WEBVTT - EP. 78 " Selfish Self Care" 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:06.360 Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:12.160 who talks back? What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:14.239 that for a new episode and we talked back, a 0:00:14.320 --> 0:00:17.639 show dedicated to you, niggas and knees. Host your co host, 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:22.520 a J without Girl. Hey, y'all, it's official. Tam Bam y'all. 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:26.079 I love y'all. I love y'all once again. Hey a J. 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:32.159 How was your weekend? My weekend? What the hell I did? Oh? 0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:35.600 I took some pictures for my birthday and then I 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:39.720 got drunk per usual on my Sunday. I didn't do 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:42.159 not enough to the rest of the weekend. I just 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:44.479 chilled in the house after work. It was raining. It 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:48.519 seems like it's raining every day. Is this see Attle? 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.160 Is this Seattle or something? I don't know. We need 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:54.400 some rain, grow up and hottest hell outside, cool it 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:57.880 down every day. I like when it rains, especially if 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:01.360 I ain't got shipped to do. Yeah, that's because you 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:05.039 got on a week It's like me got real hair 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:08.640 out right now? Is stupid that I'll be in the rain, 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:12.240 Like I'm Brazilian? Like who cares about getting wet? It's 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:19.880 a black girl problem. What about your weekend? What you 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:21.440 do now? I do much. I just hung out in 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:25.800 the city, some dinner and kicking it, some Netflix and 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:28.680 chilling a little bit. That's about it. You got fucked, 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:34.319 so you got fun. Pardon me, that means you got fun. 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:41.800 That's neck Netflix and drill. Okay, I said Netflix and chill. Okay. Yeah, 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:48.800 wink wink, everybody, just chill, No do much, Just hang 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:56.960 out around the city one day. Oh yeah, my birthday 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.680 is on Saturday, y'all. So when you hear this in 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.120 a cup of days, it's my birthday, y'all come to 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.360 my page and tell me happy birthday. And y'all can 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:05.960 send me some money too, if y'all want to to 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.200 my cash at should? I I'm scared because you know, 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.160 I put my cash up out there. Somebody might hack 0:02:11.200 --> 0:02:13.480 my ship and still all my money, ain't it? People 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:17.239 already got your cash app? Damn there it's okay, Yeah, 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:22.400 well it's money signed TAM's vanity T A M S 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.520 v A N I T Y Send a bitch a 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:28.079 couple of dollars for a birthday. Don't play with her. 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:35.240 It's cancer season, y'all, cry baby aass season. Do nobody 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:38.600 got on time for that ship. Whatever. I'll cry and 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:41.880 drink at the same time this weekend. Fuck it shame, 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:46.200 I ain't got no. I'm going to Atlanta hang out 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:49.240 with my best friend for I think it's birthday. Best 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:53.280 this weekend. I might see yall out there. This bitch 0:02:53.320 --> 0:03:01.760 ain't coming y'all. All right, we'll see. We'll see if 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:04.760 you pull up. So what you guys for stupid internet news? 0:03:04.800 --> 0:03:09.280 You see any uh, any special, any interesting topics out there? 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:17.680 I did, I did see um. A woman posted uh 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:22.160 that her husband had threatened to divorce her and she 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:25.359 didn't get her physical body in shape, and she shows 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:27.919 a video of her losing weight to save her marriage. 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:30.240 And there were a lot of people who were like, ah, 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:32.480 you should divorce him, get in shape, and then leave 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:37.080 that nigger. What's your thoughts? No, we already know a 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:40.400 man of visual Okay, so if you just look like 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:43.680 a totally different person from who he married, it's understandable. Now. 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.000 It depends on how he came at her with the ship. 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:48.080 At least he talked to her about it. At least 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:50.960 he didn't just immediately got the damn relationship as soon 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.440 as his bitch starting a little chunky, and she had 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:58.040 a baby, right, Yeah, she had kids after she let 0:03:58.120 --> 0:04:00.440 herself go. Yeah, a lot of things take place, you know, 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.560 less time for yourself, having to take care of everybody 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:08.240 else in the household, and yeah, and then you know, 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:10.200 having to try and find time to work out a 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:12.600 little bit. But we already know, like the diet is made, 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:15.320 Like mainly it's the eating. If you don't have time 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:16.720 to go to the gym, you got time to not 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:22.440 eat fun up right? I agree? Um, yeah, I feel 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.839 the same way. People were like really mad at him, 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.279 but I agree with him. Like if I'm with someone, 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:29.880 if you don't care about your body, I don't think 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:34.960 we're compatible. Yeah, I gotta love yourself. Yeah, you gotta 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:38.320 love yourself more than you love me. I want you 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:41.479 to love yourself, and that means keeping yourself because I 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.240 want you to be here a long time, you know, 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:45.719 So if you don't care about being here a long time, 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:48.520 then we can't be together. And a lot of things 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:50.960 comes with that extra weight. You know, you might get 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:54.159 a little lazy. You probably ain't trying to fuck. You 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:56.599 probably can't stretch, get stretched out as much as you 0:04:56.720 --> 0:04:59.720 used to. Like all types of things come with weight 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:03.720 gain um, and I mean I don't know men of 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:05.840 visual that's what I do know. So if you love 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:10.159 your husband, you'll get it together. It's not it shouldn't 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.760 always be like, oh men got to accept this about women. 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:18.080 That's not fair. And that's how we mean. Yeah, if 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:20.159 he married you fat, then I'd be like, nigga, I 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.800 was fat when we met, exactly, just like I give 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:24.680 my disclosure to men all the time that I wear. 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:27.480 We've all the time. So one year in the relationship, 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:29.560 don't be coming at me about this. Goddamn here. I 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:34.520 gave you the disclosure and even wait, should I gotta 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:36.720 I gotta fat max. Okay, once I hit it, I'll 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.360 start coming down from it. But don't you say a 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:41.359 motherfucker word to me, because I can give you the 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:49.920 same body when I met your ass. So apparently Jocelyn 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:53.440 Savage wants to marry R Kelly or she's engaged R Kelly. 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:59.000 He just got since he ain't even got no wealth anymore, 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:04.680 right like he got a debt of like a million 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:08.320 dollar day. You gotta have some money somewhere. You gotta 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:10.159 have some money somewhere. I don't know, do you Why 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:13.640 would you be engaged to nigga who's fifty and got 0:06:13.680 --> 0:06:16.560 thirty years in prison. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:21.320 don't get it. Is it cloud chasing? Make it makes sense? Possibly, girl, 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:23.400 if you don't get your stupid ass out of him. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:28.440 So before that much love in the world, right, so 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.920 they're saying before centisen Uh, Savage tried to convince the 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:35.760 judge that Kelly didn't deserve such a heart heart sentencing. Um. 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:37.880 She pleaded that she was not a victim and that 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:41.279 Kelly was an amazing person. Um. She also referred to 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:44.159 herself as his wife. She goes on to say, my 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:47.760 relationship with Robert is amazing, she wrote, He's the best 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:50.039 thing that's ever happened to me. We have a very 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.680 special connection and are deeply in love. I still support 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:55.680 Robert to this day because I love him and will 0:06:55.720 --> 0:07:00.320 always be there to support him. Um. She says, Robert 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:03.920 is not the monster that the government has described him as. Now. 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:05.640 One thing, I don't know if everybody looked at the 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.160 charges that um Rob Robert Kelly, the r Kelly got 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:12.480 one of the charges is this It is called the 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:17.040 Man Act. This the Man Act. Let me see, I 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:22.360 just want to be sure, Um, but it to me, Yes, 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:26.040 it's the Man Act m A N N Act, And 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.880 y'all listen. This is the White Slave Traffic Act, also 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.800 called the Man Act, is the United States federal law 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:38.640 passed June and is named after Congressman James Robert Man 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.320 of Illinois. So this is for white men who were 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:45.320 trafficking slaves. That's just a little how in the hell 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:48.720 did uh gets Laye Maxwell not get that type of charge? 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:51.360 But you give a black man Robert Kelly, like a 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:54.440 slave trafficking charge, that is really weird that we would 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:58.600 be seeing that charge put on anybody in two right, 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.880 but not girl. Yeah, Like, I don't know that that's 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:06.120 that's a real treacherous. Uh, I don't know. I don't 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:09.600 know if I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:12.080 I gotta go back, I gotta go look at what 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.000 all he was convicted of. I know that was one 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:16.280 of the charges and then like regular like sex trafficking 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:20.320 and stuff like that. But that's real racial to me 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:25.480 for some reason. And yeah, yeah, um, what else are 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:27.280 you got going on? This? Did you see this damn 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:30.320 dude repossessing his baby mama bumper? Because she put his 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:35.840 ass out. M M, I don't understand. That made me 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:38.640 think of Kevin Hart when he was talking about how 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.160 his daddy would be mad and take all the lights 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:43.839 off to Christie's tree. He was like, give me the state, 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:47.840 put it in my hand, beach taking the food with me. 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:50.760 Like your kids still has to ride in that car, sir. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.360 This goes to show you that if a man can't 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:56.520 get pussy from a woman, he doesn't see the value 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.920 in doing anything for her after that point. Like if 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:00.760 we ain't sucking no more, don't see the value and 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:03.160 paying child support. I don't see the value in coming 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:04.800 to get my damn kid, bitch. I don't see the 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:08.280 value in having this bumper on your car. What the hell? 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.880 I had a nigga canceled. He's supposed to take me 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:14.320 to dinner for my birthday and I didn't give him none. 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:17.480 The night before I didn't even see him, I didn't 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.680 hang out with him by and he said he wasn't 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:26.000 taking me to dinner. He patties out, boy, fuck you 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:29.920 in that movie seafood Dinner, use a little steak steak dinner. 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:35.560 This is the more steak out there nigga, right, then 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:37.400 you're gonna try to funk on me next week. But 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.200 you didn't come through for my birthday, Like everybody knows 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:43.600 you don't play with women about their damn birthday. Nigger right, 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:49.000 Yeah that's a daddy, Doug, and I'm celibate, So no, 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:52.960 there's no pussy for you, sir. Sending a little bit 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:57.400 of this what you think about Academics and how he 0:09:57.559 --> 0:09:59.599 was coming at Meek Mills. I know you saw that 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:03.440 ship me Mills and the baby and um. He also 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:09.959 put up this old video from with Kanye Um holding 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:13.959 a bowl of food for some designer feeding him. Yeah, 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:15.600 I didn't get to see that. What was that about? 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:19.760 So Academics took to his YouTube channel and was saying 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:25.840 how he finds it funny that UM certain rappers tend 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:31.040 to uh make clowns of themselves basically to entertain white billionaires. 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.240 So he was talking about a video with UM Meek 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:38.520 Mills bunny hopping after losing a tennis match with Mark Rubin. 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.439 He was hopping and Mark Mark Rubin was like behind 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.520 the UM camera saying ship like yeah hot hot, telling 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:49.079 why you hopping Meek? Like because you lost tennis? Like 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:54.320 hopping in and and just like some ship you see 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.840 a real nigga doing. That's all, you know what I'm saying, 0:10:56.880 --> 0:10:59.240 Like niggas are not allowed to have fun and be 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.439 lightheart it for some reason. If you lighthearder than having 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.200 a good time, you you selling now that you playing yourself. 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.600 That's not fair, Like it's like it was just having fun. 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.680 But what about Kanye holding this man's ribs and French 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.400 fries in the back of a sprinter van and Kim 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.360 k is recording it and he's holding this man's plate 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:18.679 while a man eats out of it. It's some designer 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:24.400 we think about that. I mean, it's not that deep. 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:26.760 People be reading too much into it. I think, like, 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:28.480 why was he holding it? He asked him to hold, 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.200 Like Kanye n look happy in the face on the video. 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:32.400 I'll send it to you so you can see what 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:34.440 I'm talking about. But he didn't look happy in the face. 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:37.400 But metaphorically, maybe it's like, yeah, I'm a had these 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.160 motherfucker's eating out my hands type ship. I don't know 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:44.880 because this was sto. We know that man Kanye d 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:48.559 and blew up since then even more the man was 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:52.480 he eating with his mouth just mouth to plate? Or 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:54.800 was he putting picking it up with his hand. Nigger, 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:57.200 This is me in front of you, dam I'm holding 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.400 no nigga, you got the full work, like you're using 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:05.280 my hands as a table basically. So maybe he lost 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:07.319 a bed or something like that. I don't know. But 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:09.320 why your wife recording that. I know from that point 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:11.760 she don't love him. That's probably that's probably was just 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:14.040 fun and games like they were just playing. It was 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.200 probably just a good time. It wasn't nothing. I don't 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.480 know about that. And then um, I think we read 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:21.240 too much in the ship a lot of times. I 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:23.040 don't know. Academic is probably trying to get the heat 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.679 off of him, because you know, they stay saying he's 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:30.240 a goddamn people. Yeah, I don't know. Even the videos 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:32.160 they brought up of him were from a long time ago. 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:34.520 He would have been twenty years old talking to young 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.400 seventeen year old girls and stuff like that. So I 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.840 don't know. People people bring shut up, but they don't 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:45.920 look at the time difference like Okay, now I'm thirty, 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:49.520 but I was twenty then. Not defending academics because he 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:51.640 really gets on my nerve and I do want somebody 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:59.360 to smack the sh out of him. But yeah, uh 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:05.600 so look and Raleigh, North Carolina, some protesters have pulled 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.760 up on two different um old folks home looking for Cain. 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:14.520 Caroline Bryant Donham, this is the woman who accused Emmett 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:21.079 Till of looking at her basically and what they was 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:22.719 gonna go do, beat her up or something like, I 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:24.280 don't know what they was gonna run up in there 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:26.920 and do. Yeah, so this woman is eighty something years old. Now, 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:28.840 you know, I would prefer for them to run up 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.600 on the men that were acquitted of actually murdering him, 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:34.800 you know, because they can't be recharged. Somebody got to 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:42.679 so be alive. Right, But oh, here's the thing. This, 0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:47.760 this is the kicker. What happened was recently, um this 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:51.959 happened after unserved warrant for her arrest, dated back to 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:58.439 August was was discovered in the stashed uh box in 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:02.480 the basement of the Mississippi court House last month. Yeah 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:08.199 so somebody here her warranty and it never got served exactly. Well, 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:10.040 if I just feel like, if Bill Cosby can go 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:15.920 to jail, so can this bitch. Absolutely absolutely absolutely, But 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:17.760 I don't know. Running up in the old folks home. 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:19.240 What ch'all was gonna do when y'all got there, like 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:21.880 catch a charge? Catch a charge. That's all I'm stupid 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:24.400 niggas was gonna do is catch a charge. Y'all didn't 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:29.800 play that out, because what was the point? What you're 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:31.920 gonna jump on that old last lady like, y'all not 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:36.720 going in there to do that, like relax, stupid, come 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:38.440 up with come up with the plan. I mean, I 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:41.680 understand why y'all upset, but playing that ship out a 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:47.480 little better than that, that was worthless. So that's our 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:50.840 stupid internet news for the day. Child. Yeah, y'all, we're 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:57.200 gonna take a break. We'll be right back. Okay, guys, 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:59.600 we're back. And I had this situation and I wanted 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:02.320 to get your your guy's opinion and you a j 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.600 on it. So I was going out with this guy 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:10.840 and any time I didn't do anything that he wanted 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:15.160 to do, he said that I was selfish, and I 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:19.720 felt like I was practicing self care by doing the 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:22.360 things that I wanted to do for myself. So it 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:26.120 made me consider, like, what's the difference between selfish and 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:30.000 self care? And is there a difference? Well, what do 0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:32.880 you think, what do you think? Yeah, there's you know, 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:38.560 there's definitely a difference between being selfish, um and practicing 0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:42.000 self care. I think that one of the major differences 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:47.200 is you practicing self care doesn't affect anyone else. Okay, 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:51.160 When you're being selfish towards somebody, it usually causes, like 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:56.440 people some type of duress somehow. Right, So you telling 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:59.680 him no because it's better for your mental health, because no, 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:04.200 a complete statement the fuck Like, that's not you being selfish, 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:06.760 not to me anyway. But let's let's look it up 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:10.200 right quick. Hold on. So if I don't want to 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:11.760 drive to your house in the middle of night in 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.720 a thunderstorm because I'm scared of driving the rain, that's 0:16:15.720 --> 0:16:20.200 not selfish, right of course. Not the I hate when 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:22.480 people always ask me or I called you why you 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:24.080 an answer? You don't know what I was in the 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.760 middle of doing. That's self care. Okay, I'm driving, Okay, 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:31.440 I'll respond when I get stationary. I might even saw 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:37.280 your message. That's not me being selfish though, right, Okay, 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.800 So being like I said, it says, being selfish means 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:44.200 that there's a desire to take from others, often to 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:48.720 their detriment. However, self care is about replenishing your resources 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:52.680 without depleting someone else's. Self care is a means of 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:56.800 restoring your own energy, which promotes healthy physical and emotional 0:16:56.920 --> 0:17:01.640 well being. Okay. In essence, self care is about fulfilling yourself. 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:05.680 Um excuse me. An essence, self care is about filling 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:09.560 yourself up so you could be the best spouse, parent, friend, employee, 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:13.680 Boston person that you could beat. Selfishness, on the other hand, 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:19.560 reflects the me first attitude determining, um, just how much 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:24.080 you can get for yourself, often at the expense of others. 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:30.560 So okay, so all right. Sometimes based on that definition, 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:36.680 sometimes I can't be selfish, and then other times it's 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:40.080 self care. But I don't think me not wanting to 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:44.920 drive to your house in a thunderstorm it's selfish. But 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:48.800 then I was like, you drive over here, you're not scared? 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:59.160 Did he come? M hmm? Look, somebody got a sacrifice. 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:02.520 But if I'm always the one sacrifice and you're selfish, 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.919 like if I'm the one that's always making a sacrifice 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:09.400 to make a relationship or whatever situation ship work, you're 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:11.440 the selfish one, not me. And then one time I 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:15.440 tell you know, it's a problem like that. Yeah, that 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:18.040 telling you telling somebody they're selfish is almost a form 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:25.080 of manipulation. Mm hmm, big big time. Like, um, people 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:27.199 might consider me selfish. But the thing, here's the thing 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:30.600 about me is that I don't fucking disturb people's peace. 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:35.200 But a motherfucker do not mind disturbing mind, Like, so 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.920 I don't go out of my way, like let me say, 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.680 let me, let me rephrase this, so I don't sound 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:45.760 I don't require stuff out of people because I don't 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.760 want anybody requiring ship for me. I swear to God, 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:52.639 like it could be a little simple things like I 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.920 have friends who I know like their love languages is 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:59.000 like acts of service all the time, and they don't 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.600 mind asking you to do ship. I never asked these 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:03.639 people to do ship for me, So why are you 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:05.840 always calling me to ask you to ask me to 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:08.960 do something for you? That's because that's their that's their 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.879 love language. But what do they do They speak to yours? 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:15.480 Like what is yours? Um? I like, I like acts 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.680 of services too, but I like people to offer. I'm 0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:20.119 not going to be calling you asking you to do anything. 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.760 Do you see the difference. I like people to offer 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:26.359 their services. Um, I like gifts like stuff like that. 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:28.360 I mean, I'm not expecting that out of a homegirl 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.760 or a family member. But yeah, yeah, so yeah like 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:36.600 gifts too. But I'm I tend to uh speak to 0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:40.480 people's I don't speak to other people's love love languages properly. 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:43.399 I speak to them in my love language, like I 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:46.280 try to write, I like gifts. So then I'm like, oh, 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:49.080 I saw this thing. I'll give you this thing. But 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:51.840 they don't work for everybody, you know, Like, girl, I 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:53.399 don't give a funk about that book. Have you ever 0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:56.840 written in that Gratitude book ever? Right here? To this 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:01.639 the productivity planner right here? Look look at there empty 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:06.239 I even wrote my name in there yet. Bit I'm 0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:08.399 gonna use this book because you know, what I do 0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:12.879 realize is that I need to write more. I need 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:15.720 to write down my plans, write down my goals like 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:17.800 I'd be literally even just putting them in the phone. 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:19.720 And to me, it's not good enough. I feel like 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:22.119 you got to write it down to really manifest this stuff. 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:25.760 That's not actually the one I was talking about. What 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:29.600 the other one I brought your Gratitude book? Did? I 0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:33.160 did write in that book I have. That's why it's 0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:35.000 not in here. See this is the junk low area. 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:42.240 This is the junk area. Okay, I sorry, my friend 0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:48.800 I ship. I realized it. But yeah, I don't like 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:51.040 being inconvenience. You know, when I wake up in the morning, 0:20:51.080 --> 0:20:52.840 like i'd be having like a plan for my day, 0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:54.679 like I already know what I want to do today, 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:56.600 and if I get like a call or a message 0:20:56.640 --> 0:20:58.840 and somebody like through, even if it's something I already 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:01.120 have plan to do for somebody, like I already got 0:21:01.160 --> 0:21:03.480 my ship I'm doing for today. So I feel like 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:06.000 like people could just throw a monkey wrenching your whole ship, 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:09.240 and I automatically get frustrated. You know, I might even 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:11.439 tell them, Yeah, but deep out aside, I don't want 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.719 to do ship for them, because why don't you tell 0:21:14.760 --> 0:21:16.840 me about this? You know, I don't know in advanced 0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:20.399 I hate feeling like I hate feeling like rushed or 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:22.520 all of a sudden this is something that has to 0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:25.600 be done today. I don't like that feeling, so I don't. 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:27.520 I don't do that to people because I don't like 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:31.680 the feeling, you know, Yeah, so I will. I will 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:35.600 do that to people but that's because in the if 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.200 the shoe was on the other foot, I'm probably gonna 0:21:38.240 --> 0:21:40.199 come running, even if I don't want to. I am 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:43.640 you know, so when I need I will ask only 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:46.280 of people that I know. I would do the same 0:21:46.359 --> 0:21:49.520 four though not just random motherfucker's. Like I got a 0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:52.840 message in my Facebook messenger from somebody I've known for 0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:55.480 my almost my whole life. I've known them a long time, 0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:58.080 but I wouldn't consider them for in her family. I 0:21:58.240 --> 0:22:01.199 just known them. In the mess I didn't open the message, 0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:05.840 but the beginning said, hey, boo, I'm stuck at look 0:22:05.880 --> 0:22:07.960 like I said, I'm stuck at working so ship like that. 0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:14.520 I was like, I'm not opening that. I'm not fucking 0:22:14.680 --> 0:22:17.440 opening that message because it looked like you're about to 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:21.520 ask me for some ship I ain't got. I got it. 0:22:25.400 --> 0:22:27.800 That's funny and saf see now, look you ain't even 0:22:27.880 --> 0:22:30.240 giving them the opportunity to funk with your damn date. 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:35.360 That's different. But no, my mom be calling me selfish sometimes. 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.240 Now my mom would do anything for anybody, but she'll 0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:41.520 talk ship while doing it. Well that you too, no, no, 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:44.400 no hold on, but why not do why? But guess 0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:46.280 what that's probably because I told you yes and I 0:22:46.320 --> 0:22:50.040 didn't want to write she she won't talk to the person. 0:22:50.359 --> 0:22:52.240 She would like, you know, call me to talk to 0:22:52.400 --> 0:22:54.840 about it while she doing it. But I'm like, why 0:22:54.920 --> 0:22:57.840 not just say no and then there's nothing to talk about? 0:22:58.520 --> 0:23:01.840 It's bothering the same thing you do that if I 0:23:01.920 --> 0:23:05.000 tell somebody yes, I'm gonna do it. Like, what, give 0:23:05.040 --> 0:23:09.000 me an example? Um, so you used to have that 0:23:09.560 --> 0:23:11.960 so a J is like a really selfless person, y'all. 0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:15.000 But she had a homeless woman living with her. That 0:23:15.200 --> 0:23:19.280 is different, and you would complain about all the ship 0:23:19.400 --> 0:23:22.600 she hit. Okay, imagine somebody living with you for fourteen 0:23:22.680 --> 0:23:25.400