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Speaker 1: If you're being destroyed by this at what cost? Could

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Speaker 1: you move? Could you change jobs? Could you leave your town?

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Speaker 2: What's up?

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Speaker 1: Guys, Welcome back to the podcast. Got a guest with me,

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Speaker 1: Bernie Calcote. Second week in a row. Good to have

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Speaker 1: Bernie with us. We answer your questions about life or

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Speaker 1: love or whatever it might be. And whenever I have

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Speaker 1: those kind of questions, I'm calling Bernie. So that's why

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Speaker 1: I feel like he's a good guest to come on

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Speaker 1: and answer your questions.

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Speaker 2: That's how I feel about it.

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Speaker 3: I do the same as y'all though, Like, but I

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Speaker 3: got a cell phone number, so I just text him.

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Speaker 1: Next question from Bernie.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, more than more than answering it, I feel

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Speaker 3: like a lot of times we're just like we're processing

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Speaker 3: it and hopefully helping you guys. Just process it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: we'll give you some advice and stuff not always right

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Speaker 3: and we don't know all the context, but hopefully there's

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Speaker 3: some something to be had with just hearing it from

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Speaker 3: somewhere else and processing it together.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, So we answered those questions through your email email

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Speaker 1: Meet Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Put them in

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Speaker 1: order here. We'll walk through them as if we're sitting

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Speaker 1: around a campfire and or sitting in the cab of

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Speaker 1: a truck just having a long discussion. There's no right

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Speaker 1: or wrong answers a lot of times with these, so

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Speaker 1: just bear with us. We don't have notes or books

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Speaker 1: or quotes or famous you know, answers to yours questions.

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Speaker 4: We're not very smart, but we try.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we're not very smart. First question, the subject

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Speaker 1: line is very profound. It says podcast question, and the

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Speaker 1: email says, it's been three years since my last real

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Speaker 1: relationship ended, and it was my fault said and did

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Speaker 1: some things I shouldn't have done. I've been struggling ever

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Speaker 1: since to let go of the past. But she was

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Speaker 1: the best thing that happened to me. I could really

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Speaker 1: use some advice, thanks, Josh.

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Speaker 3: I know you're retiring from country music, but that is

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Speaker 3: a song if I've ever heard it.

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Speaker 1: Right, that is a country song, Josh, So three years

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Speaker 1: this relationship ended.

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Speaker 2: Now let me tell you what's going on.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a psychiatrist, not a therapist, okay, none of

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Speaker 1: those things, but it's but I am a country songwriter,

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Speaker 1: so I can tell you this is what's going on

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Speaker 1: in your mind. The longer. This time is going and

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Speaker 1: you're not healing. She's becoming better and better in your mind,

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Speaker 1: to the point now where you're saying she's the best

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Speaker 1: thing that has happened to me. That you didn't say

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Speaker 1: that when it first happened, right, That she's growing, her

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Speaker 1: legend is growing in your mind.

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Speaker 3: Now, that's really that's really good. That's the word right there.

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Speaker 3: The further you get away from it, you're forgetting all

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Speaker 3: the things and maybe the reason that you split. And

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Speaker 3: and I mean, does he say like he's having a

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Speaker 3: hard time moving on?

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Speaker 1: He said he's been struggling ever since to let go

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Speaker 1: of the past. He said some things and did some

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Speaker 1: things he shouldn't have done. That's the deal, that's the issue.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so let's just say he that is Let's just

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Speaker 3: say that's part of it. I think you're probably right,

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Speaker 3: that's probably the deal. He has to like let go

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Speaker 3: of that stuff and move on. But maybe you can

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Speaker 3: speak to this, like, is there other things that maybe

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Speaker 3: happening that you would like he's trying to like his

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Speaker 3: life is trying to move on past this. Yeah, there's

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Speaker 3: the things he did and said that he regrets her.

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Speaker 4: What's she going to do. There's maybe.

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Speaker 3: This girl is still in his orbit somehow, and maybe

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Speaker 3: there's some things he needs to correct. Maybe there's some

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Speaker 3: things he's he wished that you know, Like we go

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Speaker 3: to the same school, and I don't know how to

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Speaker 3: move on when I see her in science class, Like

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Speaker 3: what do you say to somebody in that situation where

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Speaker 3: he's yeah, he has to deal with the things, letting

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Speaker 3: go of the things he did wrong. But how does

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Speaker 3: he move on and and not let that legend grow

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Speaker 3: in his mind when he's still kind of seeing her

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Speaker 3: or she's in his orbit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good point. Being in the orbit is different.

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Speaker 1: That puts a new twist on the whole answer. And

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Speaker 1: you know, because otherwise, if she wasn't in the orbit,

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Speaker 1: we'd say, buddy, you gotta go. It's like when you

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Speaker 1: when your dog dies, I usually say go get a puppy,

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Speaker 1: Go get a puppy. And so it's the same thing,

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Speaker 1: like time to get a puppy here, not literally.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But if she's still in your orbit, Bernie's saying, then

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Speaker 1: you gotta take extreme measures. If this girl is not

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Speaker 1: coming back, which it's been three years, you gotta start

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Speaker 1: doing crazy things like blocking her on social media. Like

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Speaker 1: if it's if it's destroying you in some way, what's

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Speaker 1: the of that destruction? Like would the cost of the

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Speaker 1: destruction be? Would it be better to move if you

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Speaker 1: were getting destroyed by this. I don't think you are completely,

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Speaker 1: But if you're being destroyed by this, at what cost?

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Speaker 1: Could you move? Could you change jobs? Could you leave

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Speaker 1: your town and go somewhere else? That's another country song.

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Speaker 1: But you're gonna have to consider breaking the orbit getting

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Speaker 1: her out of your orbit, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 3: That The only reason I think of that is because

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Speaker 3: he said three years, and so if if you're holding

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Speaker 3: on to something for three years based on solely some

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Speaker 3: things you did wrong, then there's a bigger issue. My

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Speaker 3: guess is she's still in the orbit in some way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's looking at her, going, man, she was

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Speaker 1: the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's that, Josh, You're not alone.

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Speaker 2: Break the orbit.

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Speaker 1: Deal with these these things in the past that you did,

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Speaker 1: because guess what you did it, it's done, it's in

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Speaker 1: the past. Learn from it, don't do it again. That's

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Speaker 1: really the best thing that could happen. You just you go,

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Speaker 1: you don't do it again, and you get with a

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Speaker 1: girl that you start really liking, and guess what's gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: You have shell shock from this, you have a little

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Speaker 1: PTSD from this relationship, and when the new girl comes

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Speaker 1: around and you really fall in love, you're gonna think, hopefully,

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Speaker 1: if the lesson worked, You're gonna think, I ain't doing

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Speaker 1: that again. I ain't messing this up like I did

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Speaker 1: the last one. That's a good thing, man, that's a

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Speaker 1: great thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna start to see those things that you're

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Speaker 3: now regretting that may I wish you I would have

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Speaker 3: done this different. You're in that relationship. You're gonna see

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Speaker 3: those things, is man. I'm so glad I learned that then,

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Speaker 3: so that now I can do it the right way

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Speaker 3: and I'm not gonna make those mistakes.

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Speaker 1: If you do that, you make that correction, you will

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Speaker 1: attract a woman.

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Speaker 2: That's better than this one. I promise you.

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Speaker 3: And that's a granger Smith guarantee. Please email us back

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Speaker 3: because we want to hear kind of how that shakes out.

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Speaker 2: What happens, Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 1: Next question subject line says child loss Hey Grandeur would

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Speaker 1: like to remain anonymous. I'm going through hard times right now.

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Speaker 1: My husband and I, after years of trying, finally got pregnant.

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Speaker 1: We were so excited to finally be parents. Not long ago,

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Speaker 1: our baby was born prematurely and passed away. I know

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Speaker 1: that everything I'm feeling is natural, but I'm feeling very

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Speaker 1: bitter and angry towards God. I know that he is

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Speaker 1: in control and healing takes time. I was hoping you

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Speaker 1: had some advice on how to cope with the feelings

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Speaker 1: of guilt and bitterness.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. Oh sorry, I'm really bad at that. Guys,

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Speaker 2: if you put your name.

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Speaker 1: And say to be anonymous, Paul just needs to get

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Speaker 1: a little beep, you know, like.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm so bad. I'm like Ron Burgundy.

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Speaker 1: I just read the message the way it is and

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Speaker 1: there there, there it was. Yeah, Anonymous, thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for the email being vulnerable. I'm so sorry for

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Speaker 1: your loss and your thought process going through this is natural,

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Speaker 1: and I also admire that you're reaching out, that you're

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Speaker 1: you're wrestling, and you're studying, and you're you're you're listening.

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Speaker 1: I guarantee you this is not the only podcast you're

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Speaker 1: listening to, So you're listening. You're you're probably reading books

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Speaker 1: about this. I would encourage that as well, and and

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Speaker 1: hopefully I'm assuming that you're also plugged in at a

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Speaker 1: local body of church and you're you're talking through stuff

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Speaker 1: with people there. This is so common. And I don't

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Speaker 1: say that in a way to minimize your pain or

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Speaker 1: the anger or the guilt and grief. And I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying it that way. I'm just saying, welcome to the

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Speaker 1: human race. Babies are born prematurely and pass away, and

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Speaker 1: it is. It doesn't mean that it's a good thing.

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Speaker 1: It's an awful thing, but it is a part of life.

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Speaker 1: And and I hope that that knowing that is a

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Speaker 1: bit of ancouragement that look at it this way. When

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Speaker 1: i I've always before we lost Ridv even I've always

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Speaker 1: felt a connection when I'm walking through a cemetery, and

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Speaker 1: like an old cemetery in old church, and you walk

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Speaker 1: through those grounds and you see the little graves, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's something so interesting and so intimate and special about

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Speaker 1: the little graves because when they're old, like that from

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Speaker 1: the eighteen hundreds, you see the little grave, but then

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Speaker 1: you see right next to it the mom and the dad,

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Speaker 1: and then you see the other siblings and then you realize, oh.

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Speaker 2: They're all here.

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Speaker 1: But at one point they were all standing on top

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Speaker 1: of the dirt, looking down, crying and grieving.

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Speaker 2: But in just such a short time, they're they all are.

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Speaker 1: They're earthly bodies collected together. It's such an interesting perspective,

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Speaker 1: and that's healing for me in a way to just

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Speaker 1: look around and go, I don't even know these people,

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Speaker 1: but this was everything to them. This funeral was everything.

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Speaker 1: This this loss, this grief that they went through during

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Speaker 1: this time was their whole world was crumbling around them.

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Speaker 1: And you walk forty eight paces to the right and

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Speaker 1: you see another one and there's the story and there's

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Speaker 1: the family, and it was you know, the baby was

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Speaker 1: lost to diphtherorya or whatever it might have been, incurable

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Speaker 1: disease in the eighteen hundreds, And it's no different for

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Speaker 1: us now that you know, we will experience loss, we

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Speaker 1: will experience grief, and it's not a matter of if,

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Speaker 1: it's just when and so what we need to deal

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Speaker 1: with with you. First of all, I don't think this

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Speaker 1: has been a long time since this happened, so that's

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Speaker 1: a factor here too. But what we need to deal

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Speaker 1: with is your your view towards God. And it doesn't

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Speaker 1: surprise me or Bernie that you would say you feel

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Speaker 1: bitter and angry, and then and the very next breath

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Speaker 1: you say I trust him and I hope in him

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Speaker 1: and he is in control. You say he is in control.

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Speaker 1: So what do we do with this besides read a

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Speaker 1: bunch of John Piper.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure why, but these these three words are

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Speaker 3: coming back to me that we've talked about before, and

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Speaker 3: maybe this is just, like you know, a very practical,

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Speaker 3: one step at a time path to some sort of healing.

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Speaker 3: So the first is communication. I think you probably need

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Speaker 3: to meet with a therapist or a Christian counselor or

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Speaker 3: someone and just communicate what you're feeling and just be open.

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Speaker 3: The second is community, Like I think that if you're

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Speaker 3: not surrounded by other believers, other people that have been

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Speaker 3: through this kind of trauma, like just having community community,

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Speaker 3: there is just healing from this through relationships. So I

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Speaker 3: think you need to or I would I would just

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Speaker 3: recommend like making sure that you are just surrounded by

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Speaker 3: people you trust and love you and you love them.

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Speaker 4: And the third is communion.

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Speaker 3: I just don't forsake that, like it's okay, Like come

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Speaker 3: to the Father and repent God.

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Speaker 4: My heart has been bitter and I.

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Speaker 3: Hate that, but that's that's my My flesh is feeling this,

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Speaker 3: and it's feeling this, and just come to communion with him.

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Speaker 3: He wants to hear it, he wants to draw near

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Speaker 3: to you, he wants to give grace to the humble,

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Speaker 3: and so just you know, practically, maybe those three things,

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Speaker 3: just try those Maybe maybe that will just start a

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Speaker 3: series of things that can help heal and uh and

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Speaker 3: start to move forward.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so good.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of meditation you could do in the

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Speaker 1: Psalms itself, and we cannot we can never forget and

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Speaker 1: our our current society where we just try to sugarcoat everything.

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Speaker 1: And what Bernie's saying is that if we go to

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Speaker 1: the Bible, we see laments, and it's it's very it's

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Speaker 1: very unpopular to lament in today's culture. Right, But I'm

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Speaker 1: just flipping through like several right here, But what we see,

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Speaker 1: especially in the Psalms, is this idea of how long,

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Speaker 1: O Lord, how long will I grieve? How long will

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Speaker 1: I suffer? How long will the pain be on me?

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Speaker 1: And that is a righteous question to ask. It's it's

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Speaker 1: not right. It is a sin. I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: clear about this. It is a sin for you to

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Speaker 1: be angry at God. But it's not to say, God,

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Speaker 1: I know you're in control, but how long will I suffer?

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Speaker 1: Can I ask that you know? And we read through

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Speaker 1: the Book of Job and Jobs, it says at the

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Speaker 1: end of Job he never sinned through all he went through,

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Speaker 1: he never sinned, but he but he lamented, and he

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Speaker 1: was in anguish and he was in pain, and it's

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Speaker 1: it's important that he was never angry. And to be

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Speaker 1: angry with God in the situation is to say that

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Speaker 1: you don't trust that he's good, but to say that

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Speaker 1: he doesn't have a better plan. And what's even more

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Speaker 1: dangerous about that is you're you're wasting the good that

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Speaker 1: is working in you through your suffering. If you're angry

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Speaker 1: and bitter towards God, you're not allowing that endurance to

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Speaker 1: do its work, to cultivate whatever needs to be cultivated

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Speaker 1: within you. That to waste by saying I'm bitter and

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Speaker 1: I'm angry instead of saying I'm in pain?

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Speaker 2: How long? Oh Lord? But I trust you?

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Speaker 1: I trust that through this pain, through walking through this fire,

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Speaker 1: it is helping me in some way, a way that

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Speaker 1: I can't see. But you're always working, through suffering, ordaining

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Speaker 1: even the evil. You're ordaining that and allowing it. That's

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Speaker 1: an unpopular thing to say these days, But if you're

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Speaker 1: sovereign and you believe he's in control, guess what that

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Speaker 1: comes with. When you say God is in control and

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Speaker 1: God is sovereign, guess what that comes with. That means

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Speaker 1: he's also controlling the evil. Otherwise you'd say he's in

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Speaker 1: control of the good things, but he's out of control

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Speaker 1: of the bad things. That's ridiculous. We don't believe that,

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Speaker 1: so we say he's sovereign. He's in control, like your

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Speaker 1: email said, when you trust him even when he ordains

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Speaker 1: or allows evil things to happen, because he's working them

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Speaker 1: for a better purpose, a good, per a greater good,

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Speaker 1: for his glory, in the same way that you would

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Speaker 1: discipline a child for their greater good.

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Speaker 2: Imagine this.

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Speaker 1: I take my son to the dentist and he's having

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Speaker 1: his teeth worked on, and that could be seen in

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Speaker 1: his limited perspective, it is evil from me, is painful,

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Speaker 1: painful for me, But I know it's working for a

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Speaker 1: greater good of his teeth. Now that's a terrible analogy

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Speaker 1: and compared to what God's greater good could be. But

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Speaker 1: we have to see that some reason, there's some reason

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Speaker 1: and most likely many reasons, that you are put through

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Speaker 1: this suffering right now, and you put through this fire.

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Speaker 1: So then your choice comes in. Are you gonna waste it?

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Speaker 1: Are you going to prolong the healing and and just

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Speaker 1: be grumbly and mad? Because whatever's happening is happening regardless

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Speaker 1: of you, right, But the way you react.

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Speaker 2: To it is what you can control.

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Speaker 1: So you're going to allow this healing to take place,

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Speaker 1: allow the growth to happen. Still lament, still sad, you

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Speaker 1: don't have to get rid of that, but trusting that

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Speaker 1: it's for a greater good.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really good.

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Speaker 1: I went probably way too long on that subject, but

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Speaker 1: we'll continue here. Oh man, interest always interesting to see

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Speaker 1: the unequally yoked line come up in a podcast. Question,

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Speaker 1: says Hey Granger. First, I want to say thank you

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Speaker 1: for your showing what you do. My husband referred to

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Speaker 1: your podcast to me. Since he's been listening, I've noticed

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Speaker 1: changes within him that I've been praying for like you're

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Speaker 1: talking about Brott in Church, out of his own desire

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Speaker 1: and more grateful and humbled by people and the method

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Speaker 1: that God uses for his will, and he definitely seems

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Speaker 1: to be using you, so anyway, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: go too far on that, but thank you, Praise God.

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Speaker 2: Onward to my issue.

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Speaker 1: I'm perplexed by my brother in law who's about to

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Speaker 1: marry someone he is.

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Speaker 2: Unequally yoked to.

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Speaker 1: They're both Christians, but within the course of their two

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Speaker 1: years of dating, I have seen evidence of the fruit

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Speaker 1: of the spirit within her, and my husband and I

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Speaker 1: have been more concerned since their engagement in the new year.

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Speaker 1: She's always unappreciative and complains about everything. Ultimately, she's immature

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Speaker 1: for her age, while he is mature. Since the engagement,

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Speaker 1: I've been praying for soft hearts and for God to

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Speaker 1: mold me as he sees fit, and for my husband's

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Speaker 1: heart to soften. Plus his families. God brought the story

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Speaker 1: of Jonah on my heart and I felt humbled as Jonah,

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Speaker 1: who am I to deny her? What God could be

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Speaker 1: calling her to this family for and what it can

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Speaker 1: mean for her? Her own family is broken and her

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Speaker 1: family is very unkind and manipulative. For a month or

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Speaker 1: two there was noticeable changes. Everything felt better, but unfortunately

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Speaker 1: that came to a halt when her when her future

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Speaker 1: mother in law and two future sisters laws me included

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Speaker 1: we're trying to plan a bridle shower and I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna kind of paraphrase because this is this is a

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Speaker 1: long email. Then it ends up saying this has been

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Speaker 1: the most difficult year for me figuring out how to

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Speaker 1: deal with this because my brother in law seems to

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Speaker 1: either be blind to her issues and immaturities or he's

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Speaker 1: naively thinking that it will get better after marriage. We

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Speaker 1: worry that he'd views marriage as a finish line. She

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Speaker 1: just turned twenty five and he has just turned twenty five,

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Speaker 1: and he's been yearning to get married for so long.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna skip a little bit more and just

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Speaker 1: say they don't know what else to do. Please help,

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Speaker 1: this is causing a rift in our family.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Sorry it was so long. Does it say anonymous? Did

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Speaker 1: I say anonymous?

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Speaker 2: Bernie? I don't think so, Caitlin from Oregon, No, she.

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Speaker 3: Didn't say anonymous.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, okay, can you recap what was I saying here.

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Speaker 3: Well, first of all, the title of the email that

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Speaker 3: unequally yoked marriage, which would I would initially think that

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Speaker 3: one is a believer and one is not, but then

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Speaker 3: it sounds like they're both Christians.

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Speaker 4: They're both believers.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it sounds very similar to the first question on

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Speaker 3: the last episode we did together, where you have somebody

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Speaker 3: that has this brother in law sister in law that

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Speaker 3: they're not really.

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Speaker 1: Let me say some I read something wrong. Within the

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Speaker 1: course of two years of dating, I have seen no

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Speaker 1: evidence of the fruit of the Spirit within her, and

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Speaker 1: my husband and I have been concerned since their engagement.

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Speaker 2: Okay, got it.

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Speaker 4: But she is professing to be a Christian.

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Speaker 2: Yes, both of them are.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So this is similar to last week we had

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Speaker 1: a question about similar to this, and this is not uncommon.

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Speaker 1: This is very, very common. And I can tell you

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Speaker 1: that just from the experience of reading your emails, the

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Speaker 1: percentage of emails I get that are somebody and the

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Speaker 1: families doing something that someone else doesn't agree with. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of times it has to do with someone

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Speaker 1: they're involved with romantically and the family doesn't like the person.

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Speaker 1: And as Christians, usually it's like and they don't show

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Speaker 1: evidence as a Christian, and so we're just worried and consumed,

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Speaker 1: like consumed. Hey, Caylen, I love you, and I appreciate

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Speaker 1: the email, but you just wrote a really long email

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Speaker 1: about your.

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Speaker 2: Brother in law.

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Speaker 1: And that's a little odd to me. Is it a

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Speaker 1: little odd to you?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: Man, I've got brother in law and some sister in

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Speaker 1: laws and I just can't imagine being so consumed that

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Speaker 1: it was just overwhelming, you know, I just needed to

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Speaker 1: write a podcast in law email.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't even know the advice that I would give

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Speaker 3: here other than.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you probably need to like.

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Speaker 3: Not worry about the spec in her eye and maybe

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Speaker 3: just like think about yourself a little bit.

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Speaker 4: It seems like we are.

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Speaker 3: We're being very critical of this girl, right, I Mean,

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Speaker 3: that's what I get is it's very critical. And I

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Speaker 3: also understand you're trying to communicate your experience, you know,

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Speaker 3: and so if a lot of that is negative, you're

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Speaker 3: probably going to communicate some negative things.

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Speaker 1: Can I say, I'm not downplaying your this whole your

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Speaker 1: emotional state. I'm not downplaying this Kaitlyn.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So this is her brother in law, So this

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Speaker 3: is her husband's brother.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this is where the live podcast is going to

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Speaker 3: be awesome because then I can look at you and say, hey,

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Speaker 3: your husband's sitting next to you.

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Speaker 2: Stand up.

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Speaker 4: Have you talked to your brother?

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Speaker 2: Have you guys?

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Speaker 3: Have you guys used words face to face and communicated

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Speaker 3: and asked questions like approach that conversation with a curious mindset.

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Speaker 4: Hey, I really want.

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Speaker 3: To understand because I'm seeing this and this and but

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Speaker 3: you know, keep that to yourself. Hey, bro, I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to like understand how things are going. Man, tell me

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Speaker 3: about her, tell me about you know, what is it,

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Speaker 3: and just start to like allow him to discover it.

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Speaker 3: If they're not supposed to be together and the things

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Speaker 3: that you're saying are legit, it's not our place to

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Speaker 3: say that's wrong. But as a friend, if you're in

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Speaker 3: that relationship with them, maybe it's your place to ask

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Speaker 3: questions and help them to really process and maybe they

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Speaker 3: get to that place by you asking questions and like

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Speaker 3: sitting with them through it.

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Speaker 1: So we only have a couple of minutes till the

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Speaker 1: next break, but so let me try to just kind

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Speaker 1: of recap what we said on the on last week

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Speaker 1: where we just said, lead with love, Lead with love,

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Speaker 1: build your brother in law up instead of tearing him down.

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Speaker 1: He knows you hate this girl. I'm just gonna put

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Speaker 1: it bluntly. Yeah, he knows that. Build him up, love him,

438
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,360
Speaker 1: encourage him. But this is something Bernie touched on last

439
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: week as well. We have to say this too. Know

440
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: the line when you Kitlin go, hey, I'm i'm gonna

441
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna politely bow out of the bridesmaid thing, or

442
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna this is starting to affect me. You don't

443
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 1: have to say this, but if it's starting to affect

444
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: you and your immediate family, like your core group, then

445
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 1: it's okay to say I don't have space.

446
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.

447
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: I love you guys, but I don't have space right

448
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 1: now to get into the weeds with this kind of

449
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: argument or this kind of dispute or disagreement. So I'm

450
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: gonna politely bow out of being involved with the this

451
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: wedding planning stuff because it's because it's affecting you in

452
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: a way that it's gonna start affecting your relationship with

453
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: your husband, and if that starts this chain reaction, this

454
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 1: is bad. Okay, So I think you're in slight danger

455
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 1: right now of this possibly getting between you and your husband,

456
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,120
Speaker 1: and we don't want that. So know that your husband

457
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: and you, you're the core group. It starts there, and

458
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 1: then when you get these outer problems with the family,

459
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: it's sometimes it's best to just smile and love and

460
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 1: nod and and you could think, I don't agree with it,

461
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 1: but at the same time, that's.

462
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 2: His decision if he is doing this. And we're gonna

463
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 2: take a break.

464
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 1: And thank you guys for listening to the podcast. If

465
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: you want to catch me on tour, you still have

466
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 1: a few chances left to see the music side of things.

467
00:25:56,520 --> 00:26:00,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be touring with live podcast and speaking events

468
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 1: and things like that, but if you want to catch

469
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: me playing music, this is your last chance. The last

470
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: show will be August the twenty sixth. There's a handful

471
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: of dates in between there that still have tickets available.

472
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:13,960
Speaker 1: A lot of these shows are sold out, but you

473
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: could check it all out at grangersmith dot com. At

474
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: the same time, you could also pre order my book

475
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: I Hope You Do. I really Hope you Do. I've

476
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: talked about it. It's called Like a River, and you

477
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,360
Speaker 1: could pre order that straight from grangersmith dot com. It's

478
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 1: going to send you out to any of your trusted

479
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 1: books store websites, you know, Barnes and Noble and Amazon

480
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: and wherever you like to buy books. Grangersmith dot com

481
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: homepage is going to direct you to all of those.

482
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: You just click a link and it pops it into

483
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: your cart. And if you want to get a personal

484
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:48,440
Speaker 1: video message from me saying anything you want to anybody

485
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: you want me to I could make that for you

486
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 1: from cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. You could download

487
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 1: the cameo app search for me Granger Smith. I make

488
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 1: you a message according to what you want me to say.

489
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: So it's like, hey, Granger, say happy anniversary to my wife.

490
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: It's been thirteen years. She's the best mother and the

491
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 1: best wife. Whatever you want me to say, whatever, it

492
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: could be anything to anybody. You send me the criteria

493
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 1: of what to say, I pick up my phone, I

494
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: flip my camera around and I send you a personalized

495
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: video message. Again, that's cameo dot com slash Granger Smith

496
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: or the Cameo app search for me Granger Smith. And

497
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 1: then if you need anything ye yee related, any of

498
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: that is at ye Yee dot com without touring. With

499
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: music coming up in the fall, I'll probably have a

500
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,959
Speaker 1: more prominent role there again like I used to with

501
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 1: my two brothers, Tyler and Parker running Yee Yee apparel

502
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 1: and then going out and doing some kind of book

503
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 1: tour for like a river after August the first. I

504
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 1: appreciate you guys. Back to the podcast. Back to the podcast.

505
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 1: We kind of mentioned it a little bit in the

506
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 1: last question, but we would like to do a live

507
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 1: tour of this podcast.

508
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 2: When music touring's done.

509
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,159
Speaker 1: I'll have a space and travel of availability to go

510
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: out and go to some kind of theater or convintion

511
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: center or church or hotel, conference center, set up some MIC's,

512
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 1: maybe a couch.

513
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 3: Or somebody's living room, living room.

514
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: Okay, so just kind of you guys, just stow this

515
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 1: away and be thinking about Yeah.

516
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've said it before.

517
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 3: You guys are the best fans. Granger Smith podcast fans

518
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 3: are the best fans, and probably because you're the only

519
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 3: ones who like come up and talk to me whenever

520
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 3: I go to like show center fents with Granger. Sure,

521
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 3: you guys are always so sweet and supportive, and I

522
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 3: think y'all have gotten a glimpse into two grizz probably

523
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 3: deeper than most other fans. If you've been tracking this

524
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 3: podcast from the start or listen back from a long time, y'all,

525
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 3: just y'all are on a different level true with the man.

526
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: So let's get this question, which is you? Email Grangersmith

527
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: podcast at gmail dot com. This one says, please open

528
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: desperately seeking marriage advice. Hey, Graandard like to stay anonymous.

529
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: Noted first, I'm a big fan of the podcast. That's

530
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: inspired me to pursue a relationship with God on a

531
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: deeper level, So thank you. I'm desperately sinking wisdom. I

532
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: am twenty two years old. I'm a college student going

533
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 1: through my final year of school. My girlfriend of two

534
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 1: Gears and I have talked about taking the next steps

535
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: and getting engaged soon.

536
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 2: I love her very much.

537
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: We were plugged into a great church that pours into us.

538
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 1: We went to a day long class for serious pre

539
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: engagement couple training through the church. We talked about the

540
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: concept of submission. They taught that the decision making process

541
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: in marriage is fifty to fifty, which I agree with. However,

542
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: I have also been taught elsewhere that the man at

543
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 1: the head of the home has the final say. But

544
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 1: writing this email, I self reflected on this to make

545
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: sure that my heart was in the right posture. All

546
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: I want is to have a god honoring and biblical marriage.

547
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 1: But the confusion with Ephesians five and its variety of

548
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: teaching has us stumped. My girlfriend is reluctant to give

549
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: us power. To excuse me, my girlfriend is reluctant to

550
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: give up power and agrees with the fifty to fifty

551
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: partnership without the man having the final say. I believe

552
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: it's a fifty to fifty partnership with the man having

553
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: the final say, given he will be held responsible for

554
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: the decision on judgment day. It's driving a wedge between us.

555
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: I want to know your thoughts. I apologize for the

556
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: link of email. Bus sings anonymous.

557
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 3: This is good man. I don't know if this is

558
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,560
Speaker 3: a subject we've talked about before. I don't even know

559
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 3: what you're gonna say right now.

560
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 2: Yeah so I even know you.

561
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: Well, this is great, and I want to say before

562
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: we start anything, I just want to say I love

563
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: the wrestle.

564
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 2: I love that you.

565
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: This is I don't know if I've ever heard this

566
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: ever in an email to the podcast in one hundred

567
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 1: and ninety one episodes, It says, before writing this email,

568
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: I self reflected on this to make sure my heart

569
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: has the right posture.

570
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 4: Bro, why you got to be anonymous?

571
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: Man?

572
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 4: We want to know your name. That's awesome.

573
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 2: That's so good. I've never had anyone say it that way.

574
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 3: And just all of the stuff that he's doing, that

575
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 3: he's talking about, that they're doing before they get married,

576
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,719
Speaker 3: the things they're talking about before they get married.

577
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, go ahead, So it's really good.

578
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: I probably want to start on the last line. It

579
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: is driving a wedge between us. Oh I would I

580
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 1: would really want to sit down with you two and

581
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: really unpack that that this, this hypothetical scenario.

582
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 2: Is driving a wedge between you two. I would think

583
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 2: that's a red.

584
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: Flag on this relationship that it could even get to

585
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: a wedge like this. Because now I want to speak.

586
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 1: I want to speak outside of the Bible, outside of faith.

587
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: I just want to speak just logically and practically. When

588
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: you have two people that have agreed to be fifty

589
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: to fifty, then how does any decision get made if

590
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: it's split. That's just a question I would have. I

591
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: would want to ask.

592
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 3: That's a math question.

593
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just math.

594
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: I mean, in any kind of partnership, business wise, military,

595
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 1: the United States got there's a lot of equally positioned people,

596
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: but there's always a decision maker, a wedge breaker. But

597
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: it's interesting that that amberne I, like, it's never been

598
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: like that. It's never been a thing like. First of all,

599
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 1: I can't necessarily think of a scenario.

600
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 2: With amberne I, and you can. I'll let you speak

601
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 2: with Les.

602
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: But I can't think of a scenario when that we

603
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: were so split. I was right, she was left about

604
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 1: some topic that mattered so much that somebody needed to

605
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: make a decision, but we were too deadlocked in her

606
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 1: own ways that nothing was going to happen. I can't

607
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: even think of that ever.

608
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I don't think we've ever encountered that either.

609
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 3: I mean the keyword being something that matters, because we

610
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 3: will definitely split.

611
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 2: On the restaurants, movies.

612
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 3: Well, eventually we get back. Hey, this isn't a big goal.

613
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 3: You just decided it doesn't. It's not really impactful to

614
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 3: our marriage.

615
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 1: Okay, So here's a here's an example for you. You

616
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 1: guys have an adopted child, right, and adopted her as

617
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 1: a baby.

618
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 2: It's been many.

619
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,080
Speaker 4: Years since then, foster through foster care.

620
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 2: Through foster care.

621
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 1: So at the beginning of that process, you could have said,

622
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 1: I really want to adopt, and Leslie says, I really don't.

623
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 1: In that scenario, you're you're gonna say, then we probably shouldn't, right,

624
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: because that's a situation where you're you don't want to

625
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: do this. I'm not going to force it on you, right,

626
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: And that's what marriage is, that's the compromise of marriage.

627
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 1: We don't have to go to Ephesians five to know that, right.

628
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:49,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder if there's a bit of trust issue

629
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:55,799
Speaker 3: with this young girl she feels and I want to

630
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 3: just be respectful to all the women out there. I

631
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:01,760
Speaker 3: know that there's uh, there's been a lot of males

632
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 3: that have treated women very very poorly and disrespected and

633
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,919
Speaker 3: misused power and all of that and it and it's

634
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:15,319
Speaker 3: there's no justification for it, and so I just want

635
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 3: to say that and also at the same time balance

636
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 3: the the design intent of marriage and.

637
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 4: And how how it was supposed how it is.

638
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:32,240
Speaker 3: Supposed to be, and and at the at the bottom

639
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 3: of this, it sounds like there could be this trust

640
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 3: where if she were to say, yeah, I'm going to

641
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 3: submit to to I'm going to trust you with the

642
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 3: final word. I'm going to trust you with the final

643
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 3: decision that she's kind of like releasing part of her

644
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 3: power to him.

645
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 4: And she may not.

646
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 3: She may have something in her past that she's just

647
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,439
Speaker 3: not comfortable doing that. There just may be some trust there,

648
00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 3: because I think when a relationship is healthy and it's

649
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 3: built on trust, I think you know from you know

650
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,800
Speaker 3: the woman, there there can be this, Hey, babe, I

651
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 3: trust you to have the final say like I trust

652
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 3: you more and I trust myself I'm anna, and I

653
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 3: also trust that you value my input and you and

654
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 3: you listen and your gentle and calm and the husband's

655
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 3: response is, Babe, I have so much respect for you

656
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 3: that these tough decisions. I want to wrestle through it

657
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 3: with you, and then I want us to pray together

658
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 3: and you know, God to have the final say, so

659
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 3: through me and through you know your input as well,

660
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 3: there can be a different dynamic. I think trust is

661
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 3: that the it sounds like there may be some trust

662
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 3: and some I mean, there is one thing that will

663
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 3: drive a wedge in a marriage, and it is pride.

664
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:53,320
Speaker 4: For sure.

665
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, interesting, God opposes the proud and if for some

666
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 3: reason he and and again he he's riting email, so

667
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 3: he may be making himself sound a lot better than

668
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 3: when they get into conversations. I don't want to just

669
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 3: like say him, but it could be.

670
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 4: Either one of them.

671
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 3: When we start to get stubborn and prideful, that will

672
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 3: definitely drive a wedge. Even if one of us is

673
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 3: trying to be humble, If that other one just has

674
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 3: things they're not dealing with and it's coming out in

675
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 3: this relationship that seems to be a safe place, there's

676
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 3: going to be a wedge. There's going to be some

677
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 3: trust issues there.

678
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly with all of that.

679
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: And I don't I don't know exactly where without giving

680
00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: some follow up questions, I don't know where you go

681
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: from here.

682
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 2: I'm a little I'll be honest with you. I'm a little.

683
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 1: Frustrated with the pre engagement Couple's class that they aren't

684
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 1: helping more to resolve this because they're right there with

685
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: you and they're here.

686
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, they definitely should be.

687
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 2: They should be.

688
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 4: Like I wonder if the class is over.

689
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 3: And this and this kind of came up during that

690
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,439
Speaker 3: class and then they just never resolved it. So I'd

691
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 3: say go back to the leaders of the class or

692
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 3: leaders of your church and say, hey.

693
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 4: And this is great.

694
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 3: This is probably one of the best things for your

695
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 3: marriage that you can learn now is how to resolve conflict.

696
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 3: You can't avoid it. If you don't have conflict, then

697
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 3: you're not in deep relationship. You're not being vocal about

698
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 3: your experience because those things are going to be different,

699
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 3: and you're human and sinful, and you're going to offend her,

700
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 3: You're going to offend him. You're going to have to

701
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 3: learn how to work through conflicts. So the fact that

702
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 3: maybe you recognize that now and can go get some

703
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 3: some guidance because you're you're just you know, babies in

704
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 3: this journey.

705
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think just practically I would go to your

706
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: wife or your fiance and just you need to have

707
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:54,479
Speaker 1: a practical conversation about where does the final say come from?

708
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: Is it going to be you? I mean, I would

709
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 1: ask her that is it going to be you? Because

710
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: you have to build this scenario, even though I told

711
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 1: you I couldn't think of one. Imagine you're going to

712
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 1: you're looking for a new house, you're gonna buy a house,

713
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: and there's one that is three hundred and fifty thousand dollars,

714
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 1: and there's one that is three hundred and twenty five

715
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: thousand dollars, and you say, we got to get that

716
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: three fifty. That's the one we're gonna get, and she's like,

717
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,919
Speaker 1: that's I don't think that's smart. I like the one

718
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 1: with the backyard for three twenty five. And eventually, if

719
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 1: you feel very strongly because yours, yours has like the

720
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 1: garage and it's got all the cool stuff, and hers

721
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,800
Speaker 1: has like the backyard and the colors that she wants.

722
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: Somebody's gonna have to make that decision, and that wedge

723
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 1: is going to get a lot bigger unless you say,

724
00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 1: who's gonna make these kind of decisions? That's an honest

725
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 1: question you have to ask her. And I love that

726
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: you're wrestling with this before marriage, but it's something.

727
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, an another question I think that I would ask,

728
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 3: just straight up to her, do you feel like I

729
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 3: would abuse this authority if you gave it to me?

730
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:08,240
Speaker 3: And just see what she says.

731
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 1: That's a great question. I think that I think that

732
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: answer would tell all, Yeah, let's move on. Question says

733
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 1: need Christ in my life. In the subject line, Hey Granger,

734
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: I'm Devin from Minnesota. I feel like I'm getting further

735
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: and further away from God and I don't know what

736
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: to do. I've tried to remember to pray before I

737
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 1: start the day and after the day's over, but I

738
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: can't remember what should I do to be closer to

739
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 1: my creator? PS love the podcast. It's helped me tremendously.

740
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 1: Devin short and to the point, interesting question. The display

741
00:40:53,760 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: of the wrestling is always encouraging. It's the people that

742
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,720
Speaker 1: don't ask these kind of questions that you worry about.

743
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

744
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 4: Absolutely, So you.

745
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: Have recognized you feel, and let me point out that

746
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: that is a feeling that there's not a reality because.

747
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 2: You feel let me let me let me say this way.

748
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 1: You feel further and further away from God. Of the

749
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: two scenarios here, who's moving you are God? That would

750
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: be my question, is it God moving or you moving?

751
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,440
Speaker 1: It's an easy answer. You try to remember to pray.

752
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 1: You gotta be careful that this is kind of borderline

753
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: legalistically thinking right here, Like if I pray, what you're

754
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,399
Speaker 1: saying is you're implying that if I pray more, I'm

755
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 1: closer to God and pleasing Him more because of the amount,

756
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 1: the quantity of prayers one to start the day, want

757
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,879
Speaker 1: to finish the day. I would encourage you to kind

758
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,879
Speaker 1: of go backwards from that and kind of wipe away

759
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:04,359
Speaker 1: that and start start back at square one and start

760
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 1: back in the search itself and open yourself to why.

761
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 1: What the reason is that you feel like you are

762
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: moving away from God?

763
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 4: Yeah?

764
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 3: I think my question and do you want to be

765
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 3: Devin for a second, Devin?

766
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 2: Yes?

767
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 3: Can I ask you some questions? First of all, thanks

768
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 3: for writing in course, appreciate you.

769
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:29,720
Speaker 2: Of course. What's cold up here in Minnesota?

770
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 3: What is it that you are going to experience that

771
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 3: would affirm for you that you are closer to God?

772
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 3: What is it that you're looking for that would give

773
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 3: you that like, Okay, I'm now moving closer.

774
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 2: Well, I just don't. I don't.

775
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,480
Speaker 1: I feel anxiety, i don't feel peace. I'm worried all

776
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: the time, and I'm the bottom line for me, Bernie,

777
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: thanks for answering My question is is my own sin?

778
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: I'm falling into some stuff that I didn't really want

779
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,399
Speaker 1: to admit on this email. I've been I've been doing

780
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: some stuff I'm pretty ashamed of Okay.

781
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 3: So, so really what you are looking to God for

782
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 3: and to the evidence of His existence in your life

783
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 3: is relief from anxiety, relief from these sinful habits, and

784
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:25,959
Speaker 3: just really relief from what you feel like is kind

785
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 3: of weighing you down, Is that right?

786
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been hanging around with some guys. We've been

787
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 1: drinking a lot, and when I hang around those guys

788
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: end up smoking and then I've got this porn thing.

789
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: I've been looking at some porn.

790
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:37,280
Speaker 4: So yeah, okay, dank Devin.

791
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 3: You just like he took some turns that didn't think

792
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 3: you're gonna take.

793
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:43,359
Speaker 4: But because that's.

794
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 3: Fine though, because with you. Okay, Yeah, thank you, Devin.

795
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 3: The next question I was going to ask is what

796
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 3: is your community life like? Who are you hanging out with?

797
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 3: How you say that you're remembering to pray, are you

798
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:02,839
Speaker 3: are you spending any time at all, in God's words studying,

799
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 3: and are you doing that with any other person beside yourself?

800
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,359
Speaker 1: If you are no man to be honest with you,

801
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 1: I'm I'm dyslexia, and so I'm not good at reading.

802
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,399
Speaker 1: I don't like reading and it's really boring. I've tried

803
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 1: to listen to the Bible, but it did. None of

804
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 1: it makes sense to me, and church is full of

805
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 1: hypocrites and I've been I kind of have a bad

806
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 1: experience with religion growing up, so I don't want to.

807
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 2: Do that either.

808
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 3: Okay, Devin, why are you laughing at I'm like rethinking

809
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 3: this whole live podcast thing because I have an idea

810
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 3: of what I think you're gonna answer, and then you

811
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 3: tell me you're dyslexic, which my daughter's dyslexic. I know

812
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 3: that journey. I'm not laughing at that. It's it's the

813
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 3: expectation of Devin's answers.

814
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: That are you'd be surprised that how many people are

815
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 1: listening right now. Go, yeah, that's me. That is like

816
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: the number one excuse for not reading the Bible that

817
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 1: I have heard.

818
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 2: I'm dyslexic. I don't read anything.

819
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 4: Okay. Do you have a smartphone?

820
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh yeah, of course I do.

821
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 3: Okay, do you because I think there's an app on

822
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 3: there where it can actually read to you and you

823
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 3: can and you know what, if you'rre dyslexic, like you

824
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:15,440
Speaker 3: can read along with it saying it and it actually

825
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:18,319
Speaker 3: helps you start to you know, form the words and

826
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 3: be able to read and improve, so you could do

827
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 3: that two birds with one stone? Are you involved in

828
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 3: a church at all?

829
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 4: Church community?

830
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 1: I don't really get into religion like churches and stuff

831
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: because I just the way I grew up, you know,

832
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:32,840
Speaker 1: I just kind of saw the hypocrites there and it

833
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: kind of bothered me a little bit.

834
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:37,239
Speaker 3: Okay, that's fair. Is there anybody in your life that

835
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 3: you feel like has represented who you feel like God

836
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 3: calls a Christian to be just one?

837
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 4: Any one person?

838
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 2: Probably my uncle, your uncle, what's his name? Rick?

839
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,399
Speaker 4: Uncle Rick? Okay, do you think that Uncle Rick?

840
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 3: Does he live close to you?

841
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 4: Please say yes?

842
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:55,359
Speaker 2: Yeah?

843
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 3: Okay, Well even if he doesn't, we could call him.

844
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 3: But if he lives close, do you think maybe you could? Hey,

845
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 3: Uncle Rick, do you want to grab some coffee sometime?

846
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 3: You want to grab lunch? I'm kind of wrestling with

847
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 3: some things, and I really respect you and look up

848
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 3: to you a lot. I promise you if you message

849
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 3: Uncle Rick like that, he's he's gonna feel really encouraged

850
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:20,359
Speaker 3: and inspired, be like, oh, Devin, I'd love to And

851
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 3: he is anxiously waiting for that call and waiting to

852
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,840
Speaker 3: have lunch with you, so practically just just start there.

853
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 2: Okay, I think I could do that.

854
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,280
Speaker 3: And then and then come back to the next podcast

855
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 3: show and uh and we'll see how things go.

856
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:35,959
Speaker 2: Okay, this would be so fun.

857
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 5: Right in the audience claps, Wow, Okay, well, I think

858
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:50,440
Speaker 5: we kind of got I think we kind of nailed

859
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 5: it for Devin.

860
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: There, we have, we have we could we knock out

861
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 2: a short one?

862
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,400
Speaker 3: Yeah?

863
00:46:58,600 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 4: Last question?

864
00:46:59,320 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 2: Right?

865
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is the last question back. So I'm gonna

866
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 1: do this when a relationship advice. Me and my girlfriend

867
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: have been together for just over a year, and we

868
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: have been best friends since we're six years old. We

869
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 1: are both sixteen. Recently, she has had a lot of

870
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: stress with her school, a family member passing away, and

871
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: other stuff. Recently, within the last two months, we've been

872
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: getting into dumb arguments. Both of our lives are just

873
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: filled with long days and lots of stuff like sports, school, work, work,

874
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: and more work. She recently just said that it's too

875
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:36,759
Speaker 1: much for her right now and she just wants to

876
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: take a break, but still loves me and wants to

877
00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 1: get back together once she is ready. She said it

878
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 1: could be a few weeks to a few months. But

879
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: doesn't know. I don't want this relationship to end. I'm

880
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 1: afraid we won't get back together. She's the love of

881
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,359
Speaker 1: my life. I want to work through the problems with her.

882
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 1: What do I do? Thanks in advance, Zachary Adams, that's

883
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 1: a great one for us to end on. And I

884
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,880
Speaker 1: have just a few minutes. First, we say, Zach, this

885
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 1: is good old fashioned heartbreak. You're sixteen. You are not

886
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 1: the first one to experience this kind of pain because

887
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 1: and a reason I say it that way is because

888
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 1: you might be thinking, you don't know what this girl

889
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: is to me. She's the best girl on the planet.

890
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 1: She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I

891
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 1: love her so much. You don't understand. No one understands

892
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 1: my love for her. And then we all resoundingly say, yeah,

893
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 1: we do. We were all sixteen, Bernie and I. We

894
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,719
Speaker 1: could just go through a list of similar stories when

895
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: we were this age. So what we have to do.

896
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,879
Speaker 1: We have to do this, Zach, We have to do this.

897
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 1: We have to give her what she wants. You love her,

898
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 1: you say you love her, you love her. You have

899
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: to give her what she wants. And she wants time

900
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 1: away from you, Okay, she wants to take a break,

901
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 1: She doesn't know if it's a few months or a

902
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: few weeks. You have to give her that. Hearing me, man,

903
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: you got to give her what she wants, and you've

904
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,360
Speaker 1: got to let her fly away with her little wings.

905
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 1: If you don't, it's not love. It's obsession you have

906
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 1: with her. It's the need you have for her to

907
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 1: fill you up in something that you feel like you're lacking.

908
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: And if you follow that path, that is not love.

909
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 1: That would be hating her if that's how you really felt.

910
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 1: So you got to figure out which one it is.

911
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:37,359
Speaker 2: You gotta let her go.

912
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:38,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's his name?

913
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:39,399
Speaker 2: Zach?

914
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:39,959
Speaker 4: Zach?

915
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 2: Zach.

916
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 3: First of all, Granger's older than me, So I was sixteen,

917
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 3: not as long ago as he was. Okay, I think

918
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 3: it's only a few months, but still the younger. Let

919
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 3: me speak for my youth over here. I know as

920
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 3: a sixteen year old and having this girl you've been

921
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,479
Speaker 3: with for a long time and known, and just any

922
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,879
Speaker 3: kind of break or break up can feel like your

923
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 3: world is just oh man, you don't understand, Like my

924
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 3: friends are gonna like look at me, they're gonna think

925
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 3: less of me. The other girls, She's gonna talk to them,

926
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 3: and what does that say about me?

927
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 4: And I get it.

928
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:24,800
Speaker 3: The identity thing in our culture is a big deal,

929
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 3: and like understanding where our identity lies and not finding

930
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 3: it in a girlfriend or in other people and.

931
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 4: What they think of us.

932
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:39,919
Speaker 3: So so, brother, I do understand. And unfortunately, you're gonna

933
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 3: get older and some of those things don't get easier.

934
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 3: So I just I just want to tell you, like

935
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 3: we we do understand that you have a world and

936
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,520
Speaker 3: you you feel like the people are looking at that world,

937
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 3: and you're trying to somewhat kind of control that world,

938
00:50:55,160 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 3: and it feels completely unnatural to open that hand and

939
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 3: and let that thing go. I think that Granger is

940
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,440
Speaker 3: a one hundred percent right. You need to give her space.

941
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,840
Speaker 3: You need to, you know, spend some time self reflecting

942
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 3: on like, man, what is my identity? Where do I

943
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 3: find my security and my comfort? And who am I?

944
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 4: Which is really hard at sixteen. I get it.

945
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:27,720
Speaker 3: Give yourself some grace. This feels like a longer chapter

946
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 3: in your life, especially for a sixteen year old.

947
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 4: So anything in the future.

948
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 3: Is going to feel very foreign and you probably want

949
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 3: that comfort of like, well, I know this but yeah,

950
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 3: I think you got to give her some space and

951
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 3: allow her to work out whatever it is things, calm down,

952
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 3: figure out how she feels. But I would give her

953
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 3: the space with no expectation and don't like be texting her.

954
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 4: So can we get to go and talk? So what

955
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 4: do you think?

956
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 3: Just if you love her like you say, and I

957
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 3: think you kind of got to let her go and

958
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 3: if she is feeling the same way these things that

959
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 3: happen in life where we get super busy. I understand

960
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:14,720
Speaker 3: that me and Granger both have talked about it before,

961
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:18,919
Speaker 3: how the busyness of life can be distracting. But give

962
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 3: her some grace and some space to maybe let some

963
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 3: of those things go so that this relationship could actually

964
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 3: be better on the other side of it. And also,

965
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 3: you're sixteen, dude, don't forget to be a sixteen year old.

966
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm glad you talks about that all the time.

967
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:33,279
Speaker 4: Don't forget that.

968
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 1: How you react to Zach in this situation, in this

969
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 1: relationship right now will reveal whether you are loving yourself

970
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: more or her more.

971
00:52:44,239 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 2: The decision is up to you. That's good, That's all

972
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 2: we got.

973
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:48,439
Speaker 4: Y'all are the best.

974
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: Next Monday, next time. Thanks for joining me on the

975
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 1: Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You

976
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 1: could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

977
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that

978
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 1: little like button and notification spell so that you never

979
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 1: miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a

980
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:09,880
Speaker 1: question for me that you would like me to answer,

981
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.

982
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 2: Ye