WEBVTT - Chapter 6: A Queer Inheritance with Aurora Guerrero 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:15.880 Truth or dare truth? Guando boys, GUENOMELESTORIAA I am oher 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:18.480 aarami primera more. 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:36.639 Senoraora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Senora, Hi, Senora, Welcome 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:37.480 to Senora. 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:41.640 Sex Ed Senora Sex Said is not your mommy's sex talk. 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:45.239 This show is la platica like you've never heard it before. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.440 We're breaking the stigma and silence around sex and sexuality 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:54.280 in LATINX communities. Historically, Latinas have been hyper sexualized in 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:59.760 popular culture but notoriously denied sex education. This podcast is 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:04.280 an intergenerational conversation between Latinas from gen X to gen Z, 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:10.240 covering everything from puberty and body image to representation in film, television, 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:10.920 and music. 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:15.000 Just a reminder, in this show, a Senora is a 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:18.479 woman with a lot of life experiences and stories to share. 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.760 Maybe she's in her thirties, maybe she's in her forties 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.120 or fifties or even older. She could be trans, or 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:29.240 maybe she sis. We are your hosts and producers, Viosa 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:29.880 and Mala. 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:34.600 You might recognize us from our flagship podcast, Loka Tora Radio. 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:38.560 We've been podcasting since twenty sixteen and we've covered all 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:42.960 kinds of topics, ranging from politics to mental health, current events, 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:46.839 and of course sex. We still have so much to learn, though, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.160 which is why we're excited to bring you. Senora Sex said, 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:53.360 we hope you listen to each episode with the Senoras 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.240 and Senoritas in your Life. 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.560 Chapter six a Queer Inheritance. 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:02.520 By the time I made Mosquito Madi, I think everybody 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:07.520 knew I was queer. This was my coming out love story, 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:12.320 first love story that I hadn't told anybody about. The 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:16.320 person I experienced it with, we never talked about it. 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:19.560 It's very much like the movie. It's like all the 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.280 unspoken is what lived between us. 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:27.880 That's Alrora Guerrero. She's a writer, director, and filmmaker. She's 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:32.480 a queer, Chicana Latina and mother. In this episode, you'll 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.959 hear her discuss how her first love inspired her debut film, 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:40.120 Mosquito Marie. You'll also hear how she's breaking the culture 0:02:40.200 --> 0:02:40.680 of shame. 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:45.280 Aoa wrote her first love story into her first feature film, 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:49.640 and we all process our first loves differently. Do you 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:53.120 remember your first love, the first person who caught your 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:58.000 eye and captured your romantic imagination? The inspiration for butterflies 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:02.760 and daydreams, your first valentine, your first dance, your first kiss. 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:09.160 First love can be intense, scary, overwhelming, wholesome and precious. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:13.799 Sometimes that first love is a secret very deep inside, 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.240 for fear of what might happen should it be expressed. 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:21.440 When we're young, Few things are more exciting, more thrilling, 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:25.360 more terrifying than sharing your feelings with the object of 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:30.080 your affection, And few things hurt more than unrequited love. 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.560 Did you tell your first love how you felt about them? 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:37.000 Did they feel the same way about you if you 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.520 ran into them today? What would you say? 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:46.720 Historically, sex education PSAs shown in American schools are painfully clinical, 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:52.200 oftentimes comical, and notoriously awkward. For writer director aro Ri Guerrero, 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:56.840 her first formal introduction to sex education was one such film. 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:02.040 I feel like the only bit of sort of formal 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:05.560 sex said I recall would be when I was in 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:09.560 elementary school. I think I was maybe in the fourth 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:14.640 grade when they had this Sex Said, like half hour 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.680 film that they showed us that literally was still on 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:24.120 like eight millimeter film. I think they projected it. I 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:29.400 don't even recall much of what was shown other than 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:34.200 maybe seeing sperm kind of swimming. But I don't recall 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.320 a discussion. I don't recall anything really, I don't recall 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:43.320 being impacted by it. I just remember it being kind 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:49.120 of laughed off, no follow up discussion, something that we 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:52.200 had to watch, and that was about it. 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:56.320 Like so many school age Latinas, the lessons about sex 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:01.400 missing from our formal education were supplemented by hushed whispers, 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:06.240 school yard tieesement, and sexual experimentation among peers. 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:11.520 So I think that that's the only formal sex that 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:16.080 I ever had in my life. And then there was 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:19.440 the sex that that happens on the streets and in 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:23.680 your school with your friends, right where people start talking 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:31.720 about having sex, and so I think that those discussions 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:36.040 were never in detail about like this is how it happens. 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:43.480 Sometimes this informal learning about sex and sexuality had negative repercussions. 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:47.320 Then like these are the consequences it was. There was 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:51.240 none of that. It was just kind of like she 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:54.720 had sex, and it was like, oh my god, or 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:59.520 she's pregnant, Oh my god. Or she's having an abortion, 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:03.520 oh my god. Like that was the extent of the conversation, 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:08.920 really lacking detail. And I have to say again that 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:12.880 that was the majority of my life. Like for me, 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:17.599 sex side was really what I experienced firsthand, like those 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:23.840 were my my that was my learning, was me just 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:31.479 experiencing it. So really nothing you could say nana. 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:35.880 For Arora, matters of the body and sexuality were shrouded 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:39.599 in shame. When she started her period, she was given 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:42.320 the tools needed to keep up with her menstrual cycle, 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:47.680 but not much more. Without direct, open and detailed dialogue 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:51.760 about her period. The message was clear, figure it out 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:53.400 and don't talk about it. 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:59.520 When I started my period, there was still a lot 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:03.480 of ignorant and on my end, I didn't really fully 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:09.080 understand what was happening. And my parents when that happened, 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:12.680 it was almost like my mom just was like an 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:16.640 automatic sort of like, oh, so this is what you need. 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:19.760 Here's a pad, like and you have to wear this 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:25.360 and oh but it wasn't like a detailed conversation about 0:07:25.800 --> 0:07:28.800 what it meant and how my body was going to change. 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:32.680 There was nothing like that. It was just kind of like, oh, here, 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.760 you're going to need this, and I had to figure out, oh, 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:38.280 my god, like this is it's going to be painful 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.440 and I'm going to have to wear this pad, and 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:43.560 you know, just like a lot of silence, a lot 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:49.240 of mystery, a lot of shame. And I interpreted it 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:53.280 a shame. This lack of conversation around it translated as 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:54.360 something you don't talk about. 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:54.440 It. 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:56.680 If you don't talk about it's something to be ashamed of. 0:07:57.680 --> 0:08:05.960 So yeah, just crazy, Like nothing around sexuality. It was 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.920 always about the assumption that I would like boys, and 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:13.000 I did have attractions towards boys, but there was no 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:16.000 discussion around even that. 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:20.320 If you've been listening to Senora sex Ed since episode one, 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:24.480 you may have recognized a troubling pattern that for young Latinas, 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:28.440 the silence and shame around sex and sexuality often begins 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:32.000 with puberty and our periods. These major life events might 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.960 be acknowledged, but seldom are they celebrated or fully explained. 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:40.080 The message, once again, is very clear, this is yours 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:41.880 to deal with on your own. 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:44.800 Yeah, I mean, I think it starts with the period. 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.760 I think it starts with the body and what we 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:52.640 sort of naturally go through. I think information is power, 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:57.400 it's empowerment. I'm a mom now, I have a daughter 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:02.480 she's nine, and and my spouse and I my wife 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:06.440 and I immediately talked about how we wanted to get 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:12.760 her age appropriate information so she could understand just the 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:15.960 biology of her body and like what is going to 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:20.120 happen around her period, how that's going to bring on 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:25.199 changes from her body to just hormonally, her emotions and 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:29.040 you know, everything that comes with starting your period. Both 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:32.240 my spouse and I are so excited about that. 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:37.640 I have no idea how she will receive the conversation, 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:42.080 but thus far she's used to us, you know, bringing 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:44.679 books and reading together. 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:49.440 And having discussions as we read it. She's very responsive 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:57.160 to it, and so we're excited about continuing that conversation, 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:02.320 especially around sex, which is a big one. And you know, 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:04.800 we feel like her body is telling us from what 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.480 we're seeing that her period is within a year a 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:11.360 year and a half away. So me and my wife 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:12.800 are getting ready. We're like, how do we have the 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:17.040 conversation that isn't traumatizing, that is empowering and la la 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:18.600 la la la, you know what I mean. And so 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:23.199 part of that is also just like for me dealing 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:27.120 with my fears, you know, around it for her, because 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:30.480 I also know that the world out there is can 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:34.600 be a very scary place, and I don't want to 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:36.800 be like, and you have to do this, and you 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:41.199 have to, you know, like be so imposing on her 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:45.200 because we also want her curiosity to be present and 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:48.280 to be alive and not to stifle that for her. 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:53.520 So and also then eventually leading to the conversations around sex. Yeah, 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:58.160 I would have loved to have really removed that sense 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:02.160 of it's not something you should talk about, it's not 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.520 something that is positive or good. Like, I really wish 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:09.640 that would have been removed, because I just would have 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:14.560 understood myself so much better and felt more confident in 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:19.000 the world as a young woman. And you know, obviously 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:23.720 my mom sets the tone for that for me. And 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.800 because I grew up with brothers and so my mom 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.840 was the only other female my grandma. So yeah, So 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:32.080 I just wish my mom would have really broken the 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:37.960 silence and given me proper information so I could navigate 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.000 myself my changes so much better. 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:47.760 The silence around Aarroora's body, her period, and her sexuality 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:51.880 was almost an inheritance of sorts, passed down from her 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:57.560 grandmother to her mother and eventually to her. Now, Aaroda's 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:01.280 own daughter has the privilege of a different type of inheritance, 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:04.280 information and open conversation. 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:11.240 My generation of moms are raising kids who are like 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:17.640 extremely informed. If anything, I'd be curious to see them 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.480 or my daughter, you know, fifteen twenty years from now 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.200 on a podcast talking about the way she was raised 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:26.199 would probably be like, oh my god, my mom's had 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:30.600 a library and shit, like, way too much information. 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:38.400 We hope you're enjoying this conversation. Stay tuned, there's more 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:39.040 to come. 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:48.760 And we're back. We hope you enjoyed the break and 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:51.439 are ready to listen to the rest. What happens when 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:54.520 our own parents are afraid to address the changes we 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:58.880 are experiencing with our bodies, we approach those same changes 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:04.560 with fear, upidation, and sometimes self destructive behavior. Without the 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:08.160 proper tools and education to help her navigate her relationship 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:11.960 to sex and sexuality, Arora's youth was marked by fear 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:13.360 of what she didn't know. 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:14.480 Yeah. 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:18.160 I think that I navigated my youth with a lot 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:28.680 of fear. Fear of you know, what was happening, what 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:38.120 could happen, not understanding things, and fearing that that lack 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:42.720 of knowledge would somehow hurt me or hurt the ones 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:48.360 around me. Yeah, just a lot of fear, and that 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:54.800 in turn caused a lot of repression, oppression. I lived 0:13:55.040 --> 0:14:00.960 a very sort of insular experience where like I was 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.960 just having conversations with myself, you know, internally about what 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:09.920 was happening, because I couldn't even talk to my friends 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:18.760 about things. So it was really difficult. It was really difficult. 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:22.040 And if I did have an experience or did have feelings, 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:27.040 that was tainted with shame, and so then that was 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:31.520 another layer that kept me quiet about my experiences that 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:38.800 I internalized, be it positive or negative. And I always 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:45.240 feel like that led to sort of you know behavior 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:51.680 later that was self destructive, right from unhealthy sex to 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:58.400 alcohol to just different ways that different ways I was 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:03.360 coping to try to find a way to express what 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:07.080 I had buried for so long. So it was really 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:11.040 really hard. It had a very very big impact on 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:12.680 me and negative for sure. 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:16.400 As a young adult, Aroda made her way to Los Angeles. 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.520 While in LA, her new social circle introduced her to 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:25.760 a nonprofit organization called Bienistad. Because of Viennistad, Alroota had 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.680 access to queer sex ed for the first time. 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.680 There was a lot of discussion with people around me. 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:36.240 But when I ended up in Los Angeles, I came 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:40.080 across a nonprofit called Bianistad. I don't know if you 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.120 all are familiar with bianista, so I'm not sure if 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:47.040 they're very active now, but they were active back in 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:51.360 the early two thousands, late nineteen nineties, which is when 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.840 I was in LA and definitely dating and out in 0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:59.600 the scene, and they were doing a lot of active 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:03.160 out reach to not just gay men but queer women, 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:08.080 and so a few of the women that I was 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:13.040 around exposed exposed me to them and their workshops, and 0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:15.600 it was like the first time I ever went to 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:20.680 a queer like sex workshop was at Bianistad, and by 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:26.080 then I was twenty four, twenty five, and I was like, oh, 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:31.200 they're safe sex like between women, Like I mean, the 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.680 ignorance was pretty deep on my end, you know, and 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:40.200 having those conversations like most of us didn't weren't aware 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:45.120 of that and definitely did not practice safe sex amongst 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.520 ourselves or with each other whatever in the Latina community. 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:52.440 I felt like so so bien Estaught was the first 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:57.440 place where I got formal queer sex education. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:16:59.800 We're sure there are listeners out there who have their 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.600 own own questions about safe sex for queer women. To 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.240 keep the conversation going, we're picking up a house call 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:10.720 from resident obg y N doctor Lilia Rodan, MD. 0:17:15.000 --> 0:17:19.359 Ola Signoras, I'm la Lata Lilia Roldan, MD, calling in 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:22.160 to talk to you about safe sex practices for queer women. 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:28.480 E Brasoness, I'm a resident physician specializing in obtetrics and gynecology. Now, 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:31.840 before we continue with our call, this informational segment should 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.600 not be interpreted as official medical advice, and if you 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.000 have any concerns, always consult with your medical provider. So 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:40.720 let's get to talking about safe sex practices for female 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:44.800 bodied queers now. While you are statistically more likely to 0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:47.879 contract an STI from someone with a penis, that doesn't 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:50.440 mean those gold star lesbians out there are free from risk. 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:54.480 Any sexual act involving the exchange of bodily fluids can 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:57.800 lead to infection transmission. Barrier methods like condoms and dental 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:01.199 dams should be used by all consenting parts for infection prevention, 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:04.480 and yes, Senoras, that means using condoms on your penetrative 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.320 sex toys if you're playing with a partner. Speaking of toys, 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:10.679 make sure to clean them after every use for silicone. 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:13.199 Either boil them for five to ten minutes, wash them 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:15.960 in the top rack of your dishwasher, or wash with 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:18.920 antibacterial soap and hot water. As a rule of thumb, 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.320 if you're using an organ for sex, you should get 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:24.760 it swabbed at some point to screen for STIs because yes, 0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:28.600 throat chlamydia is a thing. And lastly, it's important to 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:30.679 note that just because you or your partner are on 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.560 gender affirming hormones, that doesn't mean there's a zero percent 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:36.600 chance of pregnancy if playing with genitals of the opposite sex. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:40.040 So Senoras, if you're needing to have the plattiga with 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:43.080 a queer segoriti tex in your life, remember to research 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:45.919 the correct information to inform their safe sex practices. 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:49.639 The turbulence that defined her own queer coming of age 0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:54.159 was not for nothing. Her experiences with silence, sex and 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:57.200 young love would inspire the making of the twenty twelve 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.440 iconic queer love story Mosquita You Mighty. 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:07.240 Because for two reasons, that film was so personal to me, 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:11.440 and I had lived in that silence for so long 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:16.239 that I really wanted to bring voice to it. And 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:20.159 I wanted to just let it out and put it 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:25.159 out and say, you know, this was a moment in 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:27.760 my life, and this was my first love. And I 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.880 never got to say that to that person. I never 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.720 got to say it to someone else. It took me 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:37.359 a while to even acknowledge that that friendship was really 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:41.160 my first love, and so I wanted to honor that 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:45.080 time and moment in my life. I felt like that 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:51.720 that was very important for me. And then I figured 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:56.159 that probably still there were a lot of young women 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.360 of color, a lot of young brown girls who were 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:01.880 still exp and seeing the same thing. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:07.240 Mosquita Aimardi was a cinematic love letter addressed to Arora's 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:10.840 first love. She was also a young brown girl who 0:20:10.840 --> 0:20:15.119 didn't know outright how Aroa felt. Aaroda knew that she 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:18.480 was not the only queer Latina who harbored a secret 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:21.840 love in her childhood. She wanted to finally let that 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:25.399 love live out in the open for everyone to see 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:26.159 and feel. 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:32.080 And I wanted to capture that dynamic so these young 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:37.240 women or older or women my age could say, oh shit, 0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:40.760 that was me, That's what I went through. And you 0:20:40.880 --> 0:20:43.639 capture that and you gave it a place, and you 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:46.520 gave it a name and thank you for doing that. 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:51.120 So I wanted people to feel seen more than anything, 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:54.600 and that moment and that love to be seen and 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:57.200 felt beautiful. 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:02.640 I I'm curious about how you living your life, dating, 0:21:02.840 --> 0:21:06.359 growing up, coming of age, learning as you're going, learning 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:10.040 as you're doing. How that led to the writing of 0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:14.399 Mosquita Imai because it's based very heavily on your own 0:21:14.680 --> 0:21:18.080 experiences and your own upbringing. So just how living directly 0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:19.480 translated to the writing. 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:26.440 Yeah, well, I originally Mosquita Money was epic. It started 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:29.919 in elementary school and ended at the end of high school. 0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:34.600 And I think that I was so eager to tell 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:38.879 my story, to talk about all the things that I 0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:46.040 had experienced, especially around love and connection intimacy, that I 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:51.680 just like barfed out the biggest breaking screenplay ever. And 0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:56.879 so I think that at that moment, I was like, Okay, 0:21:56.880 --> 0:21:59.760 I don't think that this is very producible, and so 0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:04.520 I I need to kind of be able to encapsulate 0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:08.720 what I felt for most of those years during a 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:12.120 very specific time, and so that's what I set out 0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:16.440 to do. But originally it was just this real need 0:22:16.880 --> 0:22:21.679 to say everything that I could not say throughout my 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:27.679 life because my feeling, that sense of intimacy attraction started 0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:32.719 very young for me in elementary school. So I wanted 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:36.600 to like, you know, honor all those moments and I 0:22:36.680 --> 0:22:42.800 couldn't cinematically. So that was my process and it made 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:46.480 sense because I was talking about these things for the 0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:53.400 first time. And yeah, and that process to come to Mosquite, 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:56.520 that money and what it is on screen now took 0:22:56.560 --> 0:22:59.920 me quite a few years because I had to, like, 0:23:01.280 --> 0:23:05.720 you know, be okay with saying I'm not going to 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:09.080 cover elementary school. I'm not going to cover middle school. 0:23:09.119 --> 0:23:10.600 I'm not gonna you know what I mean. Like, I 0:23:10.640 --> 0:23:13.320 had to be at piece with what was not going 0:23:13.400 --> 0:23:18.160 to end up on screen specifically, but in essence, I 0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:23.479 was addressing and capturing the same feeling I had throughout 0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:24.359 my childhood. 0:23:24.760 --> 0:23:28.600 Curiosity about your sexual attraction and identity can begin at 0:23:28.640 --> 0:23:33.000 a young age. Mosquita Mai set out to capture that 0:23:33.080 --> 0:23:35.399 youthful intensity, and that. 0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:43.240 Was intense connections with other girls that were clouded with 0:23:43.280 --> 0:23:45.480 that sense of sort of not being able to talk 0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:49.600 about it, not understanding fully what was happening, not having 0:23:49.840 --> 0:23:53.080 a sense of community to lean on during that time 0:23:54.680 --> 0:23:57.879 was what I wanted to center the peace on, and 0:23:57.920 --> 0:24:00.719 so that's what I focused on. I love it. I 0:24:00.760 --> 0:24:04.720 love queering these friendships because you know, we're taught to 0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:08.960 just dismiss them as oh, that's just friendship, or you know, 0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:13.240 it's never put through a queer lens. So I wanted 0:24:13.240 --> 0:24:16.879 to queer those spaces as much as possible so people 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:20.280 could look back and say, oh, actually, I think we 0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:23.040 were crushed out on each other and it wasn't just 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:25.639 oh I just felt a little jealous, you know what 0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:29.439 I mean. So I experienced that when I when I 0:24:29.480 --> 0:24:34.760 screened the film around the world, so many people would 0:24:34.800 --> 0:24:39.560 talk about their experiences through a queer lens that they 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:45.119 had never given their their the given themselves the opportunity 0:24:45.160 --> 0:24:48.120 to look at their experiences through a queer lens, and 0:24:48.200 --> 0:24:51.439 it was I felt like it moved a lot of 0:24:51.480 --> 0:24:55.680 people to do that. So that was that was really 0:24:55.680 --> 0:25:01.479 interesting to experience through audiences. We'll be taking a quick break. 0:25:01.720 --> 0:25:12.840 Don't miss us, Thanks for sticking around. 0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:13.840 We are back. 0:25:22.200 --> 0:25:26.639 What about Ara's first love? Ara and her childhood crush 0:25:26.800 --> 0:25:31.040 lost touch and they didn't reconnect for several years until 0:25:31.080 --> 0:25:34.920 Aarra tracked her down and finally sat down to talk 0:25:34.960 --> 0:25:35.199 to her. 0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:40.119 I have mentioned the film to her a couple of times, 0:25:42.280 --> 0:25:46.359 but she has an expressed interest in watching it. I 0:25:46.520 --> 0:25:51.119 haven't outright said this is about you and me. I 0:25:51.320 --> 0:25:53.879 have said, you know, you inspired a lot of it. 0:25:57.200 --> 0:26:00.000 She knows, like I think the first step between me 0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:02.000 and her was for me to come out to her, 0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:08.360 because in real life, myself and this person got separated. 0:26:09.359 --> 0:26:13.480 So life broke us apart. She ended up moving and 0:26:13.560 --> 0:26:19.560 so our relationship, our connection was ruptured from one day 0:26:19.560 --> 0:26:25.119 to the next, and she ended up like going on 0:26:25.160 --> 0:26:28.200 her own journey. I ended up going online and then 0:26:28.240 --> 0:26:33.480 we reconnected like fifteen years later, as I was getting 0:26:33.600 --> 0:26:37.240 ready to make this movie, and I thought to myself, 0:26:37.359 --> 0:26:39.680 I'm gonna tell her. I'm gonna She didn't know I 0:26:39.800 --> 0:26:45.520 was queer, she didn't know anything, So so I invited. 0:26:45.640 --> 0:26:47.480 I tracked her down. It took me a long time 0:26:47.520 --> 0:26:49.480 to track her down, and this was a whole This 0:26:49.560 --> 0:26:52.400 was a big part of why I also wrote Mosquite 0:26:52.480 --> 0:26:57.639 Madi Is because I couldn't find her, and I was like, 0:26:58.040 --> 0:27:00.679 rather than find her and I don't know what I 0:27:00.800 --> 0:27:07.320 was gonna, you know, claimed to her. I just I 0:27:07.400 --> 0:27:09.919 needed to tell this story for me. But I had 0:27:09.960 --> 0:27:12.960 already set in motion this sort of search for her, 0:27:13.840 --> 0:27:18.479 and I was able to finally find her and I 0:27:18.520 --> 0:27:21.560 invited her to dinner, and it was crazy. We hadn't 0:27:21.560 --> 0:27:25.920 seen each other since high school, like we were seniors. 0:27:25.960 --> 0:27:28.840 We saw each other briefly, but we were separated when 0:27:28.840 --> 0:27:35.399 we were sophomores. And I was like, I'm gonna tell her, 0:27:35.760 --> 0:27:37.880 you know, I was just so hooked gung ho with everything, 0:27:38.640 --> 0:27:41.840 and then when I saw her, I just got really nervous. 0:27:42.720 --> 0:27:45.639 And then she started telling me how she was Christian 0:27:46.640 --> 0:27:50.439 and she had, you know, a few kids, and I 0:27:50.720 --> 0:27:57.080 just shrunk. I shrunk, and I walked away from that dinner. 0:27:58.600 --> 0:28:02.080 I didn't even come out to her say anything, and 0:28:02.200 --> 0:28:06.200 so so I walked away, going, I have to make 0:28:06.240 --> 0:28:09.040 mostquit that money for me. I gotta do this for me. 0:28:09.520 --> 0:28:12.960