WEBVTT - CAYLEE HAMMACK: Getting Real About How She Learned What True Love Means After Her House Burned Down 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:10.560 Adam. 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:15.640 Carrie Lyne, she's a queen and talking and you swim. 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:19.599 She's getting really not afraid to feel. 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:21.520 As episode and so just let it flow. 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:27.520 No one can do we quiet carry Lyne's time for 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:33.360 Caroline Kaylee Hammock. Hello, I'm so glad you're here. I'm 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.440 happy to be here, Caroline. Thank you for having me. 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:37.840 You're like the dog animal whisper too. 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:41.080 I love the critters and I saw that you had 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.239 critters on a bunch of your podcasts, so I was like, 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:45.920 this is gonna be good. Yeah, I want to do 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:46.800 this interview please. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:48.840 When we walked in, I was like, you met the dogs, 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:50.000 and I was like, well, do you want to meet 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:50.680 her other animal? 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:53.760 And you're like Kirby, yes, yes, I saw the one 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.560 with Madeline Meurlau. Yes, that one was the one. I 0:00:56.600 --> 0:01:00.720 was like, what does she have? She has a beardy yeah, 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.800 and so yeah, I had to cuddle just a little 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:05.520 bit before we started the interview. 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:07.759 And I love that you even like relate to being 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:08.440 a lizard too. 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:10.840 Yeah. I am a little bit of a lizard. As 0:01:10.880 --> 0:01:12.600 I was saying in the hallway right before we got 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:15.280 in here, I have a couple modes that I go through. 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:18.319 I had to explain to my boyfriend because now that 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:21.160 I have someone in my life that is around all 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:24.640 the time, when normally I was kind of more isolated, reclusive. 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:27.560 When I wasn't on the road, I was sleeping, doing laundry, 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:32.200 working out and crocheng or you know, doing something random 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:34.960 for me. And you're a plant girl too, I feel 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:36.280 like plant fanatic. 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:40.160 You just love all creatures and living things. You're like 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:40.760 a fairy. 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.920 You like a whimsical fairy in the midst of nature, 0:01:44.000 --> 0:01:46.800 floating around with your beautiful wings, and I just feel 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:49.320 like you're from an ether world. Do you ever feel that, 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:51.320 like you're just like a fairy princess? 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:54.880 Thank you? Yeah, I think I was actually telling someone 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:57.080 the other day. The biggest compliment is when a child 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:01.200 is like, are you a prince? Or you know, they 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:03.920 say something to you in the way that only a 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:07.680 child can compliment you. Yes, and those are the biggest compliments. 0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:11.360 I'd way rather have children compliment me than anyone our. 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:13.320 Age, amen, because they're being real. 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:16.320 Yeah. So there is a little part of me that 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:19.680 loves to kind of dress whimsical. I like whimsy, you know, 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:22.960 I like the wayby soobby of gardening. I like being 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:29.440 able to appreciate decay and appreciate compost and that part 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:32.840 of the cycle of life and death and renewal in 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:36.240 a way that it is around my garden. I think 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:39.480 that there's many places where you can go see beautiful, 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:43.200 manicured gardens, and then there's also gardens for yourself where 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:45.720 you can just plant things that you want. I really 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:50.880 love perennial gardening. I love secessional gardening. I like companion planning. 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:55.480 I love doing Companion planning is actually using the other 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:59.000 plants that you plant to help one another. So you 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:01.200 plant things that are compliment menory to one another. 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:02.560 They're like a little village. 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.919 Yeah, they're a little village. And so it's like, say, 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:10.480 you want to plant tomatoes, So tomatoes love to have 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:11.360 basil nearby. 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:13.760 They do, and that how good does that go together? 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.840 Too? Exactly? And it's nice to plant it right outside 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.359 your kitchen door because then it's like, oh, we're making pizza. Huh, 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:22.520 I'll just grab some tomatoes and basil from my garden. 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.399 Why do they love to be next to each other. 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.400 I really don't know that. I just know that basil, 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.160 for some reason helps with the taste of tomatoes. I've 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:35.240 learned over the years. Also, I have learned that easy 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:38.400 easy one is marigolds. Marigolds helped to plant everywhere. It 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:41.960 doesn't have any type of diverse react reaction to any 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.520 other plant. A big one that I always preach about 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:48.240 when it comes to tomatoes and simple things like that 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.240 that all of us love to eat. And it's easy 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:52.600 to kind of get into gardening with. You can plant 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:55.280 onions also in your fall time, sometimes in your spring 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:57.320 if you want. But you can plant those around the 0:03:57.400 --> 0:04:00.440 tomatoes and it makes other pest not one to come 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:01.840 near it because onions are. 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:06.640 Stinky, but they don't like affect the other things. 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:09.600 And the beautiful thing is also when it comes to planning. 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:11.760 Ruby loves you by the way. I mean, ruby is 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:12.880 blown in at your. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:16.760 Last so good. It's like when children approve of you 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.719 and like you. Same thing with animals. I could take 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:23.400 all the mean comments online in the world if I 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:24.880 just had you with me all the time. 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:27.680 People don't give you mean comments. 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:31.480 No, not really. I mean people are nice okay for 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:34.080 the most part. But also you know, I think that 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:37.760 the bigger you get, the more negativity you get. I 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:40.120 remember Laney telling me about some stuff that people would 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.760 write to her, and I was like, why things that 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.920 don't even make sense, Insults that don't make sense. And 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:53.279 it's always some no offense, but some random older dude 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:57.000 online that has like a comic as their profile picture 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:01.840 or whatever. It's not normally people that I would sit 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:03.760 there and go, well, I need you to like me. 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:06.480 What is it If a dog commented something mean, it 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:08.160 would wreck me. I'd have to go to a side. 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:09.840 Absolutely no, you're so right. 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:11.120 That's why I'm glad they can't do that. 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:13.560 But what is it like, it's not the critic account 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:15.320 it counts, it's the man in the arena. 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:17.719 There's like a big quote. It's like the person who's 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:20.760 criticizing who's not in it. I don't really want to 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:22.200 hear what you have to say if you're not in 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:25.080 the game, Like then step back. 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.839 I think was it Ernest Hemingway, I'm misquoting. I think 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.760 the person. But there's a quote that says the critics 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:34.600 are the ones that sit on the hill and wait 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.000 until the war's over, and then they go down and 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:42.440 they kill the victor. And it's just like, oh, ow, yeah, 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:45.159 it's one thing I really do love to take is 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:48.560 constructive criticism and encouragement from people that have went through 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.719 things that I've went through. That's why I really feel 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:55.640 like it's very important for artists in general to be 0:05:55.680 --> 0:06:00.360 behind one another creative people in general, specifically women m H. 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.560 And Yeah. I like to get together with my female 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:07.800 compadres in this industry, and I think those are the 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:11.240 safest places other than true therapy, to talk about all 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:15.440 these things that may feel like first world problems and 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:19.240 entitled problems to have. But when you have the load 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:21.520 that you have on yourself as an artist and as 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:23.680 a creative, it's it's nice to be able to go 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:26.840 to others and go I'm tired of getting glammed every 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.040 day and I've had four hours of sleep and I 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:31.240 am living the dream. But it's much harder than I 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:34.520 thought this was going to be, and just you know, 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:37.920 it's I think it's really nice to get those little 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:41.840 stressors off your chest by talking about it in safe spaces. 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:46.240 I am a big component of safe spaces. So do 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.160 you feel like you have a safe space in life? Like? 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:50.520 What do you feel like? How did you This is 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:52.680 a cool thing I love to ask people how did 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:55.599 you build your village, like your people that you go 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:59.000 to for anything in life, but that community. 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:02.839 Well, okay, that's a great question. I started off. Thank 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:04.920 you for turning the tables on me. Oh sorry, no, 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.080 I love podcasts because it's really this is coming back 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:09.960 to you too. I'll do mine briefly, but then we're 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:11.520 going we really want to hear about your village. 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:11.840 Okay. 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:15.520 I'm from Waco, Texas, and I grew up in a 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.920 great family. Like my parents are great, they had great friends. 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:23.960 So I started off with friends of my parents' friends, 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:26.480 like the kids who are still my best friends to 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:30.600 this day. So I feel like I have like deep friendships. 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.600 And then when I came to Nashville, it took me 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.680 a long time to find a village. I was absolutely 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:38.760 terrified when I came here. I moved here when I 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:42.000 was nineteen, and I was just like super nervous. 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:42.520 Didn't know anyone. 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:45.760 I was moved from my hometown of Waco, Texas to here, 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:49.000 and like was overwhelmed. I was also chasing the music 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:53.360 industry and all of that, and just like super intimidated, 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:55.320 and I didn't have a lot of self worth back then. 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:57.240 It's taken me a long time to get my self worth. 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.040 I've had to like really develop, but I've still like 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:02.760 pursued all my dreams despite the fact I did not 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:03.440 feel worthy. 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:05.200 But I knew that they were my dreams and I 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:05.800 was supposed to do it. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:07.760 But I always felt like, oh my gosh, if people 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:09.720 find out that I'm really a fraud and I'm really 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.960 not worthy, then it's all going to be uncovered. 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:15.120 Or if they discover that you actually think you're good 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:17.840 at something. I was always if someone said something nice 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:19.680 about you, I have to put myself down. Oh I 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:20.520 have to put myself down. 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.760 But see, here's the thing with you that's different. You 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.239 were born with this voice. So like a lot of people, 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:27.520 like myself. I'll use myself as an example. I have 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:31.000 a lot of things I'm good at, but like you 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.200 and your voice are in a. 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:35.640 Whole other stratosphere. 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:37.600 Like you are just like that kind of singer, Like 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:39.720 you're like in the Celean dions of the world. Like 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:42.480 you have like the voice that is like hand motion, 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:44.760 but it can't be replicated. You know, although I do 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:46.120 hear a little Dolly Parton in your voice. 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:46.600 Do you hear that. 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.319 People love Dolly it's just from being raised older. 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.640 But like you have a voice though that like you 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.679 can't you can't learn to sing like you like, yes, 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:56.480 I'm sure you can take lessons and you can learn 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:59.480 things and like whatever, but like your tone, your texture, 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:01.360 the way it all comes out like that is like 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:03.200 a god given gift that you have. 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:06.319 And so were people hard on you about that growing up? 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:06.440 Like? 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.160 Were people do they get jealous of that? 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.360 No? I do remember one girl in high school when 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:15.800 I won the pageant, the school pageant, she I didn't know, 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:18.600 you know, I didn't own a BlackBerry. But I went 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:20.160 to school the next day and they said, did you 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:23.040 see what she wrote? And I guess BlackBerry had kind 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:24.960 of like it's on Facebook or whatever you could put 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:28.440 statuses and uh, anyways, you can tell I was a 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:32.440 flip phone girl. But yeah, so many. 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:34.480 Of those oak like this. 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.640 But the thing is I remember her saying, like, you know, 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:39.839 I didn't realize it was a talent show. I thought 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:45.520 it was a pageant. And no, there's really I don't 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:48.800 know as if life was hard on me because of 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:51.960 my voice, I think I was harder on myself than 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.000 I ever really allowed life to be. 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:55.160 Okay, I played that. 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:58.800 I think a lot of the turmoil that I have 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:04.800 went through emotionally that has impacted me just as much 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:09.920 as true tragedies in my life is because I was 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:13.600 too hard on myself, really so very much. 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:15.680 So what are some of the things that you feel 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:18.120 like you were too hard on yourself that caused you turmoil. 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.600 Well, once people started to acknowledge my voice, you know, 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.200 I kind of went from the odd kid out to 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:27.440 all of a sudden people liked me, you know, and 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:32.800 I had something that was interesting. And I just remember 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:35.240 for so long as a young girl trying to be 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:37.959 whatever I thought people would like so that I could 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:40.760 fit in and I could have friends and I could 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:44.160 feel that connection that I always felt slightly like I 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:46.920 was out on the outside and I couldn't understand it. 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:52.040 And the minute that I started singing, I started to 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:54.640 get accepted. And I know that sounds so bad, but 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:57.200 then I started putting a pressure on myself that this 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:01.160 is my personality, If this is what it is that 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.840 gets people to like me and to listen to me 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.400 and to hear me, I have to be the best. 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:12.600 Then there's no there's no alternative. And then there's also 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:15.720 that pressure of I can't mess this up. What if 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:17.800 I mess my voice up? And then the one thing 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:20.920 that all these people have invested in me and believed 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:23.640 in me for, I've lost it. I've ruined it. 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:25.760 Oh my god. So you were stressed out about your voice? 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:28.720 Oh very much so so. Also, I have deafness that 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:32.760 runs in my in my dad's side of the family, 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:34.640 So I was always scared I would lose my hearing. 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.200 I just was always panicked about it. Once I realized 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.040 that I gift, I realized how sacred of a gift 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.319 it was, and I was terrified to somehow mess it up. 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:46.560 But I think a lot of my life I have 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:51.600 been terrified to mess up. And at thirty years old, 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:55.440 I can finally look back and realize that I I 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:59.400 made things so much harder than they ever actually had 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:04.880 to be. It gets to be easy. And I didn't 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.800 realize that when I was younger. I didn't realize that 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.640 I could forgive myself. I didn't realize that I could 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:15.840 mess up and forgive myself. I didn't realize that all 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:20.160 the mistakes you make they're great stories. When you get older. 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:23.000 It's the stuff you laugh about with your friends, you know, 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.880 it's the stuff you write songs about and people connect to, 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.160 and you can reach people that are going through those 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:33.520 odd moments too. It's as a kid. I remember the 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.800 first biography we ever had written up, and there was 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.360 something in it that I had said in an interview 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:40.600 and it definitely didn't come across the way I wanted, 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.920 but I had said something about I had always wanted 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:46.600 a life that someone would write a book about because 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:48.600 I loved books. I was just obsessed with books from 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:52.160 a young age, and so I wanted something that was 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:54.600 exciting and riveting and would make you want to turn 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:57.240 the page. And I don't think I really realized what 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.440 I was signing up for by trying to manifest that 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.840 and pray to God every night, give me an interesting life, really, 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.439 give me something fun. Give me was that never let 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:11.320 me get bored? Yes, and he did that, Thank you 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:16.240 for delivering. But you know it's I hated that because 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:18.600 it sounded I said something about like, don't give me 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:21.280 a normal life. The older I get, the more I 0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:25.280 realized that normal lives all are stories that could have 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:28.640 books written about it. I mean, it's crazy when people ask, 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.520 as a songwriter, where you get your inspiration, and I'm like, 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:35.120 it comes from people's little stories they tell me a 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.400 meet and greets. It comes from my daddy talking about 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.720 his childhood. It comes from my mama talking about getting 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:43.800 married at a young age and raising children in a 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:50.400 little apartment. It's different things that I, uh, I don't realize. 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:53.280 I guess when I was younger that I wish I had, 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:57.880 but yeah, I don't know. It's one of those things 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.000 that I realized I wanted my life to be so 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:03.680 so very special and so unique, and I was so 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.880 worried about it turning out is something great that I 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:08.720 didn't actually enjoy some of the moments. 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:10.360 Where do you think that worry came from? 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:13.560 Oh, I don't know. A perfectionist thing of not letting 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:16.280 refection writes down. And it's nothing to do with my parents. 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:17.080 My parents were great. 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.080 Were your parents married, Yes? 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:23.960 My parents steady marriage, great, great family in the same home. 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:27.240 You know, my whole childhood, which I really appreciate because 0:14:27.640 --> 0:14:29.680 my brain, I have to have a place. I have 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:31.920 to have a physical place that feels like home, and 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:33.280 I have to be able to think of that in 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:36.280 my mind when touring gets hard or I'm gone for 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:38.320 a long time, and I feel homesick, and I can't 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:42.800 quite figure out why. I think. I don't know. I 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.280 just was so very hard on myself and I thought 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.880 that that would make me better, and maybe it did. 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.480 You know, there was a push too. I wanted to 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:53.560 know everything. And then I remember one day having like 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:57.640 a true, a full blown panic attack, going one day, 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:00.240 I'll know everything, and that was such an ignorant and 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:03.960 I've thought, oh, then you get older. I think I 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:07.840 had just started radio tour. I was four months in. 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:10.640 I was like twenty two, twenty three, something like that, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.600 I think, And I just remember going to all these 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:17.560 different places that right before I had signed i'd actually 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:21.479 said in the interview or in the meeting with Universal 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:23.640 with Mike Dungan, I said, you know, I've never been 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:26.840 farther westn Texas. And then all of a sudden, I'm 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:30.480 hitting every single major city in a six to nine 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.760 month span, and I'm seeing all these places I never 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.040 thought i'd ever get to see. I've only ever seen 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:39.640 a movie's and I started going one day, if I 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:43.680 keep doing this, nowhere will ever be new. And I 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.720 am a very big person that I love learning things. 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:49.360 It's my favorite thing to do. I absolutely love learning 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:51.960 new crafts, learning new skills. That's why I'm restoring my 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:54.960 house by hand. I love learning different techniques, and I 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:59.000 love going back to the old fashioned, analog manual way 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:03.720 of doing things. And so yeah, I just sorry, I'm 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:07.320 really disjointed in a conversation, but this is so interesting. 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:11.440 I remember having that naive fear of one day nothing 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.320 will be new anymore. But then I realized, as I 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.800 got older, I've only seen these cities through a plane window, 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:23.560 a car window, or radio, you know, building window, And 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:26.600 then I started realizing there's so much that I'll never 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.520 actually get to know. Then that was kind of scary. 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:31.280 Mine blew up. 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:35.680 But yes, yes, but yeah, it is wonderful to live 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:39.480 in a world that there's constantly something that you can 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:44.200 learn and you can dive into. And yeah, sorry, so 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:45.920 are you like an access service person? 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:46.920 Do you like to do stuff? 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:50.880 Oh? Very funny? Okay, I was actually thinking about asking 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:56.240 you about your love languages. Okay, weird, Okay, sorry, I 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.239 love this. I'm very much an acts of service person. 0:16:58.960 --> 0:16:59.720 Because you're a doer. 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.080 Even saw like your Halloween costume that you made, you 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:05.639 were going to like Ashley McBride Halloween party, and you 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:09.480 like whipped together this full blown life on your house 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:11.439 on your head with like chairs and the like. 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:13.240 Because what was the theme. 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.679 Of her theme was Halla Queen and she was like, 0:17:15.720 --> 0:17:17.720 so it has to say queen and the title or 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:20.639 something royalty, you know, And I said, well, we just 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.240 did the Lindyville Project, so you know, I'll be the 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:26.200 Queen of the double white trailer because that was Dennis Lindy's, 0:17:26.240 --> 0:17:29.480 one of Dennis Lindy's biggest hits. And so I had 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.480 polyester curtains on a curtain rod across my shoulders like 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.879 the Carol Burnett skit of Gone with the Wind. And 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:38.280 then I took a wig from the Just Friends music 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:41.400 video that I haven't been able to wear since, and 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:45.040 I just toughed it up, got the whole old hair extensions, 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:48.960 jushed them up until they were just literally rat nests, 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:53.560 stuck them in there high hide. But then I I 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:57.320 went to Michael's and I got popsicle sticks and cedar 0:17:57.640 --> 0:17:59.880 stainer and you know. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.840 But you're like a detailed person. It's like love details. 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:05.160 Oh okay, see I hate details. 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.359 I love that you love details because like I'm looking 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:10.119 at your videos and I'm seeing you like put together 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.320 flower arrangements. I'm watching you in the garden. I'm seeing 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.560 you build a Halloween costume. Your songs, like your songs 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:18.640 that your new album that's coming out, Betta Roses. Every 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:21.199 song on there is like such an intricate story, like 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:23.640 it's so it's not just like a plug and play 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.800 song at all, which love love all types of music, 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.160 but yours are like it's a journey, like each song 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:32.800 like we're in a world, like you are a detail, intricate, 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:36.560 like you're in the world. Whatever you're doing, you're taking 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:39.159 us in the world with you. And I really like 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:42.680 admire that because that's that's You're like a full experience person. 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:45.760 Very much so. Maya Angelo has a great speech about 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.959 it online, but she says, wherever she is, she's one 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:52.320 hundred percent there. When she is there on stage, she's 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:55.080 one hundred percent there. When she goes outside and she 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:57.720 goes onto the curb and she calls a taxi, she's 0:18:57.760 --> 0:18:59.879 one hundred percent in that taxi. And I think that 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.000 that's why it's so hard for me to document things. 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:05.399 I really struggle. I can document it sometimes, but I 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:10.320 find myself. If I videotape everything that I experience, I 0:19:10.320 --> 0:19:11.800 don't get to really experience it. 0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:14.200 And that's the world we're living in these days, which 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:17.600 I feel like is causing so much confliction with people, 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:20.600 you know, because it's like you have to post it, 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.320 but then it's like you're not you're missing out on 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:25.840 actually living, or you're doing things for the post not 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:28.560 for actually living. You know, how do you balance that 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:31.240 because you have a very amazing social media page. 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:35.639 I don't. I don't balance it, no kidding. I have 0:19:35.680 --> 0:19:37.480 a great team around me. 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:38.760 Do you have boundaries with it? 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:44.800 Yes, to a certain degree. I don't really go through 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.439 my feed. I reach out to friends directly, you know. 0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:52.760 When I want to chat and hang out, I post, 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:56.000 I read comments. I try to go through dms, and 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:59.840 then I look at funny animal memes because I've realized 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.720