speaker 2: you read them and you take them seriously. I get

1669
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:14,519
Speaker 2: that feeling that you read one back comment like I

1670
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:16,559
Speaker 2: must suck and check it with everyone, So you're taking

1671
01:21:16,600 --> 01:21:18,519
Speaker 2: it so seriously. So if I'm going to take it

1672
01:21:18,520 --> 01:21:21,160
Speaker 2: that seriously, I need to take the love as graciously

1673
01:21:21,920 --> 01:21:23,880
Speaker 2: as I took that. And so now if someone says

1674
01:21:23,880 --> 01:21:26,000
Speaker 2: to me, Jay, I listened to this episode with WHI

1675
01:21:26,040 --> 01:21:27,960
Speaker 2: ter I'm sure people with with Alex, and like, I

1676
01:21:27,960 --> 01:21:30,479
Speaker 2: couldn't believe Alex was you know, it's like I would

1677
01:21:30,520 --> 01:21:34,640
Speaker 2: try and take that in far more graciously and presently

1678
01:21:34,720 --> 01:21:38,120
Speaker 2: than I ever would, because I recognize that I have

1679
01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:40,840
Speaker 2: to rewire my brain not to only listen to the

1680
01:21:40,840 --> 01:21:43,360
Speaker 2: good stuff or only think positive, that's not the goal,

1681
01:21:43,840 --> 01:21:46,320
Speaker 2: but to truly let my heart and soul feel the impact.

1682
01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:49,040
Speaker 2: Because I definitely let my heart and so feel the

1683
01:21:49,080 --> 01:21:51,080
Speaker 2: impact of someone, you know, trying to hurt me.

1684
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:54,920
Speaker 1: And it's it's such a strange thing to like, I

1685
01:21:54,920 --> 01:21:56,360
Speaker 1: think that was the one part that was really hard

1686
01:21:56,360 --> 01:21:58,080
Speaker 1: for me to turn off was the fact that I

1687
01:21:58,080 --> 01:22:00,960
Speaker 1: wanted to defend myself every second. You know, I see

1688
01:22:01,280 --> 01:22:03,160
Speaker 1: so many things about me on the Internet that they're

1689
01:22:03,200 --> 01:22:05,680
Speaker 1: not true, and everyone just assumes these things because of

1690
01:22:05,720 --> 01:22:07,439
Speaker 1: who I am or how I'm perceived on the internet,

1691
01:22:07,520 --> 01:22:09,160
Speaker 1: and so it's just like a weird thing of just

1692
01:22:09,160 --> 01:22:11,800
Speaker 1: like you want to be so badly be like no, no,

1693
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:13,760
Speaker 1: I'm not like that, look like I'm this, and it's

1694
01:22:13,760 --> 01:22:16,080
Speaker 1: like it doesn't matter. Like people are gonna believe whatever

1695
01:22:16,080 --> 01:22:18,160
Speaker 1: the hell they want to believe anyway. But that's the

1696
01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:19,439
Speaker 1: hardest thing is shutting up.

1697
01:22:19,640 --> 01:22:22,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I remember once I said, I wish I

1698
01:22:22,280 --> 01:22:25,719
Speaker 2: could sit down one on one with every single person, Yes,

1699
01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:28,280
Speaker 2: doesn't mind stop me if I could just hold their

1700
01:22:28,280 --> 01:22:29,880
Speaker 2: hands for a moment and look in their eyes and

1701
01:22:30,439 --> 01:22:33,040
Speaker 2: explain my intention and what I was going through and

1702
01:22:33,080 --> 01:22:34,800
Speaker 2: what I was struggling, you know, whatever it may be.

1703
01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:39,040
Speaker 2: And I know I can't do that physically, so you know, it's.

1704
01:22:38,920 --> 01:22:41,360
Speaker 1: Crazy, but I get Yeah, I hope one day. I

1705
01:22:41,360 --> 01:22:44,320
Speaker 1: hope one day that some people just realize my intentions.

1706
01:22:44,479 --> 01:22:47,240
Speaker 1: My intention is just to make music that can help people.

1707
01:22:48,120 --> 01:22:50,479
Speaker 1: Everything past that, it doesn't matter, Like I think that's

1708
01:22:50,520 --> 01:22:52,320
Speaker 1: the problem is like everyone looks at these things so

1709
01:22:52,439 --> 01:22:54,479
Speaker 1: much and they viewed as arbitrary and they just want

1710
01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:57,120
Speaker 1: to hate on things that they may not like. And

1711
01:22:57,160 --> 01:22:59,600
Speaker 1: I think if you give everything a chance, like I

1712
01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:02,200
Speaker 1: there's so much music that I may not like love right,

1713
01:23:03,040 --> 01:23:05,680
Speaker 1: but I respect the fact that they're trying. I think

1714
01:23:05,720 --> 01:23:07,360
Speaker 1: that's the biggest thing in life right now. It's like

1715
01:23:07,640 --> 01:23:11,559
Speaker 1: there's so many popular musicians right now where their fandoms

1716
01:23:11,560 --> 01:23:14,479
Speaker 1: are like, oh Glex because this is this and it's like, dude,

1717
01:23:14,479 --> 01:23:16,160
Speaker 1: do you not realize all of us are friends behind

1718
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:18,240
Speaker 1: the scene, all of us are rooting each other on,

1719
01:23:19,000 --> 01:23:20,400
Speaker 1: you know, and like that's the one thing is like

1720
01:23:20,439 --> 01:23:22,760
Speaker 1: I feel like you're it's just such a strange and

1721
01:23:22,800 --> 01:23:25,600
Speaker 1: obviously it's the job. It's so the job, but coming

1722
01:23:25,640 --> 01:23:28,360
Speaker 1: from being a fan to then doing it, yeah, it's

1723
01:23:28,439 --> 01:23:31,439
Speaker 1: the craziest thing. It's the craziest thing being in it

1724
01:23:31,479 --> 01:23:35,639
Speaker 1: and like understanding it and being like wow, like I

1725
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:38,880
Speaker 1: understand why people don't say anything. It sucks that you can't,

1726
01:23:39,280 --> 01:23:39,479
Speaker 1: you know.

1727
01:23:39,880 --> 01:23:42,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's so hard because we're also living in

1728
01:23:42,320 --> 01:23:44,679
Speaker 2: a time where I think everyone's like, let's be sensitive

1729
01:23:44,680 --> 01:23:47,679
Speaker 2: about each other's mental health and let's really be thoughtful

1730
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:50,639
Speaker 2: about how we make people feel. And then over nothing

1731
01:23:50,720 --> 01:23:53,519
Speaker 2: like just over almost like a it's almost like a

1732
01:23:53,680 --> 01:23:56,080
Speaker 2: treating music at art like a sports team. Yeah, you know,

1733
01:23:56,320 --> 01:23:59,639
Speaker 2: but Alex, it's been such a joy talking to you,

1734
01:24:00,040 --> 01:24:04,120
Speaker 2: and I've truly hoped this at the beginning of getting

1735
01:24:04,120 --> 01:24:05,599
Speaker 2: to know you better and getting to know you more.

1736
01:24:05,800 --> 01:24:09,760
Speaker 2: I've loved every moment of your openness, your vulnerability, and

1737
01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:15,640
Speaker 2: I really appreciate just how truly transparent you're willing to

1738
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:17,759
Speaker 2: be in order to help people and help people understand

1739
01:24:17,760 --> 01:24:20,400
Speaker 2: your music better. And I think that's why your music

1740
01:24:20,439 --> 01:24:24,240
Speaker 2: has resonated so strongly and deeply with me and billions

1741
01:24:24,240 --> 01:24:27,439
Speaker 2: of people around the world, because I believe that everything

1742
01:24:27,479 --> 01:24:30,360
Speaker 2: you shared today is exactly what we're hearing and feeling

1743
01:24:30,360 --> 01:24:32,479
Speaker 2: in your music. And I felt this as deeply as

1744
01:24:32,920 --> 01:24:36,800
Speaker 2: we do the chords and the singing and all the

1745
01:24:36,840 --> 01:24:38,920
Speaker 2: work that comes through with you. So thank you, so much.

1746
01:24:39,120 --> 01:24:40,680
Speaker 1: Thank you. I don't feel like you realize how much

1747
01:24:40,720 --> 01:24:44,280
Speaker 1: I needed this, obviously. I hope this was really really

1748
01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:44,880
Speaker 1: important for me.

1749
01:24:45,120 --> 01:24:47,719
Speaker 2: That means a lot to me. We end every episode

1750
01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:50,400
Speaker 2: of On Purpose with a final five. These questions have

1751
01:24:50,439 --> 01:24:54,000
Speaker 2: to be answered in one sentence each, So Alex Warren,

1752
01:24:54,040 --> 01:24:55,080
Speaker 2: these are your final five.

1753
01:24:55,280 --> 01:24:55,679
Speaker 1: Okay.

1754
01:24:55,840 --> 01:24:57,840
Speaker 2: The first question is, and we ask this every guest,

1755
01:24:57,880 --> 01:25:00,240
Speaker 2: the first question is what is the best advice you've

1756
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:01,200
Speaker 2: ever heard or received.

1757
01:25:01,960 --> 01:25:05,439
Speaker 1: I've actually never received any advice I think I've I've used,

1758
01:25:05,560 --> 01:25:09,120
Speaker 1: but I would say the best advice would be wait,

1759
01:25:09,120 --> 01:25:10,240
Speaker 1: I forgot this is one sentence.

1760
01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:11,920
Speaker 2: No, No, that's fine, that's not you can do that.

1761
01:25:12,280 --> 01:25:13,479
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you do that anyway.

1762
01:25:13,520 --> 01:25:16,200
Speaker 1: Everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.

1763
01:25:17,080 --> 01:25:19,599
Speaker 1: You whatever happens in your life, run with it.

1764
01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:24,840
Speaker 2: Okay. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever

1765
01:25:24,880 --> 01:25:25,599
Speaker 2: heard or received?

1766
01:25:25,840 --> 01:25:26,280
Speaker 1: Give up?

1767
01:25:27,120 --> 01:25:28,240
Speaker 2: Who said that to you?

1768
01:25:28,320 --> 01:25:29,040
Speaker 1: My mom?

1769
01:25:29,240 --> 01:25:30,080
Speaker 2: How many times?

1770
01:25:30,240 --> 01:25:32,559
Speaker 1: Too many? To the point where I stopped leaving it.

1771
01:25:33,560 --> 01:25:35,240
Speaker 1: So that was definitely the thing, and I think it

1772
01:25:35,320 --> 01:25:37,439
Speaker 1: fueled me to even keep going more so.

1773
01:25:37,439 --> 01:25:39,960
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's great when someone repeats bad advice because you

1774
01:25:40,000 --> 01:25:42,559
Speaker 2: get desensitized from it. Is what I'm taking away from

1775
01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:44,560
Speaker 2: your your brain and how it works. I want to

1776
01:25:44,600 --> 01:25:46,759
Speaker 2: scan your brain one day, me too. Yeah, we should

1777
01:25:46,800 --> 01:25:47,000
Speaker 2: do that.

1778
01:25:47,280 --> 01:25:49,160
Speaker 1: So yeah, I would love to do that with all

1779
01:25:49,200 --> 01:25:49,760
Speaker 1: the colors. Yeah.

1780
01:25:49,840 --> 01:25:51,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a lot of neuro sciences on the show,

1781
01:25:51,479 --> 01:25:53,720
Speaker 2: so we love that. We have to figure that out.

1782
01:25:53,760 --> 01:25:57,840
Speaker 2: That'd be special to do. Let's will arrange that. Question

1783
01:25:57,880 --> 01:26:01,240
Speaker 2: Number three, I'd love for you to leave a video

1784
01:26:01,280 --> 01:26:02,799
Speaker 2: for your kids here on the podcast.

1785
01:26:02,840 --> 01:26:05,800
Speaker 1: So really, yeah, that was all right? Cool? Which camera

1786
01:26:05,800 --> 01:26:08,840
Speaker 1: do I look in one? Right? Hey, kids, it's your dad.

1787
01:26:09,439 --> 01:26:12,960
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here right now with probably your uncle at

1788
01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:15,240
Speaker 1: this point, or I don't know. He's around a lot,

1789
01:26:15,280 --> 01:26:16,599
Speaker 1: and I don't know if he's eating out of our

1790
01:26:16,640 --> 01:26:18,920
Speaker 1: fridge or what he's doing. But I just want you

1791
01:26:19,000 --> 01:26:20,559
Speaker 1: to know that I love you so much and I

1792
01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:24,200
Speaker 1: pretty much talked about you this entire podcast, and if

1793
01:26:24,240 --> 01:26:27,240
Speaker 1: you want to learn more about me and watch it.

1794
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:31,320
Speaker 2: I love that. That's beautiful. Thank you, thanks for letting

1795
01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:31,840
Speaker 2: me do that.

1796
01:26:32,160 --> 01:26:33,080
Speaker 1: Cool, so cool.

1797
01:26:33,120 --> 01:26:33,720
Speaker 2: I just love it.

1798
01:26:33,760 --> 01:26:34,840
Speaker 1: I love you that all the time.

1799
01:26:34,880 --> 01:26:36,200
Speaker 2: I love that you do all the time that you're

1800
01:26:36,240 --> 01:26:37,800
Speaker 2: inspiring me to want to do it, Like I'm going

1801
01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:39,120
Speaker 2: to start doing it because of you.

1802
01:26:39,320 --> 01:26:41,360
Speaker 1: It's the best and I got it from my dad,

1803
01:26:41,439 --> 01:26:43,680
Speaker 1: and I think it's the most special thing. Especially when

1804
01:26:43,720 --> 01:26:46,400
Speaker 1: they're born. I'm going to have a camera everywhere so

1805
01:26:46,439 --> 01:26:48,479
Speaker 1: they know that, like, so they just have that moment.

1806
01:26:48,840 --> 01:26:50,360
Speaker 2: You're so young. But did you watch that show How

1807
01:26:50,360 --> 01:26:52,360
Speaker 2: I Met your Mother? Yes? Yeah, it's like that to

1808
01:26:52,439 --> 01:26:53,880
Speaker 2: me is just you know, I love that show and

1809
01:26:53,920 --> 01:26:55,880
Speaker 2: I never thought of it, so you inspired it. I

1810
01:26:55,880 --> 01:27:01,559
Speaker 2: love it. Question number four, if you talk to your

1811
01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:04,040
Speaker 2: father today, What would you say to him?

1812
01:27:07,600 --> 01:27:13,080
Speaker 1: Am I everything you wanted me to be. I care

1813
01:27:13,600 --> 01:27:16,720
Speaker 1: more about what my dad thinks than anything, so as

1814
01:27:16,760 --> 01:27:19,200
Speaker 1: I live life, and I think you asked me this

1815
01:27:19,320 --> 01:27:21,080
Speaker 1: so many times today and I didn't have an answer.

1816
01:27:21,080 --> 01:27:22,639
Speaker 1: And as I'm saying this, I think I know it

1817
01:27:22,800 --> 01:27:25,679
Speaker 1: is you ask why I have this outlook on life

1818
01:27:25,680 --> 01:27:28,120
Speaker 1: and how I do based on the things I've gone through.

1819
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:30,280
Speaker 1: And I think it's really easy to when you have

1820
01:27:32,040 --> 01:27:34,840
Speaker 1: a person or you believe someone's looking down at you.

1821
01:27:35,920 --> 01:27:38,559
Speaker 1: And I like to think that my dad's proud of me.

1822
01:27:39,160 --> 01:27:41,920
Speaker 1: And so that's the thing is, you know, everything I do,

1823
01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:43,680
Speaker 1: I try to be moral and I try to do

1824
01:27:43,720 --> 01:27:46,639
Speaker 1: the right thing because I truly believe that my dad

1825
01:27:46,880 --> 01:27:48,160
Speaker 1: is watching.

1826
01:27:49,520 --> 01:27:52,799
Speaker 2: I hope one day we get to see those videos

1827
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:53,760
Speaker 2: in some capacity.

1828
01:27:53,880 --> 01:27:54,840
Speaker 1: I would show you any time.

1829
01:27:54,960 --> 01:27:57,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I kind of if he was able to

1830
01:27:57,520 --> 01:28:00,719
Speaker 2: infuse that much morality, love.

1831
01:28:00,720 --> 01:28:02,000
Speaker 1: Kindness, and you'd love them.

1832
01:28:02,160 --> 01:28:08,719
Speaker 2: I know, those really special, Yeah, genuinely so powerful. Fifth

1833
01:28:08,720 --> 01:28:10,559
Speaker 2: and final question we asked this to every guest who's

1834
01:28:10,560 --> 01:28:12,880
Speaker 2: ever been on the show. Alex, if you could create

1835
01:28:12,960 --> 01:28:15,360
Speaker 2: one law that everyone in the world had to follow,

1836
01:28:15,520 --> 01:28:16,080
Speaker 2: what would it.

1837
01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:19,120
Speaker 1: Be be nice to your neighbor, treat your neighbor the

1838
01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:20,880
Speaker 1: way you want to be treated. I think that's one

1839
01:28:20,920 --> 01:28:25,639
Speaker 1: we've lost so much. Is everyone now more than ever

1840
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:27,639
Speaker 1: needs it. Where we are today, there's so much hate

1841
01:28:27,640 --> 01:28:31,519
Speaker 1: and there's so much judgment, and that's now more than ever.

1842
01:28:31,560 --> 01:28:33,360
Speaker 1: I just think that everyone needs to be treated the

1843
01:28:33,360 --> 01:28:34,799
Speaker 1: way that they would like to be treated.

1844
01:28:35,920 --> 01:28:37,600
Speaker 2: Alex One. And I'm so excited to see you at

1845
01:28:37,600 --> 01:28:42,240
Speaker 2: the Grammys. Yeah, I'm going to be there. I'm really

1846
01:28:42,280 --> 01:28:45,120
Speaker 2: looking forward to seeing you, you know, hopefully when putting

1847
01:28:45,120 --> 01:28:48,479
Speaker 2: it out there manifesting right now. I would be wonderful

1848
01:28:48,520 --> 01:28:50,360
Speaker 2: to be there and see you get that award that

1849
01:28:50,400 --> 01:28:51,360
Speaker 2: you so deeply deserve.

1850
01:28:51,439 --> 01:28:53,800
Speaker 1: And I can't wait to watch the Leon Thomas Wannert,

1851
01:28:58,120 --> 01:28:58,920
Speaker 1: I appreciate you.

1852
01:28:58,960 --> 01:29:00,920
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for me for me, Alex, such

1853
01:29:00,920 --> 01:29:04,160
Speaker 2: a pleasure, truly, thank you, Thank you. You're awesome man.

1854
01:29:04,600 --> 01:29:05,280
Speaker 2: That's a great guy.

1855
01:29:05,320 --> 01:29:06,320
Speaker 1: That was so needed.

1856
01:29:06,520 --> 01:29:10,400
Speaker 2: If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode

1857
01:29:10,439 --> 01:29:14,599
Speaker 2: with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how

1858
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:17,040
Speaker 2: to speak to yourself with more compassion.

1859
01:29:17,479 --> 01:29:21,160
Speaker 1: My fears are only going to continue to show me

1860
01:29:21,240 --> 01:29:24,439
Speaker 1: what i'm capable of the more that I face my fears,

1861
01:29:24,479 --> 01:29:28,120
Speaker 1: the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom,

1862
01:29:28,160 --> 01:29:30,040
Speaker 1: and I just want to keep doing that