WEBVTT - GECKMAIL: “I HAVE A SCAT FETISH” 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.920 Hello, what's up? How's life? Thanks for being here. It's 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:10.360 Lyle Gecko Man. Welcome to the Therapy Gecko Podcast. I 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:15.520 normally take phone calls on this show with random, anonymous people, 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:20.360 but today, as I did a few days ago, I 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:26.960 will be reading viewer mail and pondering it. I'm glad 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:28.520 for those of you who listened to the episode with 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:33.120 my sister and left positive comments. Thank you, guys. I 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:39.520 appreciate it. She appreciated it, she had fun. And now 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:43.000 I'm here alone. I think I'd like to do more 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.239 of these things with other people. I might just do 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:49.400 them more with other people randomly in my life. You know, 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:51.479 there is a period of time where we had like 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.920 rappers on here and stuff like that, and I'm open 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.280 to that. But I'm also just like, you know, it 0:00:57.320 --> 0:01:01.920 could be anyone, you know what I mean, Like some 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:04.440 guy from off the street wants to pe a guest 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:07.640 on the show and it's just me and him reading emails. 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:11.400 That could be good too. I don't know why guests 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:14.840 always have to be celebrities. Can't they just be this 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:19.880 whoever is walking around? That's kind of what the show is. 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:23.080 It's me and a guest, but the guest is kind 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:28.400 of whoever is walking around. Anyway, I'm gonna read some 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.640 viewer mail and talk to you guys, and hopefully it's 0:01:32.480 --> 0:01:37.640 substantiative for the time that you're listening. Listening to it, 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:42.800 my voice just cracked. I'm gonna try to I'm gonna 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:45.640 do a lot more pondering than advice giving. I've been 0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:48.520 giving a lot of advice, and I don't like it. 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.960 Every time I give advice, it's against my will. They're 0:01:51.960 --> 0:01:54.360 actually not every time. Sometimes I give advice because I 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:56.280 genuinely believe in it. But there's been plenty times I 0:01:56.320 --> 0:01:58.840 give advice because I'm like, I just have to say something, 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.480 and I hate that. I want to do that. So 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:06.400 if I from now on, if I'm reading, okay, so 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:10.560 throughout the time I'm reading these emails, if I'm prompted 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:13.960 to give advice, I'll do it. But if I fucking 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:16.919 don't know, I'm just gonna say I don't know. And 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:20.040 that's how I like to do it, you know what 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:22.359 I mean. I like to ponder the emails. I don't 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:23.960 know if I have an answer for things, but I 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:28.880 like pondering things. So I'm in the dark. I just 0:02:28.960 --> 0:02:32.519 had some coffee. The vibe ants is kicking in. Let's 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:38.040 read some emails. Okay, this first one is from Jackson, 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:44.200 subject line, I think my coworker is watching me. Hey GEK, 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.760 longtime listener, first time mailer. I think my coworker is 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:52.600 watching me. I recently started working for a cannabis wholesale 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:56.519 distribution center in Oregon and it's been an absolute blast. 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.400 While I was listening to one of your older episodes, 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:04.240 an another Sophie Cunningham ad came on, so I was 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:07.640 skipping the ad when one of my coworkers wrote in 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:12.160 our slack chat, he's on his phone, followed by he 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:16.400 put it down. What the fuck? I was confused, of course, 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:19.440 and I immediately called it out and they were very 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:23.359 embarrassed after they realized their mistake. I know they were 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.240 talking about me because their desk is diagonal to mine, 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:30.239 and I was the only male presenting person in that moment, 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:34.000 which means someone higher up told her to watch me, 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:38.800 or she wanted to watch me on her own volition, 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.720 and I don't know what's worse. I talked to my 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.960 manager and when I asked, they said to not worry 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:48.560 about it, and that the coworker was talked to already. However, 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:51.600 I still feel like I keep spotting them watching my 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:55.080 moves when I'm just skipping ads or trying to select 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:57.800 an old episode to listen to. I really like this 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.200 job and don't want to be confrontational and call a 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.680 scene about something that could have been dealt with already? 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:06.040 Am I being paranoid? Should I be worried? Is it 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:09.800 chill now? PS? Please come back to Portland when you 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:15.640 tour again. I will be coming to Portland in June. Okay? Anyway, um, wow, 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:18.240 that's crazy. No, I think you should ask her. I 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:21.640 think you should ask her. Like, here's the weird thing, right, 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:28.880 is like this job sounds fucking what. I don't know. 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:31.280 What do you do? You work? No? Yeah, you work 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:35.600 for a cannabis wholesale Okay, all right, you said it's 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.440 been a blast. Okay, So if you're saying it's been 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:41.480 a blast, that means that this is a good job 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.520 and things are cool. I don't think it's being confrontational 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.960 to be like, yo, are you listening to my fucking phone? 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.000 Like stop watching me? You know, And you don't have 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.279 to even be like that, And it doesn't even have 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:56.240 to be like a confrontational like what the fuck are 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:58.479 you doing? But you got to go in there and 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:02.800 find the information. You got to go in and be like, yo, 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:11.039 are you watching me? And if they say no, then 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:14.280 say are you sure you can tell me if you are? 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:17.040 And then maybe they say okay, I am, and then 0:05:17.040 --> 0:05:20.200 you go, okay, I need you to stop doing that 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:25.919 or tell your manager or whatever, because if it truly 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:29.800 is like a chill work environment or like an absolute blast, 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:32.320 and I feel like it wouldn't be that big of 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:39.760 a deal to not confront but perhaps inquire as to 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:43.039 why this person is watching you. Maybe she likes you, 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.800 Maybe she has a crush on you. That could be 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:50.360 it too. Maybe she's in love with you, Jackson. Maybe 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:55.239 she's admiring you. Maybe she's writing letters. Maybe she's thinking 0:05:55.279 --> 0:06:00.400 about you. That could be it too, and which you 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:04.200 would want to know because maybe you maybe you love 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:07.240 her too, and you guys can get married and have 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:20.760 a baby. Okay. This is from Sour Candy, subject line 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:25.279 fell in love with a red bearded colonizer, Send help, 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:30.320 Dear therapy, Gecko. I fell in love with a foreigner 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:34.800 in my own country. Parentheses, I'm Asian like full on, 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:41.240 aggressively handsome white man red beard Scottish accent. He works here, 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:45.400 lives here, somehow made my dusty ass city feel like 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:50.039 the set of a slow indie romance. We dated, then didn't, 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:53.960 then did, then didn't again. We had dumb little rituals 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:58.560 inside jokes about orcas, fun facts pasted like love notes. 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:01.720 We roasted modern art and acted like we weren't two 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.719 nerds falling in love in public. He made coffee on 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.680 Sunday mornings like it was a sacrament. This is beautiful. 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:10.720 He also introduced me to your YouTube channel, said you'd 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:13.840 like therapy, getto and I did. Of course I did. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:17.120 He knew me like that. So if the algorithm is 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:20.840 doing its thing, and by some chance he's watching this, Elle, 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:24.200 I know you watch this lizard man during dinner. If 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:27.720 you see this, Hi, I love you and I'll probably 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:32.280 always miss you. What happened here? Okay, I'm investing in this, 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.800 so I want to keep reading anyways. But also I 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:40.160 cried like a lot, sometimes at him, sometimes next to him. 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:44.600 I was the I need reassurance or I will perish girly. 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:49.440 He was the I love you, but i'm emotionally congested guy. 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:56.320 I spiraled, he vanished, rinse, repeat, and yet we kept trying. 0:07:56.760 --> 0:07:59.320 We told ourselves it could work if we just tried 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:03.320 hard enough. We tried and it didn't. He said he'd 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:05.720 give one hundred percent, and I believed him. God, I 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:09.240 wanted to, and for like five business days it felt 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:13.800 real white business days whatever. But trying and being able 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:17.600 to are two different flavors of heartbreak. So now I'm 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:20.920 here eating sad noodles, writing to a man in a 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:24.440 lizard costume because there's nowhere for all this leftover love 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:28.680 to go. It's like emotional tupperware with no lid. Do 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:31.480 I want him back? Do I just want the best 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:35.920 version of us? Do I need a lobotomy? Who knows anyway? 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:40.079 Send help or a lizard emoji? I'll take either yours 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:49.040 and cringe and healing g interesting. Whoo ah man, They're 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.800 always there, really is. That's one of the toughest things 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:59.600 about love and relationships is that two people can be 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:04.440 so in love with each other and yet the logistics 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:12.080 of the universe just don't work out. I was talking 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:14.520 to someone about this because I met someone who was like, 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:20.000 I think that it's I met someone who was like, 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:22.199 I think the only reason a relationship doesn't work is 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:25.520 because two people don't love each other enough. And I 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:29.319 don't believe that. She was like, if you love each 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:35.520 other enough, you will make it work. And I don't know. 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:38.559 I'm really fucking just searching for the answers to those 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:44.719 questions myself. You know. It's like that, like love is 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:48.840 a choice, kind of a vibe, you know, And she 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.840 might be right in some cases, but everyone has their 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:55.719 own philosophy of it. The problem is you only get 0:09:55.760 --> 0:10:01.079 fifty percent of the choice. I do believe that, Yeah, 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:08.760 people can be in love, but whatever, like external things 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:12.000 surrounding them, which don't even have to be things outside 0:10:12.000 --> 0:10:16.520 of themselves. It could just be your personalities are incongruent 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:22.960 with each other and that just fucks everything up. That's 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:29.360 very possible. Okay. This next one is from Sam, subject line, 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:33.920 why do I drink so much Celsius? I love Celsius 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:37.360 so much it is affecting my life. Let me explain. 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.960 I have dealt with social anxiety my whole life, to 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.320 the point where I was basically mute in high school. 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.640 Since then, I cut back on caffeine and it seems 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:49.880 to help things substantially interesting. Maybe I should do that. 0:10:50.520 --> 0:10:53.160 I'm twenty six now and my social life is pretty good. 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:56.760 But then I tried the Peach Vibe Celsius, and I've 0:10:56.760 --> 0:11:00.640 been drinking one every day since. Every morning I wake 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.760 up and I crave a sip of that sweet peachy nectar. 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:06.800 I can't get enough. And I'm beginning to notice that 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:11.280 I am a lot more alert, but in an evil way, sometimes, 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.080 the way that takes away my presence and well being 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:19.680 and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I also picked 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:23.199 up a zin habit while working long days, so it 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:27.480 all compounds. That is to say, I know why I 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:30.360 drink it so much. It gives me a rush, and 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:32.800 I like it, even though it makes me feel weird. 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:36.120 Sometimes I'm trying not to let it overtake my life, 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.680 but it may. I know you partake in the occasion 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.640 of Celsius. Have you tried the Peach Vibe? What do 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:46.960 you think? Have you had issues with stimulants before? I 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:52.480 am not secretly a Celsius spokesperson. Please drink coffee if 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:57.400 you can. It's an expensive habit. Ooh, you have a 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:02.120 lot of thoughts about this stuff? Yes, so, I mean 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:05.720 I don't know. Man, it's hard because, uh, I mean 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:08.000 I'm on coffee right now. I was a big Celsius 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.160 guy and then I started taking vibance and now if 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:15.080 I drink a Celsius and the vibance, it probably will 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:17.880 kill me on days that I end up that I 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:20.599 skipped my vibance for whatever reason, I do a Celsius 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:26.160 and dude, I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I'm 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:29.320 a terrible guy for like for like medical advice. But 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:33.440 I'll just tell you my I'll just tell you my 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:37.319 experience with the stuff is that like I don't feel 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.800 normal if I'm not on some kind of stimulant. Like 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:44.200 I get really fucking depressed if I don't have coffee 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:51.520 or Celsius or vibance. Now that's probably not good or 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.600 it's just like, I mean, I have a weird brain, man, 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:57.360 I got all the you know whatever mental health issues 0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.120 and all that shit in the ADHD. And I'll let 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:03.320 and uh, I'll be on vibeance, man, and I'll just 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:06.880 be like wow, holy Like I'll have like a minute 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:12.280 where I'm like, oh, okay, I understand I think how 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:15.880 most people maybe not most people, but like like I'll 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:19.720 see relaxed people and people just going about their lives, 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.640 not going insane, and I'll have a second where I'm like, oh, okay, 0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:26.000 I think I know what that feels like, and I'll 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:30.680 have and that's that's about two hours of me on vibeance. 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:32.840 So it feels good, and it feels good when I'm 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:36.160 in uh with the Celsius too, because it just, you 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:38.160 know how it is with ADHD, like you just can't 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:42.360 fucking do anything, and then when you get the feeling 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.000 that you actually have some control over your fucking life, 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:47.840 it makes you feel great, makes you feel like the 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:54.800 world's in some insane burden that you're like sissifhicianly rolling 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:56.800 the ball up the hill. You feel like you can 0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.760 kind of pick the ball up and throw it across 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:09.240 the field. Now, Listen, I've always fantasized or thought that, like, hey, 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:12.440 what if I quit doing all that stuff? And I 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:17.600 just like took like a few months to get unaddicted to, 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.720 you know, a sugar and I eat salmon every day, 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:22.800 and I didn't, you know whatever whatever when I with 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.600 that secretly fix things for me. I don't know, maybe, 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:29.680 but every time I've tried to do that, I end 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:31.720 up feeling like shit. But I know I've been on 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:33.880 a I've been on caffeine for so long that I 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.480 don't really know how I feel like without it. And 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.120 I know that when you quit any kind of substances 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:44.440 is strong withdrawal period that you have to really get through. 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:48.560 And every day feels like a year to me. So 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.240 when someone's like, oh, you got to give it two 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:57.960 months before you really can become unaddicted, I'm like, fuck you, 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.240 I don't have two months. That's two months. Let's that's 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:05.240 like my entire life for all I know. So, yeah, 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.560 this is this is just me ranting about my experience 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.520 with it, but I'm not I don't know if this 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.240 was helpful to you at all. It is interesting that 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:18.240 cutting back on caffeine helped you out with your social anxiety. Uh, 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.160 I'm trying to figure out what you mean when you 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.720 say that you are evil. You take it, takes away 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:27.680 your presence and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.920 don't know. I feel I feel the opposite when I'm 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:33.160 on a stimulant, because like, if I'm just talking as 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:37.640 to someone and I'm not and I'm adhde, I'm really 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.800 not present I'm thinking about life and everything else. But 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.520 if I'm on the stimulant and I feel good and 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:47.120 someone some fucking guys talking to me about something that 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.440 i'll give a fuck about, I'll engage with him. I'd 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.360 be like, oh, interesting, I've never seen that before, but 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.920 I'll check it out. Oh, okay, you do B two 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:59.360 B marketing? SaaS interesting? Now? I how does marketing? Uh? 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:01.440 The kind of Facebook ads really work? And I'm not 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:03.760 even bullshitting when I'm doing that stuff. I'm really in it. 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:07.160 I'm like, and I'm in my head, I'm thinking, Wow, 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:10.120 I'm acting like such a normal human being and it's 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:15.920 happening so effortlessly, and I'm not thinking. I'm just I 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.640 just love love. I love being a normal human being. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:24.520 It feels so fucking good. I don't know if I've 0:16:24.520 --> 0:16:28.600 told this story on the podcast before, but I'll tell it. 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:32.760 I remember it was just like twenty twenty three or something. 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:35.240 I was going through a really hard time and it's 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.360 a lot of anxiety, a lot of overthinking, a lot 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:42.000 of mental health whatever. And I was I was at 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:47.800 some party or whatever, and I was sitting at a 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:50.480 table with these guys, and this one guy he's making 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:58.000 a sandwich and he puts some Dorito's on his sandwich, 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:02.240 and the other guy looks at him and is like, hey, man, 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:04.960 you like putting chips on your sandwich. And then the 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:07.160 guys with the sandwich, he's like, Oh, I love putting 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:10.199 chips on my sandwich. And then they start talking about 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:14.080 putting chips on their sandwich and they're and I'm watching 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:16.840 them have this conversation, and I'm just like, these two 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:20.960 guys are so deeply in the present right now, Like 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.639 I just felt. I was just I'm over fucking thinking everything, 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:25.440 and I'm watching them, and I'm like, these guys are 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:29.639 in the present right now, just like in life, talking 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:35.399 about putting chips on a sandwich, making jokes, they're brain whatever. 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.119 You never know what's going on in someone's head. But 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:40.000 I was pretty goddamn sure that these two guys were 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.159 one hundred percent invested in that current moment, in the 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:45.720 conversation that they were having with each other about putting 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:48.560 chips on a sandwich. And I was observing this and 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:50.960 I fuck it, I had to go to their room. 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:57.040 I started crying because I was like, I fucking wish 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:01.119 I could do that. I wish I could be in 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:09.600 a fucking just normal conversation without thinking all this anxious, 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:14.399 crazy thoughts. And you know, I wish I could just 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:16.879 be sitting there having a conversation about chips in a 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.200 sandwich and not thinking about twenty other different horrible things. 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:26.399 And vibance gets me that point. So that's why I 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:30.800 like it. And I'm sure there's other chemically things or whatever. 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:33.159 But you know, if your brain is just wired in 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:36.960 a certain way where you it's just it's always somewhere else, 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:45.040 then I don't know, You're just I don't know. But yeah, 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:48.320 I've since I've since then been able to have plenty 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:53.040 of conversations about normal ass shit without freaking out. But anyway, 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:57.080 that was a long rant. Thanks for sending in your things, Sam, 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:03.680 I appreciate you. Okay. Another e mail, This one is 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:10.000 from Kalin, subject line fish farmer, Hey Gek, I called 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:13.480 you last week and actually got through, but somehow managed 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:17.080 to botch answering the phone correctly. I was calling to 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:19.600 talk to you about my experience moving across the country 0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:23.479 to work at a fish hatchery. So far, it's been 0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:27.040 a great experience. I feed fish and clean tanks every day, 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:30.600 and do some basic maintenance around the hatchery. It pays 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:32.880 well and my housing is provided, so it's a heck 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:35.320 of a way to save some money. I live at 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:38.240 the hatchery in my own house, right at the base 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:42.040 of the mountains. It is beautiful here. That said, I 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:46.000 have been getting rather homesick lately. Last week was especially 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.440 bad as my grandma passed away and I wasn't able 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:51.800 to go back for the funeral. This was really hard 0:19:51.800 --> 0:19:54.040 for me, but my family reassured me that this is 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.240 what my grandma would want me to do. I missed 0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:58.399 my family and friends quite a lot, but I am 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:01.760 still glad I'm trying this. Yes, thanks for reading this, Gech. 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:04.160 I've listened to you for years, but only tried reaching 0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:06.320 out in the past week. I know you don't typically 0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:08.440 call during your gek Mal episodes, but I'm going to 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:11.879 leave you my number with no expectations. Yours truly, fish farmer. 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:17.600 You know a fish farmer. I I'm really happy for you. 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:22.159 I am. I think that in life it's important to 0:20:22.160 --> 0:20:26.800 have an ARC. I'm pro arc some people. Not everyone 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:31.880 wants to have an ARC. I get that the majority 0:20:31.920 --> 0:20:34.320 of people even probably don't want to have arcs. But 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:37.240 I'm pro arc and part of an arc is that 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:41.040 you have to go on the hero's journey and leave 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:45.160 wherever you are so you can go on your arc. 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:51.119 And you did it, Fish Farmer, Yell left and the 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.840 trade off is that you're not going to be around 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:59.400 your friends and your family as much. But the good 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:01.560 news is you develop as a parson, and that's what 0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:04.200 you really want because I'll see your friends of your family, 0:21:04.200 --> 0:21:06.639 They're gonna, you know, have their own lives and be 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:09.000 doing their own thing. And I don't know, I just 0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:13.159 feel like life is such a brief flash in the 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:16.320 pan that you want to see stuff and do stuff. 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:19.560 So I'm glad that you made the decision to move 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:23.880 across the country feeding fish cleaning tanks. That sounds nice, man, 0:21:26.880 --> 0:21:30.919 Keep doing your thing, Fish Farmer. Sorry, I don't have 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:34.080 a whole lot to say about that. Okay, this is 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:38.040 I mean, I had things to say about that. I 0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:42.280 gotta stop beating myself up, all right. This is from 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:52.439 Walker subject line the time in Indian Guru saved my bacon. Okay, 0:21:52.520 --> 0:21:55.359 so me and my buddy had been experimenting with shrooms 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:57.680 for a minute, but the most we had ever taken 0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:00.719 wasn't eighth, so we get the bright idea to go 0:22:00.760 --> 0:22:04.680 on the hero's journey parentheses any dose above five grams 0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:10.000 and do seven grams each. It was sub zero temperatures 0:22:10.040 --> 0:22:12.760 and icy at shit. We took our shrooms and have 0:22:12.800 --> 0:22:15.320 an absolute blast to the first half of the night. 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:18.639 About part way through the night, we go to walk 0:22:18.800 --> 0:22:22.320 my friend's dog, and the snow, the air, and the 0:22:22.359 --> 0:22:26.480 moon all have a crazy blood red tint to it, 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:30.240 and it freaked us the fuck out. We tried to 0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:33.119 go to bed, but after twenty minutes he kicks me 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:36.600 out of his house because he's going through some emotional 0:22:36.640 --> 0:22:39.960 shit and tripping hard. So I freak the fuck out 0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:42.879 because it's midnight. I gotta be at work at seven, 0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:46.880 and now I have to drive while tripping balls all 0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:50.120 the way back home. I'm crying because if I get 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:53.240 pulled over, I'm going to jail. But the sub zero 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:57.360 temperatures and ice actually saved my ass because no cops 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:01.879 were out and about Okay, I'm gonna forre This is 0:23:01.920 --> 0:23:07.680 really stupid, but anyway, whatever, Okay. As I'm driving home, 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:10.879 I start seeing demons flying at my windshield or reaching 0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:13.320 out for why don't you just sleep into the car, dude, 0:23:14.160 --> 0:23:17.960 turn on the fucking air conditioning and just sleep in 0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:23.800 the car. Why are you driving home? This was stupid? Okay, 0:23:23.960 --> 0:23:26.040 whatever I mean, I don't know why I'm lecturing you. 0:23:26.080 --> 0:23:28.560 It's like you did it. You're already doing it. But 0:23:28.880 --> 0:23:32.439 just next time this happens, just like, sleep in the car. 0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:36.560 Turn the heater out and just sleep in the car. 0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:40.639 Don't start driving. That's a terrible idea, especially with the 0:23:40.720 --> 0:23:45.880 ice and the snow and all that shit. Okay, at 0:23:45.880 --> 0:23:48.920 this point, I feel, okay, where was I? I start 0:23:48.960 --> 0:23:51.639 seeing demons flying at my windshield or reaching out for me, 0:23:51.720 --> 0:23:54.800 trying to make me crash Jesus Christ. But somehow I 0:23:54.880 --> 0:23:56.880 managed to take every back road I know and make 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:59.600 it home safe and sound. At this point, I can 0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:03.000 still feel the demons all around my property. I'm tossing 0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:05.080 and turning and praying to keep them away from me 0:24:05.160 --> 0:24:07.760 and my house. Then out of nowhere, I hear this 0:24:07.880 --> 0:24:11.679 Indian guy's voice say, be calm, my child, You're a 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:15.760 protected sleep now, and I instantly pass the fuck out. 0:24:16.320 --> 0:24:18.320 The next morning, I go to work and about the 0:24:18.359 --> 0:24:20.679 shit a brick when the first thing that pops up 0:24:20.720 --> 0:24:25.600 in my Google news is thousands of Indian temples closed 0:24:25.640 --> 0:24:34.720 in wake of super blood moon for fear of evil spirits. Okay, well, 0:24:35.800 --> 0:24:38.160 I don't know. I'm not trying to be your dad, Walker, 0:24:38.400 --> 0:24:44.280 but just go to sleep in the car. Man. I 0:24:44.359 --> 0:24:47.840 like mushrooms as much as the next guy. But just 0:24:47.880 --> 0:24:51.320 go to sleep in the car. Dude, I don't think that. 0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:54.240 I don't think an Indian. I don't understand how you're 0:24:54.320 --> 0:25:00.040 saying that an Indian, this Indian guy saved you. I 0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:02.280 don't think any of this is related. I think it 0:25:02.320 --> 0:25:06.600 was all hallucinations. I think it was all a coincidence. 0:25:07.359 --> 0:25:12.200 There's nothing cosmic about any of this. You weren't visited 0:25:12.200 --> 0:25:17.000 by demons. You just got really high and drove around 0:25:17.520 --> 0:25:23.399 and almost died. I'm sorry, let's just go to sleep 0:25:23.400 --> 0:25:27.560 of the car next time. Walker, I'm a bummer. Sorry man, 0:25:27.840 --> 0:25:39.480 all right? Anyway, This next email is from James Hey GEK, 0:25:39.840 --> 0:25:42.840 hope existence is treating you well today. I wanted to 0:25:42.840 --> 0:25:46.199 get an email to you to get your thoughts on 0:25:46.240 --> 0:25:52.560