1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:16,600 Speaker 1: the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back on 3 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,959 Speaker 1: the air. Welcome back to yat another carefully Reckless with 4 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: your girl Jess. Hilarious. We're gonna jump right into just 5 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,639 Speaker 1: Fix My Mess. We do not have any voice memos, 6 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna be reading all right. Here we go. 7 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: Hey Jos, I'm a big fan. I go and see 8 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: you every time you come to town. I've been doing 9 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: so good for myself. I'm a newly licensed cosmetologist. I 10 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 1: graduated in December within associates in cosmetology in business in 11 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:43,159 Speaker 1: two years. I currently have a full scholarship to a 12 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: private university to complete my bachelor in Computer science this fall. 13 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 1: I'm currently in the Army National Guard for North Carolina. 14 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: I've been in for eight years and for the most part, 15 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: I'm financially stable. Since January, I've picked up two part 16 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: time jobs, work study job, and I volunteer my time 17 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: for funeral services when I'm free. Oh okay. I was 18 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 1: deployed in twenty nineteen and was overseas during COVID. I've 19 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,040 Speaker 1: really accomplished a lot in a little time. I even 20 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: ran cross country with my school for two years and 21 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,960 Speaker 1: won two championships. But lately I've been really sad, like 22 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: really sad. It's been almost three months since I stopped 23 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: running heavily, and honestly, I thought that was my issue, 24 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: so I started working out and running again. I still 25 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: feel sad. I love to paint, and even painting doesn't 26 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: help me feel better. My love life sucks, and you 27 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: put four Essa's on that shit. It sucks. I have 28 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: no boyfriend. I'm not even talking or messaging anyone on 29 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,320 Speaker 1: the regular. I'm really alone. I have friends, but they 30 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: are all in relationships, some married, all with kids. Though 31 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm so different from everyone around me. 32 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: I've tried talking to people, but that does mean no good. 33 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: The men around here are some bitches. I'm lonely. I've 34 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: seen for National Help, which saved my life after my deployment. 35 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm missing something and I'm hurting. 36 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,119 Speaker 1: I'm happy with myself and I have peace within myself, 37 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,639 Speaker 1: but I'm just lonely. My sister have a mental illness, 38 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 1: which played the biggest part in my life. I created 39 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:19,680 Speaker 1: a monster, my alter ego because of the emotional weight 40 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: it had on my life. It really got bad. I've 41 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: dug myself out of the hurt and anger that came 42 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: with it. Now that I'm accomplishing all of these things 43 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: and doing good for myself, I feel more and more lonely. 44 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: I don't want a relationship, but I need someone there 45 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: for me. I haven't had intercourse in months, and I 46 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 1: just want to hug. I'm not getting any of my 47 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 1: emotional needs met from anybody in my life. I love 48 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: myself more than anything. I have plans to take over 49 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,959 Speaker 1: the world, but I'm missing something. I know you're a 50 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: successful black woman, and I listen to you all the time. 51 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 1: You give such great advice and you have such a 52 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 1: huge platform. Any advice on getting out of this loan, 53 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 1: on the journey of being successful. I'm so stuck. I'm 54 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: twenty seven, by the way, what twenty seven? I'm young 55 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 1: enough to take my time. But then again, I'm stepping 56 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: into a whole different part of womanhood. I really need 57 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: to get over this emotional hump, all right, So I 58 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: just want to apologize for the background noise. I'm actually 59 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 1: in my home. I'm getting it cleaned right now, and 60 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 1: I have to find any and every time I can 61 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 1: to deliver y'all these episodes, so pardon me and parting 62 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: my cleaners. But listen, first and foremost, I can sympathize 63 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: with you because I'm not gonna say I'm going through 64 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: the same thing, but I'm kind of in the same 65 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:42,040 Speaker 1: place in my life. I wouldn't consider it going through something. 66 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: And the only reason why I say that is it's 67 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: just not your time here. I am thirty one, and 68 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: I thought that there was a time clock on my 69 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:55,400 Speaker 1: love life. I thought that there was like a deadline 70 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: that I had to reach in order for me to 71 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 1: get married, or a deadline to have kids, a deadline 72 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: to be in love. It literally is none of that. 73 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: It's just not your time, just like it's not my time. Now. 74 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: You're twenty seven, You're still in your twenties. I think 75 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 1: what you are probably feeling is that you're so busy 76 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: because you talk about how independent you are, how you 77 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: got all this going on, all your accolades. You know, 78 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: you've been in school doing this, you got this degree, 79 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: you're working on this degree, You love yourself and all this. 80 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: I think you don't even make room enough for somebody 81 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 1: else to tell you any of that because you're that's 82 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: all you gave me up front. I don't know if 83 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: you ever saw the movie Think Like a Man. Taraji 84 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: p Henson's character on There was a very strong independent 85 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,880 Speaker 1: woman who felt like she didn't need a man for anything. 86 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: She just wanted that feeling. She just wanted to be hugged, 87 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: She wanted to be kissed, but she still felt as if, Oh, 88 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,039 Speaker 1: I don't need a man for anything. I don't need love. 89 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,279 Speaker 1: I don't need I just want it. I feel that's 90 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: how you are. You're just a bit younger. We get 91 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: so caught up in what we can do for ourselves 92 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: that we never really give grace to our companion or 93 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: whoever the companion may be in the future or whatever, 94 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 1: to do the same. Now you said that you are 95 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 1: stepping into a whole different part of womanhood. Yeah, but 96 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that 97 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: you think you should have just because you're stepping into 98 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 1: a whole point of womanhood. Now you said you're the 99 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: loneliest one in your whole friend circle. Everybody else is 100 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: in relationships or they're married, they have different paths. We 101 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: often get caught up in what other people are doing 102 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: that we can't really focus on ourselves. You feel like 103 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: you're deserving of love because you accomplished everything else. No, 104 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: you may have to wait longer for love than anything 105 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: else because you already have everything, And then it may 106 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 1: just not be your season two love. Maybe you're supposed 107 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 1: to be so focused that you'll be distracted by love 108 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: if it came to you. Right now. You have to 109 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: think positive in all aspects of your life. That's the 110 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,280 Speaker 1: only negative in your mind. And it's not even a negative. 111 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,679 Speaker 1: It's just not your time. That is the only advice 112 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: I have for you. Take your time because it's not time. 113 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: It's not your time for love. Take your time doing 114 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 1: everything else. Continue to stay focused, continue to work very 115 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 1: very hard, and it'll all pay off. I don't know 116 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,280 Speaker 1: if you are a spiritual I don't know if you're religious, 117 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: but the God that I pray to is a very 118 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: very loyal god, and he's not ever going to let 119 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: us be lonely. You're not lonely, You're just alone. And 120 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,599 Speaker 1: I'm not telling you how to feel. I'm just telling 121 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 1: you I know the feeling all too well. I thought 122 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: it was a season of loneliness for me. No it's not. 123 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 1: It was just that I was alone, and you have 124 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: to learn how to be by yourself. If you love yourself, 125 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: that's what you're gonna do, you know, first, because you 126 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 1: need to turn that definition of loneliness into just being alone. 127 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 1: You just don't like being alone, but you have to 128 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 1: learn how to do that and love on yourself, so 129 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,600 Speaker 1: when someone finally does come to love on you, you'll 130 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 1: know how to accept it. You know, you have to 131 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,440 Speaker 1: make certain decisions about yourself and what you'll take and 132 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,359 Speaker 1: what you won't take, and just learn yourself. You need 133 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 1: to be taking this time to learn yourself. You still 134 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: in your twenties. You don't even really get to know 135 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: who you are until you step into that thirty mark. 136 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 1: I thought I had it all figured out too when 137 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: I was twenty three and twenty five and twenty six. 138 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: It's just because my parents raise a very mature young lady. 139 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 1: So I'm well before my time, but I still didn't 140 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: know everything. You're well before your time. You still don't 141 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: know everything. You don't know who you are going to 142 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 1: be as a woman in love. You just don't know. 143 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: So you can't just make that decision and just say 144 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 1: I'm tired of being lonely. Nobody's gonna you know, I'm 145 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 1: I don't talk to anybody right now? Do you get out? 146 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: It seems like you work so much that you wouldn't 147 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 1: even be able to mix and mingle. It seems like 148 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:43,679 Speaker 1: you don't really get out for like just drinks. You don't. 149 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: And then have you ever gotten any advice from your 150 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,560 Speaker 1: married friends and from your friends and relationships and from 151 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: the outside looking in? Are they all great and in 152 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: love and happy? Is every single person happy? You know 153 00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Sometimes you could be saving yourself. Sometimes 154 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:03,560 Speaker 1: it's just better to hold fast and wait. It's not 155 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: your time, baby, it ain't even my time. I used 156 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 1: to wake up every day like I need to have 157 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: kids by thirty I need to be married by thirty two. 158 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 1: Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I come to 159 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: tell you right now, I'm thirty one, and I see 160 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: what my thirties are gonna be like Now, I'm gonna 161 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 1: be a movie's I'm gonna barely have time to sit down, 162 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: get married and have a baby. That doesn't mean it's 163 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: not gonna happen. But now I notice I'm not saying 164 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: the same thing that I was saying at twenty eight 165 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: and twenty seven that I'm saying at thirty one my 166 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: deadline was pushed out. Why because it's not supposed to 167 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: be a deadline put on your life for anything. The 168 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: only deadline you have is death, and we don't know 169 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 1: what that is. Fortunately, we don't know when that is, 170 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: so check back in with me. I'll let you know 171 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: when I get a man. You let me know when 172 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: you get a man. All right, all right, I love you, 173 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: you young black successful woman. If you love me, you'll 174 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back 175 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: moving on. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I 176 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,880 Speaker 1: love your show, and hopefully you can fix my mess. 177 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,320 Speaker 1: We're going to call this a fall from grace. Oh lord, girl, 178 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: you've been watching too much Soler. Hooray. Let me take 179 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,319 Speaker 1: you back to the summer of twenty twenty, before COVID hit. 180 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: I was living my best life, Jess, traveling, partying on 181 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: the lodge with it. It's a Detroit thing, hot girl, 182 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: summer obs all around. For the first time in a 183 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 1: long time, I finally felt like I found myself. I 184 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:26,600 Speaker 1: was drama free, genuinely happy and abandoned. Hi, you must 185 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,959 Speaker 1: have meant unabandoned. I felt free. I was going through 186 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: a little breakup and my feelings were hurt, but I 187 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: was healing but still enjoying my life. Fast forward to 188 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: twenty twenty one and COVID was on a rampage, and 189 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,559 Speaker 1: to be honest, I worked so much that I didn't 190 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: even know what was going on until I went to 191 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: the grocery store and it was completely empty, and I 192 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,320 Speaker 1: was like, damn, this is real. I was still happy 193 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 1: in doing me, but I was just in the house 194 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 1: with it until one day I was approached by this guy. 195 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: We're gonna call him gossip boy. Damn, Oh lord, can't 196 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: up and be good about a nigga you calling gossip 197 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 1: boy gossip boy. It came up to me and started 198 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: a conversation with me, and he seemed to be a 199 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 1: cool guy, so I gave him my number. We hit 200 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 1: it off pretty quickly and we started spending time together. 201 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: What I like most about him is that he made 202 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: me laugh and we had a pretty good vibe. He 203 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: was staying with his sister at the time, so the 204 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,599 Speaker 1: first time we hung out was at my apartment. Just 205 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: this man gave me big dick vibes, oh wow, and 206 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: I was really feeling him. One thing led to another 207 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: and clothes started coming off, and bitch, I'm excited. Oh yeah, 208 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 1: because I just knew that he had the King Kong Man. 209 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: When that nigga took off his pants, my face went 210 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: from mm to translation. But he had a mini beer can. 211 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: But I still went through with it because I genuinely 212 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,959 Speaker 1: liked him. After that happened, he would be at my 213 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: place all the time and basically was moved in. Oh shit, 214 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: the first red flag. I was about to say a girl. 215 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: All right. We worked at a factory and I pretty 216 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: much stayed to myself. Nobody knew me until I started 217 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: talking to him, and people somehow knew all of our business. 218 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,679 Speaker 1: I would ask him, why are you running your mouth? God, 219 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 1: Sip been like a bitch. Every time I would ask him, 220 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 1: he would deny telling anybody anything. Red Flag number two 221 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,680 Speaker 1: mm mmmm. Every time we had sex, he would apologize 222 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: for how small his dickad is in the middle of 223 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 1: us having sex, and I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to 224 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 1: concentrate on busting shut up. Red Flag number three. He 225 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: always said I was going to have his baby. I 226 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: tried to get rid of him but he always suckered 227 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,839 Speaker 1: me into staying with him. By July, I was really 228 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 1: over it, and as soon as I was about to 229 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: kick his ass to the curb, guess who popped up 230 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: pregnant ding ding ding yo ass damn, damn damn in 231 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: my Florida Evans voice. So I found out that I 232 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: was eight weeks pregnant and shit still ain't improven. So 233 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: one day I left work early. He stayed, so I 234 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 1: politely put his stuff on the other side of the door. Wait. 235 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 1: I told him we should just focus on col parentsing 236 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: and see what happens. He agreed, and things started to 237 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: get better okay, until my friend told me he was 238 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: around with another girl at our job. I didn't know 239 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,439 Speaker 1: because my job put me on maternity leave early. When 240 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: I confronted him about it, he said he was just 241 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: pimping her out and he didn't care about her. We 242 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: argued for weeks. I asked him to just please leave 243 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 1: her alone and focus on our family. That bitch told 244 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 1: me he ain't given up on this opportunity for nobody. 245 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,320 Speaker 1: So once he said that, I blocked him and just 246 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,199 Speaker 1: focused on me and my pregnancy. I was hurt. But anyways, 247 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: when I was five months pregnant. I decided to move 248 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 1: out of the state to have more support from my family. 249 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: I told him about it. He didn't like it, but 250 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 1: I had to do what was best for my daughter. 251 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,520 Speaker 1: Mm hm. So one day I called him because I 252 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 1: missed him, and that's when I found out that the 253 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: girl he was pimping out was pregnant with his child too, 254 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: and he was happy. He told me he finally got 255 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: what he wanted and this is going to be end all, 256 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 1: be all. When I tell you, that broke me, Jess, like, 257 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: how could you do that to me? Like I have 258 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: never been betrayed like that in my life. Technically weren't together, 259 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 1: but I was pregnant with your child. I wasn't out 260 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,959 Speaker 1: here fucking nobody. I was alone and pregnant for months. 261 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 1: I would ask him to help me get some things 262 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: for our daughter, and he would tell me his girl 263 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: and his son needs it more. He treated my daughter 264 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: like a second option. He would verbally abuse me and yeah, 265 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: I popped my shit too. Yeah you're from Detroit, I know, 266 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: but it's different when a nigga is constantly gaslighting me. 267 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: Somehow he finds a way to be a victim all 268 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: that manipulating shit. Gird can't stand it. It's really beyond me. Yes, 269 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,480 Speaker 1: I had my petty moments and said fucked up things 270 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: to him, but he is the common denominator for everything. 271 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: He blames me for having another baby. I had my 272 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,679 Speaker 1: daughter in March of twenty twenty two, and a few 273 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: days later I got a real bad case of COVID 274 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 1: and pneumonia to the point where I was incubated for 275 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: three weeks and I almost died. So dealing with that trauma, 276 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,319 Speaker 1: being a new mom and the bullshit from him had 277 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 1: did a lot of damage to my mental health. I 278 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: became a depressed, alcoholic and overall and unpleasant person to 279 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,199 Speaker 1: be all around. I finally made the decision to cut 280 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 1: him off and focus on myself and my daughter, but 281 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: even with that, it didn't help. Every time I get 282 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 1: drunk and I'm talking about blacked out drink, I'm crying 283 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: and talking about my baby. Daddy hurt me. Oh God, 284 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: I just want to heal. I just want to be 285 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: happy again. Jess, can you please help me and give 286 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,520 Speaker 1: me some advice? Thank you, and I'm sorry for the 287 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: long written message. PS. I forgot to mention that the 288 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: girl he was messing with knew about me the whole time, 289 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: and she be on fuck shit with his ass. But 290 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 1: it's okay because when I see her or them, I'm 291 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: beating the ass. I love you, Jess. Also, I'm a 292 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: real person, but I deleted all my social media accounts, 293 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: so I created this one to contact you. Okay, I 294 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: totally get a girl. It don't matter. I didn't even 295 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: need that last part. I could tell you a real 296 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: person because this shit is too fucking specific for you 297 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: not to be a fucking real person. Hold up, hold up, 298 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: I know this shit getting good, But listen to just 299 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: a couple seconds of a comer. If you love me, 300 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: you'll listen, all right, First and foremost, let's start from 301 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: where you caught my attention. All right, So you wanted 302 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: it to be over, you did. You really did want 303 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: it to be over with him. You put a shit 304 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: on the other side of your door. You was ready, 305 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 1: You were fed up with it. You didn't quite tell 306 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: me exactly why you were fed up with it, because 307 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 1: I know the little penis cannot be the only thing. 308 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: Because you still hung in there. You hung in there 309 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: enough to get the bun in the oven. He got 310 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: you pregnant, that that little bit can had some little 311 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: soldiers marching through it, all right, because he got your 312 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: ass pregnant, big dick or not? All right, But you 313 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: didn't quite tell me why you wanted to be done. 314 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: That's all you mentioned was just his small penis, all right, 315 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: But you had this stuff outside the dough. You find 316 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 1: out you're pregnant, you still wanted them gone. It wasn't 317 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: until you found out that he was dealing with somebody 318 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: else at the job then you were hurt. Now, listen, 319 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: were you hurt because you didn't want him to deal 320 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,640 Speaker 1: with nobody else? Was it just the fact that it 321 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: was somebody at the job? Did you think that he 322 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 1: may have been fucking with somebody else before y'all broke up? 323 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: Or what? Because if you wanted him gone that bad, 324 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: why did it matter to you so much to find 325 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: out that he was dealing with somebody like y'all weren't together, 326 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You had already put him 327 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: out by then, So I'm just curious to know. Now, 328 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: it could have been a hormonal situation because you said 329 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,600 Speaker 1: you were pregnant. You could have been having different feelings 330 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: that would change. You could have been in and out 331 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: with it, like I want him, but then I don't 332 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: want him. And these could have all been blamed on 333 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: your hormonal changes or whatever with you being pregnant, but 334 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: it seemed that you were very concrete in your answer 335 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 1: because you wanted this nigga gone before you even found 336 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: out that you were pregnant. So that's what I'm trying 337 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: to get to. But you're not here to talk to 338 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: me in real time about it, so I want you 339 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 1: to check back with me. Moving on to a later 340 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 1: part of the story, you said, let's co parents. He 341 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,320 Speaker 1: was fine with that, But then, okay, I'm back pedaling 342 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: because that's what I'm saying. You were fine with everything 343 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 1: until you found out about the damn girl. So that's 344 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: why I said, were you're really over him? Because sometimes 345 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 1: we may think that we don't want a person until 346 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,040 Speaker 1: they're gone. In other words, basically, you don't know what 347 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 1: you got until it's gone. Now, I'm not saying he 348 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 1: was the best thing that ever happened to you, and 349 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 1: or nor vice versa. I'm not saying you're the best 350 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,359 Speaker 1: thing to happen to him, but obviously you felt the 351 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,199 Speaker 1: way and you wanted him back after you found out 352 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: that he was with somebody else. You said, the girl 353 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: knew about you the whole time. Fuck her. She ain't 354 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 1: got no loyalty to you. You ain't gonna be high 355 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,159 Speaker 1: ass because you got a daughter to take care of. 356 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 1: Fuck that, fuck them, Fuck that, all right, You ain't 357 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: gonna be high ass because, to be honest with you, 358 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,360 Speaker 1: her daughter or her child and your child are siblings, 359 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: whether you like it or not. So don't beat her ass. 360 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 1: Don't beat her ass. I made that mistake. One of 361 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,320 Speaker 1: my baby father's other baby mothers, I beat her ass. 362 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: We're cordial now, but I still regret doing that because 363 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking about my child or her child, who 364 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,359 Speaker 1: I also look at as another child of mine. You 365 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,400 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, and how it could potentially hurt 366 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 1: them later. Or my son could say to his sister 367 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: one day, they argument, that's what my mother beat your 368 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,119 Speaker 1: mother ass. You know, did she look at me a 369 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: certain way? Or you know, vice versa. You just don't 370 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 1: want to do that. You're plan a dangerous game when 371 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 1: it comes to your children and their parent, the other parent. 372 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: They're not worth it anyway, all right. You moved out 373 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,919 Speaker 1: of town. He ain't doing shit for your baby. He 374 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: could be bitter that you didn't want a relationship with him. 375 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 1: He could be better. I'm not justifying, but he just 376 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 1: seems like he's bitter to you. You can't make a 377 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: man step up and do shit, So you need to 378 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,879 Speaker 1: go through the courts. Because obviously y'all don't even live 379 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 1: in the same place. You need help with their baby. 380 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: So this is a good time to put them on 381 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: child support. Yep, this is a good time because this 382 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:36,879 Speaker 1: would be a case where the mom actually needed. You know, 383 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 1: women put men on child support for many different reasons, 384 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 1: but the right reason is for the child and because 385 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,320 Speaker 1: you can't do everything on your own, and you did 386 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 1: not make that baby girl on your own. So this 387 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,159 Speaker 1: is what I would call a great opportunity to seek 388 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,120 Speaker 1: assistance through the courts. Put them on child support, some 389 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,359 Speaker 1: type of government assistance. You would need to help take 390 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 1: care of your baby. All right, understand that you're bitter, 391 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 1: but you also need to heal. Like you said, you 392 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: need to fucking heal. He ain't coming back, and even 393 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: if the fuck he would come back, would you take 394 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:12,400 Speaker 1: him exactly? We have to ask ourselves that what could 395 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:16,399 Speaker 1: he give you right now to make you happy? Another baby, love, 396 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: a relationship, a cheating one, back and forth? What could 397 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: he do right now to make you happy? Nothing? Take 398 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: care of your daughter, But it ain't even that for you. 399 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 1: It's the fact that you're still bitter about what he 400 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,719 Speaker 1: did to you with another woman. It ain't even all 401 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: about your daughter. Yes, you're damn sure upset that he 402 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: won't help you take care of your baby, but you're 403 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 1: upset with matters of the heart too. You know, more 404 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,919 Speaker 1: so what he did to you in the relationship and 405 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 1: what he didn't do after the relationship, or you know, 406 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 1: or you felt like you cheated or whatever, or just 407 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,920 Speaker 1: sometimes we don't want to see the person that we 408 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: love with someone else. We're not ready to move on. 409 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,960 Speaker 1: But you need to do so. And it starts with 410 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,639 Speaker 1: you just reflecting on who you are, you having to 411 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: do everything by yourself, and asking yourself that real question, 412 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: that very real question, What could this nigga do for 413 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: me right now that's gonna make me happy in my heart? 414 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 1: Not the baby me. What can he do drop everything 415 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,119 Speaker 1: and come live here? Then he got another baby, then 416 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,920 Speaker 1: he still got other kids with that of a girl 417 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 1: somewhere else, You know what I'm saying, like, just just 418 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: wake up and think about that, because you deserve much 419 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,640 Speaker 1: better and you're gonna get much better because you're still young. 420 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,959 Speaker 1: You got a lot more life to live. And so 421 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,040 Speaker 1: does your baby girl. Get back to me, cause if 422 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: you feel like nobody love you, I'm telling you I 423 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 1: love you, and that little girl loves you too. So no, 424 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: ain't nobody worth your peace and your sanity because you 425 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: need that to take care of your child, and you 426 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,160 Speaker 1: need that to get past all your trauma. And that's 427 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,399 Speaker 1: just what it is. It's past trauma. I'm not asking 428 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 1: you to forget it in a sense, but in a 429 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,639 Speaker 1: sense I am move on and forget it. Bury that 430 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,919 Speaker 1: shit because remembering ain't gonna do nothing for you but 431 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,359 Speaker 1: hold you back. And just like that, we've come to 432 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl. 433 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,760 Speaker 1: Just hilarious. Make sure you tune into Cold Parents and 434 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: Therapy every other Wednesday. Listen, y'all. My trip in Aruba 435 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: threw me off. Y'all. I didn't deliver an episode for 436 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless. I didn't deliver cole parenting on YouTube. I 437 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: didn't deliver any promotions for my Messy Vision products my 438 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,679 Speaker 1: glasses and we got new new glasses coming soon. I 439 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 1: also will be doing Breakfast Club with DJ Envy and 440 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 1: mother fucking CHARLAMAGNEA God, y'all listen. I'll be doing that 441 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,400 Speaker 1: all this week. If you ain't already heard, make sure 442 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,159 Speaker 1: you tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday and 443 00:21:35,200 --> 00:22:49,520 Speaker 1: then my deepest pan boys can't. Fully Reckless is a 444 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 1: production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect. For more 445 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 446 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.