WEBVTT - Ep 338: The Season of Allowing 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:21.119 Hey, hey, hey, we're back. 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:23.639 We're black, We're. 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:32.800 Ambition, ambition, ambition, amision. I'm so excited that baby's back 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:38.880 to the studio, back, she's in the stew. 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:43.159 I'm in this, in this, I survive. I am a 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:45.560 survivor of the triple demic. I think I need like 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:49.880 a bingo card for the viruses. I know I sound crappy, 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:51.720 but this is the best I have felt in an 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:57.080 over a month. Yeah, the flu was first, blue knocked 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.480 me down. Got my flu shot, and I'm pro vaccination, 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:01.639 but what the hell? Who made the flu shot this year? 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:04.319 Because it was not giving what it needed to give 0:01:04.400 --> 0:01:07.000 to my immune system? Okay, yeah, I got the flu. 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:09.800 Then Rio got the flu. Somehow my husband, who I 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:12.120 was badgering to get his flu shot, didn't get the 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:15.600 flu shot. He did not get the flu, so he 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:19.880 was walking around all healthy and annoying but anyway, and 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:22.800 then flew to bronchitis to er trip to make sure 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:26.360 I wasn't gonna like lose my lungs. It was. It's 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:28.959 been a it's been a it's been a rocky few weeks. 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:33.520 But I'm so so grateful for my health and Rio's 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.200 back in daycare today. Homeboy was not happy to go 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:41.640 back because he's been attached to my hip for eleven days. 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:44.880 But yeah, it's rough out there, but I'm so happy 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:46.120 to be back to How are you? 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:48.680 Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm so happy you're back. 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:50.720 I was like, I missed Mantra, you miss Kevin. 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:53.760 I know, I can't believe I didn't know that was good. 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:55.520 I mean, it wouldn't have mattered anyway because I couldn't 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:57.800 have talked. But yeah, I didn't know it was gonna 0:01:57.800 --> 0:01:58.480 be so soon. 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:00.080 But he didn't know. 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:01.480 We wanted him. 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:05.680 More everything he wanted. And Kevin was literally awesome. Miss Tina, 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:10.480 his his wife was so beautiful. She came just for 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:12.560 a second just to say, hey, she's super introverted, so 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:14.440 she didn't want to, but like they're just like this 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.160 amazing couple of I don't know when that's gonna air. 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:18.920 We don't know when, Like you know, it might have 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:22.440 aired already, No it did. Yeah, I forget what it's 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:25.359 called increased the increased decrease or something, but it's that 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.880 listener Kevin that we read his letter about his wife. 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.160 We had him in the studio. He was just like 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:31.040 such a great. 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:34.880 Sport, funny, hilarious. He was like, y'all grabbed me from 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:36.560 philth and he was like, and I did write the 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:40.240 second letter Tina. Remember we were like the secondary my wife. 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:44.400 Tina was so beautiful, like Tina's like say it right, 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:46.440 He's a knife to his back. 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:51.400 So much he was he was honestly super delightful. But 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:53.200 you were missed. 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:57.000 I was like, may day, yeah, man, talk about I 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:58.720 was just telling the last listener, the last b a 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:00.760 q A, like, don't compare your to where you think 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.440 you ought to be right now. It has been so 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.760 tough because like, for a minute, you just forget. It's 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.800 like you're floating through this like misery stew and you 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:13.040 just forget. Who even am I anymore? Like do I 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.720 make money? Am I a business person? Am I just 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.520 a human Kleenex? Just disposal? Like you know, just chasing 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:23.040 around a snotty child and feeling horrible myself. It's really 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.600 hard when you get knocked down like that. But I 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.800 did do some things that I'm proud of. I really 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:33.160 worked on, like changing my own intrusive thought, you know, 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:36.800 my narrative, Like it's okay to just rest, you don't 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:39.320 have to turn your sick leave into read a bunch 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:41.520 of books and ketch up on podcasts and like, huh, 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:44.440 you know so, Michelle Obama, I'll get to your book 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:47.360 in the new year, probably, even though I bought it, 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:51.720 like and just just heal and try, I didn't even 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.000 put up This is a big thing for me. How 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.200 many like all this Christmas magic, all the holiday magic, 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:59.640 how much of that burden is on the shoulders of 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:02.720 like you know, wanted to like keep it alive. And 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:04.800 usually that's me. I'm the one putting lights up on 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:07.440 the roof and the trees and all that. And this 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.320 year it's we're already we're gonna be gone to Atlanta 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:13.240 next week. And I had to give up. I made 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:18.520 peace with not putting up Christmas decorations outside. I did 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.680 drag my sick child and my sick self to the 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:24.880 Christmas tree farm just for five minutes to get a tree. 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:30.080 It stood undecorated for like a week. But yeah, just 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.359 trying to just like, Okay, Christmas does not look like 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.520 how I think it ought to look. But thank god 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:39.560 we're healthy again. It's really scary when you have your 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:42.120 son and he's so little and he's so sick and 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:46.000 it could have been a lot worse. So but yeah, 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:49.720 just trying to be grace great, give myself grace. I'm 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:54.200 doing my last Negotiation masterclass of twenty twenty two this 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:57.599 week on Thursday. It was supposed to be tomorrow, but 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:01.440 I pushed my own deadline. See yeah, I was like, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:04.200 I can fix this, so I hopefully get more of 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:07.560 my voice back. So I hope to see somebody all 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:11.799 there for my last Negotiation masterclass. And yeah, just trying 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:16.359 to just stay healthy and stay calm and not be 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.159 so hard on myself towards the end of the year. 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:21.840 Honestly, this end of the year, I have been so. 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.320 Like I don't have the motivation to do anything except 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.920 for like the podcast and like the occasional. Luckily, I 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:31.800 don't have anything planned, you know, next year. I'm definitely 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:35.080 just I have an X all on December, but because 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.159 I just you know, it's the end of the year, 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:39.040 and I'm like, yeah, Like even today, I was supposed 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:40.640 to do the Today Show in like a couple of weeks. 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:42.359 They called to it like, oh, we don't have we 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.360 don't have space for the segment. I was like, yay, 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:48.160 I mean oh, just because I'm just upseying, you know. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:51.920 I just I just feel just kind of dry. 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.599 I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet, which is like 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:55.920 I don't know when they're gonna arrive. 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:58.120 I just, you know, it's crazy. 0:05:58.120 --> 0:05:59.720 The other day, like I was walking and I was 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.440 as wrong with you? You know, you're kind of dragged. 0:06:02.520 --> 0:06:05.800 I'm like, Tiffany, great, damn it. Sometimes we forget that 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:08.599 like you're you're we're human, you know, And I'm like, 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:10.479 it's the time of year. Jarrelle loved this time of year, 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:15.640 and you know, and it just doesn't feel like Christmas. 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:17.400 And I just had to because I literally had to. 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:20.000 I literally said to myself, what happened with you? Nothing's wrong, 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:21.960 nothing's happened. And I'm like, are you are we? 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:23.800 Are you kidding? You know? 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:26.679 And it's like this is our Like although he passed 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:31.080 away last November, that December, it was so crazy it 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:33.640 I remember Lissa had COVID. She was like upstairs in 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:35.400 her room, she couldn't come out. Nobody was coming over 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:38.599 for Christmas. So it didn't really feel like Christmas anyway. 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:42.640 So it didn't the him not being here that it 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.160 wasn't the biggest part of Christmas because it was literally 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:48.039 like no one was out for Christmas. My parents, like 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.760 no one went to visit anyone, and literally just Alyssa 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:51.680 was just in her room. 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:52.760 And I just put food by the door. 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:55.839 So it was already like this is weird in general, 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:58.720 but this Christmas it's like kind of quote unquote normal. 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:00.760 And then I guess it's just kind of hit me. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.120 Like I did a toy drive for him along with 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:04.599 his family. 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:06.520 We raised like we. 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:08.720 Almost people b are almost five thousand dollars worth of toys, 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:11.880 which is awesome, and so we did it with connecting 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:16.280 connection with me. Way, yeah, it's been awesome, But I 0:07:16.440 --> 0:07:19.320 just I don't know, I'm in this like weird space 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:24.120 where like I was talking like I went to this 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:25.920 and we have to go the next year when you're 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.120 with so a girlfriend in min Hand Naime is Renee 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:33.400 blew It. She has this every year in New York. 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:37.400 She has this annual Black Woman Like I don't know, 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:40.520 I guess you would like a not a festival, but 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:43.480 like basically all the entrepreneurs are black women, and you 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:45.760 can go and purchase gifts. So it's maybe like fifty 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:49.960 or sixty black women, and they have everything from licens. Yes, 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:52.440 black black woman own business and so everything from lip 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:56.360 glosses to like press on nails, to T shirts to 0:07:56.480 --> 0:08:00.840 jewelry to It was honestly, Mandy incredible because it was 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:03.360 just like and then like the whole space was filled 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:05.480 with black women supporting black women. You know, of course 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:07.800 anyone was allowed, but it was like ninety percent of 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:08.520 black women. 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:09.360 Ah. 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:10.680 Yes. It was like I think she only had it 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:12.040 one day and I'm like, girl, you need to do 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:14.560 this more often. Because it was when I say incredible, 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:16.840 because you know, like women we've been doing the most. 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:20.440 Meaning like everyone was just excellent, you know, like they 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.600 had this amazing brand stories and just like I mean, 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:25.280 and you know, I'm not even a big shopper. I 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:27.320 want to say I patronized like seventy five percent. I 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:28.600 was like, I'll take one of those. I don't even 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:29.280 I don't. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:29.960 Even wear wait speeds. 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.120 I'm wearing waste speeds right now because I'm just like 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:34.240 I don't box wispeds. I'm like, I'll take wte speeds. 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:36.160 I'll take Look, I don't even wear press on there. 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:39.520 I bought press up there. It was just like this 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:43.400 beautiful because there is the statistic that says that the 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:47.160 black dollar doesn't make like it leaves the black hand 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.080 as soon as it comes in, and then like I 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.079 think it's like other communities, it's like it will touch 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:54.840 like five hands before it loves the community ten hands, 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:56.960 but the black dollar doesn't even touch one hand before 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.840 it loses the community. And so, like, you know, that 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.040 just felt like that's not true, you know what I mean. 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:06.760 And so to me, that felt, you know, like awesome 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:08.839 and amazing. And I got to also see one of 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:12.080 my mentors, Bevy Smith, who pulled me to the side 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:15.079 and was like, Tiffany, you are in the season of allowing. 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:18.360 She's like, you know, you have done so much work 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:20.840 for so long that you're in a space where I 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.800 want you to just allow things to come into your space. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:27.600 If something happens, great, If it doesn't happen, okay, you 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:29.800 are not to chase, You're not to run after. That's 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:31.360 not the season that you're in. And you know that's 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:33.679 already the feeling I've been getting anyway, and so I've 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.640 just been really like blue sighing and like like cranking 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:40.760 down and just allowing opportunities to come or not and 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:41.959 being okay either way. 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:44.000 And so yeah, it's. 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:49.040 Just like just this different season for myself financially, personally, professionally, 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:51.640 and I'm just like you know, navigating and seeing my 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.400 way through. But I am excited because January first, your 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:58.320 girl will be in Kenya. I've never been before. Yes, 0:09:58.440 --> 0:10:00.520 I'm going to Kenya for like a week speaking at 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:04.920 this Safe Journey retreat that one of my play cousins 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.760 does every year. Her name is Ejama Indi Yama and 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:11.679 Ebo means safe journey and so yeah, so she does 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:13.560 it every year and she had asked me in twenty 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:15.760 nineteen because but I could I was doing IVF and 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.320 I couldn't be away. So I saw she was doing 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:19.719 it again this year and I was like, oh, w 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:22.360 are you still looking for speakers and she said yeah. 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:23.920 I was like, oh I still like to speak AKA 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:30.040 free Vacation. Yeah, I'm excited to bring my sister Lisa. 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:35.120 We've never traveled together before, like well as adults, and 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:40.760 so yeah, this is the baby right, yes, yes, it 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:42.440 was just her birthday and I saw just how much 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:46.320 a baby she was. I was like, I just you know, 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:47.920 those of you who grew up the youngest of a 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:52.360 big family. You don't even understand the heavy lifting us 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:54.120 grown folks have to do for y'all babies. 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:55.880 If it's a baby boy, it's even worse. 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.360 I mean, I can only imagine, especially if it's girls 0:10:58.400 --> 0:10:58.960 ahead of the boy. 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:04.839 I know, Oh my family, Okay, hi baby brother. Well 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:07.960 I'm glad. I mean Jesus, Like, if there's ever a 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:11.200 time to feel weird and like to just be with 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:13.120 that grief and checking with yourself, I feel like this 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:16.800 is the time, in this moment for you. What's helpful 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:19.200 because I feel like as a friend, you know, of 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.320 course I'm always thinking about you and how you're feeling, 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:23.959 but what do you and you and I think it's 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:25.719 also a difficult time for a lot of people during 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:30.400 the holidays for whatever reason, grieving. I'm getting emotional. I'll 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:32.120 tell you, guys why. It's just I can't control it 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:36.640 anymore then. Anyway, like to check in with people want 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:38.160 I want to say, this is the time of year 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:39.640 to check in with your loved ones and make sure 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:42.240 that people you haven't heard from know that they're loved, 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:45.800 because I mean, the mental health suicide rates, it all 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.760 goes up this time of year. But yeah, I'm just 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:53.480 wondering from your perspective, what is helpful and what feels 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.040 good to you now, well what feels. 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:57.959 Good to me? Honestly, before, you know, when after it 0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:00.040 first happened, I didn't want to talk about it. I 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:02.080 don't talk about I don't talk, don't don't bring him by. 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:03.640 I don't want to. You know, it was just too much. 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.520 And now I've entered into a space where not that 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.559 I want to talk about it with strangers and whole foods, 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:10.880 you know, like I still don't want. 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:12.439 To do that, but I appreciate you. 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.120 But I do love the stories I get to tell 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:19.880 with friends and people who knew him, you know, Like 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:23.920 how like right about now, you know, Jerobi opening the 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:27.800 door like oh you say the podcast like or a 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:30.280 door of creek, Like are you like, are you guys 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:31.400 gonna get that door fixed? 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:33.079 You want a sandwich? 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.600 I'm like, I'm taping the podcast like I do every 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.760 single time at the sum day, and so like that 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:41.840 like brings joy. Like even Alisa and I were hanging 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:43.960 out the other day taping Tiktoks and we were just 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:47.720 talking about like, you know, just like reminiscing about you know, 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.680 her father and and just like you know, fun things 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:53.760 and like just like just like you know, just just 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:57.880 stories and so that I've been enjoying. And I would say, 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:01.720 what I'm really enjoying more than anything is that like 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:03.640 two years ago, I was either working or home. 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.120 That was it. I really didn't make time for anything else. 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.240 I mean my family, yes, but like but now I 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:13.480 find myself making time for friendships beyond like like my 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:14.199 three core. 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:15.000 Friends, you know what I mean. 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.719 Like the last night, a friend of mine, her name 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.640 is Tiffany as Well, was like, Oh, I'm gonna be 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:21.559 in the city. You know, you want to come for dinner. 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:24.839 And old Tiffy would have been like the city yet, 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.520 not girl, Let's just have a phone call. But I 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.960 went and it was so great, you know, to like 0:13:31.040 --> 0:13:34.600 be out. And then Ross Mac from the Netflix special, 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.720 the young black man who was a leading football player. 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:40.200 Ross was like, he like message because we got cool, 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.000 you know. After the Netflix special he messaged me. He 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.720 was like, Oh, I'm in town and being in the 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:47.400 city to do something. I would love to have lunch 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:50.560 And I said okay, And it was so awesome. He's 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.400 like the nicest guy him. His wife got married in 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:55.920 twenty twenty. Although they've been like college sweethearts, I think 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:57.840 he's like no high school sweethearts. And they had two 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.079 kids in like the last two years, so you know, 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.560 he's just running around. I was like, oh, so you 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.400 came to the city and left your poor wife with 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:08.679 them babies at home, and so but it was such 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.839 a nice lunchcause he was just such a nice guy, 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:16.040 like such a nice guy, and so I just what 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:22.520 I crave now more than anything is connectedness, you know, Yes, 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.000 like he had this lunch with people that I care 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.600 about or that like I'm cool with, or just just 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:32.840 connecting because life really is so short and you know, 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:36.040 and so I've just found myself like wanting to add 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:39.800 to like the love that's in the air, you know 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.880 what I mean, and thought indeed and action. So even 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.200 if I don't call someone or if someone comes up 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:48.600 and thought, like I had this really terrible dream about 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.120 my high school best friend where she was like really 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:53.520 sick and I got scared, and so normally I'd be like, 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:56.200 she's fine, but I was like, no text her. So 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:57.920 I text her. I say, hey, Manica, you know we 0:14:57.920 --> 0:14:59.200 text every once in a while, you know. But I 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.360 was like, just you know, I had this terrible dream. 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.600 Are you okay? Do you need anything? And she was like, yeah, 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:06.680 I'm fine, and I was just like, you know, I 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:08.080 just I just had this dream, so I just wanted 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:09.400 to reach out. She's like, well, thank you so much 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:11.760 for checking in, but yeah, no, I'm all good, but 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.520 how are you? You know? And so like I'm trying 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:18.520 to lean into when someone comes to mind a text, 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.800 a call or do you want to have lunch? And 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:25.520 so I'm really enjoying this stage where I am learning 0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:30.120 to be Tiffany and then Budgetista has to fit around 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.840 Tiffany versus the opposite how I was for so many years, 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:35.200 which was I was the budgetista and Tiffany had to 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:38.840 fit around the Budgetista and that's not so anymore. So yeah, 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:40.720 just for anything, It's just like, I mean, if you 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.480 don't know me personally, sending light and love because I 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:45.200 can feel it. I couldn't before just was I was 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:47.880 so overwhelmed by grief, but I can feel it now. 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:50.840 Or if you do see me, like you know, just 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.560 like continuingly the like, the love and the blessing. You 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:54.960 guys are so awesome when we see each other in 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:56.880 person you know, you guys are always giving me the 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:00.160 unwonted hugs for Mandy because you think it's funny. Hey, 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:06.440 jokes on you. I like that naciate them. So yeah, 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:08.520 I mean, a man, you've been such an awesome friend. 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.400 I just sor like I remember, just start two hard talks, 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:13.800 like you know, when I was away that like, although 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:15.440 I was not at Brown Ambition, min and I were 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.760 still like in you know, constant connection because we're friends 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:22.280 in real life, you know, and that was just like 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:24.480 such a lifeline, you know. 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.760 And so yeah, I just say. 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:28.600 You know, reach out to the people that you care 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:31.320 about and make time for them in general, you know, 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:33.640 because that means more than anything this time of year. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.720 I almost feel like the pandemic may really helped introverts 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:39.440 and normalize like taking time for yourself and saying no 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:42.960 to social engagements and things like that. But jokes aside, 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.840 we need that, you know, human connection and you can 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:48.040 really define your boundaries and what that looks like for you. 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:51.560 But I'm tired of like trying to make friends with 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:54.120 make plans with friends and then it takes like three 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:56.000 months later and you go back to text them and 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:57.680 you're like, oh, yeah, we were supposed to get coffee. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:57.960 Nil. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.120 Right, it is short. Life is short, and like going 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.159 out of your way to make the time. It's almost 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.800 like an active love because how crucial with time right 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:11.720 to spend time with someone. That's that's the only resolution 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:13.480 I'll make in twenty twenty threes. I want to spend 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.880 some time with Tiff in person, because I haven't done 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:19.320 that in a long time. Well, thanks for sharing. 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:22.359 Yeah, and so we be man, I want to give 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:22.760 you a hug. 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:26.960 Are you I am? I'm fine, I'm gonna Yeah, it's 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.960 been a it's been a Yeah, it's just this time 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:34.679 of year. I think it's yeah, reflecting and there's so 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:38.119 much good. There's so much bad, you know, but just 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:41.359 trying to focus on the good what helps me. I 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:45.000 never realized this until I had a kid, how wonderful 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:49.040 children are. I find myself wanting to be around kids 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:51.440 that aren't even my own, Like I don't know who 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:54.680 I am. I kind of get the whole preschool teacher 0:17:54.720 --> 0:17:57.200 thing now, Yeah, I why that was something like that 0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:01.560 anyone would want to do. Yeah, spending time with Rio 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:03.560 and seeing even taking it back to school today and 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:08.000 seeing the little babies and Yeah, it's it's that's what 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:08.560 it's all about. 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:12.120 I think there's a pureness there that you're like you 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:16.320 just get to. I mean, I honestly loved teaching preschool 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:18.280 because I don't care what kind of terrible day you're having, 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.639 Like the way kids just crack open your heart and 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:23.240 pour and they're like, m having. 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:23.479 A bad day. 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:25.399 I don't care about that. Miss Tiffany, you look. 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:31.000 So pretty today. I'm like, you know, or like Miss Tippany, 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:33.000 that's what they didn't what they say my name, Miss Tiffany, 0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:36.040 Miss Tiffany, you're my favorite person, or just sitting in 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.240 your lab or like can you hold me? And you're 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:40.639 just like yo, these kids love me no matter what. 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:42.440 And I just put her on time out to look 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:44.920 at her manipulating her way out trying to be my bestie. 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:47.720 Yeah, I'm wondering if you I was gonna forget that 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:49.920 I promised him my new truck. If you just fell 0:18:50.000 --> 0:18:54.000 them to his classroom today, you will never forget. They 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.360 just help you. I feel like it helps me see 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:59.960 the joy and everything. Like it's snowed yesterday for snow 0:18:59.760 --> 0:19:02.920 and York City, or at least in the suburbs where 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:04.000 I lived at snow and Newark. 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:05.119 Yeah it didn't. 0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:07.119 We got snow and I wasn't feeling great. I was 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:09.119 trying to finish one of my shows. It was the finale, 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:11.680 and I was like, I'll put this on pause, throw 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.560