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Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effect Network. Talk, talk, talk to them.

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Speaker 2: We're just two unapologetically Black women with an opinion who

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Speaker 2: talk back.

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Speaker 3: Hey everybody, it's me, Tam Van.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to a new episode of We Talk Back.

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Speaker 3: I love y'all. Oh wait, this shit dedicated to you lovers.

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Speaker 3: And what else, AJ?

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Speaker 1: Fuckers. Fuckers. I don't know, child. If you got a

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Speaker 1: man for the holidays, I'm jealous. Okay.

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Speaker 3: Me too.

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Speaker 2: This is my ninth year not having a Valentine. Like

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Speaker 2: I got gifts and shit, but I ain't have like

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Speaker 2: no real man, you know?

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Speaker 1: So niggas just dropping shit off the day before? That's

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Speaker 1: what you're saying?

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Speaker 3: No, fuck you, bitch.

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Speaker 1: Fuck you. I know what you're implying. Put this shit

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Speaker 1: in the mail.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting flowers in the mail. Either they're not in

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Speaker 3: the same state as me or they want to be

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Speaker 3: with me, but it ain't nobody I want to be with.

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Speaker 1: Girl, you about to fuck up all your blessings. Don't

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Speaker 1: be saying that on here, what you be doing and

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Speaker 1: how you be getting shit from different people. You fuck

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Speaker 1: around and get nothing now.

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Speaker 3: Well, Valentine's Day already passed with this.

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Speaker 1: Drop, so.

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Speaker 3: I already got it.

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Speaker 4: Ha ha, got you niggas.

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Speaker 3: Psycho joke.

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Speaker 2: No, I just don't have like a solid boo thing

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Speaker 2: again for Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 1: I'm not really mad about it. It's all right. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I feel like the last couple holidays I didn't have anybody,

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Speaker 1: but previous years I had some shit going on. But

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Speaker 1: I am celebrating freedom, bitch. Free at last.

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Speaker 4: Okay? Okay.

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Speaker 1: That's how I feel.

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Speaker 2: My sister bought herself a bouquet of roses. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: that's so beautiful. I admire the self-love. I'm going to

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Speaker 2: talk about you on the show. She's like, bitch, don't

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Speaker 2: say that on the show. I'm going to tell people

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Speaker 2: a nigga bought me these. Sorry, Taya.

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Speaker 1: I always buy myself flowers. I love fresh flowers. Okay.

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Speaker 2: I love flowers too, but I don't like to buy

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Speaker 2: them for myself. I honestly don't like to buy anything

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Speaker 2: for myself.

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Speaker 1: There's that part. The fuck?

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Speaker 3: I would prefer other people to buy it.

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Speaker 1: Sam's Club got the best flowers. If y'all want to

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Speaker 1: buy y'all old ladies some nice flowers weekly, go to

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Speaker 1: Sam's Club. Y'all Sam's Club card. Or yourself. You know,

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Speaker 1: get a Sam's Club card. What we got going on

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Speaker 1: for stupid... Oh shit, did I skip our weekends?

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Speaker 2: Well, I guess that's part of stupid internet news is

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Speaker 2: the weekend. the Super Bowl let's just get into the

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Speaker 2: Super Bowl like that was everybody's weekend I think.

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Speaker 1: Did you do any Super Bowl party I.

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Speaker 2: Did I went to one of my good friends her

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Speaker 2: mom's house and they had a shindig going on with

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Speaker 2: all the food and all the people it was cool

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Speaker 2: did you go to.

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Speaker 1: One hell no I was right at the house I

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Speaker 1: made me some ceviche at the house.

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Speaker 2: Ceviche for a Super Bowl wow you're supposed to have

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Speaker 2: meat oh you don't eat none of.

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Speaker 1: That exactly so let me get my seafood please thank.

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Speaker 2: You A vegan meatball weak as hell.

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Speaker 1: And I did watch the whole game. You know, that's

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Speaker 1: really the only time I watch football is to watch

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Speaker 1: the Super Bowl so I can see how they cheat.

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Speaker 3: Really, that's the only game you watch?

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Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: I'll watch if I'm like with a man and he

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Speaker 2: want to watch. I'll get into it, you know? But

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Speaker 2: I don't just be sitting at my house cracking open

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Speaker 2: a brewski and.

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Speaker 3: Turning on the game.

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Speaker 1: In a glizzy. No.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 3: Who would you go for? I was saying a little

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Speaker 3: stupid shit at.

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Speaker 2: The party, like, so who's the white team and who's

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Speaker 2: the red team?

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Speaker 5: On purpose, like, trying to make it sound like I

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Speaker 5: don't know.

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Speaker 1: Girl, I literally bet some ass that 49ers was going

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Speaker 1: to win. I ain't give up no ass, though. But

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Speaker 1: I asked who wanted to give up some ass for

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Speaker 1: the 49ers. Who wanted to bet some boonkey?

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Speaker 3: And somebody took your bet?

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Speaker 1: Yep. Had a few takers.

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Speaker 4: Yep.

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Speaker 1: And then after the 49ers loss, I was like, I

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Speaker 1: wasn't the one giving up Bunkie. I was asking who

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Speaker 1: wanted to give up some Bunkie for the bets.

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Speaker 2: But if they give up some Bunkie, ain't you got

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Speaker 2: to give up some Bunkie to get the Bunkie they

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Speaker 2: giving up?

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Speaker 1: No, they could have told me what they wanted their

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Speaker 1: prize to be. That was my prize.

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Speaker 3: Some Bunkie from them.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 3: But that means some bookie from you.

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Speaker 1: Do you realize that, right? I lost the bet to

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Speaker 1: about 20 people. Bend that ass over. Let that koochie breathe.

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Speaker 1: Body count about to be stupid for the 9-9 and

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Speaker 1: the 24.

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Speaker 3: So let's get into the scene.

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Speaker 4: Usher. Usher.

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Speaker 3: The whole Super Bowl was the Usher show as far

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Speaker 3: as I'm concerned.

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Speaker 1: I love Usher.

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Speaker 3: How'd you feel about his performance?

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Speaker 1: I thought his performance was very good. I love the

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Speaker 1: part when he took his fucking shirt off. Okay. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: Usher's making niggas get in the gym. Okay.

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Speaker 3: People were trying to say it wasn't all of that.

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Speaker 3: This nigga roller skated, danced. No, the performance. Danced, sang,

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Speaker 3: had strippers. CeeLo and Jermaine Dupri came out. Her.

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Speaker 1: The weird part about it, I had never seen this

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Speaker 1: based on previous halftime shows. People comparing the current halftime

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Speaker 1: to previous years. I was seeing Michael Jackson halftime. Why

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Speaker 1: are y'all comparing Usher to Michael Jackson halftime? in Prince

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Speaker 1: halftime performance like what is really happening.

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Speaker 2: Well those are like greats when you're being compared to

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Speaker 2: the greats then that says a lot so I don't

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Speaker 2: know why the expectation was so high for Usher but

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Speaker 2: I feel like he delivered I don't know what the

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Speaker 2: fuck he's talking about he brought the A to the

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Speaker 2: world I never seen strippers look so wholesome. You know,

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Speaker 2: like they was up there like, you know. Those were

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Speaker 2: the most family friendly strippers I've ever seen in my

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Speaker 2: entire life.

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Speaker 1: Why black men be so mad and ready to rag

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Speaker 1: on another black man over their fucking wives? So now

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Speaker 1: everybody saw how Usher was on, had his dick on.

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Speaker 3: Alicia Keys booty.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was innocent. We see people who are

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Speaker 1: married to other people entertain all the time. Why all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden is a problem when Usher does it?

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Speaker 3: Because, let me tell you why it's a problem.

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Speaker 2: Because Kiki Palmer and that other man had that whole

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Speaker 2: issue after Usher was dancing with Kiki. So now everybody

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Speaker 2: watching Usher to make sure he don't break up no

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Speaker 2: more happy homes.

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Speaker 1: But we know this nigga a terrorist. I feel like

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Speaker 1: he get a pass, right?

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Speaker 3: He do get a pass. Swiss was like, it's okay.

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Speaker 3: You can grind my bitch. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: You usher, nigga. And she looking like she was enjoying it, too. Like,

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Speaker 1: she remembered that meet. Because remember they used to date.

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Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You got to be real secure to let a woman's

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Speaker 2: ex-dude grind her for the world to see and still

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Speaker 2: be okay.

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Speaker 3: They're very secure in their marriage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and so apparently him and his longtime girlfriend, Usher

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Speaker 1: and his longtime girlfriend, had just locked in a marriage

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Speaker 1: certificate right before the Super Bowl. So he's getting married.

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Speaker 1: Or he's married. Shit. Essentially, right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's married. They're both married.

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Speaker 1: One thing about it, he's a swinger.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying they were swinging on stage when

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Speaker 2: he was rubbing his dick up against Alicia Keys' booty.

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Speaker 1: One thing about it, boy, I should keep a bitch.

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Speaker 1: Despite what that doctor say.

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Speaker 3: He keep a low-key one, too. don't do that we

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Speaker 3: had a good halftime show don't do that.

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Speaker 1: Despite what them testers all say I should keep him

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Speaker 1: a low one okay.

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Speaker 3: He's Usher he can do what he want.

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Speaker 2: I wish that I wish her could have been on

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Speaker 2: stage longer I wish it was like a Usher show

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Speaker 2: you know Usher.

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Speaker 1: Right right she was just there so he can do

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Speaker 1: his wardrobe change that's really what.

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Speaker 3: It was she played the fuck out of that guitar

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Speaker 3: I think that was pre-recorded.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that was live? Her playing?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I hope it was live. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Everything else was live. They ain't pre-recorded Alicia Keys. We

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Speaker 3: know that.

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Speaker 1: Had to be live. This shows us exactly how the

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Speaker 1: fuck media does us. So we just supposed to forget

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Speaker 1: that we heard that fucked up note? And y'all going

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Speaker 1: to replace this shit in post-production?

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Speaker 3: We remember. I ain't mad.

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Speaker 2: I would have called them as soon as I got

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Speaker 2: on stage. Y'all make sure y'all edit that shit before

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Speaker 2: it go out to the masses. I know they heard

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Speaker 2: it the first time, but fuck that. For the people

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Speaker 2: who didn't hear it, they going to hear it right.

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Speaker 1: Like we be texting Taylor like, bitch, can you take

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Speaker 1: this out? I thought about it.

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Speaker 6: Edit that shit out.

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Speaker 1: I thought about it. Probably shouldn't say that.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: That note was terrible. And I feel like the Usher

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Speaker 1: shit was the least of Alicia Keys worried. That first

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Speaker 1: fucking note nearly killed her.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 3: It was bad. But I give her a pass because

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Speaker 3: she sound good usually. But who knows? All them shits

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Speaker 3: might have been edited too.

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Speaker 1: Is Alicia Keys a singer though? The same way they

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Speaker 1: be ragging on J-Lo. I feel like Alicia Keys is

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Speaker 1: very musically inclined when it comes to making music. But

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Speaker 1: is she really a singer?

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Speaker 3: She sound good at Tiny Desk.

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Speaker 1: I never listened to that.

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Speaker 3: She sound good.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I want to put her.

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Speaker 3: I feel like she be singing on that piano, child. Sometimes.

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Speaker 3: Except for Sunday. We love you, Alicia.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: Then here come Beyonce like, oh, y'all thought y'all was

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Speaker 3: doing something? How about this?

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Speaker 2: And niggas pulling out cowboy boots and hats and everything

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Speaker 2: right at the Super Bowl.

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Speaker 1: Beyonce is a fucking Virgo. When I say that bitch

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Speaker 1: is selfish, she is selfish as a motherfucker. Like, why

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Speaker 1: you couldn't let Usher have his moment?

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Speaker 3: Why you dropped two new songs?

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Speaker 1: Let that man have his damn moment.

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Speaker 2: She did a proposal at Usher wedding. That's like somebody

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Speaker 2: getting engaged at somebody else's wedding.

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Speaker 1: Yes. Girl, like, It's cool, though. I feel like we're

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Speaker 1: taking it as a shit on Usher, but maybe it

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Speaker 1: was like a shit on the whole Super Bowl. Because

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure people was tuning in to whatever she

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Speaker 1: had going on after that. After her commercial dropped, two

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Speaker 1: minutes later, she dropped two whole songs.

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Speaker 3: Two songs.

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Speaker 2: And here come my sister calling me in the middle

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Speaker 2: of the workday talking about, You want to learn how

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Speaker 2: to line dance?

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Speaker 3: Bitch, get off my phone.

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Speaker 1: Beyonce said, y'all motherfuckers ain't trying to give me this

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Speaker 1: goddamn best album award.

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Speaker 4: Oh, okay.

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Speaker 1: I got something for y'all ass.

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Speaker 2: I got something for y'all. But I am going to

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Speaker 2: try to learn how to line dance. Whichever TikToker make it.

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Speaker 2: But please don't make it like that to me or shit.

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Speaker 3: Fucking mathematical ass shit. I would have learned this.

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Speaker 1: One that day. Remember that video we had from that

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Speaker 1: fucking party we hosted? I'm going to post that shit, bitch,

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Speaker 1: because we was killing it.

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Speaker 3: Don't post that. It looked like I was getting crossed

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Speaker 3: up on the basketball court.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we was killing it. I don't know

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Speaker 1: about you, bitch.

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Speaker 3: You was killing me, bitch.

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Speaker 1: All you got to do is point your finger and spin.

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Speaker 2: Girl, you was doing it wrong too. We look like

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Speaker 2: we had epilepsy.

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Speaker 1: Drunk.

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Speaker 3: Let's go to something else.

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Speaker 1: So Beyonce, apparently some people was calling into this local

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Speaker 1: country station requesting them to play her new songs and

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Speaker 1: they like had to put a whole statement out about

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Speaker 1: how they don't fuck with that nigger bitch.

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Speaker 2: No, so they sent an email back saying that we

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Speaker 2: don't play Beyonce.

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Speaker 3: This is a country music station.

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Speaker 2: And then all the Beyonce fans went crazy and was

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Speaker 2: like calling, calling, calling. So then they had to put

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Speaker 2: a statement out saying like, we love Beyonce and we

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Speaker 2: hope these songs do well. And so forth and so forth.

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Speaker 2: Like we're going to play it if it's country. We

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Speaker 2: just basically didn't know it was country music.

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Speaker 1: But do they sound country? They sound kind of R &

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Speaker 1: B- ish to me.

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Speaker 3: They don't sound... That song that you played earlier, the

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Speaker 3: Daddy song?

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Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: My daddy said, shoot. That sound more country. Yeah, that

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Speaker 2: sound more country to me.

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Speaker 1: And actually, there was a singer, a country singer doing

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Speaker 1: a cover of that recently.

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Speaker 2: But let me tell you who in their country bag,

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Speaker 2: and they sound really good in their country bag, K.

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Speaker 6: Michelle.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if y'all heard her country music, but

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Speaker 2: she doing the damn thing.

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Speaker 1: So that's another thing because people was trying to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: Beyonce ain't letting K. Michelle shine. And K. Michelle was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't got no problem with that. Like, why do

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Speaker 1: we feel like as black people, like there's not enough

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Speaker 1: space For all of us. You know what I'm saying? Like, K.

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Speaker 1: Michelle can do that. But technically, if you listen to Lemonade,

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Speaker 1: Beyonce had that Daddy's Lesson song been out there. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? To me, that's more country than

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Speaker 1: these two new songs. I don't see what the problem is. Like,

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Speaker 1: why y'all?

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Speaker 3: Me neither.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, child.

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Speaker 2: There's always something. There's always something, child. They always got

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Speaker 2: to pit us against each other. But y'all definitely go

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Speaker 2: check out K. Michelle country music.

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Speaker 3: It's really good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because she, what is the country awards show?

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, the country music awards.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she performed this year, or 2023. Mm-hmm. K. Michelle performed, so. Mm-hmm,

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Speaker 1: she did. I guess Beyonce said, man, fuck that. I'm

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Speaker 1: coming for them awards next year. We'll see, because this

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Speaker 1: is supposed to be like an extension of Renaissance. So

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Speaker 1: this is Renaissance 2.

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Speaker 3: Act 2.

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Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 6: Act 2.

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Speaker 4: Mm-hmm.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm just kind of grateful because all that shit

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Speaker 2: I bought to wear to the Renaissance tour, I can

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Speaker 2: bring that shit out for one more time and have

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Speaker 2: a reason to wear that shit again because what the

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Speaker 2: fuck I'm going to do with this shit, this hat

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Speaker 2: and all this shit that I had.

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Speaker 1: But that's different though because wasn't she having people dress

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Speaker 1: like astronauts? So now you're going to be country.

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Speaker 3: But it was like rodeo too. It was rodeo kind of.

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Speaker 2: Like with the hats and the boots and all that

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Speaker 2: stuff that people had.

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Speaker 3: So if you bought some of that, you can mix

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Speaker 3: and match.

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Speaker 1: Lord, y'all.

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely, as much as them tickets was last year,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to have to wear the shit I had

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Speaker 2: last year because I can't afford another one.

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Speaker 1: Shame. Y'all keep giving that lady y'all money. A headache.

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Speaker 2: Usher on tour, too, and his tickets in Charlotte, I

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Speaker 2: was like, mm. I'm going to have to pray about that.

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Speaker 1: Usher, you ain't tired. Nigga, you just had that long-ass

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Speaker 1: residency in Vegas. You just did the Super Bowl, and

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Speaker 1: now you going on tour?

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Speaker 2: Shit.

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Speaker 1: Tax man after that ass, obviously.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: Y'all, let's get into our baddie for this week for February.

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Speaker 1: Y'all know we try to, you know, give a little

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Speaker 1: shout out to people who make impressions on the culture

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Speaker 1: then and now. And this week, we want to talk

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Speaker 1: about SZA, okay? Because SZA is on motherfucking fire. SZA

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Speaker 1: did take home a few Grammys two weeks ago. And

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Speaker 1: right now, SZA is also celebrating S.O.S., Her last album

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Speaker 1: becoming the first album by a black female artist to

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Speaker 1: spend over a year in the top 10 on the

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Speaker 1: Billboard 200 chart. Okay. I'm still listening to Control.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: Like it came out yesterday. SZA makes some real timeless music.

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Speaker 1: Like she's one of my favorite R & B artists.

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Speaker 2: She sounds so good. She be having me and my

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Speaker 2: feelings though. I'll be like waking up happy.

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Speaker 3: I put on SZA. I'll be like, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's. I don't think SZA music

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Speaker 1: don't make me feel like that. She has a way of...

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Speaker 1: Her music has a way of taking fucked up shit,

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Speaker 1: but you become the hero by the end of the song.

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Speaker 2: It's good, but I don't know. Sometimes the mood in

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Speaker 2: the song be melancholy, you know? And it just affect

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Speaker 2: my spirit a little bit.

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Speaker 3: I love it, though. Don't get me wrong, because sometimes

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Speaker 3: that's the mood I want.

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Speaker 1: I didn't feel like that with S.O.S. I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like I feel like that with the songs off of control.

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Speaker 1: It just... It'd be fun. Fun songs. Fun songs about

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Speaker 1: fucked up shit. Like, I'm never going back to the

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Speaker 1: strip club. Never going back. I don't know. I like it.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to SZA, y'all. SZA is our baddie who

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Speaker 1: talks big.

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Speaker 2: Y'all, we got another wife, the happiest wife.

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Speaker 3: This is part two. And it's exciting. It's Lovers Week.

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Speaker 3: We'll be right back, y'all.

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Speaker 2: All right, guys, I don't know if you listened last week,

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Speaker 2: but we had a guest on talking about being the

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Speaker 2: happiest wife. And we had to come back with a

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Speaker 2: part two because it was just so good. So today

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Speaker 2: we have Jamila Watkins Mallet on. I found her Instagram.

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Speaker 2: She was one of the ladies that was like, I

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Speaker 2: am the happiest wife. She didn't have to be tagged.

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Speaker 2: She said it for herself. She's the owner and operator

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Speaker 2: of Jamila Divine Interiors and Lifestyle. She's a designer that

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Speaker 2: was on Married to Real Estate on HGTV. She's a

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Speaker 2: realtor at Indigo Road Realty, and she is a graduate

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Speaker 2: of Spelman University.

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Speaker 1: And she's a happy wife, okay?

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Speaker 4: Most importantly. I am. Thank y'all for having me.

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Speaker 6: Yes, girl.

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Speaker 5: Thank you for joining us. We appreciate you.

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Speaker 2: I know you was like, who is this random lady

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Speaker 2: in my DMs talking about my marriage?

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Speaker 4: You know, I forgot all about that. I was just

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Speaker 4: chiming in. and then I was like oh okay I

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Speaker 4: mean that works.

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Speaker 2: Yeah so Jamila tell us what makes you the happiest.

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Speaker 4: Wife I am the happiest wife because my husband allows

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Speaker 4: me to be me um he gives me grace to

404
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 4: grow um and he supports me he supports everything as

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Speaker 4: you can see like just what you said, like I'm a,

406
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Speaker 4: I'm a designer, I'm a real estate agent. Um, I'm

407
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Speaker 4: on TV. I'm also a mom of an eight year old.

408
00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:35,199
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. He's nine now. He'll be mad. Like give

409
00:18:35,220 --> 00:18:38,760
Speaker 4: me my year, a nine year old. He just turned nine. And, um,

410
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,440
Speaker 4: and two bonus sons who are in high school. So

411
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Speaker 4: I have a lot, a lot going on and he's

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Speaker 4: extremely supportive and gracious, um, with me through everything that

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Speaker 4: I'm doing. And because I've been through a lot in

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Speaker 4: my life, he's just been someone who doesn't allow me

415
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Speaker 4: to use my traumas as a crutch, but to, you know,

416
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Speaker 4: overcome that victimhood and just really stand in who I am.

417
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Speaker 4: I feel like he sees me for exactly who I am,

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Speaker 4: not who he wants me to be, not who social

419
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Speaker 4: media is. thinks that I am, like he sees me

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Speaker 4: for me and he accepts that. And so it allows

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Speaker 4: me to grow and flourish and show up the best

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Speaker 4: way that I can every single day.

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Speaker 5: How did you guys meet?

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Speaker 4: So I met him. It's funny because I met him

425
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Speaker 4: maybe 12 years ago. My friend used to work at

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Speaker 4: his barbershop.

427
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Speaker 5: He's a barber.

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Speaker 4: And we met very briefly but if you let him

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Speaker 4: tell it when we met I wasn't paying him any

430
00:19:54,490 --> 00:19:57,180
Speaker 4: mind he said that I was trapping I was not

431
00:19:57,260 --> 00:20:01,800
Speaker 4: trapping I was doing hair he said I was trapping

432
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Speaker 4: because I had two phones and so he came to

433
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Speaker 4: the car and said she introduced him to me and

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Speaker 4: I didn't even look up Like, I know that I

435
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Speaker 4: met him. I talked to him, but I didn't see

436
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Speaker 4: him because I didn't look up because I was working

437
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:17,949
Speaker 4: on two phones. Mine was like 18 at the time.

438
00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:24,710
Speaker 4: Trapping bundles and doing sew-ins and all of that. And

439
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:29,770
Speaker 4: so we met very briefly, 12, you know, 12. It

440
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:31,530
Speaker 4: could be more than that now. I keep saying 12.

441
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:33,909
Speaker 4: I was saying that when we first met, so maybe

442
00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:40,709
Speaker 4: 14 years ago. And so fast forward now. My sister,

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00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:45,350
Speaker 4: who I had just met, long, long story, like I

444
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,129
Speaker 4: found out my dad was not my dad. And then

445
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:50,070
Speaker 4: I found out I had all these siblings and I

446
00:20:50,109 --> 00:20:53,090
Speaker 4: met my sister and she was already planning to move

447
00:20:53,109 --> 00:20:57,950
Speaker 4: to Atlanta because she had, you know, she was a

448
00:20:57,970 --> 00:21:00,170
Speaker 4: barber as well. So she started to work in his

449
00:21:00,270 --> 00:21:03,830
Speaker 4: shop and she introduced us because when she came in town,

450
00:21:04,390 --> 00:21:09,900
Speaker 4: we all went bowling with my niece, her daughter. my

451
00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:12,659
Speaker 4: friend and her son and me and my son, we

452
00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:16,860
Speaker 4: went bowling. And so he came with his son just

453
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 4: to hang out. And so when I, when I met

454
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 4: him now, mind you, and he doesn't like when I

455
00:21:23,619 --> 00:21:27,260
Speaker 4: say this, he won't, he won't agree to it. My

456
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,919
Speaker 4: sister told, he was looking for an interior designer. My

457
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,570
Speaker 4: sister was like, Oh, my sister's an interior designer. Here's

458
00:21:32,609 --> 00:21:37,459
Speaker 4: her page. I, followed up because I'm a follow up

459
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,359
Speaker 4: with you. Oh, you looking for, yeah. So I slid

460
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,820
Speaker 4: in his DM, sent him all my credentials and all

461
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:47,100
Speaker 4: of that. And he left me on read. So I

462
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 4: had a bone to pick with him. When I saw him,

463
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, I messaged you and you left me on read.

464
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,070
Speaker 4: I don't remember meeting him though. So I don't know

465
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,090
Speaker 4: him as far as I'm concerned. I don't know him

466
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:03,250
Speaker 4: and he doesn't know me. And so he's just like

467
00:22:03,330 --> 00:22:07,689
Speaker 4: looking in my eyes. like real deep, like while I'm

468
00:22:07,710 --> 00:22:11,010
Speaker 4: talking to him, I'm like, hello, you left me on read.

469
00:22:12,190 --> 00:22:15,429
Speaker 4: And like, he's still just like looking at me. And

470
00:22:15,510 --> 00:22:20,430
Speaker 4: so I'm like, I start getting entrapped in this gaze.

471
00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 4: He's like got these light honey brown eyes. He's just

472
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 4: doing a lot. He got the little head, like he,

473
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:33,150
Speaker 4: he got everything I like going on. so I'm trying

474
00:22:33,170 --> 00:22:35,610
Speaker 4: to focus and so I see where this is going

475
00:22:36,170 --> 00:22:39,510
Speaker 4: and I told him it's either going to be business

476
00:22:39,570 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 4: or it's going to be pleasure because I'm picking up

477
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 4: what you're putting down right now so let's go ahead

478
00:22:44,859 --> 00:22:49,340
Speaker 4: because I don't do both and so this is all

479
00:22:49,540 --> 00:22:53,660
Speaker 4: probably within like three minutes like that's how he was

480
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,340
Speaker 4: doing a lot he was doing a whole lot so

481
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 4: I put my number in his phone no, he put

482
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 4: his number in my phone and his name came up.

483
00:23:05,540 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: And I'm like, like, I don't know why your number's

484
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:11,100
Speaker 4: in my phone. And I'm like, maybe I wanted to,

485
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,740
Speaker 4: cause I cut my hair a lot. And I'm like,

486
00:23:14,420 --> 00:23:17,060
Speaker 4: I'm like, I like, I'm not a creep. I don't

487
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:20,740
Speaker 4: know why your number's in my phone. Like, I just

488
00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:23,980
Speaker 4: don't understand. So we're trying to walk it back. Like,

489
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 4: how do we know each other? I'm like, maybe I

490
00:23:26,060 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 4: wanted to get a haircut. Cause I cut my hair

491
00:23:28,010 --> 00:23:30,330
Speaker 4: all the time. And he's like, one of the best

492
00:23:30,390 --> 00:23:33,830
Speaker 4: in the city, and he is, if not the best.

493
00:23:34,450 --> 00:23:39,690
Speaker 4: And I'm not just saying that. And so we figured

494
00:23:39,890 --> 00:23:42,170
Speaker 4: out that it was my friend that worked in his shop,

495
00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,970
Speaker 4: and la-da-da-da-da, because he used to really look out for her,

496
00:23:45,030 --> 00:23:47,369
Speaker 4: and I used to look out for her as well.

497
00:23:49,290 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 4: And so I'm that mom friend. So I'm like, send

498
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 4: me the number of who you're with. I've always been

499
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,370
Speaker 4: that way. Send me who you're going to be around.

500
00:23:57,420 --> 00:24:00,490
Speaker 4: Who is this? So I had his number in my

501
00:24:00,550 --> 00:24:04,609
Speaker 4: phone forever, thanks to Apple, because you know them contacts

502
00:24:04,670 --> 00:24:12,770
Speaker 4: stay for life. And so literally that night after the

503
00:24:12,810 --> 00:24:17,210
Speaker 4: bowling alley, I went home and we were texting and

504
00:24:17,570 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 4: we met up that night. I dropped my son off

505
00:24:23,470 --> 00:24:25,490
Speaker 4: And my sister and my niece and they stayed at

506
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:27,990
Speaker 4: the house and I went to his house and we

507
00:24:28,109 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 4: talked like for it felt like forever. It's probably two hours,

508
00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:38,980
Speaker 4: but it felt like forever. And we were inseparable ever since.

509
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 4: And what year was that? 2021.

510
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,180
Speaker 1: OK, so y'all got together during COVID.

511
00:24:46,060 --> 00:24:51,220
Speaker 4: Well, it was right after COVID. COVID was 2020. 2020.

512
00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:55,540
Speaker 4: It was spring 2021. So, you know, we were all outside,

513
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:56,429
Speaker 4: even though we weren't supposed to.

514
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,820
Speaker 1: Atlanta ain't never been inside.

515
00:24:57,859 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 5: Especially Atlanta.

516
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 6: It never shut down.

517
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,400
Speaker 4: What is a COVID?

518
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:03,899
Speaker 1: What is a COVID?

519
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,420
Speaker 4: I don't know what that is. Yeah, we was outside.

520
00:25:08,570 --> 00:25:10,350
Speaker 4: No mask. No mask.

521
00:25:10,450 --> 00:25:12,990
Speaker 2: So how did, like, how did he propose? Like, what

522
00:25:13,030 --> 00:25:16,230
Speaker 2: was the, how did he know he was ready for marriage?

523
00:25:16,270 --> 00:25:17,110
Speaker 2: How did you know you.

524
00:25:17,070 --> 00:25:17,850
Speaker 5: Were ready for marriage?

525
00:25:17,869 --> 00:25:25,060
Speaker 4: Like, So we both were married before. So, um, he

526
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 4: had gotten divorced a few years ago. I was just

527
00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:35,619
Speaker 4: getting divorced actually. And I just wasn't in a rush

528
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,460
Speaker 4: to like be in another relationship, but I knew that

529
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,140
Speaker 4: from the moment that I met him, that I wanted

530
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:45,550
Speaker 4: to be with him. Um, literally probably that week we

531
00:25:45,570 --> 00:25:51,550
Speaker 4: was exchanging. I love you. Like, We just knew. But

532
00:25:51,670 --> 00:25:54,990
Speaker 4: I wasn't in a rush to be in a relationship.

533
00:25:55,090 --> 00:25:59,030
Speaker 4: I've never been that person of like, what is this?

534
00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:04,189
Speaker 4: What are we doing? I just haven't. And so I

535
00:26:04,270 --> 00:26:08,310
Speaker 4: think that was April we met. In August, we were

536
00:26:08,410 --> 00:26:13,010
Speaker 4: at home. We were at my house hanging out. And

537
00:26:13,070 --> 00:26:16,930
Speaker 4: he just asked me to marry him with no ring.

538
00:26:17,619 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 4: either so I thought he was just talking you know

539
00:26:21,510 --> 00:26:23,429
Speaker 4: so the next morning when we woke up I was

540
00:26:23,450 --> 00:26:24,950
Speaker 4: like you know you asked me to marry you right

541
00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:27,270
Speaker 4: he was like yes and we're gonna go get your

542
00:26:27,330 --> 00:26:29,850
Speaker 4: ring because I want you to pick it out because

543
00:26:29,890 --> 00:26:33,050
Speaker 4: he knows me like I'm I'm all about I'm very

544
00:26:33,090 --> 00:26:35,620
Speaker 4: particular with aesthetics and stuff so I guess he was

545
00:26:35,650 --> 00:26:39,580
Speaker 4: like I'm not gonna stress myself out and you act

546
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 4: like you like this ring you.

547
00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:43,780
Speaker 1: Don't so that's a good man so we went and

548
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: we were right right Right.

549
00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 4: So, and that was new to me and he didn't

550
00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:52,770
Speaker 4: get on one knee or nothing. He, we were just

551
00:26:52,810 --> 00:26:55,750
Speaker 4: laying in bed and he asked me, now I give

552
00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:57,690
Speaker 4: you the premise that we were both married before. So

553
00:26:57,730 --> 00:27:00,730
Speaker 4: I guess both of us are, we're just, we don't

554
00:27:00,790 --> 00:27:04,389
Speaker 4: need the big balloon arch with the marquee letters and

555
00:27:04,410 --> 00:27:07,850
Speaker 4: the pedals in the hallway and the videographer and the

556
00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:09,490
Speaker 4: this and that, like, I don't need it.

557
00:27:10,290 --> 00:27:10,590
Speaker 3: I don't.

558
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:15,030
Speaker 4: Um, and he knows that about me as well. Like

559
00:27:15,670 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 4: we're just kind of To the point people. But I

560
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,580
Speaker 4: really thought he was playing because there was no ring.

561
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,220
Speaker 4: You didn't get on one knee. So when he did

562
00:27:26,260 --> 00:27:28,660
Speaker 4: get my ring, I already had it on. I took

563
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,459
Speaker 4: it off. I said, okay, now you got to get

564
00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:33,699
Speaker 4: on one knee.

565
00:27:33,740 --> 00:27:34,630
Speaker 1: You got to ask him.

566
00:27:34,650 --> 00:27:41,929
Speaker 4: Very, very, very raggedy. Not the most romantic musical engagement story.

567
00:27:43,430 --> 00:27:50,109
Speaker 1: Not very ready these wives be tripping y'all.

568
00:27:50,930 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 4: Yeah it wasn't like you know not all of that

569
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:04,820
Speaker 4: so that that's our engagement story and then I guess

570
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,540
Speaker 4: like a month later we just started planning a wedding

571
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,300
Speaker 4: and then we got married so we got engaged in

572
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 4: August of 2021 and and we got married of September 2020.

573
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:17,340
Speaker 1: Three-month engagement. Well, not even three months. You guys met

574
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: in April, got engaged in August, and married....

575
00:28:22,830 --> 00:28:23,880
Speaker 5: September of the next year.

576
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: September 2020.

577
00:28:24,869 --> 00:28:27,130
Speaker 4: So it was about 18 months.

578
00:28:27,210 --> 00:28:27,530
Speaker 6: Yeah.

579
00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:30,330
Speaker 1: What do you enjoy best about, like, what do you

580
00:28:30,369 --> 00:28:31,830
Speaker 1: enjoy most about being married?

581
00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:38,370
Speaker 4: I like having a partner and having... It's the support

582
00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 4: and the partnership, which is something that I had to,

583
00:28:43,300 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 4: let me take that back. I mean, that is a

584
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 4: good thing. It's a great thing. But what I enjoy

585
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,450
Speaker 4: most about marriage is like learning about myself. Because, you know,

586
00:28:54,470 --> 00:28:57,610
Speaker 4: people will tell you that marriage is like holding a mirror.

587
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:03,130
Speaker 4: And so he's 10 years older than me as well.

588
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: So I learned a lot from him, which is different

589
00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 4: because I feel like in past relationships, I was the

590
00:29:13,140 --> 00:29:18,020
Speaker 4: one always teaching. And so it is an adjustment to

591
00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 4: be with somebody who has that wisdom. Sometimes they could

592
00:29:23,380 --> 00:29:27,850
Speaker 4: be older, but still be childish. So it's not really

593
00:29:27,890 --> 00:29:34,870
Speaker 4: about age, but the way that he communicates, the way

594
00:29:34,890 --> 00:29:39,510
Speaker 4: that he lives his life, he's very disciplined. And so

595
00:29:39,650 --> 00:29:42,330
Speaker 4: for me, and he's a creative but he showed me

596
00:29:42,650 --> 00:29:45,490
Speaker 4: that just because you're creative doesn't mean that you cannot

597
00:29:45,530 --> 00:29:50,710
Speaker 4: have structure and so he's taught me structure he's taught

598
00:29:50,780 --> 00:29:57,500
Speaker 4: me accountability um not making excuses like accountability is like

599
00:29:57,620 --> 00:30:01,820
Speaker 4: a big thing And so that's something that, yeah, it's

600
00:30:01,860 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 4: something I had to adjust because I've always been, and

601
00:30:06,060 --> 00:30:12,190
Speaker 4: I've like changed this over time intentionally. I was always

602
00:30:12,230 --> 00:30:16,750
Speaker 4: like the smartest one in the room. That's a bad thing.

603
00:30:17,370 --> 00:30:19,510
Speaker 4: You know, that's not a good thing. I was always

604
00:30:19,570 --> 00:30:22,890
Speaker 4: kind of the leader in every situation, whether it's like

605
00:30:22,930 --> 00:30:27,100
Speaker 4: a relationship. I won't say a relationship because my previous marriage,

606
00:30:27,140 --> 00:30:30,910
Speaker 4: I wasn't necessarily smart. the leader, but like in friendships

607
00:30:31,050 --> 00:30:34,130
Speaker 4: and business and all of that. And I realized how

608
00:30:34,170 --> 00:30:36,710
Speaker 4: much that was holding me back. So having to like

609
00:30:36,770 --> 00:30:40,470
Speaker 4: learn how to humble myself has been a big thing.

610
00:30:40,890 --> 00:30:43,630
Speaker 4: And I think when you're like a really high functioning

611
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,100
Speaker 4: woman and you've achieved a lot, you don't know how

612
00:30:47,130 --> 00:30:49,020
Speaker 4: to take a backseat. We always say that we want

613
00:30:49,060 --> 00:30:51,580
Speaker 4: somebody to take the reins and take the backseat, but

614
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,420
Speaker 4: our defense mechanisms and our trauma will not allow us

615
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:58,290
Speaker 4: to do it. Yep. And so it's a real thing.

616
00:30:58,350 --> 00:31:01,270
Speaker 4: It's not that easy to sit back and let somebody

617
00:31:01,330 --> 00:31:05,690
Speaker 4: take the reins. However, you don't just get the reins

618
00:31:05,750 --> 00:31:06,970
Speaker 4: just because you're the man.

619
00:31:08,090 --> 00:31:08,290
Speaker 5: Right.

620
00:31:08,490 --> 00:31:09,310
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

621
00:31:09,570 --> 00:31:15,020
Speaker 4: He showed me consistently that he was a leader and

622
00:31:15,060 --> 00:31:20,640
Speaker 4: a provider. His number one thing was making sure that

623
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 4: me and my son were comfortable. Notice I said me

624
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:29,250
Speaker 4: and my son. Mm-hmm. At his house, he had an

625
00:31:29,370 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 4: extra room. He said, get the bed. Mind you, this

626
00:31:32,340 --> 00:31:37,940
Speaker 4: is like, we met in April. This was May. He

627
00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 4: switched his mattress to the mattress that I like.

628
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:44,850
Speaker 1: You want to make sure you keep coming back.

629
00:31:46,270 --> 00:31:49,110
Speaker 4: He went and got all my feminine products, all the

630
00:31:49,150 --> 00:31:54,510
Speaker 4: honey pot. Hey, honey pot. Make sure he had that

631
00:31:55,130 --> 00:32:00,020
Speaker 4: at the house for me. gave me his credit card

632
00:32:00,100 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 4: to go get my son a bed and a mattress.

633
00:32:03,900 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 4: He had a PS4, no, PS5 at his dad's house.

634
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,340
Speaker 4: So he wanted to make sure that he had a

635
00:32:12,380 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 4: PS5 at my house. I mean, at his house. He's

636
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:25,620
Speaker 4: just done all the things to show me that I

637
00:32:25,660 --> 00:32:31,270
Speaker 4: could trust him. And so I did. But where I

638
00:32:31,310 --> 00:32:33,150
Speaker 4: think a lot of women mess up is that there

639
00:32:33,230 --> 00:32:34,920
Speaker 4: are good men out there and they.

640
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 5: Will show you.

641
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 4: But we look at it like, uh-uh, what you want

642
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 4: from me? Like, why are you doing all of this?

643
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 4: It's like, what do you mean crazy? Like, I'm doing

644
00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:46,700
Speaker 4: this because I see that there is a need. Like,

645
00:32:47,220 --> 00:32:51,290
Speaker 4: I'm doing this, but I think women are too focused on,

646
00:32:52,190 --> 00:32:57,150
Speaker 4: you know, is he giving me stacks of cash, Birkin bags?

647
00:32:57,550 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 4: And it's starting early now. Like my, my sons in

648
00:33:00,380 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 4: high school, these girls really want them, want these little

649
00:33:03,140 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 4: boys to buy them purses. Like what?

650
00:33:06,900 --> 00:33:07,979
Speaker 5: Like designer bags?

651
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: Yes.

652
00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:13,750
Speaker 4: This boy is on a meal plan. Talking about doing

653
00:33:13,770 --> 00:33:14,250
Speaker 4: her bag.

654
00:33:17,950 --> 00:33:20,810
Speaker 1: It's y'all millennial parents fault. Cause y'all be rich as

655
00:33:20,850 --> 00:33:22,110
Speaker 1: hell with these damn kids.

656
00:33:23,270 --> 00:33:25,070
Speaker 5: I didn't have no designer clothes.

657
00:33:25,130 --> 00:33:28,410
Speaker 1: Nothing. I barely had Nikes until I started babysitting to

658
00:33:28,430 --> 00:33:29,510
Speaker 1: buy my first pair.

659
00:33:29,530 --> 00:33:32,350
Speaker 4: I asked my friend the other day, what was it

660
00:33:32,390 --> 00:33:35,130
Speaker 4: that we were requiring from boys in high school? And

661
00:33:35,230 --> 00:33:36,210
Speaker 4: I just was like.

662
00:33:36,430 --> 00:33:38,690
Speaker 1: Now, you had to have a car to fuck with me, okay?

663
00:33:38,970 --> 00:33:39,770
Speaker 1: You got to be able to bring.

664
00:33:39,790 --> 00:33:40,490
Speaker 5: In high school?

665
00:33:41,010 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: Yes. I wasn't talking to people in high school. That's

666
00:33:43,130 --> 00:33:43,650
Speaker 1: the problem.

667
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,540
Speaker 6: I wasn't either.

668
00:33:46,260 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 4: I wasn't either.

669
00:33:48,540 --> 00:33:49,740
Speaker 1: You had to be able to bring.

670
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:50,820
Speaker 6: Me some lunch money, okay?

671
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:53,870
Speaker 4: Where I messed up was having a car still was

672
00:33:53,910 --> 00:33:54,610
Speaker 4: not a requirement.

673
00:33:54,710 --> 00:33:55,390
Speaker 5: I had a car.

674
00:33:57,510 --> 00:34:09,420
Speaker 4: And I was giving niggas gas money. And I said it. Trash.

675
00:34:09,460 --> 00:34:12,180
Speaker 4: Trash behavior. I told you I was all the way

676
00:34:12,219 --> 00:34:14,420
Speaker 4: at the top. Raggedy. Very much raggedy.

677
00:34:14,460 --> 00:34:17,660
Speaker 6: Like, what? Like, I can't even.

678
00:34:17,820 --> 00:34:23,450
Speaker 4: I can't even. I just, I had life. really messed

679
00:34:23,570 --> 00:34:27,350
Speaker 4: up and misconstrued. And I learned over time, like I

680
00:34:27,390 --> 00:34:30,950
Speaker 4: was on my journey before I met him, but he

681
00:34:31,050 --> 00:34:36,350
Speaker 4: kind of just showed me like, no, you can't do

682
00:34:36,390 --> 00:34:36,990
Speaker 4: it like this.

683
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,589
Speaker 1: So one of the questions I was trying to ask

684
00:34:39,670 --> 00:34:43,180
Speaker 1: our last guest, because I think that how people are

685
00:34:43,219 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: raised does reflect on, you know, how they view relationships,

686
00:34:46,260 --> 00:34:49,220
Speaker 1: how they view marriage. what kind of, you know, without

687
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 1: going to going into super detail, like what kind of, uh,

688
00:34:52,780 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: family background has he come from?

689
00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:02,730
Speaker 4: So he, um, he was born in Jamaica. Um, he

690
00:35:02,750 --> 00:35:05,989
Speaker 4: came over here and he was, yeah. So that, that

691
00:35:06,050 --> 00:35:08,109
Speaker 4: kind of answers a lot of questions like, Oh, okay.

692
00:35:08,130 --> 00:35:08,489
Speaker 2: Got it.

693
00:35:08,950 --> 00:35:09,149
Speaker 1: Yeah.

694
00:35:09,170 --> 00:35:11,390
Speaker 4: So he was born in Jamaica. He came to America

695
00:35:11,430 --> 00:35:14,930
Speaker 4: when he was nine. Um, he was raised by his

696
00:35:14,989 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 4: stepdad and his mom. when they got to the States,

697
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:27,100
Speaker 4: but he had, you know, there were some, a lot

698
00:35:27,140 --> 00:35:33,460
Speaker 4: of trials and tribulations and without, you know, just saying

699
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 4: too much, he didn't have a childhood. Like when we

700
00:35:39,060 --> 00:35:43,460
Speaker 4: talk about cartoons or things that kids would do like that,

701
00:35:43,660 --> 00:35:46,020
Speaker 4: you know, back when he was growing up, he can't relate.

702
00:35:47,210 --> 00:35:50,049
Speaker 4: because he was driving trucks and he was working and

703
00:35:50,090 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 4: he was like really doing hard work, like driving a

704
00:35:53,380 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 4: truck at like 10. Oh, wow. Like without a CDL.

705
00:35:58,739 --> 00:36:00,660
Speaker 5: No CDL.

706
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 4: That's about right.

707
00:36:01,820 --> 00:36:05,259
Speaker 1: I got three jobs. That's about right. Yeah. Yeah.

708
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 4: So he, he doesn't, he knows how to provide. That's

709
00:36:13,140 --> 00:36:15,540
Speaker 4: all he really knows how to do. I think that

710
00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:18,500
Speaker 4: like he, he, he showed me how to have fun

711
00:36:19,140 --> 00:36:21,980
Speaker 4: as well, but I think that I've showed him how

712
00:36:22,020 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 4: to like relax and enjoy life a little bit more.

713
00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:29,910
Speaker 4: So he gave me the discipline. I gave him, you know, the,

714
00:36:30,510 --> 00:36:34,350
Speaker 4: like the relaxation, like take care of yourself, like slow down.

715
00:36:34,370 --> 00:36:36,170
Speaker 5: Like it's okay.

716
00:36:37,290 --> 00:36:37,630
Speaker 4: Yeah.

717
00:36:37,710 --> 00:36:37,950
Speaker 1: Yeah.

718
00:36:39,820 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 4: So that's how he, that's how he grew up. So he,

719
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:47,060
Speaker 4: Is a very, like, no-nonsense person, like, to the max.

720
00:36:47,580 --> 00:36:48,300
Speaker 5: What's his sign?

721
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:53,420
Speaker 4: He's a Leo. Last day of Leo, cusp of Virgo.

722
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:55,260
Speaker 5: Oh, shit, yeah.

723
00:36:55,570 --> 00:36:59,110
Speaker 4: And he was born in Jamaica and raised in Queens.

724
00:37:03,489 --> 00:37:04,450
Speaker 1: What's your sign?

725
00:37:06,610 --> 00:37:07,290
Speaker 4: I'm an Aries.

726
00:37:10,570 --> 00:37:11,790
Speaker 5: So does he have.

727
00:37:11,590 --> 00:37:20,280
Speaker 2: Strong masculine head of household energy? Because Virgo men sometimes

728
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,950
Speaker 2: are very toxic masculine. to the point where it's just

729
00:37:23,989 --> 00:37:25,270
Speaker 2: like too strong sometimes.

730
00:37:25,310 --> 00:37:25,850
Speaker 1: You think so?

731
00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:27,130
Speaker 5: Sometimes, yeah.

732
00:37:27,230 --> 00:37:29,550
Speaker 1: I think Virgos are pimps, the men and women.

733
00:37:29,710 --> 00:37:30,990
Speaker 6: Yeah, their pimp.

734
00:37:30,810 --> 00:37:34,130
Speaker 2: Energy is very strong, almost toxic masculinity, you know, like

735
00:37:35,230 --> 00:37:39,780
Speaker 2: very traditional roles and things like that.

736
00:37:39,890 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 4: So he's not, he's actually not like that. I think

737
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 4: we're the Virgo because Virgos are planners. Like they say

738
00:37:45,580 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 4: the best wedding planners and all of that are Virgos.

739
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:54,010
Speaker 4: He is like very organized and a planner. And then

740
00:37:54,110 --> 00:37:59,140
Speaker 4: the Leo, it's definitely a high, high, high, high level

741
00:37:59,390 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 4: of self-confidence. So to a lot of people, it reads

742
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:11,240
Speaker 4: as arrogance because he's very much, I said what I said.

743
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 4: But I don't get toxic masculinity. I actually enjoy it

744
00:38:17,940 --> 00:38:21,750
Speaker 4: because it's refreshing because I think nowadays the roles are

745
00:38:21,790 --> 00:38:25,110
Speaker 4: like reversing. Like he cuts a lot of women's hair

746
00:38:25,570 --> 00:38:31,020
Speaker 4: and it's a lot of stories about women being the providers.

747
00:38:32,739 --> 00:38:39,459
Speaker 4: And like, it's like, we just don't, we don't rock

748
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:44,620
Speaker 4: that way. Now, he doesn't really care about traditional roles.

749
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,950
Speaker 4: We don't do traditional roles, but we do in the

750
00:38:48,010 --> 00:38:53,310
Speaker 4: sense that the man should provide and have provision. However,

751
00:38:53,330 --> 00:38:56,590
Speaker 4: he believes that a woman should always have something for herself.

752
00:38:57,030 --> 00:39:00,670
Speaker 4: So he's really not into having like a housewife type

753
00:39:00,770 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 4: of thing. Yeah. Which I come from that in my

754
00:39:05,260 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 4: previous relationship. I was like a stay at home mom,

755
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,280
Speaker 4: stay at home wife. I had my businesses and stuff.

756
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:15,790
Speaker 4: I've always been an entrepreneur, but it was like a

757
00:39:16,070 --> 00:39:20,660
Speaker 4: submissive kind of thing. And so I am someone that

758
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,509
Speaker 4: is just very submissive. Whether or not he values it,

759
00:39:24,030 --> 00:39:28,790
Speaker 4: I know that it works for the relationship. And we

760
00:39:28,850 --> 00:39:32,339
Speaker 4: do submit to each other. but I am proudly a

761
00:39:32,420 --> 00:39:33,300
Speaker 4: submissive wife.

762
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,140
Speaker 1: What does that look like for you to be a

763
00:39:36,180 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 1: submissive wife? Because we talk about that shit all the

764
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,100
Speaker 1: time and the internet talks about it all the time.

765
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,950
Speaker 1: And like you said, you guys submit to each other.

766
00:39:42,969 --> 00:39:46,750
Speaker 1: That's where I lean more towards. somebody may be better

767
00:39:46,810 --> 00:39:49,350
Speaker 1: at something. This person may be better at something, you know,

768
00:39:49,370 --> 00:39:52,569
Speaker 1: so you, you guys waver in that way. But what

769
00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,669
Speaker 1: does it look like for you to be a submissive wife?

770
00:39:56,969 --> 00:40:00,070
Speaker 4: So I take care, I take care of the house.

771
00:40:00,570 --> 00:40:04,589
Speaker 4: Like to me, that is my job to make sure

772
00:40:04,650 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 4: that the house is stocked, to make sure that I cook. He,

773
00:40:09,100 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 4: he actually doesn't, want me to do all of that

774
00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:14,300
Speaker 4: because I have so many things going on in business

775
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,419
Speaker 4: he wants me to like relax a little bit but

776
00:40:17,500 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 4: it's a double-edged sword because we can't keep eating out

777
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 4: because I'm trying to unbig this back so it's in

778
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,739
Speaker 4: the best interest yes it's in the best interest of

779
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:34,430
Speaker 4: of everybody that we eat at home but I enjoy

780
00:40:34,510 --> 00:40:37,950
Speaker 4: cooking for my family like if I don't get to

781
00:40:38,010 --> 00:40:42,580
Speaker 4: cook for them um It starts to make me sad, like,

782
00:40:42,739 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 4: because I really love to care for my family. Like,

783
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 4: the boys have color-coded towels. Like, these are your towels,

784
00:40:49,980 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 4: these are your towels, these are your towels. However, I

785
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,820
Speaker 4: don't do, like, he told me not to do laundry.

786
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,260
Speaker 4: So I do my laundry. I do my son's laundry

787
00:40:59,300 --> 00:41:01,460
Speaker 4: because he's eight, but everybody else does their own laundry.

788
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,700
Speaker 4: I do clean most of the time, but that's because

789
00:41:07,780 --> 00:41:11,649
Speaker 4: he's at work. Most of the time I'm flexible because

790
00:41:11,690 --> 00:41:14,830
Speaker 4: I'm here, there, everywhere with my job. So I try

791
00:41:14,870 --> 00:41:18,020
Speaker 4: to stay on top of the cleaning. However, I am

792
00:41:18,140 --> 00:41:21,100
Speaker 4: getting to a point now where I am like, it's

793
00:41:21,140 --> 00:41:25,100
Speaker 4: about to be delegation nation because I can't do it anymore.

794
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 4: So I'm picking the things that I can do while

795
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:33,060
Speaker 4: still balancing work. But I guess another way that I'm

796
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:40,210
Speaker 4: submissive is I let him make. the big decisions. We consult,

797
00:41:41,110 --> 00:41:43,810
Speaker 4: but the default is that he's going to make the

798
00:41:43,870 --> 00:41:50,610
Speaker 4: decisions for the family and what we're doing. Go ahead.

799
00:41:51,110 --> 00:41:51,790
Speaker 5: Let me ask you this.

800
00:41:52,050 --> 00:41:55,430
Speaker 2: So in the instance that you don't really agree with

801
00:41:55,469 --> 00:41:58,460
Speaker 2: the decision, you'll still allow him to make that decision

802
00:41:58,540 --> 00:41:59,140
Speaker 2: for the family?

803
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:06,450
Speaker 4: I think at that point, if it's something where... we

804
00:42:06,469 --> 00:42:08,890
Speaker 4: need to do that. We'll have a conversation about it.

805
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 4: But he's going to get the final word.

806
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,700
Speaker 2: And I feel like that ain't through with me yet.

807
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 2: Cause baby, that is so hard for me right there.

808
00:42:19,460 --> 00:42:23,890
Speaker 1: But if it makes sense, if.

809
00:42:23,890 --> 00:42:27,330
Speaker 4: It makes sense, I, I just trust him because everything

810
00:42:27,350 --> 00:42:31,050
Speaker 4: that he does, he's very calculated in everything. And for me,

811
00:42:31,370 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 4: I know that my strong suit, like I'm a big

812
00:42:34,060 --> 00:42:37,770
Speaker 4: picture person. He's a fine detail person. He's a detail

813
00:42:37,850 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 4: oriented person. So if it's something I'm looking at the

814
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,899
Speaker 4: big picture, I'm like, we should definitely just do this.

815
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,779
Speaker 4: And he was like, no, because of this. But I

816
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:49,060
Speaker 4: also have a very short attention span.

817
00:42:49,100 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 2: So I'm just like, whatever.

818
00:42:50,340 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 4: Like, you know, we just going to see where the

819
00:42:52,860 --> 00:42:56,910
Speaker 4: chips fall. But he has not, he has not led

820
00:42:56,969 --> 00:43:00,010
Speaker 4: us astray yet. We're going on three years being together

821
00:43:00,030 --> 00:43:05,020
Speaker 4: and He has not led us astray. I'm always looking

822
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:11,300
Speaker 4: at a track record. And I am somebody that takes risks.

823
00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:13,940
Speaker 4: I take risks in business. I take risks in love.

824
00:43:16,180 --> 00:43:20,370
Speaker 4: And I like to follow God's plan for marriage. I

825
00:43:20,430 --> 00:43:24,690
Speaker 4: think that it's there for a reason and that people

826
00:43:24,750 --> 00:43:26,750
Speaker 4: should try it out before they try to change it

827
00:43:26,870 --> 00:43:29,910
Speaker 4: up and change all the rules because it's not just

828
00:43:29,969 --> 00:43:34,670
Speaker 4: because the man is just more superior is that God

829
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:42,299
Speaker 4: knows our, our capacity for things. He knows as what

830
00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:46,259
Speaker 4: a woman's capacity is. He knows what a man's capacity is.

831
00:43:46,739 --> 00:43:49,860
Speaker 4: And if everybody is striving to be like at the

832
00:43:49,940 --> 00:43:53,020
Speaker 4: top and strive toward that capacity and what they're doing,

833
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:57,310
Speaker 4: then I think that the family and the household will,

834
00:43:58,190 --> 00:44:00,550
Speaker 4: you know, stay afloat and will prosper.

835
00:44:02,910 --> 00:44:06,950
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this. Co-parenting and things like that.

836
00:44:07,090 --> 00:44:08,930
Speaker 2: You know, y'all will not, I guess it's not co-parenting.

837
00:44:09,030 --> 00:44:11,510
Speaker 2: What would you call it? Y'all have a blended family.

838
00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:14,730
Speaker 2: How does that work? Because he has kids from a

839
00:44:14,770 --> 00:44:17,890
Speaker 2: previous relationship and you have a son from a previous relationship.

840
00:44:18,260 --> 00:44:18,900
Speaker 5: How's that working?

841
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:27,299
Speaker 1: I'm going.

842
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:32,629
Speaker 4: To just leave them off. I will say this. His

843
00:44:32,750 --> 00:44:37,149
Speaker 4: ex-wife and myself, we have a very great relationship. She's

844
00:44:37,230 --> 00:44:45,170
Speaker 4: also remarried. And so our side of the world, me, him,

845
00:44:45,190 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 4: his ex-wife, her husband, the kids, her. So he also

846
00:44:55,700 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 4: has a stepson. His dad and her wife were good.

847
00:45:00,860 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.

848
00:45:02,930 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 4: On my side, God's still working. I'm going to just

849
00:45:07,910 --> 00:45:08,339
Speaker 4: say that.

850
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:10,900
Speaker 1: On your ex-husband, basically.

851
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:19,060
Speaker 4: Yeah. He's also remarried. It's a work in progress. And

852
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:24,540
Speaker 4: it definitely has grown me up and gotten me closer

853
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:31,109
Speaker 4: to God in terms of forgiveness, in terms of patience

854
00:45:31,230 --> 00:45:33,859
Speaker 4: and grace. Because at the end of.

855
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:34,440
Speaker 3: The day, the.

856
00:45:36,300 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 4: Kids are, you know, are the ones who suffer. And

857
00:45:40,820 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 4: so I have just been working on, regardless of how

858
00:45:46,620 --> 00:45:49,219
Speaker 4: I feel or how I feel I've been wronged or

859
00:45:49,260 --> 00:45:53,050
Speaker 4: how he feels he's been wronged or whatever, I have

860
00:45:54,030 --> 00:45:56,989
Speaker 4: been taking this stance. And I'm not going to say

861
00:45:57,030 --> 00:46:01,450
Speaker 4: it's been a long time. It's still recent developments, okay?

862
00:46:01,550 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 4: It's very new, like. two weeks ago I'm just playing.

863
00:46:08,020 --> 00:46:10,760
Speaker 2: But you said the kids are the ones who suffer

864
00:46:10,780 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 2: the kids are the ones who suffer most because in

865
00:46:13,540 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 2: my last relationship that bitch took me through it I

866
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:21,430
Speaker 2: definitely suffered so the kids suffer most.

867
00:46:22,050 --> 00:46:28,270
Speaker 4: Yeah I mean we suffer too but I have looked

868
00:46:28,390 --> 00:46:33,149
Speaker 4: at my relationship with my mom and my dad Now

869
00:46:33,170 --> 00:46:35,370
Speaker 4: I told y'all before, I just found out my dad

870
00:46:35,410 --> 00:46:39,870
Speaker 4: was not my dad in 2021. And so they both

871
00:46:39,950 --> 00:46:45,980
Speaker 4: knew that he wasn't my dad. But so there's that

872
00:46:46,060 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 4: trauma there. And this is now, there was already some

873
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:56,510
Speaker 4: trauma there. And now there's even more because of these

874
00:46:56,830 --> 00:47:02,430
Speaker 4: recent developments. And so I'm trying my best. Like, it's

875
00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 4: my life's work not to F up my kid as

876
00:47:06,060 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 4: much as possible. And I'm still human, so I still

877
00:47:10,060 --> 00:47:13,060
Speaker 4: want to go off. I still want to get my

878
00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:19,330
Speaker 4: lit back. But you have to question, like, if you

879
00:47:19,370 --> 00:47:21,330
Speaker 4: say you love your kid, this is a part of

880
00:47:21,370 --> 00:47:24,410
Speaker 4: loving your kid. Because people are like, I love my kids,

881
00:47:24,430 --> 00:47:27,210
Speaker 4: my kids, my kids. But you are hooping and hollering

882
00:47:27,290 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 4: and fighting in front of your kid. You are talking...

883
00:47:31,989 --> 00:47:36,530
Speaker 4: badly about the other parent you are you know exposing

884
00:47:36,570 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 4: them to things that it might seem like they're okay

885
00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 4: because kids are very resilient but i'm not trying to

886
00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,940
Speaker 4: have a conversation with you when you're 35 about you

887
00:47:45,980 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 4: did this to me you did that to me you

888
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:48,879
Speaker 4: did because i'm gonna have an attitude because i didn't

889
00:47:48,900 --> 00:47:49,360
Speaker 4: know how we do.

890
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 7: Our parents right how we do our parents i'm gonna

891
00:47:52,580 --> 00:47:56,069
Speaker 7: have a big big attitude with you because do you

892
00:47:56,140 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 7: know what i went through right right But at the

893
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,300
Speaker 7: end of the day, it doesn't matter to a kid.

894
00:48:03,340 --> 00:48:06,819
Speaker 4: Like all they know is that what they're, especially when

895
00:48:06,860 --> 00:48:09,180
Speaker 4: they grow up, like all we know is that we

896
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:12,109
Speaker 4: have so much that we went through and now it's

897
00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:17,050
Speaker 4: blocking us from being able to be like regular functioning adults.

898
00:48:17,830 --> 00:48:18,690
Speaker 5: Whatever that is.

899
00:48:19,550 --> 00:48:22,950
Speaker 4: Whatever that is, because what is that? We don't know.

900
00:48:23,330 --> 00:48:23,950
Speaker 5: At this point.

901
00:48:24,489 --> 00:48:27,430
Speaker 4: Right. Don't know what that is. We're all in therapy.

902
00:48:27,700 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 4: Everybody's in therapy. From no therapy to everybody's in therapy.

903
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:34,760
Speaker 6: Exactly that part.

904
00:48:34,820 --> 00:48:36,780
Speaker 1: Because everybody is not in therapy.

905
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:37,580
Speaker 4: Yeah.

906
00:48:37,620 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 6: So you got big business.

907
00:48:40,540 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: You're a big realtor. You have the big.

908
00:48:45,140 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 3: Convention.

909
00:48:45,500 --> 00:48:47,739
Speaker 1: No, I don't want to call it home decorating.

910
00:48:48,100 --> 00:48:48,980
Speaker 5: Interior design.

911
00:48:49,100 --> 00:48:54,010
Speaker 1: You're an interior designer. How do you balance your personal life?

912
00:48:54,290 --> 00:48:59,810
Speaker 1: Because you still have you, right? And then the union. Um,

913
00:49:00,070 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 1: or cause I know some women, they just like be

914
00:49:02,440 --> 00:49:04,819
Speaker 1: like super codependent on a partner. You don't even talk

915
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 1: to them no more once they get a man, honey.

916
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,820
Speaker 1: So how do you balance, you know, your personal life

917
00:49:12,060 --> 00:49:16,370
Speaker 1: and also having a union or is it one and

918
00:49:16,390 --> 00:49:19,129
Speaker 1: the same now you don't have a personal life anymore.

919
00:49:19,950 --> 00:49:25,340
Speaker 4: So I actually have an amazing personal life like I

920
00:49:25,380 --> 00:49:28,739
Speaker 4: have an amazing social life I'll say that and I

921
00:49:28,739 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 4: had to work toward it because I was I was

922
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 4: that wife before where I'm just about my, my family,

923
00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:40,819
Speaker 4: my husband and my kid, like, no, I can't go

924
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:45,230
Speaker 4: to the point. I stopped getting invitations to things. And you,

925
00:49:45,310 --> 00:49:47,609
Speaker 4: you want to be salty. Like my, like they turn

926
00:49:47,670 --> 00:49:50,670
Speaker 4: it back on me. No, you just fell off the

927
00:49:50,710 --> 00:49:52,609
Speaker 4: face of the earth and people had to move on

928
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 4: with their life. Don't nobody got time to be babysitting

929
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,980
Speaker 4: you trying to coach you to come out.

930
00:49:58,940 --> 00:49:59,660
Speaker 2: Right. Um, and.

931
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I may, I had to just be intentional.

932
00:50:06,540 --> 00:50:10,900
Speaker 4: Like I was intentional about, I want like all my friends,

933
00:50:11,260 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 4: like I went from really having no real social life,

934
00:50:16,060 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 4: having a lot of backstabbing friends. Um, we were in

935
00:50:22,620 --> 00:50:27,890
Speaker 4: my previous marriage, he was like very successful. Everybody was

936
00:50:27,930 --> 00:50:31,410
Speaker 4: kind of mooching off of him, like sweets at the,

937
00:50:31,570 --> 00:50:37,839
Speaker 4: at the games, you know, big parties, car service, all

938
00:50:37,860 --> 00:50:40,240
Speaker 4: of that. So we had a lot of people around

939
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:42,319
Speaker 4: us that wanted to be around us just for what

940
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:47,020
Speaker 4: they could gain. And so I did have friends and

941
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:48,930
Speaker 4: this is what we don't realize is we do have

942
00:50:49,410 --> 00:50:53,210
Speaker 4: good people around us. We're just too concerned dealing with

943
00:50:53,350 --> 00:50:56,189
Speaker 4: all of that over there. So luckily by the time

944
00:50:56,290 --> 00:50:59,469
Speaker 4: I got, I was getting remarried, like I went from

945
00:50:59,950 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 4: literally No real friendship dynamics to 18 women at my

946
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:06,779
Speaker 4: bachelorette party.

947
00:51:08,610 --> 00:51:09,450
Speaker 5: All close friends.

948
00:51:10,610 --> 00:51:14,009
Speaker 4: Literally. How do you have 18 close friends? I'm trying

949
00:51:14,050 --> 00:51:19,290
Speaker 4: to wonder the same thing. But these women, they showed

950
00:51:19,370 --> 00:51:22,890
Speaker 4: up for me. They continue to be my community. We

951
00:51:22,930 --> 00:51:25,700
Speaker 4: don't all hang out together. I have different pockets of friends.

952
00:51:27,180 --> 00:51:31,140
Speaker 4: So I have them. They're You know, they're growing in

953
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 4: their life. They're getting engaged. They're having kids. So because

954
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:36,740
Speaker 4: I had kids so early, because I was married so early,

955
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,950
Speaker 4: they're experiencing those things now. So we can kind of

956
00:51:40,989 --> 00:51:43,049
Speaker 4: relate and they can kind of give me grace and

957
00:51:43,090 --> 00:51:45,370
Speaker 4: understand why I was the way that I was, because

958
00:51:45,410 --> 00:51:49,549
Speaker 4: it is hard to manage. But having female friendships and

959
00:51:49,590 --> 00:51:53,810
Speaker 4: having sisterhood is literally like the cheat code.

960
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:54,739
Speaker 5: To life.

961
00:51:55,300 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 4: And my husband supports that.

962
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:57,780
Speaker 1: Yeah.

963
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,900
Speaker 4: My husband supports that. It was weird at first. He

964
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:04,339
Speaker 4: was like, you're not going out with your friends. I'm like, no,

965
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:09,420
Speaker 4: I'm with you. We're going to be together. Like, that

966
00:52:09,460 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 4: was just how my mind works. It's like my man,

967
00:52:11,500 --> 00:52:13,910
Speaker 4: my man, my man, we do everything together. And he

968
00:52:14,430 --> 00:52:16,130
Speaker 4: is a little bit older and it used to hurt

969
00:52:16,170 --> 00:52:18,790
Speaker 4: my feelings at first, but I had to understand like,

970
00:52:20,710 --> 00:52:23,739
Speaker 4: it's okay to have a life outside of marriage. And

971
00:52:23,780 --> 00:52:26,540
Speaker 4: he gave me permission to have a life outside of marriage.

972
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:28,940
Speaker 4: Like if I have to work late, he's like, that's

973
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,660
Speaker 4: what you do when you're building a business. It's okay

974
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 4: to work late. Like he's not on me because I

975
00:52:33,420 --> 00:52:35,879
Speaker 4: have to be here. I have to be there. You know,

976
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,839
Speaker 4: he saw how much he just jumps into help. So

977
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:44,860
Speaker 4: instead of ragging on me, he thinks of solutions to

978
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 4: help me. Like we had, You know, I'm trying to

979
00:52:48,380 --> 00:52:53,500
Speaker 4: do all of this. I'm loading my car, hiring, moving

980
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:56,779
Speaker 4: services and stuff. He bought me a Sprinter van, a

981
00:52:56,820 --> 00:52:57,299
Speaker 4: cargo van.

982
00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 3: Okay.

983
00:52:58,100 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 4: That's right.

984
00:53:00,140 --> 00:53:00,359
Speaker 2: Right.

985
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,700
Speaker 4: And he bought me my personal car literally in the

986
00:53:03,739 --> 00:53:04,860
Speaker 4: same month, but that's.

987
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:05,620
Speaker 6: Not a flex at all.

988
00:53:05,820 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 3: It is.

989
00:53:08,340 --> 00:53:14,380
Speaker 1: Glasses back on. What we're hearing is you got to

990
00:53:14,420 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: have some money to be a good husband.

991
00:53:18,100 --> 00:53:24,800
Speaker 4: Okay. I think that it helps. Money helps for sure.

992
00:53:25,540 --> 00:53:29,450
Speaker 4: But he's not somebody that's going to, He does buy

993
00:53:29,469 --> 00:53:32,610
Speaker 4: me things, but I don't really value that a whole lot.

994
00:53:34,260 --> 00:53:37,900
Speaker 4: Like a lot of expensive gifts. I like experiences and

995
00:53:37,940 --> 00:53:40,219
Speaker 4: I like for things for my business. I like my

996
00:53:40,260 --> 00:53:42,420
Speaker 4: business to be invested in because I have a lot

997
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:46,410
Speaker 4: that I want to do. So that's where that support,

998
00:53:46,450 --> 00:53:48,850
Speaker 4: where I started off by saying like the best thing

999
00:53:48,890 --> 00:53:52,270
Speaker 4: about marriage is like the support. That is what helps me.

1000
00:53:52,290 --> 00:53:56,230
Speaker 4: Because I think the biggest thing with women, especially moms

1001
00:53:56,370 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 4: and wives, is the guilt that of like, if I

1002
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 4: do this, or if I chase my dreams, then I'm

1003
00:54:01,660 --> 00:54:04,219
Speaker 4: going to be leaving my family behind because, you know,

1004
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 4: they're going to have, they're like, you're not here, you know,

1005
00:54:06,890 --> 00:54:09,350
Speaker 4: all of that. And my son, he's still very like,

1006
00:54:09,810 --> 00:54:11,470
Speaker 4: I don't want to say clingy, but he's a boy.

1007
00:54:11,610 --> 00:54:14,330
Speaker 4: He's a, you know, he's a mama's boy. So if

1008
00:54:14,410 --> 00:54:18,250
Speaker 4: I'm working a lot, he does explain that to me,

1009
00:54:18,350 --> 00:54:21,589
Speaker 4: but my husband is very intentional about spending a lot

1010
00:54:21,630 --> 00:54:23,509
Speaker 4: of time with him as well, even though we both

1011
00:54:23,630 --> 00:54:26,570
Speaker 4: work a whole lot. Like he's the one that plans

1012
00:54:26,670 --> 00:54:31,500
Speaker 4: all the different trips or, um, activities and things like that.

1013
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 4: So if I'm working, he'll take him, like my, my

1014
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,359
Speaker 4: son will go to the barbershop with him. Then they

1015
00:54:36,380 --> 00:54:39,500
Speaker 4: might go get ice cream or they'll go to the mall.

1016
00:54:39,540 --> 00:54:41,779
Speaker 4: They're like doing all these things. So it's not like

1017
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:46,090
Speaker 4: my son is just sitting at home alone or bored

1018
00:54:46,140 --> 00:54:50,290
Speaker 4: or just on his video games or things like that. So, um,

1019
00:54:51,310 --> 00:54:54,290
Speaker 4: it helps. And I think the reason why I'm, I don't,

1020
00:54:54,450 --> 00:54:56,410
Speaker 4: I don't want to say that I'm balancing right now.

1021
00:54:56,469 --> 00:55:01,390
Speaker 4: Like Egypt, who owns Indigo Road, the real estate firm

1022
00:55:01,410 --> 00:55:03,009
Speaker 4: that I work for and the show that I'm on,

1023
00:55:04,010 --> 00:55:06,549
Speaker 4: she said this in an interview. She said, you can

1024
00:55:06,570 --> 00:55:08,910
Speaker 4: have it all, but not at once. But not all

1025
00:55:08,930 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 4: at once. So it's just understanding seasons. Like there's a

1026
00:55:14,140 --> 00:55:16,500
Speaker 4: season for this, there's a season for that. And if

1027
00:55:16,540 --> 00:55:22,819
Speaker 4: you want to have a season of like relaxation and

1028
00:55:22,860 --> 00:55:25,950
Speaker 4: self-care and all of that stuff, I think you need

1029
00:55:26,030 --> 00:55:29,670
Speaker 4: to intentionally work toward it. Like, I'm going to grind

1030
00:55:29,690 --> 00:55:33,130
Speaker 4: it out right now because I know in six months

1031
00:55:33,410 --> 00:55:36,319
Speaker 4: I really need to sit the fuck down. Mm-hmm. Like,

1032
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:40,820
Speaker 4: I need to relax. And so that, I don't really

1033
00:55:41,140 --> 00:55:43,340
Speaker 4: believe in balance. I don't think that it exists. I

1034
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:47,100
Speaker 4: think you have good days. I think you have bad days.

1035
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:49,569
Speaker 4: There's going to be days where you're really, really tired.

1036
00:55:49,590 --> 00:55:51,629
Speaker 4: There's going to be days where you're crying. Like, I'll

1037
00:55:51,670 --> 00:55:58,330
Speaker 4: be driving crying because I'm tired. Mm-hmm. But at the

1038
00:55:58,390 --> 00:56:01,010
Speaker 4: end of the day, this is what I ask God for.

1039
00:56:01,410 --> 00:56:07,770
Speaker 4: So I try to have a, like a state of gratitude.

1040
00:56:08,510 --> 00:56:08,730
Speaker 1: Right.

1041
00:56:08,770 --> 00:56:13,270
Speaker 4: Because I really am living my dreams and being able

1042
00:56:13,330 --> 00:56:17,430
Speaker 4: to see, especially like with Egypt too, seeing how she

1043
00:56:17,489 --> 00:56:20,130
Speaker 4: runs her business and seeing how she has, you know,

1044
00:56:20,170 --> 00:56:22,069
Speaker 4: she has kids and she has a husband. She works

1045
00:56:22,110 --> 00:56:25,260
Speaker 4: with her husband and I see days that she's very tired.

1046
00:56:25,700 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 4: And I see days that she's on top of it.

1047
00:56:27,820 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 4: And so seeing her has been a blessing because it doesn't,

1048
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:33,180
Speaker 4: it allows me to not look at what I'm going

1049
00:56:33,219 --> 00:56:36,230
Speaker 4: through and like getting a pit, like, Oh, I'm failing. Like, no,

1050
00:56:36,250 --> 00:56:39,009
Speaker 4: this is just part of the ebbs and flows. This

1051
00:56:39,030 --> 00:56:43,370
Speaker 4: is just part of it. There's no, there's really no

1052
00:56:43,469 --> 00:56:46,820
Speaker 4: easy way. I've been working for myself since I was 12, literally.

1053
00:56:46,940 --> 00:56:50,299
Speaker 4: And I have clients that have been working with me

1054
00:56:50,380 --> 00:56:53,470
Speaker 4: in some capacity and you know, the same ones from

1055
00:56:53,489 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 4: when I was 12, I'm doing their houses. I used

1056
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,219
Speaker 4: to be here and now I'm doing their houses. And

1057
00:56:57,260 --> 00:57:02,020
Speaker 4: it's like, there is no shortcut. It's going to be hard.

1058
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:06,180
Speaker 4: Like a husband is not going to fix it. It's

1059
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:08,460
Speaker 4: going to help, you know, he's going to help if

1060
00:57:08,500 --> 00:57:11,580
Speaker 4: he's a good one. But, you know, the things that

1061
00:57:11,620 --> 00:57:14,299
Speaker 4: we think we need to be successful or to have

1062
00:57:14,340 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 4: like this life, we really, that's not necessarily the key

1063
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:23,250
Speaker 4: to it. The key is to kind of like just

1064
00:57:23,330 --> 00:57:26,610
Speaker 4: chill out and understand the ebbs and flows of life

1065
00:57:26,730 --> 00:57:28,910
Speaker 4: and to be in a state of gratitude as much

1066
00:57:28,970 --> 00:57:29,470
Speaker 4: as possible.

1067
00:57:33,750 --> 00:57:36,220
Speaker 1: All the peaches and cream. We know marriage is marriage

1068
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:37,540
Speaker 1: could be so wonderful.

1069
00:57:37,620 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 4: Right.

1070
00:57:37,820 --> 00:57:41,280
Speaker 1: But on the other side, you know, it is work.

1071
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 1: I feel like relationships are work. I don't know. I

1072
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,560
Speaker 1: would love a relationship where it doesn't feel like work,

1073
00:57:46,620 --> 00:57:49,170
Speaker 1: but anything worth having, you got to work at it.

1074
00:57:49,190 --> 00:57:51,530
Speaker 1: So what, are some of the ways like you and

1075
00:57:51,550 --> 00:57:56,930
Speaker 1: your husband, when y'all have disagreements, like how do y'all

1076
00:57:56,990 --> 00:58:02,290
Speaker 1: have constructive disagreements? I guess, I don't know, constructive arguments,

1077
00:58:02,890 --> 00:58:05,370
Speaker 1: but how do y'all handle conflict in your, in your partnership?

1078
00:58:07,230 --> 00:58:11,570
Speaker 4: So I will say this, it was an adjustment being

1079
00:58:11,650 --> 00:58:19,470
Speaker 4: in a healthy relationship because I thought when you argued,

1080
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:24,210
Speaker 4: it was like World War III is silent treatment. It

1081
00:58:24,290 --> 00:58:29,950
Speaker 4: might be a lot of like aggression and violence and

1082
00:58:30,530 --> 00:58:36,310
Speaker 4: all kinds of things. But for him, he will just

1083
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,810
Speaker 4: take a minute. And I wasn't used to that. I'm like, no,

1084
00:58:38,830 --> 00:58:43,470
Speaker 4: we need to talk about this now. For him, it's like,

1085
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:46,900
Speaker 4: He just won't talk. And I took that as like

1086
00:58:46,940 --> 00:58:49,740
Speaker 4: stonewalling and silent treatment. That was kind of my traumas

1087
00:58:49,780 --> 00:58:50,979
Speaker 4: kind of coming in like.

1088
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:51,980
Speaker 6: Oh, here we go again.

1089
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 4: Because that's when you've been in traumatic situations, your your

1090
00:58:54,940 --> 00:58:59,260
Speaker 4: antennas are up because you're like, oh, no, here we go.

1091
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:02,990
Speaker 4: I don't put myself in another situation, you know, and

1092
00:59:03,030 --> 00:59:05,550
Speaker 4: I had to really calm down with that. So with

1093
00:59:05,810 --> 00:59:10,580
Speaker 4: our disagreements, I've learned to just give him space. Like

1094
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 4: that's what he needs. I don't need space. I want

1095
00:59:13,740 --> 00:59:17,890
Speaker 4: to talk about it now, but I have learned to

1096
00:59:18,450 --> 00:59:24,730
Speaker 4: just journal it, get my feelings out, everything that I

1097
00:59:24,810 --> 00:59:30,170
Speaker 4: want to say, get it out. pray about it. And

1098
00:59:30,230 --> 00:59:34,220
Speaker 4: then if I'm still hyped up, then he's going to

1099
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 4: get that long text message. I just feel like, you know, I,

1100
00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:42,400
Speaker 4: I still, I still do that. Cause it's like, no,

1101
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:50,750
Speaker 4: I need you to under like understand. Um, but yeah, yeah.

1102
00:59:51,170 --> 00:59:54,090
Speaker 4: I tell people that cause when I work with some

1103
00:59:54,130 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 4: of my clients that have been through like similar, um,

1104
00:59:57,690 --> 01:00:00,970
Speaker 4: situations and like relationships and trauma and stuff I'm like

1105
01:00:01,090 --> 01:00:04,230
Speaker 4: just write write out your feelings or write the apology

1106
01:00:04,270 --> 01:00:08,300
Speaker 4: that you want that you may not ever get like

1107
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 4: just write it for yourself and give give yourself the

1108
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 4: apology because you might get it they might come to

1109
01:00:13,420 --> 01:00:19,060
Speaker 4: their senses or you won't but you kind of yeah.

1110
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:25,220
Speaker 2: You write an apology ask them hmm ask them okay

1111
01:00:25,970 --> 01:00:27,130
Speaker 2: that's interesting mm-hmm.

1112
01:00:27,900 --> 01:00:31,980
Speaker 4: But if that's the apology that you need, then write

1113
01:00:32,020 --> 01:00:32,380
Speaker 4: it out.

1114
01:00:32,620 --> 01:00:34,010
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1115
01:00:35,050 --> 01:00:40,050
Speaker 4: And then, you know, sometimes I will apologize to myself

1116
01:00:40,250 --> 01:00:47,180
Speaker 4: for allowing myself to be put in that situation. Even

1117
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:51,010
Speaker 4: in our marriage, like, I feel like there is, some

1118
01:00:51,050 --> 01:00:53,640
Speaker 4: ways where I get beside myself and I might get

1119
01:00:53,660 --> 01:00:56,380
Speaker 4: very emotional about it, knowing that I should not have

1120
01:00:56,410 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 4: been that emotional about it. And so I just forgive

1121
01:00:59,300 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 4: myself for like allowing my traumas to lead me as

1122
01:01:04,860 --> 01:01:10,460
Speaker 4: opposed to just really like thinking clearly through things and

1123
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 4: learning that feelings are not facts. I really like move

1124
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:16,500
Speaker 4: through life off of my feelings for a long time.

1125
01:01:17,060 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 4: And so he taught me how to, See things for

1126
01:01:20,180 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 4: what it is. And handle it for what it is.

1127
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:24,410
Speaker 4: I think that he.

1128
01:01:24,450 --> 01:01:25,770
Speaker 6: He's a Leo.

1129
01:01:28,810 --> 01:01:34,290
Speaker 4: Virgo cusp. And so he doesn't apologize. He doesn't say

1130
01:01:34,370 --> 01:01:40,010
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. It's not in his vocabulary. But he has

1131
01:01:40,150 --> 01:01:43,419
Speaker 4: other ways. In which he takes accountability. But to say

1132
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:47,939
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. I had to learn my mate. In that.

1133
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:56,700
Speaker 4: what he like how do I say this I used

1134
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:58,420
Speaker 4: to hang on to the fact that he would not

1135
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:00,960
Speaker 4: say I'm sorry or I apologize and I had to

1136
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:04,680
Speaker 4: understand that that's not in his language and that I

1137
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:07,070
Speaker 4: need to kind of look through and sift through what

1138
01:02:07,110 --> 01:02:11,030
Speaker 4: he's saying to understand that oh that was an apology

1139
01:02:11,070 --> 01:02:13,470
Speaker 4: and that was accountability because I'm going to keep running

1140
01:02:13,510 --> 01:02:15,670
Speaker 4: it through until I get my I'm sorry I.

1141
01:02:16,090 --> 01:02:17,790
Speaker 5: Feel like you want something for yourself.

1142
01:02:19,940 --> 01:02:24,820
Speaker 7: Right you hungry no don't.

1143
01:02:24,660 --> 01:02:31,130
Speaker 4: Send me no memes don't talk about no power episodes

1144
01:02:31,670 --> 01:02:35,510
Speaker 4: no I want to hear I'm sorry and then we

1145
01:02:35,530 --> 01:02:37,310
Speaker 4: can move.

1146
01:02:37,170 --> 01:02:39,260
Speaker 2: On that was me that's how our parents used to

1147
01:02:39,300 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 2: say sorry as kids after like they did something.

1148
01:02:41,980 --> 01:02:45,380
Speaker 6: And that shit is abusive right.

1149
01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 5: I'm about to go to the store you want some

1150
01:02:46,540 --> 01:02:48,030
Speaker 5: nerds Right.

1151
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:51,110
Speaker 4: And I'm like, I don't want to sweep. I don't

1152
01:02:51,140 --> 01:02:53,080
Speaker 4: want I don't want to sweep anything under the rug

1153
01:02:53,140 --> 01:02:56,280
Speaker 4: like in this relationship. Like we need to handle everything

1154
01:02:56,960 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 4: head on. But at the same time, just because that's

1155
01:03:00,220 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 4: how I do things, I can't expect him to do

1156
01:03:02,820 --> 01:03:05,060
Speaker 4: things like that. But we have started to learn each

1157
01:03:05,140 --> 01:03:10,170
Speaker 4: other's styles. And so I have gotten it's only been

1158
01:03:10,290 --> 01:03:14,410
Speaker 4: once where he said, I'm sorry. And I wanted to

1159
01:03:14,430 --> 01:03:17,310
Speaker 4: have a whole parade.

1160
01:03:17,570 --> 01:03:18,150
Speaker 3: Say it again.

1161
01:03:18,390 --> 01:03:20,970
Speaker 5: What'd you say? Say it loud. Let me record you

1162
01:03:21,010 --> 01:03:22,950
Speaker 5: next time.

1163
01:03:23,140 --> 01:03:24,530
Speaker 6: I can't hear you.

1164
01:03:24,570 --> 01:03:29,020
Speaker 4: What? I'm like, yes.

1165
01:03:29,340 --> 01:03:31,820
Speaker 1: I'm not like that. I don't need sorry. I don't

1166
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:35,220
Speaker 1: like sorry either. Like I hate saying sorry. So I

1167
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: try not to do things to have to apologize for it. Right.

1168
01:03:38,860 --> 01:03:42,140
Speaker 1: If you with somebody who's always quick with an apology,

1169
01:03:42,180 --> 01:03:45,090
Speaker 1: we could take Kanye West for an example. Kanye keep

1170
01:03:45,150 --> 01:03:50,700
Speaker 1: apologizing to the Jewish people. Them people.

1171
01:03:50,860 --> 01:03:51,100
Speaker 3: Okay.

1172
01:03:51,140 --> 01:03:54,060
Speaker 1: He keeps apologizing, but at the same time, he keeps violating.

1173
01:03:54,820 --> 01:03:55,060
Speaker 3: Right?

1174
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:57,740
Speaker 1: So don't apologize to me if you're going to keep violating.

1175
01:03:57,780 --> 01:03:59,480
Speaker 5: I like change behavior.

1176
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:03,620
Speaker 1: Change behavior is a great apology. You never have to say,

1177
01:04:04,140 --> 01:04:08,180
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, AJ. You just do the right thing going forward.

1178
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,950
Speaker 1: So does he at least correct in that way so

1179
01:04:11,970 --> 01:04:12,930
Speaker 1: that he doesn't have to apologize?

1180
01:04:14,610 --> 01:04:19,660
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's his thought process is change behavior for sure.

1181
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:24,140
Speaker 4: And I just need to make sure that I'm keeping

1182
01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:28,310
Speaker 4: my antennas up for the change of behavior and not

1183
01:04:28,630 --> 01:04:30,890
Speaker 4: taking it for granted. I think that's a big thing

1184
01:04:31,350 --> 01:04:35,010
Speaker 4: in relationships is to. Be very in tune to when

1185
01:04:35,050 --> 01:04:39,640
Speaker 4: your spouse is making those changes. Because, you know, this

1186
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,420
Speaker 4: is not school. I don't need to be like, hey,

1187
01:04:42,660 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 4: I did this today. I'm changing my behavior. You know,

1188
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:49,980
Speaker 4: it's like we don't need to be accountable in that way.

1189
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:52,840
Speaker 4: But we do need to keep our antennas up and

1190
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:55,780
Speaker 4: our eyes open for when our spouse is doing better

1191
01:04:55,860 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 4: or making changes. And that's where the grace comes in at.

1192
01:05:00,460 --> 01:05:03,060
Speaker 4: And then sometimes when he doesn't see that I'm changing,

1193
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,980
Speaker 4: then I'll get my megaphone like, you don't see that

1194
01:05:06,260 --> 01:05:09,810
Speaker 4: I turned off all the lights yesterday? Like you're talking

1195
01:05:09,830 --> 01:05:12,210
Speaker 4: about today, but did you see yesterday though? All the

1196
01:05:12,270 --> 01:05:21,070
Speaker 4: lights were off yesterday. I'm like, no, you're going to take, no,

1197
01:05:21,110 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 4: you're going to acknowledge. You see, I turned the alarm

1198
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:26,700
Speaker 4: on all day yesterday. Every time I left the house.

1199
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:30,850
Speaker 4: And then it's this one time I miss Today, and

1200
01:05:30,910 --> 01:05:33,190
Speaker 4: now you're on me, I'm like, no, let's roll the

1201
01:05:33,210 --> 01:05:34,970
Speaker 4: tape back because.

1202
01:05:34,490 --> 01:05:40,860
Speaker 1: I've been trying. Yeah. Petty Pendergrass. Yes.

1203
01:05:40,910 --> 01:05:44,180
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm like, mm-mm.

1204
01:05:44,580 --> 01:05:46,660
Speaker 4: I've been trying. Like, you're not going to say that

1205
01:05:46,780 --> 01:05:50,180
Speaker 4: I don't care because that's my thing when people kind

1206
01:05:50,260 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 4: of try to make it seem like I don't care

1207
01:05:52,820 --> 01:05:55,530
Speaker 4: about something when I know I'm intentionally trying, but I

1208
01:05:55,570 --> 01:05:58,530
Speaker 4: just have so many things going on in my head.

1209
01:05:59,010 --> 01:06:00,650
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not going to always get it right.

1210
01:06:00,670 --> 01:06:03,770
Speaker 4: And that's this grace that I give myself. And I

1211
01:06:03,790 --> 01:06:05,210
Speaker 4: feel like everybody else is just going to have to.

1212
01:06:05,170 --> 01:06:05,590
Speaker 5: Deal with it.

1213
01:06:05,610 --> 01:06:08,210
Speaker 4: Like I'm literally doing the best that I can with

1214
01:06:08,550 --> 01:06:12,100
Speaker 4: all of these things that I have going on. Like

1215
01:06:12,140 --> 01:06:14,180
Speaker 4: I'm doing my best. Yeah.

1216
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:16,780
Speaker 5: But just don't forget to turn the alarm on.

1217
01:06:22,490 --> 01:06:25,100
Speaker 4: The alarm is on stay right now i remember.

1218
01:06:24,700 --> 01:06:29,920
Speaker 1: He's just concerned about your well-being and make sure you're

1219
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:32,140
Speaker 1: safe at the house yeah he.

1220
01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:34,970
Speaker 4: Is that's where our a lot of our arguments is

1221
01:06:35,050 --> 01:06:38,790
Speaker 4: either going to be cleaning because he's jamaican and he's

1222
01:06:38,870 --> 01:06:43,950
Speaker 4: like everything needs to smell like fabuloso like he's very

1223
01:06:44,010 --> 01:06:48,130
Speaker 4: like organized, like very clean. And I, I'm not like

1224
01:06:48,170 --> 01:06:51,050
Speaker 4: the messiest person, but I be, you know, I'm not

1225
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 4: like that. So we argue about that. And then we

1226
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:58,979
Speaker 4: mostly argue about things like turn the alarm on, turn

1227
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:02,050
Speaker 4: the lights on and off, or like me being forgetful.

1228
01:07:03,290 --> 01:07:06,110
Speaker 2: My ex used to get really upset with me because

1229
01:07:06,230 --> 01:07:08,510
Speaker 2: I never tightened the lids on the season.

1230
01:07:08,570 --> 01:07:10,930
Speaker 5: It's real good. So he'd pick it up from the

1231
01:07:10,970 --> 01:07:12,130
Speaker 5: top and it'd fall.

1232
01:07:12,170 --> 01:07:16,290
Speaker 6: And he's like, God damn it. Why you don't turn it?

1233
01:07:17,390 --> 01:07:19,970
Speaker 4: That's a reason to get mad though. Like for real.

1234
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:23,050
Speaker 2: But I just forget. And I do most of the cooking.

1235
01:07:23,090 --> 01:07:26,070
Speaker 2: You never usually use any of the seasonings. And then

1236
01:07:26,110 --> 01:07:28,750
Speaker 2: my head is tight, you know, but I guess not

1237
01:07:28,910 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 2: tight enough.

1238
01:07:29,820 --> 01:07:30,360
Speaker 6: That's me.

1239
01:07:30,470 --> 01:07:33,520
Speaker 4: I'm like, I know how to maneuver because I'm the

1240
01:07:33,620 --> 01:07:36,280
Speaker 4: one in here all the time. So I'm not cleaning

1241
01:07:36,340 --> 01:07:38,180
Speaker 4: for you. I'm cleaning for me. The way that I

1242
01:07:38,260 --> 01:07:42,010
Speaker 4: organize everything. is because I'm going to do it. He

1243
01:07:42,030 --> 01:07:44,810
Speaker 4: be wanting to help. And I'm like, I don't want

1244
01:07:44,850 --> 01:07:46,930
Speaker 4: you to help. Because when he help and he's upset,

1245
01:07:46,950 --> 01:07:49,710
Speaker 4: then he starts slamming stuff. He going to make sure

1246
01:07:49,910 --> 01:07:50,550
Speaker 4: that you know.

1247
01:07:50,750 --> 01:07:51,530
Speaker 5: That he's upset.

1248
01:07:51,730 --> 01:07:55,360
Speaker 4: Closing the cabinets, pops and pans clanking around.

1249
01:07:55,460 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 5: I'm like, you can go. You can relate.

1250
01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:00,420
Speaker 4: I will do it.

1251
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 2: Right. And I be like, nigga, if you know I

1252
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,360
Speaker 2: don't chop it up good, pick it up from the bottom.

1253
01:08:05,410 --> 01:08:06,450
Speaker 5: That's how I feel.

1254
01:08:06,510 --> 01:08:07,370
Speaker 6: Pick it up from the bottom.

1255
01:08:08,210 --> 01:08:09,530
Speaker 1: Like, I am not that petty.

1256
01:08:09,550 --> 01:08:10,650
Speaker 6: If you know me, check it.

1257
01:08:10,610 --> 01:08:17,450
Speaker 4: First because it may not be tight. Yeah. I shouldn't

1258
01:08:17,470 --> 01:08:18,099
Speaker 4: have to do that.

1259
01:08:18,140 --> 01:08:19,810
Speaker 5: I'm like, well.

1260
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 1: Man, all relationships is about cleaning up and fixing up

1261
01:08:23,220 --> 01:08:25,580
Speaker 1: shit behind the next person. That's all it is, really.

1262
01:08:26,220 --> 01:08:27,860
Speaker 1: I never complain. And when I tell you I used

1263
01:08:27,880 --> 01:08:31,380
Speaker 1: to get pictures of weave, strands of weave on the

1264
01:08:31,420 --> 01:08:34,349
Speaker 1: floor from my ex. But right next to my strand

1265
01:08:34,390 --> 01:08:36,930
Speaker 1: of weave is going to be some coily hair. It

1266
01:08:36,950 --> 01:08:39,750
Speaker 1: could be pubic hair or bared hair. But your hair

1267
01:08:39,790 --> 01:08:41,910
Speaker 1: is right next to my strand of weave, so you

1268
01:08:41,939 --> 01:08:42,500
Speaker 1: don't see that.

1269
01:08:42,939 --> 01:08:43,219
Speaker 4: Right.

1270
01:08:43,260 --> 01:08:45,400
Speaker 1: But when I come in, I just sweep up everything.

1271
01:08:45,540 --> 01:08:47,140
Speaker 1: I don't care that your hair is on the floor

1272
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:48,639
Speaker 1: next to mine or just your hair.

1273
01:08:48,660 --> 01:08:50,000
Speaker 6: I'm going to clean up.

1274
01:08:50,220 --> 01:08:52,860
Speaker 1: That's just petty shit. That's the shit of relationships I

1275
01:08:52,890 --> 01:08:53,549
Speaker 1: don't be feeling.

1276
01:08:54,410 --> 01:08:55,219
Speaker 4: What you want to eat.

1277
01:08:55,810 --> 01:08:57,720
Speaker 5: No, let me tell you what.

1278
01:08:57,960 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 2: My nigga used to piss me off and I don't

1279
01:08:59,860 --> 01:09:02,840
Speaker 2: care what nobody say. He would like poop and forget

1280
01:09:02,860 --> 01:09:03,880
Speaker 2: to flush the toilet.

1281
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:07,200
Speaker 1: Oh, hell no. With their tissue in there though at least.

1282
01:09:07,880 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 1: With their tissue in there.

1283
01:09:09,430 --> 01:09:12,590
Speaker 5: I do not want to see your shit, sir. Flush

1284
01:09:12,630 --> 01:09:13,210
Speaker 5: the toilet.

1285
01:09:14,390 --> 01:09:17,490
Speaker 4: Oh my God. I wouldn't be able to.

1286
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:21,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's annoying. That was my bad.

1287
01:09:21,700 --> 01:09:23,439
Speaker 3: No, how can you forget that?

1288
01:09:23,970 --> 01:09:24,860
Speaker 5: How do you forget that?

1289
01:09:25,510 --> 01:09:29,050
Speaker 1: It's in there floating like Hank.

1290
01:09:29,070 --> 01:09:29,269
Speaker 4: Mr.

1291
01:09:29,290 --> 01:09:30,030
Speaker 6: Hanky in there.

1292
01:09:30,110 --> 01:09:31,330
Speaker 5: Good morning to you.

1293
01:09:31,990 --> 01:09:34,570
Speaker 1: We wouldn't have made it.

1294
01:09:34,610 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 4: We wouldn't have made it.

1295
01:09:36,210 --> 01:09:36,550
Speaker 5: We didn't.

1296
01:09:36,590 --> 01:09:37,110
Speaker 4: Doodoo boy.

1297
01:09:37,250 --> 01:09:48,170
Speaker 1: If you're listening, doodoo boy. Big shitty ass.

1298
01:09:48,189 --> 01:09:48,269
Speaker 2: No.

1299
01:09:56,090 --> 01:09:58,970
Speaker 4: No, I'm like, no, that's not going to work.

1300
01:09:59,270 --> 01:10:02,810
Speaker 1: No, cleanliness, like, I have revised my list of things

1301
01:10:02,910 --> 01:10:04,970
Speaker 1: I want in a mate because you have to be

1302
01:10:05,050 --> 01:10:06,610
Speaker 1: as clean as me. You have to wash as much

1303
01:10:06,670 --> 01:10:08,670
Speaker 1: as I do, and you have to be as clean

1304
01:10:08,689 --> 01:10:10,370
Speaker 1: as that. Because I realize I can't do it.

1305
01:10:10,380 --> 01:10:12,860
Speaker 2: Don't nobody wash as much as you, Adrian.

1306
01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:14,500
Speaker 6: You ain't never going to have a nigga.

1307
01:10:14,520 --> 01:10:16,180
Speaker 2: If you're looking for a nigga that's going to wash

1308
01:10:16,300 --> 01:10:17,110
Speaker 2: seven times a day.

1309
01:10:17,220 --> 01:10:19,440
Speaker 1: I've had a couple. I've had a couple of them.

1310
01:10:19,740 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 1: Twice a day, okay? I wash when I wake up,

1311
01:10:22,360 --> 01:10:23,559
Speaker 1: and I wash when I go to sleep.

1312
01:10:23,600 --> 01:10:23,940
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1313
01:10:25,420 --> 01:10:30,800
Speaker 2: It depends on the situation.

1314
01:10:30,820 --> 01:10:33,160
Speaker 1: If it's summertime, it might be three to four.

1315
01:10:33,189 --> 01:10:35,009
Speaker 3: AJ will come in and stay at my house.

1316
01:10:35,050 --> 01:10:42,370
Speaker 2: My water bill go up by $ 70.

1317
01:10:41,189 --> 01:10:43,150
Speaker 4: I take a lot of showers too. He said that

1318
01:10:43,189 --> 01:10:45,670
Speaker 4: he was like, you like, why do you take like three,

1319
01:10:45,729 --> 01:10:46,930
Speaker 4: four showers.

1320
01:10:46,630 --> 01:10:47,030
Speaker 3: In a day?

1321
01:10:47,110 --> 01:10:50,250
Speaker 1: I like it. It's my thinking time. It's meditation for me.

1322
01:10:50,870 --> 01:10:53,390
Speaker 1: Like if I go outside and come back in, like

1323
01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:55,550
Speaker 1: I like the feeling of getting straight into bed, like

1324
01:10:55,590 --> 01:10:58,509
Speaker 1: with fresh skin. So if I just took a bath,

1325
01:10:58,870 --> 01:11:01,030
Speaker 1: go outside, do some shit. I got to take another

1326
01:11:01,070 --> 01:11:02,189
Speaker 1: bath before I hit my sheets.

1327
01:11:02,370 --> 01:11:05,490
Speaker 6: It's just. No, listen.

1328
01:11:05,810 --> 01:11:08,839
Speaker 2: And then go to the parking garage and come back

1329
01:11:08,880 --> 01:11:09,860
Speaker 2: and need another shower.

1330
01:11:10,040 --> 01:11:11,200
Speaker 5: That's ridiculous, bro.

1331
01:11:11,580 --> 01:11:14,160
Speaker 1: Because walking to the garage, my titties sweating.

1332
01:11:15,020 --> 01:11:19,800
Speaker 4: Even if I showered before date night, we come home.

1333
01:11:20,450 --> 01:11:22,950
Speaker 4: yes it could have been like three hours past i

1334
01:11:22,990 --> 01:11:24,550
Speaker 4: gotta take another shower before i get to bed because

1335
01:11:24,570 --> 01:11:26,189
Speaker 4: i went outside so.

1336
01:11:26,030 --> 01:11:28,100
Speaker 2: Y'all y'all would go on a date y'all would get

1337
01:11:28,120 --> 01:11:31,380
Speaker 2: showered have a date with your man and like i'm

1338
01:11:31,600 --> 01:11:35,040
Speaker 2: all right you don't have to answer this jamila but

1339
01:11:35,120 --> 01:11:36,560
Speaker 2: if y'all have sex.

1340
01:11:36,600 --> 01:11:39,130
Speaker 1: Fresh coochie yes you're.

1341
01:11:38,910 --> 01:11:40,750
Speaker 2: Gonna get you're gonna have a shower before you have

1342
01:11:40,770 --> 01:11:44,639
Speaker 2: sex and after and then after I.

1343
01:11:44,540 --> 01:11:47,120
Speaker 5: Might have one after, but I don't, it just depends

1344
01:11:47,180 --> 01:11:48,000
Speaker 5: on the vibe.

1345
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,720
Speaker 2: Cause if we come in here and we kissing and

1346
01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:52,559
Speaker 2: we taking everything off, I ain't trying to solo wait.

1347
01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:57,269
Speaker 2: Unless I don't, unless I don't feel fresh, unless I'm like,

1348
01:11:57,330 --> 01:11:58,210
Speaker 2: let me freshen up.

1349
01:11:58,250 --> 01:12:00,130
Speaker 5: Cause I feel like it's, it was a little hot.

1350
01:12:00,530 --> 01:12:01,850
Speaker 5: Other than that, I'm not stopping you.

1351
01:12:03,550 --> 01:12:05,690
Speaker 4: No, if it's like that, then you, you know, you

1352
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:07,860
Speaker 4: just go with the flow. But if we come home

1353
01:12:07,979 --> 01:12:11,969
Speaker 4: and like, You know, he might be downstairs doing something

1354
01:12:12,030 --> 01:12:14,650
Speaker 4: or putting the food up or whatever. I'm literally, like,

1355
01:12:15,010 --> 01:12:19,189
Speaker 4: running up the stairs to get undressed. Because I got

1356
01:12:19,210 --> 01:12:22,150
Speaker 4: to take all this makeup off. And if I'm going

1357
01:12:22,180 --> 01:12:23,599
Speaker 4: to do that, then I might as well just take

1358
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:24,580
Speaker 4: a shower, too.

1359
01:12:25,100 --> 01:12:25,520
Speaker 6: Showers.

1360
01:12:25,939 --> 01:12:26,980
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm going to do that.

1361
01:12:27,610 --> 01:12:29,990
Speaker 1: See, I'm not the only one with mental illness. Like, what?

1362
01:12:30,010 --> 01:12:34,689
Speaker 1: I have dirty asses.

1363
01:12:35,050 --> 01:12:35,710
Speaker 6: You do.

1364
01:12:35,870 --> 01:12:39,139
Speaker 4: You gotta be clean. Like, I'm very particular about stuff.

1365
01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:42,040
Speaker 4: I learned that a lot of grown women do not

1366
01:12:42,280 --> 01:12:47,120
Speaker 4: know about, like, hygiene. And, like, not using the same soap.

1367
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:49,689
Speaker 4: I know it's off topic. Not using the same soaps. Like,

1368
01:12:49,700 --> 01:12:51,510
Speaker 4: you got your face soap, you got body soap, and

1369
01:12:51,530 --> 01:12:54,390
Speaker 4: then you have your, you know, your intimate soap. Like,

1370
01:12:54,410 --> 01:12:59,059
Speaker 4: your vaginal soap. It's and you can't have everything mixed

1371
01:12:59,140 --> 01:13:01,780
Speaker 4: in together and your pH be off. Like your pH

1372
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:04,420
Speaker 4: should be like, you should not smell like anything.

1373
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:06,979
Speaker 5: Water.

1374
01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:07,770
Speaker 1: Y'all hear that?

1375
01:13:07,890 --> 01:13:08,550
Speaker 6: Like water.

1376
01:13:09,370 --> 01:13:12,389
Speaker 4: You should be. And if you're not, that's okay. But

1377
01:13:12,450 --> 01:13:17,390
Speaker 4: you need to understand that that may not be like healthy.

1378
01:13:17,650 --> 01:13:20,849
Speaker 4: I think some people might have, you know, some type

1379
01:13:20,890 --> 01:13:28,050
Speaker 4: of scent or whatever, but it, Anyway, I digress. I'll

1380
01:13:28,400 --> 01:13:32,410
Speaker 4: go all day. It'll turn into a whole women's health episode.

1381
01:13:34,689 --> 01:13:37,690
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for women who are looking

1382
01:13:37,729 --> 01:13:41,090
Speaker 2: for love? Are they in a relationship that might be stagnant?

1383
01:13:41,590 --> 01:13:44,349
Speaker 2: Their marriage is not what it needs to be right now.

1384
01:13:44,370 --> 01:13:47,510
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice?

1385
01:13:47,670 --> 01:13:53,580
Speaker 4: Women that are looking for love, I would say That

1386
01:13:53,640 --> 01:13:56,940
Speaker 4: you need to be very, I think that you should

1387
01:13:56,979 --> 01:14:00,000
Speaker 4: have like a list of like things that you're looking for.

1388
01:14:00,140 --> 01:14:03,660
Speaker 4: You know, women have their list or whatever. I think

1389
01:14:03,700 --> 01:14:07,439
Speaker 4: that's good. But you got to have what you should

1390
01:14:07,520 --> 01:14:11,920
Speaker 4: be looking for in a man. One is how he

1391
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:15,240
Speaker 4: treats his mother and how he treats the women in

1392
01:14:15,310 --> 01:14:18,450
Speaker 4: his life. Because that is how he's going to treat you.

1393
01:14:18,990 --> 01:14:21,720
Speaker 4: No ifs, ands, or buts. about it. It could be

1394
01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:24,280
Speaker 4: good for the first couple of years, but it's going

1395
01:14:24,380 --> 01:14:31,460
Speaker 4: to show. So that's one. Two, I think that a

1396
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:34,530
Speaker 4: man doesn't need to be making six figures and all

1397
01:14:34,570 --> 01:14:36,590
Speaker 4: that kind of stuff, but you need to be paying

1398
01:14:36,650 --> 01:14:41,050
Speaker 4: attention to character and discipline as it pertains to finances

1399
01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:43,990
Speaker 4: and how he stewards over what he has right now.

1400
01:14:44,330 --> 01:14:48,350
Speaker 4: Because in today's society, it's very easy to make money.

1401
01:14:48,689 --> 01:14:52,850
Speaker 4: Like you can make money. You can start something and

1402
01:14:52,990 --> 01:14:54,879
Speaker 4: you know, you can do that. You can fix that.

1403
01:14:55,310 --> 01:14:59,339
Speaker 4: But a man that does not steward over his money

1404
01:14:59,820 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 4: correctly is a very big red flag.

1405
01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:04,820
Speaker 2: Girl, let me tell you, I was talking to this

1406
01:15:04,860 --> 01:15:06,800
Speaker 2: guy and I was like, you know, I kind of

1407
01:15:06,880 --> 01:15:07,420
Speaker 2: like him.

1408
01:15:07,479 --> 01:15:07,940
Speaker 3: He's cool.

1409
01:15:08,520 --> 01:15:13,470
Speaker 5: He told me he lost $ 50, 000 gambling in this past

1410
01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:14,270
Speaker 5: football season.

1411
01:15:15,210 --> 01:15:16,010
Speaker 3: And I was like, Oh, absolutely.

1412
01:15:16,050 --> 01:15:17,150
Speaker 5: You are entirely too wasteful.

1413
01:15:21,110 --> 01:15:24,830
Speaker 4: Absolutely not. No, those are signs. And I guess that

1414
01:15:24,870 --> 01:15:26,950
Speaker 4: would lead me to my third. I don't really have

1415
01:15:27,010 --> 01:15:32,010
Speaker 4: it just outlined. But the third thing is don't ignore

1416
01:15:32,030 --> 01:15:36,259
Speaker 4: those flags. And you would think that that's self-explanatory, but

1417
01:15:36,300 --> 01:15:40,400
Speaker 4: it is not. Because at the demise of a relationship,

1418
01:15:40,439 --> 01:15:44,280
Speaker 4: when you look back, you could literally walk it out,

1419
01:15:45,120 --> 01:15:50,240
Speaker 4: all the signs that were there. Stop trying to romanticize

1420
01:15:50,939 --> 01:15:58,429
Speaker 4: like toxicity and struggle and laziness and complacency, like stop

1421
01:15:58,470 --> 01:16:02,630
Speaker 4: trying to romanticize it. Like when I said feelings versus facts,

1422
01:16:03,430 --> 01:16:08,340
Speaker 4: you have to be factual. And I, what I, what

1423
01:16:08,500 --> 01:16:13,840
Speaker 4: I did in our relationship early on when my, you know,

1424
01:16:13,880 --> 01:16:16,080
Speaker 4: my triggers and all of that, I feel like they

1425
01:16:16,120 --> 01:16:19,099
Speaker 4: were trying to get the best of me. So what

1426
01:16:19,160 --> 01:16:22,979
Speaker 4: I started to do journaling again, if something upset me

1427
01:16:23,660 --> 01:16:26,900
Speaker 4: or something felt like a red flag, I would write

1428
01:16:26,920 --> 01:16:32,500
Speaker 4: it down. It's timestamped because I have my physical journals

1429
01:16:32,540 --> 01:16:35,900
Speaker 4: and then I have a journal app and it timestamps everything.

1430
01:16:37,160 --> 01:16:40,580
Speaker 4: So I'm like, I'm writing this down and I'm going

1431
01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:43,470
Speaker 4: to revisit this. And if this is still going on,

1432
01:16:43,810 --> 01:16:46,540
Speaker 4: I know that this is a pattern, not just something

1433
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:51,740
Speaker 4: that happened because things happen, you know, people make mistakes,

1434
01:16:51,840 --> 01:16:54,190
Speaker 4: slip ups happen, or maybe it's not what you thought

1435
01:16:54,210 --> 01:17:00,530
Speaker 4: it was or whatever. I document, I document patterns and

1436
01:17:00,610 --> 01:17:06,920
Speaker 4: I document like different things. Like if I feel like, okay, I'm,

1437
01:17:07,020 --> 01:17:13,840
Speaker 4: I'm be honest because infidelity was an issue in past relationships.

1438
01:17:13,860 --> 01:17:17,530
Speaker 4: I saw something that I was like, Hmm, Now, instead

1439
01:17:17,570 --> 01:17:20,910
Speaker 4: of being somebody that's like, let me see your phone.

1440
01:17:21,450 --> 01:17:23,769
Speaker 4: Mind you, he gave me the password to his phone, like,

1441
01:17:25,850 --> 01:17:28,850
Speaker 4: in two weeks. Like, we have each other's passcodes and

1442
01:17:28,900 --> 01:17:31,840
Speaker 4: all that kind of stuff. So it's very open, but

1443
01:17:31,860 --> 01:17:34,280
Speaker 4: we still do respect each other that we're not going

1444
01:17:34,340 --> 01:17:38,219
Speaker 4: through each other's phones. Like, that's still, to me, very

1445
01:17:38,260 --> 01:17:43,120
Speaker 4: disrespectful and it's unnecessary. But it was something, I had, like,

1446
01:17:43,140 --> 01:17:47,300
Speaker 4: an eyebrow raise about it. Mm-hmm. It's actually kind of

1447
01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:53,229
Speaker 4: funny because the client's name was Ash. And Ash was like,

1448
01:17:53,490 --> 01:17:54,210
Speaker 4: I need you.

1449
01:17:55,450 --> 01:17:59,990
Speaker 5: I was like, why Ash need you? What she need

1450
01:18:00,010 --> 01:18:00,510
Speaker 5: you for?

1451
01:18:01,610 --> 01:18:04,650
Speaker 4: So I wrote it down, trying to pay attention. As

1452
01:18:04,670 --> 01:18:08,140
Speaker 4: the days go on, there's probably some months that went on.

1453
01:18:08,580 --> 01:18:11,900
Speaker 4: Didn't hear nothing else about Ash. Ash is some big

1454
01:18:11,939 --> 01:18:15,400
Speaker 4: burly ass dude. that is his client, and said he

1455
01:18:15,439 --> 01:18:18,460
Speaker 4: needed him to give him a haircut. Because it came

1456
01:18:18,500 --> 01:18:21,040
Speaker 4: up in conversation, because I just went ahead and brought

1457
01:18:21,080 --> 01:18:23,250
Speaker 4: it up. I'm like, and then, because I talk very

1458
01:18:23,310 --> 01:18:27,729
Speaker 4: soft and sweet. I saw, you know, it just made

1459
01:18:27,770 --> 01:18:30,309
Speaker 4: me feel uncomfortable. I didn't know it was like Ash,

1460
01:18:30,370 --> 01:18:33,389
Speaker 4: and she was saying that. Like she, you.

1461
01:18:33,250 --> 01:18:35,210
Speaker 6: Know, gave it a sex and everything.

1462
01:18:35,229 --> 01:18:36,950
Speaker 1: Yeah, she. Like she said.

1463
01:18:41,189 --> 01:18:44,590
Speaker 4: He's trying to see if you're going to confirm. But

1464
01:18:46,250 --> 01:18:49,350
Speaker 4: he told me what that was. And in that instance,

1465
01:18:49,430 --> 01:18:51,260
Speaker 4: it did kind of. turn him off because he was like,

1466
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:52,300
Speaker 4: you could have just asked me.

1467
01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:52,780
Speaker 6: Right.

1468
01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:56,520
Speaker 4: But, you know, sometimes it's not comfortable to ask because

1469
01:18:56,540 --> 01:18:59,340
Speaker 4: you don't want to come off insecure. You don't want

1470
01:18:59,360 --> 01:19:00,360
Speaker 4: to come off like this.

1471
01:19:00,400 --> 01:19:02,010
Speaker 5: You don't want to be wrong.

1472
01:19:02,930 --> 01:19:03,190
Speaker 1: Right.

1473
01:19:03,229 --> 01:19:04,210
Speaker 4: You don't want to be wrong.

1474
01:19:04,310 --> 01:19:09,900
Speaker 5: Baby, that's ashy Larry. Well, his haircut.

1475
01:19:10,290 --> 01:19:13,830
Speaker 4: Yeah. So that was the instance where I'm like, okay,

1476
01:19:13,870 --> 01:19:17,349
Speaker 4: you got to relax. But instead of just jumping to

1477
01:19:17,410 --> 01:19:22,370
Speaker 4: conclusions and letting your triggers take control, document things and

1478
01:19:22,450 --> 01:19:24,440
Speaker 4: match it up because at the end of the day,

1479
01:19:25,300 --> 01:19:27,719
Speaker 4: these are facts that we're laying out. We're not going

1480
01:19:27,780 --> 01:19:30,260
Speaker 4: off of feelings because feelings will have you staying in

1481
01:19:30,300 --> 01:19:33,240
Speaker 4: situations that you should not be staying in just because

1482
01:19:33,260 --> 01:19:41,130
Speaker 4: you're afraid of being alone. Mm-hmm. And I think that's

1483
01:19:41,189 --> 01:19:45,710
Speaker 4: enough for the girls that's finding love. For the women

1484
01:19:45,990 --> 01:19:49,770
Speaker 4: or the girls who are in relationships and it might

1485
01:19:49,810 --> 01:19:55,410
Speaker 4: be a little stagnant, if you have not already, see

1486
01:19:56,600 --> 01:20:00,540
Speaker 4: where you may be misstepping in the relationship. Because we

1487
01:20:00,580 --> 01:20:02,680
Speaker 4: have a PhD in what our partner is doing wrong.

1488
01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:03,920
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

1489
01:20:04,000 --> 01:20:08,680
Speaker 4: But we seldom really take a step back and see

1490
01:20:08,900 --> 01:20:13,780
Speaker 4: where we contributed to that. Because if we're honest, the

1491
01:20:13,939 --> 01:20:16,509
Speaker 4: effort that we think we're putting in, we're really not

1492
01:20:16,590 --> 01:20:19,210
Speaker 4: putting in. And a lot of times we're doing what

1493
01:20:19,290 --> 01:20:23,830
Speaker 4: we would want instead of actually doing what our partner

1494
01:20:23,870 --> 01:20:27,350
Speaker 4: is asking us to do. I was always trying to

1495
01:20:27,450 --> 01:20:30,250
Speaker 4: do things for him. And I like to give. I

1496
01:20:30,250 --> 01:20:36,150
Speaker 4: like to to buy gifts I like to like do

1497
01:20:36,189 --> 01:20:38,370
Speaker 4: things like that even though I don't really care about

1498
01:20:38,410 --> 01:20:40,880
Speaker 4: receiving gifts I like to give gifts but he's like

1499
01:20:40,979 --> 01:20:44,380
Speaker 4: I don't need all of that like he don't even

1500
01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:47,400
Speaker 4: want Christmas gifts like he don't really care about stuff

1501
01:20:47,420 --> 01:20:50,860
Speaker 4: he just wants me to do well to take care

1502
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:54,200
Speaker 4: of myself and but he would say those things and

1503
01:20:54,220 --> 01:20:57,030
Speaker 4: I think women we're not listening to men like they

1504
01:20:57,090 --> 01:21:00,770
Speaker 4: tell you what they want they're very clear about it

1505
01:21:00,970 --> 01:21:03,380
Speaker 4: and we're like no that can't be all you You

1506
01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:08,380
Speaker 4: just want a meal and sex and respect. No, no,

1507
01:21:08,439 --> 01:21:10,800
Speaker 4: you got to want a whole lot more. So I'm

1508
01:21:10,820 --> 01:21:12,230
Speaker 4: going to give it to you. Like we've been trying

1509
01:21:12,270 --> 01:21:14,269
Speaker 4: to tell men what they need and what they want.

1510
01:21:14,310 --> 01:21:16,250
Speaker 4: And they have been very clear about what it is

1511
01:21:16,270 --> 01:21:18,450
Speaker 4: that they want. So you're doing all these other things,

1512
01:21:19,490 --> 01:21:25,110
Speaker 4: but you're not showing respect. Like you're not, if it's

1513
01:21:25,130 --> 01:21:27,900
Speaker 4: somebody that needs a hot meal, like if that's all

1514
01:21:27,939 --> 01:21:32,420
Speaker 4: he's asking for, then find a way to do that.

1515
01:21:33,470 --> 01:21:36,330
Speaker 1: And saying I can't cook is not an option, bitch.

1516
01:21:36,410 --> 01:21:38,990
Speaker 1: They cooking all up and down Instagram. Figure it out.

1517
01:21:39,910 --> 01:21:44,160
Speaker 1: What's that? Figure it out. Prima Donna. Get her cookbook. Right.

1518
01:21:44,220 --> 01:21:47,340
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we don't want to give him high cholesterol.

1519
01:21:47,500 --> 01:21:48,380
Speaker 6: Oh, right.

1520
01:21:48,400 --> 01:21:49,120
Speaker 1: Now that part.

1521
01:21:49,260 --> 01:21:49,620
Speaker 6: Okay.

1522
01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:59,050
Speaker 4: So, you know, he, like now I'm doing like the HelloFresh. HelloFresh,

1523
01:21:59,130 --> 01:22:03,940
Speaker 4: give these girls a deal real quick. Hello Fresh. I'm

1524
01:22:03,960 --> 01:22:10,610
Speaker 4: doing factor meals. Because now, yeah, I like factor, especially

1525
01:22:10,850 --> 01:22:13,830
Speaker 4: with my workouts and stuff. So you don't have to know.

1526
01:22:13,890 --> 01:22:16,110
Speaker 4: If you don't know how to cook, don't do that.

1527
01:22:16,229 --> 01:22:18,269
Speaker 4: But there's a lot of ways that we waste a

1528
01:22:18,310 --> 01:22:21,990
Speaker 4: lot of money. And you could be allocating that to

1529
01:22:22,050 --> 01:22:25,990
Speaker 4: something else to make it work. Everything can be workable.

1530
01:22:27,220 --> 01:22:29,140
Speaker 4: Saying that you can't do it is not an excuse,

1531
01:22:29,180 --> 01:22:32,900
Speaker 4: especially for your spouse. You should always be in service

1532
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:35,520
Speaker 4: of your spouse. And there's going to be seasons where

1533
01:22:35,720 --> 01:22:38,100
Speaker 4: you are putting in more work than they are putting in.

1534
01:22:38,580 --> 01:22:45,120
Speaker 4: But marriage, as I said, God's design for marriage is

1535
01:22:45,320 --> 01:22:49,260
Speaker 4: rich or poor, sickness and in health. This isn't talking

1536
01:22:49,320 --> 01:22:54,740
Speaker 4: about abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, but you

1537
01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:57,660
Speaker 4: got to be in it for the long haul. And

1538
01:22:57,740 --> 01:23:02,720
Speaker 4: you have to take accountability for what you did is

1539
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:07,019
Speaker 4: what I feel is really adding to and making this

1540
01:23:07,550 --> 01:23:12,310
Speaker 4: relationship work. But it's hard, you know, because you want

1541
01:23:12,350 --> 01:23:14,450
Speaker 4: to be right all the time.

1542
01:23:14,470 --> 01:23:16,950
Speaker 1: We manifest in here. We talk back. It's for richer

1543
01:23:17,070 --> 01:23:20,490
Speaker 1: or richer. It's for healthy or for healthy, okay?

1544
01:23:22,010 --> 01:23:26,790
Speaker 4: Yeah, we could want that. But if we are doing

1545
01:23:26,890 --> 01:23:34,630
Speaker 4: things that are not, making our finances grow, if we

1546
01:23:34,689 --> 01:23:40,630
Speaker 4: are getting hookah and lamb chops every day, then somebody's going.

1547
01:23:40,530 --> 01:23:41,410
Speaker 5: To get diabetes.

1548
01:23:41,710 --> 01:23:44,920
Speaker 4: Somebody's going to get high cholesterol. Somebody.

1549
01:23:44,939 --> 01:23:47,240
Speaker 5: Go get lung cancer.

1550
01:23:47,280 --> 01:23:47,880
Speaker 4: Go get bright.

1551
01:23:48,280 --> 01:23:48,540
Speaker 3: Right.

1552
01:23:49,140 --> 01:23:49,600
Speaker 6: Exactly.

1553
01:23:49,660 --> 01:23:52,800
Speaker 4: So we can't, we have to be very realistic about

1554
01:23:52,939 --> 01:23:55,530
Speaker 4: those things. Like if we want richer for written, you know,

1555
01:23:55,550 --> 01:23:59,230
Speaker 4: for richer, for richer, uh, or, you know, for healthy

1556
01:23:59,250 --> 01:24:05,049
Speaker 4: or whatever, whatever, no sickness and no sickness, then we

1557
01:24:05,170 --> 01:24:09,010
Speaker 4: have to make sure that we're doing those things. Like

1558
01:24:09,530 --> 01:24:18,680
Speaker 4: everything takes work. Manifesting is great. I manifested my husband,

1559
01:24:19,460 --> 01:24:21,760
Speaker 4: like I wrote it out. And what's crazy is like,

1560
01:24:21,840 --> 01:24:24,769
Speaker 4: I wrote it, I wrote out what I wanted for

1561
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:27,979
Speaker 4: my marriage, but I didn't put a name on it.

1562
01:24:28,689 --> 01:24:32,490
Speaker 4: And I wrote it during that first marriage and I

1563
01:24:32,570 --> 01:24:34,430
Speaker 4: ended up getting the marriage that I wanted. And it

1564
01:24:34,510 --> 01:24:39,190
Speaker 4: ended up being a whole new, different relationship. So now

1565
01:24:39,250 --> 01:24:44,030
Speaker 4: I'm very specific. Like I'd be writing his whole name, first, middle,

1566
01:24:44,050 --> 01:24:46,410
Speaker 4: last name. This is what I want for my marriage with,

1567
01:24:46,640 --> 01:24:51,520
Speaker 4: with him. Like this guy is real funny like that. Um,

1568
01:24:52,360 --> 01:24:55,710
Speaker 4: so yeah, that's, I.

1569
01:24:55,630 --> 01:24:58,630
Speaker 5: Feel like that's great advice. Yeah, that was great advice, ladies.

1570
01:24:58,830 --> 01:25:01,809
Speaker 5: Take heed. Have some accountability, bitches.

1571
01:25:04,950 --> 01:25:05,250
Speaker 4: It is hard.

1572
01:25:05,650 --> 01:25:09,630
Speaker 1: I don't like pushing that narrative that women don't take accountability.

1573
01:25:09,670 --> 01:25:10,650
Speaker 1: I don't think it's true.

1574
01:25:10,970 --> 01:25:11,410
Speaker 5: They do.

1575
01:25:11,650 --> 01:25:12,090
Speaker 3: They don't.

1576
01:25:12,290 --> 01:25:12,889
Speaker 5: It's all people.

1577
01:25:13,130 --> 01:25:13,950
Speaker 6: It's not just women.

1578
01:25:14,290 --> 01:25:17,130
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. So when we help push that

1579
01:25:17,170 --> 01:25:20,230
Speaker 1: narrative that women don't take accountability, it kind of gives

1580
01:25:20,250 --> 01:25:21,290
Speaker 1: the men a one-up.

1581
01:25:21,950 --> 01:25:22,070
Speaker 4: No.

1582
01:25:22,340 --> 01:25:26,540
Speaker 1: Yes, it does. I have been in relationships with men

1583
01:25:26,640 --> 01:25:30,700
Speaker 1: who don't take accountability also. I just want to make

1584
01:25:30,720 --> 01:25:33,939
Speaker 1: sure we know that it's not something that's exclusive to women.

1585
01:25:34,040 --> 01:25:34,460
Speaker 1: That's all.

1586
01:25:35,380 --> 01:25:38,440
Speaker 2: On our show, we single out men all the time.

1587
01:25:38,700 --> 01:25:40,080
Speaker 5: Men do this. Men say that.

1588
01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:43,020
Speaker 2: Men do this. And women be doing the same shit sometimes.

1589
01:25:43,160 --> 01:25:45,420
Speaker 2: And we never say, okay, this.

1590
01:25:45,360 --> 01:25:46,150
Speaker 5: Is for everybody.

1591
01:25:46,620 --> 01:25:48,690
Speaker 3: I try to sit in the middle a lot of times.

1592
01:25:48,710 --> 01:25:49,689
Speaker 6: No, you single out men a lot.

1593
01:25:54,060 --> 01:25:56,760
Speaker 1: But I'm oftentimes talking about men I've actually dealt with.

1594
01:25:56,960 --> 01:25:58,820
Speaker 1: I'm not just talking about men in general.

1595
01:25:59,520 --> 01:26:01,080
Speaker 6: But you didn't say men.

1596
01:26:01,120 --> 01:26:01,920
Speaker 5: You just say men.

1597
01:26:03,990 --> 01:26:06,850
Speaker 4: I think men definitely need to be accountable. But the

1598
01:26:06,890 --> 01:26:09,970
Speaker 4: reason why I press that women need to, because I

1599
01:26:10,010 --> 01:26:14,339
Speaker 4: think for the longest we have pressed, especially with Black men, like,

1600
01:26:14,410 --> 01:26:16,620
Speaker 4: y'all need to be accountable. Y'all need to do this. Like,

1601
01:26:17,040 --> 01:26:20,740
Speaker 4: everybody knows, men and women and the entire world knows

1602
01:26:20,760 --> 01:26:25,000
Speaker 4: that what work the black man needs to do. Like we're,

1603
01:26:25,040 --> 01:26:31,280
Speaker 4: we're so knowledgeable on that, but I think women take

1604
01:26:31,340 --> 01:26:33,380
Speaker 4: that as like, if he's not doing this and he's

1605
01:26:33,420 --> 01:26:37,290
Speaker 4: not doing that the whole while you are messy, you

1606
01:26:37,390 --> 01:26:43,350
Speaker 4: are dirty, literally, figuratively, whatever. Like you're not, you're not

1607
01:26:43,430 --> 01:26:47,349
Speaker 4: stewarding over your finances. You're eating like shit. You're not

1608
01:26:47,550 --> 01:26:54,100
Speaker 4: like being, you're not, working to a schedule, like your

1609
01:26:54,180 --> 01:26:58,080
Speaker 4: habits are trash. Like let's be honest and let's be

1610
01:26:58,680 --> 01:27:01,700
Speaker 4: realistic because I think women feel like we don't have

1611
01:27:01,740 --> 01:27:05,610
Speaker 4: to do certain things. And I do think that you

1612
01:27:05,670 --> 01:27:11,350
Speaker 4: should try to become the partner that you desire, but

1613
01:27:11,630 --> 01:27:14,950
Speaker 4: also knowing that you don't have to be perfect before

1614
01:27:15,030 --> 01:27:18,730
Speaker 4: you meet that person. So it's a delicate balance of

1615
01:27:18,790 --> 01:27:23,049
Speaker 4: giving yourself Grace, but also knowing that you have goals

1616
01:27:23,090 --> 01:27:25,309
Speaker 4: for yourself, regardless of who comes into your life. And

1617
01:27:25,330 --> 01:27:27,490
Speaker 4: when they do come into your life, your work is

1618
01:27:27,530 --> 01:27:31,730
Speaker 4: not done. It is definitely not. It's far from done.

1619
01:27:32,650 --> 01:27:35,620
Speaker 4: Now you really have somebody that you need to to

1620
01:27:35,700 --> 01:27:39,460
Speaker 4: show up for. And I think holding yourself accountable is

1621
01:27:39,500 --> 01:27:44,120
Speaker 4: not just for a relationship is for yourself, period. And

1622
01:27:44,300 --> 01:27:47,469
Speaker 4: all the things that you say that you want for yourself.

1623
01:27:48,100 --> 01:27:50,700
Speaker 4: Like all my goals now is really not to make

1624
01:27:50,770 --> 01:27:54,030
Speaker 4: my husband happy. It's to make me happy because I

1625
01:27:54,070 --> 01:27:57,010
Speaker 4: have a man that wants me to be happy. So

1626
01:27:57,030 --> 01:28:00,090
Speaker 4: if that's what he wants, then that's what I'm going

1627
01:28:00,110 --> 01:28:04,200
Speaker 4: to do. And we both benefit from it. Amen.

1628
01:28:04,380 --> 01:28:05,140
Speaker 1: Yes, honey.

1629
01:28:07,340 --> 01:28:08,900
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1630
01:28:09,520 --> 01:28:12,120
Speaker 1: Jamila, plug all your things. We already told them how

1631
01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:14,930
Speaker 1: wonderful you are, but. Make sure you plug all your

1632
01:28:14,990 --> 01:28:18,380
Speaker 1: social media, all your businesses, all the fantastic things you

1633
01:28:18,420 --> 01:28:20,479
Speaker 1: got going on. Let our audience know.

1634
01:28:21,600 --> 01:28:25,020
Speaker 4: Thank you. So I'm really excited. First and foremost, we're

1635
01:28:25,060 --> 01:28:30,040
Speaker 4: having the case conference. It's a conference for new and inspired.

1636
01:28:30,439 --> 01:28:35,710
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, new and aspiring interior designers, especially of color

1637
01:28:35,729 --> 01:28:43,600
Speaker 4: to learn the business of design because design is 80% business, 20% creative.

1638
01:28:43,640 --> 01:28:46,660
Speaker 4: And so you have that 20% and you're wondering why

1639
01:28:46,740 --> 01:28:48,760
Speaker 4: you can't get it off the ground or business is

1640
01:28:48,800 --> 01:28:52,030
Speaker 4: not going well. It's because of the business aspect of it.

1641
01:28:52,070 --> 01:28:55,890
Speaker 4: So really honing in and teaching interior designers of color

1642
01:28:55,950 --> 01:28:58,550
Speaker 4: how to operate in the business and navigate the industry.

1643
01:28:59,700 --> 01:29:04,920
Speaker 4: Tickets are on sale now, thecaseconference.com. To learn more, we

1644
01:29:04,960 --> 01:29:09,479
Speaker 4: have a very special keynote guest that we haven't announced

1645
01:29:09,520 --> 01:29:13,190
Speaker 4: just yet, but it's going to be so worth it.

1646
01:29:14,570 --> 01:29:17,990
Speaker 4: And then you can follow me at Jamila Divine, and

1647
01:29:18,030 --> 01:29:20,530
Speaker 4: that's where you can just see what's going on with me,

1648
01:29:20,650 --> 01:29:22,650
Speaker 4: my man, and my business.

1649
01:29:23,470 --> 01:29:27,990
Speaker 1: Y'all remember, speak now and never hold your peace.