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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat and I am

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Speaker 1: your host. I'm so glad you guys made your way

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Speaker 1: back or made your way here for the first time.

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Speaker 1: I actually recording this in my living room. I went

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Speaker 1: to my office to record this intro. But it gets

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Speaker 1: dark early, as we know, and it gets a little creepy,

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Speaker 1: and I get a little scared be in the office

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Speaker 1: on myself, so I brought everything to my house to

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Speaker 1: do it here it's brighter. I don't know. Anyway, I

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Speaker 1: hope you guys had an awesome week and I am

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Speaker 1: so pumped to be sharing the episode that we have

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Speaker 1: for you with you today. This week on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: we have Ali Fallon, who is amazing. This conversation is awesome.

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Speaker 1: It's one of those conversations where you kind of just

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Speaker 1: like let it go and see where it takes you.

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Speaker 1: But Ali is a award winning author, writing coach, and

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Speaker 1: founder of at Let's Find Your Voice. And she actually

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Speaker 1: has a new book coming out called The Power of

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Speaker 1: Writing It Down coming out tomorrow. So if you are

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Speaker 1: someone who likes to write, or you are just somebody

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Speaker 1: who wants to learn about writing or anything, or you

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Speaker 1: just want to learn about what writing can do. This

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Speaker 1: is a book for you. We definitely talked about the

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Speaker 1: book in this episode, and we also just talk about

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Speaker 1: the power that writing has had for Ali in her life.

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Speaker 1: And I really appreciate this conversation and I'm excited for

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Speaker 1: you guys to hear it. So I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: say anything else. I'll let the episode do all of

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Speaker 1: the talking the conversation I had with Ali. If you

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Speaker 1: want to follow her, you can just head to Instagram

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Speaker 1: and follow her at at Ali Fallon a l l

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Speaker 1: y f A l l o N. While you're there.

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Speaker 1: If you don't follow me, you can follow me at

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Speaker 1: at cat dot de Fata and you can also follow

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Speaker 1: the podcast at at You Need Therapy podcast. So I

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Speaker 1: hope you enjoy this and I will talk to you

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Speaker 1: guys on Wednesday for couch Talk. Welcome everybody to You

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Speaker 1: Need Therapy. I have Ali Fallon On with me, Hi,

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Speaker 1: Ali Hi. It's great to be here. Ali is a writer,

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Speaker 1: author and she has a new book coming out which

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Speaker 1: I definitely want to talk about. So what is that

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Speaker 1: book called? And um, then we'll go from there. It's

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Speaker 1: called the Power of writing it down a simple habit

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Speaker 1: to unlock your brain and reimagine your life. Alright, so like,

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Speaker 1: I obviously already want to read that, and that already

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Speaker 1: speaking to me. So you are someone who teaches people

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Speaker 1: how to write? How do you become that? Accidentally? I

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Speaker 1: knew since I was really young that I wanted to

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Speaker 1: be a writer, and then I wanted to write books.

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Speaker 1: But like happens for so many of us, I think

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Speaker 1: as I moved through high school and into college and

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Speaker 1: started choosing my major and deciding, you know, like what

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do when I grow up, I would

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Speaker 1: tell people I want to be an author. I want

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Speaker 1: to write books, and the feedback I would always get

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Speaker 1: on that was like, that's so nice, what a great

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Speaker 1: dream to have. You need a backup plan because you

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Speaker 1: can't make any write books. So I was like, oh, no, okay,

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Speaker 1: I need a backup plan. So what I ended up

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Speaker 1: doing was getting a degree in education and teaching writing,

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Speaker 1: which was not the right fit for me. I taught

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Speaker 1: for three years in the public school system in Portland

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Speaker 1: and realized. What made me realized it was that it

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Speaker 1: wasn't the right fit for me was that so many

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Speaker 1: people I worked with were just way better at it

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Speaker 1: than I was. I was like, I'm not good at

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Speaker 1: this job, writing or teaching right teaching teaching in the

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Speaker 1: public school system. Okay. So I left that job with

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Speaker 1: nothing more than really an ambition to write a book

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Speaker 1: and knowing that I needed to make this happen for myself.

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Speaker 1: I was like in my early twenties, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, what if I and then to make a

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Speaker 1: decision like this right now, where I give up a study,

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Speaker 1: study paycheck in a four oh and k to go

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Speaker 1: after the stream of writing a book, then there's no

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Speaker 1: better time than right now to do that. I did that,

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Speaker 1: and I spent three years really struggling to get my

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Speaker 1: words on the page and also really struggling to get

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Speaker 1: this book out in the world. But I kept having

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Speaker 1: this feeling like I just know that I have a

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Speaker 1: story to tell and I know I have something I

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Speaker 1: wanted to say. So that's how I landed in this

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Speaker 1: part of my work, is that through that struggle, I

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Speaker 1: realized there were a lot of people out there who

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Speaker 1: knew they wanted to write something but weren't really sure

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Speaker 1: what that meant, Like, does that mean that I'm supposed

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Speaker 1: to publish this thing or do I just you know,

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Speaker 1: is this just for myself that I'm writing it? And

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Speaker 1: then on the publishing side of things, I realized that

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Speaker 1: there were a lot of writers who needed some help

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Speaker 1: and support, knowing like how to get their work out

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Speaker 1: in the world. And so I started coaching writers and

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Speaker 1: that's what I've been doing for the last ten years

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Speaker 1: in my career, which is awesome because I don't think

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Speaker 1: a lot of people realize kid coach, I mean a

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Speaker 1: coach a writer. I didn't even know that was a thing,

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Speaker 1: So I think that's awesome For one, I want to know,

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Speaker 1: I guess for in the most recent book that's coming out,

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Speaker 1: who do you think it's for? Like what who is

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Speaker 1: this book directly like written for? I wrote this book

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Speaker 1: because there were a lot of books out in the

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Speaker 1: world for people who know they want to publish, so

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Speaker 1: books that are great resources on you know, like how

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Speaker 1: to get published, or how to tell a story or

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Speaker 1: the technical pieces of writing. But there wasn't a book

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Speaker 1: out there for people know they have something want to

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Speaker 1: say through writing, but they aren't sure what that even means.

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Speaker 1: So some people like this comes out when I when

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Speaker 1: I talk to people. People will say things like I

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Speaker 1: have a story that I want to share, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure who it's for. Or I've always wanted

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Speaker 1: to write a screenplay, you know, Like it's so cool

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Speaker 1: that you teach people how to write books. I've always

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Speaker 1: dreamed of writing a book, but I wouldn't even have

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Speaker 1: any idea where to start. Or you know, people who

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Speaker 1: just really enjoy journaling, like the process of processing their

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Speaker 1: life through the written word. There wasn't a book out

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Speaker 1: there for those people to encourage them, you know, to

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Speaker 1: write and show them how to write and help them

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Speaker 1: use the tool of writing as a way to create

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Speaker 1: change in their life without needing there to be some

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Speaker 1: sort of publishing piece of the of the end. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I love that because I think that writing can be

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Speaker 1: for anybody. I don't have a book out there. I

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Speaker 1: love to write, and I love to journal, and I

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Speaker 1: think now there's more opportunity than ever, especially with the

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Speaker 1: power of Instagram, and you can get your words out

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Speaker 1: there fast and to a large odd ins And so

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Speaker 1: I think that's really cool that you're showing people that

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Speaker 1: you don't have to be learning how to write so

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Speaker 1: you can publish a book or write a screenplay or

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Speaker 1: something like that. You can be writing to change your

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Speaker 1: own life and to affect yourself totally. I think this

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Speaker 1: is the most important part of the writing process. Like,

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Speaker 1: there's just not a person who doesn't stand a benefit

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Speaker 1: from a writing practice with as little as five minutes

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Speaker 1: a day. So the thing I always say is, like,

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Speaker 1: why wouldn't you write if if in the littlest five

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Speaker 1: minutes a day, if you can help yourself to feel

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Speaker 1: better about your life, you feel like you have more

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Speaker 1: control over the little details, all the details that we

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Speaker 1: want to have control over in our life. If there's

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Speaker 1: a tool that can help us do that, Like, why

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Speaker 1: wouldn't we do it when we have cheesy access to it? So?

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Speaker 1: What are you open to talking a little bit about

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Speaker 1: how writing has essentially shaped and changed your life? Yes?

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Speaker 1: I don't even know where to start with that question,

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Speaker 1: but I just know it probably has. Yes. Yes, the

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Speaker 1: backstory of that is writing has always been this place

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Speaker 1: for me that I've gone to talk out of process

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Speaker 1: things that I didn't feel like I could process other places.

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Speaker 1: It's always felt like a really safe place for me.

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Speaker 1: And I'm imagining that people listening are probably split into

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Speaker 1: two camps about that some people feel that way about writing,

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Speaker 1: and some people feel like, hell, no, writing sounds miserable,

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Speaker 1: that sounds like the worst thing that I could ever

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Speaker 1: want to do. And you know, like all I remember

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Speaker 1: is my English teacher just telling me, like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: good at this. And so we're usually split into two

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Speaker 1: camps on that, like some people just are already drawn

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Speaker 1: to writing and journaling and really love it, and then

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Speaker 1: other people are on the other side of the on

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Speaker 1: the other side of the fence, I think writing is

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Speaker 1: something to offer to all of us, But um, I

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Speaker 1: just thought I would acknowledge that. So that's the back

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Speaker 1: story for me is that I've always been really naturally

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Speaker 1: drawn to the process of writing. But it wasn't until

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Speaker 1: I was into my career as a writing coach that

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Speaker 1: I really saw how writing could have this transformative impact

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Speaker 1: on my personal life and my personal story. What happened

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Speaker 1: was I had been using a process to teach people

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Speaker 1: how to outline their books so that they could publish them.

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Speaker 1: And some of the people who came through that process

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Speaker 1: were not in a necessarily on a traditional publishing track.

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Speaker 1: They were like, I have an interesting story to tell.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll self published this book, but

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Speaker 1: I'm just, you know, definitely want to get it down.

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Speaker 1: What's a traditional publishing path? Just because I have no idea, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: a traditional publishing path would be like someone who wants

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Speaker 1: to create a career as an author and who finds

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Speaker 1: a contract with a traditional publisher like a Penguin, Random

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Speaker 1: House or you know, your Nashville based There's like you know,

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Speaker 1: HarperCollins or Thomas Milton or any of these traditional publishers

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Speaker 1: that distribute books to like all of the major bookstores.

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Speaker 1: So there's like a whole set of hooks that you

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Speaker 1: have to jump through if you want to publish a

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Speaker 1: book in a traditional sense. But the reason I mentioned

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Speaker 1: this is that in the present day that we're living in,

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Speaker 1: anybody can publish a book. You can use Amazon has

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Speaker 1: a resource called Candle Direct Publishers that anybody could write

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Speaker 1: a book and upload their their document to Amazon and

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Speaker 1: you can sell your book by Amazon. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to ask permission or pub a publisher. I didn't know that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you could do that. You could like write along soliloquity

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Speaker 1: about whatever you wanted and you could just upload it

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Speaker 1: to Amazon and you'd tell your book at Amazon, and

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Speaker 1: Amazon would print. They print on demand, so if a

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Speaker 1: customer orders your book, they print one copy and send

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Speaker 1: it directly to the customers, so you wouldn't even have

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Speaker 1: to manage the distribution. Okay, whoa, So so that's just

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Speaker 1: a little piece of animation for everybody. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: but I guess. So the whole point is, like, you

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Speaker 1: don't even want to do any of that in order

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Speaker 1: for writing to have a benefit. But it's just interesting.

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Speaker 1: It changes the conversation about publishing versus not publishing, because

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Speaker 1: it used to be that only, you know, only a

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Speaker 1: certain small group of people were allowed to publish their

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Speaker 1: work with the world, and now literally anybody can do that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I I make this distinction all the time,

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Speaker 1: but like you could pick up your iPhone and type

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Speaker 1: a few words into Instagram and hit send and you're

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Speaker 1: technically publishing your work with the world. So it's you know,

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Speaker 1: it changes the conversation about what it means to be

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Speaker 1: published because it all exists on the spectrum. So what

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Speaker 1: happened for me is I was in the middle of

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Speaker 1: writing a book for a traditional publisher. The book was

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Speaker 1: about marriage. I was married at the time, and I

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Speaker 1: was really really stuck writing the book. I was staring

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Speaker 1: at the blinking person every day. I had a deadline

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Speaker 1: on this project. I was making no progress. I'm super frustrated.

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Speaker 1: And while I was doing this, my marriage fell apart.

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Speaker 1: So I'm writing this book on marriage, and then my

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Speaker 1: marriage was a part. It's like a book on marriage. Yes,

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Speaker 1: the virony is like it could possibly be. So what

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Speaker 1: I decided to do as I left that marriage was

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Speaker 1: to do what I had been doing for all of

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Speaker 1: these other writers and to follow the process of writing

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Speaker 1: my own personal story of leaving the marriage. So it

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Speaker 1: was a very different book than the one that I

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Speaker 1: had been working on. And at the time, I didn't

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Speaker 1: think it was a book. I thought it was just

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Speaker 1: me doing what I had been teaching other people to

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Speaker 1: do and to write out the story. And what I

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Speaker 1: discovered was that when I followed this process I've been

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Speaker 1: teaching other people and I put myself as the hero

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Speaker 1: of my own story. It unlocked the story for me

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Speaker 1: and I started telling the story really differently. So instead

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Speaker 1: of telling the story like this horrible thing happened to

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Speaker 1: me and I can't believe that I fell for this guy,

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Speaker 1: and he lied to me, and I've now I've been

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Speaker 1: betrayed and this always happens to me. Instead of telling

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Speaker 1: the story like that, it was like, I'm the hero

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Speaker 1: of the story and there are these obstacles in my way,

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Speaker 1: and I'm overcoming the obstacles. And at the end of

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Speaker 1: the movie, the last scene on the screen is me

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Speaker 1: standing there, victorious, having overcome this this obstacle that was

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Speaker 1: thrown in my way, and I've transformed as a character.

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Speaker 1: And it's just really inspiring, amazing story about the hero,

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Speaker 1: which is me changing the way that I told my

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Speaker 1: story to myself to change the way that I felt

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Speaker 1: about myself. It changed what I felt that I was

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Speaker 1: capable of doing. It raised my confidence, It helped me

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Speaker 1: get through like one of the darkest times of my life.

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Speaker 1: And so that was when I had been teaching this

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Speaker 1: all along, that writing is such a powerful way to

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Speaker 1: transform your own life, but that was when it really

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Speaker 1: clicked for me. I was like, Oh, I would literally

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Speaker 1: not be sitting where I am if it hadn't been

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Speaker 1: for that process. So it's so interesting that you're even

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Speaker 1: talking about that, because this week I've been talking just

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Speaker 1: with clients a lot about the transition of being a

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Speaker 1: victim and waiting for somebody to rescue you. There's this

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Speaker 1: thing called the drama triangle. I don't know if you've

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Speaker 1: ever heard of it. You have, okay, which for anybody listening,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's called it's called the carpetman triangle too, but

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Speaker 1: I call it the drama triangle. It's easier and more familiar.

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Speaker 1: But it has three players on this triangle. There's a victim,

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Speaker 1: there's a rescuer, and there's a perpetrator. And what we

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Speaker 1: do a lot in life is we get on these

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Speaker 1: triangles with people in our lives. And it doesn't matter

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Speaker 1: how you start. Everybody has a start gate position, a

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Speaker 1: normal one mind, usually as a rescuer, which that doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean it's good. But no matter how you start, you

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Speaker 1: always end up as a victim if you stay on

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Speaker 1: that triangle in some way. And so what you're expressing

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Speaker 1: right now is a way for you to get off

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Speaker 1: of that triangle and instead of waiting for somebody to

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Speaker 1: either rescue you or sitting there and blaming other people

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Speaker 1: for what has happened to you, you are taking responsibility

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Speaker 1: for making positive change, probably creating some boundaries, probably lowering

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Speaker 1: some expectations of the world, doing a lot of self care.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's so cool. I just think that's

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Speaker 1: the interesting for this week that I've been talking. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why it's come up so much this week,

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Speaker 1: but it has. But this is a beautiful way to

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Speaker 1: use writing as a helpful tool to get out of

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Speaker 1: these tangled relationships because we all have one of those

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Speaker 1: totally yes, and it helps you the writing press. It

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Speaker 1: helps you to zoom out and to just see what's happening,

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Speaker 1: which is always the first step to creating meaningful change,

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Speaker 1: right to be able to see clearly what's happening. So

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Speaker 1: that's what happened for me is I started to write

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Speaker 1: down my story and read it back to myself. I realized, like, wow,

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Speaker 1: I really am somehow playing the victim in this story.

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Speaker 1: And the hard part about this is I wonder if

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Speaker 1: some of your listeners will identify, and maybe you do too,

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Speaker 1: that there were certain places where I deserved to consider

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Speaker 1: myself the victim. They were like certain story, Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: actually was a victim, And so there were times when

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Speaker 1: I was like, we have a second, like I actually

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Speaker 1: really do deserve to be called the victim. But at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, I think we have to

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Speaker 1: ask ourselves the question, like, do I want to it

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Speaker 1: in that victim's seat forever? Or do I want to

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Speaker 1: move myself into the driver's seat of this car and

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Speaker 1: decide that this is my life and I'm the only

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Speaker 1: one who gets to decide how it's going to go,

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Speaker 1: and I get to make the decisions to get where

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Speaker 1: I'm where I'm trying to set up. I think that's

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Speaker 1: an important distinction because a hundred percent we don't control

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Speaker 1: other people's actions, and so we are victims at certain

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Speaker 1: stages in our lives and in certain experiences, and we

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Speaker 1: can change that victimhood. We can we can become helpless

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Speaker 1: in that, or we can transform that into surviving something

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Speaker 1: rather than continuing to be a victim in that for

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Speaker 1: the rest of our lives. It's super hard, and it's

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Speaker 1: really easy to verbalize and talk about once you're out

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Speaker 1: of it. But I do want to say for anybody listening,

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Speaker 1: it is hard to make that transition. So hard it's

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Speaker 1: like built into your DNA. It's cellular, you know. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the reason the familiarity of that dynamic with another person

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Speaker 1: is so even if you get out of one situation,

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Speaker 1: it's easy to fall back into another situation. It's so familiar. Yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm sure writing helped you see that? And

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Speaker 1: how did writing help you see that you were playing?

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Speaker 1: Or was it just I I noticed that and then

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Speaker 1: I started writing, Or as you were writing and journaling,

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Speaker 1: did you see Wait a second, there's a theme here. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's the second way. So it wasn't until I started

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Speaker 1: writing that I really started seeing it clearly. The writing

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Speaker 1: process will show you yourself clearly. It's about as reliable

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Speaker 1: as looking in a mirror. You cannot write and not

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Speaker 1: see yourself clearly, which is why, by the way, so

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Speaker 1: many of us avoid our own writing. I was gonna

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Speaker 1: say that, it's like when you're having about here today

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Speaker 1: and you're like, I just want to look at myself

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Speaker 1: in the mirror because that's easier. So the writing process

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Speaker 1: will show us ourselves clearly. But two things I want

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Speaker 1: to say. Number one is part of how it does

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Speaker 1: that is it shows us our patterns. If you journal daily,

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Speaker 1: you'll start to notice the same words, the same phrases,

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Speaker 1: the same tone, the same people showing up in your

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Speaker 1: writing again and again and again, and you will eventually

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Speaker 1: get sick of yourself. You'll be like, why am I

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Speaker 1: talking about this person again? I'm so annoyed with myself.

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Speaker 1: I literally want to move on so badly. I do

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Speaker 1: not want to talk about this person ever again. Or

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Speaker 1: you might find yourself just like you're like, why am

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Speaker 1: I such a winer? Like I'm like whining and whining

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Speaker 1: and whining about how bad my life is and I

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Speaker 1: have a really good life, you know. So what's helpful

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Speaker 1: about that is once you start to recognize and notice

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Speaker 1: those patterns, now you have the capability to change them

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Speaker 1: before we recognize them. And they're operating on a subconscious level.

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Speaker 1: They're driving our behavior, driving our responses and reactions. They're

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Speaker 1: driving there, they're creating the outcomes that we're experiencing in

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Speaker 1: our lives, and we actually just don't even know that

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Speaker 1: they're happening. All we see is the outcome, and we think, like,

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Speaker 1: why do I keep getting this outcome over and over again.

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Speaker 1: The writing process reveals to us all the steps in

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Speaker 1: the process so that we can actually rewrap that cycle. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then the second thing is that specifically, if you're

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Speaker 1: writing out one particular story to your life, I like

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Speaker 1: to help people tell one life story because when you

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Speaker 1: look at how narratives work, especially in the West, narratives

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Speaker 1: always work the same way. They always have the same

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Speaker 1: couple of characters, they always unfold the same way. You know,

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Speaker 1: every movie that you can watch is pretty much just

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Speaker 1: a story told through a different lens. When you start

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Speaker 1: to put your own life events in a narrative structure

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Speaker 1: like that, and you say like, Okay, there's a hero

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Speaker 1: to the story. I'm putting myself in the position of

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Speaker 1: a hero. There's gonna be a guiding character in the story,

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Speaker 1: and that guy is gonna, you know, like give me

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Speaker 1: some advice about like what I should do next. Um,

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Speaker 1: They're gonna be lots of obstacles that are put in

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Speaker 1: my way, and I'm gonna have to overcome those obstacles.

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Speaker 1: You begin to see yourself as the protagonist of your

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Speaker 1: own story, which is what I was talking about before.

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Speaker 1: It's incredibly powerful to start to go like, okay, wait,

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Speaker 1: if we're ever going to get to this, you know,

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Speaker 1: beautiful climactic scene at the end of the movie where

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Speaker 1: everything works out perfectly. The only character in the story

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Speaker 1: who can make that happen is me. There's nobody else,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm sitting here waiting on someone else. Like I'm

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Speaker 1: like waiting on like this like handsome man to show

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Speaker 1: up at my doorstep and ask me on a date,

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Speaker 1: but like I'm not doing anything to make that familiar

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Speaker 1: story reality for myself. Yeah, Or like I'm just like

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Speaker 1: hoping from maybe a business or a career respective perspect

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Speaker 1: to like hoping that like someone's just going to reach

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Speaker 1: out on LinkedIn, like offer me this incredible job, or

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Speaker 1: like I'm hoping someone's gonna like retweet my tweet and

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Speaker 1: I'm going to get like all this, you know, like

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Speaker 1: Oprah is gonna find my book and it's gonna Like

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Speaker 1: we're all hoping for like someone outside of us to

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Speaker 1: do something or take an action that's going to change

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Speaker 1: our outcome. And the reality of the matter is we

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Speaker 1: are the only ones who can take any kind of

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Speaker 1: meaningful action that's going to change your outcome. Writing your

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Speaker 1: story will show you that over and over again. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And how cool is that that writing can do that.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have said that to some people

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Speaker 1: in my life and in work a million different ways,

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Speaker 1: and for some reason, it's like they don't hear it.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think that's their fault. But I think

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Speaker 1: once you see something written down, like the power of

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Speaker 1: seeing something written down, like just using the idea of

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Speaker 1: a pro con list, we can have those thoughts running

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Speaker 1: through ahead all day long and we still can't make

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Speaker 1: a decision, and then we write it down and we're like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, the decision is obvious totally. Here's the

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Speaker 1: other crazy thing about the writing process is because writing

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Speaker 1: access is a different part of your brain than speaking does.

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Speaker 1: You might talk all day long with a friend and

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Speaker 1: tell them how you feel about a certain subject, but

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Speaker 1: when you sit down and you write about that subject,

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Speaker 1: you'll find yourself writing things that you go I didn't

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Speaker 1: even know. I thought that, I've never heard myself say

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Speaker 1: anything like that in my life before. But you're accessing

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Speaker 1: a different part of your brain than you're accessing when

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Speaker 1: you communicate verbally, and so you'll uncover truth is about

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Speaker 1: yourself that you didn't even realize. For true. Because this

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Speaker 1: is also wonderful, and because I think that journaling is

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Speaker 1: such a just journaling anything, it's such a powerful coping

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Speaker 1: skill and tool for people who are working on any

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Speaker 1: parts of their story. And I get the response I

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Speaker 1: I don't like it so much, or I just can't

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Speaker 1: remember to do it, or it just takes so long,

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Speaker 1: or I don't know what to say, or nothing comes out.

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Speaker 1: Do you have some tips for people who need to

433
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,720
Speaker 1: start this practice but just get so stuck? Yeah, I

434
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,639
Speaker 1: mean the first tip is a mindset shift. It's just

435
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 1: deciding I am a writer. So every person just listening

436
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 1: and who wants to implement this practice in your life,

437
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,479
Speaker 1: you have to decide I'm a writer. What's interesting is

438
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,400
Speaker 1: so few of us are willing to adopt your own identity.

439
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 1: When I been a long time since I travel traveled

440
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,880
Speaker 1: anywhere to speak in front of a big group of people.

441
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 1: But when I used to do that, I would always

442
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,359
Speaker 1: ask at the beginning of the presentation, how many of

443
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 1: you in here would consider yourself a writer? And I

444
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 1: asked them to raise their hands, And in a group

445
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 1: of like a thousand people, you get like, you know,

446
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 1: twenty five of them who would raise their hands and

447
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,119
Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, I'm a writer. The rest of

448
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 1: everyone else is sort of like, I don't know them.

449
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 1: I allowed to like, you know, sometimes there need to

450
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 1: be people in the audience where I'm like I helped

451
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,920
Speaker 1: you write a book like you've written, what is your hand?

452
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,640
Speaker 1: But if there's something about owning that identity a writer

453
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 1: just so hard for us. And then I would say,

454
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 1: how many of you in here writing from the right

455
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,480
Speaker 1: composed and send at least three emails or text messages

456
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,960
Speaker 1: every single day? And of course everybody okay, yeah, well

457
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 1: I have to my hand for that one. It's weird

458
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,160
Speaker 1: that we have that we like this include ourselves from

459
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 1: the group of writers when we're literally writing as a

460
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 1: practice every single day in our lives. We have to

461
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 1: re adopt this identity of writer if we're going to

462
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 1: overcome the internal emotional resistance or blockages that we have

463
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: to actually get into writing done. So I think a

464
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,440
Speaker 1: lot of the reason why people complain about not liking

465
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: the writing process is because of perfectionism, because we think

466
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 1: that when we sit down to the page, we need

467
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 1: to write something it's publishabilities to be perfect and beautiful,

468
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 1: and we assume because we've read other people's writing that

469
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 1: you know, like the books that are on our shelves,

470
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: and it's so beautiful, that we assume that animal or

471
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 1: Donald Miller or whatever other writer we admire like sits

472
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 1: down and then like these beautiful words, just like low

473
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,679
Speaker 1: from their fingertips, the effort, and and we're just wrong

474
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,120
Speaker 1: about all of that. That's not how great writing happens.

475
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: Nobody writes really well on their first draft, and we

476
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 1: all have the same insecurities and hang ups and struggles

477
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 1: and obstacles when it comes to the writing process. So

478
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 1: I think we just need to get over this idea

479
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 1: that we have about the writing process that it's easy

480
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 1: for some people and hard for other people. It's not.

481
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: It's hard for everyone. We need to get over the

482
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 1: idea that we're not a writer. We need to get

483
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: over the idea that our first draft would be perfect.

484
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 1: It's never perfect. We need to get over the idea

485
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 1: that we ever have to share this with anyone, because

486
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 1: we do not be like a note to ourselves that

487
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 1: we write so that we can see it later. Yeah.

488
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 1: I don't know that my encouragement is really just a

489
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: mindset shift. I like the part you're talking about the

490
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 1: perfectionism because I talk about this all the time too,

491
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:29,959
Speaker 1: and obviously because it's an issue, but we have such

492
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 1: a hard time starting things as adults. Totally, we just do.

493
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful for you sharing that the behind

494
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 1: the scenes of like nobody's first draft is great, Like

495
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: it doesn't look like that. And if you're and you

496
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: don't have to share this. And this is not about

497
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: it being a finished product you're working towards. It's a practice,

498
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: and a practice is not ever supposed to be perfect. Yes, totally,

499
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: that's what it's called a practice. And you know, our

500
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 1: relationship to writing will reflect our relationship to life. There's

501
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: so many really beautiful parallels between the two. So if

502
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 1: you find yourself resisting you're writing because you're not perfect,

503
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 1: and ask yourself, what else do I resist in my

504
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,719
Speaker 1: life because I'm not perfect of it? What else am

505
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 1: I avoiding doing that I actually really want to do

506
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 1: because I'm afraid I might not be perfect? That? Am

507
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: I avoiding relationships because I'm a forgot to be perfect

508
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 1: at them? Am I avoiding asking my boss for a

509
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 1: raise because I'm not sure exactly what words I should

510
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 1: say when I have a conversation? Am I avoiding starting

511
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,400
Speaker 1: a business because I'm afraid of it not being perfect

512
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: and what people are going to say about me or

513
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: people judging me or whatever. Our relationship to writing will

514
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 1: always reflect our relationship to other things in our life.

515
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 1: I love that too, because I think that there are

516
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: so many parallels that come up and people who listen

517
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 1: to this that go to therapy, which a lot of

518
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 1: the listeners do, so often the thing that you talk

519
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: about in therapy isn't the issue right. So often it's like,

520
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,479
Speaker 1: I'm so mad that my mom yelled at me yesterday.

521
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're not mad at what you're You're not

522
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: even mad about that. There's something way or the whole

523
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: trash conversation. When it comes to relationships, you're not really

524
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 1: mad that he's not taking out the trash. There's something

525
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: underneath that, like that's mirroring something else. And so you

526
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 1: know what I heard from a therapist a couple of

527
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 1: years ago. We're talking about relationships and a struggle I

528
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 1: was having in a relationship in my life, and she

529
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 1: said to me, she said, Catherine, you're the type of

530
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: person who, when you're in a relationship with somebody, you

531
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 1: hold up a mirror and so they can see themselves

532
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: and they see themselves exactly how they look. And a

533
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 1: lot of people don't want to do that. A lot

534
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 1: of people don't want to look at themselves in the mirror,

535
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: which goes back to what you were saying of like avoidance,

536
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: and so a hundred percent when you're writing and you're

537
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:43,439
Speaker 1: noticing that, like this isn't going perfectly and all this

538
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 1: stuff isn't just lining up, and the words don't line

539
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: up perfectly, and it doesn't sound eloquent and it doesn't

540
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 1: flow easily. Yeah, you're not perfect at writing, but that's

541
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: not the issue because you probably don't even care about writing.

542
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: You care about the practice of it. But for these

543
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 1: are for people who aren't trying to write a book.

544
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 1: They're trying to do an assignment for their therapists, and

545
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 1: so what's happening is that is marrying a lot of

546
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 1: their issues what you're saying in real life. And a

547
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 1: lot of people just don't want to look in the mirror.

548
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: It's true. So many of us don't want to look

549
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 1: in the mirror because if we did, we'd be confronted

550
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 1: with the things about our lives that were terrified to change. So,

551
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: you know, all of the power to create positive change

552
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: in your life lies within you, and the only thing

553
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,120
Speaker 1: keeping you from accessing that power is that you don't

554
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 1: really want to look at it. Yeah, you don't have

555
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: to answer this, but I'm curious it was if there's

556
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: a point in your life where that was a fight

557
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: for you and looking at the mirror it was really

558
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 1: hard and why it was hard for you, because I

559
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 1: know I have my own story behind that of why

560
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: change and noticing the imperfections that I saw because imperfection.

561
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: We're not just talking about imperfection and writing. We're talking

562
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 1: about imperfection and being a human being to where there

563
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 1: are certain things that popped up for you that you

564
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 1: were like, I don't want to face this, and then

565
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: you just had to lean into it. Yeah, I mean,

566
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 1: especially writing through my divorce, that was the biggest thing

567
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: for me. I feel like that was a leverage point

568
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 1: in my life when I really made the decision to

569
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 1: go from telling my story as the victim and the

570
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: story to telling my story is the hero of the story.

571
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: And he was writing as a tool to make that shift.

572
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 1: But what happened for me when I wrote down the

573
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:24,679
Speaker 1: first draft of that story is I didn't like the

574
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: way that it sounded. I wrote down the first draft

575
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: and I told myself, I'm going to write this first

576
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: draft and I'm gonna tell it like it is, like

577
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 1: I'm telling the truth, you know, all these things that

578
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: I've kept secret for all this time, Like who cares

579
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: screw him? I'm telling everything, you know. And I wrote

580
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,120
Speaker 1: down the first draft of that story, and I thought

581
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 1: it was gonna feel really cathartic, and the process of

582
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: writing it did actually feel quite cathartic, But the process

583
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 1: of reading it back to myself, I realized, like, I

584
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: sound like a whiner. I sound like a child. Like

585
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: it's like it's like, mom, he threw the That's what

586
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,360
Speaker 1: it sounded like to me. It was just like he

587
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,399
Speaker 1: told he took my toy and he took in. Like

588
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: I wasn't even writing about myself. I wasn't even writing

589
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 1: the story from my own perspective. So I was like,

590
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 1: why am I wasting so much time and energy talking

591
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: about him when this is not a story about him.

592
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 1: This is a story about me. When I made that switch,

593
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: and when I went through to do the second edit

594
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,679
Speaker 1: of this and to see if I could turn it

595
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: into something I could feel really proud of, what I

596
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: realized is that there was a question I had to

597
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 1: ask myself if I moved myself into the position of

598
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: hero in the story as a position of hero in

599
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: the story. The story is about me, and I drive

600
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 1: the action of the story. So I had to ask

601
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 1: myself the question why did I marry someone? Why did

602
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: this this twenty six year old girl that I was

603
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: writing about marry someone she did not love. That's the

604
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 1: story question that was driving the story, and I had

605
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: to answer that question. So I saw all of a sudden,

606
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: it was like it was like like a brain explosion.

607
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: Like I was like, no, wonder, I haven't wanted to

608
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: put myself into the position of hero, because in order

609
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 1: to do that, I had to ask myself the real

610
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: question that's driving this story, which is why would she

611
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: do this? She was a grown woman. It wasn't like

612
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: I'm spourteen. I knew exactly what I was doing. And

613
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: I watched myself down the aisle as a twenty six

614
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: year old woman making my own choices, and you know,

615
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 1: I mean, there are a lot of elements that go

616
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 1: along with that. I feel like there was manipulation happening

617
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 1: and all kinds of reasons why I made that choice.

618
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I was a

619
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: twenty six year old woman who could make my own choices,

620
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: and I made that choice for myself. But what a

621
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: hard question, talk about moving from victim to hero right there.

622
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 1: Of that goes from why is this happening to me?

623
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 1: And that just turns everything around totally everything and what

624
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 1: I can't imagine the wrestling you would have to do

625
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: to answer that question. And because that is a huge shift,

626
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: I feel like it's really important to say to and

627
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 1: you kind of mentioned this before, but it was excruciating,

628
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 1: the painful to answer that question for myself, like especiating

629
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: because it also, you know, taking accountability for our lives.

630
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: It sounds like this really nice thing. It's like, oh, yeah,

631
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: I get to make my own decisions and create my

632
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,600
Speaker 1: own life, but it's it also means all this ship

633
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: that goes on in our lives, like we have to

634
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: clean up our side of the street too, And so

635
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 1: that part was really hard for me. It was hard

636
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: for me to own and accept that it wasn't like

637
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: the pain that I had experienced was partially self inflicted.

638
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: That I had always had the power to say no.

639
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: I had always had the power to leave and I

640
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: just had not exercised it. That was really really hard

641
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: for me to come to terms with. The great thing

642
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,479
Speaker 1: is once I came to terms with it. Then I

643
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: had it, and I have it now now I have it.

644
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: I lived this life. You know, I'm married again, very happily.

645
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: Like the contrast between my first marriage and my marriage

646
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: now is like inexplicable. It's like I was like, Wow,

647
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: if I had known that marriage could be this good,

648
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: I would not have sta song in the last one.

649
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: And I have a five month old daughter, which I

650
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: you know, I've always wanted to be a mother. And

651
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: I'm running my own business, and I you know, I've

652
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 1: written three of my own books now and a bunch

653
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 1: of books for other people. So I do work that

654
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: I love. I get to work with people that I

655
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 1: love and make really good money. Like I live a

656
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 1: life now that I'm really proud of and really excited about.

657
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: And I wake up every day not like I don't

658
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 1: have problems like everybody, but I just wake up every

659
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: day really excited to be me, and I really like myself.

660
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: I couldn't have said that that was true for myself

661
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 1: five years ago. Yeah, And I'm just putting myself in

662
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 1: the words you're saying. And I went through I wasn't married,

663
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 1: but I went through a breakup with somebody years ago.

664
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: He was very manipulative. It was horrible. I was devastated

665
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: when it ended, and I remember I was not to

666
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 1: the point that you got to yet. And I was

667
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: sitting at work crying in between sessions one day and

668
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: a guy that I worked with came in and he

669
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:40,959
Speaker 1: was like, what's wrong, And I was telling him I

670
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: broke with my boyfriend. And I asked him a question

671
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: about if people like him could change. I said, do

672
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 1: you think that this person could change? Because I loved

673
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: this person, he just wasn't very healthy. And he said,

674
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: I don't think that's the question you should be asking.

675
00:30:56,320 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: And I was dead piste off when he said, so mad.

676
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: He said, I don't think that's the question you should

677
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 1: be asking. You should be asking why you stayed with

678
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: him that long? And I was so mad. So two

679
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: parts and that he had the right question. Bad timing

680
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: because it was like the day or two after I

681
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 1: broke up and I was still in this like grieving.

682
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: I needed it to be this other person's fault first.

683
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: I needed to be whiny for a second. And I

684
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: think there was a lot that it was not my fault.

685
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: And I did have a played a huge role in

686
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: staying in that relationship. And I can even see now

687
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: that I'm just reflecting through my writing and the things

688
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: that I used to write about versus the things I

689
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: write about now. I write a letter to myself every

690
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: year at the end of the year, just reflecting on

691
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: the big year. And that year it was all like

692
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: the world's against me. This isn't fair, Like why why

693
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: why is this happening to me? Last year, I can't

694
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 1: I haven't written this year's yet. The last year's was

695
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 1: all about what I've learned from each horrible experience, Like

696
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 1: I went through each really hard thing I went through

697
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: that year and and took what I learned and had

698
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: a hope for each one of those things moving forward.

699
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,959
Speaker 1: And I don't think that I knew this shift that

700
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: was happening, but just listening to you talk, I mean,

701
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: this is just for anybody out there. I didn't know

702
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 1: what I was doing, but through writing, I was transforming,

703
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: and in therapy, lots of therapy, transforming how I was

704
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: talking about my life experiences. It's important. It's so important,

705
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, like the question that you were asking,

706
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: like do you think it's possible for him to change?

707
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,959
Speaker 1: Doesn't make for an interesting story, Like, you couldn't really

708
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 1: write a movie about that, But what would make for

709
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: an interesting story is how would I have to change

710
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: in order to make sure this never happens again? Yeah,

711
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: I have to do differently. You know, that's a much

712
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: more interesting story. That's a movie that I would watch.

713
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 1: I would want to watch that. Unbottom, how is this woman,

714
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 1: this heroine in the story, Like, how does she have

715
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: to change make sure she never gets into that ever again?

716
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: I mean that right there is powerful because I'm now

717
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 1: visualizing watching a movie about a girl who is in

718
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: love with this guy who's hurting her and then waits

719
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 1: around for him to change his beh It's like I

720
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: would be screaming at the TV being like, yeah, don't

721
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: take him back. That the other story, I would be like, yes,

722
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 1: go girls, you the first story, you'd be like worst

723
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: movie ever, zero stars, all my money back, you know, Yes,

724
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 1: Yeah that is I just love looking back and seeing

725
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: that shift in how writing helped with that. Okay, so

726
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 1: now this we kind of sidetracked from the original question

727
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: of what would you say to people that have a

728
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: hard time with this? So one was the mind mindset shift,

729
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: changing how you're thinking about what you're doing. What would

730
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: you say for people who aren't going through, who don't

731
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: know they're going through a huge transformative part in their life,

732
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 1: just want to start a practice. Are there questions to avoid,

733
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 1: like we talked about in a questions to answer? Yeah,

734
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 1: So what I would focus on for anybody who wants

735
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,800
Speaker 1: to use this practice as a way to create positive

736
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 1: transformation in their life to focus on events from your

737
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 1: day to day that feel charged. So the reason I

738
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: say it that way is everybody has events from day

739
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: to day to feel charged. So some are going to

740
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 1: go more charged than others, some are gonna feel less charge.

741
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,000
Speaker 1: That's somewhere on the spectrum. But um, what I mean

742
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: by charge is just some events that have a little

743
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: bit of electricity to them. So, like, let me just

744
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:35,720
Speaker 1: give you like an extreme example to make that makes sense.

745
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,440
Speaker 1: You might have like recently lost a friend or family member,

746
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 1: maybe it was to COVID or not, but something like

747
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 1: that would be an extremely charged event. You're going to

748
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:49,320
Speaker 1: have like electric feelings about that event. Now something much simpler,

749
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 1: like someone cuts you off in traffic and it pisces

750
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 1: you off. That's also a charged event, but maybe not

751
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,760
Speaker 1: quite as charged. All of the leverage to create change

752
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: in our life is in those charged events. Because of

753
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 1: and I don't know your audience might be very familiar

754
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: with the cognitive behavioral model because I know you talk

755
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: about you know on this show, but because of the

756
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: way that that model is set up, which is like,

757
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 1: you know, things happen in your life which lead to thoughts,

758
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: which lead to feelings, which lead to reactions, which lead

759
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: to results. So because that cycle is at play, what

760
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 1: I'm suggesting is just entering into the cycle from the

761
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 1: feeling point, So noticing events in your life that make

762
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: you feel something in particular, entering in from that point,

763
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: and then writing about it that you can uncover the

764
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 1: thoughts that are at work in that cycle. The beauty

765
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 1: is so many of these thoughts are operating in a

766
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 1: subconscious level that we just assume it's the event. Like

767
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 1: if you get cut off in traffic and maybe it

768
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: makes you mad, and you're like, this always happens to me.

769
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 1: People nobody gives a crap about me. Every which is

770
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: always just like makes their way in front of me.

771
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 1: You know, there's so much happening inside of that event

772
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:56,720
Speaker 1: that you could use for your own self exploration. Self

773
00:35:56,760 --> 00:36:00,800
Speaker 1: discovery transformation that most of us move on with the

774
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 1: event and we think, like, just like, what a terrible day.

775
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,839
Speaker 1: The student cut me off this morning. You know, the

776
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:08,879
Speaker 1: lunch delivery came and they delivered my wrong lunch. My

777
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 1: husband completely ignored me. He was on his phone all night.

778
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 1: And you know, I tried to watch the Bachelorette and

779
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 1: it was canceled this week and not until next week. Like,

780
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 1: you know, the world is just such a hard place

781
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: to live. Like we we like invent a narrative. We

782
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: like string these things together and invent a narrative rather

783
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: than taking one of those situations digging into it, trying

784
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 1: to figure out, like, what is the thought process that's

785
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,359
Speaker 1: going on inside of us that's causing us to have

786
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: the same really similar experience over and over again. Does

787
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,880
Speaker 1: that make sense? Yes? And I think that is a

788
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: great place to start, because I think people don't know

789
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 1: what to say when they have a pen in their

790
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:45,919
Speaker 1: hand all a sudden. But it's like, just talk about

791
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: your day and then go through the thoughts, feelings, behaviors,

792
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 1: all of that, so we can string it together. People

793
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: can even do that in a bullet point form. They

794
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 1: don't have to doesn't have to be a story format.

795
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: You can just jot things and scribble down and then

796
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: then you see common themes every time this happens. What

797
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 1: are my thoughts saying? Yeah? Yeah, it brings you into

798
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: touch with what happens in your brain when someone cuts

799
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: you off in traffic, or your favorite show is canceled,

800
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: or they deliver the wrong thing for dinner. You'll find

801
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: the patterns. You're going to find that you say the

802
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 1: same things to yourself over and over and over again. Yeah,

803
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: out of curiosity. Do you recommend when people are starting,

804
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: like a writing process that's going to impact their life,

805
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: what's the consistency? What do you recommend? I recommend daily.

806
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: So the research shows that if you write for as

807
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: little as twenty minutes a day for four days in

808
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: a where you can see measurable changes in your life

809
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: for up to six months, which search based. That's crazy.

810
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 1: So she's not making this up. No, no, no, I'm

811
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: not not inventing this. Like it's and the types of

812
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:48,240
Speaker 1: like the impact you can see is so physical and visceral.

813
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: You can literally see your immune system function better. So

814
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: people who write regularly visit the doctor less often for

815
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: respiratory infections and flu. So your immune system is actually

816
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: functioning better when you're writing regularly. And like I mentioned,

817
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: you could write for four days in a row and

818
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: you could not write again for six months, and you

819
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: would still be seeing the benefits in six months from now. However,

820
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: the reason that I recommend writing every day is because

821
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 1: what happens is if you write for four days in

822
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: a row, for twenty minutes at a time, and you

823
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: forget about the practice altogether, six months are gonna go

824
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,359
Speaker 1: by and you're gonna not have this habit in your

825
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: life and you're just gonna move on. It's way, way,

826
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: way too easy to fall out of the habit, just

827
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: like it would be if I told you you had

828
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: to work out for four cases, you would probably never

829
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 1: work out again because you would in a consistent daily habit.

830
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 1: So I prefer when I'm teaching people to to build

831
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: this habit into their everyday life, to say, maybe you

832
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: don't feel like you have twenty minutes every day to

833
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:44,919
Speaker 1: give to this, maybe you have five? Can you do five?

834
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,320
Speaker 1: Can you commit to five minutes every single day without

835
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 1: taking a break, because five minutes is just five minutes,

836
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 1: taking five minutes for yourself to reflect, you know, put

837
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 1: to pause to think about your day, to reflect with yourself. Honestly,

838
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 1: it's more realistic and at the end of the day,

839
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: probably more helpful than twenty minutes a day for four

840
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: days every six months. I like that because that brings

841
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 1: up the idea of scaffolding behaviors, which when we're trying

842
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 1: to create new habits. I don't know who came up

843
00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: with the like habit is formed in however many days.

844
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: I don't know if that. I don't think that's true.

845
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: I think somebody just like chose that, am I. I

846
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: don't know where the research lies on that, but I

847
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,839
Speaker 1: think habits take longer than that, And I think that

848
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,240
Speaker 1: it's really hard to go into these big extreme ideas,

849
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 1: and we do that in the New Year. We always

850
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 1: have these big extreme ideas like I'm going to work

851
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: out every single day for two hours, which we don't

852
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: need to do that anyway, Or I'm going to write

853
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: for an hour every single day. I'm gonna get up

854
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: two hours early and sit with my coffee on the

855
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: porch and and read my Bible. It's like, wait a second,

856
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 1: You're not going to be doing anything every single day

857
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 1: for two hours like you're not going to do that.

858
00:39:57,840 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: We get so let down by ourselves and we don't

859
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,840
Speaker 1: follow through perfectly that we're just like whatever, or we

860
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,879
Speaker 1: say it's not working, and it's like, what's because you're

861
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 1: not doing it? And it's usually because the goal is

862
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,720
Speaker 1: too big. So I like the idea of scaffolding. Maybe

863
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: somebody wants to write for an hour every day. I'm

864
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: not saying that's not possible, but it's really really hard

865
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: to attain something when we go zero to one. So

866
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 1: if we do five minutes a day and once that

867
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,359
Speaker 1: feels really normal and like routine, okay, then try for

868
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 1: like ten minutes a day and see how you do.

869
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: There are also is this study. I mean, I'm gonna

870
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 1: blatch this. Someone will have to look up the action

871
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 1: study but study about flossing. But I think they did

872
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: it Harvard to try to see what it would take

873
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 1: to get people to floss every day. And they have

874
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: this I'm interested in control group where they have them

875
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: flost one tooth every day, and the control group who

876
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 1: flost one tooth every day would floss author teeth because

877
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 1: it's like, well, you've already overcome the blossing, so you're

878
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 1: already flossing the one to we might as well just

879
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 1: like go down the line and plus the rest of them. Again,

880
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: am I beginning to really kind of wrong? But I

881
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,319
Speaker 1: think the sentiment behind the study, that's what I'm trying

882
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: to communicate, which is like, if you commit to yourself

883
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: that you're gonna write for five minutes a day, it's

884
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: such a low barrier engine point that you sit down

885
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: and need do your writing. You might write for twenty

886
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: minutes or thirty or an hour is some days you

887
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 1: might write for two hours maybe and think of how

888
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: accomplished you'll feel then, because you're like, what, it's only

889
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 1: supposed to write for five and I wrote for amazing. Yeah,

890
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 1: but if we can create such a low barrier of

891
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 1: an entry point like flossing one tooth, then chances are

892
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: we going to closs the one tooth? And what we're

893
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 1: already here, We've already got the floss in our answer.

894
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: You might as well just yeah, that's amazing. It doesn't

895
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what the actual research story is behind that,

896
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 1: because that I think that would be true anyway, Like

897
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 1: I think we don't need the research that would totally happen,

898
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 1: and so yeah, so I like the idea of like

899
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 1: try like really shoot low, lower your expectations and let yourself,

900
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 1: let yourself impress yourself rather than disappoint yourself. I love

901
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 1: that let yourself impress yourself rather than disappoint yourself. Why

902
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,399
Speaker 1: would you set yourself up to support yourself? I don't

903
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: like that? Okay, Well, thank you for I think all

904
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,359
Speaker 1: of this has been really helpful, and especially for me,

905
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: because I do think that again, like I've said, journaling

906
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,720
Speaker 1: and writing is so helpful for somebody's mental health journey,

907
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 1: and it's just really hard to get someone started doing it.

908
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 1: It's a really great idea, but when it comes down

909
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: to it's hard to put it into action. And I

910
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 1: think some of the things that you've shared have definitely

911
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 1: helped make it seem more feasible. Really does give some

912
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 1: light behind why you would do this and how it

913
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 1: would help you. That people can go get your book now,

914
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: can you again tell us what it's called, where they

915
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 1: can get it and all of that, so they know

916
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: called The Power of Writing It Down by Alice and Fallon,

917
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 1: that's my name, and you can get it wherever books

918
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 1: are sold. So if you like to purchase books at

919
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 1: your local independent bookstore. I like to encourage people to

920
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: do that because in independent bookstores are hurting right now.

921
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 1: All of those books stores should carry the book. Also,

922
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 1: all of the big box retailers people carry it. So Amazon,

923
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 1: Barnes and Noble Books, a million Target at Walmart, and

924
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 1: then you know. Normally speak often, not in COVID times.

925
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 1: Outside of COVID times, I speak at least once a month. Okay, Well,

926
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: where can people just find you? Just to see more

927
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 1: of you? I always say. The best place to keep

928
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: up with me is on Instagram. It's the social prow

929
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: that I use the most often. In my handle there

930
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:19,760
Speaker 1: is is Ali fallon a l okay and then fallon awesome.

931
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: We'll put all the links in there, but this was great.

932
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing that. You for having you so

933
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 1: fun