Speaker 1: I'm about to taste of food I've never tasted before.
Speaker 1: It's a little mysterious. It's something I've heard a lot about.
Speaker 1: In fact, I lived in New Zealand for a little
Speaker 1: while and the cousin of this food was one I
Speaker 1: saw often at the grocery store and actually sort of avoided. It.
Speaker 1: Wasn't just that it was unfamiliar. I love eating new food.
Speaker 1: It was that even my kiwie neighbors foo'd eaten it
Speaker 1: since they were kids, made fun of how it tasted.
Speaker 1: It was like a running inside joke that made this
Speaker 1: food seem kind of scary. So I've never been brave
Speaker 1: enough to try it, and I'll be honest, I'm a
Speaker 1: little nervous to try it. Now. Have you had enough
Speaker 1: snacky suspense? Are you ready for the reveal? Today? I'll
Speaker 1: be eating marmite. Yep. It's basically yeast tract and whether
Speaker 1: or not it is delicious has been hotly debated for decades.
Speaker 1: But today's guest loves it, so I'm following her instructions
Speaker 1: for how to eat it as a first timer. So
Speaker 1: I buttered the toast. You know, I was very generous
Speaker 1: with the butter, as always, maybe even a little more
Speaker 1: generous than usual. And then I opened up the jar
Speaker 1: and it was sort of like caramel. So my brain
Speaker 1: started to create like Dulca Delechia fantasy as I was like, brain,
Speaker 1: that's not what's happening. Oh my gosh, did you smell it?
Speaker 1: I smelt it. Yes, yeah, yeah, So you're prepared for
Speaker 1: it not to taste like caramel? Correct, All right, yes,
Speaker 1: I prepared for it. Not today's like caramel. From Transmitter Media.
Speaker 1: This is Rebel Eaters Club. I'm your host, Virgie Tovar,
Speaker 1: and my partner in Marmite is parenting coach Jenny Jones.
Speaker 1: Ginny were with parents whose children show science of disordered
Speaker 1: eating and helps families learn to live without diet culture.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to hear all about how to raise
Speaker 1: kids with a positive relationship to food. But first snack time. So, um,
Speaker 1: you have a toast in your hand, right, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: I'm ready, Okay, okay, three? Two? What m M salty?
Speaker 1: Very salty? Yeah M. I'll be honest, I did not
Speaker 1: expect the consistency. It's kind of like almost like caramel.
Speaker 1: I thought it was going to be sort of grainy,
Speaker 1: like I don't know, but it's caramelly. Okay, Jenny, tell
Speaker 1: me about the snack. Why why is this the snack
Speaker 1: that you chose. Well, my parents moved to the US
Speaker 1: when I was a baby from Zimbabwe, and so I
Speaker 1: grew up with a lot of British traditions and foods
Speaker 1: just because that's what they grew up with. So what
Speaker 1: I've heard is that marmite is the kind of thing
Speaker 1: that most people will only like if they were fed
Speaker 1: it when they were a baby. But it's a very
Speaker 1: specific sort of taste. And interestingly, my brothers don't eat marmite,
Speaker 1: but for me, it's kind of the ultimate comfort food
Speaker 1: because it is like the thing that my mom would
Speaker 1: give me when we were sick. I would get toast
Speaker 1: with marmite, and so it's got this, like, you know,
Speaker 1: very emotional caring feeling for me, and I still love
Speaker 1: it to this day. And yeah, I always have a
Speaker 1: jar in my pantry. Yes, yes, absolutely, I'm curious if
Speaker 1: you can talk about your relationship to food growing up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I grew up in a house where you know, it
Speaker 1: was like we in the pursuit of health because we
Speaker 1: had a we have genetic heart issues, so there was like,
Speaker 1: you know, no salt and no fat, and like all
Speaker 1: of these you know, worries, constant worries about eating and
Speaker 1: food and weight. And that was done with the best intentions,
Speaker 1: but the impact on me in particular was devastating. I'm
Speaker 1: not one of those people whoever has memories of feeling
Speaker 1: comfortable in my body. So yeah, so there was no
Speaker 1: time when I felt as if my body was okay.
Speaker 1: There was no time when I felt as if it
Speaker 1: was safe to eat. I was often you know, sneaking food,
Speaker 1: hiding food, trying to seek, you know, a way to
Speaker 1: fill myself up. And then I would say my eating
Speaker 1: disorder really started around ten. My first form of an
Speaker 1: eating disorder was probably when I became a vegetarian as
Speaker 1: an attempt, by the way to be healthy and avoid
Speaker 1: these dreaded heart problems that i'd heard about that I
Speaker 1: didn't understand at age ten. But you know, I was
Speaker 1: going to avoid that but at all costs. I can
Speaker 1: really I can relate to that. I mean, I had
Speaker 1: a phase of vegetarianism. It was almost like, as a
Speaker 1: protective thing. I started to develop a disgust around certain
Speaker 1: kinds of food that I associated with keeping me fat
Speaker 1: and therefore keeping me abused. What popped out at the
Speaker 1: end of that was sort of vegetarianism, which is just
Speaker 1: fascinating and like really strange and interesting that you also
Speaker 1: had that experience. But I'm like, I'm curious, in so,
Speaker 1: you're ten years old, are these messages coming from inside
Speaker 1: your home outside your home both? And then what role
Speaker 1: does way discrimination play in any of this? So I
Speaker 1: think the food, the food and weight were both issues
Speaker 1: for me at home. I was a chubbier kid. I
Speaker 1: was a larger than a lot of the kids in
Speaker 1: my class, and because we had all these food fears
Speaker 1: going on at my house and frankly weight fears, the messages,
Speaker 1: I would say the hardest messages were coming at home
Speaker 1: for me, because home is where you should ideally feel
Speaker 1: safe and then you can navigate the outside world from
Speaker 1: a place of greater safety if you at least feel
Speaker 1: secure when you're at home. And then, of course, you know,
Speaker 1: the issue in my family is genetically high cholesterol, and
Speaker 1: you know it was diagnosed I had I had high
Speaker 1: cholesterol at like age twelve, and the response to that
Speaker 1: was then, okay, well we better take her blood every
Speaker 1: six months, just to confirm, like, but she still really
Speaker 1: does have high cholesterol. At age twelve, it was this
Speaker 1: like it was this confirmation that not only was my
Speaker 1: body like my weight was wrong, it's my fault and
Speaker 1: I better stop eating these things. You know, Vegetarianism is
Speaker 1: a you know, oh, I'll be healthier, I'll have less cholesterol.
Speaker 1: Because that was the time when like, you know, don't
Speaker 1: eat eggs if you know it causes high cholesterol. So
Speaker 1: this cholesterol thing, I mean, it was a big deal
Speaker 1: for me. It was a big part of how my
Speaker 1: eating disorder began. And the irony to me now is
Speaker 1: that that's genetic, Like, this is not something that's in
Speaker 1: my control. But my mind kept saying, you can, you
Speaker 1: can fix this if you're good enough. If you're good enough,
Speaker 1: then you won't have this terrible fate. Yeah, I mean absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I think there is this sense of stigma around that,
Speaker 1: you know, like there's some kind of personal deficiency or failure.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm wondering if you can sort of talk
Speaker 1: about the evolution of your eating disorder over time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I think it started pretty classically with kind
Speaker 1: of a restract picked and binge when I was very young.
Speaker 1: So when I would go to a party, if there
Speaker 1: were very like like if there was a box of donuts,
Speaker 1: which I never had access to, I would, you know,
Speaker 1: eat way more donuts than felt physically comfortable. I was
Speaker 1: being restricted from lots of very delicious foods, so when
Speaker 1: I encountered them, I would binge eat them. And then yeah,
Speaker 1: I went into like, oh my god, Okay, I have
Speaker 1: to control myself. And then by the age of fifteen,
Speaker 1: I was deep in an eating disorder. I developed blimia,
Speaker 1: and then I would go into cycles. I would go
Speaker 1: into a couple of years of anorexia followed by a
Speaker 1: couple of years of very active blimia and not you know,
Speaker 1: extended up until I was forty, and then I luckily
Speaker 1: was able to get into recovery and and start healing.
Speaker 1: M I mean, that's that's really powerful. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm curious if you can lay out sort of what
Speaker 1: started the recovery process and then if there were these
Speaker 1: milestones for you. Yeah, I can tell you a few
Speaker 1: of the milestones. So I had I had some pretty
Speaker 1: severe panic attacks, and my panic attacks happened in public.
Speaker 1: I would basically pass out in public, which is a
Speaker 1: symptom of a very overloaded nervous system. And that was
Speaker 1: the milestone that got me into therapy because I was
Speaker 1: in therapy for about five years before I got went
Speaker 1: into recovery. You know, I got into healing with a
Speaker 1: simple question from my therapist, and I had assumed my
Speaker 1: eating disorder, my bulimia in particular, was just a disgusting habit.
Speaker 1: I thought it was just I'm disgusting. I was ashamed
Speaker 1: of it. What transformed my life was her saying, what
Speaker 1: if it's a way for you to take care of yourself?
Speaker 1: And my immediate reaction, just so you know, it was like,
Speaker 1: no way, that's weird, and you're like, you know, quit
Speaker 1: going to her because I was like, oh God, what's
Speaker 1: wrong with you? But that is actually what recovery meant
Speaker 1: for me, was saying, what if this is how I'm
Speaker 1: taking care of myself? And if it is, if I
Speaker 1: just suspend my judgment and say this is me trying
Speaker 1: to take care of myself. Am I now willing to
Speaker 1: take care of myself in a different way? Holy shit, Jenny?
Speaker 1: Like that? It's just that's extraordinary. I mean, I just
Speaker 1: like I feel like I've had that that similar moment
Speaker 1: in therapy where it's like where my therapist asks, did
Speaker 1: you need that to survive? Did it save your life?
Speaker 1: You know? I think and to go back to the
Speaker 1: sort of that literal way that children see the world,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think sometimes, for example, I've realized that
Speaker 1: it's I've worked through. I'm working through my anxiety and
Speaker 1: all of its different manifestations, including the my historic you know,
Speaker 1: food restriction and and those kinds of things. Um, I
Speaker 1: just keep reminding myself. I'm like, at some point I
Speaker 1: believed that without this, I was going to die, like
Speaker 1: as a kid, right, And maybe those weren't the actual
Speaker 1: like physical stakes, like maybe no one was ever going
Speaker 1: to you know, actually kill me. But I think the
Speaker 1: emotional self, right, Like what is wait stigma besides the
Speaker 1: suppression and really the the killing of someone's spirit, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think that sense of like heightened heightened stakes,
Speaker 1: that's where that feeling comes from, right, Like, I feel
Speaker 1: like that's so powerful because like did it help you?
Speaker 1: Did it help you survive? Do you, like, do you
Speaker 1: deep down believe that it got you through something? Because
Speaker 1: typically our behaviors that maybe we realize later in life
Speaker 1: are self harming or that hurt like hurt us like
Speaker 1: you know, spiritually or physically or whatever, that at some
Speaker 1: point these things kept us safe. And I think that's
Speaker 1: such an important thing that never gets discussed exactly. And
Speaker 1: and this goes back to that compassion, like learning to
Speaker 1: have compassion for myself, coming back to that, that self
Speaker 1: that developed the eating disorder, that developed all these coping
Speaker 1: strategies that you know, I no longer want and no
Speaker 1: longer use. But they were come by honestly, they were
Speaker 1: they were They were there for a reason, if I
Speaker 1: recall correctly, A big part of your beginning to sort
Speaker 1: of become aware, even aware that you had an eating
Speaker 1: disorder and that it was something that needed to be
Speaker 1: addressed your that becoming a parent was a big part
Speaker 1: of that. Yeah, it was. And I didn't go into
Speaker 1: recovery until my child was ten. But luckily, because I
Speaker 1: did all this research and because I knew that I
Speaker 1: didn't want to pass it along, I did a pretty
Speaker 1: good job kind of hiding my disordered eating and I
Speaker 1: definitely never restricted my child's food or I had good
Speaker 1: bad language around food. So I am I am glad
Speaker 1: that even in my disorder, I was able to not
Speaker 1: do some of the mistakes that we that we make
Speaker 1: as parents with food. So, you know, eating disorders. I
Speaker 1: think of them as like our mental health is like
Speaker 1: a layer cake, or some people think of an iceberg,
Speaker 1: But I like a layer cake me too. So you know,
Speaker 1: there are all these layers that lead up to an
Speaker 1: eating disorder. I think for me, at least, it was
Speaker 1: the top layer. It was the behavioral expression of my
Speaker 1: deeply upset nervous system. I was living in a constant
Speaker 1: state of threat emotionally and not anxiety. That is what
Speaker 1: I saw in my child. Okay, I'm curious. You said
Speaker 1: you started ed recovery when your child was ten. Is
Speaker 1: that right? Yeah, Yeah, that's right. Have you thought about
Speaker 1: the fact that, like, ten was when you sort of
Speaker 1: recognize that you started. I mean, do you think I
Speaker 1: think there's something there? Do you think there's something there?
Speaker 1: I do? I do I think that? Um? Well, first
Speaker 1: of all, ten is a pretty uh you know, pivotal age.
Speaker 1: It's it's the beginning of the transition from childhood to adolescence, right,
Speaker 1: So you do start seeing things in your in your
Speaker 1: child at about ten mental health wise. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not lost on me. I did have a traumatic event
Speaker 1: at age ten as well, so that was also probably
Speaker 1: a probably a trigger for me. What I knew in
Speaker 1: my bones, what I knew for sure is that I
Speaker 1: had to figure my stuff out that my kid, any
Speaker 1: behavior that I saw in them, I had to look
Speaker 1: at myself first. I had to look in the mirror first. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: So what were the big lessons you learned as a
Speaker 1: parent while you were on this journey toward recovery. I
Speaker 1: think the biggest lesson is that my emotional regulation impacts
Speaker 1: my kid's emotional regulation and therefore their entire life. So
Speaker 1: when you're emotionally regulated, you feel in your body and
Speaker 1: in your thoughts fairly calm. You can connect with other people,
Speaker 1: you're curious, interested, and you're engaged. There are all these
Speaker 1: wonderful things that happen when we're emotionally regulated. When we're disregulated,
Speaker 1: our nervous system is in a fight, flight, freeze, or
Speaker 1: completely disconnected state, and so our heart is usually racing.
Speaker 1: You may start sweating. If you're deactivated, you might pass out.
Speaker 1: So they're basically you're not safe, secure, connected, or curious.
Speaker 1: You are fighting, fleeing, um freezing, or just completely shutting
Speaker 1: down and withdrawing. If I'm emotionally disregulated, it's going to
Speaker 1: be hard for my child to eat, It's going to
Speaker 1: be hard for my child to feel relaxed. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I I'm thinking about what you said. You know,
Speaker 1: your emotional state created an ecosystem for your child and
Speaker 1: for your family. And I'm wondering, right like in this journey,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times when I think about
Speaker 1: parents or people who really want to help create a
Speaker 1: safe environment around food for kids, they might not even
Speaker 1: start out thinking I actually need to heal myself. I
Speaker 1: need to tend to whatever wounds or anxiety, etc. That
Speaker 1: are that are mine, and it sort of inadvertently ends
Speaker 1: up becoming a path of reparenting. And I'm wondering if
Speaker 1: that was true for you five. Yes, um so, what
Speaker 1: we what we've learned through neuroscience is that chill n't
Speaker 1: don't aren't born with emotional regulation. What they do is
Speaker 1: they coregulate with primarily their primary caregiver. Let's just say that,
Speaker 1: so the person who's primarily in charge of their care,
Speaker 1: who's feeding them. That is how they start learning self regulation.
Speaker 1: And self regulation is a process of coregulation over those
Speaker 1: first let's just say twenty years of brain development, and
Speaker 1: there are multiple ways we can coregulate. We can coregulate
Speaker 1: towards emotional regulation, which is the pathway to our child
Speaker 1: learning self regulation. But if we can't self regulate ourselves,
Speaker 1: we can't help our children go to a regulated place.
Speaker 1: So what happens is we get activated or we get disconnected.
Speaker 1: Our child is now coregulating and that so that's why
Speaker 1: most of my effort in parenting comes from where am
Speaker 1: I coming from? Am I coming from a regulated state
Speaker 1: right now? And if I'm not, probably not a great
Speaker 1: time for me to be actively parenting. At what point
Speaker 1: did you start to consider becoming a parenting coach? So
Speaker 1: I've been a business coach for sixteen years before I
Speaker 1: went into recovery, so I was kind of doing a
Speaker 1: lot of coaching and consulting already at this my career.
Speaker 1: And then I saw this huge need and I and
Speaker 1: I saw how frustrated and scared parents were by eating disorders.
Speaker 1: Having an eating disorder in the house was incredibly disregulating,
Speaker 1: It was incredibly stressful, and I did not feel like
Speaker 1: parents were being held and supported in a way that
Speaker 1: could help them hold and support their children. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean right, Like, we've got this messaging from our culture
Speaker 1: that the personal responsibility and the things that we can
Speaker 1: do as individuals to promote health are massively overblown, and
Speaker 1: I think it creates an environment where, you know, disordered
Speaker 1: eating can really flourish. Unfortunately. Yeah, I mean that's that's
Speaker 1: exactly what I see and I hear every day almost
Speaker 1: is you know, we were told you have to give
Speaker 1: your kid, you know, lots of milk when they're kids
Speaker 1: are right, they won't have strong bones, or you have
Speaker 1: to avoid fat or now it's you know, of course
Speaker 1: all about like don't have carves or gluten free or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. You know, the parents are really doing
Speaker 1: the best they can with the information that's available to them. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: most of the information that's available in the mainstream, most
Speaker 1: of it is disordered. Most of the advice that we
Speaker 1: get is to treat our bodies as if they're machine,
Speaker 1: as if we don't have an emotional system and a
Speaker 1: cognitive system and thoughts and feelings about our food, and
Speaker 1: also a genetic predisposition to certain weights and conditions, and
Speaker 1: of course then all the environmental factors on how our
Speaker 1: bodies are going to grow and what our ultimate health
Speaker 1: and I put that in air quotes, what our health
Speaker 1: is going to be like? And food is such a tiny,
Speaker 1: tiny portion of that, yes, but it's something that parents
Speaker 1: feel like they can control. And I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times when we're facing anxiety, we're just trying to
Speaker 1: control for uncertainty, and food is one way that we think, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I want my kid to be healthy, and I
Speaker 1: can do this, and it's like all I'm trying to
Speaker 1: do is the right thing. Yes, But unfortunately a lot
Speaker 1: of times we're not doing the right thing. And you
Speaker 1: know That's what I'm here, like trying to do is
Speaker 1: to help parents become educated about what is true health.
Speaker 1: How do we raise health each And I mean that
Speaker 1: from a mind and body and soul perspective, rather than
Speaker 1: do I give them this many vegetables and this many
Speaker 1: glasses of milk. So when a parent comes to you
Speaker 1: for help, what's the first thing that you look at
Speaker 1: or that you work on with them? How they feel
Speaker 1: about the eating disorder, what they think it is, why
Speaker 1: they think it's there. Because I believe eating disorders have
Speaker 1: something to tell us. And when we can listen, then
Speaker 1: we can heal. Oh wow, Jinny literally can feel in
Speaker 1: my body like just being transformed by talking to you.
Speaker 1: It's incredible. So when a kid starts to reject food
Speaker 1: or binge or hide food, or show signs of, you know,
Speaker 1: manipulating food in some way, like, what does that tell us?
Speaker 1: What that tells me is that the child is most
Speaker 1: likely dealing with emotional dysregulation and they're trying to cope
Speaker 1: with it by either eating, not eating, eating differently. Whatever
Speaker 1: they're doing, food is becoming a way to cope. So
Speaker 1: when it comes to food and body image, parents can
Speaker 1: often have this way of triggering us so easily and
Speaker 1: quickly without maybe meaning to. I'm wondering how can they
Speaker 1: learn to avoid that or maybe even have the opposite
Speaker 1: effect on their kids. So the first step I think
Speaker 1: is parents to recognize that weight stigma exists. Many many
Speaker 1: parents will have stigmatizing thoughts about people in larger bodies,
Speaker 1: including their kids. When they see that little roll of chub,
Speaker 1: a lot of parents will respond with fear. And what
Speaker 1: I want is for people to just know that and
Speaker 1: it's okay, Like you can respond with fear, please just
Speaker 1: notice it, Like, let's just start with that, and let's
Speaker 1: start owning that, and now we can start to see
Speaker 1: how it's impact our parenting. And then the next thing
Speaker 1: is to not like demonize or um, let's see opposite
Speaker 1: of that food, you know, either make food good or bad.
Speaker 1: You know, food is food is not our salvation and
Speaker 1: it's not gonna you know, it's not going to kill us.
Speaker 1: Like it's just food. We have to truly embrace all
Speaker 1: food and be okay with trusting our kids hunger and
Speaker 1: fullness and you know, satiety and enjoyment of food and
Speaker 1: appetite and all those urges and they're you know, just
Speaker 1: a part of how we are and it's okay, We're
Speaker 1: going to be all right. You know, food doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be the scary thing. Yes, I mean I'm curious,
Speaker 1: like when when a parent or a person is taking
Speaker 1: those first steps towards transforming how they think about or
Speaker 1: talk about food, what are some guidelines or thoughts or
Speaker 1: to bring into meal time. I don't want to I I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say rules because I don't love
Speaker 1: that idea. But like, you know, is there an environment
Speaker 1: do you have a recipe let's say for an environment
Speaker 1: where food can feel less charged during meal time and
Speaker 1: beyond well, I like everything that I do, it comes
Speaker 1: back to how does the parent feel about their own
Speaker 1: body and about food, And for me, I was able
Speaker 1: to separate that even when I had my own disordered
Speaker 1: relationship with my body and with food, I was able
Speaker 1: to separate my feelings about myself from my child's experience.
Speaker 1: So you don't have to be like perfectly healed in
Speaker 1: your own food and body experience to not pass it
Speaker 1: on to your child. You just sort of like realize, like,
Speaker 1: I do not want to teach my child that there's
Speaker 1: anything wrong with their body or the food is something
Speaker 1: that needs to be controlled and that the body needs
Speaker 1: to be oppressed. I will not do that to my child.
Speaker 1: So I think if you start with that philosophy and yeah,
Speaker 1: ideally then you don't want to oppress yourself. I think
Speaker 1: that's a really good place to start. But if you
Speaker 1: can't start there, if you can just start with I
Speaker 1: don't want my child's body to be oppressed by food
Speaker 1: and fat fears, start there. I think for a lot
Speaker 1: of people, they think, Okay, as long as my kid
Speaker 1: is sort of within a certain range, then I can
Speaker 1: do this or if I'm within a certain range tonight.
Speaker 1: But if we're not, then those rules don't apply. I mean,
Speaker 1: do you experience that resistance or that reluctance, and what
Speaker 1: do you say to that if you do, well, my
Speaker 1: emotional reaction to that is like, all bodies are good bodies.
Speaker 1: Let's not judge the body. But sometimes that's that's not enough.
Speaker 1: And so then luckily we have well, we have a
Speaker 1: lot of science that shows actually a direct correlation between
Speaker 1: parents who try to control their kids food and children
Speaker 1: who grow up to be in larger bodies. In other words,
Speaker 1: controlling your kid's food and trying to control roll your
Speaker 1: child's weight actually creates weight gain in your child. So
Speaker 1: if you are actually concerned, I mean really just scientifically,
Speaker 1: if you were like, but no, I just I don't
Speaker 1: want my child to gain unnecessary weight, well, then definitely
Speaker 1: don't die at them like that, I can say scientifically,
Speaker 1: if that is your fear, then don't control their food,
Speaker 1: Honor their body, honor their appetite. Teach them to really
Speaker 1: pay attention to how they feel and give them that safety,
Speaker 1: and the body will find its way. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that's that's what always strikes me about this
Speaker 1: conversation is like, whether you're coming at this from sort
Speaker 1: of a radical wanting to change, a healing perspective, a
Speaker 1: feminist perspective, a body positive perspective, or you're just kind
Speaker 1: of a fat phobe. No matter what, the answer is
Speaker 1: the same. That's what so staggering about this, you know, Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: So we're talking about weight stigma, the negative attitudes towards
Speaker 1: higher weight children and adults. Can weight stigma alone lead
Speaker 1: to disordered eating or does there have to be an
Speaker 1: underlying other sort of emotional or something else going on. Well,
Speaker 1: I have an opinion about this, I will say. I
Speaker 1: will say it's an opinion, right, So, like, yes, my
Speaker 1: belief is that weight stigma exists without a doubt in
Speaker 1: our culture. But if I'm raising a child who feels
Speaker 1: truly safe and as if they belong in their body
Speaker 1: in my home, and they are held and they are supported,
Speaker 1: and their body is fine with me, truly truly fine,
Speaker 1: I trust their body, I don't think weight stigma has
Speaker 1: as much impact on a person who's raised in that environment.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean wait stigma doesn't exist. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: it's not painful. And I don't mean to discount the
Speaker 1: experience of living in a larger body in this world,
Speaker 1: But if I'm coming from this place of massive safety, like,
Speaker 1: it's not going to impact me as much because I
Speaker 1: know I'm okay, I'm already okay. I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you could share one tool that you'd
Speaker 1: give to parents who are listening, who are trying to
Speaker 1: help their kids build a positive relationship to food, what
Speaker 1: would it be. I think it would be an attitude
Speaker 1: of honoring the body, not prioritizing the brain all the time,
Speaker 1: really honoring that our bodies are constantly communicating with us,
Speaker 1: and as long as we try to overcome that communication
Speaker 1: with our cognitive abilities, we're missing so much depth and
Speaker 1: richness in everything our body has to say, from what
Speaker 1: do I actually like to eat? How much do I
Speaker 1: want to eat? We need to honor the fact that
Speaker 1: we are not just prefrontal cortexes. We are bodies, and
Speaker 1: they are rich and they're beautiful. Yeah. And I think
Speaker 1: for people, whether or not they're parents or they're helping
Speaker 1: to raise kids, I think that there's all the lessons
Speaker 1: that you've shared and all the insights you've shared can
Speaker 1: really go towards you know, reparenting ourselves, bringing those same
Speaker 1: lessons to our own tables, whether we have kids or not.
Speaker 1: You know that we can honor our bodies, that we
Speaker 1: can think about you know what, it's what we need
Speaker 1: to create safety, that we can intuit, these things that
Speaker 1: we can trust ourselves. These are all lessons that ultimately
Speaker 1: help our inner child, which is I mean, I think,
Speaker 1: like I feel like I've taken away from talking to
Speaker 1: you so many things, but among them, right, is like
Speaker 1: that the disordered eater or the restrict or the dieter
Speaker 1: or the person you know that we that we maybe
Speaker 1: have become, is one hundred percent about that inner child
Speaker 1: you know, is about that child who didn't feel safe? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is? And how you know It's interesting because there
Speaker 1: are a lot of people who follow me on Instagram
Speaker 1: who are not parents. They are using my posts, I
Speaker 1: mean in a good, in the best way to reparent
Speaker 1: themselves to feel as if there is this parent or
Speaker 1: because I'm a female, this mother who will hold and
Speaker 1: love their body, who will hold and love who they
Speaker 1: are in their fullness, in their in their massiveness, right
Speaker 1: like we are massive people. We have these whole worlds
Speaker 1: inside of us and and that is actually incredibly healing. Dinny,
Speaker 1: this was well, thank you so much for being on
Speaker 1: Rebel Eaters Club. So welcome. I was glad to be here.
Speaker 1: I'm thrilled to talk to you. Wow. I love Jenny's
Speaker 1: idea that feeling safe in our own bodies is the
Speaker 1: key to having a positive relationship with food. Talking with
Speaker 1: Jenny reminded me that eating presents an opportunity for reparenting ourselves,
Speaker 1: like becoming the parent today that maybe we needed as
Speaker 1: kids for ourselves. How do you want to reparent yourself
Speaker 1: at meal time? If you have thoughts on this question
Speaker 1: or the conversation you just heard, or even if you
Speaker 1: just want to say hi, reach out DM me on
Speaker 1: social media at Virgie Toobar, DM the producers at Transmitter Pods,
Speaker 1: or shoot us a message at Rebel Eaters Club at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. See you now, Sweep. Rubbel Eaters Club
Speaker 1: is brought to you by Transmitter Media. This episode was
Speaker 1: produced by Shows Shpol Events. Sarah Knicks is Transmitters Executive editor.
Speaker 1: Wilson Sarah is our managing producer, and Greta Cohen is
Speaker 1: our executive producer And I'm your host. Virgie tobar Rick
Speaker 1: Kwan is our mixed engineer, and thanks to Taka Yasuzawa,
Speaker 1: who wrote some of the music we use in the show.
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