1
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,800
Speaker 1: Oh, well, we are back.

2
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,080
Speaker 2: We are back.

3
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,639
Speaker 1: Huh did we record last week or we did a

4
00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:17,960
Speaker 1: repeat last week? Didn't we?

5
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:18,720
Speaker 2: Yes?

6
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:19,600
Speaker 1: What is this?

7
00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:20,960
Speaker 2: I don't remember.

8
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,720
Speaker 3: We recorded twice in a week, recorded two in one week,

9
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:26,040
Speaker 3: so we did not.

10
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,560
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, last week wasn't It wasn't. You're right,

11
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,320
Speaker 1: it was not a repeat that was the week before,

12
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,680
Speaker 1: because it was it was about female orgasms, and you

13
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,599
Speaker 1: were like, yeah, I got nothing on this one, pie.

14
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,400
Speaker 1: This is not my area of expertise, right, right, right,

15
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,480
Speaker 1: fair enough, fair enough. Well, we're back and I haven't

16
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,360
Speaker 1: spoken to you in a while. We've both been traveling

17
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,920
Speaker 1: so that we're a little bit discombobulated with each other.

18
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,720
Speaker 1: But we're here this week. I'm actually really excited about

19
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,240
Speaker 1: this topic to do this with you.

20
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:55,440
Speaker 2: Let's do it.

21
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,960
Speaker 1: You seem thrilled, Well, let me clue listeners. And so

22
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,720
Speaker 1: I recently, I've had multiple areas and I was just

23
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,840
Speaker 1: explaining this to you too. I have multiple areas in

24
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,960
Speaker 1: my life where this topic it just keeps appearing, you know,

25
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,400
Speaker 1: like that'll happen. So, like you and I have been

26
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,520
Speaker 1: having certain conversations my boyfriend and I, a friend and

27
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,959
Speaker 1: I another friend and I have had conversations and core

28
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,800
Speaker 1: fears just keeps coming up. And it's interesting because I've

29
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:27,120
Speaker 1: had some experiences of going through like tricky situations and

30
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,679
Speaker 1: I'll watch myself react to them, and it's kind of

31
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:33,120
Speaker 1: surprising me sometimes, like how it's impacting me, you know,

32
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,480
Speaker 1: like I'm just always kind of curious or staying curious

33
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,720
Speaker 1: about responses to things. And so it kind of brought

34
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,800
Speaker 1: me back to, Oh, man, I wonder, like I feel

35
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,880
Speaker 1: a little scared right now. This like fear is coming

36
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,400
Speaker 1: up and it's driving me and getting acquainted again with

37
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,760
Speaker 1: part of my enneagram number, because each enneagram number comes

38
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,840
Speaker 1: with a fear, like a core fear. And so anyway,

39
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,080
Speaker 1: I've done a podcast about this before and I was like,

40
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,840
Speaker 1: I got to repost this one. It was so good.

41
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:04,080
Speaker 1: It's with my friend Katie guffstas Gus stuff Son. Her

42
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,320
Speaker 1: last name's little tricky for me. Yeah, but she is

43
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,519
Speaker 1: a therapist here in Nashville, and she uses the enneagram

44
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,680
Speaker 1: and her practice like very it's a big, big, heavy

45
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,639
Speaker 1: part of her practice. And so she's come on the

46
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,800
Speaker 1: podcast a couple times and we do conversations about the

47
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,839
Speaker 1: different layers of enneagram, you know, it's one of those

48
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,920
Speaker 1: personality tests that has like all these different factors so

49
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,400
Speaker 1: you can learn the basics, same as astrology. It's like

50
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,239
Speaker 1: you learn the basics and then there's more to learn,

51
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 1: like you're never done learning about it basically. And so

52
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,920
Speaker 1: she and I really dove into the core fears that

53
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 1: drive each number. There's nine numbers on the zodiac, I

54
00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,840
Speaker 1: mean the zodiac. I'm getting them confused. There's nine numbers

55
00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:41,840
Speaker 1: on Oh my good lord.

56
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,639
Speaker 3: If this weren't confusing enough for me, and now you're

57
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:45,640
Speaker 3: mixing them up, I'm like.

58
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,799
Speaker 1: God, sorry. It reminds me of astrology in a lot

59
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,920
Speaker 1: of ways. And when you learn your number on an

60
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,720
Speaker 1: endeagram chart or like in an enneagram practice, I am

61
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:59,120
Speaker 1: confusing to when you start learning about your astrological chart,

62
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,760
Speaker 1: there's so much over you know, like, and that's kind

63
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,600
Speaker 1: of what you end up getting to when you do

64
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,680
Speaker 1: any of these modalities, they all are essentially saying the

65
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,120
Speaker 1: same thing. This is even how I started to feel

66
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,960
Speaker 1: about like spirituality and religion, Like essentially most things are

67
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:17,160
Speaker 1: saying the same things. It's just what helps you understand it.

68
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,239
Speaker 1: Like for different people, I feel like different modalities are

69
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,880
Speaker 1: just easier to digest or they really speak to them,

70
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,000
Speaker 1: they really get into them. So that's why I'm just

71
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,840
Speaker 1: like always wanting to present all of them here. And

72
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,280
Speaker 1: I am such a nerd that I like learning about

73
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:30,760
Speaker 1: most of.

74
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:34,520
Speaker 3: Them right right, The enneagram definitely makes the most sense

75
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,040
Speaker 3: to me, even though I don't have a like a

76
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 3: deep understanding of the numbers. But like it's personality driven,

77
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:44,120
Speaker 3: and I mean it doesn't feel like it's an active choice,

78
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,600
Speaker 3: but because it's based.

79
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,440
Speaker 2: On the way that you develop as a child and.

80
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,920
Speaker 3: Right, and your personality is created, I can wrap my

81
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:55,720
Speaker 3: head around that, Like where Venus is in some cycle

82
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,560
Speaker 3: with moons and shit like that, I like feel like

83
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:00,880
Speaker 3: I'll never it's.

84
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,200
Speaker 1: Just too much. Yeah, I mean, I think when we

85
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,560
Speaker 1: start talking about astrology sometimes your brain shuts down if

86
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,680
Speaker 1: I start speaking about the planets or the placement or whatever,

87
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:14,160
Speaker 1: and so you're more into the why or what it

88
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,919
Speaker 1: makes you do the personality part of it, like you said,

89
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,680
Speaker 1: And because when we talk about astrology and I'm explaining

90
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 1: to you the energy behind things, you do get more

91
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,400
Speaker 1: interested in that totally, like what's driving you all of

92
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,880
Speaker 1: those things? But the actual planetary alignment?

93
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,600
Speaker 3: Does you start talking about houses and planets and rings

94
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,440
Speaker 3: and all the things.

95
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, you lost me.

96
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, only the nerds like that. H So Katie and

97
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,400
Speaker 1: as conversation really broke down like each number's core fear

98
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,440
Speaker 1: and I was bringing this to you and you were like, well,

99
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,120
Speaker 1: should you surprise me with mine? And I'm like, no,

100
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,240
Speaker 1: this is way too in. It's such a seven. So

101
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,200
Speaker 1: let's tell the listeners. First of all, you are an

102
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,520
Speaker 1: idiogram seven, I'm an endeogram four. And if you know

103
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,840
Speaker 1: anything about the enneagram, that probably makes complete sense to you,

104
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,040
Speaker 1: because we are very much each of our numbers. If

105
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,400
Speaker 1: you don't know anything about the enneagram, hopefully this conversation

106
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,559
Speaker 1: will inspire you maybe to just go take the test

107
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,640
Speaker 1: and learn about yourself and your number. Because what I

108
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,760
Speaker 1: tell people is once you know this kind of stuff,

109
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,200
Speaker 1: you start applying it to all places of your life.

110
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,440
Speaker 1: So because people are like why do I care, you know,

111
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,880
Speaker 1: like I don't care what number I am, and I'm

112
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:25,360
Speaker 1: like no, it can actually really help you within your relationships.

113
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,600
Speaker 1: It can really help you at work and how you

114
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,719
Speaker 1: deal with people. It can help you knowing what you

115
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,599
Speaker 1: want to do with your life, like it helps with

116
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,760
Speaker 1: so much more than you ever could anticipate once you

117
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,320
Speaker 1: start understanding it, and.

118
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,240
Speaker 3: This helps you understand yourself. And because there's so much

119
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,640
Speaker 3: that we do that we don't understand the choices that

120
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,080
Speaker 3: we make or why we fall into certain patterns and

121
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,440
Speaker 3: all this, and the understanding that you can get from

122
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,680
Speaker 3: the enneagram is like it doesn't give you license to

123
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,160
Speaker 3: just do whatever, but it gives you understanding to be like, oh,

124
00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:00,320
Speaker 3: that's why I do that all the time, or like

125
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,200
Speaker 3: that's why I'm drawn to this. It just gives you clarity.

126
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and core fear is a huge part of that

127
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,760
Speaker 1: because it's driving every decision that we make, and if

128
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:14,400
Speaker 1: you're doing it unconsciously, it's something that you don't know

129
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,599
Speaker 1: about driving every decision that you make. Like, wouldn't you

130
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,120
Speaker 1: want to just know why you're making the decisions you

131
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,120
Speaker 1: are so that you can be more conscious about what

132
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,159
Speaker 1: you even decide.

133
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:24,919
Speaker 2: Well, especially if.

134
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,720
Speaker 3: You feel like you make a lot of bad decisions.

135
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
Speaker 1: Well, I think we don't necessarily even know sometimes that

136
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,039
Speaker 1: we're making a bad I don't even know if there's

137
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,320
Speaker 1: bad or good decisions, but like if we're making a

138
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:34,920
Speaker 1: decision that.

139
00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:37,120
Speaker 2: We've definitely made some bad decisions.

140
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,120
Speaker 1: Well, but they're always learning. So that's like why I say,

141
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,320
Speaker 1: that's like, you make these bad decisions quote unquote, but

142
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,400
Speaker 1: then you learn some lesson from it. So it's wasn't

143
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,400
Speaker 1: it worth it? Isn't that what life's all about? You

144
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,440
Speaker 1: know what I mean? But there's these driving forces, and

145
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,360
Speaker 1: if it's coming from a place of fear or insecurity

146
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,640
Speaker 1: or anything like that, it might not actually be what

147
00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,679
Speaker 1: we truly want or desire, and so we're just trying

148
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,880
Speaker 1: to survive. And so that's the point of understanding kind

149
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,600
Speaker 1: of these core fears that are driving you, so that

150
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,920
Speaker 1: when you are making a decision, you're going, is this

151
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,240
Speaker 1: my fear driving me? Is this real? Are these like

152
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,360
Speaker 1: are these fears real? Or are these things from my

153
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,960
Speaker 1: childhood that I'm thinking or happening that are just not

154
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,400
Speaker 1: even actually happening. So anyway, I feel like we've done

155
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,120
Speaker 1: the dissecting of why we're having this conversation, and I

156
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,640
Speaker 1: want to kind of just get into it because we

157
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,960
Speaker 1: have a lot to unpack. So, as I said, I'm

158
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,960
Speaker 1: an enneagram for you're an enneagram seven. And first of all,

159
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,560
Speaker 1: the enneagram seven is called the enthusiast, which is like

160
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:42,840
Speaker 1: nothing sums you up more because you're always pretty much

161
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,960
Speaker 1: in a good mood, Like I really can't feel I

162
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:50,440
Speaker 1: cannot remember any if not, I mean definitely not many

163
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,760
Speaker 1: times where you've been in a bad mood, right, I don't.

164
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:53,560
Speaker 1: I can't think of it.

165
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,880
Speaker 2: And I'm always down for fun.

166
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:59,679
Speaker 1: Well you're always down? Yes, So your biggest core fear

167
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,440
Speaker 1: that you will be deprived, trapped, limited, or suffer pain,

168
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,400
Speaker 1: especially like emotional pain. Do all these things in your

169
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,440
Speaker 1: life to avoid those things?

170
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:11,200
Speaker 2: Yes?

171
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,760
Speaker 1: Did that feel right to you?

172
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,640
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean it's it talks about.

173
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:22,160
Speaker 3: I mean, there's obviously various innumerable ways that you could

174
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,960
Speaker 3: become that you know on the explanation that you had

175
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,240
Speaker 3: sent me from Katie's website, like it says, it's often

176
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:32,040
Speaker 3: from you know, a difficult relationship with a parental figure,

177
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:36,000
Speaker 3: normally maternal, but it also can be paternal if someone's

178
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:41,080
Speaker 3: overbearing or dominant. Mean, my mother is just like me,

179
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,240
Speaker 3: but she was those things she was she was just

180
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,760
Speaker 3: had very she was strict, she had strict rules. Plus,

181
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,800
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know that this came into play

182
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,800
Speaker 3: in full awareness as a young child, but like.

183
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,440
Speaker 2: Being gay, my soul had to have known.

184
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,439
Speaker 3: I didn't realize it yet, so I'm sure that there

185
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,920
Speaker 3: was something. And then I mean there were definitely times

186
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,360
Speaker 3: in my life that I can remember that it was

187
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,680
Speaker 3: something that I was actively hiding. Even as a young child,

188
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,920
Speaker 3: like fourth fifth grade, I was aware of it. So

189
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,680
Speaker 3: I think those fears, you know, like that became a

190
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,640
Speaker 3: core fear too. Also, I didn't want to be excluded,

191
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,199
Speaker 3: you know, I didn't want.

192
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:19,720
Speaker 2: To be othered.

193
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:25,560
Speaker 3: And obviously having come out doesn't play as big a role.

194
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,839
Speaker 3: But I also I'm not the type of person that

195
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,719
Speaker 3: walks into a room full of strangers waving a gay

196
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,600
Speaker 3: pride flag either, you know, I just am myself, like

197
00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:35,920
Speaker 3: if it comes up, it's great, Or if I'm in

198
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,839
Speaker 3: a relationship and I'm there with my significant other who

199
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,680
Speaker 3: happens to be a man, I don't shy away from it.

200
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,760
Speaker 2: I'm not like this is my roommate, you know, my

201
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,960
Speaker 2: special friend, right. My mom likes to say.

202
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,320
Speaker 3: But you know, I'm not like a flag bearer, And

203
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,679
Speaker 3: I think that probably has to do something with this

204
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,520
Speaker 3: core fear as well, you know, like that fear of rejection.

205
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,280
Speaker 1: I probably like suppression, yeah, of your truth, because even

206
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:01,920
Speaker 1: what you're saying about like I don't think that your

207
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,680
Speaker 1: parents meant to do this, but because of their beliefs

208
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,199
Speaker 1: or how they were brought up or whatever, the piece

209
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,720
Speaker 1: of you that was gay feeling like you needed to

210
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,160
Speaker 1: suppress that and it wasn't fully accepted even still, like

211
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,439
Speaker 1: when you said your mom calls it your special friend.

212
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,400
Speaker 1: That's not full acceptance. And so there's something in you

213
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,960
Speaker 1: that could probably take that as criticism in a way

214
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,520
Speaker 1: and try to avoid that.

215
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think for them and me, it was environmental.

216
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,960
Speaker 3: They were just weren't gay people around. They didn't know

217
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,719
Speaker 3: gay people. I didn't know gay people, and I think

218
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,200
Speaker 3: that's just a small town thing.

219
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:35,560
Speaker 2: You know.

220
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 3: Now there's gay people on television and people are a

221
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:42,080
Speaker 3: lot more educated. So younger parents are probably different that

222
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,679
Speaker 3: are in the same small.

223
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,120
Speaker 2: Towns or just a different level of exposure. But yeah,

224
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,280
Speaker 2: it was an unknown so I was scared of it.

225
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so weird with the enneagram. I asked Katie this,

226
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,760
Speaker 1: and I don't remember if it was this podcast or

227
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,840
Speaker 1: another podcast we've done, but you had said something about

228
00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,320
Speaker 1: like it comes from when you're younger, and so I

229
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,600
Speaker 1: did ask her, is this nature versus nurture? Because it's

230
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,560
Speaker 1: so some of it feels very much like you probably

231
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,000
Speaker 1: just came into the world that way to some degree,

232
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,280
Speaker 1: and then some of it feels learned. And she said

233
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:16,840
Speaker 1: it's probably both, like, yeah, we're a little more apt

234
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,560
Speaker 1: to go a certain way with certain numbers, Like I

235
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,640
Speaker 1: was probably never going to be a seven, you know,

236
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,480
Speaker 1: no matter what my upbringing was, but I might have

237
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,120
Speaker 1: been a two or something else, and then there were

238
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,520
Speaker 1: different factors that pushed me more into the flour. I

239
00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,160
Speaker 1: don't know. That's the best that I can make sense

240
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,199
Speaker 1: of it, at least.

241
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,960
Speaker 3: Because it's so personality driven, Like I think there are

242
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 3: things I do think personality is a combination of the two,

243
00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:44,599
Speaker 3: like yeah, I think yeah, And there are things that genetically,

244
00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:48,320
Speaker 3: I can tell you the personality pieces of myself that

245
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,920
Speaker 3: came from my mother, But then there are personality pieces

246
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,920
Speaker 3: of myself that I developed because of core fears or

247
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,839
Speaker 3: whatever those influences were. But I am way too much

248
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:05,000
Speaker 3: like like my mom to not rule out nature, you know.

249
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,440
Speaker 3: And then I'm different enough from my mom that I

250
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:12,040
Speaker 3: can't rule out nurture either, because I have been nurtured

251
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,000
Speaker 3: by more people on you know, than just my mom.

252
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,880
Speaker 3: So I do think like in terms of the shape

253
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,680
Speaker 3: of my personality, my overall personality, it's both.

254
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,079
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you read the parts? So when I was

255
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,040
Speaker 1: looking at how the fears might show up in your life,

256
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,720
Speaker 1: it's as constant seeking of new experiences, options and stimulation

257
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:36,680
Speaker 1: to avoid boredom, pain or missing out, avoidance of emotional depths.

258
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,120
Speaker 1: Difficult feelings are long term commitment because those can feel

259
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:44,920
Speaker 1: limiting over commitment, scattering their energy across too many projects,

260
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:51,680
Speaker 1: relationships or ideas, impulsivity or fomo driving decisions. I know

261
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,640
Speaker 1: when I was reading it, I was like, this is ship.

262
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:57,640
Speaker 1: This is ship, this is ship. Difficulties staying present in

263
00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:02,160
Speaker 1: the moment because their mind is already wanted, possibility chat

264
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,040
Speaker 1: if chat.

265
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:07,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like it's wild. It's wild to like just

266
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,240
Speaker 3: hear it put into words, because and I'm not embarrassed

267
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,320
Speaker 3: by any of those things.

268
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 2: I'm just like, holy shit, how does.

269
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,480
Speaker 1: It know summing you up so clearly? Yes.

270
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,040
Speaker 3: And the funny thing is, if like that was put

271
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,520
Speaker 3: into my horoscope in whatever ways, I'd be like bingo,

272
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:24,360
Speaker 3: you know.

273
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,400
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I mean That's why I'm saying it does

274
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,640
Speaker 1: usually carry over. It's just different ways to talk about

275
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:35,480
Speaker 1: it all. But I do think that that fear of

276
00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:38,280
Speaker 1: like I see you doing a lot where you bounce

277
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,040
Speaker 1: from thing to thing to think to thing, and there's

278
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,520
Speaker 1: not a lot of downtime. I definitely know you have fomo,

279
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,760
Speaker 1: like you do not want to miss out on one

280
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,440
Speaker 1: fun time. You'll be running on so many fumes sometimes

281
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:49,480
Speaker 1: and you just.

282
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,600
Speaker 2: Like straight from the plane still, yeah.

283
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,440
Speaker 1: Straight from the plane onto the next, onto the next.

284
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, are you about to turn fifty,

285
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,920
Speaker 1: because like not forty three year old ass cannot You're like,

286
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,680
Speaker 1: I'm a bet at nah a last night I was

287
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,240
Speaker 1: a thirty Yeah, So yeah, I don't know how you

288
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,520
Speaker 1: do it. Sometimes now it started to make me ask,

289
00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:09,840
Speaker 1: do you want to be doing all those things? Or

290
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,719
Speaker 1: is it your fear driving you in some way?

291
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,560
Speaker 3: I mean that's a really good question. Like I think

292
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,760
Speaker 3: it's probably a combination of both. I definitely have the

293
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 3: older I get like learned to say no to the

294
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,160
Speaker 3: things I really don't want to do, but there's a

295
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,360
Speaker 3: lot that I want to do. So I still probably

296
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,720
Speaker 3: do too much. And I definitely know that I do

297
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,680
Speaker 3: more than most people in terms of just like having fun.

298
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,480
Speaker 3: Like last night, I went to two concerts last night.

299
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,640
Speaker 1: But I didn't ask you why you seem so tired today?

300
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,320
Speaker 1: So that makes total sense.

301
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,360
Speaker 2: I yeah, I.

302
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,040
Speaker 1: Got looking like you're dragging ass.

303
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,600
Speaker 3: It was, and I've been like I've been crushing orc today,

304
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,800
Speaker 3: but I yeah, I went and saw the Black Crows

305
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,240
Speaker 3: last night at a private television taping and left that

306
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,080
Speaker 3: and went and saw to the Wetsprocket at the Ryeman.

307
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,120
Speaker 2: And I tell you, the parking gods were on my side.

308
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,440
Speaker 3: I got the parking so I right in front of

309
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 3: the Ryeman as I pulled up, went right in saw

310
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,520
Speaker 3: the show. It's been so long since I've done that,

311
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,240
Speaker 3: So that's just I give you that as an example,

312
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,520
Speaker 3: because I still have the energy to do the things

313
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,160
Speaker 3: that I want to do. But if it's something that

314
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't want to do that, Like I'm

315
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,360
Speaker 3: skipping an event tonight that I thought I would want

316
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,800
Speaker 3: to do, but I don't want to do it. But

317
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 3: I do think some of it is fear driven, like

318
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,120
Speaker 3: especially when it comes to like time with my friends,

319
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,400
Speaker 3: like I don't want to like not be part of

320
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 3: that moment and that history or miss out on the

321
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,800
Speaker 3: conversations and all the things. But I also really love

322
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,680
Speaker 3: spending time with my friends, So I would never want

323
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,920
Speaker 3: my friends to think that I'm there just because I'm

324
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,280
Speaker 3: scared of missing out, you know. Yeah, but I think

325
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:40,920
Speaker 3: that that probably plays a role in it.

326
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really interesting to think about and then to

327
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:48,480
Speaker 1: think about like the relationship piece. As far as romantic relationship,

328
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,400
Speaker 1: I've never known you to not be good at commitment.

329
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,440
Speaker 3: In my last relationship, like I felt like very in it,

330
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,360
Speaker 3: like felt like there was a future, but it was

331
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,520
Speaker 3: also it's also hard for me to see that future like,

332
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 3: oh my god, well what happens when we start talking

333
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:13,880
Speaker 3: about like where we're going to live?

334
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 2: You know, like that kind of stuff.

335
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,800
Speaker 3: Those conversations scare me because I would much rather it

336
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,960
Speaker 3: just feel like it feels right now.

337
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 2: You know.

338
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,960
Speaker 1: Oh that's interesting. Yeah, I'm obviously taking notes because my

339
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,200
Speaker 1: boyfriend's seven as well.

340
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:27,960
Speaker 2: Oh there you go.

341
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I think if you want to have those

342
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,040
Speaker 3: conversations with a seven years, yeah, yeah, you have to

343
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:38,240
Speaker 3: start them because a seven is happy in the moment,

344
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:42,200
Speaker 3: then the future doesn't matter because that's exactly what you want,

345
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:43,119
Speaker 3: is that happiness?

346
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, but I you know, it's funny too.

347
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,120
Speaker 3: Because when we decided this was the conversation we're going

348
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,400
Speaker 3: to have, I like I wanted to like dig into

349
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,000
Speaker 3: the idea of fear as a positive thing, Like what

350
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,760
Speaker 3: are some of the positive things? And it's funny too,

351
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,960
Speaker 3: because it's like, you know, fear because of a feel

352
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,960
Speaker 3: of failure, Like I'm you know, it breeds creativity and

353
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,879
Speaker 3: motivation for sure. Yeah, you know there's so many like

354
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:12,160
Speaker 3: good things, you know, a shared fear. Like another example

355
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,399
Speaker 3: that I got was, like, I mean COVID is a

356
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,720
Speaker 3: great example, like people can come together when there's like

357
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:22,719
Speaker 3: a collective fear so that you overcome something. If we

358
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,440
Speaker 3: weren't all scared of COVID, then we would have never

359
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,240
Speaker 3: figured out how to get past that plague.

360
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 1: Oh you are hitting on a hot button though.

361
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 3: I know, and I'm not just talking about vaccines here,

362
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,640
Speaker 3: I'm talking about.

363
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 1: Like no, but a lot of I think there were

364
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,399
Speaker 1: the people who were really scared of COVID, and then

365
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,120
Speaker 1: there were the people who were like this is not real.

366
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 1: So we saw the way that fear can impact so

367
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,919
Speaker 1: many different things. And I think we still are seeing

368
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,800
Speaker 1: that in our society on a bigger scale, which is

369
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,359
Speaker 1: a whole nother conversation, But how much we've talked about this,

370
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,600
Speaker 1: how much like media uses fear, how much is actopamin

371
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,160
Speaker 1: hit and how we're all kind of addicted to fear now.

372
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 1: And to your point, I do think that half the

373
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,639
Speaker 1: reason I've gotten any of the stuff in my younger

374
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 1: days was this like fear of failure, like I need

375
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,239
Speaker 1: I worked so hard and then I burnt out and

376
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,840
Speaker 1: that collapse and like so I think what I'm realizing

377
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 1: at this age, and I'm sure it'll change and evolve

378
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,639
Speaker 1: many times for the rest of my life, but like

379
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 1: right now, my feeling on it is a little dose

380
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 1: of fear is good, like you said, like it can

381
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,359
Speaker 1: light a fire under your ass. And also it's just human,

382
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 1: like we're just gonna have that.

383
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 2: I mean we're not.

384
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 3: I think we're at the top of the food chain

385
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 3: because of fear. Like course, it ignites like our yeah,

386
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 3: it ignites our survival. It like gives us adrenaline, and

387
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 3: it's all the things like if we weren't scared of anything,

388
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,880
Speaker 3: we would have been eaten by the wolves.

389
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 1: I would just not get out of bed, and I

390
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,760
Speaker 1: would do it. I wanted to every day, you know,

391
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,879
Speaker 1: like I don't. Yeah, it would change the way we

392
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 1: do life for sure, And so like a little dose

393
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,679
Speaker 1: of or I think just accepting that it is a

394
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 1: part of life and that it will be there and

395
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:03,159
Speaker 1: present at some point is staying in reality. And also

396
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 1: I think it's good to be aware of it and

397
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,440
Speaker 1: how much of your life it's driving, because if it's

398
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,920
Speaker 1: driving all of your life, you're probably operating in survival mode,

399
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,440
Speaker 1: which is what I was doing for so long, which

400
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:19,120
Speaker 1: will ultimately always crash from inside the Yeah, and you're

401
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,679
Speaker 1: not going to be happy, You're not gonna probably be

402
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,560
Speaker 1: living your truth. So that was the whole point of

403
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,399
Speaker 1: these conversations was sort of like, Okay, just to have

404
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,879
Speaker 1: it in check, because there is so much with fear

405
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 1: right now in our world, and there is actually so

406
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,439
Speaker 1: much happening, and also so much is being manipulated and

407
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,160
Speaker 1: played up for us to stay in fear. So it's

408
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 1: like it's just this big cycle of fear right now.

409
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:45,920
Speaker 1: So I think it's good to understand what really triggers

410
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 1: you into that so that you can operate from a

411
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,879
Speaker 1: more informed place with yourself and so it doesn't get

412
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: out of hand, and you can also.

413
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:58,600
Speaker 3: How to deflect that like manufactured fear like that the

414
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:02,440
Speaker 3: media does our government is using right now. Like it

415
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 3: is really easy to get into a scroll doom no

416
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 3: matter what side of like a dun Yeah, a doom

417
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 3: scroll was what I'm at. Sorry, maybe I am tired

418
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 3: and I'm saying like on either side of the aisle,

419
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,879
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter where you are, like, because your algorithm

420
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,960
Speaker 3: knows what you feel, and it's really easy to get

421
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,399
Speaker 3: in there and just feel like the world is ending,

422
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 3: and then you are You've been captured by the fear.

423
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,239
Speaker 3: And this isn't to say don't scroll, because I think

424
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 3: it's important to be informed on your position, but I

425
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 3: think it's more important to recognize when you're being manipulated

426
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 3: by fear, and it is healthy to put it down

427
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 3: and be like, I got to get.

428
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 2: Away from this.

429
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,680
Speaker 3: Like even if you feel really strongly that these important

430
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 3: things that you're learning, you have to approach them from

431
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 3: a standpoint that is healthy for you.

432
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 2: And that's different for everybody.

433
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it's like everything in life, right, if

434
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 1: it goes to the extremes, it's probably going to become

435
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,680
Speaker 1: a problem in your life. That's just like moderation, as

436
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: boring as it sounds is like so sexy to me.

437
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: Now in life, it's just like it because if someone

438
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: knows how to live in moderation and just like so

439
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: you can enjoy life. You can enjoy the good and

440
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,880
Speaker 1: you can also understand that there's other things happening too,

441
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 1: so you're not in denial, you know.

442
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 2: Can you eat cheese?

443
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 1: No? I mean I'll do a little.

444
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, You're like, okay, I'll live through. I'll live through

445
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 2: the pain.

446
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 1: Look, I want to eat cheese, but yeah, like there's

447
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 1: certain you know, just a little dose of things cause

448
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: you the pain. That's cheese is the perfect example. I

449
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: cannot eat a lot of it or I'll be in

450
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 1: bed for three days, right, Okay, Well so mine. It's

451
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: funny because the enneagram four has like four names, which

452
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: is probably fair because we have a lot of emotions.

453
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,639
Speaker 1: So it can be called the individualist, the romantic, or

454
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,959
Speaker 1: the creative is where what I've seen it set out

455
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: And my biggest core fear is feeling deficient, inadequate, insignificant,

456
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,639
Speaker 1: or that I have no identity or special significance. And

457
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: that is so fucking true for me, is it not?

458
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 1: I mean, did you read mine and go? Because I

459
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 1: read yours, and I was like, well, this is chip.

460
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,640
Speaker 1: Did you read mine and say that yes.

461
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 3: You know, there were some things because I'm going to

462
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 3: read the one that I read so word for word

463
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,239
Speaker 3: because some of it feels a little extreme for you.

464
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 3: But I also think it's a lot nail on it.

465
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 3: Type four right, it's four right, yeah. Type four fear

466
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 3: fear being deficient and ultimately rejected or abandoned. Many fours

467
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 3: describe an early, actual or perceived experience of loss of

468
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 3: love and as a result, abandonment or deprivation. The story

469
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 3: they make up in their head is that somehow they

470
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 3: caused this, so they spend a great deal of time

471
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 3: and energy focusing on how to somehow reverse this with

472
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 3: the ideal relateationship for situation, this normally always involves being

473
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 3: seen as special and unique. In the process, they can

474
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 3: become self absorbed, hot and cold, and chronically melancholic. And

475
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 3: so I've never thought you to be self absorbed.

476
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I do.

477
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,239
Speaker 3: Like the melancholic thing to me is the feeler. Like

478
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 3: I don't think that you're chronically sad, but I think

479
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 3: that you are chronically affected by feelings, And like the

480
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 3: relation the like trying to fix the relationship.

481
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 2: That you knew was broken that one. You see that

482
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 2: movie a couple of times.

483
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,919
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, that's like my whole thirties basically.

484
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 3: But it's like now looking back, like was that a

485
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 3: bad thing? No, that is just a piece of your personality.

486
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 3: So it's like, now you know the red flags to

487
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 3: look for.

488
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: Well, okay, so the relationship piece is a perfect because

489
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 1: you experienced it with me, This would be a really

490
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: interesting thing for me to get feedback from you on.

491
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: And I think what I would say when I was

492
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,479
Speaker 1: reading through the whole four thing, I don't resonate with

493
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,639
Speaker 1: all of it anymore of the negative parts of it.

494
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 1: But that's because hopefully as we get older, we're learning, maturing, growing,

495
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: evolving and so definitely and recognizing and like, if you

496
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,200
Speaker 1: ask people who knew me in my twenties, I'm sure

497
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: I was some of the lower levels of the four

498
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: way more than I am now, you know what I mean, Like,

499
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 1: I think probably, or my hope would be that we've

500
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: grown through life and so you're kind of operating from

501
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 1: the higher level of each number at this stage of

502
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 1: life where you and I are, but with relationships, that's

503
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: the perfect example, because you're exactly right that I wouldn't

504
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: even know myself the relationship was not good for me

505
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 1: or good for the other person or working, but I

506
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 1: would just think I would What they said about taking

507
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 1: on the responsibility or thinking it was my fault was

508
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 1: so it. And so I ended up in relationships with

509
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 1: a lot of like highly people with high narcissistic traits

510
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: that would take advantage of that exact thing where it's like, oh, well,

511
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: she thinks she's defective, so I'm just gonna always shift

512
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: the blame back to her, and my like little wounded

513
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 1: self would be like, Okay, this is my fault, like

514
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: I gotta go fix this. And so I would try

515
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: all of these things and just continue to self abandon

516
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: over and over and over to keep the relationship alive

517
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 1: or to you know, quote unquote make the relationship work.

518
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 1: And then the more I did that, and the worst

519
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: it got over years of doing it with I mean,

520
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 1: like you said, it was different relationships even but it

521
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: was like it was a different face but the same

522
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 1: situation over and over and over until I like got

523
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 1: it finally to where like now in my relationship, when

524
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: things go wrong, like I don't personalize them, like I

525
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,239
Speaker 1: will always take ownership for my shit, and I do that,

526
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: and if there's things I can work on, I will,

527
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 1: But like if something would go wrong or we would

528
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: break up, I wouldn't be like this is because I'm

529
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,719
Speaker 1: defective or something like me Like that has shifted in

530
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 1: me and that has been a huge help in my

531
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: life and my relationships and my work. This same thing

532
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: can come up in my work like I used to

533
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:18,120
Speaker 1: kill myself to make things happen, or I was such

534
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 1: a perfectionist that I couldn't even function sometimes because I

535
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 1: need or like you know, I wasn't sleeping and stuff

536
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: because I would need stuff to be perfect. And it's

537
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 1: from that same fear though that like not enough, Whereas

538
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 1: now if something happens, I can still go to it

539
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 1: for sure. I can definitely I went to it last week,

540
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 1: Like I had a couple of really bad days and

541
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: I was like, I suck. I should quit everything, you know,

542
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,880
Speaker 1: just the typical like spiral that I do with myself,

543
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: and then I can get myself out of it. So

544
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: it's not perfect by any ways, but I can kind

545
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: of start to see things a little more clearly of

546
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: like no you're doing that thing again. You're personalizing stuff

547
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 1: that probably has nothing to do with you, or if

548
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 1: it does, like it's something that could be shift did

549
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: on a bigger scale, Like it's not just because I'm

550
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 1: not good enough or right right.

551
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 3: You know, it's funny that the like ideal word in

552
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 3: the situation or in the in the piece that I

553
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 3: read that I thought was interesting is that when she

554
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 3: said so, they spend a great deal of time and

555
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,640
Speaker 3: energy focusing on how to somehow reverse this with the

556
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 3: ideal relationship or situation. So it's almost like the fear

557
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 3: comes because you have deemed something ideal. Like I don't

558
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,959
Speaker 3: even want to go into details because I think you

559
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 3: can look at.

560
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 2: Some of this. Let's talk about it.

561
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,399
Speaker 3: Let's in terms of work, because I don't want to

562
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 3: make it relationship based.

563
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 1: Okay, Like if you're.

564
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,400
Speaker 3: Like, this is the perfect client for me, I've always

565
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 3: wanted this client, and then.

566
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 2: Maybe it's not. But you've told yourself that it's ideal.

567
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: I mean, you're not both normal it will situation right, so.

568
00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 3: And but that's what's funny because you're fighting it not

569
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 3: being ideal.

570
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 1: But it starts to feel perfect for me.

571
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like and so I think once you can

572
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 3: recognize that, wait a minute, this is just not an

573
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 3: ideal situation, it's a lot easier to walk away from

574
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 3: it or fix what's wrong.

575
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: And how many times have you seen me get stuck

576
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: on these loops of like the pain of losing that situation,

577
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,439
Speaker 1: Like I get stuck on ship for years and I

578
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: know I do it now, but like I wasn't aware

579
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: that to me that would be like the label self absorbed,

580
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 1: Like I don't think mine ever is that I'm so selfish.

581
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: I can't think of other people. I'm constantly thinking of

582
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: other people. But when I get in this headspace where

583
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how to make something work

584
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 1: that's not meant for me, I'm so self fuss. It's

585
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: because I'm like just trying to figure it out, Like.

586
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 3: Well, you think you have the solution and that's self absorbed.

587
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: People and powerful?

588
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 2: Who do I think I right? It is?

589
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 3: I mean I think a lot of people and I

590
00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 3: don't know if this is only a four thing, but

591
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 3: I think that's the think A lot of people struggle

592
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 3: with that, Like we all want to be good enough

593
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 3: to like make anything better, and maybe it's not meant.

594
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 2: To be better.

595
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 3: Maybe it's meant to be exactly the way that it is,

596
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 3: it's just not meant for you.

597
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean. One of the things that still comes

598
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 1: up in my current relationship is like if I'm having

599
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: a bad day, like an off week, let's say, and

600
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: right now, what's happening, what happens for me is like

601
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: if I try really hard to something and something doesn't

602
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: go well, or like it could be anything, something happens

603
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: with a friend or my family or whatever, and it

604
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: weighs on me and I know I'm not operating from

605
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: my best place, and like he and I are in

606
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: a good place, but then I do something that is

607
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: like out of the other place that I'm I'm not

608
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: sure if I'm making sense, but like if I just

609
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 1: don't have a good reaction to something or whatever, I

610
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: can still get stuck on a loop of like, fuck,

611
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 1: that wasn't great, And even if I apologize, I'll almost

612
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: like find myself over compensating to like make sure he's

613
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: good that day. And I'm like, it's so good that

614
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: I'm in the relationship I'm in now because he's like, hey,

615
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 1: like it's good, it's okay. I love you. Like you

616
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: like he knows how to like calm me down out

617
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: of that to kind of be like I'm not going

618
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,479
Speaker 1: anywhere because you weren't perfect for a second, Like you

619
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: need to like chill the fuck out, but not in

620
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 1: a way of like bitch, get the fuck away from me,

621
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: you know, right, So anyway, because it does go to

622
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 1: this root of abandonment, which we talk about in our

623
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: world now as all these like attachment styles, So that's

624
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: another way you can kind of identify and I used

625
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: to definitely identify as more of like an anxious attacher.

626
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: But anyway, so it doesn't The thing that's so interesting

627
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,239
Speaker 1: about all this stuff is like we talk about it

628
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: and it's not like, oh, we just have it all

629
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 1: figured out and I'm doing it perfectly now. It's just

630
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: like the awareness helps you catch yourself in it and

631
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: then you get better at like not letting it go

632
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: so far or like if it happens again, you can

633
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 1: do something different within the next ten minutes, or you know,

634
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: like it just gets quicker. I guess are ever going

635
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: to be perfect?

636
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: But well I also think too.

637
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 3: In terms of evolving as human beings, it's to get

638
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 3: that clarity and understanding about yourself will aid you in

639
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 3: that because you're gonna be different, like you said in

640
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 3: your twenties or thirties as you grow up.

641
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 1: We hope, I mean I know would hope.

642
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, But yeah, so I.

643
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 1: Did put into chat GBT. I thought this was kind

644
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: of funny because I was like, how does this affect

645
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 1: our day to day life? And what are some examples

646
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: of ways that this would like manifest in day to

647
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: day life for me chat? And I said, make them

648
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: funny and relatable, Yeah, because I love to make chat

649
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: roast us a little bit, you know. For dating, it

650
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: says a four goes on a great date, but instead

651
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: of just enjoying it, they spiral. Do they really get me?

652
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 1: What if they're only attracted to the surface version of

653
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 1: me huge dramatic journaling and playlist making after all? Yes,

654
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: absolutely exhausted by that. That's a friend doesn't reply for

655
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: a day, immediate assumption they had discovered I'm not special

656
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: when really the phone friend just left a phone in

657
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: their car. I mean, I don't know about the special piece,

658
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: but it's sort of like I could definitely go if

659
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: someone doesn't respond to me, I do take it personal,

660
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: like it does. It can hurt my feelings.

661
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 2: For sure.

662
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: I don't do that anymore, but I definitely did that

663
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 1: when I was younger, like very much personalized that kind

664
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: of stuff. Boss gives constructive feedback and four hears it

665
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: as you're talentless. That one is mellentless. Okay, how about

666
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: this one post something authentic on social media, refreshes it

667
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 1: forty times thinking if no one likes it, does my

668
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 1: uniqueness even exist? I don't know if I resonate with

669
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: that either. But if I post something vulnerable, I have

670
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: to really check myself before I post it, because I'm like,

671
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: you're posting this for you, because if people don't validate it.

672
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: I used to in the like in the past, it

673
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 1: would send me spiraling about like I should have never

674
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 1: done that. That was like I just struggle and I

675
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 1: still struggle with social media for that reason of like

676
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: why am I doing this? Is it for me or

677
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 1: for other people? Or whatever? Like keeping that in check

678
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: for you. It's a dating you say yes to three

679
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: dates in the same week because what if which what

680
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: is one is the one, but then panics about scheduling overlaps.

681
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 2: I mean, that's pretty it's fair. It's pretty fair.

682
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I can see you like the what but

683
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: what it like really stressing out about if you met

684
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: let's say you met two because three feels extreme, but

685
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 1: like you met two guys and you were like, but

686
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: what if, like I have to schedule both of these

687
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: because what if one of them? Like I don't want

688
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: to miss out?

689
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 2: Right now, That's exactly the way I think.

690
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, friendship, it says a friend suggest a quiet weekend

691
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: and you seven immediately proposes. Or we could go to

692
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 1: a concert, go to the lake and try this new

693
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: restaurant in one day.

694
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 2: I'd be down.

695
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: Well, you are down. You're doing that's all. You're living

696
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: your life right now. Work gets assigned one project, instantly

697
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 1: distracted by five new better ideas they want to pitch,

698
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: ends up overwhelmed with tabs open on their laptop.

699
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 2: Ugh, I'm not even gonna I could share a screenshot

700
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 2: right now?

701
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,839
Speaker 3: Is that there's so many that I like, they all

702
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 3: don't even fit on the screen at this point.

703
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, that one I thought was actually a productive feedback

704
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: thing for you, because your job actually does call for

705
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: you to do a million different things at once. That

706
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: is like kind of the nature of your job. But

707
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: also understanding how your brain works. From the stuff I

708
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 1: was reading and knowing it is important for you to

709
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: focus on not overextending and kind of like finding a

710
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,320
Speaker 1: rhythm to your right crazy.

711
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 3: I often will catch myself and I'll say out loud

712
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 3: to myself while I'm working, like, finish what you were

713
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 3: just doing.

714
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like just finish that.

715
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: That's good though, because that's awareness about it, because that

716
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: is probably something you'll battle travel, it says Books of

717
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: Trips spends the whole time researching what they could be

718
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 1: doing next time vacations from their vacation. I don't know.

719
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like when you travel and stuff,

720
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: you're very present.

721
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm pretty present.

722
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 3: And I'm also really bad about like researching what I

723
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 3: could do, and I'm like, I want to book the

724
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 3: trip in the hotel and then just be there.

725
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, just be there. They did us together as our

726
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 1: dynamic together, it said Kelly. The Four Worries Chip doesn't

727
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 1: get her. Ship lightens the combo with a joke about

728
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: planning three vacations. I mean, Kelly dives into the emotional

729
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: emotional meaning of an argument. Ship is halfway out the door,

730
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 1: ice cream run.

731
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 2: Shots fired.

732
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 1: I mean The funny thing is, though, this is why

733
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 1: we do the Friday podcast, because I get so serious

734
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 1: on the Wednesdays that I'm like, I do have a

735
00:35:56,320 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 1: lighter side, and I'm not sure that people see that

736
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: all the time when I'm doing the deep dives on Wednesday,

737
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 1: and so it's perfect the seven and four it's actually, yeah,

738
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: that's why we do this and that it actually really works,

739
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: like I need your seven ness to come bring the

740
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: side out of me too. The last one says Kelly

741
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: wants to feel it all, Chip wants to avoid feeling

742
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 1: trapped by it. Q comedy gold when you compare those instincts, well, thanks. Anyway,

743
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: there are ways we can both, you know, work through it.

744
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: And I think like if you're listening and you know

745
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,359
Speaker 1: your number or you're relating to one of the things

746
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: we're saying. One tip that I would say is either

747
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: on chat, GBT or Google, Like you can google what

748
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 1: are some tools to work with my enneagram numbers fear,

749
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:48,240
Speaker 1: and it'll print out some specific ways that target your

750
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: specific core fear. So I did that for us. Mine

751
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 1: is practice radical self acceptance, which I really do work

752
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: on with affirmations and things like that. I do that

753
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 1: every morning. So that actually makes a lot of sense

754
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 1: and it's really really helped me. If any other fours

755
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: are listening, create structure for feelings, journaling, therapy, and creative

756
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 1: outlets to process them. Stay present with gratitude. I posted

757
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 1: about this on Instagram last week. Did you know that

758
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 1: you cannot feel gratitude and anxiety at the same time.

759
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 2: Yes, I did know that.

760
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: Did I tell you that or did you know that?

761
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 2: I think I learned it on this podcast.

762
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: Oh, we may have talked about it.

763
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 2: I feel like we've mentioned it.

764
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, But I posted it on Instagram because that

765
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: was something a mentor taught me years ago. And I

766
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 1: would call her and I would just be crying and

767
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 1: I'm like so upset. It was when I was going

768
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,280
Speaker 1: through a really hard time from one of these relationships

769
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: we were discussing, and I would be just spiraling, like

770
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 1: in the anxiety of you know, trying to figure it

771
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: out or ruminate or whatever, and she was like, stop,

772
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: stop what you're doing, and she wouldn't let me speak anymore,

773
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: and she would say, tell me five things that you're

774
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 1: grateful for, and oh, I love that. Yeah, And so

775
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 1: then I would even sometimes I was like I could,

776
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 1: you know, it was so down that it was hard

777
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 1: to think of them. And it's like, but do you

778
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,240
Speaker 1: have a roof over your head? Do you have food

779
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 1: in your refrigerator? And it's like the simple things that

780
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: you and I probably forget about on a day to

781
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: day sometimes, like the fact that we can walk, you know,

782
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 1: like those basic things that when you really start to

783
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 1: think about it, you're like, Okay, no matter what I

784
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 1: actually do, still have a lot to be grateful for.

785
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: So anyway, that was a good tip for if you

786
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 1: ever feel overwhelmed with anxieties, write down five things you're

787
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 1: grateful for. Lean into community. I do that sharing vulnerably

788
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 1: and safe relationships. That really helps me too. Community is

789
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 1: very important to me. For you, Chip, do you want

790
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: some tips?

791
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,239
Speaker 2: Sure, Yeah, this.

792
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: One's going to be tough for you.

793
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 2: Okay.

794
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: Commit to stillness. Meditation, breath work, or even just sitting

795
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: quietly for five minutes helps build tolerance for being without doing.

796
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 1: I thought that was huge. It teaches a seven that

797
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: boredom and stillness isn't dangerous. So even if you did

798
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 1: five minutes a day, like right now, what are you

799
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 1: doing emailing or texting while we do this right now.

800
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:02,919
Speaker 1: He's laughing when it cut of out.

801
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 2: It's true, It's true.

802
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 1: I know.

803
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: You know. It's funny. I had when I started my

804
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 2: new morning routine.

805
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:12,279
Speaker 3: I had breath work and meditation in there, and I've

806
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 3: fallen off, but it was definitely like it's one of

807
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,399
Speaker 3: those things that I need to like add back into

808
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 3: my mornings for sure.

809
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 2: Yeah.

810
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: Well, even five minutes, I thought, that's good.

811
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 3: It always shocks me how short five minutes is fast.

812
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 2: It goes real fast.

813
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:31,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, practice conscious limiting. Instead of saying yes to everything,

814
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: seven's can intentionally choose one experience, savor it and see

815
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:40,240
Speaker 1: that depth brings more satisfaction than scattering energy.

816
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 2: That's interesting.

817
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:46,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, instead of responding to your text wow we record,

818
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: you could just try to be present. You could try.

819
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 2: I don't know, you could try. Yeah, you know.

820
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 3: And you know what's funny too, is I'm always so

821
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,720
Speaker 3: impressed by people they can do two things at once

822
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 3: really clearly in my brain, it's very hard for me

823
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 3: to do it.

824
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: My boyfriend is the same way, and he's always like,

825
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 1: we'll be on the phone. It's such a similar experience

826
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: to this podcast for me. So I can tell this

827
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,800
Speaker 1: second he starts doing it, but like, he is a filmmaker,

828
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 1: so he's editing stuff while we're talking, and he says

829
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: that it's mindless for him and he can do it,

830
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I know you think that.

831
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 2: You're like what did I just say? Then?

832
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: Literally I would be pouring my heart out. I finally

833
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: have learned if it's something important to me, I have

834
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,479
Speaker 1: to say, hey, I really need you to focus while

835
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: we're talking right now, like this is here, I need

836
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 1: you to hear me on this one. We're just like

837
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: shooting the shit. I don't care as much. But like

838
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,799
Speaker 1: the difference between if I have a phone conversation with

839
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:44,960
Speaker 1: him while he's like out on a walk, or if

840
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,240
Speaker 1: I have one with him when he's at his house

841
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 1: to where he can be sitting in front of his computer.

842
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 1: It's so insanely different because when he's walking, he's just

843
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 1: focused on talking to me.

844
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 2: Yeah.

845
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 1: Anyway, most men that I know are not good at

846
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 1: doing more than one thing at a time.

847
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 3: Just FYI, that's funny because most of my friends are females,

848
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 3: so it's like I'm around people who are more capable

849
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 3: of doing that.

850
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, women's brains work different that way. Though, yeah, feel

851
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 1: the feelings. That's another one for you. Naming emotions as

852
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:17,760
Speaker 1: they arise. Sadness, grief, anger keeps a seven from bypassing

853
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 1: with busyness. So therapy, embodiment practices, or even voice notes.

854
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 1: So that's an interesting thought to, like, just make yourself

855
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 1: say it out loud onto a voice note if you

856
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,760
Speaker 1: are going through something okay and then ground in the present.

857
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 1: Sevenths are always scanning the horizon using mindfulness cues. Right

858
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 1: now I have enough like saying something like that helps

859
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 1: anchor them to the present moment, reducing anxiety about missing out.

860
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 2: I think I could I think.

861
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 1: Why are you so distracted today? What is happening?

862
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 2: I'm not distracted right now.

863
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 1: I could see your fingers. You think I'm not looking

864
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: at your fingers are here? Well, I feel like you're

865
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 1: living in the seven right now, and it's making me

866
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 1: very four.

867
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 2: It's making you feel very.

868
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 1: Really very abandoned.

869
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 2: Abandoned that's the word that I wanted.

870
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,880
Speaker 1: Anyway. This is just a fun, kind of tangible way

871
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:18,719
Speaker 1: to help you, guys, apply the conversation from Wednesday into

872
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 1: your life if you want to. I always want to

873
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: know about that. So if you guys, do do this,

874
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 1: or if you're an Enneagram number like Chip or I

875
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 1: or something different and you have a different experience with

876
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: the core fears, let us know how it works for

877
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: you. You can always email us at the Edge at velvet

878
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 1: edge dot com. You can also hit me up in

879
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 1: my DMS. I'm at Velvet Edge.

880
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 2: Chip, I'm at Chip Doors. It's Chip d r sch.

881
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: We also have our Instagram for our podcast at Velvet

882
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: Edge Podcast. And I want to put everything else that

883
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,320
Speaker 1: we have TikTok's YouTube all that in the description of

884
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 1: this podcast, because it is way too much of a

885
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,399
Speaker 1: mouthful for me to keep saying every time. I can't

886
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: remember it. Y'all know how my brain works. I can

887
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,439
Speaker 1: barely remember the ending of this. Anyway, As you guys

888
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,399
Speaker 1: go into the weekend and you're living on the edge,

889
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 1: I hope you always remember too.

890
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 2: Back casual, Bye bye,