1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,559 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. We look at all kinds of relationships, 2 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: love ships, family ships, sibling ships, and sometime the ship 3 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 1: sales and at other times it sinks. Welcome to the 4 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:21,680 Speaker 1: Our Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with 5 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. Today we're taking a closer look at 6 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:44,479 Speaker 1: what I call double dipping. A double dipping where you 7 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: go into a relationship, you leave the relationship, and then 8 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: for some strange reason, you go back. Now, there's nothing 9 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: wrong with double dipping. If it doesn't work the first 10 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: time and healing and changes, awareness is unfold and you 11 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: go back and you do it again, well that's a 12 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,759 Speaker 1: good thing. But if nothing changes, and it's just your 13 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 1: attachment or attraction to the person that makes you want 14 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 1: to dip your toe in that river again, well you 15 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: might have a problem. We're gonna talk about that today, 16 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: you know, because if you keep doing the same thing, 17 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: you're gonna keep getting the same results. But very often 18 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 1: we double dip because it's familiar. We'll go in and 19 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: out of a relationship, will double dip because it's comfortable. 20 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,480 Speaker 1: I know you're ugly, you know my ugly. I know 21 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: your needs, you know my needs. I know how you fight, 22 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: You know how I fight, so I don't really have 23 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 1: to stretch and grow. But here's the piece, and this 24 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: is the piece I want to focus on today. As 25 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 1: I've said many many times, people come into our life 26 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Now, if 27 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: you're double dipping in a seasonal relationship, meaning that person 28 00:01:56,240 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: just came into your life for a specific season, maybe 29 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: to lift you up, maybe to hold you up, maybe 30 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: to move you forward, whatever the season. When that season 31 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: is over, I don't care what you do. That relationship 32 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: is not gonna work. This season is over. The universal 33 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: purpose has been fulfilled. Then there are reasonal relationships that 34 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: means the person came into your life for a reason, 35 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,520 Speaker 1: or you came into their life for a reason. There's 36 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: something you have to learn, there's something you have to heal, 37 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: there's something you have to grow within yourself. And if 38 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: you don't get that learning, that healing, if you don't 39 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:41,119 Speaker 1: do that growing, the relationship may fall apart and then 40 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: come back together so that you can learn healing, grow. 41 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 1: That is very often the cause for double dipping. Maybe 42 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: now you're ready, or the other person's ready. Maybe now 43 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 1: you are willing or the other person is willing, or 44 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: maybe it's just your time. There are many the reasons 45 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: people double dip, and we're gonna talk about that today 46 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: right here on the art spot. So my first caller 47 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 1: is a double dipper, uh, repetitive double dipper. Let's see 48 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 1: what's going on here. Welcome to the art spot. How 49 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: may I serve support, assist you today? What is the challenge? Issue? Problem? 50 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: Maybe victory that's you're facing? Good morning. I have been 51 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: in a relationship for three years, on and off. We 52 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: connected because I am I'm an artist, I sing, I write. 53 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: He's an artist as well, and that's what keeps me 54 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: drawn to him. Um, that that deep connection and love 55 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: for music. However, when when as good as good, but 56 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: he tends to disappear, and Tom goes by and I 57 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 1: try to heal from his absence, and then he reappears, 58 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: and this has been a cycle. It's hard to let go. 59 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: But I'm really hurt by the cycle. Tell me what 60 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: you mean by he disappears? What does that mean he 61 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: will ghost me? Um, stop communicating with me and won't 62 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: respond to my outreaching. Wow. Yeah, now I'm old, So 63 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:27,599 Speaker 1: forgive me when you say ghost because the ghost that 64 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: I know, float around with sheets on their heads. What 65 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: does that mean? He ghosts you literally disappears as if, um, 66 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 1: he was never there, and silence he gets silence, I 67 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: guess stone walls me and piece of communication. How long 68 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: does that usually last? That disconnection? How long does it last? 69 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 1: It can be weeks, months, most recently it was actually 70 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: a year and a half. So tell me what that 71 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: looks like. He comes over Tuesday, he's there, and then 72 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: he goes and you just don't hear anything. Yes, for um, 73 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: in the beginning, we were living together, Uh, he was 74 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:15,559 Speaker 1: in my space. So I would literally come home and 75 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 1: everything will be gone. And what do you do? You 76 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: come home and your partner and all of his belongings 77 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 1: are gone. Walk me through that process? What do you do? 78 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: I'm shocked? Um, initially I was really really shocked. But 79 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,720 Speaker 1: when it became a pattern, I'm I'm like, oh, he's 80 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: running again. I go through the motions of you know, 81 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: crying and journaling and writing my songs and trying to 82 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: release and hell, and then I tell myself, I see him, Um, 83 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: this is his pattern, this is what he does, and 84 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna let him in again. And he'll he'll 85 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: come and bring flowers and roses and I'm sorry, and 86 00:05:55,080 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: because there's love there, I forgive, and the psycho continues love, 87 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 1: where is the love? Who's loving who? That was a song, right, 88 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: And I wonder who's loving who? When he leaves, who's 89 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 1: loving who? I'm loving him still, Um, I'm holding on 90 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: to the love that I have for him, hoping that 91 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: it will heal okay. And then when he comes back 92 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: with flowers and roses, who's loving who? I see it 93 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: as his way of showing his love in his way, 94 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 1: And I'm still here loving him completely and holy in 95 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: my way. So you're a cheap date. You can be 96 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,359 Speaker 1: bought for some flowers and some roses. That is exactly 97 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: how I end up seeing it, And it just it 98 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: really does make me feel small. It does, it does 99 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: it should? Now what is the conversation about the experience? 100 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,240 Speaker 1: So once he brings the flowers and the roses and 101 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: you'll make mad, passionate make up love, then what is 102 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 1: the conversation that you have about where he was and 103 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 1: where he's been. That's not a conversation that we have. Um. 104 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 1: I know, I know I deserve it, and I desire it, 105 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 1: and I I look at it as if he doesn't 106 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: have the words, he's not emotionally mature enough to articulate 107 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: why he has done what he's done. But the fact 108 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: that he's here says that now he's going to try 109 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: and do it the right way this time. Are you 110 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 1: sitting down? Yes, ma'am? I am. Are you Do you 111 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: have a tissue or roller toilet paper near you? I 112 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 1: probably need several rolls of toilet paper, yeah, because you 113 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: got some to clean up. Absolutely, I know it. Let 114 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,400 Speaker 1: me ask you this, my beloved, what is your intention 115 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 1: for calling me today? You know I I literally told 116 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: one of my friends. I know from the inside out 117 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: what I what, it looks like, what I need, what 118 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: I deserve. But I need to hear an elder speak 119 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: into me and wake me up. I know what I 120 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 1: would say to a friend, but I need to hear 121 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 1: it from someone else. So clutch your pearls. But more 122 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 1: than clutch your pearls, I want you to take your 123 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: left hand and put it right on your belly, right 124 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: over your navel, because I want to speak into your 125 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: power center. I want these words to take root in 126 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: the center of your being so that they will grow 127 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 1: and blossom. M I want to share with you what 128 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 1: I've heard you say. I want you to take it in. 129 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 1: I want you to hear it in your belly. If 130 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: we're lucky, your vomit m and if we're not, then 131 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 1: we know that those seeds are simply germinating and they'll 132 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:17,439 Speaker 1: grow later on. You sound young to me. You sound beautiful. 133 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:25,679 Speaker 1: You sound sweet and almost naive. You sound like a 134 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: fatherless daughter. To me, I could be very wrong. You 135 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: also sound dumb as hell, but I know that's not 136 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: the truth about you. So I want to speak to 137 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: that sweet, beautiful, talented, gifted, powerful young woman perhaps who 138 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 1: was healing a wound of being daddy less. I heard 139 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: you say that you have been and in a three 140 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: year on an off relationship with another artist who you 141 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 1: allowed to worship in your temple, meaning live in your 142 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 1: space and be intimate with your body temple, who, without 143 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: reason or explanation, makes the choice at various intervals and 144 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 1: time to disconnect from you without explanation or justification, causing 145 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: you a great deal of emotional pain, conflict, and turmoil 146 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,439 Speaker 1: that you process within yourself, with yourself and maybe with 147 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:51,559 Speaker 1: a sister friend or two, trying to understand why you 148 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: have allowed yourself to be dishonored, disrespected again, Why you 149 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: don't matter enough to you to have clear boundaries and 150 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:09,440 Speaker 1: to stop allowing yourself to be abused, violated, betrayed, and abandoned. 151 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: That's what makes me think it's a daddy pattern. I 152 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 1: could be wrong. And once you get yourself either on 153 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 1: equal footing or the part of you that knows he's 154 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: wrong for you, the part of you that knows he's 155 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 1: gonna hurt you, the part of you that thinks you 156 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: have to prove yourself worthy of love, the part of 157 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,520 Speaker 1: you that thinks you're unimportant, the part of you that 158 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 1: believes that you cannot have what you want, that part 159 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: of you that still wants him, lets him back in. Yeah, 160 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:51,839 Speaker 1: And why you don't have enough respect for yourself to 161 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: have a conversation with this individual, Set clear boundaries with 162 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 1: this individual, create concert quences for the violation of those boundaries, 163 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: and then execute the consequences when necessary. That you dishonored, disrespect, abandoned, neglect, 164 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: and abuse yourself enough to allow this to occur over 165 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: and over and over. So please don't talk to me 166 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:28,559 Speaker 1: about him. This is not about him. You are it tag, 167 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 1: You're it it is you. So take a breath and 168 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 1: go back in there and share with me what you 169 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: heard me say about you. We'll be right back. Welcome 170 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,239 Speaker 1: back to the our spot. We are going to continue 171 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: our conversation about double dipping. What is it that lets 172 00:12:54,600 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 1: you dishonored, disrespect, abuse, violate, betray and abandon yourself? Repeatedly? Mhm? 173 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: What is it? Well? You mentioned that it sounds as 174 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 1: if there are daddy issues. Um, maybe slightly, not so much. 175 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: It's more self esteem, I believe, and for some reason 176 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,960 Speaker 1: feeling as if I should extend more grace and love 177 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:32,080 Speaker 1: and forgiveness to others, even though I know that I 178 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:37,080 Speaker 1: need to and I am worthy of honor and respect. 179 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,360 Speaker 1: Where did you learn that? Where did you learn that 180 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: you have to expect stand more grace and forgiveness and 181 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: whatever whatever to others than to yourself? Where did you 182 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:50,120 Speaker 1: learn that? I believe that's my Christian roots and the 183 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: way that that religious mindset and the the indoctrination of 184 00:13:54,559 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: forgiveness has has been rooted in me. It's one thing 185 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: to extend forgiveness off for forgiveness. It's another thing to 186 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 1: experience it. Because when you experience forgiveness, you don't stick 187 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: stick your foot back in the same bowl again, you 188 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: do it differently. And so the sharp edges of religious 189 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 1: and doctrination sometimes cut us two pieces. Yes, And when 190 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: I say sharp edges, I mean the things that were 191 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: given to do, the things that were told with no 192 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: real explanation or understanding. So I'm to understand that your 193 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: father was in the house, and I understanding that correctly. 194 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: He wasn't there. He wasn't um. But there is a 195 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: relationship there. There's always been a relationship, but it's just 196 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: been long distance. Yeah, long distance. Just like your boyfriend. 197 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: He goes and comes, you see him sometimes. Hello, Ah, 198 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 1: so learned behavior. M What else did you hear me 199 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 1: say about you that there are some now you to say, 200 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: I completely agree. I've said that about myself as well. 201 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: Did you hear me say how you have betrayed yourself? 202 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 1: Did you hear me say how you are actively dishonoring 203 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: and disrespecting yourself. Did you hear me say how you 204 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: are actively abusing yourself? Yeah? So this lovely being has 205 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: come into your life to show you what it is 206 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: you are willing to do to yourself has nothing to 207 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 1: do with him. Nothing you are it. It is you, 208 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 1: ye showing you what you do to yourself beloved. And 209 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: it's a pattern, it's a pathology. This is double dipping, 210 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: going back and forth, back and forth, recreating the relationship 211 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: with your father, and you call it love. That's not love. 212 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: That's happened. Mm hmm. Now when he leaves, you're loving him. 213 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: You're loving him for leaving you. You're loving him for 214 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 1: betraying your trust. You're loving him for violating your confidence. No, 215 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: I I just love him because I I do, and 216 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 1: I feel I should. I love grits. I don't eat 217 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 1: him every day. I love grits, the more butter, the better, 218 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: But I don't eat him every day. Yeah, I want 219 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: you to hear this. Clearly, you have re created your 220 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: pattern with your father, and your work is about healing 221 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: that pattern, about healing that pattern so that you can 222 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: create a relationship with a man who will duro, which 223 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:09,600 Speaker 1: means stay put, stay put. This doesn't mean your father 224 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 1: is a bad person, doesn't mean he did anything wrong. 225 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: I don't know what the circumstances are. I don't need 226 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: to know the story. What I need to know, what 227 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: what I need you to understand and recognize is that 228 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: you developed a pattern of being in loving relationship. You see, 229 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,920 Speaker 1: you couldn't stop loving your daddy because he didn't leave you. 230 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: He probably left your mother in the process. You developed 231 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,280 Speaker 1: a long distance relationship with him, and that's what you're 232 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:41,199 Speaker 1: doing with this man. You're developing the same kind of 233 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:45,199 Speaker 1: relationship because that's your pathology, that's what you know and understand. 234 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 1: But you can have a man that stays put. And 235 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: you don't have to stop loving this man. You don't 236 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,719 Speaker 1: have to stop loving him. You just get to choose 237 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,879 Speaker 1: how you're going to be in relationship with him. He 238 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 1: can come back with a bushel of fly hours and 239 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:04,400 Speaker 1: six goats and a and a jaguar. He can't get 240 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:07,120 Speaker 1: in your bed no more. And you have to make 241 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 1: that decision because when daddy was gone for two weeks, 242 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: three weeks, a month, or whatever it was, when he 243 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: came back, he was still your daddy. That boy ain't 244 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 1: your daddy. He don't get that privilege to come and 245 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: go like he want. And then you loving the man 246 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,639 Speaker 1: who's emotionally immature and don't have words. Florence Nightingale, what 247 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,679 Speaker 1: you're trying to do heal him, fix him, because a 248 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: little girl wants to feel in hell her daddy, so 249 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:40,199 Speaker 1: he'll be around more double dipping, double dipping because you 250 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: haven't gotten a lesson someone to ask you. Are you 251 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 1: willing to love yourself enough to say no to something 252 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,800 Speaker 1: that hurts you? I desire to, I want to and 253 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,040 Speaker 1: I need to. Well, you have to, you have to 254 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 1: choose it. Yeah, So let me ask you this one 255 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: last question. What are you going to do differently when 256 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: he does attempt to contact me. I'm not going to respond, 257 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,880 Speaker 1: and I will I will reach out to my father. 258 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: That's what I'll do. Okay, Let's let me coach you 259 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,679 Speaker 1: on that for a minute, because you just set up 260 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,919 Speaker 1: some against us. I'm not going to respond. Yes, you 261 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: are going to respond. You're going to respond differently and 262 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: in a way that supports you. When he reaches out again, 263 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:29,800 Speaker 1: you're going to choose to let it go and you're 264 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,879 Speaker 1: going to reach out to your father to support the 265 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: little girl in you and taking the next most appropriate 266 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 1: steps towards her healing. This ain't about Freddie. It's you, Boom. 267 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: You are it. It is you, So don't say you're 268 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: not going to respond. You are going to respond. You're 269 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: gonna make a powerful choice to love, honor, and support 270 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: yourself and your healing. Does that make sense? It does? 271 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 1: That's that's better. Okay, Okay, alright, my love, good luck 272 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 1: to you. Give me a calling about six months if 273 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: you've heard from him and let me know how you're doing. Okay, 274 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 1: I shall thank you. Amen, Amen, and a woman. Okay, 275 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,159 Speaker 1: my darling. Okay, thank you so much. Bye, Thank you 276 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: for calling, and continue to listen to the art spot. 277 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:37,360 Speaker 1: My caller's case is where a lifetime relationship created a 278 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: pattern of belief and expectation in the consciousness that she 279 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:48,119 Speaker 1: continued to live out in her adult relationships. The call 280 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:54,400 Speaker 1: also spoke to a reasonabal relationship Freddie was in her 281 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,280 Speaker 1: life for a reason, which was to point out to 282 00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,960 Speaker 1: her to bring to her awareness the pattern that she 283 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:06,119 Speaker 1: had developed, the expectation she held about love and being loved. 284 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: And so very often we don't slow down long enough 285 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 1: to get in touch with our feelings, to really examine 286 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: what we're doing. And like she said, she's been taught 287 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,199 Speaker 1: that it's more important to give grace and forgiveness and 288 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:27,479 Speaker 1: understanding to other people than it is to give that 289 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 1: to yourself. But I have a different philosophy. It is you. 290 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: You are it. It's all about you in your life 291 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 1: and whether you're double dipping or you know, bed hopping 292 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,800 Speaker 1: or moaning and complaining about not having nowhere to hop 293 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: or nowhere to dip, it's all about you, beautiful, beautiful 294 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 1: call if you can see or identify yourself in that, 295 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 1: do the work. Are you ready? Are you willing? Are 296 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: you choose yourself over the pattern? Double dipping? It always 297 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 1: has some interesting twist to it. And I've got another 298 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,640 Speaker 1: caller who probably has another twist when we come back. 299 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,679 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the our spot, and we're welcoming my 300 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: second caller for today, a conversation that I think many 301 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,320 Speaker 1: of you will really gain a lot from. Let's listen, 302 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: Thank you, and welcome to the our Spot where we 303 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:40,640 Speaker 1: talk about all things relationships. So what is the challenge, issue, problem, 304 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 1: dilemma that we're gonna talk about today, Well, thank you 305 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,480 Speaker 1: and listening to you y'all, Thank you for having me on. Well, 306 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,960 Speaker 1: I mean just double dipping, you know, going back into 307 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,280 Speaker 1: a relationship I did. That was my last relationship and 308 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: the only thing I got out of part of it 309 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 1: was a broken heart. And um, you know I now 310 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:10,120 Speaker 1: I'm of the opinion that when it comes to romantic relationships, 311 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,160 Speaker 1: second chances don't work. Like if you broke up, if 312 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 1: you broke up the first time, it was for a reason. 313 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:20,439 Speaker 1: And you know it's um because I mean there were 314 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,160 Speaker 1: there were signs and stuff. But but my thing is, 315 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 1: my question now is how do I maintain a healthy, 316 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,879 Speaker 1: open heart space. And you know, my heart is not 317 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:37,200 Speaker 1: to be played with basically, but um, but I still 318 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 1: want to love and I'm still you know it. This 319 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 1: is my first, um, you know relationship. I was thirty six, 320 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: and you know, and I did a lot of work 321 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: on myself and then that that person came in. But 322 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,440 Speaker 1: then you know, and you worked well until it didn't work. 323 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: I love the statement it worked well until it didn't. Yeah, 324 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,919 Speaker 1: what was well about it? What was well about the 325 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: relationship that you double dipped in? What was well? You 326 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: know from the start, we just flowed. I I thought 327 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,239 Speaker 1: they were my twin flame because because it was just 328 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:21,720 Speaker 1: we we never argued. It was an easy relationship. It 329 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,399 Speaker 1: was just great talk. It was my best friend. What 330 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 1: were the agreements that you all made to each other? 331 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 1: I mean, did you agree to be monogamous? But since 332 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: everything flowed, there was never really, you know, any need 333 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: almost for something you know, for for but of course 334 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,879 Speaker 1: there's always need for boundaries like you know. But yeah, absolutely, 335 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,920 Speaker 1: you sound a little like it was lucy goosey as 336 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: long as you said it worked, it worked well until 337 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,200 Speaker 1: it didn't. But it worked well because it wasn't working 338 00:24:55,240 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 1: with anything, right, What were the expectation, what were the agreements, 339 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,880 Speaker 1: what were the commitments? You see, when it's lucy goosey, 340 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 1: chances are the gander is laying eggs somewhere else, and 341 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: when I'm hearing here is a lot of lucy goosiness. 342 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: It was a strong bond, and that's what do you say. 343 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,240 Speaker 1: It couldn't have been a strong bond if you didn't 344 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: have many agreements, commitments, boundaries or expectations. Stop telling yourself that, 345 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: go to the mirror and slap the first person that 346 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:36,400 Speaker 1: shows up. Stop it. You are telling the story that 347 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: makes this thing palpable. Yeah, tell me what happened? How 348 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,119 Speaker 1: did it end? Tell me what happened? Well? Is it 349 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 1: July of the year the pandemic, and we hadn't seen 350 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:49,919 Speaker 1: each other, and then all of a sudden over the phone, 351 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: it was like this, I don't think I want to 352 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 1: be in this relationship, you know, and we haven't seen 353 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: each other, and I told him, I was like, okay, 354 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,880 Speaker 1: well let's not make hars decisions. Let's let's wait six months, 355 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: you know. And UM they were kind of like, you know, 356 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 1: adamant and so so we we broke up in July, 357 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 1: and then in November I get this like four page letter, 358 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: you know, apologize me, prefers profusely and saying like they 359 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,640 Speaker 1: love me, they want to you know, and they kind 360 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: of please give them a second chance. And I said, 361 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,479 Speaker 1: you know, okay, I'll give you a second chance. And 362 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 1: then by May we went on our first trip to 363 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 1: um the Florida Keys, and UM I had a big blackout. 364 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 1: We were, you know, drinking, and that's one thing that 365 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 1: you know, just to speak clear. One thing that wonderful 366 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 1: that happened from the breakup was that I realized, um, 367 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: I had a problem with drinking and I have been, yes, 368 00:26:55,160 --> 00:27:00,760 Speaker 1: but I've been fourteen months sober. Um as we broke up, 369 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 1: he gave me that gift, a parting gift of sobriety. 370 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 1: And they ended up walking out and leaving me, you know, 371 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,199 Speaker 1: in the middle of our vacation. Wow, you are on 372 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: a vacation and in the vacation he walked out, and 373 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: what did you do? They leave and I'm like, I 374 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 1: can't trust to be with someone who won't be there 375 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,359 Speaker 1: in the morning, you know, won't be there taking What 376 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 1: about you? What about if the trust that was broken 377 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 1: was between you and you that you can't trust yourself 378 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: to make the right decisions. He made the decision to 379 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: take him back, right, What if you can't trust yourself 380 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 1: to make the right decision, that's what will close your heart? Yeah, yeah, 381 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:57,400 Speaker 1: I think that. Yes, for me, relationships, whatever kind of relationship, friendship, loveship, 382 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 1: family ship, relationships are the play pass that we go 383 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:06,440 Speaker 1: two grow to learn to heal. So you said you 384 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,200 Speaker 1: own your part. So let me ask you this, What 385 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:14,520 Speaker 1: did you learn about yourself in that relationship? What did 386 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: you learn about yourself? Yeah? Well, I learned that I 387 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:25,359 Speaker 1: could love someone, that I could be intimate with someone, 388 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,880 Speaker 1: because you know, before that it was just one night then. 389 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,399 Speaker 1: So that's I think a big, big thing. It's like, 390 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: I know that I'm capable of love and being loved 391 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 1: because it was you know good, well it lasted and um, 392 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,480 Speaker 1: it was good when you were under the influence yeah, 393 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,920 Speaker 1: and that's one thing with with sobriety, and you know, 394 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: being in a top step program, it's like I have 395 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:51,360 Speaker 1: a much better relationship with myself and with a higher power. 396 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: Are you open to this possibility? In my relationship with 397 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 1: Boo Boo, what I learned about myself is that I 398 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: had a drinking problem. Are you open to that? What 399 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 1: I learned in my relationship with Boo Boo is that 400 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: I can love when I'm under the influence, that I 401 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 1: can be intimate when I'm under the influence. Did you 402 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: learn that? Because that's definitely a prerequisites for a bunch 403 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 1: of one night stands, good, excellent? You learned that that 404 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with him. That's you. And when 405 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 1: you double dipped, when you went back into it, you 406 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: were looking to be loved, you were looking to be 407 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:41,440 Speaker 1: intimate under the influence. But then came the big growing spurt. 408 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 1: What did you? How did you grow in that relationship 409 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: with Boo Boo? It's real simple. I stopped drinking. I 410 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:57,760 Speaker 1: grew in my sobriety, and that a good thing. It's 411 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. Okay, I grew in my sobriety. So 412 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:07,080 Speaker 1: the way I grew in my relationship with Boo Boo 413 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: was I grew in my sobriety by not drinking to 414 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: stop numbing myself. Because what that says to me is 415 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 1: that somewhere in your history or childhood, your early days, 416 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: that loving hurt. Maybe you love people who left you 417 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:28,400 Speaker 1: or abused you, or violated you or betrayed you. Loving hurt. 418 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 1: So in order for me to love and be intimate, 419 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: I've got to be under the influence of something, because 420 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,560 Speaker 1: obviously I'm not making the right choices and decisions. Right. 421 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: Does that Does that fit? Yes? So I'm not numbing 422 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 1: myself anymore. Yes, you you heal that need to to 423 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: numb yourself in order to be loved, because now you 424 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:56,520 Speaker 1: have sober friends who love you just because they people. 425 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: They're wonderful people. I don't have to be numb to 426 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:06,440 Speaker 1: receive of Yeah. So you learn something, you heal something, 427 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 1: and your grew in a way simply by double dipping 428 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: in this relationship with Boo Boo. It wasn't meant to 429 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 1: be forever. It was meant for your learning, your growing, 430 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,280 Speaker 1: and your healing, which means that there was a reason 431 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: for the relationship because he was supporting you and numbing yourself. 432 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 1: He was supporting you and not creating clear boundaries. He 433 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: was supporting you and being in relationships that had no 434 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:39,960 Speaker 1: agreements and no commitments and no spoken expectations. M M. 435 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 1: He was supporting you and making poor decisions that would 436 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 1: reinforce the fact that you can't trust yourself. He was 437 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:56,240 Speaker 1: supporting you, and him leaving woke you the hell up. No, 438 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 1: I would never have gotten sober without that double right, 439 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 1: look at that. Bless him, thank him, and let his 440 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:16,640 Speaker 1: ask go. Just remember this, who you are today does 441 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 1: not want him the sober you on step number nine. 442 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: He ain't the one. Yeah. I know that you did 443 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 1: make the right decision because someplace in your soul you 444 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 1: were ready to heal, and he was the tool that 445 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: God used to push you into sobriety. Hallelujah. Yeah. Well, 446 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:43,840 Speaker 1: if you ever see him again, tell him I said, 447 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:52,880 Speaker 1: thank you. Listen, give me give me a call in 448 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,320 Speaker 1: about three months, let me know how you're doing. Okay. 449 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: You should be on step twelve by then, give me 450 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,719 Speaker 1: a call. I want to know how you're doing okay. 451 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 1: All right, Thank you so much. I am thank you, 452 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 1: and please continue listening to the our spot. I will 453 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:14,480 Speaker 1: listen to you okay, bye bye. A reason, a season 454 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:20,240 Speaker 1: or a life time that was a reasonal relationship. There 455 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 1: were some things that she needed to see, some things 456 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 1: she needed to learn, some things she needed to grow through. 457 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:31,000 Speaker 1: But the interesting part for me is how we in 458 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 1: the midst of our growing and our healing. I think 459 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 1: that we've got it figured out. And I always say 460 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:45,640 Speaker 1: that self diagnosis is misdiagnosis. Self diagnosis is misdiagnosis because 461 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: if we knew what to do, we would have done it. 462 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: We have to be willing to walk through these hills 463 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: and valleys to get to the depth of our soul 464 00:33:56,160 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 1: and the healing that is required. And one of the powerful, 465 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:05,600 Speaker 1: powerful purposes of a relationship is to drop us on 466 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: our head, face first in the valley of healing. We 467 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,840 Speaker 1: hate it, we hate it, but life in the universe, 468 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:19,359 Speaker 1: God Source Creator is so wonderful that it takes us 469 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,879 Speaker 1: right into the very place that we need to be. Now, 470 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,240 Speaker 1: we don't know why we're going in there, but we do. 471 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,719 Speaker 1: You know, double dipping can work. There are people who 472 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 1: have separated and come apart. I have a very dear 473 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,520 Speaker 1: friend who had a lover in high school or or 474 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: a boyfriend in high school. They both separated with their 475 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:42,760 Speaker 1: separate way and married, had children. Thirty five years later 476 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:48,319 Speaker 1: came back together. That was twenty five years ago. They 477 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:52,359 Speaker 1: are still together. My Mama Si and Baba Sherman. They 478 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:57,480 Speaker 1: are still together. So double dipping can work, but it 479 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:01,479 Speaker 1: also serves a deeper purpose. Here's the key. If you're 480 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 1: double dipping and you keep getting the same response, you 481 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:11,719 Speaker 1: have missed the point. But if you're double dipping and 482 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,080 Speaker 1: that second dip or that third dip or that fourth 483 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:20,800 Speaker 1: dip creates a massive change in your life, in your consciousness, 484 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:26,920 Speaker 1: in your speaking, you're seeing your living. Then you've learned something, 485 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 1: You've grown something, you've healed something, which is what makes 486 00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:35,839 Speaker 1: double dipping purposeful. May not be fun, but it's purposeful. 487 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 1: I hope you've heard something today that you can use 488 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 1: in your life. I want to thank my guests for 489 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: their courage and sharing their story. I can hardly wait 490 00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: to hear the good that's gonna come out of the 491 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:54,839 Speaker 1: challenges they faced. And if you've got a challenge, issue, dilemma, problems, 492 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,960 Speaker 1: situation with your lover, your sister, your brother, I want 493 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 1: to hear from you right here on the art spots 494 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,360 Speaker 1: so be sure to listen for our call outs. In 495 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 1: the meantime, Stay in peace, not pieces, and I'll see 496 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 1: you next week. The R Spot is a production of 497 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:21,839 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. For more 498 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 499 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:30,280 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.