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Speaker 1: My fiance blew up at me when I asked for

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Speaker 1: a vacation after giving birth. He thinks I'm abandoning him.

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Speaker 2: You just go on vacation, you deserve it. Leave the

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Speaker 2: baby at the doorstep, put it at a firehouse, teach

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Speaker 2: him to pend for themselves. Yeah, the Romans just love

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Speaker 2: babies in the freaking wilderness?

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Speaker 1: Do that? What are you doing to I? Twenty nine

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Speaker 1: female recently had a mental breakdown over the weekend. I'm

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Speaker 1: confused whether I was in the wrong or just being gaslets.

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Speaker 1: So on Friday morning, after being told that my thirty

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Speaker 1: eight male fiance didn't have money for rent, it sent

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Speaker 1: me into a spiral. And this is very important because

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Speaker 1: it not only comes from Midnight Blue sixteen, this is

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Speaker 1: one of our very own in the community, coming from

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Speaker 1: the r sieh okay story time sub breddit.

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Speaker 2: So yet's freaking go? Are they here with us? Are

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Speaker 2: they in the room now?

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Speaker 1: Let us know, Midnight Blue if you are here, because

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Speaker 1: we want to talk to you. So we have been

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Speaker 1: in a financial bind after he decided to get fired

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Speaker 1: from his job because he didn't want to switch stores.

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Speaker 1: When his boss said that corporate notified him of the

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Speaker 1: change He did this two days after me giving birth

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Speaker 1: to our son. Yes, I do have postpartum depression, which

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Speaker 1: made everything so much worse. I can admit that it

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Speaker 1: does make me irrational. I had been taking care of

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Speaker 1: our kids three daughters and our newborn son, and doing

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Speaker 1: all of the cleaning, cooking, and managing the bills for

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Speaker 1: the past month or two months, as well as having

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Speaker 1: surgery two weeks ago. That hinders me from picking something

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Speaker 1: up over twenty pounds. I haven't really taken time to

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Speaker 1: recover from the birth or my surgery. This woman is

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Speaker 1: going through it postpartum depression, surgery.

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Speaker 2: Birth, Yeah, I mean, if it's like surgery, there's definitely

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Speaker 2: probably a tear, right, Yeah, that's what probably happened.

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Speaker 1: Maybe.

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Speaker 2: Wait, that's rough. Also, this girl that I went on

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Speaker 2: a date with, she said she had a friend who,

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Speaker 2: when was pregnant, had teeth fall out. Apparently you can

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Speaker 2: have a calcium deficiency or something. Is that crazy?

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that, that's wild.

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Speaker 2: I had no idea.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that. I know that I was on

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Speaker 1: attorney leave for a month due to the fact that

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Speaker 1: I work from home, and I only took the day

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Speaker 1: of my surgery off, So I got worn down pretty

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Speaker 1: fast while my fiance gave me the bare minimum help

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Speaker 1: or context. My fiance doesn't feel comfortable changing diapers and

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Speaker 1: the smell of poop that makes him close to vomiting.

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Speaker 1: Back on Friday, I mentally couldn't take another month of

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to pay the bills, asking

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Speaker 1: to borrow money again, or thinking that someone will come

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Speaker 1: take our kids because we can't pay rent. Dude, this

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Speaker 1: woman is going through the gauntlet of fire right now

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Speaker 1: and her husband is on the couch.

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Speaker 2: He's like in stinky diaper, dude, why have a kid

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Speaker 2: if you don't realize that that's going to be a

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Speaker 2: thing that you need to do.

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Speaker 1: I think that that's not what he was thinking at

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Speaker 1: the time about poop.

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Speaker 2: Oh you mean, oh yeah, he was just.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't change the baby. He got fired him from

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Speaker 1: his job because he didn't want to change over. He's

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Speaker 1: not helping around the house. What is he doing?

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Speaker 2: Is this episode like the deadbeat Boyfriend, the slash husband episode,

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Speaker 2: Let's go dead beat episode dead beat Man?

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Speaker 1: What a theme. I sent a message to my fiance,

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Speaker 1: mother and sister that I feel like I need to

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Speaker 1: be admitted to the hospital due to my mental state.

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Speaker 1: I told them that I'm just tired and I can

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Speaker 1: barely stay awake and the stress of being a parent

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Speaker 1: with post department depression and the financial strain has gotten

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Speaker 1: to me and I don't feel safe enough to continue.

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Speaker 2: Wait, Caitlin Van Camper says, they also have three other children,

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Speaker 2: so was he not changing the babies diapers for the

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Speaker 2: three other children too? And you're like, let's have another

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Speaker 2: one with this deadbeat pumpy.

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Speaker 1: It almost seems like she's basically had the superwoman the

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Speaker 1: supermom thing going on, and now that she's literally like

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Speaker 1: had the surgery, had his postpon impression, all these things.

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Speaker 1: Now she's finally can't pay for any of the bills,

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Speaker 1: trying to pay for it herself. Oh, she's finally like

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Speaker 1: cracking under all the pressure when she's been holding all

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Speaker 1: of us on her shoulders to hole. Oh that's what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying here, right, My god. My fiance called me

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Speaker 1: asking what is wrong and why would I do that?

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Speaker 1: On his first day of work. I just apologized and

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Speaker 1: told him I couldn't control this and hung up the phone.

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Speaker 1: He literally didn't even say like, oh my gosh, like

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Speaker 1: what can I do? How can I help you? He's

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Speaker 1: just like, why would you embarrass me like that?

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Speaker 2: Babe, bro get a grip.

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Speaker 1: He texted me stating that he called his mother and

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Speaker 1: told her to come over to the house to be

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Speaker 1: with me. I sat and cried to his mother about

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Speaker 1: the stress while on the phone with my own mom.

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Speaker 1: Both my mom and his mother agreed that I should

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Speaker 1: get away for the weekend and that they would watch

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Speaker 1: the kids gears where it started to spiral more in

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Speaker 1: case it already wasn't insane enough. I hope he didn't

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Speaker 1: have enough pressure. My fiance comes home on his lunch

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Speaker 1: to check on me, and then proceeds to send in

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Speaker 1: text since his mother was still present, that he will

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Speaker 1: leave soon so I can continue to bad mouth him

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Speaker 1: to his mother and mine that I never accept his

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Speaker 1: help when he offers, and he is sick of me

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Speaker 1: bad mouthing him to other people, and I should just

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Speaker 1: leave since I'm so miserable.

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Speaker 2: I mean, he has a point, like, you probably should

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Speaker 2: just leave. He kind of sucks that yeah, that that

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Speaker 2: one part right there. I mean, he kind of he sucks,

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Speaker 2: and he's not adding anything. I mean, maybe we're judging

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Speaker 2: too quick.

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Speaker 1: But yeah. He says that due to the fact at

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Speaker 1: times I will reach out to a close friend or

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Speaker 1: family to vent about a situation after me and him

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Speaker 1: have spoken about it. It's usually just about what's going

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Speaker 1: on at home, wondering what they think about it, or

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Speaker 1: just to calm down and get it out of my system.

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Speaker 1: Even though me and my fiance have talked it through.

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Speaker 1: I just told him I'm sorry and asked, do you

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Speaker 1: want me to go? He said no, but he thinks

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Speaker 1: that me leaving for the weekend to clear my head

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Speaker 1: is just running away and abandoning him. He pleaded with

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Speaker 1: me not to go.

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Speaker 2: You know why, because he's thinking, Oh, if she suddenly

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Speaker 2: has the space to think about our relationship, she's gonna leave.

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Speaker 1: She is not going to literally support everything, take care

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Speaker 1: of all four of our children, take care of all

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Speaker 1: of the bills, so I can quit what I want

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Speaker 1: and do what I want. Dude, big freaking facts. I

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Speaker 1: told him I need some space to think and clear

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Speaker 1: my head. Considering I was contemplating on whether I should

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Speaker 1: hurt him or not do to the PPD. I was

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Speaker 1: choosing to go so I don't hurt myself or anyone

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Speaker 1: in the house. Because I felt crazy. He responded in, well,

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Speaker 1: remember I asked you not to go, and this will

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Speaker 1: take a major blow to our reallylationship as well as

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Speaker 1: he sees this as me breaking up with them, and

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Speaker 1: he will not tolerate another woman taking his kids without

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Speaker 1: his say in the matter.

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Speaker 2: This is like a way to control the outcome because

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Speaker 2: it seems like they're moving towards breaking up. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: he's doing everything he can to try to control the

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Speaker 2: situation and be like no, no, no, no, like you will

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Speaker 2: not give yourself a space to make this decision.

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Speaker 1: And she's saying the whole time, like, look, all this

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Speaker 1: stuff is happening, I'm stressed, I have postparmer depression. I'm

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Speaker 1: probably not in the most rational state of mind. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: he is just exactly what Opie asked in the first sentence,

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Speaker 1: gaslighting her. So for context, my fiance is two older

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Speaker 1: girls that his ex wife has custody of, and she

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Speaker 1: is refusing to let him see them. I know he

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Speaker 1: is also depressed at the moment since he hasn't seen

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Speaker 1: them in months due to her flat out refusing and

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Speaker 1: Florida police will not help to enact the custody arrangement

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Speaker 1: because it's a civil manner. By the way, does this

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Speaker 1: man have six children?

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Speaker 2: How has he not been able to change one diaper?

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Speaker 1: Busy making babies? True, he's too busy making babies and

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Speaker 1: getting fired from his job because.

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Speaker 2: He's focusing on his area of expertise.

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Speaker 1: Exactly. Listen, here's where my skills shine. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: So I told him we can talk later when emotions

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Speaker 1: aren't high right now, because I wanted to be able

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Speaker 1: to talk rationally and not say something irrational or him

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Speaker 1: do the same. He told me to just f off

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Speaker 1: and continue to blast my phone with hateful text saying

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Speaker 1: I probably never loved him and that he should have

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Speaker 1: cheated or left earlier because he knew I would leave him.

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Speaker 2: Bro, I mean, is that is that not the line

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Speaker 2: that solidifies that they should break up? I mean we've

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Speaker 2: already kind of talked about.

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Speaker 1: That, Yes, but she is literally doing the most to

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Speaker 1: make sure that she's not coming off attacking. Is like, hey,

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Speaker 1: let's like save this to where we can like really

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Speaker 1: sit down and like dive into this.

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Speaker 2: But when you are just super insecure, like he's not

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Speaker 2: being rational.

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Speaker 1: We've seen a lot of insecure and crazy people, but

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Speaker 1: this guy is like he's he's fighting.

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Speaker 2: Leave his own his own out of.

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Speaker 1: Three thousand, yeah, three thousand stories Olympic level flighting. I

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Speaker 1: just sat pretty silently, trying to hold myself together not

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Speaker 1: say anything to my mother that he was saying these things.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want him to complain about any more of

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Speaker 1: me talking about our issues. I stayed at my mother's

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Speaker 1: for one night and left the next and came home.

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Speaker 1: By the way, you can come home to us every

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Speaker 1: weekday at three pm PST and join us on our

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Speaker 1: lives like the profile, and we'll be here. We have

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Speaker 1: some relevant comments, but we need to chat real quick

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Speaker 1: before diving in. It seems like we're all pretty aligned

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Speaker 1: on like leave. My question for you now, Sam is

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Speaker 1: how should she leave? Like? What are the steps?

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Speaker 2: The thing is he's threatening to it almost sounds like

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Speaker 2: a duck to the children if she leaves. Yeah, So

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Speaker 2: I almost feel like she shouldn't go on this trip

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Speaker 2: because of that threat. I feel like, because it's like

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Speaker 2: you need to think of the kids. So is it

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Speaker 2: like all right, give the kids to a family member.

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Speaker 1: The kids are being watched by both moms. Okay, again,

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Speaker 1: so both moms are at op's in their house.

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Speaker 2: I think you maybe tell the moms like, hey, we're

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Speaker 2: going to work out where a relationship is going and

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Speaker 2: make sure that the husband doesn't take the kids away

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Speaker 2: somewhere else, and start figuring out divorce proceedings.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, probably, like just start searching for a divorce lawyer.

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Speaker 1: I would say, not only get like okay, what's the

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Speaker 1: technical legal stuff, but hopefully ask them advice on like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: here's my situation.

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Speaker 2: That's a great point. I feel like the divorce lawyer

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Speaker 2: will be able to ensure that there are ways to

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Speaker 2: protect your children from bad behavior.

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Speaker 1: While also like I imagine that a divorce lawyer has

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Speaker 1: probably seen like similar scenarios. It's like, legally, what do

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Speaker 1: I do? And then have you seen scenarios before? It's

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Speaker 1: like how do I protect the children legally and like physically.

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Speaker 2: But I actually I don't know if I would say

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Speaker 2: that you're getting a divorce lawyer to your husband just

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Speaker 2: because of how unpredictable he's.

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Speaker 1: Been agreed agreed to do it on the low, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and do it ace app Yeah, I mean luckily now

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Speaker 1: that the moms are watching the kids, I mean unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: se shit, she said she only stayed one night and

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Speaker 1: is now coming back. I'd almost be like go back

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Speaker 1: for like literally one more day and just spend that

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Speaker 1: day obviously get a good night's sleep, and then just

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Speaker 1: find like focus on finding a lawyer or like what

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Speaker 1: good next steps?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, would be Blindbe says they're not married. All she

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Speaker 2: needs to do is go to family court and file

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Speaker 2: for custody. If they're not married, then I think it's fine,

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Speaker 2: whoa are they not married?

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Speaker 1: Beyonce?

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Speaker 2: Beyonce not married yet?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're not They're not legally so probably in the

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Speaker 1: eyes of a lot, it's like binary, either married or

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Speaker 1: you're not. Wow, that's I mean, he's the father of

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Speaker 1: a children though, so I would imagine I don't know,

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Speaker 1: that's interesting.

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Speaker 2: But on the flip side, Mariah from Alaska says, my

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Speaker 2: sister in law asked her husband for a divorce. He

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Speaker 2: drained her bank account, stole the kids, led the state,

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Speaker 2: and called her job and got her fired. Never underestimate

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Speaker 2: a salty man.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think just like probably like big picture, get

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Speaker 1: as much like amo as you can before. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: you come to him to like make sure you'll be

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Speaker 1: safe and protected and.

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Speaker 2: Yeah all that also like just a quick reminder it's

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Speaker 2: one thing to solve it right here, right, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's it's like we're trying to solve it, yes, But

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Speaker 2: the ideal thing is you look for character traits in

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Speaker 2: partners that like they could never do something like this.

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Speaker 2: One of my least favorite character traits in a partner

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Speaker 2: or a friend is vindictiveness. And I think if you

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Speaker 2: have someone who is vindictive or goes around like just

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Speaker 2: think about how someone treats their enemies as how they

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Speaker 2: may treat you in the future. So just make sure

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Speaker 2: that how they treat their enemies is good because you

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Speaker 2: might be on the other side of it.

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Speaker 1: That might be all time Sam Donner Bars of Advice.

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Speaker 1: Thanks dude, We have to put that in the Platinum.

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Speaker 2: Platinum, very God Platinum, Golden Rules.

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Speaker 1: We upgraded baby. But guys, we have relevant comments from

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Speaker 1: the story as well. Let's dive into him. So Psycho

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Speaker 1: Susie seventy says, he sounds like a narcissist. To be

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Speaker 1: perfectly honest, he is using your mental illness as a

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Speaker 1: weapon to beat you with while making it all about him.

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Speaker 1: Any loving partner would be bending over a boat to

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Speaker 1: help ease the Burtons their sick partners dealing with not

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Speaker 1: pile on top with all the stress, with more stress

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Speaker 1: and manipulation. He is gaslighting you too. I mean, how

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Speaker 1: dare you go and leave him to go and have

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Speaker 1: the space to think straight? And how dare you speak

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Speaker 1: to other people to get a balanced viewpoint on things

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Speaker 1: when you realize you may not be seeing things completely rationally,

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Speaker 1: Go and do what you need to do for your

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Speaker 1: own well being. Get peace in your mind so that

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Speaker 1: way you can look at everything in a more balanced perspective.

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Speaker 1: And don't think that you wouldn't cope with your kids

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Speaker 1: being on your own because you're already doing it on

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Speaker 1: your own. That part true. Yeah, just because he's there

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean he's helping you or supporting you. He is

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Speaker 1: draining your soul at the moment. Yeah. If anything, he's

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Speaker 1: like an anchor, maybe making it harder to like make

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Speaker 1: the moves she needs to do. Take all the time

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Speaker 1: you need to gain clarity so you can be a

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Speaker 1: better mom for your kids, and that is the end. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Wow, Yeah, I think it's great, great relevant comment. And

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Speaker 2: I think again, like try to get that divorce lawyer

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Speaker 2: ace so you can get some of some advice.

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Speaker 1: One hundred percent how to proceed. But Sam, I think

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Speaker 1: we should keep proceeding with this episode.

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Speaker 2: We got another story for you.

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Speaker 1: Let's do it.

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Speaker 2: I asked my girlfriend to help out around the house.

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Speaker 2: She refused and made her maid do everything. My female

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Speaker 2: twenty five girlfriend female thirty five, and I have been

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Speaker 2: living together and getting married soon. The relationship has been

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Speaker 2: beautiful except for a few issues at hand. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from your anonymous hater on the r slash

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Speaker 2: okay storytime subreddit. She cannot process without a servant. She

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Speaker 2: has always had a maid at hand, and we'll call

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Speaker 2: her Mary. We moved in together. Initially, Mary did not

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Speaker 2: come with her. Within just fifteen days of moving in,

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Speaker 2: girlfriend asked if she can call Mary because she is

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Speaker 2: having trouble with everything. I couldn't understand what she needed

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Speaker 2: help with since we already have house help who does

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Speaker 2: most of the work, ranging from cleaning, mopping, dishes, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: And they must be rich rich like a live in maide.

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Speaker 2: Almost it seems like like they already have house help

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Speaker 2: and then they're getting someone on top of it.

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Speaker 1: My guess op is like the sugar mama deep in

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Speaker 1: her career making bank and then the younger girl came

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Speaker 1: from a rich family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, I would want if I was OPR.

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Speaker 1: Watch out for the point when they're like, hey, let's

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Speaker 1: start waxing some stuff. Great point. We got a strip Cally,

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Speaker 1: it was worth it.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't understand what she needed help with, and I

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Speaker 2: wasn't okay with someone living with us full time. I

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Speaker 2: like my space and my my comfort and I did

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Speaker 2: not want an extra person in my space all the time.

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Speaker 2: I tried to help my girlfriend with everything as much

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Speaker 2: as I could, but she still seemed uncomfortable. I need Mary.

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Speaker 2: I think I feel like it needs to be more Butler,

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Speaker 2: as like Madnold, Madernold, Reginald Reginald, but with an M

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Speaker 2: because it says they start with.

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Speaker 1: M Reginald Reginald Reginald.

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Speaker 2: So she then told me she still is having trouble

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Speaker 2: doing things and is used to having Reginald around, so

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Speaker 2: she wants her and that she will also help us

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Speaker 2: managing the house. Reginald came in a combo deal with

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend. I didn't mind much back then, except that

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Speaker 2: I had to empty up my storage room to make space.

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Speaker 1: For my Reginald live in. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, it is a live in maide. This is

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Speaker 2: not enough. Still not enough. And they have other house

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Speaker 2: help too, so it's like wow. Anyway, she has had

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Speaker 2: Reginald since she was eighteen. I quickly realized Reginald does

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Speaker 2: a lot of stuff for her, which is okay. But

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Speaker 2: Reginald wipe Reginald waxes wax off. Now wax on, Reginald

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Speaker 2: stick it back on. Oh god, I know, I love

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Speaker 2: my butt to pay. Eventually I realized how dependent my

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Speaker 2: girlfriend is on my Reginald, even for the most basic tasks,

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Speaker 2: tasks that could easily be done by any functioning human

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Speaker 2: that would literally take seconds. Some tasks that my Reginald

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Speaker 2: did that bothered me were chopping vegetables before we begin cooking,

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Speaker 2: changing bed sheets, holding her heavy bag when she went out,

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Speaker 2: cleaning her shoes and gave them to her before she

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Speaker 2: left the house, picked up her shoes and put them

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Speaker 2: on the shoe rack. When she got back, I ironed

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Speaker 2: her clothes, picked up her plates after eating, picks up

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Speaker 2: coffee cups and water bottles she leaves all around the house,

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Speaker 2: picks up clothes. She throws around in the changing room,

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Speaker 2: turning on the water heater before she took a shower,

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Speaker 2: cleaned her work table, cleaned up spills she carelessly made,

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Speaker 2: takes her pack of cigarettes to wherever she is sitting

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Speaker 2: in the house. This is rich people shit, but this

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Speaker 2: is crazy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: All of this bothered me so much. It was like

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Speaker 2: seeing a little Todd throwing tantrums and mother taking care

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Speaker 2: of it without disciplining the child. This is how they've

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Speaker 2: lived four years. So you've lived with my Reginald for years.

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Speaker 2: She pays my Reginald well and takes care of her

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Speaker 2: well being, and they're really close too, like friends because

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Speaker 2: she isn't very old. Eventually I got used to it,

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Speaker 2: except that my girlfriend dumbed all household chores I'm a

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Speaker 2: Reginald and decided to not do anything at all. She

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Speaker 2: never helps with any house job, and when I asked

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Speaker 2: her to, she says, I got you a maid. My

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Speaker 2: boyfriend says I'm financially irresponsible, but makes me pay for everything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, be responsible, pay for me.

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Speaker 2: I twenty nine female, have been with my boyfriend twenty

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Speaker 2: seven mail for one point five years, and we're discussing

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Speaker 2: finances and living together. I'm not the most financially literate,

380
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,920
Speaker 2: but I don't think I overspend or live beyond my means.

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Speaker 2: I live with my family, who don't charge rent, though

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Speaker 2: I help with groceries and other things. I've been trying

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Speaker 2: to build my savings, hoping to buy a house soon.

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Speaker 2: I've never been in debt, and my credit card score

385
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Speaker 2: is decent. By the way, this comes from Princess Archer

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Speaker 2: on the r slash Okay storytime. So I've brought it so.

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Speaker 2: When we first met, it was more care free, with

388
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:32,040
Speaker 2: spending vacations, shopping, meals out. I was still saving, but

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Speaker 2: in smaller amounts. My boyfriend pointed out early on that

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00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 2: I spent too much, but as we became more serious,

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Speaker 2: I cut back. Now I rarely go out and primarily

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Speaker 2: spend money on dates. Wait, so your boyfriend's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: don't do stuff for you, do stuff for me that

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Speaker 2: it's great spending. If you do stuff for you, bad

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Speaker 2: bat terrible for me.

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Speaker 1: Good babe. This PS five is going to fix our relationship.

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00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm It's called investing in the relationship. It will

398
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,200
Speaker 2: have returns and at least two smooches from yours truly,

399
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,359
Speaker 2: So I do brunch with the girls once every half months. Otherwise,

400
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,240
Speaker 2: friends social time is done on walks or at houses.

401
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 2: Despite this, I've had some setbacks like car repairs needed

402
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,680
Speaker 2: for my commute, which have made saving harder. So she's

403
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,560
Speaker 2: gone from going spending like vacation money and all that

404
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,399
Speaker 2: to just brunch with friend every half month. My boyfriend

405
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 2: still says I don't save properly and brings up my

406
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Speaker 2: vacations as evidence I'm not serious about saving for a house.

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00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 2: What are you contributing? Yeah, boyfriend, buddy, what bread you

408
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 2: bring in? Or you just toasting bread? You just burnen bread.

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Speaker 1: He just wants her buns.

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Speaker 2: He wants those buns toasty, spread his little jelly on it, discussing,

411
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,600
Speaker 2: Uh huh, you gotta pay for that. No gooning, no gooning,

412
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,120
Speaker 2: no gooning. Here we edge. Here, we edge and never goon.

413
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Speaker 1: Never stop edging.

414
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 2: Never stop edging. Always be on the edge of your

415
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,240
Speaker 2: seat while edging, which is what I'm doing right now.

416
00:18:55,200 --> 00:19:01,159
Speaker 2: We discussed buying John I have a girlfriend, Fry. We

417
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 2: discussed buying a house earlier this year, and I decided

418
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 2: to start saving seriously. But I had a few vacations planned.

419
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,399
Speaker 2: One was a cheap trip came to less than a

420
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 2: thousand dollars total, which I booked with my best friend

421
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: whilst my boyfriend and I were broken up, whilst whilst

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Speaker 2: a little little uh break break vacation.

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Speaker 1: That's new information.

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Speaker 2: What was happening on this break Well, I didn't even

425
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 2: think about that. Yeah, Also what is the gender of

426
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:29,400
Speaker 2: this friend? Not not not saying anything is gonna happen,

427
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:31,639
Speaker 2: but it sounds like you are but it could, but

428
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 2: it could really quick, Like before we keep going. I

429
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 2: am not confident in this relationship so far.

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00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 1: I have a lot of confidence. Oh, this is a

431
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Speaker 1: terrible relationship.

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Speaker 2: There, we got.

433
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Speaker 1: That.

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Speaker 2: So even after we got back together, I went on

435
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Speaker 2: it as I knew I'd not be going on any

436
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 2: more friend trips for the foreseeable future. Oh you know,

437
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,480
Speaker 2: you love a relationship where you're just gonna get pinned

438
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,359
Speaker 2: down and not in the sexy way you're gonna be

439
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 2: it's just gonna be caged, not the sexy way, handcuffed,

440
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 2: not in the sexy way to your partner, and not

441
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 2: allowed to do anything, not in the sexy way. The

442
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 2: second was with the boyfriend, an expensive trip he wanted

443
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 2: to go on and I ultimately chose to join him on.

444
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,879
Speaker 2: We split flights and hotels fifty fifty and whilst on

445
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 2: the trip, he covered the majority of the big spuds. Okay,

446
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,159
Speaker 2: maybe he stepping up to the plate bend that bread.

447
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,199
Speaker 2: I took out of my savings for this trip, but

448
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,440
Speaker 2: as our first together, I decided it was worth it.

449
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 2: It was indeed a once in a lifetime trip. The

450
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:32,520
Speaker 2: third is a family vacation for my milestone birthday. What's

451
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 2: that milestone?

452
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,920
Speaker 1: I guess thirty, like nine, twenty four, twenty four, I'm

453
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,000
Speaker 1: turning twenty four? What so on? Like February twenty fourth

454
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty four, I turned twenty four.

455
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 2: That's like, oh, that's a milestone birth Yeah, it matches

456
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,239
Speaker 2: with your I believe I had that.

457
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 1: I was born on September. Last year was September, I was.

458
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 2: My birthday was September twenty third, twenty twenty three, turning

459
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 2: twenty three. Whoa find a year and the year has

460
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 2: been great. I mean, look at me, he's glowing milestones,

461
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 2: he's blowing. I thought it was because op is twenty

462
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 2: nine and turning thirty, and that's like a milestone which

463
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 2: my family will be covering my cost for as a gift,

464
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 2: and all I need to bring is spending money for

465
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 2: when we're there. That's great, that sounds awesome. Yes, hopefully

466
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 2: the boyfriend doesn't ruin it. Well, guess what he says.

467
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 2: I could give up the family trip, but I say

468
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,240
Speaker 2: it's a gift for my birthday. Well he offered to

469
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 2: treat me to a birthday weekend instead and do the

470
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 2: family vacation next year. But to me, it's no longer

471
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,639
Speaker 2: a birthday trip anymore. I already turned down another family

472
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 2: vacation this year. So he's like, oh, you know, stop

473
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 2: hanging out with your friends, stop hanging out with your.

474
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 1: Family, stop spending your own money.

475
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. This doesn't sound controlling at all. No,

476
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 2: it doesn't sound like he's trying to manipulate you into

477
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 2: him being your only lifeline of emotional support. Not at all.

478
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 1: Zero.

479
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 2: This is not manipulation.

480
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 1: He's so perfect. What could go wrong? Oh?

481
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,159
Speaker 2: Is it Wednesday? It's opposite day. All the things I

482
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 2: just said, we're reverse. It is manipulation folds down, Op,

483
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,399
Speaker 2: get out. What's gidding to me is that he owes

484
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 2: me small amounts of money for things that he then

485
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,399
Speaker 2: tells me later he won't pay for. With logical reasons.

486
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 2: Let's hear some of these logical reasons, John, And for

487
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 2: each reason you tell me logical or illogical, let's do it.

488
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 2: What my birthday meal? Forty dollars? He forgot his wallet

489
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 2: in the car, so I paid. He said he'd pay

490
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 2: me back in front of the waitress, but later said

491
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 2: he wouldn't as he paid for the birthday activity. And

492
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 2: I was the one who said I wanted dinner too,

493
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 2: so dinner was on me for my own birthday. All right, John,

494
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 2: logical or illogical?

495
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 1: This is quadruple illogical because he said he would pay

496
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: for it, and he's the reason why she's paying for it. Yeah,

497
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: what are we talking about.

498
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,679
Speaker 2: I went on a date in New York. It was

499
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 2: a great date. This is just a minor thing. And

500
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 2: she conveniently forgot her card and she's like, oh, I

501
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 2: would have paid, but I conveniently forgot my card. Come on,

502
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,439
Speaker 2: come on, I see through it.

503
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 1: See now, your profile is so large, profile is so

504
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 1: large that people are like, hey, hey, he's got yeah,

505
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 1: he can pay for it.

506
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 2: Podcast host podcast hosts, you take that. We all know

507
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 2: they make the most money. Oh yeah, more than the

508
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 2: finance bros. Yeah, of course, ringing me out for every

509
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 2: cent anyway, too illogical or logical? John my ring fifty

510
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 2: dollars on our vacation. He really wanted to treat me

511
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 2: to a precious gem ring. The amount might seem small,

512
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 2: but it's money I would never spend on myself for jewelry.

513
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 2: I only agreed as he said it was a gift

514
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 2: to me. When it came down to pay, his card

515
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 2: didn't work. Used mine classic trick patterns, the classic trick.

516
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 2: Oh oh, you need money on your card for this?

517
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 2: I had no idea.

518
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,719
Speaker 1: Wait a second, are you supposed to like put money

519
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:29,640
Speaker 1: in a bank account?

520
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 2: How could you expect me to do that. I'm just

521
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 2: a baby. I'm just a little baby. Take care of me, mummy. Anyway,

522
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 2: he said he'd paid me back, John, do you think

523
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 2: he's going to pay him back? No, he is not

524
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 2: going to pay her back. When I mentioned this later,

525
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 2: he said he paid for some really expensive trips the

526
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 2: time of booking them. I offered to pay for a

527
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,639
Speaker 2: half on them as they were pricey, even though above

528
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 2: my budget, but once again, once in a lifetime experience,

529
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 2: he turned me down, saying he wanted to treat me.

530
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 2: He later said if I insist on being paid back

531
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 2: for the ring. He wants half for what he spent

532
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 2: on the trips away more significant amount.

533
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 1: Hey, instead of you know, if if you want me

534
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 1: to pay for this fifty dollars ring, then send me

535
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: back like a thousand bucks.

536
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 2: For yeah, come on, come on that I got for

537
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 2: you for you, for us, for your birthday. But everyone

538
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 2: knows I am going to keep track of every dollar

539
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 2: spent so we can be even This.

540
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 1: Man is giving me a migraine. I know he's just

541
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 1: reading a story.

542
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 2: I mean, like I'm still gonna read this, But is

543
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:29,360
Speaker 2: anyone at all in chat being like stay with this dude. Literally,

544
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,920
Speaker 2: it doesn't seem like either of them have chicken money. No,

545
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 2: but they're spending like they got chicken money. Or he's

546
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 2: spending like he has chicken money, yes, and then expecting

547
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 2: Ope to give the chicken money that she doesn't have.

548
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 1: And then being mad at her that she's not saving

549
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: well the exactly the one spending her money.

550
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 2: And also forcing her to spend more and like like

551
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,199
Speaker 2: like he's basically like like lulling her into safety, saying, oh,

552
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 2: don't worry, bab I'm gonna pay for it, and She's like, Okay,

553
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 2: he's gonna pay for it. Then I guess I could

554
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 2: go on this trip. Psych rug pulled, bam, done all right. Well,

555
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 2: three concert tickets about sixty five dollars. I bought them

556
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 2: as a surprise for a date night, but he said

557
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 2: he wouldn't enjoy them himself, so his mom offered to

558
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 2: buy them off me. She said she'd pay me back.

559
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 2: Let's see if the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

560
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 2: But I said she could give it to him, and

561
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 2: he will. He never did. Oh, so the mom did

562
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,880
Speaker 2: give it, did give it to Opie's boyfriend, and Opie's

563
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 2: boyfriend did not give it to Opie anyway. He never did,

564
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 2: first saying later, and then later when ages had passed,

565
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 2: citing all the money he had spent on dates, food,

566
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 2: et cetera for me and saying all that costs way

567
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 2: more than those tickets, and then finally number four, only

568
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 2: about twenty five bucks. I was going to buy about

569
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,199
Speaker 2: five dollars worth of ingredients to cook dinner, but he

570
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 2: said to get takeout and he'll pay me back. He

571
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 2: still hasn't, And when I brought it up, he said

572
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 2: he pays for most of the food anyway, he bought

573
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,239
Speaker 2: us both food two times, and that costs more than

574
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 2: the food I got, So it bounces out that don't

575
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 2: say you're gonna pay for it. He also insists on

576
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 2: a fifty to fifty split of future expenses, though he

577
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 2: earns double what I do. He says he won't do

578
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 2: a proportional split because of trust issues from a past relationship.

579
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 2: He did a proportional split with her and she cheated

580
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 2: on him, and he hates how he wasted so much

581
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 2: on her that he could have saved. I say, he

582
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 2: can't assume I will do the same, but he says

583
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,360
Speaker 2: he can and he's learnt his lesson. Oh god, not

584
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 2: only is he going in fifty to fifty, but he's

585
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 2: also going and saying you're gonna cheat on me. But

586
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 2: I still want to say together, but I know you're

587
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 2: gonna cheat on me.

588
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 1: Babe, We'll split fifty to fifty, but I'll project one

589
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 1: hundred percent onto you.

590
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 2: There's a hundred percent, dude. This guy is hurts, sucks,

591
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 2: he sucks. He needs therapy, he needs love.

592
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: He needs a job.

593
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,879
Speaker 2: He needs he needs a freaking job that pays more

594
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 2: than what it's paying.

595
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 1: He needs to love making money.

596
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so lately he said he no longer wants

597
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 2: to spend money on me, claiming I don't do the

598
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 2: same for him, even though I spend most of my

599
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 2: disposable income on us. For example, I suggested a date recently,

600
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 2: but he turns it down as it would be expensive.

601
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 1: They should really trim their budget down. I think, you know,

602
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: really just kind of like rip out a bunch of.

603
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 2: And let me say when it grows back in, it's

604
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: so bad. Yeah, it's so bad. He suggested I find

605
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 2: something else. I found an aquarium, which is way cheaper

606
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: than the original suggestion. First he said okay, then after

607
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 2: an argument about finances, said I could buy my own ticket.

608
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 2: I can't afford to, not due to a lot of money,

609
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 2: but just careful budgeting, because op, he's trying to get

610
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 2: better at all of our stuff, and said, in that case,

611
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,919
Speaker 2: we go another time when it was within my budget.

612
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 2: He just got upset, saying I'm using him to have

613
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 2: fun experiences. That is laughably untrue, as I'd been saving

614
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: way more if I was single, as I wouldn't be

615
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 2: paying for food or dates or fuel to go see him. Sure,

616
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 2: it's nice to be treated to fund dates and fancy meals.

617
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 2: But if I want to do those things, I can

618
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 2: do it with friends way less often, for sure due

619
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 2: to my smaller budget, but not never. I feel like

620
00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: he's manipulating me financially. Got him on the note, baby girl.

621
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 2: I acknowledge I've spent on vacations and don't have his

622
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 2: financial experience. He's wealthier and has lived on his own

623
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 2: since eighteen and now temporarily is back home. But paying rent,

624
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 2: I mean, how wealthy could he be? When you say wealthy,

625
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 2: I mean how wealthy could he be if he's saying

626
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,239
Speaker 2: he's going to pay for stuff and not when I

627
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 2: was away at college and I don't pay rent. He

628
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 2: also comments on this, by the way, saying I should

629
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 2: just pay rent out of respect, but I ignore this

630
00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 2: as we just have different family dynamics. My family would

631
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 2: never allow me to pay rent. My dad sneaks fifty

632
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 2: dollars into my account sometimes if he thinks I've spent

633
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 2: too much on groceries for us. However, I feel like

634
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 2: I'm doing the best to save while still enjoying life

635
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 2: within reason. So am I being unresponsible or is he

636
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 2: being manipulative? Reddit advice please there is a little bit

637
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 2: more to this story, but by the way, you can

638
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 2: join his live every weekday on YouTube three pm PST,

639
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 2: just taper p