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Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, the production of iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network.

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Speaker 2: Talk Talk Talk. We're just two unapologetically black women with

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Speaker 2: an opinion to talk.

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Speaker 3: Hey everybody, it's me tan Van. Welcome to a new

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Speaker 3: episode of We Talk Back.

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Speaker 2: I love y'all. Oh wait, this shit dedicated to you

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Speaker 2: lovers and what else? Ay?

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Speaker 1: J fuckers. I don't know, y'all. If you got a

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Speaker 1: man for the holidays, I'm jealous. Okay, me too.

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Speaker 3: This is my ninth year not having a Valentine. Like,

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Speaker 3: I got gifts and ship, but I ain't have like

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Speaker 3: no real man, you know.

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Speaker 1: So niggas just dropping shit off the day before, that's

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Speaker 1: what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: No, fuck you, bitch, fuck you. I know what you're implying.

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Speaker 1: Shit in the mail.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting like flowers in the mail, like are either

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Speaker 3: they're not in the same state as me or it's

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Speaker 3: just are they want to be with me?

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Speaker 2: But it ain't nobody I want to be with?

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Speaker 1: You know, girl, you about to fuck up all your blessings.

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Speaker 1: Don't be saying that on here. What you be doing

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Speaker 1: and how you be getting shit from different people? You

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Speaker 1: fuck around and get nothing now.

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Speaker 2: Well, Valentine's they already passed with this.

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Speaker 1: Drop, so I already got it. I got your niggas joke.

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Speaker 3: No, I just don't have like a solid booth thing

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Speaker 3: again for Valentine's Day, so.

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Speaker 1: I'm not really about it. It's all right. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I feel like the last couple of holidays I didn't

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Speaker 1: have anybody, but previous years I had some shit going on.

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Speaker 1: But I am celebrating freedom, bitch free at last. Okay,

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Speaker 1: That's how I feel.

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Speaker 3: My sister, My sister bought herself a bouquet roses. I

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Speaker 3: was like, oh, that's so beautiful. I admire the self love.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna talk about you on the show. She's like, bitch,

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Speaker 3: yo'll say that on the show. I'm gonna tell people

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Speaker 3: a nigga bought me.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, Tanya.

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Speaker 1: I always buy myself flowers. I love fresh flowers.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I love flowers too, but I don't like to

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Speaker 3: buy for myself. I honestly don't like to buy anything.

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Speaker 1: For there's that part the fuck.

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Speaker 2: I ever prefer other people to buy.

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Speaker 1: Sam's Club got the best flowers. If y'all want to

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Speaker 1: buy y'all, old lady some nice flowers. Weekly go to

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Speaker 1: Sam's Club. Y'all Sam's Club cars all yourself. You know,

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Speaker 1: you get a Sam's Club card? What we got going

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Speaker 1: on for? Stupid? Oh shit? Did I skip our weekends?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 2: I guess that'll that's part of stupid internet news.

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Speaker 1: Is the weekend the super Bowl.

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Speaker 3: Let's just get into the super Bowl like that was

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Speaker 3: everybody's weekend.

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Speaker 1: Did you do any Super Bowl party?

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Speaker 2: I did. I went to one of my good friends

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Speaker 2: her mom's house, and they had a shitting dig going

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Speaker 2: on with all the food and all the people. Was school. Yep,

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Speaker 2: did you go to hell?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 1: I was right at the house. I maybe some savich

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Speaker 1: at the house and we watched.

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Speaker 2: BJ for a super Bowl that's you're supposed to have meat.

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Speaker 1: Oh you don't eat him exactly, so let me get

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Speaker 1: my seafood please, thank you?

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Speaker 2: A vegan meatball weak as hell.

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Speaker 1: And I did watch the whole game. You know. That's

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Speaker 1: really the only time I watch football is to watch

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Speaker 1: the Super Bowl. So I can see how.

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Speaker 2: That's the only game you watch.

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Speaker 1: I'll watch.

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Speaker 3: If I'm like with a man and he want to watch,

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Speaker 3: I'll get into it, you know. But I don't just

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Speaker 3: be sitting at my whole house cracking over, open a

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Speaker 3: Bruski and.

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Speaker 2: Turn it on the game. Who would you go for?

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Speaker 3: I was saying little stupid shit at the party, like so,

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Speaker 3: which who's the white team and who's the Red team?

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Speaker 2: On purpose, like trying to make it sound like I

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Speaker 2: don't know, girl.

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Speaker 1: I literally bet some ass at forty nine. It was

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Speaker 1: just gonna win. I don't give him no ass though,

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Speaker 1: But I asked who wanted to give up some asks

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Speaker 1: for the forty nine ers? Who wanted to bet some bookie?

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Speaker 2: And somebody took your bet?

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Speaker 1: Yep, had a few takers, And then after way after

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Speaker 1: the forty nine is lost, I was like, I'm I

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Speaker 1: wasn't the one giving up bookie. I was asking who

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Speaker 1: wanted to give up some bookie for the bets?

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Speaker 4: But but if you if they give up some bookie,

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Speaker 4: ain't you gotta give up some bookie to get the bookie?

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Speaker 2: That giving up?

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Speaker 1: No, they could have told me what they wanted their

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Speaker 1: prize to be. That was my prize, some bookie from them, yes.

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Speaker 2: But that means some bookie from you. Do you realize that?

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Speaker 1: Right? Bege I lost the bet to about twenty people.

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Speaker 1: Body in that ass.

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Speaker 6: Let that.

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Speaker 1: Body camp about to be stupid for the nine to

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Speaker 1: nine and the twenty four.

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Speaker 3: So let's get into the sin. Sure, the whole the

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Speaker 3: whole Super Bowl was the Usher show. As far as

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Speaker 3: I love Usher, how did you feel about his performance?

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Speaker 1: I thought his performance was very good. I love the

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Speaker 1: part when he took his fucking shirt off. Okay, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: USh just making niggas getting the gym. Okay.

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Speaker 3: People were trying to say it wasn't all of that,

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Speaker 3: this nigga arrolla skated dance. No, the performance dance saying

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Speaker 3: has striples. Selo Edge made the pre came out her.

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Speaker 1: The weird part about it. I had never seen this,

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Speaker 1: you know, based on like previous halftime shows, people comparing

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Speaker 1: the current halftime to previous years, like I was seeing

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Speaker 1: Michael Jackson halftime, Like why are y'all comparing Usher to

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Speaker 1: Michael Jackson and Prince halftime performance? Like what has really happened?

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Speaker 2: But those are greats.

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Speaker 3: When you're being compared to the greats, then that says

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Speaker 3: a lot.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know why the expectation was so high

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Speaker 1: for Usher, but I feel like he delivered. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what the fuck he's a living about.

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Speaker 2: He brought a the aid to the world.

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Speaker 3: I never seen strippers look so wholesome, you know, like

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Speaker 3: they was up there like you know, those weren't the

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Speaker 3: most family friendly strippers I've ever seen in Wilen.

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Speaker 1: Why black men be so mad and ready to rag

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Speaker 1: on another black man over their fucking wives. So now

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Speaker 1: everybody saw how Usha was on, had his dick on.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was innocent. We see people who are

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Speaker 1: married to other people entertain all the time. Why all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden there's a problem when Usher does it.

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Speaker 3: Because let me tell you why it's a problem because

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Speaker 3: Kei Ki Palmer and that other man had that whole

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Speaker 3: issue after Usher was dancing with Kiki. So now everybody

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Speaker 3: watching Usher to make sure he don't break up. No

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Speaker 3: more happy homes.

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Speaker 1: But we know this nigga terrorists. I feel like he

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Speaker 1: get a pass, right, he do get a pass.

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Speaker 2: Was like, it's okay, you can grind my bitch. I

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Speaker 2: don't care you wash your.

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Speaker 1: Nigga Like she looked like she was a jointed too,

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Speaker 1: like she remembered that meet because I remember they used

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Speaker 1: to date. Yep, you gotta be real secure to let

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Speaker 1: a woman's ex dude grind her for the world to

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Speaker 1: see and still be Okay, they're very secure and they're marriage. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So apparently him and his longtime girlfriend. Usher and his

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Speaker 1: longtime girlfriend had just like locked in a marriage certificate

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Speaker 1: right before the Super Bowl. So he's getting married or

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Speaker 1: he's married ship essentially.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, he's married they both. I think about it.

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Speaker 1: He's a swinger.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying they were swinging on stage when

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Speaker 2: he was.

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Speaker 1: Booty one. Think about it, boy, I should keep a

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Speaker 1: bitch despite what that doctor said, he.

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Speaker 2: Keep a low key one too. Don't do that. So

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Speaker 2: we had a gad ass to our show.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that despite them tests all say I should

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Speaker 1: keep him a low one. Okay, he's Usher.

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Speaker 2: He get to do what he wanted. I would say.

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Speaker 3: I wish her could have been on stage longer. I

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Speaker 3: wish it was like an USh Her show.

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Speaker 2: You know USh Her, right right?

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Speaker 1: She was just there so he can do his wardrobe change.

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Speaker 2: That she played the funk out of that guitar.

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Speaker 1: I think that was pre recorded. Do you think that

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Speaker 1: was live her plan?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I hope it was live. I don't know everything else

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Speaker 3: was live. They ain't pre recorded. Alicia King, we know that.

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Speaker 7: Had to be live, but this shows us exactly how

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Speaker 7: the fuck media does us like, so we just supposed

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Speaker 7: to forget that we heard that fucked up note and

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Speaker 7: y'all going to replace this ship in post production with

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Speaker 7: a we remember.

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Speaker 4: I right?

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Speaker 3: Man, I would have called him soon as I got

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Speaker 3: off stage. Y'all make sure y'all edit that ship before

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Speaker 3: go out to the band, since I know they heard

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Speaker 3: it the first time before that for the people who

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Speaker 3: didn't hear it, they gonna hear.

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Speaker 1: It right like we be texting tale like, bitch, can

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Speaker 1: you take this out about that ship out? I thought

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Speaker 1: about it. Probably shouldn't say that right. That note was terrible,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like the Usher ship was the least

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Speaker 1: of Alicia Keys worry that first that first fucking note

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Speaker 1: nearly killed her.

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Speaker 3: Right it was, man, But I give her a past

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Speaker 3: because she she sound good usually.

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Speaker 2: But who knows all them ships might have been edited to?

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Speaker 1: Was Alicia Keys a singer though, the same way they

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Speaker 1: be ragging on j Lo Like? I feel like Alicia

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Speaker 1: Keys is very very like musically inclined like when it

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Speaker 1: comes to making music, But is.

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Speaker 2: She really a singer?

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Speaker 1: She sound good at tiny desk I never listened to that.

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Speaker 2: She sound good.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I feel like she'd be singing on

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Speaker 2: that piano.

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Speaker 6: Child.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes we let you Alicia side then hiccr Beyonce Like, oh,

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Speaker 3: y'all thought y'all was doing so.

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Speaker 6: How about this?

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Speaker 4: Niggas pulling out cowboy boots and hass and everything right

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Speaker 4: at the super Bowl.

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Speaker 1: Like Beyonce is a fucking virgo. When I say that

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Speaker 1: bit yourselfish, she is selfish as the motherfucker. Like why

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Speaker 1: you couldn't let Usher have his moment? Why you dropped

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Speaker 1: to let that man have this?

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Speaker 3: She did a proposal at Usher witting that's like somebody

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Speaker 3: getting engaged as somebody else's with.

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Speaker 1: Yes, girl, Like it's cool, though, I feel like what

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Speaker 1: we're taking it as a ship on Usher, But maybe

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Speaker 1: it was like a ship on the whole super Bowl,

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Speaker 1: because I'm pretty sure just tuning in to whatever she

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Speaker 1: had going on after that, after her commercial drop, two

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Speaker 1: minutes later, she dropped two whole songs.

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Speaker 3: Two songs, and here come my sister calling me in

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Speaker 3: the middle of the work. They talking about you want

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Speaker 3: to learn how to lie dance? Get off my phone.

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Speaker 1: Beyonce said, y'all motherfuckers, ain't trying to give me this

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Speaker 1: goddamn best album award. Oh okay, I got something for y'all.

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Speaker 3: Ass, I got something for y'all. But I am gonna

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Speaker 3: try to learn how to line dance whichever TikTok and

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Speaker 3: make it. But please don't make it like that to me.

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Speaker 3: A ship, fucking mathematical class ship. I would have learned

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Speaker 3: this for God.

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Speaker 1: Remember that video we had from that fucking party we

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Speaker 1: hosted trying to do that. I'm gonna post that ship, bitch,

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Speaker 1: because we was killing it.

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Speaker 2: Don't post it. It looked like I was getting crossed

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Speaker 2: up on the basketball court.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we was killing it. I don't know

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Speaker 1: about ju bitch was killing the.

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Speaker 6: Girl.

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Speaker 2: You was doing it wrong too.

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Speaker 1: We looked like drunk.

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Speaker 2: Let's go to something.

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Speaker 7: Uh.

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Speaker 1: So Beyonce apparently some people were calling into this local

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Speaker 1: country station requesting them to play her new songs, and

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Speaker 1: they like had to put a whole statement out, but

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Speaker 1: how they don't fuck with that nigga bitch.

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Speaker 3: No, so they sent an email back saying that we

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Speaker 3: don't play Beyonce. This is a country music station, And

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Speaker 3: then all the Beyonce fans went crazy and was like calling, calling, calling,

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Speaker 3: So then they had to put a statement out saying

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Speaker 3: like we love Beyonce and we hope these songs do

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Speaker 3: well and so forth and so forth, like we're gonna

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Speaker 3: play it if it's country. We just basically didn't know

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Speaker 3: it was country music.

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Speaker 1: But do they sound country? They sound kind of r

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Speaker 1: and b ish to me.

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Speaker 3: They don't sound that song that you played earlier, the

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Speaker 3: Daddy song my Daddy said you Daddy last.

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Speaker 2: That sounds more country. Yeah, that sounds more country to me.

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Speaker 1: And actually, let me tell you it was a singer,

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Speaker 1: a country singer doing a cover that recently.

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Speaker 3: But let me tell you who in their country bag,

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Speaker 3: and they sound really good in their country bag. I

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Speaker 3: don't know if y'all heard her music, her country music,

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Speaker 3: but she doing the damn thing.

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Speaker 1: So that's another thing, because people was trying to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: Beyoncelett and ky Michelle Shine and Kate Michelle was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of problem with that, Like why do we

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Speaker 1: feel like as black people, like there's not enough space

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Speaker 1: for all of us? You know what I'm saying? Like

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Speaker 1: ky Michelle can do that, but technically, if you listen

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Speaker 1: to Lemonade. Beyonce had that Daddy's Lesson song been out there.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying to me, that's more country

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Speaker 1: than these two new songs. I don't see what the

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Speaker 1: problem is, Like why, y'all, I don't know, child, There's always.

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Speaker 2: Some there's always something, child.

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Speaker 3: They always gott to pit us against you against each other.

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Speaker 3: But y'all definitely go check out ky Michelle country music.

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Speaker 2: It's really good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because she what is the Country Awards? Uh show?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, the Country Music Awards.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she performed this year or twenty twenty three came

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Speaker 1: and Shell performs. I guess Beyonce said, man, fuck that,

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Speaker 1: I'm coming for them awards next year. We'll see. Because

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Speaker 1: this is supposed to be like an extension of Renaissance,

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Speaker 1: So this is Renaissance.

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Speaker 2: Two Act too, Act too.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 3: I'm just kind of grateful because all that ship I

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Speaker 3: bought to wear to the Renaissance tour, I can bring

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Speaker 3: that ship out for one more time and have a

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Speaker 3: reason to wear that shit again, because.

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Speaker 2: The fuck I'm gonna do with this ship, this hat

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Speaker 2: and all this ship that I had.

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Speaker 1: But that's different though, because it wasn't she had him

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Speaker 1: having people dressed like astronauts, So now you're gonna.

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Speaker 2: Be well, it wasn't, but it was like Rodeo too.

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Speaker 3: It was Rodeo kind of like with the hats and

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Speaker 3: the boots and all that stuff that people had, So

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Speaker 3: you can if you if you bought some of that,

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Speaker 3: you can mix a match.

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Speaker 4: I'm definitely as much as the tickets was last year.

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Speaker 4: I might have to wear the ship I had last

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Speaker 4: year because I can't afford another one.

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Speaker 1: Shame y'all keep giving that lady y'all money.

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Speaker 3: I had acts Usher on tour too, and his tickets

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Speaker 3: is Charlotte.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm gonna have to pray about.

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Speaker 1: Are you ain't tired, nigga? You just had that long

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Speaker 1: ass residency in Vegas, you just did the Super Bowl,

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Speaker 1: and now you're going on tour ship tax man after

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Speaker 1: that ass obviously, y'all. Let's get into our batty for

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Speaker 1: this week for February. Y'all know, we try to, you know,

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Speaker 1: give a little shout out to people who make impressions

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Speaker 1: on the culture then and now. And this week we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about scizza. Okay, because Sissa is on

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Speaker 1: motherfucking fire. Take a few Grammys two weeks ago, and

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Speaker 1: right now, Sissy is also celebrating so Os, her last album,

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Speaker 1: becoming the first album by a black female artist to

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Speaker 1: spend over a year in the top ten on the

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Speaker 1: Billboard two hundred chart. Okay, I'm still listening to Control

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Speaker 1: like it came out yesterday. Sism makes some real timeless music,

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Speaker 1: like she's one of my favorite rbr.

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Speaker 3: It sounds so good. She'd be having me and my

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Speaker 3: feelings though, I'd be like waking up happy. I'll put

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Speaker 3: on Scissa and I'd be like, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know, No, I don't think sism music don't make me

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Speaker 1: feel like that. She has a way of her music

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Speaker 1: has a way of like taking like fucked up shit,

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Speaker 1: but like you become the hero by the end of

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Speaker 1: the song.

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Speaker 3: It's good, but I don't know. Sometimes the mood and

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Speaker 3: the song be melancholy, you know, and it just affects

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Speaker 3: my spirit a little bit. I love it, though, don't

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Speaker 3: get me wrong, because sometimes that's the mood I want.

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Speaker 1: Hmm. I didn't feel like that with so Os. I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like I feel like that with the songs

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Speaker 1: off of Control. It's just it'd be fun, fun songs,

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Speaker 1: fun songs about fucked up shit like I'm never going

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Speaker 1: back to the strip club, never going back. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I like it. Shout out to Sissy. Y'all is a

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Speaker 1: baddie who talks dag.

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Speaker 3: Y'all, we got another wife, the Happiest Wife. This is

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Speaker 3: part two and it's exciting and it's Lovers Week. We'll

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Speaker 3: be right back, y'all.

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Speaker 4: All right, guys, I don't know if you listened last week,

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Speaker 4: but we had a guest on talking about being the

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Speaker 4: happiest wife, and we had to come back with a

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00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,879
Speaker 4: part two because it was just so good. So today

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Speaker 4: we have Jamila Watkins's mallet on. I found her Instagram.

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Speaker 4: She was one of the ladies that was like, I

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Speaker 4: am the happiest wife. She didn't have to be tagged,

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Speaker 4: she said for herself. She's the owner and operator of

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Speaker 4: Jamila Divine Interiors and Lifestyle. She's a designer that was

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Speaker 4: on Married to real Estate on HG TV. She's a

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00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,520
Speaker 4: relatory at Indigo Road Realty, and she is a graduate

355
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Speaker 4: of Spelman University.

356
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Speaker 1: Thank you you're a happy wife.

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Speaker 6: Okay, most important.

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Speaker 4: I am thank you for having me.

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00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 6: Yes, girl, thank you for joining us. We appreciate you.

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Speaker 3: I know you was like, who is this random lady

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Speaker 3: in my DMS talking about my marriage?

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Speaker 4: I for you know, I forgot all about that. I

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00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,200
Speaker 4: was just chiming in and then I was like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 4: I mean that works. Yeah, So Jamila, tell us what

365
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:05,879
Speaker 4: makes you the happiest wife? I am the happiest wife

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00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:12,159
Speaker 4: because my husband allows me to be me. He gives

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Speaker 4: me grace to grow, and he supports me. He supports

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Speaker 4: everything as you can see, like just what you said, Like,

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Speaker 4: I'm a I'm a designer, I'm a real estate agent,

370
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Speaker 4: I'm on TV. I'm also a mom of an eight

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Speaker 4: year old. I'm sorry he's nine now he'll be mad

372
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,479
Speaker 4: like my year a nine year old he just turned nine,

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Speaker 4: and two bonus sons who are in high school. So

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Speaker 4: I have a lot, a lot going on and he's

375
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Speaker 4: extremely supportive and gracious with me through everything that I'm doing.

376
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:57,639
Speaker 4: And because I've been through a lot in my life,

377
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 4: he's just been someone who doesn't allow me to use

378
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:08,159
Speaker 4: my traumas as a crutch but to you overcome that

379
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,800
Speaker 4: victimhood and just really standing who I am. I feel

380
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 4: like he sees me for exactly who I am not

381
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Speaker 4: who he wants me to be, not who social media

382
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Speaker 4: thinks that I am like he sees me for me,

383
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Speaker 4: and he accepts that, and so it allows me to

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Speaker 4: grow and flourish and show up the best way that

385
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Speaker 4: I can every single day.

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Speaker 6: How did you guys be?

387
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 4: So I met him? It's funny because I met him

388
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,719
Speaker 4: maybe twelve years ago. My friend used to work at

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00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 4: his barbershop. He's a barber, and we met very briefly.

390
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 4: But if you let him tell it, when we met,

391
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 4: I wasn't paying him any mind. He said that I

392
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 4: was trapping. I was not trapping. I was doing hair.

393
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,360
Speaker 4: I say. He said I was trapping because I had

394
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 4: two phones, And so he came to the car to

395
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,000
Speaker 4: say she introduced him to me, and I didn't even

396
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,199
Speaker 4: look up, like I know that I met him. I

397
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 4: talked to him, but I didn't se him cause I

398
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 4: didn't look up because I was working on two phones.

399
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:20,360
Speaker 4: Mine kid was like eighteen at the time, trapping, trapping

400
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,679
Speaker 4: bungles and doing so ins and all of that. And

401
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 4: so we met very briefly. Twelve, you know, twelve, It

402
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 4: could be more than that. Now I keep saying twelve.

403
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 4: I was saying that when we first met, so maybe

404
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 4: fourteen years ago. And so fast forward my sister, who

405
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 4: I had just met. Long long story, like, I found

406
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,159
Speaker 4: out my dad was not my dad, and then I

407
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 4: found out I had all these siblings. And I met

408
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,199
Speaker 4: my sister and she was already planning to move to

409
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 4: Atlanta because she had you know, she was the barber

410
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,640
Speaker 4: as well. So she started to work in his shots,

411
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 4: and she introduced us because when she came in town,

412
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 4: we all went bowling with my niece, her daughter, my

413
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 4: friend and her son and me and my son. We

414
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 4: went bowling, and so he came with his son just

415
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:21,360
Speaker 4: to hang out. And so when I met him, now,

416
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 4: mind you, and he doesn't like when I say this,

417
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 4: He won't he won't agree to it. My sister told

418
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 4: he was looking for an interior designer. My sister was like, Oh,

419
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 4: my sister's an interior designer. Here's her page. I followed

420
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 4: up because I'm a follow up with you. Oh you're

421
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 4: looking for Yeah, So I slid in his DM, sent

422
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 4: him all my credentials and all of that, and he

423
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 4: left me on red. So I had a bone to

424
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 4: pick with him. When I saw him, I'm like, I

425
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 4: messaged you and you left me on Red. I don't

426
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 4: remember meeting him though, so I don't know him as

427
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 4: far as I'm concerned. I don't know him and he

428
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 4: doesn't know me. And so he's just like looking in

429
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:08,239
Speaker 4: my eyes like real deep, like while I'm talking to him,

430
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 4: I'm like, hello, you left me on Red, and like

431
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 4: he's still just like looking at me. And so I'm like,

432
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 4: I start getting entrapped in this gaze. He's like got

433
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 4: these light, honey brown eyes, just doing a lot. He

434
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 4: got the little like, he got everything I like going on.

435
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 4: So I'm trying to focus, and so I see where

436
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 4: this is going. And I told him it's gonna it's

437
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 4: either gonna be business or it's gonna be pleasure because

438
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 4: I'm picking up what you're putting down right now, So

439
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 4: let's go ahead because I don't do both. And so

440
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 4: this is all probably within like three minutes. Like you're like,

441
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 4: that's how he was doing a lot. He was doing

442
00:22:55,480 --> 00:23:00,439
Speaker 4: a whole lot. So I put my number in his phone. No,

443
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 4: he put his number in my phone and his name

444
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 4: came up, and I'm like like, I don't know why

445
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 4: your numbers on my phone, And I'm like maybe I

446
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 4: wanted to because I cut my hair a lot. And

447
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 4: I'm like, sudden, I'm like, I'm like, I'm not a creepy.

448
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 4: I don't know why your numbers in my phone, Like

449
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 4: I just don't understand. So we're trying to walk it back,

450
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 4: like how do we know each other? I'm like, maybe

451
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 4: I wanted to get a haircut because I cut my

452
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 4: hair all the time. And he's like one of the

453
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 4: best in the city and he is, if not the best,

454
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 4: and I'm not just saying that. And so we figured

455
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 4: out that it was my friend that worked in the

456
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 4: shop and La Da because he used to really look

457
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 4: out for her and I used to look out for

458
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 4: her as well, like and so I I'm that mom friend.

459
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 4: So I'm like, send me the number of who you're with.

460
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 4: I've always been that way, send me who you're going

461
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,919
Speaker 4: to be around. Who is this? So I so I

462
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 4: had his number in my phone forever thanks to Apple,

463
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 4: because you know them contacts stay for your lives for life.

464
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 4: And so that literally that night after the Bowling Alley,

465
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:18,360
Speaker 4: I went home and we were texting and we met up.

466
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 4: That night. I dropped my son off and my sister

467
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 4: and my niece and they stayed at the house, and

468
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 4: I went to his house and we talked like forever.

469
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 4: It felt like forever. It's probably two hours, but it

470
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:39,959
Speaker 4: felt like forever. And we were inseparable ever since. There

471
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 4: were you that day?

472
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So y'all got together during COVID.

473
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 4: Well it was right after COVID.

474
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: It was COVID was twenty twenty it was.

475
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 4: It was spring twenty twenty one. So you know, we

476
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 4: were all outside, even though we weren't especially it never

477
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 4: should do. What is it? What is the uh what?

478
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 4: I don't know what that is? Yeah, we was outside,

479
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 4: no mask, no mask. So how did like, how did

480
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 4: he propose? Like what was the how did he know he.

481
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 6: Was ready for marriage? How did you know you were

482
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 6: ready for marriage?

483
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 4: Like? So we both were married before. So he had

484
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 4: gotten divorced a few years ago. I was just getting

485
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 4: divorced actually, and I just wasn't in a rush to

486
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 4: like be in another relationship. But I knew that from

487
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 4: the moment that I met him, that I wanted to

488
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 4: be with him. Literally probably that week we was exchanging

489
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 4: I love you like like we we just knew, and

490
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 4: but I wasn't in a rush to be in a relationship.

491
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 4: I wasn't like I've never been that person of like,

492
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 4: what is this, what are we doing? I just haven't

493
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 4: And so I think that was April. We met in August.

494
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 4: We were at home. We were at my house hanging out,

495
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 4: and he just asked me to marry him with no

496
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 4: ring either, so I thought he was just talking, you know.

497
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 4: So the next morning when we woke up, I was like,

498
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 4: you know, he asked me to marry you, right, He

499
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 4: was like, yes, and we're gonna go get your ring

500
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 4: because I want you to pick it out because he

501
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 4: knows me that I'm all about I'm very particular with

502
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 4: aesthetics and stuff. So I guess he was like, I'm

503
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 4: not finna stress myself out and you act like you

504
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 4: like this ring and you don't.

505
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 1: So that's a good man.

506
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 4: So we went and we were right right right, so,

507
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 4: and that was new to me. And he didn't get

508
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,239
Speaker 4: on one knee or nothing. We were just laying in

509
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 4: bed and he asked me, now, I give you the

510
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 4: premise that we were both married before, so I guess

511
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 4: both of us are. We're just we don't need the

512
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 4: big balloon arch with the marquee letters and the pedals

513
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 4: in the ourway and the videographer and the this and

514
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 4: the that, like I don't need it. I don't and

515
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 4: he knows that about me as well, Like we're just

516
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 4: kind of to the point people. But I really thought

517
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 4: he was playing because there was no ring. You didn't

518
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 4: get on one knee. So when he did get my ring,

519
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 4: I already had it on. I took it off. I said, Okay,

520
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:37,360
Speaker 4: now you gotta get on one knee. Very very very raggedy.

521
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 4: Not the most romantic music engagement story.

522
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 7: But.

523
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 4: Wise, yeah, it wasn't like, you know, not all of that.

524
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 4: So that that's our engagement story. And then I guess,

525
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 4: like a month later we just started planning the wedding

526
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 4: and then we got married. So we got engaged in

527
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 4: August of twenty twenty one, and we got married of September.

528
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 1: Twenty months engagement, well not even three months, you guys,

529
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: met in April, got engaged in August, and married September

530
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:28,119
Speaker 1: the next year, September twenty so it was about eighteen months. Yeah,

531
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: what do you enjoy best about Like, what do you

532
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 1: enjoy most about being married?

533
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 4: I like having a partner and having it's the support

534
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 4: and the partnership, which is something that I had to

535
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 4: let me take that back. I mean, that is a

536
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 4: good thing, it's a great thing. But what I enjoy

537
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,360
Speaker 4: most about marriage is like learning about myself, because you know,

538
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 4: people will tell you that marriage is like holding a mirror.

539
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 4: And so he's ten years older than me as well,

540
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 4: so I learn a lot from him, which is different

541
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 4: because I feel like in past relationships I was the

542
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 4: one always teaching, and so it is an adjustment to

543
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 4: be with somebody who has that wisdom. Sometimes they could

544
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 4: be older but still child. So it's not really about age,

545
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 4: but the way that he the way that he communicates,

546
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 4: the way that he lives his life. He's very disciplined

547
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 4: and so for me, and he's a creative, but he

548
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 4: showed me that just because you're creative doesn't mean that

549
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 4: you cannot have structure. And so he's taught me structure.

550
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 4: He's taught me accountability, not making excuses like accountability is

551
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 4: like a big thing, and so that's something. Yeah, it's

552
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 4: something that I had to adjust because I've always been

553
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 4: and I've changed this over time intentionally. I was always

554
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 4: like the smartest one in the room. That's a bad thing.

555
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 4: You know, that's not a good thing. I was always

556
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 4: kind of a leader in every situation, whether it's like

557
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 4: a relationship. I won't say a relationship because my previous marriage,

558
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 4: I wasn't necessarily the leader, but like in friendships and

559
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 4: business and all of that. And I realized how much

560
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 4: that was holding me back. So having to learn how

561
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 4: to humble myself has been a big thing. And I

562
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 4: think when you're like a really high functioning woman and

563
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 4: you've achieved a lot, you don't know how to take

564
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 4: a back seat. We always say that we want somebody

565
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 4: to take the rings and take the back seat, but

566
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 4: our defense mechanisms and our trauma will not allow us.

567
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 2: To do it.

568
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 4: And so it's a real thing. It's not that easy

569
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 4: to sit back and let somebody take the reins. However,

570
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 4: you don't just get the reins just because you're the man, right,

571
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 4: Like he showed me consistently that he was a leader

572
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 4: and a provider. Like his number one thing was making

573
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 4: sure that me and my son were comfortable. Notice I said,

574
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 4: me and my son at his house. He had a

575
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 4: he had an extra room. He said, get the bed.

576
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 4: Mind you. This is like we met in April this

577
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 4: was May. He switched his mattress to the mattress that

578
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 4: I like. Coming back, he went and got all my

579
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 4: feminine products, all the honeypot, hey, honeypot. Make sure he

580
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 4: had that at the at the house for me. Told me,

581
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 4: gave me his credit card to go get my son

582
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 4: a bed and a mattress. He had a PS four

583
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 4: no PS five at his dad's house, so he wanted

584
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 4: to make sure that he had a PS five at

585
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 4: my house. I mean at his house. He's just done

586
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 4: all the things to show me that I could trust him,

587
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,719
Speaker 4: and so I did. But where I think a lot

588
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 4: of women mess up is that there are good men

589
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 4: out there and they will show you. But we look

590
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 4: at it like uh uh, what do you want from me?

591
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 4: Like why are you doing all of this? It's like

592
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 4: what do you mean crazy? Like I'm doing this because

593
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,280
Speaker 4: I see that there is a need, like I'm doing this.

594
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 4: But I think women are too focused on you know,

595
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 4: is he giving me stacks of cash? Burking bags? And

596
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,959
Speaker 4: its started early now like my son in high school.

597
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 4: These girls really want them want these little boys to

598
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 4: buy them purses, like what.

599
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 6: Like designer bags?

600
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 4: Yes, this boy is on a meal plan. A bad.

601
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 1: It's y'all millennial parents' faults, because y'all be rich as

602
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: hell with these damn kids.

603
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 6: I didn't have no designer clothes, nothing.

604
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: I barely had nikes until I started babysitting by my

605
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 1: first hand.

606
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 4: I asked my friend the other day, what was it

607
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 4: that we were requiring from boys in high school?

608
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 1: And I just was like, now, you had to have

609
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: a car to fuck with me, Okay, you got.

610
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 2: To be able to bring in high school.

611
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: Yes, I wasn't talking to people in high school. That's

612
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 1: the problem.

613
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 4: I wasn't either.

614
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 2: I wasn't.

615
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: You had to be able to bring much money.

616
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 2: Okay.

617
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 4: Where I messed up was having a car. Still, it

618
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 4: was not a requirement. I had a car, and I

619
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 4: was giving I was giving niggas game money, and I

620
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 4: said it trash, trash behavior. I told you, I was

621
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 4: always raggedy, very much raggedy, Like what like, I can't even,

622
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 4: I can't even. I just I had life really messed

623
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,359
Speaker 4: up in misconstry, and I learned over time, like I

624
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 4: was on my journey before I met him, but he

625
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 4: kind of just showed me like, no, you can't do

626
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:36,919
Speaker 4: it like this.

627
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: So one of the questions I was trying to ask

628
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 1: our last guests because I think that how people are

629
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: raised does reflect on, you know, how they view relationships,

630
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: how they view marriage, what kind of you know, when

631
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: I was going to going into super detail, like what

632
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: kind of uh family background has he come from?

633
00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 4: So he he was born in Jamaica, he came over

634
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 4: here and he was Yeah, so that that kind of

635
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 4: answers a lot of questions, like, oh, okay, got it. Yeah,

636
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 4: So he was born in Jamaica. He came to America

637
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,720
Speaker 4: when he was nine. He was raised by his stepdad

638
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 4: and his mom when they got to the States. But

639
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 4: he had you know, there were some a lot of

640
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:34,240
Speaker 4: trials and tribulations and without you know, just saying too much.

641
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 4: He didn't have a childhood like when we talk about

642
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 4: cartoons or things that kids would do like that, you know,

643
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 4: back when he was growing up. He can't relate because

644
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 4: he was driving trucks and he was working and he

645
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 4: was like really doing hard work, like driving a truck

646
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:57,760
Speaker 4: at like ten, like without a CDL.

647
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: Nothing about right, I got shree jobs. That's about it, right, Yeah, Yeah.

648
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 4: So he he doesn't he knows how to provide, that's

649
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 4: all he really knows how to do. I think that,

650
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 4: like he he showed me how to have fun as well.

651
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 4: But I think that I showed him how to like

652
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 4: relax and enjoy life a little bit more. So he

653
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 4: gave me the discipline I gave him, you know, the

654
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 4: like the relaxation, like take care of yourself, like slow down,

655
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 4: like it's okay. So yeah, yeah, mh. So that's how

656
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 4: he that's how he grew up. So he is a

657
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 4: very like no nonsense person, like to the max.

658
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:48,240
Speaker 2: What's his sign?

659
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 4: He's a Leo last day of Leo, cusp of Virgo.

660
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:58,280
Speaker 4: Oh shit, and he was born in Jamaica and raised

661
00:36:58,320 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 4: in Queens.

662
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 1: What's your sign?

663
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 4: I'm an aries okay, So does he have like strong,

664
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:17,800
Speaker 4: like masculine like head of household energy, like very almost

665
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 4: because Virgo men always sometimes are very like like toxic

666
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 4: masculine to the point where it's just like too strong sometimes,

667
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 4: you think, so sometimes you.

668
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 1: Had to be like I think Virgos are pimps the

669
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: men and women.

670
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, the energy is very strong, almost toxic masculinity, you know,

671
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:39,799
Speaker 3: like traditional roles and things like that.

672
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 4: So he's not he's actually not like that. I think

673
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 4: we're the virgo because virgos are planners, Like they say,

674
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,240
Speaker 4: the best wedding planners and all of that are virgos.

675
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 4: He is like very organized in a planner. And then

676
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 4: the leo. It's definitely a high, high, high, high level

677
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 4: of confidence. So to a lot of people it reads

678
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 4: as arrogance because he's very much I said what I said, so,

679
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 4: but I don't get toxic masculinity. I actually enjoy it

680
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 4: because it's refreshing because I think nowadays the roles are

681
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 4: like reversing, Like he cuts a lot of women's hair,

682
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 4: and it's a lot of stories about women being the providers,

683
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 4: and like it's like, we just don't. We don't rock

684
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 4: that way now. He doesn't really care about traditional roles.

685
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 4: We don't do traditional roles, but we do in the

686
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:53,280
Speaker 4: sense that the man should provide and have provision. However,

687
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 4: he believes that a woman should always have something for herself.

688
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 4: So he's really not into having like a housewife type

689
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 4: of thing. Yeah, which I come from that. In my

690
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 4: previous relationship, I was like to stay at home mom,

691
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,320
Speaker 4: stay at home wife. I have my businesses and stuff.

692
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 4: I've always been an entrepreneur, but it was like a

693
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 4: submissive kind of thing. And so I am someone that

694
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 4: is just very submissive. Whether or not he values it,

695
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 4: I know that it works for the relationship and we

696
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 4: do submit to each other. But I am proudly a

697
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 4: submissive wife.

698
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: Does that look like for you to be a submissive wife?

699
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: Because we talk about that shit all the time, and

700
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,400
Speaker 1: the internet talks about it all the time. And like

701
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,439
Speaker 1: you said, you guys submit to each other. That's where

702
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:47,320
Speaker 1: I lean more towards somebody may be better at something.

703
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 1: This person may be better at something, you know, So

704
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 1: you guys waiver in that way. But what does it

705
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 1: look like for you to be a submissive wife?

706
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 4: So I take care. I take care of the house,

707
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 4: like to me, that is my job to make sure

708
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:08,240
Speaker 4: that the house is stocked, to make sure that I cook.

709
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 4: He actually doesn't want me to do all of that

710
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,320
Speaker 4: because I have so many things going on in business.

711
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 4: He wants me to like relax a little bit. But

712
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,720
Speaker 4: it's a double edged sword because we can't keep eating

713
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 4: out because I'm trying to unbig this back. So it's

714
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 4: in the best interest, Yes, it's in the best interest

715
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 4: of everybody that we eat at home. But I enjoyed

716
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 4: cooking for my family, Like if I don't get to

717
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 4: cook for them, it starts to make me sad, like

718
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 4: because I really love to care for my family. Like

719
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 4: the boys have color coded towels, like these are your towels,

720
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 4: These are your towels, These are your towels. However, I

721
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 4: don't do like he told me not to do laundry.

722
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 4: So I do my laundry. I do my son's laundry

723
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:05,359
Speaker 4: because he's a everybody else does their own laundry. I

724
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 4: do clean most of the time, but that's because he's

725
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 4: at work most of the time. I'm flexible because I'm here, there,

726
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 4: everywhere with my job, so I try to stay on

727
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 4: top of the cleaning. However, I am getting to a

728
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 4: point now where I am like it's about to be

729
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 4: delegation nation because I can't. I can't do it anymore.

730
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 4: So I'm like pick, I'm picking the things that I

731
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 4: can do while still balancing work. But I guess another

732
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 4: way that I'm submissive is I I let him make

733
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 4: the big decisions. We consult, but the default is that

734
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 4: he's going to make the decisions for the for the

735
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:47,800
Speaker 4: family and what we're doing.

736
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 3: So but let me ask you this, so in the

737
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 3: instance that you don't really agree with the decision, you

738
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 3: still allow him to make that decision for the family.

739
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 4: I think at that point, if it's something where we

740
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 4: need to do that, we'll have a conversation about it,

741
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 4: but he's gonna get the final work. And I feel like,

742
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 4: God ain't throwing me yet because maybe that is so

743
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 4: hard for me right there, but because if it makes sense,

744
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 4: I just trust him because everything that he does, he's

745
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 4: very calculated in everything, and for me, I know that

746
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 4: my strong suit. Like I'm a big picture person. He's

747
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 4: a fine detailed person. He's a detail oriented person. So

748
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 4: if it's something I'm looking at the big picture, I'm like,

749
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 4: we should definitely just do this, and he's like no

750
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 4: because of this, But I also have a very short

751
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 4: attention span, so I'm just like whatever, Like you know,

752
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,479
Speaker 4: we're just gonna see where the chips fall.

753
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 6: But he has not.

754
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 4: He has not led us astray yet. It's we're going

755
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 4: on three years being together and he has not led

756
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 4: us astray. I'm always looking at a track record, and

757
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 4: I am somebody that takes risks. I take risks and business.

758
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 4: I take risks and love and I like to follow

759
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 4: God's plan for marriage. I think that it's there for

760
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,840
Speaker 4: a reason and that people should try it out before

761
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,240
Speaker 4: they try to change it up and change all the rules.

762
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 4: Because it's not just because the man is just more superior.

763
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 4: It's that God knows our our capacity for things. He

764
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 4: knows as what a woman's capacity is, he knows what

765
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 4: a man's capacity is. And if everybody is striving to

766
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 4: be like at the top and strive toward that capacity

767
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 4: and what they're doing, then I think that the family

768
00:43:55,280 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 4: and the household will, you know, stay afloat and will prosper. Hm.

769
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:06,879
Speaker 6: Let me ask you this co parenting and things like that.

770
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 2: You know y'all will not.

771
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 6: I guess it's not co parenting.

772
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 4: What would you call it? Y'all have a blended family?

773
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 4: How does that work? Because he has kids from a

774
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 4: previous relationship and you have a son from a previous relationship.

775
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 6: How's that working.

776
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:30,839
Speaker 4: I'm gonna just leave them off. I will say this.

777
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:36,879
Speaker 4: His ex wife and myself we have a very great relationship.

778
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 4: She's also remarried, and so our side of the world

779
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 4: me him, his ex wife, her husband, the kids her.

780
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 4: So he also has a step son, his dad, and

781
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:06,760
Speaker 4: her wife. We're good. On my side. God's still working.

782
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 4: I'm gonna just say that. Oh yeah, yeah, he's also remarried.

783
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 4: It's a work in progress, and it definitely has grown

784
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 4: me up and gotten me closer to God in terms

785
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:33,280
Speaker 4: of forgiveness, in terms of patience, patience, and grace, because

786
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, the kids are, you know,

787
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 4: are the ones who suffer. And so I have just

788
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 4: been working on regardless of how I feel or how

789
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 4: I feel I've been wronged, or how he feels he's

790
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 4: been wronged or whatever, I have been taking the stance.

791
00:45:56,239 --> 00:45:58,240
Speaker 4: And I'm not gonna say it's been a long time.

792
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 4: It's still recent developments. Okay, this is very now, like

793
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 4: two weeks ago. I'm just.

794
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 6: But you said, the kids are the ones who suffer.

795
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 6: The kids are the ones who suffered most.

796
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 4: Because if my latest relationship that bitch took me through it,

797
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:18,320
Speaker 4: I definitely suffered.

798
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,840
Speaker 6: So the kids suffered most.

799
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 4: Though, yeah, I mean we suffered too. But I have

800
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 4: looked at my relationship with my mom and my dad. Now,

801
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,399
Speaker 4: I told y'all before I just found out my dad

802
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 4: was not my dad, and so they both knew that

803
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:46,799
Speaker 4: he wasn't my dad. But so there's that trauma there

804
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 4: and this is now. There was already some trauma there

805
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 4: and now there's even more because the recent developments. And

806
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:03,399
Speaker 4: so I'm trying my best, like into my life's work,

807
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 4: not to f up my kids as much as possible.

808
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 4: And I'm still human, So i still want to go off.

809
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 4: I still want to get my lip back. But you

810
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,439
Speaker 4: have to question, like, if you say you love your kid,

811
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,399
Speaker 4: this is a part of loving your kids, because people

812
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 4: are like, I love my kids, my kids, my kids.

813
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 4: But you are hooping and hollering and fighting in front

814
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 4: of your kid, You are talking badly about the other parent.

815
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 4: You are, you know, exposing them to things that it

816
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 4: might seem like they're okay because kids are very resilient.

817
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 4: But I'm not trying to have a conversation with you

818
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 4: when you're thirty five about you did this to me,

819
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 4: You did that to me, you did because I'm have

820
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:51,600
Speaker 4: a because I do our parents right, how we do

821
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 4: our parents. I'm gonna have a big, big attitude with

822
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 4: you because do you know what I went through? Right

823
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to

824
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 4: a kid, like all they know is that what they're

825
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 4: especially when they grow up, like, all we know is

826
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 4: that we have so much that we went through and

827
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 4: now it's blocking us from being able to be like

828
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 4: regular functioning adults. Whatever that is, whatever that is, because

829
00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 4: what is that? We don't at this don't know what

830
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 4: that is. We're all in therapy. Everybody's in therapy. We're

831
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,880
Speaker 4: from no therapy to everybody's in therapy.

832
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: That part because everybody is not in therapy.

833
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

834
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 1: So you got big business, your big realtor, you have

835
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:42,959
Speaker 1: the big.

836
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 2: Convinual.

837
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 1: I don't know that. I don't want to call it

838
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 1: home decorating, your interior, design, your interior. How do you

839
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 1: balance your personal life because you still have you right

840
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: and then the union or because I know some women

841
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 1: they just like be like super co dependent on their partner.

842
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 1: You won't even talk to them no more once they

843
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 1: get a man, honey, So how do you balance you know,

844
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 1: your personal life and also having a union or is

845
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: it one and the same. Now you don't have a

846
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 1: personal life anymore.

847
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:25,400
Speaker 4: So I actually have an amazing personal life, Like I

848
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 4: have an amazing social life. I'll say that. And I

849
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 4: had to work toward it because I was I was

850
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 4: that wife before, where I'm just about my family, my

851
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 4: husband and my kid, Like, no, I can't go to

852
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 4: the point I stopped getting invitations to things, and you

853
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 4: you want to be salty, like not like they turn

854
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 4: their back on me. No, you just fell off the

855
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 4: face of the earth. And people had to move on

856
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 4: with their life. Don't Nobody got time to be babysitting you,

857
00:49:56,080 --> 00:50:04,319
Speaker 4: trying to coach you to come out. And so I

858
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 4: made I had to just be intentional, like I was

859
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 4: intentional about I want like all my friends. Like I

860
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 4: went from really having no real social life having a

861
00:50:16,440 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 4: lot of backstabbing friends. We were in my previous marriage,

862
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 4: he was like very successful. Everybody was kind of mooching

863
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 4: off of him, like sweets at the at the games,

864
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 4: you know, big parties, car service, all of that.

865
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,360
Speaker 6: So we had a lot.

866
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 4: Of people around us that wanted to be around us

867
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:45,479
Speaker 4: just for what they could gain. And so I did

868
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 4: have friends. And this is what we don't realize is

869
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 4: we do have good people around us. We're just too

870
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:55,400
Speaker 4: concerned dealing with all of that over there. So luckily,

871
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 4: by the time I got I was getting remarried, Like

872
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 4: I went from literally no real friendship dynamics to eighteen

873
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 4: women at my bachelorette party, all close friends. Literally, even like,

874
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 4: how do you have eighteen close friends? I'm trying to

875
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 4: wonder the same thing, like, but but these women, like

876
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 4: they showed up for me. They continue to be my community.

877
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 4: You know, we don't all hang out together. I have

878
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 4: different pockets of friends, but so I have them. They're

879
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,360
Speaker 4: move you know, they're growing in their life, they're getting engaged,

880
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 4: they're having kids. So because I had kids so early,

881
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 4: because I was married so early, they're going they're you know,

882
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:41,360
Speaker 4: experiencing those things now. So we can kind of relate

883
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 4: and they can kind of give me grace and understand

884
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 4: why I was the way that I was because it

885
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 4: is hard to manage. But having female friendships and having

886
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 4: sisterhood is literally like the cheat code to life. And

887
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 4: my husband supports that. Yeah, my husband supports that. It

888
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 4: was weird at first. He was like, you're not going

889
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 4: out with your friends. I'm like, now I'm with you. Oh,

890
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 4: we're gonna be together. Like that was just how my

891
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 4: mind works. It's like my man, my man, my man.

892
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,400
Speaker 4: We do everything together. And he is a little bit older,

893
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 4: and it used to hurt my feelings at first, but

894
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 4: I had to understand, like it's okay to have a

895
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 4: life outside of marriage, and he gave me permission to

896
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 4: have a life outside of marriage. Like if I have

897
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:29,440
Speaker 4: to work late, He's like, that's what you do when

898
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 4: you're building a business. It's okay to work late. Like

899
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 4: he's not on me because I have to be here

900
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 4: or I have to be there. You know, he saw

901
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 4: how much he just jumps into help. So instead of

902
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 4: ragging on me, he thinks of solutions to help me,

903
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:48,879
Speaker 4: Like we had. You know, I'm trying to do all

904
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 4: of this. I'm loading my car, hiring moving services and stuff.

905
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 4: He bought me a sprinter van, a cargo man okay

906
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 4: and right, and he bought me my personal car literally

907
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 4: in the same month. But that's not a flex at all.

908
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 6: It is.

909
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 1: So what we're is, you gotta have some money to

910
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: be a good husband. Okay. I think that it helps.

911
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 4: That it helps. Money helps, for sure, But he's not

912
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 4: somebody that's gonna He does buy me things, but I

913
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:34,919
Speaker 4: don't really value that a whole lot, like a lot

914
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 4: of expensive gifts. I like experiences and I like for

915
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 4: things for my business. I like my business to be

916
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 4: invested in because I have a lot that I want

917
00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 4: to do. So that's where that support. Where I start

918
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 4: off by saying, like the best thing about marriage is

919
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 4: like the support. That is what helps me, because I

920
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 4: think the biggest thing with women, especially moms and wives

921
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 4: is the guilt of like, if I do this or

922
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,320
Speaker 4: if I case my dreams, then I'm gonna be leaving

923
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 4: my family behind because you know, they're gonna have their

924
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 4: like you're not here, you know all of that. And

925
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 4: my son he's still very like I don't want to

926
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 4: say clingy, but he's a boy. He's a you know,

927
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 4: he's a mama's boy. So if I'm working a lot,

928
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 4: he does explain that to be to me. But my

929
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:21,959
Speaker 4: husband is very intentional about spending a lot of time

930
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 4: with him as well, even though we both work a

931
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,920
Speaker 4: whole lot. Like he's the one that plans all the

932
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 4: different trips or activities and things like that. So if

933
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 4: I'm working, he'll take him, Like my son will go

934
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:36,839
Speaker 4: to the barbershop with him. Then they might go get

935
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 4: ice cream, or they'll go to the mall. They're like

936
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 4: doing all these things. So it's not like my son

937
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:46,400
Speaker 4: is just sitting at home alone or bored or just

938
00:54:46,520 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 4: on his video games or things like that. So it helps.

939
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:54,400
Speaker 4: And I think the reason why I'm I don't I

940
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 4: don't want to say that I'm balancing right now like

941
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 4: Egypt who owns Indigo Road, the real ty the real

942
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 4: estate firm that I work for, and the show that

943
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 4: I'm on. She said this in an interview. She said,

944
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 4: you can have it all but not at once, but

945
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 4: not all at once. So it's just understanding seasons, like

946
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 4: there's a season for this, there's a season for that.

947
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 4: And if you want to have a season of like

948
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 4: relaxation and self care and all of that stuff, I

949
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:29,240
Speaker 4: think you need to intentionally work toward it, like I'm

950
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,360
Speaker 4: a grind it out right now because I know in

951
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:36,239
Speaker 4: six months I really need to sit suck down, like

952
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:40,800
Speaker 4: I need to relax. And so that I don't really

953
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,319
Speaker 4: believe in balance. I don't think that it exists. I

954
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 4: think you have good days and you have bad days.

955
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:49,719
Speaker 4: There's gonna be days where you're really really tired. It's

956
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 4: gonna be days where you're crying, Like I'll be driving

957
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 4: crying because I'm tired. But at the end of the day,

958
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 4: this is what I ask God for so I try

959
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:09,280
Speaker 4: to have a like a state of gratitude right because

960
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:13,920
Speaker 4: I really am living my dreams and being able to see,

961
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 4: especially like with Egypt to seeing how she runs her

962
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 4: business and seeing how she has you know, she has kids,

963
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:22,840
Speaker 4: and she has a husband. She works with her husband,

964
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,920
Speaker 4: and I see days that she's very tired, and I

965
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 4: see days that she's on top of it. And so

966
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:31,359
Speaker 4: seeing her has been a blessing because it doesn't it

967
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:33,479
Speaker 4: allows me to not look at what I'm going through

968
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 4: and like getting a pit like oh I'm bailing, Like no,

969
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 4: this is just part of it. The ebbs and plus,

970
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:43,799
Speaker 4: this is just part of it. There's really no easy way.

971
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,800
Speaker 4: I've been working for myself since I was twelve, literally,

972
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 4: and I have clients that have been working with me

973
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:53,640
Speaker 4: in some capacity, you know, the same ones from when

974
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 4: I was twelve. I'm doing their houses. I used to

975
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,680
Speaker 4: be hearing. Now I'm doing their houses. And it's like

976
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 4: there is no shortcut. It's gonna be hard. Like a

977
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:07,279
Speaker 4: husband is not gonna fix it. It's gonna help, you know,

978
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 4: he's gonna help if he's a good one. But you

979
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,960
Speaker 4: know the things that we think we need to be

980
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 4: successful or to have like this life. We really that's

981
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:22,040
Speaker 4: not necessarily the key to it. The key is to

982
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 4: kind of like just chill out and understand the ebbs

983
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 4: and flows of life and to be in a state

984
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 4: of gratitude as much as possible.

985
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:36,240
Speaker 1: All the pieces of creat we know marriage is. Marriage

986
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: could be so wonderful, right, But on the other side,

987
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: you know, it is work. I feel like relationships are work.

988
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,640
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would love a relationship where it

989
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:48,640
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like work. But anything worth having you gotta

990
00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:51,120
Speaker 1: work at it. So what are some of the ways,

991
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 1: like you and your husband when y'all have disagreements? Like,

992
00:57:56,360 --> 00:58:00,520
Speaker 1: how do y'all have constructive disagreements? I guess I don't

993
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 1: know constructive arguments, But how do y'all have no conflict

994
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 1: in your partnership?

995
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 4: So I will say this, it was an adjustment being

996
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 4: in a healthy relationship because I thought when you argued

997
00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 4: it was like World War three is silent treatment. It

998
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 4: might be a lot of like aggression and violence and

999
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 4: all kinds of things. But for him, he will just

1000
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 4: take a minute. And I wasn't used to that. I'm like, no,

1001
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 4: we need to talk about this now. For him, it's

1002
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 4: like he just won't talk, and I took that as

1003
00:58:46,760 --> 00:58:49,160
Speaker 4: like stonewalling and silent treatment. That was kind of my

1004
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:52,000
Speaker 4: trauma's kind of coming in, like oh, here we go again,

1005
00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 4: because that's when you've been in traumatic situations, your your

1006
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 4: intens are up because you're like, oh no, here we

1007
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 4: go and put myself in another situation, you know. And

1008
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 4: I had to really calm down with that. So with

1009
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 4: our disagreements, I've learned to just give him space, like

1010
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 4: that's what he needs. I don't need space. I want

1011
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:17,520
Speaker 4: to talk about it now, but I have learned to

1012
00:59:18,560 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 4: just journal it, get my feelings out, everything that I

1013
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 4: want to say, get it out, pray about it, and

1014
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 4: then if I'm still hyped up, then he's gonna get

1015
00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:39,440
Speaker 4: that long text message. I just feel like, you know,

1016
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 4: I I still do that because it's like no, I

1017
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:50,880
Speaker 4: need you to under like understand. But yeah, yeah, I

1018
00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:54,200
Speaker 4: tell people that because when I work with some of

1019
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 4: my clients that have been through like similar situations and

1020
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 4: like relationships and Trump and stuff, I'm like, just right,

1021
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 4: write out your feelings or write the apology that you

1022
01:00:04,720 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 4: want that you may not ever get, like, just write

1023
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:12,120
Speaker 4: it for yourself and give give yourself the apology because

1024
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 4: you might get it, they might come to their senses

1025
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:15,480
Speaker 4: or you won't.

1026
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 3: So you kind of you write an apology. Ask them. Mhmm,

1027
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 3: ask them. Okay, that's interesting.

1028
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 4: But if if that's the if that's the apology that

1029
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 4: you need, then write it out. Yeah, and then you know,

1030
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 4: sometimes I will apologize to myself for allowing myself to

1031
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 4: be put in that in that situation, even in our marriage,

1032
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:51,919
Speaker 4: Like I feel like there's some ways where I get

1033
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 4: beside myself and I might get very emotional about it,

1034
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 4: knowing that I should not have been that emotional about it,

1035
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 4: and so I just forgive myself for like allowing my

1036
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 4: traumas to lead me as opposed to just really like

1037
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 4: thinking clearly through things and learning that feelings are not facts.

1038
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 4: I really like moved through life off of my feelings

1039
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:18,479
Speaker 4: for a long time, and so he taught me how

1040
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:21,480
Speaker 4: to see things for what it is and handle it

1041
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 4: for what it is. I think that he like he's

1042
01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 4: he's a Leo Burgo cusp, and so he doesn't apologize,

1043
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:37,320
Speaker 4: Like he doesn't say I'm sorry, like it's not in

1044
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:41,080
Speaker 4: his vocabulary. But he has other ways in which he

1045
01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:44,560
Speaker 4: takes accountability, but like to say I'm sorry. Like I

1046
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 4: had to learn my mate in that what he like,

1047
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 4: how did I say this? I used to hang on

1048
01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 4: to the fact that he would not say I'm sorry

1049
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:01,959
Speaker 4: or I apolologize, and I had to understand that that's

1050
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 4: not in his language, and that I need to kind

1051
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:08,120
Speaker 4: of look through and sift through what he's saying to

1052
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:12,080
Speaker 4: understand that, oh, that was an apology and that was accountability.

1053
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 4: Because I'm gonna keep running it through until I get

1054
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:28,000
Speaker 4: my I'm sorry. No, don't say me no means don't

1055
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:34,480
Speaker 4: talk about power episodes. No, I want to hear I'm sorry,

1056
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 4: and then we can move on.

1057
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:39,600
Speaker 6: That's how our parents used to say.

1058
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 4: They did some nerds right, And I'm like, I don't

1059
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 4: want to sweep. I don't want I don't want to

1060
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 4: sweep anything under the rug, like in this relationship, like

1061
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 4: we need to handle everything head on. But at the

1062
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:01,160
Speaker 4: same time, just because that's how I do things, I

1063
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,720
Speaker 4: can't expect him to do things like that. But we

1064
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 4: have started to learn each other's styles, and so I

1065
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:13,160
Speaker 4: have gotten It's only been once where he said I'm sorry,

1066
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:16,280
Speaker 4: and I wanted to have a whole parade like, you

1067
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:20,360
Speaker 4: say it again. What you say, say it loud, let

1068
01:03:20,400 --> 01:03:24,800
Speaker 4: me record you next time I can't hear you. Well,

1069
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, yes.

1070
01:03:29,280 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 1: I'm not like that. I don't need sorries. I don't

1071
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 1: like sorry either, Like I hate saying sorry. So I

1072
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 1: tried to do things to have to apologize for it. Right,

1073
01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 1: But if you're with somebody who's always quick with an apology.

1074
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:45,080
Speaker 1: We could take Kanye West for an example. Kanye keep

1075
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 1: apologizing to the uh uh, to Jewish people, them people. Okay,

1076
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:55,040
Speaker 1: he keeps apologizing, but at the same time, he keeps violating. Right,

1077
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:57,760
Speaker 1: So don't apologize to me if you're going to keep violating.

1078
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:02,680
Speaker 1: I like behavior. Change behavior is a great apology. You

1079
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: never have to say I'm sorry, aj, you just do

1080
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:09,600
Speaker 1: the right thing going forward. So does he at leave

1081
01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:12,479
Speaker 1: yet in correct in that way so that he didn't

1082
01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 1: have he doesn't have to apologize like the word.

1083
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's his thought process. It's change behavior for sure,

1084
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:24,160
Speaker 4: And I just need to make sure that I'm keeping

1085
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:28,960
Speaker 4: my intennas up for the change behavior and not taking

1086
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 4: it for granted. I think that's a big thing in relationships,

1087
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:35,680
Speaker 4: is to be very in tune to when your your

1088
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:39,920
Speaker 4: spouse is making those changes, because you know this is

1089
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 4: not school. I don't need to be like, hey, I

1090
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:45,120
Speaker 4: did this today, I'm changing my behavior.

1091
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:45,480
Speaker 1: You know.

1092
01:04:45,640 --> 01:04:48,800
Speaker 4: It's like we don't need to be accountable in that

1093
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,919
Speaker 4: in that way, but we do need to keep our

1094
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:54,520
Speaker 4: intent is up in our eyes open for when our

1095
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:57,200
Speaker 4: spouse is doing better or making changes, and that's where

1096
01:04:57,240 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 4: the grace comes in. And and then sometimes when he

1097
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 4: doesn't see that I'm changing, then I'll get my megaphone,

1098
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:07,240
Speaker 4: like you don't see that I turned off all the

1099
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:10,680
Speaker 4: lights yesterday, Like you're talking about today, but did you

1100
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:15,880
Speaker 4: see yesterday? Though all the lights were off yesterday. But

1101
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:22,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, you're gonna take no, you're gonna acknowledge you.

1102
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:24,800
Speaker 4: And see I turned the alarm on all day y

1103
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:28,800
Speaker 4: e time I left house. And then it's this one

1104
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:32,160
Speaker 4: time I miss today and now you're on me. I'm like, no,

1105
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,760
Speaker 4: let's let's roll Tate back because I've been trying.

1106
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 1: Patty Pendergrass, Yeah, like I've been trying.

1107
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 4: Like you're not gonna say that I don't care, because

1108
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:51,000
Speaker 4: that's my thing when people kind of make it, try

1109
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:53,520
Speaker 4: to make it seem like I don't care. About something

1110
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:55,840
Speaker 4: when I know I'm intentionally trying, but I just have

1111
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 4: so many things going on in my head. I'm like,

1112
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:02,200
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna always get it right, and that's the

1113
01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:04,440
Speaker 4: grace that I give myself, and I feel like everybody

1114
01:06:04,440 --> 01:06:05,760
Speaker 4: else is just gonna have to deal with it. Like

1115
01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:08,640
Speaker 4: I'm literally doing the best that I can with all

1116
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 4: of these things that I have going on. Like I'm

1117
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 4: doing my best.

1118
01:06:13,920 --> 01:06:16,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, but just don't forget to turn the alarm on.

1119
01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,120
Speaker 4: The alarm is on, stay right now, I remember.

1120
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:29,280
Speaker 1: Going as we're just concerned about your well being.

1121
01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:32,360
Speaker 6: He is.

1122
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:35,440
Speaker 4: That's where a lot of our arguments is either going

1123
01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:40,200
Speaker 4: to be cleaning, because he's Jamaican and he's like everything

1124
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 4: needs to smell like fabulous, so like he's very like organized,

1125
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:49,120
Speaker 4: like very clean, and I'm not like the messiest person,

1126
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,600
Speaker 4: but I be, you know, I'm not like that. So

1127
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:56,720
Speaker 4: we argue about that, and then we mostly argue about

1128
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 4: things like turn the alarm on, turn the lights on

1129
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 4: and all off.

1130
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:04,880
Speaker 3: Or like me being forgetful. My ex used to get

1131
01:07:04,880 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 3: really upset with me because I never tightened the lids

1132
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:10,520
Speaker 3: on the season it's real good. So he picked it

1133
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:11,120
Speaker 3: up from the.

1134
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:18,240
Speaker 5: Top and my god, damn it, that's the reason to

1135
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:21,920
Speaker 5: get mad though, Like real, but I just forget and

1136
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:23,080
Speaker 5: I do most of the cookie.

1137
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,960
Speaker 4: You never usually use any of the seasons. And in

1138
01:07:26,080 --> 01:07:30,040
Speaker 4: my head that's tight, you know, But I guess that's

1139
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,600
Speaker 4: to me. I'm like, I know how to maneuver because

1140
01:07:33,160 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 4: I'm the one in here all the time. So I'm

1141
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:37,919
Speaker 4: not cleaning for you. I'm cleaning for me. The way

1142
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:41,320
Speaker 4: that I organize everything is because I'm gonna do it.

1143
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:44,640
Speaker 4: He be wanting to help, and I'm like, I don't

1144
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:46,880
Speaker 4: want you to help because when he helped and he's upset,

1145
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:49,640
Speaker 4: then he starts slamming, slamming stuff. He's gonna make sure

1146
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 4: that you know that. He's like closing the cabinet pops

1147
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:58,840
Speaker 4: and pants clanking around. I'm like, you can, you can go.

1148
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:02,720
Speaker 3: I would do right, and I'd be like, nigga, if

1149
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:04,920
Speaker 3: you know, I don't chop it up good picking up

1150
01:08:04,920 --> 01:08:05,760
Speaker 3: from the bottle.

1151
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:07,200
Speaker 1: That's how I know.

1152
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:12,760
Speaker 4: Like, I'm not check it first because it may not

1153
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 4: be right. Yeah, I shouldn't have to do that.

1154
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:22,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, all relationships is about cleaning up and

1155
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:25,559
Speaker 1: fixing up ship behind the next person. That's all it is. Really,

1156
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:27,920
Speaker 1: I never can plan. And when I tell y'all used

1157
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:31,400
Speaker 1: to get pictures of weaves, strands of weave on the

1158
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:34,400
Speaker 1: floor for my ex but right next to my strand

1159
01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:37,160
Speaker 1: of weave, it's gonna be some coily here. It could

1160
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,800
Speaker 1: be pupi hair or bard here. But your hair is

1161
01:08:39,960 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 1: right next to my strand of weaves, so you don't

1162
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:44,799
Speaker 1: see that. But when I come in, I just sweep

1163
01:08:44,880 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 1: up everything. I don't care that your hair is on

1164
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 1: the floor next to mine or just your hair comna

1165
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:52,800
Speaker 1: clean up. That's just petty ship. That's a ship of relationship.

1166
01:08:53,560 --> 01:08:55,520
Speaker 4: What you want to eat?

1167
01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:58,960
Speaker 3: No, let me say no, my nigga, what used to

1168
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:00,840
Speaker 3: piss me off? And I don't care what nobody said?

1169
01:09:01,200 --> 01:09:03,839
Speaker 3: He would like hoop and forget to flush the toilet?

1170
01:09:04,120 --> 01:09:09,640
Speaker 1: Oh hell no, there were there tissueing there. Okay.

1171
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:12,559
Speaker 6: I did not want to see your ship, sir flush

1172
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:13,160
Speaker 6: the toilet.

1173
01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:17,439
Speaker 4: Oh my god, no I would. I wouldn't be able to.

1174
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:18,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's annoying.

1175
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,760
Speaker 4: That was no.

1176
01:09:22,439 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 6: Wont forget that? How do you forget that?

1177
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:26,800
Speaker 1: It is there floating like.

1178
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:33,560
Speaker 6: Good morning to you, hanging.

1179
01:09:33,360 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 4: Out and we went We wanted to have made it.

1180
01:09:36,160 --> 01:09:50,920
Speaker 4: We wanted to make. We did.

1181
01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 1: Make shitty eyes.

1182
01:09:53,920 --> 01:09:59,040
Speaker 4: No. No, I'm like, no, that's not going to work.

1183
01:09:59,240 --> 01:10:02,439
Speaker 1: No Clinton. It's like I have revised my list of

1184
01:10:02,560 --> 01:10:04,800
Speaker 1: things I want in a mate, because you have to

1185
01:10:04,840 --> 01:10:06,439
Speaker 1: be as clean as me. You have to wash as

1186
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:08,400
Speaker 1: much as I do, and you have to be as

1187
01:10:08,439 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 1: clean as that. Because I realized I.

1188
01:10:09,960 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 4: Don't nobody wash as much as you.

1189
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:16,000
Speaker 6: You never if you're looking for a nigga that's gonna

1190
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:16,840
Speaker 6: wash seven times.

1191
01:10:16,920 --> 01:10:19,519
Speaker 1: I've had a couple. I've had a couple of them

1192
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 1: twice a day. Okay. I washed when I wake up,

1193
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:29,960
Speaker 1: and I wash when I go to sleep. Yeahs. On

1194
01:10:30,040 --> 01:10:32,880
Speaker 1: a situation, if it's summertime, it might be three to.

1195
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:35,040
Speaker 2: Four Ajil, come and stay at my house.

1196
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:38,320
Speaker 6: My water bill go up by sevens.

1197
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:41,280
Speaker 4: Here a couple of days, take a lot of I

1198
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:43,240
Speaker 4: take a lot of showers. So he said that, He

1199
01:10:43,320 --> 01:10:45,639
Speaker 4: was like, you like, why do you take like three

1200
01:10:45,720 --> 01:10:47,120
Speaker 4: four showers.

1201
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:47,040
Speaker 2: In a day?

1202
01:10:47,120 --> 01:10:50,360
Speaker 1: You like it? It's my thinking time. It's meditation for me.

1203
01:10:50,920 --> 01:10:53,400
Speaker 1: Like if I go outside and come back in, like

1204
01:10:53,439 --> 01:10:55,559
Speaker 1: I like the feeling of getting straight into bed, like

1205
01:10:55,600 --> 01:10:58,519
Speaker 1: with fresh skin. So if I just took a bath,

1206
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:01,400
Speaker 1: go outside, do some ship. I gotta take another bathroom

1207
01:11:01,360 --> 01:11:02,280
Speaker 1: before I hit my sheets.

1208
01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:04,360
Speaker 6: It's just no listen, like.

1209
01:11:05,840 --> 01:11:08,400
Speaker 3: A shower and then go to the parking garage and

1210
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:09,839
Speaker 3: come back and need another shower.

1211
01:11:10,040 --> 01:11:11,240
Speaker 6: That's ridiculous, bro.

1212
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:14,200
Speaker 1: Because sweat.

1213
01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:19,880
Speaker 4: Even if I showered before date night, we come home,

1214
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,120
Speaker 4: it could have been like three hours past. I gotta

1215
01:11:23,200 --> 01:11:24,720
Speaker 4: take another shower before I get it back because I

1216
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:27,519
Speaker 4: went outside. So y'all, y'all would go on to day,

1217
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:30,040
Speaker 4: y'all would get showered, have a day with your man,

1218
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:33,240
Speaker 4: and like, all right, you don't have to eat. How

1219
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:34,599
Speaker 4: this mea?

1220
01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:35,639
Speaker 6: But if y'all have.

1221
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 1: Sex fresh, yes, you're gonna get.

1222
01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:41,440
Speaker 6: You're gonna have a shower before you have sex.

1223
01:11:42,800 --> 01:11:43,400
Speaker 4: And then after.

1224
01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:47,280
Speaker 3: I might have one after. But it just depends on

1225
01:11:47,320 --> 01:11:49,840
Speaker 3: the vibe. Because if we coming here and we kissing and.

1226
01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:52,439
Speaker 4: We're taking everything off, I ain't trying to stolo wait

1227
01:11:53,520 --> 01:11:57,240
Speaker 4: unless I don't unless I don't feel fresh, unless I'm like,

1228
01:11:57,360 --> 01:11:59,400
Speaker 4: let me freshen up, because I feel like it's it

1229
01:11:59,439 --> 01:12:00,000
Speaker 4: was a little high.

1230
01:12:00,439 --> 01:12:01,719
Speaker 6: Other than that, I'm not stopping.

1231
01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:05,640
Speaker 4: You know. If it's like that, then you know, you

1232
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:07,679
Speaker 4: just go with the flow. But if we come home

1233
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:11,879
Speaker 4: and like you know he might be downstairs doing something

1234
01:12:12,040 --> 01:12:14,599
Speaker 4: or putting the food up or whatever. I'm literally like

1235
01:12:14,960 --> 01:12:19,280
Speaker 4: running up the stairs to get undressed because I gotta

1236
01:12:19,360 --> 01:12:22,559
Speaker 4: take all this makeup off. And if I'm gonna do that,

1237
01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:25,599
Speaker 4: then I might as well just take a shower too hours.

1238
01:12:25,840 --> 01:12:29,680
Speaker 1: Okay, see I'm not the only one mental illness, Like

1239
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:35,559
Speaker 1: what you do?

1240
01:12:35,840 --> 01:12:39,240
Speaker 4: You gotta be clean, Like I'm very particular about stuff.

1241
01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:41,880
Speaker 4: I learned that a lot of grown women do not

1242
01:12:42,280 --> 01:12:47,080
Speaker 4: know about, like hygiene and like not using the same soap.

1243
01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:49,439
Speaker 4: I know it's off topic, not using the same soaps,

1244
01:12:49,520 --> 01:12:51,400
Speaker 4: Like you got your face soap, you got body soap,

1245
01:12:51,439 --> 01:12:54,040
Speaker 4: and then you have your you know, your intimate soap,

1246
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:58,839
Speaker 4: like imaginal soap. It's it's and you can't have everything

1247
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:02,320
Speaker 4: mixing together and your peace off, like your pH should be,

1248
01:13:02,479 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 4: Like you should not smell like anything.

1249
01:13:06,320 --> 01:13:10,000
Speaker 6: Water y'all like war you should be.

1250
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:12,840
Speaker 4: And if you're not, that's okay, But you need to

1251
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:17,880
Speaker 4: understand that that may not be like healthy. I think

1252
01:13:17,920 --> 01:13:21,960
Speaker 4: some people might have, you know, some type of center whatever.

1253
01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:29,519
Speaker 4: But anyway, I digress a go all day it'll turn

1254
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:35,519
Speaker 4: into a whole woman's health episode. Do you have any

1255
01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:38,800
Speaker 4: advice for women who are looking for love are there

1256
01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:41,000
Speaker 4: in a relationship that might be stagnant.

1257
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:43,960
Speaker 3: Their marriage is like not what it needs to be

1258
01:13:44,040 --> 01:13:45,439
Speaker 3: right now. Do you have any advice?

1259
01:13:47,280 --> 01:13:52,320
Speaker 4: So, women that are looking for love, I would say

1260
01:13:53,439 --> 01:13:56,680
Speaker 4: that you need to be very I think that you

1261
01:13:56,720 --> 01:13:59,599
Speaker 4: should have like a list of like things that you're

1262
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:02,360
Speaker 4: looking for. You know, women have their list or whatever.

1263
01:14:03,360 --> 01:14:07,040
Speaker 4: I think that's good, but you gotta have what you

1264
01:14:07,120 --> 01:14:11,760
Speaker 4: should be looking for in a man. One is how

1265
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:15,160
Speaker 4: he treats his mother and how he treats the women

1266
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:17,920
Speaker 4: in his life, because that is how he's going to

1267
01:14:17,960 --> 01:14:21,400
Speaker 4: treat you. No if inns or buts about it. It

1268
01:14:21,439 --> 01:14:23,600
Speaker 4: could be good for the first couple of years, but

1269
01:14:23,720 --> 01:14:30,200
Speaker 4: it's going to show. So that's one. Two. I think

1270
01:14:30,280 --> 01:14:34,200
Speaker 4: that a man doesn't need to be making six figures

1271
01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:36,080
Speaker 4: and all that kind of stuff, but you need to

1272
01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:40,400
Speaker 4: be paying attention to character and discipline as it pertains

1273
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:43,200
Speaker 4: the finances and how he stewards over what he has

1274
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:47,600
Speaker 4: right now, because in today's society is very easy to

1275
01:14:47,720 --> 01:14:52,519
Speaker 4: make money. Like you can make money, you can start something,

1276
01:14:52,640 --> 01:14:54,840
Speaker 4: and you know you can do that, you can fix that.

1277
01:14:55,280 --> 01:14:59,280
Speaker 4: But a man that does not steward over his money

1278
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 4: directly is a very big red flag.

1279
01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:03,200
Speaker 2: Girl.

1280
01:15:03,240 --> 01:15:03,800
Speaker 6: Let me tell you.

1281
01:15:03,880 --> 01:15:05,880
Speaker 3: I was talking to this guy and I was like,

1282
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:07,400
Speaker 3: you know what, I kind of like him.

1283
01:15:07,439 --> 01:15:07,960
Speaker 4: He's cool.

1284
01:15:08,520 --> 01:15:12,840
Speaker 6: He told me he lost fifty thousand dollars gambling in

1285
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:18,040
Speaker 6: this past football season, and I was like, oh, absolutely

1286
01:15:18,200 --> 01:15:20,280
Speaker 6: a wasteful.

1287
01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:24,240
Speaker 4: Absolutely not No, those are those are signs, and that

1288
01:15:24,360 --> 01:15:26,240
Speaker 4: I guess that would lead me to my third I

1289
01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:29,479
Speaker 4: don't really have it just outlined, but the third thing

1290
01:15:30,200 --> 01:15:34,640
Speaker 4: is don't ignore those flags. And you would think that

1291
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:39,000
Speaker 4: that's self explanatory, but it is not, because when at

1292
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:41,760
Speaker 4: the demise of a relationship, when you look back, you

1293
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:46,320
Speaker 4: could literally walk it out like all the signs that

1294
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:53,880
Speaker 4: were there, like stop trying to romanticize, like toxicity and

1295
01:15:54,040 --> 01:15:59,920
Speaker 4: struggle and laziness and complacency, like stop trying to romanticize it.

1296
01:16:00,120 --> 01:16:04,080
Speaker 4: Like when I said feelings versus facts, you have to

1297
01:16:04,200 --> 01:16:11,360
Speaker 4: be factual. And what I did in our relationship early on,

1298
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:15,200
Speaker 4: when my you know, my triggers and all of that,

1299
01:16:15,400 --> 01:16:17,719
Speaker 4: I feel like they were trying to get the best

1300
01:16:17,720 --> 01:16:20,880
Speaker 4: of me. So what I started to do journaling again.

1301
01:16:21,720 --> 01:16:25,679
Speaker 4: If something upset me or something felt like a red flag,

1302
01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:28,800
Speaker 4: I would write it down it's time stamp because I

1303
01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:33,400
Speaker 4: have my physical journals and then I have a journal

1304
01:16:33,439 --> 01:16:37,599
Speaker 4: app and it time stamps everything. So I'm like, I'm

1305
01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:41,760
Speaker 4: writing this down and I'm going to revisit this, and

1306
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:44,360
Speaker 4: if this is still going on, I know that this

1307
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:47,639
Speaker 4: is a pattern, not just something that happened, because things happen,

1308
01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:53,320
Speaker 4: you know, people make mistakes, slip ups happen, or maybe

1309
01:16:53,320 --> 01:16:57,720
Speaker 4: it's not what you thought it was or whatever. I document,

1310
01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:04,280
Speaker 4: I document pass and I document like different things, like

1311
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:10,520
Speaker 4: if I feel like, okay, I'm be honest. Because infidelity

1312
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:15,120
Speaker 4: was an issue in past relationships, I saw something that

1313
01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:18,679
Speaker 4: I was like, hmm, Now instead of being somebody that's

1314
01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:22,320
Speaker 4: like let me say, y'all find mind you, he gave

1315
01:17:22,320 --> 01:17:26,519
Speaker 4: me a passwords to his phone like in two weeks.

1316
01:17:26,760 --> 01:17:29,120
Speaker 4: Like we have each other's past codes and all that

1317
01:17:29,200 --> 01:17:32,320
Speaker 4: kind of stuff, so it's very open, but we still

1318
01:17:32,360 --> 01:17:34,840
Speaker 4: do respect each other that we're not going through each

1319
01:17:34,880 --> 01:17:39,439
Speaker 4: other's phones. Like that's still to me, very disrespectful and

1320
01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:43,280
Speaker 4: it's unnecessary. But it was something I had like an

1321
01:17:43,280 --> 01:17:49,040
Speaker 4: eyebrow raise about it. It's actually kind of funny because

1322
01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:53,599
Speaker 4: the client's name was Ash, and Ash was like, I

1323
01:17:53,680 --> 01:17:55,799
Speaker 4: need you I.

1324
01:17:55,640 --> 01:17:59,960
Speaker 6: Was like, why Ash needs you? What she needs?

1325
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:01,120
Speaker 2: So mm hmm.

1326
01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:05,280
Speaker 4: So I wrote it down, trying to pay attention as

1327
01:18:05,280 --> 01:18:08,120
Speaker 4: the days go on. There's probably some months that went on.

1328
01:18:08,479 --> 01:18:11,880
Speaker 4: Didn't hear nothing else about Ash. Ash is some big

1329
01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:15,360
Speaker 4: burley as dude that is his client, and said he

1330
01:18:15,400 --> 01:18:18,439
Speaker 4: needed him to give him a haircut because it came

1331
01:18:18,520 --> 01:18:20,640
Speaker 4: up in conversation because I brought I just want a

1332
01:18:20,640 --> 01:18:22,679
Speaker 4: had him brought it up. I'm like, and then because

1333
01:18:22,720 --> 01:18:26,320
Speaker 4: I talked very soft and sweet, I saw you know,

1334
01:18:26,439 --> 01:18:29,680
Speaker 4: it just made me feel uncomfortable in the knows like

1335
01:18:29,960 --> 01:18:32,000
Speaker 4: Ash and she was saying that that.

1336
01:18:36,040 --> 01:18:36,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, she.

1337
01:18:39,160 --> 01:18:45,360
Speaker 4: Like, she's trying to see if you're gonna confirm. But

1338
01:18:45,439 --> 01:18:48,760
Speaker 4: he told me what that was. And and in that

1339
01:18:48,920 --> 01:18:51,240
Speaker 4: instance it did kind of turn him off because he's like,

1340
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,000
Speaker 4: you could have just asked me. But you know, sometimes

1341
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:56,880
Speaker 4: it's not it's not comfortable to ask because you don't

1342
01:18:56,920 --> 01:18:58,920
Speaker 4: want to you don't want to come off and secure,

1343
01:18:58,960 --> 01:19:00,800
Speaker 4: you don't want to come off like this. You don't

1344
01:19:00,800 --> 01:19:03,760
Speaker 4: want to be wrong, like you don't want to be

1345
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:12,280
Speaker 4: wrong Larry Well hair right, And she yeah, So that

1346
01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:14,400
Speaker 4: was the instance where I'm like, Okay, you got to

1347
01:19:14,520 --> 01:19:18,479
Speaker 4: relax but instead of just jumping to conclusions and letting

1348
01:19:18,520 --> 01:19:23,080
Speaker 4: your triggers take control, document things and match it up,

1349
01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:26,160
Speaker 4: because at the end of the day, these are facts

1350
01:19:26,240 --> 01:19:28,559
Speaker 4: that we're laying out. We're not going off of feelings,

1351
01:19:28,600 --> 01:19:31,160
Speaker 4: because feelings will have you staying in situations that you

1352
01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:33,840
Speaker 4: should not be staying in just because you're afraid of

1353
01:19:33,880 --> 01:19:41,519
Speaker 4: being alone. And I think, uh, I think that's enough

1354
01:19:41,560 --> 01:19:45,000
Speaker 4: for the girls. That's fine in love for the for

1355
01:19:45,120 --> 01:19:49,439
Speaker 4: the women or the girls who are in relationships, and

1356
01:19:49,479 --> 01:19:53,840
Speaker 4: it might be a little stagnant if you have not

1357
01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:59,280
Speaker 4: already see where you where you may be misstepping in

1358
01:19:59,320 --> 01:20:01,880
Speaker 4: the relationship because we have a PhD and what our

1359
01:20:01,920 --> 01:20:07,360
Speaker 4: partner is doing wrong, but we seldom really take a

1360
01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:11,599
Speaker 4: step back and see where we contributed to that, because

1361
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:15,760
Speaker 4: if we're honest, the effort that we think we're putting in,

1362
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:18,439
Speaker 4: we're really not putting in. And a lot of times

1363
01:20:18,479 --> 01:20:22,360
Speaker 4: we're doing what we would want instead of actually doing

1364
01:20:22,400 --> 01:20:26,479
Speaker 4: what our partner is asking us to do. Like I

1365
01:20:26,520 --> 01:20:29,920
Speaker 4: was always trying to do things for him, and like

1366
01:20:30,040 --> 01:20:34,840
Speaker 4: I like to give, I like to buy gifts, I

1367
01:20:35,000 --> 01:20:37,439
Speaker 4: like this, to like do things like that, even though

1368
01:20:37,479 --> 01:20:39,400
Speaker 4: I don't really care about receiving gifts. I like to

1369
01:20:39,400 --> 01:20:42,400
Speaker 4: give gifts, but he's like, I don't need all of that,

1370
01:20:42,920 --> 01:20:45,720
Speaker 4: Like he don't even even want Christmas gifts, Like he

1371
01:20:45,760 --> 01:20:49,800
Speaker 4: don't really care about stuff. He just wants me to

1372
01:20:49,880 --> 01:20:53,280
Speaker 4: do well, to take care of myself. But he would

1373
01:20:53,320 --> 01:20:56,080
Speaker 4: say those things, and I think women were not listening

1374
01:20:56,120 --> 01:20:58,240
Speaker 4: to men, Like they tell you what they want, they're

1375
01:20:58,360 --> 01:21:02,479
Speaker 4: very clear about it, and we're like, no, that can't

1376
01:21:02,479 --> 01:21:04,600
Speaker 4: be all you want. You just want a meal and

1377
01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:10,280
Speaker 4: sex and respect. No, no, you gotta want a whole

1378
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:11,720
Speaker 4: lot more, so I'm gonna give it to you. Like

1379
01:21:11,760 --> 01:21:13,680
Speaker 4: we've been trying to tell men what they need and

1380
01:21:13,720 --> 01:21:15,880
Speaker 4: what they want, and they have been very clear about

1381
01:21:15,920 --> 01:21:17,479
Speaker 4: what it is that they want. So you're doing all

1382
01:21:17,520 --> 01:21:23,320
Speaker 4: these other things, but you're not showing respect like you're not.

1383
01:21:24,760 --> 01:21:27,360
Speaker 4: If it's somebody that needs a hot meal, Like, if

1384
01:21:27,400 --> 01:21:31,920
Speaker 4: that's all he's asking for, then find a way to

1385
01:21:32,040 --> 01:21:32,479
Speaker 4: do that.

1386
01:21:33,439 --> 01:21:36,360
Speaker 1: And saying I can't cook is not an option, bitch.

1387
01:21:36,400 --> 01:21:39,040
Speaker 1: They cook it all up and down Instagram figure it out?

1388
01:21:39,880 --> 01:21:42,920
Speaker 1: What's that figured out? Prima Donna? I better get her

1389
01:21:42,960 --> 01:21:44,960
Speaker 1: cookbook right.

1390
01:21:45,360 --> 01:21:47,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we don't want to give him high cholesterol.

1391
01:21:47,439 --> 01:21:50,639
Speaker 6: So we right, okay, So.

1392
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:52,519
Speaker 1: You know he.

1393
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:59,040
Speaker 4: Like, now I'm doing like the hello fresh, Hello fresh,

1394
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:04,000
Speaker 4: give these girls a deal real quick, Hello fresh. I'm

1395
01:22:04,040 --> 01:22:10,080
Speaker 4: doing factor meals like because now yeah, I like factor

1396
01:22:10,200 --> 01:22:13,400
Speaker 4: especially like with my workouts and stuff. So you don't

1397
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:14,840
Speaker 4: have to know. If you don't know how to cook,

1398
01:22:15,080 --> 01:22:17,599
Speaker 4: don't don't do that. But there's a lot of ways

1399
01:22:17,640 --> 01:22:20,519
Speaker 4: that we waste a lot of money and you could

1400
01:22:20,520 --> 01:22:23,639
Speaker 4: be allocating that to something else to make it work.

1401
01:22:23,720 --> 01:22:28,320
Speaker 4: Everything can be workable. Saying that you can't do it

1402
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:31,120
Speaker 4: is not an excuse, especially for your spouse. You should

1403
01:22:31,120 --> 01:22:34,400
Speaker 4: always be in service of your spouse, and there's gonna

1404
01:22:34,400 --> 01:22:37,200
Speaker 4: be seasons where you are putting in more work than

1405
01:22:37,240 --> 01:22:41,639
Speaker 4: they are putting in. But marriage, like as I said,

1406
01:22:41,680 --> 01:22:47,080
Speaker 4: like God's design for marriage is rich or poor, sickness

1407
01:22:47,120 --> 01:22:50,200
Speaker 4: and in health. This does not This isn't talking about abuse,

1408
01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:55,160
Speaker 4: mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. But you gotta be

1409
01:22:55,280 --> 01:22:58,200
Speaker 4: in it for the long haul, and you have to

1410
01:22:58,880 --> 01:23:03,840
Speaker 4: like taking accountability for what you did is what I

1411
01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:08,519
Speaker 4: feel is really adding to and making this relationship work.

1412
01:23:09,560 --> 01:23:12,840
Speaker 4: But it's hard, you know, because you want to be right.

1413
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:17,599
Speaker 1: We manifested hair, we talked back. It's for richer or richer,

1414
01:23:18,280 --> 01:23:19,960
Speaker 1: it's for healthy or for healthy.

1415
01:23:20,120 --> 01:23:24,599
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah we could, we could, we could want that.

1416
01:23:25,479 --> 01:23:32,200
Speaker 4: But if we are doing things that are not making

1417
01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:36,000
Speaker 4: our finances grow, if we are getting hookah and lamb

1418
01:23:36,120 --> 01:23:42,679
Speaker 4: chops every day, then somebody's gonna get diabetes, somebody's gonna

1419
01:23:42,680 --> 01:23:50,640
Speaker 4: get high cholesterol, somebody, right exactly, So we can't. We

1420
01:23:50,760 --> 01:23:53,720
Speaker 4: have to be very realistic about those things. Like if

1421
01:23:53,760 --> 01:23:56,040
Speaker 4: we want richer for written, you know, for richer or

1422
01:23:56,120 --> 01:24:02,439
Speaker 4: for richer or you know, for healthier whatever whatever, now

1423
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:07,200
Speaker 4: sickness and no sickness, then we have to make sure

1424
01:24:07,200 --> 01:24:14,920
Speaker 4: that we're doing those things. Like everything takes work. Manifesting

1425
01:24:15,080 --> 01:24:20,439
Speaker 4: is great. I manifested my husband like I wrote it out.

1426
01:24:20,760 --> 01:24:23,200
Speaker 4: And what's crazy is like I wrote it. I wrote

1427
01:24:23,240 --> 01:24:26,519
Speaker 4: out what I wanted for my marriage, but I didn't

1428
01:24:26,560 --> 01:24:30,000
Speaker 4: put a name on it. And I wrote it during

1429
01:24:30,040 --> 01:24:33,719
Speaker 4: that first marriage, and I ended up getting the marriage

1430
01:24:33,720 --> 01:24:36,040
Speaker 4: that I wanted and it ended up being a whole new,

1431
01:24:36,120 --> 01:24:41,679
Speaker 4: different relationship. So now I'm very specific, like I rting

1432
01:24:41,720 --> 01:24:44,920
Speaker 4: his whole name, first, middle, last name. This is what

1433
01:24:45,000 --> 01:24:48,160
Speaker 4: I want for my marriage with with him, like this,

1434
01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:55,479
Speaker 4: God is real funny like that. So yeah, that's I think.

1435
01:24:57,320 --> 01:25:01,400
Speaker 6: There was great advice. Ladies take heed some account.

1436
01:25:04,040 --> 01:25:05,840
Speaker 4: It is hard.

1437
01:25:05,840 --> 01:25:08,519
Speaker 1: I don't like pushing that narrative that women don't have

1438
01:25:08,600 --> 01:25:10,599
Speaker 1: don't take accountability. I don't think it's true.

1439
01:25:11,000 --> 01:25:14,479
Speaker 6: They don't think they don't. It's all just women, That's

1440
01:25:14,479 --> 01:25:15,080
Speaker 6: what I'm saying.

1441
01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:17,920
Speaker 1: So when we when we help push that narrative that

1442
01:25:18,000 --> 01:25:20,320
Speaker 1: women don't take accountability, it kind of gives like the

1443
01:25:20,400 --> 01:25:22,880
Speaker 1: men like a one up. But I have been in

1444
01:25:22,960 --> 01:25:26,479
Speaker 1: really yes it does. I have better relationships with men

1445
01:25:26,560 --> 01:25:30,160
Speaker 1: who don't take accountability also, so it's not something I

1446
01:25:30,200 --> 01:25:33,440
Speaker 1: just want to make sure we know that that's exclusive

1447
01:25:33,520 --> 01:25:34,479
Speaker 1: to women. That's all.

1448
01:25:35,160 --> 01:25:38,479
Speaker 6: But definitely on show, single out men all the time.

1449
01:25:38,680 --> 01:25:39,200
Speaker 6: Men do this.

1450
01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:41,840
Speaker 3: Men say that men do this and women be doing

1451
01:25:41,840 --> 01:25:45,200
Speaker 3: the same ship sometimes and we never say, Okay, this

1452
01:25:45,360 --> 01:25:46,360
Speaker 3: is for everybody.

1453
01:25:46,520 --> 01:25:50,679
Speaker 1: So we can down the middle. A lot of times

1454
01:25:50,680 --> 01:25:55,000
Speaker 1: when I talk about me, get up, but I'm oftentimes

1455
01:25:55,000 --> 01:25:57,360
Speaker 1: talking about men I've actually dealt with. I'm not just

1456
01:25:57,400 --> 01:25:58,839
Speaker 1: talking about men in general.

1457
01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:01,320
Speaker 6: A lot of idea what you.

1458
01:26:01,320 --> 01:26:06,560
Speaker 4: Just say men, I think men definitely need to be accountable.

1459
01:26:06,600 --> 01:26:08,760
Speaker 4: But the reason why I press that women need to

1460
01:26:08,920 --> 01:26:12,720
Speaker 4: because I think for the longest we have pressed, especially

1461
01:26:12,800 --> 01:26:15,880
Speaker 4: with black men, like y'all need to be accountable, y'all

1462
01:26:15,920 --> 01:26:18,880
Speaker 4: need to do this, Like everybody knows men and women

1463
01:26:18,960 --> 01:26:23,000
Speaker 4: in the entire world knows what work the black man

1464
01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:28,680
Speaker 4: needs to do, Like we're so knowledgeable on that. But

1465
01:26:28,800 --> 01:26:32,519
Speaker 4: I think women take that as like, if he's not

1466
01:26:32,640 --> 01:26:35,439
Speaker 4: doing this and he's not doing that, the whole while

1467
01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:42,080
Speaker 4: you are messy, you are dirty literally, figuratively whatever. Like

1468
01:26:42,200 --> 01:26:46,320
Speaker 4: you you're not stewarding over your finances, you're eating like shit,

1469
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:52,080
Speaker 4: You're not like being you're not working to a schedule,

1470
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:57,560
Speaker 4: like your habits are trash. Like, let's be honest and

1471
01:26:57,680 --> 01:27:01,160
Speaker 4: let's be realistic, because because I think women feel like

1472
01:27:01,240 --> 01:27:04,840
Speaker 4: we don't have to do certain things, and I do

1473
01:27:04,920 --> 01:27:10,000
Speaker 4: think that you should try to become the partner that

1474
01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:13,840
Speaker 4: you desire, but also knowing that you don't have to

1475
01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:17,760
Speaker 4: be perfect before you meet that person. So it's a

1476
01:27:17,800 --> 01:27:21,800
Speaker 4: delicate balance of giving yourself grace but also knowing that

1477
01:27:22,000 --> 01:27:24,880
Speaker 4: you have goals for yourself regardless of who comes into

1478
01:27:24,880 --> 01:27:26,799
Speaker 4: your life. And when you do come into your life,

1479
01:27:26,960 --> 01:27:30,840
Speaker 4: your work is not done. It is definitely not it's

1480
01:27:30,960 --> 01:27:34,160
Speaker 4: far from done. Now you really have somebody that you

1481
01:27:34,240 --> 01:27:38,880
Speaker 4: need to show up for And I think holding yourself

1482
01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:43,839
Speaker 4: accountable is not just for a relationship. It's for yourself, period,

1483
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:46,679
Speaker 4: and all the things that you say that you want

1484
01:27:46,800 --> 01:27:50,240
Speaker 4: for yourself, Like all my goals now it's really not

1485
01:27:50,360 --> 01:27:53,320
Speaker 4: to make my husband happy, is to make me happy,

1486
01:27:53,640 --> 01:27:56,840
Speaker 4: because I have a man that wants me to be happy.

1487
01:27:56,880 --> 01:28:00,240
Speaker 4: So if that's what he wants, then that's what to

1488
01:28:00,280 --> 01:28:02,320
Speaker 4: do and we both benefit from it.

1489
01:28:03,800 --> 01:28:10,519
Speaker 1: You mean, yeah, Sonny, Yeah, all right, man, Jamila's plug

1490
01:28:10,600 --> 01:28:13,360
Speaker 1: all your things. We already told them how wonderful you are.

1491
01:28:13,400 --> 01:28:16,040
Speaker 1: But make sure you plug all your social media, all

1492
01:28:16,080 --> 01:28:19,040
Speaker 1: your businesses, all the fantastic things you got going on.

1493
01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:20,439
Speaker 1: Let our audience know.

1494
01:28:21,680 --> 01:28:25,040
Speaker 4: Thank you. So I'm really excited. First and foremost, we're

1495
01:28:25,080 --> 01:28:29,400
Speaker 4: having the Case Conference. It's a conference for new and

1496
01:28:29,479 --> 01:28:35,679
Speaker 4: inspire I'm sorry, new and aspiring interior designers, especially of color,

1497
01:28:36,240 --> 01:28:41,519
Speaker 4: to learn the business of design. Because design is eighty

1498
01:28:41,560 --> 01:28:44,519
Speaker 4: percent business twenty percent creative. And so you have that

1499
01:28:44,560 --> 01:28:47,439
Speaker 4: twenty percent and you're wondering why you can't get it

1500
01:28:47,479 --> 01:28:49,680
Speaker 4: off the ground or business is not going well, it's

1501
01:28:49,760 --> 01:28:53,360
Speaker 4: because of the business aspect of it. So really honing

1502
01:28:53,400 --> 01:28:56,759
Speaker 4: in and teaching interior designers of color, how to operate

1503
01:28:56,760 --> 01:29:00,720
Speaker 4: in the business and navigate the industry. It's are on

1504
01:29:00,840 --> 01:29:05,200
Speaker 4: sale now thecaseconference dot com to learn more. We have

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Speaker 4: a very special keynote guest that we haven't announced just yet,

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Speaker 4: but it's going to be so worth it. And then

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01:29:14,880 --> 01:29:18,519
Speaker 4: you can follow me at Jamila Divine and that's where

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01:29:18,640 --> 01:29:21,640
Speaker 4: you can just see what's going on with me, my man,

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Speaker 4: and my business.

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Speaker 6: So that's good y'all.

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Speaker 1: Remember speak now and never hold your peace.