WEBVTT - Reckless Replay: L.O.N.E.L.Y 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.360 Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:16.600 the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back on 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.959 the air. Welcome back to yat another carefully Reckless with 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:21.560 your girl Jess. Hilarious. We're gonna jump right into just 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:24.639 Fix My Mess. We do not have any voice memos, 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:26.960 so I'm just gonna be reading all right. Here we go. 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:29.720 Hey Jos, I'm a big fan. I go and see 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.040 you every time you come to town. I've been doing 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.839 so good for myself. I'm a newly licensed cosmetologist. I 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:40.120 graduated in December within associates in cosmetology in business in 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.159 two years. I currently have a full scholarship to a 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:48.280 private university to complete my bachelor in Computer science this fall. 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.840 I'm currently in the Army National Guard for North Carolina. 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.560 I've been in for eight years and for the most part, 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:58.680 I'm financially stable. Since January, I've picked up two part 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:02.640 time jobs, work study job, and I volunteer my time 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:06.120 for funeral services when I'm free. Oh okay. I was 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:09.400 deployed in twenty nineteen and was overseas during COVID. I've 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:12.040 really accomplished a lot in a little time. I even 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:14.720 ran cross country with my school for two years and 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:18.960 won two championships. But lately I've been really sad, like 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:22.480 really sad. It's been almost three months since I stopped 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:25.280 running heavily, and honestly, I thought that was my issue, 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:28.160 so I started working out and running again. I still 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:31.080 feel sad. I love to paint, and even painting doesn't 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:34.800 help me feel better. My love life sucks, and you 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:38.840 put four Essa's on that shit. It sucks. I have 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:42.080 no boyfriend. I'm not even talking or messaging anyone on 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.320 the regular. I'm really alone. I have friends, but they 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:49.080 are all in relationships, some married, all with kids. Though 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:51.840 I feel like I'm so different from everyone around me. 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:55.840 I've tried talking to people, but that does mean no good. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:59.520 The men around here are some bitches. I'm lonely. I've 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:02.680 seen for National Help, which saved my life after my deployment. 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.240 I just feel like I'm missing something and I'm hurting. 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:09.119 I'm happy with myself and I have peace within myself, 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.639 but I'm just lonely. My sister have a mental illness, 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:15.919 which played the biggest part in my life. I created 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:19.680 a monster, my alter ego because of the emotional weight 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:23.040 it had on my life. It really got bad. I've 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:26.560 dug myself out of the hurt and anger that came 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.760 with it. Now that I'm accomplishing all of these things 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:33.280 and doing good for myself, I feel more and more lonely. 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.280 I don't want a relationship, but I need someone there 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:39.480 for me. I haven't had intercourse in months, and I 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:41.760 just want to hug. I'm not getting any of my 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:45.120 emotional needs met from anybody in my life. I love 0:02:45.200 --> 0:02:48.000 myself more than anything. I have plans to take over 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.959 the world, but I'm missing something. I know you're a 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.720 successful black woman, and I listen to you all the time. 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:56.960 You give such great advice and you have such a 0:02:57.040 --> 0:03:00.000 huge platform. Any advice on getting out of this loan, 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:03.960 on the journey of being successful. I'm so stuck. I'm 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:08.200 twenty seven, by the way, what twenty seven? I'm young 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:11.280 enough to take my time. But then again, I'm stepping 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.480 into a whole different part of womanhood. I really need 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:17.360 to get over this emotional hump, all right, So I 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.639 just want to apologize for the background noise. I'm actually 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:21.480 in my home. I'm getting it cleaned right now, and 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:24.359 I have to find any and every time I can 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:28.400 to deliver y'all these episodes, so pardon me and parting 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:32.480 my cleaners. But listen, first and foremost, I can sympathize 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:36.000 with you because I'm not gonna say I'm going through 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:37.760 the same thing, but I'm kind of in the same 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:42.040 place in my life. I wouldn't consider it going through something. 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.240 And the only reason why I say that is it's 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.440 just not your time here. I am thirty one, and 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:50.920 I thought that there was a time clock on my 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:55.400 love life. I thought that there was like a deadline 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:57.120 that I had to reach in order for me to 0:03:57.120 --> 0:03:59.400 get married, or a deadline to have kids, a deadline 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:01.840 to be in love. It literally is none of that. 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:05.320 It's just not your time, just like it's not my time. Now. 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:07.960 You're twenty seven, You're still in your twenties. I think 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:12.360 what you are probably feeling is that you're so busy 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:14.280 because you talk about how independent you are, how you 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.640 got all this going on, all your accolades. You know, 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.400 you've been in school doing this, you got this degree, 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.120 you're working on this degree, You love yourself and all this. 0:04:22.760 --> 0:04:26.400 I think you don't even make room enough for somebody 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:28.920 else to tell you any of that because you're that's 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:30.560 all you gave me up front. I don't know if 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:33.919 you ever saw the movie Think Like a Man. Taraji 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.440 p Henson's character on There was a very strong independent 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:38.880 woman who felt like she didn't need a man for anything. 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:43.000 She just wanted that feeling. She just wanted to be hugged, 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:46.760 She wanted to be kissed, but she still felt as if, Oh, 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:49.039 I don't need a man for anything. I don't need love. 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:52.279 I don't need I just want it. I feel that's 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:54.560 how you are. You're just a bit younger. We get 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:57.680 so caught up in what we can do for ourselves 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:00.800 that we never really give grace to our companion or 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.599 whoever the companion may be in the future or whatever, 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:06.480 to do the same. Now you said that you are 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:10.120 stepping into a whole different part of womanhood. Yeah, but 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:14.840 that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:17.880 you think you should have just because you're stepping into 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.280 a whole point of womanhood. Now you said you're the 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:23.320 loneliest one in your whole friend circle. Everybody else is 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.960 in relationships or they're married, they have different paths. We 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.000 often get caught up in what other people are doing 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:31.440 that we can't really focus on ourselves. You feel like 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.760 you're deserving of love because you accomplished everything else. No, 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:38.080 you may have to wait longer for love than anything 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.360 else because you already have everything, And then it may 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:43.600 just not be your season two love. Maybe you're supposed 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.560 to be so focused that you'll be distracted by love 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:48.800 if it came to you. Right now. You have to 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:51.960 think positive in all aspects of your life. That's the 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:55.280 only negative in your mind. And it's not even a negative. 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.679 It's just not your time. That is the only advice 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:01.560 I have for you. Take your time because it's not time. 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:03.800 It's not your time for love. Take your time doing 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:07.280 everything else. Continue to stay focused, continue to work very 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.080 very hard, and it'll all pay off. I don't know 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.280 if you are a spiritual I don't know if you're religious, 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.120 but the God that I pray to is a very 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:17.400 very loyal god, and he's not ever going to let 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:21.880 us be lonely. You're not lonely, You're just alone. And 0:06:21.920 --> 0:06:23.599 I'm not telling you how to feel. I'm just telling 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:26.840 you I know the feeling all too well. I thought 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.440 it was a season of loneliness for me. No it's not. 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:31.760 It was just that I was alone, and you have 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:35.000 to learn how to be by yourself. If you love yourself, 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:39.080 that's what you're gonna do, you know, first, because you 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.720 need to turn that definition of loneliness into just being alone. 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:44.600 You just don't like being alone, but you have to 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.159 learn how to do that and love on yourself, so 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:50.600 when someone finally does come to love on you, you'll 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:52.719 know how to accept it. You know, you have to 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.440 make certain decisions about yourself and what you'll take and 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.359 what you won't take, and just learn yourself. You need 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.520 to be taking this time to learn yourself. You still 0:07:01.800 --> 0:07:04.280 in your twenties. You don't even really get to know 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.640 who you are until you step into that thirty mark. 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:08.640 I thought I had it all figured out too when 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.480 I was twenty three and twenty five and twenty six. 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.720 It's just because my parents raise a very mature young lady. 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:17.640 So I'm well before my time, but I still didn't 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:20.520 know everything. You're well before your time. You still don't 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.120 know everything. You don't know who you are going to 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:26.480 be as a woman in love. You just don't know. 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:30.040 So you can't just make that decision and just say 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.960 I'm tired of being lonely. Nobody's gonna you know, I'm 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:35.800 I don't talk to anybody right now? Do you get out? 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:37.520 It seems like you work so much that you wouldn't 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:39.480 even be able to mix and mingle. It seems like 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:43.679 you don't really get out for like just drinks. You don't. 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.280 And then have you ever gotten any advice from your 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:49.560 married friends and from your friends and relationships and from 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:53.160 the outside looking in? Are they all great and in 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:56.200 love and happy? Is every single person happy? You know 0:07:56.200 --> 0:08:00.000 what I'm saying. Sometimes you could be saving yourself. Sometimes 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:03.560 it's just better to hold fast and wait. It's not 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:06.160 your time, baby, it ain't even my time. I used 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:07.560 to wake up every day like I need to have 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:09.840 kids by thirty I need to be married by thirty two. 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:13.000 Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I come to 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.440 tell you right now, I'm thirty one, and I see 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.160 what my thirties are gonna be like Now, I'm gonna 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:20.680 be a movie's I'm gonna barely have time to sit down, 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:22.680 get married and have a baby. That doesn't mean it's 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:25.760 not gonna happen. But now I notice I'm not saying 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:27.720 the same thing that I was saying at twenty eight 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:30.600 and twenty seven that I'm saying at thirty one my 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:33.160 deadline was pushed out. Why because it's not supposed to 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:35.680 be a deadline put on your life for anything. The 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:38.440 only deadline you have is death, and we don't know 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.280 what that is. Fortunately, we don't know when that is, 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:44.280 so check back in with me. I'll let you know 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:45.440 when I get a man. You let me know when 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.880 you get a man. All right, all right, I love you, 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:51.120 you young black successful woman. If you love me, you'll 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:53.520 listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:58.240 moving on. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.880 love your show, and hopefully you can fix my mess. 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:04.320 We're going to call this a fall from grace. Oh lord, girl, 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.920 you've been watching too much Soler. Hooray. Let me take 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:09.319 you back to the summer of twenty twenty, before COVID hit. 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:12.880 I was living my best life, Jess, traveling, partying on 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:16.120 the lodge with it. It's a Detroit thing, hot girl, 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:18.520 summer obs all around. For the first time in a 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.960 long time, I finally felt like I found myself. I 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:26.600 was drama free, genuinely happy and abandoned. Hi, you must 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:29.959 have meant unabandoned. I felt free. I was going through 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:31.840 a little breakup and my feelings were hurt, but I 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:34.760 was healing but still enjoying my life. Fast forward to 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:37.800 twenty twenty one and COVID was on a rampage, and 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:40.559 to be honest, I worked so much that I didn't 0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:42.720 even know what was going on until I went to 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:45.760 the grocery store and it was completely empty, and I 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.320 was like, damn, this is real. I was still happy 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:49.960 in doing me, but I was just in the house 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:53.200 with it until one day I was approached by this guy. 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:56.760 We're gonna call him gossip boy. Damn, Oh lord, can't 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:58.640 up and be good about a nigga you calling gossip 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:01.440 boy gossip boy. It came up to me and started 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:03.720 a conversation with me, and he seemed to be a 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:05.880 cool guy, so I gave him my number. We hit 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:08.200 it off pretty quickly and we started spending time together. 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:10.360 What I like most about him is that he made 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:12.800 me laugh and we had a pretty good vibe. He 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:15.000 was staying with his sister at the time, so the 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.599 first time we hung out was at my apartment. Just 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:20.640 this man gave me big dick vibes, oh wow, and 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:23.200 I was really feeling him. One thing led to another 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:27.280 and clothes started coming off, and bitch, I'm excited. Oh yeah, 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:31.760 because I just knew that he had the King Kong Man. 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:34.160 When that nigga took off his pants, my face went 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:38.760 from mm to translation. But he had a mini beer can. 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.360 But I still went through with it because I genuinely 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:44.959 liked him. After that happened, he would be at my 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:48.760 place all the time and basically was moved in. Oh shit, 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:51.400 the first red flag. I was about to say a girl. 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.600 All right. We worked at a factory and I pretty 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.480 much stayed to myself. Nobody knew me until I started 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.600 talking to him, and people somehow knew all of our business. 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:03.679 I would ask him, why are you running your mouth? God, 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.280 Sip been like a bitch. Every time I would ask him, 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:10.199 he would deny telling anybody anything. Red Flag number two 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:13.680 mm mmmm. Every time we had sex, he would apologize 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:15.360 for how small his dickad is in the middle of 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.800 us having sex, and I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:22.480 concentrate on busting shut up. Red Flag number three. He 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.160 always said I was going to have his baby. I 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.440 tried to get rid of him but he always suckered 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:30.839 me into staying with him. By July, I was really 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:32.439 over it, and as soon as I was about to 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.600 kick his ass to the curb, guess who popped up 0:11:34.640 --> 0:11:39.400 pregnant ding ding ding yo ass damn, damn damn in 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.800 my Florida Evans voice. So I found out that I 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.840 was eight weeks pregnant and shit still ain't improven. So 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:47.360 one day I left work early. He stayed, so I 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:51.400 politely put his stuff on the other side of the door. Wait. 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:54.640 I told him we should just focus on col parentsing 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:56.920 and see what happens. He agreed, and things started to 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.760 get better okay, until my friend told me he was 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:02.880 around with another girl at our job. I didn't know 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:06.439 because my job put me on maternity leave early. When 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:09.040 I confronted him about it, he said he was just 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.640 pimping her out and he didn't care about her. We 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:15.120 argued for weeks. I asked him to just please leave 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:17.679 her alone and focus on our family. That bitch told 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:20.480 me he ain't given up on this opportunity for nobody. 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:23.320 So once he said that, I blocked him and just 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:27.199 focused on me and my pregnancy. I was hurt. But anyways, 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:29.800 when I was five months pregnant. I decided to move 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.480 out of the state to have more support from my family. 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:34.760 I told him about it. He didn't like it, but 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:36.760 I had to do what was best for my daughter. 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:39.520 Mm hm. So one day I called him because I 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.480 missed him, and that's when I found out that the 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:45.360 girl he was pimping out was pregnant with his child too, 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.679 and he was happy. He told me he finally got 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.160 what he wanted and this is going to be end all, 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:54.240 be all. When I tell you, that broke me, Jess, like, 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.520 how could you do that to me? Like I have 0:12:56.679 --> 0:13:01.560 never been betrayed like that in my life. Technically weren't together, 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:04.240 but I was pregnant with your child. I wasn't out 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.959 here fucking nobody. I was alone and pregnant for months. 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:11.240 I would ask him to help me get some things 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:13.800 for our daughter, and he would tell me his girl 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:17.000 and his son needs it more. He treated my daughter 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:20.360 like a second option. He would verbally abuse me and yeah, 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.320 I popped my shit too. Yeah you're from Detroit, I know, 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.240 but it's different when a nigga is constantly gaslighting me. 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:30.440 Somehow he finds a way to be a victim all 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:34.480 that manipulating shit. Gird can't stand it. It's really beyond me. Yes, 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:37.480 I had my petty moments and said fucked up things 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.000 to him, but he is the common denominator for everything. 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:44.240 He blames me for having another baby. I had my 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:46.679 daughter in March of twenty twenty two, and a few 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:48.840 days later I got a real bad case of COVID 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:51.800 and pneumonia to the point where I was incubated for 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.000 three weeks and I almost died. So dealing with that trauma, 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:58.319 being a new mom and the bullshit from him had 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.720 did a lot of damage to my mental health. I 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:04.960 became a depressed, alcoholic and overall and unpleasant person to 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:09.199 be all around. I finally made the decision to cut 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:11.200 him off and focus on myself and my daughter, but 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:13.800 even with that, it didn't help. Every time I get 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:17.120 drunk and I'm talking about blacked out drink, I'm crying 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:20.000 and talking about my baby. Daddy hurt me. Oh God, 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:22.600 I just want to heal. I just want to be 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:25.880 happy again. Jess, can you please help me and give 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.520 me some advice? Thank you, and I'm sorry for the 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:31.200 long written message. PS. I forgot to mention that the 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.080 girl he was messing with knew about me the whole time, 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:37.040 and she be on fuck shit with his ass. But 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.360 it's okay because when I see her or them, I'm 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:41.960 beating the ass. I love you, Jess. Also, I'm a 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.840 real person, but I deleted all my social media accounts, 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.360 so I created this one to contact you. Okay, I 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.160 totally get a girl. It don't matter. I didn't even 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:50.800 need that last part. I could tell you a real 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:53.840 person because this shit is too fucking specific for you 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:56.720 not to be a fucking real person. Hold up, hold up, 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:58.680 I know this shit getting good, But listen to just 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:00.760 a couple seconds of a comer. If you love me, 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:05.920 you'll listen, all right, First and foremost, let's start from 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:08.320 where you caught my attention. All right, So you wanted 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.200 it to be over, you did. You really did want 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.280 it to be over with him. You put a shit 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:15.360 on the other side of your door. You was ready, 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.160 You were fed up with it. You didn't quite tell 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.960 me exactly why you were fed up with it, because 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.800 I know the little penis cannot be the only thing. 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:25.760 Because you still hung in there. You hung in there 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:27.600 enough to get the bun in the oven. He got 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:30.200 you pregnant, that that little bit can had some little 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:32.920 soldiers marching through it, all right, because he got your 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:35.920 ass pregnant, big dick or not? All right, But you 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.480 didn't quite tell me why you wanted to be done. 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.160 That's all you mentioned was just his small penis, all right, 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:46.040 But you had this stuff outside the dough. You find 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.720 out you're pregnant, you still wanted them gone. It wasn't 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.680 until you found out that he was dealing with somebody 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:55.320 else at the job then you were hurt. Now, listen, 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:58.840 were you hurt because you didn't want him to deal 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.640 with nobody else? Was it just the fact that it 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:03.520 was somebody at the job? Did you think that he 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:07.520 may have been fucking with somebody else before y'all broke up? 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:09.800 Or what? Because if you wanted him gone that bad, 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:12.560 why did it matter to you so much to find 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.960 out that he was dealing with somebody like y'all weren't together, 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:17.840 you know what I mean. You had already put him 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:21.240 out by then, So I'm just curious to know. Now, 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:24.240 it could have been a hormonal situation because you said 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.600 you were pregnant. You could have been having different feelings 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:28.000 that would change. You could have been in and out 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:29.600 with it, like I want him, but then I don't 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.040 want him. And these could have all been blamed on 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:35.000 your hormonal changes or whatever with you being pregnant, but 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:37.040 it seemed that you were very concrete in your answer 0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:39.480 because you wanted this nigga gone before you even found 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:41.520 out that you were pregnant. So that's what I'm trying 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.960 to get to. But you're not here to talk to 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.520 me in real time about it, so I want you 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:47.960 to check back with me. Moving on to a later 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:50.960 part of the story, you said, let's co parents. He 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.320 was fine with that, But then, okay, I'm back pedaling 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:57.320 because that's what I'm saying. You were fine with everything 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:00.240 until you found out about the damn girl. So that's 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:02.360 why I said, were you're really over him? Because sometimes 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:04.320 we may think that we don't want a person until 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:07.040 they're gone. In other words, basically, you don't know what 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:08.600 you got until it's gone. Now, I'm not saying he 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.480 was the best thing that ever happened to you, and 0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:12.400 or nor vice versa. I'm not saying you're the best 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:14.359 thing to happen to him, but obviously you felt the 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:16.199 way and you wanted him back after you found out 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:18.280 that he was with somebody else. You said, the girl 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:20.760 knew about you the whole time. Fuck her. She ain't 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.520 got no loyalty to you. You ain't gonna be high 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:24.159 ass because you got a daughter to take care of. 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:27.320 Fuck that, fuck them, Fuck that, all right, You ain't 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.520 gonna be high ass because, to be honest with you, 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.360 her daughter or her child and your child are siblings, 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:34.800 whether you like it or not. So don't beat her ass. 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:36.679 Don't beat her ass. I made that mistake. One of 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:39.320 my baby father's other baby mothers, I beat her ass. 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.920 We're cordial now, but I still regret doing that because 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:45.840 I wasn't thinking about my child or her child, who 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:48.359 I also look at as another child of mine. You 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:51.400 know what I'm saying, and how it could potentially hurt 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:54.080 them later. Or my son could say to his sister 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.199 one day, they argument, that's what my mother beat your 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.119 mother ass. You know, did she look at me a 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:01.080 certain way? Or you know, vice versa. You just don't 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:02.879 want to do that. You're plan a dangerous game when 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.320 it comes to your children and their parent, the other parent. 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:08.760 They're not worth it anyway, all right. You moved out 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.919 of town. He ain't doing shit for your baby. He 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:15.240 could be bitter that you didn't want a relationship with him. 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:17.560 He could be better. I'm not justifying, but he just 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.199 seems like he's bitter to you. You can't make a 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:21.840 man step up and do shit, So you need to 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.879 go through the courts. Because obviously y'all don't even live 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:26.800 in the same place. You need help with their baby. 0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:28.359 So this is a good time to put them on 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:32.080 child support. Yep, this is a good time because this 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:36.879 would be a case where the mom actually needed. You know, 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:41.080 women put men on child support for many different reasons, 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:44.040 but the right reason is for the child and because 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.320 you can't do everything on your own, and you did 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:49.560 not make that baby girl on your own. So this 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.159 is what I would call a great opportunity to seek 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:56.120 assistance through the courts. Put them on child support, some 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:58.359 type of government assistance. You would need to help take 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.560 care of your baby. All right, understand that you're bitter, 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.159 but you also need to heal. Like you said, you 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:06.520 need to fucking heal. He ain't coming back, and even 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:08.280 if the fuck he would come back, would you take 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:12.400 him exactly? We have to ask ourselves that what could 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:16.399 he give you right now to make you happy? Another baby, love, 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:20.800 a relationship, a cheating one, back and forth? What could 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:24.280 he do right now to make you happy? Nothing? Take 0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:27.520 care of your daughter, But it ain't even that for you. 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:30.159 It's the fact that you're still bitter about what he 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:32.719 did to you with another woman. It ain't even all 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:35.000