Speaker 1: Kabooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
Speaker 2: of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
Speaker 2: Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny G Radio A Happy Saturday to you.
Speaker 1: It's college football Saturday today, on this twentieth day of September.
Speaker 1: And let's see what am I planning on Washington today,
Speaker 1: Nanny G. I've got well tonight I will see at
Speaker 1: least part of Michigan State and USC. Are they calling
Speaker 1: it Big ten after dark? I don't if they're calling
Speaker 1: it Big ten after dark, but that's the late game.
Speaker 1: I did see Michigan State complaining about that. I'll be
Speaker 1: checking that game out. I think Belichick in North Carolina.
Speaker 1: If I can find that game, they play you UCF,
Speaker 1: which is like a halfway decent opponent.
Speaker 3: So the whole country is going to be tuned into
Speaker 3: that one.
Speaker 1: I think that's the game, and then not really yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and then what's the big one? Well, I guess Auburn
Speaker 1: Oklahoma's the biggest.
Speaker 3: The huge game is Boise and air Force.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's all when you throw out the records.
Speaker 1: When they get together, Danny, they get together, you throw
Speaker 1: out the records. But anyway, we'll be be flipping around here.
Speaker 1: And then if you're an old time nostalgic college football fan,
Speaker 1: you've got Michigan and Nebraska. Who Nebraska thirty years ago
Speaker 1: was the juggernaut of college football. Michigan's had their moments.
Speaker 1: So anyway, some of the games today in college football.
Speaker 1: But on this podcast, Danny, we have tuna fish sandwiches,
Speaker 1: damn it, and the Suburban Explorer. But we're gonna start
Speaker 1: with this. So I checked the mail bag last night
Speaker 1: and based on events that have taken place the last
Speaker 1: couple of days, so I got some feedback on Clayton Kershaw.
Speaker 1: People very upset with my Clayton Kershaw take offended by
Speaker 1: my position on Clayton Kersher, which was the accurate position,
Speaker 1: by the way, the accurate take on Clayton Kershaw.
Speaker 3: When I heard this promo run on FSR Friday during
Speaker 3: Covino and Rich, I just shook my head.
Speaker 1: Well, you can shake your head all you want, it's reality.
Speaker 1: Clayton Kershaw has cost the Dodgers multiple World Series championships
Speaker 1: because he comes up tiny in big games. You gotta think, Danny,
Speaker 1: this era of Dodger baseball, they would have at least three,
Speaker 1: probably four more World championships if Clayton Kershaw actually lived
Speaker 1: up to the way he is in the regular season.
Speaker 1: So I don't have any regrets on that. He should
Speaker 1: have retired five years ago. So fine. I did a
Speaker 1: monologue on that, and then a lot of people have
Speaker 1: been complaining. They say, what about the Komodo dragon in
Speaker 1: the room? Several cents some version Danny of Hey, big Ben,
Speaker 1: I love your show, but you know what that means.
Speaker 1: Why didn't you dressed the Jimmy Kimmel story on the show.
Speaker 1: So I didn't mention the Jimmy Kimmel story on the show.
Speaker 1: I would like to put out though, Danny, this is
Speaker 1: kind of thing that annoys me because I've mentioned this
Speaker 1: many times that we don't normally go down those roads.
Speaker 1: ABC pulled Jimmy Kimmel off the air because of pressure
Speaker 1: from the Federal Communications.
Speaker 3: Commission be careful about this.
Speaker 1: Well, the stories everywhere right, and the person running the
Speaker 1: FCC was upset that Kimmel made some partisan talking point
Speaker 1: crap about what's.
Speaker 3: The guy's name that Charlie Kirk.
Speaker 1: Charlie Kirk, Yeah, that was killed, And so kim O
Speaker 1: regurgitated some stuff on TV and everyone's kind of an agreement.
Speaker 1: No one's watching late night TV, but everyone up in
Speaker 1: arms over this, and so now it's one of those
Speaker 1: bizarre things. Jimmy Kimmel. Back in the day we crossed
Speaker 1: pass I and Jimmy Kimmel in what I considered Danny
Speaker 1: the glory days, glory days of LA Radio, back when
Speaker 1: Jimmy was doing Carl Malone impersonations on k Rock in
Speaker 1: the morning, the old Utah jazz player, and I was
Speaker 1: doing afternoon gas baggery, and Ryan Seacrest was over at
Speaker 1: Star ninety eight point seven playing boy band records, and
Speaker 1: all of us climbing the media ladder Danny and somehow
Speaker 1: two of these guys became megastars, and I ended up
Speaker 1: singing cheeseburgers at three in the morning. But aside from that,
Speaker 1: it is bizarre.
Speaker 3: You're talking about you're an international TV star.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it is bizarre. Oh, don't forget to watch
Speaker 1: Benny Versus Penny. It is bizarre. It's on YouTube YouTube
Speaker 1: dot com slash at Benny Vspenny. It is bizarre when
Speaker 1: you see a national story, like someone international story, and
Speaker 1: you cross paths with them at some point in your life.
Speaker 1: It's like when Lauren Sanchez married Jeff Bezos and I
Speaker 1: used to see Lauren a lot at the Laker games
Speaker 1: back in there. It's very wacky. But the Jimmy Kimmel thing,
Speaker 1: regardless of that, we generally don't go down this way.
Speaker 1: I'll give you my ten cent take on this, and
Speaker 1: this is my position. Jimmy Kimmel was hired years ago
Speaker 1: as a comedian, and you're supposed to sell laughs, not
Speaker 1: political lectures and all that stuff. He is paid to
Speaker 1: be the court gesture, not the court justice. And it's
Speaker 1: it's always a dangerous game when you confuse those things.
Speaker 1: It's like if you worked at in and out Burger
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't want to hand out cheeseburgers. I want to
Speaker 1: hand out tuna fish sandwiches. Well, nobody wants tuna fish sandwiches.
Speaker 1: They go there for the cheeseburger. Well, no, I want
Speaker 1: I think people need tuna fish sandwiches. Well, they don't
Speaker 1: want tuna fish sandwiches. Well some people might want them. Yes,
Speaker 1: some people might want them, but they're going to go
Speaker 1: to a restaurant that service tuna fish sandwiches. They're not
Speaker 1: going to go to an out burger, you know, And
Speaker 1: they'll say I didn't order that. And now I will
Speaker 1: tell you, Danny, and to tow the line here, the
Speaker 1: FCC sniffing around to me, that's the thing that gets
Speaker 1: your attention. And I believe they should stay out of
Speaker 1: it because when it's it's like one of those ping
Speaker 1: pong games, Danny, that you know, you don't want to
Speaker 1: go down that road because then whoever's in control of
Speaker 1: the politics will mute the other side. So I think
Speaker 1: you just don't want to go down that road. You're
Speaker 1: not going to win. It's a problem exactly. FCC is
Speaker 1: not supposed to be about picking sides. It's supposed to
Speaker 1: be about, like us, talking about bodily functions and things
Speaker 1: like that. Yes, yes, little Johnny, can't hear us do
Speaker 1: a poopy joke.
Speaker 3: They can't hear us say, shit, that's supposed to be
Speaker 3: what the FCC is for.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. So it's just it's one of those things.
Speaker 1: And obviously a lot of you know where I am politically,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't matter, like I'm not a very political person.
Speaker 1: You're whoever you like, whatever team you root for, whether
Speaker 1: it's the Red team or the Blue team, is not
Speaker 1: going to be in power forever, and then the other
Speaker 1: team's going to get control and then they're going to
Speaker 1: do the same thing. And it's just it's just a
Speaker 1: bad not the kind of precedent you want to say, exactly.
Speaker 1: And I don't think I'm concerned, Danny that anyone who's
Speaker 1: in the White House will be worried about me saying
Speaker 1: the dolphins rode the vomit commet or they're not gonna
Speaker 1: knock on the mallor mansion at well in the morning.
Speaker 3: You are the captain of the safe harbor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're not gonna say you said, Dak Prescott is
Speaker 1: what Charlie checked out. Oh my god. But it is
Speaker 1: the slippery slope, and that's that's the point one of
Speaker 1: my I don't know, honestly, Hero but when I was
Speaker 1: a kid, my parents used to watch Johnny Carson, the
Speaker 1: King of late night television. I went back and I looked,
Speaker 1: and Johnny Carson averaged in the seventies and the eighties,
Speaker 1: he averaged six to eight million people a night watching. Now,
Speaker 1: there weren't many channels, there was no internet, so you
Speaker 1: can make all these statements about that, but he averaged
Speaker 1: six to eight million people a night. If he had
Speaker 1: a big, big star guest on their big name, he'd
Speaker 1: get nine or ten million. Major League Baseball on average,
Speaker 1: a Major League Baseball game on Fox gets one point
Speaker 1: eight million. An NBA game on ESPN gets about one
Speaker 1: point five million. They average, Johnny Carson was getting three
Speaker 1: four times that a night. One on the Tonight Show.
Speaker 1: That is nuts. And Carson said this quote. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you saw it, Danny. He said this back and I
Speaker 1: think the seventies or the eighties, but it made its
Speaker 1: way back and somebody, I think it was on sixty
Speaker 1: Minutes and said that. One of the people asked him said,
Speaker 1: why don't you talk about politics on the Tonight Show?
Speaker 1: And Johnny said, well, why do Why do they think
Speaker 1: that just because you have a Tonight Show that you
Speaker 1: must deal in serious issues. He warned that the danger,
Speaker 1: and it's a real danger once you start that, you
Speaker 1: start to get that self important feeling is a quote
Speaker 1: by the way, that what you say has great import
Speaker 1: and you know, strangely enough, you could use that show
Speaker 1: as a forum, Carson said, back then, you could stay
Speaker 1: way people. You sway people, and I don't think you
Speaker 1: should as an entertainer. And then some people say, wow,
Speaker 1: he's old. You know he's dead now. But I would
Speaker 1: argue that Carson knew his role. He told jokes. Here's
Speaker 1: what Carson did. He told jokes. He played tennis in Malibu,
Speaker 1: and he cashed massive checks. Most of that money went
Speaker 1: to his many ex wives. But he did all of
Speaker 1: those things, and he rarely wandered into into the political
Speaker 1: world and all that because he knew that once you
Speaker 1: take that detour, your toast and if you start believing
Speaker 1: you're the pope of pop culture, that whatever you're doing,
Speaker 1: your monologue or whatever, is the state of the Union address,
Speaker 1: it's it's it just doesn't work out for you. So
Speaker 1: but I don't understand. It's like Jimmy Kimmel, if he's
Speaker 1: really that into it. Again, I don't think he should
Speaker 1: have been taken off. There would my position, if he's
Speaker 1: that political, why didn't he go to like CNN or
Speaker 1: in MSNBC or something to do a political show, And
Speaker 1: then nobody would care because he's doing like a political show.
Speaker 1: But it's it's wild. Any within the next year, there
Speaker 1: will be no late night TV. Kimmel's out, Colbert's going out.
Speaker 1: You and I talked about this during COVID. Remember nobody
Speaker 1: really noticed that the late night shows were on old reruns.
Speaker 1: Nobody cared.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and during the writers strike, same thing, nobody gave
Speaker 3: us shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. And then and their argument is that
Speaker 1: those shows are mostly just for the clips online. But
Speaker 1: Jimmy Fallons his days are hope he saved money because
Speaker 1: he's next the three stooges who were the last three
Speaker 1: on what for our childhood named Late Night TV.
Speaker 3: He was, Oh, and I read that Saturday Night Live
Speaker 3: is also in the firing line.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, so and that was.
Speaker 3: Just rumors, but you know that's that was making the
Speaker 3: rounds on a couple of articles I saw last week.
Speaker 1: So again, just to put the ball on this in
Speaker 1: these parts on the radio show and usually here as well,
Speaker 1: as I like to say, we also are in the
Speaker 1: cheeseburger business. I run a little cheeseburger stand. It's Benny's Burgers.
Speaker 1: I sell Benny's burgers. I have fries, maybe a milkshake,
Speaker 1: and that's it. You will not get a kill salad.
Speaker 1: I do not sell a kill salad. You do not
Speaker 1: get a fruit smoothie.
Speaker 3: I don't sell no lettuce raps either.
Speaker 1: I don't definitely don't have any lettuce. Yeah, hashtag Benny's buns.
Speaker 1: I generally avoid politics and whatnot. And if you want
Speaker 1: a caesar salad, you can go somewhere else. If you
Speaker 1: want burger, right here and get the burger. And so
Speaker 1: we'll see. Jimmy Kible's made a ton of money. I'm
Speaker 1: assuming he's financially financially set. And you know what'll end
Speaker 1: up doing, Danny if the TV show is completely put,
Speaker 1: he'll do what everyone else does. He'll do a podcast.
Speaker 1: That's what he's gonna do, right, Yeah, why not? There
Speaker 1: you go, get a podcast. Everyone loves audio content. Get
Speaker 1: a podcast, damn it, Get a podcast.
Speaker 3: Did you see that clip of him being whisked away
Speaker 3: from the network in that black navigate And oh It's
Speaker 3: funny you say that, because I'm like, I bet they're
Speaker 3: taking him to a podcast studio right now.
Speaker 1: Oh well, either that or I think they went to
Speaker 1: like lawyers, like some Beverly Hill lawyers or something like that.
Speaker 1: They're so so so they will not get away with us.
Speaker 1: You know, I feel bad for is that guy Guillermo
Speaker 1: on the show?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we know Guillermo on Covino and Rich. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I told you he was at the airport with us
Speaker 3: while we were waiting for our flights to the super
Speaker 3: Bowl last year.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. They used to have him go out to
Speaker 1: the Dodgy games, and I remember one time during the playoffs,
Speaker 1: this is probably ten fifteen years ago, and they made
Speaker 1: him wear like a diaper type thing, and it was
Speaker 1: so funny watching because they would record stuff and he'd
Speaker 1: be the clown, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you could.
Speaker 1: Tell when they stopped recording how pissed off he was
Speaker 1: that they made him wear this thing and walk around.
Speaker 1: He was really annoyed. But you know, I don't know
Speaker 1: what that guy's gonna do. You know, that's that's a
Speaker 1: very specific job, Danny being the sidekick on a eight
Speaker 1: night TV show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're you're gonna be typecast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's not a lot of bounce back on something
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 3: I believe, you know what, he can do a podcast exactly.
Speaker 1: Like just everyone everyone will do a podcast. There's more
Speaker 1: podcasts than there are people on the planet. Look at this,
Speaker 1: even this the fifth Hour podcast. So anyway, that's those
Speaker 1: are my thoughts on the on the Kimmel the aftermath
Speaker 1: with Gimo exactly the FCC with become an anti culture musician,
Speaker 1: you know, come up with songs. But we'll wait for
Speaker 1: Guirmo's podcast to come out. Damn it, Danny, I just
Speaker 1: damn it, all right, We'll wait for it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: If I was a QB and I was calling an
Speaker 3: audible at the line, I wouldn't say omaha, omaha, I'd
Speaker 3: say damn it, damn it. And that's how I was
Speaker 3: feeling when Covino and Rich's show on Friday ended, because
Speaker 3: I put two weeks of work into a new on
Speaker 3: air game. Now, maybe you could shed some light on
Speaker 3: this process bending because I know you've been in the
Speaker 3: same boat. What's it like when you get an idea
Speaker 3: in your p brain and you think to yourself, you
Speaker 3: know what this is going to take some tweaking here
Speaker 3: and there, but this game with the Mallard Militia, this
Speaker 3: could actually work.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah for sure. And I'll get an idea
Speaker 1: sometimes driving around or something like that. I'll get an
Speaker 1: idea in my head and then I'll immediately what I
Speaker 1: do is I pull my phone out, I go to
Speaker 1: the notes app on my phone, and then I'll type
Speaker 1: a few things like whatever, because I don't want to
Speaker 1: I want to lose type some thoughts in right.
Speaker 3: It's kind of like when a song comes to a musician.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. So I'll jot down a few
Speaker 1: random thoughts and then after that I will kind of
Speaker 1: workshop it, like I'll go back to it like Frankenstein's
Speaker 1: lab and try to, you know, jot down some other stuff.
Speaker 1: And you got to kind of map it out. Right.
Speaker 1: There's a lot.
Speaker 3: There's a lot to it. And I had to type
Speaker 3: and find drops and set it all up and write
Speaker 3: the script to send into Bob our big voice guy
Speaker 3: of FSR. And then I work closely with Ricky, who's
Speaker 3: Vito's assistant for the past i don't know, seven eight
Speaker 3: days to get this thing ready to go. Then I
Speaker 3: spent two hours on Thursday night sitting in a Wendy's.
Speaker 3: It was National Cheeseburger Day. So I had a junior
Speaker 3: bacon cheeseburger in my left hand, my pen in my
Speaker 3: right hand, and I was writing down how the rules
Speaker 3: of the game would be. So I get to Friday,
Speaker 3: I'm calling this synonymous city. Synonymous city, say the name
Speaker 3: of the game, slow, play it fast. This came out
Speaker 3: organically in conversation on the show a couple of weeks
Speaker 3: ago with Dan Byer. He was laughing because we were like,
Speaker 3: who's the face of the city for Minneapolis for sports?
Speaker 3: And they were like, Bayer told the guys, He's like,
Speaker 3: on the count of three, one, two three, you know
Speaker 3: who would you say, by the way, for Minneapolis sports,
Speaker 3: are we doing?
Speaker 1: Are we doing all time?
Speaker 3: Or right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So like the most revered sorts figure in Minneapolis
Speaker 3: sports one two three, Herbie Puckett. See thank you, All
Speaker 3: of us except one crew member shouted out Kirby Pucket.
Speaker 3: And it was funny because I think Rich said Gary
Speaker 3: Anderson and we're laughing. He was trying to be funny,
Speaker 3: but we're laughing. And then Rich mentioned on the air, Hey,
Speaker 3: you know what we could do something like this for
Speaker 3: a game on the air someday, and I thought about
Speaker 3: it and I'm like, yeah, this is cool. I'll do like,
Speaker 3: you know, the most synonymous sports figure or the most
Speaker 3: famous music artist or band of a city. So get
Speaker 3: the contestant right. Explain to the contestant that the two
Speaker 3: categories are going to be rotated. I'll tell you the category,
Speaker 3: then i'll say the city. Give you a few seconds
Speaker 3: to think about your answer, and then on the count
Speaker 3: of three, the crew member and the caller are going
Speaker 3: to shout out their answers. The caller has to match
Speaker 3: with two of the five seeing our crew members in
Speaker 3: order to win a prize. Covino's up first, All right,
Speaker 3: let's start with the most revered sports figure for the
Speaker 3: city of Saint Louis. All right, think about it for
Speaker 3: a second. On the count of three, one, two, three,
Speaker 3: Stan mus stand the man, thank you, Ben, you know what?
Speaker 3: The contestant said, Oh god, I don't what. First of all,
Speaker 3: he didn't say anything at first. It was dead air
Speaker 3: one dead air, two dead air, three dead or four,
Speaker 3: And then he shouted damn it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, first name, first name, damn last name it.
Speaker 1: First name, damn last name it.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, Okay, we're not off to a good
Speaker 3: start here, but maybe it'll get better.
Speaker 1: With he led to the Spirit of Saint Louis and
Speaker 1: the ABA.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like, maybe it'll get better. Okay, let's stick
Speaker 3: to sports. The most revered sports figure for the city
Speaker 3: of San Diego.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is all right, get your answers ready.
Speaker 3: On the count of three, one, two, three, Tony Winn
Speaker 3: thank you.
Speaker 1: All right, what do I win? What do I win?
Speaker 3: Well, the problem is the contestant again didn't give an answer,
Speaker 3: and when we're like, dude, are you there, he was like, oh,
Speaker 3: damn it. The problem was, I unfortunately got a contestant
Speaker 3: on the debut of the new game who wasn't really
Speaker 3: with it late to the party, and because of that,
Speaker 3: now Rich is over there like, well, we got to
Speaker 3: redo how the rules are and we should change it
Speaker 3: to where we all write down an answer and maybe
Speaker 3: if enough of us match, then he gets a point.
Speaker 3: And now instead of this being a successful game that
Speaker 3: I spent two weeks of my life investing in, because
Speaker 3: of one damit contestant, I have to rework the entire game.
Speaker 1: Well, the lesson on that Danny is to never underestimate
Speaker 1: the power of dumb people that call radio shows. You
Speaker 1: can never underestimate the power of the listener. I tried.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you were with me at the
Speaker 1: time or not, but I tried to do a spelling
Speaker 1: bee on the show.
Speaker 3: I wasn't with you, but I was listening to that mess.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And because in my head, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: most of the names are pretty easy to spell, like
Speaker 1: all right, you know, like George Brett or something like that.
Speaker 1: You would think, and then you start doing it, and
Speaker 1: I I cannot understate how bad people are at spelling.
Speaker 1: I can't, you know. I thought, well, this was in
Speaker 1: the ear when like the hardest name was like Mark
Speaker 1: Grizzlanic or something like that. You say, okay, fine, Grizzlnik's
Speaker 1: a tough name. He was a big baseball player years ago.
Speaker 1: But the normal names and people just didn't know how
Speaker 1: to spell, and it would drive me. It drive me nuts.
Speaker 1: And also a lot of the people, and I get it,
Speaker 1: this is not their life, right, Danny, were invested in
Speaker 1: this because we do this for a living. But if
Speaker 1: you're a sports fan, you're kind of casual. Most people
Speaker 1: are and it's entertainment.
Speaker 3: I feel like most of our listeners though, would have
Speaker 3: shouted out Tony Gwyn.
Speaker 1: I would like to think, yeah, and how it depends
Speaker 1: how old you are, though, I guess.
Speaker 3: And so with some games we empower the contestant the caller,
Speaker 3: and in other games like this, I think I'm gonna
Speaker 3: have to take the power out of their hands. In
Speaker 3: other words, I'm gonna have to have like Covino and
Speaker 3: Rich be the team and then give them the city
Speaker 3: and count to three for them, and beforehand ask the
Speaker 3: contestant whether or not they think Coveno and ritual match
Speaker 3: and if they if they get that answer right, then
Speaker 3: they get the point. So I think I'm gonna have
Speaker 3: to think outside the box a little bit. That way,
Speaker 3: the power is not in the listener's hands.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you want to limit the amount of power that
Speaker 1: the caller has by all all accounts, and then at
Speaker 1: some point you'll you'll nail it and then you'll be
Speaker 1: like Mary Poppins and super califragile xbi alidosis and all that.
Speaker 1: You'll get it down.
Speaker 3: So yeah, but for the rest of the weekend, I'm
Speaker 3: going to be shaking my head saying damn it, I.
Speaker 1: Hear you on that. So I got one other thing
Speaker 1: I wanted to mention this, and then we'll get out
Speaker 1: on this. So you know, a little bit of a
Speaker 1: story time if you oil again. So this past week
Speaker 1: it is Saturday to any the Life of malor the
Speaker 1: Life of Danny g a tradition on this podcast which
Speaker 1: is not overvalued, by the way, it is not overvalued
Speaker 1: at all, and the loyalist of this podcast appreciated. So.
Speaker 1: So anyway, the other day this week, it was a
Speaker 1: random weekday, the usual routine, sleep during the day, wake
Speaker 1: up early afternoons, splash some water on the old face there,
Speaker 1: grumble towards the mirror and make sure everything's still where
Speaker 1: it needs to be, and then step outside and that
Speaker 1: evil son like I'm a vampire, what's going on here?
Speaker 1: And then you're out walking around. So anyway, I at
Speaker 1: the beginning of the day, like everyone else going there,
Speaker 1: put some water on your face, go outside. On this
Speaker 1: particular day, I made the noble, if misguided, decision to
Speaker 1: go to the gym. The plan was simple, to go
Speaker 1: to the treadmill, have my phone in my hand, catching
Speaker 1: up on the sports news of the day, futsing around
Speaker 1: on my phone while pretending I was, you know, was
Speaker 1: working out and not just fusing around on my phone
Speaker 1: and all that. Anyway, So I drove to the gym.
Speaker 1: It was uneventful. The parking space was secured, got a
Speaker 1: good parking place. The mission was clear until fate intervened.
Speaker 1: So I parked the car backed in, because that's what
Speaker 1: we do. We back into the space and then I
Speaker 1: off the door. I opened the door, I get out
Speaker 1: of the car, and then I reached back in to
Speaker 1: grab my trusty air pods that I got a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago, the ones that are supposed to have
Speaker 1: the hearing aids so I can hear a little bit
Speaker 1: better because I have radio ears and stuff. So I
Speaker 1: reached back in. I grabbed my trusty air pods, the
Speaker 1: lifeblood of any treadmill session. And unfortunately, when I reached
Speaker 1: down for the air pods and reached back out of
Speaker 1: the maladmobile, the handoff was botched. I think Bill Buckner
Speaker 1: back in the day leon let Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3: Why do I feel like you've done this before.
Speaker 1: I have done this before. It just happened again. But
Speaker 1: this is a different tale. So the air podcase on
Speaker 1: this one before I had some ripoff AirPods. These were
Speaker 1: the actual AirPods. I just got these like a year ago.
Speaker 1: So the air pod case hit the and it was
Speaker 1: very hot, you know, we had this was it Mario.
Speaker 1: The tropical storm Mario was off the Pacific coast this week.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for those on the East coast Mario.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we actually got rain and it was very humid.
Speaker 1: It felt like floored. I felt like I was in
Speaker 1: the South, Yes, this week in southern California. I don't
Speaker 1: like the humidity. I felt like we were in the
Speaker 1: humidity South Carolina or something. So the air pod case
Speaker 1: hit the ninety it seemed like I think it was
Speaker 1: ninety five ninety seven degrees something like that asphalt, and
Speaker 1: it made that kind of sickening clatter sound, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm looking down and it's like slow motion as
Speaker 1: this has happened, like, oh man, no, So I of
Speaker 1: course then go down. I scooped down to grab the
Speaker 1: case of the AirPods. I then opened them up and discovered,
Speaker 1: to my horror that I had the case to the headphones,
Speaker 1: but when it hit the ground, there were no headphones inside.
Speaker 1: They had been ejected like out of a plane, the
Speaker 1: parachuters abandon the planes.
Speaker 3: It was like you were shooting dice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. So suddenly my priority was no longer the workout.
Speaker 1: At this point it became a search and rescue mission
Speaker 1: to try to find my air buds. And I scoured
Speaker 1: the parking lot. In between my car and the car
Speaker 1: next to me. I'm scanning the blacktop. It's shimmering with
Speaker 1: heat waves. Right, I'm like, oh crap, I don't see anything.
Speaker 1: And you should be able to find these, the little
Speaker 1: white earbuds on a black blacktop. You should be a
Speaker 1: fun So my hunch was that they just rolled under
Speaker 1: the car and and I should just be able to
Speaker 1: get down there and grab them, no problem. So I
Speaker 1: did the thing you didn't want to do on a
Speaker 1: very hot day on hot asphalt. I dropped to my
Speaker 1: knees on the boiling asphalt. Danny and I became at
Speaker 1: that point that became a suburban explorer.
Speaker 3: This was not the Lax Airport parking lot, right.
Speaker 1: He blew me off at a hotel near Lax. No no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. So I'm peering into the darkness here,
Speaker 1: I'm peering into the darkness. And at this point I
Speaker 1: can't see anything because even though it was the daylight,
Speaker 1: the car the shade. So then I, of course I
Speaker 1: did what anyone would do. I grabbed my phone to
Speaker 1: turn the light on on my phone. So now I'm
Speaker 1: on the ground, I've got my arm extended with the
Speaker 1: light on of my phone, and sure enough I did
Speaker 1: spot one AirPod tucked under the belly of the malamobile.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, it is Murphy's law, it was just out
Speaker 1: of reach of my hand. You know, you know how
Speaker 1: you reach for something, Danny, you just can't quite get it.
Speaker 1: It's just a little bit past where your arm will reach.
Speaker 1: And so my arm wasn't long enough. My pride even
Speaker 1: shorter at this particular point. But I was still like,
Speaker 1: I was like, where's the other earbud? And so the
Speaker 1: dilemma that I had, as you referenced, Danny, I'm a klutz.
Speaker 1: This has happened to me before. This is not the
Speaker 1: first time. I'm sure it will not be the last time.
Speaker 1: So here's the dilemma. Was I couldn't just move the
Speaker 1: car without Why couldn't I just move the car because
Speaker 1: if I did, I might end up by accident crushing
Speaker 1: the other earbud because I didn't know where it was.
Speaker 1: I hadn't recovered it. I didn't know where it was.
Speaker 1: So here I am a grown ass man, sprawled out again.
Speaker 1: I'm on the asphalt there, covered at this point in
Speaker 1: asphalt grime, and I'm essentially re enacting like it was
Speaker 1: like a Vaudevillian slapstick thing. It was like the old
Speaker 1: Three Stooges, except it was just me and all I
Speaker 1: needed was the the Benny Hill soundtrack. That's all I needed.
Speaker 1: And it's one of those things, you know, this happens
Speaker 1: to us things I missing things slowing down when I
Speaker 1: dropped the earbuds. So this felt like I was on
Speaker 1: the ground for thirty minutes. It was probably just a
Speaker 1: few minutes. And then then here we go, Dan, this
Speaker 1: is where the story takes a plot twist. So a
Speaker 1: scene right out of Dickens My Salvation arrived a passing
Speaker 1: jimbro in his car. Seeing what was going on. In
Speaker 1: his peripheral vision, he sees me and feeling pity, he
Speaker 1: rolled down the window and shouted, hey, hey Bro, you're
Speaker 1: looking for your AirPod like that right, So why yes?
Speaker 1: I am? Yes, I am. I was like out of
Speaker 1: the wonderful life or something. My guardian Angel, Danny. He
Speaker 1: pointed it a say, it's under your right front tire,
Speaker 1: bro and uh, and then.
Speaker 3: He ran the hell did he see that yet binoculars?
Speaker 1: I guess because of where he was positioned, he could
Speaker 1: see what I couldn't see because I was on the
Speaker 1: side and he was in the front. Anyway, I don't
Speaker 1: know how it got there because I dropped it on
Speaker 1: the driver's side door and it ended up in front
Speaker 1: of the passenger tire. I don't know how it ended
Speaker 1: up there. So anyway, thanks to that person, it was
Speaker 1: wedged precariously in the exact spot where I was worried, Danny,
Speaker 1: if I moved the car, I would have turned the
Speaker 1: you know, a couple hundred dollars headphone technology into roadkill.
Speaker 1: And just like that, that AirPod Angel. I don't know
Speaker 1: who this guy was. He saved me from myself and
Speaker 1: I recovered the earbud. The story had a happy ending.
Speaker 1: I staggered into the gym. I could imagine.
Speaker 3: I can imagine though, when you first had to get
Speaker 3: down on the hot asphalt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was terrible. But it gets even worse, Danny,
Speaker 1: It gets even worse right, So here I am. I
Speaker 1: recover the earbud. I staggered into the gym defeated, right,
Speaker 1: But I not necessarily defeated, because I got my earbuds back.
Speaker 1: But at this point, I'm disheveled, I'm sweaty, I smell.
Speaker 1: I haven't even worked out yet, and I've got you know,
Speaker 1: when you lay on the asphalt, you get that black
Speaker 1: kind of asphalt dust crap on ith. Yeah, so my
Speaker 1: clothes have it, my knees have it. I'm looking like
Speaker 1: it doesn't look like I'm a member of the gym.
Speaker 1: It looks like I'm a vagrant, like a hobo that
Speaker 1: just made a wrong turn. They let me in the
Speaker 1: gym out a pity, and people were looking at me,
Speaker 1: and I don't want you look. Don't look at me, Okay,
Speaker 1: come on, look at the beautiful people. Don't look at me.
Speaker 1: And anyway, the earbuds were in my ears. They got
Speaker 1: some music going. I was futching around on my phone
Speaker 1: and all was right in the world after that, And
Speaker 1: so there you go. It's rarely another another story. Dad.
Speaker 1: It's not not about the treadmill. It's about the moments
Speaker 1: before you even get to the treadmill in this case.
Speaker 1: And so whoever that person was, I'm sure they won't
Speaker 1: hear this the AirPod angel, but thank you. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I did not expect someone to save me from myself there.
Speaker 1: So there you go. And I guess the lesson for
Speaker 1: me next time, and I have done this multiple times,
Speaker 1: is when I get my headphones, at least leave the
Speaker 1: car doors closed when I go for my headphones. Wouldn't
Speaker 1: that be the smart move rather than get out of
Speaker 1: the car and open up the headphones?
Speaker 3: Yeah, reverse order. I gotta remember to do that.
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm usually tired when I go there, so
Speaker 1: that's part of the problem. All right, Well we'll get
Speaker 1: out on that, Danny. It is Saturday, I say, I said,
Speaker 1: I'll be watching some of this college football today off
Speaker 1: and on. I do have some things I have to
Speaker 1: do in between that, and I'll be checking that out.
Speaker 1: So we got that going on. Anything you've got today.
Speaker 1: I'll be watching Benny Versus the Penny as well. I'll
Speaker 1: be watching that seventeen times today, so that's exciting. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I have notes in front of me right now for
Speaker 3: new rules for that game.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right, got workshop at Frankenstein's left.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be working all weekend. In fact, not just
Speaker 3: on this podcast, but uh, next Friday, it's going to
Speaker 3: be the third birthday for Covino and Rich in Afternoon Drive,
Speaker 3: And as we've discussed on this show before, they actually
Speaker 3: well they celebrated for the listeners because they're their core,
Speaker 3: they're p ones. The cnrp ones love nostalgia. So I
Speaker 3: always make sure to put a little audio collage together,
Speaker 3: highlights and funny moments from the past three years.
Speaker 1: All right, that's good.
Speaker 3: So I'll be in front of my Adobe editing system
Speaker 3: with sore hands, and I'll have that you know that
Speaker 3: mouse hand. Do you ever get that where you're on
Speaker 3: your mouse, your computer mouse so much that your hand
Speaker 3: just conforms to that shape.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you get your muscle twitching kind Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's my what's gain? That's good? You doing that anyone?
Speaker 1: As you know Danny and the Overnight show, Coop does
Speaker 1: that for me all the time every Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's believable the amount of work he puts in. All right,
Speaker 1: have a great rest of your Saturday, and we've got
Speaker 1: the mail bag on Sunday. We'll talk to you then.
Speaker 3: See you tomorrow for the mailbag. Later Skater by Fallacious