Speaker 1: The Nick Glaser Podcasts. Nicky, Hello here I am. It's
Speaker 1: a Nicki Glaser podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Wednesday.
Speaker 1: I am in St. Louis with Andrew Cullen. I still
Speaker 1: have sunglasses on because my brutal laser facial yesterday left
Speaker 1: me looking um the way I looked when I used
Speaker 1: the vibrator on my face and I got My eyes
Speaker 1: look like little like lion's eyes. They look tiny, like
Speaker 1: the skin around them makes them look swollen, and I
Speaker 1: just can't handle it. No, yeah, but you can see
Speaker 1: off camera, but I'm not good. I mean, that would
Speaker 1: defeat the purpose people because people will take that still
Speaker 1: image like this is who she is, and they'll uploaded
Speaker 1: as my IMDb pick, you know, Like I just can't
Speaker 1: have that. So instead, I'm wearing a pair of glasses
Speaker 1: that Paris Hilton sent me. But she sent me a
Speaker 1: gigantic case of sun glasses. I'm not kidding you. This
Speaker 1: box is half the size of a room. And I
Speaker 1: was so annoyed because I'm like, what is this big thing?
Speaker 1: And then you open it up and it is a case.
Speaker 1: It's a display case that is as big as this
Speaker 1: table that you open up and inside are six pairs
Speaker 1: of glasses in like foam. Like it's like a case
Speaker 1: that you would send a Macy's to be like, here's
Speaker 1: how to display this. I mean, a giant waste of materials,
Speaker 1: But I'm very grateful for the class. Look like a
Speaker 1: cocaine DJ in Miami. Yeah, I feel it allows me
Speaker 1: to wear things that I wouldn't normally wear but really
Speaker 1: want to wear because Paris said it was okay and
Speaker 1: she sent it to me, and I would be a
Speaker 1: bad friend to not wear it. Yeah, it is. It
Speaker 1: is interesting when you get it as a gift, you
Speaker 1: can wear whatever the fun you want. It's a gift.
Speaker 1: I have to I feel bad for that person. My
Speaker 1: nana is going to be so disappointed that I don't
Speaker 1: wear these nipple clamps. Yeah, I get it. Speaking of nipples.
Speaker 1: Um Well, and I were watching the Noah alerted me
Speaker 1: that Taylor Switch was going I've on n y US
Speaker 1: commencement speech and that they were broadcasting it on YouTube live.
Speaker 1: And I didn't even know and Noah told me, so
Speaker 1: I go on live and Noah made the hilarious joke
Speaker 1: from yesterday's podcast Am Drip that you know Taylor swift
Speaker 1: has like bright red lips, and Noah just said to me,
Speaker 1: it's like, I wonder, I guess her her nipples are
Speaker 1: cherry red. Good joke thinking about what her nipples were.
Speaker 1: And I just stopped because that is not okay and
Speaker 1: she does not want that. And but Noe and I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed the commences. Noah, as someone who is not
Speaker 1: a swifty what, I'm so glad that you are. What
Speaker 1: a good friend you are to give something. No just
Speaker 1: not even alert me to watch it with me too,
Speaker 1: like she watched it. She hasn't interest in things that
Speaker 1: not only her friend but obviously her the host of
Speaker 1: the show that she produces as an interest in. And
Speaker 1: like tries to this is what I want in every
Speaker 1: one of my friends, all my partners, romantic partner, to
Speaker 1: see the world through my eyes, to try to give
Speaker 1: things a chance that you might not necessarily like to
Speaker 1: understand their friend Nicki. And it really meant a lot
Speaker 1: to me. How long was the speech? Minutes? Yeah, like
Speaker 1: minutes And how is it okay? I felt like this
Speaker 1: is speaking to us because it's the things that we
Speaker 1: talk about. She had a really great portion on cringe
Speaker 1: on the word on our YouTube or on our instant
Speaker 1: for the show because she did something cringe. She did
Speaker 1: a kid thing and then I, yes, it was a
Speaker 1: good joke, but I was like okay. And then right
Speaker 1: after that she was like, you know, one of her
Speaker 1: lessons was live with the cringe. Just know that no
Speaker 1: matter what you do, you can't fight it. You will
Speaker 1: look back on your life and cringe. And cringe is
Speaker 1: just because the new cringe is what the hashtag I
Speaker 1: put on our on the post, but it was need that.
Speaker 1: That's how good she is. She says something ker not
Speaker 1: knowing that it's but then she retroactively then gives gives
Speaker 1: an excuse for being cur because she says, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: keep being She said in two thousand and twelve, I
Speaker 1: dressed like a nineteen fifties housewife for some reason. It
Speaker 1: is funny at the time, you think I'm fucking pulling
Speaker 1: this off. This is my new look. I've done this
Speaker 1: fifty million times. But at what point do you realize
Speaker 1: it's cringe? And why does it suddenly become cringe because
Speaker 1: because of the times or because of you, Cringe is
Speaker 1: curt don't like I had a piphany listening to it.
Speaker 1: Like anytime someone goes that's so cringe, like my Bob
Speaker 1: Saget song. A lot of people said it was cringe,
Speaker 1: Like anything that you can look at that through your life,
Speaker 1: that's cringe. It is the same as ker you were
Speaker 1: trying to be something so that other people would think
Speaker 1: something of you, You would not do it in a vacuum.
Speaker 1: I I say that I would have saying that Bob
Speaker 1: Saget song in a vacum. You don't know the things
Speaker 1: I do in a vacuum about Bob Saget that are
Speaker 1: not for anyone but me and my spiritual connection to
Speaker 1: the past, you know, people who have passed. So it's like,
Speaker 1: but there are But why put it out there then? Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, to help other people process what they're
Speaker 1: going through and to make it okay to be a
Speaker 1: little bit sacharin and ridiculous. But yeah, but what did
Speaker 1: you get from what she was saying about it? I
Speaker 1: got from the like, stop trying to fight, just let
Speaker 1: it happen, and that people are always going to try
Speaker 1: to bring you down. And and my favorite point was
Speaker 1: which she had the same thing that um Conan had
Speaker 1: said in his um you know, his his last monologue
Speaker 1: during the tonight show when he left because Jay Letto
Speaker 1: came back to take back a job that he had
Speaker 1: already given Conan so um he played. He was a
Speaker 1: what's that word that we can't say anymore? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about? So um let a Letto giver.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I count and so I gave you this
Speaker 1: and you just didn't in a handle it whill and
Speaker 1: I'm not ready to disco die with my cars. That's good,
Speaker 1: thanks buddy. So Conan said, don't do don't be cynical,
Speaker 1: and that's what she kind of said. She was like,
Speaker 1: one thing that is I think she was on the
Speaker 1: heels of the cringe things. She said, one thing that
Speaker 1: is often cringe is enthusiasm. Don't work like I She's like,
Speaker 1: I love enthusiasm. And then Noah, that reminded me of
Speaker 1: a thing you had said prior when we were when
Speaker 1: we first tuned in, she was about to come on
Speaker 1: stage and you were like, oh my god, this chat
Speaker 1: is insane. People going like Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, OMG. And
Speaker 1: you know, it was hard to type all those things
Speaker 1: while I was talking to you, but I did um
Speaker 1: shoot off a fair amount of mommy, mommy is. But
Speaker 1: that's why Swifties and you go. I can't believe this fandom.
Speaker 1: I wish I loved something that much. I wish I
Speaker 1: had that much fervor for you know, you gave an
Speaker 1: example of your Carcass concert this weekend. Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: in line to buy March. I really wanted to buy
Speaker 1: a hat in the T shirt and the guy in
Speaker 1: front of me was such a huge fan. He had
Speaker 1: bought this like limited edition box set a vinyl, a
Speaker 1: T shirt and a hat, and I saw how much
Speaker 1: it rang up. It rang up for a hundred and
Speaker 1: ninety dollars, and he was just like admiring it and
Speaker 1: like so happy and like hugging it, and I just
Speaker 1: was like so jealous of how enthusiast. And then I
Speaker 1: saw him like all the way in the front row,
Speaker 1: just like going crazy and being and I just felt
Speaker 1: so like jaded, and I just was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I miss being I don't think i've ever been. Actually
Speaker 1: I was. I was a fan of guns and roses
Speaker 1: that big, and then it squashed and I was just
Speaker 1: like I just missed being a fan of something so deeply. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's and it's enthusiasm, and it's like Taylor encourages uh
Speaker 1: this crazy enthusiasm, and like, ever does she haveing in
Speaker 1: of other people? Uh? Yeah, I mean like she's honored
Speaker 1: people at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Like, uh,
Speaker 1: what's her name, Carly? Uh no, Carly Simon. Um, she's
Speaker 1: you know, I think Joni Mitchell. Um. She is a Uh.
Speaker 1: There's been tons of examples of her, especially when she
Speaker 1: was doing to and she would bring people out. She
Speaker 1: was so reverential and like, but like, have you ever
Speaker 1: seen her waring st Yeah, she wore the ninet shirt
Speaker 1: or shirt when she was dating a guy allegedly for
Speaker 1: the band, So she's she's she definitely would wear people's
Speaker 1: T shirts. But um no, I just feel like sometimes,
Speaker 1: Tim McGraw, we could all be so self involved to
Speaker 1: to to release ourselves to being fans of things outside ourselves.
Speaker 1: And that's why I asked a question, because like, I
Speaker 1: have T like, I like sports, I love sports. I've
Speaker 1: never I don't. I think I've worn like a jersey
Speaker 1: twice in my life, and really like we're doing maybe
Speaker 1: not a jersey, but like what about just a shirt
Speaker 1: with the logo on it? I know, I I just
Speaker 1: I like the team. I just have never been like, hey,
Speaker 1: we're doing great this year. I've never been. And I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's a I think I do it
Speaker 1: to attract annoying that that care about it too. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like that's what I like is when girls are like,
Speaker 1: like your shirt and then I'm like, yes, you get it,
Speaker 1: you like And I love when I see other girls
Speaker 1: with swifty stuff because I'm just like they we are.
Speaker 1: It's almost like we came from the same hometown or
Speaker 1: we went to the same high school. It's like that
Speaker 1: kind of like kinship. That's why. And I wear it
Speaker 1: to be like because I know so many people think
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift is like they just have pigeonholed her as
Speaker 1: like this pop artist that is talks about boys, and
Speaker 1: maybe if I am wearing something of hers, not ironically,
Speaker 1: they might give her a shot and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that woman has is a Taylor Swift fans she seems cool. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But although sometimes I think that I probably just add
Speaker 1: to the Wow look at that crazy lady with crocs
Speaker 1: and two dogs and a dog's an empty dog sling
Speaker 1: and um yeah, yeah, I was going to check out
Speaker 1: swift Starbucks Arners for herself. I always look like I'm
Speaker 1: going to a meeting where I'm like reading a bunch
Speaker 1: of other people, but it's just me to pack up
Speaker 1: for the day so I don't have to keep going
Speaker 1: back to that Starbucks. And they go, you have a problem,
Speaker 1: I go, no, I'm going to a meeting where everyone
Speaker 1: wants the same drink as me. Oh my god, might
Speaker 1: encourage your your addictions, which is nice because everyone's addicting. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, like that's what I used to do. Like
Speaker 1: people who have food addictions will totally relate to this
Speaker 1: of like you want I want the same thing for
Speaker 1: every meal, and you get embarrassed. I've talked about this before.
Speaker 1: You get embarrassed going back to the same place, even
Speaker 1: if you're addicted to cigarettes or something, and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: we got already bought a pack there today, and the
Speaker 1: same guy it's gonna still be working there later. He's
Speaker 1: gonna know that I have a problem. Like, how could
Speaker 1: I've already gone. I did this with m I did
Speaker 1: this with caffeine, I've done this with fro yo. I
Speaker 1: would wait, I would find either another place that sold
Speaker 1: it and drive across town so I wouldn't have to
Speaker 1: see that person again because it's or a subway. I
Speaker 1: used to get the same foot long sandwich every day
Speaker 1: and I would try to keep it all day, but
Speaker 1: I would eat it in one sitting, and I would
Speaker 1: always want another one, because once you start a bench,
Speaker 1: you're just like, I'll just keep going, and um, I
Speaker 1: would just go. I would drive so far out of
Speaker 1: my way to not see another person that worked there,
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't get the judgment that I got at
Speaker 1: the Starbucks downstairs the other day. But now I own it.
Speaker 1: I was joking when I say I get a bunch.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I get too because I just want them back
Speaker 1: to back, not because I don't want to go back
Speaker 1: into the store. But there is a slight shame of
Speaker 1: knowing you are doing addictive behavior that is abnormal. Oh
Speaker 1: I do it a golf galaxy and uh what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'll go in, I'll put it for two hours. I'll
Speaker 1: hit different clubs. I've traded in numerous amount of clubs
Speaker 1: where um, and then they joke with me about the
Speaker 1: guy that's like, can you believe this guy fucking trades
Speaker 1: in every fucking three weeks? A new driver like it's
Speaker 1: going to help him and it's not his horrible swing
Speaker 1: and he really isn't that good at golf. I'm like, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: is it like you left the tag on? You're like,
Speaker 1: I haven't used this, but they know, no, you just
Speaker 1: trade in for less. So let's say you buy They
Speaker 1: sell you stuff all the time. Yeah, no they don't.
Speaker 1: I won't buy you stuf. I'll buy new stuff. I should. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you should. Yeah, of course, of course I should. But
Speaker 1: you think, is there a part of you that thinks
Speaker 1: it didn't work for the last person, why would it
Speaker 1: work for me? Yeah? Probably, and all the stuff. Yeah
Speaker 1: it's stupid, But I'm actually I am kind of done
Speaker 1: with the trading up and the idea of like, oh
Speaker 1: this will change, this will help me. It's fun, though,
Speaker 1: there's something, there's an enjoyment with it. There's you know,
Speaker 1: getting lost in it, the addiction of it. I was
Speaker 1: thinking about the fandom thing though, too, about like, you know,
Speaker 1: we have some friends that are really close or that
Speaker 1: are in the locker room at times, and they'll tell
Speaker 1: you stories about like how the players don't care really
Speaker 1: at all, even about winning or losing, or their fans
Speaker 1: for that matter. So that leaves a little bad taste
Speaker 1: in my mouth too sometimes where it's like, Oh, they
Speaker 1: don't give a shit about me, why should I care
Speaker 1: about them? But then also in your living room screaming
Speaker 1: and going like God damn it, like why why do
Speaker 1: that if it doesn't matter? Well, I don't, I don't,
Speaker 1: I don't do. My dad does that a lot. My dad.
Speaker 1: You would think you're at the game in the front
Speaker 1: row and he just got hit by one of the players.
Speaker 1: The way he yells, I'm jealous of that. Enthusiasts agreed.
Speaker 1: I am too, But I don't know why I get
Speaker 1: pessimistic about him. Legal you know, I was really pestive.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm not as much but the biggest fan
Speaker 1: you've ever been of anything Tom Petty seeing him in concerts,
Speaker 1: do you ever get into an obsession of like putting
Speaker 1: his poster on your wall and wanting to read every
Speaker 1: book and every little thing about him? I mean I
Speaker 1: saw his documentary, which is did you see it like
Speaker 1: as soon as it came out, and were you like
Speaker 1: in the I was really involved in it, and and
Speaker 1: and seeing him live. I saw him live war times.
Speaker 1: I saw him right before he died. With my brothers
Speaker 1: were singing every word like there's something, there's a story
Speaker 1: behind every song, and like when it was not stuff
Speaker 1: like that, not that far. But I know he's from Florida,
Speaker 1: being of mind to know every little detail. I did
Speaker 1: it with the Beatles, but then that became overwhelming and
Speaker 1: it was my first My dad bought the anthology book
Speaker 1: and when the anthologies were coming out in like ninety six,
Speaker 1: it was like the second And there's the coolest moment
Speaker 1: I think for me and my dad ever, was because
Speaker 1: my dad's just as big of a Beatle fan as
Speaker 1: I am, like a Taylor Swift fan. And um, when
Speaker 1: the Beatles anthologies came out, there they released new music
Speaker 1: that they found in these tapes and there um one
Speaker 1: is called Real Love and the other is Funck. It
Speaker 1: was the first one that was released, but it was
Speaker 1: that was like the coolest moment because I was maybe
Speaker 1: seventh or sixth and seventh grade, but I was the
Speaker 1: first time my dad and I we equally were like,
Speaker 1: we're getting new Beatles music. So we heard a new
Speaker 1: whose song and we're just like, you know, it blew
Speaker 1: our minds to hear and it was just like a
Speaker 1: shared moment of like such fandom. And also he got
Speaker 1: me into will Go like there's there's all those Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: my dad loved traveling will Berries and he loved Tom
Speaker 1: so there's definitely like daddy loved me. So I learned
Speaker 1: the lyrics to you know, American Girl. But um, I've
Speaker 1: been obsessed with Friends the show. I used to get
Speaker 1: all the books and read every single piece of information
Speaker 1: I could about them. I've been obsessed with Dave Matthews,
Speaker 1: Counting Crows, Will Go, any boy bands for you two? No,
Speaker 1: you know, I was just a little bit too old
Speaker 1: for backstreet boys and and young and old for young
Speaker 1: for new kids, and old for obviously one direction. I'm
Speaker 1: old enough where girls had Jean jackets with like their
Speaker 1: Donnie who that girl is pretty cool, that Donnie you know.
Speaker 1: That was the whole thing though, Like this is you know,
Speaker 1: this is who I am? This person in this bay.
Speaker 1: It's just looking for identity for sure. Let's go to
Speaker 1: break and talk about more stuff. When we would get back, Andrew,
Speaker 1: I'm over the shoulder of a young lady. But I'm
Speaker 1: not creepying down the block and we're back. Um, what's
Speaker 1: been Uh, I'm just a question about the lyrics thing,
Speaker 1: because you were talking about lyrics. I could I've learned,
Speaker 1: as we saw yesterday, I'm extremely lyrical, but now i've
Speaker 1: I've learned like songs before, but all I could know
Speaker 1: the words to songs and not the meaning or play
Speaker 1: the story in my brain. No, is not a lyric either.
Speaker 1: We've learned. Oh yeah, you're not a lyric hat either.
Speaker 1: It's more of a feeling, I guess. But she doesn't
Speaker 1: even memorize them. Recently, I've been I've been looking, oh,
Speaker 1: you don't even memorize them. I've been looking at like
Speaker 1: lyric genius or whatever whatever gen and and really going
Speaker 1: over like Sturgill Simpson, Jason Isabel, what does it mean? Like?
Speaker 1: Why are they saying these words? What's the build up?
Speaker 1: What's the story like? What like? How did they put
Speaker 1: it together? For the first time in my life? And
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of people that know songs
Speaker 1: but don't know songs, yes out there, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's just a different kind of brain. Whenever I'm on
Speaker 1: the Instagram playing music and people like request songs that
Speaker 1: I like, known forever, and then I pull up the
Speaker 1: lyrics and I'm like that's the lyric, Like there's like
Speaker 1: moments like that and um, yeah you you uh would
Speaker 1: you take the c D and read? My god, I
Speaker 1: mean with the ones I loved, you know, not with
Speaker 1: every single song, but I love there was something about
Speaker 1: right like, oh I just loved and I loved because
Speaker 1: so much of Dave Matthews is like horness and a
Speaker 1: home horness and no wa yeah, and so you would
Speaker 1: need to know what the funk he was talking about.
Speaker 1: And thank god for liner notes. Um TikTok is really
Speaker 1: funny with that ship with Pearl Jam. Have you seen
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's one where there's like a sign in
Speaker 1: in some you know, Denmark or something. They're just breaking
Speaker 1: down the lyric and there's just like what he's what
Speaker 1: they think he's saying versus what he's Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's the funniest should ever. But yeah, so you wouldn't
Speaker 1: know until you read it and then right or I
Speaker 1: would think I would know and then be so like
Speaker 1: there's a lot of Taylor Swift ones like that where
Speaker 1: you know, in the subreddit people will be like what
Speaker 1: did you think this was? And then what was it?
Speaker 1: And there's tons that, Um, I can't think of any
Speaker 1: right now that I always Oh, this is a weird
Speaker 1: one I do, and this is this is where a
Speaker 1: very select group of people. This is so there in
Speaker 1: blank space, she goes, um, uh, so hey, let's be friends. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know it's like Cherlotte. Wait, I forget what it's
Speaker 1: something before something Hey, let's be friends. Um, but think
Speaker 1: space lyrics. I'll find it one second. Oh okay, Uh,
Speaker 1: she goes new money student. I can read you like
Speaker 1: a magazine, ain't it funny? Rumors fly? And I know
Speaker 1: you heard about me an, so hey, let's be friends.
Speaker 1: I'm dying to see how this one ends. Well. When
Speaker 1: I was listening to the serial podcast the first one,
Speaker 1: do you know with um um odd? Not yes? And
Speaker 1: he murders? Does anyone remember the name of the girl
Speaker 1: he murders? Know? Her name is hey man Lee, her name,
Speaker 1: her first name was Hey. And so when she goes,
Speaker 1: so hey, let's be friends, I picture Taylor Swift saying
Speaker 1: hello to the woman that was murdered. And I don't
Speaker 1: know what is wrong with me, but I always think
Speaker 1: of so hey, let's be friends, Like she's befriending this
Speaker 1: um Asian girl in the year two thousand. There was
Speaker 1: another part in the commencement speech I had to write
Speaker 1: it down that I wanted to bring up to you.
Speaker 1: It's the part where she was talking about how she
Speaker 1: never gives advice unless someone asked her for it, because
Speaker 1: throughout her career, from starting young young, she's always gotten
Speaker 1: unsolicited advice from like executives and this and that, And
Speaker 1: she says, she goes that like she she always had
Speaker 1: this in the back of her mind that if she
Speaker 1: made any mistakes, all the children of America would grow
Speaker 1: up to If she didn't make any mistakes, all of
Speaker 1: the children of America would grow up to be perfect.
Speaker 1: Do you remember when she talked about that. Yes, And
Speaker 1: because she said that, so many people said you're setting
Speaker 1: an example for young girls, and so don't mess up,
Speaker 1: and that if she did mess up, they would all
Speaker 1: be fucked and if she did didn't, they would be okay.
Speaker 1: So it was like on her shoulders. The more fans
Speaker 1: she got, the more like she she was the older
Speaker 1: sister for all of these young people. She was like, there, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was interesting, and that's I always I always cite
Speaker 1: that as an example of like I've heard that before
Speaker 1: from people who mean a lot to me of saying
Speaker 1: what you did here is a really girls are looking
Speaker 1: up to you and this is really not a good look.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I've never really struggled with being
Speaker 1: a good example. And there have been people writing to
Speaker 1: me about like, hey, the way you talked about food
Speaker 1: today or like you feel fat, Like that really made
Speaker 1: me feel sad, and that's like not a good example
Speaker 1: to women. And then I catch myself and I go, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, like I was just in a bad state
Speaker 1: of mind. But I always argue, like I it was
Speaker 1: way more detrimental to me as a young girl to
Speaker 1: see people being like seeming like they were so okay
Speaker 1: with their bodies and like the way the world was
Speaker 1: and acting like everything was okay. I think that this
Speaker 1: fake body positivity is way more harmful to women than
Speaker 1: women just skinny women being like I hate my body
Speaker 1: and it sucks and I don't know why. Like that,
Speaker 1: that at least addresses the issue of like I'm I
Speaker 1: know that this is wrong to say, but I'm struggling
Speaker 1: with it. So you don't feel then bad, Like I
Speaker 1: know that that can make you feel bad if you're
Speaker 1: bigger than that girl to go like, well, then she
Speaker 1: probably thinks I'm fat. But what it deals, what it
Speaker 1: then causes us to address, is this skinny woman thinks
Speaker 1: she's fat? What is the issue here as opposed to this,
Speaker 1: as supposed to everyone being like, I love my body
Speaker 1: and if you don't, you're failing. So I just I
Speaker 1: think lying, even even if the truth is something that's
Speaker 1: really ugly, lying is worse than that for um, the
Speaker 1: future generation. I guess. I guess though, It's like, what
Speaker 1: if someone is completely happy and completely content with being
Speaker 1: overweight or be like they really feel like yeah, but
Speaker 1: then but I know, but do you think that they're there?
Speaker 1: I know for a fact women who claim to love
Speaker 1: their bodies and then I know that they don't. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a big thing going on right now
Speaker 1: with the Sports Illustrated cover. I don't know if god,
Speaker 1: I hated that cover so much, not the fact that
Speaker 1: they put a bigger girl in there, the fact that
Speaker 1: they put an older woman on there. It was it's
Speaker 1: all just such, here you go, Yeah, we are woke,
Speaker 1: and then what what we still have? Kim Kardashian does
Speaker 1: this make up for it? I posted something Yeah, I
Speaker 1: posted on I posted that. I took it down immediately
Speaker 1: because I was like, I don't want to get pulled
Speaker 1: into this. But I posted the old woman cover and
Speaker 1: I go, does this make up for? And I was good,
Speaker 1: dota dot this and I was gonna do Kim Kardashian.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, we see through it. No one is jerking.
Speaker 1: Sports Illustrated is to jerk off to no one's jerking.
Speaker 1: No one should be jerking off to a sixty eight
Speaker 1: seventy year old woman in a waterfall. I'm sorry, that's weird.
Speaker 1: She's still beautiful, but it doesn't belong in Sports Illustrated, Like,
Speaker 1: what are we doing here? It's fine, Like she's a
Speaker 1: beautiful woman. I would kill to look like that woman.
Speaker 1: I'm glad she felt herself. I think women should be
Speaker 1: in swimsuits. Yeah, sexualize them all you want, but but
Speaker 1: they were not. Actually they don't. Actually they don't care.
Speaker 1: Photographer who is some caddie little bitch who makes girls
Speaker 1: feel bad about themselves. Because I've had photographers who are
Speaker 1: used to shooting models and they make you feel bad
Speaker 1: that you're not a model. They were not loving that shoot.
Speaker 1: They were like, oh I got the old woman today,
Speaker 1: Like It's no one that was all orchestrated. He was
Speaker 1: all performative. They want people talk, they want us talking
Speaker 1: about it like we are right now. But you know what,
Speaker 1: I take it all back because if it does make older,
Speaker 1: if my mom sees that and goes, oh, maybe I
Speaker 1: could wear a swimsuit like that and be proud and
Speaker 1: like look stunning and a little bit sexual, fine, like
Speaker 1: then that's good. Or the bigger woman that you know
Speaker 1: Jordan Peterson gotten, he's pretty much canceled now because he
Speaker 1: he was just being fucking mean, like this is not set.
Speaker 1: What did he say, Well, this whole thing is. He
Speaker 1: was like not beautiful, like very like not beautiful. He
Speaker 1: ties it into like the woke taking control. I know,
Speaker 1: but I'm saying though, like it could just like you
Speaker 1: don't have to bring out that into everything. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just felt like I thought the older woman was
Speaker 1: the one that where I go, come on guys. Well
Speaker 1: he went, and then a lot of people on Twitter
Speaker 1: when after him, and then he goes, Twitter is volatile
Speaker 1: and people are coming after me, and then left Twitter
Speaker 1: crying bully, which was talked about actually on Sam Harris.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you listened to it, but the
Speaker 1: crying bully, the guy that's the bully, and then when
Speaker 1: it turns to him, Yeah, I mean it happens all
Speaker 1: the time, But that the older woman, I will say, like,
Speaker 1: I will be seventy something someday, um if I if
Speaker 1: my brain lets me make it that far, and I
Speaker 1: I feel like I will look back on that and
Speaker 1: be like, that is lovely. I'm glad they gave her
Speaker 1: a chance. But I still want acknowledgment that we are
Speaker 1: play cating you. We are that we are playing a
Speaker 1: game we want to get away with still being you know,
Speaker 1: ogling women for being a certain body type and worshiping
Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian and giving this person who by all means
Speaker 1: is setting bad examples for women with her diet talk
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. We want to still be able
Speaker 1: to support her. So if we do this too, it's
Speaker 1: like when people you know, amber heard donating donating in quotations.
Speaker 1: It's fine. We all do it all day long where
Speaker 1: we go. I can have some of this if I
Speaker 1: eat the salad like sad if they did all overweight
Speaker 1: women and all older, all older overweight across the board.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about that I would love it.
Speaker 1: I would love it. But that doesn't that they can't
Speaker 1: come out with like another thing. They have to switch completely.
Speaker 1: Now that's not to say I still this is like, um,
Speaker 1: what's it called? You know where they well, you know
Speaker 1: where they affirmative action where you you just acknowledge we
Speaker 1: are trying to alleviate a problem, which is there are
Speaker 1: too many of one kind of person representat here, so
Speaker 1: we are purposely putting in people that represent another uh
Speaker 1: minor already then that's fine. Just acknowledge that what you're doing.
Speaker 1: And maybe they did. Maybe they go, we're tired of
Speaker 1: having the same body image. We want to represent other people.
Speaker 1: But to me being like, we didn't know that. We
Speaker 1: just realized these women are beautiful to come on in.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no no, and there's a Native American. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about good. I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I was like I was thinking, like there's always like
Speaker 1: they give you like one or two minorities, or one
Speaker 1: or two overweight or one old lady and and people
Speaker 1: get crazy about it. That's what made me think, like
Speaker 1: what if Sports Illustrated was like, we're only putting in
Speaker 1: African American women and it's all African Americans all and
Speaker 1: maybe one white person and just to kind of finally
Speaker 1: understand like what it's being seen from the other way.
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes they don't go far enough to
Speaker 1: show their message. Magazine there's there's plenty of black, but
Speaker 1: that's a black magazine I'm saying. I'm saying, a magazine
Speaker 1: that has been predominantly white forever. Yeah, I like that
Speaker 1: would fucking for me. That would be like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: they're really showing a statement here. But these like subtle
Speaker 1: like you know yeah, and it's like Nike like taking
Speaker 1: on Kaepernick and like, oh, we don't care about our sales.
Speaker 1: We're we're welke and we're for him. But they know
Speaker 1: that it always helps them. But it's always about the
Speaker 1: bottom line and that's what that's all it is, and
Speaker 1: just be honest about it. It's like when um women
Speaker 1: on comedy shows, there's always one, but like and if
Speaker 1: they try to do too, they go, we got a woman,
Speaker 1: all right, sorry, we we already booked one, and it's
Speaker 1: just like now there's we're up to. Like maybe there
Speaker 1: can be like two per show, but if it's an
Speaker 1: all woman line up, it would be like that, you
Speaker 1: would have to call it something comedy cram yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, overary, yeah, overary, calm. Yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: something something better than what we just came up with me,
Speaker 1: but you know, playing it out, Yeah, I just I look,
Speaker 1: it's an it's annoying where it's like, you know, just
Speaker 1: talking to me. I don't know why. Hey, my eyes
Speaker 1: are up here. Comedy show, philopian, philopian funny. These hips
Speaker 1: are childbirth have to go because we have a special segment.
Speaker 1: What happened? Oh well we we we boom boom boom
Speaker 1: the news. We get through it so fast that you
Speaker 1: don't even hear. Sometimes it doesn't happen because it's so fast.
Speaker 1: Slow it down. We went, Oh yeah we are. We're
Speaker 1: just chill here. We're such someone bribe listens to us
Speaker 1: on point o four or whatever. I'm not joking you.
Speaker 1: My friends and I have a WhatsApp thread that Noah
Speaker 1: is on. Oddly enough, she's poor thing. Do you turn
Speaker 1: those alerts off? Noah? Right? Oh yeah, it would be
Speaker 1: so funny for you to open your will you open
Speaker 1: your what'sapp app to see how many messages you have
Speaker 1: unread from our group? Because no one's in our group.
Speaker 1: It's me, Sarah, Lena, Noah, Robin, uh, Perston, Um and
Speaker 1: Taylor and Noah dropped off like in August when and
Speaker 1: and obviously no one we've sometimes you just talked to
Speaker 1: no One and go like no, if you do hear this,
Speaker 1: we don't care that you're not getting back to us.
Speaker 1: Just know that, like, do not ever feel bad about
Speaker 1: not because some of us drop off for like weeks
Speaker 1: at a time, and like it's just the most forgiving,
Speaker 1: awesome little place to be. But um we uh we
Speaker 1: talked about that in there because you can speed it
Speaker 1: up and everyone listens to I listened to Robin. I
Speaker 1: think we talked about this. I listened to Robin on
Speaker 1: one point five because she is British and so sometimes
Speaker 1: and she talks fast. I listened to Selena on two.
Speaker 1: I listened to Curson on two. I listened to Taylor
Speaker 1: on too. And for me, they just listened on one.
Speaker 1: It's so funny that you've just made all your friendship monks.
Speaker 1: I swear to God. And then when I talked to
Speaker 1: them in real time, I'm like, did you have stroke?
Speaker 1: I also listened to Chris's show The Courtney show every
Speaker 1: day and it's always like that. Even and they have
Speaker 1: this one segment called um Can't eight and they do
Speaker 1: it's a theme song. It's called the best Thing I
Speaker 1: Saw yesterday and they always just share, like what something
Speaker 1: on the internet that they saw that was the best thing.
Speaker 1: It's like, I can't wait to show my friends today
Speaker 1: the best thing I saw yesterday. And it's like this
Speaker 1: funny song, but every time I listen to it, it's
Speaker 1: like goes that fast. But then I was in studio
Speaker 1: the other day and it was like can white to
Speaker 1: show my ford to Jay and I go, are you
Speaker 1: guys dat? I'm like a minute of the air with
Speaker 1: this song. So it is already slow at two times
Speaker 1: of speed. All right, Well, we have a very special
Speaker 1: segment coming up um that we are going to do
Speaker 1: maybe monthly, which incorporates you the listener, So stay tuned.
Speaker 1: We'll be back with that. Alright, We're back. So um
Speaker 1: it's Wednesday, so we have wild Card Wednesday. We just
Speaker 1: do different segments. We have a new one that is
Speaker 1: going to incorporate our listeners. It's time for Betty has
Speaker 1: Guessie Beste Guestey. Alright, today on the inaugural segment of Besties,
Speaker 1: as guestis, um, we are having on our bestie M
Speaker 1: who is Canadian and has a dog, definitely making a
Speaker 1: noise out of back for the last twenty minutes. I
Speaker 1: have to of course minutes. No, it's totally fine. We
Speaker 1: uh we relate to that. Um M. We decided to
Speaker 1: have on because you know, for the segment, we want
Speaker 1: to talk to besties who have stories and experiences jobs,
Speaker 1: life experiences that we don't have and that we want
Speaker 1: to ask questions of. And so, um, you are a
Speaker 1: police officer, correct, that's right. Yeah, and you've you did
Speaker 1: a fan trax, right, and that's how we knew about
Speaker 1: you being a police officer. Yeah, I was. It was
Speaker 1: like three thirty in the morning and I was just
Speaker 1: making notes from a call and I had noted that
Speaker 1: there were were several occupants in the car. And I
Speaker 1: laughed at myself for several thinking that several, yes, the several,
Speaker 1: thinking Andrew would think it was like a clown car
Speaker 1: with like hundreds of people and it was just three.
Speaker 1: Was it some kind of riot? Then every time every
Speaker 1: time I used that word now I laughed. Um okay,
Speaker 1: So my first question for you is how how did
Speaker 1: you be What did you always want to become a
Speaker 1: police officer or was it something you kind of fell into?
Speaker 1: How did this happen for you? I actually was a
Speaker 1: teacher before, um, and I don't really know where the
Speaker 1: change came from her, where the switch flipped, But I
Speaker 1: just I found that I wanted something a little more challenging,
Speaker 1: I think a little more exciting. So, UM, I applied
Speaker 1: at to become a police officer and got on pretty quickly,
Speaker 1: and it's the greatest job in the world to me.
Speaker 1: Every day is exciting, every day is different, um, and
Speaker 1: it's just always super challenging. So that's kind of what
Speaker 1: led me to that was is it different being a
Speaker 1: female police? Like? Are you there's not that many I'm
Speaker 1: guessing as many men. Yeah, I would say the ratio
Speaker 1: would probably be maybe like one female to like every
Speaker 1: maybe ten to twelve men. Okay, so probably the same
Speaker 1: as comedians probably, you know, UM, do you what is what?
Speaker 1: During your training to become a police officer? Was there
Speaker 1: anything that you were like, oh man, I might not
Speaker 1: pass this, Like what was the thing that you didn't expect?
Speaker 1: Or which was really hard because I always think about
Speaker 1: the like the training and like how they try to
Speaker 1: weed out the week. Yeah, I think the physical stuff
Speaker 1: at the beginning, I was, I think overwhelmed by just
Speaker 1: because there's it's not different for men versus women because
Speaker 1: you don't go to calls as you know, the men
Speaker 1: are going to go because it's a bigger part. You
Speaker 1: go because you're there. So some of the training in
Speaker 1: terms of the fitness stuff, um, you just have to
Speaker 1: train really hard. Um, you know, across the style very
Speaker 1: cup but um, you just you get through it. And um,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's it's a driver's test where you
Speaker 1: just have to you know, pass it once and then
Speaker 1: you can kind of let yourself go because there's some
Speaker 1: cops that like, you know, could not run, you know,
Speaker 1: a mile after themselves four years ago. Yes, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna let him go. I'll get the next guy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's at least up here. And I actually I think
Speaker 1: in the States to um, you there's like fitness testing
Speaker 1: that you have to pass before you can get hired,
Speaker 1: and then like when you're at the police college or
Speaker 1: like in the States of the academy, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of training, but then you get hired and it's just
Speaker 1: kind of like, we just want to keep you because
Speaker 1: a lot of cops are quitting and retiring, so I
Speaker 1: think they lower the bar a little bit once you're hired,
Speaker 1: so that they just literally what what is there fear
Speaker 1: in your mind when you think like I might have
Speaker 1: to pull my gun, I might have to shoot my gun?
Speaker 1: Like did you think about that before? Like the idea
Speaker 1: of being a cop is cool, right, You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm on the beat. Yeah, I get to put on
Speaker 1: a uniform every day, I gotta stick Like it's kind
Speaker 1: of it's just it's like a kid's dream. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got all the fun things, handcuffs, you know, and
Speaker 1: then you get out of the bedroom. What what? No,
Speaker 1: But like, did you ever fear that? And the think
Speaker 1: about being in a situation that was life or death?
Speaker 1: And how did you train your brain to eventually? And
Speaker 1: have you been in those kind of situations or things
Speaker 1: that you maybe never thought you'd be in but you
Speaker 1: found yourself in. Yeah, So it's definitely not like the
Speaker 1: movies where you know, there's all this big excitement with
Speaker 1: those kind of gun calls and stuff like that. But
Speaker 1: there's two things that they teach you about when you're training,
Speaker 1: and you don't get to replicate those things until you're
Speaker 1: actually in the situation. So one is tunnel vision and
Speaker 1: the other's auditory exclusions. So when you're in a heightened
Speaker 1: situation where you're facing say I had I had a
Speaker 1: situation where um, a teenager had a knife to her
Speaker 1: own throat. She was, you know, suicidal and obviously in
Speaker 1: a major crisis. And when I got to the call
Speaker 1: and actually located her, I didn't realize until I actually
Speaker 1: got there that she did have a knife to her throat.
Speaker 1: So she's standing there, she's got blood up her wrist,
Speaker 1: and she's got this knife to her throat, and I
Speaker 1: didn't hear I couldn't hear my radio, I didn't hear
Speaker 1: anybody around me. All I was like a straight tunnel
Speaker 1: just right to her. And then it was like I'm
Speaker 1: just yelling to her, you know, drop the knife, drop
Speaker 1: the knife. I want to help you. And all that's
Speaker 1: from my training. It's like my brain didn't even process
Speaker 1: what was happening, or I wasn't aware of it. I
Speaker 1: just my training came out. And then it's like all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I blinked and I had like five
Speaker 1: other officers there and we you know, we got her
Speaker 1: on the ground safely, and we got her apprehended and
Speaker 1: took her to the the hospital. But it's like your training
Speaker 1: kicks in and it's like all of your other things,
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't have been able to hear a a
Speaker 1: train behind me. It's like, yeah, so it's crazy. Is
Speaker 1: that from doing it from repetition when you're training, Because
Speaker 1: that kind of instinct doesn't lock in unless you've done
Speaker 1: it so many times over and over and it becomes habitual.
Speaker 1: I mean, is the training extensive, like of of putting
Speaker 1: you in those positions over and over so that you
Speaker 1: can just click into it. Yeah, I would say, like
Speaker 1: maybe not so much situational, but like when we do
Speaker 1: our you know, like our firearm training, we do a
Speaker 1: lot of you know, pulling your gun and issue in
Speaker 1: commands like drop the gun, drop the gun, and drop
Speaker 1: the knife. I want to help you. Um, So you
Speaker 1: kind of just get that instinct when you pull your
Speaker 1: taser out or you pull your gun out. You're automatically
Speaker 1: saying those things and then I think it all just
Speaker 1: kind of clicks and you're also going to a call
Speaker 1: you at least I I'm kind of playing worst case
Speaker 1: scenario in my head. So if I'm going to a
Speaker 1: call where it's like, oh, you know, gun drops and
Speaker 1: we get those a lot, and it's you know, fireworks
Speaker 1: or a car back browning, but you play the worst
Speaker 1: case scenario in your head and kind of anticipate how
Speaker 1: you're going to respond. Yeah, So on the way there,
Speaker 1: you're almost running through what you will do in this
Speaker 1: circumstance so that when it actually happens, it just goes naturally. Okay,
Speaker 1: what we're going Cops? Obviously in America the last few years,
Speaker 1: I mean, it hasn't been the best pr for them lately.
Speaker 1: Does that transfer over to Canada? Do you guys talk
Speaker 1: about how the cops system is in America? How you know,
Speaker 1: maybe certain bad cops aren't called out by good cops,
Speaker 1: and do you deal with that in Canada? That that,
Speaker 1: you know, the backlash that happens in America. And also
Speaker 1: the people have less guns in Canada? Correct or am
Speaker 1: I like the gun laws are different there? So does
Speaker 1: that help you at least show up on a scene
Speaker 1: where you're like, Okay, it's let's just see if you
Speaker 1: were working in America, would you be a little bit
Speaker 1: more scared. Yeah, yeah, the yeah, the gun situation down
Speaker 1: there is, uh, in my opinion, terrifying. Um. Up here,
Speaker 1: we have a lot of illegal guns, and that's kind
Speaker 1: of the scary thing because I mean, at least down
Speaker 1: in the States, you know, you're a lot more aware
Speaker 1: of who has guns and people. I think that most
Speaker 1: people have more of a respect for guns, at least
Speaker 1: I think just because they own them, they've grown up
Speaker 1: with them, whereas here it's not the case. So, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it can be a little scary, I guess when it
Speaker 1: comes to the gun stuff for sure. But why are
Speaker 1: not tasers? Why don't you just taste everyone, like instead
Speaker 1: of shooting them? Like tasers just seem like such a
Speaker 1: great tool to just completely Like the girl with a
Speaker 1: knife to her throat, just taser immediately, Like well why
Speaker 1: why try to um you know, convinced her to drop
Speaker 1: And this is my this is obviously ignorant because it's
Speaker 1: not the way it's done. So why not though, because
Speaker 1: you if I got tasted the knife would like wobble
Speaker 1: and then I drop it, you know. We yeah, so
Speaker 1: we we did have tasers out on her or that
Speaker 1: pillow fights, Why not pillow. Why not generally whisper in
Speaker 1: your ear? And then like the lobo, why not put
Speaker 1: a little laser pointer in their eye? That's annoying. Okay,
Speaker 1: go on, I like all these suggestions. I will okay, cool, Yeah,
Speaker 1: to bring them up the next Um, yeah, I know
Speaker 1: we had tasers out. We had tasers out on her.
Speaker 1: We didn't have guns out on her. Um. The taser
Speaker 1: has certainly like I go to my taser very often.
Speaker 1: I'm not a big person. I am five ft three.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to win in a fist fight with
Speaker 1: a lot of people. Um. I pulled the taser out,
Speaker 1: and a lot of the time it's it's funny too
Speaker 1: because you call it out and you know right away
Speaker 1: who has been tasted before, Because the second you touch it,
Speaker 1: they're like, no, no, no, I'm good man, I'm good.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh wow, because they have you been
Speaker 1: tasted before and your training to know what it's like.
Speaker 1: We got yeah, we got tasted it. And how for
Speaker 1: five seconds? What does it feel like? It feels like
Speaker 1: imagine a lightning bolt going through the top of your
Speaker 1: head and coming out of your foot for five seconds.
Speaker 1: Oh god. So it's it's almost sounds worse than like
Speaker 1: I'm reading this Columbine book. I don't mean to act
Speaker 1: like some kind of expert uncuntess, but everyone who is
Speaker 1: I do like rangelases Columbines by you. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's so funny. Um no, it's every you know, and
Speaker 1: we've heard the SI million times you get shot. People
Speaker 1: just go oh, someone just shoved me from behind, like
Speaker 1: a lot of times. Doesn't even disable someone in the
Speaker 1: way that you think it would because your adrenaline in
Speaker 1: that situation A taser sometimes will will people not be
Speaker 1: debilitated from a taser. I mean I feel like that
Speaker 1: always know. I've seen people on drugs rip them out.
Speaker 1: That's little things. Why are there strings on the taste?
Speaker 1: I thought it's all electricity. It is, so it goes
Speaker 1: through those. It's called they call it neural muscular incapacitation,
Speaker 1: which basically means for five seconds, you can't move anything
Speaker 1: in your body. Every single muscle sees is up. It
Speaker 1: is the worst pain. It's like you know when you
Speaker 1: get like a calf cramp at night, It's like whole
Speaker 1: body for five seconds. Oh my god. So um oh yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I guess you can ask go ahead, I want them
Speaker 1: to tell us about the call she had for stolen clothes. Okay,
Speaker 1: so two seven so and this this was like a
Speaker 1: very and so is some people that you don't policing
Speaker 1: is exciting. This is just such a run of the
Speaker 1: milk hall. So this girl called in saying that she
Speaker 1: um her her jacket and a bunch of her pairs
Speaker 1: of her boots were stolen. Several pairs of her boots
Speaker 1: were stolen from her, like the front entrance of her apartment,
Speaker 1: and she had like a shared front entryway and then
Speaker 1: a doorway into her apartment. And I got there and
Speaker 1: she showed me the area, and I said, okay, like
Speaker 1: I'll step in and we can take your report. So
Speaker 1: I step in and I'm facing her and she's telling me,
Speaker 1: and I look up at her and there's a big,
Speaker 1: like a shelf behind her, and she's got this massive
Speaker 1: white dildo on this shelf, just sitting out like a
Speaker 1: decorative peace. And I don't think I heard. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think I heard a word that she said, because
Speaker 1: I couldn't gonna be strained behind you, which they probably
Speaker 1: was lining up to. Fun this girl, five other women cops.
Speaker 1: That's so funny. Men the dildo or what like. I
Speaker 1: was so I was so distracted and I was kind
Speaker 1: of hoping that she would notice my eyes, just like
Speaker 1: gazing at that giant dildo. This thing was massive. Um um,
Speaker 1: I gotta wonder, you know, whenever I encounter a cop
Speaker 1: for some reason, I had like even talking to you,
Speaker 1: I'm I've pictured you are on a screen in our
Speaker 1: in our room here, and it looks like you're almost
Speaker 1: bent down talking to me through my door of my
Speaker 1: car and you're issuing a ticket. Like there's there's an
Speaker 1: instinct in me that wants to apologize profusely, like kiss
Speaker 1: your ring, do whatever I can to kiss your ass.
Speaker 1: Like I almost don't think of cops as humans and
Speaker 1: I want to like normal people. Let even in passing,
Speaker 1: when you know, I'm walking the dog and there's a
Speaker 1: cop that walks by, there's a guiltiness that, you know
Speaker 1: falls over me. Do you remember how you used to
Speaker 1: look at cops and is that or or like as
Speaker 1: just a normal pedestrian ornstrian, you know, just a normal
Speaker 1: person that is a non cop. Do you remember how
Speaker 1: did you ever have that with cops? Were like you
Speaker 1: just can't chill around them and do you now understand,
Speaker 1: like do you see people tighten up when you walk by?
Speaker 1: And is that the same in Canada? Because that's the
Speaker 1: way it is here in the States. We we definitely intense. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: I used to be terrified of cops and I was.
Speaker 1: I've been pulled over a couple of times and I
Speaker 1: remember just being absolutely terrified and thinking that they could
Speaker 1: do absolutely anything I had. I never realized all the
Speaker 1: freedoms that civilians have until I became a cop and realized.
Speaker 1: People will fight speeding tickets, they'll fight disobeys, stop sign tickets,
Speaker 1: they will do if anything, they'll video you, they'll do
Speaker 1: the most disrespectful things that Actually this kind of lends
Speaker 1: to another story that I was telling no about and
Speaker 1: just how people treat cops and something that I never
Speaker 1: would have dreamed of. So um, we had to We
Speaker 1: went to a call where it was a check. While
Speaker 1: being call on a guy who he locked his roommate out.
Speaker 1: They were having a fight, and he put like a
Speaker 1: bunch of like three or four inch screws in the
Speaker 1: door so that even if you unlocked it, you couldn't
Speaker 1: open it. So um, we got to actually breach the door,
Speaker 1: which was kind of fun because I've never done that before,
Speaker 1: and you know, breached out with my shoulder and we
Speaker 1: go in and he's fine. Um that the apartment was nasty.
Speaker 1: His um he hadn't had hydro um so he like
Speaker 1: was shipping in his bathtub and it was it was
Speaker 1: really gross. Yeah, like no running water and the appartment
Speaker 1: that sounds like just like an energy drink here. Okay,
Speaker 1: so yeah yeah, so um. But as I'm as I'm leaving,
Speaker 1: oh this bathtub and you must see stuff like that
Speaker 1: all the time. That's what I do love about cops,
Speaker 1: as they seem very non judgmental of the surroundings when
Speaker 1: when you were they're not going to judge your dirty car,
Speaker 1: like they're just there to take care of a task,
Speaker 1: even though unless you have a dildo on the shelf,
Speaker 1: but go on, yeah, so yeah, we've seen you, name it,
Speaker 1: we've seen it. But um, as I was leaving that call,
Speaker 1: I go back out to my car and I had
Speaker 1: parked on just the side of the road and the front,
Speaker 1: the very front of my cruiser was just past a
Speaker 1: sign that said no parking on this side. So about
Speaker 1: a foot of my car was just past this sign.
Speaker 1: So I'm walking out and there's this homeless guy walking
Speaker 1: by and he's pointing at my car and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: like just here for a policing And he looks at
Speaker 1: me and he goes, you're a two dick mouth bitch.
Speaker 1: A two dick mouth bitch. Yeah, yeah, does that mean
Speaker 1: you have a big mouth that she could fit in
Speaker 1: a two dick your mouth? And I'm looking at it
Speaker 1: right now. It's it's beautiful. It's not says a lot
Speaker 1: about that guy, but yeah, okay. And because of your car,
Speaker 1: because you were breaking the rules that American cops break
Speaker 1: the rules compared to you being a foot out, they'll
Speaker 1: part the wrong way, take up the whole lane and
Speaker 1: then it turned on their side just to get somewhere faster.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah. And they look at you like if
Speaker 1: you if you have a problem with it, They're like
Speaker 1: like testing you, like please bathing, have a taser right here.
Speaker 1: I will say, though, I think, by and large, like
Speaker 1: I don't think all cops are like like, I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are cops that are like
Speaker 1: good people, but there is something that you must see
Speaker 1: on the force. And I will say this as a
Speaker 1: female comic, male comics are different than female comics, Like you,
Speaker 1: the reason you go into comedy as a man, we
Speaker 1: have a lot of similarities and why we do it.
Speaker 1: Our mothers didn't love us enough. We want we don't.
Speaker 1: We have low self esteem. But there's there's you know,
Speaker 1: there's a pussy incentive that men have that women don't like.
Speaker 1: If you want to get a lot of dick comedy,
Speaker 1: isn't why you should. That's not something that women go
Speaker 1: into it for the dick. It just that would never
Speaker 1: occur to us. Do you feel as a female cop
Speaker 1: that you went into it differently, um, for different reasons
Speaker 1: than the men? And do you often feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of male cops can be ki and are trying
Speaker 1: to like gain control of maybe this you know, I
Speaker 1: love the Sarah Silverman joke. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: ever seen it on her show she gets pulled over
Speaker 1: and he goes, ma'am, do you know why I pulled
Speaker 1: you over today? And she goes, you got all season
Speaker 1: high school? And I like that there's like this deficiency
Speaker 1: that they're trying to make up for. Do you see
Speaker 1: that there are there are there bad cops within your
Speaker 1: force that you can go and name them. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: there's definitely that. I mean, it's it's like every job, right,
Speaker 1: you're going to have bad teachers, lawyers, doctor so um.
Speaker 1: But it's like in my notes for this, I literally
Speaker 1: wrote like, cops are cut, Like there's so many that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like like the outfit and yes and yeah, and
Speaker 1: you people like the dating apps are on their Instagram
Speaker 1: with their their like uniform pictures and it is just
Speaker 1: so cut, like it's like, oh my god, you was
Speaker 1: um illegal. Sometimes like I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: times goodness will get you pulled over, like reving your
Speaker 1: engine blasting loud music, like do you feel do you
Speaker 1: wish you could write tickets for? There are some fines
Speaker 1: that would be considered cut that have actual names like
Speaker 1: unnecessary unnecessary noise from a vehicle, Um that way, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's cut. Um. And then there's actually I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guys have what the equivalent is, but we
Speaker 1: have things called by laws here, so it's like each
Speaker 1: region or city has its own kind of set of
Speaker 1: like rules to live by, but they're not like actual
Speaker 1: criminal offenses, so things like, um, we have we have
Speaker 1: a by law that I love. It's called hooting and hollering,
Speaker 1: so you can actually get a ticket of fine for
Speaker 1: hooting and hollering. Oh my god, yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but he's like, I wasn't hooting. I was wooting, Like
Speaker 1: you know, like, what what makes it a hoot and holler?
Speaker 1: I don't know, just waiting too much? Yeah, yeahs And
Speaker 1: that should be the way, Like I'm so annoyed. That
Speaker 1: is so when people it's often happens obviously with do
Speaker 1: you Here's my question, how much of the time, when
Speaker 1: you are ready writing tickets that are outside of like
Speaker 1: let's say traffic, even though this is placed into it
Speaker 1: where people are being getting in fights disorderly calls, how
Speaker 1: much of the time are drugs and alcohol related to that? Liketh?
Speaker 1: I honestly say, if people would stop drinking so much
Speaker 1: and go to bed on time, we would not have
Speaker 1: calls for services. Like That's what I say to people
Speaker 1: in relationships who fight. I go, if you guys stop drinking,
Speaker 1: it would just know you wouldn't have no more fights
Speaker 1: or you the fight you have would be under control.
Speaker 1: Drinking contributes and obviously drugs, but drinking I think is
Speaker 1: the gateway drug to drugs, like drinking is what is
Speaker 1: you know, legal and so and permissible? But like, so,
Speaker 1: what when you pull over someone um and you your
Speaker 1: first suspicion is probably always got to be this person's
Speaker 1: maybe drunk because they made an error or like you could.
Speaker 1: What are there signs that you can tell when someone's
Speaker 1: driving that you are to look for when they're when
Speaker 1: they're intoxicated? What are things that drunk people do when
Speaker 1: they're driving the other people don't? And what's the funniest
Speaker 1: encounter you ever had with a drunk driver? Because I'm
Speaker 1: sure they've said some insane things to try to get
Speaker 1: out of it. Yeah. So typically they're either trying to
Speaker 1: drive perfectly, but like going way too slow and staying
Speaker 1: at stop lights for way too long. Yes, the perfect
Speaker 1: But I heard though that a lot of times really
Speaker 1: drunk drivers they don't correct right away, Like that's more
Speaker 1: of a high driver or like a driver who is
Speaker 1: just like not paying attention, you know, and ten their phone.
Speaker 1: And drunk drivers are a little bit slower at their corrections.
Speaker 1: Is that a thing? Yeah, it's like bowl. It's like
Speaker 1: when you bowl with the bumpers up and it's just
Speaker 1: kind of right wow, And then their eyes don't you
Speaker 1: look at their eyes and like when you do the
Speaker 1: little scan with your finger, their eyes will tremble when
Speaker 1: they go side to side. If you're drunk, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: called horizontal nous stagnus and their eyes. If you're a
Speaker 1: sober person, your eyes will track like wind shield wipers
Speaker 1: on a wet wind shield. If you're impaired, your eyes
Speaker 1: will track like wind shield wipers on a dry windshield.
Speaker 1: So they stagger. And it's it's very It's a fun
Speaker 1: party trick. You should try it with your drunk friends.
Speaker 1: What about what about marijuana? Does that make you windshield
Speaker 1: wipers stagger like or like? So any kind of impairment
Speaker 1: will make you do the little wobbly eyed thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and some cops will say the eyes don't lie, and
Speaker 1: I say that's we don't say that. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so. What are some other things that you you go, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is someone I don't even have to I will
Speaker 1: do the roadside test because this person I don't maybe
Speaker 1: I don't smell alcohol, but this is a thing that
Speaker 1: drunk people do. Because I think it's so funny how
Speaker 1: often people give themselves away guilty people, maybe not even drunk,
Speaker 1: just guilty. Um. They're usually very put to answer and
Speaker 1: very very nervous. Um. A lot of the time we
Speaker 1: get drunk people coming out of like drive throughs, like
Speaker 1: going to McDonald's. That's what I was gonna say. Why
Speaker 1: don't you just hang out outside taco bells? He said,
Speaker 1: put a breathalyzer on the taco bell Sun out to
Speaker 1: Clayton Champagne for that joke. He's retired commic. But um,
Speaker 1: that's what we're going to finish up with you. What
Speaker 1: I want to know, and this is for my own
Speaker 1: peace of mind. What is something that you can tell
Speaker 1: people in dealing with cops that you would like advise people,
Speaker 1: like when you were twenty six and had never had
Speaker 1: anything to do with the force, that you would have
Speaker 1: like maybe benefited for knowing, maybe cop related or non
Speaker 1: comp related, Like something that you can tell the general
Speaker 1: public about what you know now. I would just say that, like,
Speaker 1: cops are normal people. They all have you know, families, dogs, friends,
Speaker 1: Like we're not robots, and if you just talk to
Speaker 1: us like humans, because this is how I am. When
Speaker 1: I pull someone over, if they're nice to me, I
Speaker 1: have a hard time giving them a ticket unless it's
Speaker 1: something very agree diserbla. I have a hard time given.
Speaker 1: If you're just nice to me, you say, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, like I didn't mean to do that. I
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that I did that. If they're nice, I'm
Speaker 1: it does I love that nice person? I mean, I
Speaker 1: think that is so important. I think because I think
Speaker 1: so often people just get on the defense right away
Speaker 1: and they think cops are good because of the way
Speaker 1: you're portrayed in movies and also in America that we
Speaker 1: get on the defense right away. This person is going
Speaker 1: to be a dickt and a lot of times, let's
Speaker 1: be honest, they are. But I have gotten out of
Speaker 1: tickets before by just showing humility. Yeah, that's what I
Speaker 1: call my left tip. Humility and integrity. Um no, just
Speaker 1: humility and um regret and that that's my post. But
Speaker 1: I just showed just N'm like, oh my god, that
Speaker 1: was so dumb, and also being like you're whatever you're
Speaker 1: gonna do for me, it's probably right because this was
Speaker 1: dangerous and I needed to learn my lesson. I was
Speaker 1: in Mexico and I got pulled over by a cop.
Speaker 1: What's what's cop? And Spanish couple? So I got pulled
Speaker 1: over by policia and I will say that they because
Speaker 1: I was texting and driving, and I and he was right,
Speaker 1: you know, like I wanted to make the excuse of
Speaker 1: I was looking for directions, which I was, but still
Speaker 1: I was distracted. You so often is texting and driving
Speaker 1: illegal in Canada? Is it a by lague? Okay? Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: which it should be. It's isn't it Like don't you
Speaker 1: see it as like the number one thing with It's
Speaker 1: like driving at this point. It super distracting and people
Speaker 1: don't realize that or how long they've been. They don't
Speaker 1: know how long they look down and you know that
Speaker 1: you're one of these people that is, look, I've done
Speaker 1: it before where I look up and I go, I
Speaker 1: don't know how long that was. That's not a good sign. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the guy pulled me over and I said to him,
Speaker 1: I was like, you're right, like I whatever you want
Speaker 1: to give me, like I need to pay the fine.
Speaker 1: I need to learn my lesson. Like this was a
Speaker 1: wake up call because I like getting caught for things
Speaker 1: before they get worse, Like when I got caught shoplifting,
Speaker 1: I was like, I will never do this again. This
Speaker 1: is so humiliating. I would have kept going if I
Speaker 1: hadn't have got caught. So it's important to be fine
Speaker 1: and penalized for things. But he goes, you know it's
Speaker 1: gonna be it was four hundred dollars and whatever. I
Speaker 1: already forget what paces are, but it was four dars
Speaker 1: American and he needed cash, which is suspicious, but you
Speaker 1: know policia. And I was like, I don't have it.
Speaker 1: I have like twenty dollars cash on me and he
Speaker 1: was like, okay, well then i'll take your I D
Speaker 1: and um, and you need to go pay tomorrow to
Speaker 1: get the I D back. I was leaving the next
Speaker 1: day and he was like, and if you pay to borrow,
Speaker 1: it's going to be six dollars American. And I realized
Speaker 1: in that moment I have two driver's licenses because I
Speaker 1: got I lost one and then uh, someone found the
Speaker 1: one I had lost and returned it, so I had
Speaker 1: to and I was like, oh, I'll just let him
Speaker 1: take it, like I don't care that four. But then
Speaker 1: I thought they might give this that might be in
Speaker 1: some record. And then the next time I go go
Speaker 1: through customs, it's gonna be a crazy thing. And they're
Speaker 1: gonna have to get someone else to host a girl
Speaker 1: island or f why island whatever we f person island
Speaker 1: and so um. I ended up paying it, but I
Speaker 1: paid him cash hand to hand. No, no right up
Speaker 1: of it. But you don't that's where you go. They
Speaker 1: can do anything. And I do find that when I've
Speaker 1: been cuffed before by cops, it is the worst feeling
Speaker 1: in the world, which I'm sure you know that. You
Speaker 1: give people that feeling where something changes when they get cuffed,
Speaker 1: where you know you have no you don't know what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen to you, You have no rights, you are
Speaker 1: not You do have rights, obviously, but you just feel so.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been arrested, I mean clearly probably not
Speaker 1: right M I've never No, I've never been arrested. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Would they let you in the force if you had been,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I've heard of it. Don't even let
Speaker 1: you if you've been arrested for anything. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: people have maybe been arrested, but have like talked about
Speaker 1: and been honest about it, and maybe they've changed because
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a bad thing people. I mean
Speaker 1: people can change. People make mistakes, people fuck up, and
Speaker 1: it brings a different dynamic to the job. So could
Speaker 1: I be a cop at thirties? I'm about to be
Speaker 1: thirty eight in like a week. If I decided right now, like,
Speaker 1: let's say I'm a Canadian, could I you think be
Speaker 1: a cop? Can you become a cop at thirty eight?
Speaker 1: And let's say I have no? Yeah, I had a Yeah.
Speaker 1: I had a classmate at police college who was in
Speaker 1: her forties. Really yeah, Oh my gosh, that's cool. And
Speaker 1: you know what's cool is that you decided to do
Speaker 1: something you were already a teacher. What did you teach?
Speaker 1: I taught elementary school? Okay, what did you teach? Um?
Speaker 1: My last job I was teaching. I covered prep, so
Speaker 1: I taught like all the fun born subject like music, art,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. What made you go? No, no, no?
Speaker 1: The said for me, I just wasn't like satisfied. Fully.
Speaker 1: Is it easier for a kid to be quiet when
Speaker 1: you have a gun? It's probably like if I just
Speaker 1: had a gun. I'm sure there is a cut off
Speaker 1: of age to become a police officer, but I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people think, like seven, oh, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to have a career change. I think there's a
Speaker 1: lot of young like really young cops. Then I think
Speaker 1: that can be a problem because they're too young to
Speaker 1: really understand people. Brain doesn't even finish developing until six
Speaker 1: or something. So we have some young cops and yeah,
Speaker 1: I shake mind, especially with how these young generations are now.
Speaker 1: I hate to sound old, but it's problematic. What's the
Speaker 1: biggest thing that you look at that you go, okay,
Speaker 1: these are these kids are different than they're just they're
Speaker 1: entitled and they don't understand discipline. They don't have discipline
Speaker 1: because they just get everything handed to them. That's a
Speaker 1: that's the thing. Even in Canada, people aren't disciplining their
Speaker 1: kids and they're not getting disciplined in school because teachers
Speaker 1: can't discipline because arrants get angry at the teachers if
Speaker 1: they It's so bizarre. Anyway, that's another subject for another time.
Speaker 1: And thank you so much for talking to us from Canada.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being a bestie, thank you for coming
Speaker 1: to our shows. We'll see you in Toronto right um.
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to meet you again. We met you
Speaker 1: in Vegas already and you brought me smarties, which is
Speaker 1: my favorite Canadian treat. The only thing I maybe given
Speaker 1: to my uh, you know, I can't even because they're vegan,
Speaker 1: but they're the best. They're they're big eminem. They're big
Speaker 1: Canadian eminem. They're not like the American Smarties. They have
Speaker 1: like a yes, they have a crispy like a harder
Speaker 1: outer shell. Amost and this brings me to my point
Speaker 1: talking to besties about Smarties. Now, I'm just kidda, thank you,
Speaker 1: m we uh, thank you for being in our first
Speaker 1: episode or our first segment of guesties as bestiest. I
Speaker 1: am thank you. I wanted to say, like the looha
Speaker 1: of Canada, which is there anything that you say that's sorry? Here? Sorry,
Speaker 1: we say yeah, we say cheers a lot, cheers, cheers
Speaker 1: all right, bye girl bye, thank you. It took out
Speaker 1: a second to get off zoom, and I just want
Speaker 1: to say it. I made this joke on Conan of
Speaker 1: where you go from leaving a meeting to then the
Speaker 1: screen comes up again leave meeting, and it leaves you
Speaker 1: this weird blank space. I am so trained now to
Speaker 1: keep my smile on the entire time I do it.
Speaker 1: I've done so much press for this. Welcome to Niki
Speaker 1: lays a question mark on e exclamation points. Does it
Speaker 1: to nine Central, but I go bye, guys. And the
Speaker 1: other day I did Caitlin Bristow's podcast and I did
Speaker 1: a recording on my computer like for audio for backup
Speaker 1: just in case, and that interviews out now by the way,
Speaker 1: No it's not yet, I don't think anyway. Um, And
Speaker 1: the recording kept going after it said good bye to
Speaker 1: them off zoom, and I knew it was still recording,
Speaker 1: and I I kept just talking like it was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, that was fun, like I invade it
Speaker 1: sound like because I knew that they might catch me
Speaker 1: saying something a little different or like just it's so
Speaker 1: insulting though when someone is like so enthusiastic and then
Speaker 1: immediately dead face. I got the best text from Caitlin
Speaker 1: though yesterday, Um that said uh because I went on
Speaker 1: her podcast. Noah, you'll love this, Caitlin Bristow wrote me
Speaker 1: yesterday out of the blue, which, yeah, I know, what
Speaker 1: did you say to her? It was so funny. I
Speaker 1: forget exactly, but it was like, what's it like? Nicky
Speaker 1: got last What's it like to say? Um? Or no,
Speaker 1: Nikki says she got first voted off What's it like
Speaker 1: to say the first part of she wrote what is
Speaker 1: the book that you told me about on the podcast?
Speaker 1: And I wrote getting Too I Do by Pat Alan
Speaker 1: and she was like, yes, ha ha, the book lives
Speaker 1: on talking with my girlfriend. I'm going to get so
Speaker 1: many girls into that book. Final thought, Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: so yeah. I. Um, I've talked about getting to I
Speaker 1: Do so much obviously um on this podcast on the
Speaker 1: up podcast. Uh. It permeates my life and is something
Speaker 1: that I think as many so so many valuable lessons.
Speaker 1: And I also was editing my special yesterday and um,
Speaker 1: we're not editing it making sure it was color corrected properly, um,
Speaker 1: which it was. I got my friend's um husband to
Speaker 1: do it. He does like you know, so many He's
Speaker 1: done so many people's specials, and I'm so I got
Speaker 1: him a like such a good rate and he's so
Speaker 1: nice to do it. Anyway, I saw the color correction
Speaker 1: looked beautiful, but I'm like, can you make me a
Speaker 1: little bit more orange? And I'm like, I know no
Speaker 1: one wants that, no one would ever want that, but
Speaker 1: glaze dog do. Um. But I was watching the special,
Speaker 1: which took me forever to do editing. It was hard
Speaker 1: enough and now it's already edited, so I can't make
Speaker 1: any more edit changes. This was just about listening to
Speaker 1: the sound and listening to and we're looking at the
Speaker 1: color come down. When I can't say, they're they're forcing
Speaker 1: me to get this done so that they can start
Speaker 1: putting together question the ad campaign. But the summer this
Speaker 1: summer and um, I will say. I wrote to Chris
Speaker 1: because I was like, I can't watch this, um dreading
Speaker 1: watching it. You know, it's it's been since I think
Speaker 1: March or no, no like February that I turned it
Speaker 1: in finally and stop making making edits to it, even
Speaker 1: though I made a million edits. Um. I said to Chris,
Speaker 1: this is so good, and I will never let myself
Speaker 1: say it's not. It is really good. I'm really proud
Speaker 1: of it, I will say, though, And I think I'm
Speaker 1: wondering if I should admit this in the press that
Speaker 1: I do for it. There is a there's a dead
Speaker 1: spot in the middle. There's a middle part where I
Speaker 1: get into the book and I have to set up
Speaker 1: the book to get us into some more things. And
Speaker 1: I am proselytizing, no, the I'm to get into a
Speaker 1: series of jokes based on the book. I have to
Speaker 1: set up. I didn't have enough. I look back and
Speaker 1: I go, there is a dead spot. Now. I want
Speaker 1: to just say that does not negate watching the special.
Speaker 1: You watch a lot of things that have dead spots
Speaker 1: that aren't making you laugh the entire time. I contain multitudes.
Speaker 1: I can just have us. It's okay to have a
Speaker 1: section of stand up for about a minute and twenty
Speaker 1: seconds where it is just me, rapid fire, like explaining something.
Speaker 1: It's allowed. You're allowed to just be interesting and not
Speaker 1: like boom time. Um. I wonder though, like there are
Speaker 1: things I look back on that I'm like, why did
Speaker 1: you say? Like, is it okay as someone who is
Speaker 1: presenting something to the world to say I love this.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of great stuff in here it.
Speaker 1: I do think that it could have been better. I
Speaker 1: am better than this, and I don't want this. If
Speaker 1: this were the last thing I was judged upon, I
Speaker 1: would feel no. Actually I would feel okay about that.
Speaker 1: But I know you shouldn't judge me based on this
Speaker 1: for my entire career. Like, if you don't like this,
Speaker 1: don't turn off Taylor, so me talking about what do
Speaker 1: you mean? She said, like, yeah, this right? We are
Speaker 1: so many things all the time she was talking about that,
Speaker 1: she was talking about being a writer, and she goes,
Speaker 1: you write differently on your Instagram stories than you do
Speaker 1: in your diary. Then you do it an email with
Speaker 1: friends than you do in a caption on an Instagram
Speaker 1: story about a Mother's Day post like every you are
Speaker 1: multitudes like me, And this special was a slice of
Speaker 1: my life. At the end of me, I was doing
Speaker 1: my I was recording the reality show that you guys
Speaker 1: are now seeing that was I shot the special November
Speaker 1: well kind of well post quarantine kind of for me,
Speaker 1: the special was post I don't have any time in
Speaker 1: my life to do anything except like I didn't have
Speaker 1: time to look over these jokes. I didn't have. I
Speaker 1: didn't have the proper amount of time I want to
Speaker 1: prepare for the special, But um, that does not mean
Speaker 1: it's not great. Like there's you know, my special on
Speaker 1: Netflix and Degenerates, which Andrew think fucking God was therefore
Speaker 1: and brought me my dress when I had forgotten in
Speaker 1: l A and got to be there for it. That
Speaker 1: set was insane. That was falling on a time in
Speaker 1: my life where I was going off the rails, like
Speaker 1: the did night before suicidally like crying, throwing myself on
Speaker 1: the floor. That's special. The next night, I am insane,
Speaker 1: but it's fun. It's a different energy to it. My
Speaker 1: perfect special was me so sober toned down, working so
Speaker 1: hard on every little joke had to be perfect, Like
Speaker 1: these are different, you know a little um and I
Speaker 1: just wonder though you always have to act like everything
Speaker 1: you put out when you're promoting it is the best
Speaker 1: thing you've ever seen, and I'm soap, like I'm proud
Speaker 1: of this special, but I want to just talk about
Speaker 1: and be honest about, like this special, um is not
Speaker 1: what I is, not exactly what I wanted it to be,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that it's bad. And that is
Speaker 1: I think you're you're the artist. You don't necessarily want
Speaker 1: to um stir the narrative of what how people are
Speaker 1: gonna because if I go, hey, look at this picture, dude,
Speaker 1: I look like dogshit, even if you don't, I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to get ahead of people. Comedy Subreddit going like
Speaker 1: what it's I'm not subscribing to stand up comedy from
Speaker 1: from Reddit as soon as my special comes out, and
Speaker 1: I'll subscribe again in like a year when people maybe
Speaker 1: have forgotten about my special. But yeah, I just know.
Speaker 1: I know what I'm capable of as a comedian, and
Speaker 1: this is me doing something that I think honestly, I
Speaker 1: say it in the special, but I hope young girls
Speaker 1: find this. It's almost like the show Real Sex was
Speaker 1: to me when I was growing up, where I was like,
Speaker 1: I know this is naughty, I shouldn't be watching it,
Speaker 1: but I learned some stuff or taxi cab confessions, like
Speaker 1: I learned things about human nature that when you sneak
Speaker 1: r rated things you learn. And this is something that
Speaker 1: I genuinely hope children sneak because I'm not doing any harm.
Speaker 1: I'm not encouraging women to do anything that would not
Speaker 1: make them uh Like, I'm talking about sex in a
Speaker 1: real way, like I wish I'm gonna I might do
Speaker 1: this have this as a running theme. But I think
Speaker 1: for my next special it would be fun to call it,
Speaker 1: um uh I, well my next special. Actually I'm trying.
Speaker 1: I think I might maybe not my next one. My
Speaker 1: next next one, I'm gonna do all clean material and
Speaker 1: just call it see. I like that, And I'm not
Speaker 1: really going to call it see because that sounds too
Speaker 1: like but like really like but no, but just like
Speaker 1: I get it, you can clean stuff. Here you go,
Speaker 1: motherfucker's that's what it's gonna be called. There's no uh,
Speaker 1: it's not even for my mom. It's really like, it's
Speaker 1: for people who think I'm not capable. I've already started writing.
Speaker 1: Every day I write a clean joke about just like
Speaker 1: a thing, you know, like that. Yesterday was like people
Speaker 1: giving me plants as gifts, Like, I mean, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna write about that, like I'm gonna I'm consuming gaff again,
Speaker 1: I'm consuming Nate Bargatzi. I'm consuming all these clean comics
Speaker 1: who I really look up to and realize like, oh
Speaker 1: I can do I can do this. Why am I
Speaker 1: The reason I'm not? I mean, talk about it in
Speaker 1: my special. The reason I talk about dirty things is
Speaker 1: because that's what's interesting to me and and the other
Speaker 1: stuff isn't. But I like to Chris gave me the idea.
Speaker 1: I mean, he wants me to do an all topless special,
Speaker 1: so he's all over the place. Wouldn't be funny to
Speaker 1: do a topless special, and it would be my clean
Speaker 1: one that is funny. Sis are going to be great
Speaker 1: forever and you'll finally get to see my favorite lip color.
Speaker 1: I think like the whole idea of clean dirty is
Speaker 1: just like, even if you write a clean joke, it
Speaker 1: could come from your darkest, most twisted brain. And that's
Speaker 1: and that's you know, that's all it's about. You know,
Speaker 1: that's what we find. There's a guy on I follow.
Speaker 1: He's he's the best guy to teach you guitar on
Speaker 1: YouTube based on everyone's recommendation. His name is Justin Guitar,
Speaker 1: and he started learning guitar left handed so that he
Speaker 1: could experience difficulty again and like relate to his students
Speaker 1: that are struggling holding the pick. And so he talks
Speaker 1: about constantly his left handed guitar experience, which is just
Speaker 1: like what and he's an amazing accomplished guitarist on the
Speaker 1: right hand, but he's doing it the other way to learn.
Speaker 1: And I feel like, for me, clean comedy is left
Speaker 1: handed guitar. It's like, I'm I'm a master at what
Speaker 1: seemingly you would be able to put into it, but
Speaker 1: I I've just never I've never done it before. What's
Speaker 1: hard for me too, is like I'll do a set
Speaker 1: and I'll have you know, two or three clean jokes
Speaker 1: and they'll they'll go well, and then you get that
Speaker 1: pop on a joke because I just think it's funnier too.
Speaker 1: And because they love stuff, especially if you've given them
Speaker 1: like clean hard. It's hard, you know. That's why peppering
Speaker 1: in the F word. People love. People love um like stuff.
Speaker 1: Because we're Our job is to talk about stuff on
Speaker 1: there that we you know, um, that is that people
Speaker 1: don't talk about normally. And now we've got to go,
Speaker 1: and so I'm gonna close with a little rap. This
Speaker 1: isn't my best rap, but you know it's this isn't
Speaker 1: that Luigi sitting next to me. He's sad, he's always depressed.
Speaker 1: I gotta take him for a walk today. That means
Speaker 1: I gotta go get dressed. I can't really wear this out.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess it's kind of fine. I got
Speaker 1: the shirt from a rental company. Um, it probably cost
Speaker 1: what I pay for that retail. Hell fucking no, it's
Speaker 1: just a shirt that says blondie that's made to look retro.
Speaker 1: My shorts I got from a tanning place when I
Speaker 1: was waiting um for my booth to be clean. They
Speaker 1: have a whole retail section and the stuff. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean, it was overpriced, and they caught me.
Speaker 1: They said it it's on sale for forty bucks. I
Speaker 1: was like those shirts sorts that used to be bucks.
Speaker 1: That's a steel. So I didn't steal them, but I
Speaker 1: bought them because sometimes it convinces me that I'm getting
Speaker 1: a deal, even when they purposely mark something up and
Speaker 1: then they take it down. That's real, that's real, that's
Speaker 1: what they do. I really got to go. I don't
Speaker 1: know why I'm talking about shorts. When I started talking
Speaker 1: about my flow, Hell yeah, hell yeah, yo, is this
Speaker 1: thing on? Yeah? Is this thing on? Yeah? It is?
Speaker 1: It's real on you can hear me. All right, let's
Speaker 1: break it down. You know this is my dog, No
Speaker 1: it's not. This is marrying. I'd like to crumble her up,
Speaker 1: make her liquid fied, and shoot it like Heroin. Where
Speaker 1: are you done? That's all you need to do. That
Speaker 1: was fucking good. Don't even try to bring that. I mean,
Speaker 1: flowing does feel good because it just you know, what
Speaker 1: it forces you to do is be creative quickly and
Speaker 1: you're not sing and to turn your brain off and
Speaker 1: just go for the easiest rhyme. Noah, do you want
Speaker 1: to try it? Hell? No? Alright, guys, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening. Thank you to m our bestie. If
Speaker 1: you want to be a guestie, Bestie, guestie, please right
Speaker 1: to the podcast on our Instagram. Even d m us
Speaker 1: tell us what the story If there's something that we
Speaker 1: talked about on the show, and you go, I actually
Speaker 1: have insider info on that, reach out to Noah. Submit
Speaker 1: your story and maybe we'll interview you on Busties as
Speaker 1: guesties and uh, we have a show for you tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Don't don't you think we don't uh, don't be cut
Speaker 1: And I gave up on mine, I said Jack o'lanner.
Speaker 1: I said Jackson, Oh wow. I didn't even to the
Speaker 1: end because I was listening to you and I turned
Speaker 1: off my brain.