WEBVTT - BA Q&A: "Quit" Is Not A Curse Word. 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:11.479 And it's time for the b a q q A. 0:00:11.680 --> 0:00:14.920 Okay q a you said at the b a q 0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:19.279 a no way. Welcome to the Brown Ambition Question to 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:23.200 answer where you have questions and we have answers ish 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:29.120 meaning we're not your mama, We're not your attorney, we're 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:33.480 not your financial advisor. We're two smart brown girls who 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:34.960 just have opinions. 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:39.080 Take it with the grain of salt, huge grain of salt. Also, 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:41.040 I feel like we're maybe a little bit better of 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.320 a source than your mother, you know, shout out Tom. 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:44.960 I mean unless your mother is, like, you know, a 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:46.920 financial advisor. But my bad. 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:51.159 Yeah, absolutely all right, y'all cannot wait to take your 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:53.160 questions this week. It's going to be some juicy, juicy 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:56.120 career questions, so you know I'm fired up. But before 0:00:56.160 --> 0:00:58.360 we jump into it, just a reminder about how you 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:01.360 can get your question featured on browann Ambition. Hit us 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:05.560 up at brand Ambission Podcast on ig and you can 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:08.360 also email us at brand Ambission Podcast at gmail dot 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:11.840 com or one stop shop. Go to brand Ambition podcast 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:15.600 at no go to Brandebision podcast dot com. Shoot us 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.720 your questions anything money and career related. We love to 0:01:18.760 --> 0:01:20.920 see it do. Let us know if you want to 0:01:20.959 --> 0:01:24.160 be anonymous, if you do, make it fun, choose a pseudonym. 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:27.440 You know, we don't want to be anonymous annies, right, 0:01:28.440 --> 0:01:29.759 give us a pseudonyms. 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.320 Canty yourself, something funny and crazy. The duck lady, I 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:34.880 don't know. Like, for example, I'm looking, man, do you 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.320 see I'm looking inside the doc that we're reading from it. 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:39.800 If someone is anonymous goose, I love that. 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:43.319 Oh really, Oh dang, I should chose her question or 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:44.520 their question anonymous. 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:46.399 No, no, I'm saying like that. That's what someone who's in 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:48.280 the dock right now, who's like, you know, on our team, 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:49.760 like they're like. 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:51.160 Oh yeah, Google is funny. 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:52.400 Yes, it's like this. 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:58.680 Yes, Well, let's jump on in. Got some really juicy 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:01.160 questions today. First question comes from listener who wants to 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:04.600 go by be all right, Queen Bee. Queen Bee says 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:07.639 Mandy and Tiffany. I'm looking for some career advice. Hearing 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.280 how astute you ladies are, well, thank you when it 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:13.320 comes to careers. Here's a question for you. I've recently 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:16.080 taken up a position in February of this year. It 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:19.239 was a step up both in salary and career prospects. 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.720 It even comes with the benefit of working from home 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:22.560 twice a week. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:23.240 Nice. 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.800 However, after starting the job, it became clear that aspects 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.360 for moving up in the company are slim to none. 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.160 People have worked here for many years and have never 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:34.919 been promoted. They're stuck in the same place and now 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:37.720 just a few years from retirement, waiting for that faithful day. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:40.960 It's a retirement haven. Everyone is an elderly person, and 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.079 my career is just starting. Not to mention, the company 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.160 is having a hard time hiring others. This means we're understaffed, 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:49.639 which places a lot of pressure and stress on us. 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.639 It even turned my boss into a major jerk who 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:56.400 sometimes shoots subliminal shots in her emails and in teen meetings. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:03:00.800 It's annoying, and I already know I can't stay there anymore. However, 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:04.040 I recently started to network and somehow got connected to 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:07.079 a job opportunity that has turned into an offer. This 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.760 opportunity is with a large company with a worldwide presence. 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:13.520 The job allows me to work from home every day 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:17.280 and has similar benefits. Not to mention, this opportunity is 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:20.040 already a step up in career growth, as I'm being 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:23.800 hired into a managerial role. So here's my question. What 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.120 should I do about my current job? How do I 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:29.480 leave that job without cutting any connections off and seemingly 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:31.840 quitting on them. I worked and waited a while before 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:34.000 I got that job in February, and I'm wondering what 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:38.520 should I do? Okay, b that story has a pretty 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.400 happy has a pretty happy end. We can take a 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:43.480 step off. You solve your owne damn problem. 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:45.360 Let's a little soul the simy for me. Come on 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:46.960 my mandy lil for be. 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:54.280 Okay, yes, well, not only did you you the networking piece. 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:57.920 I love that because I'm always telling people like, applying 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.520 for jobs is not it. Applying for jobs is all cute, 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:02.880 but the best job opportunities, especially when you're wanting to 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:05.960 advance in your career, the juiciest jobs are not on Indeed, 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:07.960 and they're not on LinkedIn. And I know it's hard 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:09.400 to hear that because it seems like the game is 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:13.560 rigged well a teeny tiny bit. There's so much competition 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:16.440 now for the great candidates out there that jobs are 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:19.760 waiting before they post. Hiring managers are and recruiters are 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:21.680 waiting to post jobs because they want to do their 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:24.640 own recruiting first. They don't want to post on indeed 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.520 and get seventy five thousand, you know, resumes from people 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.240 who are not a good fit. They want to be 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:32.920 meticulous and intentional with their search. So the fact that 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.680 you networked into a potentially new opportunity like snaps for 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:40.120 you B, that's amazing. Now, how do I love how 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:43.799 she said? How do I leave a job and seemingly 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:44.960 quitting on them? 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:46.200 Seemingly quit? 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:47.960 No, you're just actually quitting. 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:52.840 It's okay. Yeah, quit is not a four letter word. 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:55.680 People treat quit like it's a four letter word. 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:57.840 It is word, but I know, to me, it's not 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:00.760 a cuff, it's not it's not you know, dirty word. 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:06.240 The level of not even wanting to admit that you quit. Listen, storytelling, 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:08.760 I feel like is so important and when it comes 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:11.400 to our careers and explaining why we are leading one 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:14.479 opportunity for the next, and your story that you've told 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:17.880 us is a valid reason to be looking for a 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:21.320 new opportunity. And I would, as respectfully as you can, 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.800 explain that to your boss, explain it to you know 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.719 in your exit interview. What it was about this position 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:29.400 that did not quite meet the expectations that you had 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:32.600 when you were hired, and you now have an opportunity 0:05:32.640 --> 0:05:36.599 that does, so why would you leave that opportunity on 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:39.480 the table. Also, it seems like you have done some 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:42.679 thinking around like longevity. You know, is there a chance 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:44.559 that they will actually be able to meet this offer 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.560 and give you opportunities that you can see clearly are 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:51.880 not available to you. Probably not. So I'm just hearing, 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:54.720 I'm hearing so many reasons for you to walk away. 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:56.840 I just think you need someone to give you permission. 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.120 And Tiffany, I think we can give your permission. 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:00.920 Girl, do it. 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:04.080 Well, I do have a question magic wond I'm met 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.120 my magic bond. I'm going to give her permission. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.640 Go ahead, give her my saying all right. So question 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.479 for you, Mandra, do people still do the two weeks? Like? 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:14.240 Should she do that? Like? Is that still a thing? 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:16.040 It's still a thing? 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:16.320 You know. 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:18.720 What's funny is like there is nothing written in your 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:21.640 employment contract that says you have to give two weeks. 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:25.240 It's called at will employment, which means that when you 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:27.760 are willing to work, you will work there until you're 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:29.440 no longer willing to work. And when they are willing 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:30.880 to have you, they will be willing to have you 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:33.919 until they're no longer willing to have you. But of course, 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:36.760 two weeks notice is one way to quit without burning 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.880 those bridges. And depending on the level that you're at 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:42.720 in your company and whether you manage a team, or 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:46.200 how potentially irreplaceable or difficult to replace you. I think 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:49.640 everyone's replaceable, honestly, but if it would be difficult for 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:52.520 them to replace you, or you are overseeing in major 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.960 projects and you have a lot of responsibilities, the best 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:58.240 thing to do to ease the blow is to offer 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.080 as much time as you feel comfort so that you 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:05.119 can help with their transition. So one thousand percent offer 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:07.279 to help with the transition, whether it's two weeks or 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:10.560 you know, four weeks or six weeks. I've seen sometimes two. 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:14.760 But make sure you're firm, I mean, if you're not willing, 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:16.960 I will say this, A quick way to burn a 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:20.760 bridge is to quit and then give them or turn 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.280 in your notice, and then they'll be like, well, what 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:23.640 if we can match it, let me go work on 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.600 this new offer for you, and then for you to 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:30.440 turn down their competitive offer. At that point, I think 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:35.440 feelings and emotions and grudges start to form. I think 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:38.000 you have to go into that conversation sometimes with as 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:39.720 clear a mind as possible as to whether or not 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:42.800 they even can compete. You know, is there anything they 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:44.640 could offer you that would make you stay and be 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:47.440 clear on that before you walk in. That's that's how 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:49.160 I would say, because you just don't want to drag 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:50.560 anyone on. 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:55.480 My scary self would be like, so I'm making you know, 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:57.320 or even though I have no intensive of taking it, 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:59.760 because I feel I would feel scared to say no, 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:01.960 it's nothing that would keep me. So that's actually really 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:03.720 wise to be, like, if you know for a fact 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:05.440 that you really want to be at this other company, 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:07.360 don't let these people go through the due diligence of 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:09.960 doing all this work. You know, set the boundaries. I'm 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.640 actually listening to this new book. What's not new? Because 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:15.760 this book has been exploding. Have you heard this? What 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.320 is it called? Let me see on my let me 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:21.600 see what my trust? Thee Audible account says it's everything 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:25.960 is written by a black therapist, because of course she's amazing, 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:30.000 that's the title. No, No, it's called set Boundaries Finding piece. 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:33.240 Have you heard of this book. It's by Nirdra Glover 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.800 to wob She's on Insta and has like a million followers. 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:40.560 But she's this black therapist who's amazing, And this book 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:42.800 came out last year and it's sold already hundreds of 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:44.640 thousands of copies. She's going to sell over a million copies. 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:47.440 I could tell. But it's just really helpful from a 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.520 therapists perspective, obviously about how to set boundaries and what 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:52.360 it looks like. If you're like, I don't have a 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:55.559 boundaries issue, and she's like, hmm, sounds like it, but 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.160 it's really good. And I encourage you to get the 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:02.360 audible verse just because I like listening. But yeah, so 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:05.440 what it sounds like Mandy's saying is like, you want 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:07.800 to set clear boundaries, so that way, as the great 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:11.800 philosopher Wendy Williams once said, straight talk leads to straight understanding. 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.800 You know, like, don't get that whishy why I don't 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.719 know that yeah, that wishy washy oh maybe kind of 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:20.440 it's like, no, no, if you don't plan on staying, then 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:22.720 letting them know and that's the only great advice and 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:24.840 then you know, moving on. Since I'm really proud of you. 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:27.000 You sound like the young woman who is on the move, 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:29.760 who so go ahead and be on the move. But 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.160 to Mandy's point, try not to burn those bridges. 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:36.320 Yeah, and also focusing on a lesson like and carrying 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:39.480 that lesson with you into your next opportunity. The what 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.080 you realized about this job, I would argue you might 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:45.000 have been able to ascertain during the interview process if 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.719 you ask the right questions, and sometimes we do kind 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.719 of talk ourselves into opportunities. It pays more just take it. 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.320 But I'm sure that the fact that people at the 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.840 company have been there for you know, years, decades that 0:09:57.160 --> 0:09:59.200 they're I don't want to I don't think the fact 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:01.440 that people are older should necessarily be a reason to 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:03.600 be turned off by it, but the fact that they 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.839 stay there for a long time there's not much room 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.840 for advancement, and that there may be a short staffing. 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:11.480 I think you can definitely ask questions that will give 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:14.080 you those types of answers in your interview. So I 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:16.640 think it's a really good reminder of the importance of 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.920 being particular about the types of questions you asked during 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.600 the interview process, so that you really do know what 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:25.560 you're getting yourself into and you are gently not allowing 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:28.240 them to put rose colored glasses on or lipstick on 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:31.160 a pig, whatever the expression is of your choice, and 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:33.360 hopefully you've done the same for this new opportunity. It 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.400 sounds awesome and you know it's everything that they're not 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:39.520 giving you. But what questions can you ask? Just so 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:41.880 you don't end up being in the same position again? 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:44.160 But you learn is sis you've grown you learning. 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:49.080 M Well, good luck, I've quit jobs two weeks after joining. 0:10:49.160 --> 0:10:52.600 So you talk into a prop not a single bridge burned, 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:56.480 not a single one. All right, Well, let's take a 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:59.160 quick break and be right back with another question. This 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:02.800 is the ba. 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:07.480 And we're black with the ba QA with another question. 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:12.040 I see the name as anonymous, honestly, but actually I 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.520 see a name in here that she basically calls herself 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:16.680 her Oprah. So we're gonna call you Oprah girl. Mana's 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:19.480 gonna read and we're gonna just call her Oprah. 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:23.240 Go ahead, Mandy, all right, hey, Mandra, and Tiffany. I 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:25.880 am a black queer postpartum professional. 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:30.360 What does that mean? Does she work with or people 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:33.600 who have had babies? Or I wasn't sure she just 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:35.600 had a baby, and that's what I thought. She had 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:37.080 just had a baby. But yeah, I'm not sure. 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:41.120 Let me keep reading. I'm intrigued. I'm a black, queer 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.800 postpartum professional. My work used to fire me up. I 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:46.200 would stay up late teaching myself new skills, and the 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.680 challenges gave me focus. In my professional circle, I was 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:53.440 constantly mentoring younger entrants to the field. Folks often noted 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.680 my oprah, and the praises felt so damn validating. My 0:11:56.760 --> 0:12:00.920 career just seemed to flow. That fire is so stifled lately. 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.600 I still feel effective, but my oprah is hardly apparent, 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.280 and I'm scared because I don't know how to scale back. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:10.679 I tried cutting expenses, reducing hours at work, and taking 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:14.440 more vacation days, but I'm just completely blown. My mental 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:18.040 and emotional reserves are done sis. I need a deep 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:22.199 recovery from secondary trauma exposure. How does someone work less 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.720 and still write all those bill checks? Have you experienced 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:29.000 a season where you still felt deeply rooted in purpose, 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.920 but your personal and individual devotion was just let me 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:39.720 pronounce this correctly tired brown heart Oprah anonymous Oprah. 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:42.720 So, First, when did you pays real quick, Like, I 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.560 think that she's calling herself Oprah. Because I have this 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.440 thing that I do with my mentees light Plug. You 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:49.720 would be my mentor, my minte. You can go to 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.480 my mentor tipnique dot com. I'll be mentoring, especially women 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:55.280 in business and entrepreneurship. It's ten bucks a month tile. 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:57.760 So I have this thing that we talk about all 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.720 the time with my mentees called to illustrate your Oprah. 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.120 That means just illustrate your value in a way that's 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:07.920 so undeniable you cannot be denied, you know. So for example, 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.200 when I first used to start speaking, and people wouldn't 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:12.200 pay me, and they're like, oh, we don't have the budget, 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:14.000 and so at first I believe that, and then I 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:15.720 would see them paying other people and I'm like, oh, 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.320 you just don't want to pay me, And I could 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.680 get mad, or I could say that's because you have 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:23.200 not illustrated your Oprah. Because I bet you if you 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.719 were Oprah, they pay you. And it's true, of course 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:27.520 they would pay the three hundred, five hundred and five 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:30.360 thousand dollars if I was Oprah. So I started this phrase, 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.959 illustrate your Oprah, bring your undeniable value to the table, 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:37.360 and you know, then people will find the funds. So 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:39.120 I think that I just wanted to just put that 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:44.560 out there. So it sounds like a postpartum so she 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:48.640 said secondhand trauma. So maybe she's helping people with postpartum 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:50.439 and that's why she's experiencing the second hand trauma. 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:55.600 Ex coach me se, Yeah, she says, secondhand trauma. That 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:58.080 could very well be. You know what this sounds like 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:01.320 to me is when you are so nervis driven as 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:03.520 a professional, and I see this happen with so many 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:07.000 of my coaching clients. You give so much away and 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:09.360 you have all the energy you need in the early 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:13.080 parts of your career, and eventually you get worn down 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.440 and eventually you break and you you can't do it 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.680 anymore because the pace that you were working at originally 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:23.200 was never sustainable, Like you were never going to be 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:25.680 able to hold that up. And it does feel good, 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:27.840 and I have I have been there in my career 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.880 for sure, where you know, I have this like breaking moment. 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.440 I had this this breakdown, you know, halfway into my 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.080 into my new job as a senior content director or 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:41.000 I was managing a team and building it from scratch, 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:43.120 walk into my off I think I've told the story before. 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:46.480 I walked into my boss's office, you know, and close 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:48.600 to tears, like I can't do it anymore because I 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.080 had been doing the work of like five people or 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:53.760 more for two years, just trying to make it work, 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:56.120 thinking I had to do it alone, and it felt 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:57.600 really good the first year. By year too, I was 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:00.000 ready to quit. I wanted to cry my boss's office. 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:02.200 I just hadn't figured out how to ask for the 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:03.880 help that I needed. And I think that that is 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:07.080 a it's a really important skill to learn early in 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:10.240 our careers so that you don't end up getting yourself 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:13.640 to that breaking point, and that you recognize we can't 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:18.840 let ourselves to. Your point about boundaries being being open 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:23.160 to setting boundaries before they're needed. Yes, you know that's 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.440 hard because everything feels fine, you feel great. 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:27.440 Oh, I'm making it work. 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:28.400 You don't need a boundary. 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:31.360 You will do it for your future self. Yep, your future. 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.000 What's a if the Oprah is your best self. I 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:35.720 don't know what the opposite of Oprah is. 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:39.240 But well, my Wanda is my old my future old 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:40.160 Lady Southwanda. 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:42.840 Yeah, we for a do it for your future, old 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.800 lady's self. But yeah, I mean, unfortunately that seems to 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.240 be what happened. Now, how can you scale back and 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:53.040 find that re you know, find that energy again? This 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:54.920 is when and the point of burnout for you is 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:58.040 so deep. A vacation ain't going to do it. Yeah, 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.280 you know, you're gonna come back in a few days 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:03.280 and just the same problems, the same lack of boundaries 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.280 are going to be waiting for you. It has to 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.120 go deeper than that, if it's such, if it's so 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.160 tough for you, one thing that you could look into 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:14.360 is taking a mental health leave of absence. If you 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:17.680 work for a company and your employer offers leaves of absences, 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:20.880 you can actually get a note from a medical professional. 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:23.560 It can be your primary care physician or a therapist 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:26.400 saying that you are unable to work due to mental 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:28.960 health strain or whatever their language is. I've seen clients 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:31.760 do that, and sometimes you may get paid for it. 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:34.240 You may have to take short term disability, which is 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:37.200 a cut and pay could be like sixty percent. You 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:40.160 work with postpardon people, so you know, when we give birth, 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:43.320 typically we're only getting paid sixty percent because we're suddenly 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:47.520 disabled anyway, another conversation another day. But taking a mental 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:49.560 health leave of absence, if you can get some sort 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:51.600 of pay, can help with that, and hopefully that will 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.280 give you the time you need to recharge. But think 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:59.120 about I love my friend Marisa. She always says that 0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:02.320 sometimes we give too much to people who really are 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:06.439 not asking for that much, you know, and starting to 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:11.640 practice doing less because we can, and not overachieving every day. 0:17:11.800 --> 0:17:17.560 Everything does not require one, Like, some things can be 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:21.960 just okay. Marisa, what does she say? She's like, she 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:26.560 was like, delight them with the bare minimum. Sometimes they 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:28.679 can be delighted with the bare minimum. This is when 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.680 I was doing my consulting project, my early consulting days, 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.840 and she's like, listen, beabe, these power points, these decks 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:36.560 that you're making yourself do. Did they ask for it? 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:39.639 I know, but I want to impress them, No, delight 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:41.399 them with the bare minimum. I got to ask her 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:44.159 for the exact quote, but yeah, it's too many of 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:45.960 us giving one hundred and ten and that ten percent 0:17:46.000 --> 0:17:50.119 adds up, girl, mm hmm and adds up. 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:52.720 And where is you down? I'll add to this, like 0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:58.200 especially the part about have I experienced a season when 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:00.960 you know, I'm still rooted in purpose, but yeah, just 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:04.840 now I'm in that season now. After Jirell passed away, 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:09.520 I was like, I can't I can't do it. I 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:13.560 cannot go back to that Tiffany, who was always on, 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:17.120 always gave one hundred and ten percent. I physically cannot 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.679 do I don't have it in me. And so it 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:25.720 forced my hand to reimagine what life looked like because 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:30.040 I had told myself that less equaled lazy, and that's 0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:33.600 not true that like, oh, girl, if you could be working, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.280 like what you doing sitting on the couch, what are 0:18:36.280 --> 0:18:39.080 you doing relaxing? You took a walk? Why girl? Because 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:40.920 you know you could do this? Is this And I'm 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.600 still struggling with it with it because certainly there are 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:45.880 days who where I'm just like, oh, maybe I shouldn't. 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:48.639 I'm like like, so, for example, like my Patreon, right, 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.400 I was like, ooh, my aim was a thousand people 0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:52.840 by the end of the year. We got a thousand 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:55.160 people within twenty four hours of it launching. So then 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.160 I was like, well, old Tiffany was like, well, then 0:18:57.240 --> 0:18:59.080 five thousand by the end of the year, and I'm 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:02.600 like sis, you set a thousand by the end of 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:05.320 the year because you wanted to make at least one 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:07.760 hundred thousand dollars after they're eight percent feet or whatever 0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:10.960 they take. Because you wanted to fund Molly Moore your 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:15.200 children's book project, which is, you know, a passion project, 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:16.760 and you want to fund it, not out of pocket. 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:18.840 You wanted to make just enough to fund it, not 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:20.840 to stress yourself out. And now you don't put this 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:24.560 new If I could do five thousand people the death thousand, no, no, no, no, 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:27.040 I had to really dive back and say, you got 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:29.080 your thousand. Now we're at like fifteen hundred, but we're 0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:32.840 growing really slowly, and I have to constantly check myself 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:37.560 not to overachieve it. It's like, you're fine, you made 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:41.000 enough for the initial goal. You don't. Actually, less is 0:19:41.000 --> 0:19:43.760