Speaker 1: Kind of kind of love. Where's the love in this email? Like,
Speaker 1: I haven't I didn't see it one time. I didn't
Speaker 1: see I don't think I didn't see ever in a
Speaker 1: lot pretty long email. I didn't see anything that says.
Speaker 2: Our heart, our hearts are broken, Our hearts are broken.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, y'all. Special guests today. Well
Speaker 1: you're not special, you're normal. Normal, normal guest today. Bernie
Speaker 1: Calcote special personally special to the podcast. The most regular
Speaker 1: guest we've ever had in your back now. I don't
Speaker 1: know how many you've been to lots.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for like keeping uh, keep on requesting
Speaker 2: me to come back and Griz for you to keep
Speaker 2: asking me to come back. Man, it's privilege and honor.
Speaker 1: Man. No, that's exactly how I feel about you, because
Speaker 1: you add to my life. The reason I bring you
Speaker 1: on this podcast is because you bring to my life
Speaker 1: so much wisdom and so much grounding to whatever I
Speaker 1: have going on and when I have questions, and so
Speaker 1: I want to bring you here to be able to
Speaker 1: give that out to the people that ask the questions here.
Speaker 1: Because you're just such an asset and you're just so wise.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You are going this weekend. What you told me is,
Speaker 1: I was setting up this podcasting, You're going to do
Speaker 1: the most physically difficult thing you've ever done in your
Speaker 1: entire life.
Speaker 2: Please tell me that and possibly the dumbest I mean.
Speaker 1: Are tied pretty well. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I got into trail running a while back, and
Speaker 2: just I love getting lost in the woods. If you've
Speaker 2: listened to this for any amount of time, you know
Speaker 2: I love to get out in the woods with nothing
Speaker 2: but nature and you know, talk to God and get lost.
Speaker 3: So start trail running. Kind of got into it.
Speaker 2: And yes, I'm gonna do a fifty k up in
Speaker 2: cleveborand Texas.
Speaker 1: So how how far is fifty k?
Speaker 2: Thirty two miles? And there's roughly four to five thousand
Speaker 2: feet of elevation game throughout the race, so it's gonna
Speaker 2: be pretty physically demanding. There's a lot of guys out there,
Speaker 2: I'm sure listening who have done you know, fifty milers
Speaker 2: or a hundred miles and not a lot the ultra
Speaker 2: The ultra world is really big and I'm just kind
Speaker 2: of dipping my toe into it.
Speaker 3: But for me, where I'm at in my journey.
Speaker 2: This will definitely be the hardest thing physically possibly mentally,
Speaker 2: because when you get into these things, your mind will
Speaker 2: just You're out in the middle of nowhere. It's not
Speaker 2: like you on a marathon you have like people clapping
Speaker 2: for you on the side throughout the race. It's like
Speaker 2: you're out there by yourself and your mind can just start.
Speaker 1: Okay, how long will this take you?
Speaker 2: I'm not sure, maybe between six and eight hours, Like, okay,
Speaker 2: never run this course, don't really know. So Okay, if
Speaker 2: y'all want to be praying for something next Saturday or
Speaker 2: this Saturday.
Speaker 1: Or it will by the time the podcast, it will
Speaker 1: have already happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's crazy. So if I die in this race,
Speaker 2: I love you guys. This is coming from beyond the grave.
Speaker 3: I'm with Jesus.
Speaker 1: Uh. What tell me about your the the nutrition you
Speaker 1: have the morning of. Maybe let's start with the night
Speaker 1: before and then the morning of. This is so off
Speaker 1: topic of what we typically talk about on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I think it's great. So night before, what are you eating?
Speaker 2: Okay, so pretty much this whole week is kind of
Speaker 2: a taper week. So you're car bloating, we're eating like
Speaker 2: pretty much like a raccoon, anything that I possibly can,
Speaker 2: because I've been burning so many calories doing you know,
Speaker 2: six or seven hours of running on a trail per
Speaker 2: week for the last six eight weeks. So this week
Speaker 2: is kind of like you taper down and then you're
Speaker 2: just eating kind of everything you I've been coached that
Speaker 2: you want to eat more sugar than usual, Like I
Speaker 2: don't usually eat like little candies and stuff, but you
Speaker 2: want to like lace the muscles with sugar, which I
Speaker 2: guess is the thing you're gonna need whenever you get
Speaker 2: into endurance. And so the night before probably something carb heavy.
Speaker 2: The morning of I've been advised to like probably start
Speaker 2: lower calorie, like you don't want to like load a bunch,
Speaker 2: but you're gonna be eating, you know, probably eight hundred
Speaker 2: calories per hour kind of like that you're out there.
Speaker 3: Hydration is another really where do you put that stuff?
Speaker 2: So they have like drop bags that you can have
Speaker 2: like at different locations, or if you have something like
Speaker 2: I have like a vest that I'll run with that'll
Speaker 2: have something in there with water bottles that have you know, electrolytes, sodium, potassium,
Speaker 2: magnesium in the water because if you lose sodium too
Speaker 2: much and you get up into the you know, twenties
Speaker 2: thirties of my ailes, and your body crashes like there's
Speaker 2: no coming back. You get dehydrated, you can't get hydrated
Speaker 2: back enough. You know you're gonna crash. So we're just
Speaker 2: trying to finish. We're trying to stay healthy.
Speaker 1: The goal to finish.
Speaker 2: The goal is to finish. For me, the goal is
Speaker 2: to finish. I know that some guys just you know,
Speaker 2: are crazy and go for time, but I'm just gonna
Speaker 2: try to finish and then I'll come back and tell
Speaker 2: you guys how dumb of decision it was to sign.
Speaker 3: Up for this.
Speaker 1: So that's amazing.
Speaker 2: But my wife honestly has been super supportive this. Like
Speaker 2: I said, this is not the wisest thing I've ever done,
Speaker 2: and she has just been amazing and like my biggest
Speaker 2: cheerleader through the training.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's I don't know, if it's unwise,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think debatable testing yourself like that
Speaker 1: mentally physically, and it's honestly, it's safely. I mean, you
Speaker 1: got yeah. They probably have plenty of paramedics on standby
Speaker 1: and people with radios. So it's it's safe, You're not
Speaker 1: You're not reckless. Yeah, it's not careless.
Speaker 3: It's definitely not reckless.
Speaker 2: And I feel like as much as I can have
Speaker 2: trained for something like this, I've done all that I
Speaker 2: can for sure.
Speaker 1: I mean, is there a risk of doing the the
Speaker 1: ankle fracturing the ankles or or the shin splints? What
Speaker 1: is that when you actually fracture your shins? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean you can like David Goggins, yeah you can't.
Speaker 2: He's a yeah, he's a different guy, but you definitely
Speaker 2: can run into these overuse injuries, which shin splints will
Speaker 2: be one of those, you know, ptelotenonitis. And honestly, if
Speaker 2: anybody out there is thinking of doing any kind of
Speaker 2: training for anything, that kind of pushes their limits. Like
Speaker 2: Granger said, I think there really is something good about it,
Speaker 2: the amount of self discovery that you find just through
Speaker 2: the training, not even just getting to the start line,
Speaker 2: not even the finish and the actual race day. But
Speaker 2: I feel like I've learned a lot about my ego,
Speaker 2: which I didn't think I had a lot of. But
Speaker 2: I do have a lot of ego that I've had
Speaker 2: to die to and just work through. I think just
Speaker 2: in that what you learn in that training of getting
Speaker 2: shin splints, Okay, how do I still got three more
Speaker 2: weeks of training? How do I like work through these
Speaker 2: kind of small you know, injuries or you know, annoyances
Speaker 2: to like get out there and just keep going. There's
Speaker 2: something that's just very enlightening about that whole process that,
Speaker 2: hopefully in the end, what it does is it gets
Speaker 2: you to the end or to the start line with
Speaker 2: confidence and just understanding yourself.
Speaker 3: A little more.
Speaker 1: Whenever you text me something very profound about life or
Speaker 1: about the Bible, it's typically after one of your training runs. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Which is interesting because Jesus was tempted for forty days
Speaker 1: in the desert, but he was tempted after forty days
Speaker 1: of fasting, no water, no food, and and that the
Speaker 1: temptation came at the end of that. It's so interesting
Speaker 1: that that's and that was the begining of his ministry.
Speaker 1: That's how his ministry started, was through that temptation first,
Speaker 1: through that extreme body deprivation. And so that it explains
Speaker 1: why you come up with these profound things that you
Speaker 1: just think about and you meditate on through the running
Speaker 1: through body deprivation. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, well, so on this podcast we answer your question.
Speaker 1: So this is it's a very untypical that I would
Speaker 1: ask questions to someone else, So thank you, dude. I
Speaker 1: want to mention something coming out of this break. Okay,
Speaker 1: so after the first break, I want to mention something
Speaker 1: that I think is very interesting that involves Bernie. I'll
Speaker 1: talk about it then, So hang tight for about ten
Speaker 1: more minutes. Let's get into some questions, which is what
Speaker 1: we typically do. We answer your questions. Email me Grangersmith
Speaker 1: podcast at gmail dot com. Putting my phone on airplane
Speaker 1: mode to stop getting text and I'm going to go
Speaker 1: to the first question I have here, subject line as
Speaker 1: missing toxic people. Email says, Hey, I was wondering how
Speaker 1: come when I drink I miss the most toxic people
Speaker 1: in my life. They used to be my friends, And
Speaker 1: when I drink, even just with a buzz, I end
Speaker 1: up messaging them. I became friends with them again before
Speaker 1: because of it, and it always ends up the same
Speaker 1: very simple email. That's it. Why you look at me
Speaker 1: like that? Uh no, there's there's not a name. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: what's great about this? Podcast is that I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're sitting around a campfire and we get
Speaker 1: to look at things from the outside. We kind of
Speaker 1: hover over a problem that you're you, the writer of
Speaker 1: this email, is right in the middle of it, and
Speaker 1: it like doesn't make can see. But then we look
Speaker 1: over it and we go, all right, bro, it's actually
Speaker 1: a girl. It's actually a girl. Okay, So we say, sister,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Do you not see the connection
Speaker 1: between you drink and you miss toxic people? You text
Speaker 1: them and it ends up being the same. So what's
Speaker 1: the common denominator in your question? What can you control? Yeah? Drinking?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so easy.
Speaker 1: The one thing you can control is don't drink and
Speaker 1: the cycle stops.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like those people, the connections that you
Speaker 2: made with those people were in the context of drinking.
Speaker 2: So even though the people are gone, it makes sense
Speaker 2: that when you start to do that thing that connected
Speaker 2: connected you, you would think about those people. And in
Speaker 2: this case maybe it's an you're calling them toxic, so
Speaker 2: it's an unhealthy thing.
Speaker 1: So don't drink.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you could.
Speaker 2: Say not drink, or you could say, hey, we probably
Speaker 2: need to find some new friends. That can help us
Speaker 2: form better healthy habits around drinking and then make those connections.
Speaker 2: So whenever you drink, it's in moderation, and it's in
Speaker 2: the context of like, oh, that those unhealthy, toxic things
Speaker 2: are no longer a part of this thing that can
Speaker 2: still be.
Speaker 1: And for now, don't drink.
Speaker 3: But for.
Speaker 2: I love Margaret like good cop, bad cop.
Speaker 1: Next question. This question, The subjectline says, I need some advice.
Speaker 1: Hey Grangeer, my name is Brennan. I'm sixteen from Colorado.
Speaker 1: I have liked this girl for a long time. We're
Speaker 1: best friends. We sleep in the same bed when she
Speaker 1: comes over, and act like a couple besides telling each
Speaker 1: other I love you. I told her I liked her
Speaker 1: and asked her out. She told me she liked me too,
Speaker 1: but wasn't ready for a relationship. So I gave her
Speaker 1: a year or so and asked her if she would
Speaker 1: ever want to get back into a relationship with me
Speaker 1: or I would be waiting for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: She told me she didn't know, and then got with
Speaker 1: a boy the next day. They are still together. Do
Speaker 1: I let her go stay friends? Do I let her
Speaker 1: know she hurt me? What do I do? Love the podcast.
Speaker 1: Brandon Brandon Brennan outside looking in. You're sixteen years old
Speaker 1: in Colorado. Stop it. It wasn't a joke. Bernieh Owth Today.
Speaker 3: Brennan, don't drink. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Man? God Lee Brennan. I wish
Speaker 1: I was in your town with you. I wish I
Speaker 1: could take you to coffee? All right?
Speaker 2: Can I can I play advocate for Brennan?
Speaker 1: Real quick? Yogo go?
Speaker 2: He's sixteen. His brain is not fully formed yet. Okay,
Speaker 2: you gotta remember that twenty five. If he's twenty six,
Speaker 2: maybe we hold him two highs and her but males
Speaker 2: frontal cortex I ain't formed yet.
Speaker 3: Many he is.
Speaker 1: Baby, He's got nobody in his life. He's got this girl, Brenda.
Speaker 1: You got this girl coming over and she's staying with
Speaker 1: you in the same bed. Where are you staying?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good question.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like mom's letting that happen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And of course you're gonna like her.
Speaker 2: Sixteen years old girl comes over, So you said your bed?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like her?
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. So's his question is do I let her go?
Speaker 1: Let's go through each of his questions. Do I let
Speaker 1: her go yes, yes, do we stay friends? No? Do
Speaker 1: I let her know she hurts me? Nah? Yeah, just
Speaker 1: block her, Just block her. And the best thing you
Speaker 1: could do, because you said, what do I do? The
Speaker 1: best thing you could do is learn from this, this
Speaker 1: feeling you have right now, this feeling of betrayal. She
Speaker 1: hurt you. You gave her heart, you gave away your heart.
Speaker 1: You told her everything you said you wanted to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you said you liked her or whatever
Speaker 1: you said. You slept with her, all these things that
Speaker 1: you did. Don't do it again because you feel this feeling,
Speaker 1: you feel what this feels like. You have to think
Speaker 1: this stuff through. You can't dive in. You have to
Speaker 1: know these things. Just wait, you're sixteen. Just wait. There's
Speaker 1: no need to jump into this kind of stuff right now. Okay,
Speaker 1: let her go block her? Good? Yeah, good, okay, next
Speaker 1: question rolling something line? Oh that was next question, says
Speaker 1: hey Grangeer, hoping to keep my name confidential. I was
Speaker 1: wondering if you could help me this last December. I
Speaker 1: had broken up with my girlfriend about a year and
Speaker 1: it didn't end well. We're both missing each other. I
Speaker 1: was the one who initiated the breakup, but it was
Speaker 1: only because I couldn't handle everything in the relationship. During
Speaker 1: the relationship, we decided we would wait for marriage for
Speaker 1: anything of that nature. For about four months we broke up.
Speaker 1: She decided after one night she wanted to sleep with
Speaker 1: another guy off of a limb.
Speaker 3: I don't know what that means, off of a limb,
Speaker 3: on a whim.
Speaker 1: I think it was on a whim. I heard this
Speaker 1: from one of our friends that she stayed in contact with,
Speaker 1: and I felt betrayed. Should I not be feeling this way?
Speaker 1: Is there anything that I could do to help myself
Speaker 1: in this situation? Or am I just overreacting? Thanks for
Speaker 1: all you do. Okay, man, it's almost the same question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like the same scenario went down again. Let me
Speaker 1: rescan here. He initiated a breakup because it was toxic,
Speaker 1: and you guys decided to wait for marriage. After the breakup,
Speaker 1: she goes right into a new one. You feel betrayed, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you should leave her block her. If it was up
Speaker 1: to me, I would say next question, But Bernie's.
Speaker 3: Got to say something.
Speaker 2: No, I'm trying to find anything to add more than that, Like,
Speaker 2: I think it's okay to feel what you're feeling and
Speaker 2: feel betrayed for you, guys to have this relationship. You
Speaker 2: did decide to break it off, but like you didn't say, hey,
Speaker 2: let's break it off and then you go sleep with
Speaker 2: somebody else. So I mean, I could see how y'all
Speaker 2: probably talked about some things and then she kind of
Speaker 2: went a different direction. But I think it's easy to
Speaker 2: kind of look back and wish that or kind of
Speaker 2: see things maybe differently as they were. There was a
Speaker 2: reason that you broke up. There's a reason that she
Speaker 2: is kind of moving in the direction that she is.
Speaker 2: I probably wouldn't give her any more attention. I would
Speaker 2: guard your heart and just kind of move on. And
Speaker 2: same thing that I would say to this. I don't
Speaker 2: know how old you are. You didn't say right no,
Speaker 2: but other sixteen year old, maybe you're in your teens
Speaker 2: early twenties. Find a hobby, leave the girls alone for
Speaker 2: a while, guys like find something that you can just
Speaker 2: like put yourself into, and yea, there's time for that
Speaker 2: later on.
Speaker 1: It good.
Speaker 2: Once your brain's formed and your heart has a little
Speaker 2: more experience.
Speaker 1: It's good. All right, We're gonna get into something deeper here.
Speaker 1: Sevic client says how to help my son. Hey, Grangdeer,
Speaker 1: Hope you're doing good. Been a listener listener of yours
Speaker 1: for years. Love everything you do. Thanks for being an inspiration.
Speaker 1: I'm writing you today about my step son. He's sixteen
Speaker 1: years old. He's into death metal music, loves horror movies
Speaker 1: at times, seems infasciated with the devil and all things dark.
Speaker 1: I am a Christian, and the deeper my faith has
Speaker 1: gotten over the past few years, the harder this topic
Speaker 1: seems to be. My stepson and I have gone head
Speaker 1: to head in regards to his clothing choices. He thinks
Speaker 1: it's fine to wear upside down crosses, devil pictures, etc.
Speaker 1: On his clothing. To him, it's just a style and
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean anything to him. I find this unacceptable.
Speaker 1: It had gotten so bad at the beginning of the
Speaker 1: school year that he had threatened to move back to
Speaker 1: his mom's house because we didn't allow him to be himself.
Speaker 1: We have tried to compromise to keep him here. It's
Speaker 1: better and safer environment here than at his mom's. We
Speaker 1: have allowed him or at the other home, excuse me,
Speaker 1: we have allowed him not to attend church every weekend
Speaker 1: with us. I think he missaid that. I think he
Speaker 1: missaid that just once a month. We've allowed him to know, Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to go to church. I got it.
Speaker 1: We've allowed him to not attend church every weekend, just
Speaker 1: once a month, gotcha. He told us when he attends
Speaker 1: church he feels like he he's being choked. We have
Speaker 1: slacked off some on the clothing. We said he could
Speaker 1: wear band shirts if it's a little darker, but that
Speaker 1: was it. We have drawn the line and the sand
Speaker 1: in regards to this. Lately, he's becoming more and more
Speaker 1: into the dark side and ask a lot of questions
Speaker 1: about the anti Christ exorcisms, and even gone as far
Speaker 1: as to pretend he's possessed to try and scare us.
Speaker 1: We have told him to stop, but he thinks it's
Speaker 1: quite entertaining to get us worked up. Tonight, at our
Speaker 1: younger son's baseball game, he told my husband and some
Speaker 1: family that I am scared of him. He finds joy
Speaker 1: in this. My question is how do we handle this?
Speaker 1: What's a good next step for us? I feel like
Speaker 1: I have tried to stand our ground and really nothing
Speaker 1: has helped. He is currently in counseling, and the counselor
Speaker 1: says she is working on this as well. Any advice
Speaker 1: would be great, God bless Anonymous recapping for me, this
Speaker 1: is a woman speaking about a step son. So she
Speaker 1: has married a man and this is this is her
Speaker 1: new husband's son who's sixteen. The mom, the biological mother,
Speaker 1: is not a It doesn't have a good living situation. Okay.
Speaker 1: I think those are my facts here.
Speaker 2: And not too much mentioned about dad.
Speaker 1: No, not a lot of mention about dad.
Speaker 2: That was the first thing I was wondering, where's Dad,
Speaker 2: what's he doing? Yeah, first, just want to empathize, like
Speaker 2: I can only imagine what you're going through with a child,
Speaker 2: even you know, if it's a step child, not a
Speaker 2: bio even so, this just has to be really heartbreaking
Speaker 2: for you. And I don't want to minimize the weight
Speaker 2: of the responsibility and the burden that you're probably carrying
Speaker 2: seeing this play out.
Speaker 3: So I just want to say that first.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree what I want to do because I
Speaker 1: think this is complex and I have some stuff to say.
Speaker 1: I want I want to really dig into this. So
Speaker 1: I want to take a break and come back and
Speaker 1: get back to this question because we're running a little
Speaker 1: bit long. Okay, We'll be right back. Thanks for listening
Speaker 1: to the podcast, y'all. You know, if you ever want
Speaker 1: to get a hold of me, get a personal message
Speaker 1: from me, the easiest way to do that is cameo
Speaker 1: dot com slash Granger Smith. You go there and you
Speaker 1: request anything you want me to say, and you fill
Speaker 1: it out, and it's super simple. It goes to my
Speaker 1: phone and then I record you a video message back.
Speaker 1: So it could be like happy birthday, mom, or congratulations
Speaker 1: on graduating to my son or my brother, or happy
Speaker 1: anniversary or a baby announcement, or encouragement words. It could
Speaker 1: be really anything. And I've been doing cameo for several
Speaker 1: years and it goes on my phone and it gives
Speaker 1: me a few days to record it, and then, you know,
Speaker 1: if I'm on the road and some reason I don't
Speaker 1: get it in time, it just kicks it back up
Speaker 1: and allows me to have a few more minutes to
Speaker 1: do it for you. It's super easy. You could also
Speaker 1: download the cameo app and search for me Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: It's an easy way for us to stay in touch
Speaker 1: and for you to get a personalized video from me
Speaker 1: straight from my phone. And although I am quitting touring,
Speaker 1: that is correct. I am quitting music touring. I'm still
Speaker 1: doing yeee apparel like that's not going away. So yeye
Speaker 1: dot com is still alive and well, my brother Parker
Speaker 1: is still running it, and my brother Tyler is still
Speaker 1: working with us, so is Chris. Everyone's still on the team.
Speaker 1: I'm just not music touring. Does that make sense? So yeah,
Speaker 1: ye yee you can still rocket back to the podcast,
Speaker 1: all right, back to the podcast. I promised something at
Speaker 1: the very beginning of last break that I was gonna
Speaker 1: say something after the break, and here we go. I
Speaker 1: feel like me and you could do a live podcast
Speaker 1: one of these days. I've mentioned it before, and now
Speaker 1: that touring we've announced music touring is over, I feel
Speaker 1: like you would Wait, well, I feel like now that
Speaker 1: now that I have availability, not that I have a
Speaker 1: lot of time, but there's time for the podcast now
Speaker 1: to travel. So I kind of want to know if
Speaker 1: you comment below here, if you're able to comment, if
Speaker 1: we should do like a test city or if we
Speaker 1: should just go out and do like three cities. If
Speaker 1: you want to do a din like should we do
Speaker 1: a dinner with tables? Or should we just do a
Speaker 1: theater where you're sitting in seats.
Speaker 3: And would you come?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Would you come? And so it's be like we
Speaker 1: we would have a stage and we would have like
Speaker 1: a couch or something, and we would have these microphones
Speaker 1: and we would just hold them and then we would
Speaker 1: have people out in the crowd and they would we'd
Speaker 1: have somebody walking around a microphone. Someone has their hand
Speaker 1: up basically just spit firing here, and you just go
Speaker 1: out and hand them the microphone. They asked the question,
Speaker 1: and me, you and Chad and Parker or whoever, or
Speaker 1: just me and you are whatever, slowly walk through it
Speaker 1: like a campfire?
Speaker 3: Could we have a campfire on the sun?
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe we should make a fake can fake campfire?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I love it.
Speaker 1: I'm in Okay, back to the question at hand. Here,
Speaker 1: this is the question about the step son. Mother is
Speaker 1: writing about her step son who's sixteen and he's into
Speaker 1: all this satanic stuff, and she says she's a Christian
Speaker 1: and as her faith has gotten deeper, this is harder
Speaker 1: to accept this kind of stuff from her step son,
Speaker 1: all his choices and what he's doing, and she's forcing
Speaker 1: him to go to church once a month. So the
Speaker 1: first thing I want to do here is I want
Speaker 1: to take this mirror and kind of flip it around
Speaker 1: a little bit to the writer of this email, a
Speaker 1: little bit where we're looking a lot at the step son,
Speaker 1: and I want to kind of make sure that we're
Speaker 1: looking at ourselves in the mirror here, making sure we're
Speaker 1: not becoming the Pharisee and saying I tithe, and I
Speaker 1: do this, and I do that, and I prayed a
Speaker 1: thousand times a day, and thank God, I'm not like
Speaker 1: this poor tax collector. And then you get this idea
Speaker 1: of the tax collector who beats his chest and says, oh, God,
Speaker 1: have mercy on me a sinner. And I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that the sixteen year old is repenting in any way.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying we have to be careful when we're
Speaker 1: just going, oh, this person is despicable to me, and
Speaker 1: I'm drawing a line in the sand and I'm dragging
Speaker 1: him the church. Kind of where's the love in this email? Like,
Speaker 1: I haven't I didn't see it one time. I didn't
Speaker 1: see I don't think I didn't see ever in a
Speaker 1: pretty long email. I didn't see anything that says our heart.
Speaker 2: Our hearts are broken, Our hearts are broken.
Speaker 1: We love him, We love him, he has he has
Speaker 1: so much going for him in life and and it
Speaker 1: just breaks my heart to see him on this path.
Speaker 1: Where's that? So we have to start there. And I
Speaker 1: think if you don't start there, and if you don't
Speaker 1: feel that, and if that's not part of of your
Speaker 1: your your intention, are you a Christian too? Why are you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think that's a great thing to ask yourself, because
Speaker 2: if you and Griz and I and anybody out there listening, like,
Speaker 2: actually stop and consider the grace that we have been
Speaker 2: given and we have received that free gift, there's there's
Speaker 2: nothing but that same grace that we would want to
Speaker 2: extend to others, even a step son who you know,
Speaker 2: may seem like he is just you know, completely gone.
Speaker 2: First of all, that grace will be the only thing
Speaker 2: that corrects his course or guides his course in a
Speaker 2: way that you really want. It's not going to be
Speaker 2: by your condemnation, your rules, your laws, you know all
Speaker 2: that stuff. So I think, with echoing what Griz just said,
Speaker 2: I think you got to stop and consider God's grace
Speaker 2: in your own life. Do you really get it? Do
Speaker 2: you really understand it and accept it and then extend it.
Speaker 3: And if not, it's okay. His mercy is new.
Speaker 2: Every morning we get to wake up and say, you
Speaker 2: know what, I.
Speaker 3: Haven't been.
Speaker 2: That gracious, I haven't been that patient, And maybe think
Speaker 2: of ways that you get to extend that to him.
Speaker 2: And I guarantee you just knowing the truth of grace
Speaker 2: and love and and and what it will beget and
Speaker 2: what condemnation and law and rules will beget. I guarantee
Speaker 2: you if you start that process with him, it may
Speaker 2: take a little while, and it may push you past
Speaker 2: your comfort level, you know, speaking of like endurance and
Speaker 2: like pushing past your comfort level. It may push you there,
Speaker 2: especially with the child. But if ultimately what you want
Speaker 2: is for him to be in the arms of God
Speaker 2: and in God's grace and living a healthy, obedient life
Speaker 2: in that way, I think grace is going to be
Speaker 2: your avenue to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so well said, And ma'am I we have
Speaker 1: to we have to also put ourselves in his position.
Speaker 1: Look look at the world from his position. He's gotta
Speaker 1: he's got a split family, his mom, whatever is going
Speaker 1: on at mom's house. You say, it's not a good
Speaker 1: good not a good place to be. So he's got
Speaker 1: that going on. You didn't mention anything about dad. The
Speaker 1: guy's got a lot going on. And and when someone
Speaker 1: is outside of Christ, as obviously this sixteen year old
Speaker 1: kid is outside of Christ. Right, when someone is outside
Speaker 1: of Christ, then it doesn't it doesn't surprise me anything
Speaker 1: that they would do. It doesn't surprise me. If you
Speaker 1: said he's he's shaving his head and he's joining all
Speaker 1: kinds of racist organizations, or he's going he's going off
Speaker 1: and he's chasing aliens in Roswell, New Mexico. Or he's
Speaker 1: out there and like throwing flowers with hippies. He's out,
Speaker 1: he's out dressing up as as bunny rabbits and hopping
Speaker 1: around Istanbul. It could say, you could say anything, and
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not going to be surprised. It
Speaker 1: just so happens. This particular story is death metal and
Speaker 1: horror movies and gothic type Satan worship. It doesn't surprise.
Speaker 1: There's not a level once you're outside of Christ. There's
Speaker 1: not a level of surprise that I that I get.
Speaker 1: I just go, Yeah, it doesn't have the Holy Spirit
Speaker 1: living in them? What do we expect? So with everything
Speaker 1: we've said, come the foundation of what we built that
Speaker 1: come at this as grace. Look at yourself? Are you
Speaker 1: yourself saved? Are you coming at this with love? Mercy?
Speaker 1: With all that, now, let's look at where's your common ground?
Speaker 1: Someone's gonna have to find common ground with this kid,
Speaker 1: whether you or the dad. I'm hoping it's the dad,
Speaker 1: But if not, what's common ground? What's something you both
Speaker 1: share that you like. Is it a food? Is it
Speaker 1: a vacation spot? Is it we know it's not music?
Speaker 1: Is it any where? Is the common ground? Lean into that?
Speaker 1: Learn Learn to play a video game. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: learn to play a video game. If that means you're
Speaker 1: gonna be in there with him, If you're gonna be
Speaker 1: in there with this video game that he plays at
Speaker 1: ten o'clock at night, be in there with him and
Speaker 1: play it and challenge him in it. If that means
Speaker 1: quality time together to build something. If he loves grilled
Speaker 1: cheese sandwiches, learn to make them good. Learn to make
Speaker 1: them better than anyone. If he's an early riser, I
Speaker 1: don't think he is. If he's an early riser, learn
Speaker 1: to make pancakes and have them ready when he gets up.
Speaker 1: Find the way to his heart so that you could
Speaker 1: you could empathize with them, so that you could find
Speaker 1: common ground, so then you could earn his trust through that.
Speaker 1: Stop condemning this kid. Stop dragging him to church once
Speaker 1: a month. Of course he feels choked. He's outside of Christ.
Speaker 1: It doesn't it's foolish to him. The Gospel is foolish
Speaker 1: to this kid because he's outside of Christ.
Speaker 3: Yeah, preece, brother, that's good. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that everything that Granger is saying is like,
Speaker 2: if we define great unmerited favor, like he doesn't deserve
Speaker 2: for you to find out how to make his favorite
Speaker 2: grilled cheese sandwich or to do all the things. And
Speaker 2: someone that is full of hate will not live in
Speaker 2: a house of grace. If you create a house full
Speaker 2: of grace, he will either align or he will leave.
Speaker 2: And those are two realities that you're probably gonna have
Speaker 2: to face if not now down the road, he's not
Speaker 2: even yours. Yea, His future, his destiny is not really
Speaker 2: in your hands to control or to conform.
Speaker 3: What we get.
Speaker 2: To do is steward them in the way of grace.
Speaker 2: Create a house of grace, and maybe he will start
Speaker 2: to align, he'll start to be like oh, because he'll
Speaker 2: start to see the healthy habits. But if your house
Speaker 2: is dirty, you can't point at him and be like,
Speaker 2: why are you dirty? Take a second look around the house.
Speaker 2: I think if we, you know, start there.
Speaker 1: Like you said, my neighbor told me this story. And
Speaker 1: they've got a sixteen year old son and he is
Speaker 1: in he's in high school, you know, a first year
Speaker 1: in high School's driving and he's he's really into football.
Speaker 1: He's gone all the time because he's either doing some
Speaker 1: kind of two days are training or are weight lifting something,
Speaker 1: or speed camp or football. And it's a new school
Speaker 1: for him. So he's got his friends and so he
Speaker 1: drives and he's gone most of the day. Pops in,
Speaker 1: he does something, he goes back out, and he's most
Speaker 1: nights during the week he's missing dinner. And it was
Speaker 1: like making the mother upset. She's like, you know, I
Speaker 1: miss my son. He's not here. You know, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: tired of just taking food and putting a paper towel
Speaker 1: on it, putting the fridge and writing a note said
Speaker 1: I'm tired. She says, I'm tired like, I've got a
Speaker 1: busy day too. You know, I've got three other kids
Speaker 1: besides him, and so you know, I've got to make
Speaker 1: sure the house is clean. And then by the time
Speaker 1: we finished dinner, he's not even home, so I have
Speaker 1: to put it in the fridge, and then I just
Speaker 1: and then I get upset and I have to get
Speaker 1: ready for bed, and I'm like, hey, you have to
Speaker 1: do you have to fend on your by yourself on
Speaker 1: this stuff. And then she said, then I realized what
Speaker 1: I was doing, she said, I had to realize that
Speaker 1: I needed to be connecting with him. So I decided
Speaker 1: one day to wait for him and make whatever he
Speaker 1: wanted to eat. So he came home at like nine o'clock.
Speaker 1: Instead of that's the time I'm getting ready for bed,
Speaker 1: she says, Instead, I said, what do you want to eat?
Speaker 1: And I heat it up dinner and I made it
Speaker 1: and I put it on the table, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, for the first time in months, he started talking.
Speaker 1: Because you know, teenagers can go through this thing where
Speaker 1: they're like, well, no.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't care, I don't know.
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, he's opening up. He's talking
Speaker 1: about his day, he's sharing a meal with mom, and
Speaker 1: she's like, this is it. She had she had to
Speaker 1: sacrifice her time. You know, nine o'clock. We all as parents,
Speaker 1: we know that's like a good time for us. She
Speaker 1: had to sacrifice that, and the sun opened up and
Speaker 1: talked and it was a huge, huge breakthrough. And I
Speaker 1: was like, praise God, that is an amazing thing. So
Speaker 1: that's what I'm pleading with you, ma'am. Yeah, I could
Speaker 1: find a breakthrough. It's somewhere every sixteen year old kid
Speaker 1: that there's a breakthrough somewhere, find it you will, and
Speaker 1: then priest the gospel. Yeah, all right, that took a
Speaker 1: little bit, but that was a complex question.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think applicable to a lot of people
Speaker 2: out there that are parents maybe seeing their kids do
Speaker 2: things that you're like, I don't understand it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, another one complex subject, client says military plus stay
Speaker 1: at home dad question for podcast. Hey Grangeer, and my
Speaker 1: husband is about to retire soon from having served twenty
Speaker 1: years almost in the military. He has been on seven deployments.
Speaker 1: He's been the absolute best worker and then best leader
Speaker 1: he could possibly be, and deserves every bit of this retirement.
Speaker 1: He will be thirty nine at retirement. When asked what
Speaker 1: he would like to do next, his answer to everyone
Speaker 1: is stay at home, be a dad, raise his kids,
Speaker 1: homeschool them, teach them everything from household chores to gardening
Speaker 1: to the Bible. You could see it in his eyes
Speaker 1: and hear it in his voice. This is truly what
Speaker 1: makes him happiest. I am a veteran myself currently. I
Speaker 1: have a great part time job that I love, working
Speaker 1: about twenty four hours and making good money seventy dollars
Speaker 1: an hour. I love working and would be happy to
Speaker 1: work while he's at home with our children. My only
Speaker 1: concern is is this unbiblical and dishonoring God's instruction? Is
Speaker 1: it okay for him to retire and be the stay
Speaker 1: at home dad that he's always dreamed of being while
Speaker 1: I work? Will he or I or both of us
Speaker 1: be disobeying God? Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I think it's a fair question, but I'm going to
Speaker 2: say no. Do you maybe you have a little bit
Speaker 2: more insight? It sounds awesome?
Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, yeah, I want to kind of go back
Speaker 1: to this a little bit. We're kind of throwing around
Speaker 1: that term loosely stay at home dad, but he wants
Speaker 1: to raise the kids homeschool, then that's full time, full
Speaker 1: time job, teach them everything, household chores, which is another
Speaker 1: big job, gardening, all this kind of stuff, and the Bible.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something here in a way, this is
Speaker 1: what he's wanting to do. Is what every dad did
Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty years ago, two hundred years ago,
Speaker 1: five hundred years ago, Like what they did for most
Speaker 1: of history. They didn't leave to go to a workplace
Speaker 1: like we have in our minds now. Like we look
Speaker 1: at biblically, the man should go work, and we think
Speaker 1: that means we get in a car and commute down
Speaker 1: the highway to an office building. Work always forever meant
Speaker 1: you're working at home in the garden and doing chores
Speaker 1: and fixing fences and harvesting vegetables and putting out new crop,
Speaker 1: and teaching the kids school and teaching them the Bible.
Speaker 1: It's just what they did. So I don't see any
Speaker 1: problem with this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's yeah, it's very biblical, if that's the lens
Speaker 2: you're looking through. But also it's just kind of awesome.
Speaker 3: It's like.
Speaker 2: We've lost kind of the apprenticeship. Hey, you know, watch
Speaker 2: me do it. I watch you do it, then you
Speaker 2: do it kind of process of like kids actually learning
Speaker 2: how to do things by.
Speaker 3: Sitting next to us watching it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so maybe maybe when you go to church and
Speaker 1: things like that and you're discussing this, maybe change your
Speaker 1: language about it. Instead of saying, well, now he's retired
Speaker 1: and stay at home dad, don't say it that way.
Speaker 1: Say say he retired in the military, but now he's
Speaker 1: working around our house, gardening, teaching, learning, having apprenticeships. You know,
Speaker 1: you could word it in a different way where it
Speaker 1: doesn't sound kind of condescen almost sounds condescending the way
Speaker 1: you're saying. Yeah.
Speaker 2: If you say he's he's now homeschooling our kids, it's
Speaker 2: like whoa.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me say something that you don't know, anonymous.
Speaker 1: Let me say something. This is not the end of
Speaker 1: his story or yours. He's thirty nine, he's had an
Speaker 1: incredible career with seven deployments. So thank you for your
Speaker 1: service and thank you for his but this is not
Speaker 1: the end of his story. He might he might think
Speaker 1: that next is home gardening, teaching, give it five years,
Speaker 1: something's going to come up. Yeah, he's going to want
Speaker 1: to invest in something, or try something, or work at
Speaker 1: the church or something. Something's going to come up. I
Speaker 1: promise this is just a dream that a thirty nine
Speaker 1: year old has going home. Man, you know what's gonna
Speaker 1: be awesome putting tomatoes and oak in the garden.
Speaker 2: Well, and he's probably missed if he's been on seven deployments,
Speaker 2: he's probably missed out great point being home. And so
Speaker 2: this is kind of the compensation, like the great point.
Speaker 1: So if he's been on seven deployments and say does
Speaker 1: she say what what branch? If it's army, that means
Speaker 1: seven years. Yeah, he's been gone maybe more out of
Speaker 1: the kid's life. Now he's going to pour back in
Speaker 1: and invest back into the lives of the kids that
Speaker 1: he missed out on. Great Point. Yeah, I think there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd kind of like to meet the guy. Honestly.
Speaker 2: Come to a podcast show or is it a podcast show?
Speaker 2: What are these tour things called? We're making it up
Speaker 2: as we go, the podcast podcast, live recording, live recording.
Speaker 2: Let's do one more and if we could try this
Speaker 2: is a common but difficult question. We'll try to make
Speaker 2: it quick. Here it says, Hey GRAINGERR. My name is Forest.
Speaker 2: I was wondering why some people suffer from mental illness,
Speaker 2: why does God allow that to be a thing? The
Speaker 2: reason I ask it because I've been clinically diagnosed, and
Speaker 2: at times I wonder if I'll always take medicine for
Speaker 2: what I'm diagnosed with. I feel like you're about to
Speaker 2: preach a sermon on this, right, so.
Speaker 1: Well, kind of, I mean, well, I'm in a class
Speaker 1: right now in seminary called the Problem of Evil, and
Speaker 1: and so I've just been reading all different kinds of
Speaker 1: books on evil and and usually what it comes down to,
Speaker 1: really the question, the core question that people are going
Speaker 1: to ask is either why does God allow evil? Or
Speaker 1: because of the existence of evil, that proves there is
Speaker 1: no God? Right and so that's something that Christians need
Speaker 1: to think through. It's also very biblical. If you read
Speaker 1: the Book of Job it is it is all throughout
Speaker 1: the Bible. But I don't think that's what you're asking
Speaker 1: for us. I don't think you're asking for some kind
Speaker 1: of great theological interpretation of evil in the Bible or
Speaker 1: in the world, or the existence of it, or God's
Speaker 1: allowance of it, or or God raising his hand and
Speaker 1: evil the entrance of evil. I don't think you're asking
Speaker 1: any of that. In fact, you didn't even use that word.
Speaker 1: You're calling it suffering or mental illness? Why does God
Speaker 1: allow that to be a thing? So that's a specific
Speaker 1: piece of evil mental illness, And what you're asking is,
Speaker 1: I hope, God, what are you showing me through this?
Speaker 1: What are you showing me? Now? This is a thing.
Speaker 1: I've been clinically diagnosed, I have been given medication. God,
Speaker 1: What is the purpose of this so that I can
Speaker 1: glorify you? Because my purpose is to give you glory?
Speaker 1: How is mental illness a component in that? And I
Speaker 1: can't help you totally with that for Est, but I
Speaker 1: will say that's a place to start. That's a place
Speaker 1: for you to start thinking instead of thinking why did
Speaker 1: he allow its? Why is you know this can't be good? Instead,
Speaker 1: this is me, this is what I have. How am
Speaker 1: I going to glorify God? And I could tell you
Speaker 1: right now there's a lot of options.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, anyone.
Speaker 1: Could ask this question. I could ask the same thing
Speaker 1: for Est. I could say, how could a dad who
Speaker 1: lost his son glorify God through that? Any of us could?
Speaker 1: Whatever affliction we have it currently, and we have them all,
Speaker 1: any of us could ask that same question with our afflictions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think this is one of those things where
Speaker 2: the live recording and having you guys you've mentioned it before,
Speaker 2: being able to ask like the follow up, Because if
Speaker 2: you have rendered your life to Jesus and you are
Speaker 2: spending time in the world and seeking to glorify God
Speaker 2: with your life like Granger's talking about, this is a
Speaker 2: different maybe not a different answer, but a different conversation
Speaker 2: that we are having. If that is true. What I
Speaker 2: want to remind you of and anybody out there who
Speaker 2: is in this suffering, who has that heart of surrender
Speaker 2: and want for obedience, is that we are but a
Speaker 2: missed guys, Like this life is going so fast and
Speaker 2: there's gonna be eternity, eternity that there will.
Speaker 3: Be no mental illness.
Speaker 2: You won't have to carry this burden and this suffering
Speaker 2: any longer. And if we can just wait a little while,
Speaker 2: if we can just hold on to that hope that
Speaker 2: is in Jesus that you, by your wounds, I am
Speaker 2: healed and one day this is waiting for me and
Speaker 2: that I will press on towards the goal. Like I
Speaker 2: am going to keep carrying this suffer because I know
Speaker 2: that in this you have also suffered to the extent
Speaker 2: with me. And it's just for a little while. It
Speaker 2: feels like forever in this life with this earthly body.
Speaker 2: It feels too much.
Speaker 1: But guys, it is.
Speaker 2: Going so fast, and eternity will start and you will
Speaker 2: enter and all of that will be gone.
Speaker 1: So good. What Ernie's saying is the answer to the
Speaker 1: problem of evil is always found at the foot of
Speaker 1: the cross, the gospel of Jesus Christ, your suffering Savior,
Speaker 1: who suffered innocently for the rebellion of the guilty, that
Speaker 1: we are for our sake. At that point everything is resolved.
Speaker 1: We should leave it with that. Yeah, love you guys,
Speaker 1: See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the
Speaker 1: Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could
Speaker 1: help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If
Speaker 1: you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
Speaker 1: like button and the notification spell so that you never
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Yi