1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: Hey, Latino USA listener, here's a show from our archives. Yesida, 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: how ay, I'm meeting up with poet Jessica Salgado outside 3 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: of the Hunts Point produce market in the South BRONX. 4 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 2: You all meet you anywhere. 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: Yes, it's a frigid winter day and we're all bundled up. 6 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: Yessica is visiting from her home in Los Angeles. 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 2: To be talking about love somewhere that isn't home kind 8 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: of makes it even that much more rich here for me. 9 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: Hunts Point is the largest wholesale fruit and vegetable market 10 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: in the world, and we've brought Jessica here because we're 11 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: on a kind of a quest. We're here to find 12 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: the sexiest, most romantic fruit from Fudromedia and PRX. It's 13 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: Latino USA. I'm Marie Rosa today a conversation with poet 14 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: Jessica about love, lust and being a hopeless romantic. We 15 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: are going to start this episode by going on a 16 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 1: little adventure together. 17 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,399 Speaker 2: But just a little heads up that. 18 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: We recorded this when normal meant being out on the 19 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: street and walking around. That means we recorded this a 20 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: year ago before the COVID nineteen pandemic, and a warning 21 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 1: also that some of the conversation is about sex and 22 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: might not be suited for all ages. Here we go 23 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: off to the Bronx. Jessica writes a lot of love poems, 24 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: and many of those poems talk about mangos and lemons 25 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: and oranges, so she's the perfect person to bring to 26 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: the Hunt's Point market. It's super industrial. There are guys 27 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 1: hauling crates of pumpkins and celery around. There are trucks everywhere. 28 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: They beep as they pull in and out of the 29 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 1: parking lot. Honestly, it's not that easy to find somebody 30 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: here to ask about sexy fruit. But then we run 31 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,240 Speaker 1: into this guy. Hey, what's your name? 32 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 2: Salvator sugar own. Naturally they call me Sugar. 33 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: So we're here because Jessica is a poet. She writes 34 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: a lot about love and sex and passion. 35 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 2: Oh I could sing about that, but I got a 36 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 2: raspy voice. Usually I'm a good singer, but right now 37 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 2: I'm a little off. 38 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: What would be the song that you would. 39 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 2: Sing speaking words of wisdom? 40 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: Let it be say I'm a little off, though on 41 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: a good night you would melt so because you're here 42 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:43,639 Speaker 1: all the time. What is the sexiest piece of fruit 43 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 1: or the most romantic piece of fruit. 44 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 2: I would say, a kiwi you gotta eat. Yeah. 45 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: Sugar walks over to a pile of kiwis that he's 46 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: selling and he splits one open with a knife and 47 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 1: it looks pretty spectacular. It's bright yellow on the inside 48 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: and it looks super juicy. That's a gold kiwi. 49 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 2: Try to thank you. So what makes is the sexiest 50 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:13,080 Speaker 2: fruit for you? Sex? Don't you taste it? I mean 51 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 2: it's it's delicious, it's beautiful. But I would have never 52 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 2: I would never thought of a kiwi as sexy, like 53 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 2: I think of kiwis as an awkward for it. 54 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: Okay, but but seriously, right now, if you if you 55 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: bite into this kiwi, right, you gotta do the sucking motion. 56 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 2: Right, I think that's the essential part. And you're just like, no, 57 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 2: hm hmm. I mean I get it, but I don't 58 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 2: think it's the sexiser. 59 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 1: No, because you're actually taking up She's. 60 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 2: Like, I stuck too hard. But I mean it's delicious. 61 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: So we tried the golden kiwi. But Hunt's point is 62 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: bursting with put tentcally sexy fruits. 63 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 2: I don't know they're tomatos. 64 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: Wow, they're beautiful, like the most sensual and. 65 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: Right next to a very phoulic chili. 66 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 1: We spot some squash. This is some pretty intense, robust, 67 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 1: still bust. Anything coming to mind as you're looking at 68 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: the squash. 69 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 2: Me it's a heavy, beautiful fruit and these are still 70 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 2: green and are changing colors. I've sput it back down 71 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 2: and it's like uzine. 72 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 1: Yes he Got grew up in La, in a Salvadoran family. 73 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: She calls herself a fat fly poet. She's been writing 74 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: and performing poetry for more than a decade, first online 75 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: and at poetry Slams. Yes he Got and her poetry 76 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 1: have blown up over the last few years with help 77 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: from Instagram and with a lot of love from LA's 78 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 1: LATINX community. Last fall, she published her third book of poetry. 79 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 1: It's called at Mosa, and she has a real talent 80 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: for finding the poetry in everyday things. 81 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 2: I talk about a lot with ripening fruits, as like 82 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,520 Speaker 2: the discovering of love and finding love. And I think 83 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 2: it's because it takes a lot of girl to be 84 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 2: able to harvest, and then even then you still have 85 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,600 Speaker 2: to wait for it to be ready for you to consume. 86 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 2: And many times we're so worried about love. We don't 87 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 2: realize that has to take time to become love. And 88 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 2: so I think fruits teaches those lessons to wait. Like, 89 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 2: I don't think you've really known love until you're waiting 90 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 2: for a mango to ripe in or an avocado to 91 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 2: ripep in, and you keep going back and touching it, 92 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 2: and you're like, no, it's not ready. I can't eat 93 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 2: it yet. I can't eat it yet. And then when 94 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 2: you finally can, you're like, I'm so glad I waited, 95 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:43,159 Speaker 2: so beautiful. 96 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 1: All right, well let's keep walking. 97 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 2: Yes, oh sorry. 98 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: As we go deeper into the market, we start feeling well, 99 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,159 Speaker 1: a little bit in the way of and pushing around 100 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: fruit crates, and then all of a sudden, Georgia, I am. 101 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 3: Sorry, I am the recis. 102 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,799 Speaker 1: And that's the beginning of the end of our fruit adventure. 103 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:12,280 Speaker 1: Director Medina politely escorts us to the exit. But before leaving, 104 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: I had just one more question. So we were here 105 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:21,359 Speaker 1: to talk about romantic and sexy fruit. Okay, you just 106 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: gave me the side. I what is the sexiest fruit. 107 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:28,479 Speaker 2: For me? 108 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 1: Yes? Oh no, come on, you gotta give us an answer. 109 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 1: You're around fruit every single day. 110 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 2: Oh, let's go with the mango, the grapes and avocado. 111 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 2: I agree. 112 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: I agree, And with that, the exit the market, get 113 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,279 Speaker 1: in the car and head back to the Latino USA 114 00:06:54,360 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 1: studios in Harlem. Yes, sir, back in our warm studio, 115 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: I sit down with Yesigat to talk about love, lust, 116 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: her body, and her new book. All right, Yesigat, thank 117 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: you for going on this sexy fruit hunt with us, 118 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: And I'm really sorry that we got kicked out. 119 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 2: I can't never say anybody else's every interview to me 120 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 2: like that. I love it. It was such the perfect 121 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 2: metaphor for who I am in this world, and to 122 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 2: be in such a male dominated space, but to be 123 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 2: with a woman, you know, interviewing me, and it's just 124 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 2: so true to who I am, like down to like 125 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 2: the last drop, to be in this hustle and bustle 126 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 2: and to just be there and be like, no, I'm 127 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 2: here to talk about love and all these things that 128 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,679 Speaker 2: are inconvenient to you. Yeah. 129 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: I also feel like the men were totally like, yes, 130 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: we were a bit of an inconvenience, but I think 131 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: that they were also frank very attracted to what was happening. Yes, 132 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: I think that they were attracted to you because you're 133 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 1: a poet and you exude this kind of other worldliness. 134 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: And I think they were attracted to me because you're 135 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 1: probably like, who is this older woman who's just walking 136 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: around like she like knows everything? 137 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 2: Well, there isn't anything sexier than confidence. And we had 138 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 2: someone cut open a fruit for us, like while he 139 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 2: was at work. And then like even the guys that 140 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 2: I like, I apologize for someone that I was in 141 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 2: this way, He's like, no, you're good, like they were intrigued. 142 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 2: And I see a lot of for me. That happens 143 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 2: a lot with men that come to my readings. They 144 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 2: don't get the hype right, they don't get it, and 145 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 2: then they step into a room that I'm holding in 146 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 2: the palm of my hand, and I always see the 147 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 2: way that they look at me changes completely after that. 148 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 2: And at my book release, this man that I have 149 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 2: a crush on was there, crushed on, so young, so youthful, 150 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 2: but that's what he makes like nothing's happened between us. 151 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 2: But I feel giddy whenever I'm around him, and I 152 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:08,319 Speaker 2: feel the most beautiful when I'm on stage reading my poetry, 153 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 2: and I'm like, if after this he doesn't want to 154 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 2: marry me or at least hook up, like there's nothing 155 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 2: else I can do, Like I've played my biggest card. 156 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,680 Speaker 1: You have written a lot about your body, and you 157 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:27,120 Speaker 1: call yourself a body positive activist, and you've written about 158 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 1: how relationships have affected your relationship with your body. 159 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 2: Definitely, I mean being a fat woman in general. It's 160 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 2: a lot, right, And then we get to Hunts Point 161 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 2: and I see how large it is. I'm like, we're 162 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 2: gonna have to walk around. I'm gonna be out of 163 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,480 Speaker 2: breath just because I'm a lot more body moving around. 164 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 2: But there's there's something in me that always kicks into 165 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 2: no I'm Yessica, I'm Yessica Selgado, and I'm here with 166 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 2: Maria in a whole sad like there's no time to 167 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 2: be shy. And I feel that that's also what happens 168 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 2: during sex, all of my hang ups, all of my whatever. 169 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 2: I could show up at a man's house and have 170 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 2: a laundry list of why he might not want to 171 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: have sex with me, But the minute that we're both naked, 172 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 2: who cares? Like the car got started and we're on 173 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,959 Speaker 2: our way, and like all the fears and everything doesn't 174 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 2: even matter anymore. And I think that as someone with 175 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 2: my body, it's taken a long time to get to this, right, Like, 176 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,439 Speaker 2: I spent many years pretending this wasn't my body, you know, 177 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 2: going online with other women's pictures and only having romance 178 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 2: through phones and through screens, and then coming into who 179 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 2: I am now this this woman who says like, yeah, 180 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 2: you know, like this things about my body that aren't ideal. 181 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 2: But everybody has that My experience is not unique, especially 182 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 2: as women in this country that we're told that beauty 183 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 2: looks a specific way and there's only a small percentage 184 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 2: of the population that does look like that. 185 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 1: So what have been the significant moments where love has 186 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: changed how you think about your own body? 187 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 3: Oh? 188 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:06,199 Speaker 2: My goodness. So I used to catfish, right, I used 189 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 2: to pretend to be other people. And one of the 190 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 2: last relationships that I had using someone else's pictures instead 191 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 2: of my own online, right, was with this guy named 192 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 2: Dominic from writing Pennsylvania. And he and I spoke for 193 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 2: like six months, and we had talked about visiting each other, 194 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 2: and I kept putting it off and putting it off, 195 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 2: and excuses of why I couldn't get on camera all 196 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 2: these things, right, and then finally it just got to 197 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 2: be too much. And it was kind of when I 198 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,080 Speaker 2: hit the wall, when I was like, what am I doing? 199 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 2: I had already found a community of poetry and poets 200 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 2: that loved me and supported me, and I was going 201 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 2: home to pretend to be somebody else and it was 202 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 2: just becoming like a lot. And so I came clean 203 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 2: to him, right I confessed, and it was my turning 204 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 2: point in my life. I felt that my wrong doing 205 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 2: wasn't lying to him for X amount of months, It 206 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 2: was getting him to fall in love with a fat woman. 207 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 2: I feelt that that was what I had done wrong, 208 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 2: and so I told him I'm going to disappear. I 209 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 2: won't be in your life anymore. I'm sorry, And he said, no, 210 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 2: I love you. I want you in my life. I 211 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 2: don't know if I could do a relationship with you 212 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 2: because you're a liar, but I still want you in 213 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 2: my life. And then he said, why didn't you let 214 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,839 Speaker 2: me choose you didn't even give me the option to 215 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 2: choose you. And that question changed the rest of everything 216 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: for me because him asking that question, I'm like, I 217 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 2: don't even choose myself. 218 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: Coming up on let you know, USA, I talked with 219 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: Yetika about how her growing career success has helped her 220 00:12:49,400 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 1: figure out what she wants out of love Stay with Us, Yes, Hey, 221 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: We're back, And in her new books Poet Yes writes 222 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,679 Speaker 1: about romance. 223 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,359 Speaker 2: A woman loves a man in life and about heartbreak 224 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,680 Speaker 2: the man does not love the woman, and she writes 225 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 2: a world in which he. 226 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: Does, but also about creating a life that's all her own. 227 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 2: I just want my own place, somewhere to burn stage. 228 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 2: I want to play music loud. 229 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: And a home that can outlast any relationship. 230 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,760 Speaker 2: But most of all, I want to find a home 231 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 2: that isn't you, isn't us. Isn't that quiet room where 232 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 2: we died, where I left all hope of you coming 233 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 2: back announcing that you choose me after all? Instead, I 234 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 2: want my own place. Doesn't that sound so nice? 235 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: So I asked Yessica about how she balances love with 236 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: independence and her career. Let's get back to the conversation. 237 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 1: So you are a hopeless romantic, I am, but you're 238 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: also straight up an American woman who's a feminist, who's independent, 239 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 1: who's not going to be told what to do or 240 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: how to be. So what do you think about this? 241 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 1: Notion of being an independent woman who is choosing to 242 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: be single, but at the same time is like super romantic. 243 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 2: I've had to learn that both things can be true, right, 244 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: nothing is mutually exclusive. I can yearn for love, love, love, 245 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 2: and at the same time hold men accountable for being 246 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 2: part of patriarchy and misogynic, you know, like in all 247 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: these things. And I've come to the realization that nothing's 248 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 2: missing from me. I'm yessica, whether I have someone to 249 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 2: love or I don't. And that even makes me more 250 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 2: of a romantic because I'm not going into love to 251 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 2: find the rest of me. I'm going to love because 252 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 2: I choose to go to love because I want to 253 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:07,920 Speaker 2: experience what sharing all of me is with someone else. 254 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 2: And if you come into my life and this doesn't 255 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 2: work out, it's okay because I already planned my life 256 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 2: without you. But if you decide to stay, we could 257 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 2: plan that life. Now. My goal is to buy my 258 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 2: own home, not to find a husband and us buy 259 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 2: a home together. But if I find one and he 260 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,640 Speaker 2: wants to help me with the mortgage, fantastic, right, But 261 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,000 Speaker 2: you own the house. Yeah, by own a house, you 262 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 2: could just I joke and I tell them and then 263 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 2: I'm looking for my steedmen, and I'm like, I just 264 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 2: want someone to stay in the house, and if I 265 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,760 Speaker 2: need you for a red carpet, I'll dust you off, 266 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 2: bring you out. My ideal partner now would be someone 267 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 2: who is okay with me being in the spotlight and 268 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 2: then them having their own lives. 269 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: So that is something that has happened. You just published 270 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: your third book of poetry, It's called and you've written 271 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: about dating when potential booze are threatened by your success? Yes, 272 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 1: how do we as powerful latin as women of color 273 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: who clearly have no problem taking up space because we 274 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,240 Speaker 1: quiet the imposter voices in our head? And I was 275 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,239 Speaker 1: just like, we're going to do this. How do you 276 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 1: manage being who you are when people see you as 277 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:26,400 Speaker 1: incredibly successful and therefore oftentimes men and women will feel 278 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: very threatened by this. 279 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 2: Twenty eighteen was a year of learning how to deal 280 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:36,879 Speaker 2: with that. I lost potential partners and friends. They wanted 281 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 2: a wish better for me, but for some reason it 282 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: was messing up their heads. And I was involved with 283 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 2: someone very loosely, and I remember we were in an 284 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 2: argument and he said, well, your yes, you're used to 285 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 2: getting whatever you want. Because in LA, I'm like a 286 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 2: hometown celebrity, Like whatever whatever you want to I'm my 287 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 2: hometown loves me right. I have friends that are DJs 288 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 2: get invited to their parties, They'll put me on the list. 289 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 1: Okay, I know who I'm hanging out with in La, totally. 290 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 2: The lat the next community in LA has loved me 291 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,440 Speaker 2: as hard as I've loved them. So sometimes men see 292 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,640 Speaker 2: that and they think, like, what can I give you 293 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,200 Speaker 2: that you're not already getting? And when they ask that question, 294 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,919 Speaker 2: I know that they're not for me. Because if a 295 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 2: man can't see my success without making himself a part 296 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,919 Speaker 2: of it, then he's not someone that I need. And 297 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 2: I learned that last year. Before that, I would cry 298 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 2: and I'd be like, what can I be successful and 299 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 2: have everything I want? No, you can, but you can't 300 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 2: have it with everybody. I want so much in this 301 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 2: world that whoever I fall in love with has to 302 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 2: understand that my hunger is so much more than just 303 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 2: a partner. I had a partner tell me what can 304 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 2: I show you that you haven't already seen? And I said, 305 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 2: what's your need for you to show me something? Why 306 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 2: can't I show you something. Why can't I take you 307 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 2: to the parts of the United States that you've never Salem, 308 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 2: Virginia is like this random placed, but there's a diner 309 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 2: there that gives fantastic oatmeal, and maybe I want to 310 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 2: take you there one day. 311 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: So people have a hard time having a conversation with 312 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 1: women about erotica, about sex. Why does it come easy 313 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 1: for you to talk about sex, erotica, sexuality, sensuality, romance, 314 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,199 Speaker 1: all of that. 315 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:55,080 Speaker 2: So when I was very young, I was always very intrigued, right, 316 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,119 Speaker 2: and then I was a teenager that if there was 317 00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,680 Speaker 2: like a sex scene in a novel, I would find 318 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,440 Speaker 2: it and devour it. But I always felt so ashamed 319 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 2: of it because I grew up Catholic, all that guilty too. 320 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,800 Speaker 2: My parents were very strict and they would only let 321 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,679 Speaker 2: me go out of it was a church thing, so 322 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 2: it became very involved in my church. And so I 323 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,320 Speaker 2: thought that because I liked being at church so much 324 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 2: and men, I was going to be a nun. So 325 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 2: I announced I was going to be a nun, and 326 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: I was going to marry Jesus and all this stuff. 327 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:26,199 Speaker 2: But I still had this hunger, right, I just want 328 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 2: to kiss a boy. I would make out with like 329 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,199 Speaker 2: the back of my hand and think I was just 330 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:35,439 Speaker 2: this hunger for it. And then I remember that there 331 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 2: were party Lions in the nineties, right, which is like 332 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 2: a phone chat room, right, And I would call the 333 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,639 Speaker 2: party Lions. And then I wasn't half I wasn't masturbating 334 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 2: or doing anything. But I would have phone sex with people, 335 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,480 Speaker 2: and I was probably like very inappropriate because it was 336 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,280 Speaker 2: probably adults and I was a child, like I was 337 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 2: a teenager, but I would talk about sex with people, 338 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,159 Speaker 2: and so I would hear men talk about sex like 339 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 2: at a young age, and I learned what they wanted, 340 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 2: to hear what they wanted or whatever. And for many 341 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:05,399 Speaker 2: years that was the only way that I would be 342 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 2: sexual was through the phone. So once I stopped catfishing 343 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,119 Speaker 2: and I was going to therapy, I realized that a 344 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,680 Speaker 2: lot of that was the suppression of my sexuality because 345 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 2: I thought that as a fat woman, I couldn't be 346 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 2: sexual because who wants to hear a fat girl talk 347 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 2: about having sex because the fat woman is the most 348 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 2: undesired woman. If you ask men what they fear when 349 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 2: they meet someone on a dating app, their biggest fears 350 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,639 Speaker 2: that the woman's going to be fat. The woman's biggest 351 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 2: fears that he's going to murder her. And so I 352 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 2: was taught that my body was the most offensive thing 353 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 2: to men. And so now I'm going to talk about sex, 354 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 2: and I'm going to talk about it without any billows, 355 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 2: and my linguis like without any restraints, because I want 356 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 2: you to see what it looks like when it's fully 357 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 2: consensual and when I have full control of what I'm saying. 358 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 2: And I want other women and who are not thin 359 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,879 Speaker 2: women to know that everybody has sex. I have to 360 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 2: tell the story because if I don't, the other narrative 361 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:14,200 Speaker 2: is fat woman only have sex for men's pleasure, but 362 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 2: not for their own. And I'm like, no, I get pleasure. 363 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 2: I enjoy sex very much. And that's why I've written 364 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 2: about one night stands. I've written about hooking up with 365 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 2: someone just to avoid calling my ex, or like going 366 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 2: on a date just to find someone new to break 367 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 2: my heart so I could forget about the last person. 368 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,359 Speaker 2: I think it's so beautiful. And I grew up with 369 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 2: a mother whose sexuality was very repressed. My mother had 370 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 2: multiple rape attempts on her and then said to a 371 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 2: point where like a man was almost kidnapping her, and 372 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 2: then they always like it was always like what did 373 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,760 Speaker 2: you do to make and want to do that right? 374 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 2: And then even my father and her their first night, 375 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 2: the consent story is very blurry, like he took her 376 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 2: to a hotel and said it's time or with a man, 377 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 2: and then my mother goes, it was time for me 378 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,159 Speaker 2: to be with a man. And then my mom was 379 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,440 Speaker 2: only ever with my father. And sometimes I asked, Hi'm like, Mom, 380 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,640 Speaker 2: do you ever regret not try another? And she goes, oh, yes, Gay, 381 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,760 Speaker 2: you are always asking me crazy questions. And I went up, 382 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,639 Speaker 2: but for real, So I joke and I say, I 383 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 2: have a lot of hoeing to make up for because 384 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,119 Speaker 2: my mother only had one partner and my grandmother probably 385 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 2: only had my grandfather, and so they didn't do a 386 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 2: lot of it. 387 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:40,600 Speaker 1: So I have to explore all of it, all right, 388 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 1: YESI guys. So we have a bowl of fruit right 389 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 1: here in the studio that our producers prepared for us. 390 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,200 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like I have to bite 391 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,919 Speaker 1: into this. I'm sorry, I can't. I can't help it 392 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: any Oh my god, I can't. Okay, hold on, Oh well, Pa, 393 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 1: my granted, yes, mm so good yeah, I know you're 394 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: picking up the big pomegranate. 395 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm like looking at it's under it. 396 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 1: So what do you think about what's under it? 397 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:14,399 Speaker 2: That's fress has its strawberries. I eat them dipped in sugar. 398 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 2: Wait what Yeah? 399 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,119 Speaker 1: Have you ever that's such a Latin American thing to 400 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 1: do that you take fruit and you put. 401 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,679 Speaker 2: It in sugar. Yeah, you make the sweet sweeter. 402 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 1: So I don't know about but in Mexico there are 403 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:36,359 Speaker 1: many names. As we say, there are many names for 404 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 1: and they just call it the part of the woman. 405 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 2: So yeah, mm hmm. Mango another malonas are always for 406 00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 2: the breast. I've associated my breast with mangoes. Here, have 407 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:51,600 Speaker 2: a piece of mango with me. 408 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:54,199 Speaker 1: Mm hm. 409 00:24:55,920 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 2: I feel a little hard. There's would have been really good. 410 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 2: Would have had a couple more days. 411 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 1: More days, Jessica. It has been so deliciously enlightening to 412 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 1: spend some time with you. Thank you so much for 413 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,959 Speaker 1: joining me on at the USA than you has been 414 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: an honor. This episode was produced by Alisas Carse with 415 00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,119 Speaker 1: help from Juan Dio Ranidez. It was edited by Sophia Plisaka. 416 00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:49,119 Speaker 1: The Latino USA team includes Andrea Ropez, Russado, Marta Martinez, 417 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:54,760 Speaker 1: Daisy Contreds, Mike Sergent, Julieta Martinelli, Victoria Strada, Renaldo Lean, Junior, 418 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 1: lejandras Arassa, Patrisa Sulvan and Julia Rocha. With help from Raulrees. 419 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: Our editorial directories Fernande Santos. Our director of Engineering is 420 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 1: Stephanie Lebau. Our senior engineer is Julia Caruso. Our associate 421 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: engineers are Gabriela Biez and jj Krubin. Our marketing manager 422 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: is Luis Luna. Our theme music was composed by Zagel Ruinos. 423 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 1: I'm your host and executive producer Marie jo Josa. Join 424 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 1: us again on our next episode. In the meantime, look 425 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,400 Speaker 1: for us on all of your social media ricords and 426 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 1: see you in the next one. 427 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:34,479 Speaker 3: Shoo Latino USA is made possible in part by the 428 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 3: Ford Foundation, working with visionaries on the front lines of 429 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:43,440 Speaker 3: social change worldwide, California Endowment building a strong state by 430 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 3: improving the health of all Californians, and the Heising Simons 431 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 3: Foundation unlocking knowledge, opportunity and possibilities more at hsfoundation dot org. 432 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 2: It really feels like I think he's trying to seduce you. 433 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 2: He honed in on you. 434 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 1: I think he liked you. 435 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,679 Speaker 2: No, I think it was you. He honed in on you. 436 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,280 Speaker 1: He looked at you, he was like, you're so pretty boy. 437 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,159 Speaker 2: It was because you told him that I'm the one 438 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,280 Speaker 2: that's been interviewed, but before that it was you. 439 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 1: We're not gonna make him choose