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Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, what are you going to say at my funeral?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Here, let me set you up. And now coming to

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Speaker 1: the podium, doctor Jackie Cohen, I'm not doing I can

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Speaker 1: give you notes speak from the heart.

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Speaker 2: I can't do it. It makes you too sad, it

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Speaker 2: makes you so too annoyed.

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Speaker 1: So you're going to be too annoyed to give me

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Speaker 1: a eulogy at my funeral.

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Speaker 2: I might listen, I might jot down a few words.

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Speaker 3: Would the word genius be in there? God, saint saintly

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Speaker 3: try to keep going generous, generous to a fault generals,

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Speaker 3: Whys I'd.

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Speaker 2: Give you warm?

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Speaker 1: Okay, caring it's nice. Belligerent you would use the word

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Speaker 1: belligerent in my eulogy.

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Speaker 2: I'm having to look up the word belligerent because I'm

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Speaker 2: not even sure what that means. Oh yeah, have don aggressive.

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Speaker 2: Actually you know that would be me. I'm Belligerent.

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Speaker 1: From Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight

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Speaker 1: Today's episode. Ben right after the break, Hi Jonathan, Hi Ben,

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Speaker 1: how are you I'm doing?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 1: This is Ben. He's speaking to me from his office,

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Speaker 1: which is also his baby's room.

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Speaker 2: He doesn't actually sleep in this room. He actually sleeps

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Speaker 2: in the bathroom. At some point he's going to demand

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Speaker 2: a room.

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Speaker 1: Without a toilet exactly. Maybe it has to do with

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Speaker 1: becoming a dad. But lately Ben's been reconsidering his own childhood.

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Speaker 1: Whereas my childhood was marked by Shenanigan's tomfoolery and a

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Speaker 1: generous helping of hokey pokey, Ben's was not. When he

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Speaker 1: wasn't much older than his son is now barely a

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Speaker 1: toilet free tot fresh out of the toilet room, Ben

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Speaker 1: possessed the seriousness and determination to have already mapped out

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Speaker 1: his life school.

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Speaker 2: I had this purpose where I was going to grow up.

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Speaker 2: I was going to get good grades. I was going

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Speaker 2: to get into a good college, get into a good

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Speaker 2: med school, and become a physician.

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Speaker 1: Ben's purpose was so all consuming that even in elementary

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Speaker 1: school he devised his own homework and TV schedule, and

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Speaker 1: in high school Ben didn't go out and party. Instead,

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Speaker 1: he split his free time between playing piano and golf

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Speaker 1: and volunteering at a local hospital, activities designed to look

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Speaker 1: good on a college application. To my years, Ben's description

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Speaker 1: of his childhood sounds like a cross between Doogie Houser

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Speaker 1: and Casper Hauser. But eventually his hard work paid off.

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Speaker 1: Ben became a doctor, but it wasn't without a cost.

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Speaker 1: Looking back, Ben doesn't regret the parties he missed, the

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Speaker 1: cheap booze he might have drank, or the parking lot

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Speaker 1: donuts he might have donutted. He regrets something else entirely.

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Speaker 2: Now that I'm older, I can reflect, and I had

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Speaker 2: blinders on so much that I was not aware of

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Speaker 2: people who were hurting near me.

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Speaker 1: When Ben says people, what he really means is one

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Speaker 1: person in particular. In keeping his head down focused as

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Speaker 1: he was on success for all those years, Ben fears

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Speaker 1: he might have ignored someone who really needed him.

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Speaker 2: My cousin Sihan.

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Speaker 1: Sheihan, a boy Ben hasn't seen in twenty years. To explain,

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Speaker 1: Ben takes me back to his childhood in Anchorage a last.

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Speaker 1: He was fourteen years old on the golf course one

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Speaker 1: day when he saw his mom walking towards him. Beside

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Speaker 1: her was a boy, maybe a couple years older than Ben,

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Speaker 1: and like Ben, he was Korean. His mother introduced him

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Speaker 1: as his cousin, Sheihan Sheihan. Ben's mom said had just

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Speaker 1: arrived from Korea and was now going to be living

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Speaker 1: with them.

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Speaker 2: And I didn't think twice about it, and I just

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Speaker 2: started calling my cousin.

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Speaker 1: You didn't know the backstory, You didn't know whether he

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Speaker 1: was going to be staying with you forever.

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Speaker 2: Like this story is full of question marks for me.

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Speaker 1: Ben says he eventually learned Chianne wasn't really his cousin.

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Speaker 1: They weren't related at all, but he didn't learn a

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Speaker 1: whole lot more. Back then, Ben didn't ask a lot

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Speaker 1: of questions. In the evening. Ben's parents worked at a

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Speaker 1: deli they owned. This meant that Ben, an only child,

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Speaker 1: spent a lot lot of time alone. But now is

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Speaker 1: Shehan in the house, he found reasons to go a

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Speaker 1: little easier on his homework, TV schedule, reasons to just

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Speaker 1: be a kid for a while. In the process, Ben

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Speaker 1: and Sheehan grew to become best friends in spite of

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Speaker 1: their differences. While Ben was always so serious and studious,

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Speaker 1: Shehan had a lightness about him. While Ben's ambition was

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Speaker 1: to become a doctor the most parent approved of career paths,

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Speaker 1: Shehan wanted to be a film critic. The most I

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Speaker 1: promise if it doesn't work out, I'll go to Law

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Speaker 1: School of Career Paths. On Sunday nights, they watched WWE SmackDown,

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Speaker 1: the dulcet tones of creed pouring through the air as

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Speaker 1: the undertakers soared free from off the ring post. And

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Speaker 1: it wasn't just watching wrestling on TV, Ben says, but

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Speaker 1: wrestling for real. As soon as his parents left for

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Speaker 1: the deli, Ben, taking his lead from the rock, would

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Speaker 1: turn up his boombox kick open Shehan's bedroom door, and

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Speaker 1: with that it was go time.

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Speaker 2: And my parents don't even know this, and I'm sure

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Speaker 2: if they ever hear this, this come to a who

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Speaker 2: light of the day, they will be mortified. But we

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Speaker 2: would take the cam quarter and there's these huge arm wars,

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Speaker 2: probably like eight feet tall, and we would climb up

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Speaker 2: to the top and we would jump all the way

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Speaker 2: down to the other person who's laying.

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Speaker 1: Hold on cow like the like the top rope in

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Speaker 1: the top ring.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, And we broke every bed in the house.

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Speaker 2: And Ah, I loved doing that with my cousin.

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Speaker 1: Ben still has a video of Sheihan practicing one of

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Speaker 1: his signature moves outside in the Alaskan snow. Outside the house,

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Speaker 1: everything is blindingly white, Ben count Chihan down sick co

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Speaker 1: Chihan climbs onto the balcony's top railing, and then she

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Speaker 1: does a full front flip off the porch, landing onto

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Speaker 1: his back in a foot of snow. And that's where

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Speaker 1: the video stops, but it isn't where the night would end. Eventually,

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Speaker 1: Ben's parents would return from the deli, and his mom

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Speaker 1: would check in with the boys about their school work.

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Speaker 1: Ben's mom took Sheihan's success as personally as she did Ben's.

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Speaker 2: I'm probably gonna rehash many stereotypes of Korean mothers, but

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Speaker 2: she definitely fit the mold in the sense that she

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Speaker 2: instilled in me a very strong work ethic and expectations

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Speaker 2: that were sometimes never able to be in the reach.

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Speaker 1: And Ben's mom held Chihan to the same high bar

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Speaker 1: as she did her own son. This meant that for Shehn,

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Speaker 1: who'd been dropped into an American high school with almost

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Speaker 1: no English, every day was a struggle.

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Speaker 2: Here's somebody who's similar to my age, which plucked out

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Speaker 2: of their country now has to speak a different language,

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Speaker 2: held to this bar that's even tough for me to meet. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And like if I knew he was going to get

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Speaker 2: a see in something. They're going to get into it

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Speaker 2: for like an hour downstairs, Like I'm going to my room,

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Speaker 2: I'm sutting the door. I don't want to hear it.

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Speaker 1: Shutting the door was Ben's go to what he needed

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Speaker 1: to do to stay focused, but in doing so, he

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Speaker 1: was also shutting out his friend, and aside from his

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Speaker 1: mom's pressure, Ben says Shehan's life was hard in other ways.

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Speaker 1: Drunk guys yelling go back to your country, kids at

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Speaker 1: school making fun of his English. Ben was born in Alaska.

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Speaker 1: His mom was Korean, but his dad was white. He

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Speaker 1: says he was able to camouflage more than Shehann could.

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Speaker 1: Chi Ann could never escape the daily grind of being

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Speaker 1: an outsider. When high school ended, Ben went off to

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Speaker 1: college in Washington.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 1: Sheihan, whose grades weren't as good, made an anchorage with

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Speaker 1: Ben's parents and attended a local school. The boys kept

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Speaker 1: in touch, but as college life grew busier, they spoke

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Speaker 1: less and less, and then at the end of his

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Speaker 1: second year, Ben received a phone call from home. His

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Speaker 1: parents told him that after two years of struggling in school,

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Speaker 1: Sheihan was calling it quits and going back to Korea.

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Speaker 2: It was just like how he came, same way he left.

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Speaker 1: After six years together, six years of being a family,

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Speaker 1: Ben and Sheehan never even got to say goodbye, and

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Speaker 1: once again Ben didn't ask any questions. Ben says that

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Speaker 1: until recently, his recollections of Shehan were largely fun and

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Speaker 1: silly ones, kids wrestling on a bed, kind of things.

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Speaker 1: But now is a dad, perhaps imagining his own kid

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Speaker 1: alone in a far away place, he finds himself recalling

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Speaker 1: different memories, ones that are causing him a lot of guilt.

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Speaker 2: I can more clearly think about the times where I

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Speaker 2: would go to the restroom and I would see him

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Speaker 2: just kind of at his desk, and it wasn't really

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Speaker 2: doing anything.

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Speaker 1: As a kid, Ben couldn't understand what Sheihan was going through,

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Speaker 1: But now he can, and he regrets that all those

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Speaker 1: years ago, he never tried to put himself in Sheihan's shoes.

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Speaker 2: I never took the time to truly ask him how

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Speaker 2: he was doing.

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Speaker 1: Back then, Ben didn't ask she had any questions. But

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Speaker 1: now that he's older, is in fact a grown ass

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Speaker 1: doctor with a baby living in his toilet. He's full

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Speaker 1: of them, and he wants answers, who was she had

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Speaker 1: and how did he come to live with them? And

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Speaker 1: perhaps most importantly.

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Speaker 2: I want to know that he's safe and he's happy.

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Speaker 2: I just want to know that she Han's doing okay.

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Speaker 1: But that hasn't been easy to find out. The last

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Speaker 1: time Ben heard from Sheihan was when he emailed him

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Speaker 1: in invitation to his wedding over ten years ago. Chihan

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Speaker 1: wrote back saying he couldn't make the trip. Ben continued

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Speaker 1: to send emails over the years, but they went unanswered.

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Speaker 1: Maybe Shehan was holding a grudge, upset Ben had never

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Speaker 1: been there for him. But Ben didn't give up. At

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Speaker 1: one point, he took to Reddit looking for tips on

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Speaker 1: how to find his friend. One of the commenters was

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Speaker 1: able to use an old screen name of Chian's to

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Speaker 1: place him at a movie preview and soul. They sent

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Speaker 1: Ben a video of the event, but Sheihan was nowhere

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Speaker 1: to be found. In a last ditch effort, Ben even

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Speaker 1: tried to find Sheihan physically. On vacation with his wife

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Speaker 1: in China, he took a detour through Korea.

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Speaker 2: The mission was to find my cousin.

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Speaker 1: But the mission was a failure. At this point, Ben

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Speaker 1: doesn't even know if Sheihan is alive or dead, and

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Speaker 1: that's why come to me. What can I do? Is

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Speaker 1: it a common name.

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Speaker 2: Sheeon, that's not a super common first name. So this

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Speaker 2: is gonna be more like a Gerald Smith.

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Speaker 1: Let's google Jerald Smith and see what that comes up.

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Speaker 1: With a lot of Gerald Smith's, I'll tell you the

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Speaker 1: first one who comes up was the clergyman, politician, and

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Speaker 1: Nazi sympathizer. To be clear, I'm journalist enough to track

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Speaker 1: down one hundred at Korey and Gerald Smith's, but I

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Speaker 1: wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just ask Ben's

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Speaker 1: mom for she haand's whereabouts. Ben balks at the idea,

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Speaker 1: though since Chian's departure in two thousand and six, it's

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Speaker 1: like he never existed at all. Ben says that over

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Speaker 1: the years he and his parents have hardly ever talked

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Speaker 1: about Shehan. For his mom, especially the subject of Sheehan

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Speaker 1: and her failure to help him succeed forbidden territory.

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Speaker 2: If something is not a success in her life, I

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Speaker 2: stay very far away from those because I imagine, in my interpretation,

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Speaker 2: is my mom experiences those memories as pure pain.

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Speaker 1: Like the Deli for instance, once it folded in twenty ten.

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Speaker 1: His mom can never bring herself to even set foot

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Speaker 1: in the mall it was in. Have you considered talking

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Speaker 1: with your father?

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Speaker 2: I haven't. Honestly, that's me and my parents. We don't

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Speaker 2: talk about deep things ever.

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Speaker 1: Deep things like who was that boy who lived in

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Speaker 1: our house for six years? That none of us ever

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Speaker 1: talk about. Ben and his dad usually stick to the

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Speaker 1: weather or at most fishing, but Ben does think that

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Speaker 1: his dad might have information, so together we phone him up.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Hey, Dad, can you hear me? Oh? Yeah, hi son?

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Speaker 5: How you doing.

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Speaker 2: Doing good? So the reason why.

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Speaker 1: Ben gets his dad up to speed, explaining how he's

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Speaker 1: been carrying around a lot of guilt about Shihan and

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Speaker 1: wants to find him. I asked Ben's dad if he

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Speaker 1: knows how they first came to meet Sheihan.

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Speaker 6: No, there was no there's no real family relationship, but

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Speaker 6: it was something to this sect. I think there was

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Speaker 6: some kind of connection over there in Korea.

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Speaker 1: Though Ben's dad doesn't remember how they met Sheihan, he

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Speaker 1: was happy to have him around. He thought she Han's

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Speaker 1: playful personality was good for Ben.

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Speaker 6: He was more of a social person.

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Speaker 2: See I was a.

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Speaker 7: Really nice guy.

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Speaker 6: He had a very mellow personality, you know, happy, go lucky.

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Speaker 6: He liked to interact and more than being a chiever,

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Speaker 6: you know what I mean. Yeah, And I try to

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Speaker 6: talk to mom about that and tell me that's his personality.

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Speaker 2: He's different.

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Speaker 6: But she had the feeling that she had to help

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Speaker 6: him to get up there and achieve and get good

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Speaker 6: results for his parents, you know. And I think they

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Speaker 6: had a lot of high expectations, and I think that

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Speaker 6: was part of the reason Mom might have been a

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Speaker 6: little tough on I mean, because they were kind of

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Speaker 6: tough on her what they expected.

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Speaker 1: Ben always assumed his mom was pressuring she han to

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Speaker 1: get perfect grades because she took his success so personally

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Speaker 1: it hadn't occurred to him. Then Maybe it wasn't just that.

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Speaker 1: It seems his mom had been under pressure too. Do

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Speaker 1: you remember the moment when you said goodbye to him,

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Speaker 1: when you saw him.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. It was kind of sad,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 6: We gave him a hug and told him to take

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Speaker 6: care of himself and keep in touch, you know, that

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Speaker 6: kind of stuff, and he was he was kind of

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Speaker 6: sad too.

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Speaker 2: Did it seem like he wanted to leave was he.

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Speaker 6: He seemed resigned to it. I think that's the best

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Speaker 6: way to describe it.

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Speaker 1: Ben's dad doesn't have a clue about how to get

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Speaker 1: in touch with Sheihan, but he does have tips for

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Speaker 1: how Ben might go about asking his mom for information.

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Speaker 6: You know, I think if you, if you was to

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Speaker 6: proach that with her, just one on one, you and.

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Speaker 1: Her, that is not you and her and him your

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Speaker 1: weird new best friend with the microphone.

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Speaker 6: And just tell her wonder how he's doing. Do you

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Speaker 6: know how I can get a hold I really want

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Speaker 6: to talk to him. She would be more receptive to that,

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Speaker 6: I think.

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Speaker 2: Well, thankstad. I yeah, I just appreciate you man.

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Speaker 6: I love doing stuff with you and do any matter

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Speaker 6: of fact, I'm looking forward to going fishing with you

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Speaker 6: when you come back down in.

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Speaker 1: A few weeks later. Ben does as his dad advises

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00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,480
Speaker 1: and phones his mom without Your Humble Narrator, But sadly,

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00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,560
Speaker 1: she doesn't know how to contact Sihan either. However, she

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00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,119
Speaker 1: does have a story for Ben, a surprising one.

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Speaker 2: So it's I guess it's more complicated.

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Speaker 1: I think it turns out that the story of how

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Speaker 1: Sheihn entered their lives began well before Ben was born.

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Speaker 1: One day in nineteen eighty five, Ben's mom and dad

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Speaker 1: were out for a drive when they spied an uncommon

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Speaker 1: sight for Anchorage at the time. Walking down the street

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00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,320
Speaker 1: was an elderly Korean couple. Ben's parents slowed down and

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Speaker 1: offered them a ride. The women bonded that day over

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Speaker 1: the hardships they'd been through in Alaska, and over the

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Speaker 1: months to follow they continued to visit one another and

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Speaker 1: eventually became close. Soon after that, Ben was born.

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Speaker 2: And so my mom had a really complicated postpartum course,

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Speaker 2: a lot of medical complications. She was sick and kind

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Speaker 2: of laid up for several months, and the grandma would

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Speaker 2: take care of me this time when I was a newborn.

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Speaker 1: This woman, this older woman who took care of you.

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Speaker 2: Was Chion's grandmother. Huh, his mother's mother.

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Speaker 1: In talking to his mom, Ben learned that as babies,

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Speaker 1: he and Sheihan had both been cared for by the

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Speaker 1: same person, held by the same arms. The grandmother's kindness

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00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 1: would be repaid some fourteen years later, with her grandson

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00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 1: Sheehan being accepted into Ben's family's home. Ben had never

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Speaker 1: heard any of this, and why.

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00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,679
Speaker 2: My mom said she didn't want to distract me from

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Speaker 2: all the studying I was doing.

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Speaker 1: Classic going through Ben's family to find Shehan seems to

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00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,360
Speaker 1: have hit a dead end. It's time for a new approach,

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00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,199
Speaker 1: and so I gird my loins and reach into the

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00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 1: deepest recesses of my people, finding strategic nugget satchel and

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Speaker 1: withdraw the choicest strategic nugget and choicest rategic nugget dipping

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00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:07,439
Speaker 1: sauce my desperate mind fingers can grasp. Maybe try shooting

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00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:19,639
Speaker 1: an email to that address again, you know what I mean? Ben?

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00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 2: Hello?

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00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:25,680
Speaker 1: Yes, Hi, Hey, I came as quickly as I could

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00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:29,560
Speaker 1: when you sent up the heavyweight signal into the sky.

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00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,240
Speaker 1: Now what's going on?

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00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:39,439
Speaker 2: Yeah? So you remember? Okay? Uh we last time we chatted,

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00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,800
Speaker 2: which was less than a day ago. We decided I

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00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:50,600
Speaker 2: would send one final email and then uh and and

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Speaker 2: he replied.

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00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:15,480
Speaker 1: After ten years of unanswered emails, Ben finally receives a response.

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00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he says, Hey Ben, Wow, so long time.

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00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 2: First of all, thank you for not forgetting about me

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00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 2: and trying to email me again. I'm so glad to

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00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 2: talk to you again and miss you your mom and

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Speaker 2: your dad so much. Oh God, bless you always.

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Speaker 1: Bro.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: And so we roll up our sleeves and tackle the

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00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 1: mathematical equations necessary for converting American time to Korean time.

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00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: And then we get into a video call and wait.

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00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 2: I'm sure he's gonna look at me and be like,

341
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 2: what the hell happened to you? Man? Where'd all your

342
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 2: hair go? I don't even know what he's gonna look like.

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00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 2: He could look completely differ two. I mean, it's been

344
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Speaker 2: twenty years.

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Speaker 1: And since it has been so long, Ben isn't sure

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00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: what Chian's English will be like. So I've hired a

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00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 1: Korean interpreter named Max to join us just in case.

348
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 2: Hello.

349
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 1: Max lives in Seoul, but spent his childhood in the US.

350
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,680
Speaker 1: Like Ben, he went to Korean school as a kid.

351
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Speaker 5: I remember just like thinking I don't need this.

352
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it turns out I did. Yeah, let up to

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Speaker 2: this moment.

354
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:32,840
Speaker 1: And by this moment, Max means this moment, here we.

355
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Speaker 8: Go sean, Oh my gosh.

356
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 1: Chian raises his arms in triumph. Ben is downright gigly.

357
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Speaker 9: Actually, I was waiting sitting on my lapt I was

358
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 9: like an hour ago.

359
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,360
Speaker 4: You and I look so old.

360
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 2: No, dude, I look old. Are you kidding me? What

361
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 2: a quata? I have no hair? Ben says, because, dude,

362
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 2: you look the same. It's really good to see you.

363
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:07,919
Speaker 4: Almost twenty years.

364
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 2: Almost twenty years.

365
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 9: First of all, first level has been I want to

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00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 9: ask you to your dad.

367
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 4: And mom is still right? Everything?

368
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're they're they're doing good. Uh still in Alaska.

369
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Speaker 4: Mom's still annoying, right, Mom's still annoying.

370
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 9: Right.

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00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 1: It's the kind of thing only a son or daughter

372
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Speaker 1: could say.

373
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 4: Ben's mom is like almost like my second mom.

374
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Speaker 2: So if I see.

375
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Speaker 4: Your mom, probably I would cry right away.

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Speaker 2: I guess, even though even though all the all the

377
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Speaker 2: arguments and all the yelling, you know what, just.

378
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 9: Any kind of countries, the bomb is all same. You know,

379
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 9: even my mommy Korea.

380
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Speaker 2: Wow, I think if she saw your face she would

381
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 2: also cry too. Oh okay, where where do we begin?

382
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,959
Speaker 1: Ben and ch An catch up. Chian still lives in

383
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 1: Seoul and works in sales. They tell each other about

384
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 1: their families, but soon enough they're reminiscing about old times.

385
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 2: Oh, I totally remember that now were so much the first.

386
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 4: Time ever I saw You're dead.

387
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: Yelly, replaying their finest moments in professional wrestling. We would

388
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 1: watch SmackDown, laughing about the movies they watched as kids.

389
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 2: Do you remember if we watch American Pie?

390
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 4: Actually he's an American Pie too.

391
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: And revisiting the American Pie two? Like New Year's Eve

392
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: they spent together where she Han infamously projectile vomited onto

393
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Speaker 1: a passerby.

394
00:23:55,880 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 2: All over her shirt and chat once.

395
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 1: Ben and Sheehan, I've settled in with each other. I

396
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: try to steer things towards the bigger conversation that I

397
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: know Ben wants to have. What was it like when

398
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 1: you first showed up? What was your feeling?

399
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:18,440
Speaker 5: Oh?

400
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 4: I scared?

401
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 9: Yeah, I missed my parents, I miss my Korean friends. Yeah,

402
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 9: actually I cried every single night.

403
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 6: You know.

404
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: After just a short time in America and with very

405
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: limited English, Chihan was placed in Ben's class. Sheehan remembers

406
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 1: Ben as the perfect student.

407
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 9: Me was just first time. You know, I had to

408
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 9: study really really a lot. Even I was doing the homework,

409
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,959
Speaker 9: you know, I was to use the dictionary every single word.

410
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 9: I took like a two hours, just finished up like

411
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 9: a few sentences.

412
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 4: You know.

413
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: Ben is listening carefully and Chian has finished speaking, he

414
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,919
Speaker 1: says the thing he's been wanting to say for a

415
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: while now.

416
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 2: I felt guilty because I thought about how you left

417
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, and and how I felt like

418
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 2: how maybe I didn't support you. I know it was

419
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 2: like tough because you know, coming to the United States

420
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 2: and English is second language, and I, I don't know.

421
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 2: I just thought about us a lot, and I felt

422
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 2: really bad like I could have supported you better than

423
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 2: Chion cuts Ben off.

424
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 9: You are a teenager. I'm the teenager too. Yeah, how

425
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 9: can I say?

426
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 1: Chian is grasping for the right words, Max, okay, yeah

427
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 1: the move. For the first time during our conversation, Chann

428
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: reverts to Korean and makes use of our interpreter Max.

429
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 1: He wants to get the wording of what he's about

430
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: to say just right.

431
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,440
Speaker 5: Ben says, Chenes, you know said that don't feel too

432
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 5: guilty about not having been more supportive of him. He

433
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,719
Speaker 5: noticed that you use the word guilt and said, you know, specifically,

434
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 5: don't feel guilt.

435
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 1: Guilt is for when we've done something wrong and want

436
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: to make amends. But she assures Ben that he's done

437
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: nothing to make amends for your parents took me in

438
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 1: even though I was a stranger, Sheian says, they took

439
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 1: me on their vacations, made sure I at Christmas presents.

440
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 1: They made me feel like one of the family.

441
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 9: Ben and Ben's parents helped me a lot in high school.

442
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 4: Ben was like right behind me, right with me.

443
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: Then, through Max, Shean lays out the story of why

444
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: he had to go back to Korea, which, as it

445
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 1: turns out, wasn't quite so well of a sudden. In fact,

446
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: it wasn't anything like the story Ben had been told.

447
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 5: You know, his family was sending him, you know, money

448
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 5: when he was in Alaska, and then his father's company

449
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 5: went bankrupt, went under.

450
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: Chan's family could no longer afford to keep him in America.

451
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 1: So there was nothing Ben, his mother, or even Sheehan

452
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: could have done. Chian's return to Korea was inevitable.

453
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 5: You know, thinking back, he feels like all the help,

454
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 5: all the support was enough, Like you guys did enough,

455
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 5: and even if you know, this sort of collective goal

456
00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 5: in a way wasn't achieved, he doesn't think back on

457
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 5: that with this great regret.

458
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 2: Well, thank you for that.

459
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 1: For years, Ben had seen himself as having failed Sheihan.

460
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: But to hear Chian tell it that isn't the case.

461
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,120
Speaker 1: He returned home with stories to tell about his Alaskan

462
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 1: adventures and the friends he made. For Sheihan, those are

463
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 1: the real memories that remain to quote Ben's dad. Maybe

464
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: that's just Sheihan's personality in spite of counseling against them.

465
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 1: It seems like Sheihan has a couple of regrets of

466
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 1: his own.

467
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 9: You send me email and enjoining your marriage for the

468
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,160
Speaker 9: best man, but I couldn't.

469
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 2: Ben.

470
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 1: It told me he'd invited Chian to his wedding. But

471
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,959
Speaker 1: this is the first I'm hearing of the role he'd

472
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: been asked to play. Is Sheann remembering correctly that you

473
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: were asking him to be your best man?

474
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually didn't have a best man after Shan

475
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 2: said he couldn't come. Yeah. I didn't maybe fully recognize

476
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: it at the time, but I think as time went on,

477
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to college, I didn't have like any friends

478
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 2: that I was like super super close with, and so

479
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 2: I still look back to be like, who was I

480
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 2: closest with? And that was shown.

481
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 4: Funny things.

482
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 9: I have lots of friends, close friend I have lots

483
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 9: of best friends, But I think as Ben, not as friend.

484
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 4: As brother.

485
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: You know, a brother is someone who's seen your mild

486
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: manner dad yell at you, someone who's comfortable telling you

487
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: how annoying your mom is, because not only do you

488
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: both know it's true, but it's also being said with love.

489
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: Ben still has one more question the when he first

490
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 1: came to me with that he worried about most.

491
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:57,959
Speaker 2: I guess my next question is are you happy?

492
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: Are you happy can be lumped into the how you

493
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: do in category of conversation, but knowing how much this

494
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 1: question has occupied Ben through the years, it doesn't feel

495
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: like small talk, nor does she Han's response.

496
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 4: Ah, of course.

497
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: Of course, there's no hesitation. Chion says that he and

498
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 1: his extended family all live in the same neighborhood and

499
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: see each other often. He has a job he likes

500
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: and is good at. He's had the same group of

501
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: friends since his twenties, friends he loves, and perhaps most importantly,

502
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: he's a new dad.

503
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 4: Just second Jessica.

504
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: Ben wants to see Shean's son, and Sheeon wants to

505
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: see Ben's son. They both run to get their kids,

506
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: in Ben's case, from the toilet.

507
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 2: Oh hello, see look.

508
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 1: Ben and Sheehan hold their babies up to the camera

509
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 1: just as you might expect. Ben baby has hair parted

510
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: to the side like a baby anchorman, and Sihan's son

511
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 1: has hair like a lit match deck.

512
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 2: Look at that hair you just got.

513
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 4: He's so angry, I know.

514
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, okay, say good night everybody.

515
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: Daddy Ben. Oh. As much as Ben has worried about

516
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 1: Sihan over the years about being there or not being there,

517
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: they're together now and they both seem happy.

518
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 2: I think we need to get some flights. We got

519
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 2: to do it proper.

520
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: You know how when those American pie style movies, there's

521
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: always that guy who's got a plan that's going to

522
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: lead to everyone's most epic night ever.

523
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 2: Jonathan, you got to book us some flights. We got

524
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: to go to Korea.

525
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 1: It turns out that under all the lab codes and stethoscopes,

526
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: Ben's that guy.

527
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 2: And then we're gonna do some karaoke together and.

528
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 1: Then she and vomits on my chest.

529
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 8: Yeah exactly.

530
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,360
Speaker 1: But since I'm not the guy in the movie who

531
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 1: charters a private jet and flies everyone to Korea, have

532
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 1: you guys ever tried to do online karaoke?

533
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 7: Oh?

534
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 2: My god?

535
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: Professional since I'm not taking them to the Korean karaoke bar.

536
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: I bring the karaoke bar to us, and with it

537
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 1: a little creed. Oh well, sure it's eleven am in Korea,

538
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 1: not exactly cocktail hour. And sure I'm paying our interpreter

539
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 1: Max by the hour.

540
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 2: Do you remember create?

541
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: But Ben doesn't care today. He's the happy, go lucky one.

542
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 1: He kicks in the door, opens his arms and lungs

543
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: and sings lodges her.

544
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 2: Shan the news today, you remember, she? It seems my love. Yeah,

545
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 2: it's gold a change.

546
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry.

547
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 8: I close my eyes.

548
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: No, no, no, begin to pray, Max, can you translate?

549
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 3: He is of.

550
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 10: Joy streamed down my face, Ready with arms, Widow, it

551
00:33:36,800 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 10: was sleeping right now, Now that the fern ures rift.

552
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 4: Turn into its good.

553
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 7: Will home, now that the last month's rent is skiming

554
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 7: with the damage deposit.

555
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 2: Take this moment to dissolve.

556
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 7: If we message, if we tried, we felt around for

557
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 7: far too.

558
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,240
Speaker 8: From things that accidentally talked.

559
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:03,840
Speaker 1: This A was produced by Moheeny mcgouger and me Jonathan Goldstein.

560
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is Khalila holt Our. Supervising producer is

561
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 1: Stevie Lane. Production help from Damiano Marquetti. Special thanks to

562
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:16,560
Speaker 1: Emily Condon, Brendan Klinkenberg, Lisa Wang, Alex Bloomberg, Christopher Ibeling,

563
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original

564
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Ben Alaman and

565
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 1: Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website,

566
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: Gimbletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is by

567
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,240
Speaker 1: The Weaker Bands, courtesy of Epitaph Records.

568
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 2: Follow us on.

569
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 1: Twitter at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia

570
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: dot com. We'll be back with a new episode next

571
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: week