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Speaker 1: I'm just waiting for this is the this is now

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Speaker 1: the recycling truck that's gone on because the other guy

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Speaker 1: was just.

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Speaker 2: The regular trash.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Johnny, Johnny, I see him out.

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Speaker 2: Great, Johnny's green, perfect. Great, there's another garbage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what. He's going back the other

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Speaker 1: way now. And something's happening in my little community. There's

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Speaker 1: a lot of trash happening.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of garbage happening. You know what. It's

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Speaker 2: after the fourth of July.

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Speaker 1: That's probably You're exactly right. He's doing a double pass.

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Speaker 2: Great, he's like, Wow. People went crazy, especially since they

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Speaker 2: were finally able to be social, so there's lots of trash.

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Speaker 1: Hello, I'm mini driver and welcome to many questions. I've

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Speaker 1: always loved Bruce's questionnaiw. It was originally an eighteenth century

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Speaker 1: parlor game meant to reveal an individual's true nature. But

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Speaker 1: with so many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: expand on anything. So I took the format of Pruce's

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Speaker 1: questionnaire and adapted what I think are se one of

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Speaker 1: the most important questions you could ever ask someone they

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Speaker 1: are when and where were you happiest what is the

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Speaker 1: quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized,

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Speaker 1: defines love for you? What question would you most like answered,

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Speaker 1: What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most?

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Speaker 1: What would be your last meal? And can you tell

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Speaker 1: me something in your life that has grown out of

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Speaker 1: a personal disaster. The more people we ask, the more

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Speaker 1: we begin to see what makes us similar and what

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Speaker 1: makes us individual. I've gathered a group of really remarkable

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Speaker 1: people who I am honored and humbled to have had

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Speaker 1: a chance to engage with. My guest today on many

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Speaker 1: questions is actor, producer and director Coleman do minga. Coleman

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Speaker 1: is what I would call a connector. He connects people

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Speaker 1: and ideas and moves through the world with a kind

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Speaker 1: of creative joy. I sometimes imagine him like a fairy

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Speaker 1: tale princess lost in the forest, where the path lights

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Speaker 1: up with every step that they take, and they're followed

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Speaker 1: by a gentle chorus of butterflies and birds. He is

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Speaker 1: pretty incandescent. We talked about life and love, and particularly

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Speaker 1: about change and how it's both a gift and a blight.

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Speaker 1: I left our conversation with a smile on my face

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Speaker 1: that has actually yet to recede. What person, place, or

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Speaker 1: experience has most altered your life?

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, I would say San Francisco. I moved to

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Speaker 2: San Francisco when I was twenty years old, and I

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Speaker 2: thought I was moving to San Francisco to become an artist.

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Speaker 2: That I became a man. I thought I was going

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Speaker 2: to become an actor. I became an artist there. It

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Speaker 2: was transformative to me because I moved there just did

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Speaker 2: redefine myself with very honest hat. A buddy who moved

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Speaker 2: to San Francisco after college and he was like, Hey,

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Speaker 2: I got this place in Nintendoline District. There's nothing but

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Speaker 2: you know, street walkers and dereluxts, you name it. In

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Speaker 2: the neighborhood. We live in a studio. You want to

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Speaker 2: come and live in a studio with us. I'm like, absolutely,

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Speaker 2: because that's what you do when you're twenty years old.

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Speaker 2: You live with four other dudes in a studio apartment.

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Speaker 2: And I literally slept in a closet. But it was

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Speaker 2: a place where I feel like I grew the most,

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Speaker 2: and I sort of redefined myself in every single way.

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Speaker 2: I grew my hair out, I started to do hippie

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Speaker 2: drum circles and do you know watsu and be on

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Speaker 2: the beach naked. I became another version of myself. I

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Speaker 2: became this weirdo artist boy. And then I got even

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Speaker 2: more focused in terms of like what I believed, my intentions,

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Speaker 2: where my purpose was, which was being an artist. So

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Speaker 2: San Francis go hold so much of my heart because

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Speaker 2: although I grew up in Philadelphia, I felt like I

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Speaker 2: was raised in San Francisco and I was there for

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Speaker 2: ten years. You were Yeah, I was in San Francisco

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Speaker 2: from ten ninety one to two thousand and one.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, did you become an act to that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I became an actor there. I had this inkling.

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Speaker 2: I took a few classes at the Walnut Street Theater

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Speaker 2: School in at Temple University, and then I moved to

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Speaker 2: San Francisco just you know, with questions and wanted to

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Speaker 2: try things. And then I started get cast and then

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Speaker 2: I had to actually learn about what I was actually doing.

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Speaker 2: So my productions were my conservatory, my books, my mind's

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Speaker 2: and my Stantaslavsky you name it by Udah Hagan. Respect

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Speaker 2: for acting. I learned blocking by doing it, by wondering

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Speaker 2: what is blocking? What are they writing on stage? So anyway,

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Speaker 2: I became a theater artist in San Francisco, and I

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Speaker 2: learned to respect the theater and respect craftsmanship, and you know,

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Speaker 2: I was securely in the theater for you know, I

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Speaker 2: would say twenty six years in my career was fully

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Speaker 2: majority ly up on the stage and writing for the

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Speaker 2: stage and direct Yeah. Wow, golly.

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Speaker 1: I always wanted to work in the theater and I

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Speaker 1: could just never get cast. I remember I lived. I

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Speaker 1: live around the corner from the Royal Court, which is

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Speaker 1: this amazing theater in London. This incredible artistic director at

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Speaker 1: the time of this guy called Max Stafford Clark. I

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Speaker 1: literally used to go and I'd talk my way in

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Speaker 1: through the theater and they'd be rehearsing in the studio whatever,

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Speaker 1: and I'd find my way to his office and I'd

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Speaker 1: be like hello, and he'd be like yes, and I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, I'm a local actor. I need to work.

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Speaker 1: I've auditioned a hundred times. Can you give me a job?

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Speaker 1: And he would look at my resume and he would go, yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: you've got no theater on here, and I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: I know, so we can we can get some theater

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Speaker 1: on there. I used to badger him and it was

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Speaker 1: so funny. I just never I don't know what it was.

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Speaker 1: I kept getting cast in television, and when you're young,

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Speaker 1: you know, obviously you've got to pay the bills, you

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Speaker 1: got to do whatever comes your way. But I never

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Speaker 1: got any of the theater work. I don't really have

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Speaker 1: many regrets, but that is definitely one of mine, is

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Speaker 1: that I'd read them a million times, but I never

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Speaker 1: got to play those women that I read.

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Speaker 2: It's not too late, I think you never know when

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Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe you've been just dating and holding

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Speaker 2: this in for so long, but maybe that theatrical experience

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Speaker 2: will now blossom out of you at this time.

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Speaker 1: Why not you never know? I had a dream. I

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Speaker 1: had a dream the other night. I'm not kidding. It

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Speaker 1: has never been my dream to play Juliet. By the way,

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Speaker 1: she's one of the least interesting women, right I've wanted

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Speaker 1: to play. I actually auditioned for drama school in the

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Speaker 1: role of Volumnia, Carilinus's mother. So I was seventeen playing,

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Speaker 1: you know, a woman in her late thirties early forties,

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Speaker 1: and they were so bemused. I think that's why they

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Speaker 1: kind of gave me a call back. They were like,

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Speaker 1: it's this weird child like playing a middle aged woman

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Speaker 1: with a grown up warrior son. Like what you do?

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Speaker 1: I was like, I saw Judy, don't do it. It

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Speaker 1: was amazing.

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Speaker 2: And they were like, if you.

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Speaker 1: Took it upon yourself to think.

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Speaker 2: That would be a good idea.

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Speaker 1: I had this dream the other night that I was

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Speaker 1: playing Juliet. It was so funny, and in one of

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Speaker 1: the scenes with Romeo, it was actually the scene where

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Speaker 1: they're respectively taking poison, and I sat up and went,

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Speaker 1: I want to be you, I don't want to be me.

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Speaker 1: Can we switch? And he said, well, yeah, but we're

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Speaker 1: both still going to die.

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Speaker 2: It was quite a cool dream that it's fantastic.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Where and when were you happiest?

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Speaker 2: Immediately? The first thing I think about is with my mother.

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Speaker 2: I think probably sitting in the kitchen of our row

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Speaker 2: home in Philadelphia around nineteen seventy nine. I'm probably doing

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Speaker 2: my homework at the kitchen table while my mother's cooking.

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Speaker 2: And when she would cook, like in the summer or

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Speaker 2: something like that, she would cook in her bra. She

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Speaker 2: was cooking her bra and her slip, and so I

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Speaker 2: just thought, I don't know that's where my mother cooks.

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Speaker 2: She gets very comfortable and she usually I can see

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Speaker 2: her frying chicken and she's sweating a little bit, but

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Speaker 2: she's also teaching me. She loved that I was curious

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Speaker 2: about how she did things in the kitchen and something

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Speaker 2: about that just with a mother's love and a kitchen.

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Speaker 2: My mother always just she was just a real cool,

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Speaker 2: fun sweet woman. She's no longer with us, and I'm

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Speaker 2: not seed to angelicize someone, but my mother was really awesome.

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Speaker 2: She was funny and fun and interesting and always curious

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Speaker 2: and inspiring me to be curious as well. So, you know,

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Speaker 2: late seventies, early ladies, sitting in the kitchen with my mom.

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Speaker 1: Do you think those are the cornerstones of happiness for you,

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Speaker 1: which is comfort and homeliness and feeling safe.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think many. That's why I tend to have

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Speaker 2: people over to any apartment or house that I've ever had.

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Speaker 2: I'm always the hub. People know that I will have

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Speaker 2: a dinner party just because come over for dinner. I

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Speaker 2: love to feed people. I have a beautiful garden pool,

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Speaker 2: and I want people over enjoying it at all times,

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Speaker 2: because I think that's what maybe I was taught that

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Speaker 2: you share these things, you always have a sense of

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Speaker 2: love and comfort and safety when you have people around.

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Speaker 1: I love that. It's so funny because you'd invited us

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Speaker 1: over on July fourth, and I wish I could have

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Speaker 1: got there, because your home does look absolutely spectacular. It

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Speaker 1: looks like it's set up for you to never leave.

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Speaker 2: It, you know what. Listen, we're the second owners after

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Speaker 2: the first owners built the house, and it was built

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Speaker 2: by a Jewish doctor and his wife in nineteen sixty four,

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Speaker 2: and he built it to be the house that he's

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Speaker 2: in forever, and he was until he was ill and

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Speaker 2: his wife was ill, and then the house went to

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Speaker 2: the children, and then they finally sold it to us.

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Speaker 2: And I feel, honestly like the caretaker of the house.

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Speaker 2: I feel less like, oh, I bought a house and

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Speaker 2: we made it our own. But I felt like I

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Speaker 2: wanted to love this house because you could tell it

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Speaker 2: was loved. You couldn't feel it. And when anyone comes

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Speaker 2: over to the house, they're like, oh, no one ever

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Speaker 2: wants to leave. By the way my party it started out,

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, we'll have an afternoon hang. It

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Speaker 2: started at two o'clock and it didn't undil two thirty

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Speaker 2: in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I wish we'd come.

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Speaker 2: It's that house, I'm telling you, and it happens consistently.

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, no one ever wants to leave my house.

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Speaker 2: I want people to feel loved, and so I'm like,

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Speaker 2: take a nap. There, go jump in the pool, there,

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Speaker 2: go use this. There's lotions, whatever you need. The house

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Speaker 2: is open for you.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's a very particular thing being a host,

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Speaker 1: and there is a huge amount of generosity. And I

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Speaker 1: must say that's what I think of when I think

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Speaker 1: of you as an actor. Thank you, generosity. Being part

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Speaker 1: of a cast or a collection of actors, it's such

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Speaker 1: a particular mindset.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's wild. I think I've always approached

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Speaker 2: what we do many as a service job, that we

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Speaker 2: truly are in service. And I think those routes started

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Speaker 2: in the theater, where it's like I knew the task,

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Speaker 2: I knew what the assignment was, which was to be

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Speaker 2: in service to the audience, to be in service to

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Speaker 2: the story, be in service to what we're creating, to

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Speaker 2: not come in with any preconceived notions, but do as

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Speaker 2: much as I can and then see what I bring

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Speaker 2: to the table and then welcome what someone else brings in.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, if I know one good thing about myself,

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Speaker 2: I may not be the best at many things, but

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Speaker 2: I know I'm a good host, and I know that.

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Speaker 2: That's why I become a director, because I know how

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Speaker 2: to throw a good party. I think there are skills

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Speaker 2: of yours that you need. You're like, oh no, I

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Speaker 2: know my parties are good because I know about the music,

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Speaker 2: who to invite, why to invite them, the kind of vibe.

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Speaker 2: I'm curating the whole thing, you know, and I'm leading

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Speaker 2: the vision and then just welcoming what everyone brings to it,

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Speaker 2: like bring something, bring a cake, bring nothing, bring your

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Speaker 2: bathings to but bring something that is going to help

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Speaker 2: generate this huge, I don't know, epic experiment of communication

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Speaker 2: and love. That's why I invited you, guys. I felt

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Speaker 2: like I knew what you would bring and whatever that is,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: I would have bought ribs and a good attitude.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, thank you for bringing the ribs. I appreciate that.

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Speaker 2: Pork ribs or beef ribs, many pork or beef pork ribs,

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Speaker 2: pork ribs, same here. Thank you I'm committed to pork.

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Speaker 2: I don't understand the beef ribs. Too big, too.

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Speaker 1: Much, too big, and too much.

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Speaker 2: Too big, too gaming exactly. Yes, thank you so many.

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Speaker 2: I knew you were invited to the cookout.

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Speaker 1: I know I'm coming to another cookout. I want to

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Speaker 1: stay at a party till two thirty in the morning.

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Speaker 1: That's amazing. It just kept going, Oh, I love it.

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Speaker 1: I love it when the right people won't leave. It's

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Speaker 1: the worst thing when the wrong people start. But then

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Speaker 1: you really have only yourself to blame for having invited

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Speaker 1: them in the first place. So you just talked about

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Speaker 1: being able to appreciate that about yourself, which I love

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Speaker 1: so much because it means that you can actually consciously

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Speaker 1: add that the things you know you like about yourself,

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Speaker 1: you can consciously bring them to the things that you

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Speaker 1: do in the way you move through the world. So

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Speaker 1: tell me what relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you.

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Speaker 2: I think, to be honest, I just have to say

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Speaker 2: to my husband, m Raoul is one of a kind.

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Speaker 2: I admire him. We've been together for seventeen years, and

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Speaker 2: I really admire him. It's not only just about our love,

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Speaker 2: but it's also about our brotherhood, about our friendship, about

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Speaker 2: our patients with each other, about a stepping outside of

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Speaker 2: the unit and saying what do you need? Where are you?

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Speaker 2: And he's gone off and saved whales turtles. He went

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Speaker 2: off and he went to a turtle arm custory. It

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Speaker 2: for a month. We didn't peak to each other for

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Speaker 2: a month because he was committed to this thing. I

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Speaker 2: went to London for a while for six months to

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Speaker 2: do a couple plays, and his schedule woudn't allow him

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Speaker 2: to be there. But I was like, go on your journey,

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Speaker 2: trust that I'm here for you. It doesn't fracture our

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Speaker 2: relationship as anything. It allows us to grow in another

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Speaker 2: way that it allows us to be independent in some way.

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Speaker 2: When we first met seventeen years ago, I'd been through

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Speaker 2: a couple other relationships and I was sort of exhausted

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Speaker 2: with presenting the person that you want me to be

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Speaker 2: at a relationship and actually denying actually who I was,

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Speaker 2: and vice versa. I was like, no, so actually I

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Speaker 2: became an interrogation when our first dates, it was like,

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Speaker 2: what are you really about? Who are you? What do

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Speaker 2: you really like? What do you want? Because I want

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Speaker 2: to know who you really were. Don't be afraid tell

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Speaker 2: me exactly the things that you think are ugly about

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Speaker 2: yourself that are beautiful and that you hope you can

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Speaker 2: be better. Because if we're really dealing with each other

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Speaker 2: in that way, that's real love. I think. I think

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Speaker 2: I'm experiencing real love with him because it does mean

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Speaker 2: we can truly be and exist and accept each other

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Speaker 2: for who we are and also inspire each other to

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Speaker 2: be a little different.

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Speaker 1: You know, do you think that it's different like that

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Speaker 1: what you just said, This is what real love is.

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Speaker 1: This is what it is I think I'm living in.

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Speaker 1: Do you think it's very different to the idea that

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Speaker 1: you had growing up of what love was? Because I

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Speaker 1: know my love is. I can't believe it. I love

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Speaker 1: this person that I am with so much, but in

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Speaker 1: this way that I never thought love would be this,

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Speaker 1: but it is. I always thought it was something else,

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Speaker 1: and actually my previous thoughts were erroneous. It wasn't that.

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Speaker 1: It is this.

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Speaker 2: I agree, Mannie. I agree because I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of times were taught that with love you have to

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Speaker 2: give up something. I don't think it's about giving up,

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Speaker 2: It's about like being open to shift or grow. But

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Speaker 2: I think it's like I've always believed that love was available.

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Speaker 2: That's something that I know that some of my friends

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Speaker 2: have not thought or believed, or they come into believing, oh,

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Speaker 2: my relationship will be these things, and they have these

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Speaker 2: parameters set up. Oh it must be this, it must

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Speaker 2: look like this, and like you're creating something in your

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Speaker 2: own mind that doesn't exist. Because when you see that

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Speaker 2: thing and you have that spark, you have to accept

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Speaker 2: what is. And I think love is imperfect. You bend,

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Speaker 2: you grow, you cry, you hurt, you all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: But I think if there's the underpinnings of saying I'm

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Speaker 2: committed to wanting to do this, and explores this with

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Speaker 2: you and explore grace, explore kindness, openness. Someone told me

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Speaker 2: this many years ago and never forgot it. I asked

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Speaker 2: this older couple what was the key to their success

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Speaker 2: and they said, and I think this woman, she says,

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Speaker 2: you've got to be alone for the ride to know

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Speaker 2: that they're going to change and it's going to have

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Speaker 2: nothing to do with you. And that's okay. I think

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Speaker 2: that's what we have to love people, right, I mean, yeah.

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Speaker 1: You have to love them with loose hands that's it.

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Speaker 2: You can't be tight. I think the fear people always

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Speaker 2: think that someone's going to leave you. But I'm like,

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Speaker 2: if someone's gonna leave you, they're going to leave you.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't You can't hold tight to it. You just

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Speaker 2: have to invest and pour all the love and care

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Speaker 2: that you can to it and trust it it'll be

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Speaker 2: for the time that it's supposed to be. You know,

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Speaker 2: we hope things can be happily ever after, you know,

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Speaker 2: and told fairy tales. Happily ever after? Is that the truth?

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Speaker 2: That's the hope. I believe that's the wish. But you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe happily ever after a few years or a couple

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Speaker 2: of coffee or if you laughs, I don't know, or

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Speaker 2: fifty years.

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Speaker 1: It's really true. And we're never really asked to investigate

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Speaker 1: the fairytale. We're never asked to kind of cross examine it.

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Speaker 1: I know, I grew up with this idea that that

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Speaker 1: is what you do. You grow up, you fall in love,

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Speaker 1: that person loves you back, and then you have a baby.

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Speaker 1: And that is not how my life turned out at all. Right,

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Speaker 1: I grew up, did not fall in love, had a baby,

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Speaker 1: did fall in love, broke up with them fell in

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Speaker 1: love with someone else, but all the time sort of

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Speaker 1: mining for the parameters of what that love is, and

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Speaker 1: it's so far away from the initial idea. And you're right,

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Speaker 1: you have to keep growing, you have to keep doing

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Speaker 1: the personal excavation and allow your partner to do that

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 2: I think, yeah, because you never even know what your

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Speaker 2: family is supposed to look like exactly. I think. But

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Speaker 2: we're set up. We're thinking what you said, You're set

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Speaker 2: up thinking, oh, you fall in love, you have a child.

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Speaker 2: It becomes this sort of thing. But no one even

355
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Speaker 2: knows that maybe you fall in love, you have a child,

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Speaker 2: you don't have that love, you have another relationship that

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Speaker 2: you become best friends with the person you made that

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Speaker 2: child with, or whatever. Maybe your family is supposed to

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Speaker 2: look like this whole other creation based on the actual

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Speaker 2: reality the people that are involved in it, instead of

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Speaker 2: some ideological thing, this fairy tale looming over all of us.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's I'm so interested in. How do we

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Speaker 1: disseminate what other good ideas to hang on to and

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Speaker 1: what are the ones that we should really go Nah,

365
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Speaker 1: that's not going to serve me, because you can only

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Speaker 1: do it by living it. Really, and then circumstance will

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Speaker 1: slap you in the face and go, that was a

368
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Speaker 1: really terrible idea to have hung on to you for

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Speaker 1: so many years, and now here we are.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's any good drama, right, Isn't that the human condition?

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Speaker 2: I think it was Martin knocks and great showrunner. She said,

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Speaker 2: a great story is a great protagonist. That is one

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Speaker 2: and commit it to a wrong idea of themselves.

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Speaker 1: Ha ha ha. I love that.

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Speaker 2: Inn it's about the film or the series or something

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Speaker 2: that's trying to challenge them to change.

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Speaker 1: That is really good.

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Speaker 2: Well, I always attached to an idea about ourselves that

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Speaker 2: we have to smash and have to let go of.

380
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,920
Speaker 2: At some point you have to realize how long is

381
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,720
Speaker 2: it serving you? Is this really serving you? Are you happy?

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Speaker 2: Are you getting what you want?

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Speaker 1: But you're probably lucky if you get to smash it

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Speaker 1: or even have the impetus to do that, because a

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Speaker 1: lot of times I think people will use the quick

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Speaker 1: fixes to stop feeling bad about that thing. And all

387
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,719
Speaker 1: of the available stuff that we have in our world

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Speaker 1: of consumption, various things from addictive to non addictive, but

389
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Speaker 1: repetitive behaviors becomes such a sort of immediate way of

390
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Speaker 1: dealing with it, rather than going question the fundamental idea

391
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Speaker 1: about why you want to keep doing this thing and

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Speaker 1: if it serves you.

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Speaker 2: I have a question for you. I think by like, say,

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Speaker 2: let's say, by smashing these things many if you like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, how have you been as a person

396
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,920
Speaker 2: when it comes to change?

397
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Speaker 1: Terrible? Terrible, really terrible terrible with change?

398
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Speaker 2: I say to myself, if you change, change everything, I

399
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 2: think it's I have a fearlessness with that. And somehow

400
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 2: it served me because I think I checked. All I

401
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 2: have is my gut to trust that. So why has

402
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 2: it been difficult for you? You know what?

403
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Speaker 1: Because because I actually feel exactly how you do, which

404
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 1: is if I have a gut feeling about something, I

405
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,120
Speaker 1: have to act on that, and that has often meant

406
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 1: in gendering change. But the change itself I loathe. It

407
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 1: feels unstable and terrible and queasy and like like I

408
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 1: have permanent sea sickness, and it's powerful, but I have

409
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 1: this terrible volition to do it. And I think that's

410
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 1: one of the things, like if I could wave a

411
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 1: magic wand and change something about myself, it would be

412
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Speaker 1: to more readily embrace change to love it. Nothing in

413
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 1: life is stasis. Nothing. Everything is cant the moving and evolving.

414
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Speaker 1: So get on board, woman.

415
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Speaker 2: That's come on, man, get on. That's exactly it.

416
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 1: Come on.

417
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,239
Speaker 2: It's so it's so true. I remember I moved from

418
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Speaker 2: New York years ago and people were so like, I

419
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 2: had a rent stabilized apartment. I had a wonderful career

420
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Speaker 2: in New York, and people felt like, why why do

421
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 2: you want to leave New York? You got a rent

422
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Speaker 2: stable apartment.

423
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Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what, you got a

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Speaker 1: job in an apartment.

425
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Speaker 2: Why you got a job an apartment. You're working on Broadway,

426
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 2: you're doing doing, Shut up. But I felt like New York,

427
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 2: like I trusted that New York was just not my

428
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 2: vibe right then and there, I thought like, I'm not growing.

429
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 2: I feel the winds of change coming and I've got

430
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Speaker 2: to go with it. And so at some point I

431
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 2: just I'll think about it for a moment. But then

432
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Speaker 2: at some point I just cut it all off and

433
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 2: I give up the apartment. And people are like, no

434
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 2: one gives up a rent stabilized apartment in New York.

435
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 2: You hang on to it and until they pull it out.

436
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 2: A claw under your dead hand, you know. But I

437
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 2: was like, I gotta go. I said, I gotta trust

438
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 2: that there's more I gotta trust, And you know, then

439
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,400
Speaker 2: I got a rent and Los Angeles that I never

440
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 2: would ever imagine paying for because I was kind of like,

441
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 2: you know, I was a working artist. I never I

442
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 2: just thought in a company of working class family. I

443
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 2: felt like, oh, we don't spend that kind of money

444
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 2: in an apartment. But I decided to do that because

445
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,719
Speaker 2: I thought, let me trust the universe, that the universe

446
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,480
Speaker 2: will provide because this is what I need. And then

447
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 2: it kept providing that. So I think maybe that's because

448
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 2: I've done the math of it. Now after living in

449
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 2: this body for fifty one years, I've done the math,

450
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 2: and I see that when you trust your gut, when

451
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 2: you go with that feeling, it works out. I feel

452
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 2: like I feel like I'm starting my own church right

453
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 2: here on your podcast.

454
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 1: I love it. I feel like you have a philosophy

455
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 1: that is underwritten by New York real estate. I mean,

456
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 1: it's it's a pretty interesting way I'm kind of feeling.

457
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out the stabilize your life.

458
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 2: Stabilize your life with from real estate to.

459
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: From real estate to real good vibes.

460
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,959
Speaker 2: There we go. That's good, perfect, I'll take it.

461
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 1: What question would you most like answered?

462
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a great question because I think that's a

463
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 2: question of the heart. Is there heaven? Hmm? And will

464
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 2: I truly see my loved ones again? Because you know,

465
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 2: I've lost some really terrific people in my life. One

466
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 2: recently one of my dear friends Ari, and I lost

467
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,440
Speaker 2: my parents. And you know what I love, I love

468
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 2: so deeply because I feel like I've been attracted to

469
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 2: I don't know these dreamers, these people who believe in magic.

470
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 2: One was my mom, other was my dad. One of

471
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 2: my best friends Ari. And you wonder, You're like, are

472
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: you there? Are you in another realm Am? I just

473
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 2: hoping and wishing and believing. But I want to know

474
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 2: is that is that true? Do we really go to

475
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 2: the other place? Are you watching over? Are you listening?

476
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,439
Speaker 2: Are you speaking to me? Are you walking with me?

477
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 1: I wonder if knowing, would you know how when we

478
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 1: find magical things out as people, and then there's that

479
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 1: moment of starting to put it into practice and it's

480
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: incredible and amazing, and then pretty soon this magical thing

481
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: becomes part of your daily life, and it no longer

482
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: becomes special and magical. It just becomes part of the kutaden.

483
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: And I wonder if we just can't hold that much

484
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: information and keep it as magical as it's supposed to

485
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: be down here on Earth in all of this thick

486
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 1: vibration of being in a physical body on a planet,

487
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 1: and that that whole etheric idea like that, we couldn't

488
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: hold it without corrupting it in a way.

489
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 2: Wow, I think that's very valid. As humans, we do

490
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 2: corrupt the magic.

491
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: Right, we kind of do, And maybe reaching for it

492
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: is better watching this and feeling like, you know, when

493
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: I go and try and find my mom, I really

494
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 1: have to feel for her. I have to let go

495
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: of all of the shit that I've been thinking about

496
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 1: in the day, and I have to connect with nature

497
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,399
Speaker 1: or she always used to tell me to admire the

498
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: infinite sky, and I wonder if that that is as

499
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: pure as it could ever be, and that if someone

500
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,919
Speaker 1: could tell me if there was a heaven, I probably

501
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: only ruin it by it then just being another thing.

502
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 2: In my purse, just another place that you know, kind

503
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 2: of yeah, And you're right, because maybe I feel like

504
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 2: you're saying, maybe I want to know because I'm reaching

505
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 2: out towards it and it's a burning question in my heart.

506
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 2: But it also keeps us in that realm of magic

507
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 2: and that dimension of space and time and transcendence and

508
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: the things that we don't know. Maybe you're right, it's

509
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 2: maybe maybe we're not supposed to know everything.

510
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: Maybe that's it, And it's in the not knowing that

511
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: you can actually stay connected to spirit and that if

512
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: we drag it down here it wouldn't be that. I

513
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: don't know. I've been giving it a lot of thought

514
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: because my mama died quite recently, and I'm thinking about

515
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,880
Speaker 1: what I think about all the time. Actually, but I'm

516
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: glad that you think about it too. I'm glad that

517
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,119
Speaker 1: it's one of those things that we wrestle with.

518
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 2: I think, yeah, because I think I don't know. I'd

519
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 2: like to believe, as we know of people who have

520
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 2: experienced a tremendous loss, especially mothers. I know when I

521
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 2: lost my mother. My mother was my best friend, and

522
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 2: when she passed, a sound came out of my body

523
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,160
Speaker 2: that I don't think i'll ever hear again or want

524
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 2: to hear. It was animalistic. It felt like something that

525
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 2: was being severed in some way, shape or form. And

526
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 2: then I think have constantly been like like, I know

527
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 2: and feel her presence and all that happens in the world,

528
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 2: all the people that are sort of gentle reminders of her.

529
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 2: I do understand that it is a thing. I guess

530
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 2: you're not supposed to know until you do know, because

531
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 2: I think you're supposed to have some faith that there

532
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,080
Speaker 2: is more. I think that's what keeps you mo mo

533
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 2: moving forward, because you know what the end is. We

534
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 2: all know what the end is. It's very clear what

535
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 2: the end is. It's definitive that we all will die,

536
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 2: but there's a promise that we will live on and

537
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 2: we will see each other again. And so I think

538
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 2: we keep moving through space with the hope that I

539
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 2: want to see that person again until I get that.

540
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to keep doing things out down on this

541
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 2: plane and hopefully making a difference, leaving some fingerprints on things,

542
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 2: and making hopefully the spaces that we're in rich and

543
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 2: full before it's our turn. But we want to know

544
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 2: that when it's our turn, that someone's there, that you're

545
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 2: not alone, and that's something we don't know. We just

546
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 2: have to have faith and believe.

547
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, and maybe that faith is what can make

548
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: being here a little freer because it's like, we just

549
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: get this one as far as we know. So play.

550
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 2: Can I ask you a question, Manny? Can I ask

551
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 2: you a question?

552
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 1: Yeah?

553
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 2: When your mother passed you were very close, am I right? Yeah?

554
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 2: Where do you think the love goes? What do you

555
00:27:58,880 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 2: do with that love?

556
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: Good Lord? Well, the funny thing is, I don't feel

557
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 1: like it's gone anywhere. I feel like, in a way,

558
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 1: it has become distilled because the fact that she's not

559
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 1: here to kind of talk about all the stuff, so

560
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 1: all the bad stuff, all the difficult stuff, all the

561
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 1: amazing stuff life in general, because all of that has disappeared. Really,

562
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: what's been left in this kind of relief is the

563
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 1: grace and the laughter and the humor, and all of that,

564
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: for me is love. And I feel it so intensely,

565
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 1: And even though I can't talk to her and tell her,

566
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 1: I feel like that was the gift that she left

567
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: me with was what survives of us is love? Like

568
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 1: that is quite literally what survives of us is that

569
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: vibration and that feeling. And to be able to give

570
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: that to your children and for them to continue to

571
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: feel after you're physically not here anymore. I think that's

572
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 1: the point.

573
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 2: I think passing the baton right, yeah on.

574
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: H And I was explaining that to my son the

575
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 1: other day, and I think it was really amazing being

576
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,320
Speaker 1: able to tell him, and I know he won't forget.

577
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: I have all of this love, all of this love

578
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:25,600
Speaker 1: that mom left me with, and it's so incredible to

579
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 1: be able to tell you about that love and that

580
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 1: when you see it, you'll know it. You'll see because

581
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 1: you'll recognize it in you, and then you'll have it,

582
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: and so it goes on, and so it goes on.

583
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm sorry you lost your mum and

584
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: your dad. I mean, we all do it. It just

585
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: it's just what happens.

586
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 2: We do, we do, and you know it's for those

587
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 2: who haven't, if anyone's listening out there who haven't, and

588
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 2: I think it terrifies them knowing that if it happened,

589
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 2: they don't know what they would do. Yeah, And I'm

590
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 2: always telling people, well you will. I grieved and I

591
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 2: leaned into it. My friend Melissa was the one who

592
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 2: gave me the advice I said, because I felt like

593
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 2: I was such a good son. I loved being a son.

594
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 2: I loved my parents, And she said, you're going to

595
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 2: pour that love into everything that you do, and so

596
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 2: I think that, I know that, I know it was

597
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 2: a definitive moment in my life where the choice was

598
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 2: to use that love with even more conviction, and like

599
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 2: you're saying, to distill it, to say that this is

600
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 2: what purposes, what my intentions are, Who I love, how

601
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 2: I love. Not that I flitted it around, but I

602
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 2: guess I did. I just had it was more out there.

603
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it focuses you, Like that's the thing when you

604
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,719
Speaker 1: lose someone, even though you don't lose them, but when

605
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: they are physically gone, it is so focused because you

606
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: so clearly feel what it is that you felt about them. Yeah,

607
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: it certainly made me question all the stuff that I

608
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: gave a lot of energy to that really didn't deserve

609
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,479
Speaker 1: that energy and didn't need it and didn't require it.

610
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 2: Done with that.

611
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: Right, you can see Coleman in Zola, which is in

612
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: theaters now and it's honestly the most radical and best

613
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: film of the year in my opinion, maybe in many years.

614
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: Run don't walk to see it. And Candy Man which

615
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: is released on August the twenty seventh. This year, Mini

616
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: Questions is hosted and written by Me Mini Driver, Supervising

617
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 1: producer Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Levoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown.

618
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: Original music Sorry Baby by Mini Driver, Additional music by

619
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by Me Mini Driver. Special thanks

620
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison O'Day, Lisa Castella and

621
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: Annika Oppenheim at w kPr, Dala Pescador, Kate Driver and

622
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 1: Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support, Henry Driver,