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Speaker 1: the episode.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hey, what's up Love?
Speaker 1: How's it going? Is this Will this?
Speaker 2: As well?
Speaker 1: What is happening in the universe?
Speaker 2: Will Man? There's so many things happening, so many things happening,
Speaker 2: and I have a big dilemma, which is do I
Speaker 2: talk to you about the life I had more the
Speaker 2: one I have now?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, why don't you tell me a little
Speaker 1: bit about both if you if you want, of.
Speaker 2: Course, yeah, for sure. So let's see. I guess the
Speaker 2: most interesting part of my past is when I literally
Speaker 2: ran away with the circus.
Speaker 1: How old are you in that?
Speaker 2: I was nineteen And just to preface this really quick,
Speaker 2: what happened was my dad had died a few years earlier.
Speaker 2: This is back in ninety eight, ninety nine, and my
Speaker 2: mom had remarried some guy really quickly, you know, like
Speaker 2: some blasphem passed. And I was nineteen years old, still
Speaker 2: living at home my little brother, and just started button
Speaker 2: heads with the new husband, and they just wanted me gone.
Speaker 2: And I was between jobs, and I was opening up
Speaker 2: the classifieds one day, you know, the old the old
Speaker 2: way in which we used to do with actual newspapers.
Speaker 2: And I want to say, there was a good quarter
Speaker 2: page ad for the Ringling Brothers in Garden my Bailey Circus,
Speaker 2: and I was like, what the hell is this? And
Speaker 2: it had all kinds of jobs, you know, like animal handlers,
Speaker 2: you know, veterinarians, you know, uh just on and on on,
Speaker 2: but uh you know, and and uh my mom and
Speaker 2: knew the husband walked in and I was like, guys,
Speaker 2: what the hell is this? You have to look at this,
Speaker 2: and you know, we had like a laugh for like
Speaker 2: ten seconds, right, but then they were like, well maybe
Speaker 2: you should do it. And I was like like what
Speaker 2: are you talking about? You know, like are you insane?
Speaker 2: And I mean more or less, I'll just give you
Speaker 2: the quick version. I mean, they just wanted me gone,
Speaker 2: like I said, and I very shortly, you know, for
Speaker 2: lack of other options and what to do you know
Speaker 2: in life, even just went down there to see what
Speaker 2: was going on and I got hired right away and
Speaker 2: within a couple of days I was gone and on
Speaker 2: the road. So yeah, I linked up with the legit
Speaker 2: Ringling Brothers Barnum and Valley Circus for about a year. Actually,
Speaker 2: I think it was a year to the date I
Speaker 2: was with them.
Speaker 1: M hm. And what was that time like for you?
Speaker 2: It started off very just like wow, man, I'm doing
Speaker 2: something really wild. This is something you know, once in
Speaker 2: a lifetime maybe not even that you know chance, you know,
Speaker 2: to actually do something crazy like this. But I thought
Speaker 2: as just a way to travel a lot, you know,
Speaker 2: and to see different things. But so it started off
Speaker 2: very much, you know, like oh this is a new adventure,
Speaker 2: you know, meeting crazy people doing crazy things. But you know,
Speaker 2: as time went by, you know, being completely isolated, living
Speaker 2: on a train, working eighty hours hard labor, you know,
Speaker 2: every almost every day, you know, it just really got
Speaker 2: to me. So, you know, I want to say close
Speaker 2: within you know, a month or two before I actually left,
Speaker 2: I was in a really bad statement depression. And you know,
Speaker 2: it's very hard to sleep on a train, you know,
Speaker 2: even when it's at a standstill, because things are always
Speaker 2: bumping the damn train, you know, and all the train
Speaker 2: cars are going boom boom, boom boom, you know and
Speaker 2: moving around all the time. It's it's very hard to sleep.
Speaker 2: So you know, it was it was hard. It was
Speaker 2: really really hard. You know, I'm glad I did it,
Speaker 2: but it was you know, it was not fun.
Speaker 1: And how long did you say total? You were doing
Speaker 1: that for.
Speaker 2: One year to the date, one year?
Speaker 1: And what did you do when you got out? And
Speaker 1: you were about how old then? As well?
Speaker 2: I was twenty one when I got out. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: so I was well asking myself, I'm like, well, how
Speaker 2: do I translate like these like skills, which was basically
Speaker 2: setting up a whole production, you know, running props, running cables, rigging,
Speaker 2: you know, sitting up the trusting and like, well, how
Speaker 2: does this How does this apply to my next thing?
Speaker 2: You know, And like, I don't know how this is
Speaker 2: going to work out, but it did. And I actually
Speaker 2: got a job. Since I live in SoCal, I got
Speaker 2: a job with a lighting company that does stage lighting
Speaker 2: and mostly in the music industry. So yeah, after I
Speaker 2: left that, I basically became a roadie and I traveled
Speaker 2: with a bunch of bands and did a lot of
Speaker 2: cool stuff for I don't want to say another three
Speaker 2: years after that.
Speaker 1: M And so you say that there's a there's a
Speaker 1: strong dichotomy between your life then and your life now
Speaker 1: because you you came in here asking which one you
Speaker 1: should tell me about. What do you think are those
Speaker 1: big differences?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm like, honestly, I'm definitely back in like a
Speaker 2: depressive state just because of the way things have gone,
Speaker 2: you know. I uh, I like had these incredibly adventurous
Speaker 2: jobs when I was young, in my twenties, you know,
Speaker 2: and then you know, got married and then was trying
Speaker 2: to figure out, Okay, well what do I do with
Speaker 2: the rest of my life now? Because she was not
Speaker 2: loving this whole like road life thing. So I did,
Speaker 2: like what I was supposed to do, Like I went
Speaker 2: to college, got a bunch of bloring office jobs, you know,
Speaker 2: and completely forsake like, you know, my god given talents
Speaker 2: and just did you know what we're told to do
Speaker 2: is you know, adults, it's just like, you know, go
Speaker 2: for money, you know, and just try and let the
Speaker 2: you know, American dream and all that. So long story short,
Speaker 2: you know, I had a divorce a couple of years
Speaker 2: back and lost everything you know that I had worked
Speaker 2: you know, twenty years for you know, the home you know,
Speaker 2: and then everything else. So I am back kind of
Speaker 2: like square one, you know, and it's a weird place
Speaker 2: to be at forty four. It's a really weird place.
Speaker 2: And especially in the year twenty twenty three, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like things have changed a lot. So that's where
Speaker 2: I'm at right now.
Speaker 1: So how when when did you say this divorce.
Speaker 2: Was uh twenty one, twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: One, And in the past two years have you been
Speaker 1: out there trying to date anyone or do anything like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually that's kind of where my therapy needs is
Speaker 2: right now. I yes, I definitely dated a string of women,
Speaker 2: got back out there and just quickly learned, you know,
Speaker 2: like the whole games people play these days, and like
Speaker 2: the lifestyles of people live these days, and I just
Speaker 2: feel like a relicive. I feel like, yeah, go.
Speaker 1: Into that for me real quick. The games that it
Speaker 1: will play and the lifestyles. What do you tell me,
Speaker 1: because I assume what you mean is you're on the
Speaker 1: dating apps and you're seeing some stuff that makes you
Speaker 1: feel like I mean, people have been calling into this
Speaker 1: show talking about polyamory and uh, you know, booming dogs
Speaker 1: and sex dungeons and all sorts of things where I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I could see if I were you, you know, getting
Speaker 1: back out there being feeling like you were a relic
Speaker 1: of the past. But from your perspective, what what have
Speaker 1: you seen that has made you feel that way?
Speaker 2: Like the first thing on top of my head is
Speaker 2: just the shallowness of people these days. The you know,
Speaker 2: like I was brought up where like, you know, you
Speaker 2: would pick a girl up on a day, you know, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, take her out, you know, kiss at the
Speaker 2: end of the night and then you know, you know,
Speaker 2: you might sleep together after three days or something like that.
Speaker 2: Like that was, you know, the the ftatus quo. So
Speaker 2: these days, I mean, people are giving it out on
Speaker 2: the first date and saying but they want a long
Speaker 2: term relationship, and it just seems like people are really
Speaker 2: confused about what they actually want, you know, and.
Speaker 1: Let me ask well, let me ask you this first.
Speaker 1: Are you on the are you on Tinder? What are
Speaker 1: you on.
Speaker 2: I have honestly, I've used all the apps at one point.
Speaker 1: When you're on the apps? What age range are you?
Speaker 1: Are you looking at here?
Speaker 2: I have done I want to say thirty to forty
Speaker 2: four or maybe forty five. Even so, I mean I
Speaker 2: would I wouldn't mind dating someone one or two years
Speaker 2: older than me. That's fine, It's not a big deal
Speaker 2: of my age, okay.
Speaker 1: Right, all right? And so you're you're hmmm, and so
Speaker 1: you're feeling is there's a lot of shallowness. How many
Speaker 1: people have you actually like? Were you able to actually
Speaker 1: go on dates with anybody?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, yeah, I've dated quite a few, probably at
Speaker 2: least eight.
Speaker 1: You're on eight dates between uh now and when you
Speaker 1: got divorced.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've dated probably they know what very was there
Speaker 3: was there a common theme as to why none of
Speaker 3: those worked out for you.
Speaker 2: Basically, like what I've been seeing is people are out
Speaker 2: there saying, oh, they want to meet their partner, you know,
Speaker 2: they want to they want you know, their soulmate, they
Speaker 2: want the long term relationship. And then you, you know,
Speaker 2: you're you're telling them, okay, well you want the same things.
Speaker 2: So we're on the same page, right, Spend a week
Speaker 2: or two talking to these people, finding out everything about them,
Speaker 2: they find everything about you. It's exhausting. And then you
Speaker 2: meet up and then you go on several dates and
Speaker 2: then they're just like, well, you know, you know, maybe
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in a relationship right now.
Speaker 2: So you're like, what was that all about? Like why
Speaker 2: did I just waste all this time and energy? And
Speaker 2: I'm telling you it's happened over and over and over
Speaker 2: and over again. But I didn't meet. Unfortunately, one girl
Speaker 2: that I fell in love with, and unfortunately she's a
Speaker 2: textbook narcissist.
Speaker 1: Now what makes you say that?
Speaker 2: Uh, okay, well this isn't just a girl and she's
Speaker 2: my own age. By the way, She isn't just somebody
Speaker 2: that takes a lot of selfies and is like, oh,
Speaker 2: I look so pretty. She's not bad looking, but you
Speaker 2: know it's a little overboard, you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, But.
Speaker 2: What makes me say that is she seems to keep
Speaker 2: a lot of secrets. It's never completely forthcoming, you know.
Speaker 2: And I've asked her straight up, would you be my girlfriend?
Speaker 2: She'd be like yes, But then come to find out, well,
Speaker 2: she's still talking to a lot of people on the
Speaker 2: side and keeping things secret. And then you know, out
Speaker 2: of nowhere, she'll do a breakup and be like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm going to step away for a while. You know,
Speaker 2: maybe we'll meet up again. And you're like, wait, will
Speaker 2: you know?
Speaker 1: And this? Yeah, and do this is the whole thing.
Speaker 1: And if you don't want to get into it, we toil.
Speaker 1: They don't have to, but like, yeah, what what do
Speaker 1: you think was the cause of your divorce?
Speaker 2: The cause of my divorce honestly was we both married
Speaker 2: each other too young and did not didn't not so
Speaker 2: oats you know, so to speak.
Speaker 4: And.
Speaker 2: I don't regret it. We had an amazing child, you know,
Speaker 2: from that marriage, and accomplished a lot, but you know,
Speaker 2: just time definitely revealed, you know, that we were not compatible,
Speaker 2: you know, in several ways, and I think that was
Speaker 2: just honestly, definitely the cause of it is just being
Speaker 2: married too young, too early and not having you know,
Speaker 2: really gone out there and seeing what's out there.
Speaker 1: Well, it's it's interesting to me that you say that,
Speaker 1: because that is a totally how old were you when
Speaker 1: you got married.
Speaker 2: We started seeing each other when I was twenty two,
Speaker 2: we got married at twenty four.
Speaker 1: Okay, so he is a marriage. It's it's pretty that's
Speaker 1: a solid run. That's a good run.
Speaker 2: It's a solid run.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a real good run. That's a real solid run.
Speaker 1: But now you're back out there and your nick you
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, yeah, dating, dating, by the way, you know,
Speaker 1: I it sucks for everybody. It sucks for guys, it
Speaker 1: sucks for girls. It sucks if you're young. It sucks
Speaker 1: if you're older. Actually that's not true, if you are no,
Speaker 1: if you're actually, if you're young and really really attractive,
Speaker 1: it's probably but I wouldn't know. So, yeah, it sucks
Speaker 1: out there. So what about what's going on in the
Speaker 1: rest of your life? The professional life. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 1: Let's get a let's get a well rounded picture of you.
Speaker 2: Okay. So so basically I've been doing it work for
Speaker 2: a while now, like a really long time. I decided,
Speaker 2: you know what, you know, I'm getting old, it's getting competitive.
Speaker 2: It just isn't fun keeping up, you know, with all
Speaker 2: the changes in society and everything else. You know, just
Speaker 2: it's just NonStop being beaten over the head, you know
Speaker 2: when you work in it. And so I did a
Speaker 2: stint in graphic design, which is, you know what I
Speaker 2: would like to do more of, because you know, I
Speaker 2: have a whole artistic site. But I had a really
Speaker 2: shitty boss, so I had to go back into it.
Speaker 2: The pandemic happened and I lost my job because apparently
Speaker 2: the company was going to lose money, but it turns
Speaker 2: out they actually made more money in the end. But
Speaker 2: regardless of that, I ended up getting the job i'm
Speaker 2: at now, and basically I'm a call center supervisor right now,
Speaker 2: manager supervisor what you won't call it? And it sucks.
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: What does anything? Does anything give you happiness in life
Speaker 1: right now?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. I mean my kid, I have a really
Speaker 2: amazing kid. He's ten going on eleven, I gets your
Speaker 2: way from making art and yeah, I mean those times
Speaker 2: I'm with my narcissistic, you know partner. You know, I'm
Speaker 2: happy because we have a we go out, we have
Speaker 2: a great time. But it's just, you know, it's uh,
Speaker 2: these kind of people have different personalities, you know, and
Speaker 2: the next day she can be a completely different person.
Speaker 1: When you say I'm sorry, you're I'm sorry if I'm coming.
Speaker 1: But when you say your narcisstic partner, you're talking about
Speaker 1: your ex wife or the person you're with right.
Speaker 2: Now, the girl I'm dating right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I say, sathy to you, So you're still
Speaker 1: dating this? This is the person who you said, who
Speaker 1: you fell in love with, who you said was you're
Speaker 1: going to be your girlfriend that? Or is this a
Speaker 1: different person?
Speaker 2: Well it's it's an on and off relationship. Yeah, but yes,
Speaker 2: currently we are dating. Currently we're dating again.
Speaker 1: Okay, just like can just this person that you're currently
Speaker 1: dating are you referring to as a narcissist? Are they
Speaker 1: making your life? Are they in general in general? Are
Speaker 1: they making your life better or worse?
Speaker 4: Mmmm?
Speaker 2: Currently worse?
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean look bro, uh.
Speaker 2: It's it's just it's a suspicion in stress, I know,
Speaker 2: And that's that's just part it's part of the whole game. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they do, and it's just you know, I've accepted it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So.
Speaker 1: Why have you? Why have you accepted it?
Speaker 2: Just because I know that that's part of her personality.
Speaker 2: It's part of her you know, Uh, Psyche, that's it's
Speaker 2: something that she is going to do and continue to
Speaker 2: behave this way, and it's not something that she can
Speaker 2: change about herself, I don't think, because she she needs
Speaker 2: the attention, you know, and she will justify it.
Speaker 1: Will I'm gonna I'm gonna will. Is this a sex thing?
Speaker 5: Is it?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 1: Is it like I'm afraid of not being able to
Speaker 1: have sex and being alone and so I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: with this person who is making man happy because I'd
Speaker 1: rather do that than be alone and sexless.
Speaker 2: Uh. That could be part of like a small part
Speaker 2: of it. That could definitely.
Speaker 1: Okay, because that's have affection okay, and that leads into
Speaker 1: it too. I don't know why I said sex, but
Speaker 1: the sex and affection thing because like, dude, I guess
Speaker 1: I don't if you're you don't want to be actively
Speaker 1: referring to the person that you are dating as a narcissist.
Speaker 1: That's that. I don't think that's good. And and you
Speaker 1: don't even need me to tell you any of that
Speaker 1: ship you already know that. So I'm glad that you
Speaker 1: have things in your life that are making you happy,
Speaker 1: like your kid and art and whatnot. But I I
Speaker 1: I hate for you to settle just because you don't
Speaker 1: want to go back out there, you settle with somebody
Speaker 1: who you really don't like, because that's just gonna make
Speaker 1: your life what that's gonna Your life's gonna be way
Speaker 1: worse being with somebody who you refer to as a
Speaker 1: narcissist than being alone and Jack and all, Jack and off.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm going to say it, Will, I'm
Speaker 1: going to say it, and I know you know it,
Speaker 1: and I know the people out there know it. I'm
Speaker 1: going to say it so that everyone can hear me
Speaker 1: pretty loudly. I'm going to say what the people want
Speaker 1: to say. Being alone and Jack and off is kind
Speaker 1: of awesome, Okay.
Speaker 2: I feel like the ripples of that is going out
Speaker 2: into the universe right now.
Speaker 1: The ripples of that are indeed going out in the
Speaker 1: universe right now. That's what that moment of silence was. Well, Will,
Speaker 1: what's the future look like for you?
Speaker 2: I believe my art is actually pretty good now, and
Speaker 2: I plan to pivot and doing more of, you know,
Speaker 2: the things I that I want to do, you know,
Speaker 2: because I've spent these forty four years pretty much pleasing
Speaker 2: everybody else, and I think it's, you know, it's time
Speaker 2: to do some self love and start doing some of
Speaker 2: the things that you know, I kick ass at good
Speaker 2: Man good.
Speaker 1: It seems like it seems like you're you actually are,
Speaker 1: like really you know, solid pockets of your life that
Speaker 1: are keeping you well afloat.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you have a great relationship with your kid.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you feel confident in yourself. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's the most important thing. What do you make art?
Speaker 1: What do you make art about?
Speaker 2: All different kinds of things. So I've been doing a
Speaker 2: couple of landscapes, I'm starting to do some more like
Speaker 2: pop art, and yeah, I think I'm gonna do uh
Speaker 2: a new painting pretty soon. I'm taking maybe like an
Speaker 2: edgarupt mm hmmm.
Speaker 1: Do you have an art Instagram that you want to share?
Speaker 1: You don't have to if you don't want to.
Speaker 2: Uh, I have one. I actually started not too long ago.
Speaker 2: It's uh sure it's Will dot the Dot Artist with
Speaker 2: an underscore.
Speaker 1: Wow, I'm surprised that wasn't taken even with the underscores
Speaker 1: and dots and stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Here, I'm gonna go to it right now.
Speaker 2: What is it against? Will dot the Dot artist with
Speaker 2: an underscore?
Speaker 5: Are tist.
Speaker 1: And an underscore? Okay, let's check this out. Oh all right,
Speaker 1: we there, we go. We got your we got your
Speaker 1: first and last name. That's out there.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: Is that with you? I can bleep it out if
Speaker 1: if it's not, that's fine. Okay.
Speaker 4: I like this.
Speaker 1: This looks pretty cool.
Speaker 3: What is that?
Speaker 1: Who is that?
Speaker 6: Dave?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sound like an idiot. That's not David. Who's
Speaker 1: that with the guitar?
Speaker 2: Yeah it's Martin Gore?
Speaker 1: Nice man. Who's this girl?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 2: That is a girl? I need it?
Speaker 1: She looks cool. And then this is uh Flora plans
Speaker 1: to a Walmart?
Speaker 3: What is this?
Speaker 2: It's basically a role playing like map, architectural map.
Speaker 1: You know what? Will you got a good life?
Speaker 2: Thanks?
Speaker 5: Man?
Speaker 2: Appreciate that.
Speaker 1: M sore. Well thanks for talking about all this stuff. Man,
Speaker 1: I'm glad. Do you do you have a real therapist
Speaker 1: that you talked to about these things?
Speaker 2: Unfortunately no, I just kind of do the stoic maile
Speaker 2: thing and just kind of like this his life. You know,
Speaker 2: it could be worse.
Speaker 1: I do the stoic male thing, and I talked to
Speaker 1: a guy in a gecko suit about it and still.
Speaker 2: Yes, as one does.
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for calling, Will, and good luck to you
Speaker 1: in the future man, and anything else you want to
Speaker 1: say to the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, check out Alan Watts. He will start you on
Speaker 2: a good journey.
Speaker 1: Beautiful. Take care man. Thanks for calling.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, but.
Speaker 1: Oh crap, I just really he said in the in
Speaker 1: the call screening notes that he met God. I didn't
Speaker 1: get to ask him about that. I wonder if you
Speaker 1: met God on Tinder? Is God a thirty seven year
Speaker 1: old woman on okay Cupid?
Speaker 4: He is?
Speaker 1: You know why? Because he's all of us. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm saying. Thanks for calling Will, Hello, Hello,
Speaker 1: what's up? Hey? Is this geg.
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, man? How are you?
Speaker 5: I'm all right?
Speaker 4: Uh, I'm okay. Just it's just wanted to come on here,
Speaker 4: you know, share some thoughts and whatnot.
Speaker 1: What kinds of thoughts and feelings would you like to share.
Speaker 5: So I've been living with my brother for about a
Speaker 5: year now, and we moved out together. He's a he's
Speaker 5: twenty four and I'm twenty, and.
Speaker 1: So it's just.
Speaker 4: It's been it's been okay, like you know, we get along.
Speaker 5: And everything, and it's it's everything's fine and there I
Speaker 5: pay rent, he pays rent and all that.
Speaker 4: But it's been a lot of times recently, I just
Speaker 4: I feel like he's.
Speaker 3: How do I wear this?
Speaker 5: Like he feels like he's trying to have authority over me,
Speaker 5: you know, like he's trying to.
Speaker 4: He's just trying to be.
Speaker 5: The bigger person in every situation, and just it's it's weird.
Speaker 5: I don't I haven't really talked about it with anyone.
Speaker 5: I don't know, I've never really put its words. I
Speaker 5: just I thought you were streaming, and I thought this
Speaker 5: would be the chance to really get it out there.
Speaker 5: So but it seems like he had like how he's
Speaker 5: twenty four and I'm.
Speaker 1: Twenty Okay, so he's trying He's not that much older
Speaker 1: than me, all Right, so you both pay equal rent
Speaker 1: on the house. But he's still trying to like big
Speaker 1: time yet.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's really weird. Like it's like he took the
Speaker 5: role of our dad, like as soon as we got
Speaker 5: out of the house, and it's is he.
Speaker 1: Is he reminding you of your dad? Oh one, what
Speaker 1: things does he do about to alpha you around?
Speaker 4: That's a good way to put it, Alpha me around?
Speaker 1: But uh, he like.
Speaker 5: So we have a weekly schedule of cleaning, uh where
Speaker 5: I do one week, I do stuff and then he
Speaker 5: does the other stuff and then next week we switch. Right,
Speaker 5: There's been times where he'll he'll he'll tell me to
Speaker 5: you know, do He'll he'll run down the schedule of
Speaker 5: like of what's going on.
Speaker 1: And just so much like.
Speaker 4: If the way he talks to me is just so
Speaker 4: talking down to me.
Speaker 5: And even when I do what I'm supposed to do,
Speaker 5: because I get everything usually done in like half hour
Speaker 5: of an hour, well not everything, but like majority of
Speaker 5: what I'm supposed to do, and he he's like, there's
Speaker 5: no how do I sorry, Uh, it's.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you. Let me ask you him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, this is clearly and I get this. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of times in arguments and ship where you know,
Speaker 1: you just don't have fucking concrete examples and evidence, but
Speaker 1: you have the way you feel. I get that. I've
Speaker 1: been there before. Have you told your brother about this shit?
Speaker 1: Have you had a conversation with him?
Speaker 5: I've We've argued about it where like I'll tell him, like,
Speaker 5: he's just like our dad, and he gets so pissed,
Speaker 5: but like the way he gets pissed is just like
Speaker 5: our dad, and.
Speaker 4: He he.
Speaker 5: He gets he gets physical too, and that was much
Speaker 5: like our dad growing up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he hits me.
Speaker 1: Okay, your brother's hitting you.
Speaker 4: He's hitting me.
Speaker 5: He's he's he's treating he's treating.
Speaker 4: Me like our dad used to do.
Speaker 5: My dad was an old school he grew he was
Speaker 5: fifty when I was born. He grew up old school
Speaker 5: in the in the seventies and eighties and.
Speaker 4: Or whenever he grew up.
Speaker 2: But he grew up.
Speaker 5: That's how he wouldn't talk.
Speaker 4: Our dad wouldn't talk much about how he grew up.
Speaker 4: But you know that whole thing where he kind of
Speaker 4: when you grow up and have kids.
Speaker 5: You you sort of have patterns with when how you
Speaker 5: were raised.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you heard that all right? So So what
Speaker 1: you're what you're getting at here is that your dad
Speaker 1: would fucking hit you and hit your brother. And now
Speaker 1: you're now you're living with your brother. Now your brother's
Speaker 1: hitting you. Yeah, and you guys are you guys are adults?
Speaker 1: You're twenty and twenty.
Speaker 5: Four or full on adults, full jobs and ship. Okay,
Speaker 5: Like I work as a plumber.
Speaker 4: I've been doing it two years now.
Speaker 2: Like it's a shitty job.
Speaker 4: Funny, but uh but it pays the bills, pays my half.
Speaker 1: And I like your I like your way of bringing
Speaker 1: levity into the situation with a joke.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I try to. You know, it could be worse,
Speaker 4: It could be way worse.
Speaker 1: But all right, Matthew, how long you've been living with
Speaker 1: your brother?
Speaker 4: For living with him for what is it? It's month
Speaker 4: is July, so that'd be.
Speaker 5: A year and four months.
Speaker 4: Now you're in.
Speaker 1: Form in four months, okay, So it's been a year
Speaker 1: and four months.
Speaker 2: And we tried to move out.
Speaker 5: He moved out the second he hit graduation.
Speaker 4: He moved out and did his whatever he did.
Speaker 1: And so so how how many times over the course
Speaker 1: how many times over the course of that year and
Speaker 1: four months does did he was he hitting you?
Speaker 6: It didn't.
Speaker 5: In the beginning, it was fine, Like like the first
Speaker 5: I'd say, like six months, it was like, okay, you know,
Speaker 5: we'd get into arguments. Brothers use it all the time.
Speaker 5: We'd always we're not like the closest brothers.
Speaker 1: In the world. But but Matthew MaTx got along and Matthew, Yeah,
Speaker 1: how many times in the year and a half, in
Speaker 1: the year and four months did he hit you?
Speaker 5: I'd say at least like once to twice a week.
Speaker 1: Once to twice a week.
Speaker 5: A week. Yeah, there may be there'd be a week
Speaker 5: where he didn't. May there'd be weeks where it'd be more.
Speaker 1: But all right, Matthew, mmm, and you haven't told you.
Speaker 1: I'm the first one you're telling about this.
Speaker 4: I pulled my cat.
Speaker 1: Okay, matt Well, I want to let me say a
Speaker 1: few things. One, Matthew, you seem like a real nice,
Speaker 1: real sweet dude, and I'm really real I I feel
Speaker 1: bad because you have to sounds like you have to
Speaker 1: go through this fucking twice because like it sounds like
Speaker 1: your dad was not fucking super awesome. And then it
Speaker 1: was like, finally, you're eighteen, you can get out of
Speaker 1: the house. And then now you're living with a mini
Speaker 1: version of your dad, and like, bro, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel bad for your brother too, because like I'm
Speaker 1: sure he you know, is hurting as well. But like
Speaker 1: at twenty four years old, you gotta you gotta, you
Speaker 1: gotta work out what the fuck is going on with
Speaker 1: you and not be taking it out on your little
Speaker 1: brother because you seem like a nice guy. So yeah,
Speaker 1: and you don't deserve. And also you're you're twenty, you're
Speaker 1: making your own money. You should be allowed, would you you?
Speaker 1: You deserve to be able to live in his safe,
Speaker 1: chill place where you're not dealing with your brother being
Speaker 1: an asshole. So yeah, I mean there's lots of things
Speaker 1: here that I'm thinking about.
Speaker 4: I appreciate that man.
Speaker 1: So let's well, let's well, let's start with Gecko solutions
Speaker 1: and then I will for you, and then I'll refer
Speaker 1: you out to other uh solutions. But are you are you?
Speaker 1: Are you want to least? Are you on a least
Speaker 1: with him? No?
Speaker 5: The house isn't fully in his property.
Speaker 1: Oh it's in his name, so he he owns it.
Speaker 5: It's in his name. He's letting me stay and pay half?
Speaker 1: Is he so he bought it and you're helping him
Speaker 1: pay the mortgage? Yeah, did he buy it or was it?
Speaker 5: Like a family, It's just it's a what did.
Speaker 1: Did he buy it? Or did your dad give it
Speaker 1: to them?
Speaker 5: It's in our dad's name, but then now it's been
Speaker 5: moved to his name. Our dad passed away two years ago.
Speaker 4: When I was.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear that, man, So your dad's That's
Speaker 1: what I was thinking. So your dad passed away and
Speaker 1: then gave the house to your brother, and and in
Speaker 1: the will he gave it specifically to your brother. Yes,
Speaker 1: have you ever, dude, I'm have you ever had like
Speaker 1: a lawyer help you out with this kind of ship?
Speaker 5: With the not I have not looked to lawyers, okay,
Speaker 5: but this conversation is starting to think that I need one.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, I bro, I think here's the thing.
Speaker 3: I'm down.
Speaker 1: I'm totally I'm totally down to uh talk with you
Speaker 1: for a little bit more about this. But you absolutely
Speaker 1: should go talk to a lawyer because your brother, don't.
Speaker 1: Your brother could be doing some kind of like shady
Speaker 1: ship where like maybe your dad actually left both of it.
Speaker 1: Because if your dad left you ship and your brother
Speaker 1: is just like if he's aultphaing you around the house
Speaker 1: and hitting you and ship, you know, it wouldn't wouldn't
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be beyond me that he's, you know, taking
Speaker 1: ownership over this house that you know a percentage of
Speaker 1: could rightfully belong to you. Would You just didn't have
Speaker 1: the resources to figure that ship out? And I feel
Speaker 1: for you. I know that getting a lawyer as a
Speaker 1: whole expensive thing. All right, So you pay your money
Speaker 1: and you're paying or you're paying rent to your brother.
Speaker 5: Yes, I'm paying to help out the mortgage. And it's
Speaker 5: also like power and whatnot, and none of it is
Speaker 5: I pay, no.
Speaker 4: That I know of. None of it is in my name.
Speaker 5: But like I obviously I wasn't going to be here forever.
Speaker 5: I just thought for the meantime. But it's been you know,
Speaker 5: a year and six months now.
Speaker 1: So where do you work for you? What's your job?
Speaker 1: What's your job? Uh?
Speaker 4: Plumbing?
Speaker 5: We go around, you know, people call in, you know,
Speaker 5: having trouble with leeks and whatnot, and uh, oh shit,
Speaker 5: what time is it?
Speaker 1: M's do you have to go right now?
Speaker 5: I don't have to go to work. I have dinner
Speaker 5: reservations with a friend of mine that I haven't seen
Speaker 5: in a long time, and now that I think we've
Speaker 5: had this talk, I might bring this up with them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should talk to people. I have a lot
Speaker 1: of questions for you. But let's okay, So, are you
Speaker 1: making decent money being a plumber?
Speaker 5: I'm it could be better, but like it's not the worst.
Speaker 4: So like, okay, I'm okay, I'm making it.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, because you have something, because Brownie and
Speaker 1: I have all that. Bro like, get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of that place first, when my brother sounds like he's
Speaker 1: just making life hell for you. And if you can
Speaker 1: afford it, go, you know, get get with a roommate
Speaker 1: or if you can afford a fucking studio or one.
Speaker 1: I don't know where you live at or what you
Speaker 1: make or any of that stuff, but like, yeah, try
Speaker 1: to get a different housing situation. And then like, I mean, hey,
Speaker 1: you probably have you should talk dude. Can I ask
Speaker 1: you a question, why haven't you talked to anybody besides
Speaker 1: me about this?
Speaker 5: Honestly, it's more of a pride thing, like, and I
Speaker 5: also just never had really been.
Speaker 4: Excusing it for a while at the same time too, so.
Speaker 1: And after after I gotta go.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be late here in about fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: You gotta go. Wait, you don't, can't. You don't want
Speaker 1: to fish this conversation. It's okay if you got to
Speaker 1: fucking do it.
Speaker 5: I really want to do I've been waiting here like
Speaker 5: forty five minutes, but I I don't want to miss
Speaker 5: his dinner at all. Right, Well, but I do want
Speaker 5: to say thank you, man, I I really appreciate this,
Speaker 5: and it's really talking to you.
Speaker 1: Swallow your pride. Go talk to a lawyer, talk to
Speaker 1: your friends. Don't don't be don't don't don't feel a
Speaker 1: need to be prideful about this man like you're getting
Speaker 1: you're getting fucked over, and you're a nice guy and
Speaker 1: you don't deserve that. And so you should go talk
Speaker 1: to a lawyer and and everything you just told me.
Speaker 1: Go tell him and see what they can do for you.
Speaker 5: All Right, I'll do that, man. I'm gonna I'm gonna eat.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna eat the shit out of this dinner for you.
Speaker 1: Man, all right, go eat the shit out of some dinner. Okay, Bye, Matthew,
Speaker 1: all right, dude, have a good night, you too. Damn
Speaker 1: that poor fucking guy. I hope he talks to I
Speaker 1: don't know this is some ship where, like you know,
Speaker 1: he I'm I'm too stupid to know what his options
Speaker 1: are in that, but almost certainly sounds like his brother
Speaker 1: is doing some shady ship with the will. And even
Speaker 1: if he's not, even even if the dad was like
Speaker 1: I give everything to the brother, he still got He's
Speaker 1: still definitely got some case against this guy if he's
Speaker 1: you know, fucking assaulting him and all that shit.
Speaker 5: So uh.
Speaker 1: Damn, I wish you could have talked for longer. I
Speaker 1: have so many more questions, But ma'am, I hope. I mean,
Speaker 1: if I was the first person that he talked to
Speaker 1: about this thing, I hope that it inspired him to
Speaker 1: talk to other people about it, because like that's the thing, right,
Speaker 1: Sometimes you don't because he didn't. I don't even because
Speaker 1: a when he mentioned pride, it was like, hey, he's
Speaker 1: feeling prideful about it, and be It's like he might
Speaker 1: not even because he's not getting feedback from other people.
Speaker 1: He might not even be aware that, you know, things
Speaker 1: are fucked up. So hopefully he talks to his friend
Speaker 1: over dinner and it gives him a bigger perspective on this.
Speaker 1: But thanks for calling, Matthew, and good luck to you. Hello, folks,
Speaker 1: it is me Lyle.
Speaker 5: So.
Speaker 1: About a month ago, I was invited to do two
Speaker 1: live shows at the Electric Forest Music Festival in Rothbury, Michigan,
Speaker 1: and it was a lot of fun. And while I
Speaker 1: was there, I did some street interviews on the festival grounds.
Speaker 1: I talked to a lot of people, and I'm ending
Speaker 1: the podcast today by playing a little clip from those
Speaker 1: street interviews. It's an interview that I did with this
Speaker 1: girl who is basically like trying to figure out how
Speaker 1: to be a human being having regular conversations with other people,
Speaker 1: which is something that you know, I even struggle with
Speaker 1: a lot. I know that my whole job is having
Speaker 1: conversations with people, but that's just when I'm in a
Speaker 1: Gecko costume. You know, when I'm in real life and
Speaker 1: I'm at a store or something and I got to
Speaker 1: talk to someone, it's a whole different thing. But anyway,
Speaker 1: this isn't about me, and I'm only recording this so
Speaker 1: that you guys aren't confused. Once once normal non cell
Speaker 1: phone people are talking. I hate introducing calls and interviews
Speaker 1: because it's like just let's just listen to the thing
Speaker 1: and it'll introduce itself. But anyway, I'll shut up and
Speaker 1: let us transport ourselves. You guys are gonna like this interview.
Speaker 1: This is I had a lot of This was a
Speaker 1: good one. This was a good one. You should listen
Speaker 1: to it. Don't just stop listening because it's not a
Speaker 1: phone call. Sometimes you gotta listen, you gotta all right,
Speaker 1: let's transport ourselves to the Electric Forest Music Festival in Rothbury, Michigan.
Speaker 1: Right now, what is your name?
Speaker 6: My name is Zoey.
Speaker 1: Zoey. Nice to me, Joe. How is the life? How's
Speaker 1: the human experience treating you? And give it to me straight?
Speaker 6: Okay, Well it's it's difficult.
Speaker 1: Okay, Why is it difficult?
Speaker 6: I feel fundamentally different from a lot of people.
Speaker 1: Okay, how so.
Speaker 6: I feel like other people just fit in a lot
Speaker 6: easier than I do.
Speaker 1: M fit it? What is fit in even me?
Speaker 6: I guess we accepted by like general public?
Speaker 1: You feel not accepted by the general Yeah? What aspects
Speaker 1: of you do you feel are not being accepted by
Speaker 1: the general public?
Speaker 6: I guess just socially, I feel like I interact a
Speaker 6: lot differently than a lot of people do. I don't
Speaker 6: know really what it is, but it feels.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I don't know how to describe it. It just it
Speaker 6: just feels different and it always has and I don't
Speaker 6: I don't know how to articulate it.
Speaker 1: Do you have a lot of friends or family?
Speaker 6: I do have a bit. I have a very big family,
Speaker 6: but I don't have very many friends.
Speaker 1: Did you come here by yourself?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: No, no, no, I'm with my boyfriend and oh well
Speaker 6: he left, but I'm with my boyfriend and his friends.
Speaker 1: You feel unaccepted, do you? That's very saying. Do you
Speaker 1: have a desire to fit in or do you at
Speaker 1: this moment like yourself as you are?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: I do like myself. I just wish other people liked
Speaker 6: me for who I was.
Speaker 1: But it seems as though, I mean, your boyfriend just
Speaker 1: case seems like a sweet guy just came over, gave
Speaker 1: you a kiss, and he obviously likes you for exactly
Speaker 1: who you are. And so you have fundamental proof out
Speaker 1: there in the world that there are people out there
Speaker 1: who will accept you as you are. And not only
Speaker 1: will they accept you as you are, they will actually
Speaker 1: like you even more than they would you know, anyone
Speaker 1: who might traditionally fit in, they might like you for
Speaker 1: the reasons that you so what some, as you say,
Speaker 1: do not fit in right, which is like a beautiful thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 6: Yeah, the people that I have I'm very appreciative for.
Speaker 1: How did you meet your boyfriend?
Speaker 6: None of my work? Okay, I was working at a
Speaker 6: restaurant and he came in for takeout, and really, yeah,
Speaker 6: he thought I was cute, so we asked for my
Speaker 6: number and I said sure because he didn't seem weird.
Speaker 6: And that's it went from there.
Speaker 1: You know, at least, like I don't know talking to
Speaker 1: you in this situation, nothing about you has I mean
Speaker 1: I've only known you for less than a minute, right,
Speaker 1: but nothing about you has struck me as particularly off kilter.
Speaker 6: I'm glad to hear that. I don't feel like I
Speaker 6: am either. So it's strange to me that that I
Speaker 6: have been rejected in so many like sectors of my line.
Speaker 1: Genuine question, do you have as have you ever considered
Speaker 1: that it might all be in your head?
Speaker 6: I have it might it might be.
Speaker 1: It could be you said, you've been rejected from many
Speaker 1: different sectors. Yeah, in what senses? In what way?
Speaker 6: So like even when I was like It could also
Speaker 6: be that I moved around a lot when I was younger,
Speaker 6: so I never formed like a steady friend group, which
Speaker 6: I think a lot of people have, and so I
Speaker 6: rotated through a lot of friend groups, and I learned
Speaker 6: how people interact at a very young age. And not
Speaker 6: that there's anything wrong with being like looking out for yourself,
Speaker 6: but most people are very and I don't want to
Speaker 6: this isn't a bad thing, but most people are looking
Speaker 6: out for themselves, yeah, than they are for other people,
Speaker 6: And I am the opposite. I want everybody around me
Speaker 6: to be comfortable and to look out. I want to
Speaker 6: look out for everybody else. I want everybody else to
Speaker 6: be safe and to be comfortable and to be happy.
Speaker 1: You know, it's funny that whole thing about everybody is
Speaker 1: like looking out for themselves and selfish. You could interpret
Speaker 1: that two different ways. You could interpret that negatively and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, everyone's so selfish and what is this
Speaker 1: world to come to? Or you can interpret it like,
Speaker 1: you know, oh, everybody only really cares about themselves, So
Speaker 1: I can do whatever I want. It doesn't people who
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if people judge me or you know,
Speaker 1: reject me or any of these things because I don't
Speaker 1: really matter to them, So why who gives a shit
Speaker 1: about them judging me or you know any of that
Speaker 1: kind of thing.
Speaker 6: That's true. And I do flip flop between those two
Speaker 6: like ideas perspectives. Yeah, So like on days when I
Speaker 6: have I tend to have a lot of negative self talk.
Speaker 6: So on days when I have that negative self talk,
Speaker 6: it's like, oh, like everybody's just terrible, and like why
Speaker 6: why can't anybody care for me the way I would
Speaker 6: care for somebody else? And then I realized, like, if
Speaker 6: they don't care about me in the same way that
Speaker 6: I care about them, then why am I putting myself
Speaker 6: out on the level of that like emotional energy if
Speaker 6: they don't care about it? So it's not even worth
Speaker 6: the worry and the anxiety and the sad.
Speaker 1: Absolutely m hmm. Do you what's your dream in life? Hopeful? Life?
Speaker 5: Is to.
Speaker 6: Help other people not feel the way that I have felt.
Speaker 1: And with your friends, like the friends that you came
Speaker 1: here with and your boyfriends, you feel like you're doing that.
Speaker 6: I try to. I'm not a perfect person and I
Speaker 6: definitely make mistakes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and.
Speaker 6: I've done a lot of work on myself to try
Speaker 6: to be the best person that I can be, not
Speaker 6: only for myself but for the people around me, because
Speaker 6: as I improve, my relationships with everybody around me improves.
Speaker 1: Right. See, that's it's just the thing thing you just said, right,
Speaker 1: because you said that you're you're oriented to make sure
Speaker 1: that everybody else is okay, to make sure. But then
Speaker 1: also what you just said was you were like, when
Speaker 1: I focus on myself and I improve myself, it does
Speaker 1: have a positive impact on other people as well.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And and I've also realized, like as I go
Speaker 6: through life that the people, like, as I improve, if
Speaker 6: the people that I thought were my friends or you know,
Speaker 6: close to me start to pull back a little bit,
Speaker 6: then those people weren't really there for me to begin with. Yeah,
Speaker 6: and it's hard for me to accept, and I think
Speaker 6: that's probably hard for anybody to accept, but in a
Speaker 6: strange way, it does offer me a sense of comfort, like, well,
Speaker 6: then they can go find people who who fit better
Speaker 6: in their lives than I do, and I can find
Speaker 6: better who I can find people who fit better in
Speaker 6: my life.
Speaker 1: It seems like you have a very healthy perspective on
Speaker 1: all these things.
Speaker 6: I tried to. It took a long time to get
Speaker 6: to that point.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I have a lot of negative self talk too.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to push it out, and it's stoked.
Speaker 6: It's hard, it's hard to combat, especially like for me,
Speaker 6: I tend to like ruminate on thoughts and it's so
Speaker 6: easy to find that like one negative thing and just
Speaker 6: like focus.
Speaker 1: On it for for days, right, right, right, But it's
Speaker 1: in your control, right, yeah, always so I fucking uh,
Speaker 1: that's why I forget all the time. Yeah, so all right,
Speaker 1: for the rest of this weekend, well you wouldn't meet.
Speaker 1: We'll try to focus on the positive things.
Speaker 6: I agree. I agree.
Speaker 1: What is your name again?
Speaker 6: My name is Zoe.
Speaker 4: Zoe.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 6: I would like to say that I think everybody should
Speaker 6: focus not on themselves in like a selfish way, because
Speaker 6: focusing on yourself is an inherently selfish But if you
Speaker 6: see areas of your life that you you don't appreciate
Speaker 6: or maybe aren't working very well for you, you you
Speaker 6: can control that and you you can fix that, and
Speaker 6: how you do that is up to you. But but
Speaker 6: if you don't like something you're you can fix that.
Speaker 6: It's not a personality trait. It's not inherent to who
Speaker 6: you are as a human.
Speaker 1: If you don't like it, change it and eat cool
Speaker 1: ranch doritos. They told me to say that. Okay, nice
Speaker 1: to meet you. Hey, folks, it's Lyle again. If you
Speaker 1: enjoyed that little interview and you want to hear all
Speaker 1: of the interviews that I did at Electricforest, you can
Speaker 1: go to YouTube dot com slash Lyele forever and look
Speaker 1: for being a Gecko at Electric Forest, or you can
Speaker 1: just find the link in the episode description. All right,
Speaker 1: thanks God bless you. Goes on the line taking your
Speaker 1: phone calls every night.
Speaker 6: Goes's teaching you cloud in your life is not really
Speaker 6: an expert.