Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want
Speaker 2: to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim,
Speaker 2: and give us time and a termino and gay. We
Speaker 2: want to send you off in style. We wanna welcome
Speaker 2: you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 2: We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do your need ride?
Speaker 1: Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need
Speaker 1: to ride? This is Chris.
Speaker 2: Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarriff.
Speaker 1: Hello, Karen, Hi Chris, how are you? I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 4: There's been some drama, some pet drama in my neighborhood.
Speaker 4: Why well, there's a dog that is muscular like a human.
Speaker 1: This dog looks like the rock.
Speaker 4: And there's two separate occasions where I've I'm pulling up
Speaker 4: to my place and I didn't see it happened. But
Speaker 4: that dog just bit a passing dog on a leash.
Speaker 4: It's happened twice now, so that's just the times I've
Speaker 4: seen it. And I do feel like a weird pet
Speaker 4: detective because I heard him say to the woman who
Speaker 4: was checking her dog, which had blood on its neck, like,
Speaker 4: this is a big pit combined with another scary dog.
Speaker 1: And he said, oh, he never does this.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, ah, four or five months ago, I
Speaker 4: remember fully picking up a dog and like this dog.
Speaker 4: I don't know how many dogs this dog is bitten,
Speaker 4: but he jumps over the fence. Oh, and I've pet
Speaker 4: that this scary dog and he's sweet to humans, but
Speaker 4: he wants to murder little dogs.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Meanwhile, this cat that is my neighbors that they called
Speaker 4: the mooch, his collar says the mooch. That's because you
Speaker 4: don't take care of him. And he's skinny. And now
Speaker 4: he just waits at my door and I let him in.
Speaker 4: He wants he's asking me to be his new owner,
Speaker 4: but he's got a collar on and he's it's just
Speaker 4: these folks had a baby.
Speaker 1: I leave my windows open. You can learn a lot anyway.
Speaker 2: I think here's the thing. You can always take a
Speaker 2: collar off. That cat doesn't know its name is the mooch.
Speaker 2: It's like suddenly that's Charlie McCarthy. Yeah, and you're done,
Speaker 2: that's your cat.
Speaker 4: I think I should do that, but I did talk
Speaker 4: to them like, hey, are you guys the Mooch's parents.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, that's our cat.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, you just had a baby, right Because
Speaker 4: I could see the baby, I could see what's happening.
Speaker 1: They don't care about the cat anymore. They have a
Speaker 1: human baby.
Speaker 4: Should I ask them next time I see them, Hey,
Speaker 4: do you want me to adopt your cat?
Speaker 2: I do, like you, No, they don't want you to.
Speaker 2: They don't want you.
Speaker 4: To, so I have to break the lawn steal their cat.
Speaker 4: I mean, you're giving me permission.
Speaker 2: I was doing a joke. Now I feel like I
Speaker 2: need to say, hey, don't do that.
Speaker 1: Okay, I won't do that, but I am gonna let
Speaker 1: him visit. I don't feed him either.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. Don't feed him because then it'll be
Speaker 2: at your house all the time. But la cats, when
Speaker 2: they are left outside, they go and live entire second
Speaker 2: secret lives.
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 2: So, I mean, like, that's that's very common things.
Speaker 4: And because this cat's name is the Mooch, I think
Speaker 4: he has a history of befriending neighbors. But he asks
Speaker 4: for nothing. He just comes in and sits and stares
Speaker 4: at me. It's actually kind of creepy, but I've grown
Speaker 4: to like him.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 4: There's a lot of pet drama and I just wanted
Speaker 4: to get it off my teats.
Speaker 2: What if you adopted a big, fat cat and then
Speaker 2: you got it a tag that and named it the Gooch,
Speaker 2: and then cat wars, then the drama goes up ten.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, jump in there, be a part of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I should be part of the community.
Speaker 2: You know who else should be part of the community.
Speaker 1: Our guests today, Oh god, you're so good at these guest.
Speaker 2: Jump on this guest, segue with me, and we'll go
Speaker 2: pick up our guest for today. You've seen her at
Speaker 2: clubs and colleges all over the country, a lot of colleges.
Speaker 2: She's also been on this podcast a handful of times.
Speaker 5: Yes, I think three, at least I think so three maybe, yeah,
Speaker 5: two or three.
Speaker 2: She's a six name. I'm doing the intro on this
Speaker 2: podcast three times. You know her, you love her? That's right,
Speaker 2: it's Fortune, femester Fortune.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a real honor to be back.
Speaker 1: You aren't doing colleges anymore, are you fortunate?
Speaker 5: I was about to say no, and I literally have
Speaker 5: a college next Thursday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I told you, And is it all over the country.
Speaker 5: I don't do many because colleges. Your soul hurts after
Speaker 5: a lot of those gigs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we've established that for sure.
Speaker 2: Ye.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's only a handful of good college gigs. But
Speaker 1: I don't know why.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, that sounds good because yours at noon.
Speaker 5: It's at like seven pm, and it's been a way
Speaker 5: too big of a theater. Sometimes you want to tell
Speaker 5: these colleges like, let's lower the bar a little bit,
Speaker 5: because no college promotes them the shows.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know why they don't promote them.
Speaker 5: And then when like fifty people show up, they go,
Speaker 5: it's fine, we had to spend.
Speaker 3: The money anyway.
Speaker 2: You go, okay, all.
Speaker 4: Right, right, there is a they were breathing down our
Speaker 4: next to spend this money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so don't worry about it. Can we give you more?
Speaker 2: Fine.
Speaker 5: I once had a hockey team come to my show
Speaker 5: in a college in Boston and they told me that
Speaker 5: they got in trouble with their coach and they were
Speaker 5: allowed to pick their punishment, and my my show was.
Speaker 2: Part of their punishment.
Speaker 5: Wait a minute, so I heckled these guys the entire show.
Speaker 1: Oh, Okay, did they say we want to be roasted?
Speaker 1: Sort of?
Speaker 5: They were in the back there, but I mean there
Speaker 5: was like thirty guys, and you know that's not usual,
Speaker 5: and they were very like Jock Broie guys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I literally stopped the show.
Speaker 5: I said, I just have to I have to ask,
Speaker 5: like you guys in the back, like you're not my
Speaker 5: normal crowd, what brings you? And the guy goes, we
Speaker 5: got in trouble, and we're allowed to pick our punishment,
Speaker 5: so we picked your show.
Speaker 4: That was the I hope that you really let a
Speaker 4: lot of people think that stand up.
Speaker 1: You're just it's part of it.
Speaker 4: It's totally normal that you're gonna get roasted by the comedian.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: People go, oh, I don't want to sit up front
Speaker 4: because you're gonna mess with me. Oh my god. In
Speaker 4: a perfect world, we would never even interact. I would
Speaker 4: do my material and you'd be quiet like.
Speaker 2: You're at a play. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I don't normally roast anyone, nor do I do that.
Speaker 5: But and they were in the very very back, and
Speaker 5: I just so the whole show, I just kept going
Speaker 5: back to them, going just just nailing these guys. This
Speaker 5: was a while ago, but it was a real treat
Speaker 5: that will always stay with me.
Speaker 2: Do you honestly think it was a punishment or do
Speaker 2: you think that guy was being sassy?
Speaker 3: The entire team was there. It was one hundred.
Speaker 5: Percent, and like I think he thought like he was
Speaker 5: complimenting me, like, hey, but we picked you, like it
Speaker 5: was either you know, fifty suicides.
Speaker 3: Or you.
Speaker 2: We were either had to do a half hour of cardio.
Speaker 5: That's so funny, or sit here through this big old
Speaker 5: lesbian stand up set.
Speaker 2: I was doing some college back east and at the end,
Speaker 2: I know I've told the story fifteen times on this show,
Speaker 2: but but we don't care about stuff like that. That's right,
Speaker 2: So feel free to repeat anything.
Speaker 1: Yea, even the T shirt that you wore last time. Yes,
Speaker 1: now it's what you said, it's.
Speaker 3: Probably the same.
Speaker 2: No, But in near the end of my set, and
Speaker 2: this was at the beginning of this run, I think
Speaker 2: I had maybe twenty five minutes material and then by
Speaker 2: the end I had kind of worked it out with
Speaker 2: myself enough so that it was lasting at least forty
Speaker 2: five oh like legal limit whatever. But near the end
Speaker 2: of my set, the football team came in from like
Speaker 2: they had just finished practice. So literally holding their gear
Speaker 2: and stuff, and they sat in the back and I
Speaker 2: had this bit about the National Cheerleading Championships and I
Speaker 2: was just kind of being an asshole and being mean
Speaker 2: about watching the National Cheerleading Championships, And at one point
Speaker 2: this guy goes like this guy goes, hey, my mom
Speaker 2: is a cheerleader, and then everyone starts laughing, and I
Speaker 2: of course start laughing because it was fucking hilarious. He
Speaker 2: did it really loud. He was like it was like
Speaker 2: he was an opera singer. And then I was like,
Speaker 2: that's the funniest it's going to get tonight. Thanks everybody,
Speaker 2: and I just wrapped the show up. You nailed it.
Speaker 2: It's not going to get better than that. That's amazing.
Speaker 2: Was a cheerleader.
Speaker 1: And what if she was? Yeah, what if she was?
Speaker 2: What if she was? Then she can come fight me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they have cheerleading parents.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's a hardcore sporty is yet is?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 4: I just yeah, when I do colleges, I just can't
Speaker 4: believe how young they are. I thought I was such
Speaker 4: a grown up when I was in school and I
Speaker 4: their children, Oh, they're.
Speaker 2: They're totally babies.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's yeah, it's really weird to I go on
Speaker 5: stage and I go, what are we going to relate
Speaker 5: to with each other?
Speaker 2: Why am I here?
Speaker 4: I do just anyone should do their due diligence as
Speaker 4: as a host and do some Wikipedia. I was reading
Speaker 4: about about you fortune some things I didn't know. Oh yeah,
Speaker 4: but at your graduation there was an actress that spoke
Speaker 4: because that mine JK.
Speaker 1: Simmons spoke. He went to that college that Oh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you ended up being her assistant in LA.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is that true? It's true. Yeah.
Speaker 3: She was the commencement speaker.
Speaker 5: She was an actress from North Carolina and she got
Speaker 5: asked to speak in our graduation.
Speaker 3: I was a student speaker, and uh crushed.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, and uh we hit it off, and so
Speaker 5: that's what it was.
Speaker 4: You crushed And she was like, oh my god, I've
Speaker 4: never seen a student speaker crush like that.
Speaker 1: Will you come work for me?
Speaker 5: Well? She just kind of was like, let me know
Speaker 5: if you ever need anything, And I was just like,
Speaker 5: what a you know, what am I going to need
Speaker 5: from an actress in Los Angeles?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 4: Well, it's just a testament to your likability because I
Speaker 4: just read a couple of sentences and I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: I assume that's what happened. But then it went on
Speaker 4: to say that her neighbor was like a LA Weekly
Speaker 4: journalist or.
Speaker 1: Something, and then you got a job with her neighbor.
Speaker 2: Look at that.
Speaker 5: I just got a lot of jobs through people, So
Speaker 5: that's true too.
Speaker 2: That's true too. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I So I got randomly hired to be assistant. I
Speaker 5: didn't start till a year later, because long story is short.
Speaker 5: I moved to Spain for a year and when I
Speaker 5: got home, the job was still available. So I this
Speaker 5: was two thousand and three. I moved out to LA
Speaker 5: not knowing what I was doing. I had no desire
Speaker 5: to be an actor or comedian. I had never done comedy.
Speaker 5: I had done theater and I stunk. So I was like,
Speaker 5: I don't know what I'm doing, but this might be
Speaker 5: a cool life experience. And then I sucked as an
Speaker 5: assistant because I was a baby.
Speaker 3: I didn't know La.
Speaker 5: I didn't know where anything was, and I'm trying to
Speaker 5: flip through Thomas Guides while not hit by their cars.
Speaker 3: And I was there maybe a year a little longer.
Speaker 5: But her neighbor, yeah, wrote for the La Daily News
Speaker 5: and was basically that speech. She goes, I heard from
Speaker 5: your graduation speech that you can write.
Speaker 2: Do you want to come killed that speech? That speech?
Speaker 3: I mean, it was really good, I guess.
Speaker 5: And she said, do you want to cover like movie
Speaker 5: premieres and events for me like once or twice a
Speaker 5: week at night? And I was like yeah, because I
Speaker 5: suck at being an assistant. So I did them both
Speaker 5: for a while, and then that led to another journalism
Speaker 5: job that I had for the next like six years.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, that's so cool that it's like the first
Speaker 4: person you met and then the second person you met
Speaker 4: when you moved here.
Speaker 5: So weird because I didn't know anyone else and it
Speaker 5: was such a scary thing to move to La. I mean,
Speaker 5: I'm from a town of ten thousand people, so what
Speaker 5: am I doing?
Speaker 3: And it was hard. It was hard to make friends.
Speaker 5: I was just like the you know, professionally, it was
Speaker 5: like cool that I just suddenly it was a journalist.
Speaker 5: If I wanted to be a journalist, I would have
Speaker 5: been like, hey, I made it. But I discovered improv
Speaker 5: doing the groundlenks because I wanted.
Speaker 2: To make friends.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, okay, and yeah, so comedy only came because
Speaker 5: I was lonely and wanted to make friends.
Speaker 2: That tracks. That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and a lot of my friends I still have
Speaker 5: from those growlings days.
Speaker 1: It's oddly not that long ago.
Speaker 4: Like I remember when we both were in the waiting
Speaker 4: room at the improv for Last Comic Standing while you
Speaker 4: kept advancing.
Speaker 1: That was what two thousand and five or six, Like.
Speaker 3: Uh, that was twenty ten.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, well all right, that tracks then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, thought was broke.
Speaker 5: That journalism job actually came to an end right around
Speaker 5: that same time because all these newspapers were folding and
Speaker 5: they had to let me go. And so that was
Speaker 5: kind of like I only did Last Comic Extending because
Speaker 5: I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna pay
Speaker 5: my bills. Nobody wants to hire me for any comedy
Speaker 5: related anything. And uh it was just like, you know,
Speaker 5: one last grasp of straws and.
Speaker 2: That turned it around. I was there for that member.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Karen.
Speaker 5: I was calling Karen because I had met Karen through
Speaker 5: an act bart shows, and I was like, beg Karen
Speaker 5: to help me write jokes because I only had like
Speaker 5: ten fifteen or fifteen.
Speaker 2: Minutes and material. I'm like yeah, it. She was like
Speaker 2: my savior. But also, you know, I wrote on that
Speaker 2: season of Last Comic Standing because Page was my savior. Yeah,
Speaker 2: giving me jobs when I just had no jobs. I'd
Speaker 2: the hugest mortgage, and so I with Hugh Moore, was
Speaker 2: writing patter for Craig Robinson. I did that season. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's right. I watched all of you guys do that
Speaker 2: and go through the heartbreak of being on Last Comic Standing.
Speaker 2: No One, no One. It seems to me, having watched
Speaker 2: it from behind the scenes a couple times, it's a
Speaker 2: very painful process for everybody, no matter how far they
Speaker 2: get or don't get forever, every comic seems to get
Speaker 2: their heart super broken on that. Yeah or yeah.
Speaker 4: I think the first year I did it, I enjoyed it,
Speaker 4: But after that, yeah, nothing but sadness. And then as
Speaker 4: a comic, you don't really get to watch anyone else.
Speaker 4: You're just waiting in a room a holding area. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but yeah, I remember fortune you coming in and clearly
Speaker 4: it had just gone well, and all these cameras came
Speaker 4: in like they didn't follow everyone else into the green room,
Speaker 4: and so that's how I knew you did great.
Speaker 1: I didn't see a moment of it.
Speaker 5: But we all they were the other camera people just
Speaker 5: started following me a bunch of places. Yeah, and people
Speaker 5: were very mystified because no one really knew who I was.
Speaker 5: I didn't know any of the I knew a handful
Speaker 5: of the LA comics, but there were all these New
Speaker 5: York comics that I had no idea who they were.
Speaker 5: Like that was when Nicki Glazer and Rachel Feinstein and
Speaker 5: Michelle Buteaux they were all there.
Speaker 3: I didn't know anyone was. I knew Michelle briefly.
Speaker 5: Tommy Johnigan, Yeah, I didn't know him. Yeah, I knew
Speaker 5: like Taylor Williamson and that was like it. So he
Speaker 5: and I would walk to the Galleria together in Glendale
Speaker 5: during filming.
Speaker 2: So this is pre Americana this yeah, long ago.
Speaker 5: That was.
Speaker 2: A whole mall, wasn't there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, insane, And it is funny how you get wrapped
Speaker 5: up like you definitely get wrapped up in the experience,
Speaker 5: because if I had kept going, I truly would have
Speaker 5: had no material. And I remember just I remember like
Speaker 5: getting eliminated and being like sad, Like the camera starts
Speaker 5: coming in closer, trying to see if they'll catch a
Speaker 5: tear rolling down your face and they make you like
Speaker 5: really invested in it and you're like, I.
Speaker 2: Didn't move on.
Speaker 5: But then like afterwards Page was like, yeah, but you
Speaker 5: didn't have any more material, and I'm like, I know, but.
Speaker 2: Still I love those those early days. I remember walking
Speaker 2: in on one of those shows, one of those like, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, I think it was down to eight people
Speaker 2: or something, and walking in, I think it's the Arrow,
Speaker 2: not the Arrow Theater, that theater in Glendale. Oh, the
Speaker 2: the Alex, the Alex theator right where they like the
Speaker 2: audience was lined up. Yeah, and I was I had
Speaker 2: been somewhere else and I had to come around the
Speaker 2: corner and walk through the front doors, and so I
Speaker 2: just had like, you know, it was like I was
Speaker 2: a producer essentially, and I remember walking by and then
Speaker 2: just being like, oh, I had a stomach ache for
Speaker 2: you guys. And it was that thing of like this
Speaker 2: is the part of stand up or I guess show business,
Speaker 2: because regular stand up never has that vibe. You're just
Speaker 2: never in that part of it. But like competing and
Speaker 2: judging and comparing stand ups makes no fucking sense. It
Speaker 2: just doesn't. It's like it's like room to room, show
Speaker 2: to show. Everybody has a different time. It's all mental,
Speaker 2: and it's mental and it is the audience. It's like,
Speaker 2: it's how comfortable you can get yourself in the position
Speaker 2: that you're in. But with a thing like that where
Speaker 2: it was like a thousand people, I mean that theater
Speaker 2: was humongous. It was intense. I was so grateful I
Speaker 2: didn't have to worry about that part of it.
Speaker 1: I was just like yeah, ooh behind the camera, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was so great. I get I'd get eliminated way
Speaker 1: before the theater.
Speaker 5: Portion like I'm gonna just the Hollywood improv. Let's let's
Speaker 5: leave it there.
Speaker 2: I don't want to go Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, as far as I took it, it's like I
Speaker 4: feel comfortable here. And Page has always been the sweetest
Speaker 4: and I in an interview, a post interview, they said
Speaker 4: what are you going to do now? And I'm like,
Speaker 4: just put on a disguise and come audition again tomorrow.
Speaker 4: And then she's like will you actually do that? And
Speaker 4: I'm like okay, So I came the.
Speaker 1: Next day with a mustache so funny. Hi, I'm Christian Fairchild.
Speaker 1: I'm a New york Man.
Speaker 4: And it was kind of an inside joke, and then
Speaker 4: I made it to the semi finals as a character.
Speaker 4: But they didn't want to go into that whole story.
Speaker 4: They just showed my original crappy set. Yeah, so it
Speaker 4: didn't even make sense whatever, but I didn't that was
Speaker 4: fun at least.
Speaker 1: I love the page. Let me do that.
Speaker 2: Just that is funny. He's like, yeah, whatever, it's always
Speaker 2: great when the people in charge are actually very funny
Speaker 2: themselves and know how, they know funny people and they
Speaker 2: know good ideas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, even if the audience hated me, she liked me.
Speaker 5: That's all that matters, because she's a tough critic, so
Speaker 5: that's high praise.
Speaker 2: She hates everybody, She hates everyone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I can safely say a page doesn't hate Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I still do this day.
Speaker 5: Get nervous anytime I tape any form of stand up. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it's nerve wracking because in a live show, you're like, yeah,
Speaker 5: famous a word, who cares. You'll make stuff up as
Speaker 5: you go, you'll piece things together. You might forget one thing,
Speaker 5: but it doesn't really you know, whatever the order is.
Speaker 5: But when you're filming it's I do still get those butterflies.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's because I'm not religious, but were you nervous
Speaker 4: shooting your special in church? I don't know why that
Speaker 4: would make it be just an extra voice.
Speaker 1: Like, uh, you should have been religious.
Speaker 3: I did feel the Lord was judging me the whole time.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well we had actually I had been asked to
Speaker 5: do shows for this Charlotte Comedy Festival, and that's where
Speaker 5: they booked me, was in that theater. And then when
Speaker 5: we sold my special, we go, oh, well, actually I'm
Speaker 5: doing shows in this theater and you know, in the fall.
Speaker 3: And I had never seen it, so I had no
Speaker 3: idea about it.
Speaker 5: I just saw pictures of it and it looked really
Speaker 5: cool and it was a pretty theater. And it wasn't
Speaker 5: until we finalized everything that I started looking up information
Speaker 5: on it and they go, this is also a church,
Speaker 5: and I was like, what.
Speaker 1: Just stained glass window? Yeah, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 5: It just seemed like But then, like when I started
Speaker 5: looking at my materials, like this is actually pretty perfect
Speaker 5: because I talk about, you know, growing up in the
Speaker 5: church and and how that was like my early childhood
Speaker 5: and then obviously veered off from that at some point,
Speaker 5: but so it seemed kind of like this weird full
Speaker 5: circle moment of like, now I'm in a church, this
Speaker 5: out gay comedian, and I tricked all of you into
Speaker 5: thinking you were in a theater, but you're actually.
Speaker 1: In a church.
Speaker 4: Oh I thought that was like your childhood Methodist church.
Speaker 1: I didn't know it was a theater. It's clearly a church.
Speaker 5: My childhood Methodist church is just red carpet everywhere, so
Speaker 5: much red carpet.
Speaker 2: That must have been like the cheaper carpet or something,
Speaker 2: because it doesn't seem I'm wait, were you really Methodists
Speaker 2: or you're just saying that I really was. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: hilarious because I feel like in Catholic churches, red and
Speaker 2: burgundy is usually what the carpet color is too. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well yeah, try to get a runner in any other color.
Speaker 4: They're always red because of Hollywood.
Speaker 5: I think red is part of the Methodist like emblem
Speaker 5: or like it's all always red stuff.
Speaker 4: So yeah, yeah, that logo is across with like a
Speaker 4: little red sash on it or its flames, I can't remember.
Speaker 5: And so somebody was just like, let's go all red,
Speaker 5: go with it, and it's so much red it's very jarring.
Speaker 5: When you walk in there, you're like, whoa, it's really
Speaker 5: red in here at Christmas is nice?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's it's gotta be. That's
Speaker 4: all I think of when I think of churches, I
Speaker 4: think Christmas.
Speaker 3: What church did? What church did you go to?
Speaker 1: Oh? It was in a river runs through it? It
Speaker 1: was like famously the church that the dad was the
Speaker 1: preacher at, and it's in the movie and everything Tom's scart.
Speaker 5: That was a good movie for Brad Pitt. Looks wise.
Speaker 5: He was very handsome in that movie. Other times, eh.
Speaker 2: Other times he's hard to look at.
Speaker 5: At that time, real fugly. He was very handsome in
Speaker 5: that movie.
Speaker 2: He looks good. Fly fishing that Brad pep does something about.
Speaker 3: Yeah that long those long locks and fly fishing.
Speaker 4: Yeah, growing up on that in where exactly they shot
Speaker 4: a river runs through it, where there are three rivers
Speaker 4: that go through town.
Speaker 1: There's so much pressure to be a fisherman.
Speaker 2: Were you a fisherman? A beautiful fisherman?
Speaker 1: I never, I've never once even tried it. Never. I
Speaker 1: maybe once.
Speaker 2: I've been fly fishing.
Speaker 5: It's pretty fun, but it was I went in Alaska
Speaker 5: where like you throw out a line and you're gonna
Speaker 5: get catch like twenty salmon.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think the time that you're supposed to, like have
Speaker 4: the fly just hover over the water, you whip it
Speaker 4: and it comes back, and you're supposed to the fish
Speaker 4: is supposed to jump out of the water to get
Speaker 4: your fly. But every time I did it, That's why
Speaker 4: I said, I've never really done it, because I've just
Speaker 4: lazily let it float on the surface of the water
Speaker 4: and then a fish gets it, and it's like, oh, look.
Speaker 1: At me, look at me. I did it, and everyone
Speaker 1: around you was frustrated, like, well, you did it wrong.
Speaker 3: You did You didn't let it hover.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta let it hover.
Speaker 2: That's why you don't fish crisis because it sounds really
Speaker 2: competitive and like there's a bunch of fishermen ready to criticize. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 1: It's very competitive in the small group you go with
Speaker 1: these judging.
Speaker 2: Fisherman you Tom Scarett, Brad Pitt, just on your back,
Speaker 2: at your throat.
Speaker 4: We're wearing the same pair of dumb waiters.
Speaker 1: That's totally different.
Speaker 2: Just reg regular fortune on Elise, our producer did some
Speaker 2: research for us. Oh, have we talked about the fact
Speaker 2: that you went to a debutante ball when you were
Speaker 2: a teen. I don't know if you and I've talked
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 5: I mentioned it in my Netflix special, but we just like,
Speaker 5: I kind of skimmed over it because Page, speaking of
Speaker 5: Page Heroo's made me talk about it, yes, because not
Speaker 5: many people knew that I am infected debutante. And she goes,
Speaker 5: you have to tell people this, I go, why it's embarrassed.
Speaker 1: Wait, it's a caliber that you achieved, like at a
Speaker 1: pageant level.
Speaker 2: There's no achievement to it.
Speaker 5: It's like your mom, Like if your mom was one,
Speaker 5: they'll oftentimes like ask the daughter of the mom to
Speaker 5: be one.
Speaker 3: But it's this hoity toity thing.
Speaker 5: And Page thought it was interesting because I grew up
Speaker 5: not having money, and she just thought poor debutante was hilarious.
Speaker 5: And long story short, my mom's family had a lot
Speaker 5: of money back in the day. Her dad was a
Speaker 5: very successful contractor who built like schools and churches and
Speaker 5: houses all over North Carolina. And then he died when
Speaker 5: she was like seventeen, unexpectedly, and my grandmother, through a
Speaker 5: series of bad like business decisions and other family drama,
Speaker 5: lost basically all the money that he left her. By
Speaker 5: the time I was like coming up, there was no money,
Speaker 5: and my dad did not come. My dad came from
Speaker 5: like a trailer, like he hitchhike to school. So very
Speaker 5: different worlds that my parents had. And so I grew
Speaker 5: up more. I had like manners and stuff from my grandmother,
Speaker 5: always instilling that in me. But I grew up more
Speaker 5: of like hanging out, you know, at the Hooters, eating
Speaker 5: chicken wings, watching a NASCAR And then I suddenly am
Speaker 5: like about to go into my senior of high school
Speaker 5: and I get this invite to be in a debutante
Speaker 5: and I'm like, god, no, this is horrific. I don't
Speaker 5: want to do this.
Speaker 3: And my mom, trying to relive her glory days, was like.
Speaker 2: You will do this.
Speaker 5: I was like held hostage. I was like, I begrudgingly
Speaker 5: had to go through her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are the the one like this is a
Speaker 1: dinner fork, this is a salad fork.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, opera length gloves, That's what I'm picturing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, so this summer before your senior of high school, Well,
Speaker 5: it's a lot of luncheons. It's a lot of manners,
Speaker 5: like here's how you you know, play settings, here's what
Speaker 5: you do. It's a lot of like little sandwiches and
Speaker 5: you're just chatting with like women of a certain age,
Speaker 5: just who have money, and you're just like.
Speaker 3: Thank you for the luncheon. You know, it's all very
Speaker 3: like mindus being.
Speaker 2: Nice, being nice to old people who have a lot
Speaker 2: of money. Yeah, getting ready to socialize with those old people.
Speaker 2: You know, this is what you're marrying into. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: right after you graduate high school.
Speaker 5: Then Christmas of your freshman year of college, you have
Speaker 5: to come home and do the debutante ball where you
Speaker 5: wear a large gown that looks like a wedding dress
Speaker 5: and the yah the big white gloves. Your brother or
Speaker 5: your father walks you down and presents.
Speaker 2: You to society. It's so it's so like not me.
Speaker 5: But my mom was just being like oh, you know,
Speaker 5: like she was so in her l And when I
Speaker 5: was trying to figure out the jokes for the special,
Speaker 5: like I didn't know how we were going to pay
Speaker 5: for it, and I was like, we can't do this.
Speaker 5: How are we going to pay for it? And I
Speaker 5: would come home and the couch would be missing because
Speaker 5: I'm also sold it to pay.
Speaker 3: For the luncheon.
Speaker 1: You're kidding, you have to It's like an investment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to pay for that dumb stuff.
Speaker 2: Can you win?
Speaker 1: Do you win? At the end? No one was there
Speaker 1: a winner.
Speaker 5: It's you know the South like oh anxiety, like like
Speaker 5: you know, the keeping up with the Joneses kind of vibe.
Speaker 5: It's you know, it's even more antiquated now. I don't know.
Speaker 5: I think they still have it. I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I think it's a Southern thing, that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: It's not. It's Montana.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's started like Paris. I think it's national. It's
Speaker 2: just it's for rich people. That's why most of us
Speaker 2: don't know anything about it, because it's essentially like you
Speaker 2: don't win, but you are socializing the mothers of the
Speaker 2: men that hope you will date and then marry because
Speaker 2: they want money to marry money, so that it all
Speaker 2: stays at the top. Essentially. I didn't meet anyone.
Speaker 5: No husbands, I'm sorry, I know, no husbands.
Speaker 3: So it was a real of bust.
Speaker 2: You didn't land a man, so you had to go
Speaker 2: to LA and become a journalist instead. What's that?
Speaker 1: Oh? The painters coming in?
Speaker 2: Painters are is that it?
Speaker 3: Are you coming back?
Speaker 2: Or thank you?
Speaker 1: I really I want him to come in and say
Speaker 1: the house. Well, they told us that.
Speaker 5: They're like, this is the last day. We're not coming back.
Speaker 5: But that's why I was like, are you coming back?
Speaker 2: And he's like, we'd love to come back, thank you.
Speaker 3: Because he didn't finish everything.
Speaker 1: AnyWho, I'm telling you, I've been watching this old House.
Speaker 1: I always knew about this old house. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: didn't know it was such a regional like Boston thing.
Speaker 1: And they show like time lapsed footage of them actually
Speaker 1: building houses.
Speaker 4: It's fascinating. I like all the interviews. I like even
Speaker 4: when they're talking about plumbing fixtures. So I'd love it
Speaker 4: if you could call that guy in. I'll just say
Speaker 4: what he was doing today.
Speaker 5: He was poking his head through the door like bye bye.
Speaker 5: I was like, well, we still have several rooms left.
Speaker 5: He's like, bye bye, see a.
Speaker 2: Friend, see us in.
Speaker 5: We've been doing through like three months of renovations and
Speaker 5: this was supposed to be the final day. But I
Speaker 5: guess Mondays is the final day.
Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, it always lasts so much longer than
Speaker 2: anyone expects.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is it an old house that you're modernizing.
Speaker 5: I've had this house for like eight years and just
Speaker 5: have barely touched it and all the time I've had it.
Speaker 3: And we just started looking around like everybody going.
Speaker 5: Oh, we like, you know, the walls are dingy, and
Speaker 5: we got our floor.
Speaker 3: Our floors are old.
Speaker 5: This is the house like nineteen forty seven, so the
Speaker 5: floors needed some love.
Speaker 3: We got them stained and sanded and uh.
Speaker 5: And our furniture, like our couch was so bad that
Speaker 5: we tried to like donate it and they were like, no,
Speaker 5: thank you, and we're like, oh it was it was
Speaker 5: that bad.
Speaker 4: You know, you should sell it and get into another
Speaker 4: debutante patch.
Speaker 5: So yeah, I don't live my life very fancy, as
Speaker 5: you can see. But we we just did the some
Speaker 5: of the basic stuff. But these these painters, it's been
Speaker 5: a journey. We're like, is that supposed to be a
Speaker 5: giant bubble in the hallway? They're like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I can say say.
Speaker 3: You're like, is that how the wall is supposed to
Speaker 3: be patched?
Speaker 5: It's like six holes are jabbed into the wall with
Speaker 5: like somebuddy over it.
Speaker 2: You're like, I don't think it's supposed to look like that.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: So yeah, you know, especially when there's two ladies involved,
Speaker 5: they just everybody looks at you, like what do you want,
Speaker 5: and you're like, we just want pretty walls.
Speaker 4: When I was early in college, I painted my mom's
Speaker 4: house because she asked me to, and I didn't really
Speaker 4: know what I was doing, but I had some friends
Speaker 4: show me some stuff.
Speaker 1: But I went and looked at.
Speaker 4: It recently, totally just trespassing because I don't know who
Speaker 4: lives there now, but I want to see. I really
Speaker 4: think I did a good job. Like all the lines
Speaker 4: are straight. I didn't use any tape. It's all done.
Speaker 4: I mean it was outside. It's kind of you can
Speaker 4: get away with more with outside than indoors.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there should be no bubbling.
Speaker 3: Well, if it's bubbling, it means the lesbian part of me.
Speaker 2: Is troubling this.
Speaker 5: If it's bubbling, it's troubling. I should have told him that.
Speaker 5: It means it wasn't sanded properly. Oh right, well, yeah,
Speaker 5: I never did. I didn't that was That's the least
Speaker 5: fun is scraping everything on. Well, the prep work is
Speaker 5: the worst part of painting, for sure. That's why everybody
Speaker 5: skimps on that part. Yeah, but that's what makes it suck.
Speaker 5: If you didn't prep it right.
Speaker 2: That's right, and they of course don't want to go back. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just like no. I just wanted to be over
Speaker 2: during quarantine, which was actually kind of fun because then
Speaker 2: I had people at my house all the time because
Speaker 2: I had some shelves put in. And then the one
Speaker 2: time it rained in twenty twenty, after like three days
Speaker 2: of rain, I looked and I was like, oh, there
Speaker 2: was bubbling on this one, you know, window frame. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that's not good. I'm going to
Speaker 2: show the guys when they show up. And we all
Speaker 2: stood around, and the guys like, you know, this is
Speaker 2: really bad, right because that water's coming from the roof.
Speaker 2: It was that thing where like slowly but surely, thing
Speaker 2: after thing where I ended up having to reroof part
Speaker 2: of my roof really repaint the whole thing. They had
Speaker 2: to put the electrical in. It was like a hole.
Speaker 2: Once you pull that thread, you're screwed. I know. Amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it was nice because then guys were showing up everyone,
Speaker 2: so I was like, hey, what's up. I had a
Speaker 2: little bit of company, my companions, Yeah, some paid companions.
Speaker 6: Yo.
Speaker 2: It's nice in quarantine.
Speaker 4: I don't know why it affected me so much when
Speaker 4: I was a kid in that movie The Money Pit
Speaker 4: where Tom Hanks, it's so hilarious, long movie and everything's full.
Speaker 4: I remember it's stressing me out. It's like, because you
Speaker 4: get so excited they buy this fancy house and it
Speaker 4: literally topples over on them.
Speaker 1: It was fucking horrifying.
Speaker 2: That's so funny. The part where he falls through the floor.
Speaker 2: We lost our minds because that movie and Long and.
Speaker 1: The carpet is keeping so his body. Yeah, like a.
Speaker 2: Little carpet pocket in the floor and quick, Kelly Long
Speaker 2: is like get out of there or whatever. It's so funny.
Speaker 2: And we were I was probably like twelve or something
Speaker 2: and it was on cable and we watched The Money
Speaker 2: Pit probably fifteen times because we were just like on again.
Speaker 2: Everyone gathered around, they.
Speaker 5: Need to make movies like that again. How am I
Speaker 5: bring back those silly comedies for real?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Or make Yeah, Tom Hanks do slapstick again. He was
Speaker 4: so like the Man with One Red Show. I remember
Speaker 4: him making me laugh so hard without even saying anything,
Speaker 4: just by falling over. And you think that he just
Speaker 4: became this oscar full on serious actor.
Speaker 3: He's an oscar guy.
Speaker 2: We're like we love big Yeah to your Rooks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, eat your tiny corn.
Speaker 2: Come on, you son of a bitch. Got that guy.
Speaker 4: I would if I saw Tom Hanks, I'd call him
Speaker 4: son of a bit, right, I love it, he would
Speaker 4: love it.
Speaker 1: Eat that tiny corn, you son of a bit.
Speaker 2: Tom Hanks went to Sack State, which is the college
Speaker 2: I dropped, was kicked out, attended for your ragger, right.
Speaker 2: He was in the drama department. So, and that's most
Speaker 2: of my classes that I didn't fail were in the
Speaker 2: drama department. And they talked about him all the time.
Speaker 2: It was it was just like I mean, rightfully so,
Speaker 2: but it was like everybody worshiped that guy, and they
Speaker 2: all talked about what a natural, what an obvious talent,
Speaker 2: and what a natural talent he was from the beginning, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's cool. Yeah, and then you're like, how am I
Speaker 2: doing compared to what would say? I remember there was
Speaker 2: one acting teacher and he went around. One of the
Speaker 2: things near the end of the class was he would
Speaker 2: go around and tell you your type. And I kind
Speaker 2: of didn't know what it meant per se, but it
Speaker 2: was like so he was just like you're a leading
Speaker 2: man and you're deadadad and he goes, Karen, I think
Speaker 2: you'd be the mother, and then he just moved on
Speaker 2: and I was just like, I got to get out
Speaker 2: of here. You beat the mother.
Speaker 3: My drama teacher did not care for me. He was
Speaker 3: just like, here's the broom, go sweep, go sweep backstage.
Speaker 4: My older sister was like, the drama teacher loved her.
Speaker 4: And then six years passed and then I was in there.
Speaker 4: So I just wasn't taking the craft seriously and she
Speaker 4: could tell, Yeah, she could tell there's a real disappointment
Speaker 4: to that drama department.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but guess who's out here doing it. Guys, we are.
Speaker 2: Guess who's killing it in show business. I was wearing
Speaker 2: my glasses on my head like this almost all day yesterday,
Speaker 2: and then I was like, oh, this is a very
Speaker 2: drama teacher of me. And I finally caught myself on
Speaker 2: like one of the zooms that I was on. I
Speaker 2: was like, glasses as a headband is very like kooky
Speaker 2: middle aged drama teacher.
Speaker 3: For sure.
Speaker 2: I think that might be my new the phase I'm
Speaker 2: going into.
Speaker 3: You're like, everyone closed your eyes picture a box.
Speaker 2: Now you're stuck in the box. How are you getting
Speaker 2: out of his box. Take that box, put it in
Speaker 2: a river. It's flowing. That was a ship.
Speaker 3: I was like, what wasn't acting?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, That's that's why I didn't ever want a
Speaker 4: taking acting class, is because I felt like they're going
Speaker 4: to make you crinkle into a ball and pretend to
Speaker 4: be a flower growing yes, or then act out things
Speaker 4: like that and I'm like, I can't because they want
Speaker 4: you to play yeah, and I didn't want I'm like,
Speaker 4: can we just go straight to the sarcastic dialogue?
Speaker 2: Yeah? For real? I still remember there was a day
Speaker 2: in one class where they were like, everybody walk around
Speaker 2: the room like you're moving through honey. I was just like,
Speaker 2: this would never happen, Like, even in the craziest play
Speaker 2: in the world, I'm not going to need to know
Speaker 2: or practice walking through honey. It's just it's not relevant here.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ours was a lot of like everyone would cry, just.
Speaker 1: Cry, and that's before the teacher got there.
Speaker 2: I'd look around, like, what why is everyone crying? Everyone?
Speaker 5: Okay, just a bunch of angsty nineteen year old girls yep,
Speaker 5: feeling things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was the other I was always scared to
Speaker 1: take a class because I thought the first thing they're
Speaker 1: going to ask you do is point and say cry
Speaker 1: cry right now on command. Yeah, and as I don't
Speaker 1: know if I could do that.
Speaker 5: For us, we found our place. We found comedy. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: So that's all that mattered.
Speaker 4: I just do comedy on the road and then cry
Speaker 4: in my hotel just kidding while.
Speaker 2: You're watching Law and Order by yourself in old hotel room.
Speaker 3: I cry at Applebee's in between jigs.
Speaker 1: Oh there's always an apple Bee's.
Speaker 2: The last time I was home, my friend Adrian and
Speaker 2: I went to Applebee's and I swear to God, that
Speaker 2: place is just it's rock solid. I mean you can
Speaker 2: always get something you want there, something like have you
Speaker 2: ever had their pub cheese? They have like pretzel sticks
Speaker 2: with pub cheese. That's good, it is. I mean I
Speaker 2: have had that.
Speaker 3: You're like, it's cheese, baby.
Speaker 2: It's probably seven thousand calories, no joke. It's like the
Speaker 2: worst thing you could be eating, but it's so awesome.
Speaker 2: How do you like a tub of cheese? Yes? I'm
Speaker 2: a fan.
Speaker 1: They also have like their low calmet.
Speaker 4: I went there with my sister in Spokane, the whole family,
Speaker 4: and they she got some I'm on a diet plate
Speaker 4: and it was in the middle of it. This is
Speaker 4: so gross. It was not just a hair. It's like
Speaker 4: someone took one of those old brushes and just took
Speaker 4: the hair from a brush and put it yes, and
Speaker 4: it was in the sauce. And she's like, there's not
Speaker 4: just a hair, but it looked like a malicious fuck
Speaker 4: this job. And I'm so tired of working on this
Speaker 4: low cowplate. Yeah, and the guy it was so funny
Speaker 4: to watch the waiter like backpedal and be like, well,
Speaker 4: it could be the basting brush. She's like, well, this
Speaker 4: is actually and the guy's like, oh my god. It
Speaker 4: was just clearly a ball of hair from a brush,
Speaker 4: and then he rushed back. There's no way someone didn't
Speaker 4: get fired. It was like a malicious dropping the air ball.
Speaker 2: That's so gross.
Speaker 4: And I haven't been the no offense to Apple because
Speaker 4: you're right, they are usually solid as a rock. But man,
Speaker 4: this time it was just some renegade that was working
Speaker 4: in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: Who knows what happened.
Speaker 4: It happen he was on the lamb, he ran from
Speaker 4: the law and he threw a hair ball in a
Speaker 4: plate and we just happened to be a wrong place,
Speaker 4: wrong time.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, we've gone far too long without asking fortune
Speaker 2: you were married a year ago, but you just celebrated
Speaker 2: your wedding Yeah a couple weeknds. Oh okay, I did
Speaker 2: let it go. What will you tell us about it?
Speaker 2: I sure will. Yeah.
Speaker 5: We got married a year ago in October, you know,
Speaker 5: very quickly. We planned it in like three weeks, got
Speaker 5: an airbnb and had like five friends that were in
Speaker 5: our bubble come and we zoomed our family. So it
Speaker 5: was really it's not how we planned it, but it
Speaker 5: was a really awesome, beautiful day. But I think our
Speaker 5: families were pretty bummed, like not to be there, and
Speaker 5: we couldn't really invite many friends, and so we always
Speaker 5: said that we would have something, you know, in like
Speaker 5: a year or whenever it was like safer to do so,
Speaker 5: and I think our families are like, yeah, whatever, sure
Speaker 5: you will, and we're.
Speaker 2: Like, no, we really are.
Speaker 5: So it was always our plan that like we basically
Speaker 5: like our reception part of the wedding would be a
Speaker 5: year later.
Speaker 2: So we yeah, we.
Speaker 5: Rented out a place in Palm Springs, this restaurant, and
Speaker 5: had the reception part of the wedding a couple of
Speaker 5: weeks ago, and it was super fun. We had a
Speaker 5: Nina West, who's a dragon queen from RuPaul's Drag Race,
Speaker 5: Oh yeah yeah, came and did this like a lesbian medley,
Speaker 5: lip syncing medley, like it was like closer to Fine
Speaker 5: and Sarah McGlaughlin songs and like Melissa Ether like come
Speaker 5: to my window. It was so funny seeing this hilarious
Speaker 5: drag queen sing all these lesbians songs and everyone was
Speaker 5: like shouting the words with her, and it was just
Speaker 5: like a really fun like it was dancing and karaoke
Speaker 5: and people were just having a ball. It was The
Speaker 5: restaurant was perfect because it was like indoor outdoors, so
Speaker 5: it wasn't you didn't feel all covidy.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah.
Speaker 5: And our families came and I think it really was
Speaker 5: special to them. They felt like, you know, finally they
Speaker 5: were kind of a part of our celebration and are
Speaker 5: a little bit more of our part of our marriage,
Speaker 5: and it was really awesome. We even had uh, we're
Speaker 5: friends with Natalie Mains from The Chicks formerly the Dixie Chicks.
Speaker 5: She sang the last couple of songs with Jackson and
Speaker 5: I at karaoke. Yeah, we sang a a Goodbye Earl,
Speaker 5: because that's how Natalie and I met a couple of
Speaker 5: years ago, singing that together for a Comedy Central thing.
Speaker 5: And then we because Nina had only sing as a
Speaker 5: couple of snippets of clothes Fine, we ended with Natalie
Speaker 5: singing closer to Fine, and everybody was just laughing, like
Speaker 5: singing the words and dancing and it was so fun,
Speaker 5: just like one big love fest the whole night.
Speaker 2: That's amazing, Okay, Natalie Maines has one of the best
Speaker 2: singing voices of all time.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's incredible.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: We I've made friends with her like four or five
Speaker 5: years ago, and you know, La is a weird place
Speaker 5: where you never really think that you'll stay in touch
Speaker 5: with anyone, or that anyone famous is.
Speaker 3: You're like, they're probably flaky.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't really have like famous friends per se. And
Speaker 5: she's just been like a solid person in our life
Speaker 5: who would, like, every like a couple of months, we'd
Speaker 5: go to her house and she makes dinner and we
Speaker 5: talk and play like put puzzles together.
Speaker 3: It's a very lovely friendship, you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah, beautiful, very normal and it's so it was so
Speaker 5: cool that she she came and she actually doesn't. She's
Speaker 5: not like you always assume that singers just want to
Speaker 5: sing all the time, and.
Speaker 2: Do you I knew.
Speaker 3: I was like, if I could sing like her, you
Speaker 3: wouldn't give me to shut up?
Speaker 2: Yeah for real?
Speaker 5: And she she's a little she's not like, she's kind
Speaker 5: of like so I didn't I didn't want to like
Speaker 5: pressure her, but I was like at the end, I
Speaker 5: was like, you have to sing the last song, come on,
Speaker 5: and she was like, such a good sport about it.
Speaker 2: That's so awesome.
Speaker 4: I guess it is like someone expecting us to be funny.
Speaker 5: I guess it would be like, you know, having assuming
Speaker 5: a comedian is gonna get up and tell ten minutes
Speaker 5: of jokes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're kind of like, I'm not working.
Speaker 2: But but like with her voice, it is that was
Speaker 2: a gift she gave you because it's like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: would say the average comments a comic. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's fun, you know, jokes, that's cool, you can save it.
Speaker 2: But it's something like that that's like a performance that
Speaker 2: would like, oh, the room going sane.
Speaker 5: I think everybody was like, couldn't believe it. They were like, what,
Speaker 5: like because you know they're bands, like world world famous
Speaker 5: for being you know, ostracized and all the stuff that
Speaker 5: went down with them, and so like who doesn't know
Speaker 5: who they are? So and she's such a formidable person.
Speaker 5: So I think everybody was just blown away, like, oh
Speaker 5: my god, this is the coolest thing ever.
Speaker 2: That's awesome.
Speaker 5: And but you know she showed up as a friend,
Speaker 5: as our friend. It was like really special, that's so cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you had already been married, did you have
Speaker 4: like a wedding planned? And then COVID happened and then
Speaker 4: you're like, let's just legally do it.
Speaker 5: We had been engaged at that point for like three years,
Speaker 5: two and a half or something like that, and so
Speaker 5: we always were like, oh, we're gonna get married in
Speaker 5: like late twenty twenty. We didn't have like a day,
Speaker 5: said we and we had just started to look at
Speaker 5: venues and stuff.
Speaker 2: But we knew we never wanted a traditional wedding.
Speaker 5: We never wanted like to walk down an aisle and
Speaker 5: to do any of that stuff. We kind of always
Speaker 5: thought we'd just have a party. So we weren't like
Speaker 5: sweating the details of it because We're like, we'll just
Speaker 5: runt a space and have a party. So in my
Speaker 5: early March, that's when we were like looking for spaces
Speaker 5: and then the pandemic hit.
Speaker 3: And then we were like, well, I.
Speaker 2: Guess we're not getting married anytime soon.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then we just kind of chalked it up
Speaker 5: to like, I guess we're not getting married this year,
Speaker 5: and but it was like bumm and Jack's out And
Speaker 5: because we were reaching a certain age, I think she
Speaker 5: thought we would both be married by.
Speaker 2: Totally and I understood that.
Speaker 5: And so I think what kicked us into gear was
Speaker 5: and this it sounds silly, but at the time we
Speaker 5: really didn't know what was gonna happ happened. But Ruth
Speaker 5: Bader Ginsburg died, yeah, and as soon as she died,
Speaker 5: I think every gay person felt this like oh shit
Speaker 5: kind of feeling.
Speaker 3: Because we you know, the election.
Speaker 5: Was looming and it wasn't looking good at the time,
Speaker 5: and we were.
Speaker 3: Like, what if we can't get married next year?
Speaker 5: Like so we just really honestly we were like, I
Speaker 5: think we got to get married legally because we know
Speaker 5: we want to get married, but like we don't want
Speaker 5: to have missed the boat if something happens.
Speaker 1: Yeah, our other guests. I did that.
Speaker 4: I love the idea of having two weddings, the wedding
Speaker 4: for the two of you, yeah, and then the party
Speaker 4: for everyone else and family and everything.
Speaker 1: M hmm.
Speaker 5: Actually I highly recommend it, Yeah, I really do. We
Speaker 5: never set out to do that, but the vows part
Speaker 5: got to be totally about us, and you know, we
Speaker 5: had a couple friends there and there was no family drama.
Speaker 2: It was just like.
Speaker 5: Everybody just had this beautiful afternoon in the middle of
Speaker 5: this dark year, and you know, we got to just
Speaker 5: like enjoy the day.
Speaker 3: And then once we had the.
Speaker 5: Party, we weren't as worried about the we weren't sweating
Speaker 5: the small stuff because we're like, we're already married, you know,
Speaker 5: like yeah, so it just got to be a true celebration.
Speaker 5: We still kept it small because of COVID times, so
Speaker 5: we didn't like go all out like we might have normally,
Speaker 5: but it was what we had was perfect for us.
Speaker 2: Love that. Yeah. Also, I hate so much that that
Speaker 2: people's rights are threatened because one, you know, liberal justice dies.
Speaker 2: It's just these times we're in are so fucked and
Speaker 2: on top of it, like mid pandemic. You guys have
Speaker 2: to worry about something like that. Oh, I'm glad you
Speaker 2: did it, you know, like I'm glad you got it done.
Speaker 5: Where everyone's like, you know, people are like, oh, you
Speaker 5: don't have to worry about that game.
Speaker 3: Marriage isn't in Jeopardy.
Speaker 5: But there are a lot of things that I mean,
Speaker 5: there are things that you thought aren't in Jeopardy that
Speaker 5: come up and you're like, wait, wait are we revisiting roversus?
Speaker 2: Way? Like what's happening? There's a lot of shitt in Jeopardy.
Speaker 2: That's way people need to stop being shocked about it
Speaker 2: and start going we got to do something about it. Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, you know with those six y three or whatever
Speaker 5: it was was that the Supreme Court, I don't know,
Speaker 5: it's very much not in our favor the Supreme Court.
Speaker 5: So you know they just nominated Amy what's her face? Yeah,
Speaker 5: and you well that doesn't bode well for us. And
Speaker 5: you got these other ones over here that you don't
Speaker 5: know what you know, you know, where two of them stand.
Speaker 5: The other guys You're like, I don't know what you're
Speaker 5: gonna do, So you just never know. And we just
Speaker 5: were like, how much would it suck to have been
Speaker 5: together for six years and missed her window to get married.
Speaker 2: So we were like, let's not take the chance.
Speaker 5: And luckily, you know, there was a huge silver lining
Speaker 5: once uh the election hit.
Speaker 3: But also we're so happy that we did it.
Speaker 2: How we did it. Yeah, yeah, so it was.
Speaker 5: Good, and you know, you you feel bad, like picking
Speaker 5: the guest list is like the biggest nightmare. You're like,
Speaker 5: because we had to. We knew we had to keep
Speaker 5: it small on the venue. You know, we can only
Speaker 5: have so many people with COVID times and you're just like,
Speaker 5: oh my god. And now I'm like thinking of people.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, I.
Speaker 3: Forgot about that person. But I forgot about that person.
Speaker 3: But it's just part of it.
Speaker 1: I think you should do a third one. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just have multiple people do it with their birthdays all day.
Speaker 1: It's my birthday month for everybody. A wedding decade.
Speaker 5: Somebody said on my Instagram, They're like, I feel like
Speaker 5: you've gotten married five times.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I get it. There's a lot of celebrations.
Speaker 1: Yeah, each run just has a different theme. No, we
Speaker 1: never did have a traditional Halloween costume wedding.
Speaker 2: Well, because with Instagram.
Speaker 5: You're always like, this is the anniversary when Jackson I met,
Speaker 5: This is the anniversary of wedding, this is the anniversary
Speaker 5: of a year after wedding.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 5: It was always like because you just need content, baby, Yeah, you.
Speaker 2: Gotta celebrate something. Now you get a dog throw that
Speaker 2: up there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's either multiple weddings or start inviting your friends
Speaker 1: and family to each year's Hontingmoon, or like the anniversary.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we need that Instagram content.
Speaker 2: Let's celebrate. Yeah, it's Hong Con Con, Palm Springs, spun Con.
Speaker 2: Did you go to any of those casinos in Palm
Speaker 2: Springs while you were there?
Speaker 3: I've been to them before, but not this time.
Speaker 2: H Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 3: It was a whirlwind, the whole thing.
Speaker 5: Even our families were like, WHOA like he because we
Speaker 5: did like the U for our families.
Speaker 2: We did like the rehearsal.
Speaker 5: Dinner even though there was nothing to rear We took
Speaker 5: our families to dinner and stuff like that. A friend
Speaker 5: page had a little brunch for us on Sunday. It
Speaker 5: was very cute, so there was like some people were
Speaker 5: not bored.
Speaker 3: There was something to do. It every second.
Speaker 2: It was an event destination wedding reception. That's right, you
Speaker 2: did it, and were you in Town and Country magazine?
Speaker 2: No wutant fortune celebrated her. All your debutant friends show up.
Speaker 2: It is a surprise.
Speaker 5: They did put our wedding pictures in People magazine a
Speaker 5: year ago, and a friend of ours for a wedding gift,
Speaker 5: had that People Magazine picture with the big People's stamp
Speaker 5: printed onto a pillow, and funny, it was.
Speaker 1: A body pillow for you.
Speaker 2: Can hug your own relationship.
Speaker 5: We just have this pillow of us with the People
Speaker 5: magazine stamp, and then on the other side is a pit.
Speaker 5: We have these pictures that we post of a wave
Speaker 5: crashing into us on our wedding day.
Speaker 1: Oh that happened to you, Yeah it was.
Speaker 5: Uh so after we got married, we took a bunch
Speaker 5: of really beautiful photos and our wedding photographer, this photographer
Speaker 5: was like killed it.
Speaker 2: She killed it.
Speaker 5: And the very last shot of the day, we go,
Speaker 5: let's go by the water and do like there's these
Speaker 5: stairs to the water.
Speaker 3: We're like, let's get this stair picture by the water.
Speaker 5: We got like this gorgeous photo and our wedding photographer
Speaker 5: popped up onto like a rock, and so she's like
Speaker 5: on a rock and we're like posing on these these stairs,
Speaker 5: and all of a sudden, Jackson and I feel something.
Speaker 2: Like a shadow.
Speaker 5: We both go like this like and then all of
Speaker 5: a sudden we get pummeled by a wave. This giant
Speaker 5: wave came out of nowhere, humbled us, and it missed
Speaker 5: our wedding photographer, like she had our entire day's photos
Speaker 5: on her camera.
Speaker 3: Somehow just missed her.
Speaker 5: But she caught the entire series of us posing, seeing
Speaker 5: it coming near us. It's smacking us, it engulfing us,
Speaker 5: it leaving us soaking well, it was so funny.
Speaker 1: It's like hard not to have mixed feelings. It's like,
Speaker 1: you just took pictures. Well that was happening. I'm glad
Speaker 1: you captured it. And it's it's a sequence on the
Speaker 1: isn't a bot? Please let it be a body pillar?
Speaker 2: I posted it.
Speaker 5: I posted on Instagram the series of photos and the
Speaker 5: friend picked one of the photos.
Speaker 4: Oh, that's so great because that happened in my sister's
Speaker 4: wedding too.
Speaker 1: It was the same thing.
Speaker 4: They weren't fully bombarded by a wave, but got married
Speaker 4: on the beach in Carmel and then a wave came
Speaker 4: and all of a sudden, we're all in waste keep
Speaker 4: water and the like the arch and the chairs and
Speaker 4: everything started floating out to the ocean.
Speaker 1: We're like, oh, we're littering chairs now, and ever went
Speaker 1: in to grab.
Speaker 5: But it was right at the end, but they got
Speaker 5: It was truly the last shot of the day. Our
Speaker 5: friends were upstairs and we come upstairs just drenched, and
Speaker 5: they're like.
Speaker 2: What happened? What?
Speaker 3: We're like, we got wet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't all have water balloon fights at your weddings.
Speaker 2: What if that photographer put you there on purpose? She's like,
Speaker 2: this is going to be amazing.
Speaker 1: This works every time she might have she was that good.
Speaker 2: She would know she was a true pro.
Speaker 5: She was one of those people that like, I don't
Speaker 5: like a lot of photos of myself, and every photo
Speaker 5: of hers I.
Speaker 3: Was like, oh my god, I'm gorgeous. Yes, so yeah,
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 4: It's always a good idea to get married at the ocean. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's just so, you know, symbolically, and then it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: But of course something's gonna go wrong.
Speaker 5: We got baptized, we got baptized, We got baptize ers
Speaker 5: need to be cleansed.
Speaker 3: If your lips being love, it's like a baptism.
Speaker 2: It's baptism.
Speaker 5: That was the Lord saying that this is not right. Well,
Speaker 5: he wants to sweep y'all out to see so.
Speaker 2: You can start again.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I want to get him printed out and
Speaker 5: put in some sort of frame.
Speaker 3: But with all of them like in a series next.
Speaker 2: To each other, line the hallway that can go over
Speaker 2: all the bubbling and the poor work.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we might, we might need that.
Speaker 3: That guy's never coming back here, I'm sure of it.
Speaker 2: There's no way.
Speaker 3: He's like, see you Monday or never.
Speaker 2: Do you want to plug anything else? Fortune, Well we
Speaker 2: have you here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all these theater dates coming up.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we'll plug two things.
Speaker 5: If you haven't see my Netflix special Sweet and Salty,
Speaker 5: it seems all that platform. But I'm on Yeah, I'm
Speaker 5: on a huge stand up tour right now. I'm going
Speaker 5: all over the country. Uh and it's a whole new hour.
Speaker 5: So I have tickets at Fortune femester dot com. But
Speaker 5: I probably am coming to your city, so check it out.
Speaker 5: It's been really awesome. I'm doing these really beautiful theaters
Speaker 5: and people are so just ready to laugh. So every
Speaker 5: show is like the energy is like nothing I've ever
Speaker 5: experienced before. It's really cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yay, Yeah, So come to a show, y'all. See
Speaker 2: Fortune Femester live. It's a true experience. I've seen her
Speaker 2: Dakbar and if it's anything like that, it's amazing.
Speaker 5: It's amazing. It's a whole hour of that. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And I assume you're doing some more churches turned into theaters.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm hitting up as many theater churches as possible.
Speaker 1: Perfect. Okay, thanks for being unfortunate. It's good to see
Speaker 1: you again.
Speaker 3: Thank you, guys, it's always fun talking to you.
Speaker 1: Congrats on your anniversary and also wedding.
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. Thank you, congratulations. I owe you a gift.
Speaker 2: Oh actually, I'm going to get your address after this,
Speaker 2: because I have one to send you.
Speaker 5: Oh yes, idea, we don't. We didn't even register. We
Speaker 5: were like, we don't. Won't be worried about us.
Speaker 1: If you send me the skills of that the Wave
Speaker 1: of Crashing, I'll make you an animated gift because I
Speaker 1: think it'd be really funny to just be able to
Speaker 1: replay it. I like that.
Speaker 3: Karen looks like a head right now.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, I look like a stock photo
Speaker 2: of someone looking at porn on there on computer. I
Speaker 2: just heard any lights on. It's now like pitch black
Speaker 2: at night, so fun, and I didn't turn any lights on,
Speaker 2: but when we started it was fully light. It was
Speaker 2: fully Yeah, it's getting dark early.
Speaker 1: I just liked the idea that there are stock photos
Speaker 1: of people looking at porn. Now we all have to
Speaker 1: look that up on corpus or getty.
Speaker 5: Do you know what your children are doing at night
Speaker 5: in one of those photos?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, for news news package.
Speaker 4: My express would be oh, oh but surprise, Yeah, but
Speaker 4: winking at your own computer.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being unfortunately.
Speaker 5: Yeah you guys, thanks for having me. You're to your friend. Bye, guys,
Speaker 5: great to see you. Good to see you. You've been
Speaker 5: listening to Do you Need a Ride? D yn air.
Speaker 1: This has been an Exactly.
Speaker 2: Right production produced by Analise Nelson.
Speaker 6: Engineered by Stephen Ray Morris, mixed by Ryo Boun Theme
Speaker 6: song by Karen Kilgareth, artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the
Speaker 6: show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's
Speaker 6: d yn ar podcast.
Speaker 2: For more information, go to Exactlyrightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1: Listen, subscribe, leave us a review on Apple podcasts, Stitcher,
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2: Thank you, and you're welcome.
Speaker 1: I had to do it.
Speaker 2: Who