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Speaker 1: What's up, you guys. It is Kelly.

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Speaker 2: It is Friday, and obviously Chip is typically here with

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Speaker 2: me on Fridays. We were scheduled to record and he

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Speaker 2: unfortunately has had a family emergency come up, and I

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Speaker 2: thought to myself, Okay, well, you totally go take care

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Speaker 2: of that, don't worry about the podcast. Of course, Chip

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Speaker 2: is Chip, and he's offering to travel with his equipment

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Speaker 2: and things like that. And it just really struck me

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Speaker 2: the ways that we were trying to contort ourselves to

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Speaker 2: make sure we got a new episode up to you guys,

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Speaker 2: because we really value doing this podcast and communicating with

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Speaker 2: all of you and connecting over these different learnings and

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Speaker 2: finding our purpose and just going on this messy journey

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Speaker 2: of life together with you guys. But I thought to myself,

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Speaker 2: if anything is happening this week, is that the astrology.

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Speaker 1: Is just astrology ing that's a word to Matt. And

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Speaker 1: it's a full moon.

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Speaker 2: And if you listen to the episode on Wednesday with Marv,

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Speaker 2: you understand that there's a lot of intense energies coming

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Speaker 2: in this December and it's kind of coming at the heels,

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Speaker 2: not kind of it is coming at the heels of

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Speaker 2: just a long year. The twenty twenty five has felt

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Speaker 2: wild to me. Everyone else I've talked to says the

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Speaker 2: same thing, And I think officially most people in my

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Speaker 2: life are just feeling this level of burnout towards the

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Speaker 2: end of the year. I think that's pretty common, but

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Speaker 2: this year feels like a little more intense amongst me

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Speaker 2: and my friend group. So I'm assuming some of you

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Speaker 2: guys can relate. I see a lot of this on

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Speaker 2: social media as well, so I don't think that we're

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Speaker 2: the only ones dealing with that. And so when I

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Speaker 2: really started to think about that, like watching Chip try

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Speaker 2: to contort himself amongst you some really stressful things with

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Speaker 2: his family going on, and then me being like, panicky,

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Speaker 2: Oh what am I going to do?

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Speaker 1: You know whatever?

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Speaker 2: I was like, wait, if I sit here on this

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Speaker 2: podcast every week talking about the amount of self care

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Speaker 2: and stopping the self sacrifice and really staying in touch

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Speaker 2: with myself and not letting myself get to the stage

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Speaker 2: of burnout. But then I try to contort myself even

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Speaker 2: in a time where the exhaustion is high and all

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Speaker 2: of the players in the puzzle are not here, am

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Speaker 2: I like completely contradicting everything I say. You know, it

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Speaker 2: felt like one of those moments where I was like, uh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you gotta like practice what you preach, your boo. So anyway,

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Speaker 2: it just dawned on me I needed to just get

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Speaker 2: on here and be honest with you guys. And I

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Speaker 2: know this December for me, I have literally struggled to

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Speaker 2: work every day because I'm just kind of done for

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Speaker 2: the year. I've hit this point where I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: Mama is tired, ready to relax, ready to just chill,

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Speaker 2: reset and really get my mind right by taking actual

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Speaker 2: time off and not really pushing. So that's what we're

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Speaker 2: gonna do this week, and I are going to take

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Speaker 2: care of our lives. But it felt really important to

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Speaker 2: me to say all of that to you guys, so

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Speaker 2: you didn't think we were just dipping out or anything

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Speaker 2: like that. I'm hoping that you relate and it's one

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Speaker 2: of those connection places that we can take with us

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Speaker 2: into the future. But I also really wanted to post

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Speaker 2: this podcast that Chip and I did about Hidden Burnout

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Speaker 2: because I think at this time of year we talk,

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Speaker 2: you know, the year has been long and I'm just

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Speaker 2: so burnout and all that stuff but do you really

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Speaker 2: know why you're burnout? Are the things that you're doing

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Speaker 2: in your life that are draining you and maybe you're

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Speaker 2: not even realizing it, you know. I think invisible labor

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Speaker 2: is a big word we see on social media now,

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Speaker 2: specifically about women, but I think it can go for

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Speaker 2: men too. But if you've seen it on social media,

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Speaker 2: it's often discussing all of the ways like emotional labor,

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Speaker 2: or relational labor, cooking dinner every night labor, like the

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Speaker 2: things that a lot of times women are doing in

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Speaker 2: their lives that they're not noticing how much energy is

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Speaker 2: being given to or leaked out, and so they're ending

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Speaker 2: you know, me being one of them, we're ending up

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Speaker 2: very depleted and drained and possibly burnt out. And so

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Speaker 2: as we wrap up the year, it just seems really

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Speaker 2: important to me to take inventory in my life, like

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Speaker 2: this is what I've kind of been doing this week

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Speaker 2: with the things that I'm not wanting to do with work,

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Speaker 2: Like how can I do this differently? What structure can

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Speaker 2: I recreate for next year to be in a different

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Speaker 2: place so I'm not burning out to work smarter, not harder.

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Speaker 2: That used to be the opposite for me, I was

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Speaker 2: always just let's work hard. We'll get to where we

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Speaker 2: want to get if we work hard. And I believe

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Speaker 2: that I do believe in hard work, and I do

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Speaker 2: want to try to figure out how to have more balance.

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Speaker 2: And that's just kind of like one of my life

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Speaker 2: journeys that I think I'll always want to be figuring out.

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Speaker 2: And so this week felt like a really good opportunity

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Speaker 2: to live that out, and this podcast felt like a

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Speaker 2: really good inventory and kind of just evaluation of the

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Speaker 2: way your twenty twenty five has gone, and then what

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Speaker 2: you want to let go of and leave in the past.

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Speaker 2: That's a huge part of this week as well with

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Speaker 2: the astrology and then what you want to take with

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Speaker 2: your future. Like this is the final month of this

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Speaker 2: snake year, this nine year, whatever you want to call it.

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Speaker 2: There's all the different numerology or animal I don't even

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Speaker 2: know what that's called, but this is the year of

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Speaker 2: the snake. So everyone's saying this is our year of shedding,

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Speaker 2: of releasing, leaving all the old narratives, all the old systems,

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Speaker 2: all the old structures that do not work or do

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Speaker 2: not service anymore in the past, and rebuilding for a

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Speaker 2: new future. Next year, twenty twenty six is a one year.

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Speaker 2: That's a starting year. It's a beginning year. So how

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Speaker 2: do you want to start your year and how do

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Speaker 2: you want it to change your life in the small

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Speaker 2: ways that you can.

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Speaker 1: Each and every day.

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Speaker 2: Here's that conversation that Chip and I had about hidden burnout,

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Speaker 2: and we will be back next week, hopefully with more

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Speaker 2: conversation for you guys.

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Speaker 3: Hello that my son is like, I mean, see those

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Speaker 3: dots on my face. You all can't see it if

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Speaker 3: you're just listening, but it's like the little holes in

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Speaker 3: the blinds.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's almost like dividing your face a little

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Speaker 2: bit like two face. Wow, this lighting set up. We

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Speaker 2: really should have had this figured out before starting to

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Speaker 2: press records.

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Speaker 3: It's good, but now I'm just getting these dots. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, anyway, well, we're just showing up as is today,

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Speaker 2: come as you are to the Velvet Edge podcast because

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Speaker 2: I told you before the podcast I'm just tired, and

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Speaker 2: we were talking about what we're going to get to

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Speaker 2: for the topic, and you were like, I think you

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Speaker 2: just need to be like honest about this, like just

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Speaker 2: talk about what it is that you're going through with

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Speaker 2: that because it is very topical. So basically we were

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Speaker 2: saying that if you guys listen to the Wednesday podcast,

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Speaker 2: it was actually a repost from something I recorded in

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty four with I'm gonna Outai. She's an executive coach.

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Speaker 2: I mean she has people like Google, Deloitte like, she's

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Speaker 2: people that have real let mean legit yeah, I mean

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Speaker 2: like legit jobs and companies and corporations, like massive corporations.

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Speaker 1: She was so great.

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Speaker 2: I loved that conversation so much, and it's one that

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Speaker 2: has really stuck with me. You know, there's certain conversations

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Speaker 2: I have that I'll just hear their voice in my

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Speaker 2: head almost when stuff starts to come up, and I'm like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is like what I'm gonna said. And So I

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Speaker 2: had an experience earlier this week, or it was I

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Speaker 2: guess it was a couple days ago now, but I

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Speaker 2: was supposed to record for my Wednesday podcast and I

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Speaker 2: got a terrible migraine. And I've been talking a little

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Speaker 2: bit about how busy work has been, but this has

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Speaker 2: kind of been one of the consistent themes of my life,

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Speaker 2: where I will like work myself to the point of

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Speaker 2: getting sick. I think I even mentioned this last week,

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Speaker 2: but getting sick or sometimes if I let stress get

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Speaker 2: to me too much, I get migraines. And it's typically

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Speaker 2: just like I've absorbed too much. Not to mention it

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Speaker 2: was a full moon, there was just a lot going

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Speaker 2: on in my sensitive, energetic body just couldn't take it. Now,

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Speaker 2: what I would have done in the past is continued on.

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Speaker 2: Like I would have taken my migraine meds. I would

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Speaker 2: have pushed myself through that and just been like a

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Speaker 2: zombie and not shown up as my best self. And

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Speaker 2: I just thought to myself, like I literally heard Amana's

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Speaker 2: voice in my head, and of all the different kinds

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Speaker 2: of like burnout and the things that we talked about,

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Speaker 2: and I thought, oh wait, I have two choices here,

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Speaker 2: Like I can do the thing I've done in the

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Speaker 2: past and not go through any of the changes that

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Speaker 2: I've like learned through a lot through this podcast or

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Speaker 2: these conversations that I've had, or I can try something

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Speaker 2: different this time and then now we can make this

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Speaker 2: a topic. And so that's what I did. I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to repost that podcast because it was such

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Speaker 2: a good one, and I rescheduled that interview, and so

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Speaker 2: you guys will hear it next week. But Chip and

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Speaker 2: I were here today and I'm feeling a lot better,

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Speaker 2: but I'm still tired. I have so much going on,

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Speaker 2: and so I wanted to keep talking about some of

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Speaker 2: the things that we bump up against in our lives,

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Speaker 2: like burnout or how we get to these places, and

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Speaker 2: some of the things that she taught me about the

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Speaker 2: different kinds of labor that were actually exerting throughout every day.

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Speaker 2: And I think because I think that's what got me.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's just like, oh, I'm so busy

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Speaker 2: with work. It's oh, I'm so busy with work, and

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Speaker 2: I'm giving to all these other things and my energy

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Speaker 2: is just fucking zapped, and I want to talk about that.

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Speaker 3: Right Also, I mean, we our lives are pretty fast paced.

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Speaker 3: I think most people's lives are.

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Speaker 1: Really fast pause everybody. Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: You know, with the since the advent of social media too,

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Speaker 3: it's like rest isn't comfortable anymore because you feel like

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Speaker 3: you're falling behind everybody else.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which we talked about this last week.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so you know, it's really easy to recognize when

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Speaker 3: you're busy at work, And it's easy to blame that

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Speaker 3: because it's good fodder for conversation, But you're never going

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Speaker 3: to be like these fucking kids or like I mean, it's.

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Speaker 1: Well, keep in mind, you might you might do it.

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Speaker 3: You might do it to like your closest friends, but

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Speaker 3: it's like it would be hard to recognize that as

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Speaker 3: the source of your burnout. But like, the truth is

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Speaker 3: is you're expending your energy in so many directions. But

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Speaker 3: work is often a really easy one to blame. And

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Speaker 3: obviously it's where we spend most of our days, most

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Speaker 3: of our week, so it deserves a lot of the blame.

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Speaker 3: But I think it's important to have the conversation about, like, well,

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Speaker 3: what else in our life is creeping up that like

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Speaker 3: we might not even be paying attention to, and what

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Speaker 3: are the signs to look for?

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Speaker 2: And the thing I was thinking about when you were

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Speaker 2: talking was like the shame that comes with not being

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Speaker 2: able to do it all for me. Still, I've done

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Speaker 2: so much work around this specific topic, and I actually

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Speaker 2: think it's probably going to be just a common theme

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Speaker 2: through my whole life. Like I think this is part

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Speaker 2: of my life journey, this one theme of balancing the

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Speaker 2: give and take you know, in many different ways. But

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Speaker 2: if we're talking about it in relation to bout, like

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Speaker 2: just figuring out what I can give energy to, what

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Speaker 2: I'm getting energy back from, how to have a better

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Speaker 2: healthier balance so I don't reach a place of burnout,

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Speaker 2: but also how to manage like so that I'm still productive,

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Speaker 2: you know, because like it's really easy to go one

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Speaker 2: extreme or the other, like work yourself to death or

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Speaker 2: keep yourself busy enough expend all your energy to get

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Speaker 2: to burn out, or for me, it's really it would

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Speaker 2: be almost easier to just shut completely down, you know,

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Speaker 2: like go one extreme to the other. And obviously we

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Speaker 2: all have to learn to live in this world as

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Speaker 2: we're here. And so my new goal is like, okay, wait,

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Speaker 2: I need to pay attention like if I'm feeling that

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Speaker 2: thing in my body, like and my body does talk

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Speaker 2: to me that way. If I'm feeling that thing, where

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Speaker 2: can I like pull back a little bit, And how

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Speaker 2: do I not shame the shit out of myself for

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Speaker 2: pulling back a little bit and not being able to

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Speaker 2: do all the things, to go to all the events,

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Speaker 2: to show up for every person in every way that

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Speaker 2: I want to Because it's not like it's bad things

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Speaker 2: that I'm expending energy on right.

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Speaker 3: You know, also too, it's like by nature, not everyone's

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Speaker 3: a narcissist, a selfish to the point of narcissm, but

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Speaker 3: we're human. Nature is to be a little selfish. So

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Speaker 3: we want to think that everyone's noticing if we're there,

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Speaker 3: if we're not there, but none of us are keeping

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Speaker 3: score on anybody else. But it always it feels like

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Speaker 3: everyone's doing more than that you're doing, and that's just

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Speaker 3: not the case because we're not paying enough attention to

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Speaker 3: what other people are doing.

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Speaker 2: That's so because one of the narratives in my head

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Speaker 2: is always like why can they do it? And I

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Speaker 2: can't do it.

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Speaker 3: Right, But I'm not noticing their burnout when they are

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Speaker 3: canceling or it's just great attention.

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Speaker 2: And we're also could be different people, like there are

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Speaker 2: certain things I will never forget. I think I maybe

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Speaker 2: have told this story on the podcast before, and my

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Speaker 2: mom's listening, so, hey mom, this is about her. But

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Speaker 2: I remember when she retired, and like, my mom was

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Speaker 2: very good at her job and everyone that worked for

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Speaker 2: her loved her, and so it was kind of this

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Speaker 2: like big deal. She was a school principal, and it

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Speaker 2: was huge deal at her school that she was leaving,

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Speaker 2: you know, like the teacher's really upset and the kids

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Speaker 2: were upset. And I remember her telling me like, I

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Speaker 2: know everyone needs it, principle said negatively. And my mom

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Speaker 2: was truly loved and adored. Like when I would go in,

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh God, I feel like a celebrity's

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Speaker 2: daughter the way they're like.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're miss Henderson.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, so she would tell me like teachers were

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Speaker 2: coming in her office and like crying to her. So

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Speaker 2: it was very emotional, you know. It was just like

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Speaker 2: and I don't think we ever give enough merit or

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Speaker 2: credit to emotions and how much weight they can carry

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Speaker 2: or how tiresome they can be, and just going through

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Speaker 2: the emotional process of grief. I think we talked about

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Speaker 2: that last week to you how much that can be.

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Speaker 2: And I just remember, like I flew in for her

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Speaker 2: actual retirement party and she was taking a lot of

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Speaker 2: naps and that's so not my mom. My mom is

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Speaker 2: like a go getter. She's always getting shit done. And

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Speaker 2: and remember looking at me and she goes, is this

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Speaker 2: how you feel?

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Speaker 1: All the time?

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Speaker 2: Because she was so emotional, just going through the process

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Speaker 2: of like such a big life change and everyone else's

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Speaker 2: emotions around her, you know, And I was like, literally

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Speaker 2: every day, Mom.

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Speaker 3: Every day it's like, now you're retired and actually get

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Speaker 3: to nap.

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Speaker 2: Yes, she is living her best life now. But all

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Speaker 2: that is to say is like every human is wired

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Speaker 2: so differently too, and so we can't measure ourselves against

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Speaker 2: other people. Yet I say this and do it all

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Speaker 2: the time, right.

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Speaker 3: Well, I also think it's important to recognize that, like

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Speaker 3: we're not alone in burnout. Like, yeah, burnout is not

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Speaker 3: a sign of weakness in us. It's actually just an

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Speaker 3: indicator that like we're not paying attention to something, you know.

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Speaker 3: And I think if you ignore the burnout, that's when

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Speaker 3: you have a midlife crisis or a full on breakdown

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Speaker 3: or whatever, you know, like a out, Like it's not

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Speaker 3: an alignment when you're burned out, and it's maybe it's work,

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Speaker 3: maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's there's something in a

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Speaker 3: friendship that's really weighing on you that you're not addressing.

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Speaker 3: Maybe there's something physical that you need to deal with.

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Speaker 3: But everyone goes through it, you know, everyone hits a

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Speaker 3: point of burnout. But I'm right there with you, like

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Speaker 3: I feel like I need to say yes to everything,

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Speaker 3: I need to be at everything. I mean, I feel

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Speaker 3: less of that the older I get, like I'm much

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Speaker 3: more comfortable just being at home. Yeah, but you know,

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Speaker 3: again back to the social media piece of it too.

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Speaker 3: There's also the like the emotions that come with like

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Speaker 3: when your friends go do something and you're like, why

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Speaker 3: wasn't I invited to do that? And then suddenly like

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Speaker 3: you feel like you have to start saying yes to

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Speaker 3: more so that you're not not included.

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Speaker 2: It's such a like it's literally a hamster wheel. Didn't

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Speaker 2: you tell me that you found some signs of burnout?

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Speaker 2: I was cillus about these some like indicators because I

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Speaker 2: do think I want to say this really fast. I

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Speaker 2: think we talk about burnout a lot on this podcast

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Speaker 2: and people.

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Speaker 1: Are probably like, oh, here we go again.

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Speaker 2: But there's so many layers to burnout. And I'm going

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Speaker 2: to get to some of the different kinds of labor

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Speaker 2: in a second. And if you listened to Wednesday, you

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Speaker 2: heard that too. But I want to dive deeper because

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Speaker 2: it was it was truly life changing for me to

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Speaker 2: have these two words entered into my vocabulary. But I

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Speaker 2: think that we might talk about burnout a lot, and

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Speaker 2: people don't necessarily register places in their life that that

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Speaker 2: might be happening them to them too, do you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean? Because I don't know that it always

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Speaker 2: looks like what we're saying exactly Like when we're saying

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Speaker 2: burnout and we just want to shut down, it doesn't

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Speaker 2: always look like that, and the build up definitely doesn't.

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Speaker 2: So these are some of the like indicators made.

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Speaker 3: These are some of the indicators that you might be

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Speaker 3: reaching burnout. So there's there's mental signs like if you're

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Speaker 3: chronically exhausted even after you've rested, if you've got brain fog,

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Speaker 3: you're forgetting things, you're having trouble focusing, you have trouble

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Speaker 3: making decisions. That's a sign of brain fog. Loss of motivation.

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Speaker 3: So if everything feels like a chore, or when things

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Speaker 3: like especially like things that you used to love, like

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Speaker 3: it feels like a chore to have to do them,

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Speaker 3: cynicism or detachment, So when you start thinking what's the point,

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Speaker 3: or you become like emotionally numb, those are the mental

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Speaker 3: signs of burnout. Some emotional signs are like you're irritable

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Speaker 3: and short tempered, and you snap at small things. Increased

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Speaker 3: anxiety or dread, So if an obligation's coming up and

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Speaker 3: you're worried about that, or like you've got dread about

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Speaker 3: going into work or getting your work done, feeling unappreciated,

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Speaker 3: like no one sees the weight that you're carrying. And hopelessness.

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Speaker 3: You know, some of these to me read even past burnout,

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Speaker 3: Like if you're feeling hopeless, that to me is even

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Speaker 3: scarier and I think you know it requires a little

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Speaker 3: bit more than a nap, but the belief that things

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Speaker 3: won't get better, So that is you're definitely a burnout

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Speaker 3: if you're feeling that way. Physical signs are headaches and

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Speaker 3: muscle attensions, so really changes in your sleep, so either

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Speaker 3: insomnia or sleeping too much, stomach issues, indigestion, nausea, appetite changes,

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Speaker 3: and immune system so you get sick more often. There

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Speaker 3: you go check check like this like an indictment. And

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Speaker 3: then behavioral sign So if you feel like you're pulling

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Speaker 3: your pulling away and isolating yourself socially and emotionally, if

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Speaker 3: you're procrastinating and avoiding, you can't bring yourself to start

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Speaker 3: or finished tasks. That's a sign increased reliance on coping behaviors.

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Speaker 3: So if you're overeating, you're over drinking, you're numbing your senses,

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Speaker 3: or you're you know, just staring at your phone and

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Speaker 3: scrolling like, that's a sign and decline and work performance.

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Speaker 3: So it's either like your perfectionism ramps up or you're

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Speaker 3: doing stuff to overcompensate.

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Speaker 1: So, oh my god, you literally just summarized me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean so much. And I think, you know, sadly,

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Speaker 3: I think, especially in this country, because are the way

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Speaker 3: that we look at, you know, our jobs and how

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Speaker 3: important work is in the scope of our lives. I

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Speaker 3: feel like a lot of us are running on fumes

383
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Speaker 3: all the time. I mean, it is not even June

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Speaker 3: and we are talking about burnout. That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: It's halfway through the air crazy.

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Speaker 3: And it's funny, like, you know, obviously we love doing this,

387
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Speaker 3: that's why we do it. And I said to Kelly,

388
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Speaker 3: I was like, it's hard even every week coming up

389
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Speaker 3: with something to talk about, and that can feel like burnout.

390
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Speaker 3: And she was like, well, I don't want to look

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Speaker 3: like we're complaining. I'm like, I'm not complaining about it

392
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Speaker 3: because I'm here recording. I like to do it, but

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Speaker 3: it is it's like when other things are cooking and

394
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Speaker 3: you're like, fuck, what are we going to talk about?

395
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Speaker 3: Because it's really just to us, you know, like so

396
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 3: we're speaking from like our own perspectives. So that can

397
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Speaker 3: feel like a labor, you know, to call it a

398
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Speaker 3: labor of love, like because it is work, but it's

399
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Speaker 3: you know, I think it's important to talk about things

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Speaker 3: that are topable.

401
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Speaker 2: Well, I think, like what you just said about the

402
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Speaker 2: podcast of is probably something a lot of people can

403
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Speaker 2: relate to with work. I always equate it to to like,

404
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Speaker 2: do you remember when an artist gets their first album

405
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Speaker 2: And it's like people always talk about this in the

406
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Speaker 2: music business for anyone not in the music business, but

407
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Speaker 2: it's like the first album can be killer, you know,

408
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 2: and you think about it though they've taken.

409
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Speaker 1: Years to write it.

410
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Speaker 2: It's like the build up of their whole life has

411
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Speaker 2: been around this one album. They're nobody before the album,

412
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Speaker 2: so they don't have all these obligations. Well, then this

413
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Speaker 2: album comes out and it's super successful. So then they're

414
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Speaker 2: on a tour and they're gone all the time, and

415
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Speaker 2: there people don't really realize I don't think how much

416
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Speaker 2: artists are like on the go with the demands of

417
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Speaker 2: just like marketing and now social media and touring, and

418
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Speaker 2: it's just hard on your body and you're busy, you know,

419
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Speaker 2: there's not a lot of time for just you like

420
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Speaker 2: especially out of the gate, you got to run and go.

421
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Speaker 2: So then the second album time comes to do and

422
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Speaker 2: they're like, when am I supposed to write this album?

423
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Speaker 2: And it's not because they don't love the crowd anymore,

424
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Speaker 2: they don't love music, or they don't love the creativity

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Speaker 2: of writing it. It's that there's so many other demands

426
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Speaker 2: that they can't do it in the way that they

427
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Speaker 2: did the first go around, and so it's just trying

428
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Speaker 2: to manage it all and it's hard again not to

429
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Speaker 2: get burnt out.

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Speaker 3: All also haven't been living a normal life, you know.

431
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Speaker 3: So it's it's Adele. I don't know the exact quote,

432
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Speaker 3: but she's like her ethos is that like you have

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Speaker 3: to live to write.

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Speaker 1: That makes so much sense why she's like.

435
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,439
Speaker 3: Five years every it takes her five years to make

436
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 3: a record because she's like, if you're coming out of

437
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 3: a tour cycle and you've been on this hamster wheel,

438
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 3: of fame, you're really going to like write songs that

439
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 3: relate what are you going to write about people because

440
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,159
Speaker 3: you haven't had a chance to like explore your relationships

441
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 3: or like live or you know, travel in a real

442
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 3: way that's not just waking up in a city and

443
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 3: playing a show that night and then waking up in

444
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 3: the next city and playing the show that night.

445
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 2: So I mean, yeah, well, this is the point of

446
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 2: that was for me to say, Like, then, it's sometimes

447
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 2: like you do have to find the ways to keep

448
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 2: your authenticity and do which is why you encourage me

449
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:05,120
Speaker 2: today You were like, no, I think this is what

450
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 2: we talk about because that's what you're going through.

451
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:09,920
Speaker 1: That's what I'm going.

452
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 2: Through, so surely some of our listeners are as well.

453
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 2: But what I was going to reference with Amana and

454
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 2: I was telling you about this earlier chip again, I'll

455
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,199
Speaker 2: post this clip on my social media. I've been shitty

456
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 2: about social media again. It's like it's hard to keep

457
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 2: up with I will say this about social media. I

458
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 2: do not find the satisfaction or reward in it that

459
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 2: I used to. And so there are I've got to

460
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 2: find a new strategy because like it can be very

461
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 2: defeating to me, except it also feels like the thing

462
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 2: you have to do so people know to come listen

463
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 2: to this or what you're doing or you know, it's

464
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 2: like people look at it as almost like a website.

465
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 2: Now it doesn't even feel fun anymore. Like I don't

466
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 2: even know what anyone's doing for fun. I just know

467
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 2: what side hustle they're doing.

468
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 1: I don't know.

469
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like a braggy platform.

470
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 2: Yeah it's weird. It's just weird to me. So if

471
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 2: anyone has tips on that, because I'm just feeling like, huh,

472
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 2: what do I do about that? But I will post

473
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,880
Speaker 2: this clip because I do like to post this stuff

474
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 2: that inspires me. And what a'manna said was burnout, Like

475
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 2: we often equate it to like what you and I

476
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 2: were talking about with working a lot, and I do

477
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 2: think that that is a big factor, Like I can

478
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 2: see for myself when work gets really extreme and crazy,

479
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 2: the opportunity for burnout is much higher. And also I

480
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,359
Speaker 2: don't think that's always the only contributor, because it's not

481
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 2: like I just go work all the time and life stops,

482
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,159
Speaker 2: you know, And so it's like, in addition to a

483
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,879
Speaker 2: busy work schedule, we have what she called invisible labor,

484
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 2: and that like has changed my whole life. And that

485
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 2: was whenever I was having the migraine, I was thinking

486
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 2: to myself, oh, I have been trying to operate as

487
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 2: if my work schedule isn't what it is and still

488
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 2: show up for all this invisible labor of my life.

489
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 2: And that could be things like doing the dishes, cleaning

490
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 2: your house, making like if you have a family and

491
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 2: you make dinner for kids, but I feel it for

492
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 2: myself too, like making a healthy dinner and making sure

493
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 2: I'm fed. I know that sounds crazy, but like I

494
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 2: have such a caretaker job position that often sometimes the

495
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 2: thing that gets sacrificed is like my own self care

496
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: like making sure I'm eating or I'm sleeping. And that

497
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: sounds crazy, but that is how extreme it gets sometimes.

498
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 2: And then like, yeah, just any sort of like I

499
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 2: would think emotional labor maybe, like it's that weird, like

500
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: you're trying to balance life. I guess I'll call them

501
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 2: responsibilities with work, responsibilities with the things that we care

502
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 2: about and that matters to our heart and just all

503
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 2: those things. But that's invisible labor. It's not the things

504
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 2: you necessarily get paid for. But those are the things happening.

505
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 2: And so if you start incorporating that into like, oh,

506
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 2: here's another reason, maybe I'm starting to get really irritable

507
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 2: or tired like that I really resonated with when you

508
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 2: sleep but you still wake up just like exhausted, Like

509
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 2: that for sure happens. Then the other thing she talked

510
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 2: about was tall and that describes me from my past

511
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 2: for sure. It's like, how much are we tolerating in

512
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 2: certain circumstances. This can be any kind of relationship, job,

513
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 2: life experience, and how much is it draining us? Like

514
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 2: are we tolerating too much in any circumstance to where

515
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 2: it's not giving us anything, it's only taking? And I

516
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 2: do feel like that's something like in the past couple

517
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 2: of years I've really tried to address in my life,

518
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 2: like am I be in a reciprocal situation here? Like

519
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 2: is there some benefit to me and some benefit to them?

520
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 2: Or am I carrying all the weight to keep this

521
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,640
Speaker 2: alive in a situation where I'm not getting anything back?

522
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 2: And like, I've made some drastic changes in my life

523
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 2: in that regard, but of course it can sneak back up,

524
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 2: you know, it's like old habits fucking die hard. So anyway,

525
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 2: those are the two things she said. And when I

526
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,439
Speaker 2: really like hit that place with the migraine, I started

527
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,400
Speaker 2: thinking about her again and I just heard that voice

528
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my god, I'm literally planning

529
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 2: every minute of the day. And the truth is is,

530
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 2: right now, work is so insane. I'm not going to

531
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 2: be able to do the life things right now. It's temporary,

532
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 2: but I have to let myself off the hook from

533
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 2: certain things, even things I want to do. But like,

534
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 2: you know, like if it meant certain dinners or seeing

535
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 2: friends or whatever, Like I think there's a balance, Like

536
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: you need to have fun too, so doing that, but

537
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 2: also like and you have to eat, but like what

538
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 2: do I truly have the energy for? What is my

539
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 2: body truly asking me for today? Is it a bath?

540
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 2: Or is it going out?

541
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 1: Is it this?

542
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 2: Or is it you know, it's just like those kind

543
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,479
Speaker 2: of things because time is limited and the demands at

544
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 2: work are high, and so sometimes the invisible labor and

545
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 2: the tolerations really need to be extra paid attention to

546
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 2: because I don't have the space for it. And that

547
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 2: was what she really came to mind for.

548
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 3: Well, I mean it's also too It's obviously it's not

549
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 3: unique to anyone because we all have to Like if

550
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 3: you don't ever clean your house or you don't ever

551
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 3: do your dishes, next thing, you know, you're living in

552
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 3: a you know, a filthy hovel, all right, And so

553
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 3: sometimes you can't ignore those things. So it's like, how

554
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 3: do you recognize those things that are always going to

555
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 3: like those things will always be there, Like the work

556
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 3: has to be paid attention to because it's in the

557
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,880
Speaker 3: moment and it's what pays your bills and you can't

558
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,159
Speaker 3: end up homeless. So you have to do that. But

559
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 3: you also have to clean your house, you have to cook,

560
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 3: You've got to do these things. So how can you

561
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 3: minimize the load for yourself in those things? And for me, Like,

562
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 3: I know, one of the reasons why I'm overweight is

563
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 3: because I am really bad about cooking. Like I'll wait

564
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 3: till the last minute. I'll be like, oh my god,

565
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 3: if I start cooking out seven thirty, I'm not going

566
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 3: to eat on nine thirty, so I'm just gonna run

567
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 3: off get something. And so it's like I'm taking in

568
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 3: too many calories. So you know, one of the things

569
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 3: that I've started doing now is it's not necessarily meal prep.

570
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 3: But I'll cook a lot of chicken, so it's like, yeah,

571
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 3: I always have Like the main thing is the fridge

572
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 3: already cooked, so I can throw it on a salad,

573
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 3: or I can just eat some chicken, or I can

574
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 3: dip it in some mustard and just call it a meal,

575
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 3: and then that takes away some of the energy that

576
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 3: I would normally have to expend every night to get

577
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 3: that done. Well, simplify what your your like your menu is,

578
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 3: so that it's habit for me versus having to create

579
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,719
Speaker 3: like a fancy meal for yourself every night to keep

580
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 3: it exciting, because.

581
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 2: Oh, no, necessary, the fancy meal is not happening when

582
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 2: I'm busy. But I do think I do do really

583
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 2: well when I pre prep proteins, like you're saying, because

584
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 2: like the sides are easy, but the protein is the

585
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: thing that takes the time. Even though I'm really trying

586
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 2: to get into grilling, I still have been grilling some.

587
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 2: But I also think to your point, when you realize, Okay,

588
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 2: I'm reaching this place of burnout and I still have

589
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 2: all these responsibilities, maybe that's the time to go, Okay, well,

590
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 2: work is really busy, so like more money is coming

591
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 2: in for me, that's what that means. And I'm like, yeah,

592
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 2: I need to have a house cleaner right now, or

593
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 2: I need to you know, like you need to do

594
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 2: these Like it's the time to be like it's okay

595
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 2: to ask for help and outsource things like the things

596
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 2: that you can't quite do. That's why a lot of

597
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 2: people do like those meal services because they're a healthy

598
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 2: option and it's already pre done.

599
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 3: But well, it's also like those cleaning your house comes

600
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 3: at a cost. So when the physical or emotional cost

601
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 3: is greater than the monetary cost of having someone come

602
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 3: clean it, that's when the scale needs to tip and

603
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 3: you're like, fuck it, I'm just going to pay some Oh.

604
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 2: That is the thing that even during COVID when I

605
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 2: was like cutting back on everything, I mean there were

606
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: obviously a big portion of the time she didn't come

607
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 2: because of COVID, but then once they got back to it,

608
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 2: I was like, that is the thing I will always

609
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 2: find the money for because it's it's the help that

610
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 2: I need. Like, even if I'm not busy, that's not

611
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 2: my skill set necessarily the details of cleaning and it

612
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 2: just helps me maintain like being more organized in general,

613
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 2: but like I will literally find ways to make that

614
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,959
Speaker 2: money to be able to afford that because it's so

615
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 2: beneficial to me. But that is one of the things

616
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 2: I've learned over the years is like, Okay, this one

617
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 2: really really helps me because like when my space is

618
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 2: messy too, it really inhibits my creativity. So it's like

619
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 2: a loop of it either has to like be clean

620
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 2: and a little bit organized or I can't work. But like,

621
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 2: am I giving the energy to cleaning? And you know

622
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, It's just like totally the cycle. So

623
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 2: and I realize it's a luxury, but it's it's also

624
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 2: like the thing that I'm dedicating. I would cut back

625
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 2: on shopping or anything to do that.

626
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can point to the necessity of it too.

627
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 3: I think, like most mothers, my mother was a superhero

628
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 3: growing I still don't I can't even wrap my head

629
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 3: around the balance and the exhaustion that she must have

630
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 3: been living with and getting everything done at the same time.

631
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: But like, the house that we grew up in was

632
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 3: like a old farmhouse and the rooms were big. It

633
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 3: was a big house, Like it was more house than

634
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 3: we needed, and she would clean that thing every Saturday

635
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 3: from top to bottom, and and like you know, and

636
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 3: having kids running around just like getting it dirty right

637
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 3: behind you. And now she's older and they have a

638
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 3: cleaning person. And it's not like she doesn't see it

639
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 3: as a luxury. It is one hundred percent of necessity

640
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 3: because she can't move the way that she used to

641
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 3: in order to do all of it. So there are like,

642
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 3: you know what.

643
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start saying that for me too. It is as.

644
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 3: Necessity for you, and it's like it's coming at a

645
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 3: different stage in your life, but you know it's. Yeah,

646
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 3: in New York City, we had one and I definitely

647
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 3: could not afford, Like it was not a luxury, but

648
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 3: we were never home, so it never made sense for

649
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,239
Speaker 3: us to be the ones cleaning it. And it was

650
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 3: so affordable up there, and you just haven't come once

651
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 3: a week, so like they're not spending their whole day

652
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 3: doing it cleaning your apartment. It's like a half day

653
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 3: they can go do the neighbors or whatever. Yeah, but

654
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 3: you know, I'm cheap and don't have one here, but

655
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 3: I like clean along the way a lot, Like I'll

656
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 3: be on the phone and just walking around my house,

657
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 3: dusting like on a business call, or straightening things.

658
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: Every reason. I want the phone with you. Now I'm

659
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: gonna be like you dusting.

660
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 3: Wait oh no, I put it away. But I did

661
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 3: do a little dusting today.

662
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 1: You know when we were on the phone.

663
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 3: No oh, yeah, when I was on the phone.

664
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 1: Well, you're maximizing your time.

665
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,440
Speaker 2: I wonder about your energy levels, though, Would you feel

666
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 2: burnout or do you feel good right now?

667
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 3: I feel okay. I mean, I definitely am. Burnout is

668
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 3: no stranger to me, you know, I was. I was.

669
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,719
Speaker 3: Also when I was doing some research, I looked up

670
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 3: ways that like be common forms of burnout. And one

671
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 3: of one of the things that popped out to me

672
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 3: in terms of like you know, friendships and family, is

673
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 3: that I am generally just a pretty happy, go lucky guy.

674
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 3: And one of the things that I suffer from is

675
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 3: that when I hit burnout is trying to remain that person,

676
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 3: you know, trying to keep it on. And you know,

677
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 3: it's because I don't want to ever be perceived as

678
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 3: anything different than what I identify as. Yeah, and that's

679
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 3: a lot to carry, Like, I am a whole human being.

680
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 3: I can be sad, I can be tired. I cannot

681
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 3: be in a good mood. I'm the one that like

682
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 3: puts that upon myself and and I you know, I'm

683
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 3: really grateful for the friends that I have because I

684
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 3: feel like every time I'm in one of those spots,

685
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 3: my friends recognize it and call me out on it,

686
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 3: and they're like, something's off, like what's going on? And

687
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 3: it forces me to like admit it and recognize it

688
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 3: and work through it or whatever it is, or just

689
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 3: be okay with like saying notice some things and sitting

690
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 3: at home, and it's it's pretty rare for me. I'll

691
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 3: admit that I'm lucky, especially considering how crazy my life

692
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 3: can get. Like I somehow have that like energizer bunny gene.

693
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 3: I thrive off of it. I guess really you kind

694
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 3: of have to. But I thought that was a really

695
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 3: interesting one because we all have our identities and it's

696
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,919
Speaker 3: it's a role really that we you know, sometimes feel

697
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 3: like we've outgrown for the moment and we just need

698
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 3: to step away from it. And that's that's fair to do.

699
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 2: So I love the part that you said I'm a

700
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 2: whole human being because it just it isn't fair to

701
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 2: expect any one person to be exactly the same at

702
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 2: all times, right, right, So, like you're gonna have bad

703
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 2: days or be in a bad mood, and like that's okay.

704
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean you're still not the fun loving chip.

705
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 3: You know.

706
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: That's funny.

707
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: It makes us all laugh. But that shouldn't be an

708
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: obligation that you feel I.

709
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,400
Speaker 3: Should not provide to anyone.

710
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, correct, yeah, all the time.

711
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean I was saying to you before

712
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 2: the podcast too, Like it is interesting because a lot

713
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,879
Speaker 2: of the things that I have to watch with myself,

714
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 2: they come from a good place, just like what I

715
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,720
Speaker 2: heard you say just then. It's like those are really

716
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 2: their gifts of yours. I mean, you are such a

717
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 2: light to be around and you make us all like

718
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 2: so haigh, Like I just love when you're in the

719
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 2: same room as me. There's like an energy you bring,

720
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 2: you know, but like if you use it too much

721
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 2: or you don't allow yourself the space to have the

722
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 2: other emotions, like it does start to drain you to

723
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,319
Speaker 2: have to be that way, And like I think that's

724
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 2: all things.

725
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 3: The whole burnout thing is funny. Just like looking through

726
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 3: some of the things like these are some of the

727
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 3: things that I found that can lead to the unpaid therapist.

728
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 3: Like you know when you feel like you have these

729
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:35,240
Speaker 3: like guilt laced obligation where you are doing things because

730
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 3: you feel like someone wants you to do it versus

731
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 3: you wanting to do.

732
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 2: It, which I know everyone listening to this podcast has

733
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 2: to really unless you're one of those people who is

734
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 2: very firm and like, like my boyfriend is like he

735
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 2: does not feel guilty not going to stuff, like he

736
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 2: doesn't he just because he's just a solo guy, Like

737
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: he's very independent. I'm like, what, like you don't feel

738
00:35:57,640 --> 00:35:59,839
Speaker 2: the obligation of this, and I'm like they'll be sol

739
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 2: down and he's like, well, like it doesn't bother him.

740
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 3: One of my favorite things that happens is like when

741
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 3: I see I have like drinks or dinner on the

742
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 3: calendar with somebody and I'm like can yes, or when

743
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 3: like and you really don't want I just don't have

744
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 3: the fucking energy, like and it normally has nothing to

745
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 3: do with that person. It's just like when I leave

746
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 3: my house tonight, like it's pouring down rain, neither of

747
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 3: you have followed up and either they cancel for you

748
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 3: or the night just goes by and no one.

749
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 2: Says it's so pathetic though it's love it.

750
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 3: I love it. Or I'll pull the and I probably

751
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 3: shouldn't show up my cards, but I'll pull the like,

752
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 3: oh my god, I just saw this in my calendar.

753
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 3: I completely forgot it.

754
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 2: I always know when you do that, I'm like, no,

755
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 2: you do not, you do not forget that, do not

756
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 2: play that game with me.

757
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 3: And that I can't do that now that I've admitted.

758
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,240
Speaker 1: It, jigs up, gigs up. It's just so funny.

759
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 2: It's so interesting because like, when I'm a healthy headspace,

760
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 2: I will state my truth. I'll say, like, I just

761
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 2: don't think I have that emmy today, I really communicate

762
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 2: openly about likes and dislikes or you know, not in

763
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 2: a rude way, but just I'm just honest.

764
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: It's so wild.

765
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:19,839
Speaker 2: People respond so much better than we think, Like it's

766
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 2: so interesting. Actually, how then it seems like people trust

767
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 2: me more because like I'm not doing the obligatory hang

768
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 2: or the whatever. If I'm there, that means I want

769
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 2: to be there, you know, and if I can stay there,

770
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 2: it's so good for everybody, seemingly, but somehow, you know,

771
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 2: we kind of go back into these old patterns, And

772
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 2: I think it's so easy just to slip into this,

773
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 2: like I don't want to let people down, but it's like,

774
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: think about when you have a birthday party, do you

775
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,040
Speaker 2: really want anyone there that just does not want to

776
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 2: be there?

777
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: Like I don't.

778
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 2: I would rather someone say I just don't have an

779
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 2: em me today. Totally get it, Like.

780
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 3: You not carrying around the clipboard with all the people

781
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 3: that are invited to be Like so and so didn't

782
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 3: show up. Why weren't they there? You know what I mean?

783
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 2: Of course, my goal is you want to come, come,

784
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: I know. But but for some reason, I know that

785
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 2: everyone probably feels the pressure to go to these things

786
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:11,760
Speaker 2: that we feel like we should or whatever.

787
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 3: The next time I do something that's got like an invitation,

788
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 3: I'm going to put like a little asterisk it says

789
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 3: like you are not obligated to attend.

790
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah, it feels good if you.

791
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 3: Feel like like it's tough, it's tough. And then when

792
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 3: you go, like if if you go to something I

793
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 3: should say, if I go to something that I didn't

794
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 3: really want to go to, then I'm there looking for

795
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 3: the opportunity to leave and then it's like, why am

796
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 3: I even here?

797
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 1: It's not for them, it's not fun for you, it's

798
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 1: not I.

799
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,319
Speaker 3: Would much rather just be present somewhere that I want

800
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 3: to be.

801
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 2: I kind of think this this is a whole wrap

802
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 2: up of everything we're saying. Is it's almost like if

803
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 2: we could all start living with the truth of what

804
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 2: we have to give energetically and.

805
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,439
Speaker 1: Really that it seems like it would shift a lot,

806
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 1: doesn't it.

807
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, even when it's.

808
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 2: Finally saying out loud, I kind of hate social media now,

809
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 2: and not in the ways of like I hate, you know,

810
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 2: the trolls or whatever.

811
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: Like I just don't enjoy it. I really don't.

812
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,800
Speaker 2: It does not feel good to me anymore. And so

813
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,959
Speaker 2: I've got to figure something out. But that's the first

814
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 2: time I've said that out loud, because I feel so

815
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 2: obligated because I've built this big following and it used

816
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 2: to be such a big part of my business and

817
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 2: all this stuff. You know, Isn't that weird that I

818
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 2: would feel that way?

819
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: But I do.

820
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, I think the hard part about all of

821
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 3: this is admitting to ourselves sometimes that we're in a

822
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 3: rut that needs to be explored.

823
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: Oh, that's interesting, and so.

824
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 3: The shame that comes with that, or the inability to

825
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:52,439
Speaker 3: recognize that is sort of what drives us to full

826
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,760
Speaker 3: on burnout versus being like, well, why don't I feel

827
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 3: like going tonight, or just admitting yourself like I don't

828
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 3: want to go, Like it's fine, like no one's going

829
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,359
Speaker 3: to care. But I think that is the challenge that

830
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 3: most of us face, is like admitting those things to ourselves.

831
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:11,080
Speaker 2: Admitting and accepting yes, because I like, I want to

832
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 2: think that I'm a super woman who can do it all,

833
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 2: and I do get a lot done in a day

834
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 2: on good days, you know. But like, if I'm feeling

835
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 2: the weight, if the symptoms that you read at the

836
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 2: beginning are starting to creep in, that is a time

837
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 2: to ask myself what the truth is and what am

838
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 2: I not willing to accept right now? Is it really obligatory?

839
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 2: Or am I putting that pressure on myself?

840
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 3: I mean, I've I've definitely gotten to a place in

841
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 3: my life where I like to say no a lot more.

842
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: And it's your word of the year.

843
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 3: It's my word of the year. Of course, I'm struggling

844
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 3: with the decision right now that I like feel like

845
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:46,879
Speaker 3: I should say no, but I want to say yes.

846
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: Do you want to talk it out with me and

847
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:49,760
Speaker 1: the listeners.

848
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 3: Without telling you it's a whole nother podcast.

849
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: Why do you want to say yes?

850
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 3: Though?

851
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 1: Is it for you or for them?

852
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 3: For me? Really? But I'm just like it's one of

853
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 3: those things where I'm like, will I regret it? Like

854
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 3: those sorts of things, And it's not like a burnout situation,

855
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 3: but it's it's funny that we're talking about saying no,

856
00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:12,320
Speaker 3: and I'm like wrestling with this decision. So I'm worried

857
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 3: that if I say no, I will regret saying no.

858
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 1: M that's always a big one too. Yeah, well that

859
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 1: sounds like a little bit of fomo.

860
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 3: There's a little bit of that. Well, sidebar after this,

861
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 3: we'll sidebar.

862
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 1: Sorry listeners, Sorry, I'll.

863
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,840
Speaker 3: Fill you all in once I've made the decision.

864
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a guarantee.

865
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 2: Well, if we said anything that resonates, which I hope

866
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 2: we have, I feel like this was just us kind

867
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 2: of talking about where we are today. That podcast with

868
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 2: Almana is actually so helpful, and she also talks about

869
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 2: a lot of just other ways, like finding your purpose again.

870
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,280
Speaker 2: She's an executive coach for massive corporations. So she's super

871
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 2: well spoken and was really really interesting to talk to you.

872
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 2: So go check that one out. You can always email

873
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,399
Speaker 2: us at the Edge at velvetedge dot com. I am

874
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 2: curious if you guys feel this like I know, we

875
00:41:59,080 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: can't be the only one.

876
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 1: There's no way now.

877
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 3: Everyone feels it at some point.

878
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, so email us or you can slide into my DMS.

879
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 2: I am at Velvet's Edge Chip.

880
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:10,480
Speaker 3: I'm at Chip door shot H I P D O

881
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 3: R S C H.

882
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 2: And as you guys go into the weekend and you're

883
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 2: living on the edge, I hope you always remember too

884
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 3: Our casual ma