Speaker 1: Hello, what's up? How's life? Thanks for being here. It's
Speaker 1: Lyle Gecko Man. Welcome to the Therapy Gecko Podcast. I
Speaker 1: normally take phone calls on this show with random, anonymous people,
Speaker 1: but today, as I did a few days ago, I
Speaker 1: will be reading viewer mail and pondering it. I'm glad
Speaker 1: for those of you who listened to the episode with
Speaker 1: my sister and left positive comments. Thank you, guys. I
Speaker 1: appreciate it. She appreciated it, she had fun. And now
Speaker 1: I'm here alone. I think I'd like to do more
Speaker 1: of these things with other people. I might just do
Speaker 1: them more with other people randomly in my life. You know,
Speaker 1: there is a period of time where we had like
Speaker 1: rappers on here and stuff like that, and I'm open
Speaker 1: to that. But I'm also just like, you know, it
Speaker 1: could be anyone, you know what I mean, Like some
Speaker 1: guy from off the street wants to pe a guest
Speaker 1: on the show and it's just me and him reading emails.
Speaker 1: That could be good too. I don't know why guests
Speaker 1: always have to be celebrities. Can't they just be this
Speaker 1: whoever is walking around? That's kind of what the show is.
Speaker 1: It's me and a guest, but the guest is kind
Speaker 1: of whoever is walking around. Anyway, I'm gonna read some
Speaker 1: viewer mail and talk to you guys, and hopefully it's
Speaker 1: substantiative for the time that you're listening. Listening to it,
Speaker 1: my voice just cracked. I'm gonna try to I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do a lot more pondering than advice giving. I've been
Speaker 1: giving a lot of advice, and I don't like it.
Speaker 1: Every time I give advice, it's against my will. They're
Speaker 1: actually not every time. Sometimes I give advice because I
Speaker 1: genuinely believe in it. But there's been plenty times I
Speaker 1: give advice because I'm like, I just have to say something,
Speaker 1: and I hate that. I want to do that. So
Speaker 1: if I from now on, if I'm reading, okay, so
Speaker 1: throughout the time I'm reading these emails, if I'm prompted
Speaker 1: to give advice, I'll do it. But if I fucking
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm just gonna say I don't know. And
Speaker 1: that's how I like to do it, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I like to ponder the emails. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I have an answer for things, but I
Speaker 1: like pondering things. So I'm in the dark. I just
Speaker 1: had some coffee. The vibe ants is kicking in. Let's
Speaker 1: read some emails. Okay, this first one is from Jackson,
Speaker 1: subject line, I think my coworker is watching me. Hey GEK,
Speaker 1: longtime listener, first time mailer. I think my coworker is
Speaker 1: watching me. I recently started working for a cannabis wholesale
Speaker 1: distribution center in Oregon and it's been an absolute blast.
Speaker 1: While I was listening to one of your older episodes,
Speaker 1: an another Sophie Cunningham ad came on, so I was
Speaker 1: skipping the ad when one of my coworkers wrote in
Speaker 1: our slack chat, he's on his phone, followed by he
Speaker 1: put it down. What the fuck? I was confused, of course,
Speaker 1: and I immediately called it out and they were very
Speaker 1: embarrassed after they realized their mistake. I know they were
Speaker 1: talking about me because their desk is diagonal to mine,
Speaker 1: and I was the only male presenting person in that moment,
Speaker 1: which means someone higher up told her to watch me,
Speaker 1: or she wanted to watch me on her own volition,
Speaker 1: and I don't know what's worse. I talked to my
Speaker 1: manager and when I asked, they said to not worry
Speaker 1: about it, and that the coworker was talked to already. However,
Speaker 1: I still feel like I keep spotting them watching my
Speaker 1: moves when I'm just skipping ads or trying to select
Speaker 1: an old episode to listen to. I really like this
Speaker 1: job and don't want to be confrontational and call a
Speaker 1: scene about something that could have been dealt with already?
Speaker 1: Am I being paranoid? Should I be worried? Is it
Speaker 1: chill now? PS? Please come back to Portland when you
Speaker 1: tour again. I will be coming to Portland in June. Okay? Anyway, um, wow,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. No, I think you should ask her. I
Speaker 1: think you should ask her. Like, here's the weird thing, right,
Speaker 1: is like this job sounds fucking what. I don't know.
Speaker 1: What do you do? You work? No? Yeah, you work
Speaker 1: for a cannabis wholesale Okay, all right, you said it's
Speaker 1: been a blast. Okay, So if you're saying it's been
Speaker 1: a blast, that means that this is a good job
Speaker 1: and things are cool. I don't think it's being confrontational
Speaker 1: to be like, yo, are you listening to my fucking phone?
Speaker 1: Like stop watching me? You know, And you don't have
Speaker 1: to even be like that, And it doesn't even have
Speaker 1: to be like a confrontational like what the fuck are
Speaker 1: you doing? But you got to go in there and
Speaker 1: find the information. You got to go in and be like, yo,
Speaker 1: are you watching me? And if they say no, then
Speaker 1: say are you sure you can tell me if you are?
Speaker 1: And then maybe they say okay, I am, and then
Speaker 1: you go, okay, I need you to stop doing that
Speaker 1: or tell your manager or whatever, because if it truly
Speaker 1: is like a chill work environment or like an absolute blast,
Speaker 1: and I feel like it wouldn't be that big of
Speaker 1: a deal to not confront but perhaps inquire as to
Speaker 1: why this person is watching you. Maybe she likes you,
Speaker 1: Maybe she has a crush on you. That could be
Speaker 1: it too. Maybe she's in love with you, Jackson. Maybe
Speaker 1: she's admiring you. Maybe she's writing letters. Maybe she's thinking
Speaker 1: about you. That could be it too, and which you
Speaker 1: would want to know because maybe you maybe you love
Speaker 1: her too, and you guys can get married and have
Speaker 1: a baby. Okay. This is from Sour Candy, subject line
Speaker 1: fell in love with a red bearded colonizer, Send help,
Speaker 1: Dear therapy, Gecko. I fell in love with a foreigner
Speaker 1: in my own country. Parentheses, I'm Asian like full on,
Speaker 1: aggressively handsome white man red beard Scottish accent. He works here,
Speaker 1: lives here, somehow made my dusty ass city feel like
Speaker 1: the set of a slow indie romance. We dated, then didn't,
Speaker 1: then did, then didn't again. We had dumb little rituals
Speaker 1: inside jokes about orcas, fun facts pasted like love notes.
Speaker 1: We roasted modern art and acted like we weren't two
Speaker 1: nerds falling in love in public. He made coffee on
Speaker 1: Sunday mornings like it was a sacrament. This is beautiful.
Speaker 1: He also introduced me to your YouTube channel, said you'd
Speaker 1: like therapy, getto and I did. Of course I did.
Speaker 1: He knew me like that. So if the algorithm is
Speaker 1: doing its thing, and by some chance he's watching this, Elle,
Speaker 1: I know you watch this lizard man during dinner. If
Speaker 1: you see this, Hi, I love you and I'll probably
Speaker 1: always miss you. What happened here? Okay, I'm investing in this,
Speaker 1: so I want to keep reading anyways. But also I
Speaker 1: cried like a lot, sometimes at him, sometimes next to him.
Speaker 1: I was the I need reassurance or I will perish girly.
Speaker 1: He was the I love you, but i'm emotionally congested guy.
Speaker 1: I spiraled, he vanished, rinse, repeat, and yet we kept trying.
Speaker 1: We told ourselves it could work if we just tried
Speaker 1: hard enough. We tried and it didn't. He said he'd
Speaker 1: give one hundred percent, and I believed him. God, I
Speaker 1: wanted to, and for like five business days it felt
Speaker 1: real white business days whatever. But trying and being able
Speaker 1: to are two different flavors of heartbreak. So now I'm
Speaker 1: here eating sad noodles, writing to a man in a
Speaker 1: lizard costume because there's nowhere for all this leftover love
Speaker 1: to go. It's like emotional tupperware with no lid. Do
Speaker 1: I want him back? Do I just want the best
Speaker 1: version of us? Do I need a lobotomy? Who knows anyway?
Speaker 1: Send help or a lizard emoji? I'll take either yours
Speaker 1: and cringe and healing g interesting. Whoo ah man, They're
Speaker 1: always there, really is. That's one of the toughest things
Speaker 1: about love and relationships is that two people can be
Speaker 1: so in love with each other and yet the logistics
Speaker 1: of the universe just don't work out. I was talking
Speaker 1: to someone about this because I met someone who was like,
Speaker 1: I think that it's I met someone who was like,
Speaker 1: I think the only reason a relationship doesn't work is
Speaker 1: because two people don't love each other enough. And I
Speaker 1: don't believe that. She was like, if you love each
Speaker 1: other enough, you will make it work. And I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm really fucking just searching for the answers to those
Speaker 1: questions myself. You know. It's like that, like love is
Speaker 1: a choice, kind of a vibe, you know, And she
Speaker 1: might be right in some cases, but everyone has their
Speaker 1: own philosophy of it. The problem is you only get
Speaker 1: fifty percent of the choice. I do believe that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: people can be in love, but whatever, like external things
Speaker 1: surrounding them, which don't even have to be things outside
Speaker 1: of themselves. It could just be your personalities are incongruent
Speaker 1: with each other and that just fucks everything up. That's
Speaker 1: very possible. Okay. This next one is from Sam, subject line,
Speaker 1: why do I drink so much Celsius? I love Celsius
Speaker 1: so much it is affecting my life. Let me explain.
Speaker 1: I have dealt with social anxiety my whole life, to
Speaker 1: the point where I was basically mute in high school.
Speaker 1: Since then, I cut back on caffeine and it seems
Speaker 1: to help things substantially interesting. Maybe I should do that.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty six now and my social life is pretty good.
Speaker 1: But then I tried the Peach Vibe Celsius, and I've
Speaker 1: been drinking one every day since. Every morning I wake
Speaker 1: up and I crave a sip of that sweet peachy nectar.
Speaker 1: I can't get enough. And I'm beginning to notice that
Speaker 1: I am a lot more alert, but in an evil way, sometimes,
Speaker 1: the way that takes away my presence and well being
Speaker 1: and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I also picked
Speaker 1: up a zin habit while working long days, so it
Speaker 1: all compounds. That is to say, I know why I
Speaker 1: drink it so much. It gives me a rush, and
Speaker 1: I like it, even though it makes me feel weird.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm trying not to let it overtake my life,
Speaker 1: but it may. I know you partake in the occasion
Speaker 1: of Celsius. Have you tried the Peach Vibe? What do
Speaker 1: you think? Have you had issues with stimulants before? I
Speaker 1: am not secretly a Celsius spokesperson. Please drink coffee if
Speaker 1: you can. It's an expensive habit. Ooh, you have a
Speaker 1: lot of thoughts about this stuff? Yes, so, I mean
Speaker 1: I don't know. Man, it's hard because, uh, I mean
Speaker 1: I'm on coffee right now. I was a big Celsius
Speaker 1: guy and then I started taking vibance and now if
Speaker 1: I drink a Celsius and the vibance, it probably will
Speaker 1: kill me on days that I end up that I
Speaker 1: skipped my vibance for whatever reason, I do a Celsius
Speaker 1: and dude, I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I'm
Speaker 1: a terrible guy for like for like medical advice. But
Speaker 1: I'll just tell you my I'll just tell you my
Speaker 1: experience with the stuff is that like I don't feel
Speaker 1: normal if I'm not on some kind of stimulant. Like
Speaker 1: I get really fucking depressed if I don't have coffee
Speaker 1: or Celsius or vibance. Now that's probably not good or
Speaker 1: it's just like, I mean, I have a weird brain, man,
Speaker 1: I got all the you know whatever mental health issues
Speaker 1: and all that shit in the ADHD. And I'll let
Speaker 1: and uh, I'll be on vibeance, man, and I'll just
Speaker 1: be like wow, holy Like I'll have like a minute
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, okay, I understand I think how
Speaker 1: most people maybe not most people, but like like I'll
Speaker 1: see relaxed people and people just going about their lives,
Speaker 1: not going insane, and I'll have a second where I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I think I know what that feels like, and I'll
Speaker 1: have and that's that's about two hours of me on vibeance.
Speaker 1: So it feels good, and it feels good when I'm
Speaker 1: in uh with the Celsius too, because it just, you
Speaker 1: know how it is with ADHD, like you just can't
Speaker 1: fucking do anything, and then when you get the feeling
Speaker 1: that you actually have some control over your fucking life,
Speaker 1: it makes you feel great, makes you feel like the
Speaker 1: world's in some insane burden that you're like sissifhicianly rolling
Speaker 1: the ball up the hill. You feel like you can
Speaker 1: kind of pick the ball up and throw it across
Speaker 1: the field. Now, Listen, I've always fantasized or thought that, like, hey,
Speaker 1: what if I quit doing all that stuff? And I
Speaker 1: just like took like a few months to get unaddicted to,
Speaker 1: you know, a sugar and I eat salmon every day,
Speaker 1: and I didn't, you know whatever whatever when I with
Speaker 1: that secretly fix things for me. I don't know, maybe,
Speaker 1: but every time I've tried to do that, I end
Speaker 1: up feeling like shit. But I know I've been on
Speaker 1: a I've been on caffeine for so long that I
Speaker 1: don't really know how I feel like without it. And
Speaker 1: I know that when you quit any kind of substances
Speaker 1: is strong withdrawal period that you have to really get through.
Speaker 1: And every day feels like a year to me. So
Speaker 1: when someone's like, oh, you got to give it two
Speaker 1: months before you really can become unaddicted, I'm like, fuck you,
Speaker 1: I don't have two months. That's two months. Let's that's
Speaker 1: like my entire life for all I know. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is this is just me ranting about my experience
Speaker 1: with it, but I'm not I don't know if this
Speaker 1: was helpful to you at all. It is interesting that
Speaker 1: cutting back on caffeine helped you out with your social anxiety. Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what you mean when you
Speaker 1: say that you are evil. You take it, takes away
Speaker 1: your presence and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel I feel the opposite when I'm
Speaker 1: on a stimulant, because like, if I'm just talking as
Speaker 1: to someone and I'm not and I'm adhde, I'm really
Speaker 1: not present I'm thinking about life and everything else. But
Speaker 1: if I'm on the stimulant and I feel good and
Speaker 1: someone some fucking guys talking to me about something that
Speaker 1: i'll give a fuck about, I'll engage with him. I'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh, interesting, I've never seen that before, but
Speaker 1: I'll check it out. Oh, okay, you do B two
Speaker 1: B marketing? SaaS interesting? Now? I how does marketing? Uh?
Speaker 1: The kind of Facebook ads really work? And I'm not
Speaker 1: even bullshitting when I'm doing that stuff. I'm really in it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I'm in my head, I'm thinking, Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm acting like such a normal human being and it's
Speaker 1: happening so effortlessly, and I'm not thinking. I'm just I
Speaker 1: just love love. I love being a normal human being.
Speaker 1: It feels so fucking good. I don't know if I've
Speaker 1: told this story on the podcast before, but I'll tell it.
Speaker 1: I remember it was just like twenty twenty three or something.
Speaker 1: I was going through a really hard time and it's
Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety, a lot of overthinking, a lot
Speaker 1: of mental health whatever. And I was I was at
Speaker 1: some party or whatever, and I was sitting at a
Speaker 1: table with these guys, and this one guy he's making
Speaker 1: a sandwich and he puts some Dorito's on his sandwich,
Speaker 1: and the other guy looks at him and is like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you like putting chips on your sandwich. And then the
Speaker 1: guys with the sandwich, he's like, Oh, I love putting
Speaker 1: chips on my sandwich. And then they start talking about
Speaker 1: putting chips on their sandwich and they're and I'm watching
Speaker 1: them have this conversation, and I'm just like, these two
Speaker 1: guys are so deeply in the present right now, Like
Speaker 1: I just felt. I was just I'm over fucking thinking everything,
Speaker 1: and I'm watching them, and I'm like, these guys are
Speaker 1: in the present right now, just like in life, talking
Speaker 1: about putting chips on a sandwich, making jokes, they're brain whatever.
Speaker 1: You never know what's going on in someone's head. But
Speaker 1: I was pretty goddamn sure that these two guys were
Speaker 1: one hundred percent invested in that current moment, in the
Speaker 1: conversation that they were having with each other about putting
Speaker 1: chips on a sandwich. And I was observing this and
Speaker 1: I fuck it, I had to go to their room.
Speaker 1: I started crying because I was like, I fucking wish
Speaker 1: I could do that. I wish I could be in
Speaker 1: a fucking just normal conversation without thinking all this anxious,
Speaker 1: crazy thoughts. And you know, I wish I could just
Speaker 1: be sitting there having a conversation about chips in a
Speaker 1: sandwich and not thinking about twenty other different horrible things.
Speaker 1: And vibance gets me that point. So that's why I
Speaker 1: like it. And I'm sure there's other chemically things or whatever.
Speaker 1: But you know, if your brain is just wired in
Speaker 1: a certain way where you it's just it's always somewhere else,
Speaker 1: then I don't know, You're just I don't know. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I've since I've since then been able to have plenty
Speaker 1: of conversations about normal ass shit without freaking out. But anyway,
Speaker 1: that was a long rant. Thanks for sending in your things, Sam,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Okay. Another e mail, This one is
Speaker 1: from Kalin, subject line fish farmer, Hey Gek, I called
Speaker 1: you last week and actually got through, but somehow managed
Speaker 1: to botch answering the phone correctly. I was calling to
Speaker 1: talk to you about my experience moving across the country
Speaker 1: to work at a fish hatchery. So far, it's been
Speaker 1: a great experience. I feed fish and clean tanks every day,
Speaker 1: and do some basic maintenance around the hatchery. It pays
Speaker 1: well and my housing is provided, so it's a heck
Speaker 1: of a way to save some money. I live at
Speaker 1: the hatchery in my own house, right at the base
Speaker 1: of the mountains. It is beautiful here. That said, I
Speaker 1: have been getting rather homesick lately. Last week was especially
Speaker 1: bad as my grandma passed away and I wasn't able
Speaker 1: to go back for the funeral. This was really hard
Speaker 1: for me, but my family reassured me that this is
Speaker 1: what my grandma would want me to do. I missed
Speaker 1: my family and friends quite a lot, but I am
Speaker 1: still glad I'm trying this. Yes, thanks for reading this, Gech.
Speaker 1: I've listened to you for years, but only tried reaching
Speaker 1: out in the past week. I know you don't typically
Speaker 1: call during your gek Mal episodes, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: leave you my number with no expectations. Yours truly, fish farmer.
Speaker 1: You know a fish farmer. I I'm really happy for you.
Speaker 1: I am. I think that in life it's important to
Speaker 1: have an ARC. I'm pro arc some people. Not everyone
Speaker 1: wants to have an ARC. I get that the majority
Speaker 1: of people even probably don't want to have arcs. But
Speaker 1: I'm pro arc and part of an arc is that
Speaker 1: you have to go on the hero's journey and leave
Speaker 1: wherever you are so you can go on your arc.
Speaker 1: And you did it, Fish Farmer, Yell left and the
Speaker 1: trade off is that you're not going to be around
Speaker 1: your friends and your family as much. But the good
Speaker 1: news is you develop as a parson, and that's what
Speaker 1: you really want because I'll see your friends of your family,
Speaker 1: They're gonna, you know, have their own lives and be
Speaker 1: doing their own thing. And I don't know, I just
Speaker 1: feel like life is such a brief flash in the
Speaker 1: pan that you want to see stuff and do stuff.
Speaker 1: So I'm glad that you made the decision to move
Speaker 1: across the country feeding fish cleaning tanks. That sounds nice, man,
Speaker 1: Keep doing your thing, Fish Farmer. Sorry, I don't have
Speaker 1: a whole lot to say about that. Okay, this is
Speaker 1: I mean, I had things to say about that. I
Speaker 1: gotta stop beating myself up, all right. This is from
Speaker 1: Walker subject line the time in Indian Guru saved my bacon. Okay,
Speaker 1: so me and my buddy had been experimenting with shrooms
Speaker 1: for a minute, but the most we had ever taken
Speaker 1: wasn't eighth, so we get the bright idea to go
Speaker 1: on the hero's journey parentheses any dose above five grams
Speaker 1: and do seven grams each. It was sub zero temperatures
Speaker 1: and icy at shit. We took our shrooms and have
Speaker 1: an absolute blast to the first half of the night.
Speaker 1: About part way through the night, we go to walk
Speaker 1: my friend's dog, and the snow, the air, and the
Speaker 1: moon all have a crazy blood red tint to it,
Speaker 1: and it freaked us the fuck out. We tried to
Speaker 1: go to bed, but after twenty minutes he kicks me
Speaker 1: out of his house because he's going through some emotional
Speaker 1: shit and tripping hard. So I freak the fuck out
Speaker 1: because it's midnight. I gotta be at work at seven,
Speaker 1: and now I have to drive while tripping balls all
Speaker 1: the way back home. I'm crying because if I get
Speaker 1: pulled over, I'm going to jail. But the sub zero
Speaker 1: temperatures and ice actually saved my ass because no cops
Speaker 1: were out and about Okay, I'm gonna forre This is
Speaker 1: really stupid, but anyway, whatever, Okay. As I'm driving home,
Speaker 1: I start seeing demons flying at my windshield or reaching
Speaker 1: out for why don't you just sleep into the car, dude,
Speaker 1: turn on the fucking air conditioning and just sleep in
Speaker 1: the car. Why are you driving home? This was stupid? Okay,
Speaker 1: whatever I mean, I don't know why I'm lecturing you.
Speaker 1: It's like you did it. You're already doing it. But
Speaker 1: just next time this happens, just like, sleep in the car.
Speaker 1: Turn the heater out and just sleep in the car.
Speaker 1: Don't start driving. That's a terrible idea, especially with the
Speaker 1: ice and the snow and all that shit. Okay, at
Speaker 1: this point, I feel, okay, where was I? I start
Speaker 1: seeing demons flying at my windshield or reaching out for me,
Speaker 1: trying to make me crash Jesus Christ. But somehow I
Speaker 1: managed to take every back road I know and make
Speaker 1: it home safe and sound. At this point, I can
Speaker 1: still feel the demons all around my property. I'm tossing
Speaker 1: and turning and praying to keep them away from me
Speaker 1: and my house. Then out of nowhere, I hear this
Speaker 1: Indian guy's voice say, be calm, my child, You're a
Speaker 1: protected sleep now, and I instantly pass the fuck out.
Speaker 1: The next morning, I go to work and about the
Speaker 1: shit a brick when the first thing that pops up
Speaker 1: in my Google news is thousands of Indian temples closed
Speaker 1: in wake of super blood moon for fear of evil spirits. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not trying to be your dad, Walker,
Speaker 1: but just go to sleep in the car. Man. I
Speaker 1: like mushrooms as much as the next guy. But just
Speaker 1: go to sleep in the car. Dude, I don't think that.
Speaker 1: I don't think an Indian. I don't understand how you're
Speaker 1: saying that an Indian, this Indian guy saved you. I
Speaker 1: don't think any of this is related. I think it
Speaker 1: was all hallucinations. I think it was all a coincidence.
Speaker 1: There's nothing cosmic about any of this. You weren't visited
Speaker 1: by demons. You just got really high and drove around
Speaker 1: and almost died. I'm sorry, let's just go to sleep
Speaker 1: of the car next time. Walker, I'm a bummer. Sorry man,
Speaker 1: all right? Anyway, This next email is from James Hey GEK,
Speaker 1: hope existence is treating you well today. I wanted to
Speaker 1: get an email to you to get your thoughts on
Speaker 1: some life motivation stuff. I am a professional bassoonist slash composer.
Speaker 1: Less than a year out of school. I finished my
Speaker 1: master's degree. Last May. Lately, it has felt odd to
Speaker 1: call myself a even though I have the skill set
Speaker 1: because leaving Because since leaving school, work in music has
Speaker 1: become sparse. I used to be getting calls regularly to
Speaker 1: sub for local symphonies, but haven't received any in months.
Speaker 1: I've had some recent success in composing, with six of
Speaker 1: my compositions on the way to being published, but it
Speaker 1: almost feels like false hope because while I enjoy writing,
Speaker 1: I really want to share this music with others, and
Speaker 1: I'm having a hard time believing my music will sell.
Speaker 1: On top of this, I'm the main income supporting for
Speaker 1: my family of parentheses, partner and two cats, so I've
Speaker 1: had to take on non music jobs to help sussain myself.
Speaker 1: I'm on my fourth job since graduating. I'm currently a
Speaker 1: puzzle quality control technician. It's honestly an awesome job. Wait,
Speaker 1: that's sick, I guess. I'm just wondering if you have
Speaker 1: any advice on pushing the dream forward through all the
Speaker 1: bullshit of life and ways that I can keep motivating
Speaker 1: myself to do all this extra work for the thing
Speaker 1: I love. Hmm, well, yeah, I have a few thoughts
Speaker 1: about this. Is I think there's certain things that like,
Speaker 1: if you really like doing them, you just can't not
Speaker 1: do that, do it, you know what I mean? So like,
Speaker 1: if you really like making music, I'm going to assume that,
Speaker 1: like you just don't live in a world where you
Speaker 1: don't do it, right, So you're gonna keep doing the work.
Speaker 1: You're gonna keep making music. So at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, right, it's like there's really there's really nothing
Speaker 1: you can do except for keep doing the work and
Speaker 1: then figuring out creative ways to market the work. But
Speaker 1: it sounds to me like, you know, you've been a
Speaker 1: musician for a long time, and I don't think that
Speaker 1: that's going away anytime soon. So as long as I
Speaker 1: know it's kind of fluffy, But as long as you
Speaker 1: just keep doing the work and keep making the music,
Speaker 1: if something is gonna happen, it'll happen. I think. Again,
Speaker 1: it's about kind of how you choose to market yourself
Speaker 1: and how you choose to kind of be smart about
Speaker 1: the things that you're creating. But the fact that you're
Speaker 1: creating it in general is a good sign. So, hmm,
Speaker 1: how can I keep motivating myself to do all this
Speaker 1: extra work for the thing I love, just love it,
Speaker 1: just love doing it. Just I think that's I think
Speaker 1: that's the only way you'll not get burnt out is
Speaker 1: to just love what you're doing so much that you
Speaker 1: can't not do it. That's my that's my best sort
Speaker 1: of thought on that, even if it's a little frothy.
Speaker 1: All right. This is from Margarita, subject line recurring dreams
Speaker 1: and predictions for real life. Hey, Gek, I hope you're
Speaker 1: having a good day and having healthy, consistent bowel movements.
Speaker 1: You can call me Morbo. I'm emailing you because of
Speaker 1: your recent podcast where in the gek Mal segment, someone
Speaker 1: asked about a dream they had about their parents' plane
Speaker 1: crash and whether that meant their parents were going to
Speaker 1: die in real life, and you expressed your opinion that
Speaker 1: dreams do not externally influence reality. I have a story
Speaker 1: about a personal recurring dream that I have never been
Speaker 1: able to fully understand. I don't necessarily agree or disagree
Speaker 1: about the external influence of dreams, but this experience always
Speaker 1: felt like more than just a coincidence. Every night for
Speaker 1: about a year when I was four or five, I
Speaker 1: had a comforting, predictable dream my grandpa would take me
Speaker 1: down a long hallway to a vibrant, factory like playroom
Speaker 1: filled with colorful turning gears, dials, and levers. He would
Speaker 1: leave me there while he was at work, and I
Speaker 1: would happily play until he returned at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. The dream always ended with me running into
Speaker 1: his arms and us walking hand in hand back down
Speaker 1: the hallway, at which point I would wake up. However,
Speaker 1: one night, the dream changed. We were walking down the
Speaker 1: same hallway, but I felt dread and anxiety. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to go into the room, but my grandpa insisted
Speaker 1: he needed to go to work and dropped me off anyway.
Speaker 1: The room was now rusty, jagged, and dull. I played
Speaker 1: for what seemed like forever, but he never came back,
Speaker 1: and I couldn't open the door to leave. That morning,
Speaker 1: I ran to his room and tried to wake him
Speaker 1: up to ask him to make me scrambled eggs, as
Speaker 1: he did every day. He never woke up. He had
Speaker 1: passed away from a heart attack during the night. I
Speaker 1: was the first to discover him that morning. As a
Speaker 1: five year old, I told my mother he was just
Speaker 1: being lazy and not wanting to wake up because I
Speaker 1: didn't understand what death was. For the next two or
Speaker 1: three years, I had the same dream again, but this
Speaker 1: time I was walking down the hallway alone and entering
Speaker 1: the room, which fluctuated between rusty and colorful depending on
Speaker 1: the day, always searching for my grandpa, but he was
Speaker 1: never there. I would just play in the room alone
Speaker 1: until I woke up. Eventually the dream stopped. While my
Speaker 1: grandpa was a healthy, athletic man with no indication of sickness.
Speaker 1: I'm not claiming the dream predicted his death, but I
Speaker 1: often think back to why the dream changed so dramatically
Speaker 1: the night he passed, seemingly warning me that he would
Speaker 1: not be there anymore. I would love to know what
Speaker 1: you think of this experience. I have a few more
Speaker 1: scenarios of my recurring dreams suddenly changing the night before
Speaker 1: something's significant happen to me, almost like a prediction or
Speaker 1: a warming Thank you for reading this. I hope it
Speaker 1: was interesting. That was interesting. What do I think about this?
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't I'm listen. I'm pretty agnostic when
Speaker 1: it comes to a lot of stuff. I'm very easily
Speaker 1: I'm somewhat easily convinced of things that are supernatural in
Speaker 1: a sense whether or not. What do I think? I mean?
Speaker 1: I'm I think that's pretty crazy story. I'm I don't
Speaker 1: know if I'm gonna go ahead and say that it
Speaker 1: was a predictor of your grandpa's death, but I think
Speaker 1: it is a pretty crazy coincidence. Nonetheless, thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing that story. That was very interesting. Okay, here's a
Speaker 1: real crazy one. This is from Solid Snake. Subject line,
Speaker 1: I have a scat fetish and I will never be loved,
Speaker 1: Hi Lyle. I will spare you any of the graphic
Speaker 1: details regarding my condition. I really just want to share
Speaker 1: what my life actually looks like to another living soul.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am.
Speaker 1: I am a twenty eight year old Venezuelan man, really poor,
Speaker 1: divorced parents, never went to college, never did anything meaningful
Speaker 1: in life. At the moment, I live in Paraguay, where
Speaker 1: I work in a cement factory. I live with my mother,
Speaker 1: who also works in another factory. We earn barely enough
Speaker 1: to pay our bills and basic stuff. Our life is
Speaker 1: hard and we only have ourselves, but we keep going.
Speaker 1: Besides working on a factory, I also enjoy making techno music, drawing,
Speaker 1: furries and cinema. When my parents divorced, I became a
Speaker 1: low self esteem, quiet kid, so I ended up developing
Speaker 1: a creative side. I am bisexual, and as I grew up,
Speaker 1: I developed a very unhealthy sexuality. I can only have
Speaker 1: sexual pleasure by living traumas again and putting myself through
Speaker 1: humiliating situations. When I was five years old, before the divorce,
Speaker 1: I was playing Doggie in a side of the house
Speaker 1: while my family was drinking polar and having a parilla
Speaker 1: in the living room. What is a parilla? Uh, I
Speaker 1: have no idea what that is. I guess a party.
Speaker 1: I was told dogs were dirty and animals. I was
Speaker 1: told dogs were dirty animals, and I concluded that dogs
Speaker 1: eat their own shit and if I am playing doggie,
Speaker 1: I had to go all the way. Next thing I know,
Speaker 1: my dad walks in on me with a mouth full
Speaker 1: of shit. My Johnny Bravo shirt all smeared with shit,
Speaker 1: and he gets really angry. He grabs me by one
Speaker 1: hand and drags me from the living room all the
Speaker 1: way to the bedroom. My whole family sees me all
Speaker 1: covered in shit with a stupid face, laughing and laughing.
Speaker 1: That day was the day that I died. For the
Speaker 1: first time, it felt like I died. I remember the
Speaker 1: shame burning, the feeling that I fucked something up forever.
Speaker 1: As I grew up, I learned to get turned on
Speaker 1: by the thought of being dirty and a toilet for
Speaker 1: other men. I had another similar episode in my teenage years.
Speaker 1: Left my Gmail account, logged in on the family computer,
Speaker 1: and my dad saw my stash of gay role plays
Speaker 1: and my gay scat fetish porn stash while I was away.
Speaker 1: I was never too close to my dad, but that
Speaker 1: day I think I died for him for real. I
Speaker 1: was fifteen at that time. After that, I got out
Speaker 1: of home, found a job, and rented a house together
Speaker 1: with my mom. She was always very accepting of who
Speaker 1: I was. Now that we are here in Paraguay, I
Speaker 1: haven't spoken to my dad in some time. He stopped
Speaker 1: sending me messages a few birthdays ago and a few
Speaker 1: Christmases ago. I'm glad he moved on. He didn't deserve
Speaker 1: to have a six son like me. Right now, I
Speaker 1: live a pretty normal life. Been at the factory for
Speaker 1: four years, always passed as someone normal to my coworkers.
Speaker 1: I don't have friends and don't go out much. I
Speaker 1: have a side job of drawing scat fetish art for furries.
Speaker 1: It pays well and it's nice. I have a problems
Speaker 1: with opening up to others emotionally. I haven't had a
Speaker 1: relationship since I was a teen and only have hookups
Speaker 1: with strangers. I feel undeserving of love and mostly want
Speaker 1: to be alone all the time. I don't think I
Speaker 1: will ever find someone who will accept me for who
Speaker 1: I am. Sometimes I want to try my fetish with
Speaker 1: other men, but scat is a very high health risk fetish,
Speaker 1: probably one of the most dangerous ones. It's a fetish
Speaker 1: I experienced mostly through porn and masturbation and fantasy. I
Speaker 1: don't see my life improving in any way. I think
Speaker 1: I will continue to be poor and with all my
Speaker 1: sex problems until I am old. My mom will die
Speaker 1: and I will be alone. Is this life worth living? Who? Okay? Well, well,
Speaker 1: solid snake, okay, give me just a moment too. Take
Speaker 1: that one. In the Scots stuff and the and the like,
Speaker 1: the eating poop stuff is not the I think it's
Speaker 1: the question of is this life worth living? That is
Speaker 1: like the the thing here? Is life worth living? I
Speaker 1: don't know if I can answer this question. Obviously, this
Speaker 1: is a person who needs a real therapist to talk
Speaker 1: through a bunch of stuff. But I have some ponders.
Speaker 1: I mean, clearly, this guy has a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: going on with him that both internally and externally isolates
Speaker 1: himself from other people. And I think it was brave
Speaker 1: of you to write this email, Solid Snake, because you're
Speaker 1: describing like really crazy fucked up stuff. But we live
Speaker 1: in a world with really crazy fucked up stuff, man,
Speaker 1: So you're probably not the only part whatever is going
Speaker 1: on with you. You're not the only one. You might
Speaker 1: be one of the few people brave enough to talk
Speaker 1: about it, to write this email about it, but you're
Speaker 1: not the only one. I mean, I mean, who were
Speaker 1: you drawing this fetish scat furry porn for? You know,
Speaker 1: think about that? Do you ever develop relationships with those people?
Speaker 1: I'm not even talking about romantic relationships, but like, who
Speaker 1: are you drawing this fucking porn for? Man? And what's
Speaker 1: going on with the furries? And where are the furries
Speaker 1: in Venezuela? Whatever the fuck is going on with you?
Speaker 1: There's there's some community, and maybe for you it's the
Speaker 1: furry community, maybe whatever, But there's other people who are
Speaker 1: dealing with this stuff. And I think if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would do whatever it fucking took to go in
Speaker 1: search of those people. Even if even if it's just
Speaker 1: the internet, man, even if it's just you and a
Speaker 1: bunch of fucking shit eating furries hanging out on discord,
Speaker 1: you gotta be able to find other people who have
Speaker 1: the same problem as you. You have to because you
Speaker 1: have no perspective right now, because you only know because
Speaker 1: you have this crazy thing going on internally that you're
Speaker 1: just dealing with alone, and it's just you and the
Speaker 1: entire planet who looks at it and goes, this is
Speaker 1: too much. This is crazy for me to deal with.
Speaker 1: But if you, I mean, this is why they have
Speaker 1: things like AA and you know, sex addicts anonymous and
Speaker 1: all this stuff is so that people who have like
Speaker 1: a problem they think they're alone with, they can get
Speaker 1: perspective from other people. And you really need that. You
Speaker 1: need that, like you desperately need that. And I think
Speaker 1: you can find it. Where Who are these scat fetish
Speaker 1: furry people that you're drawing the art with. Start first,
Speaker 1: Start there, Start there, See if you can find other
Speaker 1: people that have the same problem as you just like
Speaker 1: start there is your life worth living? It's not a
Speaker 1: good sign that I had to pause for that long,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that I leave. Your life isn't
Speaker 1: worth living. I don't. It's your It's hard because I'm
Speaker 1: a bit of a fucking uh hm hm hm Is
Speaker 1: your life worth living? Actually? Give me let because if
Speaker 1: you're listening to this right now, here is what I
Speaker 1: will say. And I will say that because I don't
Speaker 1: I don't like being uh unrealistic, Okay, I really like.
Speaker 1: I don't like being like toxic positivity, and I don't
Speaker 1: like going every life is amazing and beautiful and worth living.
Speaker 1: I don't like doing that. But I will say this,
Speaker 1: and I will say it with certainty, and I will
Speaker 1: say it with conviction. To you, solid snake, if you're listening,
Speaker 1: I a hundred percent believe that there are things out there,
Speaker 1: be they people, places, meanings, and I believe this for everyone, people, places, meanings, work,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. There's stuff out there that I don't
Speaker 1: know about and that you don't know about. Where if
Speaker 1: you kept living your life and you kept trying, and
Speaker 1: you kept trying to expand outside of yourself and find
Speaker 1: these people, places, things, whatever they are, there are people, places,
Speaker 1: things that you may discover and then realize that, yes,
Speaker 1: your life is worth living. And I believe that one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. So even if you don't think that your
Speaker 1: life is it, and this is applicable to fucking everyone,
Speaker 1: even if you don't think that your life as it
Speaker 1: is is worth living, I do believe that Again, if
Speaker 1: you keep living it, and you keep trying to search
Speaker 1: a little bit outside of yourself, whether that's going to therapy,
Speaker 1: whether that's just saying fuck it and trying to make
Speaker 1: the connections with people anyway, even if you don't feel
Speaker 1: like it comes natural to you, like, the more you
Speaker 1: just try to attempt outside of yourself, the greater chance
Speaker 1: is that you'll discover again people, places, things, whatnot, thoughts,
Speaker 1: brother things inside. I don't only talking about the external
Speaker 1: things you might have. There's feelings that I don't fucking
Speaker 1: know about, that you don't know about that might make
Speaker 1: you think differently. You'll discover thought things inside of yourself
Speaker 1: and outside of yourself that might make you believe that
Speaker 1: your life is worth living. So that's what I would
Speaker 1: say to you, because I can't tell you that your
Speaker 1: life is worth living, because only you can decide that.
Speaker 1: But what I can tell you is that I'm pretty
Speaker 1: confident that you don't have all the information and all
Speaker 1: of the experiences that can inform you whether or not
Speaker 1: you think your life is worth living. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: I hope that makes sense. So look, there might be
Speaker 1: an under I because listen, there might be some dungeon
Speaker 1: in Venezuela where you can hang out with guys and
Speaker 1: shit in each other's mouths all day and it and
Speaker 1: then go to like get brunch afterwards, and it's amazing
Speaker 1: and you're like Wow. Until until I found the Venezuelan
Speaker 1: diarrhea dungeon, my life wasn't worth living. But now it is.
Speaker 1: Now I have family and friends, now I got all
Speaker 1: this whole thing. So I don't know, but you you
Speaker 1: have to. You have to go in search. You have
Speaker 1: to go in search of shit to make your life
Speaker 1: worth living. You can't just give up. I mean you can,
Speaker 1: But don't you want to know? Don't you want to know?
Speaker 1: Don't you want to know? Don't you want to know
Speaker 1: if you can live a life that's worth living too?
Speaker 1: You want to at least try really hard to see
Speaker 1: if maybe you can discover something that makes your life
Speaker 1: worth living. That's what I would say to you, solid snake.
Speaker 1: So good luck out there, man. All right, let's keep going.
Speaker 1: This is from Mike, subject line Old English erectile dysfunction
Speaker 1: Therapy Gecko. I am honored and esteemed to be writing
Speaker 1: to you, Righteous Gecko, regarding a conundrum which has troubled
Speaker 1: me for some time. It is a great desire of
Speaker 1: mine to one day grace the presence of the Therapy
Speaker 1: Gecko podcast, and I do hope that day is soon
Speaker 1: to come. Okay, what's the thing. But for now, fair Gecko,
Speaker 1: I write to you via digital messaging, and I beg
Speaker 1: you to hearken my every word. I'm about to stop
Speaker 1: reading this email, all right, I'll finish. I'm too deep
Speaker 1: into it. For I am in love and have fostered
Speaker 1: a growing relationship with the very maiden I had eyes
Speaker 1: four in high school. Okay, you won me back, Mike.
Speaker 1: Many a year. We have known each other and our
Speaker 1: feelings are known to one another. She cares about me deeply,
Speaker 1: but an unfortunate problem has dashed my hopes of claiming
Speaker 1: her as my lady. For you see a dastardly case
Speaker 1: of erectile dysfunction has stricken me, and a vile case
Speaker 1: of it. Indeed, a virgin I am not. But with
Speaker 1: this woman, whom I so adore, my heart simply gives way,
Speaker 1: and I find myself fraught with trepidition. Half a dozen
Speaker 1: nights we have gone to bed together, but alas my
Speaker 1: nether regions freeze like stone from Medusa's horrid glare. Overcome
Speaker 1: with nerves, I am and a rift that has caused
Speaker 1: between us. I can feel within me this maiden has
Speaker 1: feelings for me, but the lack of sex has caused
Speaker 1: her to not want to date me. I love this girl,
Speaker 1: and I think she loves me, but this ed is
Speaker 1: an issue. Therapy, Gecko, Whatever shall I do? Ps. I
Speaker 1: was embarrassed and only felt comfortable sharing this through medieval wordplay. Apologies. Dude,
Speaker 1: take one of the pills. Have you taken the pills?
Speaker 1: I've never taken any of the pills, but I know
Speaker 1: there's pills. Try the pills man. We needed a Dick
Speaker 1: pills sponsor on this show. Try one of the pill companies.
Speaker 1: This blue cheo, I mean, I look this blue cheo,
Speaker 1: see Alice. Let's take a pill man, it'll make your
Speaker 1: dick work again. Is that? It is? That all we
Speaker 1: have to say to this guy? I think it is.
Speaker 1: It's a medical issue. Let me look up Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look into Salis real quick Sealice generic side effects. Okay,
Speaker 1: what are the side effects of cialis? Headache, back pain,
Speaker 1: nasal congestion. Okay, it's not that bad, I don't think. Hey, man,
Speaker 1: just take some Cialis you'll be Okay. You don't talk
Speaker 1: like that when you're in bed with her, do you?
Speaker 1: Maybe she likes that. I don't know. I don't know her.
Speaker 1: She's probably a nice lady. Take Cialis, man. This is
Speaker 1: from h subject line. I am living too many different lives, Lyle.
Speaker 1: I am twenty three and have never felt more unsure
Speaker 1: about my place in this world. While this is very
Speaker 1: normal for someone my age, it feels very intense right now.
Speaker 1: After over a year of looking for my ideal job
Speaker 1: and something I am passionate for, I finally got it.
Speaker 1: But every time I feel like I hit my stride
Speaker 1: in it, I get knocked back down hard, and I
Speaker 1: work fifty hours a week. I feel like part of
Speaker 1: it may be the company, but I'm scared to leave
Speaker 1: because I don't know if I'll be able to find
Speaker 1: another job since it took so long to get this one.
Speaker 1: At home, I struggle because I have a two year
Speaker 1: old and a boyfriend waiting for me. I own my home,
Speaker 1: but I'm never there to take care of things, and
Speaker 1: when I get home, everyone needs my attention. I can't
Speaker 1: get any time alone with myself or with my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: It takes a toll when I have no energy or
Speaker 1: time to go around, and most people my age don't
Speaker 1: understand how it feels to be a parent and try
Speaker 1: to maintain a committed relationship with your co parent. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I have a crush on my coworker as well. Interesting
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm just projecting because he is so
Speaker 1: different from my current boyfriend. His values align a little
Speaker 1: more with mine, and he is physically more my type.
Speaker 1: I spend so much time working next to him. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to not think about it. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to let it run its course, but I have a
Speaker 1: hard time. Partially because I am the type of person
Speaker 1: to share my feelings it helps to get it off
Speaker 1: my chest, but partially because I fear that I am
Speaker 1: settling because I want to be there for my daughter.
Speaker 1: Part of me knows there has to be someone better
Speaker 1: out there for me. I come from the restaurant industry originally,
Speaker 1: and I wish I could go back. I hated how
Speaker 1: my growth was so stunted and the pay is not great,
Speaker 1: but the schedule was perfect for my family. I still
Speaker 1: had problems, but generally I was comfortable because I could
Speaker 1: enjoy more of my time and food is one of
Speaker 1: my passions. How do I choose between two passions? Now?
Speaker 1: I am lost trying to figure out all these conflicting
Speaker 1: ideas in my head. My mind feels like a garden
Speaker 1: full of dying flowers and I can't figure out which
Speaker 1: ones to water. Send help who. I said at the
Speaker 1: beginning of this podcast that I wasn't gonna blindly throw
Speaker 1: out advice just because I felt like I had to
Speaker 1: say something and saw I'm not, but I will ponder this. Okay.
Speaker 1: So she said something about maintaining a committed relationship with
Speaker 1: her co parent. I am I to assume that the
Speaker 1: two year old she has is with this boyfriend. I
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna assume that she called him a co parent.
Speaker 1: I okay, I think I think that the boyfriend is
Speaker 1: the same person. Okay, all right, so you got you
Speaker 1: had this kid when you were twenty one. So I
Speaker 1: don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend. For
Speaker 1: I can't tell you whether or not to leave your
Speaker 1: boyfriend at the first sign of feeling like you're more
Speaker 1: aligned with someone else. But I have a few thoughts.
Speaker 1: I mean, I do think that like staying together for
Speaker 1: the kids is kind of a recipe for like not
Speaker 1: not a great relationship, Like do you like your boyfriend?
Speaker 1: You know? Is the like, yeah, this is a shiny
Speaker 1: new thing, and we're always gonna get distracted by shiny
Speaker 1: new things, and there's always gonna be somebody that we're
Speaker 1: more attracted to or more aligned with us. Like that's
Speaker 1: just always gonna happen, right, So forget about the crush
Speaker 1: for a second, and just like do you do we
Speaker 1: do we like the boyfriend? Do you like him? Do
Speaker 1: you want to be with him? Do you want to
Speaker 1: be with him? Or do you are you just like
Speaker 1: we gotta stay together or else this things are gonna
Speaker 1: be weird with this kid, you know, because that's just
Speaker 1: gonna because where does that go? That's a lifetime of
Speaker 1: resentment right there. You know you're gonna be for sixteen
Speaker 1: more years. You're just gonna be with this guy that
Speaker 1: you don't where they like. But I don't know, I don't.
Speaker 1: I can't really tell. I can't really tell from this
Speaker 1: email whether or not you like your boyfriends. And I
Speaker 1: mean that I don't. I don't mean that this email
Speaker 1: is saying to me that you don't like your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: But I just can't tell whether not you like him.
Speaker 1: But yeah, there's always gonna be people that you're more
Speaker 1: physically attracted to and whose values aligned with you more.
Speaker 1: And also, you've you've probably been with if you had
Speaker 1: the kid when you were twenty one, you've probably been
Speaker 1: with this guy for since you were like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: i'll give you the I'll give you nineteen. Maybe you've
Speaker 1: probably been with this guy for at least a year
Speaker 1: or two before you had the kid, so you know,
Speaker 1: and especially because you're so young, you're like an ever
Speaker 1: evolving person, so obviously your values and your boyfriend's values
Speaker 1: are gonna change. You Guys evolve to be people. So
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's advice, but that's a that's
Speaker 1: my ponder. And then as far as the job, goes. Uh,
Speaker 1: let me reread some of this. After a year of
Speaker 1: working for my looking for my ideal job. After looking
Speaker 1: for my ideal job, I finally got it. But every
Speaker 1: time I feel like I hit my stride, I get
Speaker 1: knocked back down hard. It's hard for me to answer
Speaker 1: that without knowing what you mean by get knocked back
Speaker 1: down hard? Who's are you? Are you being knocked down by? Like?
Speaker 1: Oh fuck, I'm not as good at this as I
Speaker 1: thought I was. Because if that's the case, I think
Speaker 1: it's okay for you to just keep going and trying.
Speaker 1: Or are you getting knocked back down? Because I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't really know what the industry is. Hm. I
Speaker 1: come from the restaurant originally industry Originally. I wish I
Speaker 1: could go back. Uh, the schedule is perfect for my family, hmm.
Speaker 1: I fuck. I don't want to just give advice because
Speaker 1: I feel like I have to say something I really don't.
Speaker 1: This is hard. I'm it's so funny. It's funny to
Speaker 1: do this because I'm so fucking indecisive in my personal
Speaker 1: life that, like, it just feels crazy for me to
Speaker 1: try to tell other people what to do with their lives.
Speaker 1: But we again, we can ponder. I like a good pondering.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this, h you're doing what you're doing,
Speaker 1: what you're doing is so hard. You got a heart.
Speaker 1: This is a hard life. This is a really hard life.
Speaker 1: I can't speak to the job thing, but I would
Speaker 1: just say that you should decide whether or not you
Speaker 1: like your boyfriends, and it's okay if you don't. It's
Speaker 1: okay if you don't like your boyfriend. It's not insane
Speaker 1: for you and your boyfriend to break up. It's not
Speaker 1: the worst thing that could possibly happen. You're twenty three
Speaker 1: years old, you know it's not insane that the boyfriend
Speaker 1: you had when you were young and as you get
Speaker 1: older you drift apart. I'll just say, it's not insane.
Speaker 1: It's not you know, me telling you what to do.
Speaker 1: But where are we at here? Let's do a few more,
Speaker 1: shall we? Okay? This is from Chao subject line story
Speaker 1: about my ex. I met this girl in high school.
Speaker 1: She wasn't just another student. I remember her as someone
Speaker 1: who lit up the room when she laughed. So when
Speaker 1: I immediately felt drawn to we became friends. Nothing more
Speaker 1: at the time, just the kind of friendship that grows
Speaker 1: in between classes, notes passed during boring lectures, and small
Speaker 1: talk at the gate after school. But life moved on
Speaker 1: and after graduation we lost touch. Years went by. One day,
Speaker 1: while flipping through my old graduation book, her face caught
Speaker 1: my eye. It was one of those random nostalgic moments
Speaker 1: that catches you off guard. On impulse, I looked her
Speaker 1: up on social media. Her profile popped up. She was married,
Speaker 1: had a child. A small knot formed in my stomach,
Speaker 1: but I clicked follow anyway. To my surprise, she accepted
Speaker 1: and started reacting. Okay. To my surprise, she accepted, and
Speaker 1: I started reacting to her stories, just casual, harmless likes
Speaker 1: at first, a laughing emoji here, a heart there. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I like where this is going. Then
Speaker 1: one day she replied it was a simple message, but
Speaker 1: it opened a floodgate. We started talking morning afternoon night.
Speaker 1: Our conversations grew deeper, more intimate. It didn't take long
Speaker 1: before we confessed old curiosities, feelings that maybe had always
Speaker 1: been there under the surface. Eventually she agreed to meet up.
Speaker 1: One dinner led to a kiss. One kiss led to
Speaker 1: a night together, and soon we were seeing each other regularly.
Speaker 1: She began confiding in me about her marriage, how broken
Speaker 1: things were. Eventually she told me she was leaving her husband.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a clean break it never is. There was stress, arguments, chaos,
Speaker 1: but she did it, and after a period she moved
Speaker 1: in with me, and her son came too. He was
Speaker 1: twelve at the time, but kids have a way of
Speaker 1: sensing where they're safe, and at some point he started
Speaker 1: calling me dad. I didn't expect that, but it was
Speaker 1: a good feeling. We became a family, me, her and
Speaker 1: the boy. Those months together were messy but beautiful. I
Speaker 1: thought we had something real. Then one day I came
Speaker 1: home and she was gone, just like that, no big fight,
Speaker 1: no warning. I called her desperate. She said she needed space,
Speaker 1: that she wanted to live on her own again. I
Speaker 1: didn't understand it, but I tried to respect it. And
Speaker 1: after some time we started seeing each other again. But
Speaker 1: it was different, now, more distant, more fit. She told
Speaker 1: me she didn't want a relationship anymore, just sex, and
Speaker 1: I went along with it. For a year and four
Speaker 1: months I visited her apartment, no promises, no strings, just
Speaker 1: that strange, haunting arrangement, and eventually I couldn't do it anymore.
Speaker 1: I walked away, cut contact. I needed more than she
Speaker 1: was willing to give. Time passed. A year later. You
Speaker 1: guys are really good writers. There's been a lot of
Speaker 1: really good, well written emails said to this show. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you guys. Okay. Time passed. A year later. I
Speaker 1: met someone new at university. Wait, you met someone new
Speaker 1: at How old are you? Guys? Man? She had a
Speaker 1: twelve year old son. How uh? Anyway, whatever I can't
Speaker 1: get I'm not gonna try to get the timeline on this.
Speaker 1: A year later, I met someone new at university. She
Speaker 1: was warm, curious, and she listened, really listened. We started
Speaker 1: going out. It was healthy, calm, something I hadn't known
Speaker 1: I needed then. Just a few days ago, we were
Speaker 1: talking about our pasts and I told her everything, the
Speaker 1: whole strange, tangled story. She went quiet for a moment,
Speaker 1: and that said something that floored me. She has a
Speaker 1: coworker that has a wife with the name of my ex.
Speaker 1: And we went to look at a photo and there
Speaker 1: it was. He is the woman's husband, and they had
Speaker 1: never actually split up with her. According to him, they
Speaker 1: had a fight, sure, but they got back together, not
Speaker 1: long after it had never lasted months, they had always
Speaker 1: been officially together. It hit me like a punch in
Speaker 1: the gut. All that time, all the pain and weird
Speaker 1: relationship was built on a lie. But well I've kind
Speaker 1: of started that. Wow, what a fucking story. Holy shit.
Speaker 1: I don't I I don't think I can add anything
Speaker 1: it could to this, right, Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1: Holy fucking shit, man, that's crazy. Oh jeez, wow, I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, I think here's the thing, right, It's like
Speaker 1: when you meet the fact that you met this lady
Speaker 1: while she was like already married and had a kid,
Speaker 1: and then she started like it was. It feels like
Speaker 1: by nature of the way that it started, you can
Speaker 1: kind of predict how it ends. And people say that
Speaker 1: about this kind of stuff, so but I don't know.
Speaker 1: Every situation is kind of unique. That's a crazy story, man,
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing. Holy shit. I can't I can't
Speaker 1: think of anything to add to this. It was fun,
Speaker 1: It was fun, It was nice. It felt nice to
Speaker 1: read it. What happened to the boy? Call in one time? Kyo,
Speaker 1: we got to talk. Okay, let's see here, I probably
Speaker 1: have time to do a couple more. You guys want
Speaker 1: to listen to a couple more Getmels, let's do that.
Speaker 1: This is from Jeremiah, subject line you can call me Jeremiah.
Speaker 1: I've been going through a weird time with my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: We've been together for three years, and this is the
Speaker 1: longest relationship she's been in I have had, including her,
Speaker 1: seven sexual partners. As I've had long term relationships mostly
Speaker 1: and didn't lose my virginity until I was eighteen, she
Speaker 1: has had many more, which she attributes to having a
Speaker 1: very rough upbringing and treating sex as less of a
Speaker 1: serious thing. We have amazing sex, definitely the best I've
Speaker 1: ever had, and she says I'm the only person that
Speaker 1: has ever made her finish. She also says we've had
Speaker 1: more sex together than she has had with everyone else combined.
Speaker 1: I sertifind myself feeling jealous of her past, not so
Speaker 1: much jealous of her previous partners, but more that she's
Speaker 1: had these variable experiences and I never did. I was
Speaker 1: kind of a loser in high school, and even when
Speaker 1: I did start finally having sex, it was only after
Speaker 1: I got comfortable with someone. We've had a few deep
Speaker 1: talks about this, and the last time we did, she
Speaker 1: said she'd do pretty much anything to make me feel
Speaker 1: better around my lack of experiences. She says that she
Speaker 1: one hundred percent plans on spending the rest of her
Speaker 1: life with me, so she'll do whatever it takes to
Speaker 1: make it work. She suggested that maybe I should have
Speaker 1: sex with other people, like a hooker, or that she'd
Speaker 1: be open to a threesome with another girl. I don't
Speaker 1: really know how to feel about those ideas. It sounds
Speaker 1: kind of hot, but I also feel like it will
Speaker 1: just inherently damage our relationship. Like, no matter what she
Speaker 1: says about being okay with it, I think she will
Speaker 1: be heartbroken or jealous, not to mention, I don't honestly
Speaker 1: think I'll feel comfortable doing that with someone else. I
Speaker 1: just wish there was a way I could be okay
Speaker 1: with the imbalance between us without interfering with our relationship.
Speaker 1: Like I wish I could just go back in time
Speaker 1: and be more adventurous or whatever. It makes me feel
Speaker 1: like inadequate or inferior to her. I know that's a
Speaker 1: silly way to feel, and I'm not such shaming her.
Speaker 1: I just feel like my ego is in danger. It's
Speaker 1: just sort of a weird fomo. I guess interesting. See,
Speaker 1: I I want to I want to dive deeper into
Speaker 1: this with you, Jeremiah, because I want to know where
Speaker 1: the fuck this thing is coming from. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: who gives a shit? Right, Like if you feel yourself
Speaker 1: like you if you really enjoy the sex life that
Speaker 1: you're having with and you've had you've had seven sexual partners,
Speaker 1: and I assume that this what if you've had Let
Speaker 1: me say that, if you've had seven sexual partners and
Speaker 1: this lady is the best sex that you've had of
Speaker 1: those partners, you're fucking not missing anything, dude, You fucking
Speaker 1: not miss seeing anything. Like if you can be if
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with a woman who really wants
Speaker 1: to be with you, and you really want to be
Speaker 1: with her, and she is the best sex that you've
Speaker 1: ever had, you're doing fucking great. What if I please
Speaker 1: listen to that. There's nothing there's no like crazy, any
Speaker 1: any crazy Tinder hookup that you think you're missing out
Speaker 1: on is nothing compared to what you have. You know,
Speaker 1: and you're off, by the way, You're a really fucking
Speaker 1: smart guy, right because listen, maybe your girl, maybe your
Speaker 1: girlfriend is like the thing, the thing The thing about
Speaker 1: her being like, I'll do anything to make you feel
Speaker 1: better kind of makes it feel like, and you're smart,
Speaker 1: you're keying into this. It kind of makes it feel
Speaker 1: like she's genuinely just saying it because she wants because
Speaker 1: she really likes you and wants you to stay, which
Speaker 1: is a bad reason, you know, because because you're smart,
Speaker 1: you're keying into the fact that she's not probably actually
Speaker 1: cool with you having sex with a hooker or you
Speaker 1: having a threesome with another girl. So you've you've approached
Speaker 1: that situation very smartly. I feel so really, all this
Speaker 1: is it is just you coming to terms with this
Speaker 1: weird fomo that you have. But like, dude, I'm telling
Speaker 1: you like that, there's you have nothing to be fomo about. Also,
Speaker 1: it's not like this is the only girl that you've
Speaker 1: ever had sex with. You had sex with six other people.
Speaker 1: You know, you didn't lose your virginia until you're eighteen.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't lose my virginia til I was eighteen.
Speaker 1: Most a lot of people haven't lost to virginiay till
Speaker 1: we're eighteen. It's not the I think you're you fear missing,
Speaker 1: Like the thing you have fomo for it is. First
Speaker 1: of all, it just doesn't it just doesn't exist. You
Speaker 1: had sex with six other people and this is the best.
Speaker 1: This lady was the best of the of all of them.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, you sound like you know how
Speaker 1: ridiculous this feeling is. But everything you're talking about is
Speaker 1: just it's very it's like so normal, and you just
Speaker 1: you ended up in the best scenario, right because you
Speaker 1: don't want to be like you don't want to be
Speaker 1: with another lady thinking about like sex you had with
Speaker 1: another with a different lady, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: keep you're in. I just want Jeremiah, You're in a
Speaker 1: good You're in a really good place. Dude, You're in
Speaker 1: a really good place. Obviously, whatever is happening with you
Speaker 1: is something internal that I don't think I can really fix.
Speaker 1: But if you are hearing me say this, you're missing
Speaker 1: out on nothing. Continue having great sex with your girlfriend,
Speaker 1: tell her that you don't need to have a threesome
Speaker 1: with another girl, and just fucking be in that you Also,
Speaker 1: you don't even sound like you want to if your
Speaker 1: whole thing is like you need to be uh really
Speaker 1: comfortable with the person, and like you don't sound like
Speaker 1: you're gonna want to like do those things anyway. So
Speaker 1: just be in this relationship, like just you got to
Speaker 1: get over this hang up. I don't know where it's
Speaker 1: even coming from. I don't even think you know where
Speaker 1: it's coming from. So you know, call in at some
Speaker 1: point because I want to really examine this with you
Speaker 1: because I'm very curious where this this is, where this
Speaker 1: is coming from? Okay, folks, I think that's it for me.
Speaker 1: I think that this was gek mail. I hope this
Speaker 1: was a good episode. I uh, I had to kind
Speaker 1: of record it in parts because I was feeling a
Speaker 1: little insane. But we'll be back with the phone calls soon.
Speaker 1: I've just been to home in Baltimore, so I've been
Speaker 1: recording these audio only gek mails. Anyway, Thanks for bearing
Speaker 1: with me, Thanks for listening to this, thanks for being here,
Speaker 1: Thanks for sending me these emails. You can send me
Speaker 1: more at therapy geckomail dot com. I'm putting my tour
Speaker 1: together for twenty twenty six. I'm really excited about it.
Speaker 1: Please go to therapy geckotour dot com and put your
Speaker 1: information in there so I can tell you when I'm
Speaker 1: coming to your city. That's it. That's all I have
Speaker 1: to say. Thank you guys for emailing. I hope that
Speaker 1: this was good. If you have thoughts about the show,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm down. I'm down to do different kinds of stuff.
Speaker 1: I want to experiment more with the podcast. So if
Speaker 1: you have ideas or thoughts or whatever, I'm crazy. I
Speaker 1: read all the Spotify comments. I really shouldn't, but I
Speaker 1: do so if you have. If you have something to
Speaker 1: say to me, I'll read it in the Spotify comments. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's it. I'm gonna go. Thank you all, get blessed.
Speaker 1: See you guys around the universe. Goes on the line,
Speaker 1: making your phone calls every night, Goes, I just teaching
Speaker 1: you loud in the line expert