WEBVTT - Fear of the Unknown 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:24.680 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:27.360 I'm Meila. Happy Wednesday. 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:30.120 Boobs are coming on. 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:37.199 Okay, they're in secure the titties. We're posting this a 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:38.440 little late because. 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:43.040 Because it's hard, because this shit is hard to have 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:48.080 content to put out every single, oh fucking week, no 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:50.159 matter if we're tired, no matter if it came from 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:52.559 out of town, no matter if baby daddies are. 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.680 Getting on our nerves, no matter what is going on, 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:59.320 Delivering quality podcasts every week becomes challenging. 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:01.319 True, it does so. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:03.600 Easily. 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:07.319 I'm tired. I don't even know why I'm tired. I've 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:09.520 been tired for like, I just I feel like my 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:12.280 energy has kind of been just a little bit low. 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:15.800 I don't know if it's because I'm in love and 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:18.600 I'm just like I want to be tired and lazy, 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:23.040 laid up, or if I just haven't been eating. I've 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:26.520 been eating more meat than ever and I don't really 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:29.360 eat meat like that, and I've been having tons of 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:34.520 bacon and beef, I know, and so I don't know. 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:37.880 I'm just not feeling well. I just feel lazy as fuck. 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:40.920 Yeah, I've been kind of feeling the fuck is. 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:46.920 Happening, honestly, my neighbor and the trash. 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:50.040 I feel like I have. 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:53.480 I've been not drinking enough water, not like I eat. 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:56.160 My eating habits they're so fucked up that I usually 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.280 don't eat until like five pm. I fast all day 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:01.000 and then eat at night, and then I'm like, my 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:05.640 stomach hurts. Oh, no, shit, bitch, you haven't eaten all day? Right, Yeah, 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:08.360 a lot of things that need to be done to 0:02:08.360 --> 0:02:09.400 have higher energy. 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:12.760 I know. I went on a trip to like Tahoe 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:17.160 this weekend, and uh, it was beautiful, so beautiful, But 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:19.440 like when I got back, I felt like I needed 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:24.200 a transitional day between the trip and life. Like I 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:28.519 felt like I needed like another day to like decompress 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:29.280 from the trip. 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:32.239 Yesterday, I just felt so anxious. 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.880 Everything was giving me fucking anxiety everything, and I just 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:36.400 felt like. 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:41.560 I was just stressed and I don't even know why. 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:43.840 Well, your birthday's coming up, do you know? His birthdays 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:46.880 on Monday? Guys, My birthday's on Monday. 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:50.800 I will be thirty two. And yeah, I think I 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:52.880 do get a little anxious before my birthday's just because 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:53.600 it's another year. 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:55.160 You every year, you do, I do. 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:57.920 Yeah, what's the wrong with me? 0:02:58.040 --> 0:02:58.160 Oh? 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.160 Yes, my birthday is coming, and I just feel like 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.320 it's such a weird time because like there's so much 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:04.880 going on. 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:08.400 It's draining. Also, I feel like we have a lot 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:09.280 of stuff going on. 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:12.680 It's really hard to focus on those things. It's really 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.000 hard to fucking focus. Also, I don't have a million 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:17.360 dollars yet. It's just I'm like, what the fuck? 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:17.760 Okay? 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:19.680 And when I was twenty three, I planned on being 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:23.720 rich by thirty, own a house, supposed to be married, 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:25.000 I supposed to be have my second child. 0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:25.639 I know about this. 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:27.600 Every year I made what I was supposed to do. 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:31.200 Well, you know, I think for people listening, if you're 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:34.440 in your early twenties and you have all these anxieties, 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.240 as I did when I was in my twenties, I 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:38.440 was like, for sure, like when I'm thirty, all these 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:40.600 I'm supposed to hit all these milestones, guess what, you 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:44.280 probably won't. And that's okay. I'm not saying like don't 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:47.960 try or don't like have aspirations or goals, but I 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:50.320 feel like we put so much pressure on ourselves and 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:53.000 then we hit these ages and then we're like, why 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:55.800 am I not a millionaire? Why am I not married? Why? 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.320 Like my life isn't what I thought? And we were 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:02.640 talking about that before we started recording, Like how it's 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:04.320 a it's a time. I mean, I think that it's 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:06.400 all you You never really know how shit's gonna play out. 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:09.480 But like we're in a time right now where I 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:12.440 feel like those feelings are even more highlighted because we 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:14.640 really there's really a lot of question marks in the air, 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:18.159 Like am I gonna get sick? Is the one? Is 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:21.280 the pandemic? Ending? Why do black people keep dying? I'm 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.520 scared to be black? Will I die when I walk 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:24.160 out the house? 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:24.719 Like? 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:27.880 Will will school ever be the same again? Is my kid? Okay? 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:32.120 Like all these things that there's just there's just like 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:34.440 not a lot of answers, just. 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.919 A huge fear of the own, the unknown. As I 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:41.200 get older, I become more I have I hate to 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:42.160 say this, but I have. 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:43.320 More fear of the unknown. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.520 I'm more aware that there's I have very little control 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:50.760 over everything, and fear of the unknown. It's amost gives 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:54.279 me anxiety, you know, like even like am I gonna 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:55.240 have a lifelong partner? 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:56.840 Am I gonna have another kid? 0:04:57.920 --> 0:04:59.839 Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Like if there's 0:04:59.880 --> 0:05:04.960 just so much shit like happening all the time, and 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.360 there's we're so like I feel like I always say, 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:10.920 like our brains are only supposed to have so many channels. 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.640 Like remember back in the day, it's only like thirty channels. 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:17.480 Now with social media, there's like six hundred channels, and 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:21.240 so our brains are not programmed to be able to 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:25.240 switch channels that quickly and on so on so fast levels. 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:27.760 So it's almost like our brains and our bodies are 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:32.080 over exposed and jumping from feelings and thoughts so quickly 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.880 that I think that's the leading cause and anxiety, like 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.440 really and truly, because we're not programmed to be paying 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.839 attention to everybody's fucking life on Instagram plus our own, 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.240 plus all these other factors. You know, there's just like 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:47.760 an over and over charge of information, and I think 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:50.520 it's making us like function wrong. 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.000 But I agree, I think though I will say I 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:57.279 think the channels in the last few months have decreased. 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.039 I mean, I think social media is obviously you know, 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:02.720 not going anywhere, and it's been a tool for you know, 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:06.599 the movement that's happening and you know, keeping people socially aware. 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:10.159 But I think staying at home has eliminated some of 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:12.680 those channels. And I think that probably was some of 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:15.360 the source of my anxiety when the pandemic first started, 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.680 because like I didn't know how what, Like I had 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.040 all these channels and I didn't know I was sitting 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.000 with them, and like, I feel like they slowly started 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:26.280 because I feel like people are doing less now, like 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:28.680 they're more conscious about doing less because if you're doing 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:32.000 too much, you look stupid. And now I know, like 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:33.880 things are starting to open back up and like people, 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:36.560 you know, are you going out and like traveling more 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:40.200 and doing all those things. But I don't know. I 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.719 think that I hope that there's I feel like there's 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:47.080 a shift in consciousness happening for sure, definitely for the better, 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:53.120 I think, I hope. But with that comes like a deprogramming, 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:59.120 and that can feel weird, exhausting even, and like like 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:01.080 you're losing something but you're not well. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:02.520 It's probe right, you don't have a lot of energy. 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:05.800 Maybe, I think, I don't know, because I think it's 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:08.360 my diet diet, to be honest, I think that. 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.400 As all these things are happening, it is obviously a 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:15.400 pivotal and transitional time. And I think it, you know, 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:18.040 when shit is shifting and changing, it takes energy from me, 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:20.720 just like when you're growing, you got to sleep more. 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.840 And I think because we're doing less, I think now 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:26.600 is really a time to self reflect on your own 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.800 energy and what lessons are being taught and what's right, 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:32.280 you know, And I think that's my lesson right now. 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:35.320 Like you can't control everything, and that means that you 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:39.200 definitely can't be afraid of the unknown because everything is unknown. 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:43.400 Finding peace in the unknown and being able to be 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:47.800 like chill, accept what it is right now and that's it, 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:50.760 you know, like focus on the ship that you do. Know, 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:54.480 you know, how you're conducting yourself now and making better 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:58.320 decisions than I've made, and being like aware of why 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.200 I'm making certain decisions or like why I'm afraid of 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:01.920 certain things? 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:05.840 Right, Yeah, I mean I when I so when I 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:08.440 went to Tahoe this weekend, I went with like a 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:15.320 group of friends including Poetry Bay and Irie and all 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:19.680 those things. And we we were up there and at night, 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.040 like we ended up taking some mushrooms and at some 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:24.360 point in my trip it was it was a really 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:26.000 it was cool. It was very light and it was quick. 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:27.840 Like I don't know, you have these chocolatemushrooms. They lasted 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.040 like three hours or something. Yeah, it was like three hours, 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:37.040 and it was cool. They were visual, not like overly intense, 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:39.800 but like yeah, for sure, like saw breathe, like the 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:43.000 room breathing and stuff. But there was a time at 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:45.440 at some point I like was looking at my hands 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.400 and like it was like almost like I was looking 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.800 at them from outside of myself, and like I was 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.160 looking at my body from outside of myself, and like 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:59.720 suddenly like my mortality became so real, like to look 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:02.840 at me from like an outsider looking in and like 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:07.280 how like none of this all this is like gonna 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.240 disappear one day, you know what I mean? And like 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:13.720 I think, I don't know. I just became super aware 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:15.840 of my mortality and then like oh I started. I 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:17.480 wasn't like I was kind of going dark, but I 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:20.120 wasn't like sad, but I was just like damn, like 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:26.120 does any of the shit matter? Like like we're here, 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:29.560 then we're not, and it's happened so fast, and like 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:36.360 you know, we we've been told that. We're like I 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:39.080 don't know, like what were we talking about. We're saying 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:45.120 that like basically we are reflect like saying like dust 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.880 particles and like the sand like not the sand, like 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:51.800 the light reflects upon us and that's what kind of 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:56.280 creates like these bodies. And I was like, is this 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:56.960 even real? 0:09:57.160 --> 0:09:58.120 Are you even here? 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:00.000 Like does love even. 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:02.480 For how long? 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:03.680 Like what's the point? 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:03.920 Like? 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.320 And I wasn't like like to kill myself or anything, 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:08.840 but I was just like it just made everything seem 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:12.520 everything so important not seem so important, so temporary. Yeah, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:16.439 And I was like shit, like all these things were chasing, 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:19.240 like trying to make money, trying to do all these things, 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:20.719 all these things that we feel like we need while 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:22.080 we're here, while we're here, we're here, and then it 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:23.400 doesn't matter anymore. 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:26.319 It's like literally what actually matters. 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:28.040 And then part of me was like, well that's why, 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:29.840 like I have to do everything that I want, I 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:31.800 have to earn everything that I want because it doesn't 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:33.880 matter and it's quick. Yeah. But then the other party 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:35.640 is like, well does it even fucking matter? Like should 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.160 I even do it? It was like I know, I 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:41.920 feel I feel you. Yeah, literally I feel, and I 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:44.120 just kept looking at my hands and I was like, fuck, 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.880 these are hands, These are my these are Erica's hands, 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:49.680 and like one day they won't be here anymore, and 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.120 one day they'll age and they'll look weird. And I remember, 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:54.480 like when my grandfather died, like I was in the 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:57.160 hospital with him, and I was holding his hand as 0:10:57.200 --> 0:10:59.920 he was dying, and like I was there like the 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:03.120 while he took his last while he took his last breath, 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:06.400 and I remember looking at his hands and they were 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.280 so aged and they looked like they'd been through so 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.440 many things, and I couldn't I couldn't stop thinking about 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:12.120 his hands when I was on my mushroom trip and 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.200 thinking like one day someone's gonna be holding my old 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:16.920 ass hand and it's like then I leave and then 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:20.240 it's it's done. I mean, of course, like I don't know, 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:29.000 like and even like the most iconic people, Oh shit, why. 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.040 Is that an alarm? 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:33.280 I'm alarm and I don't know. I don't know why 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:39.280 that's happening. One o'clock it stopped video. 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:40.920 That's really fucking. 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:54.760 I think that's where it was. Is a airplane anyway. 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:56.360 Sorry about that alarm? Like even the most, like even 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:58.839 the most iconic people, the people that have left their 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.920 mark here, Like when the world ends, does it matter? 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.920 Because the world is gonna end one day. This ship 0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:07.840 is not gonna be here forever, and as. 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:11.280 We know absolutely, I mean even I think for me, like, yeah, 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:14.079 all these things that we're chasing, how important are they? 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.360 Even in these spaces that we're like finding new new 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:20.439 ventures and love and that I get so much anxiety 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.040 over that, like is this gonna be? It? Is this forever? 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.000 Is this gonna be my partner? Can I do this? 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.720 Like there's all these like intense questions, but it's also like, bitch, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.120 just enjoy it and shut the fuck up, you know, 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:35.160 like why does why, even in goodness that we have 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:38.880 to ruin it with expectation and like final like what's 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:40.480 the what's gonna be the final thing? 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:40.959 You know? 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.880 Like why do I have to ruin what I'm enjoying? 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:44.160 Right? 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:47.080 It's being present essentially. 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:50.679 Yeah, without the without the fear pouring in you know, 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:52.800 like what if this doesn't last as long as I 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.679 wanted to? You know, like what's after that? You know what, 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:58.280 It's just a bunch of bullshit that doesn't matter. 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.680 None of this should matters, I know, I know, and 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:03.600 that I just became so aware of my body and 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:06.920 the fact that I don't like really analyze it like 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:11.120 I like I should. Yeah, Like, I mean, obviously it 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:12.720 was some drugs. But I was looking at my hands 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.160 and I was like, well, I've never really taken them 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:17.320 in and like really looked at every part of me, 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:21.280 and like one day, every all this it'll start changing 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:24.040 and it'll start looking different and then it just will disappear, 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:30.360 you know. Yeah. So I don't know. I was so 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:32.400 that my trip I was kind of I was really 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.880 quiet on it. I didn't really I laughed a lot though. 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:40.040 I cried laughing. I cried laughing. It's fun and funny. 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:44.600 Nisha came out at one point. This airplane is so loud. Wow, 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.760 it's like the loudest one I've ever heard. What is 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.400 it a jet? Is it a fighter jet? 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:51.280 It's a big one. 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:55.120 Nisha came out at one point and she had a 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:57.800 sheet mask on her face. Girl, I almost passed out. 0:13:58.040 --> 0:13:59.120 She came out and she. 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.880 Looked like, oh, like a mask face. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:03.839 Yeah, and I'm like tripping and I was like, oh 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:05.440 my god. And then she was like, do you want 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:07.880 me to pull it off, and then she like slowly 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:10.480 peeled her face off, and me and art my Bay 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:15.520 were like, oh my god. I was like, I love drugs. 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:19.160 I was like, just for these moments, you know, and 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:22.400 then it's over and it's fine. And you know, I've 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.120 had like I've had a life awakening moments. I've had 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:27.520 moments where I've cried and lapped, i had moments of 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:31.520 self reflection, and that's all I could ask for. I 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:36.520 don't understand why people have these such negative, like you 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:40.000 know what rules and experiences, and like I'll tell you why. 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:42.320 Because people take drugs like. 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:46.440 Hallucinogens like mushrooms, and then they try to fight what's 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:49.480 happening and you can't fight it. If you fight it, 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:53.480 you're going against God. Honestly, it's like it's like the 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:56.440 peel away of what we of the fakeness, like of 0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:00.560 these like layers that we've essentially created. And so when 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.560 you take drug like the peel that shit off, and 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:05.600 if you hold on to those those layers instead of 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:08.760 just letting him slide off, it's gonna hurt. 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:09.680 It's gonna be hard. 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:13.360 Like even that time when I'm totally like I'm emotional, 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:15.320 but I cry by myself. That's my thing. I'll do 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:17.720 it in the car, I'll do it alone, maybe in 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.680 front of Lon because I'm I'm emotional bitch. But like 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:25.880 that time I took mushrooms with Adventure Bay and literally 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.600 he was just sitting there and I just nestled up 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:32.120 to the side of his neck like this, and I 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:33.440 was like, I just cried. 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:35.320 I just let that shot out, and that is not 0:15:35.480 --> 0:15:36.000 my style. 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:37.920 Like essentially, I didn't really know him it at all 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.840 at this point, and I just cried for like five 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:43.600 straight minutes, and I didn't try and stop it. 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:45.480 I didn't even understand why. I knew I could feel 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:46.160 that it was coming. 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:49.680 I was just feeling in like an immense, intense energy 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:51.720 pour over me, and I decided to not fight it, 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:54.440 even though I don't know what to expe like he 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:57.600 would expect. You know, it's not ideal. It was our 0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.440 third okay, it wasn't ideal to be just in front 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.440 of the nigga I met on him, yeah, for no reason. 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.960 And I just sat there and cried for like. 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.360 Seven minutes, and then I was like. 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:09.920 Hmm, that was weird. 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:15.040 That's all I said that that was weird, that's never 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:19.040 happened before, and he just held me like really tight, 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.080 and I felt it wasn't a release for me. 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:21.880 I felt safe. 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.000 I felt like like I just felt safe and like 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:28.240 I could just peel off and let go, and that's 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:30.840 what I did. But I think if you're being like 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.640 vulnerable with someone you're not comfortable with, or even with 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.479 yourself alone, if you're not comfortable with being vulnerable. 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.040 And you can't no, it'll come up. Then it will 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:38.400 come up. 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:41.360 And sometimes, like I said, I didn't really know why 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:43.680 I was crying except for the fact that I felt 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:45.560 like I was letting somebody in. I knew that was 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:48.920 happening low key and my subconscious, But if I had 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.080 any if I was trying to say face and be cool, 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:54.040 it would have been a terrible time because it's hard. 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:57.280 It's difficult because those drugs like that really take away 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:01.480 like your perception, like the masks that people put on 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:03.440 or that you put on, and it really makes you 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:06.560 just see like time, space, distance. 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:10.160 None of that shit matters, right, I know. That's why 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.119 we advocate for mushroom so hard. 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.040 Me and Erica had a side conversation one time that 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:21.760 maybe like if like in Good Moms, We're just gonna 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:23.760 have a side hustle. Then we're gonna we're gonna put 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:26.359 out our own mushroom, Good Mom's Mushroom. We don't know 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.440 how we're gonna start that side business. 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:29.879 But oh actually we did. We did have we did 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:31.520 have a plan. We said we're gonna start out a 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:34.720 fans only page and just sell mushrooms on there. 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:36.399 So look up for that. 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:39.359 We won't be shaking ass. Well, maybe they'll be ass 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:42.880 towerks and and well, I think because people have reached 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:44.639 out to us asking where to get them in the 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:46.480 different cities, and I'm like, I don't know, So I. 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:48.240 Like, I'm in San Diego, where can I find out? 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:48.720 My girl? 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:50.480 When you find and let me know because if I 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:51.760 come out there, I might need to know. 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.600 But we're gonna start creating like you know that Lonely 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:56.960 Planet how like you know Lonely Planet is the website, 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:59.800 Like it's like a it's like a guide throughout the 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.080 plan in it like tell you different places. Yeah, so 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.520 like we'll be like the Craigslist of mushrooms. Like any 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:08.000 city you go, just go to Good Mom's Good Mushrooms. 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:12.080 It's like it's like it's like the Green Book for mushrooms. 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:16.080 If you're black, you can buy mushrooms safely in this 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:16.840 part of town. 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:20.800 Make it right. There's gonna meet Jojo and the Brick 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:25.320 at the Brick House. Tell them good moms. 0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:27.440 Oh my god. 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:31.040 Now I do I do advocate for it. It's been great. 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:32.720 I mean I think I don't. I think you have to. 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:35.800 I don't think everyone needs to do them, honestly, I 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.840 think you have to know yourself, be careful. You know 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:41.320 some people you need to be ready. 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:44.480 Yeah, I feel like we take them for fun. 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:46.120 But mostly for their spiritual purpose. 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.040 You know, I think even though you do it for fun, 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:52.800 but we I think we've learned that to consume certain drugs, 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:54.200 it's important to have an intention. 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:57.320 That's really important. I feel like, obviously there's times where 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:01.040 I don't, and but I find that it's when you 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:03.680 do though, like you might forget it too along the way. 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:05.680 You might forget what that intention was at some point 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:07.240 in your journey. But like and. 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:10.520 Also sometimes just be opening, just be open to what comes. 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:12.679 You know, it doesn't have to be necessarily an intention 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.679 that's nice too, but like whatever comes and visits you, whatever, 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:18.240 resonates while you're on your trip. 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:20.080 I think you have to be open to receiving that. 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:23.280 If it's tears, if it's releasing you know, it's just 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:24.119 like because I'm. 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.639 Also doing it with someone that you feel safe with. 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:28.760 I think is really important. Like, don't do mushrooms at 0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:31.520 like a house party because also unless it's all your friends, 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:33.800