1 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 1: I have to give credit where credit is due. Dave 2 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:20,200 Speaker 1: Portnoy did his podcast with Breonna chicken Fry and Josh. 3 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:23,760 Speaker 2: Richards, and he talked about his breakup. 4 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:29,240 Speaker 1: He was extremely respectful to his ex girlfriend, which I appreciate. 5 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: It sounded completely authentic and genuine. His description of being 6 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: at that crossroads where a woman is young and likely 7 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: wants a certain path for her life, so she probably 8 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 1: wanted something. 9 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,239 Speaker 2: He couldn't give it to her. 10 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: They made that decision, and I honor that conversation and 11 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: that he did not say anything negative or untoward about her. 12 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 2: When then he. 13 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: Brought up the Rachel situation, and he was unapologetic, but 14 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: he did not bring up the negative comment that he 15 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: had made. He did not say the term because I 16 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,039 Speaker 1: know that he knows that that was not the best 17 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: I know that he's not in the business of apologizing, 18 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: but I can tell that he seemed like it wasn't 19 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,680 Speaker 1: something he necessarily needed to say. And then his co 20 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 1: host Brianna chicken Fry, she called Rachel a scumbag. So 21 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: that was like another random shot, ironically fired not by 22 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:30,040 Speaker 1: him but by the woman in the room. So it's 23 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: interesting because Rachel is not defined by her actions, editing, 24 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: and the circumstances on vander Pump rules, so. 25 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:45,839 Speaker 2: Food for thought. 26 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 1: But I if I'm gonna say, if I'm gonna call 27 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: someone out for doing something, then I'm also gonna. 28 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 2: Give them credit when they He was softer. 29 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: He was softer, he was respectful to his own ex 30 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: and he did not double down. 31 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 2: And he's a double downer. 32 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: He's a person who would come in and double down 33 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: on not only trashing Rachel, but he didn't trash me 34 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: because I didn't trash him either. There's a way to 35 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: have a public forum and discussion about something. He referenced 36 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: that I had texted him. I think he even shared 37 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: the text someone said, which is a code that I 38 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: don't break. I don't love that he shared my texts 39 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: because that's something that I don't break. But ultimately, he's 40 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: a person who goes for the jugular and he did 41 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: not go for my jugular, nor did I go for his. 42 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 1: Which illustrates that you can have a healthy debate on 43 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: a topic in twenty twenty three without going to the 44 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: mattresses and just trashing each other. That's such low hanging 45 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: fruit clickbait twenty twenty three fodder and I've posted about 46 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 1: this on TikTok twice for a very brief period because 47 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: I prefer to talk about matters like this here in 48 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 1: a longer format. 49 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 2: And what happens is on TikTok, you. 50 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: Put it up and take it down, and then everybody 51 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 1: starts talking about that, and they come to this podcast 52 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: to listen to my opinion on the topic. This brings 53 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 1: me to the topic of relationships and integrity in communicating 54 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: to your partner expectations. And I think that Dave Portnoy 55 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 1: was in a relationship with a woman who's young and 56 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 1: beautiful for three years. He probably fell madly in love 57 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: with her. He's just bought his company back, and alluding 58 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: to the fact that it's a very very stressful time 59 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 1: and he gets immersed and caught up in business. He 60 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 1: probably we can't deal with a conversation about a life 61 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: partner or getting married and having kids, and he knows 62 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 1: somewhere in his gut that he's not going to go 63 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 1: the distance in that way with this relationship. And I 64 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: had him on my podcast and we might have taken 65 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: it out, but he said that he didn't want to 66 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,719 Speaker 1: have kids or know if he wanted to have kids. 67 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 1: He didn't know if he wanted to get married again. 68 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 1: So Sylvana seems like a person who wanted to get married. 69 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 2: And I'm sure in the beginning. 70 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 1: He thought he might want that too, because everything's great 71 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 1: in the beginning when it's got the new car smell, 72 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: and then you get into life and reality, and some 73 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: people just can't deal and some people are not built 74 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: for long term relationships. And I do think it's true 75 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: that a person has to just say to the other person, 76 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: I don't think I can give you what you need. 77 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: It's like a business, it's like a partnership. This is 78 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,280 Speaker 1: what I expect from the partnership. This is what I 79 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 1: need from you as a partner. And it's a two 80 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: way street. And she probably this is what I need, 81 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,159 Speaker 1: this is what I want, and he probably said, this 82 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: is what I can give, and this is what I 83 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,280 Speaker 1: want and don't want. So we don't align, we don't 84 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: meet up in this partnership. I can't give you the partnership. 85 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,359 Speaker 2: That you need. 86 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: It's really important that in business and in relationships people 87 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: say what they want and need in the beginning, because 88 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: as you fall in love, you think you're willing to 89 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: compromise on many things. They could be having kids, they 90 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: could be religion, they could be where you want to live. 91 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,239 Speaker 1: But once you've been with someone for a long time 92 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: and you're in the nitty gritty and you've had a 93 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:42,160 Speaker 1: stuffy nose around them, and you've been grouchy or hungover 94 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: or in sweats or had your period around them, and 95 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,799 Speaker 1: the new car smell is off, the new car smell 96 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: is gone, that's when you start to think about, wait 97 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: a second, do I really want to live here? Do 98 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: I really want to do this? Do I really want 99 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: to not have kids? Seemed fine in the beginning, but 100 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 1: now it doesn't seem as fine. People can change their 101 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: mind too, and you have to reconnect and reset. Howard 102 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: Stern got together with Beth Ostroski and told her point 103 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: blank from the very beginning he was never having more kids. 104 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 1: And she has gotten very into animals as her children. 105 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: And she has obviously accepted that and built a life 106 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 1: because she wanted her life partner and sacrificed that part 107 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 1: of it. I've heard other people doing the same thing, 108 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: that the life partner is more important than the kids. 109 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,800 Speaker 1: So you have to make that decision for yourself. And 110 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 1: it sounds like Dave and Sivana did. The point is 111 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,279 Speaker 1: you always have to be communicating your wants, your needs, 112 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: your expectations, and at different points in relationships they will 113 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: change and people will evolve or grow in different directions 114 00:06:53,760 --> 00:07:00,679 Speaker 1: or have circumstances that affect a relationship, a death, a bankruptcy, 115 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,600 Speaker 1: something stressful in business, and then you reassess where you 116 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: are in your life and decide if you're on the 117 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: same page with your partner. 118 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 2: It's very hard to do. 119 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: And he said he was stealing her youth, which is 120 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: interesting because for many women they get into relationships and 121 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 1: he's a wealthy, older man and that was probably fun. 122 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 1: And he took her all over the world and he 123 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: bought her presents and cars, and she lived the life. 124 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: But does she want to do that for the next 125 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: thirty years without a child for herself, or a ring 126 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaker 1: on her finger, or the wedding that she wants or 127 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 1: the life that she dreamed of. There are sacrifices, and 128 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: at her age, you don't see it the same way 129 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: as someone my age sees it, where just being in 130 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: a partnership and having peace in your life is extremely valuable. 131 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: My daughter is my entire life. That's not something I 132 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 1: would ever have been able to sacrifice. I would never 133 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: have been able to choose the relationship for being a 134 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: parent to my daughter. 135 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 2: So you have to make those choices. 136 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,240 Speaker 1: I once asked a bunch of people at my talk show, 137 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: would you prefer to find your life partner or have 138 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 1: a kid? You can only have one, and they all 139 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 1: said life partner. And for me, because of my past 140 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: and my life with my childhood, my number one need 141 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: in my life was to break the circle, break the chain, 142 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: and have my daughter in it in order to attempt 143 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 1: to heal old wounds in my life places of wounding. 144 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 1: I needed to be a mother to my daughter and 145 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: break the chain and not give her the childhood that 146 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 1: I had. 147 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 2: That's something that I had to do.