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Speaker 1: Hello, Hey, Hey, what's up? Oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: while Yes, who is this?

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Speaker 2: Ah?

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Speaker 1: This is Laura, Laura. What's up Laura? Have we ever

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Speaker 1: spoken before?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: We have not beautiful beautiful, So what's up, Laura? How's life?

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Speaker 4: Life is Okay? I just broke up with a guy

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Speaker 4: I've been kind of on and off with for about

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Speaker 4: seven years. We dated in high school and then we

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Speaker 4: kind of distance and.

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Speaker 1: We met.

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Speaker 4: We found each other on Tinder, and so we swiped

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Speaker 4: and we hung out for a minute, and then we

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Speaker 4: kind of distanced again, and then we ran into each

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Speaker 4: other on campus and go back in love. And I

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Speaker 4: ended thing because I didn't want to waste time because

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Speaker 4: I don't think much. So actually, I don't know what's

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Speaker 4: really weird. Usually I am like heartbroken, but I feel normal.

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Speaker 1: You're usually heartbroken when.

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Speaker 4: It's off, Yeah, usually like when I end things and stuff.

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Speaker 4: But I don't know. I just I'm riding the wave.

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Speaker 4: I'm a little confused, but you know, I'm just living.

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Speaker 1: You normally feel heartbroken when it's off, specifically with this

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Speaker 1: guy that you've been on love with so many times.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and also like in general when I have a connection.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, but it kind of sucks because you know,

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Speaker 4: he was a stable guy. I see him being like

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Speaker 4: a husband and like a father. But I'm twenty three

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Speaker 4: right now and I'm not really looking for something stable,

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Speaker 4: like I'm trying to. I'm trying to move out of

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Speaker 4: the state I'm living in and try I want to

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Speaker 4: get a bartending experience. I'm also like a audio engineer too,

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Speaker 4: so I want to try to get a job after

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Speaker 4: I get my shirt certification at like a cruise ship

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Speaker 4: or something. I've heard someone from your podcast say that

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Speaker 4: they worked on a cruise ship and it sounds so fun.

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Speaker 1: So, uh, why do you think you feel differently this

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Speaker 1: time than you normally do.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I I guess I'm trusting in the universe that everything's

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Speaker 4: going to what it needs to be. I don't know,

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Speaker 4: it's I'm confused to I'm also going through other stuff,

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Speaker 4: but I'm not trying to go too deep, so there's

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Speaker 4: like other worries on my mind. But I don't know.

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Speaker 4: It's really weird to me that I'm I feel afloat

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Speaker 4: and like I do have my moments where I do

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Speaker 4: get like sad and like deeply like oppressed a little bit.

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Speaker 4: I don't know for things ending, but this time, I

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Speaker 4: just I don't know. I maybe I think might I

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Speaker 4: know that we're probably gonna see each other again, and

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Speaker 4: we left on good terms, so we're still friends, but

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Speaker 4: we don't talk. But I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Uh.

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Speaker 4: It's really weird because these I'm I'm usually a very

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Speaker 4: emotional person, so it's very off for me.

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Speaker 1: Hm uh, well, I mean it could it be because

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Speaker 1: you just feel a stronger sense of direction for the

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Speaker 1: future that you're like, oh, I don't even need this.

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Speaker 4: Possibly. I was watching someone on YouTube about like their perspective.

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Speaker 4: They were reading like Reddit stories falling out of love stories,

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Speaker 4: and they mentioned saying, well, if my boyfriend wanted to

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Speaker 4: go move and like pursue their career or like something

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Speaker 4: like that, and they had to leave me behind, that's

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Speaker 4: a no, I would end it. And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 4: personally for me, I I don't know. I wouldn't. I

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Speaker 4: don't feel like that should. It's all different for everyone

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Speaker 4: for relationships, but for me personally, I don't think I

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Speaker 4: can pursue a relationship that's long distance. I get too

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Speaker 4: emotional and my number one love language is like quality time.

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Speaker 4: So and he also the guy was with or used

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Speaker 4: to be. We only saw each other like once a

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Speaker 4: week because we didn't live too far. But we're both

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Speaker 4: students and we both have full time jobs. But he

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Speaker 4: worked with his best friends every day in the same office,

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Speaker 4: and then he would hang out with them afterwards because

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Speaker 4: they all have the same schedule. And then I would

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Speaker 4: feel a little bit like I'm not a priority because

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Speaker 4: he would go out with his friends and he wouldn't

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Speaker 4: like really communicate really well. But we had like a

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Speaker 4: little argument and a small break like a week or

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Speaker 4: something where we just needed distance from each other. But

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Speaker 4: then we came back and we both talked and we

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Speaker 4: try to meet with each other, and honestly, it was

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Speaker 4: really well, and the relationship was like perfect. He's exactly

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Speaker 4: what I needed and a boyfriend. But for some reason

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Speaker 4: I just wasn't fulfilled, I guess with him, which sucks

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Speaker 4: because he was a very stable person and he had

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Speaker 4: a very high paying job and all this and that,

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Speaker 4: like he was husband material.

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Speaker 1: But why didn't you feel why didn't you feel fulfilled

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Speaker 1: with him? Do you think?

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Speaker 4: Well, to be honest, not like it was the whole thing,

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Speaker 4: but a big part of it was he was a

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Speaker 4: little vanilla in bed.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 4: Uh yeah. I was open with him and I'm like,

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Speaker 4: I'm down to do and try anything. And he did

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Speaker 4: his best, but I could tell that he was not

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Speaker 4: comfortable trying things or like but they.

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Speaker 1: Was just I mean, can I ask, like, what were

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Speaker 1: you asking him to like tie you up and shit

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Speaker 1: like that? I mean, what were you trying to get

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Speaker 1: him to do?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I just told him to be a little bit more sonamant,

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Speaker 4: just to start small. I also bought a sex game

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Speaker 4: to get his toes in the water with stuff. But

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Speaker 4: and that helped a little bit. But we wouldn't play

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Speaker 4: the game too often because it would just come up

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Speaker 4: in the mood, you know, like it would have to

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Speaker 4: be a special night like that it would be like

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Speaker 4: a date night that I would bring it out. But

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Speaker 4: most of the time it wasn't a date night. We

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Speaker 4: would just hang it out.

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Speaker 1: So the game thing is interesting. The game thing is

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Speaker 1: interesting because it's like, uh, I feel the same way

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Speaker 1: about bringing out a board game, uh for sex that

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Speaker 1: I do with bringing out a board game. Uh, in

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Speaker 1: any social interaction, which is like we were having a nice, normal,

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Speaker 1: natural time and now you want to put fucking all

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Speaker 1: these rules and things. It's just real. It's like when

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Speaker 1: you're at a party and someone brings out like cards

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Speaker 1: against humanity and you're like, I don't want to fucking

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Speaker 1: do this.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: The sex version of that sounds like doubly as awful.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it wasn't bad, but it was actually kind

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Speaker 4: of fun. And the game would be a drinking and

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Speaker 4: sex game, so like if you didn't want to do something,

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Speaker 4: you would drink. Ah, but we don't really drink that often.

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Speaker 4: I mean I might have had issues with alcohol in

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Speaker 4: the past, but like I'm trying to my buddy's first now,

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Speaker 4: and alcohol makes you inflamed and stuff like that, and

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Speaker 4: like it's not good for your skin, so I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to hold back. It's a little hard, but I mean,

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Speaker 4: like because every day sounds fun to be a little buzzed,

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Speaker 4: but I have priorities.

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Speaker 1: So he was just like, I mean, you were on

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Speaker 1: and off with this guy for seven years. Was he

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Speaker 1: like not sexually fulfilling for you for the whole time?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? I mean no, uh. When we were younger, especially,

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Speaker 4: like I like, it was really fun and exciting, but then, like,

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Speaker 4: to be honest, during our break I went to a

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Speaker 4: music festival and I found a guy there and we

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Speaker 4: did a couple of hand stuff. But he was exactly

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Speaker 4: what I was asking him to be in bed. But

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Speaker 4: I don't ever see him becoming that.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. And Okay, I want to ask you something and

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Speaker 1: you listen. If it's too sensitive for you, totally understand,

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Speaker 1: but uh, you know, listen for guys out there, right,

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Speaker 1: because this is probably a lot of guys out there

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Speaker 1: who like this is this is like their worst fucking nightmare,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like nothing to do with you.

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Speaker 1: It's truly nothing to do with you.

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Speaker 4: You're like, no, fucked up a little bit?

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Speaker 1: Not I I no, it's not. I don't think it's

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Speaker 1: fucked up at all. I want you to know that

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's fucked up at all. I think

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Speaker 1: it's natural to like, you know, pursue as you desire,

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Speaker 1: you know, So I don't think it's fucked up at all.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, if you want to break, right, and

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Speaker 1: if he knew, it's not like you were cheating on him, right.

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Speaker 4: Uh No, I mean like we were on like a

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Speaker 4: small break, like the weak break that I told you about,

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Speaker 4: Like we weren't really single, but we weren't really together.

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Speaker 1: Were the where the perimeters established that it was like

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Speaker 1: cool to sleep with other people.

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Speaker 4: I'm not sure that didn't really come up in combo.

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Speaker 4: Prior before, like a couple of days prior before the festival,

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Speaker 4: we had a good talk, and I think he thought

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Speaker 4: that we were together when I just needed space.

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Speaker 2: He came.

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Speaker 4: He just came to drop my Diva cup off because

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Speaker 4: I left one thing at his time and I was

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Speaker 4: going to go in the water and stuff. So I

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Speaker 4: couldn't like end camping for a few days, and I

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Speaker 4: would rather have my Diva cup than having to switch

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Speaker 4: tampons out. And unfortunately he had my Diva cup, and

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Speaker 4: I didn't want to drop thirty dollars just for another

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Speaker 4: one that I won't even use. So we I was

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Speaker 4: kind of not really forced, but like it was, it

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Speaker 4: was forced kinda to have that conversation too soon.

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Speaker 1: So but you were on But I guess when you

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Speaker 1: went to this festival you were on a break.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it kind of. Yeah, I don't know if we

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Speaker 4: were like complete completely on a break. After the conversation.

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Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, if if during that week

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Speaker 1: you found out that he went to a music festival

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Speaker 1: and got a hand job. Would you be upset?

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Speaker 4: I mean, uh, not to the degree that I usually would,

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Speaker 4: because I would have done the same thing.

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Speaker 1: But would you have found that to be a violation

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Speaker 1: of of of I suppose implied parameters.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if we communicated with me honestly, no, because

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Speaker 4: communication is number one, and if he's honest with me,

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't be upset. I would just I mean I

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Speaker 4: would get a little sad and hurt in a way,

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Speaker 4: but I would be very thankful that he was honest

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Speaker 4: with me, and I was honest I danced with another

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Speaker 4: guy if I didn't completely tell him that we went

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Speaker 4: to second base or something.

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Speaker 1: So what So what was it that you got from

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Speaker 1: this like second guy that you weren't getting from your boyfriend.

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Speaker 4: Quality time because he wasn't there. I guess he was

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Speaker 4: the other guy was there, and he stuck hip by

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Speaker 4: me essentially, you know, and we just we're kind of

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Speaker 4: won for that. No festival, I mean, there was a

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Speaker 4: point where we were separated because I had to go

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Speaker 4: to my camp and he had to go to his.

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Speaker 4: But we made plans to go meet at the Hammocks

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Speaker 4: and then but I told him I'm like, I may

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Speaker 4: or may not be able to come because I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: be tripping on shrooms and I don't know where I'm

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Speaker 4: going to be at that point, I can't. But then

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Speaker 4: he the guy found me at a twenty thousand person festival.

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Speaker 4: My dude, my festival guy found me at my camp site,

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Speaker 4: and I'm like, what the hell? So he's dedicated. I

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Speaker 4: don't know, but I don't know. I he just tried.

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Speaker 4: I don't the other guy, we had a bunch of

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Speaker 4: bumps in the road. The guy been with for seven years. Anyway,

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Speaker 4: we had a bunch of bumps and a lot of

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Speaker 4: rocks in the road. But like we overcame that. But

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Speaker 4: at the end, I was just I just wasn't fulfilled

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Speaker 4: and he wasn't attending to me so much in bed

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Speaker 4: like the other guy was. Like the other guy made

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Speaker 4: sure I finished, while the guy I was with like

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Speaker 4: if he finished, he like he was essentially done, you know.

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Speaker 4: So I don't know. I feel like that plays a

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Speaker 4: part as well as like where I stand about how

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Speaker 4: not that he's not the I'm not using the right word,

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Speaker 4: but for how he feels fulfilled with me in his life.

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Speaker 4: I don't know, I just feel like it's a little

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Speaker 4: bit reflection.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, mm hmm. Well, I you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: when I said, here's the thing is, I don't think

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Speaker 1: it's fucked up too. I mean, I think, yeah, you

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Speaker 1: like it. It seems as though like the idea that

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Speaker 1: it was fine to see other people was like quasily implied,

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Speaker 1: but definitely could have been like communicated more upfront in

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Speaker 1: such a way that was you know, made it so

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Speaker 1: that both people were like clear about it. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I think that sounds like something that could have been

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Speaker 1: done better. But I think the the well, the guilt

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Speaker 1: of like, uh doing something that you know, you know,

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Speaker 1: even even the guilt of like, even though it is

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Speaker 1: supposedly or definedly within my bounds because we're on a

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Speaker 1: break to be able to do this, like I still

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Speaker 1: understand that it uh you know, there is I understand

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Speaker 1: like a natural guilt of you know, uh yeah, this

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Speaker 1: will probably not be fun for the person that I'm

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Speaker 1: leaving behind. But it's also but it's also hard because

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Speaker 1: like I think, again, as long as you know, it

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Speaker 1: could have been better communicated, right that this is this

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Speaker 1: is what you were going off to do. But I

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Speaker 1: think it is you know, within your bounds to like

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Speaker 1: find what you seek, especially if you feel like you've tried,

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Speaker 1: you know, with the person that you were with, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. But it's hard. I mean, these

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Speaker 1: are these things. These things aren't easy and and it's

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Speaker 1: and even even if you guys were broken up, broken up,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's still uh a natural thing to like

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Speaker 1: you can't you can't just it's never a clean cut emotionally.

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Speaker 1: It's never going to be a clean cut emotionally. And

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Speaker 1: that's just I think part of life.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it's a part of life for sure. And that's

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Speaker 4: another thing. Like I feel like, since we tried so much,

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Speaker 4: I just know all the outcomes and I feel like

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Speaker 4: that's why I'm not too upset or I'm afraid that

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna like get upset later and be like that

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Speaker 4: damn my loss, you know. But I mean, I want

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Speaker 4: to focus on myself and I honestly get myself lost

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Speaker 4: in a relationship. So I feel like my goals will

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Speaker 4: be a little bit put on hold because I have

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Speaker 4: the loaves chemical over keeping me and wanting to spend time.

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Speaker 1: But but now you why that seems to factor into

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Speaker 1: the reason as to why you don't feel as bad

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Speaker 1: as because yeah, you know, if after seven years, you've

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Speaker 1: kind of like, uh, done the whole doctor strange, I've

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Speaker 1: calculated several million you know I'm talking about I've calculated

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Speaker 1: several million ways in which this could go and there's

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Speaker 1: no where it works out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's that's hard. That's hard. But seven years,

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Speaker 1: I mean you met when did you meet the guy?

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Speaker 1: When you were you met the sky when you were

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Speaker 1: like sixteen?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, about I mean seventeen, I mean, yeah, bro, it's

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Speaker 4: so weird.

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Speaker 1: I was, uh, I was talking to my mom yesterday

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Speaker 1: about about my grandparents. My grandparents met when my grandfather

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Speaker 1: was twenty nine and my grandma was nineteen, and then

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Speaker 1: they were just together for like forty seven years. Like

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Speaker 1: that's how it used to be. That's how it used

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Speaker 1: to be. Literally, it used to be right that you

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Speaker 1: were like you were fucking like sixteen and you just

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Speaker 1: get married and then it's like that for fucking forever.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, that's fine, that's crazy, Like that

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Speaker 1: used to.

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Speaker 4: Be yes and so together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that shit's crazy. But you know, in

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Speaker 1: the modern world, No, I don't think. I think it's

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Speaker 1: good that you can recognize, Hey, the guy that I

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Speaker 1: met when I was sixteen, maybe I'm actually a different

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Speaker 1: person now after seven years, and maybe he's a different

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Speaker 1: person now after seven years. And life has this natural

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Speaker 1: transience to it that brings the natural pain to it.

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Speaker 1: But that's it's just a thing that you got to

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Speaker 1: kind of, I think, bear through in order to see

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Speaker 1: what else could fulfill you. You know, or you could

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Speaker 1: or you could just be with the same guy since sixteen.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people do that, and you know, they

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Speaker 1: live I guess happily ever after in the suburbs, or

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Speaker 1: sometimes miserable or sometimes miserably ever after. But doesn't sound

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Speaker 1: like that's what you want. It sounds like you want

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Speaker 1: to really go on the a life will present you with, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you want to take the motherfucking ride, and you can

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Speaker 1: do it. It's hard. It's more painful than just like

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Speaker 1: setting up your life at sixteen and being like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be with this person and do this and live

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Speaker 1: here for the next fifty five years. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 1: think it's worth it to take the ride as long as, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, you don't feel like you're I feel like

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Speaker 1: you're communicating properly and you're not hurting anyone.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah you can't because I feel really guilty

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Speaker 4: about that. But I mean, what can you do. I'm

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Speaker 4: I just won't do it again, you know, just communicate more.

328
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Speaker 4: But yeah, for sure. And yeah, it just also sucks

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Speaker 4: because every time we have a break, It'll be like

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Speaker 4: a couple of years we wouldn't see each other, but

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Speaker 4: every time I would see him, you would have a

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Speaker 4: glow up where he would look cuter, and I'm like, God,

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Speaker 4: Dane like all the time, and I don't know, I

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Speaker 4: I guess it's a I feel like the relationship. I

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00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 4: was also maybe a little bit insecure that played a

336
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 4: bunch that played a part two and I may not

337
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Speaker 4: be ready for a relationship, I realized with him because

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Speaker 4: I think we saw places because he was ready. He

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00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,960
Speaker 4: wasn't ready for one, he didn't know how to treat

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Speaker 4: a girlfriend. But then we had like all these talks

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Speaker 4: and communications and then now I'm realizing that, hey, I

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Speaker 4: was ready, but now I'm not because you let me

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Speaker 4: down so much. I feel like it's hard to uh

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Speaker 4: glow and grow in this environment that hurt me, you know,

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Speaker 4: even though at the end it was exactly what I've

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Speaker 4: been asking for. But it's like I had to ask

347
00:22:56,160 --> 00:23:00,919
Speaker 4: for too much for too long, and for not the

348
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 4: bare minimum but just for communication wise, and so I

349
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Speaker 4: feel like we kind of swapped places in that regard.

350
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Speaker 4: But yeah, I know, I'm I'm happy for him, and yeah,

351
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Speaker 4: I'm happy to see like what the world holds me

352
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 4: because I've been in the same spot for about since

353
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Speaker 4: I met him. I still live with my parents and

354
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Speaker 4: I'm saving up money, but it's I feel like it's

355
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 4: a little hard. But I also am a student and working,

356
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Speaker 4: and I don't give myself as much credit even though. Yeah,

357
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Speaker 4: but he's out and he has roommates, and he has

358
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Speaker 4: like a good set of friends. He sees like every

359
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 4: week at least, if not more, But like I see

360
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Speaker 4: my friends like once a month, but that gives me

361
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Speaker 4: more time to work on my own goals. And we

362
00:23:55,760 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 4: just have different books and chapters or whatever analogy. We're

363
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 4: just different lives. And I think I was just a

364
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 4: little envious because he has the kind of life I want.

365
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: What does what and what way does he have the

366
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 1: kind of life that you want?

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00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 4: Well, stability, uh friends for like he sees frequently and

368
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Speaker 4: he has finances in check where I have friends, but

369
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,719
Speaker 4: we don't see each other often too often as compared

370
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 4: to him. But comparison is a piece of joy. But

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00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 4: heard that, yeah, and uh yeah, no, I don't really

372
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Speaker 4: have my finances in check as much like I can't.

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Speaker 4: Like when we broke up, when we had that little break,

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Speaker 4: he got sad and bought himself a twelve thousand dollars

375
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Speaker 4: bike and still has money left over for you know,

376
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,919
Speaker 4: and I can't do that, like even like me spending

377
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 4: three dollars is like me guessing if I even as

378
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 4: a need, you know, I'm like in the huge saving mode.

379
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: So well, yeah, it sounds like you're still, uh, you know,

380
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Speaker 1: kind of developing your life.

381
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 4: Yes, well his life has already been developed and is

382
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Speaker 4: developing more and more. Well, I mean I've been trying to.

383
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, but here's the thing, right, is like if you're

384
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: gonna trying not to keep uh too deep of tabs

385
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:39,640
Speaker 1: on this sky, it's not gonna it's not fun. Easier

386
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,120
Speaker 1: easier said than done. And uh I yeah, easier said

387
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 1: than done. And I mean like I'm I'm I'm pulling

388
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 1: this out of my ask because all these like it's

389
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 1: kind of it's an obvious thing, right too. You don't

390
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 1: want to keep tabs on your X but yeah, yeah,

391
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: there's an emotional quote in too. Every every everything that

392
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 1: seems obvious is of course obvious, but it's the it's

393
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 1: the emotional quote, and of like, oh, it's so enticing,

394
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,159
Speaker 1: especially now that you could just go on fucking Instagram

395
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, look at his life. It's going

396
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 1: so well compared to mine. But you just you just

397
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: really fucking can't afford to spend any time on that. Yeah, yeah,

398
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: you got ship to do. Yeah yeah, and you also

399
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 1: you have a strong timeline to be able to do

400
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: it too.

401
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 4: Yes, I do. I I feel like I'm having a

402
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 4: midlife crisis in a way, and but I do have time.

403
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 4: It's just that I want to be there, but I'm

404
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 4: working towards it.

405
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:46,679
Speaker 1: What do you want mid life? What's your midlife crisis?

406
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 4: Well, I don't know. I just uh again, comparison is

407
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 4: a sece of joy. Just I I just see people.

408
00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 4: And also I have have older friends too, so I

409
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 4: just see where they're at and I'm like, oh, I'm

410
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 4: gonna I want to be where you are, you know,

411
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 4: just like a cute little house or you know, just stable,

412
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 4: cute relationship and stuff. But I mean, uh, I want

413
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 4: to go. I don't want to live here in Kansas

414
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 4: for all my life. So I don't know. Uh, I

415
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 4: guess I'm just kind of don't know what my next

416
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 4: step is after I get my education, well not education,

417
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 4: just certification ish education. But I don't know. Uh. Just

418
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 4: I feel like I should have had more money saved

419
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 4: up by now, and I just wish I was in

420
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 4: a more stable place. But I don't know. Life will

421
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 4: take me where it needs to go.

422
00:27:52,560 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 1: So what's your name again, Laura? Laura? Well, thanks for sharing. Laura. Uh,

423
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:06,880
Speaker 1: you know, I think, yeah, I agree with that sentiment.

424
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: I agree with that sentiment. Sounds like you learn a

425
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: lot from this.

426
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, yep, I appreciate you calling me. I mean, no,

427
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 4: I appreciate you picking up. I've been listening to you

428
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 4: for like five years, since like twenty twenty and so

429
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 4: it's really nifty to be on this.

430
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,879
Speaker 1: So is there anything else you want to say to

431
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?

432
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 4: Love never hurts?

433
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: Always say love never hurts, Like, yes, you had another thing,

434
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 1: give me a thing?

435
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 4: I know you said one time you don't like Babs,

436
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,479
Speaker 4: but you gotta try watching this show. Don't bring a computer.

437
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 4: I fucked my computer up doing this, but like if

438
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 4: you have, like a iPad or something.

439
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: When did I say I don't When did I say

440
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: I don't like Babs?

441
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 4: A while ago? I remember, I remember someone said, oh,

442
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 4: the bath, and you're like, I can't really sit there.

443
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: I think I like sitting down. I like to sit

444
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 1: down in the shower, but I don't know about a bath.

445
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 4: Yes, you gotta try bubbles or maybe some absence faults,

446
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 4: depending like if you're a sore, but and maybe a

447
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:23,280
Speaker 4: couple of candles. You got to try it life with U,

448
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 4: with your like comfort movie or something. It's just just

449
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 4: for like twenty five minutes at least, because Okay, it's rejuvenating.

450
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: I'll consider I'll consider a bath next time I need

451
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: to clean myself. Thank you for calling, Laura. You have

452
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: a good rest of the day. Thank you for calling.

453
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 4: Yeah you too.

454
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: Nice good luck dog?

455
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 4: Yeah you too.

456
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: That was Laura. Uh. Let's see here. Someone I'm reading

457
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: the chat and said, I disagree. I think a week

458
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 1: is too soon, even if it were verbally agreed upon,

459
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 1: I see it as a do what you want, but

460
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: that doesn't come without consequences. I mean, I yeah, I

461
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 1: mean I think so. I think that makes sense, right,

462
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: is like they had they had the week, but I

463
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: but also it just like when you maybe I think, yeah,

464
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: I think it probably could have been communicated better that

465
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: a break meant that. I think it like it's it's

466
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: it's where I wouldn't necessarily call it like some people

467
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: might disagree or whatever, but it's like, yeah, yeah, it

468
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: could have been. It could have been, it could have

469
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: been communicated better. I think that they were like on

470
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: a on a real ass break where like they couldn't

471
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 1: uh you know see where like you know, they were

472
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 1: free to see other people, but you know, I mean,

473
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 1: isn't the purpose of the break to be like, well,

474
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: how do we feel not being from each other? Like

475
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: what's the result of this? And as painful as it is,

476
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: the result of the break was I want to go,

477
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 1: you know, live my life at this at this music festival.

478
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: That was the results of the break, which I think

479
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,960
Speaker 1: it's I think it's different if and yeah, it could

480
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: have been communicated better for sure, but uh, I mean yeah,

481
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 1: And then the person was like, uh, in this chat

482
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: was like that doesn't come with that consequences. I mean, yeah,

483
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: they're right, right, I mean they found the results of

484
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: the break, and the results of the break went, you know,

485
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: and led to the demise of the relationship. But the

486
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: relationship should have been demised anyway, because it's it was,

487
00:31:55,800 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 1: I guess, not fulfilling for the people involved. Anyway. What

488
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 1: else is it? What else is the chat saying? Uh?

489
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: Lets someone said friends are overrated. I don't think that's true.

490
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: I think friends are the only thing. I think friends

491
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: are the only real thing. All right, Hello, what's up?

492
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 3: Oh my god?

493
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 2: Let me let me get off speakerphone for you.

494
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: Do your thing?

495
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,200
Speaker 2: I know the drill? How are you?

496
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: I am?

497
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 2: You know?

498
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: How am I? My move fluctuates so deeply? You know what?

499
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: You know that meme? There's a meme I see on Instagram.

500
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 1: Uh that's like it's not a specific meme, but it's

501
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: a meme genre of the the oscillation between it's all

502
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 1: over and we're so back, And I just feel like,

503
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is something mental illness? Sometimes,

504
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: can I say, can I rant for like a second?

505
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: Mental illness is crazy? Because it sometimes feels like a

506
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: very appropriate reaction to consciousness, you know what I mean,

507
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 1: it feels it's sometimes it sometimes feels like like, uh,

508
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 1: such a deeply appropriate way to exist. And I think

509
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: that every human being, by nature of their own existence,

510
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: has their own like I'm gonna, I'm gonna refer to

511
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 1: this as a natural born validity to their experience, even

512
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: if their experience is like fucking insane, even if their

513
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: experience is evil like they're like, it has some kind

514
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: of natural born validity just because they're of the fucking universe,

515
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: you know, not val you know what I mean? Like

516
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 1: this is maybe to uh whatever, I'm getting off track,

517
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: but yeah, I've been oscillating between everything between it's all over,

518
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: we got this, we're done, and hey, we're actually as

519
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 1: we're back, you know. And as I get older and

520
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:22,399
Speaker 1: I experience that oscillation over and over again, I it's

521
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: like when in the times where it's all over, I'm like, wait,

522
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,800
Speaker 1: I've been here before. I know that it's not forever.

523
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,760
Speaker 1: But then I fuck, I know that too when uh,

524
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 1: things are feel okay, and so I don't know if

525
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,240
Speaker 1: that's noise. I don't know if that's how everyone feels.

526
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 1: I don't know, I like do I don't know if

527
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,239
Speaker 1: it's the normal. The more I learn about the world,

528
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 1: the more I don't know if anything is normal. But

529
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 1: the is it normal? Is it more normal to just

530
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: are you supposed to feel the same way for a week?

531
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that what you're supposed to do? You

532
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 1: feel the same the course of a week, because I'll

533
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:07,359
Speaker 1: wake up being like, we can't do this, and then

534
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 1: I'll at some point, like at three pm, I'll be like,

535
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:14,839
Speaker 1: oh my god, I forgot that I'm incredible in life

536
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: is amazing. Seven pm, I'm hungry, And then ten pm

537
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, we'll try again tomorrow. What are

538
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:24,240
Speaker 1: your days?

539
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 2: Like?

540
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: What do you do? Who are you?

541
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,360
Speaker 2: I mean, I think, okay, I can I have a

542
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 2: few points to what everything you just said and you're

543
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 2: just yeah. I think in terms of like mental illness

544
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 2: being a valid response to just like human existence. Like

545
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 2: I'm I'm in academia, right, I finished grad school and

546
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 2: now I'm at a university. And for one of my classes,

547
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 2: I had to take a class on evolution, right, and

548
00:35:55,760 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 2: so human beings are pretty incredible, Like we've evolved from

549
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 2: like microscopic organisms all the way to what we are now.

550
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 2: What I've learned is like as amazing as we are.

551
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 2: It's like that one meme. It's like sometimes maybe good,

552
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:17,320
Speaker 2: sometimes maybe shit, you know. And so like we've evolved

553
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 2: to the point where we survive, it's not supposed to

554
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 2: be like we're optimal. So it's not that we're going

555
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,280
Speaker 2: to be in this perfect mental state where our minds

556
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 2: can sort of just protect ourselves from the world and

557
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 2: everything we go through, like depression and anxiety and all

558
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 2: these disorders that occur are going to happen just because

559
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 2: like that's not going to stop us from surviving, you know,

560
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 2: like it's gonna suck. Just like how if you sprain

561
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 2: an ankle or tear a ligament or something, it's like, yeah,

562
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: now you can't run or walk the way you used to,

563
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 2: but like ten thousand years ago, you'd still probably be

564
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,359
Speaker 2: able to hopple your way and hunter and gather, you know.

565
00:36:55,440 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 2: So I think like just the way our minds react

566
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 2: to the world, especially now in today's age, where we're

567
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 2: just constantly taking an information Like forty years ago and

568
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 2: probably even like twenty twenty five years ago, you can

569
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 2: kind of just shut yourself off from the world and

570
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,919
Speaker 2: just live in your own space and be your own

571
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 2: person now that it's like you said, the fluctuations, right,

572
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 2: It's like you can wake up in the morning and

573
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 2: be like, oh, today's Today's a great day, you know,

574
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 2: and then by like within an hour or two, you've

575
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 2: read something, or you've you've seen something, or you've done something,

576
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 2: and now you just feel the complete opposite and you're like,

577
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 2: you know, maybe this day's kind of kind of scrapped.

578
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I've had one thing that I kind of

579
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 2: grappled with was and I don't know if this is

580
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 2: the case for everyone. Is I think we all have

581
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,799
Speaker 2: these sort of nostalgic views of like childhood right where

582
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 2: you know, things were so easy. You wake up, you

583
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 2: go to school, you hang out your friends, you're just

584
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,759
Speaker 2: kind of happy and just like chill down. And I know,

585
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 2: I'm sure some people had very difficult childhoods and very

586
00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 2: opposite views. The one thing I kind of realized was like,

587
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 2: I don't think that our default gear is happy. I

588
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 2: think it's just kind of existing, you know, like we

589
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 2: just exist on the day to day. And I think

590
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 2: for a long time I was like, oh, I'm not

591
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 2: like super happy every day, Like is there something wrong?

592
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 2: With me. But I was like, oh, maybe happy is

593
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,479
Speaker 2: not supposed to be where we're at a default. Maybe

594
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 2: that's a point we get to and experience all these

595
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 2: other emotions along the way, and then the next day

596
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:27,760
Speaker 2: you feel like trash.

597
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: Yes, but yeah, and I'm I'm coming to the conclat

598
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 1: And I've thought about this since I was like a

599
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 1: little boy too. Is that that's not only okay, but

600
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:49,879
Speaker 1: it's like good. I'd rather I'd rather have it like that.

601
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 1: I'd rather I like if dude, when I'm like a

602
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: fuck man. I remember the last time I took MDMA,

603
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 1: Like I really, I took like a real dose of

604
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,479
Speaker 1: m d m A. It was like three years ago

605
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 1: or something, and I just remember being like, I want

606
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 1: just I just remember like I was just in the

607
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 1: on the on the bathroom floor just being like, uh,

608
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take it, you know, I'm just gonna

609
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 1: take all of it. And I'm grateful for all of it,

610
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: even the horrible things, even the really and it's you

611
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,439
Speaker 1: can't be grateful for the horrible things when you're in them,

612
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 1: when you when you're in those emotions, now, when you're

613
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 1: in those emotions, you can't be grateful for them. But

614
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 1: what but in a moment when they're when you have

615
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 1: a little bit of clarity, I yeah, I can get

616
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 1: myself to be like, let me, I just want all

617
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 1: of it, every every truly despondent, awful feeling and circumstance

618
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 1: and whatever. I'm grateful to have had it because it's

619
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 1: part of uh the world. I'm trying to. I think

620
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 1: that's what I how I want to kind of start up, Uh,

621
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,319
Speaker 1: viewing my emotions is like just I just want to

622
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 1: take them all, even the fucking uh painful ones. Uh

623
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: it sucks. You don't want to, you know, you don't

624
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: want to, but yeah, I just I'll just take it all,

625
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 1: just accepted this except and that's I think that's a

626
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: lot of cope too. You don't want to just you know,

627
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 1: I think I oscillate between like acceptance and resistance.

628
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 2: Uh.

629
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: And that's that's like the yin yang of my life

630
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 1: because you want a little bit of resistance, you know

631
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 1: what I mean. This is I I've talked about. There's

632
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,919
Speaker 1: so much on this fucking show and in my life,

633
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 1: but I I it's important to talk about. Is like

634
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:07,280
Speaker 1: the whole concept of like you're enough, you know we've talked.

635
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,919
Speaker 1: I've talked about this on here before, and I think

636
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: there's I think there's a good I think you're enough,

637
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: is it. I take it with a grain of salt.

638
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 1: I take it as a yin yang thing. You know,

639
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: there's like the white I don't. I don't. I'm not

640
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 1: gonna sit here and pretend like I fully understand the

641
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 1: history of the symbol of the yin yang, but I

642
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: think I got an idea of it, uh, and that

643
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: I look at be your you know, accepting yourself being yourself.

644
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,839
Speaker 1: You are enough as a very yin yang thing because

645
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: you want to accept yourself as you are, but you

646
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 1: don't want to. I don't. Sometimes I've eased too much.

647
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: I've gotten fucked. I fucked myself because I've got I've

648
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 1: gotten too accepting of myself in such a way that

649
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: where I slip and I'm and I don't want to

650
00:41:54,840 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: do anything hard anymore because I've accepted things as they

651
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 1: are and it's easy and it's it takes me away

652
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 1: from doing anything hard, and I don't like that. But

653
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: I also don't like being fucking stressed out all the time.

654
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 1: And uh, you know, wanting to be like kill myself,

655
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 1: so you gotta you use That's why it's a yin yang.

656
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: It's not an all at once thing. I don't like

657
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 1: when people say to you're enough because I don't like

658
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: when people say you're enough because it comes with there's

659
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,879
Speaker 1: a big fucking asterisk above it. Not for everyone, not

660
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 1: for everyone. Everyone's wired differently. I mean I I just

661
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: have these like you know what, I have my own

662
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: like ambitions and wiring and feelings and whatnot, and so

663
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: I don't I don't think. I don't think any piece

664
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: of advice or any popular anything is truly applicable to everyone.

665
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 1: Like I saw, uh, I saw a guy wearing a

666
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: shirt that said the world is better with you in it,

667
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: and I was like, dude, fuck you what it like?

668
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: What go? You know what if you walk by a

669
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: big pedophile? You know like I hate that, it's all.

670
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,920
Speaker 1: I don't like anything where it's like we apply this

671
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: to everything, you know, everything is this is put a

672
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: put a big ask, put a big asterisk on it. All.

673
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 1: I don't know unless if that guy, unless if that

674
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: guy is like a truly, unless if the person wearing

675
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: that shirt is like a truly maybe they are, maybe

676
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 1: they maybe the person wearing that shirt is like a

677
00:43:54,280 --> 00:44:00,320
Speaker 1: truly they have. This is truly radical, radical acceptance ideology

678
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: of like I truly one hundred percent but with this

679
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: is not the I think the popular world that we

680
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 1: live in, but like this radical ideology, like I truly

681
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:13,280
Speaker 1: one hundred percent believe that everyone is valid, everything is valid.

682
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: We're all, you know, beautiful and amazing.

683
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,360
Speaker 2: I mean there is I know, you're the therapy, get go.

684
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: But there is a like a theory or law in psychology.

685
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 2: It's called optimal arousal theory. I think it's has another

686
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 2: name like You're Yerks Dodson or something, whoever came up

687
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,280
Speaker 2: with it, which basically says like humans want to seek

688
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:42,359
Speaker 2: this like optimal level of arousal because if you're too

689
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 2: aroused and not like necessarily sexually but just like mentally aroused,

690
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 2: and you're just gonna be really anxious and you're gonna

691
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 2: be stressed and you're it's gonna just impact your performance.

692
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 3: Right.

693
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 2: But then if you're not aroused enough, you're gonna just

694
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 2: be bored, if you're just gonna sit around and not

695
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 2: be motivated to do anything. I think it's this constant

696
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 2: balancing act of like trying to find that optimal arousal

697
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 2: where you you know, you see it with people when

698
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,720
Speaker 2: they're doing their job, you see it when they're studying,

699
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 2: you see it in sports. There's like the zone where

700
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 2: you kind of just lock in and you can focus.

701
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 2: And getting to that point difficult, but once you get

702
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 2: to it, it just makes things so much easier. But

703
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 2: in terms of like just us all existing, I don't know,

704
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: I also like kind of grapple with like what would

705
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 2: happen if if we just none of us existed? You know,

706
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 2: there's global warming, there's war, there's all these things going on,

707
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,920
Speaker 2: and sometimes like, oh my god, what what is going

708
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 2: to happen to us as a as a species? You know,

709
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 2: are we are we? Is? It? Is it over? Are we?

710
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:52,839
Speaker 2: Are we gone? But other times I'm kind of just like,

711
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 2: you know what, like we weren't here millions of years ago,

712
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 2: We probably won't be here in millions of years. So

713
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 2: it's just kind of like take I kind of I'm

714
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 2: just trying to take each day at a time, you

715
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And in terms of like what

716
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,879
Speaker 2: you were saying earlier, the highs and lows, those are

717
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 2: being in the lows as well as the highs and

718
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 2: kind of being grateful for what I've learned over the

719
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 2: last few years. And funny enough, I was I was

720
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 2: gonna talk to you about it, but you just had

721
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,919
Speaker 2: someone talk about an X or a relationship, so.

722
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 1: We can we can, you can talk about it.

723
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 2: But I was just in a relationship that was really like,

724
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,920
Speaker 2: it was very unhealthy. It was very like the highs

725
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 2: are very high and the lows were very low. And

726
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 2: I think what I've been struggling with was is just

727
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:44,720
Speaker 2: the fact that I like, to me, it really meant something,

728
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 2: and to the other person, I don't. I think I

729
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 2: was just like a warm body and so like it

730
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 2: lasted a year, like a year, year and a half,

731
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:00,719
Speaker 2: and I don't know just in I I ended it

732
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 2: over a year ago because I was like, I can't

733
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 2: do this anymore, because again, it was just highs and lows,

734
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 2: There was no stability.

735
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: What was the what what was toxic about it?

736
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 2: Oh man, let me try to do this in a

737
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 2: concise way, because I don't want to give you a

738
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 2: thirty minutes speel. Okay, I would say I would say

739
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 2: the most toxic things about it were One toxic thing

740
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 2: was was just like apologizing, right, because it's I've been

741
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 2: kind of lucky to have really great family, great friends.

742
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 2: At some point, you're you're going to get into a

743
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,200
Speaker 2: fight over something, whether it's big or it's small, silly,

744
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:43,520
Speaker 2: whatever the case may be. And I've been really lucky,

745
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:46,839
Speaker 2: like my family, Right, Once every year or two, we'll

746
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 2: get into some big fight over something super dumb, and

747
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,760
Speaker 2: we'll yell and we'll scream, and we'll some curse words.

748
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 2: We'll be thrown out, and at the end of it,

749
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 2: after like an hour or two, we're like, that was dumb.

750
00:47:58,040 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 2: Why why the hell did we.

751
00:47:59,200 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 1: Just do that?

752
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 2: And welogize, And like when I apologize, it's like I

753
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,280
Speaker 2: try to understand what I did, why they pacted that person,

754
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 2: and then I apologize, and then I I make sure

755
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 2: not to do it again. I think that's what you

756
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,279
Speaker 2: have to take accountability, because if you just say sorry,

757
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 2: it doesn't really mean too much.

758
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 1: Right.

759
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 2: Whereas the girl I was dating, you know, she whenever

760
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 2: she apologized she had she didn't have parents who are

761
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 2: in a great relationship. Like one thing she used to say,

762
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, I tell my parents to get divorced

763
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,280
Speaker 2: all the time. I was like well, okay, that's probably

764
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 2: not healthy. And she had gotten out of an unhealthy

765
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 2: relationship herself. I think it had ended up being like

766
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 2: physical at the end, so she left that relationship. But

767
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 2: whenever she you know, said something her full or did

768
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 2: something hurtful, she would I would call her out and

769
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 2: be like, hey, like you you know, you said this

770
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 2: thing or you did this thing, and it impacted me.

771
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 2: And especially once it became like a pattern, like once

772
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 2: or twice, I'll like one off, I can kind of

773
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,280
Speaker 2: like go, you have to pick and choose your battles.

774
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 2: But with her, it once it became a pattern, and

775
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 2: then I would bring it up to her and just

776
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,320
Speaker 2: be like, hey, like this happened, and she would she

777
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:19,759
Speaker 2: would do like one of three things right like she

778
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 2: would she would like deflect to her like past relationship

779
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 2: or her parents should be like, yeah, I apologize, But

780
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:30,919
Speaker 2: the reason this happened is I have a lot to learn.

781
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 2: I have a lot to learn about relationships, or I

782
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 2: have a lot to unlearn about relationships from my parents

783
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 2: and things. I'm like, okay, that's fair, But once it

784
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 2: happens a few times, I'm like, like, I understand those

785
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,520
Speaker 2: aspects were not great but like, I'm I'm not a

786
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 2: lesson for you. I'm a I'm a human being with feelings,

787
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:52,719
Speaker 2: you know. Or she would she would just blame it

788
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:55,359
Speaker 2: on something else. She would say something like, oh, yeah,

789
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 2: you know the reason I said something mean was I

790
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 2: was talking to someone on the phone before we started

791
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,600
Speaker 2: talking and they upset me, so I was just primed

792
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 2: to get upset at you or something like that. Or

793
00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 2: she would just blame it on miscommunication, and I was like,

794
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 2: I feel like we communicated pretty clearly about that, but

795
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,319
Speaker 2: it just felt like she would apologize and then kind

796
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:19,439
Speaker 2: of walk back the apology and just blame on something else.

797
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:25,839
Speaker 1: So let me ask you this. So, so, when this

798
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: girl would hurt your feelings to do something like what

799
00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: if what would you have wanted her to do in

800
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:43,479
Speaker 1: these apologies and then navigating these mistakes better? What would

801
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: you what would what would have been felt more acceptable

802
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 1: to you? Like?

803
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 2: Literally for me, I mean, it's two things. It's one

804
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 2: is a genuine apology, and then the second thing is

805
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 2: is you know, taking steps to make sure you don't

806
00:50:58,480 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 2: do it again in the future, because if you will

807
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 2: apologize but you don't mean it, you're just saying it.

808
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:06,280
Speaker 2: For the sake of saying it. It's not a real apology.

809
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,840
Speaker 2: And if you if you apologize without action, then it

810
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:12,680
Speaker 2: also doesn't really mean too much. And one strange thing

811
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:16,880
Speaker 2: about hers I kind of saw that like how she

812
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 2: apologized and how she reacted to things also dependent on

813
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 2: like who was around her. So I remember one time,

814
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 2: like she and I would this is when we first

815
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,319
Speaker 2: start off dating. She and I would make plans to

816
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 2: like do something right, and she did this really strange

817
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,719
Speaker 2: thing where like, let's say you and I were like, oh,

818
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 2: like let's hang out at eight o'clock on Thursday, right,

819
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 2: So she would hit me up at eight o'clock on

820
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 2: Thursday and she'd be like, yeah, I can't really, I

821
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 2: can't really do this, sorry, and then just go right.

822
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 2: It's kind of like if you invited someone to a

823
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 2: party and they showed up to your your door when

824
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 2: the party started and was like, yeah, I can't come

825
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 2: to your party, and then just left. It was really

826
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 2: it was really bizarre, and so it happened a few times,

827
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:08,839
Speaker 2: and I'm like, look, I am, we're making plans. I'm

828
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 2: showing up to the plans. You're not showing up to

829
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:13,359
Speaker 2: the planes. I feel like my time's kind of being disrespected,

830
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:18,240
Speaker 2: you know. And when that happened, she was like next

831
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 2: to her sister right because I text her about it,

832
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,799
Speaker 2: and her sister kind of called her out, was like, yeah,

833
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 2: why are you doing that? That's not cool, And so

834
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 2: she like apologized to like, I'm so sorry. I didn't

835
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 2: realize I was doing that. She deferred back to the

836
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 2: past relationship. My my ex used to do this. She

837
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 2: used to disrespect my time, so I don't know why

838
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 2: I'm doing it to you kind of thing. But other times,

839
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 2: when I would bring things up that I thought were valid,

840
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:46,120
Speaker 2: if she was with her brother, you know, he would try.

841
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 2: He was a nice guy. He would like try to

842
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,839
Speaker 2: see things from my angle. If she was with like,

843
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 2: you know, a certain friend. She was the kind of

844
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 2: friend who would who would kind of always take her

845
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 2: her friend's side. You know, she's not going to see

846
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 2: things unbiased. So anytime I brought something up and she

847
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 2: happened to be with that friend, then suddenly everything is

848
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 2: like gotten ten times worse. She would kind of just

849
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 2: turn everything around on me. You know. It's like if

850
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 2: I said, hey, you know, you've been like showing up

851
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 2: late to things, or you just haven't been showing up.

852
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 2: Then she say, well, you know, actually the real issue

853
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:22,319
Speaker 2: is like you know, you're not setting these things up

854
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 2: or with enough time or things like that, and it

855
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 2: would just sort of all get twisted around on me.

856
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's just a really strange relationship because

857
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 2: I start off being friends with her, Like we were

858
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 2: friends for six months. We were in school together, and

859
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 2: the person she was as a friend, like she was

860
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 2: such a funny, kind, intelligent, caring, charismatic, like confident person.

861
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 2: And that's how like if you ask anyone around her

862
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 2: or any of her friends or her classmates, that's how

863
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 2: they would describe her. But then one I we started dating.

864
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 2: It's there's another like psychological theory. It's called like I

865
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,800
Speaker 2: can't remember the exact name, but basically it's this idea

866
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 2: that like you have your front stage self and your

867
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 2: backstage self. Front stage is how you appear to the world,

868
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 2: and then your backstage is like how you are when

869
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 2: when the show's over. So when we started dating, like

870
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 2: her front stage self is this like amazing person, Like

871
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 2: she and I would literally laugh for hours. You know.

872
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 2: We used to say we could like watch paint dry

873
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 2: and have an amazing time. That's all we needed. But

874
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:36,800
Speaker 2: once we started dating and I saw like the real

875
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:40,040
Speaker 2: like the real her and the more vulnerable aspects of her,

876
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 2: it was the opposite of that. Like we couldn't joke

877
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 2: around anymore because it was like things would get too sensitive.

878
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 2: We used to like roast each other when we're friends,

879
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 2: No more doing any of that. We can't, you can't,

880
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,400
Speaker 2: we can't make any mistakes, We can't do anything. And

881
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 2: she again, the person who she was in front of

882
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 2: everyone was was all those things, and the person she

883
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:02,319
Speaker 2: was behind the scenes was just a very unhappy, very

884
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,640
Speaker 2: like I would honestly use the word miserable person, even

885
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:09,840
Speaker 2: when things are going very very well in her life.

886
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 2: You know, she was getting the job she wanted, her

887
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:17,279
Speaker 2: dream job at her dream company, and and she was

888
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 2: living in the city she wanted to live in, and

889
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 2: she had all these things going on. And I was

890
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 2: struggling a bit, you know, after grad school and trying

891
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 2: to get a job and trying to do all these things.

892
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 2: But it just felt like a It felt like the

893
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 2: person I fell for and the person I dated were

894
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:40,279
Speaker 2: two completely different people. And she would also kind of

895
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:43,879
Speaker 2: do this thing where like when I when I say something,

896
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 2: I need it. She wanted to live on the East Coast.

897
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 2: I wanted to live on the West coast right, But

898
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 2: like for me, it was it was always like, oh,

899
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 2: like we had gotten close enough to the point and

900
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 2: I was at least I was serious enough that we

901
00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 2: had talked about things like, you know, potentially getting married,

902
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:03,319
Speaker 2: you know, family things like that, so like really meant

903
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 2: something to me. So she would say things like, oh, yeah,

904
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: you know, like you know, later down the line, maybe

905
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 2: we can move to the West Coast. I know you

906
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,440
Speaker 2: want to move to the West Coast and things like that,

907
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 2: or just like making these sort of like empty promises

908
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 2: that kind of to me it felt like her being like,

909
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 2: look at how good of a partner I am. I'm

910
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 2: like saying, I do these things for you even though

911
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:32,799
Speaker 2: she's not going to do it. Like she got her

912
00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 2: dream job, like I said, on the East coast, and

913
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 2: she got a job interview at a company on the

914
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 2: West coast right, which is also a really good company.

915
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 2: And she she called me and she's like, yeah, like

916
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,440
Speaker 2: I got an interview at this this job on the

917
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 2: West coast, And I was like, she's like, should I

918
00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 2: do the interview, and I was like, wait, why are you, Like,

919
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 2: is there a reason you want to take this interview?

920
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, well, you know I could be

921
00:56:56,920 --> 00:57:00,399
Speaker 2: closer to you, silly, you know, I'm such a huge

922
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 2: symp for you. And I knew, like in my mind,

923
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:06,879
Speaker 2: I was like, there's no chance in hell she's giving

924
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,279
Speaker 2: up her dream job for this. I know this for

925
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 2: a fact. She's already accepted the other job, Like it's

926
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,759
Speaker 2: not even possible for her to take this other job.

927
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:16,919
Speaker 2: But she was just kind of saying that, And that's

928
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,840
Speaker 2: kind of when I noticed that that like pattern of

929
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:23,160
Speaker 2: her saying she would do things just like as an

930
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 2: empty gesture, whereas like, my dumb ass I would have

931
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:28,439
Speaker 2: probably given up my dream job and on the West

932
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 2: Coast to be closer to her and to be with her.

933
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 2: And that was just kind of like a pattern throughout

934
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 2: her relationship and just like anytime things were happening, just

935
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 2: shifting the focus to her. And so I don't know,

936
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 2: I don't know if that makes sense. That was a

937
00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 2: very long answer.

938
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 1: No, that that that makes a lot of sense. That

939
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. M hmm.

940
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 2: I guess the big issue is, like I ended the

941
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,520
Speaker 2: relationship there, there was some I think the one thing

942
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 2: that like kind of broke me in terms of like

943
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:07,919
Speaker 2: whenever she'd say to do her full things, I could

944
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 2: kind of let it go because I'm not someone who

945
00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,919
Speaker 2: like holds onto things, whereas she like if I said

946
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 2: or did something her full. You know, the first time,

947
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 2: she was upsetting me for like a week, and then

948
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 2: the second time she was upset at me for a month,

949
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 2: and the third time she was upsett in me for

950
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 2: like over a month, and she was like just very

951
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 2: cold and distant and attached. And I think the one

952
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:30,040
Speaker 2: thing that broke me was I was like applying to

953
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:33,520
Speaker 2: jobs and and things were just not going well, and

954
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 2: I was just like really down. But I was trying

955
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 2: to support her because she needed a lot of emotional support,

956
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 2: you know, like every day she was venting about her

957
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:45,000
Speaker 2: school or her upcoming job, or her family or finances

958
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 2: or something. So we talk every day, and like I'd say,

959
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 2: if we talk for like two hours an hour, that

960
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 2: was just her venting, and so I kind of just

961
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 2: had to play you know. I I definitely didn't do

962
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 2: as good a job. I kind of played your role

963
00:58:57,560 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 2: like every day for a year or so, and one

964
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 2: day I just went to her and I was just like, man,

965
00:59:04,360 --> 00:59:08,439
Speaker 2: I've just been feeling like really down, Like I don't

966
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 2: know if I should go see a therapist or what,

967
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:12,560
Speaker 2: because she saw a therapist and she had dealt with

968
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 2: depression before, and I was like, I've just never had

969
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:17,439
Speaker 2: this feeling. I've just felt so down, and I feel

970
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:19,120
Speaker 2: like I've been working so hard at these goals and

971
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 2: they're just not coming into fruition and I'll never forget.

972
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:24,960
Speaker 2: She like looked me in the eyes, like with this

973
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 2: cold stare, and she's like, I know you're going through

974
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 2: a live but I wish you would think about how

975
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 2: it impacts me. And I was like, whoa, Okay, so yeah,

976
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:43,080
Speaker 2: that kind of broke the camel's back. Yeah, and there's

977
00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 2: a million other things, but it's just hard because again,

978
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 2: all that was so real for me, and like, I

979
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,440
Speaker 2: feel like I fell in love with the person, like

980
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 2: with the masked version of her that she showed to

981
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 2: the world, and then once we started dating, I got

982
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 2: the opposite of that. But I was like, oh, I

983
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 2: love this person, I care about this person. I want

984
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 2: them to do well. So I kind of just stuck around.

985
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 2: And so now like My brain is just kind of

986
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,960
Speaker 2: like trying to detach those two people, because part of

987
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,560
Speaker 2: me is like, that person's still there, and like, you know,

988
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 2: what if you made a mistake, what if you should

989
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 2: have stayed, what if you shouldn't have broken up with her?

990
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:23,240
Speaker 2: You know, you had such good times. And the other

991
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 2: part of me is like, dude, you you got out,

992
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 2: like leave run, never never think about it again. Just

993
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 2: you're out.

994
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 1: You know.

995
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:37,560
Speaker 2: Hm, it's that cognitive distance.

996
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 1: Yes, uh, yes, yes, I know, I know what you man. Yeah,

997
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 1: this fucking shit's hard. Are you dating anyone new? Now?

998
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 2: I dated someone else, and she was a like, really

999
01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:01,919
Speaker 2: amazing person. She was such a such a nice girl.

1000
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:08,000
Speaker 2: We were just two very different people, and I'm glad

1001
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 2: I got to date her, and I'm glad I met her,

1002
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 2: which with my other ex I not quite the same feeling.

1003
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 2: But I just remember feeling like secure in that relationship,

1004
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 2: whereas with my ex, I felt like I kind of

1005
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 2: I was always walking on eggshells. If I say or

1006
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:24,040
Speaker 2: do something wrong, She's just gonna break up with me,

1007
01:01:24,480 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 2: because she would she would say, like, especially towards the beginning,

1008
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 2: she'd be like, if I said something wrong, she'd be

1009
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 2: like my last relationship was a lot of work, and

1010
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 2: I don't want a lot of work, and it was

1011
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:35,440
Speaker 2: it just like kind of felt.

1012
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:39,720
Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I'm glad. Yeah,

1013
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:42,720
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're beyond that. Yeah.

1014
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, the new the the last girl I dated, though,

1015
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 2: Like I remember one time I said something that upset

1016
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 2: her and she was upset and I apologize and then

1017
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,920
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, like I it felt like a

1018
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 2: trauma response. You know, like when you're a kid and

1019
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,680
Speaker 2: your parent, you know, if you do something, if you

1020
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 2: break when you feel like your parent's gonna hit you

1021
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 2: or something like that. Right, So I've said her and

1022
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, what is she gonna do?

1023
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 2: And she's like she's like, Zach, like, I'm not gonna

1024
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:11,960
Speaker 2: yell at you. I'm not gonna be super upset with you.

1025
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:14,240
Speaker 2: You you messed up, and you apologize and now just

1026
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:15,800
Speaker 2: make sure you don't do it again. And I was like,

1027
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 2: oh my god, this is what like a healthy relation looks,

1028
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:20,560
Speaker 2: relationship looks like.

1029
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 1: I know.

1030
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 2: It was just so weird not being scared all the time,

1031
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 2: you know, And I feel like my brain, part of

1032
01:02:30,400 --> 01:02:32,920
Speaker 2: my brains is still kind of scared of this person

1033
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:36,720
Speaker 2: and also like just kind of sad and upset that,

1034
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:41,200
Speaker 2: like a, I was in that relationship for so long,

1035
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:43,560
Speaker 2: not maybe not that long relative to some people, but

1036
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:45,880
Speaker 2: like I was in that relationship and I let myself

1037
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 2: be treated like be treated that way. And on the

1038
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:51,680
Speaker 2: other hand, it also like really hurts that someone I

1039
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 2: genuinely like loved and cared about and would have done

1040
01:02:55,000 --> 01:03:01,560
Speaker 2: anything for treated me that way. So you know, you live,

1041
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,840
Speaker 2: you live, and you learn. And now I've learned. I'm

1042
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:07,680
Speaker 2: still learning what a healthy relationship looks like and trying

1043
01:03:07,720 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 2: to because there I made plenty of mistakes in that

1044
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,400
Speaker 2: relationship as well, and things I wish I could change

1045
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 2: or take back. But then you just try to become

1046
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 2: a better, better version of yourself and a better you know,

1047
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 2: person for your partner or And I know that sounds

1048
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 2: super cliche, but it's like you can't just like be

1049
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:31,120
Speaker 2: the same person your whole life. You know, it's gonna

1050
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 2: be kind of boring.

1051
01:03:32,440 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. Hmmm, what is your name again, man Zach? Zach?

1052
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 1: Thanks for sharing all of this stuff. Uh, yeah, I

1053
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 1: I you know, it's making me think very deeply. I

1054
01:03:56,040 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 1: don't know if I have a lot of feedback on

1055
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:04,360
Speaker 1: it right now, but it's made me think very deeply,

1056
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: and I'm glad you shared it because I think it'll

1057
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 1: definitely gives a lot of context and a lot of

1058
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:12,600
Speaker 1: perspective to people who are listening and thinking about, you know,

1059
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 1: their own past relationships or current relationships and whatnot. And

1060
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:21,160
Speaker 1: it's definitely, I think going to be a relatable thing

1061
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:21,760
Speaker 1: for people.

1062
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I mean, thanks for listening. I think the one

1063
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:31,400
Speaker 2: thing I'll say to like anyone to the people listening

1064
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:34,439
Speaker 2: is and I know this is going to sound silly,

1065
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:37,520
Speaker 2: and I know it's very difficult to do, but if

1066
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship that you think is not healthy,

1067
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 2: take a step back and look at it. If you're

1068
01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:45,480
Speaker 2: like friend was in it, if your sibling was in

1069
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 2: it when their partner was doing the things to them

1070
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:51,520
Speaker 2: that your partner is doing to you. And I know

1071
01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 2: it's very hard to be like, these are not healthy,

1072
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:56,959
Speaker 2: these are not right, But like, the first step is recognizing,

1073
01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:59,960
Speaker 2: and then once you recognize, then you can take steps past.

1074
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:02,400
Speaker 2: I had to either try to fix a relationship or

1075
01:05:03,120 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 2: get out of it and preserve yourself because where at

1076
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 2: the end of the day, you know we have ourselves

1077
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:10,760
Speaker 2: and uh we have to be kind to ourselves and

1078
01:05:10,800 --> 01:05:13,400
Speaker 2: kind to each other. So thanks for listening.

1079
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:15,480
Speaker 1: Man, is there anything else you want to say to

1080
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:17,040
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go, Zach?

1081
01:05:24,080 --> 01:05:28,160
Speaker 2: Now, maybe just free Palestine shout out my boy. Uh

1082
01:05:29,520 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 2: so on premiere, eat your vegetables. Uh, don't take talent

1083
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,760
Speaker 2: all apparently now because now that causes autism. It doesn't.

1084
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 2: Don't believe them. But thanks for listening.

1085
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:42,200
Speaker 1: Hey, take care, Zach, Thank.

1086
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,000
Speaker 2: You all right.

1087
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, good morning, Good morning to whom am I speaking?

1088
01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: This is Angie, Angie Angie. We talked. When did we talk?

1089
01:05:58,720 --> 01:05:59,960
Speaker 1: We talked recently, right.

1090
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:01,800
Speaker 4: Which Thursday, I believe.

1091
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:02,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1092
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 3: I was in New York at the time.

1093
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:07,560
Speaker 1: Oh beautiful. Okay, So how did the rest of your

1094
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:09,240
Speaker 1: New York trip go?

1095
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 3: It was so good. It was very exhausting, just because

1096
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:16,400
Speaker 3: like the hours are so long, like being on site

1097
01:06:16,400 --> 01:06:20,600
Speaker 3: from nine to ten am to about midnight, so it's long.

1098
01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 3: But New York can never sleep, so we so like

1099
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:27,600
Speaker 3: went out. I went into Times Square and that was fun,

1100
01:06:27,720 --> 01:06:30,000
Speaker 3: and my dumb ass was walking around with a white

1101
01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:32,040
Speaker 3: claw and I got a citation.

1102
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,960
Speaker 1: So you got you got a public drinking citation.

1103
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 3: I did sons like, there's no fucking way I never had.

1104
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 1: That never happens.

1105
01:06:42,680 --> 01:06:45,240
Speaker 3: That's so fucking I was like, I've passed by so

1106
01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 3: many people drinking. Why am I the only one getting it?

1107
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:52,440
Speaker 3: And so I was like, are you serious? And then

1108
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 3: even my friend next to me was clearly drinking a

1109
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 3: beer and the cop was like, are you is that beer?

1110
01:06:57,960 --> 01:07:01,200
Speaker 3: My friend takes like ten seconds to anti and said no,

1111
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:04,760
Speaker 3: and then so the cop goes back to me. I'm like, seriously,

1112
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:08,640
Speaker 3: and he just continues to write this long ass paragraph

1113
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 3: on this citation, and then I said, you're taking so long.

1114
01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:13,640
Speaker 3: So I just finished my white Claw when he's giving

1115
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:17,280
Speaker 3: me my citation because I sent money on it. How

1116
01:07:17,360 --> 01:07:17,760
Speaker 3: much was it?

1117
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 1: How much was the citation for?

1118
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:21,480
Speaker 2: It?

1119
01:07:21,560 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 3: Was honestly so dumb because I was like, I'm clearly

1120
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:26,479
Speaker 3: from Arizona. This is my first time ever in New York,

1121
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:28,320
Speaker 3: so I you know, like, I can't. I'm not going

1122
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 3: to come back for whatever. And he said, I just

1123
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:34,360
Speaker 3: have to scan the barcode and pay like twenty five dollars.

1124
01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, that's annoying. It was just too Yeah, it

1125
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:42,120
Speaker 3: was very annoying. Yeah, and I worked at the whole

1126
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 3: music event and it was fun and I went just

1127
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:49,479
Speaker 3: I pretty much stayed up all night on Sunday night,

1128
01:07:50,240 --> 01:07:52,160
Speaker 3: and then I slept for about an hour and I

1129
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 3: got out at seven thirty to take the subway to

1130
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:59,480
Speaker 3: Right Central Park And that was really fun.

1131
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:02,080
Speaker 1: Did you I know when we talked, you were talking

1132
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 1: about overcoming like social anxiety. Do you feel like you

1133
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 1: were able to do that successfully?

1134
01:08:07,320 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 3: I think I put myself out there. Yes, I purposely

1135
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:14,160
Speaker 3: like went out with people who were new to me,

1136
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:18,280
Speaker 3: which I wouldn't really be you know normally do we're

1137
01:08:18,280 --> 01:08:21,280
Speaker 3: comfortably do? So, you know, I, mitri put myself out

1138
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:24,519
Speaker 3: there and went out with people that were new to me,

1139
01:08:25,120 --> 01:08:27,280
Speaker 3: and I got to like meet new people in the

1140
01:08:27,360 --> 01:08:32,360
Speaker 3: industry and introduce myself and talked to them and really

1141
01:08:32,479 --> 01:08:36,679
Speaker 3: just ask questions and hang out and you know, really

1142
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:40,200
Speaker 3: just getting to know them a bit more and just

1143
01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 3: doing my best at talking. And then this whole weekend

1144
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:46,000
Speaker 3: I've and then well it's just been today and I'm

1145
01:08:46,040 --> 01:08:49,519
Speaker 3: like overthinking like did I say the okay things?

1146
01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:51,200
Speaker 4: What did I do wrong?

1147
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:54,960
Speaker 3: What could I have done better? And I'm just like

1148
01:08:55,120 --> 01:08:57,880
Speaker 3: I'm just keep trying myself well it's over, so there's

1149
01:08:57,920 --> 01:09:00,680
Speaker 3: literally nothing I can do about it now. But I

1150
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:04,439
Speaker 3: believe I did put myself out there a lot more

1151
01:09:04,479 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 3: than I thought I would, and I feel like I'm

1152
01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:11,040
Speaker 3: I'm proud of myself and just you know, striking up conversations,

1153
01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 3: keeping conversations going, or asking questions and just like you know,

1154
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:20,400
Speaker 3: walking around and introducing myself to oops, to new people

1155
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:25,040
Speaker 3: and you know, directors and whatnot. So I'm pretty proud

1156
01:09:25,080 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 3: of myself for that.

1157
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:28,160
Speaker 1: Pretty good, Pretty good.

1158
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:32,120
Speaker 3: But I just hope I said words that were made

1159
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:35,720
Speaker 3: sense and not fucking awkward and dumb.

1160
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 1: Because, like I said, last time we talked, even if

1161
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:40,599
Speaker 1: you did, it didn't it didn't even fun. It doesn't

1162
01:09:40,640 --> 01:09:43,240
Speaker 1: matter matter honestly, even the way we talked on Thursday.

1163
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:45,439
Speaker 1: I think the day after we talked, I went to

1164
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:50,760
Speaker 1: some thing and I had some social interaction where I

1165
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:53,479
Speaker 1: was like, wow, I just said a bunch of really

1166
01:09:53,560 --> 01:09:55,960
Speaker 1: stupid things. That was bad. I walked home. I felt

1167
01:09:56,040 --> 01:09:58,680
Speaker 1: really bad, and then I thought about you. I really

1168
01:09:58,680 --> 01:10:00,800
Speaker 1: I thought about you. Actually is I've forget this is

1169
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:02,240
Speaker 1: all coming back to me. Yeah, I thought about you

1170
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:06,760
Speaker 1: because I was like I just yesterday I told someone

1171
01:10:07,479 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 1: that it's fine. And so I'm like, all right, well

1172
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:13,000
Speaker 1: i'll just take that advice. I'll just you know, I'll

1173
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:14,160
Speaker 1: just I'll just be crazy.

1174
01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:19,639
Speaker 3: Who cares, you know, yeah exactly, anyway, be crazy together.

1175
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 3: So well, overall, a good trip and I'm really proud

1176
01:10:22,479 --> 01:10:25,559
Speaker 3: of myself. And I was like, had so much just

1177
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:29,360
Speaker 3: nervousness leading up to it and just kind of like

1178
01:10:29,400 --> 01:10:33,639
Speaker 3: being with coworkers for five days and I was like, well,

1179
01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:35,519
Speaker 3: what do we talk about? What do we talk about?

1180
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:38,920
Speaker 3: Or you know, But honestly, it was super fun and

1181
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:43,880
Speaker 3: my roommate was fun as well. And the last thing

1182
01:10:43,920 --> 01:10:46,000
Speaker 3: I wanted to do was the Central Park and I

1183
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,439
Speaker 3: did that and I thought that would be scary because

1184
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:51,840
Speaker 3: I did that by myself as well. And I walked

1185
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:55,760
Speaker 3: in a pretty little bit of a sketchy neighborhood, but

1186
01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 3: I waited until the sun came up, so but I

1187
01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:03,400
Speaker 3: was in Long Island City and then Astoria I walked

1188
01:11:03,400 --> 01:11:07,160
Speaker 3: through and just pick the subway to the Central Park

1189
01:11:07,200 --> 01:11:10,920
Speaker 3: and that was really fun. And did not get a

1190
01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:12,240
Speaker 3: citation there, so that's good.

1191
01:11:12,800 --> 01:11:14,960
Speaker 1: I'm glad that you had a good time. I appreciate

1192
01:11:15,000 --> 01:11:17,559
Speaker 1: the update. This was good And yeah, like I said,

1193
01:11:17,560 --> 01:11:21,120
Speaker 1: that call affected me too, so I'm glad we could

1194
01:11:21,200 --> 01:11:29,439
Speaker 1: have this symbiotic experience with one another. Anything is anything

1195
01:11:29,439 --> 01:11:30,559
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people of the

1196
01:11:30,560 --> 01:11:31,400
Speaker 1: computer before we go.

1197
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:35,639
Speaker 3: Angie, absolutely not have a beautiful week. I love you all.

1198
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:37,639
Speaker 1: Thank you, Angie, thank you for thank you for.

1199
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,120
Speaker 3: Of course.

1200
01:11:42,360 --> 01:11:45,479
Speaker 1: That was Angie. That was Angie. And this has been

1201
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:52,800
Speaker 1: the Therapy Gecko podcast. Thanks for listening. Lots of things

1202
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:59,920
Speaker 1: to say and think and do in the world. Oh man,

1203
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:02,120
Speaker 1: this costume smells like shit. I gotta I really gotta

1204
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:06,280
Speaker 1: wash it at some point, I really gotta wash this suit.

1205
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:13,640
Speaker 1: It smells really really awful. Anything else? Do I have

1206
01:12:13,680 --> 01:12:17,479
Speaker 1: any other closing thoughts? Nothing that's that important to say.

1207
01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:20,160
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go on a whole rant about Fresca again.

1208
01:12:21,040 --> 01:12:24,960
Speaker 1: There's a few half empty water bottles on my thing.

1209
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:29,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Well, I guess if you're listening to this

1210
01:12:29,240 --> 01:12:32,960
Speaker 1: on Wednesday, I'm gonna put this video on Spotify because

1211
01:12:32,960 --> 01:12:36,280
Speaker 1: I put these videos on Spotify now. But I just

1212
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:41,200
Speaker 1: made a little mini mini interview documentary Gecko video thing

1213
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:46,519
Speaker 1: at the Gathering of the Juggalos that's out this morning,

1214
01:12:46,800 --> 01:12:49,040
Speaker 1: so you should go on my YouTube channel YouTube dot

1215
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:53,400
Speaker 1: com slash lyle forever and check that out. But other

1216
01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:58,040
Speaker 1: than that, I don't have anything else to say. I'm

1217
01:12:58,120 --> 01:13:02,519
Speaker 1: leaving on Saturday to go on a to go record

1218
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:05,679
Speaker 1: another video. This will be an interesting one. I'm gonna

1219
01:13:05,760 --> 01:13:11,240
Speaker 1: keep it under wraps where I'm going, but I think

1220
01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:13,599
Speaker 1: it'll I think you'll want to watch this one that

1221
01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:15,960
Speaker 1: I probably won't. That video will be out in like

1222
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:20,200
Speaker 1: a month, but I think this will be one of

1223
01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:24,759
Speaker 1: one of the more ambitious Gecko videos I have made

1224
01:13:24,960 --> 01:13:28,880
Speaker 1: over my stint doing this, so I'm excited about that.

1225
01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:33,680
Speaker 1: But anyway, thank you guys for listening. Gak bless uh.

1226
01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:40,960
Speaker 1: See you again on Sunday's episode. Appreciate you, folks. Bye bye,