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Speaker 1: This is a headgun podcast. Hello, I may go od him,

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Speaker 1: and welcome to Thanks Dad. I was raised by a

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Speaker 1: single mom and don't have a relationship with my dad,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think I'm ever going to have one

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Speaker 1: with him because he is in fact dead.

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Speaker 2: Oh, how to do it?

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Speaker 1: He said, that'll do it is very funny. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father figures who

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Speaker 1: are old enough to be my dad. Well, thank you,

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Speaker 1: or are just dads themselves. I actually don't know how

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Speaker 1: old you are.

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Speaker 2: You could have been my dad if I was an

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Speaker 2: irresponsible high schooler, I.

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Speaker 1: Guess, yeah, you could have been school. Middle school, yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, elementary school, early early late late elementary.

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Speaker 2: I know a dude in sixth grade had a baby.

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Speaker 1: I know a girl in wait was she in no, okay,

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Speaker 1: cause I would have been sad if I said she

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Speaker 1: was also sixth grade. And she was in sixth grade

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Speaker 1: and had a baby, which is really wild, and it

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Speaker 1: was her boyfriend was like a high school or something.

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Speaker 2: Get jealous of people had a baby in middle school, Like,

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Speaker 2: damn they got it out the.

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Speaker 1: Way sometimes I do, sometimes I do. Actually I know

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Speaker 1: they really did get it out the way and like

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Speaker 1: those people who had their babies in middle school, their

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Speaker 1: kids aren't grown grown now, and it's like, yeah, it

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Speaker 1: may be Okay. I'm sitting down with father figures who

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Speaker 1: are old enough to be my dad or just dads themselves.

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Speaker 1: I'll get to ask the questions I've always wanted to

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Speaker 1: ask a dad, like how do I know if the

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Speaker 1: guy I'm dating is right for me? Or what should

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Speaker 1: I look out for when buying a car? Can you

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Speaker 1: help me change the oil in said car that I

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Speaker 1: am yet to own? Could you you've seen your southern

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Speaker 1: you could change oil? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: You hitting your randiators all that?

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Speaker 1: Oh wow? Okay, cumstances, Okay.

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Speaker 2: Fan bilts too. But I'm more of a tire and

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Speaker 2: break pad guy. I'm not really an inernce of the

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Speaker 2: motor type of person. Can do it if needed, if needed.

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Speaker 1: Do you have triple A?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so if you broke down on the side of

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Speaker 1: the road, do you call triple A? You're you're rich

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Speaker 1: now in Hollywood.

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Speaker 2: I don't know about rich, but.

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Speaker 1: You have money in the bank.

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Speaker 2: Triple A is twenty dollars a month. Let's let's establish

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Speaker 2: the metric of what.

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Speaker 1: This cost I actually don't know how much it costs

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Speaker 1: because I think I have it and my mom pays

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Speaker 1: for it. I don't even have a car.

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Speaker 2: I have Triple A because it's cheaper than the rental

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Speaker 2: car roadside assistance. Okay, and I've had Triple A since

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Speaker 2: high school, when I first had a car. Right, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Triple A is worth the trouble.

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Speaker 1: I've had it since high school.

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Speaker 2: I can do all the man shit. I just choose

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Speaker 2: not to because I did so much of it for

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Speaker 2: so long that I feel like I've earned the right

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Speaker 2: to pay someone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah to do it. Okay, Okay, and I respect that. Actually,

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Speaker 1: it's not a matter of you being rich. It's a

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Speaker 1: matter of I've heard I've earned this and I'm tired.

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Speaker 1: You can catch my next guest on his CNN show.

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Speaker 1: Have I Got news for you? Please welcome my dad

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Speaker 1: for the day, Roy Woods Junior. Hello, Hello, Roy Wood Junior.

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Speaker 2: You can clean up just god damn moon, someone.

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Speaker 1: I got someone else to do it. This is what

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Speaker 1: they did. I am too tired to clean up my

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Speaker 1: own ship, and I got someone else to clean up

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Speaker 1: this room. Thank you. I'm so happy to have you.

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Speaker 1: This is so wonderful. I you see, I didn't even

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Speaker 1: know you were a dad, and then somehow I heard

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Speaker 1: you were a dad. Your kid is a secret is? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What is? And people and the people who don't know

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Speaker 1: don't They probably don't need to know anyway, right, I

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Speaker 1: don't even know how I found out you hadocated because

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Speaker 1: well maybe you said something. Why why secret ish?

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Speaker 2: Because I live a life where I talk a lot

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Speaker 2: of ship about a lot of weird people, and so

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Speaker 2: he deserves a life that's not in the cross hairs

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Speaker 2: because his dad talks a lot of shit, right, So

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Speaker 2: I try to give him a space to grow up.

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Speaker 2: You know, don't get me wrong, I'm not like it's

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Speaker 2: not Baron Trump level protocols where I have to like

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Speaker 2: keep him away from everything and you never see him

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Speaker 2: like I'm out of my child. I post him from

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Speaker 2: time to time.

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Speaker 1: On the own story. Right, He's like a girl, Like

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Speaker 1: a girl you're seeing you don't know, you don't know, you.

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Speaker 2: Think, And to me, I also enjoy the fact that

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Speaker 2: you don't get to know all parts of me. It's

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Speaker 2: not for y'all, it's not for everybody.

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Speaker 1: Everything about she is not for consumption.

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Speaker 2: Correct, I mean, I'm out here to entertain. I'm not

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Speaker 2: here to entertain and make my couple of jokes and

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Speaker 2: keep it moving. There are days where, of course, you know,

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Speaker 2: he's an inspiration. I sold a book. The book is

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Speaker 2: rooted around lessons that I learned from my dad that

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Speaker 2: I hope I can pass on to him. The whole

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Speaker 2: conceit of the book his fatherhood. So I don't feel

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Speaker 2: like we yet know what the consequences will be for

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Speaker 2: our kids having too much visibility before they decide to

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Speaker 2: be themselves. So I grew up in Birmingham in the

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Speaker 2: shadow of my father. My father was a well established

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Speaker 2: and right now and respective black journalists in the city

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Speaker 2: like Birmingham that's essentially seventy five eighty percent black. Birmingham

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Speaker 2: proper is black black. So my dad was the man,

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Speaker 2: he ran the city. And then I'm walking around with

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Speaker 2: Junior tagged onto my shit. So there's just certain I

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Speaker 2: don't know behavioral expectations or assumptions that were made about me, Like,

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Speaker 2: I just don't know what the price is of being

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Speaker 2: my child, So I try to minimize the price for

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Speaker 2: him by minimizing exposure.

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Speaker 1: You feel you know the price of being your father's son, though,

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Speaker 1: because you lived it, and now you can say.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what it was. But the price of that was

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Speaker 2: the assumption that I was him. But that was in Birmingham.

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Speaker 2: My dad spoke highly of black people, He defended blackness.

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Speaker 2: He was a champion of all things black for the

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Speaker 2: entirety of his career. So it was more living in

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Speaker 2: a complimentary legacy. I don't have that same love nationally

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Speaker 2: that my dad had. Locally, there's a lot of people

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Speaker 2: that liked me, a lot of people that's indifferent. People

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Speaker 2: who don't rock with me, really don't rock with me.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 2: I have to be mindful of that because you won't

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Speaker 2: be mad at me. You don't like me, that's fine, cool,

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Speaker 2: But the boy is the boy. He got none to

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Speaker 2: do with this, Okay. So I don't want my son

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Speaker 2: to ever be in a situation where he feels any

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Speaker 2: type of burden, you know, like that, because he's with

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Speaker 2: me and thankfully nothing crazy has ever happened. You know,

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Speaker 2: there can be some Please give me a picture of

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Speaker 2: moments that can be a little intrusively odd. But even

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Speaker 2: though we've managed o K and we talked through okay,

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Speaker 2: But yeah, no, you're not going to see me in

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Speaker 2: a commercial with my son anytime soon.

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Speaker 1: And you don't necessarily want him to be an actor.

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Speaker 1: You're not like, You're not like, yeah, you should be

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Speaker 1: on stage as well. You don't have any expectation for

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Speaker 1: him in that.

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Speaker 2: Regard, right. My approach to my son is the same

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Speaker 2: as my mother. Whatever you show interest in today, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to give you every recent source and asset to

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Speaker 2: explore that interest. And if tomorrow that interest is different,

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Speaker 2: we'll explore that, okay. But I don't steer him towards anything.

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Speaker 2: I take him with me to work sometimes just so

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Speaker 2: he can understand who I am and what I do.

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Speaker 2: That part of it, Like those memories of my dad

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Speaker 2: are probably the most fond, okay. Or when we got

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Speaker 2: to travel together and when I went to the radio

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Speaker 2: station or the TV station with him. So I used

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Speaker 2: to take him around the Daily show here and there.

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Speaker 2: I've taken him up to CNN once or twice, so

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Speaker 2: that when I'm dead and gone and he's informing himself

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Speaker 2: on who I am, he has his own memories to

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Speaker 2: add into that, and he's not piecing together everybody else's

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Speaker 2: puzzle pieces. So yeah, I'll take him to stuff, but

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Speaker 2: like he knows, I do stand up. I've taken him

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Speaker 2: to sound checks before. He's funny. He has a sense

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Speaker 2: of humor. But I'm never going to go you must

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Speaker 2: do comedy or you can't do comedy. I don't think

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Speaker 2: he'll be good at comedy because he has two parents

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Speaker 2: that love him.

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Speaker 1: But didn't you have two parents that loved you? Which

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Speaker 1: one didn't love you? You had two parents, we know

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Speaker 1: that at least one you felt loved you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you're okay, good dad, bad husband, So that's

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Speaker 2: a confliction.

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Speaker 1: I hear. You know what, can we talk about? Good dad,

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Speaker 1: bad husband? I hear from so many men in just

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Speaker 1: casual conversation. I can't wait to be a dad. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to be a dad. I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: such a good dad, and I so rarely hear. I

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Speaker 1: don't think i've ever really heard, actually a man go,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to be a husband. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be a good husband to someone. I've never really heard that,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's unfortunate, because they say that part

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Speaker 1: of being a good dad is being a good husband

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Speaker 1: to your partner and having your kids witness that as well.

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Speaker 1: One of the best things you can do is be

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Speaker 1: a good husband. But I so rarely hear a man

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Speaker 1: say I want to be a good.

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Speaker 2: Husband because you didn't see good husbands. Yeah, so why

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Speaker 2: would I describe for that? I never saw it, So

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Speaker 2: I never even consciously understood the concept. I mean I

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Speaker 2: get it now. You know, even in a co parenting capacity,

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Speaker 2: there's still a degree of understanding of oh, well, anyone

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Speaker 2: I'm dating, which is why it's interesting. Like if I

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Speaker 2: meet a woman who goes, I don't want kids, well,

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Speaker 2: then in my mind I'm like, well, we can't really

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Speaker 2: do anything. Do you not want to have kids? But

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Speaker 2: do you not fuck with kids at all?

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Speaker 1: It's different, Yeah, because.

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Speaker 2: No matter what, this is a step parent situation, you're

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Speaker 2: potentially walking yourself into so we cannot.

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Speaker 1: But if a woman says so it's that I don't

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Speaker 1: want to have them, I don't want to do that

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Speaker 1: to my body, You're like, Okay, there's there's still potential there.

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Speaker 2: That we'll see. It's not a green light. Yeah, okay

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Speaker 2: it let's continue. But at some point I gotta keep

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Speaker 2: game on your energy towards children and the ideology of

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Speaker 2: raising a child, and then adding in the equation of

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Speaker 2: co parenting on top of that. So the idea of

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Speaker 2: understanding that your child needs to see love and a

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Speaker 2: positive lighter and some sort of construct ideally keep the

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Speaker 2: home to be over but in the sense of the

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Speaker 2: triangulation of three people within the space are having love

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Speaker 2: and appreciation and respect for one another. If you start there,

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Speaker 2: then you got something.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that makes sense. Now. You said something earlier,

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Speaker 1: which is that the expectation of you, considering who your

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Speaker 1: father was, was that you would be your father. I'm

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Speaker 1: presuming that felt like pressure for you. Is that true

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Speaker 1: or what exactly did that feel like for you to

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Speaker 1: have people expect for you to be your father.

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Speaker 2: It's a little different the ironies that I became my father.

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Speaker 1: I think so. By the way, if I'm allowed to

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Speaker 1: say that might be rude. I don't even know him,

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Speaker 1: but the little bit you said about him and the

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Speaker 1: whole setup and how you felt and how your son

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Speaker 1: might feel right now, I'm like, I think you were

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Speaker 1: him in a different way.

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Speaker 2: Deree.

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Speaker 1: Okay to a degree.

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Speaker 2: But the idea of the pressure I rejected because I

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Speaker 2: resented him when I got older.

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Speaker 1: You resented him when you got older.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't until I got older. Why so My

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Speaker 2: dad died when I was sixteen, Okay, So you know,

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Speaker 2: just for perspective, my father was a civil rights journalist

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Speaker 2: and an activist, and he co founded the National Black Network,

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Speaker 2: which at its time in the sixties was a syndicated

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Speaker 2: news radio program informing black people about black issues. It

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Speaker 2: was the only thing of its kind, nothing existed before it.

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Speaker 2: He was embedded in pretty much every atrocity that affected

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Speaker 2: black people from the nineteen fifties through Rodney King. He

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Speaker 2: covered physically on the ground there Vietnam, Korea, Rhodesian Civil Wars, Zimbabwe.

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Speaker 2: Now he was there for that, so wait till riots

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Speaker 2: in South Africa. Was there for that civil rights movement

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Speaker 2: of course. So he was a revered and trusted voice

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Speaker 2: in the black community when it came to tackle issues

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Speaker 2: about race. And so by the time he got to Birmingham,

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Speaker 2: that was what he was known for. His commentary was biting,

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Speaker 2: and he challenged local leaders, white politicians like my daddy

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Speaker 2: was on your ass with that microphone, and so you know,

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Speaker 2: that made him respected and revered. So the assumption when

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Speaker 2: you see someone that is like done everything the right

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Speaker 2: way professionally, you assume that private life, everything is humming

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Speaker 2: and necessarily wasn't and so like just for perspective without

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Speaker 2: even getting into all of it, but it's enough detail

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Speaker 2: to give you the understanding. I'm the ninth of eleven kids.

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Speaker 2: I'm my mother's only child, so you do the math

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Speaker 2: on it. So that's the type of person with the

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Speaker 2: dichotomy of man. And so he was a behemoth on radio.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: So when I graduate from college from Florida and m

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Speaker 2: and I come back home to Birmingham and I start

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Speaker 2: interning at the station where my father used to work.

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Speaker 2: It was the black station that you know.

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Speaker 1: Then he's no longer alive at this point, most.

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Speaker 2: Black people in radio and Birmingham owe their career to

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Speaker 2: my father, just from the sense of he hired you.

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Speaker 2: Most people at that time, especially over a certain age,

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Speaker 2: you either worked with my father or you were hired

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Speaker 2: by him. So that afforded me a degree of accessibility

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Speaker 2: within the city off of his name because they respected him,

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Speaker 2: they respected me. But now it's me.

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Speaker 1: You're just like you did off the little block, right.

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Speaker 2: He used to drive me off the fucking wall.

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Speaker 1: And that was driving you up the law when you

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Speaker 1: were in college.

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Speaker 2: And you were when I when I graduated college, and

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Speaker 2: I came home to intern and Burmie over what would

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Speaker 2: eventually become a twelve year arc in the morning radio

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Speaker 2: while I get stand up. But this idea of all right,

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Speaker 2: you did your thing. I am going to work so

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Speaker 2: hard and be so good and be so funny that

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Speaker 2: I'm going to make people forget your name. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to erase you from the memories of the people who

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Speaker 2: claim they love you.

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Speaker 1: But then there's a junior of it all. Then you

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Speaker 1: have the same ass name.

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Speaker 2: I didn't calculate that other time.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think about that.

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Speaker 2: Anything I wanted, yeah, was to stand on my own.

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Speaker 2: And when you see me, you see me. You never

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Speaker 2: see him. You don't even think about him. You think

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Speaker 2: about me. And the idea of this independence, breaking off

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Speaker 2: from his legacy and being able to say, well, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you did your thing with the journalism stuff, but I'm

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Speaker 2: over here and I'm funny and people love me the

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Speaker 2: same and it has nothing to do with you. And

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Speaker 2: then you look up. And then once I hit my thirties,

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Speaker 2: my comedy becomes more political, my comedy becomes more opinionated.

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Speaker 2: And then when I have my child, oh hell breaks loose.

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Speaker 2: In terms of the types of really societal stuff. I

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Speaker 2: want to break down point twice. Look up, I am

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Speaker 2: a funnier version of my father attacking the same issues,

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Speaker 2: and in fact, what I do in the way I

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Speaker 2: do it only strengthened the connection that people have between

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Speaker 2: the two of us because they see what I do

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Speaker 2: as an extension of.

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Speaker 1: Him, and you just you can't shake it.

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Speaker 2: But it is an extension.

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Speaker 1: It is. But that's and you want right now. It's fine,

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Speaker 1: It is okay.

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Speaker 2: It's like any kid. You know, I didn't get to

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Speaker 2: go through my rebel. I hate my father face because

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Speaker 2: he died when I was a teenager, like fourteen through sixteen.

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Speaker 2: Cancer got him pretty good. He died when I was sixteen.

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Speaker 2: That's the rebel. Fuck you, you don't know. I know

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Speaker 2: what I'm doing. I went through that entire phase without

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Speaker 2: him and then still has to come right back around

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Speaker 2: and go. Yeah, the home life wasn't what it was

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Speaker 2: supposed to be. But damn man, you was right about this, this, this,

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Speaker 2: and this all to speaking engagements you used to make

321
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Speaker 2: me drive you to where I will watch you speak

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Speaker 2: about this, this, this, and this. Man, that same stuff

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Speaker 2: happening right now. And it's just clearly obvious, and it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: very interesting.

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Speaker 1: So today, would you say your feelings towards him are

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Speaker 1: that of resentment or appreciation? Obviously it's not a binary

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Speaker 1: and it can be a little bit of both. But

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Speaker 1: you said I started to resent him when I got older.

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Speaker 1: Are you Are you saying that's where you live right now?

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Speaker 1: Or it's okay, okay, it's.

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Speaker 2: Just it's it's understanding. It wasn't. It wasn't the best move,

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Speaker 2: you know, on the family side of the game. But

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Speaker 2: I can look at that with maturity now and understand

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Speaker 2: how to move. So I try not to make the

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Speaker 2: same mistakes for my son and then identify the parts

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Speaker 2: of the parts of our parents that we want to

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Speaker 2: keep in the parts that we can just discard.

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Speaker 1: Right. I know you're private about your son, so I

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Speaker 1: pass on this question if you'd like to. I'm just

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Speaker 1: fascinated by the junior of it all. Is your son

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Speaker 1: a third Okay, Okay, I've given how private you are.

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Speaker 1: I was like, it might be enough. Okay, you knew

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Speaker 1: you didn't want to do that to him because of

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Speaker 1: what you felt by just having the junior attached, and

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Speaker 1: you didn't want to do that. Okay, now, right.

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Speaker 2: And if they know you're related to me, they'll figure

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Speaker 2: it out.

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Speaker 1: Right now, did were you your father's first son? So

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Speaker 1: you're he has eleven children, you're the ninth. Were you

350
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Speaker 1: his first son? So he just didn't want to name

351
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Speaker 1: the others? Junior? Yes, do you have any idea why?

352
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,360
Speaker 1: He was like, not this one, not this one, not this.

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Speaker 2: Nigga, but this one here, that's the one.

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Speaker 1: Because now look at you. You're literally like what you're

355
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Speaker 1: describing to me. Obviously I've never met your father. I'm like, yes,

356
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Speaker 1: you do really become your parents in so many ways,

357
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Speaker 1: even if you try to be. And I'm like, damn,

358
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 1: imagine being one of the other boys, Like I couldn't

359
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 1: get the junior.

360
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Speaker 2: Why do you hit the junior people? I'm my mother's

361
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Speaker 2: only child. Sure, I don't think she cared either way, but.

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Speaker 1: Maybe and okay, maybe for him, maybe that piece of information.

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Speaker 1: I really wish we could bring him back right now

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00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 1: and ask him why you got the junior.

365
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Speaker 2: Yes, I don't think we can get ship out of them.

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Speaker 2: Old black people don't be.

367
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Speaker 1: Sharing, communicating too much. I'm going to be you know what,

368
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and say, yes, that's true.

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Speaker 2: Black people don't share shit, but recipes. I'm like, if

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Speaker 2: you don't give me your trauma so I can sort

371
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Speaker 2: out what the fuck is wrong with me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, asking all these questions my mom, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I sensed my mom getting tense anytime I started to

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Speaker 1: be like, so when you were I have a friend

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Speaker 1: tell me this. She's like, I was talking to some

376
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,359
Speaker 1: healer and they were saying that you can get so

377
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: much information about the way you are day to day

378
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,719
Speaker 1: and in the world based on how your mom was

379
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 1: feeling when she was pregnant with you. Was she in

380
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Speaker 1: an anxious state? Was she feeling positive and thriving? And

381
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Speaker 1: so she's like, and I talked to my mom about

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Speaker 1: how she was feeling when she was pregnant with me,

383
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Speaker 1: and she was like, I was so scared because we

384
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Speaker 1: were undocumented and this, this and that, and so I

385
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Speaker 1: was like, I'm going to ask my mom because maybe

386
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Speaker 1: I can figure out why and the way my mom

387
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,600
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, what are you doing about Yeah?

388
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: She was like, why are you asking me this? I'm

389
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Speaker 1: not trying to talk.

390
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:10,640
Speaker 2: To you about this instead of actually instead of actually

391
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 2: sitting for a second, and sitting with it, you got

392
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Speaker 2: to ask repeatedly for years.

393
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Speaker 1: Yes, that's true. So it's nice to hear that that's

394
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Speaker 1: not just my experience, because that is my experience now

395
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 1: in terms of how things were at home and you

396
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 1: talk about how it just it wasn't quite right or

397
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 1: the way it was supposed to be. Were you aware

398
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,639
Speaker 1: of that as a young person or is that something

399
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: you started to realize when you got older, that this

400
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,639
Speaker 1: wasn't quite right and that house.

401
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,360
Speaker 2: Wasn't like other people's house. I mean, like just for perspective,

402
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 2: I mean, there were nights that my dad would be

403
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 2: you know, I have two younger half half siblings, so

404
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 2: my dad would be over there, So that'd be ninety

405
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 2: days I'm.

406
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Speaker 1: Home and you know he was over there. Yeah, Okay, it.

407
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 2: Didn't really the lights was on, those food in the fridge. Okay,

408
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 2: this doesn't. If that's if that's what you've grown up in,

409
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 2: then that's all you know. So yeah, I went to

410
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 2: some other people's homes and their daddy was home every day.

411
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,639
Speaker 2: My dad's just not home every day. And that's just

412
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 2: how I processed. I didn't think about it in the

413
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Speaker 2: sense of the black family bond.

414
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Speaker 1: And you're not, no, you just it's just like.

415
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Speaker 2: This, Hey, I made ten dollars for the field trip.

416
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 2: Well your daddy he said, you ain't gonna be doing

417
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:25,480
Speaker 2: the field trip. Okay, really cool. Call him over at

418
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 2: the other house.

419
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,719
Speaker 1: He would, you have to call yourself something, Mama, I'm

420
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: gonna call you were called and asked for your dad? Wow?

421
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,159
Speaker 1: How old were you when that started? Or do you

422
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 1: remember whenever you.

423
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 2: Need ten dollars as a kid, like wow, thirteen tween?

424
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you were like, this is what it is.

425
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: It's this is different than my friends.

426
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 2: But how can you miss what you don't? You know

427
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 2: what I mean?

428
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 1: That resonates with me so deeply because I have that

429
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 1: on this podcast already a million times over. It's part

430
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: of why the podcast exists is that I didn't have

431
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 1: a relationship with my dad. And I think people want

432
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: to go, oh, I'm so oh, and I go my

433
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 1: parents got divorced when I was a baby. So even

434
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 1: the notion of divorce and how painful or dramatic that

435
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,439
Speaker 1: might be for a household, I'm like, didn't see it,

436
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 1: don't know it. My mom raised me. I had a

437
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: lot of family around me. I have two brothers, older brothers,

438
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 1: I have tons of uncles, and so I'm like that

439
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: thing you want me to feel, this giant void, I

440
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: don't really feel it, and so like, how can you

441
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:32,479
Speaker 1: miss what you don't know?

442
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then people will turn around and go, well,

443
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 2: as a father, now you don't have a reservoir to

444
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 2: pool from to nurture and do the thing because you

445
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 2: didn't have the man nurture. And even if that's true,

446
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,920
Speaker 2: I can't go and sit and be sad or cry

447
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 2: about that. Right now, I still have a child to raise,

448
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 2: so right, my mind is still rooted in what can

449
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 2: I do to connect with my son? And periodically you

450
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 2: can go back to the reservoir of thinking about, okay,

451
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 2: well what did my father do in this situation? And

452
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 2: that file is empty?

453
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: Okay, And that.

454
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 2: Can be a little annoying at times, But in the

455
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 2: biggest scheme of things, I don't know. I just still

456
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 2: feel like there's a job to be done in this race.

457
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: Kid, Right, are there things from your father that you

458
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,880
Speaker 1: go when you go in that file cabinet that you

459
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 1: look at and go, Okay, he did give me this

460
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 1: that I can now impart to my son. He did

461
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 1: do this thing that I can now do for my

462
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 1: son and that I would like to do for my son.

463
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd say work ethic and tedacity. Nobody I work

464
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,679
Speaker 2: my dad. My dad worked until three weeks before he

465
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 2: died with the full blown prostate cancer. Didn't take chemo

466
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 2: because it would make him too weak to do radio,

467
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,959
Speaker 2: really work ethic. M. You know, I don't know if

468
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 2: that's escapism, lunacy, whatever, but that was his approach to

469
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 2: his craft, and he enjoyed remaining connected to people. My

470
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 2: son enjoys that connection. So there's I'd say that's probably

471
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 2: the most evident thing. Okay, but for sure the desire

472
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 2: to talk that boy is orator.

473
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 1: Mm hmm okay, it's blood life. Yeah. Did you feel

474
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: when you were younger though, did like, did you guys

475
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: did have a connection. I know, you would go with

476
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,879
Speaker 1: him to work events, he would take you in the

477
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: car with him, You would go on these trips. You

478
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 1: would get to see him do what he does and

479
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: be good at it, see him revered by peers and colleagues.

480
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 1: But did you feel like you had a connection beyond

481
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: that outside of that? M.

482
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 2: I don't know, Like, in hindsight, probably not, But I

483
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: never felt disconnected, like I never well, my dad was gonna,

484
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 2: never missed him, so whatever that means. But like the

485
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 2: idea of like, man, we were coming home, Dad's will

486
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 2: you hang out? Never really had that, And it really

487
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 2: wasn't until I look, you know, because my father worked

488
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 2: in the mornings. He was a morning radio news guy,

489
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 2: so my dad was gone before I woke up in

490
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 2: the morning. And then my father also worked an evening

491
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 2: shift doing jazz jazz station or whatever.

492
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: Okay, so.

493
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: I might see my pop somewhere between four to seven pm,

494
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 2: like if it's his week to come pick me up

495
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 2: from baseball practice in high school, all right, I see

496
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: you at six thirty, practicing every day at six thirty,

497
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 2: So there's that he dropped me off. He right back

498
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 2: out the door to go to the radio station. If

499
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 2: my mom's a night school, like I put myself to bed,

500
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 2: I was a latch key. So the idea of having

501
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 2: connection never registered consciously in the moment as a child,

502
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,439
Speaker 2: especially as a teenager. It wasn't until I got older

503
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 2: when I started realizing most of my fondest memories about

504
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 2: my dad were from travel. So then inherently the first

505
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 2: thing I started doing with my son is making sure

506
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 2: that travel is as important as the destination. Like he

507
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 2: had a man, he had an old Cadillac. And this

508
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 2: is when we were still my parents were separated. They

509
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 2: got separated after I was born. They didn't reconcile to

510
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: like maybe fourth grade. So my mom and I lived

511
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 2: in Memphis at the time. That was before Birmingham. And

512
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 2: so my pops will drive up to Memphis sometimes to

513
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 2: pick me up for the summer and you know whatever.

514
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 2: And he had this Cadillac and for whatever reason, this

515
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 2: negro put a fucking Cbee radio in his Cadillac with

516
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 2: a big ass CB and ten on the back. His

517
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 2: theory was that it was to be able to know

518
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 2: where the police were in real time because truck driver

519
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 2: snitch and man, he must have gave me that damn

520
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 2: CBE radio and showed me the channel switcher. Yeah, and

521
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 2: I would spend three hours from Memphis to Birmingham talking

522
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 2: to strangers over a radio. You just break a break

523
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 2: on one nine and big smokes on the radio.

524
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 1: Check Claier like just yeah, man.

525
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 2: Sounds stupid, but I used to love that, like that

526
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 2: fun business.

527
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

528
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 2: So you couple that with my son now, This is

529
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 2: the cool thing about Daily Show and all of that

530
00:29:55,520 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: stuff where I have these opportunities now where I have

531
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 2: these weird hookups and stuff like I don't know, most

532
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 2: people have courtside tickets, and you know, I can. I

533
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 2: can get the latest Nikes before they come out.

534
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: Right.

535
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 2: I have a friend that works in air traffic control

536
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 2: and can walk me and my son into any air

537
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 2: traffic control tower in America and we can just watch

538
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: air traffic controllers communicate with planes. My son that is

539
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 2: obsessed with aviation.

540
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, will lose his fucking mind. That's really cool.

541
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 2: Backstage at Sea World type shit. Yeah, Like I can

542
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 2: be in the back with the Yeah, those are the

543
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 2: weird connects. That's that's my rollo decks. Okay, Okay, So

544
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 2: the idea of being around my dad while he did anything,

545
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 2: I think that was really that was the cool thing.

546
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,239
Speaker 2: But to be kind justly aware of it in the

547
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 2: moment that this's this connection, and I understand it was.

548
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: I lived in my own world as a latchkey kid.

549
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 2: My parents were just more so co stars.

550
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, in that world. Do you feel proud of your

551
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: name or pride in the name you have now?

552
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean any issues I have with the

553
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: name is internal. It's family business, so you do feel

554
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 2: a sense of prise brand. Yeah my father, my father

555
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 2: hired Don Cornelius. Yeah, so you know, it's like we

556
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 2: talked contributions to the culture. The Wood name make contributions

557
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 2: to Black Americans, paid in blood by my dad. You know,

558
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 2: I'm lucky enough to not have to get hit with

559
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 2: a brick in the middle of a daily show set.

560
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 2: But yeah, you think about the Wood family and the

561
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 2: idea of us having something relevant to say and it

562
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 2: being an interesting Yeah, I think I've honored the family

563
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 2: name up to this point.

564
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, you said your dad was a good father, bad husband.

565
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: Would you say your father was a good man? In

566
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: your opinion?

567
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 2: Not positive? But you know you lack in a lot

568
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 2: of places. I think we try to boil people down

569
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 2: into some sort of totality. I really haven't even taken

570
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 2: time to really think and consider every reason why he

571
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 2: may have made the choices he made. But eleven kids,

572
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 2: four different women, and you're running from something.

573
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: Sure, do you feel you have empathy and compassion for him? Now?

574
00:32:53,240 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: Looking back at some of that stuff, you're smiling, keep smilingly.

575
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 2: Empathy suggests forgiveness, And I don't know if you can

576
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 2: necessarily because that's asking me to get past what happened

577
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 2: to me and the stuff that I deal with. And

578
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 2: I don't know if I can just wave that off

579
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 2: as being all in the game, you know. But I

580
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 2: do think with the tools that he had at the time,

581
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 2: you know, motherfucker was trying. But I think we often

582
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 2: self medicate our problems with alcohol or women, right, or

583
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 2: drugs or whatever.

584
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 1: Or was it just women or so No, he.

585
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 2: Wasn't liquor drug like alcohol would mess with his voice.

586
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 2: So he just he respected his instrument way more than

587
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 2: I do. I don't.

588
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: I don't.

589
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 2: I think with better tools he could have done better

590
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 2: as a father, you know. And that's the thing you

591
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 2: have to be careful about, is that when we're critiquing

592
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 2: people in hindsight and what they meant to us, people

593
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: on the outside looking in who had a different opinion

594
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 2: and interpretation of that person can get angry and take

595
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 2: offense to it.

596
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: And do you feel like you want to protect people's

597
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: view of him.

598
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's protect as much as just

599
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 2: give a full scope of it all, like, because in

600
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 2: my book, I'm going to talk a little bit about Hey,

601
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: here's some days he didn't come home, and here's how that.

602
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 2: Here's how I believe that affected me. Now, at its core,

603
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 2: was he just looking for love, you know, and didn't

604
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 2: know how to find it?

605
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 1: Is that wrong?

606
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 2: The search, the.

607
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 1: How how you do things does matter, I.

608
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 2: Agree, But we also live in a very unnuanced society,

609
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 2: and you have to be careful because people will throw

610
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 2: out the totality of your work because of one character flaw.

611
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 2: I don't agree with that either. So yeah, it's definitely

612
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:08,919
Speaker 2: a balancing act of figuring out how mad to be

613
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 2: and then also just how much respect to still possess.

614
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 1: And you do respect your dad?

615
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I respect my father, but not enough to sit

616
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 2: quietly and not criticize.

617
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 1: Sure, but some people would say that to criticize one

618
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: could be an act of love though too.

619
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 2: I'm just this is just what happened, and this is

620
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 2: how it affected me, and I have to be conscious

621
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 2: of that because I'm trying to raise a child, Yeah,

622
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 2: and I have to make sure I don't make the

623
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 2: same mistakes. So I got to dissect everything that happened

624
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 2: between me and him.

625
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 1: Right, were you scared to become a parent at any point.

626
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm still scared of parenting. You get the hang

627
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 2: of it, but you still don't know if you're doing

628
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: it right, and you don't know if if you're done

629
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: it right to the kids.

630
00:35:57,640 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: Like twenty five, how old is your son now?

631
00:35:59,640 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 2: Eight?

632
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 1: Okay, so that's some time to go before you have

633
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: any sense of am I doing this right?

634
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 2: It's you know, so far? Does he punch other children?

635
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: Does he's helpful? No, he's very helpful.

636
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:15,959
Speaker 2: So you learn, you assess that first, and then from

637
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 2: that you're able to chip away. But the idea of

638
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:26,800
Speaker 2: being scared, I'm not scared, but I'm definitely like worried

639
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,440
Speaker 2: about Okay, well, how do I solve these problems? I

640
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 2: don't doubt that I'll solve the problem, but it's always

641
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:37,439
Speaker 2: something new getting presented, just societally speaking, that just goes

642
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 2: against so many other things, you know, like I wouldn't

643
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 2: be opposed to another.

644
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 1: Child, really, but I have to.

645
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 2: Have there's a money in an infrastructure in place. I

646
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to have a child at the expense of

647
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 2: the comforts of my first son.

648
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 1: Okay.

649
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 2: I'd rather have one child living good than two children.

650
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 1: It's just I okay, you know that's not sure. Would

651
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 1: you ideally if you were to have another child, not

652
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: only would you not compromise your son's comforts, would you

653
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: ideally be married to the mother of the second child

654
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: or does that not matter to you?

655
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,759
Speaker 2: Being together is important the construct under which you want

656
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,320
Speaker 2: to draw it up that you know, pick a religion,

657
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 2: you know, right, but yeah, let's live together, please, And

658
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 2: so whatever metric your religion or my religion, like, I

659
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 2: don't have to have a be all end all. We

660
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 2: must be married or else we cannot do. Marriage is

661
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 2: a system, is a little.

662
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 1: Interesting rights, that's one way to put it. Then, at

663
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 1: the very.

664
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 2: Least someone and that's what they want to do. I

665
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 2: don't know if I would be against that against but

666
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 2: the issues that most women that want to be married

667
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 2: don't want hit on. Motherfucker talk about marriage like that.

668
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 1: It's a response. I don't even think you said anything controversial.

669
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: In fact, it is measured. But the thing that might

670
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: be off putting to some people who are so fascinated

671
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: and interested in marriage is that it's like this fairy

672
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: tale for them, and it's like and so I want

673
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: you to think about it like a fairy tale as well,

674
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: but it's like, it's not a fairy tale, it's a

675
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 1: government contract and it's a partnership and a business partnership.

676
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 2: So then people go, well, if you don't want to

677
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 2: do it the way I want to do it, whether

678
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 2: then we shouldn't do it. So then we shouldn't be

679
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 2: together at all. Well, that means you've brought into the

680
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 2: idea of marriage and not necessarily togetherness, which is fine,

681
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 2: but that just doesn't work for me. But the construct

682
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 2: of a child with a woman who does not live

683
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 2: under that same roof, I would not want.

684
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:46,319
Speaker 1: To do You wouldn't want to do that.

685
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to do that.

686
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 1: Okay, what's your favorite part about fatherhood?

687
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 2: The parts learning about myself? I know that's selfish as fuck.

688
00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: It is selfish, but I think it's interesting. But that's

689
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: the truth. Is that your truth? If that's the truth, pleaset.

690
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 2: Tring a kid showed me how selfish I was. And

691
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 2: then when I got my place, you know when when

692
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 2: when the co parenting arc of my relationship with my

693
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 2: son started. I have my place and then you have.

694
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 1: Your room at my place.

695
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so then he's got he's got these legos,

696
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 2: he'd be building, right, And we built one or two

697
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 2: of the legos and then there's just like a shelf

698
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,359
Speaker 2: near the TV and I put one of the little

699
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 2: small legos out there. You know, good job, my fucker

700
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,800
Speaker 2: is masking it. And they never wanted we did together

701
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 2: and put that one out there. Look at look at

702
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 2: what we did. No more dawned on me. I'm like, oh, wait,

703
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 2: this is his house too, right, your room at my

704
00:39:56,160 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 2: place and I'm some single bachelor's Yeah, we live together.

705
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 2: You're in my roommate. Yeah, that's my roommate. My roommate

706
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 2: gets some degree of space, and so little things like

707
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,399
Speaker 2: your books are in the living room on a living

708
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 2: room bookshelf, and that seems small, but I got to

709
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 2: figure out what I want to do. I need to

710
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 2: make an office for myself, but he'll have a desk

711
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 2: in there too. Yeah, it's just your space. And so

712
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 2: this idea of making room for people, it's something that

713
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 2: I've never inherently had to do, and so to be

714
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:39,280
Speaker 2: consciously aware of it and doing it is a serious

715
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 2: piece of growth.

716
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: Yeah. So you think then having a son in your

717
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: experience for you has made you better, a better person

718
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 1: at the very least more self aware.

719
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 2: I would not have achieved what I've achieved in the

720
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,320
Speaker 2: last nine years if I did not have a child

721
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 2: and the pressure of providing driving me. It is another layer,

722
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 2: another level of focus that you cannot simulate. But I

723
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 2: think within that it made everything that I say and

724
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 2: do more intentional, more scalpo level efficient. You know. It's

725
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 2: made me want to make sure that every moment I

726
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 2: spend away from home is worth it. So it changed

727
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 2: the types of things I say yes to. Okay, because

728
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 2: it's not just a gig and some money. This is

729
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: time away from him when I could be doing dad

730
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 2: dude bro shit with him. So I'm not I'm not

731
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 2: just gonna say yes. So it just made me more

732
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 2: efficient across the board.

733
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like you take the duty of being

734
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: a father very seriously and there are things you enjoy,

735
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 1: including learning about yourself. But do you do you find

736
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: it fun? But you're like, I'm going to say no

737
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: to being on the road. Okay.

738
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why the CNN show is so dope because

739
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 2: I get to be in town on weekends.

740
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 1: Now, oh night, Okay, I get to be in.

741
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 2: Town on weekends, and actually, if I want to go

742
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 2: somewhere with him during the day on a Saturday, I can.

743
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 2: I haven't had that since twenty fifteen, you know, because

744
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,439
Speaker 2: even when Daily Show, when I wasn't doing Daily Show,

745
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 2: i was still touring as a stand up And I'm

746
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 2: going to get back to touring next year at some point.

747
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 2: But to be able to sit still at a time

748
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 2: where your kids still think.

749
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:31,320
Speaker 1: You're cool, yeah, Yeah, When do you think your son's

750
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: going to stop thinking you're cool? If you had to

751
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 1: predict based on your experience or what you've seen.

752
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:39,360
Speaker 2: According to the Instagram videos I watch, it's around age twelve.

753
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 1: Okay, so you have four more years somewhere in there.

754
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 2: Your kids think you're just garbage and just terrible, and

755
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,240
Speaker 2: you're icky, you're embarrassing me, all of that stuff.

756
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: Is that time coming? Does that make you nervous or

757
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: anxious in any way or you're just like, I know

758
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,240
Speaker 1: it's coming, and I've.

759
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 2: You know, I'm not going to repeat myself to my son.

760
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 2: If he doesn't want to listen, I keep telling you

761
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: can listen to me, you can get the lesson.

762
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

763
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 2: So if you think I'm dumb, that's fine. Go out

764
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 2: in the world and give it a shot and then

765
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 2: let me know how that works out for you, that

766
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 2: big dog.

767
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:09,720
Speaker 1: Are you a disciplinarian?

768
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean not in a whipping yell and beat

769
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 2: your kids type sense, but in the sense of that

770
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: was an action. Here's the consequence.

771
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 1: Absolutely, are we talking time out? Are we talking allowance

772
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 1: being withheld?

773
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 2: A lot of it is revocan privileges. Okay, that's really

774
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 2: where a lot of it starts. And then some of

775
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 2: it is just written stuff. You know, it really helps sometimes,

776
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 2: but making people write.

777
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 1: Shit, that's why they used to do that on the

778
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 1: board and on the chalkboard and over and over and

779
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: over and over again. Now do you think it's because

780
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: you're you're creating a new neuropathway and it's like you're

781
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 1: gonna this is going to penetrate your psyche what you

782
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: are writing, or the act of writing over and over

783
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 1: feels like punishment in and of itself, regardless of Yeah,

784
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,280
Speaker 1: I think it's both.

785
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 2: It's I want your hand to but also I really

786
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 2: need you to remember this, bro. Yeah, So I think

787
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 2: in that regard, Okay, I think he's got it together.

788
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: It's something you've made him write over? Is it over

789
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: and over?

790
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 2: Again, it's just regular handwriting stuff. You just do handwriting

791
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 2: notebooks and stuff like that. But for the most part,

792
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,760
Speaker 2: we have a good child. Like, the most I can

793
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 2: say is that my son just wants to stay up later, Okay,

794
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 2: an extra tablet time. Yeah, and we really don't do

795
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 2: a lot of tablet time to begin with. So in

796
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,279
Speaker 2: the bigger scheme of behaviorally, where he could be at

797
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 2: this mild marker in the third grade, I'm lucky. Okay,

798
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 2: I'm very lucky.

799
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: I love that. Now. You said you are co parenting

800
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 1: now and the notion of having another child is cool

801
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 1: with you, especially particularly if you and your partner are

802
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 1: at least living together. So you and your partner now

803
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 1: are not living together when that split happened, did you

804
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 1: feel like somehow, like fuck, I fucked this up?

805
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 2: Yeah? You always feel like you fucked it up because

806
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:09,760
Speaker 2: you don't want the child existing in something that's split.

807
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 2: You know, my son didn't get the luxury of coming

808
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 2: up in a house that was already split. I did.

809
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 2: I came up in a house that was already a

810
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 2: single parent home, and they and my parents were reconciled.

811
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 2: This was the opposite. So yeah, you know, there's definitely

812
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: a feeling in that. But I think where relationships are concerned,

813
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,919
Speaker 2: as parents, what we have to weigh, And I don't

814
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 2: think there's a right answer, it's just what's right for you.

815
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 2: I think as a parent, you have to weigh how

816
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:47,360
Speaker 2: much your own well being plays into the psyche of

817
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,919
Speaker 2: what your child observes and what your child sees, and

818
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 2: whether or not that's for the betterment or detriment of

819
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 2: the child. Same as with the pregnancy, using a good

820
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:02,359
Speaker 2: mood in the pregnancy versus the general demeanor around each other.

821
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 2: If that's starting to change, I think if you're if

822
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: you're in any type of parenting situation with a child,

823
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:11,800
Speaker 2: you have to start considering that. Consider your mood, Consider

824
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 2: how you're showing up emotionally into this home, because sooner

825
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 2: or later that's going to inform the child is going

826
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 2: to be informed by that. Right, So then it becomes,

827
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 2: all right, are you a failure for leaving? Or are

828
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,320
Speaker 2: you a bigger detriment if you stay?

829
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: Sure that's the question, right, Well, I mean there's a lot.

830
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 2: Of people that have come up in homes with two

831
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 2: parents who just made it, made do, and then the

832
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 2: day you left for college, they filed for divorce.

833
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: Always I'm fascinated by that. Is that a win? Yeah,

834
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,720
Speaker 1: I'm fascinated by that. I just I've said this before,

835
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 1: but I saw it on a I was watching some

836
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 1: docuseries and about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and this one

837
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 1: girl America Sweetheart, which it was an interesting watch. I

838
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:05,320
Speaker 1: love me a docuseries. I'm watching this one young girl

839
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 1: her who's auditioning. Her parents were like, we kept it

840
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,240
Speaker 1: together for her, and literally when she turned to eighteen,

841
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:13,719
Speaker 1: they're like, and we're getting divorced. But I'm like, so

842
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:17,400
Speaker 1: you kept her from the notion and the reality that

843
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: there was conflict between you two. I'm like, I feel

844
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,320
Speaker 1: like that does its own number on a person.

845
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,359
Speaker 2: If she's in a relationship, she's going to be more

846
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:30,839
Speaker 2: inclined to stay in something that's boring and emotionally detrimental

847
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 2: to her.

848
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, or even like you're telling me one thing is true,

849
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: but I don't know if it is true, because I

850
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: thought my parents were happily married for it was a lie.

851
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:43,879
Speaker 1: Like I was like, I don't know if that's that's better, right,

852
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 1: So I don't know, Yeah.

853
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just think that as a parent.

854
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,959
Speaker 2: You have a responsibility to the energy that you show

855
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 2: up with two parents, and if anything is creating a

856
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,359
Speaker 2: shifting that energy, you have to figure out out what

857
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 2: you're going to do about it. And for me, the

858
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 2: best case scenario was to leave right now.

859
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 1: When you're talking about showing up with a certain type

860
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: of energy while parenting and being responsible for that and

861
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 1: understanding that the energy you bring as a parent is

862
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 1: going to impact the child. You spent a lot of

863
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,359
Speaker 1: time on the road as a comedian, and obviously now

864
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: you're looking forward to being in a home more and

865
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: available on the weekends. But I going on the road

866
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 1: in the little bits and ways that I have, I'm like,

867
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:32,239
Speaker 1: I'm exhausted from travel. So was that a challenge for

868
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: you to be like on the road building your career,

869
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: doing daily show, living that life, doing that schedule, but

870
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: then still making sure you're showing up with energy and

871
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 1: attention for your son.

872
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but also, you know, a great deal of that

873
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 2: also still goes back to my son's mother. I have

874
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 2: a great co parenting partner who's still been able to

875
00:48:55,480 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 2: afford me the space to be able to go and

876
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 2: chase things at the speed at which things need to

877
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 2: be done, and so to be able to be a

878
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:15,319
Speaker 2: way is still a gift and that's positive. You know, Yeah,

879
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 2: I come home tired sometimes. But what Bernie Mack said

880
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,720
Speaker 2: and players welcome to the stripping game, partner.

881
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 1: But do you feel guilty about it though, or you're like,

882
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: this is what it is, and I know that my

883
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: intent is to show up with as much energy as

884
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 1: I can, there's still guilt.

885
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:36,760
Speaker 2: Nothing alleviates the guilt of sending your child to voicemail

886
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 2: when he facetimes you two minutes before you're about to

887
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 2: go on air, and you know if you answer this call,

888
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 2: he's not going to understand completely why you're rushing him

889
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,800
Speaker 2: off the phone, which means the next time he calls,

890
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 2: he might not call because he's going to feel rushed

891
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 2: versus not answering at all, and then him go on

892
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 2: with ever I call, you never answer.

893
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 1: But then you do. Even with the you know I'm

894
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: making I am making an informed decision here. It's not

895
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:10,440
Speaker 1: I wish I didn't have to make the call, but

896
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 1: I have to, and by make the climate make the

897
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 1: decision I wish I didn't have to. But given my

898
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 1: two options here and what the other is do this

899
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:19,720
Speaker 1: is the best.

900
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:21,839
Speaker 2: But then that also means I have to leave that

901
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: completely alone and not feel that because now it's inhibiting

902
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 2: my ability to perform because I'm sad. So I can't

903
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 2: allow that emotion to even enter my heart. Because the

904
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 2: whole point of leaving town was to do this job

905
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 2: really well, make people laugh, get money, so then the

906
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 2: next time I come, I can make more money so

907
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 2: I don't have to travel as much, so I can

908
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:49,759
Speaker 2: be home. So then whatever it takes to do this

909
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:54,920
Speaker 2: job properly. When I'm gone, I'm at work and the

910
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 2: phone is on like and a special like my phone

911
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 2: is set whatever that DND.

912
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 1: Is do not disturbuish. Some people just their phones live

913
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:04,080
Speaker 1: on it.

914
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 2: But you can. You can set overrides. And so mama

915
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 2: babysitter sometimes my mom, but my mom is still she

916
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 2: abused the privilege.

917
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:18,240
Speaker 1: Moms cut off the one loving parent, not you.

918
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 2: Not. If his mom called me with something wherever I

919
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 2: am on Earth, I will walk the fuck off that

920
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 2: stage and deal with it. But unless it's a five

921
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 2: alarm fire, I have to focus on these jokes, so

922
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 2: I can't connect with sadness. I can't allow myself to

923
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,360
Speaker 2: because now I'm away and I'm not efficient. What the

924
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 2: fuck is the point of leaving town? M H. So

925
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 2: I'd rather I'd rather speak to him as best I

926
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,480
Speaker 2: can before the show or during sound check. You know,

927
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:53,480
Speaker 2: you almost have to make sure that you're scheduling time

928
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 2: to be connected. That's probably the biggest change that you

929
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 2: have to make as a performer when you become a father,

930
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 2: is figuring out, Hey, I love you. We're gonna talk now,

931
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,799
Speaker 2: because in two hours I'm not gonna be able to talk.

932
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 2: So that became one of the adjustments that I started making.

933
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 2: And so now Marten or not on the weekends, if

934
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 2: I'm on the road, you know, we try and catch

935
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 2: up in the mornings, talk in the mornings. But you know,

936
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 2: in three four years, he's not gonna want to talk

937
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 2: to me at all. He might text me for money.

938
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 1: Are you probably call your daddy to side check out

939
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 1: and he'll call you. But at this time, it's still

940
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: the same phone number, because your cell phone is your

941
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: cell phone number, correct, Whereas you had the side check's

942
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 1: house number different times. Yeah, if it was now, you

943
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 1: could have just called dad's cell phone wherever his dad is.

944
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 1: If it's the side chick's house, another side, chick's house,

945
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 1: work whatever, it's the same.

946
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 2: And I talked to my two younger half brothers. We

947
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 2: rapped for a minut which were up. Two men. We

948
00:52:57,680 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 2: go out of school, my school, gonna beat your school,

949
00:52:59,560 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 2: your school.

950
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 1: And then you talk to you okay, our shared father

951
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:07,480
Speaker 1: on the phone. Okay, thank you for sharing all of

952
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 1: this and being open and vulnerable. May I ask the

953
00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: name of your book, Oh, the Man of many fathers,

954
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: The Man of many fathers.

955
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 2: I I got all of these lessons from just so

956
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 2: many different people that I've worked with and opened for.

957
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 2: And I'm just so grateful that because for all of

958
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 2: the traveling and interacting that we did, my father and

959
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 2: I never really talked. We never really got deep about

960
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: anything other than work in politics and how he sees

961
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:39,800
Speaker 2: the world of politics. Outside of that, we never talked

962
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:42,440
Speaker 2: about just regular life stuff. And I'm just so grateful

963
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:45,320
Speaker 2: for all of these different men that filled my life

964
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 2: over the last couple of decades that when I look

965
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 2: back on those moments, I'm able to glean so many

966
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,879
Speaker 2: different things. You know, the idea from the book came

967
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 2: from the birth of my son, when I started trying

968
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 2: to think about all right, well, what lessons did I

969
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:02,879
Speaker 2: learn from my dad?

970
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:03,799
Speaker 1: Well?

971
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 2: I didn't learn that from him. Who do I learned

972
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 2: that from? Right? I learned that from who I learned

973
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 2: that from? And then you look up and it's like,

974
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 2: oh wow, there was an entire village of people that

975
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:18,240
Speaker 2: came together.

976
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 1: Right.

977
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:21,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, So I'm excited to get that book done.

978
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll be looking out for it, truly, I'm serious. Again, this,

979
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 1: the conceit of it really resonates with me too. Where

980
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 1: I go. You might not have had a present father,

981
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,920
Speaker 1: but if you're fortunate, and I feel like I'm one

982
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 1: of those people who's fortunate, you had many father figures.

983
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: And in the case of this podcast, you've been my

984
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: dad today.

985
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 2: You're welcome.

986
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 1: Thank you Dad for real? Thanks? So I actually thanks Dad,

987
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 1: I should.

988
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,880
Speaker 2: Say, cannot borrow ten dollars?

989
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 1: Can I borrow ten? K?

990
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 2: Shit?

991
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:57,879
Speaker 1: Now, hold on, what's going on? We're gonna borrows? Okay though,

992
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:03,800
Speaker 1: oh wait, this has been such a wonderful conversation. Do

993
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 1: you want your son to be able to talk to

994
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: you about anything and everything?

995
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, so far we can. What I noticed with

996
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 2: him is that if I share my fears and concerns.

997
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 2: Am I sadness says that's not a word. Then he's

998
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 2: more inclined to share he is on the backside.

999
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 1: It's a psychological phenomenon, they said, when you're vulnerable, the

1000
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:29,320
Speaker 1: person you're speaking to is more willing to be vulnerable themselves.

1001
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 1: And so just shout out to you, and I am

1002
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 1: really looking forward to getting that book, and thank you

1003
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:37,440
Speaker 1: for being my dad for the day. I end every

1004
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,880
Speaker 1: episode asking all my dads for a piece of advice.

1005
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,800
Speaker 1: I think I want to start calling this segment dad vice,

1006
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:49,480
Speaker 1: Dad advice, dadvice, a piece of advice. Okay, anyways, Okay,

1007
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:55,960
Speaker 1: so I have been doing a lot of online shopping Dad,

1008
00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:59,560
Speaker 1: and I've also then been doing a lot of returning

1009
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 1: of those online items. But in my mind, it's saving

1010
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 1: me time because I don't have to go in the store,

1011
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 1: find out they don't have any of the sizes I

1012
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 1: need or want, spend time perusing on foot, whereas I

1013
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: can just instead be on a website see what sizes

1014
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 1: they have. Have it shipped directly to my house, and

1015
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 1: if I don't want it, I ship it back. Okay, correct,

1016
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:27,320
Speaker 1: do you Dad think that it's time I go back

1017
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: to stores because it's something I've been considering. Should I

1018
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,799
Speaker 1: go back to stores less returning that way because I'm

1019
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,640
Speaker 1: actually trying the thing on in real time?

1020
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 2: What joy do you get out of the store?

1021
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: Do I get any joy out of going to the store?

1022
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:44,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess having the item in my hand

1023
00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 1: in real time and not having to wait for it.

1024
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:52,640
Speaker 2: Yes, that's not enough, right, I'd say keep doing the

1025
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 2: online shopping only because stores are chaotic. You will see

1026
00:56:57,680 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 2: some things that are different in the store, but more

1027
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 2: often it or not. I go to a store for

1028
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 2: sizing purposes, but you can order two sizes and send

1029
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 2: stuff back. It's hard to say no when it's when

1030
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,960
Speaker 2: it's set up that easy, with the return label.

1031
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 1: Already in it.

1032
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 2: You can't say no to that. And we're keeping the

1033
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:18,600
Speaker 2: shipping industry in business.

1034
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, there's something charitable about.

1035
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 2: What I'm doing.

1036
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 1: And where would you be if it were those men

1037
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 1: in those brown blouses. Where would they be in the

1038
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 1: little shorts in the summer? Yeah? Okay.

1039
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:36,640
Speaker 2: As a person who enjoys shopping for electronics in person

1040
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:39,320
Speaker 2: and shoes in persons, okay, I think it's hard to

1041
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 2: justify going in a store when you know they're going

1042
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 2: to have less.

1043
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 1: Options every time. Stores don't have anything in them anymore.

1044
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 2: And my issue with stores is that for me, I'm

1045
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:54,200
Speaker 2: an extremely indecisive person. So I'm going to price match

1046
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 2: this across every other store.

1047
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 1: I understand. Okay, you're going to go from store store,

1048
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: will you while you're in store Google and see like, okay,

1049
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 1: is this available for less online? Oh no, I hadn't

1050
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 1: even thought about that, because that's something I'll do.

1051
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 2: You take a picture to drop it into Google. They

1052
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:13,720
Speaker 2: are apt where you can take a picture of anything.

1053
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 1: Yes, there is, there is, but I will Okay, this

1054
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 1: is an item. I look at the item. I look

1055
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 1: at the not model name, but the style name, whatever

1056
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: the blouse is called. And or I'll put in the

1057
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:26,440
Speaker 1: description of the blouse. I know the brand. I'll put

1058
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 1: in the description of the blouse. This is if I'm

1059
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:30,400
Speaker 1: in store and then go, oh no, it's cheaper on

1060
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 1: this website. They're having this crazy sale. I'm gonna just

1061
00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:36,480
Speaker 1: get it here. Yes, yeah, So if you're already doing that,

1062
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 1: you Sometimes I will, but but I'm like, is it

1063
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 1: worth it? Because I feel like there are people who

1064
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:45,320
Speaker 1: value a discount, and there are people who value their time.

1065
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 1: People were trying to save time. Other people were trying

1066
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 1: to get the best deal. And I'm like, should I

1067
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 1: become a person?

1068
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 2: You're in New Yorker, so you value time? Yeah, so

1069
00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 2: I think you have to go with the time efficient?

1070
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, everything, okay, all right? Thank you, Dad. You

1071
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 1: were worried you were gonna have the tools to give

1072
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 1: me advice.

1073
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 2: I thought it was gonna be some serious ship.

1074
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I can make it some serious shit.

1075
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 2: Hang, gonna know, none have a conversation with that man

1076
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,080
Speaker 2: about what they gonna do about that baby.

1077
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:20,640
Speaker 1: You just kid me being like my advice is so

1078
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 1: let me tell you what's going on. Thank you so much, Roy,

1079
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 1: appreciate you being here. Thank you.

1080
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 2: Thanks.

1081
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 1: Thanks. Dad is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by

1082
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 1: me Ago Widhem. The show is produced and edited by

1083
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:38,439
Speaker 1: Anita Flores and engineered by Anita Flores and Anya Kutaskaya,

1084
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 1: with executive producer Emma Foley. Katie Moose is our VP

1085
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Jason Mathony for our

1086
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 1: show art and Faris Marshie for our theme song. For

1087
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: more podcasts by Headgum, visit headgum dot com, or wherever

1088
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 1: we listen to your favorite shows, Leave us a review

1089
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, and maybe, just maybe we'll read it

1090
00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:03,160
Speaker 1: on future episode.