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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to

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Speaker 2: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in

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Speaker 2: the world. Today we have an incredibly special episode. I've

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Speaker 2: invited on two of my friends who run their own podcast,

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Speaker 2: Two Broke Chicks, to discuss relationships. I think on this

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Speaker 2: show as someone who is single, we only really talk

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Speaker 2: about the beginnings and the ends, the dating or the breakup.

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Speaker 2: But today we're going to talk about something a little

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Speaker 2: bit more nuanced, which is how our relationships, particularly our

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Speaker 2: romantic relationships in our twenties, interact with our identity and

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Speaker 2: how to maintain our identities in a relationship. So welcome

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Speaker 2: salan Al. How are you both going?

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Speaker 3: I'm excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 4: Hello.

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Speaker 5: We are so happy to be here, and we're big

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Speaker 5: fans of Jem and this show, so it's just match

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Speaker 5: made in heaven.

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Speaker 6: Also, Jem, you have such a beautiful voice. I was

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Speaker 6: getting like hypnotized almost in the intro.

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Speaker 3: Thank you now I'm feeling someone.

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Speaker 2: Else episode for everyone.

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Speaker 6: Seriously, we're probably like a really harsh difference everyone.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think they need that. Also, I love when

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Speaker 2: people from Australia come on the show because a lot

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Speaker 2: of the time I have people from the US or

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Speaker 2: the UK, So now they can hear three Australian.

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Speaker 5: Yeah you're blood again, yea hey yahout laugh.

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Speaker 2: Took my shield to the pub the other day. I've

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Speaker 2: got a beer and now.

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Speaker 4: We're day Sedy and I said, do you want to

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Speaker 4: baby Gil.

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Speaker 5: We have a trademark term on our show called the

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Speaker 5: horny Sheila.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's us.

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Speaker 2: That's the energy that Yeah, well I love that and

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Speaker 2: thank you for bringing that energy to the show today.

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Speaker 2: So the thing that was really interesting to me when

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Speaker 2: I was thinking about this topic is that we are

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Speaker 2: all in very different stages of the relationship spectrum. So

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Speaker 2: I am single as a pringle except for just get

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Speaker 2: a dam from certain someone.

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Speaker 4: So of a sit kitten, I am.

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Speaker 2: A bit of a smitten kitten.

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Speaker 4: Thanks guys.

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Speaker 5: It was like when you have like that crush or

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Speaker 5: you like someone and then they send you a message

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Speaker 5: and you're like you.

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Speaker 3: Literally just float for the rest of the day, it

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Speaker 3: really is.

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Speaker 2: I've been floating for the last like ten minutes. So basically,

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Speaker 2: I'm almost in a new relationship.

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Speaker 4: You thinking is spring wedding not native floral arrangements?

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Speaker 2: Yes, of course. So anyhow, No, I'm very single, have

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Speaker 2: been for over a year. But I did start this

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Speaker 2: podcast after a pretty serious breakup, so that's where this

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Speaker 2: whole concept came from. I have just you've recently entered

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Speaker 2: into a new relationship.

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Speaker 5: So I was single for about three years before that,

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Speaker 5: I was in relationships for about five.

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Speaker 4: Years, and then.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I had I think what I felt was that

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Speaker 5: I was very attached to the identity that I got

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Speaker 5: back in that three years of being single and the

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Speaker 5: effort that I had to put into rebuilding that identity.

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Speaker 5: And we can get into a bit later, but how

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Speaker 5: I felt like I lost my identity in those earlier relationships,

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Speaker 5: and then the effort that it took to.

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Speaker 4: Feel like me again really kind of deterred me.

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Speaker 2: From getting into a relationship.

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Speaker 5: That I was like, I don't I don't need anyone,

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Speaker 5: Like I got in that headspace of I don't need anyone.

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Speaker 5: I'm so happy being single, So like good doing me,

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Speaker 5: and like I would date and you know, and then

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Speaker 5: I would have moments of being like, oh.

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Speaker 4: Do I want a relationship?

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Speaker 5: And then I met my now partner and I was like, ah, shit,

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Speaker 5: he was a really good one and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I like you. And so then now I'm kind of

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Speaker 5: like in that phase that We've been dating for about

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Speaker 5: nine months now, so it's still quite early, but I

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Speaker 5: think we've gone through that like honeymoon period and it's

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Speaker 5: just really nice. But also, how do I navigate from

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Speaker 5: being so independent and single to being in like the

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Speaker 5: most perfect relationship ever.

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Speaker 6: It's like a very steady relationship even though it is

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Speaker 6: so new, relatively new.

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Speaker 5: I'm like and also I'm the queen of self sabotage sometimes,

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Speaker 5: so like there'd been moments and I can't.

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Speaker 4: Be talking and sound.

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Speaker 2: She'd be like shut up.

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Speaker 4: She'd be like, you don't need to do this.

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Speaker 6: I literally would say, you were trying to ruin this,

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Speaker 6: like you were self sabotaging right now in this moment.

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Speaker 2: Stop it.

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Speaker 5: You need a friend like that sometimes, And that's because

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Speaker 5: sal Isu.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I've been in a relationship with my partner Chris

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Speaker 6: for almost fifteen years, so it'll be fifteen years in August.

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Speaker 4: She's a veteran.

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Speaker 2: And how did you meet him?

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Speaker 6: We met on MySpace on my Space literally, Wow. So

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Speaker 6: we were both like two little emos when we were

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Speaker 6: teenagers slash.

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Speaker 3: I never grew out of it. It was never a phase, mum.

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Speaker 6: But we met through mutual friends from going to gigs

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Speaker 6: and whatnot. But he added me on MySpace and that's

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Speaker 6: how we actually met. Wow, and then we just like

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Speaker 6: hung out from there.

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Speaker 2: Wow. That's a beautiful story kids meet on MySpace. That's

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Speaker 2: a good one to tell. And I think that it's

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Speaker 2: very interesting that we're all sitting here with different perspectives

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Speaker 2: to discuss what we really want to discuss today, which

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Speaker 2: is how do you maintain your identity in a relationship,

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Speaker 2: Because our romantic relationships are a massive facet of our lives,

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Speaker 2: particularly in our twenties, but within every period, I think

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Speaker 2: that this is the time when a lot of us

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Speaker 2: start to contemplate the idea of a life partner, We

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Speaker 2: start to date a round, we start to have standards,

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Speaker 2: and most of us are in.

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Speaker 3: Operative.

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Speaker 2: Word yeah right, yeah, Well that's my honestly, I feel

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Speaker 2: like that's my experience where I've hit my mid twenties,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, alrighty, so like early mid twenties and

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Speaker 2: been like okay, now, like dating is, it's still fun,

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Speaker 2: but it's not something that I'm doing impulsively because I

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Speaker 2: now understand that the person I'm with is going to

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Speaker 2: create a large part of how I see myself and

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Speaker 2: how I see my life and my future plans. So

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Speaker 2: how do you think that transition for you was out

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Speaker 2: because you came from where I am now, you know,

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Speaker 2: in a very from a place of almost hyperindependence, it

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Speaker 2: sounds like, and then suddenly had to adapt to having

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Speaker 2: this other person in your life. And you said there

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Speaker 2: was a bit of self sabotage going on.

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Speaker 4: I think so, yeah, I think.

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Speaker 5: I So when I entered my single girl era, I

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Speaker 5: was definitely not independent. I definitely relied on my relationships

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Speaker 5: to kind of keep me entertained. Kind of I pulled

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Speaker 5: a lot of worse from them in terms of myself

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Speaker 5: because my first relationship, I was independent, but that person

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Speaker 5: relied on me a lot that like I was that

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Speaker 5: person's universe, and that was a lot of pressure. My

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Speaker 5: second relationship I went to like the other end of

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Speaker 5: the spectrum that I was like, I was someone who

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Speaker 5: doesn't even shit about me, that just like has their

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Speaker 5: own life. And then that was like and then it

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Speaker 5: was the end of the spectrum.

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Speaker 4: I was like, wait, no, like love me. And so

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Speaker 4: then I kind of.

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Speaker 5: Had this tugger or internally of you know, not really

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Speaker 5: knowing what I wanted or who I was because I

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Speaker 5: kind of molded myself to these people and what they

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Speaker 5: needed or what.

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Speaker 4: They didn't give me.

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Speaker 5: And so then when I was single, I really had

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Speaker 5: to kind of go back and figure out who I was,

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Speaker 5: what I wanted, and what I enjoyed just by myself.

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Speaker 5: Like first that first things first. I don't think you

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Speaker 5: can know who your identity is in a relationship until

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Speaker 5: you understand who that identity is as our Lord and savior.

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Speaker 5: Rue Paul says, if you don't love yourself, how the

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Speaker 5: hell are you going to love somebody else?

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Speaker 4: And I didn't love myself.

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Speaker 5: I didn't have that, and it took a really long

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Speaker 5: time to build that up.

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Speaker 4: And you know, your friends is a really big part

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Speaker 4: of that.

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Speaker 5: Being able to be comfortable on your own is a

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Speaker 5: really big part of that. And in those three years

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Speaker 5: I had so much fun, the best time, and kind

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Speaker 5: of what you were saying before that. For a good

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Speaker 5: chunk of that time, it was dating for the story.

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Speaker 5: It was dating for fun and just living life and

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Speaker 5: realizing things. As Kylie Jenner said in twenty sixteen.

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Speaker 2: Wow Flush Back, she has her she has her sources,

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Speaker 2: she has a references twenty sixteen at all you.

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Speaker 4: Actually, I saw the video the other day and that.

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Speaker 3: Is the year and.

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Speaker 5: In that time I experienced so many new things. I

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Speaker 5: like literally changed my sexuality in that time, Like I

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Speaker 5: experimented with girls and realized that, hey, oh, do you

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Speaker 5: know what, it's probably a bit weird to continue scissoring

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Speaker 5: your barbies at sixteen years old.

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Speaker 4: But I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 5: I wasn't doing that, but I would always kind of

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Speaker 5: feel like That'd be like, oh, like do I like girls?

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Speaker 4: I was like, I don't know, like I could kiss them, And.

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Speaker 6: I'm like, oh, you're gay, Like you're trying to convince yourself.

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Speaker 6: And then you finally gave yourself the freedom to be like,

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Speaker 6: let me embrace this with no label.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And so then I think when I got to

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Speaker 5: the point that I was like, Okay, this is me,

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Speaker 5: Like I know what my identity is because it's so

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Speaker 5: hard if you don't know what that is to not

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Speaker 5: mold yourself to the person that you start dating, and

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Speaker 5: you start molding yourself to their likes and their dislikes,

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Speaker 5: and it's so important to keep your likes and dislikes

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Speaker 5: even if that's not compatible to the other person. So

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Speaker 5: I think what was different about, you know, this relationship

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Speaker 5: that I'm in now, was that I had the confidence

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Speaker 5: to just be myself. I had the confidence to be like,

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Speaker 5: if you don't like it, that's fine, because I like me, and.

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Speaker 4: You don't want to date someone that doesn't like you.

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Speaker 5: Like there's so often I always had a boyfriend turn

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Speaker 5: around to me and say, yeah, I love you, just

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Speaker 5: sometimes I don't like you, I know, and I laughed like.

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Speaker 3: I thought it was funny.

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Speaker 4: And now I look back and I'm like, that was

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Speaker 4: really mean.

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Speaker 6: Ru.

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Speaker 4: Well, I don't know.

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Speaker 6: We're having this conversation yesterday about how that is a

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Speaker 6: real trope in relationships, like guys being like, oh, like

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Speaker 6: we've got the you know, I'm out with the boys,

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Speaker 6: like free of the ball on chain or you know,

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Speaker 6: like people speak about their partners like that, and it's like, no,

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Speaker 6: you should actually like each other and there should be

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Speaker 6: joy there and.

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Speaker 3: You should want to spend time with them. It's weird.

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Speaker 2: That is so weird to me, and I think that

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Speaker 2: it's honestly a hard thing to learn your own worth,

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Speaker 2: especially having been through experiences like that. Like I know

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Speaker 2: that I have as well, this person that I dated,

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Speaker 2: like probably two years ago, I became a completely different

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Speaker 2: person for them. I sacrificed friendships for that person, and

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Speaker 2: I regret it all the time, like I still to

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Speaker 2: this day. I don't think about him much except for

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Speaker 2: the choices that I would definitely not make again. And

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Speaker 2: it's interesting because then recently I had a very similar incident,

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Speaker 2: like a very similar experience with someone where they the

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Speaker 2: exact same situation happened, and I remember sitting there and

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Speaker 2: being like, I have two choices here. Do I do

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Speaker 2: the thing that I've done before, do I make that

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Speaker 2: mistake again, or I've learnt this lesson, Let's go the

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Speaker 2: other way. And I went the other way. And I

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Speaker 2: think that that's a big part of how relationships can

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Speaker 2: also form you as they teach you these important lessons

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Speaker 2: that then you can take to not just your next relationship,

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Speaker 2: but your friendships and your morals and your values. I

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Speaker 2: do want to quickly ask you a question because I'm

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Speaker 2: fascinated by this. I don't like, I genuinely am because

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Speaker 2: I imagined the person I was dating when I was

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Speaker 2: like in my teen years, and I saw this TikTok

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Speaker 2: the other day and it was like, would you rather

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Speaker 2: still be working your first job or would you rather

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Speaker 2: still be with the person you were dating when you

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Speaker 2: were seventeen?

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, I said.

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Speaker 2: I totally was like, boostjuice, I'm coming back. Yeah, making

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Speaker 2: those mango magics for the rest of my life.

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Speaker 4: Give me those cinnamon donuts again. I'm down.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, those both sound like great choices.

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Speaker 4: Amazing. Can I get a tropical crush?

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Speaker 2: My goodness, No, no, I'm out of office. But I

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Speaker 2: guess the question is what has that been like for you?

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Speaker 2: And I know that you've gotten a lot of Sometimes

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Speaker 2: people have said to you like, don't you wish you

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Speaker 2: had tried a few more tried before you buy or

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Speaker 2: tried a few more people are like gone out there

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Speaker 2: and had that single girl era that you were just

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Speaker 2: talking about out and what would be your response to that?

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Speaker 6: So I think at first I really did question if

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Speaker 6: that was something that I should be doing. And was like, oh,

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Speaker 6: like am I I've always been happy in my relationship,

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Speaker 6: but questions like that made me wonder if is it

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Speaker 6: just because this is all I've known?

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Speaker 3: Do I need to go out and explore something else?

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Speaker 6: But I think the response that I give people now

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Speaker 6: is that over the last fifteen years, there's never been

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Speaker 6: one time where I've interacted with anyone that made me

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Speaker 6: even question my relationship or tempted me.

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Speaker 5: Excuse me, I'm sitting right here, You're.

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Speaker 6: The one thing, oully, But yeah, just like I just

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Speaker 6: try to listen to my gut and like what I

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Speaker 6: want to do.

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Speaker 3: I'm the sort of person that if you tell me to.

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Speaker 6: Do something, I'll probably just do the exact opposite out

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Speaker 6: of spite.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I don't know. I was like.

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Speaker 6: What and be like, you guys, like, it doesn't really

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Speaker 6: seem like any of my friends were having heaps of

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Speaker 6: fun during that stage.

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Speaker 2: We were not. We are not well, not you.

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Speaker 3: Guys specifically, I mean the people that were asking.

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Speaker 5: Question because a lot of the time, when that's getting

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Speaker 5: projected on you, I think it is maybe coming from

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Speaker 5: a place of insecurity in some instances.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but don't you want to be single?

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Speaker 5: Because that might be a little bit of more of

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Speaker 5: them reaching for a bit of comfortability, being like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: but it's good to be single.

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Speaker 4: It's good, like I'm enjoying this, So that reassurance that

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Speaker 4: is like, oh.

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Speaker 5: But I'm good for being in this position that maybe

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Speaker 5: looking at someone it is when you are single, you

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Speaker 5: look at people in relationships and sometimes you are like, oh,

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Speaker 5: thank god, I'm not in a relationship, Like you can

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Speaker 5: do all this fun stuff.

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Speaker 4: I can do whatever I want to do.

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Speaker 5: And then sometimes you are like that would be nice,

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Speaker 5: and I think, what is so the way that you

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Speaker 5: increase and like, well, I feel like I've learned from

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Speaker 5: you guys as well now in a new relationship is

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Speaker 5: that you only have so much energy to give in life,

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Speaker 5: and that's got to be split across work, friends, your

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Speaker 5: own time, your hobbies, and then you add a partner

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Speaker 5: into that. And so you've only got like one hundred

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Speaker 5: percent of a tank. So if you're splitting that, you know,

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Speaker 5: twenty five percent against across like work, friends, your own time,

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Speaker 5: and then your whole you've then got to take that

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Speaker 5: time away from something. And because you need to obviously

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Speaker 5: invest time in a relationship, but what can often happen

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Speaker 5: is people pull all of that twenty five percent that

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Speaker 5: split across everything and they put one hundred percent into

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Speaker 5: that relationship. And that's a mistake that I'd made in

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Speaker 5: the past, and that's something that I've never seen you

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Speaker 5: do Sow and like the way that it's been so

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Speaker 5: important and it's an effort to do because when you

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Speaker 5: do meet someone that you really like and you do

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Speaker 5: enter that relationship, you are the most smitten kitten. You're like,

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Speaker 5: I'm obsessed with this person. I want to smell their

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Speaker 5: neck every day.

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Speaker 4: Like literally, I'm like, oh that's good stuff. Oh my god.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and like you are obsessed with them and that's

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Speaker 5: so good, Like keep that, but be obsessed with them

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Speaker 5: in like moderation, have nights away from each other, have

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Speaker 5: those moments that like you allow yourselves to miss each

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Speaker 5: other a little bit, and it's so important that you

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Speaker 5: don't pull all the like reserve energy and other tanks

335
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Speaker 5: and put it into that one because what happens if

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Speaker 5: that doesn't work out?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And totally no, no no.

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Speaker 5: But I was just and like I think as well,

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Speaker 5: communicating and holding down the fort on your once your

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Speaker 5: enjoyments on what you had when you were single is

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Speaker 5: really important.

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Speaker 4: Like we talk about this all the time on Two

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Speaker 4: Broad Chicks, but.

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Speaker 5: I love a smutty fairy book, Like it's just my

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Speaker 5: happy place in my little fantasy land with two enemies

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Speaker 5: to lovers, and it's just the best trope. And like

347
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Speaker 5: we went on holidays and maybe for like two or

348
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Speaker 5: three hours of the day, we'd just go and do

349
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Speaker 5: our own thing, like we weren't spending the whole day

350
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Speaker 5: together because I'd want to go read my book for

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Speaker 5: like an hour, or maybe go for a walk, or he'd.

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Speaker 4: Want to go like do something. I don't know what

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Speaker 4: boys do in there.

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Speaker 5: He's like a big YouTube watch us, so he would

355
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Speaker 5: like just want to go watch YouTube and just like

356
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Speaker 5: turn off for a bit like that, and we would

357
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Speaker 5: just go spend time on our own doing our own wants.

358
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Speaker 4: Or whenever there's a.

359
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Speaker 5: Thing like I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go

360
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,440
Speaker 5: stay at sales, He's just like okay. It's never like oh,

361
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Speaker 5: but I'm going to miss you so much, don't go.

362
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Speaker 5: Or if we do say that, we don't mean it.

363
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Speaker 5: Like if I'm like, oh, you're going to the Gymi's

364
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 5: and I'm like no, I stay in bed, and then

365
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Speaker 5: he's like do you want me to?

366
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Speaker 4: And there's like that thing of being like I will

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Speaker 4: if you really and.

368
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Speaker 5: I'm like no, no, no, go like yeah, just having

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Speaker 5: your own things that you do and not losing that

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Speaker 5: because it is really easy to Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I agree, And I think that the mistake I've made

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Speaker 2: in past relationships is when you spend every waking minute

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Speaker 2: together every night, especially in those early, that early period

374
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Speaker 2: like where you that's like where all the bonding happens.

375
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Speaker 2: When you when you conflate all that oxytocin and that

376
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Speaker 2: dopamine with the other person's presence, you become codependent. But additionally,

377
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 2: all of that time and all of that codependency, I

378
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 2: honestly think just speeds up the timeline of the relationship

379
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,080
Speaker 2: if it's not the right one. It puts it under

380
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,840
Speaker 2: so much pressure because you need time to breathe, You

381
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:16,040
Speaker 2: need time to receive stimulation from your friends, from your family,

382
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,880
Speaker 2: from your hobbies. And when you don't allow the relationship

383
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 2: to breathe, when you put it in a pressure cooker

384
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,920
Speaker 2: and you like almost join your hands together and won't

385
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,439
Speaker 2: let them go, all that's going to do is just

386
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 2: completely just burn the string out and you'll be done

387
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 2: by the end.

388
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,719
Speaker 5: Of you and you start irritating each other, yeah, like

389
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 5: you will get to like the point that you're just

390
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,200
Speaker 5: like the sound of their voice makes me you want

391
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 5: to cry and it's yeah. And then as well, you

392
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,160
Speaker 5: start sitting there and thinking how do we get here?

393
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 5: Like I was so in love with you, how are

394
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 5: we here? It's because like you do need to give

395
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:55,119
Speaker 5: that breathe.

396
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Speaker 4: You need to have that time that you're investing.

397
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 5: In other things because as well, you're the only constant

398
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 5: in your own life.

399
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,800
Speaker 2: I still agree with that.

400
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:06,919
Speaker 5: You can't rely on anyone else to be your social life,

401
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 5: to be like the one solo person to be your

402
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 5: social life, your happiness, your entertainment, Like you need to

403
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,399
Speaker 5: be that for yourself, and then you need to pull

404
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:20,119
Speaker 5: on multiple resources for that. You need to have your friends,

405
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 5: You need to have your like I say work, but

406
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 5: when I say work, I mean.

407
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,880
Speaker 4: That thing that fuels you and makes you feel successful.

408
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then your partner can also feed into that.

409
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 5: But it's so important to have those multiple energy sources

410
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 5: that isn't just one person, because that energy source, if

411
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 5: it is just that one person will run out.

412
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like draining on both of you.

413
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 6: And also when you're in a relationship, you're supposed to

414
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,800
Speaker 6: be growing together but also individually, and if you don't

415
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 6: each have your own individual things going on, there's nothing

416
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 6: new to bring to the relationship, Like there's no points

417
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 6: of conversation, there's no like, oh I learned this or

418
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 6: so I had this experience and sharing that because it's like, oh, wait,

419
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 6: you were there.

420
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 3: So then you just become stagnant.

421
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,760
Speaker 6: And I think that's bad for both you as an

422
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 6: individual but also the relationship.

423
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 3: There's just nowhere to go from there.

424
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 2: And I wanted to ask, as you live with your

425
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 2: partner Chris now, Yeah, did you have any of those

426
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 2: fears of spending so much time together when you first

427
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 2: moved in?

428
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, a little bit.

429
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 6: So we've lived together for I think like six years now,

430
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 6: but for the first seven or eight years and Bado

431
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 6: mats of our relationship, I think that we were almost

432
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 6: in a long distance relationship because he lived about an

433
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 6: hour and a half away from me when we first

434
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 6: started dating. Then I moved up to Sydney and we

435
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 6: lived three hours away, so we would only get to

436
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 6: spend weekends together. Pretty much, so to go from that

437
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 6: to then living together, I was a little bit concerned.

438
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 6: And I also know that like I love socializing, I

439
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 6: love going to gigs. I love to go out and

440
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 6: have like an out with the girls. Chris doesn't drink,

441
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:07,679
Speaker 6: so there's differences in our lifestyles that I was like, Okay,

442
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 6: this will be interesting, but I really had faith that

443
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 6: it was going to be great. And I was like,

444
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 6: this is actually going to be so fun. It's really

445
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 6: going to bring us together. But a lot of other

446
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 6: people were saying this is going to be real test

447
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:26,360
Speaker 6: fear relationships, and again, like I feel like my guy

448
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 6: instinct was like, no, this is going to be a

449
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 6: good thing.

450
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 3: Like we've been dating for many years.

451
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 6: By this point, Like I would hope that I know

452
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 6: him well enough that I think this is going to work.

453
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 6: And it did, like I think, and I think it's

454
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 6: because we have maintained those step like separations in our lives.

455
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 6: So you know, he has his own group of friends

456
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 6: that he'll hang out with, We have our own hobbies.

457
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 6: We have both very different careers but are both very

458
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 6: supportive of each other's work lives and are still like

459
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,719
Speaker 6: best friends at the end of the day also, and

460
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 6: we have a lot of fun together. And I think

461
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 6: that's the thing is we have like joy and laughter

462
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 6: every single day that we will go one day without

463
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 6: each other and I like am genuinely so excited to

464
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 6: go home and see hyeah, so amazing.

465
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 5: I think one thing as well that like we both

466
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:22,360
Speaker 5: do in our relationships is we are not constantly talking

467
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,639
Speaker 5: throughout the day. Like we'll have like a few texts

468
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 5: maybe of communication with our partners through the day, or

469
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 5: sometimes we don't talk to them at all, but it's

470
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 5: like there is no constant threat of communication throughout the

471
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 5: whole day. Especially if you live together. That's so much

472
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 5: because then you do see each other and you're like, oh,

473
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 5: so what is what are we talking about? Because I've

474
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 5: already told you everything the second is happening That like

475
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 5: constant texting, constant needs like call every hour and check

476
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 5: in and talk about what's happening in your day, Like isn't.

477
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 4: Healthy because again, what is there? What more do you have?

478
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 5: Or if you're watching every single TV show together or

479
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 5: doing every single hobby together, you've got nothing to Like

480
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 5: You're like, oh, I watched this really cool movie. Oh

481
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 5: you watched it too, yeah, like, yes, you've gotten there's

482
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 5: no spice.

483
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 6: Yeah, and just no time to enjoy things on your

484
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 6: own and what you like, you'll just end up watching

485
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 6: Wall Street Americans.

486
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 3: I go, yeah, And.

487
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,360
Speaker 2: It's like those points of difference right, Like, And I

488
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 2: loved what you said before about almost diversifying your portfolio,

489
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 2: your life portfolio, because I do think that there's a

490
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 2: tendency that I've seen in myself and amongst friends where

491
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 2: a new love interest enters suddenly sixty percent carved off

492
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 2: to them. And it's natural to be obsessed. It's natural

493
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,199
Speaker 2: to have all of that, all of those things like

494
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 2: rushing in your brain and rushing through your body and

495
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 2: like pulling you towards that person. But the big thing

496
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 2: that I think often loses out is our friendships. I

497
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 2: think that is the first thing to go because you

498
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 2: need work for money. I think hobbies are another one

499
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,879
Speaker 2: that sometimes we let go of pretty quickly. But I

500
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 2: do think that we have a dedicated like social time,

501
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 2: and sometimes we see social time as like romantic time,

502
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:16,719
Speaker 2: and they take from each other. So how did you

503
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 2: either of you can answer this question, like, would you

504
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,920
Speaker 2: have any advice for how to maintain healthy, good friendships

505
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 2: whilst in a relationship, especially in those early days, because

506
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 2: I think it's the worst thing to spend the first

507
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 2: six months obsessed with someone. Wake Up, things aren't going

508
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 2: great and you don't have any friends.

509
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 4: Yep, yeah, I think.

510
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 5: At the start, and by at the start, i'm talking

511
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 5: like the first month, I think it's okay to be like.

512
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 4: Completely infatuated with the person.

513
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 5: I think your friends, especially good ones, will sit there

514
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 5: and watch and be like love this for you, because

515
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 5: they've also probably been there while you're dating absolute trash

516
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 5: and they're like.

517
00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 3: Please, don't get back with your ex.

518
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 5: So when you actually meet someone good, they're like stick

519
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 5: stick stacks.

520
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

521
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 5: So I think it's actually okay to be guiltless about

522
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,199
Speaker 5: falling in love. I think you shouldn't have to stress

523
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 5: yourself out about being like, I've met this person, I

524
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 5: really want to spend time with them this weekend, but

525
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 5: I don't know, do I have to see like the girls.

526
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 4: Like blah blah blah.

527
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 5: That's okay, you can do that, but once you know

528
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 5: after a month, you definitely need to make sure that

529
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 5: you're investing in your friendships in that month. Also, don't

530
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 5: fall off the face of the earth, like keep up

531
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 5: communications and don't just speak about yourself. Don't just speak

532
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,720
Speaker 5: about how happy you are and how amazing things are.

533
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 5: Definitely speak to it, but not only about that, and

534
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 5: make sure that you're asking and investing in your friends'

535
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 5: lives as well. I think what I've like, I've actually

536
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 5: kind it kind of found it a lot simpler in

537
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 5: this relationship than others, because I like missing my partner,

538
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 5: having time away and building that. And it is hard

539
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 5: because when you are completely infatuated them, you're like, I.

540
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 4: Just want to spend every second with you.

541
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,479
Speaker 5: But I burned that bridge before, like I've done that,

542
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 5: and I'm like, I know I don't want that. Plus

543
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 5: I'm also infatuated with my friends, So I think having

544
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 5: that those really good quality of friends that you do

545
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 5: genuinely feed off and want to see and booking in

546
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 5: those times like have the girls' night that you're like,

547
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 5: oh my god, I saw this really cool bar. Let's

548
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 5: all go on Friday and go You're going on Friday

549
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 5: and it's not a chore.

550
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 4: You're not like, oh, I've got to go see my friends.

551
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,959
Speaker 5: If you feel like that, maybe that's something to investigate

552
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:40,479
Speaker 5: further too.

553
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not the relationships fault.

554
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not the relationship's fault if you're like dreading

555
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 5: seeing your friends and so I think making sure that

556
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 5: you invest time into doing things that you really want

557
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 5: to do and booking it.

558
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,600
Speaker 4: In if you are kind of struggling, if you do

559
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 4: have a.

560
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 5: Partner that wants to spend that Friday night with you

561
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 5: as well, making sure that you let them know in advance,

562
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 5: being like, by the way, Friday, like I'm going to

563
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 5: this bar with the girls.

564
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 4: You're not asking for permission, by the way. We don't

565
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 4: do that. We don't be like is that okay. You

566
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 4: just be like I'm not available, I'm doing this, and

567
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 4: they'll be like stunning, amazing, brave.

568
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 6: That's literally what Chris and I do at the beginning

569
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 6: of every week, on like a Sunday night, We're like.

570
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 3: All right, so what's the schedule for this week?

571
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 6: And I'm like, okay, so I'll be home this night

572
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 6: this night, and he's like, okay, cool, Like I'm meeting

573
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 6: up with friends on this night. I'm going to do

574
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 6: this on this night. We're like okay, great, So Friday

575
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 6: will go on a date then and do it like that.

576
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,400
Speaker 6: But I think, yeah, like booking in regular catch ups

577
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 6: with your girlfriends and don't invite your fucking boyfriend.

578
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, sorry, I don'tenough.

579
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 4: I can.

580
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 2: I can totally swear yes, don't.

581
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 3: Like that does not count.

582
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 6: I think a lot of people think that counts. Like no,

583
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 6: but we caught up last week and Jason was there,

584
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 6: so doesn't count.

585
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 4: And people are different when their partners are there. You

586
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 4: can't talk about the gross little.

587
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 5: Things that you do with the girls when you're like,

588
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,239
Speaker 5: oh my god, guys, I ate this few the other

589
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 5: day and what came out of me was not much

590
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 5: huven impossible, Like you can't talk about that when like

591
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 5: it's just different, and like because maybe you're comfortable to

592
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 5: say in front of your boyfriend, but your friend probably

593
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 5: doesn't want to talk about the giant pooh they did, boyfriend,

594
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 5: So like, don't bring there, And.

595
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 6: That's an important part of friends, like you pee, like

596
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 6: we were on a cruise, And I think one thing

597
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 6: that is kind of easy for me in mind is

598
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 6: that a lot of my friends, like my friends and

599
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 6: my boyfriend's friends had mutual friends.

600
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 5: So like when we're kind of spending time in a

601
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 5: group atmosphere, it is very easy. But what happens is

602
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 5: like He'll go off with like a group of people

603
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 5: and then I'll chill with like another group that we

604
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 5: don't need to be attached to the hip in those

605
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 5: like social settings, Like we can go to a party

606
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 5: and be like, Okay, Dilce's see you in two hours,

607
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 5: and that's fine, And I love that. I've had partners

608
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 5: that like glued to my hip at an event and

609
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 5: I was like, good of me.

610
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 4: And it's a lot, but I.

611
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 5: Was going somewhere with this room going oh yeah, like

612
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 5: we recently went on a cruise with our group of

613
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 5: friends and some of them are in relationships, and then

614
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 5: some of them are single, and so it can be

615
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 5: like a cruise, there's not a lot of pickings for

616
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,959
Speaker 5: the singles, and so then anyway one of them, I

617
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 5: was like, let's just do a girl's die, Like let's

618
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 5: like ditch the boys for one night and just hang

619
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 5: out with the girls.

620
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 4: Like making sure that you're kind of showing up for.

621
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,959
Speaker 5: Your friendships, not just booking it in when it's convenient

622
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 5: for you, like not being like, oh I'm.

623
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 4: Free on Friday night, why don't we get a drink?

624
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 5: Then definitely that's amazing, but making sure that if they're

625
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 5: being like, oh, I don't have anything on this weekend,

626
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 5: do you want to hang out like you're going like

627
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 5: even if maybe you were planning on just having a

628
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 5: movie night with your partner, if you don't have like

629
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 5: the most concrete of plants, making sure that you're still

630
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 5: showing up for your friends, especially friends that you were

631
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 5: like you're single girly with, because for them, you don't

632
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 5: want them to feel abandoned that it's like they're like, well,

633
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 5: we used to spend all this time together. We used

634
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 5: to go out and you know, pick up and flirt

635
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 5: and just or just hang out together. And then you

636
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 5: don't want them to feel like you've just run off

637
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 5: found a boyfriend and their job's done, like they serve

638
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 5: their purpose. You don't want them to feel that way.

639
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 5: So making sure that you still show up for them

640
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 5: whenever they do want to go out and have that

641
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 5: fun time that you're there.

642
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 2: I really agree with this as someone who is single

643
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 2: right now. That's something that I have found. It's almost

644
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: something that you dread, like your friends get into a

645
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 2: new relationship and you're like, alrighty, so am I about

646
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: to be like the third fourth option now or is

647
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 2: this going to stay the same. And you have to

648
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 2: think appreciate from the other perspective that, like you said,

649
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,960
Speaker 2: when your friend, someone you love is going through this

650
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 2: incredible experience, you do really want to be there, you

651
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: do want to be happy for them. But additionally, I

652
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 2: do think that sometimes I've had experiences where friends have

653
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 2: gotten into relationships and it's been impossible to get a

654
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: hold of them, and you just feel a little bit

655
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 2: like it was an authentic that what you had.

656
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 4: You feel like you've been dumped. Yeah, you do, and

657
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 4: it's like you've been replaced and you're like, hey, what

658
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 4: about me?

659
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's the interesting thing, Like, I love your

660
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: point about I think if you are from the perspective

661
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 2: of someone who has like a lot of my friends

662
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 2: are in long term relationships. Now, please don't invite your

663
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 2: partner unless they are explicitly invited. I have one of

664
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 2: my best friends, I her and like her partner and

665
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 2: I are actually friends, so but we met through her.

666
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 2: But and I don't mind if he's around, like because

667
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 2: I actually if she goes away, like she will go

668
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 2: out and go shopping and he'll like stay at my

669
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 2: place and like we'll just like have tea in chat

670
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 2: or like that's not a problem. But the thing is

671
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 2: that she does a good job at being like, all right,

672
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 2: buger off. Her and I are going to hang out

673
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: for a little bit. And there is an understanding there

674
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 2: that your friendships play an equally important part in your

675
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 2: well being as your.

676
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 5: Relationships one and I kind of also hate that notion

677
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 5: that life there's something bad about being single. Like I

678
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 5: don't know about you if you've ever experienced this, but

679
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 5: when I was like, people in relationship'll be like, oh, like,

680
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 5: don't worry, you'll find someone, and you're like, I'm not looking.

681
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you know what I hate. Sorry, guys,

682
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 2: I'm gonna still I want to ask this question of

683
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 2: you two, both of you being in relationships. The thing

684
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 2: I get all the time and I'm not looking for love,

685
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 2: already found it already here, No I'm not. I'm so

686
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 2: busy that it's not possible. But the thing that people

687
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 2: always say to me is it will happen when you

688
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 2: least expect it. And I find that so frustrating because

689
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 2: it will happen when you're not looking for it. If

690
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 2: you are an anxious person, like we all are at

691
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 2: some stages. You are never not looking for the next

692
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 2: thing around the corner. That's the whole point about like

693
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 2: anticipatory anxiety. So was that true for you both? Did

694
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 2: it happen when you were least expecting it or when

695
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 2: you when you stopped looking?

696
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 3: No, No, not at all.

697
00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 6: Like I feel like I'd gone from like dating like

698
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 6: little like high school fuck boys and basically learning exactly

699
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 6: what I didn't want, and then was talking to one

700
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 6: guy who I really thought that I really liked, and

701
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 6: then met Chris and then was just like, well that's

702
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 6: over now. Like so it wasn't even like, oh, like

703
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 6: I'm not going to date, I'm just gonna it's like no,

704
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:37,720
Speaker 6: I was looking.

705
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I think mine's like a bit of both.

706
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 5: I think I was like doing in my sexy single

707
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 5: girl era and had taken the time to work on

708
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 5: myself that like, there were definitely times that I was like.

709
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 4: I'm not looking for a relationship.

710
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 5: I was like, absolutely not, I'm so good doing me

711
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 5: because I was working on myself. I was having that

712
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 5: time and was very problematically still engaging with an ex.

713
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 4: So you weren't, I was so born.

714
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a lot of sabotaging part that she's talking about.

715
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 7: Whilst you're no no, no, no no, I was like wait, no, no, no, no,

716
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 7: Like months before I met my part like nearly a

717
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 7: year before I met my partner, and like we still

718
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 7: had contact, and then it got to a point that

719
00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:28,279
Speaker 7: I was.

720
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 8: Like like I can't move on, Like I can't move

721
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 8: on properly, Like I definitely was not emotionally still there,

722
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 8: like I was not in love with this person anymore, but.

723
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 4: It was a crutch and I was like, oh no,

724
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:43,720
Speaker 4: this is not feeding me anymore.

725
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 5: And I was like, this is done, and if I

726
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 5: want to actually find someone that I want to be with,

727
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 5: then I'm cutting this person off.

728
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 4: And that's exactly what I did.

729
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,360
Speaker 5: And then a year later, I actually met my partner,

730
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:02,240
Speaker 5: and it wasn't like planned. I met them through mutual friends,

731
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 5: so like that is kind of the way that I

732
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 5: wasn't expecting it. But once I met them, I was

733
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 5: like yeah, I was like this is good, but it's

734
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,839
Speaker 5: only because I kind of shut off the things that

735
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 5: was holding me back from being in a relationship. Like

736
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 5: I was like, okay, I'm not gonna engage with things

737
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 5: that kind of stunt me emotionally, and I felt like

738
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 5: I had that time to myself that I was like, cool,

739
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 5: I feel like I know who I am, that I'm

740
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 5: actually confident to get into a relationship if I feel

741
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 5: like it's going to be the right one. And then

742
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 5: like he came out of the blue, like I had

743
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 5: no idea who he was.

744
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 4: I'd never met him before.

745
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,280
Speaker 5: And he was amazing, and I was like, well shit,

746
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 5: But I was also very scared of commitment because I'd

747
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 5: been burned, so I had to navigate that that when

748
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,879
Speaker 5: we first met, like I would take like a week

749
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 5: to reply, Like the first date I bailed on?

750
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,399
Speaker 4: No way you bailed on it first?

751
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 2: Did you reschedule?

752
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 4: I ended up.

753
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 5: Messaging him because I was like because he the night

754
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 5: we met, he ended up like booking date. He was like,

755
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 5: We're going on a date, and.

756
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 4: I was like ay.

757
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 5: And then I got like that first date anxiety. And

758
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 5: then I was also sick. He doesn't believe me, but

759
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 5: I genuinely was.

760
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 3: I was, but I was also like anxiety definitely still

761
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 3: played a part, but she was genuinely sick.

762
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 4: I was genuinely sick. I have the antibiotics prescription to

763
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 4: prove it.

764
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 5: I need a favor, so I didn't go, and then like,

765
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 5: I just we were talking for a bit and then

766
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 5: I kind of just like didn't reply to the last.

767
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 4: Message, and then I took about a week and I was.

768
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 5: Like, and then I just sent a message. I was like,

769
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:49,800
Speaker 5: I'm going to be in the city. Let me know

770
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 5: if you want to join me for a drink and

771
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 5: he was like.

772
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I would, and I was like and then from

773
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 4: that point it was just the rest we were dating. Yeah.

774
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 6: But I think that's the thing that is that it

775
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 6: that whole cliche of oh, when you stop looking, someone

776
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 6: will not looking for love.

777
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 3: I just think that's bullshit.

778
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 6: I think the thing is, though, is that you can't

779
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,919
Speaker 6: be looking for a relationship for the sake to tick

780
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 6: a box, because you're setting yourself up for failure and

781
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 6: you're literally going to settle for the first dud that

782
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 6: like sniffs in your direction, which isn't good. So you

783
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 6: need to be at that point where you're happy with yourself.

784
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 6: And I think that's where al finally was like she'd

785
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 6: done all that work, cut off that dead weight, and

786
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 6: was exactly and then that opportunity presented itself because she

787
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 6: was ready, and I feel like my little teenage was

788
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 6: also the same. But even though I was like, no,

789
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:51,080
Speaker 6: I'm ready for a boyfriend now, like I'm where is he?

790
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: Like?

791
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 3: But it's by that point I.

792
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,760
Speaker 6: Knew what I did and didn't want out of a boyfriend,

793
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 6: even just by like the shitty people that I interacted.

794
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 3: With as a young woman.

795
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's the thing, Like, you can't be looking

796
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 5: for a relationship to be to make up for something

797
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 5: that's missing in your life, Like you should have everything.

798
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 5: Your cup should be literally overflowing, and then that overflow

799
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 5: you can give to a relationship.

800
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: That is such a beautiful metaphor.

801
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 5: I didn't make it up. I heard it somewhere. I

802
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 5: didn't want to coin it and someone be like, God,

803
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 5: be right, but it is an analogy that I heard

804
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 5: I can't remember where, but that you or you can

805
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 5: give to other people. Your cup should remain full and

806
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 5: you give others the overflow because they should be filling

807
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 5: up your cup too. So that way, that's yeah, it's

808
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 5: a give and give.

809
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 4: I don't like the give and take. Everything's a given give.

810
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 2: And you know the whole point of this episode is

811
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,280
Speaker 2: like how do you maintain your identity in a relationship.

812
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 2: You've kind of talked about what you both do in

813
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 2: that sense, What would you do if you realized that

814
00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 2: you were losing yourself? What would be like the antidote?

815
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: What would be your solution if you woke up and

816
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 2: you were like, oh, right, actually, there's some stuff that

817
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 2: I've that's flown under the radar a little bit here

818
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 2: that's actually become a bigger issue. Not suggesting that you

819
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 2: break up with your partners, but like in terms of

820
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 2: like what would be some of the things you would

821
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 2: immediately put in place or get back to.

822
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 4: I think the first thing is don't panic.

823
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 5: I think, don't have a knee jerk reaction and panic

824
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 5: and think, oh my god, I'm a completely different human being?

825
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 4: Who am I?

826
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 5: Because it is a scary thought to feel like maybe

827
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 5: you've lost that power over yourself, and it is a

828
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 5: bit intimidating. But I think it's good to simplify where

829
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 5: that's coming from within yourself and really take kind of

830
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 5: everything away and think, what do I want? What is

831
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,760
Speaker 5: my identity? What are the things that I like doing

832
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 5: that make me feel genuine joy? Is that going for

833
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 5: a walk and listening to your favorite podcast the psychology

834
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 5: of your twenties and two boat chicks.

835
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: Is that I was hoping you would say yours as well?

836
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 4: Is that you know, calling your friend?

837
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 5: Is that reading your smarty little fairy book, finding out

838
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 5: what those things are and doing it and committing to

839
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 5: that plan of putting that time in for yourself or

840
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 5: whatever that is that your identity is.

841
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 4: Because there's this book.

842
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 5: What's the book that I'm obsessed with that I always

843
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 5: quote ow the one about habits, atomic habits, tomic habits.

844
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 2: That's it.

845
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 5: And so his whole theory that he writes in this

846
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 5: book about identity and individuality is that it is made

847
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 5: up of your habits.

848
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 4: Your habits create who you are.

849
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 5: So if you are doing habits that constantly involve someone else,

850
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 5: whether that is hanging out with your friends all the time,

851
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:49,800
Speaker 5: or it's hanging out with your partner all the time,

852
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 5: or it's being at work all the time, there's nothing

853
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 5: within those habits that is making you individual because it's

854
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 5: coming from other other habits that involve other people.

855
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 4: To identify the habits that make you who you are

856
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 4: and invest.

857
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 5: Time into those again, because when you were single, you

858
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 5: had all the time in the world to do that,

859
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 5: Whereas when you're in a relationship, your time shifts and

860
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 5: it's so easy, it's so easy to happen, and you're

861
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,320
Speaker 5: not lesser than for that happening happens to everyone.

862
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 6: I feel like that's such a normal experience, and I

863
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 6: think as well as rebuilding those habits, perhaps exploring new ones, yeah,

864
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 6: also have the conversation with your partner and be like, hey,

865
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 6: like I'm feeling this way, I feel like I need

866
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 6: to invest a little bit more time in myself. Maybe

867
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 6: you can do the same and like communicate that so

868
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 6: they're not like, wait, why are they pulling back?

869
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 3: What's going on?

870
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 4: And don't ever dramatize it though. I feel like as well,

871
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 4: that could like if your partner comes to.

872
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 5: You randomly, or you go to your partner randomly, it's like, yeah,

873
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 5: I feel like I don't know who I am.

874
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:54,720
Speaker 4: I'm gonna spend some time alone.

875
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 5: I would be like, oh everything okay, yeah, yeah, you'd

876
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 5: be like, you know what I really miss goin p artist.

877
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 6: I'm going to start doing that every Sunday morning and

878
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 6: like do that. And then I think, as well, with

879
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 6: your friends, if you've you know, let that part of

880
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 6: your life's slide. The most annoying thing is when a

881
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:18,760
Speaker 6: friend either breaks up with their partner or they realize

882
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:22,439
Speaker 6: that they've lost themselves and then they're like, hey, I'm back,

883
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 6: and they sort of just like expect everything to go

884
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 6: back to normal if they've completely ditched you. That can

885
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 6: be like a really frustrating feeling. But what I've had

886
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 6: in the past is people say, hey, like, I've realized

887
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 6: that I've been spending a lot of time with my

888
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:41,360
Speaker 6: partner and no one else. I'm so sorry, I just

889
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 6: completely lost sight of everything else. But I really want

890
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 6: to put effort into this Friendship's such a beautify can

891
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 6: we catch up it? And I was like, I so

892
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:52,839
Speaker 6: respect that honesty and that introspection.

893
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 3: And then it didn't even.

894
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 6: Give me the chance to be like, well, look googling

895
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 6: back because I'm like she knows and not like rushing

896
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:03,839
Speaker 6: it under the rush and.

897
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 3: Yes, let's go get coffee. Yeah, I love you, that's

898
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:08,320
Speaker 3: you're my best friend.

899
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 2: I had that happen and it was I think it's

900
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 2: also one of those things where you can't expect that,

901
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: like you said, everything to be the same. I've had

902
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 2: that in the past where a friend has moved in

903
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 2: with someone. She moved in really quickly, within like seven months,

904
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 2: they were super in love. Two years later on we

905
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:27,840
Speaker 2: hadn't heard from her for like a year, and suddenly

906
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:31,360
Speaker 2: she was a wreck because this was her entire identity.

907
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 2: It had fallen apart. And she came back and was like, Okay,

908
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 2: so why aren't we doing the same things anymore? They

909
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 2: broke up. She was like, why aren't we going out

910
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 2: drinking all the time. Why aren't we hanging out in

911
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:43,719
Speaker 2: each other's houses? And I was like, because we all

912
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,959
Speaker 2: have jobs now, and because we all have partners now,

913
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 2: and because we're all doing different things. But I think

914
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 2: she was really She eventually came around to that realization

915
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 2: and was like, actually, just really need some help. And

916
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 2: we were like, yeah, of course, Like we'll do what

917
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: we can. So guys, I think this is all we

918
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,320
Speaker 2: have time for. But this has been an amazing episode.

919
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 2: I really want to ask both of you. This is

920
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 2: something that the girls do on their show, Too Broke

921
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 2: Ticks life lesson, But what would be your life lesson

922
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 2: from this conversation that you would like to instill to

923
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 2: someone who may be questioning whether their relationship is getting

924
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 2: in the way of their own identity.

925
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 5: I think the biggest life lesson is for this for me,

926
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 5: would be a reminder that, like you were so fun

927
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,239
Speaker 5: to hang out with, hanging out with yourself is the

928
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 5: best time that you can ever invest in. An investment

929
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 5: in yourself is always a good investment. So don't ever

930
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,399
Speaker 5: feel like you've lost yourself because you're still in there.

931
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:50,799
Speaker 4: You're still in there.

932
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 3: You might be a.

933
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 5: Little bit different, and that's okay, but it's like with

934
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 5: any muscle, you just keep doing it and it gets stronger.

935
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 5: So if you are feeling like you have lost your identity,

936
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 5: don't worry.

937
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 4: It's not gone. It's still in there.

938
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, And there are so many ways to have a relationship,

939
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 6: a romantic relationship and for it to be fulfilling and

940
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,359
Speaker 6: fun and beautiful. But it doesn't have to take up

941
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 6: your entire life. And I think that's a really important

942
00:46:21,080 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 6: reminder to fill up the other cups in your life

943
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 6: as well.

944
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much for your brilliant wisdom. Of course,

945
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 2: if you're not listening to two Broke Chicks, you've just

946
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 2: got to do it. They're a lot funnier than me,

947
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:40,520
Speaker 2: so it's true. And go and listen to them if

948
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:48,240
Speaker 2: you're loving Australian accents and and amazing banter and very

949
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 2: incredible wisdom. So thank you both for coming on the show,

950
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 2: thank you for having us, and where can they find

951
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 2: your you personally.

952
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,479
Speaker 3: So you can listen to Two Broke Chicks.

953
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 6: We have a good podcast, Assaults, but if I podcast

954
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 6: where everywhere, you can't get away from us. Also on

955
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,879
Speaker 6: Instagram at two Broake Chicks and on TikTok at two

956
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 6: Broake Chicks Underscore.

957
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 5: That underscore will count to us for the rest of

958
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,919
Speaker 5: someone else got there first and it's fair enough.

959
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 4: Early bird gets the wind, that's true.

960
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 3: And if not, you can catch us at Vasco in Surry.

961
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,919
Speaker 5: Hills every Friday night outside and vod Calm Sada waiting

962
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 5: for you.

963
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:26,280
Speaker 2: Yep, very lovely. Well, thank you all for listening. As always,

964
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 2: if you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave

965
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 2: a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you

966
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,919
Speaker 2: are listening right now. If you have a friend who

967
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 2: needs to hear this episode, send it to them.

968
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 4: What a read though, imagine if you send it to

969
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,760
Speaker 4: your friend a relationship

970
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:50,399
Speaker 2: And no comment, just yeah, nothing else, and you know what,

971
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,879
Speaker 2: maybe they'll thank you later, probably not at that point

972
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 2: in time, but and as always, we will be back

973
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:04,320
Speaker 2: next week with another episode.