1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,880 Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the 2 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus, 3 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, 4 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri, 5 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, 6 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and 7 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:47,599 Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington. 8 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June, so go 9 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: get your tickets now. If you want to come see 10 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. 11 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 2: Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea h a whistler. 12 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: There is whistling, whistling with snow and rain. It started 13 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 1: raining again. The temperatures dropped, but it's snowing at the top. 14 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: My friends just went skiing I have a bunch of 15 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,399 Speaker 1: boys at my house, eighteen year old boys. There's a 16 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,400 Speaker 1: little youth hostel thing, and one of them just got 17 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: into a bad ski He went to the er from 18 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: so hopefully his parents will deal with that. 19 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 2: I don't know that I'm brave enough for skiing like skiing, 20 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:25,760 Speaker 2: I don't think so. 21 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 3: I think if you haven't tried it yet, don't try it. 22 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 2: My knees are not for it. It's always a little 23 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 2: scary time. 24 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 3: I will say I had the best ski day of 25 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 3: my life the other day. 26 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: So it was so much powder and I was just 27 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: I was being able to ski the powder. 28 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 3: It was so fun and I just I love it. 29 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 3: I love my life here. 30 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 2: That's amazing. Now do you you drop in right? 31 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 3: Drop in? 32 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 2: Not from the helicopter? 33 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: No, no, I don't drop in. I'm not dropping in 34 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: like that. I'm not going down cliffs and off of 35 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: like no cornices. That's not what I'm doing. I'm skiing well, 36 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: but I'm not dropping in. That's what Jack is probably doing. 37 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: The kid that just got hurt, he was dropping in. Okay, 38 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: all right, yeah, No, I'm not at that level and 39 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: I never will be. 40 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 3: Okay, I'm skiing on resort. 41 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 2: Okay, let's keep you safe. Let's just keep you safe. 42 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we want to keep me safe. Yes. 43 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 2: Well, I have an update from a caller who called 44 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 2: in two years ago. This is a real throwback. 45 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: I know, how many years have we been on the 46 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 1: air or whatever, It's like five five years. 47 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 2: We've been doing this podcast since twenty twenty one, so 48 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 2: we're going on five Wow. 49 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:28,519 Speaker 3: Okay, good. 50 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 2: So Sammy wrote in on our Esther Parrel episode two 51 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 2: years ago, and of course we love a long term update, 52 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 2: so this is great. She was living with her sister 53 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 2: and brother in law who had a polyamorous situation with 54 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 2: a living nanny, and she was like worried about the kids. 55 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 2: So this is what she has to say. Dear Chelsea, 56 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,799 Speaker 2: I'm writing to follow up about a discussion we had 57 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 2: regarding my polygamous sister and her life choices. 58 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 3: I do love it. 59 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 2: She says polygamus instead of polyamorous. Many things have changed, 60 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 2: so buckle up. I finally moved out and moved into 61 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 2: a studio apartment less than a mile from the beach, 62 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 2: and it's a perfect place for meditation, smoking weed, and 63 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,799 Speaker 2: no children. I love my sister's kids. But as their teens, 64 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,639 Speaker 2: I prefer to enjoy them at a distance. My sister 65 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:15,839 Speaker 2: and brother in law ended up getting divorced after much 66 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 2: consideration regarding the polygamy situation. It turns out my brother 67 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 2: in law didn't know he was going to be excluded 68 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 2: from the other party's relationship. He moved out and is 69 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 2: now dating someone else. That's a whole different canniforms. My 70 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 2: sister and her girlfriend, on the other hand, are still together. 71 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 2: Though my sister's girlfriend and I don't always see eye 72 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 2: to eye, I do appreciate how much she has stood 73 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 2: up since my sister got divorced. She works full time 74 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: now and is quite the parent to the kids, and 75 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 2: though they also go head to head every once in 76 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 2: a while, they truly love her and appreciate the parental figure. 77 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 2: My sister and I are still working on our relationship 78 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 2: as both friends and sisters, as it took a hard 79 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 2: hit during the past few years. I wanted to thank 80 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 2: you ladies for talking some sense into me and making 81 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 2: me realize that other people's problems are not my own 82 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 2: and I don't need to take them on. Keep doing 83 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 2: what you're doing. Love always, Sammy PS. My sister found 84 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 2: the podcast and lost her shit when she heard it 85 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 2: was about her. 86 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 3: She got over it. Welcome to my life. 87 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: I constantly I constantly do interviews where I talk about 88 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: your boyfriends or family members and then just think I 89 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: won't get back to them, and even it doesn't matter 90 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: how many years of proof I have that it will. 91 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. I like when people hear the podcast and then 92 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,719 Speaker 3: it's about them. Yeah, they're like, wait, what the fuck? 93 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 3: Wait a minute, wait a. 94 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 2: Second, or it's like people will write in they're like, 95 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,160 Speaker 2: I didn't think you were going to pick my question. 96 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,919 Speaker 3: I'm like, well, it's also that's like it is. 97 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 1: I mean, there really is no tru or sentiment other 98 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,160 Speaker 1: people's problems are not your own, Like we should all 99 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: be telling her. That should be something we wake up 100 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 1: and say to ourselves every single day because we can. 101 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,720 Speaker 1: There are personality types that definitely get involved in other 102 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: people's problems. I have one of those personality types, and 103 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: it takes a long time to realize that A let 104 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: people do their thing. Like you can't control the outcome 105 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,559 Speaker 1: of other people's lives. You can't even control the outcome 106 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: of your own life, so like or be too attached 107 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,360 Speaker 1: to the outcome. 108 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 3: You know what I mean, Like, you have to be 109 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 3: a little bit movable. 110 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,720 Speaker 1: You can't be so intransigent that you can't change and 111 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,720 Speaker 1: pivot when you need to. And also to like let 112 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,360 Speaker 1: other people do their thing, and if you don't like it, 113 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: then don't be around it. 114 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 3: Right. 115 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 2: It is a thing about boundaries where like you can't 116 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 2: actually set a boundary with someone else, you can only 117 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:21,040 Speaker 2: change your own behavior, Like the boundary has to pertain 118 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:29,920 Speaker 2: to you essentially. All right, Well, our callers today, we've 119 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 2: got a couples counseling with Chelsea, Question It, Love It, 120 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 2: and Elizabeth and Danny are calling in. So Elizabeth is 121 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 2: the one writing in, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I've 122 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,119 Speaker 2: been a fan of yours for years and have learned 123 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 2: so much from your work. I'm forty four, a mom 124 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 2: of three teenagers, and I attribute a lot of my 125 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 2: growth to you. Last year, I left a toxic relationship 126 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 2: that brought me to the lowest point of my life. 127 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 2: The red flags were always there. I made excuses, He 128 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 2: made excuses until I no longer recognize myself. I learned 129 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 2: that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Still married, 130 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,560 Speaker 2: unemployed with no plan to work, manipulative. He tried to 131 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 2: pull me and my kids down with him. I'm usually 132 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 2: the most positive person in the room, but for a 133 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 2: while I was completely drained. Your books and podcasts helped 134 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 2: me immensely and led me to letting Go, which was 135 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 2: truly life changing. I realized I had been attracting people 136 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 2: who need constant attention, and I was pouring from an 137 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,479 Speaker 2: empty cup, giving and giving without receiving. I worked on 138 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,040 Speaker 2: my energy, learned to love myself, and for the first time, 139 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,679 Speaker 2: I felt genuinely content being alone. Because I'm a romantic 140 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 2: at heart, and because I took your advice seriously, I 141 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 2: wrote down everything I wanted in a partner and then 142 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 2: let it go. I promised myself I wouldn't settle. Not 143 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 2: even two weeks later, I met a man at a 144 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 2: bar who is everything on that list and more. His 145 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 2: name is Danny. He sat on the stool next to 146 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 2: me with a self help book I had letting Go. 147 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 2: From the start, He's been the opposite of every relationship 148 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: I've known. Patient, kind to everyone, smart, a little nerdy, funny, 149 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 2: and steady. He treats me like a queen and has 150 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,720 Speaker 2: never given me a reason to question his character. Or 151 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 2: his feelings. The chemistry is incredible and we're intentional about 152 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 2: staying connected. We've been together six months, solely introducing our children. 153 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 2: He has two adult daughters. We laugh constantly and have 154 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 2: fun doing anything. It feels magical and I can't imagine 155 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 2: my life without him. I'm writing for two reasons. First 156 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 2: to say thank you the universe aligned because of the 157 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 2: tools you gave me, and you've helped Danny too. He's 158 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 2: read Letting Go and we recommend it to everyone. We 159 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 2: often listen to your podcasts together. Second, we'd love your advice. 160 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 2: We know we're in a honeymoon phase, but we both 161 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 2: want to protect what we're building beyond what we're already doing. 162 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 2: Honest communication, daily connection, mutual respect. What tools or practices 163 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 2: do you recommend to keep a relationship healthy and full 164 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 2: of passion over the long haul? 165 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: Elizabeth, Hi, guys, that's such a beautiful letter. I'm so 166 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 1: happy for you too. Look at you two little love 167 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: birds sitting on the couch together like that, probably inside 168 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: each other. I what if I listen? I would first 169 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: of all, enjoy yourself, enjoy the time, and make sure 170 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: you're making like I just feel like when we're happy 171 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: and things are going well. We need to remind ourselves 172 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: that we're in a great flow state. And like, you know, 173 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: I think writing things to each other is really powerful, 174 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: Like even if it's you know, I don't know, putting 175 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: something into practice that is only between the two of you, 176 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: Like thinking of something to say to each other every day, 177 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: or something that you love about each other every day 178 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: is really sweet. Even writing that to each other at 179 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: the end of the day, even if you're together in 180 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 1: the room, but being like, oh, let's do our thing 181 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: that we like want to tell each other that we 182 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: appreciate about the other person, or something that turns us 183 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,439 Speaker 1: on about the other person. I think like forming rituals 184 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 1: with each other that are new that you've never done 185 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: with anyone else makes something feel even more special and 186 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 1: makes you. 187 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 3: Really appreciate it. 188 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: Because yes, the honeymoon period, you guys, are you guys 189 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 1: living together now? 190 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 4: When my kids aren't here, we usually are check up 191 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,079 Speaker 4: staying together. 192 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 3: But and he stayed over a couple of times. 193 00:08:55,679 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: When you guys aren't having premarital sex, are you that's illegal, okay, 194 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: so just stop doing that right away. But you're not 195 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 1: living together, that's a good thing. I think, listen, it's 196 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 1: really good to miss each other, so don't ever be 197 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 1: scared about that. Don't be scared about separations. A couple 198 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,839 Speaker 1: of days apart is always kind of a good thing 199 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,959 Speaker 1: to keep you missing each other. I feel like sometimes 200 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 1: like I want the other person to go before I 201 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: want them to go, you know what I mean. And 202 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 1: when you really like someone, you kind of never want 203 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 1: them to go. So I think that's a mistake that 204 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,560 Speaker 1: we could sometimes make. We want We're like, oh, we 205 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: want to spend you know, and yes you do. But 206 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 1: there is an art to being a part to like 207 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: missing each other for a couple of days here and there, 208 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 1: a couple that's nice. It's nice to miss someone and 209 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: then have them return. So like, just don't forget about 210 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 1: that and think of something that you guys can do 211 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: that's like, can you think of anything off the top 212 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,200 Speaker 1: of your head that would be like a romantic gesture 213 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: that you guys kind of do each day to each other, 214 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: like writing something to each other, or. 215 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 2: Or is there a lap time situation that is still happening. 216 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 2: Tell us about that. 217 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 5: We just enjoy at the end of the day just 218 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 5: having time where Seda she sits on my lap. We 219 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 5: look at each other, We talk to each other about 220 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 5: our days and really just try to just be connected 221 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 5: and listen to each other and hear each other about 222 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 5: how their day was, because every day is different. Yeah, 223 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 5: we wants to communicate like that communication is really important. 224 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's well. That sounds like you guys already 225 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: have your ritual. I don't know if it should be 226 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,400 Speaker 1: called lap time. It sounds like that's a little like 227 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: Santa Claus adjacent, but whatever, you know, like do your thing, 228 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,439 Speaker 1: And I think that's sweet. 229 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 3: Yeah. 230 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: I mean connecting and community and connecting and communication are key, 231 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 1: and it's like it's very nice to be intimate with 232 00:10:32,679 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: someone you know, to have like your little shorthand, and 233 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,160 Speaker 1: to spend that time like really getting to know each 234 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: other and really being respectful of the other person. But 235 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: you know, don't be afraid of breaks, don't be afraid 236 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: of missing each other. I think that enhances things and 237 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: I think it prolongs that honeymoon phase. So that's the 238 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: only advice I would give you, guys, I would say 239 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: other than that, way to go. 240 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 3: I'm glad you're in your good phase now. 241 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you got rid of the old shit and 242 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: now you're ready for some good shit. 243 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. The only thing I would add to that is, 244 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 2: you know when things do come up, because eventually they will, 245 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,680 Speaker 2: whether they're small or large, things you disagree about, things 246 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 2: you're having trouble with, or just not connecting on. I 247 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 2: would say, if something's come up three or more times 248 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 2: and you're just like not connecting on it or you're 249 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 2: disagreeing about it, go like talk to a therapist together. 250 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 2: I think couples counseling is like not just when things 251 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 2: are going bad, but it's it's also just like maybe 252 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 2: we're not connecting on this, maybe we disagree about this, 253 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 2: and we just like need a third party to help 254 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 2: us navigate it. It doesn't have to be like end 255 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 2: of the world. So definitely utilize that when and if 256 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 2: it's necessary. 257 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, and preemptive therapy is always good too, you know, 258 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 1: just so you're all on the same page, like, you know, 259 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,439 Speaker 1: maybe you won't have any fucking problems. 260 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:43,960 Speaker 3: Who knows. 261 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: I mean, the way things are going for women, it 262 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 1: feels like, I mean, listen, there's a lot of bad 263 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: things happening for women, but this we've had a series 264 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,079 Speaker 1: of calls and people calling in kind of similar stories 265 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 1: to yours, like they just found their person after so 266 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 1: many bad relationships. Like this is a recurring theme, and 267 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: so in many ways it feels to me like women 268 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 1: are kind of like learning the lesson of the like 269 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 1: the last time, Like you don't have to. 270 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 3: Keep repeating bad relationships. 271 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 1: You can kind of figure it out after the first 272 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: bad one and be like, Okay, I'm not doing that again. 273 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 1: And you know, and when you change the standards of 274 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,920 Speaker 1: what you accept, then that changes who comes into your life. 275 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:25,239 Speaker 4: Absolutely absolutely on one thing we do, it's not couples counseling, 276 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 4: but we do constellations and that has been really good 277 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 4: for us for sure. 278 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 3: What does that mean. 279 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 5: It's like you represent a person that's having the therapy, 280 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,720 Speaker 5: where the energy field kind of flows through that person 281 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 5: and kind of gives you a feeling about what you 282 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,319 Speaker 5: think is going on, and many times you don't know. 283 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 5: It's a group thing where you're helping other people that 284 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 5: you represent, you representing their family members, and it's kind 285 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,839 Speaker 5: of like a family therapy type. 286 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,079 Speaker 3: Oh wow, you just have a feeling. 287 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 5: You have a feeling, and then the therapist tries to 288 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 5: interpret what that feeling for the individual with the therapy, 289 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 5: So you don't really have any idea what's going on. 290 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 5: You're just telling them how you feel in the moment physically, and. 291 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,200 Speaker 1: It's all based off of a feeling that you're not 292 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 1: even talking about. 293 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,280 Speaker 5: Yes, it's basically just in the moment, how do you feel? 294 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 5: Are you feeling or interpreting something in your body that 295 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 5: maybe someone in their life has influenced you through this 296 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 5: energy field? 297 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, I understand what you're saying. 298 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, it's very it's very interesting, but it's helped 299 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 5: a lot of people out. 300 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 3: And yeah, that sounds nice. I like that. 301 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 4: There's an episode Gwyneth Paltrow Sex Love and Goop on Netflix. 302 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 5: What episode is episode number five or something? 303 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,479 Speaker 3: Yeah, where she like explores it. It's very interesting. 304 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 5: The therapist told me to watch that to get the 305 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 5: best explanation. But it was good. 306 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,079 Speaker 3: Thank God for Goop and thank god for thank God. 307 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 1: Okay, guys, well enjoy each other, Happy, Happy New Year. 308 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 5: We're going to see you in April. 309 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 1: Fun which show are you coming to? Okay, well, I'll 310 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:58,439 Speaker 1: see you there. 311 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:00,080 Speaker 3: I love it. 312 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 5: Yeah. 313 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 3: Bye, Well that was very sweet. Yeah that was sweet. Nice. 314 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 3: Happy couples, Happy couples. Keeping families and couples together. 315 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think the reason that we're seeing the 316 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,240 Speaker 2: sort of influx of women who are actually in happy 317 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 2: relationships is just because they're not going to put up 318 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 2: with less like women putting up with less bullshit? 319 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 3: I like that, you know that makes me happy. 320 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 1: Younger girls are like that too, Like all these young 321 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 1: girls are like, I don't want a boyfriend. 322 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 3: I don't want to. 323 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 1: My friend's daughters are like, we don't want boyfriends. I mean, 324 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: you know, some of them have them, but some of 325 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: them don't. Like I think it, really. I also think 326 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: when you grow up in a really loving household, you 327 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: don't feel the need to have to pair up. I 328 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: feel like that need to pair up sometimes is derived 329 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: from a lack of love in your own household. I mean, 330 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,720 Speaker 1: I'm not saying anything that's you know, that original obviously, 331 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: but you know, the desire always to partnership and like 332 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: that usually comes from feeling like not seen. 333 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, like you're not enough without a second person, and. 334 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: You're, yeah, like you need to and you don't need 335 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 1: you need in an addition, not a subtraction. 336 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 2: Yeah for sure. All right, Well there we go for 337 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 2: I Minisa for today okay great. 338 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the 339 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February 340 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: through June, so. 341 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 3: Go get your tickets now. 342 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: If you want to come see me perform, I will 343 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: be on the High and Mighty Tour. 344 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea 345 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 2: Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of 346 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. 347 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive 348 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 2: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our 349 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 2: merch at Chelseahandler dot com