Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, the production of iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network.
Speaker 2: Talk Talk Talk. We're just two unapologetically black women with
Speaker 2: an opinion to talk.
Speaker 3: Hey everybody, it's me tan Van. Welcome to a new
Speaker 3: episode of We Talk Back.
Speaker 2: I love y'all. Oh wait, this shit dedicated to you
Speaker 2: lovers and what else? Ay?
Speaker 1: J fuckers. I don't know, y'all. If you got a
Speaker 1: man for the holidays, I'm jealous. Okay, me too.
Speaker 3: This is my ninth year not having a Valentine. Like,
Speaker 3: I got gifts and ship, but I ain't have like
Speaker 3: no real man, you know.
Speaker 1: So niggas just dropping shit off the day before, that's
Speaker 1: what you're saying.
Speaker 2: No, fuck you, bitch, fuck you. I know what you're implying.
Speaker 1: Shit in the mail.
Speaker 3: I'm getting like flowers in the mail, like are either
Speaker 3: they're not in the same state as me or it's
Speaker 3: just are they want to be with me?
Speaker 2: But it ain't nobody I want to be with?
Speaker 1: You know, girl, you about to fuck up all your blessings.
Speaker 1: Don't be saying that on here. What you be doing
Speaker 1: and how you be getting shit from different people? You
Speaker 1: fuck around and get nothing now.
Speaker 2: Well, Valentine's they already passed with this.
Speaker 1: Drop, so I already got it. I got your niggas joke.
Speaker 3: No, I just don't have like a solid booth thing
Speaker 3: again for Valentine's Day, so.
Speaker 1: I'm not really about it. It's all right. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like the last couple of holidays I didn't
Speaker 1: have anybody, but previous years I had some shit going on.
Speaker 1: But I am celebrating freedom, bitch free at last. Okay,
Speaker 1: That's how I feel.
Speaker 3: My sister, My sister bought herself a bouquet roses. I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, that's so beautiful. I admire the self love.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna talk about you on the show. She's like, bitch,
Speaker 3: yo'll say that on the show. I'm gonna tell people
Speaker 3: a nigga bought me.
Speaker 2: Sorry, Tanya.
Speaker 1: I always buy myself flowers. I love fresh flowers.
Speaker 3: Okay, I love flowers too, but I don't like to
Speaker 3: buy for myself. I honestly don't like to buy anything.
Speaker 1: For there's that part the fuck.
Speaker 2: I ever prefer other people to buy.
Speaker 1: Sam's Club got the best flowers. If y'all want to
Speaker 1: buy y'all, old lady some nice flowers. Weekly go to
Speaker 1: Sam's Club. Y'all Sam's Club cars all yourself. You know,
Speaker 1: you get a Sam's Club card? What we got going
Speaker 1: on for? Stupid? Oh shit? Did I skip our weekends?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: I guess that'll that's part of stupid internet news.
Speaker 1: Is the weekend the super Bowl.
Speaker 3: Let's just get into the super Bowl like that was
Speaker 3: everybody's weekend.
Speaker 1: Did you do any Super Bowl party?
Speaker 2: I did. I went to one of my good friends
Speaker 2: her mom's house, and they had a shitting dig going
Speaker 2: on with all the food and all the people. Was school. Yep,
Speaker 2: did you go to hell?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: I was right at the house. I maybe some savich
Speaker 1: at the house and we watched.
Speaker 2: BJ for a super Bowl that's you're supposed to have meat.
Speaker 1: Oh you don't eat him exactly, so let me get
Speaker 1: my seafood please, thank you?
Speaker 2: A vegan meatball weak as hell.
Speaker 1: And I did watch the whole game. You know. That's
Speaker 1: really the only time I watch football is to watch
Speaker 1: the Super Bowl. So I can see how.
Speaker 2: That's the only game you watch.
Speaker 1: I'll watch.
Speaker 3: If I'm like with a man and he want to watch,
Speaker 3: I'll get into it, you know. But I don't just
Speaker 3: be sitting at my whole house cracking over, open a
Speaker 3: Bruski and.
Speaker 2: Turn it on the game. Who would you go for?
Speaker 3: I was saying little stupid shit at the party, like so,
Speaker 3: which who's the white team and who's the Red team?
Speaker 2: On purpose, like trying to make it sound like I
Speaker 2: don't know, girl.
Speaker 1: I literally bet some ass at forty nine. It was
Speaker 1: just gonna win. I don't give him no ass though,
Speaker 1: But I asked who wanted to give up some asks
Speaker 1: for the forty nine ers? Who wanted to bet some bookie?
Speaker 2: And somebody took your bet?
Speaker 1: Yep, had a few takers, And then after way after
Speaker 1: the forty nine is lost, I was like, I'm I
Speaker 1: wasn't the one giving up bookie. I was asking who
Speaker 1: wanted to give up some bookie for the bets?
Speaker 4: But but if you if they give up some bookie,
Speaker 4: ain't you gotta give up some bookie to get the bookie?
Speaker 2: That giving up?
Speaker 1: No, they could have told me what they wanted their
Speaker 1: prize to be. That was my prize, some bookie from them, yes.
Speaker 2: But that means some bookie from you. Do you realize that?
Speaker 1: Right? Bege I lost the bet to about twenty people.
Speaker 1: Body in that ass.
Speaker 6: Let that.
Speaker 1: Body camp about to be stupid for the nine to
Speaker 1: nine and the twenty four.
Speaker 3: So let's get into the sin. Sure, the whole the
Speaker 3: whole Super Bowl was the Usher show. As far as
Speaker 3: I love Usher, how did you feel about his performance?
Speaker 1: I thought his performance was very good. I love the
Speaker 1: part when he took his fucking shirt off. Okay, I'm like,
Speaker 1: USh just making niggas getting the gym. Okay.
Speaker 3: People were trying to say it wasn't all of that,
Speaker 3: this nigga arrolla skated dance. No, the performance dance saying
Speaker 3: has striples. Selo Edge made the pre came out her.
Speaker 1: The weird part about it. I had never seen this,
Speaker 1: you know, based on like previous halftime shows, people comparing
Speaker 1: the current halftime to previous years, like I was seeing
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson halftime, Like why are y'all comparing Usher to
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson and Prince halftime performance? Like what has really happened?
Speaker 2: But those are greats.
Speaker 3: When you're being compared to the greats, then that says
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 1: So I don't know why the expectation was so high
Speaker 1: for Usher, but I feel like he delivered. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the fuck he's a living about.
Speaker 2: He brought a the aid to the world.
Speaker 3: I never seen strippers look so wholesome, you know, like
Speaker 3: they was up there like you know, those weren't the
Speaker 3: most family friendly strippers I've ever seen in Wilen.
Speaker 1: Why black men be so mad and ready to rag
Speaker 1: on another black man over their fucking wives. So now
Speaker 1: everybody saw how Usha was on, had his dick on.
Speaker 1: I thought it was innocent. We see people who are
Speaker 1: married to other people entertain all the time. Why all
Speaker 1: of a sudden there's a problem when Usher does it.
Speaker 3: Because let me tell you why it's a problem because
Speaker 3: Kei Ki Palmer and that other man had that whole
Speaker 3: issue after Usher was dancing with Kiki. So now everybody
Speaker 3: watching Usher to make sure he don't break up. No
Speaker 3: more happy homes.
Speaker 1: But we know this nigga terrorists. I feel like he
Speaker 1: get a pass, right, he do get a pass.
Speaker 2: Was like, it's okay, you can grind my bitch. I
Speaker 2: don't care you wash your.
Speaker 1: Nigga Like she looked like she was a jointed too,
Speaker 1: like she remembered that meet because I remember they used
Speaker 1: to date. Yep, you gotta be real secure to let
Speaker 1: a woman's ex dude grind her for the world to
Speaker 1: see and still be Okay, they're very secure and they're marriage. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So apparently him and his longtime girlfriend. Usher and his
Speaker 1: longtime girlfriend had just like locked in a marriage certificate
Speaker 1: right before the Super Bowl. So he's getting married or
Speaker 1: he's married ship essentially.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, he's married they both. I think about it.
Speaker 1: He's a swinger.
Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying they were swinging on stage when
Speaker 2: he was.
Speaker 1: Booty one. Think about it, boy, I should keep a
Speaker 1: bitch despite what that doctor said, he.
Speaker 2: Keep a low key one too. Don't do that. So
Speaker 2: we had a gad ass to our show.
Speaker 1: Don't do that despite them tests all say I should
Speaker 1: keep him a low one. Okay, he's Usher.
Speaker 2: He get to do what he wanted. I would say.
Speaker 3: I wish her could have been on stage longer. I
Speaker 3: wish it was like an USh Her show.
Speaker 2: You know USh Her, right right?
Speaker 1: She was just there so he can do his wardrobe change.
Speaker 2: That she played the funk out of that guitar.
Speaker 1: I think that was pre recorded. Do you think that
Speaker 1: was live her plan?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I hope it was live. I don't know everything else
Speaker 3: was live. They ain't pre recorded. Alicia King, we know that.
Speaker 7: Had to be live, but this shows us exactly how
Speaker 7: the fuck media does us like, so we just supposed
Speaker 7: to forget that we heard that fucked up note and
Speaker 7: y'all going to replace this ship in post production with
Speaker 7: a we remember.
Speaker 4: I right?
Speaker 3: Man, I would have called him soon as I got
Speaker 3: off stage. Y'all make sure y'all edit that ship before
Speaker 3: go out to the band, since I know they heard
Speaker 3: it the first time before that for the people who
Speaker 3: didn't hear it, they gonna hear.
Speaker 1: It right like we be texting tale like, bitch, can
Speaker 1: you take this out about that ship out? I thought
Speaker 1: about it. Probably shouldn't say that right. That note was terrible,
Speaker 1: and I feel like the Usher ship was the least
Speaker 1: of Alicia Keys worry that first that first fucking note
Speaker 1: nearly killed her.
Speaker 3: Right it was, man, But I give her a past
Speaker 3: because she she sound good usually.
Speaker 2: But who knows all them ships might have been edited to?
Speaker 1: Was Alicia Keys a singer though, the same way they
Speaker 1: be ragging on j Lo Like? I feel like Alicia
Speaker 1: Keys is very very like musically inclined like when it
Speaker 1: comes to making music, But is.
Speaker 2: She really a singer?
Speaker 1: She sound good at tiny desk I never listened to that.
Speaker 2: She sound good.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I feel like I feel like she'd be singing on
Speaker 2: that piano.
Speaker 6: Child.
Speaker 3: Sometimes we let you Alicia side then hiccr Beyonce Like, oh,
Speaker 3: y'all thought y'all was doing so.
Speaker 6: How about this?
Speaker 4: Niggas pulling out cowboy boots and hass and everything right
Speaker 4: at the super Bowl.
Speaker 1: Like Beyonce is a fucking virgo. When I say that
Speaker 1: bit yourselfish, she is selfish as the motherfucker. Like why
Speaker 1: you couldn't let Usher have his moment? Why you dropped
Speaker 1: to let that man have this?
Speaker 3: She did a proposal at Usher witting that's like somebody
Speaker 3: getting engaged as somebody else's with.
Speaker 1: Yes, girl, Like it's cool, though, I feel like what
Speaker 1: we're taking it as a ship on Usher, But maybe
Speaker 1: it was like a ship on the whole super Bowl,
Speaker 1: because I'm pretty sure just tuning in to whatever she
Speaker 1: had going on after that, after her commercial drop, two
Speaker 1: minutes later, she dropped two whole songs.
Speaker 3: Two songs, and here come my sister calling me in
Speaker 3: the middle of the work. They talking about you want
Speaker 3: to learn how to lie dance? Get off my phone.
Speaker 1: Beyonce said, y'all motherfuckers, ain't trying to give me this
Speaker 1: goddamn best album award. Oh okay, I got something for y'all.
Speaker 3: Ass, I got something for y'all. But I am gonna
Speaker 3: try to learn how to line dance whichever TikTok and
Speaker 3: make it. But please don't make it like that to me.
Speaker 3: A ship, fucking mathematical class ship. I would have learned
Speaker 3: this for God.
Speaker 1: Remember that video we had from that fucking party we
Speaker 1: hosted trying to do that. I'm gonna post that ship, bitch,
Speaker 1: because we was killing it.
Speaker 2: Don't post it. It looked like I was getting crossed
Speaker 2: up on the basketball court.
Speaker 1: I feel like we was killing it. I don't know
Speaker 1: about ju bitch was killing the.
Speaker 6: Girl.
Speaker 2: You was doing it wrong too.
Speaker 1: We looked like drunk.
Speaker 2: Let's go to something.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 1: So Beyonce apparently some people were calling into this local
Speaker 1: country station requesting them to play her new songs, and
Speaker 1: they like had to put a whole statement out, but
Speaker 1: how they don't fuck with that nigga bitch.
Speaker 3: No, so they sent an email back saying that we
Speaker 3: don't play Beyonce. This is a country music station, And
Speaker 3: then all the Beyonce fans went crazy and was like calling, calling, calling,
Speaker 3: So then they had to put a statement out saying
Speaker 3: like we love Beyonce and we hope these songs do
Speaker 3: well and so forth and so forth, like we're gonna
Speaker 3: play it if it's country. We just basically didn't know
Speaker 3: it was country music.
Speaker 1: But do they sound country? They sound kind of r
Speaker 1: and b ish to me.
Speaker 3: They don't sound that song that you played earlier, the
Speaker 3: Daddy song my Daddy said you Daddy last.
Speaker 2: That sounds more country. Yeah, that sounds more country to me.
Speaker 1: And actually, let me tell you it was a singer,
Speaker 1: a country singer doing a cover that recently.
Speaker 3: But let me tell you who in their country bag,
Speaker 3: and they sound really good in their country bag. I
Speaker 3: don't know if y'all heard her music, her country music,
Speaker 3: but she doing the damn thing.
Speaker 1: So that's another thing, because people was trying to say, oh,
Speaker 1: Beyoncelett and ky Michelle Shine and Kate Michelle was like,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of problem with that, Like why do we
Speaker 1: feel like as black people, like there's not enough space
Speaker 1: for all of us? You know what I'm saying? Like
Speaker 1: ky Michelle can do that, but technically, if you listen
Speaker 1: to Lemonade. Beyonce had that Daddy's Lesson song been out there.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying to me, that's more country
Speaker 1: than these two new songs. I don't see what the
Speaker 1: problem is, Like why, y'all, I don't know, child, There's always.
Speaker 2: Some there's always something, child.
Speaker 3: They always gott to pit us against you against each other.
Speaker 3: But y'all definitely go check out ky Michelle country music.
Speaker 2: It's really good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because she what is the Country Awards? Uh show?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, the Country Music Awards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she performed this year or twenty twenty three came
Speaker 1: and Shell performs. I guess Beyonce said, man, fuck that,
Speaker 1: I'm coming for them awards next year. We'll see. Because
Speaker 1: this is supposed to be like an extension of Renaissance,
Speaker 1: So this is Renaissance.
Speaker 2: Two Act too, Act too.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: I'm just kind of grateful because all that ship I
Speaker 3: bought to wear to the Renaissance tour, I can bring
Speaker 3: that ship out for one more time and have a
Speaker 3: reason to wear that shit again, because.
Speaker 2: The fuck I'm gonna do with this ship, this hat
Speaker 2: and all this ship that I had.
Speaker 1: But that's different though, because it wasn't she had him
Speaker 1: having people dressed like astronauts, So now you're gonna.
Speaker 2: Be well, it wasn't, but it was like Rodeo too.
Speaker 3: It was Rodeo kind of like with the hats and
Speaker 3: the boots and all that stuff that people had, So
Speaker 3: you can if you if you bought some of that,
Speaker 3: you can mix a match.
Speaker 4: I'm definitely as much as the tickets was last year.
Speaker 4: I might have to wear the ship I had last
Speaker 4: year because I can't afford another one.
Speaker 1: Shame y'all keep giving that lady y'all money.
Speaker 3: I had acts Usher on tour too, and his tickets
Speaker 3: is Charlotte.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm gonna have to pray about.
Speaker 1: Are you ain't tired, nigga? You just had that long
Speaker 1: ass residency in Vegas, you just did the Super Bowl,
Speaker 1: and now you're going on tour ship tax man after
Speaker 1: that ass obviously, y'all. Let's get into our batty for
Speaker 1: this week for February. Y'all know, we try to, you know,
Speaker 1: give a little shout out to people who make impressions
Speaker 1: on the culture then and now. And this week we're
Speaker 1: going to talk about scizza. Okay, because Sissa is on
Speaker 1: motherfucking fire. Take a few Grammys two weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: right now, Sissy is also celebrating so Os, her last album,
Speaker 1: becoming the first album by a black female artist to
Speaker 1: spend over a year in the top ten on the
Speaker 1: Billboard two hundred chart. Okay, I'm still listening to Control
Speaker 1: like it came out yesterday. Sism makes some real timeless music,
Speaker 1: like she's one of my favorite rbr.
Speaker 3: It sounds so good. She'd be having me and my
Speaker 3: feelings though, I'd be like waking up happy. I'll put
Speaker 3: on Scissa and I'd be like, I don't.
Speaker 1: Know, No, I don't think sism music don't make me
Speaker 1: feel like that. She has a way of her music
Speaker 1: has a way of like taking like fucked up shit,
Speaker 1: but like you become the hero by the end of
Speaker 1: the song.
Speaker 3: It's good, but I don't know. Sometimes the mood and
Speaker 3: the song be melancholy, you know, and it just affects
Speaker 3: my spirit a little bit. I love it, though, don't
Speaker 3: get me wrong, because sometimes that's the mood I want.
Speaker 1: Hmm. I didn't feel like that with so Os. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I feel like that with the songs
Speaker 1: off of Control. It's just it'd be fun, fun songs,
Speaker 1: fun songs about fucked up shit like I'm never going
Speaker 1: back to the strip club, never going back. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I like it. Shout out to Sissy. Y'all is a
Speaker 1: baddie who talks dag.
Speaker 3: Y'all, we got another wife, the Happiest Wife. This is
Speaker 3: part two and it's exciting and it's Lovers Week. We'll
Speaker 3: be right back, y'all.
Speaker 4: All right, guys, I don't know if you listened last week,
Speaker 4: but we had a guest on talking about being the
Speaker 4: happiest wife, and we had to come back with a
Speaker 4: part two because it was just so good. So today
Speaker 4: we have Jamila Watkins's mallet on. I found her Instagram.
Speaker 4: She was one of the ladies that was like, I
Speaker 4: am the happiest wife. She didn't have to be tagged,
Speaker 4: she said for herself. She's the owner and operator of
Speaker 4: Jamila Divine Interiors and Lifestyle. She's a designer that was
Speaker 4: on Married to real Estate on HG TV. She's a
Speaker 4: relatory at Indigo Road Realty, and she is a graduate
Speaker 4: of Spelman University.
Speaker 1: Thank you you're a happy wife.
Speaker 6: Okay, most important.
Speaker 4: I am thank you for having me.
Speaker 6: Yes, girl, thank you for joining us. We appreciate you.
Speaker 3: I know you was like, who is this random lady
Speaker 3: in my DMS talking about my marriage?
Speaker 4: I for you know, I forgot all about that. I
Speaker 4: was just chiming in and then I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: I mean that works. Yeah, So Jamila, tell us what
Speaker 4: makes you the happiest wife? I am the happiest wife
Speaker 4: because my husband allows me to be me. He gives
Speaker 4: me grace to grow, and he supports me. He supports
Speaker 4: everything as you can see, like just what you said, Like,
Speaker 4: I'm a I'm a designer, I'm a real estate agent,
Speaker 4: I'm on TV. I'm also a mom of an eight
Speaker 4: year old. I'm sorry he's nine now he'll be mad
Speaker 4: like my year a nine year old he just turned nine,
Speaker 4: and two bonus sons who are in high school. So
Speaker 4: I have a lot, a lot going on and he's
Speaker 4: extremely supportive and gracious with me through everything that I'm doing.
Speaker 4: And because I've been through a lot in my life,
Speaker 4: he's just been someone who doesn't allow me to use
Speaker 4: my traumas as a crutch but to you overcome that
Speaker 4: victimhood and just really standing who I am. I feel
Speaker 4: like he sees me for exactly who I am not
Speaker 4: who he wants me to be, not who social media
Speaker 4: thinks that I am like he sees me for me,
Speaker 4: and he accepts that, and so it allows me to
Speaker 4: grow and flourish and show up the best way that
Speaker 4: I can every single day.
Speaker 6: How did you guys be?
Speaker 4: So I met him? It's funny because I met him
Speaker 4: maybe twelve years ago. My friend used to work at
Speaker 4: his barbershop. He's a barber, and we met very briefly.
Speaker 4: But if you let him tell it, when we met,
Speaker 4: I wasn't paying him any mind. He said that I
Speaker 4: was trapping. I was not trapping. I was doing hair.
Speaker 4: I say. He said I was trapping because I had
Speaker 4: two phones, And so he came to the car to
Speaker 4: say she introduced him to me, and I didn't even
Speaker 4: look up, like I know that I met him. I
Speaker 4: talked to him, but I didn't se him cause I
Speaker 4: didn't look up because I was working on two phones.
Speaker 4: Mine kid was like eighteen at the time, trapping, trapping
Speaker 4: bungles and doing so ins and all of that. And
Speaker 4: so we met very briefly. Twelve, you know, twelve, It
Speaker 4: could be more than that. Now I keep saying twelve.
Speaker 4: I was saying that when we first met, so maybe
Speaker 4: fourteen years ago. And so fast forward my sister, who
Speaker 4: I had just met. Long long story, like, I found
Speaker 4: out my dad was not my dad, and then I
Speaker 4: found out I had all these siblings. And I met
Speaker 4: my sister and she was already planning to move to
Speaker 4: Atlanta because she had you know, she was the barber
Speaker 4: as well. So she started to work in his shots,
Speaker 4: and she introduced us because when she came in town,
Speaker 4: we all went bowling with my niece, her daughter, my
Speaker 4: friend and her son and me and my son. We
Speaker 4: went bowling, and so he came with his son just
Speaker 4: to hang out. And so when I met him, now,
Speaker 4: mind you, and he doesn't like when I say this,
Speaker 4: He won't he won't agree to it. My sister told
Speaker 4: he was looking for an interior designer. My sister was like, Oh,
Speaker 4: my sister's an interior designer. Here's her page. I followed
Speaker 4: up because I'm a follow up with you. Oh you're
Speaker 4: looking for Yeah, So I slid in his DM, sent
Speaker 4: him all my credentials and all of that, and he
Speaker 4: left me on red. So I had a bone to
Speaker 4: pick with him. When I saw him, I'm like, I
Speaker 4: messaged you and you left me on Red. I don't
Speaker 4: remember meeting him though, so I don't know him as
Speaker 4: far as I'm concerned. I don't know him and he
Speaker 4: doesn't know me. And so he's just like looking in
Speaker 4: my eyes like real deep, like while I'm talking to him,
Speaker 4: I'm like, hello, you left me on Red, and like
Speaker 4: he's still just like looking at me. And so I'm like,
Speaker 4: I start getting entrapped in this gaze. He's like got
Speaker 4: these light, honey brown eyes, just doing a lot. He
Speaker 4: got the little like, he got everything I like going on.
Speaker 4: So I'm trying to focus, and so I see where
Speaker 4: this is going. And I told him it's gonna it's
Speaker 4: either gonna be business or it's gonna be pleasure because
Speaker 4: I'm picking up what you're putting down right now, So
Speaker 4: let's go ahead because I don't do both. And so
Speaker 4: this is all probably within like three minutes. Like you're like,
Speaker 4: that's how he was doing a lot. He was doing
Speaker 4: a whole lot. So I put my number in his phone. No,
Speaker 4: he put his number in my phone and his name
Speaker 4: came up, and I'm like like, I don't know why
Speaker 4: your numbers on my phone, And I'm like maybe I
Speaker 4: wanted to because I cut my hair a lot. And
Speaker 4: I'm like, sudden, I'm like, I'm like, I'm not a creepy.
Speaker 4: I don't know why your numbers in my phone, Like
Speaker 4: I just don't understand. So we're trying to walk it back,
Speaker 4: like how do we know each other? I'm like, maybe
Speaker 4: I wanted to get a haircut because I cut my
Speaker 4: hair all the time. And he's like one of the
Speaker 4: best in the city and he is, if not the best,
Speaker 4: and I'm not just saying that. And so we figured
Speaker 4: out that it was my friend that worked in the
Speaker 4: shop and La Da because he used to really look
Speaker 4: out for her and I used to look out for
Speaker 4: her as well, like and so I I'm that mom friend.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, send me the number of who you're with.
Speaker 4: I've always been that way, send me who you're going
Speaker 4: to be around. Who is this? So I so I
Speaker 4: had his number in my phone forever thanks to Apple,
Speaker 4: because you know them contacts stay for your lives for life.
Speaker 4: And so that literally that night after the Bowling Alley,
Speaker 4: I went home and we were texting and we met up.
Speaker 4: That night. I dropped my son off and my sister
Speaker 4: and my niece and they stayed at the house, and
Speaker 4: I went to his house and we talked like forever.
Speaker 4: It felt like forever. It's probably two hours, but it
Speaker 4: felt like forever. And we were inseparable ever since. There
Speaker 4: were you that day?
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So y'all got together during COVID.
Speaker 4: Well it was right after COVID.
Speaker 1: It was COVID was twenty twenty it was.
Speaker 4: It was spring twenty twenty one. So you know, we
Speaker 4: were all outside, even though we weren't especially it never
Speaker 4: should do. What is it? What is the uh what?
Speaker 4: I don't know what that is? Yeah, we was outside,
Speaker 4: no mask, no mask. So how did like, how did
Speaker 4: he propose? Like what was the how did he know he.
Speaker 6: Was ready for marriage? How did you know you were
Speaker 6: ready for marriage?
Speaker 4: Like? So we both were married before. So he had
Speaker 4: gotten divorced a few years ago. I was just getting
Speaker 4: divorced actually, and I just wasn't in a rush to
Speaker 4: like be in another relationship. But I knew that from
Speaker 4: the moment that I met him, that I wanted to
Speaker 4: be with him. Literally probably that week we was exchanging
Speaker 4: I love you like like we we just knew, and
Speaker 4: but I wasn't in a rush to be in a relationship.
Speaker 4: I wasn't like I've never been that person of like,
Speaker 4: what is this, what are we doing? I just haven't
Speaker 4: And so I think that was April. We met in August.
Speaker 4: We were at home. We were at my house hanging out,
Speaker 4: and he just asked me to marry him with no
Speaker 4: ring either, so I thought he was just talking, you know.
Speaker 4: So the next morning when we woke up, I was like,
Speaker 4: you know, he asked me to marry you, right, He
Speaker 4: was like, yes, and we're gonna go get your ring
Speaker 4: because I want you to pick it out because he
Speaker 4: knows me that I'm all about I'm very particular with
Speaker 4: aesthetics and stuff. So I guess he was like, I'm
Speaker 4: not finna stress myself out and you act like you
Speaker 4: like this ring and you don't.
Speaker 1: So that's a good man.
Speaker 4: So we went and we were right right right, so,
Speaker 4: and that was new to me. And he didn't get
Speaker 4: on one knee or nothing. We were just laying in
Speaker 4: bed and he asked me, now, I give you the
Speaker 4: premise that we were both married before, so I guess
Speaker 4: both of us are. We're just we don't need the
Speaker 4: big balloon arch with the marquee letters and the pedals
Speaker 4: in the ourway and the videographer and the this and
Speaker 4: the that, like I don't need it. I don't and
Speaker 4: he knows that about me as well, Like we're just
Speaker 4: kind of to the point people. But I really thought
Speaker 4: he was playing because there was no ring. You didn't
Speaker 4: get on one knee. So when he did get my ring,
Speaker 4: I already had it on. I took it off. I said, Okay,
Speaker 4: now you gotta get on one knee. Very very very raggedy.
Speaker 4: Not the most romantic music engagement story.
Speaker 7: But.
Speaker 4: Wise, yeah, it wasn't like, you know, not all of that.
Speaker 4: So that that's our engagement story. And then I guess,
Speaker 4: like a month later we just started planning the wedding
Speaker 4: and then we got married. So we got engaged in
Speaker 4: August of twenty twenty one, and we got married of September.
Speaker 1: Twenty months engagement, well not even three months, you guys,
Speaker 1: met in April, got engaged in August, and married September
Speaker 1: the next year, September twenty so it was about eighteen months. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you enjoy best about Like, what do you
Speaker 1: enjoy most about being married?
Speaker 4: I like having a partner and having it's the support
Speaker 4: and the partnership, which is something that I had to
Speaker 4: let me take that back. I mean, that is a
Speaker 4: good thing, it's a great thing. But what I enjoy
Speaker 4: most about marriage is like learning about myself, because you know,
Speaker 4: people will tell you that marriage is like holding a mirror.
Speaker 4: And so he's ten years older than me as well,
Speaker 4: so I learn a lot from him, which is different
Speaker 4: because I feel like in past relationships I was the
Speaker 4: one always teaching, and so it is an adjustment to
Speaker 4: be with somebody who has that wisdom. Sometimes they could
Speaker 4: be older but still child. So it's not really about age,
Speaker 4: but the way that he the way that he communicates,
Speaker 4: the way that he lives his life. He's very disciplined
Speaker 4: and so for me, and he's a creative, but he
Speaker 4: showed me that just because you're creative doesn't mean that
Speaker 4: you cannot have structure. And so he's taught me structure.
Speaker 4: He's taught me accountability, not making excuses like accountability is
Speaker 4: like a big thing, and so that's something. Yeah, it's
Speaker 4: something that I had to adjust because I've always been
Speaker 4: and I've changed this over time intentionally. I was always
Speaker 4: like the smartest one in the room. That's a bad thing.
Speaker 4: You know, that's not a good thing. I was always
Speaker 4: kind of a leader in every situation, whether it's like
Speaker 4: a relationship. I won't say a relationship because my previous marriage,
Speaker 4: I wasn't necessarily the leader, but like in friendships and
Speaker 4: business and all of that. And I realized how much
Speaker 4: that was holding me back. So having to learn how
Speaker 4: to humble myself has been a big thing. And I
Speaker 4: think when you're like a really high functioning woman and
Speaker 4: you've achieved a lot, you don't know how to take
Speaker 4: a back seat. We always say that we want somebody
Speaker 4: to take the rings and take the back seat, but
Speaker 4: our defense mechanisms and our trauma will not allow us.
Speaker 2: To do it.
Speaker 4: And so it's a real thing. It's not that easy
Speaker 4: to sit back and let somebody take the reins. However,
Speaker 4: you don't just get the reins just because you're the man, right,
Speaker 4: Like he showed me consistently that he was a leader
Speaker 4: and a provider. Like his number one thing was making
Speaker 4: sure that me and my son were comfortable. Notice I said,
Speaker 4: me and my son at his house. He had a
Speaker 4: he had an extra room. He said, get the bed.
Speaker 4: Mind you. This is like we met in April this
Speaker 4: was May. He switched his mattress to the mattress that
Speaker 4: I like. Coming back, he went and got all my
Speaker 4: feminine products, all the honeypot, hey, honeypot. Make sure he
Speaker 4: had that at the at the house for me. Told me,
Speaker 4: gave me his credit card to go get my son
Speaker 4: a bed and a mattress. He had a PS four
Speaker 4: no PS five at his dad's house, so he wanted
Speaker 4: to make sure that he had a PS five at
Speaker 4: my house. I mean at his house. He's just done
Speaker 4: all the things to show me that I could trust him,
Speaker 4: and so I did. But where I think a lot
Speaker 4: of women mess up is that there are good men
Speaker 4: out there and they will show you. But we look
Speaker 4: at it like uh uh, what do you want from me?
Speaker 4: Like why are you doing all of this? It's like
Speaker 4: what do you mean crazy? Like I'm doing this because
Speaker 4: I see that there is a need, like I'm doing this.
Speaker 4: But I think women are too focused on you know,
Speaker 4: is he giving me stacks of cash? Burking bags? And
Speaker 4: its started early now like my son in high school.
Speaker 4: These girls really want them want these little boys to
Speaker 4: buy them purses, like what.
Speaker 6: Like designer bags?
Speaker 4: Yes, this boy is on a meal plan. A bad.
Speaker 1: It's y'all millennial parents' faults, because y'all be rich as
Speaker 1: hell with these damn kids.
Speaker 6: I didn't have no designer clothes, nothing.
Speaker 1: I barely had nikes until I started babysitting by my
Speaker 1: first hand.
Speaker 4: I asked my friend the other day, what was it
Speaker 4: that we were requiring from boys in high school?
Speaker 1: And I just was like, now, you had to have
Speaker 1: a car to fuck with me, Okay, you got.
Speaker 2: To be able to bring in high school.
Speaker 1: Yes, I wasn't talking to people in high school. That's
Speaker 1: the problem.
Speaker 4: I wasn't either.
Speaker 2: I wasn't.
Speaker 1: You had to be able to bring much money.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: Where I messed up was having a car. Still, it
Speaker 4: was not a requirement. I had a car, and I
Speaker 4: was giving I was giving niggas game money, and I
Speaker 4: said it trash, trash behavior. I told you, I was
Speaker 4: always raggedy, very much raggedy, Like what like, I can't even,
Speaker 4: I can't even. I just I had life really messed
Speaker 4: up in misconstry, and I learned over time, like I
Speaker 4: was on my journey before I met him, but he
Speaker 4: kind of just showed me like, no, you can't do
Speaker 4: it like this.
Speaker 1: So one of the questions I was trying to ask
Speaker 1: our last guests because I think that how people are
Speaker 1: raised does reflect on, you know, how they view relationships,
Speaker 1: how they view marriage, what kind of you know, when
Speaker 1: I was going to going into super detail, like what
Speaker 1: kind of uh family background has he come from?
Speaker 4: So he he was born in Jamaica, he came over
Speaker 4: here and he was Yeah, so that that kind of
Speaker 4: answers a lot of questions, like, oh, okay, got it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: So he was born in Jamaica. He came to America
Speaker 4: when he was nine. He was raised by his stepdad
Speaker 4: and his mom when they got to the States. But
Speaker 4: he had you know, there were some a lot of
Speaker 4: trials and tribulations and without you know, just saying too much.
Speaker 4: He didn't have a childhood like when we talk about
Speaker 4: cartoons or things that kids would do like that, you know,
Speaker 4: back when he was growing up. He can't relate because
Speaker 4: he was driving trucks and he was working and he
Speaker 4: was like really doing hard work, like driving a truck
Speaker 4: at like ten, like without a CDL.
Speaker 1: Nothing about right, I got shree jobs. That's about it, right, Yeah, Yeah.
Speaker 4: So he he doesn't he knows how to provide, that's
Speaker 4: all he really knows how to do. I think that,
Speaker 4: like he he showed me how to have fun as well.
Speaker 4: But I think that I showed him how to like
Speaker 4: relax and enjoy life a little bit more. So he
Speaker 4: gave me the discipline I gave him, you know, the
Speaker 4: like the relaxation, like take care of yourself, like slow down,
Speaker 4: like it's okay. So yeah, yeah, mh. So that's how
Speaker 4: he that's how he grew up. So he is a
Speaker 4: very like no nonsense person, like to the max.
Speaker 2: What's his sign?
Speaker 4: He's a Leo last day of Leo, cusp of Virgo.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, and he was born in Jamaica and raised
Speaker 4: in Queens.
Speaker 1: What's your sign?
Speaker 4: I'm an aries okay, So does he have like strong,
Speaker 4: like masculine like head of household energy, like very almost
Speaker 4: because Virgo men always sometimes are very like like toxic
Speaker 4: masculine to the point where it's just like too strong sometimes,
Speaker 4: you think, so sometimes you.
Speaker 1: Had to be like I think Virgos are pimps the
Speaker 1: men and women.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the energy is very strong, almost toxic masculinity, you know,
Speaker 3: like traditional roles and things like that.
Speaker 4: So he's not he's actually not like that. I think
Speaker 4: we're the virgo because virgos are planners, Like they say,
Speaker 4: the best wedding planners and all of that are virgos.
Speaker 4: He is like very organized in a planner. And then
Speaker 4: the leo. It's definitely a high, high, high, high level
Speaker 4: of confidence. So to a lot of people it reads
Speaker 4: as arrogance because he's very much I said what I said, so,
Speaker 4: but I don't get toxic masculinity. I actually enjoy it
Speaker 4: because it's refreshing because I think nowadays the roles are
Speaker 4: like reversing, Like he cuts a lot of women's hair,
Speaker 4: and it's a lot of stories about women being the providers,
Speaker 4: and like it's like, we just don't. We don't rock
Speaker 4: that way now. He doesn't really care about traditional roles.
Speaker 4: We don't do traditional roles, but we do in the
Speaker 4: sense that the man should provide and have provision. However,
Speaker 4: he believes that a woman should always have something for herself.
Speaker 4: So he's really not into having like a housewife type
Speaker 4: of thing. Yeah, which I come from that. In my
Speaker 4: previous relationship, I was like to stay at home mom,
Speaker 4: stay at home wife. I have my businesses and stuff.
Speaker 4: I've always been an entrepreneur, but it was like a
Speaker 4: submissive kind of thing. And so I am someone that
Speaker 4: is just very submissive. Whether or not he values it,
Speaker 4: I know that it works for the relationship and we
Speaker 4: do submit to each other. But I am proudly a
Speaker 4: submissive wife.
Speaker 1: Does that look like for you to be a submissive wife?
Speaker 1: Because we talk about that shit all the time, and
Speaker 1: the internet talks about it all the time. And like
Speaker 1: you said, you guys submit to each other. That's where
Speaker 1: I lean more towards somebody may be better at something.
Speaker 1: This person may be better at something, you know, So
Speaker 1: you guys waiver in that way. But what does it
Speaker 1: look like for you to be a submissive wife?
Speaker 4: So I take care. I take care of the house,
Speaker 4: like to me, that is my job to make sure
Speaker 4: that the house is stocked, to make sure that I cook.
Speaker 4: He actually doesn't want me to do all of that
Speaker 4: because I have so many things going on in business.
Speaker 4: He wants me to like relax a little bit. But
Speaker 4: it's a double edged sword because we can't keep eating
Speaker 4: out because I'm trying to unbig this back. So it's
Speaker 4: in the best interest, Yes, it's in the best interest
Speaker 4: of everybody that we eat at home. But I enjoyed
Speaker 4: cooking for my family, Like if I don't get to
Speaker 4: cook for them, it starts to make me sad, like
Speaker 4: because I really love to care for my family. Like
Speaker 4: the boys have color coded towels, like these are your towels,
Speaker 4: These are your towels, These are your towels. However, I
Speaker 4: don't do like he told me not to do laundry.
Speaker 4: So I do my laundry. I do my son's laundry
Speaker 4: because he's a everybody else does their own laundry. I
Speaker 4: do clean most of the time, but that's because he's
Speaker 4: at work most of the time. I'm flexible because I'm here, there,
Speaker 4: everywhere with my job, so I try to stay on
Speaker 4: top of the cleaning. However, I am getting to a
Speaker 4: point now where I am like it's about to be
Speaker 4: delegation nation because I can't. I can't do it anymore.
Speaker 4: So I'm like pick, I'm picking the things that I
Speaker 4: can do while still balancing work. But I guess another
Speaker 4: way that I'm submissive is I I let him make
Speaker 4: the big decisions. We consult, but the default is that
Speaker 4: he's going to make the decisions for the for the
Speaker 4: family and what we're doing.
Speaker 3: So but let me ask you this, so in the
Speaker 3: instance that you don't really agree with the decision, you
Speaker 3: still allow him to make that decision for the family.
Speaker 4: I think at that point, if it's something where we
Speaker 4: need to do that, we'll have a conversation about it,
Speaker 4: but he's gonna get the final work. And I feel like,
Speaker 4: God ain't throwing me yet because maybe that is so
Speaker 4: hard for me right there, but because if it makes sense,
Speaker 4: I just trust him because everything that he does, he's
Speaker 4: very calculated in everything, and for me, I know that
Speaker 4: my strong suit. Like I'm a big picture person. He's
Speaker 4: a fine detailed person. He's a detail oriented person. So
Speaker 4: if it's something I'm looking at the big picture, I'm like,
Speaker 4: we should definitely just do this, and he's like no
Speaker 4: because of this, But I also have a very short
Speaker 4: attention span, so I'm just like whatever, Like you know,
Speaker 4: we're just gonna see where the chips fall.
Speaker 6: But he has not.
Speaker 4: He has not led us astray yet. It's we're going
Speaker 4: on three years being together and he has not led
Speaker 4: us astray. I'm always looking at a track record, and
Speaker 4: I am somebody that takes risks. I take risks and business.
Speaker 4: I take risks and love and I like to follow
Speaker 4: God's plan for marriage. I think that it's there for
Speaker 4: a reason and that people should try it out before
Speaker 4: they try to change it up and change all the rules.
Speaker 4: Because it's not just because the man is just more superior.
Speaker 4: It's that God knows our our capacity for things. He
Speaker 4: knows as what a woman's capacity is, he knows what
Speaker 4: a man's capacity is. And if everybody is striving to
Speaker 4: be like at the top and strive toward that capacity
Speaker 4: and what they're doing, then I think that the family
Speaker 4: and the household will, you know, stay afloat and will prosper. Hm.
Speaker 6: Let me ask you this co parenting and things like that.
Speaker 2: You know y'all will not.
Speaker 6: I guess it's not co parenting.
Speaker 4: What would you call it? Y'all have a blended family?
Speaker 4: How does that work? Because he has kids from a
Speaker 4: previous relationship and you have a son from a previous relationship.
Speaker 6: How's that working.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna just leave them off. I will say this.
Speaker 4: His ex wife and myself we have a very great relationship.
Speaker 4: She's also remarried, and so our side of the world
Speaker 4: me him, his ex wife, her husband, the kids her.
Speaker 4: So he also has a step son, his dad, and
Speaker 4: her wife. We're good. On my side. God's still working.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna just say that. Oh yeah, yeah, he's also remarried.
Speaker 4: It's a work in progress, and it definitely has grown
Speaker 4: me up and gotten me closer to God in terms
Speaker 4: of forgiveness, in terms of patience, patience, and grace, because
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, the kids are, you know,
Speaker 4: are the ones who suffer. And so I have just
Speaker 4: been working on regardless of how I feel or how
Speaker 4: I feel I've been wronged, or how he feels he's
Speaker 4: been wronged or whatever, I have been taking the stance.
Speaker 4: And I'm not gonna say it's been a long time.
Speaker 4: It's still recent developments. Okay, this is very now, like
Speaker 4: two weeks ago. I'm just.
Speaker 6: But you said, the kids are the ones who suffer.
Speaker 6: The kids are the ones who suffered most.
Speaker 4: Because if my latest relationship that bitch took me through it,
Speaker 4: I definitely suffered.
Speaker 6: So the kids suffered most.
Speaker 4: Though, yeah, I mean we suffered too. But I have
Speaker 4: looked at my relationship with my mom and my dad. Now,
Speaker 4: I told y'all before I just found out my dad
Speaker 4: was not my dad, and so they both knew that
Speaker 4: he wasn't my dad. But so there's that trauma there
Speaker 4: and this is now. There was already some trauma there
Speaker 4: and now there's even more because the recent developments. And
Speaker 4: so I'm trying my best, like into my life's work,
Speaker 4: not to f up my kids as much as possible.
Speaker 4: And I'm still human, So i still want to go off.
Speaker 4: I still want to get my lip back. But you
Speaker 4: have to question, like, if you say you love your kid,
Speaker 4: this is a part of loving your kids, because people
Speaker 4: are like, I love my kids, my kids, my kids.
Speaker 4: But you are hooping and hollering and fighting in front
Speaker 4: of your kid, You are talking badly about the other parent.
Speaker 4: You are, you know, exposing them to things that it
Speaker 4: might seem like they're okay because kids are very resilient.
Speaker 4: But I'm not trying to have a conversation with you
Speaker 4: when you're thirty five about you did this to me,
Speaker 4: You did that to me, you did because I'm have
Speaker 4: a because I do our parents right, how we do
Speaker 4: our parents. I'm gonna have a big, big attitude with
Speaker 4: you because do you know what I went through? Right
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to
Speaker 4: a kid, like all they know is that what they're
Speaker 4: especially when they grow up, like, all we know is
Speaker 4: that we have so much that we went through and
Speaker 4: now it's blocking us from being able to be like
Speaker 4: regular functioning adults. Whatever that is, whatever that is, because
Speaker 4: what is that? We don't at this don't know what
Speaker 4: that is. We're all in therapy. Everybody's in therapy. We're
Speaker 4: from no therapy to everybody's in therapy.
Speaker 1: That part because everybody is not in therapy.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So you got big business, your big realtor, you have
Speaker 1: the big.
Speaker 2: Convinual.
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I don't want to call it
Speaker 1: home decorating, your interior, design, your interior. How do you
Speaker 1: balance your personal life because you still have you right
Speaker 1: and then the union or because I know some women
Speaker 1: they just like be like super co dependent on their partner.
Speaker 1: You won't even talk to them no more once they
Speaker 1: get a man, honey, So how do you balance you know,
Speaker 1: your personal life and also having a union or is
Speaker 1: it one and the same. Now you don't have a
Speaker 1: personal life anymore.
Speaker 4: So I actually have an amazing personal life, Like I
Speaker 4: have an amazing social life. I'll say that. And I
Speaker 4: had to work toward it because I was I was
Speaker 4: that wife before, where I'm just about my family, my
Speaker 4: husband and my kid, Like, no, I can't go to
Speaker 4: the point I stopped getting invitations to things, and you
Speaker 4: you want to be salty, like not like they turn
Speaker 4: their back on me. No, you just fell off the
Speaker 4: face of the earth. And people had to move on
Speaker 4: with their life. Don't Nobody got time to be babysitting you,
Speaker 4: trying to coach you to come out. And so I
Speaker 4: made I had to just be intentional, like I was
Speaker 4: intentional about I want like all my friends. Like I
Speaker 4: went from really having no real social life having a
Speaker 4: lot of backstabbing friends. We were in my previous marriage,
Speaker 4: he was like very successful. Everybody was kind of mooching
Speaker 4: off of him, like sweets at the at the games,
Speaker 4: you know, big parties, car service, all of that.
Speaker 6: So we had a lot.
Speaker 4: Of people around us that wanted to be around us
Speaker 4: just for what they could gain. And so I did
Speaker 4: have friends. And this is what we don't realize is
Speaker 4: we do have good people around us. We're just too
Speaker 4: concerned dealing with all of that over there. So luckily,
Speaker 4: by the time I got I was getting remarried, Like
Speaker 4: I went from literally no real friendship dynamics to eighteen
Speaker 4: women at my bachelorette party, all close friends. Literally, even like,
Speaker 4: how do you have eighteen close friends? I'm trying to
Speaker 4: wonder the same thing, like, but but these women, like
Speaker 4: they showed up for me. They continue to be my community.
Speaker 4: You know, we don't all hang out together. I have
Speaker 4: different pockets of friends, but so I have them. They're
Speaker 4: move you know, they're growing in their life, they're getting engaged,
Speaker 4: they're having kids. So because I had kids so early,
Speaker 4: because I was married so early, they're going they're you know,
Speaker 4: experiencing those things now. So we can kind of relate
Speaker 4: and they can kind of give me grace and understand
Speaker 4: why I was the way that I was because it
Speaker 4: is hard to manage. But having female friendships and having
Speaker 4: sisterhood is literally like the cheat code to life. And
Speaker 4: my husband supports that. Yeah, my husband supports that. It
Speaker 4: was weird at first. He was like, you're not going
Speaker 4: out with your friends. I'm like, now I'm with you. Oh,
Speaker 4: we're gonna be together. Like that was just how my
Speaker 4: mind works. It's like my man, my man, my man.
Speaker 4: We do everything together. And he is a little bit older,
Speaker 4: and it used to hurt my feelings at first, but
Speaker 4: I had to understand, like it's okay to have a
Speaker 4: life outside of marriage, and he gave me permission to
Speaker 4: have a life outside of marriage. Like if I have
Speaker 4: to work late, He's like, that's what you do when
Speaker 4: you're building a business. It's okay to work late. Like
Speaker 4: he's not on me because I have to be here
Speaker 4: or I have to be there. You know, he saw
Speaker 4: how much he just jumps into help. So instead of
Speaker 4: ragging on me, he thinks of solutions to help me,
Speaker 4: Like we had. You know, I'm trying to do all
Speaker 4: of this. I'm loading my car, hiring moving services and stuff.
Speaker 4: He bought me a sprinter van, a cargo man okay
Speaker 4: and right, and he bought me my personal car literally
Speaker 4: in the same month. But that's not a flex at all.
Speaker 6: It is.
Speaker 1: So what we're is, you gotta have some money to
Speaker 1: be a good husband. Okay. I think that it helps.
Speaker 4: That it helps. Money helps, for sure, But he's not
Speaker 4: somebody that's gonna He does buy me things, but I
Speaker 4: don't really value that a whole lot, like a lot
Speaker 4: of expensive gifts. I like experiences and I like for
Speaker 4: things for my business. I like my business to be
Speaker 4: invested in because I have a lot that I want
Speaker 4: to do. So that's where that support. Where I start
Speaker 4: off by saying, like the best thing about marriage is
Speaker 4: like the support. That is what helps me, because I
Speaker 4: think the biggest thing with women, especially moms and wives
Speaker 4: is the guilt of like, if I do this or
Speaker 4: if I case my dreams, then I'm gonna be leaving
Speaker 4: my family behind because you know, they're gonna have their
Speaker 4: like you're not here, you know all of that. And
Speaker 4: my son he's still very like I don't want to
Speaker 4: say clingy, but he's a boy. He's a you know,
Speaker 4: he's a mama's boy. So if I'm working a lot,
Speaker 4: he does explain that to be to me. But my
Speaker 4: husband is very intentional about spending a lot of time
Speaker 4: with him as well, even though we both work a
Speaker 4: whole lot. Like he's the one that plans all the
Speaker 4: different trips or activities and things like that. So if
Speaker 4: I'm working, he'll take him, Like my son will go
Speaker 4: to the barbershop with him. Then they might go get
Speaker 4: ice cream, or they'll go to the mall. They're like
Speaker 4: doing all these things. So it's not like my son
Speaker 4: is just sitting at home alone or bored or just
Speaker 4: on his video games or things like that. So it helps.
Speaker 4: And I think the reason why I'm I don't I
Speaker 4: don't want to say that I'm balancing right now like
Speaker 4: Egypt who owns Indigo Road, the real ty the real
Speaker 4: estate firm that I work for, and the show that
Speaker 4: I'm on. She said this in an interview. She said,
Speaker 4: you can have it all but not at once, but
Speaker 4: not all at once. So it's just understanding seasons, like
Speaker 4: there's a season for this, there's a season for that.
Speaker 4: And if you want to have a season of like
Speaker 4: relaxation and self care and all of that stuff, I
Speaker 4: think you need to intentionally work toward it, like I'm
Speaker 4: a grind it out right now because I know in
Speaker 4: six months I really need to sit suck down, like
Speaker 4: I need to relax. And so that I don't really
Speaker 4: believe in balance. I don't think that it exists. I
Speaker 4: think you have good days and you have bad days.
Speaker 4: There's gonna be days where you're really really tired. It's
Speaker 4: gonna be days where you're crying, Like I'll be driving
Speaker 4: crying because I'm tired. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 4: this is what I ask God for so I try
Speaker 4: to have a like a state of gratitude right because
Speaker 4: I really am living my dreams and being able to see,
Speaker 4: especially like with Egypt to seeing how she runs her
Speaker 4: business and seeing how she has you know, she has kids,
Speaker 4: and she has a husband. She works with her husband,
Speaker 4: and I see days that she's very tired, and I
Speaker 4: see days that she's on top of it. And so
Speaker 4: seeing her has been a blessing because it doesn't it
Speaker 4: allows me to not look at what I'm going through
Speaker 4: and like getting a pit like oh I'm bailing, Like no,
Speaker 4: this is just part of it. The ebbs and plus,
Speaker 4: this is just part of it. There's really no easy way.
Speaker 4: I've been working for myself since I was twelve, literally,
Speaker 4: and I have clients that have been working with me
Speaker 4: in some capacity, you know, the same ones from when
Speaker 4: I was twelve. I'm doing their houses. I used to
Speaker 4: be hearing. Now I'm doing their houses. And it's like
Speaker 4: there is no shortcut. It's gonna be hard. Like a
Speaker 4: husband is not gonna fix it. It's gonna help, you know,
Speaker 4: he's gonna help if he's a good one. But you
Speaker 4: know the things that we think we need to be
Speaker 4: successful or to have like this life. We really that's
Speaker 4: not necessarily the key to it. The key is to
Speaker 4: kind of like just chill out and understand the ebbs
Speaker 4: and flows of life and to be in a state
Speaker 4: of gratitude as much as possible.
Speaker 1: All the pieces of creat we know marriage is. Marriage
Speaker 1: could be so wonderful, right, But on the other side,
Speaker 1: you know, it is work. I feel like relationships are work.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would love a relationship where it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like work. But anything worth having you gotta
Speaker 1: work at it. So what are some of the ways,
Speaker 1: like you and your husband when y'all have disagreements? Like,
Speaker 1: how do y'all have constructive disagreements? I guess I don't
Speaker 1: know constructive arguments, But how do y'all have no conflict
Speaker 1: in your partnership?
Speaker 4: So I will say this, it was an adjustment being
Speaker 4: in a healthy relationship because I thought when you argued
Speaker 4: it was like World War three is silent treatment. It
Speaker 4: might be a lot of like aggression and violence and
Speaker 4: all kinds of things. But for him, he will just
Speaker 4: take a minute. And I wasn't used to that. I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: we need to talk about this now. For him, it's
Speaker 4: like he just won't talk, and I took that as
Speaker 4: like stonewalling and silent treatment. That was kind of my
Speaker 4: trauma's kind of coming in, like oh, here we go again,
Speaker 4: because that's when you've been in traumatic situations, your your
Speaker 4: intens are up because you're like, oh no, here we
Speaker 4: go and put myself in another situation, you know. And
Speaker 4: I had to really calm down with that. So with
Speaker 4: our disagreements, I've learned to just give him space, like
Speaker 4: that's what he needs. I don't need space. I want
Speaker 4: to talk about it now, but I have learned to
Speaker 4: just journal it, get my feelings out, everything that I
Speaker 4: want to say, get it out, pray about it, and
Speaker 4: then if I'm still hyped up, then he's gonna get
Speaker 4: that long text message. I just feel like, you know,
Speaker 4: I I still do that because it's like no, I
Speaker 4: need you to under like understand. But yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 4: tell people that because when I work with some of
Speaker 4: my clients that have been through like similar situations and
Speaker 4: like relationships and Trump and stuff, I'm like, just right,
Speaker 4: write out your feelings or write the apology that you
Speaker 4: want that you may not ever get, like, just write
Speaker 4: it for yourself and give give yourself the apology because
Speaker 4: you might get it, they might come to their senses
Speaker 4: or you won't.
Speaker 3: So you kind of you write an apology. Ask them. Mhmm,
Speaker 3: ask them. Okay, that's interesting.
Speaker 4: But if if that's the if that's the apology that
Speaker 4: you need, then write it out. Yeah, and then you know,
Speaker 4: sometimes I will apologize to myself for allowing myself to
Speaker 4: be put in that in that situation, even in our marriage,
Speaker 4: Like I feel like there's some ways where I get
Speaker 4: beside myself and I might get very emotional about it,
Speaker 4: knowing that I should not have been that emotional about it,
Speaker 4: and so I just forgive myself for like allowing my
Speaker 4: traumas to lead me as opposed to just really like
Speaker 4: thinking clearly through things and learning that feelings are not facts.
Speaker 4: I really like moved through life off of my feelings
Speaker 4: for a long time, and so he taught me how
Speaker 4: to see things for what it is and handle it
Speaker 4: for what it is. I think that he like he's
Speaker 4: he's a Leo Burgo cusp, and so he doesn't apologize,
Speaker 4: Like he doesn't say I'm sorry, like it's not in
Speaker 4: his vocabulary. But he has other ways in which he
Speaker 4: takes accountability, but like to say I'm sorry. Like I
Speaker 4: had to learn my mate in that what he like,
Speaker 4: how did I say this? I used to hang on
Speaker 4: to the fact that he would not say I'm sorry
Speaker 4: or I apolologize, and I had to understand that that's
Speaker 4: not in his language, and that I need to kind
Speaker 4: of look through and sift through what he's saying to
Speaker 4: understand that, oh, that was an apology and that was accountability.
Speaker 4: Because I'm gonna keep running it through until I get
Speaker 4: my I'm sorry. No, don't say me no means don't
Speaker 4: talk about power episodes. No, I want to hear I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: and then we can move on.
Speaker 6: That's how our parents used to say.
Speaker 4: They did some nerds right, And I'm like, I don't
Speaker 4: want to sweep. I don't want I don't want to
Speaker 4: sweep anything under the rug, like in this relationship, like
Speaker 4: we need to handle everything head on. But at the
Speaker 4: same time, just because that's how I do things, I
Speaker 4: can't expect him to do things like that. But we
Speaker 4: have started to learn each other's styles, and so I
Speaker 4: have gotten It's only been once where he said I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: and I wanted to have a whole parade like, you
Speaker 4: say it again. What you say, say it loud, let
Speaker 4: me record you next time I can't hear you. Well,
Speaker 4: I'm like, yes.
Speaker 1: I'm not like that. I don't need sorries. I don't
Speaker 1: like sorry either, Like I hate saying sorry. So I
Speaker 1: tried to do things to have to apologize for it. Right,
Speaker 1: But if you're with somebody who's always quick with an apology.
Speaker 1: We could take Kanye West for an example. Kanye keep
Speaker 1: apologizing to the uh uh, to Jewish people, them people. Okay,
Speaker 1: he keeps apologizing, but at the same time, he keeps violating. Right,
Speaker 1: So don't apologize to me if you're going to keep violating.
Speaker 1: I like behavior. Change behavior is a great apology. You
Speaker 1: never have to say I'm sorry, aj, you just do
Speaker 1: the right thing going forward. So does he at leave
Speaker 1: yet in correct in that way so that he didn't
Speaker 1: have he doesn't have to apologize like the word.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's his thought process. It's change behavior for sure,
Speaker 4: And I just need to make sure that I'm keeping
Speaker 4: my intennas up for the change behavior and not taking
Speaker 4: it for granted. I think that's a big thing in relationships,
Speaker 4: is to be very in tune to when your your
Speaker 4: spouse is making those changes, because you know this is
Speaker 4: not school. I don't need to be like, hey, I
Speaker 4: did this today, I'm changing my behavior.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: It's like we don't need to be accountable in that
Speaker 4: in that way, but we do need to keep our
Speaker 4: intent is up in our eyes open for when our
Speaker 4: spouse is doing better or making changes, and that's where
Speaker 4: the grace comes in. And and then sometimes when he
Speaker 4: doesn't see that I'm changing, then I'll get my megaphone,
Speaker 4: like you don't see that I turned off all the
Speaker 4: lights yesterday, Like you're talking about today, but did you
Speaker 4: see yesterday? Though all the lights were off yesterday. But
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, you're gonna take no, you're gonna acknowledge you.
Speaker 4: And see I turned the alarm on all day y
Speaker 4: e time I left house. And then it's this one
Speaker 4: time I miss today and now you're on me. I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: let's let's roll Tate back because I've been trying.
Speaker 1: Patty Pendergrass, Yeah, like I've been trying.
Speaker 4: Like you're not gonna say that I don't care, because
Speaker 4: that's my thing when people kind of make it, try
Speaker 4: to make it seem like I don't care. About something
Speaker 4: when I know I'm intentionally trying, but I just have
Speaker 4: so many things going on in my head. I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna always get it right, and that's the
Speaker 4: grace that I give myself, and I feel like everybody
Speaker 4: else is just gonna have to deal with it. Like
Speaker 4: I'm literally doing the best that I can with all
Speaker 4: of these things that I have going on. Like I'm
Speaker 4: doing my best.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but just don't forget to turn the alarm on.
Speaker 4: The alarm is on, stay right now, I remember.
Speaker 1: Going as we're just concerned about your well being.
Speaker 6: He is.
Speaker 4: That's where a lot of our arguments is either going
Speaker 4: to be cleaning, because he's Jamaican and he's like everything
Speaker 4: needs to smell like fabulous, so like he's very like organized,
Speaker 4: like very clean, and I'm not like the messiest person,
Speaker 4: but I be, you know, I'm not like that. So
Speaker 4: we argue about that, and then we mostly argue about
Speaker 4: things like turn the alarm on, turn the lights on
Speaker 4: and all off.
Speaker 3: Or like me being forgetful. My ex used to get
Speaker 3: really upset with me because I never tightened the lids
Speaker 3: on the season it's real good. So he picked it
Speaker 3: up from the.
Speaker 5: Top and my god, damn it, that's the reason to
Speaker 5: get mad though, Like real, but I just forget and
Speaker 5: I do most of the cookie.
Speaker 4: You never usually use any of the seasons. And in
Speaker 4: my head that's tight, you know, But I guess that's
Speaker 4: to me. I'm like, I know how to maneuver because
Speaker 4: I'm the one in here all the time. So I'm
Speaker 4: not cleaning for you. I'm cleaning for me. The way
Speaker 4: that I organize everything is because I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 4: He be wanting to help, and I'm like, I don't
Speaker 4: want you to help because when he helped and he's upset,
Speaker 4: then he starts slamming, slamming stuff. He's gonna make sure
Speaker 4: that you know that. He's like closing the cabinet pops
Speaker 4: and pants clanking around. I'm like, you can, you can go.
Speaker 3: I would do right, and I'd be like, nigga, if
Speaker 3: you know, I don't chop it up good picking up
Speaker 3: from the bottle.
Speaker 1: That's how I know.
Speaker 4: Like, I'm not check it first because it may not
Speaker 4: be right. Yeah, I shouldn't have to do that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, all relationships is about cleaning up and
Speaker 1: fixing up ship behind the next person. That's all it is. Really,
Speaker 1: I never can plan. And when I tell y'all used
Speaker 1: to get pictures of weaves, strands of weave on the
Speaker 1: floor for my ex but right next to my strand
Speaker 1: of weave, it's gonna be some coily here. It could
Speaker 1: be pupi hair or bard here. But your hair is
Speaker 1: right next to my strand of weaves, so you don't
Speaker 1: see that. But when I come in, I just sweep
Speaker 1: up everything. I don't care that your hair is on
Speaker 1: the floor next to mine or just your hair comna
Speaker 1: clean up. That's just petty ship. That's a ship of relationship.
Speaker 4: What you want to eat?
Speaker 3: No, let me say no, my nigga, what used to
Speaker 3: piss me off? And I don't care what nobody said?
Speaker 3: He would like hoop and forget to flush the toilet?
Speaker 1: Oh hell no, there were there tissueing there. Okay.
Speaker 6: I did not want to see your ship, sir flush
Speaker 6: the toilet.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, no I would. I wouldn't be able to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's annoying.
Speaker 4: That was no.
Speaker 6: Wont forget that? How do you forget that?
Speaker 1: It is there floating like.
Speaker 6: Good morning to you, hanging.
Speaker 4: Out and we went We wanted to have made it.
Speaker 4: We wanted to make. We did.
Speaker 1: Make shitty eyes.
Speaker 4: No. No, I'm like, no, that's not going to work.
Speaker 1: No Clinton. It's like I have revised my list of
Speaker 1: things I want in a mate, because you have to
Speaker 1: be as clean as me. You have to wash as
Speaker 1: much as I do, and you have to be as
Speaker 1: clean as that. Because I realized I.
Speaker 4: Don't nobody wash as much as you.
Speaker 6: You never if you're looking for a nigga that's gonna
Speaker 6: wash seven times.
Speaker 1: I've had a couple. I've had a couple of them
Speaker 1: twice a day. Okay. I washed when I wake up,
Speaker 1: and I wash when I go to sleep. Yeahs. On
Speaker 1: a situation, if it's summertime, it might be three to.
Speaker 2: Four Ajil, come and stay at my house.
Speaker 6: My water bill go up by sevens.
Speaker 4: Here a couple of days, take a lot of I
Speaker 4: take a lot of showers. So he said that, He
Speaker 4: was like, you like, why do you take like three
Speaker 4: four showers.
Speaker 2: In a day?
Speaker 1: You like it? It's my thinking time. It's meditation for me.
Speaker 1: Like if I go outside and come back in, like
Speaker 1: I like the feeling of getting straight into bed, like
Speaker 1: with fresh skin. So if I just took a bath,
Speaker 1: go outside, do some ship. I gotta take another bathroom
Speaker 1: before I hit my sheets.
Speaker 6: It's just no listen, like.
Speaker 3: A shower and then go to the parking garage and
Speaker 3: come back and need another shower.
Speaker 6: That's ridiculous, bro.
Speaker 1: Because sweat.
Speaker 4: Even if I showered before date night, we come home,
Speaker 4: it could have been like three hours past. I gotta
Speaker 4: take another shower before I get it back because I
Speaker 4: went outside. So y'all, y'all would go on to day,
Speaker 4: y'all would get showered, have a day with your man,
Speaker 4: and like, all right, you don't have to eat. How
Speaker 4: this mea?
Speaker 6: But if y'all have.
Speaker 1: Sex fresh, yes, you're gonna get.
Speaker 6: You're gonna have a shower before you have sex.
Speaker 4: And then after.
Speaker 3: I might have one after. But it just depends on
Speaker 3: the vibe. Because if we coming here and we kissing and.
Speaker 4: We're taking everything off, I ain't trying to stolo wait
Speaker 4: unless I don't unless I don't feel fresh, unless I'm like,
Speaker 4: let me freshen up, because I feel like it's it
Speaker 4: was a little high.
Speaker 6: Other than that, I'm not stopping.
Speaker 4: You know. If it's like that, then you know, you
Speaker 4: just go with the flow. But if we come home
Speaker 4: and like you know he might be downstairs doing something
Speaker 4: or putting the food up or whatever. I'm literally like
Speaker 4: running up the stairs to get undressed because I gotta
Speaker 4: take all this makeup off. And if I'm gonna do that,
Speaker 4: then I might as well just take a shower too hours.
Speaker 1: Okay, see I'm not the only one mental illness, Like
Speaker 1: what you do?
Speaker 4: You gotta be clean, Like I'm very particular about stuff.
Speaker 4: I learned that a lot of grown women do not
Speaker 4: know about, like hygiene and like not using the same soap.
Speaker 4: I know it's off topic, not using the same soaps,
Speaker 4: Like you got your face soap, you got body soap,
Speaker 4: and then you have your you know, your intimate soap,
Speaker 4: like imaginal soap. It's it's and you can't have everything
Speaker 4: mixing together and your peace off, like your pH should be,
Speaker 4: Like you should not smell like anything.
Speaker 6: Water y'all like war you should be.
Speaker 4: And if you're not, that's okay, But you need to
Speaker 4: understand that that may not be like healthy. I think
Speaker 4: some people might have, you know, some type of center whatever.
Speaker 4: But anyway, I digress a go all day it'll turn
Speaker 4: into a whole woman's health episode. Do you have any
Speaker 4: advice for women who are looking for love are there
Speaker 4: in a relationship that might be stagnant.
Speaker 3: Their marriage is like not what it needs to be
Speaker 3: right now. Do you have any advice?
Speaker 4: So, women that are looking for love, I would say
Speaker 4: that you need to be very I think that you
Speaker 4: should have like a list of like things that you're
Speaker 4: looking for. You know, women have their list or whatever.
Speaker 4: I think that's good, but you gotta have what you
Speaker 4: should be looking for in a man. One is how
Speaker 4: he treats his mother and how he treats the women
Speaker 4: in his life, because that is how he's going to
Speaker 4: treat you. No if inns or buts about it. It
Speaker 4: could be good for the first couple of years, but
Speaker 4: it's going to show. So that's one. Two. I think
Speaker 4: that a man doesn't need to be making six figures
Speaker 4: and all that kind of stuff, but you need to
Speaker 4: be paying attention to character and discipline as it pertains
Speaker 4: the finances and how he stewards over what he has
Speaker 4: right now, because in today's society is very easy to
Speaker 4: make money. Like you can make money, you can start something,
Speaker 4: and you know you can do that, you can fix that.
Speaker 4: But a man that does not steward over his money
Speaker 4: directly is a very big red flag.
Speaker 2: Girl.
Speaker 6: Let me tell you.
Speaker 3: I was talking to this guy and I was like,
Speaker 3: you know what, I kind of like him.
Speaker 4: He's cool.
Speaker 6: He told me he lost fifty thousand dollars gambling in
Speaker 6: this past football season, and I was like, oh, absolutely
Speaker 6: a wasteful.
Speaker 4: Absolutely not No, those are those are signs, and that
Speaker 4: I guess that would lead me to my third I
Speaker 4: don't really have it just outlined, but the third thing
Speaker 4: is don't ignore those flags. And you would think that
Speaker 4: that's self explanatory, but it is not, because when at
Speaker 4: the demise of a relationship, when you look back, you
Speaker 4: could literally walk it out like all the signs that
Speaker 4: were there, like stop trying to romanticize, like toxicity and
Speaker 4: struggle and laziness and complacency, like stop trying to romanticize it.
Speaker 4: Like when I said feelings versus facts, you have to
Speaker 4: be factual. And what I did in our relationship early on,
Speaker 4: when my you know, my triggers and all of that,
Speaker 4: I feel like they were trying to get the best
Speaker 4: of me. So what I started to do journaling again.
Speaker 4: If something upset me or something felt like a red flag,
Speaker 4: I would write it down it's time stamp because I
Speaker 4: have my physical journals and then I have a journal
Speaker 4: app and it time stamps everything. So I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: writing this down and I'm going to revisit this, and
Speaker 4: if this is still going on, I know that this
Speaker 4: is a pattern, not just something that happened, because things happen,
Speaker 4: you know, people make mistakes, slip ups happen, or maybe
Speaker 4: it's not what you thought it was or whatever. I document,
Speaker 4: I document pass and I document like different things, like
Speaker 4: if I feel like, okay, I'm be honest. Because infidelity
Speaker 4: was an issue in past relationships, I saw something that
Speaker 4: I was like, hmm, Now instead of being somebody that's
Speaker 4: like let me say, y'all find mind you, he gave
Speaker 4: me a passwords to his phone like in two weeks.
Speaker 4: Like we have each other's past codes and all that
Speaker 4: kind of stuff, so it's very open, but we still
Speaker 4: do respect each other that we're not going through each
Speaker 4: other's phones. Like that's still to me, very disrespectful and
Speaker 4: it's unnecessary. But it was something I had like an
Speaker 4: eyebrow raise about it. It's actually kind of funny because
Speaker 4: the client's name was Ash, and Ash was like, I
Speaker 4: need you I.
Speaker 6: Was like, why Ash needs you? What she needs?
Speaker 2: So mm hmm.
Speaker 4: So I wrote it down, trying to pay attention as
Speaker 4: the days go on. There's probably some months that went on.
Speaker 4: Didn't hear nothing else about Ash. Ash is some big
Speaker 4: burley as dude that is his client, and said he
Speaker 4: needed him to give him a haircut because it came
Speaker 4: up in conversation because I brought I just want a
Speaker 4: had him brought it up. I'm like, and then because
Speaker 4: I talked very soft and sweet, I saw you know,
Speaker 4: it just made me feel uncomfortable in the knows like
Speaker 4: Ash and she was saying that that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she.
Speaker 4: Like, she's trying to see if you're gonna confirm. But
Speaker 4: he told me what that was. And and in that
Speaker 4: instance it did kind of turn him off because he's like,
Speaker 4: you could have just asked me. But you know, sometimes
Speaker 4: it's not it's not comfortable to ask because you don't
Speaker 4: want to you don't want to come off and secure,
Speaker 4: you don't want to come off like this. You don't
Speaker 4: want to be wrong, like you don't want to be
Speaker 4: wrong Larry Well hair right, And she yeah, So that
Speaker 4: was the instance where I'm like, Okay, you got to
Speaker 4: relax but instead of just jumping to conclusions and letting
Speaker 4: your triggers take control, document things and match it up,
Speaker 4: because at the end of the day, these are facts
Speaker 4: that we're laying out. We're not going off of feelings,
Speaker 4: because feelings will have you staying in situations that you
Speaker 4: should not be staying in just because you're afraid of
Speaker 4: being alone. And I think, uh, I think that's enough
Speaker 4: for the girls. That's fine in love for the for
Speaker 4: the women or the girls who are in relationships, and
Speaker 4: it might be a little stagnant if you have not
Speaker 4: already see where you where you may be misstepping in
Speaker 4: the relationship because we have a PhD and what our
Speaker 4: partner is doing wrong, but we seldom really take a
Speaker 4: step back and see where we contributed to that, because
Speaker 4: if we're honest, the effort that we think we're putting in,
Speaker 4: we're really not putting in. And a lot of times
Speaker 4: we're doing what we would want instead of actually doing
Speaker 4: what our partner is asking us to do. Like I
Speaker 4: was always trying to do things for him, and like
Speaker 4: I like to give, I like to buy gifts, I
Speaker 4: like this, to like do things like that, even though
Speaker 4: I don't really care about receiving gifts. I like to
Speaker 4: give gifts, but he's like, I don't need all of that,
Speaker 4: Like he don't even even want Christmas gifts, Like he
Speaker 4: don't really care about stuff. He just wants me to
Speaker 4: do well, to take care of myself. But he would
Speaker 4: say those things, and I think women were not listening
Speaker 4: to men, Like they tell you what they want, they're
Speaker 4: very clear about it, and we're like, no, that can't
Speaker 4: be all you want. You just want a meal and
Speaker 4: sex and respect. No, no, you gotta want a whole
Speaker 4: lot more, so I'm gonna give it to you. Like
Speaker 4: we've been trying to tell men what they need and
Speaker 4: what they want, and they have been very clear about
Speaker 4: what it is that they want. So you're doing all
Speaker 4: these other things, but you're not showing respect like you're not.
Speaker 4: If it's somebody that needs a hot meal, Like, if
Speaker 4: that's all he's asking for, then find a way to
Speaker 4: do that.
Speaker 1: And saying I can't cook is not an option, bitch.
Speaker 1: They cook it all up and down Instagram figure it out?
Speaker 1: What's that figured out? Prima Donna? I better get her
Speaker 1: cookbook right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we don't want to give him high cholesterol.
Speaker 6: So we right, okay, So.
Speaker 1: You know he.
Speaker 4: Like, now I'm doing like the hello fresh, Hello fresh,
Speaker 4: give these girls a deal real quick, Hello fresh. I'm
Speaker 4: doing factor meals like because now yeah, I like factor
Speaker 4: especially like with my workouts and stuff. So you don't
Speaker 4: have to know. If you don't know how to cook,
Speaker 4: don't don't do that. But there's a lot of ways
Speaker 4: that we waste a lot of money and you could
Speaker 4: be allocating that to something else to make it work.
Speaker 4: Everything can be workable. Saying that you can't do it
Speaker 4: is not an excuse, especially for your spouse. You should
Speaker 4: always be in service of your spouse, and there's gonna
Speaker 4: be seasons where you are putting in more work than
Speaker 4: they are putting in. But marriage, like as I said,
Speaker 4: like God's design for marriage is rich or poor, sickness
Speaker 4: and in health. This does not This isn't talking about abuse,
Speaker 4: mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. But you gotta be
Speaker 4: in it for the long haul, and you have to
Speaker 4: like taking accountability for what you did is what I
Speaker 4: feel is really adding to and making this relationship work.
Speaker 4: But it's hard, you know, because you want to be right.
Speaker 1: We manifested hair, we talked back. It's for richer or richer,
Speaker 1: it's for healthy or for healthy.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah we could, we could, we could want that.
Speaker 4: But if we are doing things that are not making
Speaker 4: our finances grow, if we are getting hookah and lamb
Speaker 4: chops every day, then somebody's gonna get diabetes, somebody's gonna
Speaker 4: get high cholesterol, somebody, right exactly, So we can't. We
Speaker 4: have to be very realistic about those things. Like if
Speaker 4: we want richer for written, you know, for richer or
Speaker 4: for richer or you know, for healthier whatever whatever, now
Speaker 4: sickness and no sickness, then we have to make sure
Speaker 4: that we're doing those things. Like everything takes work. Manifesting
Speaker 4: is great. I manifested my husband like I wrote it out.
Speaker 4: And what's crazy is like I wrote it. I wrote
Speaker 4: out what I wanted for my marriage, but I didn't
Speaker 4: put a name on it. And I wrote it during
Speaker 4: that first marriage, and I ended up getting the marriage
Speaker 4: that I wanted and it ended up being a whole new,
Speaker 4: different relationship. So now I'm very specific, like I rting
Speaker 4: his whole name, first, middle, last name. This is what
Speaker 4: I want for my marriage with with him, like this,
Speaker 4: God is real funny like that. So yeah, that's I think.
Speaker 6: There was great advice. Ladies take heed some account.
Speaker 4: It is hard.
Speaker 1: I don't like pushing that narrative that women don't have
Speaker 1: don't take accountability. I don't think it's true.
Speaker 6: They don't think they don't. It's all just women, That's
Speaker 6: what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So when we when we help push that narrative that
Speaker 1: women don't take accountability, it kind of gives like the
Speaker 1: men like a one up. But I have been in
Speaker 1: really yes it does. I have better relationships with men
Speaker 1: who don't take accountability also, so it's not something I
Speaker 1: just want to make sure we know that that's exclusive
Speaker 1: to women. That's all.
Speaker 6: But definitely on show, single out men all the time.
Speaker 6: Men do this.
Speaker 3: Men say that men do this and women be doing
Speaker 3: the same ship sometimes and we never say, Okay, this
Speaker 3: is for everybody.
Speaker 1: So we can down the middle. A lot of times
Speaker 1: when I talk about me, get up, but I'm oftentimes
Speaker 1: talking about men I've actually dealt with. I'm not just
Speaker 1: talking about men in general.
Speaker 6: A lot of idea what you.
Speaker 4: Just say men, I think men definitely need to be accountable.
Speaker 4: But the reason why I press that women need to
Speaker 4: because I think for the longest we have pressed, especially
Speaker 4: with black men, like y'all need to be accountable, y'all
Speaker 4: need to do this, Like everybody knows men and women
Speaker 4: in the entire world knows what work the black man
Speaker 4: needs to do, Like we're so knowledgeable on that. But
Speaker 4: I think women take that as like, if he's not
Speaker 4: doing this and he's not doing that, the whole while
Speaker 4: you are messy, you are dirty literally, figuratively whatever. Like
Speaker 4: you you're not stewarding over your finances, you're eating like shit,
Speaker 4: You're not like being you're not working to a schedule,
Speaker 4: like your habits are trash. Like, let's be honest and
Speaker 4: let's be realistic, because because I think women feel like
Speaker 4: we don't have to do certain things, and I do
Speaker 4: think that you should try to become the partner that
Speaker 4: you desire, but also knowing that you don't have to
Speaker 4: be perfect before you meet that person. So it's a
Speaker 4: delicate balance of giving yourself grace but also knowing that
Speaker 4: you have goals for yourself regardless of who comes into
Speaker 4: your life. And when you do come into your life,
Speaker 4: your work is not done. It is definitely not it's
Speaker 4: far from done. Now you really have somebody that you
Speaker 4: need to show up for And I think holding yourself
Speaker 4: accountable is not just for a relationship. It's for yourself, period,
Speaker 4: and all the things that you say that you want
Speaker 4: for yourself, Like all my goals now it's really not
Speaker 4: to make my husband happy, is to make me happy,
Speaker 4: because I have a man that wants me to be happy.
Speaker 4: So if that's what he wants, then that's what to
Speaker 4: do and we both benefit from it.
Speaker 1: You mean, yeah, Sonny, Yeah, all right, man, Jamila's plug
Speaker 1: all your things. We already told them how wonderful you are.
Speaker 1: But make sure you plug all your social media, all
Speaker 1: your businesses, all the fantastic things you got going on.
Speaker 1: Let our audience know.
Speaker 4: Thank you. So I'm really excited. First and foremost, we're
Speaker 4: having the Case Conference. It's a conference for new and
Speaker 4: inspire I'm sorry, new and aspiring interior designers, especially of color,
Speaker 4: to learn the business of design. Because design is eighty
Speaker 4: percent business twenty percent creative. And so you have that
Speaker 4: twenty percent and you're wondering why you can't get it
Speaker 4: off the ground or business is not going well, it's
Speaker 4: because of the business aspect of it. So really honing
Speaker 4: in and teaching interior designers of color, how to operate
Speaker 4: in the business and navigate the industry. It's are on
Speaker 4: sale now thecaseconference dot com to learn more. We have
Speaker 4: a very special keynote guest that we haven't announced just yet,
Speaker 4: but it's going to be so worth it. And then
Speaker 4: you can follow me at Jamila Divine and that's where
Speaker 4: you can just see what's going on with me, my man,
Speaker 4: and my business.
Speaker 6: So that's good y'all.
Speaker 1: Remember speak now and never hold your peace.