Speaker 1: Real talk. A lot of people are sitting on millions
Speaker 1: of dollars right now if they would just sell their
Speaker 1: grandma's house. Yeah, but what about the sentimental value attached?
Speaker 1: Which one weighs more the one that pays more bills
Speaker 1: the coins m cash out. Y'all. Hey, I'm Cadine and
Speaker 1: we're the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny
Speaker 1: videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as
Speaker 1: a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therby
Speaker 1: most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,
Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most
Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of
Speaker 1: them on len You're married couple. Dead adds is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillows
Speaker 1: off to our whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take you all back to two thousand and seventeen, No,
Speaker 1: two thousand and eighteen. This is when you and I
Speaker 1: were trying to make the decision of whether or not
Speaker 1: we were going to move to l A or not.
Speaker 1: And we were working a lot, working a lot, making
Speaker 1: a lot of money at this point in the cash
Speaker 1: coming in from the gym business and doing social media
Speaker 1: and doing events and things like that, also doing makeup.
Speaker 1: But we needed capital because we were like, listen, if
Speaker 1: we were going to relocate from New York to l A.
Speaker 1: The gym business at that time was a large part
Speaker 1: of how we made money, so we would need some
Speaker 1: time to move over. I said, what's the best way
Speaker 1: for me to get some capital? In two thousand and seven,
Speaker 1: I purchased my grandparents house because my grandparents needed to
Speaker 1: move from South Carolina to New York. No from they
Speaker 1: need to move from Tennessee to South Carolina. And at
Speaker 1: the time Morristown, Tennessee. It's you know that this was
Speaker 1: right before the economic crisis. The recession happened in two
Speaker 1: thousand and nine, but there weren't a lot of um
Speaker 1: plants and stuff open at that time there so the
Speaker 1: economy renouncing, no one was purchasing property in the area.
Speaker 1: So my grandparents were looking to move to South Carolina
Speaker 1: to be closer to their siblings, and it was like
Speaker 1: all right, well, let's keep the house in the family.
Speaker 1: I was playing in the NFL at the time, so
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, let me just buy this
Speaker 1: house to work state in the family is gonna be
Speaker 1: like a family airline. I'll just pay off. I'll pay
Speaker 1: off the property in the next couple of years, in
Speaker 1: the next next couple of contracts, whatever. That was my
Speaker 1: thought process two thousand and seven. Then two thousand and eight,
Speaker 1: I purchased a home for us to live in because
Speaker 1: we were living in Michigan and we wanted the tax
Speaker 1: right off, so we wanted to get a residency in
Speaker 1: Michigan rather than having one in New York because the
Speaker 1: New York Texas was ridiculous. So I own two properties.
Speaker 1: Let's go back to two thousand and eighteen. Now we
Speaker 1: were thinking about moving into l A. How do we
Speaker 1: get capital? And I was like, well, I own two
Speaker 1: properties that have equity. So at first it was like,
Speaker 1: do I sell my grandparents house to get the equity
Speaker 1: out so I could have a little space to move
Speaker 1: or do a hold on to it so it could
Speaker 1: be a family heirloom. And I was like, no, one
Speaker 1: is going to go back to Morristown. Tennessee to live there, right,
Speaker 1: I was paying all of the times that there was
Speaker 1: no tenants in there. I was paying the mortgage I
Speaker 1: was paying for when the boiler had to be fixed,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I think, I'm a
Speaker 1: cashing on this equity, used that to put in my banks,
Speaker 1: and then when we relocated, at least I had a
Speaker 1: couple of months to make sure that I can get
Speaker 1: my feet underneath me. And that's exactly what can I did.
Speaker 1: We sold both properties. We had a good amount of equity,
Speaker 1: and when we made that jump to l A, we
Speaker 1: knew we were sitting on at least eight months of rent,
Speaker 1: so that it was like, yo, I got eight months
Speaker 1: to figure out how I'm going to duplicate that revenue
Speaker 1: that I lost in the gym business in New York,
Speaker 1: and we were gonna make it work. It was all
Speaker 1: worth it because our dreams were in l A, and
Speaker 1: the minute we moved to l A, our whole life changed.
Speaker 1: So imagine if I never sold my grandparents house to
Speaker 1: move to l A, we'd probably still be in another department.
Speaker 1: Nothing like God's perfect timing. Dead ass doom, doom, doom, doom,
Speaker 1: doom Do do do do do Do do doom? A room
Speaker 1: is still a room even nothing there but glue, and
Speaker 1: the house is not at home when there's no one
Speaker 1: there to do my baby, to hold your time, and
Speaker 1: no one to kiss good not Oh yeah, that's definitely
Speaker 1: not my octave. But hey, we made the work, you'll
Speaker 1: get it. The house is not at home. I don't
Speaker 1: think there's an octave that can hold Luther that he
Speaker 1: did his own He did his own thing. But I
Speaker 1: want to know are you gonna be? Are you gonna be?
Speaker 1: Said you're gonna be in love? Women? Where? Where? Well? Where?
Speaker 1: That's my favorite part. I love that feeling love recipes, Luther.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you listen, I think we should take
Speaker 1: a break, let me go see what my other favorite
Speaker 1: Luca songs are in here, come back, and then we'll
Speaker 1: jump into selling grandma's house. All right, so we're back.
Speaker 1: Let's let's let's just kind of walk people. Let's unpack
Speaker 1: this whole process here. That's a debate. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of families have. You know, you're sitting on this
Speaker 1: property that has been in the family for years, um
Speaker 1: that you know grandma, great grandma, grandpa. They worked really,
Speaker 1: really hard, extreme to obtain. So so there was there
Speaker 1: was a lot that went into this story process. And
Speaker 1: there's a lot of my family history with property that
Speaker 1: I want to kind of unpack. Right first and foremost,
Speaker 1: my family comes from a line of Southern blacks who
Speaker 1: owned property. My grandmother's father was he was a sharecropper
Speaker 1: and he was one of the few blacks. He was
Speaker 1: black and um Native American. I believe this is Nani Nana's.
Speaker 1: His mom and dad are from um Indigenous people descent.
Speaker 1: I don't know the descended from the indigenous people. And
Speaker 1: what people don't know is that the indigenous people had
Speaker 1: property in America, but they also owned slaves. So my
Speaker 1: grandmother and grandfather from our Orangeburg, South Carolina. And if
Speaker 1: you look at my grandmother's family, they're really really fair
Speaker 1: skinned people, right, some of them are really really fair
Speaker 1: skinned people. Some have that like brownish olive complexion is
Speaker 1: because of the indigenous people's side, and I think some
Speaker 1: Germans in there. But her family came from money. Her
Speaker 1: dad drove a Cadillac, he owned property, he had sure,
Speaker 1: he was a share cropper, you know. And I remember
Speaker 1: going down south and seeing the big house they used
Speaker 1: to call the Big house. That was grand Day's house.
Speaker 1: That was the big house. And when we had family
Speaker 1: and unions, we'd over go to the Big House and
Speaker 1: to be all of the family would be there, all
Speaker 1: the cousins would sleep, they're all way up until the attic.
Speaker 1: So for me, having a property that the family can
Speaker 1: come by and we could all do like family unions
Speaker 1: and stuff always meant a lot to me. Remember when
Speaker 1: you went to my family, my my grandparents fifty at
Speaker 1: the anniversary and we all stayed in that house, equipped
Speaker 1: with the fried chicken legs wrapped in the bread, all
Speaker 1: the snacks, the sweet tea shoutout, shout out to Orangebrook,
Speaker 1: South Carolina. But um, so it was always ingrained in
Speaker 1: me to own property. You know. My grandfather, my grandmother's husband,
Speaker 1: my grandfather, he owned property, so he and his is
Speaker 1: a funny story too, my parents stayed in the house
Speaker 1: when Troy Avenue and Flatbush. My grandfather had bought the
Speaker 1: property for twenty dollars and my my dad was still
Speaker 1: living here in Brooklyn, and he was just like, hey, Troy,
Speaker 1: you know you want to stay in this house. You know,
Speaker 1: there was a mortgage on it was like two hundred
Speaker 1: dollars at the time. Right, my father asked my mom,
Speaker 1: I remember this story, Hey, Karen, you want to stay here?
Speaker 1: It was like a two family house, had a bunch
Speaker 1: of rooms stuff like. She's like, no, it's too big.
Speaker 1: I don't want to stay there. So my father like
Speaker 1: kind of like kind of like me and you with
Speaker 1: the house right in the group. So they went and
Speaker 1: stayed in an apartment in Flatbush and let my grandfather
Speaker 1: sell the house. He sold the house and then bought
Speaker 1: the house in Tennessee. Those houses on Troy Avening are
Speaker 1: now worth seven figures. Just I just want to put
Speaker 1: that out there. A brick to family house in Flatbush
Speaker 1: from Troy Avenue there was a worth at least a million,
Speaker 1: three million, four right now. But yeah, you dropped the bag,
Speaker 1: had a moment dropped the bag to But I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get to that though. I'm gonna get to I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get to that though. But um so, it was always
Speaker 1: a great to me their own property. So when I
Speaker 1: bought the house in Tennessee, that was the house that
Speaker 1: me and my cousins always went to in the summertime.
Speaker 1: We have family reunions at the house. When my grandparents
Speaker 1: had the at the anniversary. That's the first time you
Speaker 1: ever stayed in the house in Tennessee was that house.
Speaker 1: So I was like, I'm just gonna keep this house
Speaker 1: that I can take my kids to this house and
Speaker 1: I can show them where your dad used to stay
Speaker 1: in your grandparents owners and your your your grandparents lived
Speaker 1: here with the only black family in this cold stack
Speaker 1: in Morristown, Tennessee in the seventies, like it was, it
Speaker 1: meant a lot to me. And now we get to
Speaker 1: the choices of us to saying what are we gonna
Speaker 1: do to get to l A and me owning the
Speaker 1: house and the house having some equity in it, and
Speaker 1: then buying the house in Michigan. I purchased that home
Speaker 1: because you and I well, I wanted to prove to
Speaker 1: you at the time that there was a future for us.
Speaker 1: And I also wanted to get residency in Michigan because
Speaker 1: the taxes in New York at that time, because I
Speaker 1: was playing in so many different states, was ridiculous. So
Speaker 1: we purchased those house. That goes into the decision could
Speaker 1: deem made and I don't think we ever touched on this.
Speaker 1: When I asked a dean if she wanted to buy
Speaker 1: a house in New York, Oh or she wanted to
Speaker 1: get married and have a big wedding. Part of what
Speaker 1: her decision was to having a big wedding is that
Speaker 1: we already owned the two properties. They weren't the properties
Speaker 1: that we lived in. They were investment properties, but we
Speaker 1: owned two properties. That was my mindset. I get it.
Speaker 1: You're just like, oh, of course you just wanted the
Speaker 1: big wedding just because. And I'm like, well, we have
Speaker 1: two homes. If we needed to, we can tell them
Speaker 1: and buy something else. So I and I and I
Speaker 1: get that. I and I get that. But my thought
Speaker 1: process at the time was to buy a house in
Speaker 1: an area that was pre gentrification so that we could
Speaker 1: get a huge amount of equity. At that time, we
Speaker 1: weren't gonna get that in those other two properties. So
Speaker 1: when we were staying in the apartment and it was
Speaker 1: time for us to make a leap forward, it was like,
Speaker 1: now was the time to use what my grandparents had
Speaker 1: worked so hard for, and that was the equity. And
Speaker 1: here's the way I want you guys to think about it.
Speaker 1: I never wanted to sell my grandparents house. I wanted
Speaker 1: to hold on to it, rent it out until I
Speaker 1: was able to just completely afford it and then not
Speaker 1: rent it out and have be a family in Loom
Speaker 1: where we travel and we take the kids and we say,
Speaker 1: you can actually walk in the places that your your
Speaker 1: dad walked when he was a little kid. But also
Speaker 1: it was on an acre and a half of land,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to be able to show them ownership,
Speaker 1: like black ownership. That was my ultimate intention. But then
Speaker 1: I started to think a little bit more broadly and say,
Speaker 1: I can hold onto this house and show my kids
Speaker 1: this house, or I can use the equity from this
Speaker 1: house to create a grander life for my kids and
Speaker 1: show them the world. So what's more important being able
Speaker 1: to show them the house or show them the world?
Speaker 1: And you and I chose to show them the world
Speaker 1: because we didn't just sell that house. We also sold
Speaker 1: the house in Michigan, which in my mind, like I said,
Speaker 1: this is my first property that I bought, that was
Speaker 1: this mine, that was ours to live in. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be able to hold onto it to say, hey, boys,
Speaker 1: this is where your dad and mom live. This is
Speaker 1: the first home they bought. But we sold it and
Speaker 1: we kind of put aside all of the you know,
Speaker 1: family heirloom, sentimental value things in order to be able
Speaker 1: to find real value and give them something that they
Speaker 1: didn't have. And it worked out in our favor. You know,
Speaker 1: we had enough equity to put money in the bank
Speaker 1: that said we were gonna last. And this is the
Speaker 1: way I always do my finances. If I'm going to
Speaker 1: make a decision, I'm going to make a decision that
Speaker 1: puts us in the situation that there's not there's no
Speaker 1: stress for k and myself. So when we decided that
Speaker 1: we were going to move to l A, it wasn't
Speaker 1: about just moving, because you hear some of these stories
Speaker 1: where I moved to l A with no nothing but
Speaker 1: change in my pocket, and that uncomfortable feeling made me
Speaker 1: work hard. Right, I'm a hard work anyway. I don't
Speaker 1: want my family to be uncomfortable. So that equity for
Speaker 1: us was to give us at least six to eight
Speaker 1: months of rent so that we could be in California
Speaker 1: and be comfortable. So it's like I almost have a year,
Speaker 1: a whole year to get on my feet to figure
Speaker 1: out that additional revenue. And we could have been uncomfortable
Speaker 1: if we're just you and I but when you're moving
Speaker 1: with children, especially across country, it's like you gotta make
Speaker 1: sure that you had that little bit of cushion rooms.
Speaker 1: So yeah, So to me, selling the house was a
Speaker 1: way for me to use that equity to to give
Speaker 1: my parents my family a better opportunity moving forward. And
Speaker 1: it worked out. You know, when we moved to l
Speaker 1: a way more opportunities opened up, We made way more
Speaker 1: money and ultimately ended up with us purchasing this home
Speaker 1: that we're living in now. So if you think about it,
Speaker 1: holding onto that heirloom wouldn't have helped us because we've
Speaker 1: just still been renting in New York and paying the
Speaker 1: mortgages on to other properties. Instead, I sold it about
Speaker 1: the equity and move forward. And now where it was atter,
Speaker 1: did your fault get your parents, particularly I guess your
Speaker 1: dad or any of your dad's side of family, They
Speaker 1: were okay once we sold the house, right, there was
Speaker 1: no because sometimes that's a family beef. Is like to
Speaker 1: sell the house and I sell the house, Usually you
Speaker 1: see a split somebody like we should sell it to
Speaker 1: get the benefit of the property and the money. But
Speaker 1: this is typically what this is typically what happens with
Speaker 1: beafs right. People with no money always want to tell
Speaker 1: people who are investing all the money into it how
Speaker 1: they should spend it. I wasn't willing to do that.
Speaker 1: And and the bottom line is, if you're not willing
Speaker 1: to help into the investment of the family, you should
Speaker 1: have no say. And what we do in a lot
Speaker 1: of our families nowadays is we just give people sentimental equity,
Speaker 1: which means it's, oh, because you're the oldest, oh, or
Speaker 1: because you're one of the cousins, you have a say.
Speaker 1: But when all of the finances falls on one person,
Speaker 1: that person has the most say because that person is
Speaker 1: required to making sure that the building is maintained. And
Speaker 1: that's that's what happens that I think is so unfair.
Speaker 1: But my family that we don't operate like that. My
Speaker 1: my aunt's, my uncle's, my my father was just like,
Speaker 1: if it's a burden, is that house is a burden
Speaker 1: for you, you gotta do it for your family. And
Speaker 1: I think that's what's helped my family prosper financially is
Speaker 1: because they don't. No one ever holds someone back for
Speaker 1: their own personal gain. It's like, Okay, if this can
Speaker 1: move us forward, then we all have to be in agreement,
Speaker 1: or if this is a burden to one person in particular,
Speaker 1: we can't allow this entity to be a burden to
Speaker 1: one person while we sit back so that she's willing
Speaker 1: to contribute and find a way to divise a plan
Speaker 1: to make it a better situation or a problem solved. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And that's one thing I say about my my Well,
Speaker 1: that side of the family is my father's side of
Speaker 1: the family. But my grandfather was big on teaching financial
Speaker 1: acumen well and well and instilling instilling some sort of
Speaker 1: financial acumen into all of his children. So when it
Speaker 1: was time to have these conversations, it went a lot
Speaker 1: smoother than you hear in other families because a lot
Speaker 1: of times there's no one in charge who lays down
Speaker 1: the law about what it's supposed to happen. Most people
Speaker 1: don't have wills, you know. Those people don't have trust,
Speaker 1: so when someone dies unexpectedly not everyone else is left
Speaker 1: scrambling to try to figure things out. My my grandfather,
Speaker 1: God rest his soul, Charles w Ellis, laid things out
Speaker 1: for his four children so they everyone knew what it was.
Speaker 1: There wasn't when he passed away. There was no who
Speaker 1: was getting there it was. He knew what it was
Speaker 1: and they made things clear. Plus he took care of
Speaker 1: his family. He always took care of his kids, even
Speaker 1: in adulthood. So when it was time for me to
Speaker 1: make the decision, all if his children was like, do
Speaker 1: what you have to do for your family, Like, don't
Speaker 1: let what happened in our generation or things that have
Speaker 1: happened trickle down. That's not fair. All of my aunt's
Speaker 1: and uncles are the same way. They don't ever like
Speaker 1: we're gonna hold this one back because no, you got
Speaker 1: to move forward. My my family would rather go without
Speaker 1: then asked me to hold onto something that wasn't beneficial
Speaker 1: to our family. And your family is the same way.
Speaker 1: And I think that's another reason why we've been able
Speaker 1: to prosper so much, because we come from families that
Speaker 1: don't have a selfish bone in their body. And I
Speaker 1: think that in large part is why a lot of
Speaker 1: family struggle because because you know, when it's time to
Speaker 1: sell the house, everybody wants their peace, but no one
Speaker 1: was there for the upkeep and maintenance. And that happens
Speaker 1: to a lot of families. That does happened a lot,
Speaker 1: and they had me thinking when you mentioned the will,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, that's something everyone should have, regardless of age.
Speaker 1: You gotta have that because if not that untimely death
Speaker 1: or those unfortunate circumstances and having to deal with grief alone,
Speaker 1: then you're not dealing with all the extra ship that
Speaker 1: comes along with it. And they're there are difficult. Those
Speaker 1: are difficult conversations to have. When you get to a
Speaker 1: certain age and now all of your friends are in
Speaker 1: this thirties age, we start to talk about different things. Right,
Speaker 1: the conversations have now navigated from um, the hottest check
Speaker 1: and who's winning the game too, how's your son doing
Speaker 1: in sports, how's your daughter doing in sports? Or how's
Speaker 1: your mom and dad dealing with tones? So so now
Speaker 1: these conversations are talking about wills, and these conversations talking
Speaker 1: about you know, parents are all Shimmer's and having those conversations,
Speaker 1: do you have insurance a lot of the people in
Speaker 1: the generation right above us or two generations before us,
Speaker 1: don't have wills in place, don't have insurance. So things
Speaker 1: are happening, and now my my buddies are just like
Speaker 1: you know, their first our generation has been doing really well.
Speaker 1: Most of us are the first generation to graduate college
Speaker 1: have high paying six figure jobs. So a lot of
Speaker 1: the family comes to my friend group to ask for
Speaker 1: the advice, but then when they try to give the advice,
Speaker 1: it's always met with vitriol, you know. For example, one
Speaker 1: of my buddies had his uncle's house was pretty much
Speaker 1: snatched from underneath them. He had a house in I
Speaker 1: think it was Philadelphia, fully paid off. It was him
Speaker 1: and his sons. His sons weren't doing as well as
Speaker 1: my buddy, and his son's you know, ended up, you know,
Speaker 1: leaving it. But they come stay in the house, but
Speaker 1: they don't contribute at all. And the although were starting
Speaker 1: to go through dementia, and no one was paying the
Speaker 1: water bills, no one was paying the city taxes, and
Speaker 1: they got a letter on the door for eviction, and
Speaker 1: they're like, you can't evictus was our own We own
Speaker 1: our house. The father hadn't paid the water bill or
Speaker 1: the state taxes, and I think it was about three
Speaker 1: years or the city taxes three years. And people are
Speaker 1: going into these areas and buying the deeds because there's
Speaker 1: leans on the property. Someone brought the deed for the
Speaker 1: remaining balance of what they owed in the city taxes
Speaker 1: because there was no mortgage on the house. Since there
Speaker 1: was no mortgage on the house and there was no
Speaker 1: bank to be paid. Now the new person who paid
Speaker 1: for the lean to be removed on the property, so
Speaker 1: they had to go to probate court to fight, which
Speaker 1: costs more money. And when he was telling his cousins
Speaker 1: at the time, like, hey, if you guys are looking
Speaker 1: for capitals, nothing for you to do. You need to
Speaker 1: at least take care of the house if you don't
Speaker 1: want to sell it. But he was telling them like, hey,
Speaker 1: your your dad has hundreds of thousands worth of equity
Speaker 1: in this house that if you want to do better
Speaker 1: for him, even if you sell the home, you put
Speaker 1: him in a home or put him get it, sell
Speaker 1: a home, put him in a place where he can
Speaker 1: get around the clock, nurse care. You guys, invest in
Speaker 1: some things that you know increase your your worth of
Speaker 1: what you can make. But no one wanted to listen
Speaker 1: to him. Now the house it's gone, and now to
Speaker 1: like save us, and he's just like, I've been trying
Speaker 1: to tell you what a lot of people. But when
Speaker 1: he asked me, why didn't you want to sell the house?
Speaker 1: They're like, well, it was dad's house. You know, we
Speaker 1: didn't want to you know, we didn't want to sell
Speaker 1: the house, I said, But there was no upkeep on
Speaker 1: the house. The house was terrible, the grass was never cut.
Speaker 1: Um as he got older, he started to hoard things,
Speaker 1: so it became a hordess house. Had nothing but junk
Speaker 1: in the house. So you let him run the house ragged,
Speaker 1: you know, drive down the property value, let someone come
Speaker 1: get it for next to nothing. Now you walk away
Speaker 1: with nothing thing yep yep. And they, you know a
Speaker 1: lot of them said the same things that it is, like, well,
Speaker 1: we didn't know what we could do with the house.
Speaker 1: Which is what we want to talk to you guys
Speaker 1: about today. For sure. Well, the racial wealth gap in
Speaker 1: America is still growing. It's growing wider and wider. In fact,
Speaker 1: some studies show that in thirty years, well for black
Speaker 1: families will be at zero, not at all. Nothing. And
Speaker 1: with this knowledge and a desire to build wealth for
Speaker 1: our children and future generations, which I think is very
Speaker 1: a big focus. I think for our generations millennials um,
Speaker 1: when parents or grandparents pass on and leave their properties behind,
Speaker 1: the decision to keep ourselves maybe confusing and a little
Speaker 1: bit um devices divisive for the families. So it's like,
Speaker 1: do you sell and split the money amongst the living
Speaker 1: or do you keep it and let those family members
Speaker 1: who always seem to be in need live in the house.
Speaker 1: You know, mess up granny's old plastic covered furniture. You
Speaker 1: know she still got the plastic on that joint. Um,
Speaker 1: what are the things that you to really consider before selling?
Speaker 1: So we're going to weigh out the options of selling
Speaker 1: versus keeping. Um, Well, we also have some stats that
Speaker 1: we can get into before we go there, Let's discuss
Speaker 1: why the racial wealth gap is getting larger. Right, most
Speaker 1: people in this country, white Americans who have any bit
Speaker 1: of wealth or generational wealth, majority of them got their
Speaker 1: wealth from land that was passed down during slavery, to
Speaker 1: be honest, right, and during reconstruction. That's where the majority
Speaker 1: of them got their land. When FDR created the New Deal,
Speaker 1: and they decided that they were going to help the
Speaker 1: housing market, right, that's when they created suburbs and they
Speaker 1: gave they told contractors this is the government, the actual
Speaker 1: federal government gave contractors subsidies to build more houses after
Speaker 1: the Great Depression. But those subsidies were given to contractors
Speaker 1: who build houses in white neighborhoods and wouldn't allow black
Speaker 1: people to move into those neighborhoods. So what happens is
Speaker 1: black people, right, we're all pushed into ghettos. Once they
Speaker 1: were pushed into these areas, they were all of these
Speaker 1: black people push in the areas. They discounted the land,
Speaker 1: didn't give them insurance and told them that their property
Speaker 1: wasn't valued as much as white properties. You take that,
Speaker 1: and that was in the nineteen twenties. So a hundred
Speaker 1: years of them devaluing black properties, um not giving blacks insurance,
Speaker 1: on top of burning down black cities that were thriving,
Speaker 1: you get a racial wealth gap because now you have
Speaker 1: white families who are gaining money and gaining access to wealth,
Speaker 1: who can now go out and buy more property and
Speaker 1: more wealth. And as they buy more property, they'll say, well,
Speaker 1: you know what, you can't own it, but you can
Speaker 1: rent it. So now you have a lot more Black
Speaker 1: families who are renting property than owning property because the
Speaker 1: properties that were passed down are given to you know,
Speaker 1: white people give to their you know, white children, and
Speaker 1: black families. Their properties were burnt down or taken or
Speaker 1: they lost them, or they just lived in ghettos from
Speaker 1: the time they got out of reconstruction and we're trying
Speaker 1: to build through where they redline whether they were redlined,
Speaker 1: and the segregate itself. So over a hundred years, that
Speaker 1: continues to keep the woke got increased. But that also
Speaker 1: explains why Black families have such a sentimental value to
Speaker 1: their properties because they're like, you know, if my grandma
Speaker 1: owned this, I can't sell it because we as a
Speaker 1: community don't have property. And that's what I want to
Speaker 1: talk about today, is because just owning a piece of
Speaker 1: property and squatting on it is not using the asset
Speaker 1: the way it was supposed to be used, or holding
Speaker 1: onto that asset waiting until said granny and grandpa whoever
Speaker 1: passes away, when there may be opportunities to pull from
Speaker 1: that home while they're there and then purchase another property
Speaker 1: or invest think about someone who wants to start up.
Speaker 1: Those are the times when you can actually say, hey,
Speaker 1: let me find out what this is worth, what is
Speaker 1: it appraising for, What can I pull from to then
Speaker 1: invest into something to make this grow. Because also we
Speaker 1: know that holding onto a property or an investment that's
Speaker 1: just not making you any kind of money is also
Speaker 1: too to a detriment. But that's that's also the mindset.
Speaker 1: Right for black Americans, the mindset is always to get
Speaker 1: a good job, make sure you get a pension, and
Speaker 1: make sure you get your two weeks vacation. And if
Speaker 1: you can live a life like that, then you're successful
Speaker 1: in America, as opposed to thinking, my job is only
Speaker 1: for me to be able to get money to own property,
Speaker 1: to then use that property to get more property. This
Speaker 1: way I don't have to work. Working is only part
Speaker 1: of the American dream. Working is not the full American dream.
Speaker 1: But you know what, in their defense, there's a scarcity
Speaker 1: mentality that they have um probborly generations. To us, we're
Speaker 1: just not having. Sometimes they just want to see the
Speaker 1: absolutely they want to see their money, as in, I
Speaker 1: own this vehicle, don't matter if it's a depreciating asset.
Speaker 1: They just want to see that they own it. You're
Speaker 1: not leasting, they're not renting. They own. They want to
Speaker 1: own this home that they live in. Because why I'm
Speaker 1: not paying rent to anyone. I own this home. I'm
Speaker 1: paying my mortgage, My home is paid off, My bank account.
Speaker 1: I have this four oh one K, I have my
Speaker 1: savings account. I can see my dollars and sense here.
Speaker 1: So that makes sense for me. But in the grand scheme,
Speaker 1: is it really making sense if you cannot use those
Speaker 1: assets to then grow the money. You know, So let's
Speaker 1: jump into some facts and stats, because you know, we
Speaker 1: like to know what they're saying. So, the rate of
Speaker 1: white home ownership is now while black ownership is points lower.
Speaker 1: According to the most recent Census Bureau figures, more than
Speaker 1: half of white families end up with more wealth than
Speaker 1: their parents, while only blacks are able to do the
Speaker 1: same thing. And a large part of that comes from
Speaker 1: home ownership. Because if you hone, if you own property
Speaker 1: and you pass property down, the property continues to gain value.
Speaker 1: So that's why those the younger generation is valued more
Speaker 1: because they're continuing to not only accrue more property, but
Speaker 1: the property value goes on. Also, think about this. A
Speaker 1: couple gets married, Okay, you have a black couple, we
Speaker 1: have a white couple. White couples. You know, the bride's
Speaker 1: mom and dad they throw the wedding right, they pay
Speaker 1: for the entire thing because that's their daughter. The groom's
Speaker 1: parents down payment for a home, and then they're living
Speaker 1: in a home. A lot of you get from the
Speaker 1: wedding and the gifts from people who know, Okay, we
Speaker 1: want to help the family. We're going to cover our
Speaker 1: head and then give them a little extra to put
Speaker 1: towards whatever it is that they're trying to say. If
Speaker 1: you use our wedding, for example, we have if everybody
Speaker 1: brings a hundred dollars to cover their plate, and our
Speaker 1: parents would have covered everything, we would have walked with
Speaker 1: dollars on top of a down payment for a home
Speaker 1: which we didn't have, which we didn't. So we're just
Speaker 1: looking at the white family versus the black family. And typically,
Speaker 1: of course there's anomaly situations. However, for the most part,
Speaker 1: that's how they're starting. They're starting with that little extra edge,
Speaker 1: whereas a black couple may have to be like, all right,
Speaker 1: we're gonna move in together now, we're going to rent
Speaker 1: this space until we can save up enough money for
Speaker 1: a down payment for a home, you know, and also
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to pay off the credit cards that
Speaker 1: you used to pay for your wedding because and these
Speaker 1: are not like we don't we always said we generalizations
Speaker 1: are the devil's work. So we're not saying all white
Speaker 1: people go for the all black people. What we're talking
Speaker 1: about is why the financial wealth gap is the way
Speaker 1: it is. And we're talking about the majority, the majority
Speaker 1: or even people that we've experienced. That's definitely and when
Speaker 1: we talk about these experiences, we're not guessing. We're talking
Speaker 1: about stuff that we've seen. So and we both went
Speaker 1: to we both went to Haustra. So we have friends
Speaker 1: who are white, we are friends who are black. Codein
Speaker 1: has done weddings for the past. It was like decades
Speaker 1: and all of your all of your clients were not
Speaker 1: black and were not white. But you saw how the
Speaker 1: weddings went on both sides, extremely different, and how the
Speaker 1: groom and bride were able to walk away with different
Speaker 1: things on each side. Whereas I know, especially in our
Speaker 1: in our culture black culture, people sometimes don't even know
Speaker 1: to bring gifts to a wedding. You know, it's just
Speaker 1: let me come celebrate with them. You know, they're going
Speaker 1: a good party and they and it's like if you
Speaker 1: don't get invited, you get piste off. But you know,
Speaker 1: it's customary that you bring a gift and cover your plate.
Speaker 1: That's customary for certain you know, for certain uh cultures.
Speaker 1: And I mean it's not all black cultures, because in
Speaker 1: African cultures they have huge weddings and the bride and
Speaker 1: groom walk away with tons of money so that that
Speaker 1: money spray. You know, you haven't seen it all doing
Speaker 1: the weddings. You've seen it all. I've seen it all.
Speaker 1: A good time. Cocktail hours usually my favorite too, I
Speaker 1: will partake um. White families are twice as likely to
Speaker 1: receive an inheritance as Black families, and that inheritance is
Speaker 1: nearly three times as much. For families with an inheritance,
Speaker 1: median white wealth is seven point five times larger than
Speaker 1: for Black families. Comparatively, white families have five point four
Speaker 1: times more wealth than Black families without an inheritance. Interesting
Speaker 1: for most American families, home equity is their largest asset,
Speaker 1: and homeowners are much wealthier than renters. Americans who own
Speaker 1: homes in two thousand nineteen had a medium net worth
Speaker 1: of two hundred and fifty five thousand dollars, more than
Speaker 1: forty times the median net worth of renters, and in
Speaker 1: two thousand nineteen, the typical white family had one and
Speaker 1: eighty four thousand dollars in assets, while the typical black
Speaker 1: family had only twenty three thousand dollars according to an
Speaker 1: analysis by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis staggering.
Speaker 1: But but I mean, if you think about it, it
Speaker 1: makes sense, right when you think about slavery. Slavery is
Speaker 1: a class system. Right, if you make slavery illegal, you
Speaker 1: have to create a class system by a different name. Right,
Speaker 1: So we start with gentrification, not that gentrification. We start
Speaker 1: with redlining, right, Then we start with changing laws that
Speaker 1: criminalized black people. Exam. And I know this may seem
Speaker 1: like it's getting a little bit off topic, but just
Speaker 1: human me for a minute. You start with the criminalization
Speaker 1: of black people, right, So once reconstruction happens. We talked
Speaker 1: about this in another podcast. But you have the the
Speaker 1: movie Birth of a Nation that was played in the
Speaker 1: White House, where you have a white man in black
Speaker 1: face who runs around raping white women and the clue
Speaker 1: klux Klient comes in and saves America from the big
Speaker 1: bad black man that was just freed and slavery. Right,
Speaker 1: that was a birth of a nation, and that's where
Speaker 1: a lot of Southern whites got their pride from right,
Speaker 1: this is that's when. So it's like, oh, we have
Speaker 1: to be concerned about free black people. Now. Then you
Speaker 1: have the Vagrancy Act of eighteen sixty six. Right, The
Speaker 1: Vacancy Act of eighteen sixty six pretty much said that
Speaker 1: if you can't read, write our own property and you
Speaker 1: were homeless, then you were vagrant and that was punishable
Speaker 1: by life in prison. Who can't read or write our
Speaker 1: own property? Now that they're free slaves, So you have
Speaker 1: four million, four million black people free. I think about
Speaker 1: a million died over the time, of course during the
Speaker 1: Civil War, but you have three million black people free
Speaker 1: who couldn't read all right, because you wouldn't let them
Speaker 1: read it write, and they didn't own property. So now
Speaker 1: you have walking convicts that you can pretty much say, hey,
Speaker 1: you're homeless, you can't read it write, Sorry, you have
Speaker 1: to get into our convict program because now you're a vagrant,
Speaker 1: and now you know what we can do with you.
Speaker 1: We can put you in convict leasing. Convict leasing meant
Speaker 1: that all prisoners get to work for the state. As
Speaker 1: long as they are awards of the state, you get
Speaker 1: to work for the state. So pretty much you have
Speaker 1: all of these black people who after being freed, had
Speaker 1: to go through the Vacancy Act of eighteen sixty six
Speaker 1: convict lea seeing those that weren't considered convicts had to
Speaker 1: deal with redlining, and even when they were able to
Speaker 1: build their own cities, they were bombed like Tulsa, Oklahoma,
Speaker 1: and just snatched away from them. And also a lot
Speaker 1: of those those houses weren't even given insurance because the
Speaker 1: government told insurance company not to ensure black homes. So
Speaker 1: you have a hundred years of this cycle happening, and
Speaker 1: you have people who have this mindset that as long
Speaker 1: as I can work, make money and pay my rent,
Speaker 1: I'm living the American dream. But you're paying rent to
Speaker 1: who though who? You're paying rent to white families who
Speaker 1: own the properties that you don't have the possibility to own.
Speaker 1: But then black people still aspire to live the happy life.
Speaker 1: So it's like, I want to have a big, huge
Speaker 1: wedding like they have. I'll put it on credit cards.
Speaker 1: Credit cards. You're paying the money back to banks at
Speaker 1: ridiculous interest rates. Right. Oh, in order to be able
Speaker 1: to live this life, I have to go to school
Speaker 1: to get an education. Education course what now, anywhere between
Speaker 1: a quarter to a half of million dollars for you
Speaker 1: to get educated, to get a job that will get
Speaker 1: coming out making forty dollars a year. So you spend
Speaker 1: the most part of your life in debt, trying to
Speaker 1: pay back the banks on credit cards, your banks for
Speaker 1: your student loans, paying rents or your apartment, so you
Speaker 1: don't have a large part of your life with the
Speaker 1: ability to accrue assets, to own property to then pass
Speaker 1: down to your children. Most people who lived who had
Speaker 1: to live through that cycle, die in debt, and you
Speaker 1: know what they passed down to their children, debt. That's
Speaker 1: the truth people, it's it is a system. It is
Speaker 1: not fair, but you have to know how the system
Speaker 1: works and not get caught in the system. For example,
Speaker 1: you and I were in that system for a little bit.
Speaker 1: I made it to the NFL, Yes I did. I
Speaker 1: made it to the NFL, but we lost a lot
Speaker 1: of money in the stock market and we moved back
Speaker 1: to Brooklyn Broke and at the time Kadine and I
Speaker 1: had to property that we own, we were renting because
Speaker 1: when we had the capital, we brought property. First thing
Speaker 1: we did we were renting the people, so the property
Speaker 1: were getting was getting covered for the most part, but
Speaker 1: there were always things that happened when your own properties.
Speaker 1: You and I both had jobs. We were working to
Speaker 1: be able to pay rent and put food on the table,
Speaker 1: but we were also putting money aside for our dreams.
Speaker 1: The key here is the sacrifice, and this is what
Speaker 1: I want to talk to people about. There were four
Speaker 1: years in our marriage, the first four years where Kadina
Speaker 1: and I didn't go on vacation. I turned in my car,
Speaker 1: we took the train. We didn't buy no bags, no clothes,
Speaker 1: no jewelry. For four years. Cosmetics that had you were
Speaker 1: black because it was good because I'm like, as long
Speaker 1: as it wasn't dingy, washed out black, we were all right.
Speaker 1: And and that's how we lived for four years, to
Speaker 1: save up every little last dollar, to continue to invest
Speaker 1: in ourselves and not gonna lie. That was a very
Speaker 1: difficult point, not just financially for us, but in our
Speaker 1: marriage in general, because of just the strain and the
Speaker 1: sacrifice and everything. Pretty much we weren't focused on each other.
Speaker 1: And that's I think when we look back now, that's
Speaker 1: the reason why we struggled so much. A large part
Speaker 1: of why our marriage struggle. It wasn't for anything other
Speaker 1: than the fact that we both were just nose down
Speaker 1: in our fields at the time, trying to make ends
Speaker 1: meet get out of that slump. But it also shows
Speaker 1: you as possible, right, because what I want to employ
Speaker 1: to people is that the system exists and that cycle
Speaker 1: exists to keep a class of people down that they
Speaker 1: can continue to work so that the rich can make
Speaker 1: more money. But there are also things in place that
Speaker 1: can help, right. So for example, Coaudin and I chose
Speaker 1: not to send our kids to independent school. Our kids
Speaker 1: went to public school. We got them tested, We put
Speaker 1: them in the best public schools possible, right Coaudina and I,
Speaker 1: when we first moved back, my grandmother was staying in
Speaker 1: subsidized apartment. I said, yo, put me on the least Justina,
Speaker 1: has I ever got to move back? And our rent
Speaker 1: at the time was only two thousand dollars for that
Speaker 1: huge apartment that we were living in. The subsidized rent
Speaker 1: allowed us to save money. Are they even doing that
Speaker 1: still now where you can put someone on the lease
Speaker 1: for a long time if your grandfather then in New
Speaker 1: York State, yeah can, yes, you can, Yes, you can
Speaker 1: kind of touch and go. So make sure you know
Speaker 1: that Now, if you're if you're starting a new lease,
Speaker 1: a brand new lease, you can't. But if your grandparents
Speaker 1: or your parents had a lease in a subsidized apartment
Speaker 1: in New York City, they cannot up the rent but
Speaker 1: so much percent every month, So I mean every year
Speaker 1: or every lease. But when Canina I talked about capital
Speaker 1: to invest, right, We're not talking about taking the money
Speaker 1: you make and putting in the stock market. When I'm
Speaker 1: talking about investing, I'm talking about investing in ourselves. Right.
Speaker 1: So if Condina not, for example, made an additional two
Speaker 1: thousand dollars every month, with that money that could have
Speaker 1: went to paying a higher rent, or I could have
Speaker 1: went to a car note, or could have went to
Speaker 1: a bag or travel. We took that money and at
Speaker 1: the end of six months, like we got twelve thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: What can we need? Codine was like, well, I can
Speaker 1: use some new brushes. I can do some makeup classes.
Speaker 1: So let me invest in buying these brushes, Let me
Speaker 1: invest in getting some Remember used to rent those rooms
Speaker 1: to those makeup classes. You invest in yourself to make
Speaker 1: more revenue. I did the same thing with the Jim.
Speaker 1: I said, well, I'm making a little bit more extra
Speaker 1: per month, let me hire another trainer. This way I
Speaker 1: can take in more clients. So I think it's safe
Speaker 1: to say that what we would decipher so far that
Speaker 1: it's not enough just to have the property, to own
Speaker 1: the property, to know that you're existing in the property,
Speaker 1: or that the property is just there even if you're
Speaker 1: not living in it. At some point you have to
Speaker 1: decide when it's going to be beneficial for you to
Speaker 1: potentially pull from that, sell it, or do something to
Speaker 1: an advance and move on to another property, another investment, something.
Speaker 1: So what are ways to kind of decipher that um
Speaker 1: that you've experienced or have you seen. Well, the first
Speaker 1: thing is it is understanding if you're getting the most
Speaker 1: value out of the property, because most people want to
Speaker 1: just live in the property because if you don't have
Speaker 1: a mortgage. I think I think there's a stat that
Speaker 1: says s people's pay checks go to where they're going
Speaker 1: to live. So regardless of what type of job you have,
Speaker 1: if you had more of your money to spend, you
Speaker 1: just be living a better life. So some people look
Speaker 1: at grandma's house is a way for them to just
Speaker 1: make more money so they could spend it on stuff
Speaker 1: that's frivolous, you know. So, Oh, I don't have a
Speaker 1: mortgage because I live in my grandmother's house. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna buy a high end car that has a depreach,
Speaker 1: that has a high depreciation value. I'm gonna buy more bags,
Speaker 1: or I'm gonna go on more trips. But it's like
Speaker 1: you're not helping yourself and you're not hoping Grandma move
Speaker 1: the family forward just by staying there for free and
Speaker 1: spending the extra money you have and giving it to
Speaker 1: someone else. So I think it's important for you to say,
Speaker 1: you know what, if we have people who are family
Speaker 1: or family who are staying in grandma's house, how about
Speaker 1: we just we're not gonna call it rent, right, but
Speaker 1: we'll just pay a contribution to the asset. This way
Speaker 1: we can continue to build on the asset. Because you
Speaker 1: know what happens to assets when you live in it.
Speaker 1: You don't pay nothing, It gets fucked up. People live
Speaker 1: in the house, they tear it up, they sit on
Speaker 1: the furniture, they're smoking it, they drinking, they do all
Speaker 1: the sorts of stuff that does and help the property grow.
Speaker 1: But how about we calling a maintenance fee and all
Speaker 1: of the adults that live in this house that don't
Speaker 1: pay no rent, you gotta pay. I'm saying, let's pay
Speaker 1: a maintenance fee. This way we can keep the upkeep
Speaker 1: of the house. So even if you're keeping the upkeep,
Speaker 1: the value of the property continues to increase. There shouldn't
Speaker 1: be multitudes of adults living in the property, but the
Speaker 1: front yard is still not cleaned on a consistent basis,
Speaker 1: and you're bringing down the property value. That's number one.
Speaker 1: If you don't have family living in the property and
Speaker 1: Grandma is not there anymore, but the property is just
Speaker 1: sitting there. Now you have an assets that's not an
Speaker 1: asset that's not generating any revenue. You should be renting
Speaker 1: the property out or you know, depending on the city
Speaker 1: you live in, because now they have so many regulations.
Speaker 1: But you can air b and b the property and
Speaker 1: make additional revenue. Like, there's so many ways that you
Speaker 1: can make money off of these properties that are just
Speaker 1: sitting there as opposed to just having it sit there
Speaker 1: and nobody doing anything with it. Just remember whatever plan
Speaker 1: you devise, just know that if it's an ear, be
Speaker 1: and be Like recently in Atlanta, I heard that they
Speaker 1: got rid of a ton of them, because if the
Speaker 1: government ain't making no money off you, baby, they will
Speaker 1: find a way or they will put the kabash in it.
Speaker 1: So make sure you do you do do your due
Speaker 1: diligence when you're trying to figure out what that next
Speaker 1: step is gonna look like for you in your investment.
Speaker 1: So I think those are some great tips, some great tricks,
Speaker 1: things that we should just as a people be able
Speaker 1: to advance, you know. And I'm excited about our generation
Speaker 1: and the generations hopefully moving forward that this legacy building
Speaker 1: that we talked about so often that seems so almost
Speaker 1: really daunting or untouchable. I think this is a great
Speaker 1: way to start and a great way to continue to
Speaker 1: make our families proud. You know, my parents have a
Speaker 1: property that now they were looking to possibly sell. This
Speaker 1: was an investment property that they've had for years um
Speaker 1: and then they realize, you know, what if I were
Speaker 1: to sell this right now, ay, I may not get
Speaker 1: the worth or what I think I should be getting
Speaker 1: for it. And then the capital gains tax is something
Speaker 1: that you have to pay back unless unless your parents,
Speaker 1: like we did, put it in the trust. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was going to get to that. So yeah, so instead
Speaker 1: of doing that, like they said, this was something that
Speaker 1: they purchased UM with the hopes of being able to
Speaker 1: pass it down to me, my brother and my sister,
Speaker 1: and I told my dad to or actually you did,
Speaker 1: you had the idea to tell him. You know what, Pop,
Speaker 1: you've worked so hard you and mom have, you know,
Speaker 1: worked hard to obtain this UM. You don't have to
Speaker 1: wait until you're dead and gone for us too. Then
Speaker 1: the benefits of it, there's so many different ventures that
Speaker 1: we have now, different opportunities where we're like, yo, if
Speaker 1: we had this capital right now, we can jump on
Speaker 1: this investment, or we can you know, do this to
Speaker 1: improve their property and then potentially make more money on
Speaker 1: the back end with that, you know. So it's really
Speaker 1: great to have those conversations. And I think our generation
Speaker 1: needs to be the ones to educate our parents because
Speaker 1: the tides have shifted to the point where our parents
Speaker 1: were taking care of us and we're at that age
Speaker 1: now where I feel like we're starting to take care
Speaker 1: of our parents. That we're the ones that have to
Speaker 1: kind of make sure that they're going to be okay
Speaker 1: as they continue to age, which we hope gracefully and
Speaker 1: without stress because we're here to help them do so.
Speaker 1: So let's talk more about putting that money in a trust,
Speaker 1: different ways that we can now capitalize off of the house,
Speaker 1: the property, Grandma's investment. So what people need to understand
Speaker 1: is that when your parents buy a property and they
Speaker 1: pass the property to you, you're gonna have to pay
Speaker 1: capital gains tax when you sell that right, which means
Speaker 1: if your parents buy a property for dollars and the
Speaker 1: property just grows to be a million, right, that's nine
Speaker 1: thousand dollars worth of capital gains And it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: it was your parents. And if your parents are gone,
Speaker 1: you still have to pay capital gains tax if they
Speaker 1: left the property to you, because they're not giving you
Speaker 1: that whole nine eighties scot free at all. Not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: But if you put it in the trust and the
Speaker 1: trust keeps them as the beneficiary, keeps them as the
Speaker 1: owners of the property, but you the beneficiary, now you
Speaker 1: don't have to pay full capital gains tax thousand. I
Speaker 1: think what happens is the property rolls over into what
Speaker 1: the value of the property it would have been now
Speaker 1: if they purchased it, so it wouldn't be considered the
Speaker 1: full twenty so we'll still yeah, and I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not an expert in that, but I do know that
Speaker 1: if you put it into a trust, that you don't
Speaker 1: have to pay the full capital gains tax on all
Speaker 1: of that property, which is important for people to know.
Speaker 1: When you do have a property that's uh rental property,
Speaker 1: you should put a trust or create a trust because
Speaker 1: that also protects you from being sued if something happens
Speaker 1: in the event, like you have properties in your name. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the void ellis property someone slips and folds
Speaker 1: on the front lawn, they can sue the foul eleus,
Speaker 1: you know, but if the properties in the trust inside
Speaker 1: of and an LLC owns the trust, they can only
Speaker 1: sue the LLC that the property's name is under. They
Speaker 1: can't sue me personally, which is important for people to
Speaker 1: know when you rent property. But so things we should
Speaker 1: also consider before selling is the attachment to this place
Speaker 1: based on anything other than emotions. Okay, because the death
Speaker 1: of a family member always comes with emotional after effects,
Speaker 1: but are your emotions enough to keep you financially tied
Speaker 1: to the property. And we see this a lot. You
Speaker 1: see this a lot, so and so lived here forever.
Speaker 1: We never sell in this property, and no one looks
Speaker 1: to do anything advantageous with the property. Or four people
Speaker 1: just want to live there and they want to live
Speaker 1: there for freeze so they don't have to pay rent,
Speaker 1: or they can use whatever Monday have to go do
Speaker 1: whatever frivolous things they want to do. And that's not
Speaker 1: fair to the person who died trying to make sure
Speaker 1: the property was staying in the family. So if it's
Speaker 1: if it's just an emotional attachment and people are leeching
Speaker 1: and mooching off of the property, it's time to move
Speaker 1: forward for sure. Another thing to consider, do you have
Speaker 1: the financial knowledge to manage the sale or maintenance of
Speaker 1: the property. Like we discussed the truth is selling the
Speaker 1: home or keeping it can create generational wealth for the family.
Speaker 1: It's important to have financial education to help you understand
Speaker 1: what the best choices for the family. So we'll give
Speaker 1: you guys an example. Canine's parents bought property. They sold
Speaker 1: two houses to pay for your education. Right, they have
Speaker 1: one property left the one problem. They have two properties
Speaker 1: left the problem, so one for education to pay for
Speaker 1: you guys education. So you guys don't have any debt
Speaker 1: from school, which is great. Which is one way you
Speaker 1: see selling a property can help a family because if
Speaker 1: you're selling the property and using the equity to pay
Speaker 1: off um higher learning or education, your children, Yeah, they
Speaker 1: your your parents invested in you, so your parents get
Speaker 1: to graduate and not have any debt to pay back
Speaker 1: for school. That's number one. Number two, your dad said,
Speaker 1: I always wanted this building for my kids. I wanted
Speaker 1: them to own it. In his mind, it was if
Speaker 1: they own this building and they continue to rent it out,
Speaker 1: they could split the monthly rent between the three of
Speaker 1: you guys every month, And in his mind, that's what
Speaker 1: he saw. But then we sat down and was just
Speaker 1: like with dad, if you sell this property and you
Speaker 1: give all of us the shares of the equity that
Speaker 1: you had for us, we could all buy our own
Speaker 1: separate properties and do the same thing you did. And
Speaker 1: then for him it was like, oh, wait, you right right.
Speaker 1: So rather than just sitting on it and all splitting
Speaker 1: the rent from one property, you teach your children how
Speaker 1: to do the same thing you did, and you use
Speaker 1: the equity to duplicate that process. That's how you create
Speaker 1: generational wealth. Now the family owns how many properties three
Speaker 1: and then that three can turn into nine, and then
Speaker 1: nine turns into twenty seven. And that's ultimately this is
Speaker 1: what I do, And this is that's how you build
Speaker 1: generational wealth. Can you imagine three generations from now, the
Speaker 1: elyssis own over a hundred properties because every time, but
Speaker 1: we have four kids, so that one will turn the four,
Speaker 1: and the four return to sixteen and the sixteen to
Speaker 1: sixty four. Like, that's that's what you do, that's what
Speaker 1: you hope for, which leads me to the next point.
Speaker 1: How will your decision effects the next generation? Will you
Speaker 1: sell the house and old on money, cars, clubs, close
Speaker 1: hose or will you use the money to pay off
Speaker 1: a debt and invest in other income generating vehicles? And
Speaker 1: this is this is an important part for families. We
Speaker 1: have to do a better job of not relying on
Speaker 1: schools to teach our kids. Right schools are not going
Speaker 1: to teach our kids about true American history right now.
Speaker 1: They call it critical race theory. And people are scared, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: don't don't teach them that. I'm not worried about nobody
Speaker 1: teaching my kids about history, because I'm going to teach
Speaker 1: them right I'm also not just gonna teach my kids
Speaker 1: at one plus one equals too. I'm gonna teach my
Speaker 1: kids about equity taxes. I'll give them a greater financial
Speaker 1: financial access to information. What does the bank account? What
Speaker 1: does the savings account? What is an I RA? What
Speaker 1: is the four O one? Kid? These are the things
Speaker 1: that we need to teach our kids along with trades.
Speaker 1: Because you may have a child that said I don't
Speaker 1: want to go to college. Cool, you don't want to
Speaker 1: go to college. Do you want to be an electrician?
Speaker 1: Do you want to be a plumber? Do you want
Speaker 1: to be a carpenter? But why should I do that? Well,
Speaker 1: your dad owns a multitude of properties. Rather than me
Speaker 1: paying someone else to do the work on the house
Speaker 1: as we buy, how about you get a trade, you
Speaker 1: learn how to do that work. You can use that
Speaker 1: work as sweat equity to own your own properties within
Speaker 1: the family. This way, I don't got to pay someone else.
Speaker 1: But now you can fix up this house and get
Speaker 1: paid by owning the property. Then start your own business
Speaker 1: and do other properties. And and that's how you teach
Speaker 1: your children exactly, that's how you teach your children. Because
Speaker 1: if home ownership and land ownership is the number one
Speaker 1: way to increase wealth in America. We should be teaching
Speaker 1: our children how to own and flip homes, you know,
Speaker 1: and any any other job is just a way for
Speaker 1: you to get capital to do that. And then once
Speaker 1: you know how to do that, your family will always
Speaker 1: have money and they'll always have a place to stay.
Speaker 1: You always hear about people all have money in real
Speaker 1: estate properties. A lot of people the Brich just people
Speaker 1: I know in the world, and I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people now being in this industry. I always ask them,
Speaker 1: like Soul, So how do you how did you make
Speaker 1: money just entertainment? I mean, I started the entertainment, but
Speaker 1: I make a lot more of my money now in
Speaker 1: real estate. They all say that it doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: it's Tyler Perry or Draymond Green, or it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what form of entertainment or athlete or finance person. They
Speaker 1: always say like Balau. Balau started a black rock, but
Speaker 1: now he owns property. Can you afford to keep the property?
Speaker 1: If you keep the property, how will you use it?
Speaker 1: Will it be an investment property? Can you afford the
Speaker 1: taxes and expenses left with it? So this is the
Speaker 1: craziest part. Right when I was working at pact plex
Speaker 1: Um and I was working with working at pact plex
Speaker 1: at the gym. Right um, that family that owns pact
Speaker 1: plex a guy by the name of earth Landau. His
Speaker 1: family owns a bunch of models, and he and rich
Speaker 1: Rich Marshall, who owns pac plex Um, they both said
Speaker 1: to me, you know, there's no property should be anything
Speaker 1: but an investment property. Even the home you live in
Speaker 1: should be an investment property. And I was just like,
Speaker 1: make like, just make it makes sense a real quick
Speaker 1: And it was just like, even though home you live
Speaker 1: in has equity, if it if it is considered capital,
Speaker 1: or consider something the value of an asset. If you
Speaker 1: see an advantage where you can make money, move m h.
Speaker 1: And I was like, just move like that. He's like,
Speaker 1: there's so many places to live in the world. Like, okay,
Speaker 1: say say you let's say you're living in a house
Speaker 1: where you can gain six million dollars in equity by
Speaker 1: selling it overnight to someone. You're telling me that that's
Speaker 1: six million dollars. You can't find another dream home that
Speaker 1: you want to live in. And when he started saying that,
Speaker 1: it made sense even when we sat down to speak
Speaker 1: to Envy. Right, we we sat down and everybody knows
Speaker 1: when it comes to money and flipping property and learning
Speaker 1: how to be a business person, DJ Envy does not
Speaker 1: hold back on that information. If you ask questions, he'll
Speaker 1: give you all the information you need. All he ever
Speaker 1: asked is that you do your research and if you
Speaker 1: want to learn, you come with him. He's like, you
Speaker 1: can make money on anything from watches two cars. So
Speaker 1: he said, I have no sentimental value to any object
Speaker 1: other than my kids and my wife. Those are the
Speaker 1: only objects that are like physical objects that to me
Speaker 1: have no value. Everything else has a value. And if
Speaker 1: the value that you can get from it is more
Speaker 1: than what you put into it, move on and make
Speaker 1: it a business transaction. And if you start to think
Speaker 1: like that, that's how you're able to accrude more assets
Speaker 1: and be able to do more things for your family.
Speaker 1: As opposed to saying, oh, well, I grew up in
Speaker 1: this house, I can't sell it. If it's advantageous for
Speaker 1: you to sell a house and move on, move on.
Speaker 1: If you decide to sell, do you sell it as
Speaker 1: it is or do you fix it? At first? It
Speaker 1: may be expensive if the property needs expansive repairs, but
Speaker 1: if you sell it as is, you don't want to
Speaker 1: expect a big buyout. So that that all just depends
Speaker 1: on the situation you're in. Depends on how much equity
Speaker 1: you have in a home. For example, say you have
Speaker 1: a home that your parents bought in the nineties. For
Speaker 1: now the home is valued at six hundred thousand, So
Speaker 1: now you have three hundred thousand dollars worth of equity
Speaker 1: just on what your parents bought it. But also your
Speaker 1: parents have been paying off on the mortgage. So say
Speaker 1: they've been in the house for fifteen years and now
Speaker 1: you know they paid off one fifty, So now the
Speaker 1: mortgage loan is one fifty, but the house can sell
Speaker 1: for six hundred. Now you have four hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. Right, There's so many ways, like say, say
Speaker 1: you don't have the capital to fix it up, take
Speaker 1: out a home equity loan. Take out a hundred thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: make the house immaculate. Now you have two hundred and fifty,
Speaker 1: but it's six hundred thousand. Get the house real praised
Speaker 1: that six hundred thousand goals to eight hundred thousand, So
Speaker 1: now you just made an additional fifty thousand my pulling
Speaker 1: out that loan. There's so many ways for you to
Speaker 1: use the equity that's in the property to make more
Speaker 1: money that it really just depends on your financial situation.
Speaker 1: Find out how much equity you have in the property,
Speaker 1: find out how long it's gonna take for you to sell,
Speaker 1: and then make your decisions based on that. If it
Speaker 1: costs you more money to fix it up, don't fix
Speaker 1: it up. If fixing it up it's gonna make you
Speaker 1: more money on the sale, fix it up. How many
Speaker 1: times we've been into the houses looking for some recently
Speaker 1: and you can see, all right, so they really did
Speaker 1: some cheap upgrade. It's the surface level make this look good,
Speaker 1: but you know they didn't really do the good stuff,
Speaker 1: and it's just to get rid of this house. Will
Speaker 1: with that, okay? But I get it because as a
Speaker 1: person who's owning a home wanting to sell, sometimes you
Speaker 1: gotta do what you gotta exactly. And lastly, how will
Speaker 1: you pay the inheritance tax? When the owner of the
Speaker 1: property dies, the property's value is stepped up to the
Speaker 1: fear market value on the day they die, rather than
Speaker 1: when it was acquired. So if you sell, you will
Speaker 1: be required to pay taxes on any gain on sales
Speaker 1: and excess of the current market value which you discussed.
Speaker 1: So there you go. So typically what happens is if
Speaker 1: you sell, a portion of the money you sell has
Speaker 1: to be put aside to pay taxes. So if you
Speaker 1: get four hundred thousand dollars from selling a home, just
Speaker 1: expect those property gain taxes to be about hundred thousand
Speaker 1: and a hundred thousand of that four hundred. Don't go
Speaker 1: and spend the quick four hundred, put down away in
Speaker 1: an account and say this is my tax account. Period.
Speaker 1: Whenever you sell the property, take away put it in
Speaker 1: an account to say this is my tax account. So
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to have the money to pay
Speaker 1: capital gains tax. Look at you, just a wealth of
Speaker 1: knowledge overflowing and bubbling like Jesus love. I love it
Speaker 1: all right, y'all, So we are going to take a
Speaker 1: quick break. Um. Let that's sinking for y'all. I hope
Speaker 1: you were taking some notes, um, and we're gonna get
Speaker 1: into y'all's notes because you'll be sending us love notes
Speaker 1: in the form of listener letters that we're gonna get
Speaker 1: into after some ads are paid. All right, stick around,
Speaker 1: All right, we're back with listener letters. Let's dive right in.
Speaker 1: Good afternoon to Valin Cadeine. I hope all is well.
Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of your videos and just bought
Speaker 1: tickets to your show and we'll see you there. I
Speaker 1: cannot wait, y'all. You have no idea like I'm itching
Speaker 1: to get back live on stage to interact with you all.
Speaker 1: So we are super excited. Thanks for getting your tickets.
Speaker 1: Congratulations on baby boy Dakota. I'm in desperate need of advice.
Speaker 1: My husband and I have two beautiful children and a
Speaker 1: third on the way. I think my husband doesn't have
Speaker 1: any connection to our son or with our son. Rather,
Speaker 1: he has a great connection and bond with our daughter,
Speaker 1: but when it comes to our son, it's a different
Speaker 1: ball game. Our son is eleven months old and we
Speaker 1: have another baby boy on the way. Usually when he
Speaker 1: comes home from a long day's work, sometimes he'll walk
Speaker 1: past our son give our daughter a big giant hug. Also,
Speaker 1: times when I would ask him to give our son
Speaker 1: a bath, he only is halfway attentive to him. He's
Speaker 1: a great dad and a great husband and provider. I
Speaker 1: don't want to seem like I'm discrediting him in any way,
Speaker 1: but I just don't know what to do. Is there
Speaker 1: any advice that you can give him to help develop
Speaker 1: a deeper connection and bond with our son. I think
Speaker 1: I know kind of what this is. I don't know
Speaker 1: how old your daughter is. But Devo literally says like
Speaker 1: he really doesn't have much to do with the boys
Speaker 1: until they're a little bit older to kind of be
Speaker 1: thrown around interacting with him, um, you know, um till
Speaker 1: he can say, Dad, I got to use the bathroom,
Speaker 1: like what the baby baby phases of things. You're not
Speaker 1: super doughty. I feel like as a dad with all
Speaker 1: the boys, I mean, you were hands on with Jack
Speaker 1: because you had to be, because you know I was.
Speaker 1: We were in a different petition, and he was the first.
Speaker 1: He was the first, and then with Cairo and Kas.
Speaker 1: I do talk to him a lot like I am
Speaker 1: an attentive father. No you are, But I'm just saying
Speaker 1: in terms of like being super doughty when they're that age.
Speaker 1: I mean, when you think about it, I used to
Speaker 1: make all the videos with the kids when they were
Speaker 1: at age eleven months, Like I used to make videos
Speaker 1: in the morning with the videos. Yeah, but I'm just
Speaker 1: saying on a day to day basis, when it's like
Speaker 1: the runnings of things having to do with the kids,
Speaker 1: like right now pretty much with Dakota, for example, my
Speaker 1: mom and I do a lot of the you know, backtimes,
Speaker 1: diaper changes, feedings and all that. But and of course
Speaker 1: you're there if we need. You know, what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is in the past, I had to do that because
Speaker 1: your mom wasn't living with us, right, So if it's
Speaker 1: just them too there and then her mom doesn't, it's
Speaker 1: not living with them, so when she's not doing it,
Speaker 1: somebody has to do it, right. I don't feel they
Speaker 1: need to do it as much with Dakota because he
Speaker 1: has a primary care person who's here all the time.
Speaker 1: But if your mom wasn't here then it would be.
Speaker 1: But we kind of no choice, that's what And that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like when you think about the first
Speaker 1: three boys, I had no choice, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But with Dakota, someone is there to care for him.
Speaker 1: There's not much I can do now, you know, he
Speaker 1: just got to be clean fed, And but I feel
Speaker 1: like to like you even your brother, your dad. They
Speaker 1: all pretty much say, like, y'all like to be more
Speaker 1: hands on with the boys or the kids in general
Speaker 1: when they're a little older, because that's just when you
Speaker 1: can they can interact with you. So for example, if
Speaker 1: you bypassed bypasses the son to go to the daughter,
Speaker 1: it may be because she can communicate and interact a
Speaker 1: bit more. Same much, but still I'm not gonna walk
Speaker 1: past my baby to another kid, Like I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna act like that's a normal don't do that.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what that's about unless he's one
Speaker 1: of those dudes where it's like, this is my son,
Speaker 1: like he's gotta be tough, you know. I remember when
Speaker 1: I first had Jackson. I was in that he got
Speaker 1: to be tough phase. That was my first son. And
Speaker 1: then as I got older and I realized that I
Speaker 1: need to spend more time hugging him and kissing them
Speaker 1: and show him that I love him and that will
Speaker 1: give him the confidence to be tough. But sometimes dad's
Speaker 1: gotta learn that, and maybe that's something he has to
Speaker 1: learn first son. Like I felt like because I was
Speaker 1: I was way more I would say aggressive and distant,
Speaker 1: with Jackson as far as like if he fell, get up,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But then I did learn
Speaker 1: over time that their confidence and toughness is comes from
Speaker 1: them knowing someone got their back, not from them having
Speaker 1: to figure stuff out on their own, because then that
Speaker 1: lost feeling feeling can make you feel small, and that's
Speaker 1: when you I used to watch Jackson like shrink a
Speaker 1: little bit. I used to be like, why are you shrinking?
Speaker 1: Like I got you? I'm right here. How does he
Speaker 1: know that I'm here? If I keep telling him to
Speaker 1: get up on his own? See what I'm saying. We
Speaker 1: learned that with Jackson. But if you look at Jackson
Speaker 1: now over the past couple of years, like recently you
Speaker 1: took him to camp, dude just got out the car
Speaker 1: like all right later, Man, That wasn't Jackson when he
Speaker 1: was early on, Jackson was always looking. And I realized
Speaker 1: the more I hold his hand and hug him and
Speaker 1: kiss him and be like, yo, you know I got you.
Speaker 1: And then when he falls, let him know like y'all
Speaker 1: see you four, I seen you, fo get up now?
Speaker 1: As opposed to ignoring him, because I thought ignoring him
Speaker 1: would teach him, you know self, motivation. I got up
Speaker 1: on my own instead. Now it's more like, yo, I
Speaker 1: saw you four. I know it hurts, but you gotta
Speaker 1: get up. You want me help you up. The confidence
Speaker 1: he gets from knowing that I'm there is now like, no,
Speaker 1: I got it on my own. And I think maybe him,
Speaker 1: as a first time dad to a boy, it's gonna
Speaker 1: take him some time to learn that. That's that's really
Speaker 1: what I think. Yeah, that's very possible for sure, because
Speaker 1: eleven months is still I mean, baby, it's probably walking now,
Speaker 1: we're about to be walking, and I think it'll only
Speaker 1: get better as you get older. Yeah, that's I see Dakota,
Speaker 1: and I still grab them and give them up. You know,
Speaker 1: you know I love you, and I give him back
Speaker 1: to me me because there's not much I can do.
Speaker 1: But I'm not especially when you have three other kids pulling.
Speaker 1: But y'all were super cute this morning when I had
Speaker 1: to drop Jackson into camp and me we went to
Speaker 1: tennis and you Dakota in the bed all cuddled up.
Speaker 1: I have some of my best pictures. So my best pictures,
Speaker 1: I feel like with you and Dakota, or just in
Speaker 1: general with the kids, or me getting shots with you
Speaker 1: and him in the bed in the morning together, but
Speaker 1: you need something crazy. And I actually thought about this
Speaker 1: this morning. Right the minute Mimi walked out the door,
Speaker 1: the Coda started screaming, Right, And I made a choice,
Speaker 1: and I made the choice before and I'm not going
Speaker 1: to just pick him up and walk him around, so
Speaker 1: you know what I did. But I just sat next
Speaker 1: to him rub is back while he was screaming, and
Speaker 1: then after a while he just was looking at me
Speaker 1: and then stopped. He just stopped. But the thing is,
Speaker 1: kids train you as much as you think you're training.
Speaker 1: The kids train you and his mom. If I scream,
Speaker 1: someone's gonna pick me up and walk me around. Right.
Speaker 1: I've never went through that with the other boys because
Speaker 1: no one walked them around when they were not young.
Speaker 1: So with the Koda, he's going to have to learn that,
Speaker 1: you know. When I'm with my dad, yeah, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna be works like the second time I think that
Speaker 1: y'all had been in the bed together where he's been
Speaker 1: awakened and the combing and both y'all a sleep, Like,
Speaker 1: how did you do that so easy? Because and it's
Speaker 1: still the thing too when he walks in the room
Speaker 1: when you walk in the room, Dakota will hear you
Speaker 1: and his head is like he's breaking. They all do
Speaker 1: that since they're like newborns, even a couple of days old.
Speaker 1: They're looking at me talking to that stomach. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: that bond there. So hopefully you guys will figure things
Speaker 1: out as a family together. I wonder if she's also
Speaker 1: expressed this to her husband too. Yeah, I think she should.
Speaker 1: I think you should express what you noticed because he
Speaker 1: may also he may not realize he's doing it, or
Speaker 1: he may tell you I'm doing that for and then
Speaker 1: you can discuss, you know what you think the effects
Speaker 1: of that will be, for sure are Good luck to y'all.
Speaker 1: Number two, Hey, Codeine and Devil. I am a longtime
Speaker 1: fan and a faithful Deadass listener. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I love you both. My X and I were in
Speaker 1: a three year relationship and I broke up with him
Speaker 1: because he cheated. Fast forward three years later, we reconnected
Speaker 1: again and have been dealing dating around each other for
Speaker 1: about six months. We get along so well, this chemistry.
Speaker 1: We're making future plans. We communicate well. When we started
Speaker 1: talking again, we agreed that we will not be seeing
Speaker 1: or talking to other people on the side. I asked
Speaker 1: him multiple times if he was seeing someone else, and
Speaker 1: he always said no. Turns out that he is speaking
Speaker 1: to someone else, and I lost all trust in him.
Speaker 1: He tells me that he is no longer speaking to her,
Speaker 1: and then I am the only one he wants to
Speaker 1: build a future with, and he's going to prove that
Speaker 1: to me. I love this man with all my heart,
Speaker 1: and aside from his infidelities, he's a great man. He
Speaker 1: motivates me to be better. I love his personality and
Speaker 1: everything about him. I can go on and on about
Speaker 1: all the great things he brings to me. How do
Speaker 1: I move forward? How can I and still trust in
Speaker 1: him again? Or you need to still trust You don't
Speaker 1: need to trust him, trust yourself. I'm afraid that he
Speaker 1: may strike again and speak to other women on the side.
Speaker 1: How do I know he stopped speaking with her. Your
Speaker 1: advice is highly important to me. You may not know this,
Speaker 1: but the two of you are my relationship counselors. Hellow up,
Speaker 1: just as all order. I don't like being relationship counselors.
Speaker 1: I can tell you this though. Um. The first thing
Speaker 1: I would tell you to do is to block out
Speaker 1: all the noois. I know that you're getting plenty of
Speaker 1: advice and plenty of things you should or should not
Speaker 1: do from people outside. You know this man, This man
Speaker 1: knows you. Okay. Um, when someone shows you who they are,
Speaker 1: trust them the first time. That's number one, Okay, number two.
Speaker 1: Only you can make a decision of whether or not
Speaker 1: you're tired of trying to be of service to someone
Speaker 1: or letting someone try to be of service to you.
Speaker 1: The reason why I say that is because there's these
Speaker 1: old sayings that say, you know, you can't teach an
Speaker 1: old dog new tricks or want a cheater always a cheater.
Speaker 1: And I know firsthand from some of my boys that
Speaker 1: that's not always true, because I do have boys that
Speaker 1: used to be wild and then they're just like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to do this no more. So that's not
Speaker 1: always true. But it depends on your patience level and
Speaker 1: the level of respect that you think he has for you,
Speaker 1: and only you know you know, so realistically we can't
Speaker 1: tell you. But what we can tell you is that
Speaker 1: if you feel uncomfortable in the situation, and that uncomfortable
Speaker 1: uncomfortability comes from a lack of trust, there's only but
Speaker 1: so long you can take that before you start to
Speaker 1: project the fact that you don't trust him on him,
Speaker 1: and it's going to be an issue for the two
Speaker 1: of you because even if he's trying his hardest and
Speaker 1: he's not cheating anymore, and you don't trust him and
Speaker 1: you have insecurities because you don't trust him, that's going
Speaker 1: to be frustrating to him. Yeah, that's what I was
Speaker 1: gonna say that the insecurities, um and that lack of
Speaker 1: trust is probably the biggest thing that jumps out at
Speaker 1: this today because say he does hang up the towel
Speaker 1: and he said, you know what, it's me and you
Speaker 1: are you always going to be wanting to look over
Speaker 1: his shoulder? Are you going to be questioning when he
Speaker 1: questioning him when he says he's someplace, wondering if he's
Speaker 1: someplace else? And the fact of the matter is that
Speaker 1: these infidelities that he's had, we're all choice is that
Speaker 1: he's made. He was deliberate in those choices. We don't
Speaker 1: personally their choices. So anything that we've had in the
Speaker 1: past and our issues, even you know, we've always said,
Speaker 1: we made that choice, and you own up to that choice.
Speaker 1: And then it's up to the other person to decide
Speaker 1: based off of that choice and how it's made me feel.
Speaker 1: Is this something that I want to continue moving forward
Speaker 1: with knowing that it could possibly happen again, because why
Speaker 1: people are human and people make their choices. Um, But
Speaker 1: I think the bigger issue is moving past this. If
Speaker 1: that's something that you guys decide to do. I'm just
Speaker 1: concerned about where your level of trust is going to
Speaker 1: be for him. It won't be instilling trust on him again.
Speaker 1: It's you having the trust. But you're gonna laugh. But
Speaker 1: Zack and Karen sisters, and I'm gonna tell you, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why Zach used to cheat on
Speaker 1: Karen all the time, Right, Karen had a little side
Speaker 1: or whatever, but that was pretty much in reation Zach
Speaker 1: being immature. Zack decided that he wanted to try to
Speaker 1: be the man that he thought he could be for Karen.
Speaker 1: Karen decides that's not good enough. I want to see
Speaker 1: things with Aaron, So Zax is fine. Zach moves on
Speaker 1: with Fatima. Now Karen sees Zack being the man that
Speaker 1: she wanted with Fatima, and she can't even accept Zach.
Speaker 1: I mean, she can't even accept Aaron because she wants
Speaker 1: the version of Zach that Fatima's getting. The reason why
Speaker 1: I say that is because of this. I don't know
Speaker 1: how old you are. I don't think that you said it.
Speaker 1: But if you already discredit this man as someone who
Speaker 1: can't possibly get right, and and you love him, and
Speaker 1: you listen to other people, and he goes on and
Speaker 1: becomes the man that you wanted for someone else, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be heartbroken, and you're gonna sit there and have
Speaker 1: resentment towards whatever man comes at you next, and resentment
Speaker 1: to whatever friends are telling you to move forward. So
Speaker 1: but I say it you because you're the one who
Speaker 1: has a choice is to make need to make this
Speaker 1: choice based on how you feel and what you want.
Speaker 1: If you want to continue to give it a try,
Speaker 1: as long as he's not being disrespectful and he's not
Speaker 1: putting your health or your or any or your mental
Speaker 1: health in jeopardy, you continue to try to see if
Speaker 1: you guys can be of service to each other. But
Speaker 1: don't quit now. If you want to quit, and then
Speaker 1: watch him be somebody, be something to somebody else that
Speaker 1: you wanted and beset. You know what I'm saying, Like like, no,
Speaker 1: it's the truth though, like there is a chance that
Speaker 1: he may really be at that point, but only you
Speaker 1: will know. And I think you say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I've done this as far as I can. I can't anymore.
Speaker 1: If you're still feeling like I think I can keep
Speaker 1: giving it a try, I would say give it a try,
Speaker 1: but you have to keep an eye have to keep
Speaker 1: an eye open, because if he's continuing to exude the
Speaker 1: same behavior he existed exuded before and you continue to
Speaker 1: say it's okay, I'm gonna keep trying, yeah, you could
Speaker 1: also be letting him believe that it's okay. There you go,
Speaker 1: it's all right. So realistically it's up to you when
Speaker 1: you when enough is enough, it's enough, walk away, or
Speaker 1: if you realize that he's really figured it out, hopefully
Speaker 1: you guys can be happy together and you can decide
Speaker 1: that internally, because if you evolve too many people, too
Speaker 1: many friends, then you might be over it and they
Speaker 1: won't be. Yes, do not involve anybody else in your
Speaker 1: relationship for sure? All right? If you want to be
Speaker 1: featured as one of our listener letters, email us at
Speaker 1: dead as Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E.
Speaker 1: A D A S. S A D V I C.
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. All Right, moment a truth?
Speaker 1: Time to sell or not to sell Grandma's house? Moment
Speaker 1: of truth? I think mine is pretty straightforward. Do not
Speaker 1: rely on emotions when it comes to making financial and
Speaker 1: business decisions. They may give you an inkling on what
Speaker 1: you may or may not be able to do or
Speaker 1: should do, but that should not be the sole determining factor.
Speaker 1: If it's going to be a situation where moving a
Speaker 1: word with a rational mind means advancement for you, yourself,
Speaker 1: your family, your legacy, I agree. I agree that kind
Speaker 1: of goes along with mine, my mom own. The truth
Speaker 1: is as simple as this. The power and the value
Speaker 1: of the property is not in the building. It's in
Speaker 1: the asset. So if you can utilize that asset to
Speaker 1: create more assets, the power is always in the asset,
Speaker 1: not in the building. Sitting in the building and thinking
Speaker 1: the building has the power is going to do you
Speaker 1: a disservice. Lastly, if it's a family issue, the person
Speaker 1: who has invested the most money into the property and
Speaker 1: has been responsible enough to maintain the property should be
Speaker 1: the person with the deciding vote. And and that and
Speaker 1: there's nothing. This is non negotiable. Do not let family
Speaker 1: members who do not invest time, blood, sweat, prince capital
Speaker 1: anything into a property to tell you it ain't fair
Speaker 1: because of X y Z. If you did not put
Speaker 1: in on this man, you cannot get in on this
Speaker 1: man period period. Alright, y'all, and be sure to follow
Speaker 1: us on social media period um dead ask the podcast
Speaker 1: and I'm cad, I am and I'm devout, and if
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review
Speaker 1: and subscribe. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart
Speaker 1: Media podcast Network and is produced by the Noorapinia and Triple.
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the
Speaker 1: podcasts and never miss a Thing